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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:05,021 Tessa: Somewhere between the senior slump and the freshman 15, 2 00:00:05,068 --> 00:00:06,334 there exists a window... 3 00:00:06,402 --> 00:00:08,320 a window to travel outside your comfort zone 4 00:00:08,373 --> 00:00:09,306 and to try new things. 5 00:00:09,374 --> 00:00:10,707 For me, that meant... 6 00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:12,042 [ Cheering ] ...A house party two towns over, 7 00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:14,611 thrown by some college kid home on break. 8 00:00:14,679 --> 00:00:15,846 For Lisa, that meant 9 00:00:15,913 --> 00:00:17,748 going to the house party in a bed sheet 10 00:00:17,815 --> 00:00:19,683 designed to look like a toga. 11 00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:21,451 I... told you. 12 00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:22,886 Okay. 13 00:00:23,346 --> 00:00:26,348 So I guess it's not required at all college parties. 14 00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:29,451 Or maybe these killas just don't know what time it is. 15 00:00:29,519 --> 00:00:32,163 I think we should go. I mean, everyone here can vote. 16 00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:34,087 Half of them can legally drink. 17 00:00:34,155 --> 00:00:35,989 What are they gonna want to talk to us about? 18 00:00:36,056 --> 00:00:38,091 Come on, guys. We are traveling outside our comfort zones. 19 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:39,259 We're meeting new people. 20 00:00:39,326 --> 00:00:43,663 Oh, my God! I love that toga! 21 00:00:43,731 --> 00:00:45,665 You are hilarious! 22 00:00:45,733 --> 00:00:47,434 I love you. 23 00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:48,601 I love you, too. 24 00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,270 Let me show you to my friends. 25 00:00:50,337 --> 00:00:51,270 Oh. 26 00:00:53,274 --> 00:00:55,475 Yeah, I... I'm... I'm not officially allowed to vote, 27 00:00:55,543 --> 00:00:57,734 but I'm pretty sure I'm a libertarian. 28 00:00:57,828 --> 00:00:59,382 Let's dance. 29 00:01:00,931 --> 00:01:03,466 [ Indistinct conversations ] 30 00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:07,370 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 31 00:01:07,438 --> 00:01:10,740 I miss my comfort zone. 32 00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:14,043 Man: Can a man and woman survive alone in the wilderness 33 00:01:14,111 --> 00:01:15,812 naked and afraid? 34 00:01:15,879 --> 00:01:17,914 I sure hope they don't get trench foot again, 35 00:01:17,982 --> 00:01:20,817 'cause I will full-on yarf up this crazy fried rice. 36 00:01:20,884 --> 00:01:22,251 Hey, mommy. 37 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:23,799 I thought you had plans with the KKK. 38 00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:25,768 Yeah, but Kenzie, Kaitlyn, and Kimantha 39 00:01:25,823 --> 00:01:27,354 wanted to eat Greek at Natalie's, 40 00:01:27,402 --> 00:01:28,697 and there's no wi-fi there. 41 00:01:28,753 --> 00:01:30,153 Why do you need wi-fi to eat... 42 00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:31,488 I don't like being places 43 00:01:31,556 --> 00:01:33,156 where I don't know how many "likes" I'm getting. 44 00:01:33,224 --> 00:01:34,257 I like to see my "likes." 45 00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:36,460 And when I can't, I don't like it. 46 00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:38,061 Uh, I can't help but notice 47 00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:40,630 you've become very preoccupied with your "likes." 48 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,418 I like "likes." 49 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,013 But you can't hug a "like," 50 00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:46,520 and a "like" won't put its arm around you 51 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,227 when the cold wind blows. 52 00:01:48,295 --> 00:01:49,656 'Cause a "like" doesn't have arms. 53 00:01:49,663 --> 00:01:52,331 Neither does crazy fried rice. 54 00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:54,882 No, it does not. 55 00:01:55,802 --> 00:01:58,961 But it does have pineapple, which is crazy. 56 00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:02,005 Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com 57 00:02:02,066 --> 00:02:04,761 Alih Jey: Last night I had a pleasant nightmare 58 00:02:04,816 --> 00:02:09,816 Suburgatory 3x07 - I�m Just That Not That Into Me - Original air date March 12, 2014 59 00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:11,289 Da, da, da, da 60 00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:12,318 Dalia: Okay. 61 00:02:12,386 --> 00:02:15,321 I'd put in my time standing awkwardly in the doorway, 62 00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:17,356 and I think it was now fair to say 63 00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:18,824 this party wasn't my steez. 64 00:02:18,892 --> 00:02:20,660 Mark: This party isn't my steez. 65 00:02:20,727 --> 00:02:21,961 What was that? 66 00:02:22,029 --> 00:02:24,397 I'd rather pull a Van Gogh and slice my ear off 67 00:02:24,464 --> 00:02:25,731 than listen to the brainless chatter 68 00:02:25,799 --> 00:02:27,366 that's echoing through this room. 69 00:02:28,049 --> 00:02:30,187 I think I'm gonna call it a night. 70 00:02:30,254 --> 00:02:31,955 I'm gonna call it a night, too. 71 00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:33,864 Yeah, that's a lot better than standing here... 72 00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,326 Both: Watching that tanorexic girl make drunk history. 