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Tessa: Somewhere between the
senior slump and the freshman 15,
2
00:00:05,068 --> 00:00:06,334
there exists a window...
3
00:00:06,402 --> 00:00:08,320
a window to traveloutside your comfort zone
4
00:00:08,373 --> 00:00:09,306
and to try new things.
5
00:00:09,374 --> 00:00:10,707
For me, that meant...
6
00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:12,042
[ Cheering ] ...A house
party two towns over,
7
00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:14,611
thrown by some college kidhome on break.
8
00:00:14,679 --> 00:00:15,846
For Lisa, that meant
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00:00:15,913 --> 00:00:17,748
going to the house party in a bed sheet
10
00:00:17,815 --> 00:00:19,683
designed to look like a toga.
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00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:21,451
I... told you.
12
00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:22,886
Okay.
13
00:00:23,346 --> 00:00:26,348
So I guess it's not required
at all college parties.
14
00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:29,451
Or maybe these killas
just don't know what time it is.
15
00:00:29,519 --> 00:00:32,163
I think we should go.
I mean, everyone here can vote.
16
00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:34,087
Half of them can legally drink.
17
00:00:34,155 --> 00:00:35,989
What are they gonna
want to talk to us about?
18
00:00:36,056 --> 00:00:38,091
Come on, guys. We are traveling
outside our comfort zones.
19
00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:39,259
We're meeting new people.
20
00:00:39,326 --> 00:00:43,663
Oh, my God! I love that toga!
21
00:00:43,731 --> 00:00:45,665
You are hilarious!
22
00:00:45,733 --> 00:00:47,434
I love you.
23
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:48,601
I love you, too.
24
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,270
Let me show you to my friends.
25
00:00:50,337 --> 00:00:51,270
Oh.
26
00:00:53,274 --> 00:00:55,475
Yeah, I... I'm... I'm not
officially allowed to vote,
27
00:00:55,543 --> 00:00:57,734
but I'm pretty sure I'm a libertarian.
28
00:00:57,828 --> 00:00:59,382
Let's dance.
29
00:01:00,931 --> 00:01:03,466
[ Indistinct conversations ]
30
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:07,370
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
31
00:01:07,438 --> 00:01:10,740
I miss my comfort zone.
32
00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:14,043
Man: Can a man and woman survivealone in the wilderness
33
00:01:14,111 --> 00:01:15,812
naked and afraid?
34
00:01:15,879 --> 00:01:17,914
I sure hope they don't get
trench foot again,
35
00:01:17,982 --> 00:01:20,817
'cause I will full-on
yarf up this crazy fried rice.
36
00:01:20,884 --> 00:01:22,251
Hey, mommy.
37
00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:23,799
I thought you had plans with the KKK.
38
00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:25,768
Yeah, but Kenzie, Kaitlyn, and Kimantha
39
00:01:25,823 --> 00:01:27,354
wanted to eat Greek at Natalie's,
40
00:01:27,402 --> 00:01:28,697
and there's no wi-fi there.
41
00:01:28,753 --> 00:01:30,153
Why do you need wi-fi to eat...
42
00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:31,488
I don't like being places
43
00:01:31,556 --> 00:01:33,156
where I don't know
how many "likes" I'm getting.
44
00:01:33,224 --> 00:01:34,257
I like to see my "likes."
45
00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:36,460
And when I can't, I don't like it.
46
00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:38,061
Uh, I can't help but notice
47
00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:40,630
you've become very preoccupied
with your "likes."
48
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,418
I like "likes."
49
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,013
But you can't hug a "like,"
50
00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:46,520
and a "like" won't
put its arm around you
51
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,227
when the cold wind blows.
52
00:01:48,295 --> 00:01:49,656
'Cause a "like" doesn't have arms.
53
00:01:49,663 --> 00:01:52,331
Neither does crazy fried rice.
54
00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:54,882
No, it does not.
55
00:01:55,802 --> 00:01:58,961
But it does have pineapple,
which is crazy.
56
00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:02,005
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:02,066 --> 00:02:04,761
Alih Jey:
Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare
58
00:02:04,816 --> 00:02:09,816
Suburgatory 3x07
- I�m Just That Not That Into Me - Original air date March 12, 2014
59
00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:11,289
Da, da, da, da
60
00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:12,318
Dalia: Okay.
61
00:02:12,386 --> 00:02:15,321
I'd put in my time standingawkwardly in the doorway,
62
00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:17,356
and I think it was now fair to say
63
00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:18,824
this party wasn't my steez.
64
00:02:18,892 --> 00:02:20,660
Mark: This party isn't my steez.
65
00:02:20,727 --> 00:02:21,961
What was that?
