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1
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[door opens]
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[tense music playing]
3
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-[officer] Can I help you?
-Uh, yeah. Um…
4
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,400
I would like to report something.
How does it work?
5
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:25,920
What would you like to report?
6
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,200
I don't know how to tell you this,
but I'm, like, I'm getting stalked.
7
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,400
-By a man or a woman?
-A woman.
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00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,480
Have you had a sexual relationship
with this woman?
9
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,640
No, I… I haven't.
She's a bit older than me.
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00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,200
Age is generally not a factor we consider.
11
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,880
No, of course. I can assure you, though,
I… I absolutely haven't.
12
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,120
Okay. You say this woman's stalking you?
13
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,600
Yeah. She comes to my work.
She comes to my house.
14
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,200
She sends me emails, like…
like all the time.
15
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,640
Are any threatening towards ya?
16
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,480
Oh, I'm sure. I mean… I mean,
let me just open up a random one. Here.
17
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,440
I wouldn't say
that's particularly threatening.
18
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,160
[sighs] They're…
they're in here somewhere.
19
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,720
I just need to sift
through all of the… [sighs]
20
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Look, I'm… I'm really worried here.
21
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I think she needs help.
22
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,120
How long has it been going on?
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00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,680
I don't know, like…
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00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,080
six months, maybe.
25
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,320
Six months?!
26
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,640
Why'd it take you so long to report it?
27
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[indistinct voices]
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[man 1] I felt sorry for her.
29
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[door opens]
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That's the first feeling I felt.
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[intriguing music plays]
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It's a patronizing, arrogant feeling,
33
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feeling sorry for someoneyou've only just laid eyes on,
34
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,360
but I did.
35
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,840
I felt sorry for her.
36
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,600
-[man 2] Serve, you twat.
-Yep. Sorry.
37
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Fiver, please, mate.
38
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,920
-Cheers, mate. Thank you.
-Thanks.
39
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,480
[woman whimpers]
40
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,640
-Can I get you something?
-No, thanks.
41
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,080
Are you sure?
42
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,520
-Cup of tea?
-No, thanks.
43
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,480
-You have to buy something.
-Can't afford something.
44
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-Right. Not even a cup of tea?
-No.
45
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,120
Right, well…
46
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,520
How about I give you
a cup of tea on the house?
47
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[intriguing music plays]
48
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:39,600
All right.
49
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,440
[intriguing music continues]
50
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,440
[music stops]
51
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,160
-So, what do you do?
-I'm a lawyer.
52
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,320
[chuckles]
53
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,520
How'd you get into that, then?
54
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,080
[woman] I trained in criminal law,
55
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,880
moved to England, retrained,
opened up my own practice,
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00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,920
won several awards,
now a leading advisor to the government.
57
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,440
-You own a law firm?
-Amongst other things.
58
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,280
A flat in Pimlico
overlooking a private garden,
59
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,080
one in Bexleyheath, two in Belsize Park.
60
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,680
God doesn't like a bragger,
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00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,120
but when you're the go-to
for the biggest political minds,
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you've earned a brag or two.
63
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,320
No, no, I'm not gonna say who,
so don't even go there.
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00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,400
Fine!
65
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,640
David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Alex Salmond.
But you didn't hear that from me.
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00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,320
Wow. You must have amazing dinner parties.
67
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,280
[laughs raucously]
68
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,320
[man 1] She had this incredible laugh.This giddy, slightly disconcerting laugh.
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00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,520
-Her name was…
-Martha.
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00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,720
[man 1] But all I could think was,if all of this is true,
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then why can't you afford a cup of tea?
72
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,560
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
73
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,400
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
74
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,840
♪ Love is the drug ♪
75
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,840
[man 1] I'd moved to London to fulfilmy lifelong dream of becoming a comedian,
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00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,960
but for whatever reason found myselflate twenties, working a dead-end job
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00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,360
and living rent-freewith my ex-girlfriend's mother
78
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,680
in a massive house miles out of town.
