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1
00:00:01,259 --> 00:00:03,363
Ryan Shay hadn't taken the news well.
2
00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,606
Since learning of his adoption,
3
00:00:04,614 --> 00:00:07,258
he'd moved into Lisa's
ex-boyfriend Malik's house.
4
00:00:07,297 --> 00:00:08,947
There was nothing left to do but pray.
5
00:00:08,994 --> 00:00:10,519
Okay, Lord,
6
00:00:11,105 --> 00:00:12,802
let's try this again.
7
00:00:13,538 --> 00:00:16,213
We are thankful for the
food we are about to receive.
8
00:00:16,215 --> 00:00:18,348
- Very thankful.
- But we need more, Lord.
9
00:00:19,646 --> 00:00:22,673
We need Ryan to forgive us for
keeping his adoption secret.
10
00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:26,231
We need him to forgive
us, and to come home.
11
00:00:28,264 --> 00:00:29,171
And until then,
12
00:00:29,164 --> 00:00:33,481
if you saw fit to send us something other than
venison it would be very much appreciated.
13
00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:36,109
It's pretty heavy, Lord.
14
00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:39,081
Every night, venison. Every night
until he comes home. Do you hear me?
15
00:00:39,112 --> 00:00:41,560
- No complaints here. His favorite is my favorite.
- I have gout.
16
00:00:41,747 --> 00:00:43,851
Even with the medication, they're
saying I could lose a toe.
17
00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:46,807
- A toe?! I lost a son!
- Settle, Sheila! Settle!
18
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,529
Settle down. Here's your tincture.
19
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,934
- What?
- It is a soothing combination
20
00:00:54,926 --> 00:00:57,257
of camomile, lemon balm and grain alcohol.
21
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,899
- Little more, okay?
- Okay.
22
00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:01,370
A little more, Fred.
23
00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:04,154
Sh-Sh-Sheila.
24
00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,837
I don't know why I'm so
nervous. I aced the S.A.T.s.
25
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,988
750 verbal.
26
00:01:10,285 --> 00:01:12,397
Dalia's real gifted
when it comes to testing.
27
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,166
I never sweat it, 'cause homegirl's
always off the charts.
28
00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:18,263
Did you know when she was born,
she was in the 95th percentile
29
00:01:18,383 --> 00:01:19,553
for length.
30
00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:23,542
Wow. Length. That is
the hardest one to nail.
31
00:01:25,254 --> 00:01:26,396
Ah ah!
32
00:01:26,435 --> 00:01:29,657
Is that a I'm-glad-it's-over smile, or an
I'm-glad-it's-over-and-I-nailed-it smile?
33
00:01:29,877 --> 00:01:31,425
- I feel pretty good about it.
- Yes you do!
34
00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:33,443
Give it! Come here.
That's my girl. Mwah.
35
00:01:33,443 --> 00:01:35,038
Mommy, did you get my text?
36
00:01:35,039 --> 00:01:37,307
- Yes, did you see my reply?
- Wait... you... you...
37
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:40,333
- you texted her during the test?
- It's okay, Daddy Altman.
38
00:01:40,388 --> 00:01:43,031
I coloured in all the bubbles
really fast, so I was bored.
39
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:45,261
- You finished early?
- I have a strategy.
40
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:47,959
- What strategy?
- Finishing early.
41
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,250
Tessa, let's celebrate. Ice cream.
42
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,465
Any carton in the store. You pick.
We'll make cones at home. You want to?
43
00:01:53,496 --> 00:01:55,852
Mommy, what are we
gonna do to celebrate me?
44
00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:58,889
Um, how about we put a
new S.A.T. sound system
45
00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:01,091
in your new P.S.A.T. car?
46
00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:02,626
She got a P.S.A.T. car?
47
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:03,727
She's kidding.
48
00:02:03,761 --> 00:02:05,395
- I'm not kidding.
- You're not kidding?
49
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,164
How well might Dalia
have done on the P.S.A.Ts
50
00:02:07,198 --> 00:02:08,565
to warrant a brand-new car?
51
00:02:08,599 --> 00:02:10,066
Real well. How well?
52
00:02:10,101 --> 00:02:13,003
Like top 10 percentile? Top 20?
53
00:02:13,037 --> 00:02:16,806
I'm proud to say Dalia was
definitely in a percentile.
54
00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:18,308
The average S.I. score is 141.
55
00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:19,910
Did Dalia do better or worse than average?
