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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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[CLATTERING]
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- MAN: Hey, wait.
- WOMAN: Huh?
4
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:33,564
- [CLATTERING CONTINUES]
- MAN: Hold on. It was right here.
5
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:35,699
- WOMAN: What are you looking for?
- MAN: It was right...
6
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:37,400
- WOMAN: Is it something private?
- MAN: No.
7
00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:39,769
WOMAN: Do you have, like, a sex toy
you haven't told me about? [CHUCKLES]
8
00:00:39,771 --> 00:00:41,805
MAN: No. Okay, I got it.
9
00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:43,841
Hold on.
I just wanna play something.
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[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]
11
00:00:46,277 --> 00:00:47,847
I'm a little nervous, but...
12
00:00:48,814 --> 00:00:50,316
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Sorry, I'm sweating.
13
00:00:51,116 --> 00:00:52,716
[SIGHS] Okay.
14
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:53,750
[CLEARS THROAT]
15
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[GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES]
16
00:00:56,554 --> 00:00:57,790
Malory...
17
00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:03,793
Will you marry me?
18
00:01:03,795 --> 00:01:05,265
MAL: Oh, my God.
19
00:01:06,831 --> 00:01:08,801
[LAUGHS] Yeah. Okay.
20
00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,804
Sure, I'll marry you.
21
00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:12,304
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
22
00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:18,142
Oh. No, we've been engaged
for four years.
23
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,877
It's not...
It's not a big deal.
24
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- Thank you.
- Cool.
25
00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:23,814
- What are you doing?
- I'm re-proposing.
26
00:01:23,816 --> 00:01:25,749
Re-proposing is not a thing.
27
00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,951
If it was, they wouldn't do it
with a fucking tooth.
28
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This is my actual tooth.
29
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This is my wisdom tooth.
30
00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:34,957
Oh, is that because marrying me would
be the wisest thing you ever did?
31
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,859
I was literally
gonna say that exactly.
32
00:01:36,861 --> 00:01:39,195
I kinda read your mind.
33
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Just thought, like, we should
get a fresh start, you know?
34
00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:44,868
Now instead of saying we've
been engaged for four years,
35
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:46,904
we can say that
we just got engaged,
36
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and people will buy us drinks.
37
00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:50,407
You know what?
Keep it in the car.
38
00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:51,711
- Okay.
- Okay.
39
00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:53,278
[MAN SIGHS]
40
00:01:54,245 --> 00:01:55,412
All right. Let's do this.
41
00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:56,213
This is gonna be rough.
42
00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,613
It's gonna be like
pulling teeth.
43
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Okay. I see what you did.
44
00:01:59,117 --> 00:02:00,116
You're an expert.
45
00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:01,684
- I know. Thank you.
- It was a joke for you.
46
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,954
- I just don't think you should mock me about it.
- It was for you.
47
00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:05,391
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
48
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♪ Maybe I don't love you Quite as
much as I believe I love you, baby
49
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:20,836
♪ But don't tell me
50
00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:25,309
♪ 'Cause loving you
Is a happy state of mind
51
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:30,516
♪ Maybe I don't need you Quite as
much as I profess To need you, baby
52
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,850
♪ But don't leave me
53
00:02:33,852 --> 00:02:37,490
♪ Needing you
Is a happy state of mind
54
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:44,494
♪ And who's to say anyway
That love is not a game we play
55
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:49,936
♪ Why's it always gotta be
Considered a condition Of the heart?
56
00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:51,938
♪ Mm-hmm
57
00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:54,738
♪ Mm-hmm
58
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:59,375
♪ As long as I feel warm inside
Wanted, filled, and satisfied
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00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:03,215
♪ Who am I
To be denied this feelin'
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00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:07,483
♪ Be it love
61
00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:11,823
♪ Or be it
Just a happy state of mind
62
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:20,062
♪ Maybe it's just something I've
imagined in the hours When I'm sleepin'
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00:03:20,064 --> 00:03:22,332
♪ But don't wake me
64
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:26,903
♪ 'Cause dreaming's
A happy state of mind
65
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:31,308
♪ You've put me
In a happy state of mind
66
00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:35,745
♪ Loving you is
A happy state of mind
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♪ Having you is
A happy state of... ♪
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- [SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INAUDIBLE]
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- MAN: Okay. It's party time.
- [SIGHS] Yeah.
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00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:57,834
WOMAN: Hello, hello.
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00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,769
- Oh, hey, Mom.
- Hi, Edie.
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00:03:59,771 --> 00:04:02,204
What took you so long?
Was the traffic bad?
73
00:04:02,206 --> 00:04:03,273
No, not too bad.
74
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,674
- Cal.
- Hi.
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00:04:04,676 --> 00:04:06,677
- Aloha.
- Mom, this place is nuts.
76
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,078
- Oh.
- Yeah, this place is great.
77
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,745
I've got you all set up
in the back bedroom.
78
00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:11,114
It's westerly facing.
79
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,919
Oh, actually, Mom, uh,
we got a hotel room.
80
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:14,650
What?
81
00:04:14,652 --> 00:04:16,420
Well, Mom, this is good for you
82
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,092
'cause you and Dad can walk around
naked and be gross like you are at home.
83
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:22,961
You're such a prude.
84
00:04:23,495 --> 00:04:25,027
Party time! [LAUGHS]
85
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Everybody's asking for you.
86
00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:30,700
[BOTH GRUNTING]
87
00:04:30,702 --> 00:04:32,502
Ladies and gentlemen,
88
00:04:32,504 --> 00:04:34,837
I give you Mr. and Mrs., uh...
89
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,406
Cal and Mal.
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[ALL CLAPPING]
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- Malor!
- [MAL CHUCKLES]
92
00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,314
- Hey.
- Hey!
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- Ah, Cal.
- Hi.
94
00:04:44,983 --> 00:04:46,550
- Big C.
- Yeah.
95
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,218
Big C and Malory Key.
96
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:49,355
Oh, yeah.
97
00:04:50,088 --> 00:04:51,053
Taking good care of her?
98
00:04:51,055 --> 00:04:52,589
- Of course.
- Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:53,723
Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES]
100
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:54,925
- [SPANKING]
- Oh, Lou!
101
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,926
Yeah. [GRUNTING]
102
00:04:56,928 --> 00:04:58,295
EDIE: Look at us.
103
00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:01,067
Weddings are fun.
You should try one sometime.
104
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:05,368
You wanna just go get us
some champagne?
105
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:06,803
CAL: Yeah.
106
00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:08,040
- Okay.
- Yeah.
107
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,007
- EDIE: What?
- What?
108
00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:12,209
- LOU: Come on.
- EDIE AND MAL: What?
109
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,543
- Oh, come on.
- What, what?
110
00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:15,745
I mean, we're gonna set a date.
Stop nagging me.
111
00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:17,581
This is not the time... Hey,
Jeff, how are you? Good to see ya.
112
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,983
You know why we couldn't have any
pets when you were really young?
113
00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:22,185
- No, no. Edie, please.
- Because you couldn't commit.
114
00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,019
- First you wanted a hermit crab.
- Edie, this is not...
115
00:05:24,021 --> 00:05:25,788
But that was gross,
and then you wanted a turtle,
116
00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:26,957
- then you wanted a gofer.
- This is...
117
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,591
I was being practical.
118
00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:30,060
- It...
- [STUTTERS] And you were. You were.
119
00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:31,327
I thought you had Asperger's.
120
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:33,230
And maybe she did.
We don't know...
121
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,865
- Katie! Katie!
- Oh, Katie.
122
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,332
Hey, Katie!
123
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Wow!
124
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Yeah!
125
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MAN: Do you wanna tell them?
126
00:05:40,204 --> 00:05:41,303
You wanna tell them now?
127
00:05:41,305 --> 00:05:42,505
You know you wanna tell them.
128
00:05:42,507 --> 00:05:44,440
Well, we talked about
not making it our day.
129
00:05:44,442 --> 00:05:46,075
- No, you've been talking about it, all right?
- EDIE: What you talking about?
130
00:05:46,077 --> 00:05:47,209
- MAN: Come on.
- KATIE: I know, I'm sorry.
131
00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:48,344
- EDIE: What?
- MAN: It is the right time.
132
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- KATIE: Well, we found out...
- What?
133
00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:52,214
It's a boy.
134
00:05:52,216 --> 00:05:54,418
[CHUCKLES] And... And...
135
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,618
Drum roll, please.
136
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,156
[IMITATING DRUM ROLL]
137
00:05:57,855 --> 00:05:58,921
- A girl.
- [GASPS]
138
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,190
BOTH: Twins.
139
00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:01,724
- Oh!
- EDIE: Oh, my God.
140
00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:04,026
- LOU: This is fantastic! Fantastic!
- [STUTTERING]
141
00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:05,928
EDIE: The perfect family.
142
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,798
[ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
143
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,332
EDIE: Nothing could be better.
144
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:11,368
- Nothing could be better.
- MAN: We're so excited. So excited.
145
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,536
Okay, uh,
while we're celebrating,
146
00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:16,074
um, Mal and I
have a little surprise too.
147
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,377
What?
148
00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:18,745
Uh...
149
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:22,180
We just got engaged.
150
00:06:24,415 --> 00:06:25,582
Oh.
151
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:26,519
To be married.
152
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,055
So...
153
00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:33,789
Aah!
154
00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:35,291
Like, didn't we know
that already?
155
00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,961
Yes, but we recently
got re-engaged.
156
00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,995
Re-engaged?
What the fuck is that?
157
00:06:39,997 --> 00:06:41,231
Yeah, re-engaged.
We did it today.
158
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:42,365
We re-prop... I re-proposed.
159
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:44,067
What, sort of like
a millennial thing?
160
00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:45,935
It's actually...
Actually, it's really...
161
00:06:45,937 --> 00:06:47,170
It's really popular right now.
162
00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,606
- It is?
- Um, so many viral videos.
163
00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,274
Like, shocked.
164
00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:53,009
Engaged women who're like,
"I'm engaged again." So...
165
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:56,079
I gave her... I gave her actually
a ring with my tooth in it.
166
00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:57,647
Well, don't tell them
everything. [CHUCKLES]
167
00:06:57,649 --> 00:06:59,315
- But, um, yeah...
- That's kind of cheap, isn't it?
168
00:06:59,317 --> 00:07:02,351
It's actually... We just were...
We were inspired by you guys.
169
00:07:02,353 --> 00:07:04,253
- That's right. That's right.
- And what you do every year, so...
170
00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:05,390
Isn't that great news?
171
00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:10,392
Great news
172
00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,330
would be a wedding invitation.
173
00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:15,534
Engraved on stationery
174
00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:17,637
with a date
175
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,306
that we stick to.
176
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,873
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
177
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,909
MAL: Yeah, we don't want people to
think we're rushing into anything.
178
00:07:25,911 --> 00:07:27,510
CAL: Yeah. Right.
179
00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:31,081
We should have just, uh... a
standard engagement period this time?
180
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:33,916
- Probably, what?
- It's 14 and a half months. I looked it up.
181
00:07:33,918 --> 00:07:34,885
- Oh.
- Yeah.
182
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,219
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
183
00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:41,091
Okay, 14 and a half months
from today, wedding day.
184
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:44,461
Actually, that's mid-March, which
puts us at St. Patrick's Day,
185
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,062
and our friends would hate us.
186
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:49,365
- Mm.
- Remember when Peter and Elle got married on New Year's Eve?
187
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,567
Yeah, well, I don't know
what the fuck that was.
188
00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:53,402
- They were in love.
- It was evil.
189
00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:54,771
Yeah.
190
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,373
What about a fall wedding?
191
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,511
We could do that.
Like, October?
192
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,877
What will the theme be?
Skeletons?
193
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:04,014
It could be cool. We can have,
like, a spooky wedding.
194
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,281
We don't have to
worry about it now, okay?
195
00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,382
Tonight we celebrate.
196
00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:07,819
- Yes. Tonight we celebrate.
- [LAUGHS]
197
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:12,658
[GLASS CLINKING]
198
00:08:14,692 --> 00:08:16,125
Hello, everyone.
199
00:08:16,127 --> 00:08:20,363
I would like to make a special
announcement with my better half here.
200
00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:23,433
I wanna say,
from the bottom of my hard-on...
201
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,103
[LAUGHTER]
202
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,170
Uh, just joking.
203
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,204
From the bottom of my heart,
204
00:08:29,206 --> 00:08:30,574
- I wanna thank you all...
- What time is it?
205
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,474
...very, very much
for being here at this time.
206
00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:33,944
- 9:00.
- You know, I couldn't have gone through
207
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:36,979
this whole 25 years without
my beloved Edie right here.
208
00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:39,049
And... and without her
being so patient.
209
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,617
Because I am not perfect.
210
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:43,122
And I got news for you all.
She's not perfect, either.
211
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,888
But together, we are perfection.
212
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:47,556
- Yes.
- Yeah, we are.
213
00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:49,261
- I love you, honey.
- I love you.
214
00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,330
I love you tons.
215
00:08:51,996 --> 00:08:53,964
And, um...
216
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,266
I just wanna thank all our
dear friends for being here.
217
00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:57,633
- Yes, thank you for being here.
- Thank you.
218
00:08:57,635 --> 00:08:58,868
Let's celebrate.
219
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,170
And you gotta be here tomorrow
for the wedding, all right?
220
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,673
So just don't drink too much.
221
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:04,773
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
222
00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,108
- I love you.
- I love you.
223
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,111
ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
224
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:09,248
[WHOOPING, CHEERING]
225
00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,224
I think we're gonna get a room.
226
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,759
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
227
00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:32,469
Let me tell you,
228
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:35,307
your parents
have got it figured out.
229
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,209
- Yeah, they're really in love.
- No.
230
00:09:39,778 --> 00:09:41,547
- Passion.
- Okay.
231
00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:43,382
You know it.
232
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,914
Yeah.
233
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:45,818
Write that down.
234
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:48,752
[SCOFFS]
235
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,822
I know their secret.
236
00:09:50,621 --> 00:09:52,421
Edie and Lou.
237
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:56,562
They party so, so hard.
[CHUCKLES]
238
00:09:57,095 --> 00:10:00,333
I mean, party party.
239
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,668
You know? As in...
240
00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:04,971
Third party.
241
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,472
You know?
242
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:09,571
Threesomes.
243
00:10:09,573 --> 00:10:11,775
- What the fuck?
- Three... Three ways.
244
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,843
Three... Menage a trois.
245
00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:15,310
Your parents have threesomes?
246
00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:17,513
No, no, no. She's just drunk.
247
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:19,451
- [WOMAN LAUGHING]
- I don't know.
248
00:10:20,217 --> 00:10:21,651
Drunk is truth.
249
00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:22,852
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
250
00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:26,626
♪ The hard part
Is living without love
251
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,394
Who the hell is that woman?
252
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,996
♪ One, two, three
253
00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:35,334
Oh, my God.
254
00:10:39,037 --> 00:10:40,770
♪ One, two, three
255
00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:41,641
CAL: Huh.
256
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:46,879
♪ It's easy
257
00:10:48,379 --> 00:10:51,647
♪ Like taking candy
From a baby ♪
258
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:53,318
MAL [WHISPERING]: Just go.
CAL: Yeah.
259
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,417
KATIE: Malory?
260
00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:57,522
Where you guys going?
Are you leaving?
261
00:10:58,123 --> 00:10:59,855
- Yeah.
- No.
262
00:10:59,857 --> 00:11:01,590
- So lame.
- Who's lame?
263
00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:02,758
It's not lame. It's just...
264
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,194
We're tired.
We had a long drive.
265
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,994
Come on.
The night is still young.
266
00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,564
We're still boogieing out there.
267
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:09,666
[LAUGHS]
268
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:13,936
Yeah. I mean, we're gonna have so much fun
tomorrow if we get, like, good sleep tonight.
269
00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:16,506
Yeah, we just wanna be fresh
for tomorrow.
270
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:20,109
If you guys can't hang, you might as well
drive Henry back to the retirement home.
271
00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:21,143
- KATIE: Yeah.
- Who's Henry?
272
00:11:21,145 --> 00:11:22,778
Henry? He's a good-luck charm.
273
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,214
The guy who marries us
every year.
274
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:26,485
I think he's out over there
by the pool. I'll go get him.
275
00:11:27,885 --> 00:11:28,754
Love you.
276
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:30,990
Bye, Lou.
277
00:11:33,457 --> 00:11:35,626
You know, you guys
used to be really fun.
278
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,331
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
279
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:46,069
Hey! Oh, Bob's got the bar open.
Can I buy you guys a drink?
280
00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:48,671
- Oh, no. You know, we gotta...
- One... One drink. Come on.
281
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:50,507
- No.
- We're... We gotta go back to the hotel,
282
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,441
- and get some sleep.
- Yeah.
283
00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:55,978
You know the old saying, "Youth is wasted
on the young"? Did you ever hear that one?
284
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,013
MAL AND CAL: Yeah.
285
00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:58,983
Yeah, well, let me tell you,
you're wasting it.
286
00:12:00,051 --> 00:12:01,217
Get out and dance.
287
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:03,820
Dance, dance, dance, dance.
288
00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:05,054
Dance the night away.
289
00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:07,924
Oh, hey, by the way, can you
guys pick me up tomorrow?
290
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:11,261
For the wedding. That would be
so nice if you could do that.
291
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,465
[EXHALES] Yeah...
292
00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,064
Yeah, I don't...
293
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:18,368
- No... No...
- You'd think for the money they'd have a van
294
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,835
- to take you someplace.
- Totally.
295
00:12:19,837 --> 00:12:22,070
Henry, we'll pick you up.
It's cool.
296
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,473
Yeah.
297
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:24,674
- Of course.
- Are you sure?
298
00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:26,946
- BOTH: Yeah.
- Thank you. That was so nice.
299
00:12:27,711 --> 00:12:29,278
I think we're getting close.
300
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,883
You see the sign
"Sunset Springs"?
301
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,552
I'd like to get sprung,
302
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,219
to tell you the truth.
303
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:38,823
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING]
304
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:54,005
[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
305
00:13:01,712 --> 00:13:03,213
[SIGHS]
306
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,151
My parents are so weird.
307
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:07,584
I like your parents.
308
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:09,518
- They have fun.
- Yeah.
309
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,286
They're really fun.
310
00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:12,957
Apparently more fun
than I ever knew.
311
00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,561
- Yeah, that was weird.
- Mm.
312
00:13:17,328 --> 00:13:18,795
- Is that mine?
- Oh.
313
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:22,031
Yeah. I didn't bring pajamas,
but I found this in your bag.
314
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,435
No, the toothbrush.
315
00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:27,270
Yeah. Mine was dead.
316
00:13:27,272 --> 00:13:28,872
- Mm.
- Sorry.
317
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:31,677
Just, like,
rinse it out really well, okay?
318
00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:33,879
Ew!
319
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,713
I gotta do my butt next, though.
320
00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:37,814
[CHUCKLES]
321
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:38,850
Baby got plaque.
322
00:13:39,384 --> 00:13:40,916
MAL: Mm.
323
00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:42,420
[CHUCKLES] My God.
324
00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,421
Can you move that food
out of here?
325
00:13:46,423 --> 00:13:49,592
The smell of those fries combined with
the thought of my parents having an orgy
326
00:13:49,594 --> 00:13:50,863
makes me wanna barf.
327
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:53,363
MAL: Ugh!
328
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,931
You know, the smell of that food
makes me kind of wanna fuck a little.
329
00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:58,200
- No.
- I smell like your teeth now.
330
00:13:58,202 --> 00:13:59,804
[KISSING]
331
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,579
- [KISSING]
- [WOMAN GIGGLING]
332
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:27,900
We're, like,
a fun couple, right?
333
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,702
- Yeah.
- We have fun.
334
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:34,203
Yeah, we're fun.
I mean, we're like...
335
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:38,174
Maybe not as fun as all those old
people who are still partying right now
336
00:14:38,176 --> 00:14:39,842
and doing coke, probably, but...
337
00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,180
we have our own brand of fun.
338
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,912
Yeah, we don't need a party.
339
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:46,648
Because the only reason to party is to go out and
meet somebody who's awesome and your soulmate,
340
00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:48,887
and you already got that.
341
00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,621
Just me?
342
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,055
- I have it?
- And I'm still looking.
343
00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,791
But I get closer
and closer every day.
344
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,528
Cool. I'll try to change.
345
00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,866
Whatever. We're fine, right?
346
00:15:03,999 --> 00:15:03,968
Yeah, we're fine.
347
00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:07,171
- All right.
- I'm not worried.
348
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,604
I love you.
349
00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:10,708
I love you too.
350
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:14,243
- [MUMBLES]
- Good night. Huh?
351
00:15:14,245 --> 00:15:15,545
I was gonna say good night too.
352
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,446
Oh. Yeah. Jinx.
353
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:18,716
- Good night.
- Good night.
354
00:15:19,049 --> 00:15:19,984
Okay.
355
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:26,658
[MAL SIGHS]
356
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,059
[CAL SIGHS]
357
00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:30,963
- [LULLABY MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MAL GRUNTS]
358
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:34,464
Sorry.
