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1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:05,725
Tim. You got my message. Good.
2
00:00:05,726 --> 00:00:06,765
What are you doing up here?
3
00:00:06,766 --> 00:00:10,036
I sometimes come up here to
think. Hey, you want some?
4
00:00:10,037 --> 00:00:12,220
Any chance that is actually coffee?
5
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,973
No.
6
00:00:15,826 --> 00:00:19,307
Do you know the question I have
to ask myself every single day?
7
00:00:19,308 --> 00:00:20,537
Am I sober?
8
00:00:20,538 --> 00:00:25,306
It's this, Tim
- do the ends always justify the means?
9
00:00:25,307 --> 00:00:28,118
- No.
- Probably, but it's a grey area.
10
00:00:28,119 --> 00:00:34,420
- Not really. - That's why I wanna be sure,
that my agents understand my ethics.
11
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,965
I think I understand your ethics perfectly.
12
00:00:37,558 --> 00:00:41,900
I knew I could count on you. Hang on a sec.
13
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,203
Hey, you ready to talk yet?
14
00:00:46,204 --> 00:00:47,179
Never.
15
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:50,980
Well, let me know when you
are. Sorry, where were we?
16
00:00:50,981 --> 00:00:52,661
Ethics.
17
00:00:52,662 --> 00:00:54,582
Right.
18
00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:20,075
SPY S02E09 Codename: Pulp Friction
Sync, corrected by mercurian
19
00:01:20,309 --> 00:01:21,944
Tell how much you've got?
20
00:01:21,945 --> 00:01:22,759
500 pounds.
21
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,571
Just for getting a story published?
22
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:26,852
What's it about?
23
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:32,139
Existential relativism. And a killer
robot that tries to eat itself.
24
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:34,051
Are you going to be a famous author then?
25
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,004
Probably, yeah.
26
00:01:41,399 --> 00:01:43,392
What are you doing in here?
27
00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:46,015
One short story and he thinks he's Tolstoy.
28
00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:49,294
- So write something yourself.
- I did. An entire novel, actually.
29
00:01:49,295 --> 00:01:52,743
You've written a novel?
Mmm. It never got published.
30
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,046
What if I could make you
into a famous author,
31
00:01:56,047 --> 00:01:58,983
more famous than Nick could ever hope to be?
32
00:01:58,984 --> 00:02:03,105
- Really? - But you would have to
do exactly what I tell you to do.
33
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,496
- OK.
- I mean exactly. Do you swear?
34
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:10,663
I swear.
35
00:02:20,626 --> 00:02:22,218
Turn that off.
36
00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,171
Sorry.
37
00:02:24,971 --> 00:02:29,106
I can't believe I'm going
to be 30! That's so old.
38
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,290
Well, at least you've got a boyfriend.
39
00:02:31,931 --> 00:02:33,730
What?
40
00:02:33,731 --> 00:02:35,979
I don't know, it's just that...
41
00:02:36,754 --> 00:02:38,633
You can't tell anyone this...
42
00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,506
What?
43
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:42,586
Don't you love him?
44
00:02:42,587 --> 00:02:45,577
Sometimes I'm not sure I even like him.
45
00:02:45,578 --> 00:02:48,466
He can be so rude and insensitive.
46
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:49,806
He must have his moments?
47
00:02:49,807 --> 00:02:52,823
You would have thought. It's
always me doing nice things for him.
48
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,950
He's never cooked me
dinner, or bought me flowers,
49
00:02:55,951 --> 00:02:57,973
or offered to clean my nine millimetre.
50
00:02:57,974 --> 00:03:00,623
Well, you wait, I'm sure he's got
a great birthday present lined up.
51
00:03:00,624 --> 00:03:02,615
All I'll say is that he better.
52
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,295
Because I don't know if
this can go on much longer.
53
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,039
Can the ends justify the means, Tim?
54
00:03:13,447 --> 00:03:15,446
Please stop doing that.
55
00:03:21,304 --> 00:03:22,334
Well?
56
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,334
I'm not sure.