56
00:02:19,944 --> 00:02:21,945
Tessa, maybe you should
just focus on your own score.
57
00:02:21,979 --> 00:02:23,413
On the P.S.A.Ts? 186.
58
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,581
That's in the top ten percentile,
59
00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:26,683
and that's very good.
60
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,048
(Clicks tongue) I got a card.
61
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,683
Mommy, I want to go home.
62
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,252
What about the sound system?
63
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:35,255
I'm not in the mood for sound anymore.
64
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,425
That look meant someone was
gonna be making an apology,
65
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:41,795
and that someone was me.
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00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,264
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
67
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Desperate times call
for desperate measures...
69
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,841
Howdy.
70
00:02:56,055 --> 00:02:58,157
And the Shays were
desperate to get Ryan back.
71
00:02:58,191 --> 00:02:59,725
You talking to me?
72
00:02:59,759 --> 00:03:03,629
I don't see anybody
else around here, cowboy.
73
00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,631
Really? Because you hung up on me
74
00:03:05,665 --> 00:03:07,866
every time I tried to
call you since our breakup.
75
00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:11,036
And a woman's allowed to
change her mind, isn't she?
76
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,372
Because I have.
77
00:03:13,406 --> 00:03:15,507
In fact, that's why I'm here.
78
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:17,876
I wanted to talk about
us getting back together.
79
00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,411
- Really?
- Really.
80
00:03:19,446 --> 00:03:22,114
Don't fight. Keep that on.
81
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,582
Hold his hand. I got it.
82
00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:28,987
Get in! Come on!
83
00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,355
Oh!
84
00:03:38,598 --> 00:03:42,000
Wait!
85
00:03:42,035 --> 00:03:43,969
Meanwhile, the Werners'
baby had been rejected
86
00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:45,671
from his first-picked preschool,
87
00:03:45,705 --> 00:03:48,407
so they decided to consult a specialist.
88
00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:51,310
We heard you're the best,
that you've helped others.
89
00:03:51,344 --> 00:03:54,313
It's true. I tutor talented toddlers,
90
00:03:54,347 --> 00:03:56,348
and every one of them
goes on to be accepted
91
00:03:56,382 --> 00:03:58,917
into a highly competitive day care program.
92
00:03:58,952 --> 00:04:00,752
- So you'll help us?
- I've gotta be frank with you.
93
00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,855
Opus is getting a late start.
94
00:04:02,889 --> 00:04:06,191
He has zero community service,
no political affiliations,
95
00:04:06,226 --> 00:04:08,093
he's socially unaware.
96
00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:11,096
He doesn't even wear
special cause bracelets.
97
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,865
Oh, that's our fault.
We were led to believe
98
00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:14,867
that the special cause
bracelet trend was over.
99
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,902
It's never over.
100
00:04:16,936 --> 00:04:19,671
Don't punish the boy for his parents' sins.
101
00:04:19,706 --> 00:04:20,939
You're his only hope.
102
00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:22,808
Well, then he's hopeless, I'm afraid.
103
00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:25,811
You see, I'm not taking on
any new clients at this time.
104
00:04:25,845 --> 00:04:27,179
You don't get it.
105
00:04:27,213 --> 00:04:29,181
Jill, show him. There's
a picture. Show him.
106
00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:31,683
That won't be necessary.
I'm sure that he's as...
107
00:04:33,253 --> 00:04:35,354
Oh, the face.
108
00:04:35,388 --> 00:04:38,624
Look at that little face-y face face.
109
00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:41,460
Okay.
110
00:04:41,494 --> 00:04:42,728
I will do it...
111
00:04:42,762 --> 00:04:43,829
Oh!
112
00:04:43,863 --> 00:04:45,564
On one condition...
113
00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:47,900
you must not interfere in any way.
114
00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:49,801
My methods will seem unconventional
115
00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,170
because they are unconventional.
116
00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:54,840
I need you to understand
that the odds are 100 to 1.
117
00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:58,644
A single misstep and instead
of going to Price-Cheney-Pitkin,
118
00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:00,812
Opus could end up working the pole
119
00:05:00,847 --> 00:05:02,681
on "Toddlers & Tiaras."
120
00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:08,153
We'll take those odds, any day.
121
00:05:11,057 --> 00:05:12,724
Hello? Is anyone there?
122
00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:15,127
Look, I might have to use the bathroom.
123
00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:16,962
Sooner rather than later,
124
00:05:16,996 --> 00:05:18,964
We're going to give you
an afterschool snack,
125
00:05:18,998 --> 00:05:22,134
but don't try to run away
and don't take our masks off.