359
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,732
Did you set an alarm?
360
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,666
- No, it's my sleep tracker.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
361
00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:40,469
It tells me when to turn in
so I can get nine hours.
362
00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,405
And we were asleep
before it went off.
363
00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:43,642
Yeah, then we win.
364
00:15:44,642 --> 00:15:46,912
- Sorry. Good night for real.
- Good night.
365
00:15:50,914 --> 00:15:52,047
[CAL SIGHS]
366
00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:53,818
[PEOPLE SHOUTING,
CHEERING DISTANTLY]
367
00:15:57,455 --> 00:15:58,757
[MAL GROANS]
368
00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:04,762
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
369
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,199
- We should go out.
- I was just thinking that.
370
00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:12,935
Like, we're on vacation.
We need to "vacate."
371
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:14,903
Exactly. We shouldn't
be in here all night.
372
00:16:14,905 --> 00:16:17,205
There's a whole city
of palms to see.
373
00:16:17,207 --> 00:16:19,108
I mean, who needs
nine hours of sleep, anyway?
374
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,843
- It's Friday night, like...
- I don't need that.
375
00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:22,712
- No.
- That's too much sleep, actually.
376
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:24,914
Plus, we have, uh,
an engagement to celebrate.
377
00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:26,516
Yeah. There's a bar
across the street.
378
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:28,017
We could go there,
and like, be other people.
379
00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:29,584
We could just pretend
we're Canadian.
380
00:16:29,586 --> 00:16:32,354
Just, like, do the Canadian
accent 'cause it's super easy.
381
00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:33,922
- Uh-huh.
- And it'll just, like, be really nice.
382
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:36,025
Everyone will think we're Canadian.
It'll be fun.
383
00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:38,728
That's perfect. I know exactly
what you're talking "aboot."
384
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:39,829
- How about this, though?
- Perfect.
385
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:41,196
You go there first,
386
00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,598
then I show up a little bit
later and I pick you up?
387
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,001
That's great.
We're both Canadians.
388
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,103
- Yeah, we're two strange Canadians...
- Okay.
389
00:16:47,105 --> 00:16:50,006
...meeting in the desert.
We have an instant connection.
390
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:52,041
- We're both from the same place.
- Yeah.
391
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,876
Yeah, and no one else
understands it.
392
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:55,344
- Right.
- Yeah, it's great.
393
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:56,248
What are you gonna wear?
394
00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:58,281
I'll surprise you.
395
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:01,184
Well, I'm gonna be
hitting on you pretty hard,
396
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,951
and, uh, I don't think...
397
00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:04,822
you are gonna be able
to resist my charms.
398
00:17:05,856 --> 00:17:06,857
MAL: Mm.
399
00:17:08,192 --> 00:17:10,492
Oh, my God. Can you, like,
do that in the bathroom?
400
00:17:10,494 --> 00:17:12,495
- I'm sorry...
- You just looked me directly in the eye.
401
00:17:12,497 --> 00:17:14,497
[MUFFLED] All right, I'm sorry.
402
00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:17,365
No, but for reals, I'm gonna
hit on you so fucking hard.
403
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:18,767
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
404
00:17:18,769 --> 00:17:20,105
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
405
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,255
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
406
00:17:40,057 --> 00:17:41,093
Mm.
407
00:17:42,192 --> 00:17:43,394
Ugh! God.
408
00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:46,629
Not what you were expecting?
409
00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:50,533
Oh, yeah. No, these spicy
cocktail things are too much.
410
00:17:50,535 --> 00:17:52,004
Can't have diarrhea
in this dress.
411
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:53,702
Well...
412
00:17:53,704 --> 00:17:57,175
it's a good thing
you're only out...
413
00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,709
$18? Are you serious?
414
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,246
This place is such a rip-off.
415
00:18:02,113 --> 00:18:03,578
Desert pricing.
416
00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:05,046
[GASPS] Oh, let's do shots.
417
00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:06,782
- Oh, no, that's okay. Someone's coming...
- Yo!
418
00:18:06,784 --> 00:18:07,883
Hey, blondie.
419
00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:09,285
Another Sriracharita?
420
00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:10,152
Ew, no.
421
00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:11,786
Actually, I was just
in the restroom,
422
00:18:11,788 --> 00:18:13,823
and someone did a real
paint job in there.
423
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,423
It... It's sick.
424
00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:16,828
Shit. Animals.
425
00:18:18,695 --> 00:18:20,062
Go for the bourbon.
426
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:20,966
What? No.
427
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:22,234
Fine.
428
00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:30,442
[HUMMING NONCHALANTLY]
429
00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:33,709
Fill 'em up. Fill 'em up.
Don't stop.
430
00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:35,577
Okay.
431
00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:36,914
[WHISPERS] Hurry.
Quick, quick, quick!
432
00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:38,416
Oh, shit.
433
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:40,850
Mm.
434
00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:42,354
Maintenance is on it. Sorry.
435
00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:44,021
Yeah. Thank you.
436
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:45,621
[CHUCKLES]
437
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:47,722
- That was insane.
- I know.
438
00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,424
Do criminals feel this
amazing all the time?
439
00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:51,863
- Only until they get caught.
- [EXHALES] Wow!
440
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,528
He had no idea.
441
00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:55,299
- He's such an idiot.
- [CHUCKLES]
442
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:58,100
- That was fun.
- Mm.
443
00:18:58,102 --> 00:18:59,037
You're fun.
444
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:03,139
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
445
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:05,410
- Yes.
- I mean, it is real crazy.
446
00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:07,943
- Really?
- Yeah.
447
00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:10,680
- What year was it?
- It was, like, in 1995.
448
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:11,980
[IN CANADIAN ACCENT]
Whoa, hey.
449
00:19:11,982 --> 00:19:14,382
Forgive me for nosing in there.
450
00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:15,617
Name's Ryerson.
451
00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:17,152
Can I get you
a Labatt Blue or two?
452
00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:18,955
You don't have to do the
Canadian thing, it's okay.
453
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,826
- We're not doing the Canadian thing?
- Just drop it.
454
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:23,159
Okay.
455
00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,594
- Uh, you look very beautiful.
- Thank you.
456
00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:26,929
- Yeah.
- Cool.
457
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,532
Um, you have to meet Jesse.
This is my fiance, Cal.
458
00:19:29,534 --> 00:19:31,534
- Oh, hi.
- Fiance?
459
00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:33,102
What about you and me?
460
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,536
Okay. We have to
get you caught up.
461
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:36,107
Sit, sit, sit.
462
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:39,443
[EXHALES] Okay.
463
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,378
So, what were you saying?
464
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,011
- Oh, I just... The car was so old...
- Yeah.
465
00:19:43,013 --> 00:19:45,046
- ...like, you just couldn't.
- So many memories like that.
466
00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:47,115
I know. Oh, totally.
I would drive everyone around.
467
00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:48,450
Do you guys want
any beers or something?
468
00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:49,986
- Let's do it. Are you ready?
- Okay. Oh, yeah.
469
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:50,920
- Okay, you know the drill.
- Yes.
470
00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:52,054
Watch this, Cal.
471
00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,154
Ew! What?
472
00:19:53,156 --> 00:19:55,024
- Here? That...
- Oh, my God.
473
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,726
The guys' too?
That is disgusting.
474
00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:00,962
- Is there a problem?
- Yeah. My friend right here was just in the men's,
475
00:20:00,964 --> 00:20:02,465
and he said that
there's like a...
476
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,000
a FEMA-level disaster in there.
Right? Tell him what you saw.
477
00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:08,671
You just said there was, like, shit all
over the floor and the walls and stuff.
478
00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:09,840
Like, in the sink.
479
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:12,475
Uh, yeah.
480
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:15,478
I thought it was, at first, a design
thing, like, part of the tiles, but...
481
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,580
- There's shit... everywhere.
- JESSE: Yeah, you know what?
482
00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:19,015
I'm giving you one star on Yelp.
483
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,418
It's the cocaine. It turns
people into confetti cannons.
484
00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,486
I'll get it cleaned up.
485
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:24,855
- Thank you.
- Thanks so much.
486
00:20:25,856 --> 00:20:27,459
- Okay, hurry.
- Watch this.
487
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,726
CAL: Malory, I think...
488
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:31,893
- [JESSE GASPS]
- Oh, shit.
489
00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,461
Okay. Get out.
490
00:20:33,463 --> 00:20:35,230
- I'm so sorry.
- All three of you. Get out.
491
00:20:35,232 --> 00:20:36,731
- She was getting a napkin.
- You know what?
492
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,534
- Move it along. Thank you so much.
- No, fuck this place.
493
00:20:38,536 --> 00:20:40,568
Your drinks suck. Let's go to my place.
I have booze.
494
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,004
- I'll get us a car.
- BARTENDER: Bring the party elsewhere.
495
00:20:42,006 --> 00:20:44,073
- I... I'm so sorry.
- Sir, I will pay for that.
496
00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:46,074
- I will call the cops.
- Guys, come on. Come on.
497
00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:47,476
- Are we going? Who is she?
- She's fun.
498
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:49,077
- JESSE: Come on.
- We'll see. We'll see what happens.
499
00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:50,915
- I don't...
- BARTENDER: No, no. I'm keeping this.
500
00:20:51,816 --> 00:20:53,949
- Hey, come on.
- I just bought that.
501
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,319
Wait, wait, wait.
502
00:20:57,555 --> 00:20:59,057
[UKULELE MUSIC PLAYING]
503
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,042
CAL: Okay.
504
00:21:18,942 --> 00:21:21,710
- Look at all this shit.
- I know.
505
00:21:21,712 --> 00:21:24,516
There's gotta be, like,
a henna tattoo kit somewhere.
506
00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:28,084
It's like Gandhi's dorm room.
507
00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:29,552
How old do you think she is?
508
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,455
Looking at her place, she
could be a thousand years old.
509
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,123
Uh, we... We should leave.
510
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,294
[WHISPERING] Let's leave.
511
00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:42,131
So, I didn't really have a
chance to hide all my secrets.
512
00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:44,767
But, please, don't let that
stop you from snooping.
513
00:21:44,769 --> 00:21:45,867
[BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
514
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:47,635
Also, I'm breaking out
the good stuff.
515
00:21:47,637 --> 00:21:50,305
- BOTH: Oh.
- In for a treat.
516
00:21:50,307 --> 00:21:51,707
CAL: Thank you.
517
00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,807
Thank you.
518
00:21:52,809 --> 00:21:54,178
No. Thank you.
519
00:21:54,778 --> 00:21:56,746
Both of you. It is...
520
00:21:56,748 --> 00:22:01,950
[SIGHS] It's so refreshing to meet
kindred spirits and live... strangely.
521
00:22:01,952 --> 00:22:03,187
It totally is.
522
00:22:04,122 --> 00:22:05,988
- Cheers.
- Yeah. Cheers.
523
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:07,259
To living strangely.
524
00:22:07,724 --> 00:22:08,659
Okay.
525
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,068
JESSE: Mm.
526
00:22:25,276 --> 00:22:27,276
Oh. Let me put
something else on.
527
00:22:27,278 --> 00:22:28,477
MAL: Mm-hmm.
528
00:22:28,479 --> 00:22:29,448
[WHISTLING]
529
00:22:33,817 --> 00:22:35,651
CAL: Mm, it's got, um...
530
00:22:35,653 --> 00:22:37,353
a balsamic tinge to it.
531
00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:38,687
It's my favorite.
532
00:22:38,689 --> 00:22:39,921
It's great. Thank you.
533
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:41,657
It'd be really good on a salad.
With a salad.
534
00:22:41,659 --> 00:22:44,396
- CAL: With a salad, it would be good. Nice.
- MAL: Just paired. Yum-yum.
535
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,102
Is this a, um...
536
00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:53,035
[STUTTERS] Is this a geode?
537
00:22:53,037 --> 00:22:55,004
No, amethyst point.
538
00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:57,840
- [SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- It's actually one of my tools.
539
00:22:57,842 --> 00:23:00,342
- For what?
- Ever since I was a little girl,
540
00:23:00,344 --> 00:23:03,112
I've just had this thing.
I know how to mix energies.
541
00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:05,247
And I can sense
matching vibrations.
542
00:23:05,249 --> 00:23:06,748
- MAL: Oh!
- I'm an energy alchemist.
543
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,816
- Right.
- Oh.
544
00:23:07,818 --> 00:23:11,019
Now, I could tell
instantly with you.
545
00:23:11,021 --> 00:23:14,489
We are vibrating
at the exact same frequency.
546
00:23:14,491 --> 00:23:15,790
Can you feel that?
547
00:23:15,792 --> 00:23:17,860
I can. Yeah, it's crazy.
548
00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:19,694
I mean, I wouldn't have, like,
549
00:23:19,696 --> 00:23:20,962
put it in those words, you know.
550
00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:22,597
I don't really even know
what they mean.
551
00:23:22,599 --> 00:23:27,105
[STUTTERS] Yeah. No. For sure, it
feels like I've known you for so...
552
00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:28,640
Totally.
553
00:23:29,773 --> 00:23:32,807
But you need balance, right?
554
00:23:32,809 --> 00:23:34,211
I mean, too much of one type,
555
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,578
the scale tips.
556
00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,149
- BOTH: Right.
- Cal.
557
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:42,351
[SIGHS] You are bringing this...
558
00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:46,490
massively strong masculine
current into this space.
559
00:23:47,023 --> 00:23:48,459
It is working for me.
560
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,762
Uh, I'm glad
you picked up on that.
561
00:23:53,163 --> 00:23:56,364
And I didn't want it to be
overpowering necessarily,
562
00:23:56,366 --> 00:23:59,934
but I wanted it to vibrate.
563
00:23:59,936 --> 00:24:04,273
You know, to be honest, I kind of
thought I was gonna be a third wheel.
564
00:24:04,275 --> 00:24:06,511
[CHUCKLES] I mean,
with all your...
565
00:24:07,178 --> 00:24:08,547
sensual energy.
566
00:24:09,946 --> 00:24:11,580
Oh, ours?
567
00:24:11,582 --> 00:24:15,620
Oh, come on. It is practically oozing
out of the two of you. It is...
568
00:24:17,121 --> 00:24:18,190
It's intoxicating.
569
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:20,592
People have said.
570
00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:22,690
You know, we ooze.
571
00:24:22,692 --> 00:24:24,429
We always say
we're cruisin' for an oozin'.
572
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:26,295
Are you serious?
573
00:24:26,297 --> 00:24:29,064
Yes, it is like, bam!
It's, like, exploding.
574
00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:30,735
[CAL AND MAL CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
575
00:24:32,737 --> 00:24:33,605
Okay.
576
00:24:35,806 --> 00:24:37,142
[JESSE SIGHS]
577
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:41,512
[SIGHS]
578
00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:44,715
Okay.
579
00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:47,352
[SIGHS] This is great.
580
00:24:48,219 --> 00:24:49,688
Okay, close your eyes.
581
00:24:52,323 --> 00:24:53,391
Breathe.
582
00:24:55,358 --> 00:24:57,959
Okay. Visualize the energy.
583
00:24:57,961 --> 00:25:00,397
What color do you see?
584
00:25:01,699 --> 00:25:02,601
Amber.
585
00:25:03,034 --> 00:25:04,365
That's great.
586
00:25:04,367 --> 00:25:08,003
- Mm.
- Yeah. Amber is the color of your energy.
587
00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:09,708
[JESSE MAKING BUZZING SOUNDS]
588
00:25:11,107 --> 00:25:12,341
[MAL AND CAL CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
589
00:25:12,343 --> 00:25:14,410
- CAL: Whoa.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
590
00:25:14,412 --> 00:25:18,216
And feel as the energy radiates
through your whole body.
591
00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:20,684
Through every hair.
592
00:25:21,885 --> 00:25:23,221
Every toe.
593
00:25:24,855 --> 00:25:26,921
[SOFTLY] And every cell.
594
00:25:26,923 --> 00:25:29,391
[CAL AND MAL MOAN]
595
00:25:29,393 --> 00:25:33,765
Our blood is now pumping
in a perfect circle.
596
00:25:34,765 --> 00:25:36,599
- Triangle.
- Okay. Shh!
597
00:25:36,601 --> 00:25:37,769
- Sorry.
- Shut up.
598
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:43,505
Beats out of my heart,
into Mal's arm.
599
00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:47,610
Beats down through her chest.
600
00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:50,548
- Around into her shoulders.
- [MOANS]
601
00:25:51,749 --> 00:25:56,254
Making its way down
into her delicate fingertips.
602
00:25:57,020 --> 00:26:00,224
And working its way into Cal.
603
00:26:00,724 --> 00:26:02,024
- Oh!
- [CHUCKLES]
604
00:26:02,026 --> 00:26:03,827
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
605
00:26:04,561 --> 00:26:05,596
There it is.
606
00:26:06,896 --> 00:26:08,198
Wow.
607
00:26:11,167 --> 00:26:14,702
- You guys, that was fucking nuts. I...
- [BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY]
608
00:26:14,704 --> 00:26:17,672
- I feel so connected to you guys.
- MAL: Oh, my God. Me too.
609
00:26:17,674 --> 00:26:19,040
- That was good.
- [JESSE LAUGHS]
610
00:26:19,042 --> 00:26:20,074
- Wow.
- Yeah.
611
00:26:20,076 --> 00:26:21,376
I'm, like, covered in chills.
612
00:26:21,378 --> 00:26:23,344
That was really powerful.
613
00:26:23,346 --> 00:26:24,880
- MAL: It was crazy.
- CAL: Yeah.
614
00:26:24,882 --> 00:26:27,315
Um, do you mind if I just...
615
00:26:27,317 --> 00:26:28,851
pop out for a second?
616
00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:30,052
- Yeah, down the hall.
- Okay.
617
00:26:30,054 --> 00:26:31,853
I will probably go with her too.
618
00:26:31,855 --> 00:26:32,755
- Okay.
- Yeah.
619
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,590
- Just conserve water, you know.
- Yes.
620
00:26:34,592 --> 00:26:36,595
Aww. I love that.
621
00:26:39,063 --> 00:26:40,328
[DOOR CLOSING]
622
00:26:40,330 --> 00:26:42,296
[SLOW FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
623
00:26:42,298 --> 00:26:44,199
- What is going on?
- I don't know.
624
00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:46,035
I mean, is she, like, into us?
625
00:26:46,037 --> 00:26:47,469
I think so. Maybe.
626
00:26:47,471 --> 00:26:49,203
- I mean, she's hot, right?
- Yeah, totally.
627
00:26:49,205 --> 00:26:50,905
- I know.
- I mean, you are way hotter.
628
00:26:50,907 --> 00:26:52,507
No, she's hotter. It's fine.
629
00:26:52,509 --> 00:26:54,176
But are we reading it right?
630
00:26:54,178 --> 00:26:55,443
- I mean, are we...
- Are you into her?
631
00:26:55,445 --> 00:26:57,312
I... I think you are into her.
632
00:26:57,314 --> 00:26:58,479
Why... Why are you saying that?
633
00:26:58,481 --> 00:26:59,981
Because you did
the shoulder roll thing.
634
00:26:59,983 --> 00:27:02,017
When she touched your shoulders,
you rolled your shoulders back,
635
00:27:02,019 --> 00:27:03,451
and you basically had an orgasm.
636
00:27:03,453 --> 00:27:05,286
I didn't roll my shoulders back.
637
00:27:05,288 --> 00:27:06,921
I don't do anything
with my shoulders.
638
00:27:06,923 --> 00:27:09,257
You do roll your shoulders back, and
you did it out there on the couch.
639
00:27:09,259 --> 00:27:11,994
Okay. Well, I didn't mean to.
I mean...
640
00:27:11,996 --> 00:27:13,228
She was looking
right at your eyes
641
00:27:13,230 --> 00:27:15,396
when she said
we were intoxicating.
642
00:27:15,398 --> 00:27:17,434
Obviously she's gonna be
into me, Mal.
643
00:27:18,169 --> 00:27:20,169
- Shut up.
- Are we intoxicating?
644
00:27:20,171 --> 00:27:22,004
I mean, I think we might be.
645
00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:23,171
Does she, like, want us?
646
00:27:23,173 --> 00:27:25,407
I think she might want us.
647
00:27:25,409 --> 00:27:27,646
Is everybody having
a threesome except for us?
648
00:27:28,612 --> 00:27:30,515
Okay. We're not doing this.
649
00:27:31,214 --> 00:27:32,413
- No.
- We're not.
650
00:27:32,415 --> 00:27:33,414
We're not doing this.
651
00:27:33,416 --> 00:27:35,217
[STUTTERS] I don't even...
652
00:27:35,219 --> 00:27:37,385
- I don't even wanna do...
- Me neither.
653
00:27:37,387 --> 00:27:38,687
I don't need to do that.
654
00:27:38,689 --> 00:27:39,988
She's so weird.
655
00:27:39,990 --> 00:27:42,458
- She's so...
- And I don't... I just love you.
656
00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:44,058
- I love you.