66
00:02:22,029 --> 00:02:24,397
I'd rather pull a Van Gogh
and slice my ear off
67
00:02:24,464 --> 00:02:25,731
than listen to the brainless chatter
68
00:02:25,799 --> 00:02:27,366
that's echoing through this room.
69
00:02:28,049 --> 00:02:30,187
I think I'm gonna call it a night.
70
00:02:30,254 --> 00:02:31,955
I'm gonna call it a night, too.
71
00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:33,864
Yeah, that's a lot better
than standing here...
72
00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,326
Both: Watching that tanorexic
girl make drunk history.
73
00:02:38,296 --> 00:02:40,364
[ Chuckles ]
Uh, I'm Tessa.
74
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:42,766
- Mark.
- I'm from Chatswin.
75
00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,274
- Ryebrook.
- Or as I like to call it...
76
00:02:44,335 --> 00:02:45,769
Both: The worst place
in the whole entire world.
77
00:02:45,837 --> 00:02:47,270
Did we just become best friends?
78
00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:49,539
"Step Brothers," the best movie of 2008.
79
00:02:49,607 --> 00:02:51,808
Despite Roger Ebert
only giving it 21/2 stars.
80
00:02:51,876 --> 00:02:53,143
Yeah, what's his problem?
81
00:02:53,211 --> 00:02:54,811
"Child 2" wasn't any better
than "Problem Child 1."
82
00:02:54,878 --> 00:02:56,979
I can't believe they made
three of those movies.
83
00:02:57,048 --> 00:02:58,248
[ Gasps ]
84
00:02:58,316 --> 00:02:59,583
Oh!
85
00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:03,186
My, I think I'm sensing
a love connection.
86
00:03:03,254 --> 00:03:05,389
There's no "D" in "Gran Torino."
87
00:03:05,456 --> 00:03:06,414
[ Both gasp ]
88
00:03:06,469 --> 00:03:07,436
What's the deal with you and Malik?
89
00:03:07,503 --> 00:03:10,105
Are you guys exclusive or what?
90
00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:13,675
Oh, Malik and I are
really secure as a couple.
91
00:03:13,743 --> 00:03:15,343
I've always told Malik, I told him,
92
00:03:15,411 --> 00:03:18,680
"you can do whatever you want to do"
93
00:03:18,748 --> 00:03:21,483
"as long as you can look at yourself"
94
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,748
"in the mirror and be okay."
95
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,537
- Okay.
- Okay?!
96
00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:26,521
You look so good
97
00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:28,356
I wish I could, but that just
98
00:03:28,424 --> 00:03:30,325
Ain't my type of hype, baby
99
00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:32,127
Me and you was crazy cool
100
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:34,429
But it wasn't okay,and something told Lisa
101
00:03:34,497 --> 00:03:37,365
that if she didn't make a move,her relationship with Malik
102
00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:41,470
would end up like kid 'n play's... over.
103
00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:46,060
Mommy, I just "liked" something
I really didn't like.
104
00:03:46,107 --> 00:03:47,207
What?! Why?
105
00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:48,914
Because I didn't want to seem
like a hater
106
00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:50,043
even though I hate her.
107
00:03:50,111 --> 00:03:51,647
Well, what did you like
that you didn't like?
108
00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:53,147
A picture of Tessa.
109
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:55,737
She met a cute guy
at a party last night.
110
00:03:55,804 --> 00:03:57,071
I see.
111
00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:59,073
Well, it just so happens
112
00:03:59,141 --> 00:04:00,621
you're about to meet a cute boy, too.
113
00:04:00,676 --> 00:04:03,111
Last night, after our conversation,
114
00:04:03,178 --> 00:04:04,412
I made an appointment
115
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,881
with a well-respected
matchmaking service
116
00:04:06,949 --> 00:04:08,516
called It's Just Yogurt.
117
00:04:08,584 --> 00:04:10,838
I don't want yogurt. I want a boyfriend.
118
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:12,271
No, but this is for a boyfriend.
119
00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:15,328
See, they casually set you up
with an eligible bachelor,
120
00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:17,922
and y'all two grab a yogurt,
and if you don't like him,
121
00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:20,418
well, hey, at least you got
a yogurt out of it.
122
00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:22,940
But we have yogurt.
123
00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:25,443
I think the yogurt part is throwing you.
124
00:04:25,511 --> 00:04:27,445
Honestly, it's not about yogurt.
125
00:04:27,513 --> 00:04:29,480
You'll see.
126
00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:32,416
Oh, hey, Lisa.
127
00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:34,130
Tessa's actually not here.
128
00:04:34,481 --> 00:04:36,521
I... I'm here to see you.
129
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:39,957
Oh.
130
00:04:45,688 --> 00:04:47,746
Uh, can I get you something to drink?
131
00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:49,356
No, thank you.
132
00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:53,462
[ Sighs ]
133
00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:55,310
Very temperate weather
we've been having.