126
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,735
We own you, bitch.
127
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:26,471
Okay. Okay. I won't give you
any trouble. I understand.
128
00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:30,771
Here. Eat this.
129
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,711
Mmm. So good.
130
00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:39,813
I can tell Mrs. Shay's
chicken salad anywhere.
131
00:05:39,847 --> 00:05:41,415
Oh, thanks, Malik.
132
00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:43,584
I added some ranch for zip.
133
00:05:43,618 --> 00:05:45,118
Darn it, Sheila!
134
00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:47,354
Thanks to your signature chicken
salad, he knows who we are.
135
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,890
Plus Lisa wasn't wearing a mask
when she lured me into the van.
136
00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:52,459
You know, that's pretty cold,
Lisa, pretending you want
137
00:05:52,493 --> 00:05:53,927
- to get back together just so you could...
- We need you to call your parents.
138
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,896
You tell them that we
are holding you hostage
139
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,331
and we will exchange you for our son Ryan.
140
00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:59,666
If they need proof of life, we
will happily cut off a digit.
141
00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:01,068
Tell them no tricks, or
we won't give you back.
142
00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:04,004
And try to sound terrified.
143
00:06:04,038 --> 00:06:06,440
H... hi, dad. Yeah, I'm at the Shays'.
144
00:06:06,474 --> 00:06:08,275
Uh, h... hold on.
145
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:09,876
They want to know if
I'm staying for dinner.
146
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,446
Come on! This is a hostage situation, son!
147
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,849
I... think they want me
to stay for dinner, yes.
148
00:06:15,883 --> 00:06:18,385
Okay. Hold on. My dad wants to talk to you.
149
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:19,653
Eh. Tell... tell him I stepped out.
150
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:21,321
- Take the call, Fred.
- Take the call!
151
00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:23,490
Okay.
152
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,108
Fred Shay speaking.
153
00:06:29,142 --> 00:06:30,276
Uh-huh.
154
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:31,343
Tonight?
155
00:06:31,378 --> 00:06:32,645
I see.
156
00:06:32,679 --> 00:06:34,580
Well, you should know I won't be alone.
157
00:06:34,614 --> 00:06:35,514
That's good. That's good. That's good.
158
00:06:35,549 --> 00:06:37,616
Then we understand each other.
159
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,084
Very well.
160
00:06:39,119 --> 00:06:40,519
Bye then.
161
00:06:40,554 --> 00:06:42,054
Hmm. Great guy.
162
00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:43,489
What did he say? Will he give us back Ryan?
163
00:06:43,523 --> 00:06:44,790
They want us to come to them.
164
00:06:44,824 --> 00:06:46,859
- Mnh-mnh. Smells like a trap.
- We should leave Malik home
165
00:06:46,893 --> 00:06:48,127
and use him as a bargaining chip.
166
00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:49,862
No, his instructions were very clear.
167
00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:52,698
We're to drop off Malik tonight
for the hostage exchange.
168
00:06:52,732 --> 00:06:54,967
Well, technically, he said dinner.
169
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:56,101
Thai food.
170
00:06:56,136 --> 00:06:57,636
Oh.
171
00:07:00,781 --> 00:07:02,882
Dalia, Tessa's here.
172
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,851
I don't want to see Tessa Altman.
173
00:07:04,885 --> 00:07:07,553
She made me feel bad about my P.S.A.T. car.
174
00:07:07,753 --> 00:07:11,689
I know. And maybe Tessa
was a teeny, tiny bit smug,
175
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,958
which is so unusual for her.
176
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,494
But I think that's why
she's here... to apologize.
177
00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,195
Apology not accepted.
178
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:19,977
Listen here, Dalia.
179
00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,572
Tessa may score better on
tests and get better grades
180
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:25,308
and have opportunities to get
into colleges based on merit,
181
00:07:25,343 --> 00:07:28,011
but there are lots of
things you're great at, too.
182
00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:29,146
Like what, mommy?
183
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,815
Well, tons and tons of stuff.
184
00:07:33,685 --> 00:07:35,619
Name one thing, mommy.
185
00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:37,888
Name one thing I'm better
at than Tessa Altman.
186
00:07:40,122 --> 00:07:41,256
Well...
187
00:07:43,893 --> 00:07:48,263
I'm sure Tessa Altman is not as
dope as you on the dance floor.
188
00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:51,699
Send her in.