- I love you.
657
00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:44,992
- Good.
- We're good.
658
00:27:44,994 --> 00:27:47,028
Okay. We're not gonna do it.
659
00:27:47,030 --> 00:27:48,566
- I know. I know.
- Okay.
660
00:27:53,503 --> 00:27:56,473
But we're not ourselves tonight.
661
00:27:57,208 --> 00:27:58,373
Really?
662
00:27:58,375 --> 00:27:59,708
Are you, really?
663
00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:02,944
I could be cool with this
if you are cool with it.
664
00:28:02,946 --> 00:28:05,146
I... I think I'm cool with it.
665
00:28:05,148 --> 00:28:08,851
I'm totally cool with it, and I will just
be the water boy if that's what it takes.
666
00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,219
- What?
- Like, if you guys are having a great time,
667
00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:13,988
I'll just go in the corner, and
I'll drink water, and I'll jerk off,
668
00:28:13,990 --> 00:28:16,959
and I'll change the music,
or whatever. Just, like...
669
00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:18,395
try to include me.
670
00:28:18,796 --> 00:28:19,995
Thanks, Cal.
671
00:28:19,997 --> 00:28:20,895
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
672
00:28:20,897 --> 00:28:22,663
- Okay.
- Good. 'Cause I wanna have fun.
673
00:28:22,665 --> 00:28:24,432
- You are gonna have a great time.
- I want you to have fun too.
674
00:28:24,434 --> 00:28:25,867
- I will have fun just watching.
- Okay.
675
00:28:25,869 --> 00:28:27,902
- Just watching and cranking it.
- Okay.
676
00:28:27,904 --> 00:28:29,270
- Great. Okay.
- Okay.
677
00:28:29,272 --> 00:28:30,474
- Let's do it.
- Wait, wait.
678
00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:34,913
- What are you doing?
- Just cleaning up.
679
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,246
You're washing your balls?
680
00:28:37,248 --> 00:28:38,549
Yeah. What...
681
00:28:39,383 --> 00:28:41,048
You're washing your balls
in her sink?
682
00:28:41,050 --> 00:28:42,151
I can't do it in her kitchen.
683
00:28:42,153 --> 00:28:43,986
That's where
she brushes her teeth.
684
00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:45,488
Why are you cleaning it at all?
685
00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:47,689
Because it's the desert and we've
been in a car for, like, four hours.
686
00:28:47,691 --> 00:28:50,258
Okay, but you've never
washed your balls for me.
687
00:28:50,260 --> 00:28:52,760
That is, like, the most offensive
thing you've ever said to me,
688
00:28:52,762 --> 00:28:55,029
because I have never
washed my balls more
689
00:28:55,031 --> 00:28:57,668
for anybody else
in my entire life than you.
690
00:28:58,134 --> 00:28:59,703
- Aww.
- Yeah.
691
00:29:01,905 --> 00:29:02,938
[FAINT MUSIC PLAYING]
692
00:29:02,940 --> 00:29:04,806
Okay. Just hurry up.
693
00:29:04,808 --> 00:29:06,443
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
694
00:29:16,053 --> 00:29:18,719
Wait, wait. Don't fall
in love with her, okay?
695
00:29:18,721 --> 00:29:20,322
- What?
- She's, like, young and hot.
696
00:29:20,324 --> 00:29:22,591
And she probably has perfect
nipples, and... Just don't.
697
00:29:22,593 --> 00:29:24,325
I don't care about her nipples.
698
00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:25,730
I am not gonna
fall in love with her.
699
00:29:26,696 --> 00:29:28,065
But you...
700
00:29:29,333 --> 00:29:30,599
You can't fall in love
with her either.
701
00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:32,334
What? You still think
I'm secretly gay?
702
00:29:32,336 --> 00:29:33,835
I think everybody's 10% gay,
703
00:29:33,837 --> 00:29:35,336
and you dated a chick
in college.
704
00:29:35,338 --> 00:29:38,207
I went to Oberlin. You're supposed
to date a chick at Oberlin.
705
00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:39,975
It's what it is. Look.
706
00:29:39,977 --> 00:29:41,809
- It's gonna be great. We'll have a good time. Okay?
- Okay.
707
00:29:41,811 --> 00:29:43,812
And if you don't like something,
just say stop.
708
00:29:43,814 --> 00:29:45,650
Or why don't you think
a safe word or something?
709
00:29:46,083 --> 00:29:47,415
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
710
00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:50,518
- Okay.
- If you don't like something, just say, "Wait, my car."
711
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,353
- What... What?
- Like, "Wait, my car.
712
00:29:52,355 --> 00:29:54,355
- "I'm gonna get a ticket like..." Oh, street cleaning.
- Oh, yeah. That's good.
713
00:29:54,357 --> 00:29:56,725
- Say, "Street cleaning."
- Okay, we're gonna have fun. It's gonna be great.
714
00:29:56,727 --> 00:29:58,125
- It's gonna be so fun.
- Okay. Great. I love you.
715
00:29:58,127 --> 00:29:59,327
- I love you too.
- I love you.
716
00:29:59,329 --> 00:30:00,328
- Okay.
- Okay.
717
00:30:00,330 --> 00:30:01,763
- Okay.
- [SQUEALING]
718
00:30:01,765 --> 00:30:03,498
- Aah!
- Calm down, calm down.
719
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:04,766
- Okay.
- Be cool.
720
00:30:04,768 --> 00:30:05,670
Okay.
721
00:30:09,272 --> 00:30:10,474
Hello?
722
00:30:11,808 --> 00:30:14,409
Hi. Hey, yeah,
just go sit down,
723
00:30:14,411 --> 00:30:16,510
take your jackets off,
make yourself comfortable.
724
00:30:16,512 --> 00:30:17,546
- Okay.
- I'll be out in a minute.
725
00:30:17,548 --> 00:30:18,750
- Great.
- Okay.
726
00:30:23,686 --> 00:30:25,889
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]
727
00:30:39,869 --> 00:30:40,904
[INAUDIBLE]
728
00:30:44,441 --> 00:30:45,643
[WHISPERING]
Is she naked?
729
00:30:46,809 --> 00:30:47,642
I think so.
730
00:30:47,644 --> 00:30:49,446
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
731
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:02,459
Konnichiwa.
732
00:31:03,594 --> 00:31:05,096
- Hi.
- Hey.
733
00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:07,161
[JESSE SIGHS DEEPLY]
734
00:31:07,163 --> 00:31:09,131
- Wow.
- Where'd your clothes go?
735
00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:14,036
Oh, yeah. Just took them off. Had
to let my skin breathe a little.
736
00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,539
- Yeah.
- Badass. Yes.
737
00:31:16,906 --> 00:31:19,373
I'm not making you
uncomfortable, am I?
738
00:31:19,375 --> 00:31:21,075
BOTH: No.
739
00:31:21,077 --> 00:31:22,110
- No?
- No.
740
00:31:22,112 --> 00:31:24,546
BOTH: No.
741
00:31:24,548 --> 00:31:25,948
- No.
- Ugh, no.
742
00:31:25,950 --> 00:31:27,083
BOTH: No.
743
00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:30,184
Oh, God, there's so much
space between us right now.
744
00:31:30,186 --> 00:31:31,622
Get in here.
745
00:31:33,356 --> 00:31:34,858
- That's better.
- Yeah.
746
00:31:36,993 --> 00:31:38,326
What are you two into?
747
00:31:38,328 --> 00:31:42,264
- Um...
- I've been getting into baking my own pretzels recently.
748
00:31:42,266 --> 00:31:43,565
It's super easy.
749
00:31:43,567 --> 00:31:45,400
- Yeah, we made a pizza one.
- Oh, yeah.
750
00:31:45,402 --> 00:31:48,269
Okay. I'm not asking
for a dating profile.
751
00:31:48,271 --> 00:31:50,404
I mean, what is it like
to be a fly on the wall
752
00:31:50,406 --> 00:31:54,977
on a romantic night
between Mal and Cal?
753
00:31:54,979 --> 00:31:57,645
- Uh...
- Oh, my God. Our society is so weird about sex.
754
00:31:57,647 --> 00:31:58,747
We don't even talk about it.
755
00:31:58,749 --> 00:32:00,114
No, we're not weird about it.
756
00:32:00,116 --> 00:32:01,816
- No, we talk about it all the time.
- All the time.
757
00:32:01,818 --> 00:32:03,517
Like, always. We're just
always talking about it.
758
00:32:03,519 --> 00:32:07,021
Yeah, our friends say, "Can you
talk about anything else? Sports?
759
00:32:07,023 --> 00:32:09,324
"Politics? Anything." 'Cause
we just wanna talk about sex.
760
00:32:09,326 --> 00:32:10,359
- We just love it.
- Great.
761
00:32:10,361 --> 00:32:11,996
- BOTH: Yeah.
- Paint a picture for me.
762
00:32:13,063 --> 00:32:14,132
Okay, um...
763
00:32:14,964 --> 00:32:16,364
Close your eyes.
764
00:32:16,366 --> 00:32:17,734
- Fun.
- [CHUCKLES]
765
00:32:19,036 --> 00:32:20,171
- Hmm.
- Um...
766
00:32:20,903 --> 00:32:22,871
- It's super romantic.
- Yeah?
767
00:32:22,873 --> 00:32:25,007
- Intensely romantic.
- [ENTHRALLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
768
00:32:25,009 --> 00:32:26,408
How so?
769
00:32:26,410 --> 00:32:30,011
I will cook a meal
for my lover.
770
00:32:30,013 --> 00:32:31,278
- Yeah.
- Oh.
771
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,748
Some salted bread.
772
00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:36,017
I can just smell it
in the house.
773
00:32:36,019 --> 00:32:39,121
Like, not just the food.
It's also...
774
00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:40,421
- Sex.
- Sex.
775
00:32:40,423 --> 00:32:42,490
CAL: And, um...
776
00:32:42,492 --> 00:32:46,661
- The pheromones, uh, of genetic...
- Mm-hmm.
777
00:32:46,663 --> 00:32:48,066
...DNA and mixing.
778
00:32:50,701 --> 00:32:52,500
And then, we touch.
779
00:32:52,502 --> 00:32:53,634
We touch each other.
780
00:32:53,636 --> 00:32:55,269
There's a lot of touching.
781
00:32:55,271 --> 00:32:57,040
- Rubbing.
- Caressing.
782
00:32:58,041 --> 00:32:59,975
Skin on skin.
783
00:32:59,977 --> 00:33:03,178
[STUTTERS] And she'll
pet me heavy...
784
00:33:03,180 --> 00:33:04,816
Heavily, and it's heavenly.
785
00:33:05,516 --> 00:33:06,748
I know.
786
00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:09,817
I like to take a candle
and just drip the wax
787
00:33:09,819 --> 00:33:11,519
all over our nipples.
788
00:33:11,521 --> 00:33:14,355
Ooh! Yes, I love that.
789
00:33:14,357 --> 00:33:17,859
- Yeah.
- Oh, perfect, 'cause we do the candle thing almost every...
790
00:33:17,861 --> 00:33:19,494
- [MOANING]
- ...night.
791
00:33:19,496 --> 00:33:21,028
Yeah, all the time.
792
00:33:21,030 --> 00:33:23,835
And then we'll, uh,
wipe that off with a...
793
00:33:24,867 --> 00:33:26,367
hot rag.
794
00:33:26,369 --> 00:33:28,636
Or a towelette, moist.
795
00:33:28,638 --> 00:33:29,805
Very moist.
796
00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:30,974
- Yeah.
- Moist.
797
00:33:31,775 --> 00:33:33,475
And we throw that away.
798
00:33:33,477 --> 00:33:35,380
- Oh, we recycle it.
- We are...
799
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,149
- earth-conscious.
- Yeah.
800
00:33:39,383 --> 00:33:41,583
And then...
801
00:33:41,585 --> 00:33:43,517
JESSE: Then what?
Don't hold back.
802
00:33:43,519 --> 00:33:46,888
Then he takes my...
my bra off...
803
00:33:46,890 --> 00:33:48,659
- That's right.
- ...with his teeth.
804
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,663
That's like me knocking
on the bra's door.
805
00:33:53,297 --> 00:33:54,496
And then...
806
00:33:54,498 --> 00:33:55,767
And then her panties...
807
00:33:56,933 --> 00:33:57,934
Um...
808
00:33:58,501 --> 00:33:59,567
Gone. They're gone.
809
00:33:59,569 --> 00:34:00,669
Bye-bye.
810
00:34:00,671 --> 00:34:02,340
Not gonna need those
where we're going.
811
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,039
He takes those off
with his boner.
812
00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,307
[JESSE GASPS]
813
00:34:06,309 --> 00:34:07,979
Yes. Yes, I do.
814
00:34:08,478 --> 00:34:09,778
Really?
815
00:34:09,780 --> 00:34:11,646
How do you do that?
816
00:34:11,648 --> 00:34:13,648
A dick-gician never tells.
817
00:34:13,650 --> 00:34:15,749
It's very curved
at the end, so...
818
00:34:15,751 --> 00:34:17,119
My little katana.
819
00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:18,619
[MOANING]
820
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:21,423
Made me think of the katana
with your kimono.
821
00:34:21,425 --> 00:34:22,691
- Mm-hmm.
- Konnichiwa.
822
00:34:22,693 --> 00:34:26,293
Yeah, and I get
really turned on.
823
00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:27,628
Yeah, I get really wet.
824
00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:32,069
Yeah, and I'm wet too
because she's...
825
00:34:32,702 --> 00:34:33,869
dripping.
826
00:34:33,871 --> 00:34:36,240
So wet like a Slip'N Slide.
827
00:34:37,340 --> 00:34:39,074
- CAL: Mm-hmm.
- And...
828
00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:43,181
We look at each other
with really intense eye contact.
829
00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:46,317
And we know it's on.
830
00:34:51,188 --> 00:34:52,753
Oh...
831
00:34:52,755 --> 00:34:54,923
- Okay.
- That's right. It is okay.
832
00:34:54,925 --> 00:34:56,590
Because in that moment,
833
00:34:56,592 --> 00:34:58,693
two have become one.
834
00:34:58,695 --> 00:34:59,728
[MAL GIGGLES]
835
00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:00,965
But also...
836
00:35:02,199 --> 00:35:03,664
three can become one.
837
00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,237
That's... sex math.
838
00:35:07,336 --> 00:35:08,371
[GASPS] Oh.
839
00:35:08,871 --> 00:35:10,104
What are you doing?
840
00:35:10,106 --> 00:35:11,873
Oh, do you wanna do me first?
841
00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:12,941
We can just do that.
842
00:35:12,943 --> 00:35:14,575
Yeah, I can just be
the water boy.
843
00:35:14,577 --> 00:35:15,776
- What?
- I'll just stand in the corner.
844
00:35:15,778 --> 00:35:16,744
- He'll just jerk off.
- Yeah.
845
00:35:16,746 --> 00:35:19,282
Uh... Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
846
00:35:20,516 --> 00:35:21,449
What?
847
00:35:21,451 --> 00:35:23,284
Are you two retarded?
848
00:35:23,286 --> 00:35:24,353
BOTH: What?
849
00:35:24,355 --> 00:35:26,854
- Who says "retarded"?
- Nobody says that anymore.
850
00:35:26,856 --> 00:35:28,889
What did you think
that this was?
851
00:35:28,891 --> 00:35:31,392
- Uh, we thought...
- [LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
852
00:35:31,394 --> 00:35:33,827
You thought I wanted to have
a threesome with you two?
853
00:35:33,829 --> 00:35:35,796
That's so embarrassing.
854
00:35:35,798 --> 00:35:38,200
MAL: Um, yeah, you were
touching us all night long.
855
00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:40,869
- You touched her all over here.
- Yeah, my shoulders.
856
00:35:40,871 --> 00:35:44,972
No, honey, you were just
feeling my energy.
857
00:35:44,974 --> 00:35:46,641
CAL: That's exactly
what I'm talking about.
858
00:35:46,643 --> 00:35:48,610
- You were touching her in a sexual way. You put her...
- [MAL SCOFFS]
859
00:35:48,612 --> 00:35:49,878
...mouth around your finger.
860
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,112
- That turned me on.
- See?
861
00:35:52,114 --> 00:35:54,048
We came back from the bathroom
and you were naked.
862
00:35:54,050 --> 00:35:56,483
Yeah, so I could breathe.
863
00:35:56,485 --> 00:35:59,454
- Uh...
- Do you not see how that's just a little misleading?
864
00:35:59,456 --> 00:36:01,755
Oh, what, are you two afraid
of a little nudity? Boo!
865
00:36:01,757 --> 00:36:03,023
- [MAL SQUEALS]
- Oh.
866
00:36:03,025 --> 00:36:04,959
- God.
- [STAMMERS] Now you're just flashing us.
867
00:36:04,961 --> 00:36:06,927
We are receiving
the right message.
868
00:36:06,929 --> 00:36:08,429
You don't know
what you're sending out.
869
00:36:08,431 --> 00:36:12,133
- Wow.
- What is it with your generation and nudity? Who cares?
870
00:36:12,135 --> 00:36:14,269
- Our generation? We're like...
- What?
871
00:36:14,271 --> 00:36:16,704
- ...five years older than you.
- If that.
872
00:36:16,706 --> 00:36:18,773
- I get carded all the time.
- All the time.
873
00:36:18,775 --> 00:36:20,374
You know what? I think
that you two should leave.
874
00:36:20,376 --> 00:36:22,443
I can't even stand
being in here right now.
875
00:36:22,445 --> 00:36:23,380
I'm moving. Go.
876
00:36:24,681 --> 00:36:26,380
Okay. Yeah, not a problem.
877
00:36:26,382 --> 00:36:29,251
You know what, because your living
space is giving me an aroma migraine.
878
00:36:29,253 --> 00:36:30,885
- Yeah.
- All this sandalwood in the air.
879
00:36:30,887 --> 00:36:32,686
You need to tone it down, missy.
880
00:36:32,688 --> 00:36:34,088
Yes, and you know,
881
00:36:34,090 --> 00:36:36,657
check out some 311 because
they are chill as fuck.
882
00:36:36,659 --> 00:36:41,429
- And your blood flow is fucked, by the way.
- Okay. Get out, freaks!
883
00:36:41,431 --> 00:36:42,664
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
884
00:36:42,666 --> 00:36:43,932
- We'll get out. We're the freaks.
- We're the freaks. Okay.
885
00:36:43,934 --> 00:36:44,999
- Here you go.
- Mm-hmm.
886
00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:46,900
Oh, beads.
How fucking surprising!
887
00:36:46,902 --> 00:36:48,603
We're freaks? She's a freak.
888
00:36:48,605 --> 00:36:49,970
Horny little freak.
889
00:36:49,972 --> 00:36:52,173
I will never say this again,
but she was asking for it.
890
00:36:52,175 --> 00:36:54,775
[IMITATING JESSE] Seriously?
A threesome? You guys?
891
00:36:54,777 --> 00:36:56,110
Is there something
wrong with us?
892
00:36:56,112 --> 00:36:58,445
No, we could totally have
a threesome if we wanted to.
893
00:36:58,447 --> 00:36:59,713
- Totally.
- Totally.
894
00:36:59,715 --> 00:37:01,282
All right.
So what are the rules?
895
00:37:01,284 --> 00:37:03,184
- No jealousy.
- No, I don't have time for that.
896
00:37:03,186 --> 00:37:06,987
And whoever we pick, they're
just there for our own enjoyment.
897
00:37:06,989 --> 00:37:08,123
They're for our pleasure.
898
00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:09,791
They're a fucktoy.
They don't mean anything.
899
00:37:09,793 --> 00:37:11,059
- They don't mean anything.
- No.
900
00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:13,161
- What else?
- Uh, it has to be the right person.
901
00:37:13,163 --> 00:37:14,929
- Of course, we both have to agree.
- Mm-hmm.
902
00:37:14,931 --> 00:37:15,996
- Kissing.
- Mm-hmm.
903
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,132
- Touching.
- Yeah.
904
00:37:17,134 --> 00:37:18,666
- Hand stuff, of course.
- Oh, fuck yeah.
905
00:37:18,668 --> 00:37:19,767
- Below the belt?
- Yeah.
906
00:37:19,769 --> 00:37:20,802
Well, where do we draw the line?
907
00:37:20,804 --> 00:37:22,106
Where do you
wanna draw the line?
908
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,039
[WHISPERS] I don't think
I wanna draw a line.
909
00:37:25,041 --> 00:37:26,344
Color outside the lines.
910
00:37:26,842 --> 00:37:28,742
All right. I'm in.
911
00:37:28,744 --> 00:37:30,945
- It's awesome. Surf's up.
- Surf's up.
912
00:37:30,947 --> 00:37:32,115
We're gonna find our unicorn.
913
00:37:33,150 --> 00:37:34,816
Mm.
914
00:37:34,818 --> 00:37:36,483
Is here all right for you guys?
915
00:37:36,485 --> 00:37:38,186
- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
916
00:37:38,188 --> 00:37:40,554
Got another pick up.
Just gotta make a pit stop.