79
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,880
I had arrivedwith such grand plans to be someone,
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as though my brandof wacky, bullshit comedy
81
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,160
was exactly what this world-leading citywas missing.
82
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,760
So I went vegan recently.
83
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,720
Had to make some sacrifices.
84
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,480
It's a mink hat.
85
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,720
But instead of actual mink,
it's a mink stapled to a hat.
86
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[audience member] You're shite!
87
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,560
[man 1 sighs] Fucking hell.
88
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,920
[man 1] But that's the thing with London.It red-carpets for no one.
89
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,000
It's like waking up one dayto find yourself a background artist
90
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,800
in a cast of millions.
91
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,280
So when someone sees youthrough the mire of it all,
92
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,240
sees you as the personyou came here to be,
93
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:05,960
you notice them.
94
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,960
You notice them noticing you.
95
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,440
♪ When I said I needed… ♪
96
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,360
[man 1] Every day now,Martha would come in,
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each time with new makeup, new hairstyles,like a kid playing dress-up.
98
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,960
She always opened the conversationby saying…
99
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,040
I've gotta go.
100
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,640
…but then would stick aroundfor the entire shift.
101
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,720
I always thought it was strangethat she painted herself as a busy person,
102
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as though she could trick me
103
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,840
into thinking she's not spendingall of her time hanging around.
104
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,200
Got a busy day today.
AGMs, shareholder meets.
105
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,960
Then I'm getting my hair buffed,
so can't chat long.
106
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,320
[man 1] She always orderedthe same drink every time. A…
107
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Diet Coke. Plenty ice.
108
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[man 1] I always gave it to heron the house.
109
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-She never drank her drink.
-I'm representing big clients…
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[man 1] Instead, she wouldsit there on autopilot,
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monologuing breathlesslyabout people in her life
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without ever explaining who they were.
113
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,760
I was talking to Steve earlier.
114
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I was chatting to Joan.
Alan was on the phone.
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[man 1] Like I knew them already.Like I was already a part of her life.
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00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,000
And when she wasn't speaking about them
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00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,120
or her law firmor all the famous people she knew,
118
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,800
she would sit there talking about me.
119
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,080
You've got really manly hands,
haven't you?
120
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,000
-Oh yeah?
-Big, deep voice. Chiseled jawline.
121
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,400
Should be illegal
to have your bone structure too.
122
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,760
They should tax you for it.
Man tax. [laughs]
123
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,440
[man 1] Everything about her intrigued me.
124
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Her endless confidence,her weird turn of phrase,
125
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,080
the surprising poetry that slipped throughthe cracks of her madness.
126
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,120
Shall we run away together?
127
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,440
My birthday's coming up.
Want to do something spesh.
128
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,880
Who says I wanna run away?
129
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,040
You're already doing it. Some people
run away by packing their bags.
130
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,400
Others run away by standing
in the same place for too long.
131
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:47,760
Sorry.
132
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,240
Woke up a little gravy this morning.
Not sure what's come over me.
133
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,040
[man 1] Then I would look at herin her most vulnerable moments,
134
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and I would start to reimagine her past.
135
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,920
The school balls that no one took her to.
136
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,360
The time she tried onwedding dresses for fun.
137
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,560
Nights lost on social mediaperusing the lives of the rich and famous.
138
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,160
So I don't know what it was in me,but I started paying her compliments.
139
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,240
Your birthday's coming up.
Your 21st, is it?
140
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,400
I'm 42!
141
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,840
You're 42? Well, you'd better
give Peter Pan his moisturizer back.
142
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[laughs] My oh my!
143
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,480
You've got a silver tongue on you,
you do, devil boy.
144
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,800
Wouldn't mind teaching you
where to put it. [laughs]
145
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,560
What do you say to picnic fun times
this weekend to celebrate?
146
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,760
The sun's out. Pollen count's low.
147
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,080
You can get a tan
without getting the sniffles.
148
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Sure, I'll come picnic with you.