73 00:02:38,296 --> 00:02:40,364 [ Chuckles ] Uh, I'm Tessa. 74 00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:42,766 - Mark. - I'm from Chatswin. 75 00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,274 - Ryebrook. - Or as I like to call it... 76 00:02:44,335 --> 00:02:45,769 Both: The worst place in the whole entire world. 77 00:02:45,837 --> 00:02:47,270 Did we just become best friends? 78 00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:49,539 "Step Brothers," the best movie of 2008. 79 00:02:49,607 --> 00:02:51,808 Despite Roger Ebert only giving it 21/2 stars. 80 00:02:51,876 --> 00:02:53,143 Yeah, what's his problem? 81 00:02:53,211 --> 00:02:54,811 "Child 2" wasn't any better than "Problem Child 1." 82 00:02:54,878 --> 00:02:56,979 I can't believe they made three of those movies. 83 00:02:57,048 --> 00:02:58,248 [ Gasps ] 84 00:02:58,316 --> 00:02:59,583 Oh! 85 00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:03,186 My, I think I'm sensing a love connection. 86 00:03:03,254 --> 00:03:05,389 There's no "D" in "Gran Torino." 87 00:03:05,456 --> 00:03:06,414 [ Both gasp ] 88 00:03:06,469 --> 00:03:07,436 What's the deal with you and Malik? 89 00:03:07,503 --> 00:03:10,105 Are you guys exclusive or what? 90 00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:13,675 Oh, Malik and I are really secure as a couple. 91 00:03:13,743 --> 00:03:15,343 I've always told Malik, I told him, 92 00:03:15,411 --> 00:03:18,680 "you can do whatever you want to do" 93 00:03:18,748 --> 00:03:21,483 "as long as you can look at yourself" 94 00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,748 "in the mirror and be okay." 95 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,537 - Okay. - Okay?! 96 00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:26,521 You look so good 97 00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:28,356 I wish I could, but that just 98 00:03:28,424 --> 00:03:30,325 Ain't my type of hype, baby 99 00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:32,127 Me and you was crazy cool 100 00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:34,429 But it wasn't okay, and something told Lisa 101 00:03:34,497 --> 00:03:37,365 that if she didn't make a move, her relationship with Malik 102 00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:41,470 would end up like kid 'n play's... over. 103 00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:46,060 Mommy, I just "liked" something I really didn't like. 104 00:03:46,107 --> 00:03:47,207 What?! Why? 105 00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:48,914 Because I didn't want to seem like a hater 106 00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:50,043 even though I hate her. 107 00:03:50,111 --> 00:03:51,647 Well, what did you like that you didn't like? 108 00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:53,147 A picture of Tessa. 109 00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:55,737 She met a cute guy at a party last night. 110 00:03:55,804 --> 00:03:57,071 I see. 111 00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:59,073 Well, it just so happens 112 00:03:59,141 --> 00:04:00,621 you're about to meet a cute boy, too. 113 00:04:00,676 --> 00:04:03,111 Last night, after our conversation, 114 00:04:03,178 --> 00:04:04,412 I made an appointment 115 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,881 with a well-respected matchmaking service 116 00:04:06,949 --> 00:04:08,516 called It's Just Yogurt. 117 00:04:08,584 --> 00:04:10,838 I don't want yogurt. I want a boyfriend. 118 00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:12,271 No, but this is for a boyfriend. 119 00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:15,328 See, they casually set you up with an eligible bachelor, 120 00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:17,922 and y'all two grab a yogurt, and if you don't like him, 121 00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:20,418 well, hey, at least you got a yogurt out of it. 122 00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:22,940 But we have yogurt. 123 00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:25,443 I think the yogurt part is throwing you. 124 00:04:25,511 --> 00:04:27,445 Honestly, it's not about yogurt. 125 00:04:27,513 --> 00:04:29,480 You'll see. 126 00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:32,416 Oh, hey, Lisa. 127 00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:34,130 Tessa's actually not here. 128 00:04:34,481 --> 00:04:36,521 I... I'm here to see you. 129 00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:39,957 Oh. 130 00:04:45,688 --> 00:04:47,746 Uh, can I get you something to drink? 131 00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:49,356 No, thank you. 132 00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:53,462 [ Sighs ] 133 00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:55,310 Very temperate weather we've been having. 134 00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:57,209 Yeah. Yeah. 135 00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:01,971 And how are all your favorite sports teams doing? 136 00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:05,001 They're fine, thank you. 137 00:05:06,509 --> 00:05:09,345 And why do you think your marriage failed? 138 00:05:09,412 --> 00:05:10,746 Excuse... excuse me? 139 00:05:10,814 --> 00:05:13,907 You married young, for love. That's fair to surmise. 140 00:05:15,165 --> 00:05:16,318 Uh... 141 00:05:16,386 --> 00:05:19,186 I... I suppose that's surmisable. 142 00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:21,191 And yet, it was a huge disaster. Why? 143 00:05:21,259 --> 00:05:23,527 Who said it was a huge disaster? Did Tessa say that? 144 00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:26,897 No. But surmisable, right? 