917
00:37:40,556 --> 00:37:41,956
What is happening?
918
00:37:41,958 --> 00:37:43,023
We're surging.
919
00:37:43,025 --> 00:37:45,327
- You are so cheap.
- I'm saving for us.
920
00:37:45,329 --> 00:37:46,597
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
921
00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:53,001
Oh, my God, I can tell
you're half-wasted already.
922
00:37:53,003 --> 00:37:54,438
How dare you not wait for me?
923
00:37:55,405 --> 00:37:56,403
You dick.
924
00:37:56,405 --> 00:37:58,706
- [WHISPERS] What about her?
- GIRL: Shut up.
925
00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:00,342
- That was a test.
- GIRL: Shut the fuck up.
926
00:38:00,344 --> 00:38:01,809
- MAL: Okay.
- We gotta be on the same page.
927
00:38:01,811 --> 00:38:03,610
I'm sorry, it's my best friend.
928
00:38:03,612 --> 00:38:07,349
Wait for me before you guys
get too crazy. Stop.
929
00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:09,918
Oh, did you pull out
the dick lollipops yet?
930
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,088
- I'm ready, dude. I'm fucking...
- Hey, this, uh, GPS isn't showing.
931
00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:15,623
Is it like a hotel or like a...
Like a bar or something?
932
00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:17,791
It's, like, up here
on the left. You'll see it.
933
00:38:17,793 --> 00:38:19,329
It's like a really sick club.
934
00:38:20,664 --> 00:38:22,463
- Club.
- Yeah, we gotta go club.
935
00:38:22,465 --> 00:38:24,632
- We gotta go to the club.
- I told you to wait for me!
936
00:38:24,634 --> 00:38:25,700
I hate you.
937
00:38:25,702 --> 00:38:27,668
Hey, we're not from around here.
938
00:38:27,670 --> 00:38:29,604
Is it cool if we join you?
939
00:38:29,606 --> 00:38:30,608
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
940
00:38:32,007 --> 00:38:33,742
GIRL: Hey, we're with
Hailey's bachelorette.
941
00:38:33,744 --> 00:38:35,146
What is that, a postal code?
942
00:38:35,644 --> 00:38:36,811
"Nioct"?
943
00:38:36,813 --> 00:38:39,012
You guys...
[ENUNCIATING] "Intensity."
944
00:38:39,014 --> 00:38:40,180
Fucking duh. Okay?
945
00:38:40,182 --> 00:38:41,950
Just come on. I'm late.
946
00:38:41,952 --> 00:38:43,087
Fucking duh.
947
00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,019
Oh, I get it.
948
00:38:45,021 --> 00:38:46,524
[DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
949
00:39:17,653 --> 00:39:19,422
MAL: I don't know
if we're at the right place.
950
00:39:20,389 --> 00:39:22,624
I'm just enjoying
the atmosphere.
951
00:39:22,626 --> 00:39:24,458
Oh, my God. Loosen up.
952
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:26,327
- What do you mean?
- It's too hot for you in here.
953
00:39:26,329 --> 00:39:29,164
All these hot guys
with their little booty shorts.
954
00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:31,065
I feel perfectly comfortable.
955
00:39:31,067 --> 00:39:34,101
- Really?
- I appreciate the body as a work of art.
956
00:39:34,103 --> 00:39:35,670
Male and female.
957
00:39:35,672 --> 00:39:37,137
Excellent body, but we're good.
958
00:39:37,139 --> 00:39:38,576
We don't have cash.
959
00:39:38,909 --> 00:39:39,977
No cash.
960
00:39:42,846 --> 00:39:45,079
Oh. You can't handle it.
961
00:39:45,081 --> 00:39:46,914
This is funny to you?
962
00:39:46,916 --> 00:39:49,550
- MAL: What?
- This funny to you?
963
00:39:49,552 --> 00:39:51,586
- No.
- Then why are you sitting in the front row,
964
00:39:51,588 --> 00:39:52,920
laughing and not tipping?
965
00:39:52,922 --> 00:39:54,121
We don't have any cash.
966
00:39:54,123 --> 00:39:55,690
Well, then why are you here?
967
00:39:55,692 --> 00:39:57,291
It's a strip club.
968
00:39:57,293 --> 00:39:59,427
If you don't have any money,
then you should leave.
969
00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:00,427
CAL AND MAL: What?
970
00:40:00,429 --> 00:40:03,197
All right. This isn't a joke.
This is N10CT.
971
00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:06,236
People come here
to embrace their sexuality,
972
00:40:06,869 --> 00:40:08,202
as adults.
973
00:40:08,204 --> 00:40:10,007
Not laugh at it like children.
974
00:40:10,606 --> 00:40:12,206
You know,
975
00:40:12,208 --> 00:40:14,244
I feel sorry
for people like you.
976
00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:16,711
[SCOFFS] So limited.
977
00:40:16,713 --> 00:40:17,782
We just...
978
00:40:18,782 --> 00:40:20,548
[STAMMERS] I don't know.
979
00:40:20,550 --> 00:40:21,719
[YAWNS]
980
00:40:22,552 --> 00:40:23,554
Have a better night.
981
00:40:24,788 --> 00:40:26,556
Oh, my God. What was that?
982
00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:31,795
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
983
00:40:32,661 --> 00:40:33,827
CAL: Hey, man. I'm really...
984
00:40:33,829 --> 00:40:35,463
No, I get it. You thought
it'd be funny to come in here.
985
00:40:35,465 --> 00:40:36,731
- No.
- You thought it'd be crazy.
986
00:40:36,733 --> 00:40:38,599
Some sort of crazy story
to tell your friends about
987
00:40:38,601 --> 00:40:40,735
that you went to,
uh, a male strip club.
988
00:40:40,737 --> 00:40:43,304
- It...
- Look, man. No. I don't wanna hear it, okay?
989
00:40:43,306 --> 00:40:45,742
- GIRL 1: You gotta stay hydrated.
- GIRL 2: Cheers, all!
990
00:40:46,543 --> 00:40:47,778
[CHEERING, WHOOPING]
991
00:40:54,451 --> 00:40:56,550
- It is nothing like that.
- Oh, come on.
992
00:40:56,552 --> 00:40:59,487
You have no idea what it
takes to run this place.
993
00:40:59,489 --> 00:41:00,588
I work my ass off.
994
00:41:00,590 --> 00:41:04,157
I paid for my house in cash.
I have two pools.
995
00:41:04,159 --> 00:41:07,061
I have fucked so many women
in this place.
996
00:41:07,063 --> 00:41:08,231
Wait, you're not gay?
997
00:41:08,632 --> 00:41:09,963
I am.
998
00:41:09,965 --> 00:41:12,266
But I fuck women.
999
00:41:12,268 --> 00:41:13,934
- I mean, I can be gay and fuck women.
- CAL: Yeah.
1000
00:41:13,936 --> 00:41:15,470
I can be straight
and fuck men. I don't...
1001
00:41:15,472 --> 00:41:17,137
- CAL: Totally. Of course. No.
- I mean, it's whatever.
1002
00:41:17,139 --> 00:41:18,606
We don't have any problem
with your personal life.
1003
00:41:18,608 --> 00:41:20,240
Thank you so much.
Thanks for telling me.
1004
00:41:20,242 --> 00:41:21,441
Thanks for coming in here,
and letting me know
1005
00:41:21,443 --> 00:41:22,776
that you have no problem
with my lifestyle.
1006
00:41:22,778 --> 00:41:25,215
- Oh, come on. Let's just go. He's an asshole.
- No. No.
1007
00:41:26,181 --> 00:41:27,584
I've had a gay experience.
1008
00:41:28,652 --> 00:41:30,450
- What?
- It was a boy.
1009
00:41:30,452 --> 00:41:31,219
- Ew.
- No.
1010
00:41:31,221 --> 00:41:32,452
That's not a gay experience.
1011
00:41:32,454 --> 00:41:34,755
No, I was a boy. We both...
We both were boys.
1012
00:41:34,757 --> 00:41:36,791
What are you talking about?
1013
00:41:36,793 --> 00:41:38,860
- I've never told you this story before?
- No.
1014
00:41:38,862 --> 00:41:41,229
- You sure?
- Yeah. I'm pretty sure.
1015
00:41:41,231 --> 00:41:43,467
Oh. Well, now you gotta tell us.
1016
00:41:46,936 --> 00:41:48,302
Um...
1017
00:41:48,304 --> 00:41:50,640
Well, his... His name
was Corey Crown. We...
1018
00:41:51,407 --> 00:41:52,907
lived in the same neighborhood,
1019
00:41:52,909 --> 00:41:55,142
and we would play Shinobi III,
and rollerblade after school.
1020
00:41:55,144 --> 00:41:58,278
One day we were at his house and we'd
stolen his brother's Green Day CD,
1021
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,282
so we were just dancing around in
his room, just having a great time,
1022
00:42:02,284 --> 00:42:04,420
and I don't know
how it started happening, but...
1023
00:42:05,255 --> 00:42:06,724
our clothing
started to come off.
1024
00:42:07,423 --> 00:42:08,659
And then we were naked.
1025
00:42:10,193 --> 00:42:13,161
Dancing around naked,
and it was fun.
1026
00:42:13,163 --> 00:42:15,829
And it was also scary,
and felt wrong,
1027
00:42:15,831 --> 00:42:18,733
but it didn't matter.
1028
00:42:18,735 --> 00:42:21,271
And then I noticed that something
was going on with his weiner.
1029
00:42:22,505 --> 00:42:23,474
And that...
1030
00:42:24,407 --> 00:42:26,309
something was going on
with my weiner, too.
1031
00:42:26,643 --> 00:42:27,610
What?
1032
00:42:28,577 --> 00:42:29,612
We had boners.
1033
00:42:30,146 --> 00:42:31,545
Okay.
1034
00:42:31,547 --> 00:42:33,146
I mean, everything kind of
gives you a boner at that age.
1035
00:42:33,148 --> 00:42:37,217
Oh, there's a lot of cartoon shit
out there that can get you hard.
1036
00:42:37,219 --> 00:42:39,387
Anyway, so, we just
kind of stood there,
1037
00:42:39,389 --> 00:42:41,588
and stared at our little penises
for a while,
1038
00:42:41,590 --> 00:42:45,892
and then we just inched
closer and closer together
1039
00:42:45,894 --> 00:42:50,333
until we were face to face, and
our little penises were eye to eye.
1040
00:42:51,635 --> 00:42:53,233
And then what?
1041
00:42:53,235 --> 00:42:57,273
And then we just touched
them together for a bit.
1042
00:42:58,173 --> 00:43:00,575
I mean, that's it.
You docked penises?
1043
00:43:00,577 --> 00:43:01,943
CAL: We didn't dock them,
we touched them, and...
1044
00:43:01,945 --> 00:43:04,177
- You just touched them together?
- Touched them together.
1045
00:43:04,179 --> 00:43:05,646
You kissed your boners together.
1046
00:43:05,648 --> 00:43:07,414
I'm saying something very
vulnerable here, and you're...
1047
00:43:07,416 --> 00:43:09,117
No, no, it's amazing.
1048
00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:10,651
I... I can't believe it.
1049
00:43:10,653 --> 00:43:13,621
Anyway, then his brother
busted in, and yelled at us,
1050
00:43:13,623 --> 00:43:17,557
and took his CD back, and we never
really talked about it ever again.
1051
00:43:17,559 --> 00:43:19,395
And I think, just being here...
1052
00:43:20,295 --> 00:43:22,030
brought that up,
and I was laughing,
1053
00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:25,199
because these guys are
intimidating, and I was intimidated.
1054
00:43:25,201 --> 00:43:27,403
So I laughed. So I'm sorry.
1055
00:43:27,936 --> 00:43:30,204
Okay, okay. It's fine.
1056
00:43:30,206 --> 00:43:31,375
Forget about it.
1057
00:43:32,007 --> 00:43:32,909
I'm Tyson.
1058
00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:35,211
- I'm Cal.
- Mal.
1059
00:43:36,311 --> 00:43:38,179
That's cute.
1060
00:43:38,181 --> 00:43:39,782
- Shots?
- [THUMPING DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
1061
00:43:42,284 --> 00:43:45,519
Compared to you, I mean,
I was a late bloomer.
1062
00:43:45,521 --> 00:43:49,057
I... For me, my first time
was in high school.
1063
00:43:49,059 --> 00:43:51,224
MAL: Oh, my God.
Tell this story.
1064
00:43:51,226 --> 00:43:53,760
His name was Hugh Turner,
1065
00:43:53,762 --> 00:43:57,699
and he was the captain
of the boys' lacrosse team.
1066
00:43:57,701 --> 00:43:59,166
Oh.
1067
00:43:59,168 --> 00:44:03,438
And he sucked me off in Coach Clark's
office one day after practice.
1068
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,405
- Well, it's a quicker story than yours.
- BOTH: Yes.
1069
00:44:05,407 --> 00:44:06,743
It was one of the most...
1070
00:44:08,844 --> 00:44:12,179
[SIGHS]
erotic experiences of my life.
1071
00:44:12,181 --> 00:44:13,815
I can still feel it right now.
1072
00:44:13,817 --> 00:44:16,717
Wow. And that's when
you knew that you were gay?
1073
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,151
Ugh! What?
1074
00:44:18,153 --> 00:44:24,291
No. Why are you so bent on figuring
out whether I'm gay or not,
1075
00:44:24,293 --> 00:44:27,260
or when I found out I was gay.
1076
00:44:27,262 --> 00:44:29,197
Gay, bi, poly...
1077
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:31,065
What's with these labels?
Don't label me.
1078
00:44:31,067 --> 00:44:34,302
And don't label yourselves.
1079
00:44:34,304 --> 00:44:36,369
No, I dated a girl
in college, actually, so...
1080
00:44:36,371 --> 00:44:38,805
Really? So that's when
you knew you were gay.
1081
00:44:38,807 --> 00:44:41,441
- [CHUCKLES] Right.
- Did you guys have sex?
1082
00:44:41,443 --> 00:44:43,443
No, I mean, we...
We just made out.
1083
00:44:43,445 --> 00:44:45,581
- A couple of times.
- Mm. Okay. And how long did that
1084
00:44:46,215 --> 00:44:47,315
go on for?
1085
00:44:47,317 --> 00:44:49,016
I believe I went on,
like, a few dates.
1086
00:44:49,018 --> 00:44:50,184
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
1087
00:44:50,186 --> 00:44:51,952
Oh, I thought
it was just one date.
1088
00:44:51,954 --> 00:44:54,856
Yeah, it was a couple dates, but it
was nothing. It wasn't a big deal.
1089
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:57,258
It was so dumb.
1090
00:44:57,260 --> 00:44:59,559
Yeah, so you both
have had a little...
1091
00:44:59,561 --> 00:45:01,898
- A little... A little taste.
- MAL: Yeah.
1092
00:45:03,932 --> 00:45:06,501
So, you don't even really,
like, have to dance anymore?
1093
00:45:06,503 --> 00:45:09,670
No, I don't.
I mean, I love to dance, but...
1094
00:45:09,672 --> 00:45:11,742
You know, I only do it
on a special occasion.
1095
00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:16,110
Hmm, well,
tonight's a special occasion.
1096
00:45:16,112 --> 00:45:17,081
TYSON: Hmm...
1097
00:45:18,947 --> 00:45:20,414
- Is it?
- Yeah.
1098
00:45:20,416 --> 00:45:22,452
Mm, I guess it is.
1099
00:45:23,952 --> 00:45:24,855
Cheers.
1100
00:45:34,496 --> 00:45:36,699
[GROOVY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
1101
00:45:37,599 --> 00:45:38,568
Yes.
1102
00:45:40,603 --> 00:45:43,403
You know that, uh, the CD's
Now That's What I Call Music?
1103
00:45:43,405 --> 00:45:45,206
CAL: Uh-huh.
1104
00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:46,941
- CAL: That's from this?
- MAL: Is that what this is?
1105
00:45:46,943 --> 00:45:50,010
No, but I'm just thinking,
"Now that's what I call music."
1106
00:45:50,012 --> 00:45:51,345
- CAL: Wow.
- [MAL CHUCKLES]
1107
00:45:51,347 --> 00:45:55,516
Hey, Tyson, I gotta say this
place is so incredibly impressive.
1108
00:45:55,518 --> 00:45:56,883
I mean,
you have your own business,
1109
00:45:56,885 --> 00:45:59,623
you get to do
what you wanna do every night.
1110
00:46:00,155 --> 00:46:01,924
I am jealous of you.
1111
00:46:03,092 --> 00:46:04,191
You should be.
1112
00:46:04,193 --> 00:46:05,626
It's incredible.
1113
00:46:05,628 --> 00:46:07,295
- It's so awesome.
- It's awesome.
1114
00:46:07,297 --> 00:46:10,498
- I think it's amazing.
- My life is better than anybody else's I know.
1115
00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:13,871
There's literally no downside
to what I do.
1116
00:46:15,170 --> 00:46:16,137
It shows.
1117
00:46:16,139 --> 00:46:17,170
- Cheers to that.
- Cheers.
1118
00:46:17,172 --> 00:46:19,507
Well, you're welcome
here anytime.
1119
00:46:19,509 --> 00:46:21,675
If you'd like to audition,
you're more than welcome.
1120
00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:24,345
- MAL: Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- Uh, nope, I can't do that.
1121
00:46:24,347 --> 00:46:26,046
Stop it. Yes, you could.
1122
00:46:26,048 --> 00:46:28,014
- No.
- Yes, you could.
1123
00:46:28,016 --> 00:46:30,550
Oh, yeah, if I had time
to train, and all that,
1124
00:46:30,552 --> 00:46:32,686
but, like, I...
There's no way I could do
1125
00:46:32,688 --> 00:46:33,954
- what you guys do.
- Oh, yes, you could.
1126
00:46:33,956 --> 00:46:35,655
- I mean, I would get better over time.
- Yeah.
1127
00:46:35,657 --> 00:46:37,023
What are you...
What are you saying?
1128
00:46:37,025 --> 00:46:38,025
You could, you couldn't?
1129
00:46:38,027 --> 00:46:39,492
I don't think I could do it,
but if I had...
1130
00:46:39,494 --> 00:46:41,397
I think you could,
but you're just afraid to.
1131
00:46:42,264 --> 00:46:43,396
Aren't you?
1132
00:46:43,398 --> 00:46:44,500
A little...
1133
00:46:45,235 --> 00:46:47,001
apprehenxious.
1134
00:46:47,003 --> 00:46:47,901
Do you know what that is?
1135
00:46:47,903 --> 00:46:50,007
It's a little anxious
and apprehensive.
1136
00:46:51,039 --> 00:46:52,673
[BOTH LAUGH]
1137
00:46:52,675 --> 00:46:56,110
- Oh.
- Yeah, come here. It's easy. I'll teach you.
1138
00:46:56,112 --> 00:46:57,478
- Get up, Cal.
- Get up.
1139
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:58,545
- MAL: Oh, my God.
- CAL: Okay.
1140
00:46:58,547 --> 00:46:59,613
TYSON: Mmm...
1141
00:46:59,615 --> 00:47:01,048
- MAL: Yeah.
- Come here.
1142
00:47:01,050 --> 00:47:03,016
All right, just give me a
little dance to start off with.
1143
00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,020
[CHUCKLES]
1144
00:47:06,588 --> 00:47:08,521
Stop that. Stop that.
Don't do that.
1145
00:47:08,523 --> 00:47:09,990
Don't do that. Shh. Hey.
1146
00:47:09,992 --> 00:47:11,825
Stop. Hey.
1147
00:47:11,827 --> 00:47:13,461
[SOFTLY] Come here.
Come here. Shh.
1148
00:47:13,463 --> 00:47:14,561
Start small.
1149
00:47:14,563 --> 00:47:16,597
- Real small, real slow.
- Real small?
1150
00:47:16,599 --> 00:47:18,132
MAL: Ooh, yeah.
1151
00:47:18,134 --> 00:47:20,568
Good. Sensual body of yours.
1152
00:47:20,570 --> 00:47:22,336
Oh, you got a great body.
1153
00:47:22,338 --> 00:47:23,436
Thank you. You are very...
1154
00:47:23,438 --> 00:47:25,072
- He's very strong.
- [TYSON SCOFFS] Yeah.
1155
00:47:25,074 --> 00:47:27,041
- Well, that's good.
- All bodies are great.
1156
00:47:27,043 --> 00:47:28,642
Just gotta learn
how to appreciate them.
1157
00:47:28,644 --> 00:47:30,211
- That's such a nice thing to say.
- Yeah.
1158
00:47:30,213 --> 00:47:32,149
Now, start to move that hip.
1159
00:47:33,148 --> 00:47:34,749
- There you go.
- Going around.
1160
00:47:34,751 --> 00:47:35,816
Mm-hmm.
1161
00:47:35,818 --> 00:47:38,019
Pretend like you got
a hula hoop around that...
1162
00:47:38,021 --> 00:47:39,186
Very slow. Very...
1163
00:47:39,188 --> 00:47:41,322
Heavy, heavy hula hoops.