149
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,800
Oh my! [laughs]
150
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,960
Picnic fun times
with my favorite reindeer. [laughs]
151
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,880
Give me your number. We can arrange.
152
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:58,680
Tell you what,
153
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,760
name the time and the place,
and I'll get you there.
154
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,520
I'll be the one
next to the gorgeous brunette.
155
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,280
Who's that, then?
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[chuckles]
157
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Oh! You mean me? [laughs]
158
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,320
[man 1] I began to love her laugh,obsess with it,
159
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,600
do everything I couldto eke it out of her.
160
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,520
It was casual. It was harmless.
161
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,920
It was becoming a joke around the bar.
162
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,440
Oi, Donny. Aren't you gonna introduce us
to your girlfriend?
163
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,080
So is this the one
you've been telling us about?
164
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,480
-The supermodel?
-You said that? Really?
165
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,960
Yeah, so come on, Donny. Out with it.
When are you two gonna shag?
166
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,920
Ah, don't believe in sex before marriage.
167
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[men] Aw.
168
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,520
What you waiting for?
169
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Ask her.
170
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,280
Yeah. Ask her!
171
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[men] Ask her! Ask her!
Ask her! Ask her! Ask her!
172
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[men groan]
173
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What, you not asking?
174
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I'm marriage material.
175
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,440
Half of everything makes you rich.
176
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,720
Just bought a penthouse. Furnished.
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00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,600
All I need now
is for someone to hang my curtains.
178
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,400
[Donny] "Hang her curtains."
179
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,960
Something about it sounded vaguely sexual.
180
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,480
I hated lowering myself to their level,
181
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,560
but I needed a way outof that painfully awkward situation.
182
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I'll hang your curtains!
183
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,520
[laughter]
184
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,720
[operatic music plays]
185
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,280
[Donny] I wanted her to laugh.
186
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,120
I wanted her to share in the joke,but she just didn't.
187
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,640
I knew then, in that moment,
188
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,440
that she'd taken it seriously.
189
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,120
[operatic music continues]
190
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,240
[Donny] Then came her emails,
191
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,120
around 80 a day,continuing long into the night.
192
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,200
Her address, a random seriesof numbers and letters, like spam,
193
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,920
but the writing, exactly like she spoke.
194
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,040
Unhesitating, unfiltered.
195
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,680
Unapologetically raw.
196
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,680
There were spelling errorson words much simpler to spell
197
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,720
than other words she spelled perfectly.
198
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,760
The fact she has an iPhone,
199
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,680
even though she didn'twhen I saw her texting at the bar.
200
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,960
[operatic music crescendos]
201
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,280
Look what I got, reindeer,
202
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,960
ahead of picnic fun times.
203
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,800
Ta-da! A wee-willie hamper.
204
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:30,760
[laughs] It's got jam and marmalade,
205
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,680
croutons,
206
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,280
and champagne, too, if that's your tipple.
207
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,600
I don't drink myself,
but you're absolutely welcome
208
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,880
to pour it on my chest
and lick it from me.
209
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,080
[Martha giggles]
210
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,000
What's the matter?
211
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,240
No, nothing. It's just you've…
you've spent quite a lot here.
212
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,480
Well, it's a special birthday this year.
213
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,000
My 43rd, no less.
214
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,240
And I get to spend it with you.
215
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,680
[exhales]
216
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,120
Martha, I think maybe
this isn't such a great idea.
217
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,880
What? No picnic fun times?
218
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,080
No, I… I don't think so.
219
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,200
Really? Why?
I've just gone and bought a quilt too.
220
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,920
It's extra soft
so you don't get pimples from the grass.
221
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:19,640
[sighs] Well, picnics, that's…
that's kind of what lovers do, you know?
222
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:21,360
Oh.
223
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,440
Well, what do friends do?
224
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,560
[sighs] I don't know.
225
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,440
-A coffee or something.
-Coffee's good.
226
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,800
[typing]
227
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:53,560
[Martha giggles]
228
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,920
-Do you know what you're having?
-Well, I want the Scotch broth.
