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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:26,723 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:27,926 [CLATTERING] 3 00:00:30,361 --> 00:00:31,795 - MAN: Hey, wait. - WOMAN: Huh? 4 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:33,564 - [CLATTERING CONTINUES] - MAN: Hold on. It was right here. 5 00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:35,699 - WOMAN: What are you looking for? - MAN: It was right... 6 00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:37,400 - WOMAN: Is it something private? - MAN: No. 7 00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:39,769 WOMAN: Do you have, like, a sex toy you haven't told me about? [CHUCKLES] 8 00:00:39,771 --> 00:00:41,805 MAN: No. Okay, I got it. 9 00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:43,841 Hold on. I just wanna play something. 10 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,345 [SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 11 00:00:46,277 --> 00:00:47,847 I'm a little nervous, but... 12 00:00:48,814 --> 00:00:50,316 [EXHALES SHARPLY] Sorry, I'm sweating. 13 00:00:51,116 --> 00:00:52,716 [SIGHS] Okay. 14 00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:53,750 [CLEARS THROAT] 15 00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:55,221 [GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES] 16 00:00:56,554 --> 00:00:57,790 Malory... 17 00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:03,793 Will you marry me? 18 00:01:03,795 --> 00:01:05,265 MAL: Oh, my God. 19 00:01:06,831 --> 00:01:08,801 [LAUGHS] Yeah. Okay. 20 00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,804 Sure, I'll marry you. 21 00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:12,304 - Yeah? - Yeah. 22 00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:18,142 Oh. No, we've been engaged for four years. 23 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,877 It's not... It's not a big deal. 24 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:21,246 - Thank you. - Cool. 25 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:23,814 - What are you doing? - I'm re-proposing. 26 00:01:23,816 --> 00:01:25,749 Re-proposing is not a thing. 27 00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,951 If it was, they wouldn't do it with a fucking tooth. 28 00:01:27,953 --> 00:01:29,619 This is my actual tooth. 29 00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:31,320 This is my wisdom tooth. 30 00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:34,957 Oh, is that because marrying me would be the wisest thing you ever did? 31 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,859 I was literally gonna say that exactly. 32 00:01:36,861 --> 00:01:39,195 I kinda read your mind. 33 00:01:39,197 --> 00:01:42,231 Just thought, like, we should get a fresh start, you know? 34 00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:44,868 Now instead of saying we've been engaged for four years, 35 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:46,904 we can say that we just got engaged, 36 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,805 and people will buy us drinks. 37 00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:50,407 You know what? Keep it in the car. 38 00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:51,711 - Okay. - Okay. 39 00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:53,278 [MAN SIGHS] 40 00:01:54,245 --> 00:01:55,412 All right. Let's do this. 41 00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:56,213 This is gonna be rough. 42 00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,613 It's gonna be like pulling teeth. 43 00:01:57,615 --> 00:01:59,115 Okay. I see what you did. 44 00:01:59,117 --> 00:02:00,116 You're an expert. 45 00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:01,684 - I know. Thank you. - It was a joke for you. 46 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,954 - I just don't think you should mock me about it. - It was for you. 47 00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:05,391 [UPBEAT SONG PLAYING] 48 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:17,770 ♪ Maybe I don't love you Quite as much as I believe I love you, baby 49 00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:20,836 ♪ But don't tell me 50 00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:25,309 ♪ 'Cause loving you Is a happy state of mind 51 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:30,516 ♪ Maybe I don't need you Quite as much as I profess To need you, baby 52 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,850 ♪ But don't leave me 53 00:02:33,852 --> 00:02:37,490 ♪ Needing you Is a happy state of mind 54 00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:44,494 ♪ And who's to say anyway That love is not a game we play 55 00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:49,936 ♪ Why's it always gotta be Considered a condition Of the heart? 56 00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:51,938 ♪ Mm-hmm 57 00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:54,738 ♪ Mm-hmm 58 00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:59,375 ♪ As long as I feel warm inside Wanted, filled, and satisfied 59 00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:03,215 ♪ Who am I To be denied this feelin' 60 00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:07,483 ♪ Be it love 61 00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:11,823 ♪ Or be it Just a happy state of mind 62 00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:20,062 ♪ Maybe it's just something I've imagined in the hours When I'm sleepin' 63 00:03:20,064 --> 00:03:22,332 ♪ But don't wake me 64 00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:26,903 ♪ 'Cause dreaming's A happy state of mind 65 00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:31,308 ♪ You've put me In a happy state of mind 66 00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:35,745 ♪ Loving you is A happy state of mind 67 00:03:35,747 --> 00:03:37,881 ♪ Having you is A happy state of... ♪ 68 00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:40,286 - [SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] - [INAUDIBLE] 69 00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,234 - MAN: Okay. It's party time. - [SIGHS] Yeah. 70 00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:57,834 WOMAN: Hello, hello. 71 00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,769 - Oh, hey, Mom. - Hi, Edie. 72 00:03:59,771 --> 00:04:02,204 What took you so long? Was the traffic bad? 73 00:04:02,206 --> 00:04:03,273 No, not too bad. 74 00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,674 - Cal. - Hi. 75 00:04:04,676 --> 00:04:06,677 - Aloha. - Mom, this place is nuts. 76 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,078 - Oh. - Yeah, this place is great. 77 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,745 I've got you all set up in the back bedroom. 78 00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:11,114 It's westerly facing. 79 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,919 Oh, actually, Mom, uh, we got a hotel room. 80 00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:14,650 What? 81 00:04:14,652 --> 00:04:16,420 Well, Mom, this is good for you 82 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,092 'cause you and Dad can walk around naked and be gross like you are at home. 83 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:22,961 You're such a prude. 84 00:04:23,495 --> 00:04:25,027 Party time! [LAUGHS] 85 00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:27,000 Everybody's asking for you. 86 00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:30,700 [BOTH GRUNTING] 87 00:04:30,702 --> 00:04:32,502 Ladies and gentlemen, 88 00:04:32,504 --> 00:04:34,837 I give you Mr. and Mrs., uh... 89 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,406 Cal and Mal. 90 00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:37,477 [ALL CLAPPING] 91 00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:41,043 - Malor! - [MAL CHUCKLES] 92 00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,314 - Hey. - Hey! 93 00:04:43,615 --> 00:04:44,981 - Ah, Cal. - Hi. 94 00:04:44,983 --> 00:04:46,550 - Big C. - Yeah. 95 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,218 Big C and Malory Key. 96 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:49,355 Oh, yeah. 97 00:04:50,088 --> 00:04:51,053 Taking good care of her? 98 00:04:51,055 --> 00:04:52,589 - Of course. - Mm-hmm. 99 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:53,723 Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES] 100 00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:54,925 - [SPANKING] - Oh, Lou! 101 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,926 Yeah. [GRUNTING] 102 00:04:56,928 --> 00:04:58,295 EDIE: Look at us. 103 00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:01,067 Weddings are fun. You should try one sometime. 104 00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:05,368 You wanna just go get us some champagne? 105 00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:06,803 CAL: Yeah. 106 00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:08,040 - Okay. - Yeah. 107 00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,007 - EDIE: What? - What? 108 00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:12,209 - LOU: Come on. - EDIE AND MAL: What? 109 00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,543 - Oh, come on. - What, what? 110 00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:15,745 I mean, we're gonna set a date. Stop nagging me. 111 00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:17,581 This is not the time... Hey, Jeff, how are you? Good to see ya. 112 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,983 You know why we couldn't have any pets when you were really young? 113 00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:22,185 - No, no. Edie, please. - Because you couldn't commit. 114 00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,019 - First you wanted a hermit crab. - Edie, this is not... 115 00:05:24,021 --> 00:05:25,788 But that was gross, and then you wanted a turtle, 116 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:26,957 - then you wanted a gofer. - This is... 117 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,591 I was being practical. 118 00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:30,060 - It... - [STUTTERS] And you were. You were. 119 00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:31,327 I thought you had Asperger's. 120 00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:33,230 And maybe she did. We don't know... 121 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,865 - Katie! Katie! - Oh, Katie. 122 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,332 Hey, Katie! 123 00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:37,433 Wow! 124 00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,935 Yeah! 125 00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:40,202 MAN: Do you wanna tell them? 126 00:05:40,204 --> 00:05:41,303 You wanna tell them now? 127 00:05:41,305 --> 00:05:42,505 You know you wanna tell them. 128 00:05:42,507 --> 00:05:44,440 Well, we talked about not making it our day. 129 00:05:44,442 --> 00:05:46,075 - No, you've been talking about it, all right? - EDIE: What you talking about? 130 00:05:46,077 --> 00:05:47,209 - MAN: Come on. - KATIE: I know, I'm sorry. 131 00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:48,344 - EDIE: What? - MAN: It is the right time. 132 00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,615 - KATIE: Well, we found out... - What? 133 00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:52,214 It's a boy. 134 00:05:52,216 --> 00:05:54,418 [CHUCKLES] And... And... 135 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,618 Drum roll, please. 136 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,156 [IMITATING DRUM ROLL] 137 00:05:57,855 --> 00:05:58,921 - A girl. - [GASPS] 138 00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,190 BOTH: Twins. 139 00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:01,724 - Oh! - EDIE: Oh, my God. 140 00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:04,026 - LOU: This is fantastic! Fantastic! - [STUTTERING] 141 00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:05,928 EDIE: The perfect family. 142 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,798 [ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 143 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,332 EDIE: Nothing could be better. 144 00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:11,368 - Nothing could be better. - MAN: We're so excited. So excited. 145 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,536 Okay, uh, while we're celebrating, 146 00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:16,074 um, Mal and I have a little surprise too. 147 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,377 What? 148 00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:18,745 Uh... 149 00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:22,180 We just got engaged. 150 00:06:24,415 --> 00:06:25,582 Oh. 151 00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:26,519 To be married. 152 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,055 So... 153 00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:33,789 Aah! 154 00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:35,291 Like, didn't we know that already? 155 00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,961 Yes, but we recently got re-engaged. 156 00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,995 Re-engaged? What the fuck is that? 157 00:06:39,997 --> 00:06:41,231 Yeah, re-engaged. We did it today. 158 00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:42,365 We re-prop... I re-proposed. 159 00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:44,067 What, sort of like a millennial thing? 160 00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:45,935 It's actually... Actually, it's really... 161 00:06:45,937 --> 00:06:47,170 It's really popular right now. 162 00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,606 - It is? - Um, so many viral videos. 163 00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,274 Like, shocked. 164 00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:53,009 Engaged women who're like, "I'm engaged again." So... 165 00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:56,079 I gave her... I gave her actually a ring with my tooth in it. 166 00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:57,647 Well, don't tell them everything. [CHUCKLES] 167 00:06:57,649 --> 00:06:59,315 - But, um, yeah... - That's kind of cheap, isn't it? 168 00:06:59,317 --> 00:07:02,351 It's actually... We just were... We were inspired by you guys. 169 00:07:02,353 --> 00:07:04,253 - That's right. That's right. - And what you do every year, so... 170 00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:05,390 Isn't that great news? 171 00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:10,392 Great news 172 00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,330 would be a wedding invitation. 173 00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:15,534 Engraved on stationery 174 00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:17,637 with a date 175 00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,306 that we stick to. 176 00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,873 [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] 177 00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,909 MAL: Yeah, we don't want people to think we're rushing into anything. 178 00:07:25,911 --> 00:07:27,510 CAL: Yeah. Right. 179 00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:31,081 We should have just, uh... a standard engagement period this time? 180 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:33,916 - Probably, what? - It's 14 and a half months. I looked it up. 181 00:07:33,918 --> 00:07:34,885 - Oh. - Yeah. 182 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,219 - Wow. - Mm-hmm. 183 00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:41,091 Okay, 14 and a half months from today, wedding day. 184 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:44,461 Actually, that's mid-March, which puts us at St. Patrick's Day, 185 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,062 and our friends would hate us. 186 00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:49,365 - Mm. - Remember when Peter and Elle got married on New Year's Eve? 187 00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,567 Yeah, well, I don't know what the fuck that was. 188 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:53,402 - They were in love. - It was evil. 189 00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:54,771 Yeah. 190 00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,373 What about a fall wedding? 191 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,511 We could do that. Like, October? 192 00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,877 What will the theme be? Skeletons? 193 00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:04,014 It could be cool. We can have, like, a spooky wedding. 194 00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,281 We don't have to worry about it now, okay? 195 00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,382 Tonight we celebrate. 196 00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:07,819 - Yes. Tonight we celebrate. - [LAUGHS] 197 00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:12,658 [GLASS CLINKING] 198 00:08:14,692 --> 00:08:16,125 Hello, everyone. 199 00:08:16,127 --> 00:08:20,363 I would like to make a special announcement with my better half here. 200 00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:23,433 I wanna say, from the bottom of my hard-on... 201 00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,103 [LAUGHTER] 202 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,170 Uh, just joking. 203 00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,204 From the bottom of my heart, 204 00:08:29,206 --> 00:08:30,574 - I wanna thank you all... - What time is it? 205 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,474 ...very, very much for being here at this time. 206 00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:33,944 - 9:00. - You know, I couldn't have gone through 207 00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:36,979 this whole 25 years without my beloved Edie right here. 208 00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:39,049 And... and without her being so patient. 209 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,617 Because I am not perfect. 210 00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:43,122 And I got news for you all. She's not perfect, either. 211 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,888 But together, we are perfection. 212 00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:47,556 - Yes. - Yeah, we are. 213 00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:49,261 - I love you, honey. - I love you. 214 00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,330 I love you tons. 215 00:08:51,996 --> 00:08:53,964 And, um... 216 00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,266 I just wanna thank all our dear friends for being here. 217 00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:57,633 - Yes, thank you for being here. - Thank you. 218 00:08:57,635 --> 00:08:58,868 Let's celebrate. 219 00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,170 And you gotta be here tomorrow for the wedding, all right? 