134
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:57,209
Yeah. Yeah.
135
00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:01,971
And how are all your favorite
sports teams doing?
136
00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:05,001
They're fine, thank you.
137
00:05:06,509 --> 00:05:09,345
And why do you think
your marriage failed?
138
00:05:09,412 --> 00:05:10,746
Excuse... excuse me?
139
00:05:10,814 --> 00:05:13,907
You married young, for love.
That's fair to surmise.
140
00:05:15,165 --> 00:05:16,318
Uh...
141
00:05:16,386 --> 00:05:19,186
I... I suppose that's surmisable.
142
00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:21,191
And yet, it was a huge disaster. Why?
143
00:05:21,259 --> 00:05:23,527
Who said it was a huge disaster?
Did Tessa say that?
144
00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:26,897
No. But surmisable, right?
145
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,333
I mean... look around.
146
00:05:29,855 --> 00:05:32,656
Okay, what is this about?
Besides making me feel bad.
147
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:35,462
I just... I just need some advice
148
00:05:35,517 --> 00:05:38,052
from someone who's been there, you know?
149
00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,720
This is a big decision,
150
00:05:39,788 --> 00:05:41,021
and I don't want to take it lightly.
151
00:05:41,089 --> 00:05:42,456
I want to do my research.
152
00:05:42,524 --> 00:05:44,491
Okay, what big decision
are we talking about here?
153
00:05:44,559 --> 00:05:47,328
I've decided to ask Malik to marry me.
154
00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:49,763
Is that slang for going
to the prom or something?
155
00:05:49,831 --> 00:05:51,232
No.
156
00:05:51,299 --> 00:05:54,168
That's slang for being life partners
157
00:05:54,236 --> 00:05:56,437
for as long as we both shall live...
158
00:05:56,504 --> 00:06:00,028
and beyond, for all eternity,
in perpetuity,
159
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:01,707
throughout this universe and any others.
160
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,152
Okay. I guess I just don't see
what the big rush is.
161
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,421
You know, all eternity
isn't going anywhere.
162
00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:08,690
Yes, but Malik is. We both are.
163
00:06:08,757 --> 00:06:11,159
We're going to college next year, and...
164
00:06:11,227 --> 00:06:12,360
you should see the way
165
00:06:12,428 --> 00:06:15,063
some of these college girls act,
Mr. Altman.
166
00:06:15,131 --> 00:06:17,232
They are all over his fine ass.
167
00:06:17,299 --> 00:06:18,433
No, mnh-mnh.
168
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,201
I need to lock this whole thing down now
169
00:06:20,269 --> 00:06:22,203
while Malik is still
at his low introductory rate
170
00:06:22,271 --> 00:06:25,273
before his whole situation skyrockets.
171
00:06:26,169 --> 00:06:27,442
Okay, uh...
172
00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:29,444
I... I'm just spit-balling here,
173
00:06:29,512 --> 00:06:34,626
but, uh, what if you put
his... fine ass on layaway?
174
00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:37,185
That was a metaphor, Mr. Altman.
175
00:06:38,821 --> 00:06:40,021
Right.
176
00:06:40,622 --> 00:06:42,556
You sure I can't get you some lemonade?
177
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,418
Look, I don't want to overpromise,
178
00:06:51,465 --> 00:06:53,867
but I am literally a miracle worker.
179
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:55,974
Right now, the Vatican
is trying to have me sainted.
180
00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:58,618
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my. Do you hear that, Dalia?
181
00:06:58,666 --> 00:06:59,799
It's true.
182
00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:03,303
I have single-handedly
found love for more people
183
00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:05,038
than eHarmony, Okay-Whatever,
184
00:07:05,106 --> 00:07:08,108
Tinder, Grouper,
it's just cappuccino combined.
185
00:07:08,175 --> 00:07:10,744
So all I need to know
from you beautiful ladies
186
00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:12,645
is exactly what
you're looking for in a man,
187
00:07:12,713 --> 00:07:15,280
and I guarantee
I will find you true love,
188
00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,394
but read your contracts,
189
00:07:16,462 --> 00:07:18,162
because true love is not guaranteed.
190
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,465
- I don't want true love.
- Even better.
191
00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:21,653
I just want a really cute boy
192
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,934
to rub in Tessa Altman's face.
193
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,303
I don't know who that bitch is,
but I hate her already.
194
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:28,736
He should be anywhere between
6'2 " and 6'21/2",
195
00:07:28,799 --> 00:07:30,767
brunette but blond as a child,
196
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:32,035
strong cheekbones
197
00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:33,636
with a weak chin
that quivers when he cries,
198
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:34,937
but he never cries.
199
00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:37,407
Overly arched eyebrows are a plus.
