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1
00:00:00,097 --> 00:00:01,839
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:01,939 --> 00:00:05,309
Uh, we sort of have another
reason for asking you here.
3
00:00:06,347 --> 00:00:08,046
We want to have a baby,
4
00:00:08,115 --> 00:00:10,015
but we can't do it
on our own.
5
00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:11,016
Okay, whoa, whoa.
6
00:00:11,085 --> 00:00:12,217
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
7
00:00:12,319 --> 00:00:14,052
Yeah, this has been
such a nice evening.
8
00:00:14,121 --> 00:00:16,955
Let's all just stop before
anyone says any more things.
9
00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:18,468
Leonard, would you be
the father of our baby?
10
00:00:18,492 --> 00:00:20,559
Oh, you said a thing.
11
00:00:22,596 --> 00:00:25,397
Thank you, guys, again
for agreeing to do this.
12
00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:27,666
Yeah, it means
so much to us.
13
00:00:27,735 --> 00:00:29,368
Ah, we're happy
we can help.
14
00:00:29,436 --> 00:00:32,037
Yeah, and we don't find it
weird at all.
15
00:00:32,106 --> 00:00:33,705
It's a little weird
for us, too.
16
00:00:33,774 --> 00:00:35,874
I mean, instead of our baby
looking like Zack,
17
00:00:35,943 --> 00:00:38,243
it's gonna look
like Leonard.
18
00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:41,446
Or Penny if it's a girl.
19
00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:45,083
No, no, it's not gonna look...
20
00:00:46,086 --> 00:00:48,153
Sure.
21
00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,489
But I promise,
22
00:00:50,558 --> 00:00:52,135
we're gonna be
really good parents.
23
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:53,193
Mm-hmm.
24
00:00:53,194 --> 00:00:54,593
Oh, we know you will.
25
00:00:54,662 --> 00:00:56,261
- So, what is the next step?
- Yeah.
26
00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:58,664
Well, Leonard, we were hoping
you'd go in on Monday.
27
00:00:58,732 --> 00:00:59,732
Okay.
28
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,133
And they say,
for the best results,
29
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:02,846
between now and then,
you shouldn't have sex.
30
00:01:02,870 --> 00:01:04,102
ZACK:
Sorry, bro,
31
00:01:04,171 --> 00:01:06,672
I know it seems impossible
to go for five days without,
32
00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:09,107
but I believe in you.
33
00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:12,277
Five days?
My record is 24 years.
34
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,081
Uh, I think that also means
no flying solo.
35
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,082
Oh.
36
00:01:17,151 --> 00:01:20,586
Then my record is 14 years.
37
00:01:20,654 --> 00:01:22,888
And, well, we're really
hoping for a son.
38
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,224
So just, like, keep that in mind
when you're in there.
39
00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:29,228
Yeah, just think, "Little
boys, little boys."
40
00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:34,399
Still just
totally not weird.
41
00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:36,068
Hello.
42
00:01:36,136 --> 00:01:38,114
Oh, hey, Sheldon. We're kind of
in the middle of something.
43
00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:40,305
Oh, I won't be a moment.
I just need to grab a book
44
00:01:40,374 --> 00:01:41,873
off a high shelf, which I can do
45
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:44,309
because I am both
tall and smart.
46
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,980
Sheldon, come home!
47
00:01:48,048 --> 00:01:50,616
They don't want
to have your baby!
48
00:01:50,684 --> 00:01:52,195
I don't know
what you're talking about.
49
00:01:52,219 --> 00:01:54,353
Oh-oh, dear, I think
I got something in my eye.
50
00:01:54,421 --> 00:01:56,755
My piercing, blue eye.
51
00:01:57,958 --> 00:02:00,259
- Sheldon!
- Fine.
52
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:03,223
I've also never had a cavity
and I don't have asthma...