189
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:53,902
Altmans!
190
00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:55,470
Yeah?
191
00:07:57,704 --> 00:08:01,641
Right. So I just wanted to apologize
192
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,677
for repeatedly asking you about your score,
193
00:08:05,011 --> 00:08:06,679
and I'm sure
194
00:08:06,713 --> 00:08:08,848
whatever your score was,
195
00:08:08,882 --> 00:08:13,819
it completely merited a
new, extremely expensive car.
196
00:08:13,854 --> 00:08:14,887
Wasn't that nice, Dalia?
197
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,196
Tessa apologized by making an apology.
198
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,298
Yeah.
199
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,933
And I know it's important
200
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,802
to mommy and daddy
Altman that we get along,
201
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,170
so I'd like you to invite you
202
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,538
to a hip-hop dance class I'm taking.
203
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,707
No, thanks.
204
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,342
Oh. Oh. Tessa.
205
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:31,643
- Tessa.
- What?
206
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,211
Dalia is trying.
207
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,913
Are you serious?
208
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,308
Look, I'm trying, Dallas is trying,
209
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,816
and now even Dalia is trying.
210
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,551
That only leaves one
person who is not trying,
211
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,305
and I believe you know
who I'm referring to.
212
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,422
I do. The girl who scored
in the top ten percentile
213
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,758
and got a card.
214
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,227
With a "D" at the end of it.
215
00:08:49,261 --> 00:08:51,796
Card.
216
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,256
Huh. Brick.
217
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,925
I did not expect that.
218
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,627
Okay, before anyone rings the bell,
219
00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:07,129
- we need to go over a few scenarios.
- Scenarios? What scenarios?
220
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:08,397
Is this something we should've
talked about in the car
221
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:10,232
- instead of playing "I spy"?
- Okay, let's just say
222
00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:11,834
there're gonna be a lot of
moving parts here tonight.
223
00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,769
We need to keep our cool if we
want to bring home the bacon.
224
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:14,870
Mm.
225
00:09:19,035 --> 00:09:20,269
Did you do your homework?
226
00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:22,371
Not yet. I was kidnapped.
227
00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,206
- Get in here.
- Yes, dad.
228
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,941
Hi. Please come in.
229
00:09:25,975 --> 00:09:28,010
Eugene has told us so much about you.
230
00:09:28,044 --> 00:09:29,545
Have we got the wrong house?
231
00:09:29,579 --> 00:09:31,880
Your son Ryan changed his name to Eugene.
232
00:09:31,915 --> 00:09:34,716
He doesn't want to be
known as a Shay anymore.
233
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,185
I'm going down.
234
00:09:36,219 --> 00:09:38,020
Sheila?
235
00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:39,721
Welcome back, Sheila.
236
00:09:41,257 --> 00:09:42,791
- You feeling better?
- Oh.
237
00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:44,659
You gave us a quite a scare. She did.
238
00:09:44,694 --> 00:09:46,628
Would you like some water?
239
00:09:46,662 --> 00:09:48,830
Ryan. Hand over Ryan,
240
00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:50,365
in whatever condition he's in...
241
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,001
Battered, broken, brainwashed!
242
00:09:53,036 --> 00:09:55,604
Eugene is otherwise occupied right now.
243
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,305
He'll be down in due time.
244
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:58,707
We're willing to pay.
245
00:09:58,741 --> 00:10:00,075
Fred has $15,000 in cash
taped to his stomach.
246
00:10:01,029 --> 00:10:04,632
I don't care if he has 15 jillion jillions!
247
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:06,233
There's no way I'm going home
248
00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:08,536
with a fake bunch of faking fakers!
249
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,204
Ryan, it's us,
250
00:10:10,238 --> 00:10:13,407
your parents. We love you and we miss you.
251
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:14,976
Lisa wore a dress.
252
00:10:16,678 --> 00:10:19,213
My name's Eugene now.
253
00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:20,848
Eugene Goldfarb.
254
00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:22,750
I'm no longer a Shay.
255
00:10:22,784 --> 00:10:24,385
I'm getting emancipated.
256
00:10:24,419 --> 00:10:26,587
Oh, you don't happen to have a crash mat?
257
00:10:26,621 --> 00:10:28,356
- Mnh-mnh.
- Emancipation?
258
00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:29,857
He can't just make that kind
of proclamation, can he, Fred?
259
00:10:29,891 --> 00:10:31,125
I don't know.
260
00:10:31,684 --> 00:10:33,785
Eugene wants to be an
emancipated minor, Sheila.