220 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,673 So just don't drink too much. 221 00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:04,773 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 222 00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,108 - I love you. - I love you. 223 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,111 ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 224 00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:09,248 [WHOOPING, CHEERING] 225 00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,224 I think we're gonna get a room. 226 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,759 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 227 00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:32,469 Let me tell you, 228 00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:35,307 your parents have got it figured out. 229 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,209 - Yeah, they're really in love. - No. 230 00:09:39,778 --> 00:09:41,547 - Passion. - Okay. 231 00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:43,382 You know it. 232 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,914 Yeah. 233 00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:45,818 Write that down. 234 00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:48,752 [SCOFFS] 235 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,822 I know their secret. 236 00:09:50,621 --> 00:09:52,421 Edie and Lou. 237 00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:56,562 They party so, so hard. [CHUCKLES] 238 00:09:57,095 --> 00:10:00,333 I mean, party party. 239 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,668 You know? As in... 240 00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:04,971 Third party. 241 00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,472 You know? 242 00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:09,571 Threesomes. 243 00:10:09,573 --> 00:10:11,775 - What the fuck? - Three... Three ways. 244 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,843 Three... Menage a trois. 245 00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:15,310 Your parents have threesomes? 246 00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:17,513 No, no, no. She's just drunk. 247 00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:19,451 - [WOMAN LAUGHING] - I don't know. 248 00:10:20,217 --> 00:10:21,651 Drunk is truth. 249 00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:22,852 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 250 00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:26,626 ♪ The hard part Is living without love 251 00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,394 Who the hell is that woman? 252 00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,996 ♪ One, two, three 253 00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:35,334 Oh, my God. 254 00:10:39,037 --> 00:10:40,770 ♪ One, two, three 255 00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:41,641 CAL: Huh. 256 00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:46,879 ♪ It's easy 257 00:10:48,379 --> 00:10:51,647 ♪ Like taking candy From a baby ♪ 258 00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:53,318 MAL [WHISPERING]: Just go. CAL: Yeah. 259 00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,417 KATIE: Malory? 260 00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:57,522 Where you guys going? Are you leaving? 261 00:10:58,123 --> 00:10:59,855 - Yeah. - No. 262 00:10:59,857 --> 00:11:01,590 - So lame. - Who's lame? 263 00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:02,758 It's not lame. It's just... 264 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,194 We're tired. We had a long drive. 265 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,994 Come on. The night is still young. 266 00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,564 We're still boogieing out there. 267 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:09,666 [LAUGHS] 268 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:13,936 Yeah. I mean, we're gonna have so much fun tomorrow if we get, like, good sleep tonight. 269 00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:16,506 Yeah, we just wanna be fresh for tomorrow. 270 00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:20,109 If you guys can't hang, you might as well drive Henry back to the retirement home. 271 00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:21,143 - KATIE: Yeah. - Who's Henry? 272 00:11:21,145 --> 00:11:22,778 Henry? He's a good-luck charm. 273 00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,214 The guy who marries us every year. 274 00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:26,485 I think he's out over there by the pool. I'll go get him. 275 00:11:27,885 --> 00:11:28,754 Love you. 276 00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:30,990 Bye, Lou. 277 00:11:33,457 --> 00:11:35,626 You know, you guys used to be really fun. 278 00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,331 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 279 00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:46,069 Hey! Oh, Bob's got the bar open. Can I buy you guys a drink? 280 00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:48,671 - Oh, no. You know, we gotta... - One... One drink. Come on. 281 00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:50,507 - No. - We're... We gotta go back to the hotel, 282 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,441 - and get some sleep. - Yeah. 283 00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:55,978 You know the old saying, "Youth is wasted on the young"? Did you ever hear that one? 284 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,013 MAL AND CAL: Yeah. 285 00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:58,983 Yeah, well, let me tell you, you're wasting it. 286 00:12:00,051 --> 00:12:01,217 Get out and dance. 287 00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:03,820 Dance, dance, dance, dance. 288 00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:05,054 Dance the night away. 289 00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:07,924 Oh, hey, by the way, can you guys pick me up tomorrow? 290 00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:11,261 For the wedding. That would be so nice if you could do that. 291 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,465 [EXHALES] Yeah... 292 00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,064 Yeah, I don't... 293 00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:18,368 - No... No... - You'd think for the money they'd have a van 294 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,835 - to take you someplace. - Totally. 295 00:12:19,837 --> 00:12:22,070 Henry, we'll pick you up. It's cool. 296 00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,473 Yeah. 297 00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:24,674 - Of course. - Are you sure? 298 00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:26,946 - BOTH: Yeah. - Thank you. That was so nice. 299 00:12:27,711 --> 00:12:29,278 I think we're getting close. 300 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,883 You see the sign "Sunset Springs"? 301 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,552 I'd like to get sprung, 302 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,219 to tell you the truth. 303 00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:38,823 [SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] 304 00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:54,005 [TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY] 305 00:13:01,712 --> 00:13:03,213 [SIGHS] 306 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,151 My parents are so weird. 307 00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:07,584 I like your parents. 308 00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:09,518 - They have fun. - Yeah. 309 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,286 They're really fun. 310 00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:12,957 Apparently more fun than I ever knew. 311 00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,561 - Yeah, that was weird. - Mm. 312 00:13:17,328 --> 00:13:18,795 - Is that mine? - Oh. 313 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:22,031 Yeah. I didn't bring pajamas, but I found this in your bag. 314 00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,435 No, the toothbrush. 315 00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:27,270 Yeah. Mine was dead. 316 00:13:27,272 --> 00:13:28,872 - Mm. - Sorry. 317 00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:31,677 Just, like, rinse it out really well, okay? 318 00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:33,879 Ew! 319 00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,713 I gotta do my butt next, though. 320 00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:37,814 [CHUCKLES] 321 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:38,850 Baby got plaque. 322 00:13:39,384 --> 00:13:40,916 MAL: Mm. 323 00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:42,420 [CHUCKLES] My God. 324 00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,421 Can you move that food out of here? 325 00:13:46,423 --> 00:13:49,592 The smell of those fries combined with the thought of my parents having an orgy 326 00:13:49,594 --> 00:13:50,863 makes me wanna barf. 327 00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:53,363 MAL: Ugh! 328 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,931 You know, the smell of that food makes me kind of wanna fuck a little. 329 00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:58,200 - No. - I smell like your teeth now. 330 00:13:58,202 --> 00:13:59,804 [KISSING] 331 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,579 - [KISSING] - [WOMAN GIGGLING] 332 00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:27,900 We're, like, a fun couple, right? 333 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,702 - Yeah. - We have fun. 334 00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:34,203 Yeah, we're fun. I mean, we're like... 335 00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:38,174 Maybe not as fun as all those old people who are still partying right now 336 00:14:38,176 --> 00:14:39,842 and doing coke, probably, but... 337 00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,180 we have our own brand of fun. 338 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,912 Yeah, we don't need a party. 339 00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:46,648 Because the only reason to party is to go out and meet somebody who's awesome and your soulmate, 340 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:48,887 and you already got that. 341 00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,621 Just me? 342 00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,055 - I have it? - And I'm still looking. 343 00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,791 But I get closer and closer every day. 344 00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,528 Cool. I'll try to change. 345 00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,866 Whatever. We're fine, right? 346 00:15:03,999 --> 00:15:03,968 Yeah, we're fine. 347 00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:07,171 - All right. - I'm not worried. 348 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,604 I love you. 349 00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:10,708 I love you too. 350 00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:14,243 - [MUMBLES] - Good night. Huh? 351 00:15:14,245 --> 00:15:15,545 I was gonna say good night too. 352 00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,446 Oh. Yeah. Jinx. 353 00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:18,716 - Good night. - Good night. 354 00:15:19,049 --> 00:15:19,984 Okay. 355 00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:26,658 [MAL SIGHS] 356 00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,059 [CAL SIGHS] 357 00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:30,963 - [LULLABY MUSIC PLAYING] - [MAL GRUNTS] 358 00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:34,464 Sorry. 359 00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,732 Did you set an alarm? 360 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,666 - No, it's my sleep tracker. - [MUSIC STOPS] 361 00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:40,469 It tells me when to turn in so I can get nine hours. 362 00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,405 And we were asleep before it went off. 363 00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:43,642 Yeah, then we win. 364 00:15:44,642 --> 00:15:46,912 - Sorry. Good night for real. - Good night. 365 00:15:50,914 --> 00:15:52,047 [CAL SIGHS] 366 00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:53,818 [PEOPLE SHOUTING, CHEERING DISTANTLY] 367 00:15:57,455 --> 00:15:58,757 [MAL GROANS] 368 00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:04,762 [CHEERING CONTINUES] 369 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,199 - We should go out. - I was just thinking that. 370 00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:12,935 Like, we're on vacation. We need to "vacate." 371 00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:14,903 Exactly. We shouldn't be in here all night. 372 00:16:14,905 --> 00:16:17,205 There's a whole city of palms to see. 373 00:16:17,207 --> 00:16:19,108 I mean, who needs nine hours of sleep, anyway? 374 00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,843 - It's Friday night, like... - I don't need that. 375 00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:22,712 - No. - That's too much sleep, actually. 376 00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:24,914 Plus, we have, uh, an engagement to celebrate. 377 00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:26,516 Yeah. There's a bar across the street. 378 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:28,017 We could go there, and like, be other people. 379 00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:29,584 We could just pretend we're Canadian. 380 00:16:29,586 --> 00:16:32,354 Just, like, do the Canadian accent 'cause it's super easy. 381 00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:33,922 - Uh-huh. - And it'll just, like, be really nice. 382 00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:36,025 Everyone will think we're Canadian. It'll be fun. 383 00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:38,728 That's perfect. I know exactly what you're talking "aboot." 384 00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:39,829 - How about this, though? - Perfect. 385 00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:41,196 You go there first, 386 00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,598 then I show up a little bit later and I pick you up? 387 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,001 That's great. We're both Canadians. 388 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,103 - Yeah, we're two strange Canadians... - Okay. 389 00:16:47,105 --> 00:16:50,006 ...meeting in the desert. We have an instant connection. 390 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:52,041 - We're both from the same place. - Yeah. 391 00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,876 Yeah, and no one else understands it. 392 00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:55,344 - Right. - Yeah, it's great. 393 00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:56,248 What are you gonna wear? 394 00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:58,281 I'll surprise you. 395 00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:01,184 Well, I'm gonna be hitting on you pretty hard, 396 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,951 and, uh, I don't think... 397 00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:04,822 you are gonna be able to resist my charms. 398 00:17:05,856 --> 00:17:06,857 MAL: Mm. 399 00:17:08,192 --> 00:17:10,492 Oh, my God. Can you, like, do that in the bathroom? 400 00:17:10,494 --> 00:17:12,495 - I'm sorry... - You just looked me directly in the eye. 401 00:17:12,497 --> 00:17:14,497 [MUFFLED] All right, I'm sorry. 402 00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:17,365 No, but for reals, I'm gonna hit on you so fucking hard. 403 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:18,767 [UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] 404 00:17:18,769 --> 00:17:20,105 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 405 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,255 - Here you go. - Thank you. 406 00:17:40,057 --> 00:17:41,093 Mm. 407 00:17:42,192 --> 00:17:43,394 Ugh! God. 408 00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:46,629 Not what you were expecting? 409 00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:50,533 Oh, yeah. No, these spicy cocktail things are too much. 410 00:17:50,535 --> 00:17:52,004 Can't have diarrhea in this dress. 411 00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:53,702 Well... 412 00:17:53,704 --> 00:17:57,175 it's a good thing you're only out... 413 00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,709 $18? Are you serious? 414 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,246 This place is such a rip-off. 415 00:18:02,113 --> 00:18:03,578 Desert pricing. 416 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:05,046 [GASPS] Oh, let's do shots. 417 00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:06,782 - Oh, no, that's okay. Someone's coming... - Yo! 418 00:18:06,784 --> 00:18:07,883 Hey, blondie. 419 00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:09,285 Another Sriracharita? 420 00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:10,152 Ew, no. 421 00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:11,786 Actually, I was just in the restroom, 422 00:18:11,788 --> 00:18:13,823 and someone did a real paint job in there. 423 00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,423 It... It's sick. 424 00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:16,828 Shit. Animals. 425 00:18:18,695 --> 00:18:20,062 Go for the bourbon. 426 00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:20,966 What? No. 427 00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:22,234 Fine. 428 00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:30,442 [HUMMING NONCHALANTLY] 429 00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:33,709 Fill 'em up. Fill 'em up. Don't stop. 430 00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:35,577 Okay. 431 00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:36,914 [WHISPERS] Hurry. Quick, quick, quick! 432 00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:38,416 Oh, shit. 433 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:40,850 Mm. 434 00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:42,354 Maintenance is on it. Sorry. 435 00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:44,021 Yeah. Thank you. 436 00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:45,621 [CHUCKLES] 437 00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:47,722 - That was insane. - I know. 438 00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,424 Do criminals feel this amazing all the time? 439 00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:51,863 - Only until they get caught. - [EXHALES] Wow! 440 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,528 He had no idea. 441 00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:55,299 - He's such an idiot. - [CHUCKLES] 442 00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:58,100 - That was fun. - Mm. 443 00:18:58,102 --> 00:18:59,037 You're fun. 444 00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:03,139 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 445 00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:05,410 - Yes. - I mean, it is real crazy. 446 00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:07,943 - Really? - Yeah. 447 00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:10,680 - What year was it? - It was, like, in 1995. 