53
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,224
♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x15 ♪
The Donation Oscillation
Original Air Dat
54
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:07,867
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:07,935 --> 00:02:11,203
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:11,272 --> 00:02:12,838
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:12,906 --> 00:02:15,540
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:15,609 --> 00:02:18,043
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:18,112 --> 00:02:20,746
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:20,814 --> 00:02:22,648
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:22,716 --> 00:02:23,806
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:23,807 --> 00:02:29,807
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
63
00:02:29,902 --> 00:02:33,804
(sighs) So, this week
would have been my wedding
64
00:02:33,872 --> 00:02:37,074
if Anu and I hadn't decided
to slow things down.
65
00:02:37,142 --> 00:02:40,010
Oh, yeah, I would have
forgotten, except for those
66
00:02:40,079 --> 00:02:42,946
nonrefundable airline tickets
to India I bought.
67
00:02:43,015 --> 00:02:44,114
I'm sorry.
68
00:02:44,183 --> 00:02:47,951
No, no. What's $3,000
between friends?
69
00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:49,453
Yeah, I probably
would've just
70
00:02:49,521 --> 00:02:52,055
thrown it away on health care
for my children.
71
00:02:53,292 --> 00:02:55,592
Uh, if you still want to go,
you can go to India
72
00:02:55,661 --> 00:02:58,395
and help my dad eat
all the nonrefundable sushi.
73
00:02:58,464 --> 00:03:00,564
Indian sushi?
74
00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:03,600
I need a change of underwear
just thinking about that.
75
00:03:03,669 --> 00:03:06,837
I really think
we made the right decision.
76
00:03:06,905 --> 00:03:08,972
Agreed, although
I did have
77
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:11,775
a pretty awesome bachelor party
planned for this weekend.
78
00:03:11,844 --> 00:03:12,776
Really? What was it?
79
00:03:12,845 --> 00:03:14,125
Well, I used my NASA connections
80
00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:16,213
to get us four seats
on that plane
81
00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:18,615
that lets you experience
weightlessness.
82
00:03:18,684 --> 00:03:21,685
The Vomit Comet.
That is so cool.
83
00:03:21,754 --> 00:03:23,954
I've always wanted
to experience weightlessness.
84
00:03:24,022 --> 00:03:25,956
The closest I ever came
was that time
85
00:03:26,024 --> 00:03:28,492
I accidentally set my scale
to kilograms.
86
00:03:30,562 --> 00:03:33,330
I know, it would've
been fun, but, hey,
87
00:03:33,398 --> 00:03:37,067
the next time you decide to
marry a woman you barely know.
88
00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:38,502
We could still go.
89
00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:40,604
You know, make it
a guys' weekend.
90
00:03:40,672 --> 00:03:42,939
Yeah. (chuckles)
All right, let's do it.
91
00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:45,709
Great. It'll be like
the good old days.
92
00:03:45,778 --> 00:03:49,112
You mean when we were all sad,
desperate and horribly alone?
93
00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:52,949
I remember it more fondly.
94
00:03:55,521 --> 00:03:58,355
Leonard, if you had
food on your face,
95
00:03:58,423 --> 00:03:59,567
would you want me to tell you?
96
00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:02,692
Where? Did I get it?
97
00:04:02,761 --> 00:04:05,061
Oh, no, not now;
it was last week.
98
00:04:06,365 --> 00:04:07,909
I didn't know
whether or not to tell you,
99
00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:09,766
but everyone was staring.
100
00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:12,435
For the record,
it was right there.
101
00:04:12,504 --> 00:04:15,238
And it was Nutella.
102
00:04:15,307 --> 00:04:16,239
Thanks.
103
00:04:16,308 --> 00:04:18,275
You looked like
a hazelnut Hitler.
104
00:04:19,645 --> 00:04:22,212
Hey, who wants to hear
some exciting news?
105
00:04:22,281 --> 00:04:23,413
Oh, what's up?
106
00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:26,883
This weekend, I got us
four seats on the Vomit Comet.
107
00:04:26,952 --> 00:04:29,786
Oh, you lost me at "vomit,"
you lost me again at "comet,"
108
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,522
and to be honest, I was
on the fence at "us."
109
00:04:34,092 --> 00:04:35,970
Yeah, I can't go either.