1164
00:47:41,324 --> 00:47:42,856
It's filled with water.
It's just...
1165
00:47:42,858 --> 00:47:44,825
[MOANS] Just splashing
that around.
1166
00:47:44,827 --> 00:47:47,494
- [MOANING]
- Hula hoop so heavy.
1167
00:47:47,496 --> 00:47:50,067
You can't let that
touch the ground.
1168
00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:51,932
Do it like he's doing it.
1169
00:47:51,934 --> 00:47:53,668
- Like, really smooth.
- I am trying.
1170
00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:55,269
- Anybody can do it.
- [STAMMERS] It...
1171
00:47:55,271 --> 00:47:57,804
You just gotta move your body in
a way that you never have before.
1172
00:47:57,806 --> 00:47:59,773
It is just like letting go.
1173
00:47:59,775 --> 00:48:00,541
Yes.
1174
00:48:00,543 --> 00:48:01,608
- You know?
- Yes.
1175
00:48:01,610 --> 00:48:03,110
Oh. Come on, Cal.
1176
00:48:03,112 --> 00:48:04,545
Smooth. Smooth.
1177
00:48:04,547 --> 00:48:06,746
You gotta believe that
you're the sexiest man alive.
1178
00:48:06,748 --> 00:48:09,083
- Fuck yeah.
- And that wand between your legs?
1179
00:48:09,085 --> 00:48:11,452
- Yeah? What about it?
- Sexiest thing in the world.
1180
00:48:11,454 --> 00:48:13,454
- Yeah?
- And everybody wants it.
1181
00:48:13,456 --> 00:48:15,626
Look at her with your cock.
1182
00:48:16,693 --> 00:48:18,124
- Ooh.
- Ooh, yeah.
1183
00:48:18,126 --> 00:48:19,695
- Get over here.
- Yeah.
1184
00:48:20,563 --> 00:48:22,095
MAL: Ooh, yeah.
1185
00:48:22,097 --> 00:48:23,664
- Go for it, Cal.
- Yeah?
1186
00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:25,132
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1187
00:48:25,134 --> 00:48:26,499
This is my fantasy.
1188
00:48:26,501 --> 00:48:28,501
[ALL MOANING]
1189
00:48:28,503 --> 00:48:30,637
TYSON: Now we're all
dancing together, right?
1190
00:48:30,639 --> 00:48:32,606
- Yeah.
- MAL: Ooh, give it to him.
1191
00:48:32,608 --> 00:48:33,974
- Yeah.
- [MOANING]
1192
00:48:33,976 --> 00:48:36,876
- [BOTH MEN MOANING]
- [MAL CHUCKLING]
1193
00:48:36,878 --> 00:48:38,713
- TYSON: Feel good? That's fun?
- Yeah.
1194
00:48:38,715 --> 00:48:40,014
- Yeah?
- MAL: Yeah.
1195
00:48:40,016 --> 00:48:41,715
- Now be a little naughty.
- Oh. Oh.
1196
00:48:41,717 --> 00:48:43,717
TYSON: Now you're
tossing it around.
1197
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:45,588
- [MAL WHOOPING]
- TYSON: Yeah.
1198
00:48:46,889 --> 00:48:48,688
[ALL MOANING]
1199
00:48:48,690 --> 00:48:50,257
- [TYSON SPUTTERING]
- MAL AND CAL: Whoa!
1200
00:48:50,259 --> 00:48:51,425
[SPUTTERING]
1201
00:48:51,427 --> 00:48:53,864
[LAUGHS] Whee!
1202
00:48:54,597 --> 00:48:56,363
TYSON: Yeah, just let go.
1203
00:48:56,365 --> 00:48:58,432
- CAL: Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
1204
00:48:58,434 --> 00:48:59,833
This is amazing.
1205
00:48:59,835 --> 00:49:03,139
- TYSON: It's so fun.
- Oh, my God. Keep it going.
1206
00:49:05,675 --> 00:49:07,340
Oh, just let go.
1207
00:49:07,342 --> 00:49:09,376
My hands become your hands.
1208
00:49:09,378 --> 00:49:10,780
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1209
00:49:12,181 --> 00:49:13,213
[ALL MOANING]
1210
00:49:13,215 --> 00:49:15,383
- TYSON: Oh, that's so...
- Get in there. Yeah.
1211
00:49:15,385 --> 00:49:18,084
- Yeah, you want me to be a naughty boy?
- Tell me what you're gonna do.
1212
00:49:18,086 --> 00:49:18,985
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1213
00:49:18,987 --> 00:49:20,387
- Oh!
- Yeah, what you wanna do?
1214
00:49:20,389 --> 00:49:22,423
- Oh, you're going down.
- Wanna be naughty? Be naughty.
1215
00:49:22,425 --> 00:49:25,492
- You've just been playing around.
- Ooh, you've been bad.
1216
00:49:25,494 --> 00:49:27,028
- [BOTH MOANING]
- Ooh... Uh-oh.
1217
00:49:27,030 --> 00:49:28,162
Ooh, suck that.
1218
00:49:28,164 --> 00:49:30,296
- Yeah.
- Suck that. Don't bite it. Suck that.
1219
00:49:30,298 --> 00:49:32,099
There you go. There you go.
1220
00:49:32,101 --> 00:49:33,501
[TYSON MOANING]
1221
00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:36,269
TYSON: You playing around? You
messing around? You gonna do this?
1222
00:49:36,271 --> 00:49:38,671
- Huh? You want him to do this?
- Yeah, I want him to.
1223
00:49:38,673 --> 00:49:40,106
- Yeah, I want him to do this.
- Whatever he wants to do.
1224
00:49:40,108 --> 00:49:41,842
- Do whatever you want. Do it.
- Do whatever you want.
1225
00:49:41,844 --> 00:49:43,677
- I'm gonna do this.
- That's good.
1226
00:49:43,679 --> 00:49:45,945
- What do you want?
- All right. You want me to...
1227
00:49:45,947 --> 00:49:48,516
- Oh, yeah.
- You just... You want me to put it in my mouth?
1228
00:49:48,518 --> 00:49:50,617
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, I feel good.
1229
00:49:50,619 --> 00:49:51,584
- Yeah, grab it.
- MAL: Wait, what...
1230
00:49:51,586 --> 00:49:52,720
- I feel good.
- MAL: Oh, my...
1231
00:49:52,722 --> 00:49:54,421
- Suck on it. Suck on it.
- Okay. Stop, stop.
1232
00:49:54,423 --> 00:49:55,826
- Whoa.
- Stop, stop...
1233
00:49:56,559 --> 00:49:57,992
What are you doing?
1234
00:49:57,994 --> 00:50:00,026
[STUTTERS] I... I'm just
doing what you told me to do.
1235
00:50:00,028 --> 00:50:01,762
No, I only wanted you to do
what you wanted.
1236
00:50:01,764 --> 00:50:03,264
You said this was your fantasy.
1237
00:50:03,266 --> 00:50:05,766
No, it's not my fantasy.
I thought it was your fantasy.
1238
00:50:05,768 --> 00:50:08,469
- Oh, no, I don't want to...
- If you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it.
1239
00:50:08,471 --> 00:50:09,804
Great. We don't have to do it.
1240
00:50:09,806 --> 00:50:11,838
But you were so into it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ty...
1241
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,673
- No, I was just feeling...
- No, don't be sorry.
1242
00:50:13,675 --> 00:50:16,177
This is confusing.
You guys are figuring it out.
1243
00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,878
- MAL: I'm sorry.
- You're doing a great job.
1244
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,345
- It's fine.
- I'm so sorry.
1245
00:50:19,347 --> 00:50:22,083
- We led you on.
- TYSON: Look, this happens all the time.
1246
00:50:22,085 --> 00:50:23,184
- It does?
- Yeah.
1247
00:50:23,186 --> 00:50:25,019
I'm sorry if we...
1248
00:50:25,021 --> 00:50:26,287
I didn't even...
1249
00:50:26,289 --> 00:50:28,188
- I thought that...
- You said you were kinda gay, I thought...
1250
00:50:28,190 --> 00:50:29,757
- This is a big part, and you became anxious.
- I'm... I guess I'm not...
1251
00:50:29,759 --> 00:50:30,990
I thought this was your
big chance to suck a dick.
1252
00:50:30,992 --> 00:50:33,726
- Hey.
- I don't need... even need that chance.
1253
00:50:33,728 --> 00:50:35,295
Yeah, I know. [STAMMERS]
1254
00:50:35,297 --> 00:50:37,764
I'm glad we stopped before you
did something you didn't wanna do.
1255
00:50:37,766 --> 00:50:39,233
- CAL: Thank you.
- TYSON: Look at that.
1256
00:50:39,235 --> 00:50:41,168
- MAL: Cool.
- TYSON: What do you say we get some drinks?
1257
00:50:41,170 --> 00:50:43,436
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
1258
00:50:43,438 --> 00:50:45,274
- That'd be great.
- Man, I came twice.
1259
00:50:46,541 --> 00:50:48,476
- What's that?
- MAL: What?
1260
00:50:48,478 --> 00:50:51,545
TYSON: I get
so fucking exhausted.
1261
00:50:51,547 --> 00:50:53,613
[ALL LAUGHING]
1262
00:50:53,615 --> 00:50:57,517
- Okay.
- Okay, so you guys are completely committed to this?
1263
00:50:57,519 --> 00:50:59,385
- Yeah...
- Well...
1264
00:50:59,387 --> 00:51:00,753
[STAMMERS] Yes, we are.
1265
00:51:00,755 --> 00:51:02,490
- We do... Yeah, we're serious.
- Yes. Yeah.
1266
00:51:02,492 --> 00:51:04,858
Mm, you need a professional.
1267
00:51:04,860 --> 00:51:07,129
- Like you?
- No, I'm a dancer.
1268
00:51:08,463 --> 00:51:10,664
You need a professional.
1269
00:51:10,666 --> 00:51:13,166
- [SCRIBBLING ON PAPER]
- She's incredible. I've known her for years.
1270
00:51:13,168 --> 00:51:14,904
And if you're looking
for a threesome...
1271
00:51:16,271 --> 00:51:17,637
this is your girl.
1272
00:51:17,639 --> 00:51:19,472
[SCRIBBLING CONTINUES]
1273
00:51:19,474 --> 00:51:21,242
- Is she a prostitute?
- [SCOFFS]
1274
00:51:21,244 --> 00:51:22,412
No, not a 'tute.
1275
00:51:23,211 --> 00:51:24,744
A top-notch escort.
1276
00:51:24,746 --> 00:51:27,884
We're talking upper-echelon
female companionship.
1277
00:51:28,351 --> 00:51:29,219
Give her a call.
1278
00:51:29,818 --> 00:51:31,151
She'll take care of you.
1279
00:51:31,153 --> 00:51:32,485
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
1280
00:51:32,487 --> 00:51:33,820
[CAL SIGHS] Okay.
1281
00:51:33,822 --> 00:51:35,255
- We're locked and loaded.
- Mm-hmm.
1282
00:51:35,257 --> 00:51:36,690
We can't turn back.
1283
00:51:36,692 --> 00:51:38,159
- No.
- Can't turn back.
1284
00:51:38,161 --> 00:51:39,526
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
- Just gonna talk to her and figure it out.
1285
00:51:39,528 --> 00:51:41,061
- Mm-hmm.
- I will talk to her.
1286
00:51:41,063 --> 00:51:43,097
It's just like calling and making
an appointment for a haircut.
1287
00:51:43,099 --> 00:51:45,432
"Hey, will you come
suck my dick? Cool. Bye."
1288
00:51:45,434 --> 00:51:47,066
And, lift off.
1289
00:51:47,068 --> 00:51:48,936
Hi, you've reached April.
1290
00:51:48,938 --> 00:51:50,037
- Leave a message.
- I can't do it. You have to do it.
1291
00:51:50,039 --> 00:51:51,438
- What? No.
- Yeah, talk.
1292
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:52,706
- [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
- Just...
1293
00:51:52,708 --> 00:51:55,041
Hi, this is Mary.
1294
00:51:55,043 --> 00:51:57,945
And I got your number
from Tyson, so, um,
1295
00:51:57,947 --> 00:51:59,813
if you wanna just
give me a call,
1296
00:51:59,815 --> 00:52:01,815
that would be great, baby.
1297
00:52:01,817 --> 00:52:03,117
- What?
- [SHUDDERS]
1298
00:52:03,119 --> 00:52:04,617
- That was great.
- Why did I say "baby"?
1299
00:52:04,619 --> 00:52:06,887
You said "baby," and that means
you're cool and you're friendly.
1300
00:52:06,889 --> 00:52:08,688
Feel like I'm some kinda
old jazz musician.
1301
00:52:08,690 --> 00:52:10,291
- Little bit, but...
- "Yeah, baby."
1302
00:52:10,293 --> 00:52:11,891
I wouldn't have said
"baby," honestly.
1303
00:52:11,893 --> 00:52:13,760
- But this is the...
- "Put it on the snare."
1304
00:52:13,762 --> 00:52:15,095
That's fine. It's done.
1305
00:52:15,097 --> 00:52:17,231
- Great.
- It's done. It's a waiting game.
1306
00:52:17,233 --> 00:52:19,465
- Do you have any cash?
- I got like 40 bucks.
1307
00:52:19,467 --> 00:52:20,501
Well, it's not enough.
1308
00:52:20,503 --> 00:52:21,802
How do you know?
1309
00:52:21,804 --> 00:52:23,704
'Cause Julia Roberts
costs, like, $3,000 for a night.
1310
00:52:23,706 --> 00:52:24,871
Like, the real Julia Roberts?
1311
00:52:24,873 --> 00:52:26,139
In Pretty Woman.
1312
00:52:26,141 --> 00:52:29,008
No, no. Prostitutes operate
on a sliding scale.
1313
00:52:29,010 --> 00:52:30,778
It's not low-income housing.
1314
00:52:30,780 --> 00:52:33,680
In Pretty Woman, she says $3,000
because Richard Gere picks her up
1315
00:52:33,682 --> 00:52:35,682
in, like, a sports car and takes
her to a really nice hotel.
1316
00:52:35,684 --> 00:52:38,818
But if you were to pick her up in a Honda
Civic, and take her to some shit hotel,
1317
00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:40,320
she would get a lot less money.
1318
00:52:40,322 --> 00:52:42,289
- Well, okay, should we look more poor, or something?
- Yeah.
1319
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,757
- Should we hide the laptop?
- Definitely.
1320
00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:45,258
You shouldn't have
washed your balls.
1321
00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:46,126
I know, I...
1322
00:52:46,128 --> 00:52:47,126
I think we're losing focus here.
1323
00:52:47,128 --> 00:52:48,662
No. Yeah, totally. Totally.
1324
00:52:48,664 --> 00:52:52,035
Okay, I have 300 bucks in the car.
It's for emergencies only.
1325
00:52:52,501 --> 00:52:53,601
Why?
1326
00:52:53,603 --> 00:52:54,901
It's in my bug-out bag.
1327
00:52:54,903 --> 00:52:56,269
Oh, my God,
like, your zombie bag?
1328
00:52:56,271 --> 00:52:58,171
You told me
you stopped doing that.
1329
00:52:58,173 --> 00:52:59,840
I told you I stopped doing that because
you kept making fun of me for doing that.
1330
00:52:59,842 --> 00:53:01,474
Well, yeah, you wanted
to hide a gun in the yard.
1331
00:53:01,476 --> 00:53:04,043
And as far as you know, I still
have not buried a gun in the yard.
1332
00:53:04,045 --> 00:53:06,914
What I'm trying to say is,
we have 340 bucks to work with.
1333
00:53:06,916 --> 00:53:08,581
- That's good.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
1334
00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:09,786
Oh. Shit. Fuck.
1335
00:53:11,721 --> 00:53:12,889
Hello?
1336
00:53:13,956 --> 00:53:16,356
APRIL: Hi, um, is this Mary?
1337
00:53:16,358 --> 00:53:17,358
- No.
- Yes.
1338
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:18,925
Oh. Yeah, sorry. Um...
1339
00:53:18,927 --> 00:53:20,529
Yeah, Tyson gave us your number.
1340
00:53:22,164 --> 00:53:26,633
"Us"? Um, how many
of you are there?
1341
00:53:26,635 --> 00:53:29,702
Just two. It's just my boyfriend and me.
My fiance.
1342
00:53:29,704 --> 00:53:32,139
- Yo.
- That's him. He just said, "Yo."
1343
00:53:32,141 --> 00:53:34,411
Um, we were just wondering
if you wanted to party.
1344
00:53:36,311 --> 00:53:38,811
Um, party. Uh, okay.
1345
00:53:38,813 --> 00:53:42,816
Uh, well, I provide
incall massage services.
1346
00:53:42,818 --> 00:53:44,717
- Yes, that's a code.
- Okay. Yeah, that's great.
1347
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:46,420
Okay, um, where are you at?
1348
00:53:46,422 --> 00:53:49,289
Actually, um, I was wondering
how much it costs.
1349
00:53:49,291 --> 00:53:51,325
Well, it's $150
for a couple's massage,
1350
00:53:51,327 --> 00:53:55,061
and after that,
it's sort of a sliding scale.
1351
00:53:55,063 --> 00:53:56,396
[WHISPERS] That's what I said.
That's what I said!
1352
00:53:56,398 --> 00:53:58,898
- That's what I said.
- Okay, great. Great. Um...
1353
00:53:58,900 --> 00:54:01,135
- Yeah?
- Yeah, let's do that.
1354
00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:03,537
Okay. Um, well,
text me your address,
1355
00:54:03,539 --> 00:54:06,472
and I'll let you know
when I'm on my way.
1356
00:54:06,474 --> 00:54:08,508
Also, if there's
a fucking bachelor party,
1357
00:54:08,510 --> 00:54:11,445
or a fucking rubber fist
or anything, I bounce.
1358
00:54:11,447 --> 00:54:14,985
No, totally. We don't have
a rubber fist. We're cool.
1359
00:54:16,152 --> 00:54:19,119
[LAUGHS] I'm teasing. Sorry.
Okay, I'll see you soon.
1360
00:54:19,121 --> 00:54:21,954
- [LAUGHS]
- Totally... [STUTTERS] Okay, bye.
1361
00:54:21,956 --> 00:54:23,425
[FAST DRUM MUSIC PLAYING]
1362
00:54:24,293 --> 00:54:25,659
- Okay.
- Oh, God.
1363
00:54:25,661 --> 00:54:28,262
- She actually sounded pretty sweet.
- Very sweet. I'm drinking.
1364
00:54:28,264 --> 00:54:29,496
Wait, you're gonna get
whiskey dick.
1365
00:54:29,498 --> 00:54:32,034
Yeah, I need whiskey dick
if I'm gonna perform.
1366
00:54:34,003 --> 00:54:35,735
- [EXHALES]
- We gotta get this place set up.
1367
00:54:35,737 --> 00:54:37,070
This place is, like,
way too bright.
1368
00:54:37,072 --> 00:54:38,438
- It is too bright. It's too bright.
- We need candles.
1369
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,206
- Oh, wait.
- We need some fucking candles.
1370
00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:41,708
- [CLATTERING]
- We can't have candles. It's a hotel.
1371
00:54:41,710 --> 00:54:43,376
- They don't let you.
- What?
1372
00:54:43,378 --> 00:54:45,311
They don't let you have candles in
a hotel 'cause you'll burn it down.
1373
00:54:45,313 --> 00:54:47,847
Okay, well, we gotta put, like,
shirts on these things, or something.
1374
00:54:47,849 --> 00:54:49,583
That's a fire hazard, too.
1375
00:54:49,585 --> 00:54:51,784
No, these are LEDs. They give off very
little heat and they last forever.
1376
00:54:51,786 --> 00:54:53,354
- Just like your whiskey dick.
- Yes.
1377
00:54:53,356 --> 00:54:54,987
- Okay, great. Um...
- This one, too.
1378
00:54:54,989 --> 00:54:56,222
- You need to calm down.
- What?
1379
00:54:56,224 --> 00:54:58,157
Why don't you get the ice,
and go get the cash,
1380
00:54:58,159 --> 00:55:00,293
- and I'll make this, like, a sex palace?
- Okay.
1381
00:55:00,295 --> 00:55:02,662
- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah, ice and cash. That's great.
1382
00:55:02,664 --> 00:55:03,666
Oh, wait. What do you think?
1383
00:55:04,766 --> 00:55:07,333
- These guys.
- Um, um... I don't know.
1384
00:55:07,335 --> 00:55:08,901
Fucking...
1385
00:55:08,903 --> 00:55:10,670
- That looks so crazy. I don't know. Make it stop.
- What? Like, crazy good?
1386
00:55:10,672 --> 00:55:11,972
- No, bad.
- What?
1387
00:55:11,974 --> 00:55:13,740
- Off... On...
- Stop. Off or on?
1388
00:55:13,742 --> 00:55:14,941
- Off.
- Off.
1389
00:55:14,943 --> 00:55:16,275
Okay. Off it is.