145 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,333 I mean... look around. 146 00:05:29,855 --> 00:05:32,656 Okay, what is this about? Besides making me feel bad. 147 00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:35,462 I just... I just need some advice 148 00:05:35,517 --> 00:05:38,052 from someone who's been there, you know? 149 00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,720 This is a big decision, 150 00:05:39,788 --> 00:05:41,021 and I don't want to take it lightly. 151 00:05:41,089 --> 00:05:42,456 I want to do my research. 152 00:05:42,524 --> 00:05:44,491 Okay, what big decision are we talking about here? 153 00:05:44,559 --> 00:05:47,328 I've decided to ask Malik to marry me. 154 00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:49,763 Is that slang for going to the prom or something? 155 00:05:49,831 --> 00:05:51,232 No. 156 00:05:51,299 --> 00:05:54,168 That's slang for being life partners 157 00:05:54,236 --> 00:05:56,437 for as long as we both shall live... 158 00:05:56,504 --> 00:06:00,028 and beyond, for all eternity, in perpetuity, 159 00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:01,707 throughout this universe and any others. 160 00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,152 Okay. I guess I just don't see what the big rush is. 161 00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,421 You know, all eternity isn't going anywhere. 162 00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:08,690 Yes, but Malik is. We both are. 163 00:06:08,757 --> 00:06:11,159 We're going to college next year, and... 164 00:06:11,227 --> 00:06:12,360 you should see the way 165 00:06:12,428 --> 00:06:15,063 some of these college girls act, Mr. Altman. 166 00:06:15,131 --> 00:06:17,232 They are all over his fine ass. 167 00:06:17,299 --> 00:06:18,433 No, mnh-mnh. 168 00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,201 I need to lock this whole thing down now 169 00:06:20,269 --> 00:06:22,203 while Malik is still at his low introductory rate 170 00:06:22,271 --> 00:06:25,273 before his whole situation skyrockets. 171 00:06:26,169 --> 00:06:27,442 Okay, uh... 172 00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:29,444 I... I'm just spit-balling here, 173 00:06:29,512 --> 00:06:34,626 but, uh, what if you put his... fine ass on layaway? 174 00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:37,185 That was a metaphor, Mr. Altman. 175 00:06:38,821 --> 00:06:40,021 Right. 176 00:06:40,622 --> 00:06:42,556 You sure I can't get you some lemonade? 177 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,418 Look, I don't want to overpromise, 178 00:06:51,465 --> 00:06:53,867 but I am literally a miracle worker. 179 00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:55,974 Right now, the Vatican is trying to have me sainted. 180 00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:58,618 [ Gasps ] Oh, my. Do you hear that, Dalia? 181 00:06:58,666 --> 00:06:59,799 It's true. 182 00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:03,303 I have single-handedly found love for more people 183 00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:05,038 than eHarmony, Okay-Whatever, 184 00:07:05,106 --> 00:07:08,108 Tinder, Grouper, it's just cappuccino combined. 185 00:07:08,175 --> 00:07:10,744 So all I need to know from you beautiful ladies 186 00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:12,645 is exactly what you're looking for in a man, 187 00:07:12,713 --> 00:07:15,280 and I guarantee I will find you true love, 188 00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,394 but read your contracts, 189 00:07:16,462 --> 00:07:18,162 because true love is not guaranteed. 190 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,465 - I don't want true love. - Even better. 191 00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:21,653 I just want a really cute boy 192 00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,934 to rub in Tessa Altman's face. 193 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,303 I don't know who that bitch is, but I hate her already. 194 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:28,736 He should be anywhere between 6'2 " and 6'21/2", 195 00:07:28,799 --> 00:07:30,767 brunette but blond as a child, 196 00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:32,035 strong cheekbones 197 00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:33,636 with a weak chin that quivers when he cries, 198 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:34,937 but he never cries. 199 00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:37,407 Overly arched eyebrows are a plus. 200 00:07:37,474 --> 00:07:40,991 His relaxed face should look like he's tasting a gross lemon. 201 00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:43,960 He should be cut, in both senses of the word. 202 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,234 Slight curve to my left, if possible. 203 00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:48,569 Devout Buddhist. 204 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,471 Okay. I love it. 205 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,906 You have given me so much to work with. 206 00:07:52,974 --> 00:07:54,375 You're welcome. 207 00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:56,076 That's great. What about you, darling? 208 00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:57,311 What are you looking for in a man? 209 00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:59,317 Oh, I don't know. Whatever you think is best. 210 00:07:59,372 --> 00:08:02,041 Well, what's best is whatever your heart desires. 