Penny's dad is visiting
110
00:04:35,994 --> 00:04:38,028
from Nebraska, and I haven't
seen him for a while.
111
00:04:38,096 --> 00:04:40,130
Oh, that's nice
you guys get along.
112
00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:42,766
I forget, Howard, does your
father-in-law still hate you?
113
00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:46,403
WOLOWITZ:
He doesn't hate me.
114
00:04:46,471 --> 00:04:48,004
He's just disappointed
115
00:04:48,073 --> 00:04:50,574
that I'm not
any other man on the planet.
116
00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:55,378
That's how I feel about
Ben Affleck as Batman.
117
00:04:56,582 --> 00:04:57,614
Well, these two are out.
118
00:04:57,683 --> 00:04:58,949
There goes
our guys' weekend.
119
00:04:59,017 --> 00:05:01,251
Okay, so let's make it
a couples' weekend.
120
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,786
I'll bring Anu,
you bring Bernadette.
121
00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:04,032
I'm not sure
Bernie would like it.
122
00:05:04,056 --> 00:05:05,989
Maybe I'll invite
Stuart or Bert.
123
00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:07,457
SHELDON:
Oh, go with Bert!
124
00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:10,126
He's huge. It'd be fun to
watch him float around.
125
00:05:11,296 --> 00:05:12,996
Like that time the
Underdog balloon
126
00:05:13,065 --> 00:05:15,532
got away at the
Macy's Parade.
127
00:05:18,237 --> 00:05:20,070
Hey. What are those?
128
00:05:20,138 --> 00:05:21,404
Oh, vitamins.
129
00:05:21,473 --> 00:05:24,574
Zack wants me to take them
to increase my virility.
130
00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:27,010
Zack used the word "virility"?
131
00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:31,848
He may have said
"wiener power."
132
00:05:32,985 --> 00:05:34,084
(knock on door)
133
00:05:34,152 --> 00:05:35,418
Okay, that's my dad.
134
00:05:35,487 --> 00:05:37,888
Now, remember, do not bring up
any baby stuff, all right?
135
00:05:37,956 --> 00:05:39,615
Not me not wanting one,
not you having one with Zack.
136
00:05:39,616 --> 00:05:40,143
Got it.
137
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,826
And if he brings it up,
change the subject
138
00:05:41,827 --> 00:05:43,393
to literally anything else.
- I got it.
139
00:05:43,462 --> 00:05:46,630
But not the Cornhuskers.
Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
140
00:05:46,698 --> 00:05:49,532
Is that a sports team?
141
00:05:49,601 --> 00:05:51,134
Never mind, you're good.
142
00:05:52,704 --> 00:05:54,638
- Daddy! Hi.
- Hey, Slugger.
143
00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:56,306
(chuckles)
Aw.
144
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:58,975
- Hey, Wyatt.
- Leonard.
145
00:05:59,044 --> 00:06:00,944
Hey, that's a hell
of a handshake.
146
00:06:01,013 --> 00:06:03,780
Ah, well, you know,
I've been taking vitamins.
147
00:06:03,849 --> 00:06:06,449
Dad, uh, come on in,
sit down.
148
00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:08,618
Can I get you something
to drink? Maybe a beer?
149
00:06:08,687 --> 00:06:10,420
Sure, if you're having one.
Okay.
150
00:06:10,489 --> 00:06:12,389
And why wouldn't you,
since you're not pregnant?
151
00:06:14,493 --> 00:06:16,559
Um...
152
00:06:16,628 --> 00:06:19,162
Leonard wants to have a baby
with my ex-boyfriend Zack.
153
00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:27,570
How 'bout those Cornhuskers?
154
00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:35,512
Hey, would you mind if Raj
and I went away this weekend?
155
00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:39,182
Well, it is important for you
two to keep the spark alive.
156
00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:42,419
No, just the bachelor party
I had planned.
157
00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:44,087
I thought we'd do it anyway.
158
00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:45,488
Oh, so a guys' weekend?
159
00:06:45,557 --> 00:06:47,597
Kinda. I mean, Sheldon
and Leonard couldn't make it,
160
00:06:47,659 --> 00:06:49,926
so Raj invited Anu
and I asked Stuart.