229
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,760
Trying to figure out
if it's on the menu or not.
230
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,800
Um, I don't see it on the m--
231
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,240
Oh. Very good.
232
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,280
[chuckles]
233
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,600
Well? Is it on the menu?
234
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,440
Uh, no, I'm afraid not.
235
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,720
You'll find it in the specials though.
236
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,080
[Martha laughing]
237
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,360
The specials. [high-pitched laughter]
238
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,280
Wow, that is some laugh.
239
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,000
Yeah, I get that all the time.
240
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,240
Chuckles Buckles, my dad used to call me.
241
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,840
With his big hands. [chuckles]
242
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,360
Well, do you have a volume dial?
Can I turn you down a bit?
243
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,000
You'd have to turn me on first.
244
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:52,680
[chuckles]
245
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,800
So, are you serious about me?
246
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,920
I can take it. Just be honest.
247
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,280
I mean, I've overseen
some of the biggest cases in the world.
248
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,080
Hollywood. You name it.
249
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,120
I can handle anything.
250
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:15,520
Be a shame though, obviously,
what with the… with the curtains,
251
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,120
getting my hopes up.
252
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,720
But I'd work through it.
253
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,840
I'd work through it.
254
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,920
Uh… [exhales]
255
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,280
Yes, I'm… I'm… I'm serious about you.
256
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,240
[exhales]
257
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,720
-[Martha squeals]
-No, don't! Oh my God.
258
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:35,080
Wait. As a friend, okay? As a friend.
259
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,120
Friends
260
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,120
with benefits.
261
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,480
Just friends.
262
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,840
-Can I get you guys anything?
-Uh, yeah.
263
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,960
-I'll have an Americano, please.
-Yep.
264
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,280
-I'll just have a tap water.
-[waitress] Sure.
265
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,680
-Uh, you're not having anything?
-I can't afford it.
266
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:49,760
I'll get it. Just…
267
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,160
Oh. Okay.
268
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,320
Uh, can I have a croissant, a flapjack,
269
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,000
and a chocolate brownie and a coffee?
270
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,680
Sure. What kind of coffee?
271
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,480
Decaf.
272
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:06,520
Decaf. Perfect.
I'll grab those for you now. Thanks.
273
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:11,800
So, um,
274
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,960
how did you get my email?
275
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,440
Oh. Off your website.
276
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,720
You shouldn't have it on there.
Any so-and-so could get it.
277
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,040
-Yeah, I'm starting to realize that.
-So you're a comedian?
278
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,720
[exhales] Sort of.
279
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,360
It's not going well.
280
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,560
Is that a question?
281
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,560
No. I can tell these things.
It's not going well.
282
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,240
That's not true, actually, so--
283
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,920
I saw some of your comedy videos online.
I thought they were shite.
284
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,400
-Well, I've moved on a bit now.
-Offensive too.
285
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,080
-It's satire.
-Thin satire.
286
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,200
Sorry, are you a critic?
287
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,640
-[server] Here you are.
-Oh. Thank you.
288
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,720
Listen, Martha.
289
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,120
Can you promise me
you won't tell anyone at the pub
290
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,640
about those online videos?
291
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,280
Stop it! You should be proud.
292
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,680
You're chasing your dreams.
293
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,960
Yeah, no, I get that. It's just…
294
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:05,760
What is it?
295
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,160
I spent my life
dreaming of becoming a comedian. I just…
296
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,600
[sighs] I didn't realize
it was gonna be so fucking hard.
297
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,640
Hardness can be good though, too, no?
298
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,480
Yeah, I know. It's just…
299
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:19,840
[Donny sighs]
300
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,840
I, like… I used to think my dreams
would lead to happiness, but…
301
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,760
now it almost feels
like this choice between the two.
302
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,640
Somebody hurt you, didn't they?
303
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:43,920
I can tell.
304
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,840
You're like a warrior
305
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,320
with a chink in the armor.
306
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,480
Like a wounding of some kind.
307
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,240
Was it a woman?