261
00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:36,255
He feels very strongly about
it, and since I'm a lawyer,
262
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,523
I started to help him with the paperwork.
263
00:10:37,557 --> 00:10:39,658
Lawyers, Fred. Lawyers.
Lawyers. They're lawyers.
264
00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:42,194
This is one of those
scenarios I was referring to.
265
00:10:42,228 --> 00:10:43,762
You realize if the judge
rules in your son's favor,
266
00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:46,198
you'll both have to surrender
your parental rights?
267
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:47,666
Surrender? Sheila?
268
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,568
- No.
- I'm suing you for freedom.
269
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:51,970
You hear me? I am suing you to be free!
270
00:10:53,273 --> 00:10:54,506
Well, should we eat?
271
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,976
- Yeah. Might as well.
- Sure. Yeah. Sounds good.
272
00:10:59,011 --> 00:11:00,378
Okay, Opus.
273
00:11:00,412 --> 00:11:02,480
I don't want you to feel
like I'm judging you,
274
00:11:02,514 --> 00:11:03,915
but for the next 45 minutes,
275
00:11:03,949 --> 00:11:06,250
I'm going to be judging you harshly.
276
00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:07,585
Grab and release.
277
00:11:07,619 --> 00:11:08,653
Grab...
278
00:11:08,687 --> 00:11:10,655
and release.
279
00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:11,756
Now you try.
280
00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:13,024
Here. Your turn.
281
00:11:13,058 --> 00:11:14,158
A toi.
282
00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:18,229
It's like you're doing the
first part of a push-up,
283
00:11:18,263 --> 00:11:21,198
and then you push yourself over.
284
00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:22,533
While Opus was being put
285
00:11:22,568 --> 00:11:23,801
through the rigors of more testing...
286
00:11:23,835 --> 00:11:26,337
Stacking of the cups.
287
00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:31,709
I'll give you a zero on that.
288
00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:34,605
I found myself having to jump
through a few hoops of my own.
289
00:11:34,639 --> 00:11:37,308
And lock, do the snip, do the snake
290
00:11:37,342 --> 00:11:39,610
oh, what's this? A new fish in the pond
291
00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:40,878
what's this
292
00:11:40,912 --> 00:11:43,180
- What is going on?
- I'm not sure.
293
00:11:46,117 --> 00:11:47,184
Hey, Dalia.
294
00:11:47,219 --> 00:11:48,219
Hey.
295
00:11:49,263 --> 00:11:50,830
Yo. You got beef?
296
00:11:50,865 --> 00:11:53,266
No. Tessa and I got mad beef.
297
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:56,769
She tried to diss and dismiss my intellect.
298
00:11:56,804 --> 00:11:58,838
What intellect?
299
00:11:58,873 --> 00:12:01,641
Ooh! Ooh!
300
00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:03,443
There's only one way to settle a beef
301
00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:05,111
in beginner's hip-hop, y'all.
302
00:12:05,145 --> 00:12:07,580
You know what time it is!
303
00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:10,783
Dance-off! Dance-off! Dance-off!
304
00:12:10,818 --> 00:12:12,719
Dance-off! Dance-off!
305
00:12:12,753 --> 00:12:14,787
Dance-off! Dance-off!
306
00:12:24,296 --> 00:12:26,664
Is there deer meat in this?
307
00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,299
No, it's... it's vegetarian, Lisa.
308
00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:30,335
Thank you, lord.
309
00:12:30,369 --> 00:12:32,737
- So, uh, roses and thorns, shall we?
- Mm-hmm.
310
00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:35,039
Let's talk about our roses and our thorns.
311
00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:36,941
Yeah. It's what the Obamas do.
312
00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:38,309
Oh, boy.
313
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:39,310
Fred.
314
00:12:39,345 --> 00:12:40,745
Well...
315
00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:43,548
my rose was this fantastic
crunchy spring roll.
316
00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,951
And my thorn was the
sprinklers going off on my car
317
00:12:46,986 --> 00:12:48,987
this morning right
after I'd had a hand-wax.
318
00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:51,022
Oh, hell, no. I hate that.
319
00:12:51,056 --> 00:12:52,657
- I know, right?
- High-five it.
320
00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:54,592
All right.
321
00:12:55,187 --> 00:12:56,821
Eugene.
322
00:12:56,855 --> 00:12:59,890
Let's see.
323
00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:03,027
My rose is hitting a home run
at baseball practice today.