161
00:06:51,697 --> 00:06:54,297
Wait, you invited Stuart
before me?
162
00:06:54,366 --> 00:06:55,966
Actually, I invited Bert
before Stuart,
163
00:06:56,034 --> 00:06:58,601
but I don't know why
I just told you that.
164
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,236
Why didn't you invite me?
165
00:07:00,305 --> 00:07:02,872
Because (chuckles)
I know you.
166
00:07:02,941 --> 00:07:06,343
You don't want to float
weightless in an airplane.
167
00:07:06,411 --> 00:07:07,610
What are you
talking about?
168
00:07:07,679 --> 00:07:09,179
I love doing crazy
stuff like that.
169
00:07:09,247 --> 00:07:12,983
Bernie, you got sick from
the teacup ride at Disneyland.
170
00:07:13,051 --> 00:07:14,751
Lots of people do.
171
00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:17,320
We were still in line.
172
00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:18,989
So you don't want me to go?
173
00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:21,791
No, I want you to go
if you're gonna have fun.
174
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,227
I don't want you to go
if you're gonna be miserable
175
00:07:24,296 --> 00:07:26,229
and ruin it for everyone.
176
00:07:27,132 --> 00:07:28,999
Which is a long way of saying
177
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,633
I want you to go!
178
00:07:33,238 --> 00:07:35,905
(quietly): I think this is
going pretty good, huh?
179
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:41,811
Maybe for you.
You threw me under the bus.
180
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,747
Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked.
He was judging me.
181
00:07:43,815 --> 00:07:45,515
Well, yeah, now he's judging me.
182
00:07:45,584 --> 00:07:46,883
I know. It worked.
183
00:07:48,453 --> 00:07:51,721
You two might want to talk
louder or quieter.
184
00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:54,424
In high school, he could
hear me open a can of beer
185
00:07:54,493 --> 00:07:55,792
in my closet
under a blanket.
186
00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:02,499
So let me get this
straight, Leonard.
187
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:04,034
She doesn't want
to have your baby,
188
00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:07,070
but her dumbbell
ex-boyfriend does.
189
00:08:07,139 --> 00:08:10,373
Well, I-- no, I wouldn't
say it like that.
190
00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:11,775
How would you say it?
191
00:08:11,843 --> 00:08:13,343
(sighs)
192
00:08:13,412 --> 00:08:15,612
Uh, same words, just less angry.
193
00:08:16,815 --> 00:08:18,982
Well, I don't know
about Los Angeles,
194
00:08:19,051 --> 00:08:22,018
but in Nebraska,
that's kind of strange.
195
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:25,488
It's strange here, too,
and we have a bakery for dogs.
196
00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:27,424
And you're okay with this?
197
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:28,892
- I support my husband.
- Thank you.
198
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,204
But, you know,
if you think differently,
199
00:08:30,228 --> 00:08:31,428
you should feel free
to say so.
200
00:08:31,496 --> 00:08:34,931
You know, just like, "Ah!"
Make a scene.
201
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,635
Okay, look, they can't
have kids of their own,
202
00:08:38,703 --> 00:08:39,969
and they like
that I'm smart,
203
00:08:40,038 --> 00:08:41,871
and they want that
for their child.
204
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:42,705
No, I get it.
205
00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:43,606
You do?
206
00:08:43,675 --> 00:08:44,707
Sure.
207
00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:47,043
Back on the farm,
we had a prize stallion.
208
00:08:47,112 --> 00:08:51,214
We didn't let that just go to
waste; we put him out to stud.
209
00:08:52,984 --> 00:08:55,819
No, no, this is... this is
a little different than that...
210
00:08:55,887 --> 00:08:58,621
No, no, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
211
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:01,024
Uh, you were comparing me
to a prize stud. Go on.
212
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,229
You have fun with
your new best buddy?
213
00:09:09,346 --> 00:09:11,046
Hey, it's your fault
your dad likes me.
214
00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:13,081
You dated idiots
your whole life.