308
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,880
[tense music plays]
309
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:58,880
A heartbreak?
310
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,000
[exhales] No, I'm fine.
311
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,680
That's what a warrior would say.
312
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,120
But I can see you're bleeding.
313
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,480
[tense music continues]
314
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,640
[Martha] Deep wounds.
315
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,640
Who was it?
316
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,120
Martha, can you
let go of my hand now, please?
317
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,760
-I want names.
-[Donny] Martha, please.
318
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:20,720
Names.
319
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,080
-Martha, please.
-[Martha] Names.
320
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,680
-[Donny] Martha, please, let go!
-Don't! Don't you dare!
321
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,600
[crockery rattles]
322
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,280
[exhales]
323
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,960
Is everything all right here?
324
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:37,880
Um,
325
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:39,480
yeah, we're fine.
326
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,600
We're… we're fine. Honest.
327
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,640
Can I get you guys anything else, or…
328
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,280
Just the bill.
329
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,440
-What way are you walking?
-Uh, this way.
330
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:55,960
I'm this way.
331
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,400
Thanks for the brownie.
332
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,240
[uneasy music playing]
333
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,520
[Donny] I knewshe wasn't a millionaire lawyer,
334
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,360
but seeing her madness play out like thatleft me with this sense of unease.
335
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:19,560
[music fades]
336
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,480
[Donny] Who was this woman,and what did she see in me?
337
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,560
[uneasy music playing]
338
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,200
[cell phone chimes]
339
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,200
Fuck! Shit!
340
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,360
[gentle music playing]
341
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,920
[Donny] I sometimes question what wouldhave happened had I not followed her,
342
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,320
just turned around and went home.
343
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,600
Whether that is wherethis whole ordeal might have ended.
344
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,280
Maybe some part of mewanted to get caught.
345
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,760
Maybe some part of me wanted to seewhere it all might take me.
346
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,800
Okay, guys, it's been
a fantastic competition so far.
347
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,400
Loads of acts vying for a place
in the semifinals.
348
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,320
[audience cheering]
349
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,560
[compère] Keep that energy up,
and please welcome to the stage,
350
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,960
your next act, Donny Dunn!
351
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,480
Okay! Good. All right,
let me just quickly chuck this down.
352
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,320
Ooh. Set up the gig.
353
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,640
Just unzip the old bagarooney.
354
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:44,800
Okay, good. Woo!
355
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,200
All right. Ooh. [chuckles]
356
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,800
Bang! Yes. All right. Cool.
357
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:51,680
That's…
358
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,680
Now, I know what you're thinking.
359
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,920
Venus Williams has let herself go.
360
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,040
[scattered chuckling]
361
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,680
Oh, sorry. God, no. I said the wrong name.
Sorry, it's new material.
362
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,720
I'll just grab my notebook out, and I'll…
363
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,640
I'll do it again.
Okay, let's just… Here it is. Ha.
364
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,280
So I know what you're thinking.
365
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,880
Serena Williams has let herself go.
366
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,000
[chuckles awkwardly]
367
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,840
Okay, cool. That didn't work.
Let's move on.
368
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,520
-Um…
-[woman laughs]
369
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,080
[woman laughs]
370
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,560
Uh, one laugh. If you could
move around the room, that'd be great.
371
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:38,760
[light laughter]
372
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,240
[Martha continues laughing]
373
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,800
Jesus, can't take my mum anywhere, eh?
374
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,680
[Martha laughing]
375
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,480
[chuckles nervously] Um…
376
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:53,400
What's your name?
377
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,040
Martha.
378
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,920
Hello, Martha.
Is your spaceship parked outside?
379
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,840
[laughter]
380
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,360
Yeah, outside.
381
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,480
Want to go for a ride
back to my home planet?
382
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,720
Your home planet?
A planet where people find me funnier?
383
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,640
I'm sold!
384
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,920
[laughter]
385
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,520
And where is your home planet?
386
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,440
Belsize Park.