200
00:07:37,474 --> 00:07:40,991
His relaxed face should look
like he's tasting a gross lemon.
201
00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:43,960
He should be cut,
in both senses of the word.
202
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,234
Slight curve to my left, if possible.
203
00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:48,569
Devout Buddhist.
204
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,471
Okay. I love it.
205
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,906
You have given me so much to work with.
206
00:07:52,974 --> 00:07:54,375
You're welcome.
207
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:56,076
That's great. What about you, darling?
208
00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:57,311
What are you looking for in a man?
209
00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:59,317
Oh, I don't know.
Whatever you think is best.
210
00:07:59,372 --> 00:08:02,041
Well, what's best
is whatever your heart desires.
211
00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:04,243
So what does it desire? Tell me.
212
00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:08,047
Um... Dalia had a good answer.
213
00:08:08,114 --> 00:08:10,783
- She did.
- Thanks, mommy.
214
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:12,829
Um...
215
00:08:13,657 --> 00:08:15,057
Well, I don't know.
216
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,226
Just somebody good
that you think would be good.
217
00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,962
Oh, come on.
Let your imagination run wild.
218
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:23,850
Okay. He should be super-nice.
219
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:27,278
- Mm-hmm.
- Or mean, maybe.
220
00:08:28,353 --> 00:08:30,219
Why don't I help?
Do you want a guy with kids?
221
00:08:30,286 --> 00:08:31,587
If he has them.
222
00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:33,774
If not, he shouldn't go out
and get any on my account.
223
00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:37,470
Religious?
224
00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:40,373
If he believes, I will.
If he doesn't, I won't.
225
00:08:40,441 --> 00:08:41,741
Wait. What?
226
00:08:41,809 --> 00:08:44,144
My man... I'm open to believe
in what he believes.
227
00:08:44,211 --> 00:08:45,378
But he doesn't exist.
228
00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:46,579
That's okay.
229
00:08:46,647 --> 00:08:48,134
I don't want to put any pressure on him.
230
00:08:49,041 --> 00:08:50,417
Okay. All right.
231
00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,127
I've seen this before.
[ Chuckles ]
232
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,431
You, my dear,
233
00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:56,462
are a little too preoccupied
with pleasing others.
234
00:08:56,572 --> 00:08:57,538
That being the case,
235
00:08:57,606 --> 00:08:59,173
I have the perfect person for you.
236
00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:00,675
[ Gasps ]
Oh, goody!
237
00:09:00,743 --> 00:09:01,954
It's you.
238
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,446
Me?
239
00:09:03,486 --> 00:09:05,654
I want to set you up on a date
with yourself.
240
00:09:05,722 --> 00:09:08,724
I think you need to get to know you
241
00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:11,426
so you can decide what you want.
242
00:09:11,494 --> 00:09:13,228
Oh. Okay.
243
00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:16,030
So, take yourself out for a yogurt,
244
00:09:16,093 --> 00:09:17,444
and if you don't hit it off...
245
00:09:17,484 --> 00:09:19,852
At least I get a yogurt out of it.
246
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,487
Exactly!
247
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:22,922
And just so we're clear,
248
00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:24,790
this does count as one of the
five matches you've paid for.
249
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,426
Okay.
250
00:09:27,494 --> 00:09:29,362
There are different standards
of beauty, sure,
251
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,530
but if you ask me, it's
imperfection that's alluring.
252
00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:32,798
Total symmetry is bland.
253
00:09:32,866 --> 00:09:35,501
And while it may be valued
above all else
254
00:09:35,569 --> 00:09:38,785
in a town like Chatswin,
to me, that girl over there
255
00:09:38,832 --> 00:09:41,867
looks like she just
rolled off an assembly line.
256
00:09:41,935 --> 00:09:44,870
The processed hair, the synthetic tan,
257
00:09:44,938 --> 00:09:46,772
face full of injectables...
258
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,073
blank stare.
259
00:09:48,141 --> 00:09:49,675
I didn't even have to look.
260
00:09:49,743 --> 00:09:51,555
I knew Mark was talking about Dalia
261
00:09:51,594 --> 00:09:53,428
because he and I were two sidesof the same coin.
262
00:09:53,495 --> 00:09:57,131
In fact, we werethe same side of the same coin.
263
00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:59,200
Do you collect coins?
264
00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:00,535
- No.
- Neither do I.
265
00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,303
Oh, my God. You're amazing.
266
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,617
Making out with Mark was effortless.
267
00:10:06,642 --> 00:10:08,376
We both tilted our headsat the same time,
268
00:10:08,444 --> 00:10:10,645
didn't go crazy with the tongue.
269
00:10:10,713 --> 00:10:12,113
Kind of made me wonderwhy I ever bothered
270
00:10:12,181 --> 00:10:14,880
making out withsomeone so different than me,
271
00:10:14,951 --> 00:10:18,587
like Ryan Shay,who went crazy with the tongue.