448 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:11,980 [IN CANADIAN ACCENT] Whoa, hey. 449 00:19:11,982 --> 00:19:14,382 Forgive me for nosing in there. 450 00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:15,617 Name's Ryerson. 451 00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:17,152 Can I get you a Labatt Blue or two? 452 00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:18,955 You don't have to do the Canadian thing, it's okay. 453 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,826 - We're not doing the Canadian thing? - Just drop it. 454 00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:23,159 Okay. 455 00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,594 - Uh, you look very beautiful. - Thank you. 456 00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:26,929 - Yeah. - Cool. 457 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,532 Um, you have to meet Jesse. This is my fiance, Cal. 458 00:19:29,534 --> 00:19:31,534 - Oh, hi. - Fiance? 459 00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:33,102 What about you and me? 460 00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,536 Okay. We have to get you caught up. 461 00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:36,107 Sit, sit, sit. 462 00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:39,443 [EXHALES] Okay. 463 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,378 So, what were you saying? 464 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,011 - Oh, I just... The car was so old... - Yeah. 465 00:19:43,013 --> 00:19:45,046 - ...like, you just couldn't. - So many memories like that. 466 00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:47,115 I know. Oh, totally. I would drive everyone around. 467 00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:48,450 Do you guys want any beers or something? 468 00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:49,986 - Let's do it. Are you ready? - Okay. Oh, yeah. 469 00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:50,920 - Okay, you know the drill. - Yes. 470 00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:52,054 Watch this, Cal. 471 00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,154 Ew! What? 472 00:19:53,156 --> 00:19:55,024 - Here? That... - Oh, my God. 473 00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,726 The guys' too? That is disgusting. 474 00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:00,962 - Is there a problem? - Yeah. My friend right here was just in the men's, 475 00:20:00,964 --> 00:20:02,465 and he said that there's like a... 476 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,000 a FEMA-level disaster in there. Right? Tell him what you saw. 477 00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:08,671 You just said there was, like, shit all over the floor and the walls and stuff. 478 00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:09,840 Like, in the sink. 479 00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:12,475 Uh, yeah. 480 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:15,478 I thought it was, at first, a design thing, like, part of the tiles, but... 481 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,580 - There's shit... everywhere. - JESSE: Yeah, you know what? 482 00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:19,015 I'm giving you one star on Yelp. 483 00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,418 It's the cocaine. It turns people into confetti cannons. 484 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,486 I'll get it cleaned up. 485 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:24,855 - Thank you. - Thanks so much. 486 00:20:25,856 --> 00:20:27,459 - Okay, hurry. - Watch this. 487 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,726 CAL: Malory, I think... 488 00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:31,893 - [JESSE GASPS] - Oh, shit. 489 00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,461 Okay. Get out. 490 00:20:33,463 --> 00:20:35,230 - I'm so sorry. - All three of you. Get out. 491 00:20:35,232 --> 00:20:36,731 - She was getting a napkin. - You know what? 492 00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,534 - Move it along. Thank you so much. - No, fuck this place. 493 00:20:38,536 --> 00:20:40,568 Your drinks suck. Let's go to my place. I have booze. 494 00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,004 - I'll get us a car. - BARTENDER: Bring the party elsewhere. 495 00:20:42,006 --> 00:20:44,073 - I... I'm so sorry. - Sir, I will pay for that. 496 00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:46,074 - I will call the cops. - Guys, come on. Come on. 497 00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:47,476 - Are we going? Who is she? - She's fun. 498 00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:49,077 - JESSE: Come on. - We'll see. We'll see what happens. 499 00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:50,915 - I don't... - BARTENDER: No, no. I'm keeping this. 500 00:20:51,816 --> 00:20:53,949 - Hey, come on. - I just bought that. 501 00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,319 Wait, wait, wait. 502 00:20:57,555 --> 00:20:59,057 [UKULELE MUSIC PLAYING] 503 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,042 CAL: Okay. 504 00:21:18,942 --> 00:21:21,710 - Look at all this shit. - I know. 505 00:21:21,712 --> 00:21:24,516 There's gotta be, like, a henna tattoo kit somewhere. 506 00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:28,084 It's like Gandhi's dorm room. 507 00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:29,552 How old do you think she is? 508 00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,455 Looking at her place, she could be a thousand years old. 509 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,123 Uh, we... We should leave. 510 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,294 [WHISPERING] Let's leave. 511 00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:42,131 So, I didn't really have a chance to hide all my secrets. 512 00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:44,767 But, please, don't let that stop you from snooping. 513 00:21:44,769 --> 00:21:45,867 [BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY] 514 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:47,635 Also, I'm breaking out the good stuff. 515 00:21:47,637 --> 00:21:50,305 - BOTH: Oh. - In for a treat. 516 00:21:50,307 --> 00:21:51,707 CAL: Thank you. 517 00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,807 Thank you. 518 00:21:52,809 --> 00:21:54,178 No. Thank you. 519 00:21:54,778 --> 00:21:56,746 Both of you. It is... 520 00:21:56,748 --> 00:22:01,950 [SIGHS] It's so refreshing to meet kindred spirits and live... strangely. 521 00:22:01,952 --> 00:22:03,187 It totally is. 522 00:22:04,122 --> 00:22:05,988 - Cheers. - Yeah. Cheers. 523 00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:07,259 To living strangely. 524 00:22:07,724 --> 00:22:08,659 Okay. 525 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,068 JESSE: Mm. 526 00:22:25,276 --> 00:22:27,276 Oh. Let me put something else on. 527 00:22:27,278 --> 00:22:28,477 MAL: Mm-hmm. 528 00:22:28,479 --> 00:22:29,448 [WHISTLING] 529 00:22:33,817 --> 00:22:35,651 CAL: Mm, it's got, um... 530 00:22:35,653 --> 00:22:37,353 a balsamic tinge to it. 531 00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:38,687 It's my favorite. 532 00:22:38,689 --> 00:22:39,921 It's great. Thank you. 533 00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:41,657 It'd be really good on a salad. With a salad. 534 00:22:41,659 --> 00:22:44,396 - CAL: With a salad, it would be good. Nice. - MAL: Just paired. Yum-yum. 535 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,102 Is this a, um... 536 00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:53,035 [STUTTERS] Is this a geode? 537 00:22:53,037 --> 00:22:55,004 No, amethyst point. 538 00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:57,840 - [SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] - It's actually one of my tools. 539 00:22:57,842 --> 00:23:00,342 - For what? - Ever since I was a little girl, 540 00:23:00,344 --> 00:23:03,112 I've just had this thing. I know how to mix energies. 541 00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:05,247 And I can sense matching vibrations. 542 00:23:05,249 --> 00:23:06,748 - MAL: Oh! - I'm an energy alchemist. 543 00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,816 - Right. - Oh. 544 00:23:07,818 --> 00:23:11,019 Now, I could tell instantly with you. 545 00:23:11,021 --> 00:23:14,489 We are vibrating at the exact same frequency. 546 00:23:14,491 --> 00:23:15,790 Can you feel that? 547 00:23:15,792 --> 00:23:17,860 I can. Yeah, it's crazy. 548 00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:19,694 I mean, I wouldn't have, like, 549 00:23:19,696 --> 00:23:20,962 put it in those words, you know. 550 00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:22,597 I don't really even know what they mean. 551 00:23:22,599 --> 00:23:27,105 [STUTTERS] Yeah. No. For sure, it feels like I've known you for so... 552 00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:28,640 Totally. 553 00:23:29,773 --> 00:23:32,807 But you need balance, right? 554 00:23:32,809 --> 00:23:34,211 I mean, too much of one type, 555 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,578 the scale tips. 556 00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,149 - BOTH: Right. - Cal. 557 00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:42,351 [SIGHS] You are bringing this... 558 00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:46,490 massively strong masculine current into this space. 559 00:23:47,023 --> 00:23:48,459 It is working for me. 560 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,762 Uh, I'm glad you picked up on that. 561 00:23:53,163 --> 00:23:56,364 And I didn't want it to be overpowering necessarily, 562 00:23:56,366 --> 00:23:59,934 but I wanted it to vibrate. 563 00:23:59,936 --> 00:24:04,273 You know, to be honest, I kind of thought I was gonna be a third wheel. 564 00:24:04,275 --> 00:24:06,511 [CHUCKLES] I mean, with all your... 565 00:24:07,178 --> 00:24:08,547 sensual energy. 566 00:24:09,946 --> 00:24:11,580 Oh, ours? 567 00:24:11,582 --> 00:24:15,620 Oh, come on. It is practically oozing out of the two of you. It is... 568 00:24:17,121 --> 00:24:18,190 It's intoxicating. 569 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:20,592 People have said. 570 00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:22,690 You know, we ooze. 571 00:24:22,692 --> 00:24:24,429 We always say we're cruisin' for an oozin'. 572 00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:26,295 Are you serious? 573 00:24:26,297 --> 00:24:29,064 Yes, it is like, bam! It's, like, exploding. 574 00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:30,735 [CAL AND MAL CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY] 575 00:24:32,737 --> 00:24:33,605 Okay. 576 00:24:35,806 --> 00:24:37,142 [JESSE SIGHS] 577 00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:41,512 [SIGHS] 578 00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:44,715 Okay. 579 00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:47,352 [SIGHS] This is great. 580 00:24:48,219 --> 00:24:49,688 Okay, close your eyes. 581 00:24:52,323 --> 00:24:53,391 Breathe. 582 00:24:55,358 --> 00:24:57,959 Okay. Visualize the energy. 583 00:24:57,961 --> 00:25:00,397 What color do you see? 584 00:25:01,699 --> 00:25:02,601 Amber. 585 00:25:03,034 --> 00:25:04,365 That's great. 586 00:25:04,367 --> 00:25:08,003 - Mm. - Yeah. Amber is the color of your energy. 587 00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:09,708 [JESSE MAKING BUZZING SOUNDS] 588 00:25:11,107 --> 00:25:12,341 [MAL AND CAL CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY] 589 00:25:12,343 --> 00:25:14,410 - CAL: Whoa. - [BREATHES DEEPLY] 590 00:25:14,412 --> 00:25:18,216 And feel as the energy radiates through your whole body. 591 00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:20,684 Through every hair. 592 00:25:21,885 --> 00:25:23,221 Every toe. 593 00:25:24,855 --> 00:25:26,921 [SOFTLY] And every cell. 594 00:25:26,923 --> 00:25:29,391 [CAL AND MAL MOAN] 595 00:25:29,393 --> 00:25:33,765 Our blood is now pumping in a perfect circle. 596 00:25:34,765 --> 00:25:36,599 - Triangle. - Okay. Shh! 597 00:25:36,601 --> 00:25:37,769 - Sorry. - Shut up. 598 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:43,505 Beats out of my heart, into Mal's arm. 599 00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:47,610 Beats down through her chest. 600 00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:50,548 - Around into her shoulders. - [MOANS] 601 00:25:51,749 --> 00:25:56,254 Making its way down into her delicate fingertips. 602 00:25:57,020 --> 00:26:00,224 And working its way into Cal. 603 00:26:00,724 --> 00:26:02,024 - Oh! - [CHUCKLES] 604 00:26:02,026 --> 00:26:03,827 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 605 00:26:04,561 --> 00:26:05,596 There it is. 606 00:26:06,896 --> 00:26:08,198 Wow. 607 00:26:11,167 --> 00:26:14,702 - You guys, that was fucking nuts. I... - [BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY] 608 00:26:14,704 --> 00:26:17,672 - I feel so connected to you guys. - MAL: Oh, my God. Me too. 609 00:26:17,674 --> 00:26:19,040 - That was good. - [JESSE LAUGHS] 610 00:26:19,042 --> 00:26:20,074 - Wow. - Yeah. 611 00:26:20,076 --> 00:26:21,376 I'm, like, covered in chills. 612 00:26:21,378 --> 00:26:23,344 That was really powerful. 613 00:26:23,346 --> 00:26:24,880 - MAL: It was crazy. - CAL: Yeah. 614 00:26:24,882 --> 00:26:27,315 Um, do you mind if I just... 615 00:26:27,317 --> 00:26:28,851 pop out for a second? 616 00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:30,052 - Yeah, down the hall. - Okay. 617 00:26:30,054 --> 00:26:31,853 I will probably go with her too. 618 00:26:31,855 --> 00:26:32,755 - Okay. - Yeah. 619 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,590 - Just conserve water, you know. - Yes. 620 00:26:34,592 --> 00:26:36,595 Aww. I love that. 621 00:26:39,063 --> 00:26:40,328 [DOOR CLOSING] 622 00:26:40,330 --> 00:26:42,296 [SLOW FOLK MUSIC PLAYING] 623 00:26:42,298 --> 00:26:44,199 - What is going on? - I don't know. 624 00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:46,035 I mean, is she, like, into us? 625 00:26:46,037 --> 00:26:47,469 I think so. Maybe. 626 00:26:47,471 --> 00:26:49,203 - I mean, she's hot, right? - Yeah, totally. 627 00:26:49,205 --> 00:26:50,905 - I know. - I mean, you are way hotter. 628 00:26:50,907 --> 00:26:52,507 No, she's hotter. It's fine. 629 00:26:52,509 --> 00:26:54,176 But are we reading it right? 630 00:26:54,178 --> 00:26:55,443 - I mean, are we... - Are you into her? 631 00:26:55,445 --> 00:26:57,312 I... I think you are into her. 632 00:26:57,314 --> 00:26:58,479 Why... Why are you saying that? 633 00:26:58,481 --> 00:26:59,981 Because you did the shoulder roll thing. 634 00:26:59,983 --> 00:27:02,017 When she touched your shoulders, you rolled your shoulders back, 635 00:27:02,019 --> 00:27:03,451 and you basically had an orgasm. 636 00:27:03,453 --> 00:27:05,286 I didn't roll my shoulders back. 637 00:27:05,288 --> 00:27:06,921 I don't do anything with my shoulders. 638 00:27:06,923 --> 00:27:09,257 You do roll your shoulders back, and you did it out there on the couch. 639 00:27:09,259 --> 00:27:11,994 Okay. Well, I didn't mean to. I mean... 640 00:27:11,996 --> 00:27:13,228 She was looking right at your eyes 641 00:27:13,230 --> 00:27:15,396 when she said we were intoxicating. 642 00:27:15,398 --> 00:27:17,434 Obviously she's gonna be into me, Mal. 643 00:27:18,169 --> 00:27:20,169 - Shut up. - Are we intoxicating? 644 00:27:20,171 --> 00:27:22,004 I mean, I think we might be. 645 00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:23,171 Does she, like, want us? 646 00:27:23,173 --> 00:27:25,407 I think she might want us. 647 00:27:25,409 --> 00:27:27,646 Is everybody having a threesome except for us? 648 00:27:28,612 --> 00:27:30,515 Okay. We're not doing this. 649 00:27:31,214 --> 00:27:32,413 - No. - We're not. 650 00:27:32,415 --> 00:27:33,414 We're not doing this. 651 00:27:33,416 --> 00:27:35,217 [STUTTERS] I don't even... 652 00:27:35,219 --> 00:27:37,385 - I don't even wanna do... - Me neither. 653 00:27:37,387 --> 00:27:38,687 I don't need to do that. 654 00:27:38,689 --> 00:27:39,988 She's so weird. 655 00:27:39,990 --> 00:27:42,458 - She's so... - And I don't... I just love you. 656 00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:44,058 - I love you. - I love you. 657 00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:44,992 - Good. - We're good. 658 00:27:44,994 --> 00:27:47,028 Okay. We're not gonna do it. 659 00:27:47,030 --> 00:27:48,566 - I know. I know. - Okay. 660 00:27:53,503 --> 00:27:56,473 But we're not ourselves tonight. 661 00:27:57,208 --> 00:27:58,373 Really? 662 00:27:58,375 --> 00:27:59,708 Are you, really? 663 00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:02,944 I could be cool with this if you are cool with it. 664 00:28:02,946 --> 00:28:05,146 I... I think I'm cool with it. 665 00:28:05,148 --> 00:28:08,851 I'm totally cool with it, and I will just be the water boy if that's what it takes. 666 00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,219 - What? - Like, if you guys are having a great time, 667 00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:13,988 I'll just go in the corner, and I'll drink water, and I'll jerk off, 668 00:28:13,990 --> 00:28:16,959 and I'll change the music, or whatever. Just, like... 669 00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:18,395 try to include me. 670 00:28:18,796 --> 00:28:19,995 Thanks, Cal. 671 00:28:19,997 --> 00:28:20,895 - Yeah. - Yeah. 672 00:28:20,897 --> 00:28:22,663 - Okay. - Good. 'Cause I wanna have fun. 673 00:28:22,665 --> 00:28:24,432 - You are gonna have a great time. - I want you to have fun too. 674 00:28:24,434 --> 00:28:25,867 - I will have fun just watching. - Okay. 675 00:28:25,869 --> 00:28:27,902 - Just watching and cranking it. - Okay. 676 00:28:27,904 --> 00:28:29,270 - Great. Okay. - Okay. 677 00:28:29,272 --> 00:28:30,474 - Let's do it. - Wait, wait. 678 00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:34,913 - What are you doing? - Just cleaning up. 679 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,246 You're washing your balls? 680 00:28:37,248 --> 00:28:38,549 Yeah. What... 681 00:28:39,383 --> 00:28:41,048 You're washing your balls in her sink? 682 00:28:41,050 --> 00:28:42,151 I can't do it in her kitchen. 683 00:28:42,153 --> 00:28:43,986 That's where she brushes her teeth. 684 00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:45,488 Why are you cleaning it at all? 685 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:47,689 Because it's the desert and we've been in a car for, like, four hours. 686 00:28:47,691 --> 00:28:50,258 Okay, but you've never washed your balls for me. 687 00:28:50,260 --> 00:28:52,760 That is, like, the most offensive thing you've ever said to me, 688 00:28:52,762 --> 00:28:55,029 because I have never washed my balls more 689 00:28:55,031 --> 00:28:57,668 for anybody else in my entire life than you. 690 00:28:58,134 --> 00:28:59,703 - Aww. - Yeah. 691 00:29:01,905 --> 00:29:02,938 [FAINT MUSIC PLAYING] 692 00:29:02,940 --> 00:29:04,806 Okay. Just hurry up. 693 00:29:04,808 --> 00:29:06,443 [POP MUSIC PLAYING] 694 00:29:16,053 --> 00:29:18,719 Wait, wait. Don't fall in love with her, okay? 695 00:29:18,721 --> 00:29:20,322 - What? - She's, like, young and hot. 696 00:29:20,324 --> 00:29:22,591 And she probably has perfect nipples, and... Just don't. 697 00:29:22,593 --> 00:29:24,325 I don't care about her nipples. 698 00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:25,730 I am not gonna fall in love with her. 699 00:29:26,696 --> 00:29:28,065 But you... 700 00:29:29,333 --> 00:29:30,599 You can't fall in love with her either. 