211 00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:04,243 So what does it desire? Tell me. 212 00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:08,047 Um... Dalia had a good answer. 213 00:08:08,114 --> 00:08:10,783 - She did. - Thanks, mommy. 214 00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:12,829 Um... 215 00:08:13,657 --> 00:08:15,057 Well, I don't know. 216 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,226 Just somebody good that you think would be good. 217 00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,962 Oh, come on. Let your imagination run wild. 218 00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:23,850 Okay. He should be super-nice. 219 00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:27,278 - Mm-hmm. - Or mean, maybe. 220 00:08:28,353 --> 00:08:30,219 Why don't I help? Do you want a guy with kids? 221 00:08:30,286 --> 00:08:31,587 If he has them. 222 00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:33,774 If not, he shouldn't go out and get any on my account. 223 00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:37,470 Religious? 224 00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:40,373 If he believes, I will. If he doesn't, I won't. 225 00:08:40,441 --> 00:08:41,741 Wait. What? 226 00:08:41,809 --> 00:08:44,144 My man... I'm open to believe in what he believes. 227 00:08:44,211 --> 00:08:45,378 But he doesn't exist. 228 00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:46,579 That's okay. 229 00:08:46,647 --> 00:08:48,134 I don't want to put any pressure on him. 230 00:08:49,041 --> 00:08:50,417 Okay. All right. 231 00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,127 I've seen this before. [ Chuckles ] 232 00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,431 You, my dear, 233 00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:56,462 are a little too preoccupied with pleasing others. 234 00:08:56,572 --> 00:08:57,538 That being the case, 235 00:08:57,606 --> 00:08:59,173 I have the perfect person for you. 236 00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:00,675 [ Gasps ] Oh, goody! 237 00:09:00,743 --> 00:09:01,954 It's you. 238 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,446 Me? 239 00:09:03,486 --> 00:09:05,654 I want to set you up on a date with yourself. 240 00:09:05,722 --> 00:09:08,724 I think you need to get to know you 241 00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:11,426 so you can decide what you want. 242 00:09:11,494 --> 00:09:13,228 Oh. Okay. 243 00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:16,030 So, take yourself out for a yogurt, 244 00:09:16,093 --> 00:09:17,444 and if you don't hit it off... 245 00:09:17,484 --> 00:09:19,852 At least I get a yogurt out of it. 246 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,487 Exactly! 247 00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:22,922 And just so we're clear, 248 00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:24,790 this does count as one of the five matches you've paid for. 249 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,426 Okay. 250 00:09:27,494 --> 00:09:29,362 There are different standards of beauty, sure, 251 00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,530 but if you ask me, it's imperfection that's alluring. 252 00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:32,798 Total symmetry is bland. 253 00:09:32,866 --> 00:09:35,501 And while it may be valued above all else 254 00:09:35,569 --> 00:09:38,785 in a town like Chatswin, to me, that girl over there 255 00:09:38,832 --> 00:09:41,867 looks like she just rolled off an assembly line. 256 00:09:41,935 --> 00:09:44,870 The processed hair, the synthetic tan, 257 00:09:44,938 --> 00:09:46,772 face full of injectables... 258 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,073 blank stare. 259 00:09:48,141 --> 00:09:49,675 I didn't even have to look. 260 00:09:49,743 --> 00:09:51,555 I knew Mark was talking about Dalia 261 00:09:51,594 --> 00:09:53,428 because he and I were two sides of the same coin. 262 00:09:53,495 --> 00:09:57,131 In fact, we were the same side of the same coin. 263 00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:59,200 Do you collect coins? 264 00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:00,535 - No. - Neither do I. 265 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,303 Oh, my God. You're amazing. 266 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,617 Making out with Mark was effortless. 267 00:10:06,642 --> 00:10:08,376 We both tilted our heads at the same time, 268 00:10:08,444 --> 00:10:10,645 didn't go crazy with the tongue. 269 00:10:10,713 --> 00:10:12,113 Kind of made me wonder why I ever bothered 270 00:10:12,181 --> 00:10:14,880 making out with someone so different than me, 271 00:10:14,951 --> 00:10:18,587 like Ryan Shay, who went crazy with the tongue. 272 00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:20,855 There. I said it. 273 00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,527 So, h... how are things at work? 274 00:10:25,595 --> 00:10:27,295 Oh, you know, living just enough for the city. 275 00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,563 Sho' nuff. [ Chuckles ] 276 00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:29,937 Sho' nuff? 277 00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,998 I hope everyone likes fig bickies. 278 00:10:33,037 --> 00:10:34,437 Okay, guys, I'm... I'm gonna... 279 00:10:34,464 --> 00:10:36,314 I'm gonna cut right to the chase. 