57
00:03:23,335 --> 00:03:24,407
What are you talking about?
58
00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:27,933
It's got everything
- romance, action, betrayal...
59
00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:32,014
- Lizards. - We can lose the lizards.
The lizards are not a deal breaker.
60
00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:35,054
I'm sorry. I just don't
think this is one for us.
61
00:03:35,095 --> 00:03:37,231
At least we tried little man.
62
00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:41,390
At least now you can make that
final journey without any regrets.
63
00:03:41,391 --> 00:03:42,543
Final journey?
64
00:03:42,544 --> 00:03:45,030
Didn't I mention it? Yeah, he's dying.
65
00:03:45,031 --> 00:03:46,646
- He's what?
- I'm what!
66
00:03:46,647 --> 00:03:48,390
Poor kid, still in denial.
67
00:03:48,391 --> 00:03:51,158
This is awful. What's wrong with him?
68
00:03:51,159 --> 00:03:55,384
I don't want to go into
specifics. It's rather graphic.
69
00:03:56,262 --> 00:03:58,151
Come on, champ.
70
00:04:01,879 --> 00:04:05,279
I suppose I just had this crazy
dream that this little guy's fading
71
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:11,127
memory would be of his novel sitting
proudly on some best seller list.
72
00:04:11,431 --> 00:04:15,295
And of a publisher who
dared to take a chance.
73
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:24,446
- That was your plan?
- Wait!
74
00:04:27,446 --> 00:04:30,487
How about we make that dream come true?
75
00:04:30,783 --> 00:04:32,823
What do you say, Marcus?
76
00:04:34,846 --> 00:04:37,120
Thank you.
77
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,517
- Hey.
- Hey.
78
00:04:48,518 --> 00:04:51,606
So, Caitlin's birthday on Thursday.
79
00:04:51,607 --> 00:04:54,678
- Yeah.
- The big three zero.
80
00:04:54,832 --> 00:04:56,198
Mhm. You haven't got her anything have you?
81
00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:58,143
I got something on order.
82
00:04:58,144 --> 00:04:59,534
What?
83
00:04:59,535 --> 00:05:01,167
No, nothing.
84
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,398
- Tim! - OK, it's... I overheard
her talking to Lisa before
85
00:05:04,399 --> 00:05:09,415
- and she is freaking out
about turning 30. - Really?
86
00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:12,008
Yeah. She said she doesn't
want anyone to get her anything.
87
00:05:12,032 --> 00:05:14,392
- Not me though.
- Especially you.
88
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:18,583
I think she just wants the whole
thing to go by completely unnoticed.
89
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:20,038
But I can't get her nothing.
90
00:05:20,039 --> 00:05:23,423
- Well, she'd prefer it.
- Tim, I'm not getting her nothing.
91
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:27,023
OK, sure, if you feel you
must disregard her wishes
92
00:05:27,024 --> 00:05:30,000
- at least get her something
functional, eh? - Functional?
93
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:32,960
Yeah, you know how she hates
all that romantic stuff.
94
00:05:33,223 --> 00:05:35,303
Right, yeah. Of course.
95
00:05:35,304 --> 00:05:39,806
Get her some nail-clippers or
some deodorant or a toaster.
96
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,679
What about flowers?
97
00:05:42,303 --> 00:05:44,527
If you want her to dump you.
98
00:05:45,231 --> 00:05:46,863
I shouldn't have said anything.
99
00:05:46,864 --> 00:05:48,742
No, you did the right thing.
100
00:05:48,743 --> 00:05:51,336
Well, just trying
to look out for my bro.
101
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,880
You're a good guy, Tim.
102
00:05:56,376 --> 00:06:01,576
Yeah. Listen, probably best we
don't mention any of this to her, eh?
103
00:06:09,416 --> 00:06:11,480
- I'm not sure about this.
- Would you stop worrying?
104
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:13,184
I thought you wanted to
get your book published.
105
00:06:13,185 --> 00:06:15,777
- I do but not by lying.
- Who's even going to know?