701 00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:32,334 What? You still think I'm secretly gay? 702 00:29:32,336 --> 00:29:33,835 I think everybody's 10% gay, 703 00:29:33,837 --> 00:29:35,336 and you dated a chick in college. 704 00:29:35,338 --> 00:29:38,207 I went to Oberlin. You're supposed to date a chick at Oberlin. 705 00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:39,975 It's what it is. Look. 706 00:29:39,977 --> 00:29:41,809 - It's gonna be great. We'll have a good time. Okay? - Okay. 707 00:29:41,811 --> 00:29:43,812 And if you don't like something, just say stop. 708 00:29:43,814 --> 00:29:45,650 Or why don't you think a safe word or something? 709 00:29:46,083 --> 00:29:47,415 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 710 00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:50,518 - Okay. - If you don't like something, just say, "Wait, my car." 711 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,353 - What... What? - Like, "Wait, my car. 712 00:29:52,355 --> 00:29:54,355 - "I'm gonna get a ticket like..." Oh, street cleaning. - Oh, yeah. That's good. 713 00:29:54,357 --> 00:29:56,725 - Say, "Street cleaning." - Okay, we're gonna have fun. It's gonna be great. 714 00:29:56,727 --> 00:29:58,125 - It's gonna be so fun. - Okay. Great. I love you. 715 00:29:58,127 --> 00:29:59,327 - I love you too. - I love you. 716 00:29:59,329 --> 00:30:00,328 - Okay. - Okay. 717 00:30:00,330 --> 00:30:01,763 - Okay. - [SQUEALING] 718 00:30:01,765 --> 00:30:03,498 - Aah! - Calm down, calm down. 719 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:04,766 - Okay. - Be cool. 720 00:30:04,768 --> 00:30:05,670 Okay. 721 00:30:09,272 --> 00:30:10,474 Hello? 722 00:30:11,808 --> 00:30:14,409 Hi. Hey, yeah, just go sit down, 723 00:30:14,411 --> 00:30:16,510 take your jackets off, make yourself comfortable. 724 00:30:16,512 --> 00:30:17,546 - Okay. - I'll be out in a minute. 725 00:30:17,548 --> 00:30:18,750 - Great. - Okay. 726 00:30:23,686 --> 00:30:25,889 [GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING] 727 00:30:39,869 --> 00:30:40,904 [INAUDIBLE] 728 00:30:44,441 --> 00:30:45,643 [WHISPERING] Is she naked? 729 00:30:46,809 --> 00:30:47,642 I think so. 730 00:30:47,644 --> 00:30:49,446 [GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY] 731 00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:02,459 Konnichiwa. 732 00:31:03,594 --> 00:31:05,096 - Hi. - Hey. 733 00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:07,161 [JESSE SIGHS DEEPLY] 734 00:31:07,163 --> 00:31:09,131 - Wow. - Where'd your clothes go? 735 00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:14,036 Oh, yeah. Just took them off. Had to let my skin breathe a little. 736 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,539 - Yeah. - Badass. Yes. 737 00:31:16,906 --> 00:31:19,373 I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I? 738 00:31:19,375 --> 00:31:21,075 BOTH: No. 739 00:31:21,077 --> 00:31:22,110 - No? - No. 740 00:31:22,112 --> 00:31:24,546 BOTH: No. 741 00:31:24,548 --> 00:31:25,948 - No. - Ugh, no. 742 00:31:25,950 --> 00:31:27,083 BOTH: No. 743 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:30,184 Oh, God, there's so much space between us right now. 744 00:31:30,186 --> 00:31:31,622 Get in here. 745 00:31:33,356 --> 00:31:34,858 - That's better. - Yeah. 746 00:31:36,993 --> 00:31:38,326 What are you two into? 747 00:31:38,328 --> 00:31:42,264 - Um... - I've been getting into baking my own pretzels recently. 748 00:31:42,266 --> 00:31:43,565 It's super easy. 749 00:31:43,567 --> 00:31:45,400 - Yeah, we made a pizza one. - Oh, yeah. 750 00:31:45,402 --> 00:31:48,269 Okay. I'm not asking for a dating profile. 751 00:31:48,271 --> 00:31:50,404 I mean, what is it like to be a fly on the wall 752 00:31:50,406 --> 00:31:54,977 on a romantic night between Mal and Cal? 753 00:31:54,979 --> 00:31:57,645 - Uh... - Oh, my God. Our society is so weird about sex. 754 00:31:57,647 --> 00:31:58,747 We don't even talk about it. 755 00:31:58,749 --> 00:32:00,114 No, we're not weird about it. 756 00:32:00,116 --> 00:32:01,816 - No, we talk about it all the time. - All the time. 757 00:32:01,818 --> 00:32:03,517 Like, always. We're just always talking about it. 758 00:32:03,519 --> 00:32:07,021 Yeah, our friends say, "Can you talk about anything else? Sports? 759 00:32:07,023 --> 00:32:09,324 "Politics? Anything." 'Cause we just wanna talk about sex. 760 00:32:09,326 --> 00:32:10,359 - We just love it. - Great. 761 00:32:10,361 --> 00:32:11,996 - BOTH: Yeah. - Paint a picture for me. 762 00:32:13,063 --> 00:32:14,132 Okay, um... 763 00:32:14,964 --> 00:32:16,364 Close your eyes. 764 00:32:16,366 --> 00:32:17,734 - Fun. - [CHUCKLES] 765 00:32:19,036 --> 00:32:20,171 - Hmm. - Um... 766 00:32:20,903 --> 00:32:22,871 - It's super romantic. - Yeah? 767 00:32:22,873 --> 00:32:25,007 - Intensely romantic. - [ENTHRALLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] 768 00:32:25,009 --> 00:32:26,408 How so? 769 00:32:26,410 --> 00:32:30,011 I will cook a meal for my lover. 770 00:32:30,013 --> 00:32:31,278 - Yeah. - Oh. 771 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,748 Some salted bread. 772 00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:36,017 I can just smell it in the house. 773 00:32:36,019 --> 00:32:39,121 Like, not just the food. It's also... 774 00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:40,421 - Sex. - Sex. 775 00:32:40,423 --> 00:32:42,490 CAL: And, um... 776 00:32:42,492 --> 00:32:46,661 - The pheromones, uh, of genetic... - Mm-hmm. 777 00:32:46,663 --> 00:32:48,066 ...DNA and mixing. 778 00:32:50,701 --> 00:32:52,500 And then, we touch. 779 00:32:52,502 --> 00:32:53,634 We touch each other. 780 00:32:53,636 --> 00:32:55,269 There's a lot of touching. 781 00:32:55,271 --> 00:32:57,040 - Rubbing. - Caressing. 782 00:32:58,041 --> 00:32:59,975 Skin on skin. 783 00:32:59,977 --> 00:33:03,178 [STUTTERS] And she'll pet me heavy... 784 00:33:03,180 --> 00:33:04,816 Heavily, and it's heavenly. 785 00:33:05,516 --> 00:33:06,748 I know. 786 00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:09,817 I like to take a candle and just drip the wax 787 00:33:09,819 --> 00:33:11,519 all over our nipples. 788 00:33:11,521 --> 00:33:14,355 Ooh! Yes, I love that. 789 00:33:14,357 --> 00:33:17,859 - Yeah. - Oh, perfect, 'cause we do the candle thing almost every... 790 00:33:17,861 --> 00:33:19,494 - [MOANING] - ...night. 791 00:33:19,496 --> 00:33:21,028 Yeah, all the time. 792 00:33:21,030 --> 00:33:23,835 And then we'll, uh, wipe that off with a... 793 00:33:24,867 --> 00:33:26,367 hot rag. 794 00:33:26,369 --> 00:33:28,636 Or a towelette, moist. 795 00:33:28,638 --> 00:33:29,805 Very moist. 796 00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:30,974 - Yeah. - Moist. 797 00:33:31,775 --> 00:33:33,475 And we throw that away. 798 00:33:33,477 --> 00:33:35,380 - Oh, we recycle it. - We are... 799 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,149 - earth-conscious. - Yeah. 800 00:33:39,383 --> 00:33:41,583 And then... 801 00:33:41,585 --> 00:33:43,517 JESSE: Then what? Don't hold back. 802 00:33:43,519 --> 00:33:46,888 Then he takes my... my bra off... 803 00:33:46,890 --> 00:33:48,659 - That's right. - ...with his teeth. 804 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,663 That's like me knocking on the bra's door. 805 00:33:53,297 --> 00:33:54,496 And then... 806 00:33:54,498 --> 00:33:55,767 And then her panties... 807 00:33:56,933 --> 00:33:57,934 Um... 808 00:33:58,501 --> 00:33:59,567 Gone. They're gone. 809 00:33:59,569 --> 00:34:00,669 Bye-bye. 810 00:34:00,671 --> 00:34:02,340 Not gonna need those where we're going. 811 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,039 He takes those off with his boner. 812 00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,307 [JESSE GASPS] 813 00:34:06,309 --> 00:34:07,979 Yes. Yes, I do. 814 00:34:08,478 --> 00:34:09,778 Really? 815 00:34:09,780 --> 00:34:11,646 How do you do that? 816 00:34:11,648 --> 00:34:13,648 A dick-gician never tells. 817 00:34:13,650 --> 00:34:15,749 It's very curved at the end, so... 818 00:34:15,751 --> 00:34:17,119 My little katana. 819 00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:18,619 [MOANING] 820 00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:21,423 Made me think of the katana with your kimono. 821 00:34:21,425 --> 00:34:22,691 - Mm-hmm. - Konnichiwa. 822 00:34:22,693 --> 00:34:26,293 Yeah, and I get really turned on. 823 00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:27,628 Yeah, I get really wet. 824 00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:32,069 Yeah, and I'm wet too because she's... 825 00:34:32,702 --> 00:34:33,869 dripping. 826 00:34:33,871 --> 00:34:36,240 So wet like a Slip'N Slide. 827 00:34:37,340 --> 00:34:39,074 - CAL: Mm-hmm. - And... 828 00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:43,181 We look at each other with really intense eye contact. 829 00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:46,317 And we know it's on. 830 00:34:51,188 --> 00:34:52,753 Oh... 831 00:34:52,755 --> 00:34:54,923 - Okay. - That's right. It is okay. 832 00:34:54,925 --> 00:34:56,590 Because in that moment, 833 00:34:56,592 --> 00:34:58,693 two have become one. 834 00:34:58,695 --> 00:34:59,728 [MAL GIGGLES] 835 00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:00,965 But also... 836 00:35:02,199 --> 00:35:03,664 three can become one. 837 00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,237 That's... sex math. 838 00:35:07,336 --> 00:35:08,371 [GASPS] Oh. 839 00:35:08,871 --> 00:35:10,104 What are you doing? 840 00:35:10,106 --> 00:35:11,873 Oh, do you wanna do me first? 841 00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:12,941 We can just do that. 842 00:35:12,943 --> 00:35:14,575 Yeah, I can just be the water boy. 843 00:35:14,577 --> 00:35:15,776 - What? - I'll just stand in the corner. 844 00:35:15,778 --> 00:35:16,744 - He'll just jerk off. - Yeah. 845 00:35:16,746 --> 00:35:19,282 Uh... Oh, my God. What the fuck? 846 00:35:20,516 --> 00:35:21,449 What? 847 00:35:21,451 --> 00:35:23,284 Are you two retarded? 848 00:35:23,286 --> 00:35:24,353 BOTH: What? 849 00:35:24,355 --> 00:35:26,854 - Who says "retarded"? - Nobody says that anymore. 850 00:35:26,856 --> 00:35:28,889 What did you think that this was? 851 00:35:28,891 --> 00:35:31,392 - Uh, we thought... - [LAUGHS] Oh, my God. 852 00:35:31,394 --> 00:35:33,827 You thought I wanted to have a threesome with you two? 853 00:35:33,829 --> 00:35:35,796 That's so embarrassing. 854 00:35:35,798 --> 00:35:38,200 MAL: Um, yeah, you were touching us all night long. 855 00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:40,869 - You touched her all over here. - Yeah, my shoulders. 856 00:35:40,871 --> 00:35:44,972 No, honey, you were just feeling my energy. 857 00:35:44,974 --> 00:35:46,641 CAL: That's exactly what I'm talking about. 858 00:35:46,643 --> 00:35:48,610 - You were touching her in a sexual way. You put her... - [MAL SCOFFS] 859 00:35:48,612 --> 00:35:49,878 ...mouth around your finger. 860 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,112 - That turned me on. - See? 861 00:35:52,114 --> 00:35:54,048 We came back from the bathroom and you were naked. 862 00:35:54,050 --> 00:35:56,483 Yeah, so I could breathe. 863 00:35:56,485 --> 00:35:59,454 - Uh... - Do you not see how that's just a little misleading? 864 00:35:59,456 --> 00:36:01,755 Oh, what, are you two afraid of a little nudity? Boo! 865 00:36:01,757 --> 00:36:03,023 - [MAL SQUEALS] - Oh. 866 00:36:03,025 --> 00:36:04,959 - God. - [STAMMERS] Now you're just flashing us. 867 00:36:04,961 --> 00:36:06,927 We are receiving the right message. 868 00:36:06,929 --> 00:36:08,429 You don't know what you're sending out. 869 00:36:08,431 --> 00:36:12,133 - Wow. - What is it with your generation and nudity? Who cares? 870 00:36:12,135 --> 00:36:14,269 - Our generation? We're like... - What? 871 00:36:14,271 --> 00:36:16,704 - ...five years older than you. - If that. 872 00:36:16,706 --> 00:36:18,773 - I get carded all the time. - All the time. 873 00:36:18,775 --> 00:36:20,374 You know what? I think that you two should leave. 874 00:36:20,376 --> 00:36:22,443 I can't even stand being in here right now. 875 00:36:22,445 --> 00:36:23,380 I'm moving. Go. 876 00:36:24,681 --> 00:36:26,380 Okay. Yeah, not a problem. 877 00:36:26,382 --> 00:36:29,251 You know what, because your living space is giving me an aroma migraine. 878 00:36:29,253 --> 00:36:30,885 - Yeah. - All this sandalwood in the air. 879 00:36:30,887 --> 00:36:32,686 You need to tone it down, missy. 880 00:36:32,688 --> 00:36:34,088 Yes, and you know, 881 00:36:34,090 --> 00:36:36,657 check out some 311 because they are chill as fuck. 882 00:36:36,659 --> 00:36:41,429 - And your blood flow is fucked, by the way. - Okay. Get out, freaks! 883 00:36:41,431 --> 00:36:42,664 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 884 00:36:42,666 --> 00:36:43,932 - We'll get out. We're the freaks. - We're the freaks. Okay. 885 00:36:43,934 --> 00:36:44,999 - Here you go. - Mm-hmm. 886 00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:46,900 Oh, beads. How fucking surprising! 887 00:36:46,902 --> 00:36:48,603 We're freaks? She's a freak. 888 00:36:48,605 --> 00:36:49,970 Horny little freak. 889 00:36:49,972 --> 00:36:52,173 I will never say this again, but she was asking for it. 890 00:36:52,175 --> 00:36:54,775 [IMITATING JESSE] Seriously? A threesome? You guys? 891 00:36:54,777 --> 00:36:56,110 Is there something wrong with us? 892 00:36:56,112 --> 00:36:58,445 No, we could totally have a threesome if we wanted to. 893 00:36:58,447 --> 00:36:59,713 - Totally. - Totally. 894 00:36:59,715 --> 00:37:01,282 All right. So what are the rules? 895 00:37:01,284 --> 00:37:03,184 - No jealousy. - No, I don't have time for that. 896 00:37:03,186 --> 00:37:06,987 And whoever we pick, they're just there for our own enjoyment. 897 00:37:06,989 --> 00:37:08,123 They're for our pleasure. 898 00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:09,791 They're a fucktoy. They don't mean anything. 899 00:37:09,793 --> 00:37:11,059 - They don't mean anything. - No. 900 00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:13,161 - What else? - Uh, it has to be the right person. 901 00:37:13,163 --> 00:37:14,929 - Of course, we both have to agree. - Mm-hmm. 902 00:37:14,931 --> 00:37:15,996 - Kissing. - Mm-hmm. 903 00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,132 - Touching. - Yeah. 904 00:37:17,134 --> 00:37:18,666 - Hand stuff, of course. - Oh, fuck yeah. 905 00:37:18,668 --> 00:37:19,767 - Below the belt? - Yeah. 906 00:37:19,769 --> 00:37:20,802 Well, where do we draw the line? 907 00:37:20,804 --> 00:37:22,106 Where do you wanna draw the line? 908 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,039 [WHISPERS] I don't think I wanna draw a line. 909 00:37:25,041 --> 00:37:26,344 Color outside the lines. 910 00:37:26,842 --> 00:37:28,742 All right. I'm in. 911 00:37:28,744 --> 00:37:30,945 - It's awesome. Surf's up. - Surf's up. 912 00:37:30,947 --> 00:37:32,115 We're gonna find our unicorn. 913 00:37:33,150 --> 00:37:34,816 Mm. 914 00:37:34,818 --> 00:37:36,483 Is here all right for you guys? 915 00:37:36,485 --> 00:37:38,186 - Uh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 916 00:37:38,188 --> 00:37:40,554 Got another pick up. Just gotta make a pit stop. 917 00:37:40,556 --> 00:37:41,956 What is happening? 918 00:37:41,958 --> 00:37:43,023 We're surging. 919 00:37:43,025 --> 00:37:45,327 - You are so cheap. - I'm saving for us. 920 00:37:45,329 --> 00:37:46,597 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 921 00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:53,001 Oh, my God, I can tell you're half-wasted already. 922 00:37:53,003 --> 00:37:54,438 How dare you not wait for me? 923 00:37:55,405 --> 00:37:56,403 You dick. 924 00:37:56,405 --> 00:37:58,706 - [WHISPERS] What about her? - GIRL: Shut up. 925 00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:00,342 - That was a test. - GIRL: Shut the fuck up. 926 00:38:00,344 --> 00:38:01,809 - MAL: Okay. - We gotta be on the same page. 927 00:38:01,811 --> 00:38:03,610 I'm sorry, it's my best friend. 928 00:38:03,612 --> 00:38:07,349 Wait for me before you guys get too crazy. Stop. 929 00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:09,918 Oh, did you pull out the dick lollipops yet? 930 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,088 - I'm ready, dude. I'm fucking... - Hey, this, uh, GPS isn't showing. 931 00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:15,623 Is it like a hotel or like a... Like a bar or something? 932 00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:17,791 It's, like, up here on the left. You'll see it. 933 00:38:17,793 --> 00:38:19,329 It's like a really sick club. 934 00:38:20,664 --> 00:38:22,463 - Club. - Yeah, we gotta go club. 935 00:38:22,465 --> 00:38:24,632 - We gotta go to the club. - I told you to wait for me! 936 00:38:24,634 --> 00:38:25,700 I hate you. 937 00:38:25,702 --> 00:38:27,668 Hey, we're not from around here. 938 00:38:27,670 --> 00:38:29,604 Is it cool if we join you? 939 00:38:29,606 --> 00:38:30,608 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 940 00:38:32,007 --> 00:38:33,742 GIRL: Hey, we're with Hailey's bachelorette. 941 00:38:33,744 --> 00:38:35,146 What is that, a postal code? 942 00:38:35,644 --> 00:38:36,811 "Nioct"? 943 00:38:36,813 --> 00:38:39,012 You guys... [ENUNCIATING] "Intensity." 944 00:38:39,014 --> 00:38:40,180 Fucking duh. Okay? 945 00:38:40,182 --> 00:38:41,950 Just come on. I'm late. 946 00:38:41,952 --> 00:38:43,087 Fucking duh. 947 00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,019 Oh, I get it. 948 00:38:45,021 --> 00:38:46,524 [DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] 949 00:39:17,653 --> 00:39:19,422 MAL: I don't know if we're at the right place. 950 00:39:20,389 --> 00:39:22,624 I'm just enjoying the atmosphere. 951 00:39:22,626 --> 00:39:24,458 Oh, my God. Loosen up. 952 00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:26,327 - What do you mean? - It's too hot for you in here. 953 00:39:26,329 --> 00:39:29,164 All these hot guys with their little booty shorts. 954 00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:31,065 I feel perfectly comfortable. 955 00:39:31,067 --> 00:39:34,101 - Really? - I appreciate the body as a work of art. 956 00:39:34,103 --> 00:39:35,670 Male and female. 957 00:39:35,672 --> 00:39:37,137 Excellent body, but we're good. 958 00:39:37,139 --> 00:39:38,576 We don't have cash. 959 00:39:38,909 --> 00:39:39,977 No cash. 960 00:39:42,846 --> 00:39:45,079 Oh. You can't handle it. 961 00:39:45,081 --> 00:39:46,914 This is funny to you? 962 00:39:46,916 --> 00:39:49,550 - MAL: What? - This funny to you? 963 00:39:49,552 --> 00:39:51,586 - No. - Then why are you sitting in the front row, 964 00:39:51,588 --> 00:39:52,920 laughing and not tipping? 965 00:39:52,922 --> 00:39:54,121 We don't have any cash. 966 00:39:54,123 --> 00:39:55,690 Well, then why are you here? 967 00:39:55,692 --> 00:39:57,291 It's a strip club. 968 00:39:57,293 --> 00:39:59,427 If you don't have any money, then you should leave. 969 00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:00,427 CAL AND MAL: What? 970 00:40:00,429 --> 00:40:03,197 All right. This isn't a joke. This is N10CT. 971 00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:06,236 People come here to embrace their sexuality, 972 00:40:06,869 --> 00:40:08,202 as adults. 973 00:40:08,204 --> 00:40:10,007 Not laugh at it like children. 974 00:40:10,606 --> 00:40:12,206 You know, 975 00:40:12,208 --> 00:40:14,244 I feel sorry for people like you. 976 00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:16,711 [SCOFFS] So limited. 977 00:40:16,713 --> 00:40:17,782 We just... 978 00:40:18,782 --> 00:40:20,548 [STAMMERS] I don't know. 979 00:40:20,550 --> 00:40:21,719 [YAWNS] 980 00:40:22,552 --> 00:40:23,554 Have a better night. 981 00:40:24,788 --> 00:40:26,556 Oh, my God. What was that? 982 00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:31,795 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 983 00:40:32,661 --> 00:40:33,827 CAL: Hey, man. I'm really... 