324
00:13:03,061 --> 00:13:04,729
Hey, way to go, son!
325
00:13:04,763 --> 00:13:06,630
I'm not your son.
326
00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:10,735
And my Thorn was finding out
327
00:13:10,769 --> 00:13:13,170
my entire life...
328
00:13:13,205 --> 00:13:15,172
was... a... lie!
329
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:16,273
Oh!
330
00:13:16,308 --> 00:13:17,408
Ouch.
331
00:13:17,442 --> 00:13:20,578
That's a... a deep thorn.
332
00:13:20,612 --> 00:13:22,947
But it didn't happen today.
333
00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:24,594
Edmond?
334
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,830
I'll allow it. Damn it.
335
00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:28,304
Why didn't you tell me I was adopted?
336
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,500
We wanted to. We really did.
337
00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:32,135
At first you were too young to understand.
338
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,603
It took him three years to learn English.
339
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,405
Then when he finally did learn,
the timing was never right.
340
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,773
How could you not have told me?
341
00:13:36,808 --> 00:13:39,609
I was like a brother to you.
342
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,478
Ryan, Ryan, take it easy, man.
343
00:13:41,512 --> 00:13:42,679
We didn't want to lose you.
344
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:45,015
Well, you lost me. You lost me big-time!
345
00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:46,850
Oh. What if I were to leave your mother?
346
00:13:46,884 --> 00:13:49,186
- Would you come home then?
- Fred Shay!
347
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,287
What? It's just a thought.
348
00:13:51,101 --> 00:13:52,335
It was kind of pathetic,
349
00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:54,237
but when people feel backed into a corner,
350
00:13:54,271 --> 00:13:56,873
they tend to do pathetic things.
351
00:13:56,907 --> 00:13:58,841
Case in point... this dance-off.
352
00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:00,276
Go, Dalia!
353
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:02,311
It's your birthday, it's your birthday
354
00:14:02,346 --> 00:14:04,280
It's her birthday? Why are
you saying it's her birthday?
355
00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:05,748
It's not her birthday.
356
00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:10,419
Ooh! Come on.
357
00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:17,460
I know whose birthday it isn't.
358
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,576
Hey. That's not fair.
359
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,179
She gets a crew? Why does
only one of 'em get a crew?
360
00:14:23,213 --> 00:14:25,448
That's gotta be against
dance-off rules or something.
361
00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,216
Go, Dalia! Finish her!
362
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:28,350
What kind of a parent...
363
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:29,852
George, don't "what kind of a parent" me.
364
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:33,155
You let Tessa act any old way she pleases.
365
00:14:33,190 --> 00:14:34,924
Well, at least I didn't buy her a car
366
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,926
for substandard test results.
367
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,128
I bought that car to
make my daughter happy.
368
00:14:39,162 --> 00:14:40,596
It's not my fault you're cheap.
369
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,436
Come on, Tess! Turn it
up! Show 'em what you got!
370
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,737
You represent, girl!
371
00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,408
Oh!
372
00:14:52,442 --> 00:14:55,411
Money-making Manhattan in the house!
373
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,786
Oh! Someone checked a book out the library!
374
00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:06,188
And Tessa didn't have a bunch
375
00:15:06,223 --> 00:15:08,491
- of expensive dance lessons.
- No kidding.
376
00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:10,659
Is she hip-hop home-schooled?
377
00:15:10,694 --> 00:15:11,760
Like those ice cream cones of yours...
378
00:15:11,795 --> 00:15:13,329
what'd you, save, a nickel on those?
379
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:14,563
You did not just go there.
380
00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:16,131
Oh, yes, I did, daddy.
381
00:15:16,526 --> 00:15:17,759
Well, you know what?
382
00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:21,563
Some people don't need to
throw money at it, mama.
383
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:23,917
Some people are born with what it takes.
384
00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:25,700
What, what!
385
00:15:25,735 --> 00:15:28,570
You did not just gangsta me, George Altman.
386
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:29,904
I think I did, Dallas.
387
00:15:31,173 --> 00:15:32,207
I think I did.
388
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,708
You know who you remind me of?
389
00:15:33,743 --> 00:15:35,243
Judge Reinhold...
390
00:15:35,277 --> 00:15:36,644
without the Reinhold.
391
00:15:36,679 --> 00:15:38,546
Oh, yeah, well, Judge Reinhold you.
392
00:15:38,581 --> 00:15:40,048
I said...
393
00:15:40,082 --> 00:15:43,318
without the Reinhold.