106
00:06:15,778 --> 00:06:17,482
- I will.
- I don't understand.
107
00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:20,417
Chris, they think I'm dying!
108
00:06:20,418 --> 00:06:22,401
I know, isn't it awesome!
109
00:06:22,402 --> 00:06:25,568
No, I'm sorry.
110
00:06:25,569 --> 00:06:27,665
You're just going to have to
call them and tell them that...
111
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,569
Can you make it out to
"my best friend Phil".
112
00:06:31,570 --> 00:06:34,937
Sorry, what do you want me to tell them?
113
00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:39,343
Tell them I want to see cover
designs by this afternoon.
114
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,057
OK, here's another one.
115
00:06:51,058 --> 00:06:54,369
You've invited a lady friend
over for a quick glass of wine
116
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,713
and at some point between 9.00,
117
00:06:56,714 --> 00:07:00,865
9.15 you may have
accidentally killed her.
118
00:07:00,866 --> 00:07:03,410
What are your ethical obligations?
119
00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:06,159
You tell the police.
120
00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:08,951
Anyone else?
121
00:07:08,952 --> 00:07:12,048
- You looking forward to your birthday?
- Hello? This is me, remember!
122
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:14,121
- Yeah.
- Have you got me a present?
123
00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:16,095
I'm working on it.
124
00:07:16,488 --> 00:07:19,224
But it won't be anywhere near
as good as Portis' though.
125
00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:21,913
- What? - Whoops.
- Has Portis got me a present?
126
00:07:21,914 --> 00:07:27,672
- It's not for me to... - Tim!
- OK! Yes, but I don't know what.
127
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:30,097
Spoke to him earlier and he
said it cost him a fortune.
128
00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:33,497
I can't believe it! He's
usually not very romantic.
129
00:07:33,498 --> 00:07:37,230
Looks like someone's
turning over a new leaf.
130
00:07:41,175 --> 00:07:43,351
Don't tell him I said anything though.
131
00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:45,223
Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise.
132
00:07:45,224 --> 00:07:48,663
- I won't say a word.
- What do you reckon, Tim?
133
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:50,966
- Huh? - To the question?
- Question?
134
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:53,727
Whether the ends justify the means?
135
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,706
It's a grey area.
136
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:01,472
Good lad.
137
00:08:01,473 --> 00:08:07,686
OK, next, you accidentally sleep
with your second cousin. Discuss.
138
00:08:08,895 --> 00:08:11,976
I'm here outside St Benjamin's
school in south west London
139
00:08:11,977 --> 00:08:14,090
where today Marcus Elliot...
140
00:08:14,091 --> 00:08:16,305
...a remarkable
ten-year-old boy
141
00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:20,017
has landed the publishing
deal of a lifetime.
142
00:08:20,018 --> 00:08:24,337
But what makes this story so special
apart from his prodigious talent?
143
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:29,509
It's simple
- Marcus Elliot is dying.
144
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,790
Have you lost your mind!
145
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,832
- It was his idea.
- I am actually going to kill you.
146
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:37,705
No, now wait. I can see this
has come as a bit of a surprise
147
00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:39,369
but can't we discuss it rationally?
148
00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,561
- You're twisted!
- I appreciate your feedback.
149
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,016
You are going to call whoever
you need to call right now
150
00:08:44,017 --> 00:08:46,834
- and tell them the truth.
- Or...
151
00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,057
Chris. Just do it now.
152
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:51,472
OK, fine. Suppose I'll have to return this.
153
00:08:51,473 --> 00:08:52,440
What is that?
154
00:08:52,441 --> 00:08:53,729
What, this?
155
00:08:53,730 --> 00:09:00,181
No, this is just the advance I
negotiated on a three book deal.
156
00:09:00,182 --> 00:09:02,806
How much is there, just out of interest?
157
00:09:02,966 --> 00:09:04,653
200,000.
158
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,377
I was going to split it
with you guys but...
159
00:09:06,378 --> 00:09:09,022
- What about me?
- Grown-ups are talking.
160
00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:11,242
That's like 70,000 each.