984 00:40:33,829 --> 00:40:35,463 No, I get it. You thought it'd be funny to come in here. 985 00:40:35,465 --> 00:40:36,731 - No. - You thought it'd be crazy. 986 00:40:36,733 --> 00:40:38,599 Some sort of crazy story to tell your friends about 987 00:40:38,601 --> 00:40:40,735 that you went to, uh, a male strip club. 988 00:40:40,737 --> 00:40:43,304 - It... - Look, man. No. I don't wanna hear it, okay? 989 00:40:43,306 --> 00:40:45,742 - GIRL 1: You gotta stay hydrated. - GIRL 2: Cheers, all! 990 00:40:46,543 --> 00:40:47,778 [CHEERING, WHOOPING] 991 00:40:54,451 --> 00:40:56,550 - It is nothing like that. - Oh, come on. 992 00:40:56,552 --> 00:40:59,487 You have no idea what it takes to run this place. 993 00:40:59,489 --> 00:41:00,588 I work my ass off. 994 00:41:00,590 --> 00:41:04,157 I paid for my house in cash. I have two pools. 995 00:41:04,159 --> 00:41:07,061 I have fucked so many women in this place. 996 00:41:07,063 --> 00:41:08,231 Wait, you're not gay? 997 00:41:08,632 --> 00:41:09,963 I am. 998 00:41:09,965 --> 00:41:12,266 But I fuck women. 999 00:41:12,268 --> 00:41:13,934 - I mean, I can be gay and fuck women. - CAL: Yeah. 1000 00:41:13,936 --> 00:41:15,470 I can be straight and fuck men. I don't... 1001 00:41:15,472 --> 00:41:17,137 - CAL: Totally. Of course. No. - I mean, it's whatever. 1002 00:41:17,139 --> 00:41:18,606 We don't have any problem with your personal life. 1003 00:41:18,608 --> 00:41:20,240 Thank you so much. Thanks for telling me. 1004 00:41:20,242 --> 00:41:21,441 Thanks for coming in here, and letting me know 1005 00:41:21,443 --> 00:41:22,776 that you have no problem with my lifestyle. 1006 00:41:22,778 --> 00:41:25,215 - Oh, come on. Let's just go. He's an asshole. - No. No. 1007 00:41:26,181 --> 00:41:27,584 I've had a gay experience. 1008 00:41:28,652 --> 00:41:30,450 - What? - It was a boy. 1009 00:41:30,452 --> 00:41:31,219 - Ew. - No. 1010 00:41:31,221 --> 00:41:32,452 That's not a gay experience. 1011 00:41:32,454 --> 00:41:34,755 No, I was a boy. We both... We both were boys. 1012 00:41:34,757 --> 00:41:36,791 What are you talking about? 1013 00:41:36,793 --> 00:41:38,860 - I've never told you this story before? - No. 1014 00:41:38,862 --> 00:41:41,229 - You sure? - Yeah. I'm pretty sure. 1015 00:41:41,231 --> 00:41:43,467 Oh. Well, now you gotta tell us. 1016 00:41:46,936 --> 00:41:48,302 Um... 1017 00:41:48,304 --> 00:41:50,640 Well, his... His name was Corey Crown. We... 1018 00:41:51,407 --> 00:41:52,907 lived in the same neighborhood, 1019 00:41:52,909 --> 00:41:55,142 and we would play Shinobi III, and rollerblade after school. 1020 00:41:55,144 --> 00:41:58,278 One day we were at his house and we'd stolen his brother's Green Day CD, 1021 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,282 so we were just dancing around in his room, just having a great time, 1022 00:42:02,284 --> 00:42:04,420 and I don't know how it started happening, but... 1023 00:42:05,255 --> 00:42:06,724 our clothing started to come off. 1024 00:42:07,423 --> 00:42:08,659 And then we were naked. 1025 00:42:10,193 --> 00:42:13,161 Dancing around naked, and it was fun. 1026 00:42:13,163 --> 00:42:15,829 And it was also scary, and felt wrong, 1027 00:42:15,831 --> 00:42:18,733 but it didn't matter. 1028 00:42:18,735 --> 00:42:21,271 And then I noticed that something was going on with his weiner. 1029 00:42:22,505 --> 00:42:23,474 And that... 1030 00:42:24,407 --> 00:42:26,309 something was going on with my weiner, too. 1031 00:42:26,643 --> 00:42:27,610 What? 1032 00:42:28,577 --> 00:42:29,612 We had boners. 1033 00:42:30,146 --> 00:42:31,545 Okay. 1034 00:42:31,547 --> 00:42:33,146 I mean, everything kind of gives you a boner at that age. 1035 00:42:33,148 --> 00:42:37,217 Oh, there's a lot of cartoon shit out there that can get you hard. 1036 00:42:37,219 --> 00:42:39,387 Anyway, so, we just kind of stood there, 1037 00:42:39,389 --> 00:42:41,588 and stared at our little penises for a while, 1038 00:42:41,590 --> 00:42:45,892 and then we just inched closer and closer together 1039 00:42:45,894 --> 00:42:50,333 until we were face to face, and our little penises were eye to eye. 1040 00:42:51,635 --> 00:42:53,233 And then what? 1041 00:42:53,235 --> 00:42:57,273 And then we just touched them together for a bit. 1042 00:42:58,173 --> 00:43:00,575 I mean, that's it. You docked penises? 1043 00:43:00,577 --> 00:43:01,943 CAL: We didn't dock them, we touched them, and... 1044 00:43:01,945 --> 00:43:04,177 - You just touched them together? - Touched them together. 1045 00:43:04,179 --> 00:43:05,646 You kissed your boners together. 1046 00:43:05,648 --> 00:43:07,414 I'm saying something very vulnerable here, and you're... 1047 00:43:07,416 --> 00:43:09,117 No, no, it's amazing. 1048 00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:10,651 I... I can't believe it. 1049 00:43:10,653 --> 00:43:13,621 Anyway, then his brother busted in, and yelled at us, 1050 00:43:13,623 --> 00:43:17,557 and took his CD back, and we never really talked about it ever again. 1051 00:43:17,559 --> 00:43:19,395 And I think, just being here... 1052 00:43:20,295 --> 00:43:22,030 brought that up, and I was laughing, 1053 00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:25,199 because these guys are intimidating, and I was intimidated. 1054 00:43:25,201 --> 00:43:27,403 So I laughed. So I'm sorry. 1055 00:43:27,936 --> 00:43:30,204 Okay, okay. It's fine. 1056 00:43:30,206 --> 00:43:31,375 Forget about it. 1057 00:43:32,007 --> 00:43:32,909 I'm Tyson. 1058 00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:35,211 - I'm Cal. - Mal. 1059 00:43:36,311 --> 00:43:38,179 That's cute. 1060 00:43:38,181 --> 00:43:39,782 - Shots? - [THUMPING DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 1061 00:43:42,284 --> 00:43:45,519 Compared to you, I mean, I was a late bloomer. 1062 00:43:45,521 --> 00:43:49,057 I... For me, my first time was in high school. 1063 00:43:49,059 --> 00:43:51,224 MAL: Oh, my God. Tell this story. 1064 00:43:51,226 --> 00:43:53,760 His name was Hugh Turner, 1065 00:43:53,762 --> 00:43:57,699 and he was the captain of the boys' lacrosse team. 1066 00:43:57,701 --> 00:43:59,166 Oh. 1067 00:43:59,168 --> 00:44:03,438 And he sucked me off in Coach Clark's office one day after practice. 1068 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,405 - Well, it's a quicker story than yours. - BOTH: Yes. 1069 00:44:05,407 --> 00:44:06,743 It was one of the most... 1070 00:44:08,844 --> 00:44:12,179 [SIGHS] erotic experiences of my life. 1071 00:44:12,181 --> 00:44:13,815 I can still feel it right now. 1072 00:44:13,817 --> 00:44:16,717 Wow. And that's when you knew that you were gay? 1073 00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,151 Ugh! What? 1074 00:44:18,153 --> 00:44:24,291 No. Why are you so bent on figuring out whether I'm gay or not, 1075 00:44:24,293 --> 00:44:27,260 or when I found out I was gay. 1076 00:44:27,262 --> 00:44:29,197 Gay, bi, poly... 1077 00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:31,065 What's with these labels? Don't label me. 1078 00:44:31,067 --> 00:44:34,302 And don't label yourselves. 1079 00:44:34,304 --> 00:44:36,369 No, I dated a girl in college, actually, so... 1080 00:44:36,371 --> 00:44:38,805 Really? So that's when you knew you were gay. 1081 00:44:38,807 --> 00:44:41,441 - [CHUCKLES] Right. - Did you guys have sex? 1082 00:44:41,443 --> 00:44:43,443 No, I mean, we... We just made out. 1083 00:44:43,445 --> 00:44:45,581 - A couple of times. - Mm. Okay. And how long did that 1084 00:44:46,215 --> 00:44:47,315 go on for? 1085 00:44:47,317 --> 00:44:49,016 I believe I went on, like, a few dates. 1086 00:44:49,018 --> 00:44:50,184 - Oh, okay. - Yeah. 1087 00:44:50,186 --> 00:44:51,952 Oh, I thought it was just one date. 1088 00:44:51,954 --> 00:44:54,856 Yeah, it was a couple dates, but it was nothing. It wasn't a big deal. 1089 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:57,258 It was so dumb. 1090 00:44:57,260 --> 00:44:59,559 Yeah, so you both have had a little... 1091 00:44:59,561 --> 00:45:01,898 - A little... A little taste. - MAL: Yeah. 1092 00:45:03,932 --> 00:45:06,501 So, you don't even really, like, have to dance anymore? 1093 00:45:06,503 --> 00:45:09,670 No, I don't. I mean, I love to dance, but... 1094 00:45:09,672 --> 00:45:11,742 You know, I only do it on a special occasion. 1095 00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:16,110 Hmm, well, tonight's a special occasion. 1096 00:45:16,112 --> 00:45:17,081 TYSON: Hmm... 1097 00:45:18,947 --> 00:45:20,414 - Is it? - Yeah. 1098 00:45:20,416 --> 00:45:22,452 Mm, I guess it is. 1099 00:45:23,952 --> 00:45:24,855 Cheers. 1100 00:45:34,496 --> 00:45:36,699 [GROOVY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 1101 00:45:37,599 --> 00:45:38,568 Yes. 1102 00:45:40,603 --> 00:45:43,403 You know that, uh, the CD's Now That's What I Call Music? 1103 00:45:43,405 --> 00:45:45,206 CAL: Uh-huh. 1104 00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:46,941 - CAL: That's from this? - MAL: Is that what this is? 1105 00:45:46,943 --> 00:45:50,010 No, but I'm just thinking, "Now that's what I call music." 1106 00:45:50,012 --> 00:45:51,345 - CAL: Wow. - [MAL CHUCKLES] 1107 00:45:51,347 --> 00:45:55,516 Hey, Tyson, I gotta say this place is so incredibly impressive. 1108 00:45:55,518 --> 00:45:56,883 I mean, you have your own business, 1109 00:45:56,885 --> 00:45:59,623 you get to do what you wanna do every night. 1110 00:46:00,155 --> 00:46:01,924 I am jealous of you. 1111 00:46:03,092 --> 00:46:04,191 You should be. 1112 00:46:04,193 --> 00:46:05,626 It's incredible. 1113 00:46:05,628 --> 00:46:07,295 - It's so awesome. - It's awesome. 1114 00:46:07,297 --> 00:46:10,498 - I think it's amazing. - My life is better than anybody else's I know. 1115 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:13,871 There's literally no downside to what I do. 1116 00:46:15,170 --> 00:46:16,137 It shows. 1117 00:46:16,139 --> 00:46:17,170 - Cheers to that. - Cheers. 1118 00:46:17,172 --> 00:46:19,507 Well, you're welcome here anytime. 1119 00:46:19,509 --> 00:46:21,675 If you'd like to audition, you're more than welcome. 1120 00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:24,345 - MAL: Oh. [CHUCKLES] - Uh, nope, I can't do that. 1121 00:46:24,347 --> 00:46:26,046 Stop it. Yes, you could. 1122 00:46:26,048 --> 00:46:28,014 - No. - Yes, you could. 1123 00:46:28,016 --> 00:46:30,550 Oh, yeah, if I had time to train, and all that, 1124 00:46:30,552 --> 00:46:32,686 but, like, I... There's no way I could do 1125 00:46:32,688 --> 00:46:33,954 - what you guys do. - Oh, yes, you could. 1126 00:46:33,956 --> 00:46:35,655 - I mean, I would get better over time. - Yeah. 1127 00:46:35,657 --> 00:46:37,023 What are you... What are you saying? 1128 00:46:37,025 --> 00:46:38,025 You could, you couldn't? 1129 00:46:38,027 --> 00:46:39,492 I don't think I could do it, but if I had... 1130 00:46:39,494 --> 00:46:41,397 I think you could, but you're just afraid to. 1131 00:46:42,264 --> 00:46:43,396 Aren't you? 1132 00:46:43,398 --> 00:46:44,500 A little... 1133 00:46:45,235 --> 00:46:47,001 apprehenxious. 1134 00:46:47,003 --> 00:46:47,901 Do you know what that is? 1135 00:46:47,903 --> 00:46:50,007 It's a little anxious and apprehensive. 1136 00:46:51,039 --> 00:46:52,673 [BOTH LAUGH] 1137 00:46:52,675 --> 00:46:56,110 - Oh. - Yeah, come here. It's easy. I'll teach you. 1138 00:46:56,112 --> 00:46:57,478 - Get up, Cal. - Get up. 1139 00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:58,545 - MAL: Oh, my God. - CAL: Okay. 1140 00:46:58,547 --> 00:46:59,613 TYSON: Mmm... 1141 00:46:59,615 --> 00:47:01,048 - MAL: Yeah. - Come here. 1142 00:47:01,050 --> 00:47:03,016 All right, just give me a little dance to start off with. 1143 00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,020 [CHUCKLES] 1144 00:47:06,588 --> 00:47:08,521 Stop that. Stop that. Don't do that. 1145 00:47:08,523 --> 00:47:09,990 Don't do that. Shh. Hey. 1146 00:47:09,992 --> 00:47:11,825 Stop. Hey. 1147 00:47:11,827 --> 00:47:13,461 [SOFTLY] Come here. Come here. Shh. 1148 00:47:13,463 --> 00:47:14,561 Start small. 1149 00:47:14,563 --> 00:47:16,597 - Real small, real slow. - Real small? 1150 00:47:16,599 --> 00:47:18,132 MAL: Ooh, yeah. 1151 00:47:18,134 --> 00:47:20,568 Good. Sensual body of yours. 1152 00:47:20,570 --> 00:47:22,336 Oh, you got a great body. 1153 00:47:22,338 --> 00:47:23,436 Thank you. You are very... 1154 00:47:23,438 --> 00:47:25,072 - He's very strong. - [TYSON SCOFFS] Yeah. 1155 00:47:25,074 --> 00:47:27,041 - Well, that's good. - All bodies are great. 1156 00:47:27,043 --> 00:47:28,642 Just gotta learn how to appreciate them. 1157 00:47:28,644 --> 00:47:30,211 - That's such a nice thing to say. - Yeah. 1158 00:47:30,213 --> 00:47:32,149 Now, start to move that hip. 1159 00:47:33,148 --> 00:47:34,749 - There you go. - Going around. 1160 00:47:34,751 --> 00:47:35,816 Mm-hmm. 1161 00:47:35,818 --> 00:47:38,019 Pretend like you got a hula hoop around that... 1162 00:47:38,021 --> 00:47:39,186 Very slow. Very... 1163 00:47:39,188 --> 00:47:41,322 Heavy, heavy hula hoops. 1164 00:47:41,324 --> 00:47:42,856 It's filled with water. It's just... 1165 00:47:42,858 --> 00:47:44,825 [MOANS] Just splashing that around. 1166 00:47:44,827 --> 00:47:47,494 - [MOANING] - Hula hoop so heavy. 1167 00:47:47,496 --> 00:47:50,067 You can't let that touch the ground. 1168 00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:51,932 Do it like he's doing it. 1169 00:47:51,934 --> 00:47:53,668 - Like, really smooth. - I am trying. 1170 00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:55,269 - Anybody can do it. - [STAMMERS] It... 1171 00:47:55,271 --> 00:47:57,804 You just gotta move your body in a way that you never have before. 1172 00:47:57,806 --> 00:47:59,773 It is just like letting go. 1173 00:47:59,775 --> 00:48:00,541 Yes. 1174 00:48:00,543 --> 00:48:01,608 - You know? - Yes. 1175 00:48:01,610 --> 00:48:03,110 Oh. Come on, Cal. 1176 00:48:03,112 --> 00:48:04,545 Smooth. Smooth. 1177 00:48:04,547 --> 00:48:06,746 You gotta believe that you're the sexiest man alive. 1178 00:48:06,748 --> 00:48:09,083 - Fuck yeah. - And that wand between your legs? 1179 00:48:09,085 --> 00:48:11,452 - Yeah? What about it? - Sexiest thing in the world. 1180 00:48:11,454 --> 00:48:13,454 - Yeah? - And everybody wants it. 1181 00:48:13,456 --> 00:48:15,626 Look at her with your cock. 1182 00:48:16,693 --> 00:48:18,124 - Ooh. - Ooh, yeah. 1183 00:48:18,126 --> 00:48:19,695 - Get over here. - Yeah. 1184 00:48:20,563 --> 00:48:22,095 MAL: Ooh, yeah. 1185 00:48:22,097 --> 00:48:23,664 - Go for it, Cal. - Yeah? 1186 00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:25,132 - Yeah. - Okay. 1187 00:48:25,134 --> 00:48:26,499 This is my fantasy. 1188 00:48:26,501 --> 00:48:28,501 [ALL MOANING] 1189 00:48:28,503 --> 00:48:30,637 TYSON: Now we're all dancing together, right? 1190 00:48:30,639 --> 00:48:32,606 - Yeah. - MAL: Ooh, give it to him. 1191 00:48:32,608 --> 00:48:33,974 - Yeah. - [MOANING] 1192 00:48:33,976 --> 00:48:36,876 - [BOTH MEN MOANING] - [MAL CHUCKLING] 1193 00:48:36,878 --> 00:48:38,713 - TYSON: Feel good? That's fun? - Yeah. 1194 00:48:38,715 --> 00:48:40,014 - Yeah? - MAL: Yeah. 1195 00:48:40,016 --> 00:48:41,715 - Now be a little naughty. - Oh. Oh. 1196 00:48:41,717 --> 00:48:43,717 TYSON: Now you're tossing it around. 1197 00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:45,588 - [MAL WHOOPING] - TYSON: Yeah. 1198 00:48:46,889 --> 00:48:48,688 [ALL MOANING] 1199 00:48:48,690 --> 00:48:50,257 - [TYSON SPUTTERING] - MAL AND CAL: Whoa! 1200 00:48:50,259 --> 00:48:51,425 [SPUTTERING] 1201 00:48:51,427 --> 00:48:53,864 [LAUGHS] Whee! 1202 00:48:54,597 --> 00:48:56,363 TYSON: Yeah, just let go. 1203 00:48:56,365 --> 00:48:58,432 - CAL: Yeah. - Oh, my God. 1204 00:48:58,434 --> 00:48:59,833 This is amazing. 1205 00:48:59,835 --> 00:49:03,139 - TYSON: It's so fun. - Oh, my God. Keep it going. 1206 00:49:05,675 --> 00:49:07,340 Oh, just let go. 1207 00:49:07,342 --> 00:49:09,376 My hands become your hands. 1208 00:49:09,378 --> 00:49:10,780 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 1209 00:49:12,181 --> 00:49:13,213 [ALL MOANING] 1210 00:49:13,215 --> 00:49:15,383 - TYSON: Oh, that's so... - Get in there. Yeah. 1211 00:49:15,385 --> 00:49:18,084 - Yeah, you want me to be a naughty boy? - Tell me what you're gonna do. 1212 00:49:18,086 --> 00:49:18,985 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1213 00:49:18,987 --> 00:49:20,387 - Oh! - Yeah, what you wanna do? 1214 00:49:20,389 --> 00:49:22,423 - Oh, you're going down. - Wanna be naughty? Be naughty. 1215 00:49:22,425 --> 00:49:25,492 - You've just been playing around. - Ooh, you've been bad. 1216 00:49:25,494 --> 00:49:27,028 - [BOTH MOANING] - Ooh... Uh-oh. 1217 00:49:27,030 --> 00:49:28,162 Ooh, suck that. 1218 00:49:28,164 --> 00:49:30,296 - Yeah. - Suck that. Don't bite it. Suck that. 1219 00:49:30,298 --> 00:49:32,099 There you go. There you go. 1220 00:49:32,101 --> 00:49:33,501 [TYSON MOANING] 1221 00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:36,269 TYSON: You playing around? You messing around? You gonna do this? 1222 00:49:36,271 --> 00:49:38,671 - Huh? You want him to do this? - Yeah, I want him to. 1223 00:49:38,673 --> 00:49:40,106 - Yeah, I want him to do this. - Whatever he wants to do. 1224 00:49:40,108 --> 00:49:41,842 - Do whatever you want. Do it. - Do whatever you want. 1225 00:49:41,844 --> 00:49:43,677 - I'm gonna do this. - That's good. 1226 00:49:43,679 --> 00:49:45,945 - What do you want? - All right. You want me to... 1227 00:49:45,947 --> 00:49:48,516 - Oh, yeah. - You just... You want me to put it in my mouth? 1228 00:49:48,518 --> 00:49:50,617 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, I feel good. 1229 00:49:50,619 --> 00:49:51,584 - Yeah, grab it. - MAL: Wait, what... 1230 00:49:51,586 --> 00:49:52,720 - I feel good. - MAL: Oh, my... 1231 00:49:52,722 --> 00:49:54,421 - Suck on it. Suck on it. - Okay. Stop, stop. 1232 00:49:54,423 --> 00:49:55,826 - Whoa. - Stop, stop... 1233 00:49:56,559 --> 00:49:57,992 What are you doing? 1234 00:49:57,994 --> 00:50:00,026 [STUTTERS] I... I'm just doing what you told me to do. 1235 00:50:00,028 --> 00:50:01,762 No, I only wanted you to do what you wanted. 1236 00:50:01,764 --> 00:50:03,264 You said this was your fantasy. 1237 00:50:03,266 --> 00:50:05,766 No, it's not my fantasy. I thought it was your fantasy. 1238 00:50:05,768 --> 00:50:08,469 - Oh, no, I don't want to... - If you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it. 1239 00:50:08,471 --> 00:50:09,804 Great. We don't have to do it. 1240 00:50:09,806 --> 00:50:11,838 But you were so into it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ty... 1241 00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,673 - No, I was just feeling... - No, don't be sorry. 1242 00:50:13,675 --> 00:50:16,177 This is confusing. You guys are figuring it out. 1243 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,878 - MAL: I'm sorry. - You're doing a great job. 1244 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,345 - It's fine. - I'm so sorry. 1245 00:50:19,347 --> 00:50:22,083 - We led you on. - TYSON: Look, this happens all the time. 1246 00:50:22,085 --> 00:50:23,184 - It does? - Yeah. 1247 00:50:23,186 --> 00:50:25,019 I'm sorry if we... 1248 00:50:25,021 --> 00:50:26,287 I didn't even... 1249 00:50:26,289 --> 00:50:28,188 - I thought that... - You said you were kinda gay, I thought... 1250 00:50:28,190 --> 00:50:29,757 - This is a big part, and you became anxious. - I'm... I guess I'm not... 1251 00:50:29,759 --> 00:50:30,990 I thought this was your big chance to suck a dick. 1252 00:50:30,992 --> 00:50:33,726 - Hey. - I don't need... even need that chance. 1253 00:50:33,728 --> 00:50:35,295 Yeah, I know. [STAMMERS] 1254 00:50:35,297 --> 00:50:37,764 I'm glad we stopped before you did something you didn't wanna do. 1255 00:50:37,766 --> 00:50:39,233 - CAL: Thank you. - TYSON: Look at that. 1256 00:50:39,235 --> 00:50:41,168 - MAL: Cool. - TYSON: What do you say we get some drinks? 