387
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,120
[laughter]
388
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,640
[chuckles] Um, and so, out of interest,
when you say your spaceship, you mean…
389
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:24,880
A Fiat Punto.
390
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,640
[laughter]
391
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,280
Brilliant. Ladies and gentlemen,
it ain't gonna get much better than that.
392
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,600
Jesus, Jesus.
393
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,560
Come on. All right, so, you know--
394
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:35,600
I can sing, you know?
395
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,240
Oh, well, people haven't come here
for singing, so…
396
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,960
[woman] Aw, let her sing!
397
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,840
-[man] Go on! Let her sing!
-[Donny] No.
398
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,360
[man] Come on, let her sing! Let her sing!
399
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,120
Okay, fine, sod it. Go on, then.
400
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,440
-[man] Wahey!
-[woman] Whoo!
401
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,040
[Martha clears throat]
402
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,920
♪ I know I stand in lineUntil you think you have the time ♪
403
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,280
♪ To spend an evening with me… ♪
404
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,520
Nancy Sinatra,
what the hell are you doing here?
405
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,960
♪ And if we go someplace to danceI know that there's a chance ♪
406
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,840
♪ You won't be leaving with me ♪
407
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,400
Do you know any Slipknot?
408
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,240
[laughter]
409
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,200
[chuckles]
410
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,400
I would let you sing more,
but can't handle you upstaging me.
411
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,200
A round of applause
for Martha, everyone. Yes!
412
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,480
-[audience cheers]
-[Donny] Ha-ha! Brilliant.
413
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,320
Absolutely brilliant. Cool.
414
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,800
Um, I've always thought that song
was really weird, actually.
415
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,880
They could have said
something really stupid like,
416
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,680
"Then I go and spoil it all
by saying something stupid like,
417
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,080
'Hitler was misunderstood.'"
418
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,160
[laughter]
419
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,600
So I went vegan recently.
420
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,240
Had to make some sacrifices.
421
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,560
[laughter]
422
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,520
Met a new girlfriend.
She's a real spring chicken. Come on!
423
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,240
Yep, gives great head.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
424
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,160
Good. We're rocking and rolling.
Good, good.
425
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,240
[quiet music playing]
426
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,480
[laughter in distance]
427
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:18,880
Fucking hell.
428
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,120
How'd you do that?
429
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,280
-What?
-Just appear.
430
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,280
You're like… Ninja Cat.
431
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,480
[Martha laughs]
432
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,920
[Martha] That was fun stuff tonight.
You deserved your win.
433
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,000
Better than that shit online.
434
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,840
Thanks, I think.
435
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,000
All the props and the gadgets and stuff.
436
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,160
So funny, reindeer. [laughs]
437
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,080
[Martha exhales]
438
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,040
You have it in your bones,
this comedy lark, don't you?
439
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,520
Thank you.
440
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:45,760
Oh, don't thank me.
441
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:47,560
Thank yourself.
442
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,120
Thank your bones.
443
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:50,560
[Donny chuckles]
444
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,560
[sighs] Look.
445
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,440
[exhales] About yesterday,
when I was outside.
446
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,000
I shouldn't have followed you. I was--
447
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,600
Oh, no, don't be silly.
448
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,000
I don't begrudge you a peep.
449
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,040
Just come in for a plate next time.
450
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,320
I'll cook you my special dish.
451
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,880
What's your special dish?
452
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,120
Beef curtains.
453
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,760
[both laugh]
454
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,560
[Donny] Fucking hell.
455
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:26,800
You're utterly mad, aren't you?
456
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,760
[Donny] Oh! [chuckles]
457
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:32,840
Uh…
458
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,640
If you had a superpower, what would it be?
459
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,400
Uh…
460
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,480
I'd wanna know what people were thinking,
461
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,640
rather than just guessing all the time.
462
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,960
What? Are you worried
people think bad of you or something?
463
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,400
No. I'm worried
they don't think about me at all.
464
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:02,600
[Donny sighs]
465
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,000
-Mine's weird.
-I expect nothing less.