1390
00:55:16,277 --> 00:55:17,978
All right. Getting ice,
getting money. I'll be back.
1391
00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:19,713
- "Get it money"?
- Getting money.
1392
00:55:19,715 --> 00:55:21,351
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. And get it, babe.
1393
00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:24,586
[FAST DRUM MUSIC PLAYING]
1394
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,702
MAN: Ice, ice baby!
1395
00:55:40,335 --> 00:55:41,503
[VOCALIZING]
1396
00:55:43,905 --> 00:55:45,572
Cally-Cal!
1397
00:55:45,574 --> 00:55:46,940
- Oh, shit.
- Charlie.
1398
00:55:46,942 --> 00:55:49,008
Uh, yeah. We're good.
1399
00:55:49,010 --> 00:55:50,978
- Hey, hey, hey.
- How's it going on, man?
1400
00:55:50,980 --> 00:55:52,545
- Sit, sit, sit.
- No, I can't. I gotta...
1401
00:55:52,547 --> 00:55:54,914
- No, no, no. Sit, sit. Sit down. Sit down.
- I really gotta run.
1402
00:55:54,916 --> 00:55:56,316
I... [SIGHS]
What's going on?
1403
00:55:56,318 --> 00:55:59,353
- What the fuck are you doing here?
- Shh! I snuck out.
1404
00:55:59,355 --> 00:56:01,789
- I don't need your permission?
- Okay.
1405
00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:03,059
Dude, don't...
1406
00:56:04,092 --> 00:56:05,661
Um, are you okay?
1407
00:56:06,195 --> 00:56:07,263
Is everything okay?
1408
00:56:07,797 --> 00:56:08,929
Everything's fine.
1409
00:56:08,931 --> 00:56:10,496
- Okay.
- No, it's not.
1410
00:56:10,498 --> 00:56:12,365
But, hey, things happen.
1411
00:56:12,367 --> 00:56:14,200
All right.
It's, like, so late, man.
1412
00:56:14,202 --> 00:56:15,405
Katie cheated on me.
1413
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:19,008
On you?
1414
00:56:19,608 --> 00:56:20,407
Fucking crazy.
1415
00:56:20,409 --> 00:56:21,974
- [SHOUTING] On you?
- Look at me.
1416
00:56:21,976 --> 00:56:24,211
- What the fuck is wrong with her?
- I'm a fucking beast of a man.
1417
00:56:24,213 --> 00:56:25,445
She cheated on you?
1418
00:56:25,447 --> 00:56:27,079
- Can't make no sense of that.
- That's...
1419
00:56:27,081 --> 00:56:29,883
- She's out of her goddamn mind.
- She is, right?
1420
00:56:29,885 --> 00:56:33,954
- What the fuck is that...
- I cheated on her, though, first.
1421
00:56:33,956 --> 00:56:38,458
But, you know, we were separated, so is
that really cheating? [CHUCKLES] Come on.
1422
00:56:38,460 --> 00:56:39,293
[DOOR OPENING]
1423
00:56:39,295 --> 00:56:40,663
I should make us
some drinks, huh?
1424
00:56:41,630 --> 00:56:43,095
Think I'm gonna hide my purse.
1425
00:56:43,097 --> 00:56:45,067
- [DRAWER OPENING]
- Or like...
1426
00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:47,170
You never know.
1427
00:56:49,871 --> 00:56:51,338
Oh.
1428
00:56:51,340 --> 00:56:53,576
- Hi.
- It's like our marriage was, um...
1429
00:56:54,342 --> 00:56:55,744
What's that word for "fake"?
1430
00:56:56,512 --> 00:56:58,244
- Uh, sham.
- No, no.
1431
00:56:58,246 --> 00:57:00,746
- Uh, phoney. Lie.
- No, no, no.
1432
00:57:00,748 --> 00:57:02,215
- It's fucking... The word.
- Um...
1433
00:57:02,217 --> 00:57:03,650
- Let's get it.
- False.
1434
00:57:03,652 --> 00:57:05,054
No, fuck it. Fake.
1435
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,157
- Our marriage was a fake.
- No.
1436
00:57:08,556 --> 00:57:09,655
Yeah.
1437
00:57:09,657 --> 00:57:11,391
Well, where... I mean,
you guys worked it out.
1438
00:57:11,393 --> 00:57:13,025
You guys are back together.
1439
00:57:13,027 --> 00:57:16,963
- You're good.
- Yeah, yeah. When we found out Katie was pregnant,
1440
00:57:16,965 --> 00:57:19,365
we decided that
we were gonna work it out.
1441
00:57:19,367 --> 00:57:21,036
So I decided to move back in.
1442
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,443
You found out she was pregnant
while you were separated?
1443
00:57:27,409 --> 00:57:28,445
Yes.
1444
00:57:29,043 --> 00:57:30,312
I knew you were smart.
1445
00:57:31,246 --> 00:57:33,813
- Oh, my God.
- "Oh, my God" is right.
1446
00:57:33,815 --> 00:57:35,615
- Well, that's...
- Those two babies,
1447
00:57:35,617 --> 00:57:38,221
inside of her,
they might not be mine.
1448
00:57:39,454 --> 00:57:41,588
Hopefully, like, one of them is.
1449
00:57:41,590 --> 00:57:44,057
I mean, that's not
how it works, but...
1450
00:57:44,059 --> 00:57:46,025
- Maybe.
- ...it could be yours, right?
1451
00:57:46,027 --> 00:57:47,860
Yeah, we were still fucking.
1452
00:57:47,862 --> 00:57:49,463
All right. That's good.
1453
00:57:49,465 --> 00:57:52,168
But, I mean, it's hard not to
think about the alternative, right?
1454
00:57:53,969 --> 00:57:55,371
Yeah. What are you...
1455
00:57:56,038 --> 00:57:57,373
What are you guys gonna do?
1456
00:57:57,972 --> 00:57:59,438
What are you gonna do?
1457
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,376
I'm gonna continue
to love my wife,
1458
00:58:02,378 --> 00:58:04,347
because she means
the world to me.
1459
00:58:05,079 --> 00:58:07,079
And I decided that
1460
00:58:07,081 --> 00:58:09,516
we are gonna raise
those kids together
1461
00:58:09,518 --> 00:58:12,222
no matter whose they are,
and that's it.
1462
00:58:13,755 --> 00:58:16,326
I think you're gonna
be okay, Charlie. Okay?
1463
00:58:17,226 --> 00:58:19,659
Oh, hey, Caleb,
I love you, man.
1464
00:58:19,661 --> 00:58:21,295
I love you too, bud.
1465
00:58:21,297 --> 00:58:26,135
And one day, if you ever decide to marry
my beautiful, incredible sister-in-law,
1466
00:58:26,902 --> 00:58:28,271
we're gonna be family.
1467
00:58:29,538 --> 00:58:30,572
We will.
1468
00:58:31,773 --> 00:58:32,875
- We will be.
- Brothers.
1469
00:58:33,541 --> 00:58:34,374
Brothers.
1470
00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:36,008
Wait, where is Malory?
1471
00:58:36,010 --> 00:58:37,311
I... I have to go.
1472
00:58:37,313 --> 00:58:38,679
- Where is she?
- I'm so sorry. She's in the room.
1473
00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:40,380
- Oh, my God. Go, go, go.
- What are you gonna do?
1474
00:58:40,382 --> 00:58:42,648
- I'ma sleep out here. Under the stars.
- All right.
1475
00:58:42,650 --> 00:58:44,851
- Go, go, go. Get back to what you were doing.
- Hey, look, I got you a blanket.
1476
00:58:44,853 --> 00:58:46,456
Got me a blanket.
1477
00:58:47,222 --> 00:58:48,921
- Ooh, yeah.
- Take care, buddy.
1478
00:58:48,923 --> 00:58:49,990
- See you tomorrow.
- Love you, Charlie.
1479
00:58:49,992 --> 00:58:51,194
Love you too, man.
1480
00:58:52,061 --> 00:58:53,492
Facade!
1481
00:58:53,494 --> 00:58:54,693
What?
1482
00:58:54,695 --> 00:58:56,766
That's the word we were
trying to figure out. "Facade."
1483
00:58:57,599 --> 00:58:58,798
Facade, yes.
1484
00:58:58,800 --> 00:58:59,800
Yes, good word.
1485
00:58:59,802 --> 00:59:01,671
Yeah, that's a very good word.
1486
00:59:05,940 --> 00:59:09,611
Um, so, I don't really know
if this is, like, the best idea.
1487
00:59:12,081 --> 00:59:13,283
Did you clog the toilet?
1488
00:59:18,186 --> 00:59:19,753
Cal, this is April.
1489
00:59:19,755 --> 00:59:20,823
April, Cal.
1490
00:59:21,523 --> 00:59:22,392
Mmm.
1491
00:59:24,793 --> 00:59:25,958
Hi, April.
1492
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,195
I'm Mal. Cal. I am Cal.
1493
00:59:28,197 --> 00:59:29,666
Caleb. "Cal" is fine.
1494
00:59:30,065 --> 00:59:31,365
"Cal" is fine.
1495
00:59:31,367 --> 00:59:32,268
Hi.
1496
00:59:34,369 --> 00:59:36,172
- Hi, Cal.
- Oh, yeah.
1497
00:59:38,474 --> 00:59:39,442
Hi.
1498
00:59:43,545 --> 00:59:44,914
[MOUTHING] I don't know. Drinks?
1499
00:59:48,884 --> 00:59:50,349
- MAL: And...
- Yeah.
1500
00:59:50,351 --> 00:59:51,920
Now we all know each other.
1501
00:59:52,721 --> 00:59:53,722
[GIGGLES]
1502
00:59:54,856 --> 00:59:55,789
CAL: Great.
1503
00:59:55,791 --> 00:59:57,657
You got... That was
really good timing.
1504
00:59:57,659 --> 00:59:59,561
- That was very fast.
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1505
01:00:01,396 --> 01:00:02,599
[APRIL AND MAL GIGGLING]
1506
01:00:07,101 --> 01:00:09,469
Wait, why are you guys in town?
1507
01:00:09,471 --> 01:00:11,804
Oh, my parents
are renewing their vows.
1508
01:00:11,806 --> 01:00:13,606
Oh, that's cute.
1509
01:00:13,608 --> 01:00:17,510
Yeah, it's kind of torture
though, but it's cute.
1510
01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:19,845
Yeah, but you guys don't
have to worry about that now.
1511
01:00:19,847 --> 01:00:21,380
We're not cops.
1512
01:00:21,382 --> 01:00:24,083
- What?
- Uh... We're not cops.
1513
01:00:24,085 --> 01:00:26,052
We hate cops.
Malory really hates them.
1514
01:00:26,054 --> 01:00:29,055
I mean, it's fine, I know all
the cops in this town, anyway.
1515
01:00:29,057 --> 01:00:30,523
- Yeah.
- I grew up here.
1516
01:00:30,525 --> 01:00:31,791
It's a pretty small town.
1517
01:00:31,793 --> 01:00:33,894
I mean, a lot of the cops
are old family friends.
1518
01:00:33,896 --> 01:00:36,662
Oh, cool. I don't, like,
hate cops. I mean...
1519
01:00:36,664 --> 01:00:38,597
Just... I was texting
at a stoplight once,
1520
01:00:38,599 --> 01:00:41,333
and I got a ticket
for $400, so...
1521
01:00:41,335 --> 01:00:42,938
- I mean, I'm holding a grudge.
- CAL: Right.
1522
01:00:43,405 --> 01:00:44,673
- Right.
- Yeah.
1523
01:00:45,541 --> 01:00:47,206
This is our first time.
1524
01:00:47,208 --> 01:00:49,342
- I can tell.
- Yeah.
1525
01:00:49,344 --> 01:00:51,010
- It's cool.
- CAL: Cool.
1526
01:00:51,012 --> 01:00:52,014
Cool, cool.
1527
01:00:54,717 --> 01:00:56,550
Well...
1528
01:00:56,552 --> 01:00:59,286
- Oh, my God. Same nail polish.
- Oh, wow. Crazy.
1529
01:00:59,288 --> 01:01:00,454
BOTH: Cheers.
1530
01:01:00,456 --> 01:01:01,891
- MAL: Cheers to that.
- Cheers.
1531
01:01:02,257 --> 01:01:03,358
Uh-huh.
1532
01:01:09,097 --> 01:01:10,731
Malory and I will
1533
01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,865
get our nails painted together.
I'll just do, like, a clear coat.
1534
01:01:12,867 --> 01:01:15,235
Sometimes he gets
his toe painted gold.
1535
01:01:15,237 --> 01:01:17,670
I do. [CHUCKLES]
I do that.
1536
01:01:17,672 --> 01:01:20,173
I just started getting my big
toe painted for, like, good luck,
1537
01:01:20,175 --> 01:01:22,208
and my little secret,
or something.
1538
01:01:22,210 --> 01:01:24,012
Mm-hmm. That's rad.
1539
01:01:26,614 --> 01:01:28,450
So, where do you guys
wanna do it?
1540
01:01:31,119 --> 01:01:31,987
Do what?
1541
01:01:32,554 --> 01:01:34,322
- The massage.
- Oh.
1542
01:01:34,822 --> 01:01:35,757
Um...
1543
01:01:37,826 --> 01:01:38,724
- Wherever.
- The bed?
1544
01:01:38,726 --> 01:01:40,193
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Or wherever.
1545
01:01:40,195 --> 01:01:41,728
Or, you know, the bed.
1546
01:01:41,730 --> 01:01:44,798
- Right?
- That seems to make sense to me.
1547
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,469
Who wants to go first?
1548
01:01:48,670 --> 01:01:49,672
I do.
1549
01:01:50,838 --> 01:01:52,204
Okay.
1550
01:01:52,206 --> 01:01:53,643
APRIL: Cool. Okay.
1551
01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:55,945
Leading off, Malory.
1552
01:02:00,014 --> 01:02:01,481
How is that?
1553
01:02:01,483 --> 01:02:03,019
[SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
1554
01:02:04,119 --> 01:02:05,385
APRIL: Do you like that?
1555
01:02:05,387 --> 01:02:06,522
MAL: Mm-hmm.
1556
01:02:07,456 --> 01:02:08,921
You like it soft?
1557
01:02:08,923 --> 01:02:09,958
[MAL GIGGLES]
1558
01:02:11,659 --> 01:02:15,431
Oh, your skin is perfection.
1559
01:02:15,963 --> 01:02:17,432
MAL: This feels amazing.
1560
01:02:19,835 --> 01:02:21,369
[MAL MOANS]
1561
01:02:25,606 --> 01:02:27,409
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
1562
01:02:41,289 --> 01:02:42,557
Come over here.
1563
01:02:44,193 --> 01:02:45,492
Yeah.
1564
01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:46,796
Don't be shy.
1565
01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,139
APRIL: Here.
1566
01:03:06,047 --> 01:03:07,179
[MAL GIGGLES]
1567
01:03:07,181 --> 01:03:08,450
Sorry.
1568
01:03:10,751 --> 01:03:11,851
You should do behind her knees.
1569
01:03:11,853 --> 01:03:13,452
- It makes her go crazy.
- [MAL LAUGHS]
1570
01:03:13,454 --> 01:03:15,023
Oh, my God. That's too much.
1571
01:03:16,291 --> 01:03:18,691
That was so amazing.
Thank you.
1572
01:03:18,693 --> 01:03:22,931
♪ And the sky is gray
1573
01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:28,436
♪ I've been for a walk
1574
01:03:31,039 --> 01:03:36,612
♪ On a winter's day
1575
01:03:37,478 --> 01:03:40,849
♪ I'd be safe and warm
1576
01:03:42,384 --> 01:03:43,516
[UNZIPPING]
1577
01:03:43,518 --> 01:03:46,422
♪ If I was in LA
1578
01:03:49,458 --> 01:03:53,628
♪ Ooh, California dreaming
1579
01:03:55,496 --> 01:04:01,570
♪ On such a winter's day
Yeah... ♪
1580
01:04:02,304 --> 01:04:03,606
- Ow.
- [CHUCKLES]
1581
01:04:03,972 --> 01:04:04,907
Okay.
1582
01:04:24,393 --> 01:04:25,595
[GIGGLES]
1583
01:04:27,862 --> 01:04:28,830
What?
1584
01:04:29,731 --> 01:04:31,100
She's a better kisser.
1585
01:04:32,768 --> 01:04:35,570
- Oh, I didn't... I wasn't even ready.
- I'm just kidding.
1586
01:04:41,510 --> 01:04:43,246
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
1587
01:04:47,815 --> 01:04:48,717
[MAL MOANS]
1588
01:04:57,025 --> 01:04:58,027
[MOANS SOFTLY]
1589
01:05:05,067 --> 01:05:05,967
[MOANS]
1590
01:05:17,144 --> 01:05:18,246
[MOANING CONTINUES]
1591
01:05:25,286 --> 01:05:26,254
Are you okay?
1592
01:05:27,021 --> 01:05:28,722
Yeah. Are you?
1593
01:05:28,724 --> 01:05:30,059
- Yeah.
- Okay, good.
1594
01:05:32,059 --> 01:05:33,028
[MOANS SOFTLY]
1595
01:05:40,135 --> 01:05:41,967
I'm gonna use...
I'm gonna use the restroom.
1596
01:05:41,969 --> 01:05:43,071
Mm-hmm.
1597
01:05:43,938 --> 01:05:45,875
[MOANS, GIGGLES]
1598
01:05:49,945 --> 01:05:50,947
MAL: Oh, God.
1599
01:05:51,445 --> 01:05:52,614
[MOANS]
1600
01:05:58,186 --> 01:05:59,188
[MOANS, GIGGLES]
1601
01:05:59,487 --> 01:06:00,623
Hey.
1602
01:06:01,255 --> 01:06:02,123
Do you want water?
1603
01:06:04,925 --> 01:06:05,894
Mm-mmm.
1604
01:06:07,862 --> 01:06:08,964
Oh, yeah.
1605
01:06:09,731 --> 01:06:10,967
CAL: Fuck. Let's do this.
1606
01:06:24,646 --> 01:06:25,848
Oh, my God.
1607
01:06:27,416 --> 01:06:28,751
Oh, my God.
1608
01:06:29,050 --> 01:06:30,085
Oh, yes.
1609
01:06:31,820 --> 01:06:32,989
[MOANING CONTINUES]
1610
01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:36,192
Oh, my God. [MOANING LOUDLY]
1611
01:06:45,467 --> 01:06:46,735
Okay, I can't.
1612
01:06:48,836 --> 01:06:50,103
What?
1613
01:06:50,105 --> 01:06:52,871
[STUTTERS] I just...
I can't do this.
1614
01:06:52,873 --> 01:06:54,206
It's fine.
We can take it slower.
1615
01:06:54,208 --> 01:06:56,141
No, I don't think
we can go slower now.
1616
01:06:56,143 --> 01:06:57,811
MAL: Wait, what's wrong?
1617
01:06:57,813 --> 01:06:59,112
- Are you okay?
- It's... You just...
1618
01:06:59,114 --> 01:07:01,914
You don't move like that
when I do that. You don't...
1619
01:07:01,916 --> 01:07:05,788
wiggle like that, or make
those noises when I do that.
1620
01:07:06,655 --> 01:07:08,287
- Do what?
- When I...
1621
01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:09,856
When you eat her out?
1622
01:07:09,858 --> 01:07:11,825
Yes. Yeah, sure,
when I eat you out.
1623
01:07:11,827 --> 01:07:13,659
Yes, I do. You're great at it.
1624
01:07:13,661 --> 01:07:14,829
I'm not that great.
1625
01:07:15,262 --> 01:07:16,197
And then I was...
1626
01:07:16,864 --> 01:07:19,532
I was kissing you, and...
1627
01:07:19,534 --> 01:07:21,534
And you weren't even
kissing me back.
1628
01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:23,202
And I just thought,
"You know what?
1629
01:07:23,204 --> 01:07:25,671
"This is cool.
I'm gonna be the water boy."
1630
01:07:25,673 --> 01:07:26,840
So I was gonna go
in the bathroom,
1631
01:07:26,842 --> 01:07:28,508
and I was gonna
fucking beat off,
1632
01:07:28,510 --> 01:07:29,742
and it was gonna be
a great time.
1633
01:07:29,744 --> 01:07:31,543
And I couldn't do it,
Malory. Okay?
1634
01:07:31,545 --> 01:07:32,945
Because I can't be
the water boy.
1635
01:07:32,947 --> 01:07:35,115
Okay? I can't. I can't just
sit here and watch you.
1636
01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:38,184
Okay. We could just take it
slow, or just not do it at all.
1637
01:07:38,186 --> 01:07:39,422
Like, we don't
have to do anything.
1638
01:07:40,789 --> 01:07:42,155
Do you wanna be with her?
1639
01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:44,257
- What?
- Do you wanna be with her?
1640
01:07:44,259 --> 01:07:45,858
Are you more attracted
to her than me?
1641
01:07:45,860 --> 01:07:47,760
No, we're doing this together.
1642
01:07:47,762 --> 01:07:49,829
No, this...