161
00:09:11,243 --> 00:09:15,633
I guess so. Anyhoo, I should be off...
162
00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:17,016
No!
163
00:09:17,017 --> 00:09:19,169
No?
164
00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:23,191
Let's just take a minute
to really think about this.
165
00:09:23,383 --> 00:09:26,351
I mean, what's the actual harm?
166
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,217
It's not as if Marcus is actually sick.
167
00:09:29,218 --> 00:09:33,033
And who knows, maybe this book
will actually cheer up other
168
00:09:33,034 --> 00:09:35,727
genuinely sick children.
169
00:09:38,103 --> 00:09:42,656
I don't know. Are we despicable
people for even thinking about this?
170
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:45,728
You are completely despicable!
171
00:09:45,729 --> 00:09:50,910
In all my years, I have never seen
anything so disgusting or grotesque.
172
00:09:51,047 --> 00:09:53,071
You should be ashamed!
173
00:09:53,095 --> 00:09:55,145
- What did you say to her?
- Well, what could I say?
174
00:09:55,146 --> 00:09:57,361
I just pulled up my pants and
referred her to another therapist.
175
00:09:57,362 --> 00:10:00,201
Now thanks for coming in.
176
00:10:00,202 --> 00:10:03,229
I thought we could press on with
getting these adoption papers signed.
177
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:04,202
Adoption papers?
178
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,168
Well, I assume you're getting shot of
179
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:08,241
Tiny Tim now that he's on his way out.
180
00:10:08,242 --> 00:10:09,737
You've seen the news then?
181
00:10:09,738 --> 00:10:14,295
Certainly did. Thought we
could celebrate your liberation.
182
00:10:15,478 --> 00:10:18,433
OK, well, leaving aside
your unbelievable crassness,
183
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:19,801
Marcus isn't sick.
184
00:10:19,802 --> 00:10:21,025
Really?
185
00:10:21,026 --> 00:10:23,897
Chris made up the illness
to get his novel published.
186
00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:25,745
But I bought Pringles?
187
00:10:25,746 --> 00:10:28,937
I think you're right, Tim,
we have to tell the truth.
188
00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:33,754
Yes, the truth should
always be our guiding beacon.
189
00:10:33,755 --> 00:10:37,145
It's decided then. We give
the money back tomorrow.
190
00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:40,321
- Money?
- 200,000.
191
00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:43,913
I mean, what is "the truth"?
192
00:10:43,914 --> 00:10:47,800
Isn't the real truth just
193
00:10:47,801 --> 00:10:51,504
mother and father wanting the
best for their beloved child?
194
00:10:51,505 --> 00:10:53,745
- Ten per cent.
- 15.
195
00:10:53,746 --> 00:10:55,016
- 11.
- Done.
196
00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,746
Hey! You can't go in there!
197
00:10:56,747 --> 00:11:02,430
Is it true? Is Marcus really ill?
198
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,799
Yeah.
199
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,938
Chocolate or carrot?
200
00:11:06,939 --> 00:11:08,115
Mmm, bit of both.
201
00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:08,931
Good for you!
202
00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:12,227
- I brought you your mango juice.
- Thanks.
203
00:11:12,228 --> 00:11:15,427
It's been tough but your
support means so much to us
204
00:11:15,428 --> 00:11:17,552
at this difficult time.
205
00:11:18,786 --> 00:11:20,833
You should get some rest.
206
00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:27,098
Got to hand it to you.
You've really got them going.
207
00:11:27,099 --> 00:11:28,794
I don't know what you're talking about.
208
00:11:28,795 --> 00:11:33,882
It must be so frustrating to
have such a mysterious illness.
209
00:11:33,883 --> 00:11:36,140
- Do you want to say something
to me? - I'm saying it.
210
00:11:36,141 --> 00:11:40,980
You might be able to fool
them but you don't fool me.
211
00:11:40,981 --> 00:11:44,122
Come on, Nick, we really must
let Marcus get some rest now.
212
00:11:44,123 --> 00:11:46,506
Sorry, sir. I was just
wishing him a speedy recovery.