466
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,120
[Martha chuckles]
467
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:08,640
Do you ever, like,
468
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,280
want to unzip people
469
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:13,880
and climb inside them?
470
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,200
[Donny] Hmm.
471
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,280
Can't say it's an impulse
I've had very often, no.
472
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,520
I wish humans had a chin zip.
473
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,840
One that would open
all the way to their bellies.
474
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,880
I'd just unzip them and tuck myself away.
475
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,560
Is this you asking me for my skin suit?
476
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,320
[laughs] Yes, I'd wear you like a onesie.
477
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,640
[laughs] Oh my God.
Snuggle away inside you all winter.
478
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:44,840
Ah, that'd be nice.
479
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:47,680
I'd miss biscuits though.
480
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,080
Well, um, I tell you what,
481
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,240
give me a list of the ones you like,
482
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,080
and every now and again,
when nobody's looking,
483
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,200
I'll unzip my chin
and pop some biscuits inside for you.
484
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,000
-How does that sound?
-[laughs]
485
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,880
Best of both worlds! Oh my God.
486
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,600
[sighs happily] Oh my God.
487
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,000
The tongue on you.
488
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,680
♪ And afterwards we dropInto a quiet little place ♪
489
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,280
♪ And have a drink or two… ♪
490
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:30,280
Uh…
491
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:39,520
♪ And then I go and spoil it allBy saying something stupid like ♪
492
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,560
-"Hitler was misunderstood."
-♪ I love you ♪
493
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:46,680
I love you.
494
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,080
Oh… Um…
495
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:53,000
[Martha] Oh no.
496
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,120
-As a friend. Like you said.
-Yeah. No.
497
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,440
-Sorry.
-I've said too much, haven't I?
498
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,760
Oh my God. Stupid.
Stupid fucking moron gob!
499
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,560
No, no, don't do that, okay?
Don't do that.
500
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,880
It's fine, all right? It's fine.
Don't do that, okay? Please, just…
501
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,840
I have a sneaky feeling
you might be the death of me.
502
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:29,560
Z-z-z-z-zip.
503
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:35,000
Boop. [laughs]
504
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,560
[unsettling music playing]
505
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,680
[unsettling music continues]
506
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,320
[unsettling music building]
507
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:38,520
[music fades]
508
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,560
["Happy Together" playing]
509
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,960
[Donny] I sat there for hourstaking it all in.
510
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:47,720
Piecing together her whole timeline.
511
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,240
Her graduate job. How she got firedfor inappropriate behavior with the boss.
512
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,840
How she started hanging aroundoutside his house,
513
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,800
then falsely reporting him to the policefor abusing his disabled child.
514
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,120
This other timeshe attacked his mother in the street.
515
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,320
Her four-and-a-half-year prison sentence.
516
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,240
[music stops]
517
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,480
[Donny] I had a convicted stalkerstalking me.
518
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,440
I had a convicted stalker stalking me.
519
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:23,560
I had a convicted stalker stalking me.
520
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,720
♪ And you for meSo happy together ♪
521
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,920
♪ So happy together ♪
522
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:37,040
♪ How is the weather? ♪
523
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:41,080
♪ So happy together ♪
524
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,960
♪ So happy together ♪
525
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:51,080
♪ So happy together ♪
526
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:57,440
♪ I can't see me lovin' nobody but you ♪
527
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,480
♪ For all my life ♪
528
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:05,000
♪ When you're with meBaby, the skies will be blue ♪
529
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,560
♪ For all my life ♪
530
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,200
♪ Me and you, and you and me ♪
531
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,520
♪ No matter how they tossed the diceIt had to be ♪
532
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,440
♪ The only one for me is youAnd you for me ♪
533
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,640
♪ So happy together ♪
534
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:27,760
♪ So happy together ♪
535
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,320
♪ And how is the weather? ♪
536
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,600
♪ So happy together ♪
537
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,880
♪ So happy together ♪
538
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,640
♪ Happy together ♪
539
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:49,520
♪ So happy together ♪
39334
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