394
00:15:43,352 --> 00:15:45,086
Yo, checkers. Toss me that cap.
395
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:51,692
I judge you to be a
desperate enabler, Dallas!
396
00:15:51,726 --> 00:15:53,127
An enabler!
397
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,695
O.M.G.
398
00:15:54,729 --> 00:15:57,231
We ruined their relationship.
399
00:15:57,265 --> 00:15:58,632
Yeah.
400
00:16:03,371 --> 00:16:05,639
Where did George get that cardboard?
401
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,668
There you go, darling.
402
00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:10,270
I hope you guys like pudding,
403
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,405
'cause we have plenty of
it, and it's all chocolate.
404
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,873
Chocolate pudding, Eugene.
405
00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:14,975
Your favorite.
406
00:16:17,111 --> 00:16:18,378
I love pudding.
407
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,613
I know you do.
408
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:24,818
Are you absolutely sure that you
don't want to go home with us?
409
00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:30,890
Sure, I'm sure. I'm super sure.
410
00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:33,660
Let's go, Shays.
411
00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:35,095
It's over.
412
00:16:35,129 --> 00:16:38,531
Let him make a fort with his
cereal boxes at breakfast.
413
00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:40,500
He likes that.
414
00:16:42,803 --> 00:16:45,238
We should do this again sometime.
415
00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:54,256
Sometimes seeing your
parents act like children
416
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:58,628
makes you realize it's time to grow up.
417
00:16:58,662 --> 00:17:01,197
Mommy, stop. You're scaring me.
418
00:17:01,231 --> 00:17:02,331
Well, he started it.
419
00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:04,100
- What? She did.
- No.
420
00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:07,937
We started it, and now
we're gonna finish it.
421
00:17:07,971 --> 00:17:10,940
Guys, our beef is squashed.
422
00:17:10,974 --> 00:17:11,974
We squashed it.
423
00:17:12,009 --> 00:17:13,643
The beef was squashed.
424
00:17:13,677 --> 00:17:16,245
The dance-off never fails.
425
00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:18,648
Class dismissed!
426
00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:22,718
- It's over, George.
- It's over, mommy.
427
00:17:22,753 --> 00:17:24,320
And I'm gonna need you to
apologize to Dallas now,
428
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:27,223
because I'm trying, and Dalia is trying,
429
00:17:27,257 --> 00:17:30,526
and the only person
who isn't trying is you.
430
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,895
And Dallas. Look at her. She's not trying.
431
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,797
She's... she's just recharging her robot.
432
00:17:35,031 --> 00:17:38,133
I sound like a crazy person.
433
00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:39,435
Yeah?
434
00:17:39,469 --> 00:17:41,570
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think I...
435
00:17:41,605 --> 00:17:42,738
I think I got carried away.
436
00:17:42,772 --> 00:17:44,540
I shouldn't have gangsta'd you.
437
00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:45,975
That's a... an aggressive move
438
00:17:46,009 --> 00:17:48,644
best reserved for an
"electric boogaloo" reboot.
439
00:17:48,678 --> 00:17:50,145
I apologize, too, George.
440
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:51,547
I am one of the unlucky few
441
00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:54,316
whose ugly side comes
out on the dance floor.
442
00:17:54,351 --> 00:17:57,353
No. No, it's true. I get real mouthy.
443
00:17:57,387 --> 00:17:59,722
You do.
444
00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:01,557
You know what? Our girls are gonna fight.
445
00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:03,492
That doesn't mean we have to.
446
00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:06,195
I know you probably don't agree
with everything I do with Dalia,
447
00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:08,530
and I wouldn't let Tessa
wear half the clothes
448
00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:11,133
you allow her to run around town in,
449
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:13,102
but I know you're a good dad.
450
00:18:13,136 --> 00:18:18,040
And no one has a bigger
heart than you, Dallas,
451
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:20,943
even if your robot needs a little oil.
452
00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:23,479
Oh, yeah? You gonna oil my robot, daddy?
453
00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:25,648
Not in front of the kids.
454
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:29,451
I'm sorry, but there's
no easy way to say this.
455
00:18:29,486 --> 00:18:32,221
Opus has the brain development
of a 6-month-old child.
456
00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:36,058
Are you absolutely sure?
457
00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:37,226
I'm afraid so.
458
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,662
- Price-Cheney-Pitkin?
- Is out, of course.
459
00:18:39,696 --> 00:18:41,830
I could suggest a facility
that could house the boy...