1257 00:50:41,170 --> 00:50:43,436 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, that'd be great. 1258 00:50:43,438 --> 00:50:45,274 - That'd be great. - Man, I came twice. 1259 00:50:46,541 --> 00:50:48,476 - What's that? - MAL: What? 1260 00:50:48,478 --> 00:50:51,545 TYSON: I get so fucking exhausted. 1261 00:50:51,547 --> 00:50:53,613 [ALL LAUGHING] 1262 00:50:53,615 --> 00:50:57,517 - Okay. - Okay, so you guys are completely committed to this? 1263 00:50:57,519 --> 00:50:59,385 - Yeah... - Well... 1264 00:50:59,387 --> 00:51:00,753 [STAMMERS] Yes, we are. 1265 00:51:00,755 --> 00:51:02,490 - We do... Yeah, we're serious. - Yes. Yeah. 1266 00:51:02,492 --> 00:51:04,858 Mm, you need a professional. 1267 00:51:04,860 --> 00:51:07,129 - Like you? - No, I'm a dancer. 1268 00:51:08,463 --> 00:51:10,664 You need a professional. 1269 00:51:10,666 --> 00:51:13,166 - [SCRIBBLING ON PAPER] - She's incredible. I've known her for years. 1270 00:51:13,168 --> 00:51:14,904 And if you're looking for a threesome... 1271 00:51:16,271 --> 00:51:17,637 this is your girl. 1272 00:51:17,639 --> 00:51:19,472 [SCRIBBLING CONTINUES] 1273 00:51:19,474 --> 00:51:21,242 - Is she a prostitute? - [SCOFFS] 1274 00:51:21,244 --> 00:51:22,412 No, not a 'tute. 1275 00:51:23,211 --> 00:51:24,744 A top-notch escort. 1276 00:51:24,746 --> 00:51:27,884 We're talking upper-echelon female companionship. 1277 00:51:28,351 --> 00:51:29,219 Give her a call. 1278 00:51:29,818 --> 00:51:31,151 She'll take care of you. 1279 00:51:31,153 --> 00:51:32,485 [SLOW MUSIC PLAYING] 1280 00:51:32,487 --> 00:51:33,820 [CAL SIGHS] Okay. 1281 00:51:33,822 --> 00:51:35,255 - We're locked and loaded. - Mm-hmm. 1282 00:51:35,257 --> 00:51:36,690 We can't turn back. 1283 00:51:36,692 --> 00:51:38,159 - No. - Can't turn back. 1284 00:51:38,161 --> 00:51:39,526 - [INHALES DEEPLY] - Just gonna talk to her and figure it out. 1285 00:51:39,528 --> 00:51:41,061 - Mm-hmm. - I will talk to her. 1286 00:51:41,063 --> 00:51:43,097 It's just like calling and making an appointment for a haircut. 1287 00:51:43,099 --> 00:51:45,432 "Hey, will you come suck my dick? Cool. Bye." 1288 00:51:45,434 --> 00:51:47,066 And, lift off. 1289 00:51:47,068 --> 00:51:48,936 Hi, you've reached April. 1290 00:51:48,938 --> 00:51:50,037 - Leave a message. - I can't do it. You have to do it. 1291 00:51:50,039 --> 00:51:51,438 - What? No. - Yeah, talk. 1292 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:52,706 - [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] - Just... 1293 00:51:52,708 --> 00:51:55,041 Hi, this is Mary. 1294 00:51:55,043 --> 00:51:57,945 And I got your number from Tyson, so, um, 1295 00:51:57,947 --> 00:51:59,813 if you wanna just give me a call, 1296 00:51:59,815 --> 00:52:01,815 that would be great, baby. 1297 00:52:01,817 --> 00:52:03,117 - What? - [SHUDDERS] 1298 00:52:03,119 --> 00:52:04,617 - That was great. - Why did I say "baby"? 1299 00:52:04,619 --> 00:52:06,887 You said "baby," and that means you're cool and you're friendly. 1300 00:52:06,889 --> 00:52:08,688 Feel like I'm some kinda old jazz musician. 1301 00:52:08,690 --> 00:52:10,291 - Little bit, but... - "Yeah, baby." 1302 00:52:10,293 --> 00:52:11,891 I wouldn't have said "baby," honestly. 1303 00:52:11,893 --> 00:52:13,760 - But this is the... - "Put it on the snare." 1304 00:52:13,762 --> 00:52:15,095 That's fine. It's done. 1305 00:52:15,097 --> 00:52:17,231 - Great. - It's done. It's a waiting game. 1306 00:52:17,233 --> 00:52:19,465 - Do you have any cash? - I got like 40 bucks. 1307 00:52:19,467 --> 00:52:20,501 Well, it's not enough. 1308 00:52:20,503 --> 00:52:21,802 How do you know? 1309 00:52:21,804 --> 00:52:23,704 'Cause Julia Roberts costs, like, $3,000 for a night. 1310 00:52:23,706 --> 00:52:24,871 Like, the real Julia Roberts? 1311 00:52:24,873 --> 00:52:26,139 In Pretty Woman. 1312 00:52:26,141 --> 00:52:29,008 No, no. Prostitutes operate on a sliding scale. 1313 00:52:29,010 --> 00:52:30,778 It's not low-income housing. 1314 00:52:30,780 --> 00:52:33,680 In Pretty Woman, she says $3,000 because Richard Gere picks her up 1315 00:52:33,682 --> 00:52:35,682 in, like, a sports car and takes her to a really nice hotel. 1316 00:52:35,684 --> 00:52:38,818 But if you were to pick her up in a Honda Civic, and take her to some shit hotel, 1317 00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:40,320 she would get a lot less money. 1318 00:52:40,322 --> 00:52:42,289 - Well, okay, should we look more poor, or something? - Yeah. 1319 00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,757 - Should we hide the laptop? - Definitely. 1320 00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:45,258 You shouldn't have washed your balls. 1321 00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:46,126 I know, I... 1322 00:52:46,128 --> 00:52:47,126 I think we're losing focus here. 1323 00:52:47,128 --> 00:52:48,662 No. Yeah, totally. Totally. 1324 00:52:48,664 --> 00:52:52,035 Okay, I have 300 bucks in the car. It's for emergencies only. 1325 00:52:52,501 --> 00:52:53,601 Why? 1326 00:52:53,603 --> 00:52:54,901 It's in my bug-out bag. 1327 00:52:54,903 --> 00:52:56,269 Oh, my God, like, your zombie bag? 1328 00:52:56,271 --> 00:52:58,171 You told me you stopped doing that. 1329 00:52:58,173 --> 00:52:59,840 I told you I stopped doing that because you kept making fun of me for doing that. 1330 00:52:59,842 --> 00:53:01,474 Well, yeah, you wanted to hide a gun in the yard. 1331 00:53:01,476 --> 00:53:04,043 And as far as you know, I still have not buried a gun in the yard. 1332 00:53:04,045 --> 00:53:06,914 What I'm trying to say is, we have 340 bucks to work with. 1333 00:53:06,916 --> 00:53:08,581 - That's good. - [CELL PHONE RINGING] 1334 00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:09,786 Oh. Shit. Fuck. 1335 00:53:11,721 --> 00:53:12,889 Hello? 1336 00:53:13,956 --> 00:53:16,356 APRIL: Hi, um, is this Mary? 1337 00:53:16,358 --> 00:53:17,358 - No. - Yes. 1338 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:18,925 Oh. Yeah, sorry. Um... 1339 00:53:18,927 --> 00:53:20,529 Yeah, Tyson gave us your number. 1340 00:53:22,164 --> 00:53:26,633 "Us"? Um, how many of you are there? 1341 00:53:26,635 --> 00:53:29,702 Just two. It's just my boyfriend and me. My fiance. 1342 00:53:29,704 --> 00:53:32,139 - Yo. - That's him. He just said, "Yo." 1343 00:53:32,141 --> 00:53:34,411 Um, we were just wondering if you wanted to party. 1344 00:53:36,311 --> 00:53:38,811 Um, party. Uh, okay. 1345 00:53:38,813 --> 00:53:42,816 Uh, well, I provide incall massage services. 1346 00:53:42,818 --> 00:53:44,717 - Yes, that's a code. - Okay. Yeah, that's great. 1347 00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:46,420 Okay, um, where are you at? 1348 00:53:46,422 --> 00:53:49,289 Actually, um, I was wondering how much it costs. 1349 00:53:49,291 --> 00:53:51,325 Well, it's $150 for a couple's massage, 1350 00:53:51,327 --> 00:53:55,061 and after that, it's sort of a sliding scale. 1351 00:53:55,063 --> 00:53:56,396 [WHISPERS] That's what I said. That's what I said! 1352 00:53:56,398 --> 00:53:58,898 - That's what I said. - Okay, great. Great. Um... 1353 00:53:58,900 --> 00:54:01,135 - Yeah? - Yeah, let's do that. 1354 00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:03,537 Okay. Um, well, text me your address, 1355 00:54:03,539 --> 00:54:06,472 and I'll let you know when I'm on my way. 1356 00:54:06,474 --> 00:54:08,508 Also, if there's a fucking bachelor party, 1357 00:54:08,510 --> 00:54:11,445 or a fucking rubber fist or anything, I bounce. 1358 00:54:11,447 --> 00:54:14,985 No, totally. We don't have a rubber fist. We're cool. 1359 00:54:16,152 --> 00:54:19,119 [LAUGHS] I'm teasing. Sorry. Okay, I'll see you soon. 1360 00:54:19,121 --> 00:54:21,954 - [LAUGHS] - Totally... [STUTTERS] Okay, bye. 1361 00:54:21,956 --> 00:54:23,425 [FAST DRUM MUSIC PLAYING] 1362 00:54:24,293 --> 00:54:25,659 - Okay. - Oh, God. 1363 00:54:25,661 --> 00:54:28,262 - She actually sounded pretty sweet. - Very sweet. I'm drinking. 1364 00:54:28,264 --> 00:54:29,496 Wait, you're gonna get whiskey dick. 1365 00:54:29,498 --> 00:54:32,034 Yeah, I need whiskey dick if I'm gonna perform. 1366 00:54:34,003 --> 00:54:35,735 - [EXHALES] - We gotta get this place set up. 1367 00:54:35,737 --> 00:54:37,070 This place is, like, way too bright. 1368 00:54:37,072 --> 00:54:38,438 - It is too bright. It's too bright. - We need candles. 1369 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,206 - Oh, wait. - We need some fucking candles. 1370 00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:41,708 - [CLATTERING] - We can't have candles. It's a hotel. 1371 00:54:41,710 --> 00:54:43,376 - They don't let you. - What? 1372 00:54:43,378 --> 00:54:45,311 They don't let you have candles in a hotel 'cause you'll burn it down. 1373 00:54:45,313 --> 00:54:47,847 Okay, well, we gotta put, like, shirts on these things, or something. 1374 00:54:47,849 --> 00:54:49,583 That's a fire hazard, too. 1375 00:54:49,585 --> 00:54:51,784 No, these are LEDs. They give off very little heat and they last forever. 1376 00:54:51,786 --> 00:54:53,354 - Just like your whiskey dick. - Yes. 1377 00:54:53,356 --> 00:54:54,987 - Okay, great. Um... - This one, too. 1378 00:54:54,989 --> 00:54:56,222 - You need to calm down. - What? 1379 00:54:56,224 --> 00:54:58,157 Why don't you get the ice, and go get the cash, 1380 00:54:58,159 --> 00:55:00,293 - and I'll make this, like, a sex palace? - Okay. 1381 00:55:00,295 --> 00:55:02,662 - Okay. Okay. - Yeah, ice and cash. That's great. 1382 00:55:02,664 --> 00:55:03,666 Oh, wait. What do you think? 1383 00:55:04,766 --> 00:55:07,333 - These guys. - Um, um... I don't know. 1384 00:55:07,335 --> 00:55:08,901 Fucking... 1385 00:55:08,903 --> 00:55:10,670 - That looks so crazy. I don't know. Make it stop. - What? Like, crazy good? 1386 00:55:10,672 --> 00:55:11,972 - No, bad. - What? 1387 00:55:11,974 --> 00:55:13,740 - Off... On... - Stop. Off or on? 1388 00:55:13,742 --> 00:55:14,941 - Off. - Off. 1389 00:55:14,943 --> 00:55:16,275 Okay. Off it is. 1390 00:55:16,277 --> 00:55:17,978 All right. Getting ice, getting money. I'll be back. 1391 00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:19,713 - "Get it money"? - Getting money. 1392 00:55:19,715 --> 00:55:21,351 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. And get it, babe. 1393 00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:24,586 [FAST DRUM MUSIC PLAYING] 1394 00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,702 MAN: Ice, ice baby! 1395 00:55:40,335 --> 00:55:41,503 [VOCALIZING] 1396 00:55:43,905 --> 00:55:45,572 Cally-Cal! 1397 00:55:45,574 --> 00:55:46,940 - Oh, shit. - Charlie. 1398 00:55:46,942 --> 00:55:49,008 Uh, yeah. We're good. 1399 00:55:49,010 --> 00:55:50,978 - Hey, hey, hey. - How's it going on, man? 1400 00:55:50,980 --> 00:55:52,545 - Sit, sit, sit. - No, I can't. I gotta... 1401 00:55:52,547 --> 00:55:54,914 - No, no, no. Sit, sit. Sit down. Sit down. - I really gotta run. 1402 00:55:54,916 --> 00:55:56,316 I... [SIGHS] What's going on? 1403 00:55:56,318 --> 00:55:59,353 - What the fuck are you doing here? - Shh! I snuck out. 1404 00:55:59,355 --> 00:56:01,789 - I don't need your permission? - Okay. 1405 00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:03,059 Dude, don't... 1406 00:56:04,092 --> 00:56:05,661 Um, are you okay? 1407 00:56:06,195 --> 00:56:07,263 Is everything okay? 1408 00:56:07,797 --> 00:56:08,929 Everything's fine. 1409 00:56:08,931 --> 00:56:10,496 - Okay. - No, it's not. 1410 00:56:10,498 --> 00:56:12,365 But, hey, things happen. 1411 00:56:12,367 --> 00:56:14,200 All right. It's, like, so late, man. 1412 00:56:14,202 --> 00:56:15,405 Katie cheated on me. 1413 00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:19,008 On you? 1414 00:56:19,608 --> 00:56:20,407 Fucking crazy. 1415 00:56:20,409 --> 00:56:21,974 - [SHOUTING] On you? - Look at me. 1416 00:56:21,976 --> 00:56:24,211 - What the fuck is wrong with her? - I'm a fucking beast of a man. 1417 00:56:24,213 --> 00:56:25,445 She cheated on you? 1418 00:56:25,447 --> 00:56:27,079 - Can't make no sense of that. - That's... 1419 00:56:27,081 --> 00:56:29,883 - She's out of her goddamn mind. - She is, right? 1420 00:56:29,885 --> 00:56:33,954 - What the fuck is that... - I cheated on her, though, first. 1421 00:56:33,956 --> 00:56:38,458 But, you know, we were separated, so is that really cheating? [CHUCKLES] Come on. 1422 00:56:38,460 --> 00:56:39,293 [DOOR OPENING] 1423 00:56:39,295 --> 00:56:40,663 I should make us some drinks, huh? 1424 00:56:41,630 --> 00:56:43,095 Think I'm gonna hide my purse. 1425 00:56:43,097 --> 00:56:45,067 - [DRAWER OPENING] - Or like... 1426 00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:47,170 You never know. 1427 00:56:49,871 --> 00:56:51,338 Oh. 1428 00:56:51,340 --> 00:56:53,576 - Hi. - It's like our marriage was, um... 1429 00:56:54,342 --> 00:56:55,744 What's that word for "fake"? 1430 00:56:56,512 --> 00:56:58,244 - Uh, sham. - No, no. 1431 00:56:58,246 --> 00:57:00,746 - Uh, phoney. Lie. - No, no, no. 1432 00:57:00,748 --> 00:57:02,215 - It's fucking... The word. - Um... 1433 00:57:02,217 --> 00:57:03,650 - Let's get it. - False. 1434 00:57:03,652 --> 00:57:05,054 No, fuck it. Fake. 1435 00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,157 - Our marriage was a fake. - No. 1436 00:57:08,556 --> 00:57:09,655 Yeah. 1437 00:57:09,657 --> 00:57:11,391 Well, where... I mean, you guys worked it out. 1438 00:57:11,393 --> 00:57:13,025 You guys are back together. 1439 00:57:13,027 --> 00:57:16,963 - You're good. - Yeah, yeah. When we found out Katie was pregnant, 1440 00:57:16,965 --> 00:57:19,365 we decided that we were gonna work it out. 1441 00:57:19,367 --> 00:57:21,036 So I decided to move back in. 1442 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,443 You found out she was pregnant while you were separated? 1443 00:57:27,409 --> 00:57:28,445 Yes. 1444 00:57:29,043 --> 00:57:30,312 I knew you were smart. 1445 00:57:31,246 --> 00:57:33,813 - Oh, my God. - "Oh, my God" is right. 1446 00:57:33,815 --> 00:57:35,615 - Well, that's... - Those two babies, 1447 00:57:35,617 --> 00:57:38,221 inside of her, they might not be mine. 1448 00:57:39,454 --> 00:57:41,588 Hopefully, like, one of them is. 1449 00:57:41,590 --> 00:57:44,057 I mean, that's not how it works, but... 1450 00:57:44,059 --> 00:57:46,025 - Maybe. - ...it could be yours, right? 1451 00:57:46,027 --> 00:57:47,860 Yeah, we were still fucking. 1452 00:57:47,862 --> 00:57:49,463 All right. That's good. 1453 00:57:49,465 --> 00:57:52,168 But, I mean, it's hard not to think about the alternative, right? 1454 00:57:53,969 --> 00:57:55,371 Yeah. What are you... 1455 00:57:56,038 --> 00:57:57,373 What are you guys gonna do? 1456 00:57:57,972 --> 00:57:59,438 What are you gonna do? 1457 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,376 I'm gonna continue to love my wife, 1458 00:58:02,378 --> 00:58:04,347 because she means the world to me. 1459 00:58:05,079 --> 00:58:07,079 And I decided that 1460 00:58:07,081 --> 00:58:09,516 we are gonna raise those kids together 1461 00:58:09,518 --> 00:58:12,222 no matter whose they are, and that's it. 1462 00:58:13,755 --> 00:58:16,326 I think you're gonna be okay, Charlie. Okay? 1463 00:58:17,226 --> 00:58:19,659 Oh, hey, Caleb, I love you, man. 1464 00:58:19,661 --> 00:58:21,295 I love you too, bud. 1465 00:58:21,297 --> 00:58:26,135 And one day, if you ever decide to marry my beautiful, incredible sister-in-law, 1466 00:58:26,902 --> 00:58:28,271 we're gonna be family. 1467 00:58:29,538 --> 00:58:30,572 We will. 1468 00:58:31,773 --> 00:58:32,875 - We will be. - Brothers. 1469 00:58:33,541 --> 00:58:34,374 Brothers. 1470 00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:36,008 Wait, where is Malory? 1471 00:58:36,010 --> 00:58:37,311 I... I have to go. 1472 00:58:37,313 --> 00:58:38,679 - Where is she? - I'm so sorry. She's in the room. 1473 00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:40,380 - Oh, my God. Go, go, go. - What are you gonna do? 1474 00:58:40,382 --> 00:58:42,648 - I'ma sleep out here. Under the stars. - All right. 1475 00:58:42,650 --> 00:58:44,851 - Go, go, go. Get back to what you were doing. - Hey, look, I got you a blanket. 1476 00:58:44,853 --> 00:58:46,456 Got me a blanket. 1477 00:58:47,222 --> 00:58:48,921 - Ooh, yeah. - Take care, buddy. 1478 00:58:48,923 --> 00:58:49,990 - See you tomorrow. - Love you, Charlie. 1479 00:58:49,992 --> 00:58:51,194 Love you too, man. 1480 00:58:52,061 --> 00:58:53,492 Facade! 1481 00:58:53,494 --> 00:58:54,693 What? 1482 00:58:54,695 --> 00:58:56,766 That's the word we were trying to figure out. "Facade." 1483 00:58:57,599 --> 00:58:58,798 Facade, yes. 1484 00:58:58,800 --> 00:58:59,800 Yes, good word. 1485 00:58:59,802 --> 00:59:01,671 Yeah, that's a very good word. 1486 00:59:05,940 --> 00:59:09,611 Um, so, I don't really know if this is, like, the best idea. 1487 00:59:12,081 --> 00:59:13,283 Did you clog the toilet? 1488 00:59:18,186 --> 00:59:19,753 Cal, this is April. 1489 00:59:19,755 --> 00:59:20,823 April, Cal. 1490 00:59:21,523 --> 00:59:22,392 Mmm. 1491 00:59:24,793 --> 00:59:25,958 Hi, April. 1492 00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,195 I'm Mal. Cal. I am Cal. 1493 00:59:28,197 --> 00:59:29,666 Caleb. "Cal" is fine. 1494 00:59:30,065 --> 00:59:31,365 "Cal" is fine. 1495 00:59:31,367 --> 00:59:32,268 Hi. 1496 00:59:34,369 --> 00:59:36,172 - Hi, Cal. - Oh, yeah. 1497 00:59:38,474 --> 00:59:39,442 Hi. 1498 00:59:43,545 --> 00:59:44,914 [MOUTHING] I don't know. Drinks? 1499 00:59:48,884 --> 00:59:50,349 - MAL: And... - Yeah. 1500 00:59:50,351 --> 00:59:51,920 Now we all know each other. 1501 00:59:52,721 --> 00:59:53,722 [GIGGLES] 1502 00:59:54,856 --> 00:59:55,789 CAL: Great. 1503 00:59:55,791 --> 00:59:57,657 You got... That was really good timing. 1504 00:59:57,659 --> 00:59:59,561 - That was very fast. - [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1505 01:00:01,396 --> 01:00:02,599 [APRIL AND MAL GIGGLING] 1506 01:00:07,101 --> 01:00:09,469 Wait, why are you guys in town? 1507 01:00:09,471 --> 01:00:11,804 Oh, my parents are renewing their vows. 1508 01:00:11,806 --> 01:00:13,606 Oh, that's cute. 1509 01:00:13,608 --> 01:00:17,510 Yeah, it's kind of torture though, but it's cute. 1510 01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:19,845 Yeah, but you guys don't have to worry about that now. 1511 01:00:19,847 --> 01:00:21,380 We're not cops. 1512 01:00:21,382 --> 01:00:24,083 - What? - Uh... We're not cops. 1513 01:00:24,085 --> 01:00:26,052 We hate cops. Malory really hates them. 1514 01:00:26,054 --> 01:00:29,055 I mean, it's fine, I know all the cops in this town, anyway. 1515 01:00:29,057 --> 01:00:30,523 - Yeah. - I grew up here. 1516 01:00:30,525 --> 01:00:31,791 It's a pretty small town. 1517 01:00:31,793 --> 01:00:33,894 I mean, a lot of the cops are old family friends. 1518 01:00:33,896 --> 01:00:36,662 Oh, cool. I don't, like, hate cops. I mean... 1519 01:00:36,664 --> 01:00:38,597 Just... I was texting at a stoplight once, 1520 01:00:38,599 --> 01:00:41,333 and I got a ticket for $400, so... 1521 01:00:41,335 --> 01:00:42,938 - I mean, I'm holding a grudge. - CAL: Right. 1522 01:00:43,405 --> 01:00:44,673 - Right. - Yeah. 1523 01:00:45,541 --> 01:00:47,206 This is our first time. 1524 01:00:47,208 --> 01:00:49,342 - I can tell. - Yeah. 1525 01:00:49,344 --> 01:00:51,010 - It's cool. - CAL: Cool. 1526 01:00:51,012 --> 01:00:52,014 Cool, cool. 1527 01:00:54,717 --> 01:00:56,550 Well... 1528 01:00:56,552 --> 01:00:59,286 - Oh, my God. Same nail polish. - Oh, wow. Crazy. 1529 01:00:59,288 --> 01:01:00,454 BOTH: Cheers. 1530 01:01:00,456 --> 01:01:01,891 - MAL: Cheers to that. - Cheers. 1531 01:01:02,257 --> 01:01:03,358 Uh-huh. 1532 01:01:09,097 --> 01:01:10,731 Malory and I will 1533 01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,865 get our nails painted together. I'll just do, like, a clear coat. 1534 01:01:12,867 --> 01:01:15,235 Sometimes he gets his toe painted gold. 1535 01:01:15,237 --> 01:01:17,670 I do. [CHUCKLES] I do that. 1536 01:01:17,672 --> 01:01:20,173 I just started getting my big toe painted for, like, good luck, 1537 01:01:20,175 --> 01:01:22,208 and my little secret, or something. 