280 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,807 I'm worried about Lisa. 281 00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:39,175 Join the club. 282 00:10:39,243 --> 00:10:40,792 Meet the Captain of it. Toot, toot! 283 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,159 I feel a little bad about going behind her back. 284 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:46,109 But as a parent, I know I would want to be told. 285 00:10:46,177 --> 00:10:47,744 What is it? 286 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,932 - Alcohol? - Hashish? 287 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,767 - Has she been dexing? - Robo-tripping? 288 00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:53,474 She on the stove-top? Chicken feed? 289 00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:56,071 - Did someone turn her out? - W... what... no! 290 00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:57,940 No. None of that. 291 00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:01,734 [ Clears throat ] She wants to marry Malik. 292 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,202 [ Both laugh ] 293 00:11:03,269 --> 00:11:04,403 Is that all? 294 00:11:04,471 --> 00:11:06,205 To hell with tea. Where's the champagne? 295 00:11:06,272 --> 00:11:08,173 - No, she's serious about it. - As she should be. 296 00:11:08,241 --> 00:11:09,775 Malik's a catch. 297 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,710 Yeah, and let's face it... a little out of her league, 298 00:11:11,778 --> 00:11:13,018 so if she can lock that down... 299 00:11:13,046 --> 00:11:14,279 And that's a big "if." 300 00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,714 ...She should do it right away. 301 00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:19,485 Okay. Aren't you worried at all that it'll be a disaster? 302 00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:21,019 They're kids. 303 00:11:21,087 --> 00:11:22,521 What could they possibly know about making a marriage work? 304 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:25,190 Nothing. But what is there to know? 305 00:11:25,258 --> 00:11:27,511 Sheila and I got married at a young age, and look at us. 306 00:11:27,572 --> 00:11:29,139 Wouldn't change it for the world. 307 00:11:29,207 --> 00:11:30,274 Couldn't live without each other. 308 00:11:30,342 --> 00:11:32,710 Well, we could. But we wouldn't want to. 309 00:11:32,777 --> 00:11:34,278 But my heart would stop beating the moment yours did. 310 00:11:34,346 --> 00:11:36,881 Whereas, in my case, you know, the cardio helps. 311 00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,816 I swim, so... 312 00:11:38,884 --> 00:11:39,950 Mine might beat a little longer. 313 00:11:40,018 --> 00:11:41,252 O... okay. Anyway. 314 00:11:41,319 --> 00:11:42,686 - B... back to your daughter. - Darling? 315 00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:44,878 In time, I may even learn to love again. 316 00:11:44,925 --> 00:11:45,991 [ Breathes deeply ] 317 00:11:46,059 --> 00:11:47,092 You know, for the sake of the children. 318 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,795 The children would surely be grown. 319 00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,336 Maybe a taller man. I don't know. 320 00:11:51,384 --> 00:11:53,051 Fair-haired for a change of pace, 321 00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:55,053 works in finance, 322 00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:56,722 has a little summer place on the island. 323 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,067 His name is Keith. 324 00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:02,570 Are you seeing someone? 325 00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,339 You keep them guessing. [ Chuckles ] 326 00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:07,047 That is the gravy in the marriage pot pie. 327 00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:08,509 Oh! Are we having pot pie? 328 00:12:08,577 --> 00:12:09,844 It's a very simple recipe, 329 00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:12,907 and I will be sure to share it with Lisa. 330 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,683 [ Indistinct conversations ] 331 00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:22,387 Thank you. 332 00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:23,781 You're welcome. 333 00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:25,716 Oh, leave that, please. 334 00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:27,685 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were eating alone. 335 00:12:27,752 --> 00:12:29,854 I am. 336 00:12:31,713 --> 00:12:33,597 [ Breathes deeply ] 337 00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,677 This is ridiculous. 338 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,175 Is it? 339 00:12:53,012 --> 00:12:54,206 Yes. 340 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,674 People are gonna think I'm a crazy person 341 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,664 having a conversation with myself. 342 00:12:57,704 --> 00:12:59,672 Why do you worry so much about what other people think? 343 00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:01,023 Who says I do? 344 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,601 The person who knows you best... me. 345 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,091 I'm not sure I like your company. 346 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,759 I'm not sure I like your outfit. 347 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,161 What's wrong with my outfit? 348 00:13:08,228 --> 00:13:09,762 Steven bought this for me in Nice. 349 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,264 It's your least-favorite color, 350 00:13:11,331 --> 00:13:12,932 yet you wear it all the time anyway. 351 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,280 It was a gift. 352 00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:15,444 What about those earrings? 