272
00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:20,855
There. I said it.
273
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,527
So, h... how are things at work?
274
00:10:25,595 --> 00:10:27,295
Oh, you know,
living just enough for the city.
275
00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,563
Sho' nuff.
[ Chuckles ]
276
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:29,937
Sho' nuff?
277
00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,998
I hope everyone likes fig bickies.
278
00:10:33,037 --> 00:10:34,437
Okay, guys, I'm... I'm gonna...
279
00:10:34,464 --> 00:10:36,314
I'm gonna cut right to the chase.
280
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,807
I'm worried about Lisa.
281
00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:39,175
Join the club.
282
00:10:39,243 --> 00:10:40,792
Meet the Captain of it. Toot, toot!
283
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,159
I feel a little bad
about going behind her back.
284
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:46,109
But as a parent,
I know I would want to be told.
285
00:10:46,177 --> 00:10:47,744
What is it?
286
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,932
- Alcohol?
- Hashish?
287
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,767
- Has she been dexing?
- Robo-tripping?
288
00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:53,474
She on the stove-top? Chicken feed?
289
00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:56,071
- Did someone turn her out?
- W... what... no!
290
00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:57,940
No. None of that.
291
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:01,734
[ Clears throat ]
She wants to marry Malik.
292
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,202
[ Both laugh ]
293
00:11:03,269 --> 00:11:04,403
Is that all?
294
00:11:04,471 --> 00:11:06,205
To hell with tea. Where's the champagne?
295
00:11:06,272 --> 00:11:08,173
- No, she's serious about it.
- As she should be.
296
00:11:08,241 --> 00:11:09,775
Malik's a catch.
297
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,710
Yeah, and let's face it...
a little out of her league,
298
00:11:11,778 --> 00:11:13,018
so if she can lock that down...
299
00:11:13,046 --> 00:11:14,279
And that's a big "if."
300
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,714
...She should do it right away.
301
00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:19,485
Okay. Aren't you worried at all
that it'll be a disaster?
302
00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:21,019
They're kids.
303
00:11:21,087 --> 00:11:22,521
What could they possibly know
about making a marriage work?
304
00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:25,190
Nothing. But what is there to know?
305
00:11:25,258 --> 00:11:27,511
Sheila and I got married
at a young age, and look at us.
306
00:11:27,572 --> 00:11:29,139
Wouldn't change it for the world.
307
00:11:29,207 --> 00:11:30,274
Couldn't live without each other.
308
00:11:30,342 --> 00:11:32,710
Well, we could. But we wouldn't want to.
309
00:11:32,777 --> 00:11:34,278
But my heart would stop beating
the moment yours did.
310
00:11:34,346 --> 00:11:36,881
Whereas, in my case,
you know, the cardio helps.
311
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,816
I swim, so...
312
00:11:38,884 --> 00:11:39,950
Mine might beat a little longer.
313
00:11:40,018 --> 00:11:41,252
O... okay. Anyway.
314
00:11:41,319 --> 00:11:42,686
- B... back to your daughter.
- Darling?
315
00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:44,878
In time, I may even learn to love again.
316
00:11:44,925 --> 00:11:45,991
[ Breathes deeply ]
317
00:11:46,059 --> 00:11:47,092
You know, for the sake of the children.
318
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,795
The children would surely be grown.
319
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,336
Maybe a taller man. I don't know.
320
00:11:51,384 --> 00:11:53,051
Fair-haired for a change of pace,
321
00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:55,053
works in finance,
322
00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:56,722
has a little summer place on the island.
323
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,067
His name is Keith.
324
00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:02,570
Are you seeing someone?
325
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,339
You keep them guessing.
[ Chuckles ]
326
00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:07,047
That is the gravy
in the marriage pot pie.
327
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:08,509
Oh! Are we having pot pie?
328
00:12:08,577 --> 00:12:09,844
It's a very simple recipe,
329
00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:12,907
and I will be sure
to share it with Lisa.
330
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,683
[ Indistinct conversations ]
331
00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:22,387
Thank you.
332
00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:23,781
You're welcome.
333
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:25,716
Oh, leave that, please.
334
00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:27,685
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
you were eating alone.
335
00:12:27,752 --> 00:12:29,854
I am.
336
00:12:31,713 --> 00:12:33,597
[ Breathes deeply ]
337
00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,677
This is ridiculous.
338
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,175
Is it?
339
00:12:53,012 --> 00:12:54,206
Yes.
340
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,674
People are gonna think
I'm a crazy person
341
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,664
having a conversation with myself.
342
00:12:57,704 --> 00:12:59,672
Why do you worry so much
about what other people think?
343
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:01,023
Who says I do?