213
00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:48,755
Well, unfortunately that's
not likely to happen.
214
00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:51,843
I don't know about that. I
am a big believer in miracles.
215
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:54,073
Amen to that.
216
00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:02,506
That's so kind.
217
00:12:02,897 --> 00:12:03,795
How's he doing?
218
00:12:03,796 --> 00:12:04,707
Yeah, he's fine.
219
00:12:04,708 --> 00:12:06,923
You are taking this so well.
220
00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:09,867
No, it's difficult, obviously,
221
00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:13,891
but, you know, you just...
got to stay positive.
222
00:12:13,892 --> 00:12:15,562
Hey! That kid's a fighter.
223
00:12:15,563 --> 00:12:18,378
Yeah, if you don't mind, I'd
actually rather not talk about it.
224
00:12:18,379 --> 00:12:19,708
- Sorry, man.
- Sorry.
225
00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:21,724
Yeah. I mean, let's
think of happier things,
226
00:12:21,725 --> 00:12:25,082
like Caitlin's birthday tomorrow.
227
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,075
You haven't got me anything, have you?
228
00:12:27,076 --> 00:12:29,321
Haven't really thought about it.
229
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,485
That's cool.
230
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:37,543
Heard about the kid.
231
00:12:37,544 --> 00:12:39,349
Yep. Thanks.
232
00:12:39,372 --> 00:12:41,052
There are options.
233
00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:42,965
Options?
234
00:12:42,997 --> 00:12:44,983
- No!
- It's quick.
235
00:12:44,984 --> 00:12:47,223
- No! - Painless.
- Do not shoot my son.
236
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,909
Let me know.
237
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:54,600
Hi.
238
00:12:54,601 --> 00:12:56,717
Hi.
239
00:12:57,461 --> 00:12:58,512
How are you feeling?
240
00:12:58,513 --> 00:13:00,965
I'm fine, thanks.
241
00:13:02,102 --> 00:13:03,672
Do you remember when you gave me this?
242
00:13:03,673 --> 00:13:07,925
- Yes. - I just want you to know,
I'll always keep it with me.
243
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:10,868
Justine, I have to tell you something...
244
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:16,063
Is there a problem? I've got
Salman Rushdie on the phone.
245
00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:17,128
Are you coming?
246
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:20,084
You were about to say something?
247
00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:26,317
It was nothing. Here. For you.
248
00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:29,781
I don't need a photo
to remember you, Marcus.
249
00:13:47,942 --> 00:13:50,076
Is someone in there?
250
00:13:53,748 --> 00:13:54,623
Tim.
251
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:56,535
What are you doing in here? What's wrong?
252
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,304
- Nothing.
- Well, I can see that.
253
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,438
I'm pathetic.
254
00:14:01,439 --> 00:14:02,702
No you're not. What is it?
255
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:06,773
I found it in Portis' desk.
256
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,614
He's bought me a breadmaker.
257
00:14:11,615 --> 00:14:15,510
And you've already got one?
258
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:17,343
It's my 30th birthday, Tim.
259
00:14:17,344 --> 00:14:21,085
And my boyfriend's bought me
a sodding kitchen appliance.
260
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:24,632
I'm sorry.
261
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:29,975
No, it's my fault. I knew what he was like.
262
00:14:29,976 --> 00:14:31,791
I deserve a man like Portis.
263
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:36,997
No, you don't. You deserve much better.
264
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,101
I don't know anymore.
265
00:14:40,317 --> 00:14:43,621
Come on, don't be like that.
266
00:14:45,613 --> 00:14:50,876
Hey, here, I've got something
that might cheer you up.
267
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,390
- What's this? - Well, it was
meant to be for tomorrow,
268
00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:57,452
but it looks like you could do with it now.
269
00:14:57,468 --> 00:14:59,140
For me?
270
00:15:00,252 --> 00:15:02,555
What is it? Open it.
271
00:15:06,564 --> 00:15:09,139
I know you really like penguins so...