353 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,093 They're too heavy, and they hurt. 354 00:13:17,137 --> 00:13:18,726 Is there any part of you 355 00:13:18,769 --> 00:13:22,138 that isn't some calculated piece of man bait? 356 00:13:22,182 --> 00:13:24,116 [ Gasps ] How dare you? 357 00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:25,678 I did not spend hours 358 00:13:25,746 --> 00:13:27,513 waxing my wherewithals and Ne'er-Do-Wells 359 00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,415 to be insulted by the likes of you. 360 00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,751 You can't handle the truth. Is that it? 361 00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:34,035 I can't handle you! 362 00:13:34,822 --> 00:13:37,423 And don't even think about following me home. 363 00:13:37,491 --> 00:13:38,591 I know where you live! 364 00:13:38,659 --> 00:13:41,026 That woman is a total nightmare. 365 00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:51,370 Well, that was the worst date ever. I hate me. 366 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,667 Sorry, mommy. My match was perfect. 367 00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:57,648 He wants to take me to Turks and Caicos for vesakha. 368 00:13:57,696 --> 00:13:59,430 Well, that's very nice, Dalia. I'm happy for you. 369 00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:01,781 I'm just a little mad at myself at the moment. 370 00:14:01,844 --> 00:14:03,745 Sounds like you were a total bitch. 371 00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:05,180 I was! 372 00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:08,261 I accused myself of being wrapped up in pleasing men. 373 00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:11,953 I said my entire identity was nothing but a shiny jewel 374 00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,075 meant to capture a man's eye! 375 00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:16,569 I'll show me. 376 00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:20,662 I don't need these man-trapping fineries. 377 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:23,720 Mommy, don't. Please, mommy, stop. 378 00:14:23,783 --> 00:14:27,753 I am gonna give myself... ow!... a make-under. 379 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,054 Stop! 380 00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:30,188 Dalia, I have to do this. 381 00:14:30,256 --> 00:14:31,623 Mommy, you don't know what you're doing. 382 00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:33,458 - These high heels are coming off. - Mommy. 383 00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:34,838 [ Exhales sharply ] Oh, my God. 384 00:14:34,893 --> 00:14:36,760 Mommy, no. No, mommy, don't. 385 00:14:36,828 --> 00:14:39,441 [ Gasps, screams ] - Oh, my God! - Mom! 386 00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:41,170 - Look away! My feet are hideous! - Oh, my God. 387 00:14:41,192 --> 00:14:43,660 - Mommy! - They're deformed from years of high-heel wearing! 388 00:14:43,728 --> 00:14:44,628 Mommy, I'm gonna throw up! 389 00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:46,082 Dalia, don't look! 390 00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:47,777 - Mommy! - No, look away! 391 00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:49,610 - That's disgusting! - Don't look! 392 00:14:49,678 --> 00:14:51,078 - Mommy! - I said don't... ohh, ohh! Ohh! 393 00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,680 [ Thud ] 394 00:14:52,747 --> 00:14:53,981 Dalia, help. 395 00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:57,116 Carmen, mommy fell! 396 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,420 It was great dating someone 397 00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:02,681 who could literally anticipate your next move. 398 00:15:04,509 --> 00:15:06,626 Do you need to use the bathroom? 399 00:15:07,479 --> 00:15:09,517 I do need to use the bathroom. 400 00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:13,646 But it could also be a little... not great. 401 00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:15,083 Want a bite? 402 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,855 We ordered the exact same thing, 403 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,423 so, no. 404 00:15:21,259 --> 00:15:23,160 I was kind of hoping that you'd get some fries 405 00:15:23,228 --> 00:15:24,826 so I could have some. 406 00:15:25,196 --> 00:15:27,794 I was hoping the same thing about you. 407 00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:34,353 Well, I'm afraid it's not great news, Ms. Royce. 408 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,925 You have the most severe case of Barbie foot I've ever seen. 409 00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:40,050 Is it hereditary? 410 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:41,246 No, it's cultural. 411 00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,715 Mama had me in heels before I could walk. 412 00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:46,343 [ Babbling ] 413 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,629 It's just the family way, doctor. 414 00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:53,933 Oh, I get it. My family likes to complain about food. 415 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,035 I mean, I'm not deformed because of it, 416 00:15:56,103 --> 00:15:57,903 but I am unpleasant to dine with. 417 00:15:57,971 --> 00:15:59,538 Oh, doctor, 418 00:15:59,606 --> 00:16:01,852 will I ever be able to walk in flats? 