344
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,601
The person who knows you best... me.
345
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,091
I'm not sure I like your company.
346
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,759
I'm not sure I like your outfit.
347
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,161
What's wrong with my outfit?
348
00:13:08,228 --> 00:13:09,762
Steven bought this for me in Nice.
349
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,264
It's your least-favorite color,
350
00:13:11,331 --> 00:13:12,932
yet you wear it all the time anyway.
351
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,280
It was a gift.
352
00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:15,444
What about those earrings?
353
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,093
They're too heavy, and they hurt.
354
00:13:17,137 --> 00:13:18,726
Is there any part of you
355
00:13:18,769 --> 00:13:22,138
that isn't some
calculated piece of man bait?
356
00:13:22,182 --> 00:13:24,116
[ Gasps ]
How dare you?
357
00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:25,678
I did not spend hours
358
00:13:25,746 --> 00:13:27,513
waxing my wherewithals
and Ne'er-Do-Wells
359
00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,415
to be insulted by the likes of you.
360
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,751
You can't handle the truth. Is that it?
361
00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:34,035
I can't handle you!
362
00:13:34,822 --> 00:13:37,423
And don't even think
about following me home.
363
00:13:37,491 --> 00:13:38,591
I know where you live!
364
00:13:38,659 --> 00:13:41,026
That woman is a total nightmare.
365
00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:51,370
Well, that was
the worst date ever. I hate me.
366
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,667
Sorry, mommy. My match was perfect.
367
00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:57,648
He wants to take me
to Turks and Caicos for vesakha.
368
00:13:57,696 --> 00:13:59,430
Well, that's very nice, Dalia.
I'm happy for you.
369
00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:01,781
I'm just a little mad at myself
at the moment.
370
00:14:01,844 --> 00:14:03,745
Sounds like you were a total bitch.
371
00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:05,180
I was!
372
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:08,261
I accused myself of being
wrapped up in pleasing men.
373
00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:11,953
I said my entire identity
was nothing but a shiny jewel
374
00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,075
meant to capture a man's eye!
375
00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:16,569
I'll show me.
376
00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:20,662
I don't need
these man-trapping fineries.
377
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:23,720
Mommy, don't. Please, mommy, stop.
378
00:14:23,783 --> 00:14:27,753
I am gonna give myself...
ow!... a make-under.
379
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,054
Stop!
380
00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:30,188
Dalia, I have to do this.
381
00:14:30,256 --> 00:14:31,623
Mommy, you don't know what you're doing.
382
00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:33,458
- These high heels are coming off.
- Mommy.
383
00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:34,838
[ Exhales sharply ]
Oh, my God.
384
00:14:34,893 --> 00:14:36,760
Mommy, no. No, mommy, don't.
385
00:14:36,828 --> 00:14:39,441
[ Gasps, screams ] - Oh, my God!
- Mom!
386
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:41,170
- Look away! My feet are hideous!
- Oh, my God.
387
00:14:41,192 --> 00:14:43,660
- Mommy! - They're deformed
from years of high-heel wearing!
388
00:14:43,728 --> 00:14:44,628
Mommy, I'm gonna throw up!
389
00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:46,082
Dalia, don't look!
390
00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:47,777
- Mommy!
- No, look away!
391
00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:49,610
- That's disgusting!
- Don't look!
392
00:14:49,678 --> 00:14:51,078
- Mommy!
- I said don't... ohh, ohh! Ohh!
393
00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,680
[ Thud ]
394
00:14:52,747 --> 00:14:53,981
Dalia, help.
395
00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:57,116
Carmen, mommy fell!
396
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,420
It was great dating someone
397
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:02,681
who could literallyanticipate your next move.
398
00:15:04,509 --> 00:15:06,626
Do you need to use the bathroom?
399
00:15:07,479 --> 00:15:09,517
I do need to use the bathroom.
400
00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:13,646
But it could also bea little... not great.
401
00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:15,083
Want a bite?
402
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,855
We ordered the exact same thing,
403
00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,423
so, no.
404
00:15:21,259 --> 00:15:23,160
I was kind of hoping
that you'd get some fries
405
00:15:23,228 --> 00:15:24,826
so I could have some.
406
00:15:25,196 --> 00:15:27,794
I was hoping the same thing about you.
407
00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:34,353
Well, I'm afraid
it's not great news, Ms. Royce.
408
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,925
You have the most severe case
of Barbie foot I've ever seen.
409
00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:40,050
Is it hereditary?
410
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:41,246
No, it's cultural.
411
00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,715
Mama had me in heels
before I could walk.
412
00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:46,343
[ Babbling ]
413
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,629
It's just the family way, doctor.
414
00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:53,933
Oh, I get it. My family
likes to complain about food.