215
00:09:13,150 --> 00:09:15,684
Well, he was right
about one thing.
216
00:09:15,752 --> 00:09:18,920
I am married to a stud.
(chuckles)
217
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:20,956
Mm. Really?
218
00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:22,691
Yeah, I felt so bad
about selling you out,
219
00:09:22,759 --> 00:09:24,993
I thought I would
maybe make it up to you.
220
00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:26,528
(both chuckle)
221
00:09:26,596 --> 00:09:28,897
(moans)
222
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:30,632
(stammers)
Wait, wait. I can't.
223
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,067
I mean, I want to,
224
00:09:32,135 --> 00:09:34,015
but I'm not supposed to
for the next three days.
225
00:09:34,071 --> 00:09:36,938
Oh. That's right.
I forgot. (groans)
226
00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:39,441
All right, well, guess
I'll just read a little
227
00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:41,443
and then-- I don't
know-- go to sleep.
228
00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:48,750
Really? That's what
you're sleeping in?
229
00:09:48,819 --> 00:09:49,996
Oh, you want me to take it off?
230
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,553
No.
231
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:52,854
All right.
232
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:55,323
Well, then pipe down
and let me read my comic book.
233
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,760
Penny, I-I know
what you're doing.
234
00:09:58,829 --> 00:09:59,627
Just please stop.
235
00:09:59,696 --> 00:10:01,830
Ooh, listen to this.
236
00:10:01,898 --> 00:10:03,098
"Bam.
237
00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,265
"Pow.
238
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:06,401
Take that, Batman."
239
00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:11,306
Thanks again for
doing this, guys.
240
00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:13,441
- Of course.
- So excited.
241
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,176
I'm glad you came.
242
00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:17,423
Howard made it sound like
this wasn't your kind of thing.
243
00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,114
He did say that, but here I am.
244
00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:21,116
So what does he know?
245
00:10:21,184 --> 00:10:23,184
I'm sorry. I just...
(scoffs)
246
00:10:23,253 --> 00:10:25,186
didn't think you'd enjoy
plummeting to the Earth
247
00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:26,521
at 400 miles an hour.
248
00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:28,256
I love going fast,
249
00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:29,591
unlike Grandma here,
250
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:31,259
poking along
at 70 miles an hour.
251
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:32,627
Am I right?
252
00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:36,131
I've always wanted
to do this.
253
00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:38,033
I'm an adrenaline junkie.
254
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,501
Roller coasters, snowboarding,
255
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:42,771
dating men
who bathe with their dogs.
256
00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:45,673
It was during a drought.
257
00:10:46,777 --> 00:10:48,476
I'm a thrill-seeker, too.
258
00:10:48,578 --> 00:10:50,545
I've had to pull back
since I became a mom,
259
00:10:50,614 --> 00:10:53,081
but I'll still jump on the back
of a grocery cart
260
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:56,117
and just roll
through the meat section.
261
00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,420
And I'm married
to her,
262
00:10:58,488 --> 00:11:01,056
which is quite
the ride.
263
00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:17,572
(exhales)
264
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,267
(sputters)
265
00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,552
(clinking)
266
00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:27,242
Amy?
267
00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:32,180
There's something out here.
268
00:12:32,249 --> 00:12:33,982
Just trap it
under a cup,
269
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:36,351
and I'll be there
in a minute.
270
00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:39,954
I'll try, but
it's Leonard.
271
00:12:40,023 --> 00:12:41,489
What?
272
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:43,091
(grunts)
273
00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:46,161
Well, what is
he doing here?
274
00:12:46,229 --> 00:12:47,740
I told you, if we left
pizza on the counter,
275
00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:49,731
we'd attract
something.
276
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:52,300
Oh, hey, guys.
277
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:53,701
Sorry. I used my key.
278
00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:55,570
I just needed
a place to crash.
279
00:12:55,639 --> 00:12:57,105
Is everything okay?
280
00:12:57,174 --> 00:12:58,439
Yeah, I...
281
00:12:58,508 --> 00:13:00,375
had to get out of the apartment.