419 00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:03,683 No, you won't. 420 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,399 I would have to break and reset 421 00:16:05,438 --> 00:16:07,160 almost every bone in your foot. 422 00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:09,223 It's a very costly and painful procedure. 423 00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,445 Oh, no. 424 00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:12,754 But it is outpatient. 425 00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,218 I'll take two. 426 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:16,671 Thanks for coming. 427 00:16:16,711 --> 00:16:18,012 Lisa: Sure, Mr. Altman. 428 00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:19,613 After our last conversation, 429 00:16:19,681 --> 00:16:21,988 I was worried I wouldn't be welcome, so... 430 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,184 What's this? 431 00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:24,318 Grilled cheese. 432 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,822 I'm vegan now. 433 00:16:27,889 --> 00:16:28,889 I thought you knew. 434 00:16:28,957 --> 00:16:30,358 But you used to love grilled cheese. 435 00:16:30,413 --> 00:16:31,546 Didn't you once tell me you'd be happy 436 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,894 eating nothing but grilled cheese 437 00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:34,149 for the rest of your life? 438 00:16:34,217 --> 00:16:36,518 And now you don't... you don't eat it anymore. 439 00:16:36,586 --> 00:16:37,870 That's weird. 440 00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,422 What are you getting at? 441 00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:42,057 Nothing. Nothing at all. 442 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,392 I'm... I'm happy to make you something else, 443 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,611 seeing that your tastes have changed. 444 00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:47,662 Well, thank you. 445 00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:49,130 I guess we should just both be glad 446 00:16:49,165 --> 00:16:52,434 you never signed a contract stating you would only eat 447 00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,932 grilled cheese for the rest of your life. 448 00:16:55,963 --> 00:16:57,239 In perpetuity. 449 00:16:57,306 --> 00:16:59,049 Okay, I know an ambush when I see one. 450 00:16:59,112 --> 00:17:02,614 Lisa, wait. Just hear me out, okay? 451 00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:04,216 Like you said, I've been there. 452 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,084 I want you to learn from my mistakes. 453 00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:07,853 When I was not much older than you, 454 00:17:07,921 --> 00:17:09,488 I thought I knew what I wanted. 455 00:17:09,555 --> 00:17:11,123 I thought I knew it all. 456 00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:15,560 But what I didn't know was how much I didn't know. 457 00:17:17,707 --> 00:17:20,199 You can't possibly know what the future holds, 458 00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:22,777 not at your age. 459 00:17:25,455 --> 00:17:27,197 What do you want me to say? 460 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,972 I... I want you to say 461 00:17:29,009 --> 00:17:31,544 that you'll think about it before you do anything rash. 462 00:17:31,831 --> 00:17:34,705 Okay. I'll think about it. 463 00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,802 But, Mr. Altman, just so you know, 464 00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,955 I do still like grilled cheese. 465 00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:42,007 I just make it with vegan cheese. 466 00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:46,163 Okay. Well, I think we both know that's not real cheese. 467 00:17:47,695 --> 00:17:50,145 It's like a million miles from real cheese. 468 00:17:50,798 --> 00:17:54,735 Sex symbol, doting mom, businesswoman, chatswinite. 469 00:17:54,802 --> 00:17:56,370 When we strip away our labels, 470 00:17:56,437 --> 00:17:58,538 strip away the ways in which we define ourselves, 471 00:17:58,606 --> 00:18:01,041 what's left? Who are we at the core? 472 00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:02,895 For Dallas, the answer was... 473 00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:06,158 [ Gasps ] ...A mousey brunette with a limp. 474 00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,484 Hello. 475 00:18:07,848 --> 00:18:08,848 Sorry. 476 00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:10,816 We don't have any spare change. 477 00:18:10,884 --> 00:18:14,520 Dalia, honey, it's me. It's mommy. 478 00:18:15,172 --> 00:18:17,256 Oh, my God. Mommy, no. 479 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:20,560 You look like a New Yorker cartoon. 480 00:18:20,627 --> 00:18:21,861 Huh. 481 00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:34,485 Mommy, no. You look so bad. 482 00:18:35,266 --> 00:18:37,303 I miss my old mommy. 483 00:18:37,338 --> 00:18:38,293 But your old mommy 484 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,559 was only interested in pleasing men. 485 00:18:40,627 --> 00:18:43,629 Therefore, she was a monster, not a mommy. 486 00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:45,130 This is the new me, 487 00:18:45,198 --> 00:18:48,968 and my sweater may itch, my face may be patchy, 488 00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:52,505 my hair may be brittle, but at least I'm happy. 489 00:18:52,949 --> 00:18:54,407 You don't look happy. 490 00:18:54,444 --> 00:18:55,544 I'm miserable. 