415
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,035
I mean, I'm not deformed because of it,
416
00:15:56,103 --> 00:15:57,903
but I am unpleasant to dine with.
417
00:15:57,971 --> 00:15:59,538
Oh, doctor,
418
00:15:59,606 --> 00:16:01,852
will I ever be able to walk in flats?
419
00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:03,683
No, you won't.
420
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,399
I would have to break and reset
421
00:16:05,438 --> 00:16:07,160
almost every bone in your foot.
422
00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:09,223
It's a very costly
and painful procedure.
423
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,445
Oh, no.
424
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:12,754
But it is outpatient.
425
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,218
I'll take two.
426
00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:16,671
Thanks for coming.
427
00:16:16,711 --> 00:16:18,012
Lisa: Sure, Mr. Altman.
428
00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:19,613
After our last conversation,
429
00:16:19,681 --> 00:16:21,988
I was worried I wouldn't
be welcome, so...
430
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,184
What's this?
431
00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:24,318
Grilled cheese.
432
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,822
I'm vegan now.
433
00:16:27,889 --> 00:16:28,889
I thought you knew.
434
00:16:28,957 --> 00:16:30,358
But you used to love grilled cheese.
435
00:16:30,413 --> 00:16:31,546
Didn't you once tell me you'd be happy
436
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,894
eating nothing but grilled cheese
437
00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:34,149
for the rest of your life?
438
00:16:34,217 --> 00:16:36,518
And now you don't...
you don't eat it anymore.
439
00:16:36,586 --> 00:16:37,870
That's weird.
440
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,422
What are you getting at?
441
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:42,057
Nothing. Nothing at all.
442
00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,392
I'm... I'm happy
to make you something else,
443
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,611
seeing that your tastes have changed.
444
00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:47,662
Well, thank you.
445
00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:49,130
I guess we should just both be glad
446
00:16:49,165 --> 00:16:52,434
you never signed a contract
stating you would only eat
447
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,932
grilled cheese
for the rest of your life.
448
00:16:55,963 --> 00:16:57,239
In perpetuity.
449
00:16:57,306 --> 00:16:59,049
Okay, I know an ambush when I see one.
450
00:16:59,112 --> 00:17:02,614
Lisa, wait. Just hear me out, okay?
451
00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:04,216
Like you said, I've been there.
452
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,084
I want you to learn from my mistakes.
453
00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:07,853
When I was not much older than you,
454
00:17:07,921 --> 00:17:09,488
I thought I knew what I wanted.
455
00:17:09,555 --> 00:17:11,123
I thought I knew it all.
456
00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:15,560
But what I didn't know
was how much I didn't know.
457
00:17:17,707 --> 00:17:20,199
You can't possibly know
what the future holds,
458
00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:22,777
not at your age.
459
00:17:25,455 --> 00:17:27,197
What do you want me to say?
460
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,972
I... I want you to say
461
00:17:29,009 --> 00:17:31,544
that you'll think about it
before you do anything rash.
462
00:17:31,831 --> 00:17:34,705
Okay. I'll think about it.
463
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,802
But, Mr. Altman, just so you know,
464
00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,955
I do still like grilled cheese.
465
00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:42,007
I just make it with vegan cheese.
466
00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:46,163
Okay. Well, I think we both know
that's not real cheese.
467
00:17:47,695 --> 00:17:50,145
It's like a million miles
from real cheese.
468
00:17:50,798 --> 00:17:54,735
Sex symbol, doting mom,businesswoman, chatswinite.
469
00:17:54,802 --> 00:17:56,370
When we strip away our labels,
470
00:17:56,437 --> 00:17:58,538
strip away the waysin which we define ourselves,
471
00:17:58,606 --> 00:18:01,041
what's left? Who are we at the core?
472
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:02,895
For Dallas, the answer was...
473
00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:06,158
[ Gasps ]
...A mousey brunette with a limp.
474
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,484
Hello.
475
00:18:07,848 --> 00:18:08,848
Sorry.
476
00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:10,816
We don't have any spare change.
477
00:18:10,884 --> 00:18:14,520
Dalia, honey, it's me. It's mommy.
478
00:18:15,172 --> 00:18:17,256
Oh, my God. Mommy, no.
479
00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:20,560
You look like a New Yorker cartoon.
480
00:18:20,627 --> 00:18:21,861
Huh.
481
00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:34,485
Mommy, no. You look so bad.
482
00:18:35,266 --> 00:18:37,303
I miss my old mommy.
483
00:18:37,338 --> 00:18:38,293
But your old mommy
484
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,559
was only interested in pleasing men.
485
00:18:40,627 --> 00:18:43,629
Therefore, she was a monster,
not a mommy.
486
00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:45,130
This is the new me,
487
00:18:45,198 --> 00:18:48,968
and my sweater may itch,
my face may be patchy,
488
00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:52,505
my hair may be brittle,
but at least I'm happy.