282
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:03,511
My wife kept trying
to have sex with me.
283
00:13:04,614 --> 00:13:05,747
Been there.
284
00:13:12,155 --> 00:13:14,689
Why are you trying
to avoid having sex?
285
00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:16,347
Well, we just did it
three weeks ago.
286
00:13:16,348 --> 00:13:18,092
I was talking
to Leonard!
287
00:13:20,564 --> 00:13:22,163
Well, I-I have to go
to the clinic
288
00:13:22,232 --> 00:13:23,698
for Zack and Marissa on Monday,
289
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:26,501
and I'm supposed
to save myself until then.
290
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:31,206
Sounds like maybe Penny's not
totally on board with that plan.
291
00:13:31,274 --> 00:13:33,341
Well, she said she was.
292
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:37,312
But she also said
I looked dope.
293
00:13:38,782 --> 00:13:42,383
Honestly, I don't even
think I looked fly.
294
00:13:42,452 --> 00:13:43,930
So you're willing
to go through with this,
295
00:13:43,954 --> 00:13:46,020
even though
she clearly has reservations?
296
00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:47,288
If she has a problem,
297
00:13:47,357 --> 00:13:49,490
she should say something.
298
00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:50,491
She tried to seduce you.
299
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,492
If that's not a cry for help,
300
00:13:51,561 --> 00:13:53,127
I don't know what is.
301
00:13:54,598 --> 00:13:57,065
Penny doesn't want
to have kids.
302
00:13:57,133 --> 00:13:58,666
I respect that.
303
00:13:58,735 --> 00:14:02,170
But this is my chance to
leave a part of me behind.
304
00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:05,707
Okay, but this isn't
gonna make you a dad.
305
00:14:05,775 --> 00:14:08,176
It's gonna be
their baby, not yours.
306
00:14:08,245 --> 00:14:09,877
Although,
someday,
307
00:14:09,946 --> 00:14:11,879
if that kid wants
to know why he's short,
308
00:14:11,948 --> 00:14:14,349
nearsighted, and asthmatic...
309
00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,819
...he may hunt you down.
310
00:14:20,857 --> 00:14:24,792
Are you guys ready for the most
intense experience of your life?
311
00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:26,427
- Yes.
- Definitely.
312
00:14:26,496 --> 00:14:27,740
Not to brag, but
I'm an astronaut,
313
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,530
so I've been
weightless before.
314
00:14:29,599 --> 00:14:31,599
Can be pretty scary.
315
00:14:32,702 --> 00:14:34,636
Please, I'm, like, 90 pounds.
316
00:14:34,704 --> 00:14:38,640
I'm weightless every time
I hold more than three balloons.
317
00:14:38,708 --> 00:14:41,309
Okay, I just need you guys
to sign these waivers,
318
00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:42,777
and then you
can go get changed.
319
00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,579
There are a lot
of pages here.
320
00:14:44,648 --> 00:14:47,348
Is this a waiver or a screenplay
you've been working on?
321
00:14:48,385 --> 00:14:50,285
I'm sure it's just
boilerplate.
322
00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:52,954
Absolutely. It's to protect us
in case of injury.
323
00:14:53,023 --> 00:14:55,657
It says, "Or death."
324
00:14:57,460 --> 00:15:00,061
Which is awesome.
325
00:15:01,364 --> 00:15:03,298
- Done.
- Where are the changing rooms?
326
00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,700
Dressing rooms
are in the back.
327
00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:07,702
No peeking.
328
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,739
Here you go.
329
00:15:11,808 --> 00:15:14,008
Okay. Should we go get changed?
330
00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:16,010
Yeah. Hang on a second.
331
00:15:16,079 --> 00:15:17,445
What?
332
00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,247
Just--
I have two babies at home.
333
00:15:19,316 --> 00:15:20,648
What am I doing?
334
00:15:20,717 --> 00:15:22,317
If you don't want to do this,
335
00:15:22,385 --> 00:15:23,785
then why'd you come?
336
00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,498
To prove to Howard
that he doesn't know me as well
337
00:15:25,522 --> 00:15:27,789
as he thinks he does.