491 00:18:55,731 --> 00:18:57,498 But I guess that's just the price I pay 492 00:18:57,566 --> 00:18:58,933 for being myself. 493 00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:00,903 But you're not being yourself. 494 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,539 Yourself goes to bed with a full face of makeup, 495 00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:06,341 then reapplies lip gloss in the middle of the night. 496 00:19:06,408 --> 00:19:09,506 Yourself got a splenectomy just to hit your goal weight. 497 00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:12,187 And, sure, yourself cares about looks, 498 00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,906 but yourself also cares about other stuff. 499 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,070 Like what? 500 00:19:16,117 --> 00:19:17,886 Turned out, Dalia knew Dallas 501 00:19:17,914 --> 00:19:19,074 better than she knew herself. 502 00:19:19,081 --> 00:19:20,682 Yourself started your own business 503 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,351 the same year yourself became a single mom. 504 00:19:23,419 --> 00:19:25,453 Yourself never doubted yourself before, 505 00:19:25,521 --> 00:19:27,820 so why is yourself doubting yourself now? 506 00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:31,459 Yourself has been a huge inspiration to me, 507 00:19:31,527 --> 00:19:33,295 and if you think I'm great, 508 00:19:33,362 --> 00:19:35,463 then you should take a look at yourself. 509 00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,933 Except not... not right now. 510 00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:42,235 You look like something Carmen snaked out of our drain. 511 00:19:45,428 --> 00:19:46,608 Okay. 512 00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:49,077 Three-letter word for... 513 00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:57,586 Hey. W... where are you going? 514 00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,921 You're about to break up with me, 515 00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:01,310 which means I'm just minutes away 516 00:20:01,324 --> 00:20:02,633 from breaking up with you. 517 00:20:02,683 --> 00:20:04,024 We're too similar. 518 00:20:04,609 --> 00:20:06,228 We have all the same thoughts. 519 00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:09,299 Both: "Duck Dynasty" is scripted. 520 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,655 - Yeah. Okay. - Okay. 521 00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:13,306 You should go. 522 00:20:17,244 --> 00:20:18,214 [ Bones crack ] Dallas: Aah! 523 00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:19,784 They say to never judge a person 524 00:20:19,809 --> 00:20:21,784 until you've walked a mile in their shoes. 525 00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:22,718 [ Sighs ] 526 00:20:22,779 --> 00:20:24,413 But I would add that if you're wearing 527 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,382 the same shoes as the person you're standing next to, 528 00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,918 maybe it's time to broaden your horizons. 529 00:20:30,223 --> 00:20:31,665 I thought that's what you liked about him. 530 00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:34,325 I did... at first. 531 00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,169 And then I missed 532 00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:38,438 being with someone who challenged me 533 00:20:38,506 --> 00:20:41,441 and made me try stupid things 534 00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,677 and always ordered French fries. 535 00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,744 [ Chuckles ] 536 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,813 Like Ryan. 537 00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,779 Guess there's a reason opposites attract. 538 00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:50,803 Exactly, like you and Malik. 539 00:20:50,842 --> 00:20:52,147 Ebony and ivory. 540 00:20:52,187 --> 00:20:53,287 [ Both chuckle ] Yeah. 541 00:20:53,621 --> 00:20:55,121 You guys are a great couple. 542 00:20:55,189 --> 00:20:56,790 We are. 543 00:20:57,332 --> 00:20:58,178 [ Clicks tongue, exhales sharply ] 544 00:20:58,192 --> 00:21:00,994 Malik is Sasha Fierce to my Hova, 545 00:21:01,062 --> 00:21:03,363 and with that said... 546 00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:07,150 I want you to be my Kelly Rowland. 547 00:21:08,603 --> 00:21:10,037 You lost me. 548 00:21:10,748 --> 00:21:12,706 I... 549 00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,874 decided... 550 00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,915 to ask Malik to marry me. 551 00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:21,006 [ Laughs ] Wow! 552 00:21:21,049 --> 00:21:22,083 Yeah. 553 00:21:23,303 --> 00:21:25,051 Why? 554 00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:27,303 Because I liked it, 555 00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,472 so I'm gonna put a ring on it. 556 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,308 What do you think? 557 00:21:33,136 --> 00:21:34,811 - Ah! - Yeah! 558 00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:36,312 At that moment, 559 00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,481 the only thing I really could think was, 560 00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:40,338 "thanks a lot, Beyonc?." 561 00:21:40,411 --> 00:21:48,411 Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com 562 00:21:48,461 --> 00:21:53,011 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40807

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