1538 01:01:22,210 --> 01:01:24,012 Mm-hmm. That's rad. 1539 01:01:26,614 --> 01:01:28,450 So, where do you guys wanna do it? 1540 01:01:31,119 --> 01:01:31,987 Do what? 1541 01:01:32,554 --> 01:01:34,322 - The massage. - Oh. 1542 01:01:34,822 --> 01:01:35,757 Um... 1543 01:01:37,826 --> 01:01:38,724 - Wherever. - The bed? 1544 01:01:38,726 --> 01:01:40,193 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Or wherever. 1545 01:01:40,195 --> 01:01:41,728 Or, you know, the bed. 1546 01:01:41,730 --> 01:01:44,798 - Right? - That seems to make sense to me. 1547 01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,469 Who wants to go first? 1548 01:01:48,670 --> 01:01:49,672 I do. 1549 01:01:50,838 --> 01:01:52,204 Okay. 1550 01:01:52,206 --> 01:01:53,643 APRIL: Cool. Okay. 1551 01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:55,945 Leading off, Malory. 1552 01:02:00,014 --> 01:02:01,481 How is that? 1553 01:02:01,483 --> 01:02:03,019 [SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1554 01:02:04,119 --> 01:02:05,385 APRIL: Do you like that? 1555 01:02:05,387 --> 01:02:06,522 MAL: Mm-hmm. 1556 01:02:07,456 --> 01:02:08,921 You like it soft? 1557 01:02:08,923 --> 01:02:09,958 [MAL GIGGLES] 1558 01:02:11,659 --> 01:02:15,431 Oh, your skin is perfection. 1559 01:02:15,963 --> 01:02:17,432 MAL: This feels amazing. 1560 01:02:19,835 --> 01:02:21,369 [MAL MOANS] 1561 01:02:25,606 --> 01:02:27,409 [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] 1562 01:02:41,289 --> 01:02:42,557 Come over here. 1563 01:02:44,193 --> 01:02:45,492 Yeah. 1564 01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:46,796 Don't be shy. 1565 01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,139 APRIL: Here. 1566 01:03:06,047 --> 01:03:07,179 [MAL GIGGLES] 1567 01:03:07,181 --> 01:03:08,450 Sorry. 1568 01:03:10,751 --> 01:03:11,851 You should do behind her knees. 1569 01:03:11,853 --> 01:03:13,452 - It makes her go crazy. - [MAL LAUGHS] 1570 01:03:13,454 --> 01:03:15,023 Oh, my God. That's too much. 1571 01:03:16,291 --> 01:03:18,691 That was so amazing. Thank you. 1572 01:03:18,693 --> 01:03:22,931 ♪ And the sky is gray 1573 01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:28,436 ♪ I've been for a walk 1574 01:03:31,039 --> 01:03:36,612 ♪ On a winter's day 1575 01:03:37,478 --> 01:03:40,849 ♪ I'd be safe and warm 1576 01:03:42,384 --> 01:03:43,516 [UNZIPPING] 1577 01:03:43,518 --> 01:03:46,422 ♪ If I was in LA 1578 01:03:49,458 --> 01:03:53,628 ♪ Ooh, California dreaming 1579 01:03:55,496 --> 01:04:01,570 ♪ On such a winter's day Yeah... ♪ 1580 01:04:02,304 --> 01:04:03,606 - Ow. - [CHUCKLES] 1581 01:04:03,972 --> 01:04:04,907 Okay. 1582 01:04:24,393 --> 01:04:25,595 [GIGGLES] 1583 01:04:27,862 --> 01:04:28,830 What? 1584 01:04:29,731 --> 01:04:31,100 She's a better kisser. 1585 01:04:32,768 --> 01:04:35,570 - Oh, I didn't... I wasn't even ready. - I'm just kidding. 1586 01:04:41,510 --> 01:04:43,246 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] 1587 01:04:47,815 --> 01:04:48,717 [MAL MOANS] 1588 01:04:57,025 --> 01:04:58,027 [MOANS SOFTLY] 1589 01:05:05,067 --> 01:05:05,967 [MOANS] 1590 01:05:17,144 --> 01:05:18,246 [MOANING CONTINUES] 1591 01:05:25,286 --> 01:05:26,254 Are you okay? 1592 01:05:27,021 --> 01:05:28,722 Yeah. Are you? 1593 01:05:28,724 --> 01:05:30,059 - Yeah. - Okay, good. 1594 01:05:32,059 --> 01:05:33,028 [MOANS SOFTLY] 1595 01:05:40,135 --> 01:05:41,967 I'm gonna use... I'm gonna use the restroom. 1596 01:05:41,969 --> 01:05:43,071 Mm-hmm. 1597 01:05:43,938 --> 01:05:45,875 [MOANS, GIGGLES] 1598 01:05:49,945 --> 01:05:50,947 MAL: Oh, God. 1599 01:05:51,445 --> 01:05:52,614 [MOANS] 1600 01:05:58,186 --> 01:05:59,188 [MOANS, GIGGLES] 1601 01:05:59,487 --> 01:06:00,623 Hey. 1602 01:06:01,255 --> 01:06:02,123 Do you want water? 1603 01:06:04,925 --> 01:06:05,894 Mm-mmm. 1604 01:06:07,862 --> 01:06:08,964 Oh, yeah. 1605 01:06:09,731 --> 01:06:10,967 CAL: Fuck. Let's do this. 1606 01:06:24,646 --> 01:06:25,848 Oh, my God. 1607 01:06:27,416 --> 01:06:28,751 Oh, my God. 1608 01:06:29,050 --> 01:06:30,085 Oh, yes. 1609 01:06:31,820 --> 01:06:32,989 [MOANING CONTINUES] 1610 01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:36,192 Oh, my God. [MOANING LOUDLY] 1611 01:06:45,467 --> 01:06:46,735 Okay, I can't. 1612 01:06:48,836 --> 01:06:50,103 What? 1613 01:06:50,105 --> 01:06:52,871 [STUTTERS] I just... I can't do this. 1614 01:06:52,873 --> 01:06:54,206 It's fine. We can take it slower. 1615 01:06:54,208 --> 01:06:56,141 No, I don't think we can go slower now. 1616 01:06:56,143 --> 01:06:57,811 MAL: Wait, what's wrong? 1617 01:06:57,813 --> 01:06:59,112 - Are you okay? - It's... You just... 1618 01:06:59,114 --> 01:07:01,914 You don't move like that when I do that. You don't... 1619 01:07:01,916 --> 01:07:05,788 wiggle like that, or make those noises when I do that. 1620 01:07:06,655 --> 01:07:08,287 - Do what? - When I... 1621 01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:09,856 When you eat her out? 1622 01:07:09,858 --> 01:07:11,825 Yes. Yeah, sure, when I eat you out. 1623 01:07:11,827 --> 01:07:13,659 Yes, I do. You're great at it. 1624 01:07:13,661 --> 01:07:14,829 I'm not that great. 1625 01:07:15,262 --> 01:07:16,197 And then I was... 1626 01:07:16,864 --> 01:07:19,532 I was kissing you, and... 1627 01:07:19,534 --> 01:07:21,534 And you weren't even kissing me back. 1628 01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:23,202 And I just thought, "You know what? 1629 01:07:23,204 --> 01:07:25,671 "This is cool. I'm gonna be the water boy." 1630 01:07:25,673 --> 01:07:26,840 So I was gonna go in the bathroom, 1631 01:07:26,842 --> 01:07:28,508 and I was gonna fucking beat off, 1632 01:07:28,510 --> 01:07:29,742 and it was gonna be a great time. 1633 01:07:29,744 --> 01:07:31,543 And I couldn't do it, Malory. Okay? 1634 01:07:31,545 --> 01:07:32,945 Because I can't be the water boy. 1635 01:07:32,947 --> 01:07:35,115 Okay? I can't. I can't just sit here and watch you. 1636 01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:38,184 Okay. We could just take it slow, or just not do it at all. 1637 01:07:38,186 --> 01:07:39,422 Like, we don't have to do anything. 1638 01:07:40,789 --> 01:07:42,155 Do you wanna be with her? 1639 01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:44,257 - What? - Do you wanna be with her? 1640 01:07:44,259 --> 01:07:45,858 Are you more attracted to her than me? 1641 01:07:45,860 --> 01:07:47,760 No, we're doing this together. 1642 01:07:47,762 --> 01:07:49,829 No, this... What's together about this? 1643 01:07:49,831 --> 01:07:51,030 This isn't together. 1644 01:07:51,032 --> 01:07:52,798 Yeah, 'cause you're standing up, yelling at us. 1645 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,934 - What are you doing? - Because I'm mad, Malory. 1646 01:07:54,936 --> 01:07:57,604 Because I'm mad, and I'm... And I'm... 1647 01:07:57,606 --> 01:07:59,838 turned on, and I'm confused, and... 1648 01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:03,112 It's fine. Sometimes people feel left out. 1649 01:08:05,313 --> 01:08:06,179 "Feel left out"? 1650 01:08:06,181 --> 01:08:08,847 I just feel left out, like kickball? 1651 01:08:08,849 --> 01:08:10,182 I think you just need to breathe. 1652 01:08:10,184 --> 01:08:12,519 I am breathing. [BREATHES DEEPLY] 1653 01:08:12,521 --> 01:08:14,787 That solves fucking everything. 1654 01:08:14,789 --> 01:08:16,255 Doesn't that feel good? 1655 01:08:16,257 --> 01:08:17,257 Just air. 1656 01:08:17,259 --> 01:08:18,290 [BREATHES] 1657 01:08:18,292 --> 01:08:19,992 Solves all the fucking problems, doesn't it? 1658 01:08:19,994 --> 01:08:22,728 Okay, well, just calm down. We're done. 1659 01:08:22,730 --> 01:08:24,062 Sorry, April. 1660 01:08:24,064 --> 01:08:26,201 - Cal, we wanted to do this together. - Yeah. 1661 01:08:26,902 --> 01:08:29,968 You know, this is so you. 1662 01:08:29,970 --> 01:08:31,704 This is so not a surprise to me. 1663 01:08:31,706 --> 01:08:33,473 You can't fucking handle it. 1664 01:08:33,475 --> 01:08:35,974 You want shit in your life, and you don't actually go for it when it comes. 1665 01:08:35,976 --> 01:08:38,277 Roll with the moment like it's happening. Do it. 1666 01:08:38,279 --> 01:08:40,612 Like, we haven't even pulled the fucking trigger on getting married. 1667 01:08:40,614 --> 01:08:42,115 This is not about that. 1668 01:08:42,117 --> 01:08:44,683 So why are we doing this? What's wrong with our relationship? 1669 01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:46,553 I don't know, but this isn't... healthy. 1670 01:08:46,555 --> 01:08:49,289 Oh, so you wanna be, like, a normal, healthy couple like Katie and Charlie? 1671 01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:51,558 [NASAL VOICE] "Oh, we're gonna have a baby, we're so excited! 1672 01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,125 "We're gonna drive an SUV..." 1673 01:08:53,127 --> 01:08:55,527 I just ran into Charlie before this happened. 1674 01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:57,964 - And? - They're not... They're not doing that good. 1675 01:08:57,966 --> 01:08:59,632 What the fuck do you want? 1676 01:08:59,634 --> 01:09:01,668 We've been engaged for four fucking years. 1677 01:09:01,670 --> 01:09:02,902 - That's so long. - Oh, right. Right. 1678 01:09:02,904 --> 01:09:03,902 No one does that. 1679 01:09:03,904 --> 01:09:05,437 Yeah, that's me. That's on me. 1680 01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:08,473 Well, then who is it on? You? Me? Both of us? What are we doing? 1681 01:09:08,475 --> 01:09:10,442 I don't know, okay? 1682 01:09:10,444 --> 01:09:11,746 [HURRIED KNOCKING ON DOOR] 1683 01:09:13,347 --> 01:09:14,947 CAL: Great. Great. 1684 01:09:14,949 --> 01:09:16,883 - What, did you order a fourth? - Oh, God. 1685 01:09:16,885 --> 01:09:18,052 [KNOCKING CONTINUES] 1686 01:09:18,619 --> 01:09:19,751 Yeah, hold on. 1687 01:09:19,753 --> 01:09:21,422 I think I'm gonna go. 1688 01:09:22,023 --> 01:09:24,760 But you still owe me $150 1689 01:09:25,359 --> 01:09:26,494 for the massage. 1690 01:09:30,532 --> 01:09:31,598 What? 1691 01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:32,831 - KATIE: Mal? - Oh, my God. 1692 01:09:32,833 --> 01:09:34,400 What the hell? I've been trying to reach you. 1693 01:09:34,402 --> 01:09:35,268 Charlie is missing. 1694 01:09:35,270 --> 01:09:36,939 Charlie's fine. He's at the pool. 1695 01:09:39,106 --> 01:09:39,975 Who are you? 1696 01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:41,777 Hi. 1697 01:09:45,546 --> 01:09:47,882 Um, I said it's $150. 1698 01:09:48,649 --> 01:09:50,282 Uh, yeah. 1699 01:09:50,284 --> 01:09:51,416 Mal, is that a hooker? 1700 01:09:51,418 --> 01:09:53,055 She's a massage therapist. 1701 01:09:53,822 --> 01:09:55,056 - Thank you. - Yeah. 1702 01:09:58,592 --> 01:10:00,192 Mal. 1703 01:10:00,194 --> 01:10:03,562 - Stop. - Seriously. You pick tonight to have another threesome. 1704 01:10:03,564 --> 01:10:05,000 - Katie. - CAL: Another? 1705 01:10:06,701 --> 01:10:08,170 I thought you'd never done this before. 1706 01:10:09,170 --> 01:10:10,035 [STAMMERS] 1707 01:10:10,037 --> 01:10:11,803 What the fuck, Mal? 1708 01:10:11,805 --> 01:10:14,473 This was supposed to be something that we did together for the first time. 1709 01:10:14,475 --> 01:10:15,974 Cal, I... 1710 01:10:15,976 --> 01:10:17,910 - Shit. - What else haven't you told me? 1711 01:10:17,912 --> 01:10:19,114 You lied to me. 1712 01:10:19,948 --> 01:10:21,380 I didn't lie to you, 1713 01:10:21,382 --> 01:10:23,851 I just didn't tell you because I knew you'd get jealous. 1714 01:10:24,853 --> 01:10:26,989 I'm not jealous, I'm just confused. 1715 01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:32,224 It's been seven years, Mal. 1716 01:10:32,226 --> 01:10:34,395 It should be easy. We should know. 1717 01:10:40,268 --> 01:10:41,403 And I don't know. 1718 01:10:44,104 --> 01:10:45,540 Well, if you don't know, then... 1719 01:10:46,875 --> 01:10:48,109 don't you know? 1720 01:11:07,028 --> 01:11:08,160 Where are you going? 1721 01:11:08,162 --> 01:11:10,932 I don't know, okay? I'll get... Charlie. 1722 01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:15,337 [DOOR CLOSES] 1723 01:11:16,003 --> 01:11:18,106 I'm sorry. I didn't know. 1724 01:11:18,672 --> 01:11:20,376 [SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1725 01:11:37,425 --> 01:11:38,424 [TAPPING] 1726 01:11:38,426 --> 01:11:40,125 - KATIE AND MAL: Open the window. - What? 1727 01:11:40,127 --> 01:11:41,893 - What? Oh, he's got his own button. - Open it. 1728 01:11:41,895 --> 01:11:43,896 - Push it. - Yeah, I got it. 1729 01:11:43,898 --> 01:11:45,231 - I could pull over. - [VOMITING] 1730 01:11:45,233 --> 01:11:46,201 Oh, shit. 1731 01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:49,102 - MAL: Oh. - KATIE: Oh, God. 1732 01:11:49,104 --> 01:11:52,071 CHARLIE: My eyes feel like lava. 1733 01:11:52,073 --> 01:11:53,539 CAL: I can just hose that off. 1734 01:11:53,541 --> 01:11:54,607 That'll come right off. 1735 01:11:54,609 --> 01:11:56,008 MAL: Oh, I wanna vomit. 1736 01:11:56,010 --> 01:11:58,311 You smell like you're sweating wild turkey, honey. 1737 01:11:58,313 --> 01:12:01,546 Yeah, I had a bit of a long night. 1738 01:12:01,548 --> 01:12:05,421 Well, get it together, because it's gonna be a longer day. 1739 01:12:07,921 --> 01:12:10,024 - LOU: Hey, there he is! - CAL: How you doing? 1740 01:12:11,326 --> 01:12:13,826 - Feeling better? - Oh, yeah. Little bit. 1741 01:12:13,828 --> 01:12:15,230 Shower was amazing. 1742 01:12:16,096 --> 01:12:17,365 [CHARLIE SIGHS] 1743 01:12:18,733 --> 01:12:19,831 Want a drink? 1744 01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,300 Oh, no. I'll probably never drink again. 1745 01:12:22,302 --> 01:12:24,771 What, a wild Palm Springs evening, was it? 1746 01:12:24,773 --> 01:12:26,408 [LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY] 1747 01:12:27,841 --> 01:12:29,243 Don't ask, don't tell. 1748 01:12:29,978 --> 01:12:31,246 [CLEARS THROAT] You know... 1749 01:12:32,346 --> 01:12:33,879 as I look as you two guys sitting here, 1750 01:12:33,881 --> 01:12:35,781 I just wanna say, from the bottom of my heart, 1751 01:12:35,783 --> 01:12:38,519 that I am so pleased and proud 1752 01:12:39,386 --> 01:12:41,322 that you're both a part of my family. 1753 01:12:42,590 --> 01:12:43,592 Officially. 1754 01:12:44,125 --> 01:12:45,327 Thank you, sir. 1755 01:12:47,595 --> 01:12:49,495 And unofficially. 1756 01:12:49,497 --> 01:12:52,632 EDIE: ...the two of you communicate, that's the key, 1757 01:12:52,634 --> 01:12:55,535 to be able to go through every single thing as partners. 1758 01:12:55,537 --> 01:12:58,504 You gotta be on the same page, understand each other. 1759 01:12:58,506 --> 01:12:59,772 Where's Cal, by the way? 1760 01:12:59,774 --> 01:13:00,743 Oh, I don't know. 1761 01:13:01,876 --> 01:13:03,212 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] 1762 01:13:10,051 --> 01:13:12,250 LOU: It was like a nuclear bomb went off. 1763 01:13:12,252 --> 01:13:13,521 It just... [IMITATES EXPLOSION] 1764 01:13:14,756 --> 01:13:15,758 Fusion. 1765 01:13:16,824 --> 01:13:17,760 Fission. 1766 01:13:18,393 --> 01:13:19,759 Whatever. 1767 01:13:19,761 --> 01:13:21,494 And those little girls, 1768 01:13:21,496 --> 01:13:22,661 Katie and Mal, boy, 1769 01:13:22,663 --> 01:13:24,565 you gotta know that those girls are precious to me. 1770 01:13:25,766 --> 01:13:27,135 They got into my heart. 1771 01:13:28,302 --> 01:13:30,171 They grabbed onto me and wouldn't let go. 1772 01:13:31,573 --> 01:13:33,238 I never said this to any of your guys before, 1773 01:13:33,240 --> 01:13:34,574 but I can't have my own kids. 1774 01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:37,378 Don't have any fish in the sack. You know what I mean? 1775 01:13:38,779 --> 01:13:40,379 And I don't know what happened last night, guys, 1776 01:13:40,381 --> 01:13:42,084 I really don't need to know what happened, 1777 01:13:42,884 --> 01:13:44,317 but I want you both to know 1778 01:13:44,319 --> 01:13:47,723 that a man's ego is a powerful, powerful piece of shit. 1779 01:13:48,422 --> 01:13:50,822 It can destroy a lot of things. 1780 01:13:50,824 --> 01:13:53,459 It is a major-league buzzkill. 1781 01:13:53,461 --> 01:13:56,664 I want you to learn how to accept, forgive, and move on. 1782 01:13:58,131 --> 01:14:00,366 That's the key to happiness. 1783 01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:01,767 - EDIE: ...amazing... - [LOU KNOCKING AT DOOR] 1784 01:14:01,769 --> 01:14:03,602 - Hello? - EDIE: No, no, no. 1785 01:14:03,604 --> 01:14:05,137 - There you are. - No. 1786 01:14:05,139 --> 01:14:06,671 - [LOU CHUCKLES] - EDIE: No, no, no. 1787 01:14:06,673 --> 01:14:08,840 LOU: What do you mean, "No, no, no"? Let me look at that face. 1788 01:14:08,842 --> 01:14:10,242 - No, no, no. - LOU: Come on. 1789 01:14:10,244 --> 01:14:12,544 No, it's bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day. 1790 01:14:12,546 --> 01:14:15,915 - It is not bad luck, honey, come on. - It is bad luck. 1791 01:14:15,917 --> 01:14:17,782 Besides, Henry's our good-luck charm. 1792 01:14:17,784 --> 01:14:18,918 EDIE: Where is Henry? 1793 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:21,086 I haven't seen him yet. 1794 01:14:21,088 --> 01:14:23,889 - EDIE: Well, is he out there setting stuff up? - LOU: I don't know. 1795 01:14:23,891 --> 01:14:26,728 - [MOUTHING] Fuck. - What do you mean you don't know? Where's Henry? 1796 01:14:36,738 --> 01:14:37,836 [SIGHS] 1797 01:14:37,838 --> 01:14:39,140 So what are we gonna do? 1798 01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:42,744 We're gonna pick up Henry. 1799 01:14:43,845 --> 01:14:45,410 Yeah, I know. I... 1800 01:14:45,412 --> 01:14:47,381 Just... What are "we" gonna do? 1801 01:14:48,483 --> 01:14:49,485 I don't know. 1802 01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:52,688 I can ride back with my sister. 1803 01:14:57,859 --> 01:14:58,861 Fine. 1804 01:15:00,862 --> 01:15:02,128 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 1805 01:15:02,130 --> 01:15:07,433 ♪ I really think that We could make it, girl 1806 01:15:07,435 --> 01:15:13,705 ♪ I really think that We could make it, girl 1807 01:15:13,707 --> 01:15:17,612 ♪ I really think that We could make it... ♪ 1808 01:15:18,412 --> 01:15:19,814 MAL: Hey, we're here for Henry. 1809 01:15:23,016 --> 01:15:24,252 Did no one call you? 1810 01:15:24,886 --> 01:15:26,488 What? No. No one called us. 1811 01:15:27,755 --> 01:15:29,621 [SIGHS] Darn. 1812 01:15:29,623 --> 01:15:33,526 It's just that I'm not, uh, properly trained for this. 1813 01:15:33,528 --> 01:15:34,563 What happened? 1814 01:15:35,529 --> 01:15:36,532 [SIGHS] Um... 1815 01:15:37,364 --> 01:15:39,300 Last night, Henry... 1816 01:15:39,900 --> 01:15:41,502 in his sleep, um... 1817 01:15:45,172 --> 01:15:46,772 Chris, Alex. 1818 01:15:46,774 --> 01:15:48,277 - Bastards! - Oh! 1819 01:15:49,010 --> 01:15:51,043 - He fucking died? - Oh, no! 1820 01:15:51,045 --> 01:15:52,611 - No, no! - He's dead? 1821 01:15:52,613 --> 01:15:55,513 No! How did he die? What happened? 1822 01:15:55,515 --> 01:15:56,451 He was old. 1823 01:15:56,917 --> 01:15:58,049 They just go. 1824 01:15:58,051 --> 01:15:59,151 Oh, my God. 1825 01:15:59,153 --> 01:16:01,454 He went peacefully in his sleep, though, 1826 01:16:01,456 --> 01:16:03,190 [STAMMERING] is what they said. 1827 01:16:03,957 --> 01:16:05,326 I'm very sorry for your loss. 1828 01:16:06,127 --> 01:16:07,425 - [MAL SNIFFLES] - CAL: All right. 1829 01:16:07,427 --> 01:16:09,363 - What are we gonna do? - I don't know. I don't know. 1830 01:16:09,963 --> 01:16:10,996 - Oh, my... - Thank you. 1831 01:16:10,998 --> 01:16:12,701 - Sorry. Sorry, again. - CAL: Yeah. 1832 01:16:14,135 --> 01:16:16,268 Hold, uh... Hold up. 1833 01:16:16,270 --> 01:16:17,836 Which Henry was yours? 1834 01:16:17,838 --> 01:16:18,840 MAL: Addleberg. 1835 01:16:20,641 --> 01:16:21,577 Oh. 1836 01:16:22,644 --> 01:16:24,110 No. 1837 01:16:24,112 --> 01:16:25,177 That's... Okay. 1838 01:16:25,179 --> 01:16:26,845 That's Henry Barnett. 