338
00:15:27,857 --> 00:15:29,624
Looks like he does.
339
00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:32,960
Unless I do it
and then he doesn't.
340
00:15:33,029 --> 00:15:36,164
Why not just be honest?
341
00:15:36,232 --> 00:15:37,832
(sighs)
You're right.
342
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,834
I should be honest.
343
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:44,038
You owe me $3,000 for those
plane tickets to India!
344
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,176
(cheering on TV)
345
00:15:48,244 --> 00:15:49,444
(sighs)
346
00:15:49,512 --> 00:15:51,312
Hey.
347
00:15:52,382 --> 00:15:53,781
That was a long run.
348
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:55,717
Yeah. Well,
I was in the zone.
349
00:15:55,785 --> 00:15:57,452
You know,
and then in a diner
350
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:02,290
and then in a massage chair
at the mall where I fell asleep.
351
00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:04,525
Are you avoiding me?
352
00:16:04,594 --> 00:16:06,694
Well, I took a nap
next to Hot Dog on a Stick.
353
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:08,196
What do you think?
354
00:16:09,999 --> 00:16:13,267
I think you're mad at me
and Leonard,
355
00:16:13,336 --> 00:16:16,571
but maybe... you're really mad
at yourself.
356
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,673
Why would I be
mad at myself?
357
00:16:18,742 --> 00:16:22,310
'Cause you regret
this "no baby" plan of yours.
358
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:23,489
You know, it's
pretty crappy of you
359
00:16:23,513 --> 00:16:24,746
to make me feel
bad about this.
360
00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:26,681
I'm not trying
to make you feel bad.
361
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:30,051
But... do you?
362
00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:32,253
Yes.
363
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:34,122
I feel like I'm
letting everybody down.
364
00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:35,523
Hate disappointing Leonard,
365
00:16:35,592 --> 00:16:37,725
but I really hate
disappointing you.
366
00:16:37,794 --> 00:16:40,061
Oh, Slugger, you could
never disappoint me.
367
00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:46,000
Okay, your high school years
were a little rough.
368
00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:48,870
And I'm sorry about that.
369
00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,298
There was you
sneaking out at night
370
00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:52,220
and your boyfriends
sneaking out in the morning.
371
00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,008
I said sorry.
372
00:16:54,077 --> 00:16:56,077
That time you got drunk
and stole a horse.
373
00:16:56,146 --> 00:16:57,612
Yeah.
374
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,080
I was there.
I remember.
375
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,915
Parts of it.
376
00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:03,317
But besides all that,
377
00:17:03,386 --> 00:17:06,254
being your dad is the best thing
ever happened to me.
378
00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:09,056
What about
Randall and Lisa?
379
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,593
They're okay.
380
00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:14,796
I just don't want you
to miss out.
381
00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:16,798
I know.
382
00:17:16,866 --> 00:17:19,133
But if this is
really what you want--
383
00:17:19,202 --> 00:17:20,968
or don't want--
384
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,570
I'm on your side.
385
00:17:22,639 --> 00:17:24,572
Thanks.
386
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:27,208
(door opens)
387
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:28,109
Hey.
388
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:29,277
Hey.
389
00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:31,479
Uh, Wyatt, we need to talk.
390
00:17:31,548 --> 00:17:33,147
Sure. What's up?
391
00:17:33,216 --> 00:17:36,250
I want you to back off.
392
00:17:36,319 --> 00:17:39,654
You know? I-If Penny and I don't
have kids, that's between us.
393
00:17:39,722 --> 00:17:41,656
So you need
to stay out of it.
394
00:17:41,724 --> 00:17:43,524
Oh, Leonard, it's okay.
We talked. We're good.
395
00:17:44,527 --> 00:17:45,927
Oh.
396
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:52,500
Okay, you could've
stopped me sooner.
397
00:17:52,569 --> 00:17:54,168
Could've let
you go longer.
398
00:17:54,237 --> 00:17:56,137
Uh-huh.
399
00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:58,072
You did great, Leonard.
Very forceful.