What's together about this?
1643
01:07:49,831 --> 01:07:51,030
This isn't together.
1644
01:07:51,032 --> 01:07:52,798
Yeah, 'cause you're standing up,
yelling at us.
1645
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,934
- What are you doing?
- Because I'm mad, Malory.
1646
01:07:54,936 --> 01:07:57,604
Because I'm mad,
and I'm... And I'm...
1647
01:07:57,606 --> 01:07:59,838
turned on,
and I'm confused, and...
1648
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:03,112
It's fine. Sometimes
people feel left out.
1649
01:08:05,313 --> 01:08:06,179
"Feel left out"?
1650
01:08:06,181 --> 01:08:08,847
I just feel left out,
like kickball?
1651
01:08:08,849 --> 01:08:10,182
I think you just
need to breathe.
1652
01:08:10,184 --> 01:08:12,519
I am breathing.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
1653
01:08:12,521 --> 01:08:14,787
That solves fucking everything.
1654
01:08:14,789 --> 01:08:16,255
Doesn't that feel good?
1655
01:08:16,257 --> 01:08:17,257
Just air.
1656
01:08:17,259 --> 01:08:18,290
[BREATHES]
1657
01:08:18,292 --> 01:08:19,992
Solves all the fucking problems,
doesn't it?
1658
01:08:19,994 --> 01:08:22,728
Okay, well, just calm down.
We're done.
1659
01:08:22,730 --> 01:08:24,062
Sorry, April.
1660
01:08:24,064 --> 01:08:26,201
- Cal, we wanted to do this together.
- Yeah.
1661
01:08:26,902 --> 01:08:29,968
You know, this is so you.
1662
01:08:29,970 --> 01:08:31,704
This is so not a surprise to me.
1663
01:08:31,706 --> 01:08:33,473
You can't fucking handle it.
1664
01:08:33,475 --> 01:08:35,974
You want shit in your life, and you
don't actually go for it when it comes.
1665
01:08:35,976 --> 01:08:38,277
Roll with the moment
like it's happening. Do it.
1666
01:08:38,279 --> 01:08:40,612
Like, we haven't even pulled the
fucking trigger on getting married.
1667
01:08:40,614 --> 01:08:42,115
This is not about that.
1668
01:08:42,117 --> 01:08:44,683
So why are we doing this? What's
wrong with our relationship?
1669
01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:46,553
I don't know,
but this isn't... healthy.
1670
01:08:46,555 --> 01:08:49,289
Oh, so you wanna be, like, a normal,
healthy couple like Katie and Charlie?
1671
01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:51,558
[NASAL VOICE] "Oh, we're gonna
have a baby, we're so excited!
1672
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,125
"We're gonna drive an SUV..."
1673
01:08:53,127 --> 01:08:55,527
I just ran into Charlie
before this happened.
1674
01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:57,964
- And?
- They're not... They're not doing that good.
1675
01:08:57,966 --> 01:08:59,632
What the fuck do you want?
1676
01:08:59,634 --> 01:09:01,668
We've been engaged
for four fucking years.
1677
01:09:01,670 --> 01:09:02,902
- That's so long.
- Oh, right. Right.
1678
01:09:02,904 --> 01:09:03,902
No one does that.
1679
01:09:03,904 --> 01:09:05,437
Yeah, that's me. That's on me.
1680
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:08,473
Well, then who is it on? You? Me?
Both of us? What are we doing?
1681
01:09:08,475 --> 01:09:10,442
I don't know, okay?
1682
01:09:10,444 --> 01:09:11,746
[HURRIED KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1683
01:09:13,347 --> 01:09:14,947
CAL: Great. Great.
1684
01:09:14,949 --> 01:09:16,883
- What, did you order a fourth?
- Oh, God.
1685
01:09:16,885 --> 01:09:18,052
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
1686
01:09:18,619 --> 01:09:19,751
Yeah, hold on.
1687
01:09:19,753 --> 01:09:21,422
I think I'm gonna go.
1688
01:09:22,023 --> 01:09:24,760
But you still owe me $150
1689
01:09:25,359 --> 01:09:26,494
for the massage.
1690
01:09:30,532 --> 01:09:31,598
What?
1691
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:32,831
- KATIE: Mal?
- Oh, my God.
1692
01:09:32,833 --> 01:09:34,400
What the hell?
I've been trying to reach you.
1693
01:09:34,402 --> 01:09:35,268
Charlie is missing.
1694
01:09:35,270 --> 01:09:36,939
Charlie's fine.
He's at the pool.
1695
01:09:39,106 --> 01:09:39,975
Who are you?
1696
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:41,777
Hi.
1697
01:09:45,546 --> 01:09:47,882
Um, I said it's $150.
1698
01:09:48,649 --> 01:09:50,282
Uh, yeah.
1699
01:09:50,284 --> 01:09:51,416
Mal, is that a hooker?
1700
01:09:51,418 --> 01:09:53,055
She's a massage therapist.
1701
01:09:53,822 --> 01:09:55,056
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
1702
01:09:58,592 --> 01:10:00,192
Mal.
1703
01:10:00,194 --> 01:10:03,562
- Stop.
- Seriously. You pick tonight to have another threesome.
1704
01:10:03,564 --> 01:10:05,000
- Katie.
- CAL: Another?
1705
01:10:06,701 --> 01:10:08,170
I thought you'd never
done this before.
1706
01:10:09,170 --> 01:10:10,035
[STAMMERS]
1707
01:10:10,037 --> 01:10:11,803
What the fuck, Mal?
1708
01:10:11,805 --> 01:10:14,473
This was supposed to be something that
we did together for the first time.
1709
01:10:14,475 --> 01:10:15,974
Cal, I...
1710
01:10:15,976 --> 01:10:17,910
- Shit.
- What else haven't you told me?
1711
01:10:17,912 --> 01:10:19,114
You lied to me.
1712
01:10:19,948 --> 01:10:21,380
I didn't lie to you,
1713
01:10:21,382 --> 01:10:23,851
I just didn't tell you because
I knew you'd get jealous.
1714
01:10:24,853 --> 01:10:26,989
I'm not jealous,
I'm just confused.
1715
01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:32,224
It's been seven years, Mal.
1716
01:10:32,226 --> 01:10:34,395
It should be easy.
We should know.
1717
01:10:40,268 --> 01:10:41,403
And I don't know.
1718
01:10:44,104 --> 01:10:45,540
Well, if you don't know, then...
1719
01:10:46,875 --> 01:10:48,109
don't you know?
1720
01:11:07,028 --> 01:11:08,160
Where are you going?
1721
01:11:08,162 --> 01:11:10,932
I don't know, okay?
I'll get... Charlie.
1722
01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:15,337
[DOOR CLOSES]
1723
01:11:16,003 --> 01:11:18,106
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
1724
01:11:18,672 --> 01:11:20,376
[SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
1725
01:11:37,425 --> 01:11:38,424
[TAPPING]
1726
01:11:38,426 --> 01:11:40,125
- KATIE AND MAL: Open the window.
- What?
1727
01:11:40,127 --> 01:11:41,893
- What? Oh, he's got his own button.
- Open it.
1728
01:11:41,895 --> 01:11:43,896
- Push it.
- Yeah, I got it.
1729
01:11:43,898 --> 01:11:45,231
- I could pull over.
- [VOMITING]
1730
01:11:45,233 --> 01:11:46,201
Oh, shit.
1731
01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:49,102
- MAL: Oh.
- KATIE: Oh, God.
1732
01:11:49,104 --> 01:11:52,071
CHARLIE: My eyes feel like lava.
1733
01:11:52,073 --> 01:11:53,539
CAL: I can just hose that off.
1734
01:11:53,541 --> 01:11:54,607
That'll come right off.
1735
01:11:54,609 --> 01:11:56,008
MAL: Oh, I wanna vomit.
1736
01:11:56,010 --> 01:11:58,311
You smell like you're sweating
wild turkey, honey.
1737
01:11:58,313 --> 01:12:01,546
Yeah, I had
a bit of a long night.
1738
01:12:01,548 --> 01:12:05,421
Well, get it together, because
it's gonna be a longer day.
1739
01:12:07,921 --> 01:12:10,024
- LOU: Hey, there he is!
- CAL: How you doing?
1740
01:12:11,326 --> 01:12:13,826
- Feeling better?
- Oh, yeah. Little bit.
1741
01:12:13,828 --> 01:12:15,230
Shower was amazing.
1742
01:12:16,096 --> 01:12:17,365
[CHARLIE SIGHS]
1743
01:12:18,733 --> 01:12:19,831
Want a drink?
1744
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,300
Oh, no. I'll probably
never drink again.
1745
01:12:22,302 --> 01:12:24,771
What, a wild
Palm Springs evening, was it?
1746
01:12:24,773 --> 01:12:26,408
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]
1747
01:12:27,841 --> 01:12:29,243
Don't ask, don't tell.
1748
01:12:29,978 --> 01:12:31,246
[CLEARS THROAT] You know...
1749
01:12:32,346 --> 01:12:33,879
as I look as you two guys
sitting here,
1750
01:12:33,881 --> 01:12:35,781
I just wanna say,
from the bottom of my heart,
1751
01:12:35,783 --> 01:12:38,519
that I am so pleased and proud
1752
01:12:39,386 --> 01:12:41,322
that you're both
a part of my family.
1753
01:12:42,590 --> 01:12:43,592
Officially.
1754
01:12:44,125 --> 01:12:45,327
Thank you, sir.
1755
01:12:47,595 --> 01:12:49,495
And unofficially.
1756
01:12:49,497 --> 01:12:52,632
EDIE: ...the two of you
communicate, that's the key,
1757
01:12:52,634 --> 01:12:55,535
to be able to go through
every single thing as partners.
1758
01:12:55,537 --> 01:12:58,504
You gotta be on the same page,
understand each other.
1759
01:12:58,506 --> 01:12:59,772
Where's Cal, by the way?
1760
01:12:59,774 --> 01:13:00,743
Oh, I don't know.
1761
01:13:01,876 --> 01:13:03,212
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
1762
01:13:10,051 --> 01:13:12,250
LOU: It was like
a nuclear bomb went off.
1763
01:13:12,252 --> 01:13:13,521
It just... [IMITATES EXPLOSION]
1764
01:13:14,756 --> 01:13:15,758
Fusion.
1765
01:13:16,824 --> 01:13:17,760
Fission.
1766
01:13:18,393 --> 01:13:19,759
Whatever.
1767
01:13:19,761 --> 01:13:21,494
And those little girls,
1768
01:13:21,496 --> 01:13:22,661
Katie and Mal, boy,
1769
01:13:22,663 --> 01:13:24,565
you gotta know that those
girls are precious to me.
1770
01:13:25,766 --> 01:13:27,135
They got into my heart.
1771
01:13:28,302 --> 01:13:30,171
They grabbed onto me
and wouldn't let go.
1772
01:13:31,573 --> 01:13:33,238
I never said this
to any of your guys before,
1773
01:13:33,240 --> 01:13:34,574
but I can't have my own kids.
1774
01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:37,378
Don't have any fish in the sack.
You know what I mean?
1775
01:13:38,779 --> 01:13:40,379
And I don't know
what happened last night, guys,
1776
01:13:40,381 --> 01:13:42,084
I really don't need to know
what happened,
1777
01:13:42,884 --> 01:13:44,317
but I want you both to know
1778
01:13:44,319 --> 01:13:47,723
that a man's ego is a powerful,
powerful piece of shit.
1779
01:13:48,422 --> 01:13:50,822
It can destroy a lot of things.
1780
01:13:50,824 --> 01:13:53,459
It is a major-league buzzkill.
1781
01:13:53,461 --> 01:13:56,664
I want you to learn how to
accept, forgive, and move on.
1782
01:13:58,131 --> 01:14:00,366
That's the key to happiness.
1783
01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:01,767
- EDIE: ...amazing...
- [LOU KNOCKING AT DOOR]
1784
01:14:01,769 --> 01:14:03,602
- Hello?
- EDIE: No, no, no.
1785
01:14:03,604 --> 01:14:05,137
- There you are.
- No.
1786
01:14:05,139 --> 01:14:06,671
- [LOU CHUCKLES]
- EDIE: No, no, no.
1787
01:14:06,673 --> 01:14:08,840
LOU: What do you mean, "No, no, no"?
Let me look at that face.
1788
01:14:08,842 --> 01:14:10,242
- No, no, no.
- LOU: Come on.
1789
01:14:10,244 --> 01:14:12,544
No, it's bad luck to see the
bride on the wedding day.
1790
01:14:12,546 --> 01:14:15,915
- It is not bad luck, honey, come on.
- It is bad luck.
1791
01:14:15,917 --> 01:14:17,782
Besides, Henry's
our good-luck charm.
1792
01:14:17,784 --> 01:14:18,918
EDIE: Where is Henry?
1793
01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:21,086
I haven't seen him yet.
1794
01:14:21,088 --> 01:14:23,889
- EDIE: Well, is he out there setting stuff up?
- LOU: I don't know.
1795
01:14:23,891 --> 01:14:26,728
- [MOUTHING] Fuck.
- What do you mean you don't know? Where's Henry?
1796
01:14:36,738 --> 01:14:37,836
[SIGHS]
1797
01:14:37,838 --> 01:14:39,140
So what are we gonna do?
1798
01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:42,744
We're gonna pick up Henry.
1799
01:14:43,845 --> 01:14:45,410
Yeah, I know. I...
1800
01:14:45,412 --> 01:14:47,381
Just... What are "we" gonna do?
1801
01:14:48,483 --> 01:14:49,485
I don't know.
1802
01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:52,688
I can ride back with my sister.
1803
01:14:57,859 --> 01:14:58,861
Fine.
1804
01:15:00,862 --> 01:15:02,128
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
1805
01:15:02,130 --> 01:15:07,433
♪ I really think that
We could make it, girl
1806
01:15:07,435 --> 01:15:13,705
♪ I really think that
We could make it, girl
1807
01:15:13,707 --> 01:15:17,612
♪ I really think that
We could make it... ♪
1808
01:15:18,412 --> 01:15:19,814
MAL: Hey, we're here for Henry.
1809
01:15:23,016 --> 01:15:24,252
Did no one call you?
1810
01:15:24,886 --> 01:15:26,488
What? No. No one called us.
1811
01:15:27,755 --> 01:15:29,621
[SIGHS] Darn.
1812
01:15:29,623 --> 01:15:33,526
It's just that I'm not, uh,
properly trained for this.
1813
01:15:33,528 --> 01:15:34,563
What happened?
1814
01:15:35,529 --> 01:15:36,532
[SIGHS] Um...
1815
01:15:37,364 --> 01:15:39,300
Last night, Henry...
1816
01:15:39,900 --> 01:15:41,502
in his sleep, um...
1817
01:15:45,172 --> 01:15:46,772
Chris, Alex.
1818
01:15:46,774 --> 01:15:48,277
- Bastards!
- Oh!
1819
01:15:49,010 --> 01:15:51,043
- He fucking died?
- Oh, no!
1820
01:15:51,045 --> 01:15:52,611
- No, no!
- He's dead?
1821
01:15:52,613 --> 01:15:55,513
No! How did he die?
What happened?
1822
01:15:55,515 --> 01:15:56,451
He was old.
1823
01:15:56,917 --> 01:15:58,049
They just go.
1824
01:15:58,051 --> 01:15:59,151
Oh, my God.
1825
01:15:59,153 --> 01:16:01,454
He went peacefully
in his sleep, though,
1826
01:16:01,456 --> 01:16:03,190
[STAMMERING] is what they said.
1827
01:16:03,957 --> 01:16:05,326
I'm very sorry for your loss.
1828
01:16:06,127 --> 01:16:07,425
- [MAL SNIFFLES]
- CAL: All right.
1829
01:16:07,427 --> 01:16:09,363
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know. I don't know.
1830
01:16:09,963 --> 01:16:10,996
- Oh, my...
- Thank you.
1831
01:16:10,998 --> 01:16:12,701
- Sorry. Sorry, again.
- CAL: Yeah.
1832
01:16:14,135 --> 01:16:16,268
Hold, uh... Hold up.
1833
01:16:16,270 --> 01:16:17,836
Which Henry was yours?
1834
01:16:17,838 --> 01:16:18,840
MAL: Addleberg.
1835
01:16:20,641 --> 01:16:21,577
Oh.
1836
01:16:22,644 --> 01:16:24,110
No.
1837
01:16:24,112 --> 01:16:25,177
That's... Okay.
1838
01:16:25,179 --> 01:16:26,845
That's Henry Barnett.
1839
01:16:26,847 --> 01:16:28,080
- What?
- Fuck, man!
1840
01:16:28,082 --> 01:16:29,214
- What the fuck?
- Are you serious?
1841
01:16:29,216 --> 01:16:31,250
MAL: Maybe you ask
that question first.
1842
01:16:31,252 --> 01:16:32,451
You gotta be careful with that.
1843
01:16:32,453 --> 01:16:34,019
- That's not good.
- I didn't...
1844
01:16:34,021 --> 01:16:35,187
Sorry.
1845
01:16:35,189 --> 01:16:36,522
- MAL AND CAL: Yeah.
- I did not mean to...
1846
01:16:36,524 --> 01:16:37,893
It's all right.
Where's our Henry?
1847
01:16:38,592 --> 01:16:39,858
Room 318.
1848
01:16:39,860 --> 01:16:41,027
- 318. Thank you.
- Thank you.
1849
01:16:41,029 --> 01:16:42,460
- Yeah. 318.
- Oh, uh...
1850
01:16:42,462 --> 01:16:45,865
I'm sorry. [STUTTERS]
You can't just go up there.
1851
01:16:45,867 --> 01:16:47,199
Uh, what's your name?
1852
01:16:47,201 --> 01:16:48,433
Malory Carter.
1853
01:16:48,435 --> 01:16:50,237
We're in kind of a rush,
so if you could just...
1854
01:16:50,904 --> 01:16:51,974
- Malory Carter?
- Yeah.
1855
01:16:55,176 --> 01:16:56,675
It's "Karter" with a "K"?
1856
01:16:56,677 --> 01:16:57,712
No, with a "C."
1857
01:16:59,881 --> 01:17:02,180
[STUTTERS] That's actually...
That's not gonna be possible,
1858
01:17:02,182 --> 01:17:04,750
'cause your name's not on the
list of approved family contacts.
1859
01:17:04,752 --> 01:17:06,718
Can't you just please
let us go up? It's...
1860
01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:09,054
We're in such a hurry,
and it's so important.
1861
01:17:09,056 --> 01:17:10,291
It's protocol.
1862
01:17:10,992 --> 01:17:11,991
I'm sorry, guys.
1863
01:17:11,993 --> 01:17:14,393
It's been a pretty rough night.
1864
01:17:14,395 --> 01:17:17,129
And we would like to
just move on with our day.
1865
01:17:17,131 --> 01:17:18,867
MAL: Please just help us out.
1866
01:17:22,804 --> 01:17:24,303
No, I can't do that.
1867
01:17:24,305 --> 01:17:26,004
MAL: Come on, come on.
1868
01:17:26,006 --> 01:17:27,639
Nobody's picking up.
1869
01:17:27,641 --> 01:17:29,010
- CAL: They're doing wedding stuff.
- Fuck!
1870
01:17:29,944 --> 01:17:30,979
Can I get a drag of that?
1871
01:17:32,447 --> 01:17:34,315
I'm not leaving here
empty-handed.
1872
01:17:35,283 --> 01:17:36,715
Well... Thanks.
1873
01:17:36,717 --> 01:17:38,217
He said no.
1874
01:17:38,219 --> 01:17:39,884
So, what are you gonna do?
1875
01:17:39,886 --> 01:17:41,687
Can your parents just
use their imagination?
1876
01:17:41,689 --> 01:17:43,492
Can he marry them?
Do you wanna go?
1877
01:17:44,559 --> 01:17:45,958
See?
1878
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:46,925
Why does it fucking matter?
1879
01:17:46,927 --> 01:17:48,126
It does. It fucking matters.
1880
01:17:48,128 --> 01:17:50,662
'Cause it matters to my parents,
so it matters to me, okay?
1881
01:17:50,664 --> 01:17:53,833
And fuck that guy in there, playing
games in his phone. He sucks.
1882
01:17:53,835 --> 01:17:54,900
Fuck!
1883
01:17:54,902 --> 01:17:56,201
He can't win today.
1884
01:17:56,203 --> 01:17:57,402
I need a win.
1885
01:17:57,404 --> 01:17:59,571
Hi, excuse me.
1886
01:17:59,573 --> 01:18:01,576
Is there a restroom I can use?
I have to pee.
1887
01:18:02,609 --> 01:18:03,944
Yeah, there's one
right over there.
1888
01:18:07,881 --> 01:18:09,350
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
1889
01:18:19,226 --> 01:18:20,695
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
1890
01:18:22,095 --> 01:18:22,997
Where are you going?
1891
01:18:25,265 --> 01:18:27,299
Uh, is there a restroom
over here, by chance?