1839 01:16:26,847 --> 01:16:28,080 - What? - Fuck, man! 1840 01:16:28,082 --> 01:16:29,214 - What the fuck? - Are you serious? 1841 01:16:29,216 --> 01:16:31,250 MAL: Maybe you ask that question first. 1842 01:16:31,252 --> 01:16:32,451 You gotta be careful with that. 1843 01:16:32,453 --> 01:16:34,019 - That's not good. - I didn't... 1844 01:16:34,021 --> 01:16:35,187 Sorry. 1845 01:16:35,189 --> 01:16:36,522 - MAL AND CAL: Yeah. - I did not mean to... 1846 01:16:36,524 --> 01:16:37,893 It's all right. Where's our Henry? 1847 01:16:38,592 --> 01:16:39,858 Room 318. 1848 01:16:39,860 --> 01:16:41,027 - 318. Thank you. - Thank you. 1849 01:16:41,029 --> 01:16:42,460 - Yeah. 318. - Oh, uh... 1850 01:16:42,462 --> 01:16:45,865 I'm sorry. [STUTTERS] You can't just go up there. 1851 01:16:45,867 --> 01:16:47,199 Uh, what's your name? 1852 01:16:47,201 --> 01:16:48,433 Malory Carter. 1853 01:16:48,435 --> 01:16:50,237 We're in kind of a rush, so if you could just... 1854 01:16:50,904 --> 01:16:51,974 - Malory Carter? - Yeah. 1855 01:16:55,176 --> 01:16:56,675 It's "Karter" with a "K"? 1856 01:16:56,677 --> 01:16:57,712 No, with a "C." 1857 01:16:59,881 --> 01:17:02,180 [STUTTERS] That's actually... That's not gonna be possible, 1858 01:17:02,182 --> 01:17:04,750 'cause your name's not on the list of approved family contacts. 1859 01:17:04,752 --> 01:17:06,718 Can't you just please let us go up? It's... 1860 01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:09,054 We're in such a hurry, and it's so important. 1861 01:17:09,056 --> 01:17:10,291 It's protocol. 1862 01:17:10,992 --> 01:17:11,991 I'm sorry, guys. 1863 01:17:11,993 --> 01:17:14,393 It's been a pretty rough night. 1864 01:17:14,395 --> 01:17:17,129 And we would like to just move on with our day. 1865 01:17:17,131 --> 01:17:18,867 MAL: Please just help us out. 1866 01:17:22,804 --> 01:17:24,303 No, I can't do that. 1867 01:17:24,305 --> 01:17:26,004 MAL: Come on, come on. 1868 01:17:26,006 --> 01:17:27,639 Nobody's picking up. 1869 01:17:27,641 --> 01:17:29,010 - CAL: They're doing wedding stuff. - Fuck! 1870 01:17:29,944 --> 01:17:30,979 Can I get a drag of that? 1871 01:17:32,447 --> 01:17:34,315 I'm not leaving here empty-handed. 1872 01:17:35,283 --> 01:17:36,715 Well... Thanks. 1873 01:17:36,717 --> 01:17:38,217 He said no. 1874 01:17:38,219 --> 01:17:39,884 So, what are you gonna do? 1875 01:17:39,886 --> 01:17:41,687 Can your parents just use their imagination? 1876 01:17:41,689 --> 01:17:43,492 Can he marry them? Do you wanna go? 1877 01:17:44,559 --> 01:17:45,958 See? 1878 01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:46,925 Why does it fucking matter? 1879 01:17:46,927 --> 01:17:48,126 It does. It fucking matters. 1880 01:17:48,128 --> 01:17:50,662 'Cause it matters to my parents, so it matters to me, okay? 1881 01:17:50,664 --> 01:17:53,833 And fuck that guy in there, playing games in his phone. He sucks. 1882 01:17:53,835 --> 01:17:54,900 Fuck! 1883 01:17:54,902 --> 01:17:56,201 He can't win today. 1884 01:17:56,203 --> 01:17:57,402 I need a win. 1885 01:17:57,404 --> 01:17:59,571 Hi, excuse me. 1886 01:17:59,573 --> 01:18:01,576 Is there a restroom I can use? I have to pee. 1887 01:18:02,609 --> 01:18:03,944 Yeah, there's one right over there. 1888 01:18:07,881 --> 01:18:09,350 [VIDEO GAME BEEPING] 1889 01:18:19,226 --> 01:18:20,695 [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER] 1890 01:18:22,095 --> 01:18:22,997 Where are you going? 1891 01:18:25,265 --> 01:18:27,299 Uh, is there a restroom over here, by chance? 1892 01:18:27,301 --> 01:18:30,706 There's just the restroom right here. You can wait here, if you need to. 1893 01:18:33,006 --> 01:18:34,041 Sorry, Gabe? 1894 01:18:34,809 --> 01:18:36,442 Gabe. Sorry. 1895 01:18:36,444 --> 01:18:40,745 I just wanna let you know it's really, really gross in the bathroom. It's like... 1896 01:18:40,747 --> 01:18:43,648 someone did a real paint job in there. It's... [RETCHING] 1897 01:18:43,650 --> 01:18:44,983 It's always a mess 'cause the... 1898 01:18:44,985 --> 01:18:47,389 'cause of all the laxatives that everybody takes here. 1899 01:18:48,823 --> 01:18:49,791 Can you clean it? 1900 01:18:54,028 --> 01:18:55,227 Maintenance to lobby restroom. 1901 01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:56,995 Oh, no. Can you clean it? Like, just... 1902 01:18:56,997 --> 01:19:00,199 I can't... I can't do it 'cause I can't leave the desk. 1903 01:19:00,201 --> 01:19:01,400 Okay, I'll see you in the car. 1904 01:19:01,402 --> 01:19:02,604 Cal, wait. 1905 01:19:03,003 --> 01:19:03,939 Come on. 1906 01:19:05,739 --> 01:19:06,608 Cal. 1907 01:19:07,140 --> 01:19:08,076 Okay. 1908 01:19:10,578 --> 01:19:12,681 We're gonna bust Henry out of this place. 1909 01:19:13,346 --> 01:19:14,582 MAL: That's a cute shirt. 1910 01:19:17,217 --> 01:19:20,753 This is what they give you. It's... Everybody has them here. 1911 01:19:20,755 --> 01:19:22,390 The color's, like, perfect. [CHUCKLES] 1912 01:19:23,123 --> 01:19:23,992 Do you have a girlfriend? 1913 01:19:26,761 --> 01:19:27,696 [GIGGLES SOFTLY] 1914 01:19:28,729 --> 01:19:29,831 No, not now. 1915 01:19:30,463 --> 01:19:32,097 Do you want one? 1916 01:19:32,099 --> 01:19:34,536 I have someone who probably would like you a lot. 1917 01:19:35,368 --> 01:19:37,773 If... Yeah, I would be... I mean... 1918 01:19:38,338 --> 01:19:39,608 I would be interested. 1919 01:19:40,942 --> 01:19:42,844 - MAL: What color eyes do you have? - [HISSING] 1920 01:19:45,179 --> 01:19:46,477 Blue, right? 1921 01:19:46,479 --> 01:19:48,546 Hey, man, is, uh, that supposed to be happening? 1922 01:19:48,548 --> 01:19:49,982 [HISSING CONTINUES] 1923 01:19:49,984 --> 01:19:51,720 - [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] - Aw, fuck! Fire! 1924 01:19:52,252 --> 01:19:53,521 Damn it. 1925 01:19:54,121 --> 01:19:55,653 Did you see who did it? 1926 01:19:55,655 --> 01:19:56,888 There was a guy smoking there. 1927 01:19:56,890 --> 01:19:58,824 - Did you get his hair, and... - White hair. 1928 01:19:58,826 --> 01:20:00,593 - White hair? - Yeah. He went... 1929 01:20:00,595 --> 01:20:02,628 Okay, search. We gotta... 1930 01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:05,531 - Okay, go get him. And I'll meet you in the back. - Okay. 1931 01:20:05,533 --> 01:20:09,067 - [INDISTINCT] - ♪ He got 50,000 watts 1932 01:20:09,069 --> 01:20:11,469 - [SIRENS WAILING] - ♪ In a big acoustic tower 1933 01:20:11,471 --> 01:20:13,104 [MAL WHOOPS] 1934 01:20:13,106 --> 01:20:15,875 ♪ Security's so tight tonight 1935 01:20:15,877 --> 01:20:18,309 ♪ Oh, they're ready For a tussle 1936 01:20:18,311 --> 01:20:19,477 [MAL SCREAMS] 1937 01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:22,815 ♪ Gotta keep your Backstage passes 1938 01:20:22,817 --> 01:20:25,351 - [LAUGHS] - ♪ 'Cause your promoter Had the muscle 1939 01:20:25,353 --> 01:20:27,318 ♪ And so it goes And so it goes... 1940 01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,321 - Come on. - You know I can walk, right? 1941 01:20:29,323 --> 01:20:31,757 ♪ But where it's goin' No one knows 1942 01:20:31,759 --> 01:20:33,692 ♪ And so it goes and so it goes 1943 01:20:33,694 --> 01:20:35,894 ♪ And so it goes And so it goes... ♪ 1944 01:20:35,896 --> 01:20:37,329 [SIRENS WAILING] 1945 01:20:37,331 --> 01:20:39,100 I'm here alone, man. Come over here. 1946 01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,770 Ah, this is the worst day! 1947 01:20:47,207 --> 01:20:49,107 [MAL AND CAL WHOOPING] 1948 01:20:49,109 --> 01:20:51,779 [BOTH SCREAMING AND LAUGHING] 1949 01:20:53,948 --> 01:20:54,679 That was crazy! 1950 01:20:54,681 --> 01:20:56,248 - Crazy! - That was awesome! 1951 01:20:56,250 --> 01:20:58,118 That was fantastic! 1952 01:20:58,685 --> 01:20:59,652 Whoo! 1953 01:20:59,654 --> 01:21:01,320 - I mean, Mal... No. - You were so awesome. 1954 01:21:01,322 --> 01:21:04,188 That was awesome. You saw a window, and you went for it. 1955 01:21:04,190 --> 01:21:06,025 - No, I mean, it was your... - How did you even find him? 1956 01:21:06,027 --> 01:21:07,860 I just feel like we need to kidnap more people. 1957 01:21:07,862 --> 01:21:09,628 - We just have to kidnap more people. - Anytime. 1958 01:21:09,630 --> 01:21:10,931 - That was so cool. - Anytime. 1959 01:21:12,065 --> 01:21:13,467 We didn't need the flares. 1960 01:21:14,467 --> 01:21:16,101 - But... - I liked the flares. 1961 01:21:16,103 --> 01:21:17,736 - I liked them. I liked the flares. - I liked the flares. 1962 01:21:17,738 --> 01:21:19,271 I thought that was a good touch. 1963 01:21:19,273 --> 01:21:20,772 ♪ ...no one knows 1964 01:21:20,774 --> 01:21:22,340 ♪ And so it goes and so it goes 1965 01:21:22,342 --> 01:21:24,710 ♪ And so it goes and so it goes 1966 01:21:24,712 --> 01:21:27,816 ♪ But where it's goin' No one knows 1967 01:21:31,652 --> 01:21:33,718 - [ENGINE STOPS] - [MUSIC STOPS] 1968 01:21:33,720 --> 01:21:36,088 Hey, hey, you guys. One minute. One second. 1969 01:21:36,090 --> 01:21:37,389 I wanna read... 1970 01:21:37,391 --> 01:21:40,159 I wanna read the speech I'm gonna do at the ceremony later. 1971 01:21:40,161 --> 01:21:41,026 Practice, okay? 1972 01:21:41,028 --> 01:21:42,827 I gotta help them set up the chairs. 1973 01:21:42,829 --> 01:21:45,397 Hey, Cal, hold on, hold on. I need two people. 1974 01:21:45,399 --> 01:21:47,700 - Stay. It'll take a minute. - Okay. 1975 01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:49,237 Okay. So, here we go. 1976 01:21:49,837 --> 01:21:50,936 "Marriage. 1977 01:21:50,938 --> 01:21:54,072 "It's foolish, idiotic, insane, even, 1978 01:21:54,074 --> 01:21:56,942 "to believe there is one person out there 1979 01:21:56,944 --> 01:22:00,478 "that we could ever possibly hope to track down, 1980 01:22:00,480 --> 01:22:03,449 "and live a perfectly happy existence with." 1981 01:22:03,451 --> 01:22:04,849 That's a little harsh. 1982 01:22:04,851 --> 01:22:07,085 Uh, hold on. Hang in there. 1983 01:22:07,087 --> 01:22:12,357 "Yet these two stand here before us and say, 'We commit to this insanity.' 1984 01:22:12,359 --> 01:22:15,626 "These two have said, 'Rational thought is against us. 1985 01:22:15,628 --> 01:22:17,763 "'Divorce rates are against us. 1986 01:22:17,765 --> 01:22:20,165 "'You and I are both deeply flawed. 1987 01:22:20,167 --> 01:22:26,237 "'But we will continue to challenge all the forces that jeopardize our union.' 1988 01:22:26,239 --> 01:22:30,174 "Like sailors on the open sea, they have been through it all. 1989 01:22:30,176 --> 01:22:35,781 "And still, they stand together to weather the next storm. 1990 01:22:35,783 --> 01:22:38,349 "And the next one after that. 1991 01:22:38,351 --> 01:22:44,623 "So, today, we celebrate the foolishness, recklessness, and complete lack of rationale 1992 01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:48,893 "that has gone into making this couple so strong. 1993 01:22:48,895 --> 01:22:53,969 "Today we celebrate love and all of its beautiful imperfections. 1994 01:22:54,935 --> 01:22:58,306 "And of course, with the exchange of rings." 1995 01:23:00,541 --> 01:23:02,077 Oh, wait. 1996 01:23:03,243 --> 01:23:04,375 We got this. 1997 01:23:04,377 --> 01:23:05,646 What about you? 1998 01:23:13,421 --> 01:23:14,588 What is that? 1999 01:23:15,021 --> 01:23:15,990 It's, um, 2000 01:23:16,556 --> 01:23:17,791 from the smoke grenade. 2001 01:23:18,125 --> 01:23:19,027 Okay. 2002 01:23:19,627 --> 01:23:20,729 HENRY: Perfect. 2003 01:23:23,096 --> 01:23:25,563 So, uh, Cal. 2004 01:23:25,565 --> 01:23:28,834 Do you take Mal to be your lady love 2005 01:23:28,836 --> 01:23:31,606 forever and ever-ish kind of thing? 2006 01:23:34,274 --> 01:23:35,143 I do. 2007 01:23:35,509 --> 01:23:36,677 All right. 2008 01:23:39,814 --> 01:23:41,216 This ring is gross. 2009 01:23:42,182 --> 01:23:44,183 And, Mal. 2010 01:23:44,185 --> 01:23:49,090 Do you take Cal here to be your dude for everlasting-ness-ness? 2011 01:23:52,059 --> 01:23:53,094 I do. 2012 01:23:54,528 --> 01:23:55,861 It's a little big. 2013 01:23:55,863 --> 01:23:58,900 It's a little... Yeah. But I can just get it resized. 2014 01:23:59,533 --> 01:24:00,702 And inscribed. 2015 01:24:01,469 --> 01:24:03,102 Well, okay. 2016 01:24:03,104 --> 01:24:06,772 "And so today, by the power vested in me by the State of California, 2017 01:24:06,774 --> 01:24:08,943 "I now pronounce you man and wife." 2018 01:24:10,243 --> 01:24:12,212 Now kiss, you maniacs. 2019 01:24:13,913 --> 01:24:17,583 Or not. I don't really care. You know what I mean, you know. 2020 01:24:17,585 --> 01:24:19,953 You don't have to kiss. I mean, that's... 2021 01:24:22,756 --> 01:24:23,925 [DOOR CLOSES] 2022 01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:38,440 You are a much better kisser than me. 2023 01:24:39,239 --> 01:24:40,307 - I know. - [LAUGHS] 2024 01:24:44,645 --> 01:24:45,710 I'm sorry. 2025 01:24:45,712 --> 01:24:46,947 I'm sorry, too. 2026 01:24:50,751 --> 01:24:53,121 So, did Henry secretly marry us? 2027 01:24:54,121 --> 01:24:55,289 I think so. 2028 01:24:56,590 --> 01:24:57,723 - He's good. - Mm-hmm. 2029 01:24:57,725 --> 01:24:58,656 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 2030 01:24:58,658 --> 01:24:59,860 He's, like, too good. 2031 01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,130 Do you feel different? 2032 01:25:03,631 --> 01:25:04,833 I feel good. 2033 01:25:05,698 --> 01:25:07,999 - Good. - I feel really good. 2034 01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:09,304 I don't feel different. 2035 01:25:09,603 --> 01:25:10,771 Should I? 2036 01:25:12,206 --> 01:25:13,539 No. 2037 01:25:13,541 --> 01:25:17,875 It's probably because we're not technically married, like... 2038 01:25:17,877 --> 01:25:20,012 We're only married in the eyes of Henry and the Lord. 2039 01:25:20,014 --> 01:25:22,446 - Right. We need a marriage license. - Yes. 2040 01:25:22,448 --> 01:25:25,052 Of course. We can just pick up the license tomorrow. 2041 01:25:25,418 --> 01:25:26,485 Yeah. 2042 01:25:26,487 --> 01:25:28,922 - Oh, they'll be closed on Sunday. - Oh, right. 2043 01:25:29,622 --> 01:25:31,123 Monday? 2044 01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:33,759 Monday's a little tough for me. I think Tuesday would be better. 2045 01:25:33,761 --> 01:25:35,660 I just can't do Tuesday. I think I'll be working. 2046 01:25:35,662 --> 01:25:37,461 Okay. Wednesday? 2047 01:25:37,463 --> 01:25:39,430 - I can try for Wednesday. - I can't. 2048 01:25:39,432 --> 01:25:40,464 - You can't do Wednesday? - No. 2049 01:25:40,466 --> 01:25:41,833 - Oh, okay. - At all, actually. 2050 01:25:41,835 --> 01:25:43,501 - Oh. - Wow, I can't even believe I suggested it. 2051 01:25:43,503 --> 01:25:44,404 No, it's a bad day. 2052 01:25:46,105 --> 01:25:47,272 I love you. 2053 01:25:47,274 --> 01:25:48,209 I love you, too. 2054 01:25:49,810 --> 01:25:51,880 [ROCK SONG PLAYING] 2055 01:26:05,024 --> 01:26:06,760 ♪ One, two, three 2056 01:26:08,729 --> 01:26:11,399 ♪ That's how elementary 2057 01:26:12,498 --> 01:26:14,001 ♪ It's gonna be 2058 01:26:15,903 --> 01:26:19,474 ♪ Come on Let's fall in love, it's easy 2059 01:26:20,975 --> 01:26:25,780 ♪ Like taking candy from a baby 2060 01:26:26,814 --> 01:26:28,483 ♪ A, B, C 2061 01:26:30,251 --> 01:26:35,856 ♪ Falling in love with you Was easy for me 2062 01:26:37,858 --> 01:26:39,357 ♪ And you can do it, too... ♪ 2063 01:26:39,359 --> 01:26:40,460 What time is it? 2064 01:26:41,561 --> 01:26:44,196 - [SHUDDERS] Fucking bugs on my... - [SHUDDERS] 2065 01:26:44,198 --> 01:26:46,565 It's the biggest bug I've ever seen. 2066 01:26:46,567 --> 01:26:49,433 Oh, my God. [INDISTINCT SCREAMING] 2067 01:26:49,435 --> 01:26:51,905 Like a Slip'N Slide, just... 2068 01:26:53,039 --> 01:26:55,042 - fly right in. - [JESSE CHUCKLES] 2069 01:26:55,943 --> 01:26:57,445 CAL: But before that we have candles. 2070 01:26:58,378 --> 01:26:59,544 Oh, yes. 2071 01:26:59,546 --> 01:27:01,679 [MUMBLES, SNORTS] 2072 01:27:01,681 --> 01:27:03,348 - Okay. - [ALL LAUGH] 2073 01:27:03,350 --> 01:27:05,616 Coloring outside the lines, all right. [CLICKS TONGUE] 2074 01:27:05,618 --> 01:27:06,918 I'm down with that. Surf's up. 2075 01:27:06,920 --> 01:27:08,452 - Like we're kids again. - Yeah. 2076 01:27:08,454 --> 01:27:10,222 - Just... - Kids who fuck. 2077 01:27:10,224 --> 01:27:11,159 Kids who fuck. 2078 01:27:12,458 --> 01:27:13,360 I like that. 2079 01:27:14,395 --> 01:27:15,559 You guys are pretty cool. 2080 01:27:15,561 --> 01:27:16,928 [MAL GIGGLING] 2081 01:27:16,930 --> 01:27:18,696 - BARTENDER: Sriracharita? - No. 2082 01:27:18,698 --> 01:27:19,930 Actually, I was just in the restroom, 2083 01:27:19,932 --> 01:27:22,166 and someone did a real paint job in there. 2084 01:27:22,168 --> 01:27:23,902 There's, like, doo-doo, feces... 2085 01:27:23,904 --> 01:27:25,236 [LAUGHING] 2086 01:27:25,238 --> 01:27:27,406 There's, like, doo-doo, feces everywhere... 2087 01:27:27,408 --> 01:27:29,674 I can't do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. 2088 01:27:29,676 --> 01:27:32,546 There's, like, doo-doo, feces everywhere. It's disgusting. 2089 01:27:33,113 --> 01:27:34,879 BARTENDER: Shit. Animals. 2090 01:27:34,881 --> 01:27:36,483 - [SNICKERING] - [MUFFLED LAUGHTER] 2091 01:27:37,818 --> 01:27:38,983 - I did it. - Yeah. 2092 01:27:38,985 --> 01:27:40,352 [ALL LAUGHING] 2093 01:27:40,354 --> 01:27:42,754 I cannot believe I'm going out tonight. 2094 01:27:42,756 --> 01:27:46,191 Like, I'm up to my ass in paperwork, you have no idea. 2095 01:27:46,193 --> 01:27:48,492 I've got a deposition next week. 2096 01:27:48,494 --> 01:27:50,594 Why did I go to law school? 2097 01:27:50,596 --> 01:27:54,132 I could've just been a fucking Instagram model, you know? 2098 01:27:54,134 --> 01:27:55,936 They don't come here to be made fun of. 2099 01:27:57,404 --> 01:28:00,375 So it that's what you plan at doing, I suggest you leave. 2100 01:28:01,809 --> 01:28:04,041 [MAL AND CAL LAUGH] 2101 01:28:04,043 --> 01:28:06,344 - MAL: Steam coming out of your ears. - [ALL LAUGHING] 2102 01:28:06,346 --> 01:28:07,948 CAL: Do you mean like a prostitute? 2103 01:28:08,716 --> 01:28:10,151 No, not a 'tute. 2104 01:28:10,751 --> 01:28:11,953 - [MAL LAUGHS] - Like... 2105 01:28:13,186 --> 01:28:14,553 CAL: You mean like a prostitute? 2106 01:28:14,555 --> 01:28:16,021 [SCOFFS] No, not a 'tute. 2107 01:28:16,023 --> 01:28:18,589 - [MAL LAUGHS] Oh, my God. - [ALL LAUGHING] 2108 01:28:18,591 --> 01:28:21,028 CAL: Uh, like a prostitute? 2109 01:28:21,694 --> 01:28:23,527 No, not a 'tute. 2110 01:28:23,529 --> 01:28:27,668 - Top-notch escort. Upper-echelon female... - [MAL LAUGHS] 2111 01:28:30,970 --> 01:28:32,670 I did three months at Esselen, guys. 2112 01:28:32,672 --> 01:28:35,072 And the one thing they taught me to do was breathe. 2113 01:28:35,074 --> 01:28:36,241 So let's breathe. 2114 01:28:36,243 --> 01:28:37,645 - [INHALES DEEPLY] - [AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING] 2115 01:28:38,545 --> 01:28:40,312 [EXHALES] Let it out. 2116 01:28:40,314 --> 01:28:42,280 [SIREN CONTINUES] 2117 01:28:42,282 --> 01:28:45,153 And hope that person that's going to the hospital is gonna survive. 2118 01:28:45,752 --> 01:28:47,218 But I'm wondering, 2119 01:28:47,220 --> 01:28:50,187 I've only been with 39 men in my entire life. 2120 01:28:50,189 --> 01:28:52,691 - KATIE: Mom. - MAL: Oh, that's kind of a lot. 2121 01:28:52,693 --> 01:28:55,393 Oh, Leanne... Leanne Carlson. 2122 01:28:55,395 --> 01:28:57,361 MAL: Why would you say "Oh" to that? 2123 01:28:57,363 --> 01:28:58,463 [ALL LAUGHING] 2124 01:28:58,465 --> 01:29:00,034 - Sorry... I'm sorry. - CAL: You know her? 2125 01:29:00,634 --> 01:29:02,334 [STAMMERS] No, you... 2126 01:29:02,336 --> 01:29:04,302 Okay, you're not on the approved family contact list, 2127 01:29:04,304 --> 01:29:07,339 and that's actually one of the main lists 2128 01:29:07,341 --> 01:29:09,377 - that are... - [ALL LAUGHING] 2129 01:29:14,515 --> 01:29:15,613 [ALL LAUGHING] 2130 01:29:15,615 --> 01:29:16,717 [SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 2131 01:29:16,858 --> 01:29:21,858 Subtitles by explosiveskull 155340

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