460
00:18:41,865 --> 00:18:43,165
someplace with experience
461
00:18:43,199 --> 00:18:46,235
dealing with the special needs
of the blindingly average.
462
00:18:46,269 --> 00:18:48,771
No. We couldn't do that.
463
00:18:48,805 --> 00:18:50,339
I'm not sure how we'll tell him.
464
00:18:50,373 --> 00:18:52,574
Sadly, I doubt he'll even understand.
465
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,777
I don't care that he's not a genius.
466
00:18:54,811 --> 00:18:58,914
He's a beautiful boy, and we love him.
467
00:18:58,949 --> 00:19:02,584
Oh.
468
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,954
Do you see that?
469
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:06,322
He spelled out D-D-S.
470
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,123
He understands that his father has
471
00:19:08,158 --> 00:19:10,192
a doctor of dental surgery degree,
472
00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:13,562
not a D.M.D., a mistake
that many people make.
473
00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:15,664
He probably just grabbed
the blocks at random.
474
00:19:15,699 --> 00:19:18,067
- You're random!
- Oh, lashing out.
475
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,468
Opus?
476
00:19:19,502 --> 00:19:21,603
Can you spell out mommy's career?
477
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,072
Author.
478
00:19:23,106 --> 00:19:24,206
Find an "A."
479
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,342
That's right. Yes, right there.
480
00:19:26,376 --> 00:19:29,712
Or an "S." Self-published author.
481
00:19:34,484 --> 00:19:36,418
Oh.
482
00:19:36,453 --> 00:19:37,920
Did you eat enough dinner?
483
00:19:37,954 --> 00:19:39,755
I don't love vegetables.
484
00:19:39,789 --> 00:19:41,724
Seemed like you didn't really
love dessert tonight, either.
485
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:44,827
Yeah. Usually my favorite
part about dinner is dessert,
486
00:19:44,861 --> 00:19:46,295
and my favorite dessert is pudding,
487
00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:47,997
and my favorite pudding
flavor is chocolate,
488
00:19:48,031 --> 00:19:51,333
but my absolute favorite part
of chocolate pudding is the skin,
489
00:19:51,368 --> 00:19:53,002
and tonight's pudding was skinless.
490
00:19:53,036 --> 00:19:55,671
But don't tell our mom. I
don't want to hurt her feelings.
491
00:19:55,705 --> 00:19:57,439
It won't.
492
00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:01,643
I love pudding skin so much,
493
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,713
my old mom used to make
it for me all the time.
494
00:20:04,748 --> 00:20:08,150
My old father and sister would
usually give me their skin, too.
495
00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:10,085
Because they love you.
496
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,653
Yeah.
497
00:20:13,323 --> 00:20:14,590
I'll just ask my new black mom
498
00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:16,425
to make pudding with
skin on it from now on.
499
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:17,993
Yeah, see, that's not gonna happen.
500
00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:20,929
My parents make what they like,
and they like skinless pudding.
501
00:20:20,964 --> 00:20:22,364
Huh.
502
00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:33,675
Andie MacDowell, what are you doing here?
503
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,711
Fred, wake up. Did you hear that?
504
00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:37,346
I did.
505
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,784
Do you think...
506
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,690
He's back.
507
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:51,226
Our boy is back.
508
00:20:52,429 --> 00:20:54,863
Hey.
509
00:20:58,268 --> 00:21:00,369
Eugene's leaving. Where's he going?
510
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,939
It's Ryan, you guys.
511
00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:08,477
I'm going to bed.
512
00:21:13,716 --> 00:21:16,085
Skin is thicker than water.
513
00:21:17,487 --> 00:21:20,789
I don't think that's the correct saying.
514
00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:22,724
No. No.
515
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:23,992
Leave it alone. He's
standing on the stairs,
516
00:21:24,027 --> 00:21:25,828
- listening.
- If that's true,
517
00:21:25,862 --> 00:21:27,930
then the only thing I
want him to hear is this...
518
00:21:27,964 --> 00:21:30,399
I love you, son.
519
00:21:30,433 --> 00:21:32,534
If you're listening, I love you, too.
520
00:21:32,569 --> 00:21:33,769
If you're listening,
521
00:21:33,803 --> 00:21:36,305
it's blood that's thicker than water.
522
00:21:36,339 --> 00:21:38,941
It's blood.
523
00:21:38,942 --> 00:21:39,942
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
524
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,103
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525
00:21:43,153 --> 00:21:47,703
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