489
00:18:52,949 --> 00:18:54,407
You don't look happy.
490
00:18:54,444 --> 00:18:55,544
I'm miserable.
491
00:18:55,731 --> 00:18:57,498
But I guess that's just the price I pay
492
00:18:57,566 --> 00:18:58,933
for being myself.
493
00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:00,903
But you're not being yourself.
494
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,539
Yourself goes to bed
with a full face of makeup,
495
00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:06,341
then reapplies lip gloss
in the middle of the night.
496
00:19:06,408 --> 00:19:09,506
Yourself got a splenectomy
just to hit your goal weight.
497
00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:12,187
And, sure, yourself cares about looks,
498
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,906
but yourself also cares
about other stuff.
499
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,070
Like what?
500
00:19:16,117 --> 00:19:17,886
Turned out, Dalia knew Dallas
501
00:19:17,914 --> 00:19:19,074
better than she knew herself.
502
00:19:19,081 --> 00:19:20,682
Yourself started your own business
503
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,351
the same year yourself
became a single mom.
504
00:19:23,419 --> 00:19:25,453
Yourself never doubted yourself before,
505
00:19:25,521 --> 00:19:27,820
so why is yourself
doubting yourself now?
506
00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:31,459
Yourself has been
a huge inspiration to me,
507
00:19:31,527 --> 00:19:33,295
and if you think I'm great,
508
00:19:33,362 --> 00:19:35,463
then you should take a look at yourself.
509
00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,933
Except not... not right now.
510
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:42,235
You look like something
Carmen snaked out of our drain.
511
00:19:45,428 --> 00:19:46,608
Okay.
512
00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:49,077
Three-letter word for...
513
00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:57,586
Hey. W... where are you going?
514
00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,921
You're about to break up with me,
515
00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:01,310
which means I'm just minutes away
516
00:20:01,324 --> 00:20:02,633
from breaking up with you.
517
00:20:02,683 --> 00:20:04,024
We're too similar.
518
00:20:04,609 --> 00:20:06,228
We have all the same thoughts.
519
00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:09,299
Both: "Duck Dynasty" is scripted.
520
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,655
- Yeah. Okay.
- Okay.
521
00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:13,306
You should go.
522
00:20:17,244 --> 00:20:18,214
[ Bones crack ]
Dallas: Aah!
523
00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:19,784
They say to never judge a person
524
00:20:19,809 --> 00:20:21,784
until you've walkeda mile in their shoes.
525
00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:22,718
[ Sighs ]
526
00:20:22,779 --> 00:20:24,413
But I would add that if you're wearing
527
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,382
the same shoes as the personyou're standing next to,
528
00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,918
maybe it's time to broadenyour horizons.
529
00:20:30,223 --> 00:20:31,665
I thought that's
what you liked about him.
530
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:34,325
I did... at first.
531
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,169
And then I missed
532
00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:38,438
being with someone who challenged me
533
00:20:38,506 --> 00:20:41,441
and made me try stupid things
534
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,677
and always ordered French fries.
535
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,744
[ Chuckles ]
536
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,813
Like Ryan.
537
00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,779
Guess there's a reason
opposites attract.
538
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:50,803
Exactly, like you and Malik.
539
00:20:50,842 --> 00:20:52,147
Ebony and ivory.
540
00:20:52,187 --> 00:20:53,287
[ Both chuckle ]
Yeah.
541
00:20:53,621 --> 00:20:55,121
You guys are a great couple.
542
00:20:55,189 --> 00:20:56,790
We are.
543
00:20:57,332 --> 00:20:58,178
[ Clicks tongue, exhales sharply ]
544
00:20:58,192 --> 00:21:00,994
Malik is Sasha Fierce to my Hova,
545
00:21:01,062 --> 00:21:03,363
and with that said...
546
00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:07,150
I want you to be my Kelly Rowland.
547
00:21:08,603 --> 00:21:10,037
You lost me.
548
00:21:10,748 --> 00:21:12,706
I...
549
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,874
decided...
550
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,915
to ask Malik to marry me.
551
00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:21,006
[ Laughs ]
Wow!
552
00:21:21,049 --> 00:21:22,083
Yeah.
553
00:21:23,303 --> 00:21:25,051
Why?
554
00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:27,303
Because I liked it,
555
00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,472
so I'm gonna put a ring on it.
556
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,308
What do you think?
557
00:21:33,136 --> 00:21:34,811
- Ah!
- Yeah!
558
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:36,312
At that moment,
559
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,481
the only thing I really could think was,
560
00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:40,338
"thanks a lot, Beyonc?."
561
00:21:40,411 --> 00:21:48,411
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
562
00:21:48,461 --> 00:21:53,011
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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