1892
01:18:27,301 --> 01:18:30,706
There's just the restroom right here.
You can wait here, if you need to.
1893
01:18:33,006 --> 01:18:34,041
Sorry, Gabe?
1894
01:18:34,809 --> 01:18:36,442
Gabe. Sorry.
1895
01:18:36,444 --> 01:18:40,745
I just wanna let you know it's really,
really gross in the bathroom. It's like...
1896
01:18:40,747 --> 01:18:43,648
someone did a real paint job
in there. It's... [RETCHING]
1897
01:18:43,650 --> 01:18:44,983
It's always a mess 'cause the...
1898
01:18:44,985 --> 01:18:47,389
'cause of all the laxatives
that everybody takes here.
1899
01:18:48,823 --> 01:18:49,791
Can you clean it?
1900
01:18:54,028 --> 01:18:55,227
Maintenance to lobby restroom.
1901
01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:56,995
Oh, no. Can you clean it?
Like, just...
1902
01:18:56,997 --> 01:19:00,199
I can't... I can't do it
'cause I can't leave the desk.
1903
01:19:00,201 --> 01:19:01,400
Okay, I'll see you in the car.
1904
01:19:01,402 --> 01:19:02,604
Cal, wait.
1905
01:19:03,003 --> 01:19:03,939
Come on.
1906
01:19:05,739 --> 01:19:06,608
Cal.
1907
01:19:07,140 --> 01:19:08,076
Okay.
1908
01:19:10,578 --> 01:19:12,681
We're gonna bust Henry
out of this place.
1909
01:19:13,346 --> 01:19:14,582
MAL: That's a cute shirt.
1910
01:19:17,217 --> 01:19:20,753
This is what they give you.
It's... Everybody has them here.
1911
01:19:20,755 --> 01:19:22,390
The color's, like, perfect.
[CHUCKLES]
1912
01:19:23,123 --> 01:19:23,992
Do you have a girlfriend?
1913
01:19:26,761 --> 01:19:27,696
[GIGGLES SOFTLY]
1914
01:19:28,729 --> 01:19:29,831
No, not now.
1915
01:19:30,463 --> 01:19:32,097
Do you want one?
1916
01:19:32,099 --> 01:19:34,536
I have someone who probably
would like you a lot.
1917
01:19:35,368 --> 01:19:37,773
If... Yeah, I would be...
I mean...
1918
01:19:38,338 --> 01:19:39,608
I would be interested.
1919
01:19:40,942 --> 01:19:42,844
- MAL: What color eyes do you have?
- [HISSING]
1920
01:19:45,179 --> 01:19:46,477
Blue, right?
1921
01:19:46,479 --> 01:19:48,546
Hey, man, is, uh,
that supposed to be happening?
1922
01:19:48,548 --> 01:19:49,982
[HISSING CONTINUES]
1923
01:19:49,984 --> 01:19:51,720
- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- Aw, fuck! Fire!
1924
01:19:52,252 --> 01:19:53,521
Damn it.
1925
01:19:54,121 --> 01:19:55,653
Did you see who did it?
1926
01:19:55,655 --> 01:19:56,888
There was a guy smoking there.
1927
01:19:56,890 --> 01:19:58,824
- Did you get his hair, and...
- White hair.
1928
01:19:58,826 --> 01:20:00,593
- White hair?
- Yeah. He went...
1929
01:20:00,595 --> 01:20:02,628
Okay, search. We gotta...
1930
01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:05,531
- Okay, go get him. And I'll meet you in the back.
- Okay.
1931
01:20:05,533 --> 01:20:09,067
- [INDISTINCT]
- ♪ He got 50,000 watts
1932
01:20:09,069 --> 01:20:11,469
- [SIRENS WAILING]
- ♪ In a big acoustic tower
1933
01:20:11,471 --> 01:20:13,104
[MAL WHOOPS]
1934
01:20:13,106 --> 01:20:15,875
♪ Security's so tight tonight
1935
01:20:15,877 --> 01:20:18,309
♪ Oh, they're ready
For a tussle
1936
01:20:18,311 --> 01:20:19,477
[MAL SCREAMS]
1937
01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:22,815
♪ Gotta keep your
Backstage passes
1938
01:20:22,817 --> 01:20:25,351
- [LAUGHS]
- ♪ 'Cause your promoter Had the muscle
1939
01:20:25,353 --> 01:20:27,318
♪ And so it goes
And so it goes...
1940
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,321
- Come on.
- You know I can walk, right?
1941
01:20:29,323 --> 01:20:31,757
♪ But where it's goin'
No one knows
1942
01:20:31,759 --> 01:20:33,692
♪ And so it goes and so it goes
1943
01:20:33,694 --> 01:20:35,894
♪ And so it goes
And so it goes... ♪
1944
01:20:35,896 --> 01:20:37,329
[SIRENS WAILING]
1945
01:20:37,331 --> 01:20:39,100
I'm here alone, man.
Come over here.
1946
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,770
Ah, this is the worst day!
1947
01:20:47,207 --> 01:20:49,107
[MAL AND CAL WHOOPING]
1948
01:20:49,109 --> 01:20:51,779
[BOTH SCREAMING AND LAUGHING]
1949
01:20:53,948 --> 01:20:54,679
That was crazy!
1950
01:20:54,681 --> 01:20:56,248
- Crazy!
- That was awesome!
1951
01:20:56,250 --> 01:20:58,118
That was fantastic!
1952
01:20:58,685 --> 01:20:59,652
Whoo!
1953
01:20:59,654 --> 01:21:01,320
- I mean, Mal... No.
- You were so awesome.
1954
01:21:01,322 --> 01:21:04,188
That was awesome. You saw a
window, and you went for it.
1955
01:21:04,190 --> 01:21:06,025
- No, I mean, it was your...
- How did you even find him?
1956
01:21:06,027 --> 01:21:07,860
I just feel like
we need to kidnap more people.
1957
01:21:07,862 --> 01:21:09,628
- We just have to kidnap more people.
- Anytime.
1958
01:21:09,630 --> 01:21:10,931
- That was so cool.
- Anytime.
1959
01:21:12,065 --> 01:21:13,467
We didn't need the flares.
1960
01:21:14,467 --> 01:21:16,101
- But...
- I liked the flares.
1961
01:21:16,103 --> 01:21:17,736
- I liked them. I liked the flares.
- I liked the flares.
1962
01:21:17,738 --> 01:21:19,271
I thought that was a good touch.
1963
01:21:19,273 --> 01:21:20,772
♪ ...no one knows
1964
01:21:20,774 --> 01:21:22,340
♪ And so it goes and so it goes
1965
01:21:22,342 --> 01:21:24,710
♪ And so it goes and so it goes
1966
01:21:24,712 --> 01:21:27,816
♪ But where it's goin'
No one knows
1967
01:21:31,652 --> 01:21:33,718
- [ENGINE STOPS]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
1968
01:21:33,720 --> 01:21:36,088
Hey, hey, you guys.
One minute. One second.
1969
01:21:36,090 --> 01:21:37,389
I wanna read...
1970
01:21:37,391 --> 01:21:40,159
I wanna read the speech I'm
gonna do at the ceremony later.
1971
01:21:40,161 --> 01:21:41,026
Practice, okay?
1972
01:21:41,028 --> 01:21:42,827
I gotta help them
set up the chairs.
1973
01:21:42,829 --> 01:21:45,397
Hey, Cal, hold on, hold on.
I need two people.
1974
01:21:45,399 --> 01:21:47,700
- Stay. It'll take a minute.
- Okay.
1975
01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:49,237
Okay. So, here we go.
1976
01:21:49,837 --> 01:21:50,936
"Marriage.
1977
01:21:50,938 --> 01:21:54,072
"It's foolish, idiotic,
insane, even,
1978
01:21:54,074 --> 01:21:56,942
"to believe there is
one person out there
1979
01:21:56,944 --> 01:22:00,478
"that we could ever
possibly hope to track down,
1980
01:22:00,480 --> 01:22:03,449
"and live a perfectly happy
existence with."
1981
01:22:03,451 --> 01:22:04,849
That's a little harsh.
1982
01:22:04,851 --> 01:22:07,085
Uh, hold on. Hang in there.
1983
01:22:07,087 --> 01:22:12,357
"Yet these two stand here before us
and say, 'We commit to this insanity.'
1984
01:22:12,359 --> 01:22:15,626
"These two have said, 'Rational
thought is against us.
1985
01:22:15,628 --> 01:22:17,763
"'Divorce rates are against us.
1986
01:22:17,765 --> 01:22:20,165
"'You and I
are both deeply flawed.
1987
01:22:20,167 --> 01:22:26,237
"'But we will continue to challenge all
the forces that jeopardize our union.'
1988
01:22:26,239 --> 01:22:30,174
"Like sailors on the open sea,
they have been through it all.
1989
01:22:30,176 --> 01:22:35,781
"And still, they stand together
to weather the next storm.
1990
01:22:35,783 --> 01:22:38,349
"And the next one after that.
1991
01:22:38,351 --> 01:22:44,623
"So, today, we celebrate the foolishness,
recklessness, and complete lack of rationale
1992
01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:48,893
"that has gone into making
this couple so strong.
1993
01:22:48,895 --> 01:22:53,969
"Today we celebrate love and all
of its beautiful imperfections.
1994
01:22:54,935 --> 01:22:58,306
"And of course,
with the exchange of rings."
1995
01:23:00,541 --> 01:23:02,077
Oh, wait.
1996
01:23:03,243 --> 01:23:04,375
We got this.
1997
01:23:04,377 --> 01:23:05,646
What about you?
1998
01:23:13,421 --> 01:23:14,588
What is that?
1999
01:23:15,021 --> 01:23:15,990
It's, um,
2000
01:23:16,556 --> 01:23:17,791
from the smoke grenade.
2001
01:23:18,125 --> 01:23:19,027
Okay.
2002
01:23:19,627 --> 01:23:20,729
HENRY: Perfect.
2003
01:23:23,096 --> 01:23:25,563
So, uh, Cal.
2004
01:23:25,565 --> 01:23:28,834
Do you take Mal
to be your lady love
2005
01:23:28,836 --> 01:23:31,606
forever and ever-ish
kind of thing?
2006
01:23:34,274 --> 01:23:35,143
I do.
2007
01:23:35,509 --> 01:23:36,677
All right.
2008
01:23:39,814 --> 01:23:41,216
This ring is gross.
2009
01:23:42,182 --> 01:23:44,183
And, Mal.
2010
01:23:44,185 --> 01:23:49,090
Do you take Cal here to be your
dude for everlasting-ness-ness?
2011
01:23:52,059 --> 01:23:53,094
I do.
2012
01:23:54,528 --> 01:23:55,861
It's a little big.
2013
01:23:55,863 --> 01:23:58,900
It's a little... Yeah.
But I can just get it resized.
2014
01:23:59,533 --> 01:24:00,702
And inscribed.
2015
01:24:01,469 --> 01:24:03,102
Well, okay.
2016
01:24:03,104 --> 01:24:06,772
"And so today, by the power vested
in me by the State of California,
2017
01:24:06,774 --> 01:24:08,943
"I now pronounce you
man and wife."
2018
01:24:10,243 --> 01:24:12,212
Now kiss, you maniacs.
2019
01:24:13,913 --> 01:24:17,583
Or not. I don't really care.
You know what I mean, you know.
2020
01:24:17,585 --> 01:24:19,953
You don't have to kiss.
I mean, that's...
2021
01:24:22,756 --> 01:24:23,925
[DOOR CLOSES]
2022
01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:38,440
You are a much better kisser
than me.
2023
01:24:39,239 --> 01:24:40,307
- I know.
- [LAUGHS]
2024
01:24:44,645 --> 01:24:45,710
I'm sorry.
2025
01:24:45,712 --> 01:24:46,947
I'm sorry, too.
2026
01:24:50,751 --> 01:24:53,121
So, did Henry secretly marry us?
2027
01:24:54,121 --> 01:24:55,289
I think so.
2028
01:24:56,590 --> 01:24:57,723
- He's good.
- Mm-hmm.
2029
01:24:57,725 --> 01:24:58,656
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
2030
01:24:58,658 --> 01:24:59,860
He's, like, too good.
2031
01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,130
Do you feel different?
2032
01:25:03,631 --> 01:25:04,833
I feel good.
2033
01:25:05,698 --> 01:25:07,999
- Good.
- I feel really good.
2034
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:09,304
I don't feel different.
2035
01:25:09,603 --> 01:25:10,771
Should I?
2036
01:25:12,206 --> 01:25:13,539
No.
2037
01:25:13,541 --> 01:25:17,875
It's probably because we're not
technically married, like...
2038
01:25:17,877 --> 01:25:20,012
We're only married in the
eyes of Henry and the Lord.
2039
01:25:20,014 --> 01:25:22,446
- Right. We need a marriage license.
- Yes.
2040
01:25:22,448 --> 01:25:25,052
Of course. We can just
pick up the license tomorrow.
2041
01:25:25,418 --> 01:25:26,485
Yeah.
2042
01:25:26,487 --> 01:25:28,922
- Oh, they'll be closed on Sunday.
- Oh, right.
2043
01:25:29,622 --> 01:25:31,123
Monday?
2044
01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:33,759
Monday's a little tough for me.
I think Tuesday would be better.
2045
01:25:33,761 --> 01:25:35,660
I just can't do Tuesday.
I think I'll be working.
2046
01:25:35,662 --> 01:25:37,461
Okay. Wednesday?
2047
01:25:37,463 --> 01:25:39,430
- I can try for Wednesday.
- I can't.
2048
01:25:39,432 --> 01:25:40,464
- You can't do Wednesday?
- No.
2049
01:25:40,466 --> 01:25:41,833
- Oh, okay.
- At all, actually.
2050
01:25:41,835 --> 01:25:43,501
- Oh.
- Wow, I can't even believe I suggested it.
2051
01:25:43,503 --> 01:25:44,404
No, it's a bad day.
2052
01:25:46,105 --> 01:25:47,272
I love you.
2053
01:25:47,274 --> 01:25:48,209
I love you, too.
2054
01:25:49,810 --> 01:25:51,880
[ROCK SONG PLAYING]
2055
01:26:05,024 --> 01:26:06,760
♪ One, two, three
2056
01:26:08,729 --> 01:26:11,399
♪ That's how elementary
2057
01:26:12,498 --> 01:26:14,001
♪ It's gonna be
2058
01:26:15,903 --> 01:26:19,474
♪ Come on
Let's fall in love, it's easy
2059
01:26:20,975 --> 01:26:25,780
♪ Like taking candy from a baby
2060
01:26:26,814 --> 01:26:28,483
♪ A, B, C
2061
01:26:30,251 --> 01:26:35,856
♪ Falling in love with you
Was easy for me
2062
01:26:37,858 --> 01:26:39,357
♪ And you can do it, too... ♪
2063
01:26:39,359 --> 01:26:40,460
What time is it?
2064
01:26:41,561 --> 01:26:44,196
- [SHUDDERS] Fucking bugs on my...
- [SHUDDERS]
2065
01:26:44,198 --> 01:26:46,565
It's the biggest bug
I've ever seen.
2066
01:26:46,567 --> 01:26:49,433
Oh, my God.
[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]
2067
01:26:49,435 --> 01:26:51,905
Like a Slip'N Slide, just...
2068
01:26:53,039 --> 01:26:55,042
- fly right in.
- [JESSE CHUCKLES]
2069
01:26:55,943 --> 01:26:57,445
CAL: But before that
we have candles.
2070
01:26:58,378 --> 01:26:59,544
Oh, yes.
2071
01:26:59,546 --> 01:27:01,679
[MUMBLES, SNORTS]
2072
01:27:01,681 --> 01:27:03,348
- Okay.
- [ALL LAUGH]
2073
01:27:03,350 --> 01:27:05,616
Coloring outside the lines,
all right. [CLICKS TONGUE]
2074
01:27:05,618 --> 01:27:06,918
I'm down with that. Surf's up.
2075
01:27:06,920 --> 01:27:08,452
- Like we're kids again.
- Yeah.
2076
01:27:08,454 --> 01:27:10,222
- Just...
- Kids who fuck.
2077
01:27:10,224 --> 01:27:11,159
Kids who fuck.
2078
01:27:12,458 --> 01:27:13,360
I like that.
2079
01:27:14,395 --> 01:27:15,559
You guys are pretty cool.
2080
01:27:15,561 --> 01:27:16,928
[MAL GIGGLING]
2081
01:27:16,930 --> 01:27:18,696
- BARTENDER: Sriracharita?
- No.
2082
01:27:18,698 --> 01:27:19,930
Actually, I was just
in the restroom,
2083
01:27:19,932 --> 01:27:22,166
and someone did
a real paint job in there.
2084
01:27:22,168 --> 01:27:23,902
There's, like, doo-doo, feces...
2085
01:27:23,904 --> 01:27:25,236
[LAUGHING]
2086
01:27:25,238 --> 01:27:27,406
There's, like,
doo-doo, feces everywhere...
2087
01:27:27,408 --> 01:27:29,674
I can't do it. I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
2088
01:27:29,676 --> 01:27:32,546
There's, like, doo-doo, feces
everywhere. It's disgusting.
2089
01:27:33,113 --> 01:27:34,879
BARTENDER: Shit. Animals.
2090
01:27:34,881 --> 01:27:36,483
- [SNICKERING]
- [MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
2091
01:27:37,818 --> 01:27:38,983
- I did it.
- Yeah.
2092
01:27:38,985 --> 01:27:40,352
[ALL LAUGHING]
2093
01:27:40,354 --> 01:27:42,754
I cannot believe
I'm going out tonight.
2094
01:27:42,756 --> 01:27:46,191
Like, I'm up to my ass in
paperwork, you have no idea.
2095
01:27:46,193 --> 01:27:48,492
I've got a deposition next week.
2096
01:27:48,494 --> 01:27:50,594
Why did I go to law school?
2097
01:27:50,596 --> 01:27:54,132
I could've just been a fucking
Instagram model, you know?
2098
01:27:54,134 --> 01:27:55,936
They don't come here
to be made fun of.
2099
01:27:57,404 --> 01:28:00,375
So it that's what you plan at
doing, I suggest you leave.
2100
01:28:01,809 --> 01:28:04,041
[MAL AND CAL LAUGH]
2101
01:28:04,043 --> 01:28:06,344
- MAL: Steam coming out of your ears.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
2102
01:28:06,346 --> 01:28:07,948
CAL: Do you mean
like a prostitute?
2103
01:28:08,716 --> 01:28:10,151
No, not a 'tute.
2104
01:28:10,751 --> 01:28:11,953
- [MAL LAUGHS]
- Like...
2105
01:28:13,186 --> 01:28:14,553
CAL: You mean like a prostitute?
2106
01:28:14,555 --> 01:28:16,021
[SCOFFS] No, not a 'tute.
2107
01:28:16,023 --> 01:28:18,589
- [MAL LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
2108
01:28:18,591 --> 01:28:21,028
CAL: Uh, like a prostitute?
2109
01:28:21,694 --> 01:28:23,527
No, not a 'tute.
2110
01:28:23,529 --> 01:28:27,668
- Top-notch escort. Upper-echelon female...
- [MAL LAUGHS]
2111
01:28:30,970 --> 01:28:32,670
I did three months
at Esselen, guys.
2112
01:28:32,672 --> 01:28:35,072
And the one thing they
taught me to do was breathe.
2113
01:28:35,074 --> 01:28:36,241
So let's breathe.
2114
01:28:36,243 --> 01:28:37,645
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
- [AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING]
2115
01:28:38,545 --> 01:28:40,312
[EXHALES] Let it out.
2116
01:28:40,314 --> 01:28:42,280
[SIREN CONTINUES]
2117
01:28:42,282 --> 01:28:45,153
And hope that person that's going
to the hospital is gonna survive.
2118
01:28:45,752 --> 01:28:47,218
But I'm wondering,
2119
01:28:47,220 --> 01:28:50,187
I've only been with 39 men
in my entire life.
2120
01:28:50,189 --> 01:28:52,691
- KATIE: Mom.
- MAL: Oh, that's kind of a lot.
2121
01:28:52,693 --> 01:28:55,393
Oh, Leanne... Leanne Carlson.
2122
01:28:55,395 --> 01:28:57,361
MAL: Why would you say
"Oh" to that?
2123
01:28:57,363 --> 01:28:58,463
[ALL LAUGHING]
2124
01:28:58,465 --> 01:29:00,034
- Sorry... I'm sorry.
- CAL: You know her?
2125
01:29:00,634 --> 01:29:02,334
[STAMMERS] No, you...
2126
01:29:02,336 --> 01:29:04,302
Okay, you're not on the
approved family contact list,
2127
01:29:04,304 --> 01:29:07,339
and that's actually
one of the main lists
2128
01:29:07,341 --> 01:29:09,377
- that are...
- [ALL LAUGHING]
2129
01:29:14,515 --> 01:29:15,613
[ALL LAUGHING]
2130
01:29:15,615 --> 01:29:16,717
[SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
2131
01:29:16,858 --> 01:29:21,858
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