400
00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,740
Yeah?
(chuckles)
401
00:17:59,809 --> 00:18:03,411
I-I-I felt like my voice
was a little shaky there.
402
00:18:05,181 --> 00:18:07,248
Um...
403
00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,851
Hey, I decided
to not go through
404
00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:12,420
with this Zack
and Marissa thing.
405
00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:13,554
Really?
406
00:18:13,623 --> 00:18:15,490
- But you were so excited about it.
- I know.
407
00:18:15,558 --> 00:18:17,158
But, um...
408
00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:19,460
I think I was just
fooling myself.
409
00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:23,598
I-I would be heartbroken
if I had a kid out there
410
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,666
and I wasn't his dad.
411
00:18:25,735 --> 00:18:27,535
I know you would.
412
00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:29,337
(clicks tongue)
Yeah.
413
00:18:29,405 --> 00:18:31,339
(inhales deeply)
414
00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:33,674
(quietly): So, that thing
you wanted to do last night,
415
00:18:33,743 --> 00:18:36,611
I'm available.
416
00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:38,846
I got real good hearing there,
stud.
417
00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,285
All right,
everyone's suited up.
418
00:18:44,354 --> 00:18:46,020
Let's head out
to the tarmac!
419
00:18:46,089 --> 00:18:47,955
Actually, one second.
420
00:18:48,024 --> 00:18:50,825
Howie, I don't think
I should do this.
421
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:52,159
Really?
422
00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:55,463
Well, I did
not see that coming.
423
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:58,432
Just-- We have kids,
424
00:18:58,501 --> 00:19:01,035
and it's not smart to
put us both in danger.
425
00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:02,036
That's a good point.
426
00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,571
When I was little,
my parents
427
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:04,572
never flew together.
428
00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:06,051
We thought it was
because they loved us,
429
00:19:06,075 --> 00:19:08,809
but it turns out
they hated each other.
430
00:19:08,878 --> 00:19:10,711
See?
431
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,680
I just think
I shouldn't go.
432
00:19:12,749 --> 00:19:14,460
Actually, this is much safer
than driving a car.
433
00:19:14,484 --> 00:19:16,284
Stay out of it, flyboy!
434
00:19:17,453 --> 00:19:19,587
You're right.
(chuckles)
435
00:19:19,656 --> 00:19:21,589
But I've done this before.
436
00:19:21,658 --> 00:19:23,791
And since you really,
really want to go,
437
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:24,959
I'll stay here.
438
00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:27,562
Oh. Great.
439
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,498
Unless you don't want to because
I was right and I do know you.
440
00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:33,167
Well, if you really know me,
then you know how far I'll go
441
00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:34,502
to prove a point.
- Apparently,
442
00:19:34,571 --> 00:19:36,248
34,000 feet that way,
then straight back down,
443
00:19:36,272 --> 00:19:37,316
up and down,
over and over again
444
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,974
until you throw up food
you didn't even eat.
445
00:19:41,277 --> 00:19:44,011
They are definitely
your weirdest friends.
446
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,513
If only that were true.
447
00:19:47,283 --> 00:19:49,750
(screaming)
448
00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:53,220
I hate this so much!
449
00:19:53,289 --> 00:19:55,856
Why am I doing this?!
450
00:19:55,925 --> 00:19:59,293
To prove a stupid point
to your husband!
451
00:19:59,362 --> 00:20:01,228
Oh, right. Worth it.
452
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,572
Hey, Zack.
453
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,175
Um, look, I-I know this
is gonna be disappointing,
454
00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:16,779
but, um, I-I can't do this.
455
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,281
No, no, no, no.
456
00:20:18,349 --> 00:20:21,684
I-I, I know how. I just can't.
457
00:20:23,454 --> 00:20:24,787
(stammers)
But, hey, look,
458
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,088
i-if you like,
459
00:20:26,157 --> 00:20:28,624
I-I know someone
who might be interested.
460
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:31,560
No! Absolutely not!
461
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,531
I'm sorry,
my wife says I'm not allowed.
462
00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:44,233
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
33448
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