272
00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:28,374
OK. That's that then...
273
00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,627
We should probably...
274
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:35,012
Sorry...
275
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,806
OK, tomorrow then.
276
00:15:37,807 --> 00:15:40,830
Excellent. You...
277
00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:43,668
Goodnight.
278
00:15:48,246 --> 00:15:51,494
- But we're through the worst of it.
- I don't care. We have to end it now!
279
00:15:51,495 --> 00:15:55,015
- You are panicking. - It's
wrong, Chris. - Or is it? - Yes!
280
00:15:55,016 --> 00:15:57,157
The voice of reason.
281
00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,726
We have to end this now!
282
00:15:58,727 --> 00:15:59,877
Not you too.
283
00:15:59,878 --> 00:16:02,607
I feel horrible, Chris. Lying to my friends.
284
00:16:02,608 --> 00:16:05,311
- I can't believe I let
you talk us into this. - Me?
285
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:08,822
- Yes, in our heads with your
poison. - Little dramatic.
286
00:16:08,823 --> 00:16:10,726
We're finishing it right here, right now.
287
00:16:10,727 --> 00:16:12,927
- What do we have to do?
- I don't know.
288
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,686
- What?
- What was your plan to get out of it?
289
00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:18,758
- Didn't have one. - God, we're
all going to go to prison!
290
00:16:18,759 --> 00:16:20,023
- Even me?
- Especially you.
291
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:22,935
No, look it's obvious.
Marcus just has to get better.
292
00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:25,982
- Just like that? - Well, no-one
really knew what was wrong with him.
293
00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:29,878
We can't suddenly declare he's
better. People will ask questions.
294
00:16:29,879 --> 00:16:31,623
We'll just get a doctor
to give him the all clear.
295
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,382
And where are we going to find that?
296
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:36,678
Your patient Marcus Elliot
was terminally ill
297
00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:39,310
and yet just one week
later he's fully recovered.
298
00:16:39,311 --> 00:16:42,582
Tell us, Doctor, are you a miracle worker?
299
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:45,598
No. Maybe, no.
300
00:16:45,599 --> 00:16:47,774
Look, obviously it's a tremendous outcome,
301
00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:49,782
but I can't take all the credit.
302
00:16:49,783 --> 00:16:52,526
Maybe 90-95% was me.
303
00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:55,071
So can you tell us a bit more
about this terrifying illness
304
00:16:55,072 --> 00:16:58,924
- of which so little is known?
- Of course.
305
00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:03,342
The disease, Martin, targets
the upper right ventricle
306
00:17:03,343 --> 00:17:08,351
and the left patella causing
restricted blood flow in the...
307
00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:10,639
'head-ular' area.
308
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,877
The right ventricle and the left patella.
309
00:17:13,878 --> 00:17:16,157
That's the heart and the kneecap, isn't it?
310
00:17:16,158 --> 00:17:19,165
That's right. I wasn't aware
they affected each other.
311
00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:21,254
Yes. Very common interplay.
312
00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:24,373
So what was your course of
treatment that proved so successful?
313
00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:25,590
Well, it was a multipronged approach,
314
00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:29,197
but essentially it boiled
down to plenty of fresh air,
315
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:34,221
- lots of orange squash and some
decent afternoon telly. - Right.
316
00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:38,022
Forgive me for asking, but
are you a medical doctor?
317
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:40,390
- Medical or clinical?
- Medical. - No.
318
00:17:40,391 --> 00:17:41,485
- Clinical?
- No.
319
00:17:41,486 --> 00:17:43,462
The boy wasn't ill, was he?
320
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,063
- That is an absolute...
- It was a scam.
321
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,149
Yep.
322
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,342
To get the book published.
323
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:50,814
You have to admit, it's pretty funny!
324
00:17:50,815 --> 00:17:52,487
They're paying me ten grand just to do this.
325
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:58,853
And I can report that as of
this morning every single copy
326
00:17:58,854 --> 00:18:02,102
of Marcus Elliot's novel has
been burnt by the publishers
327
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:06,741
who said they wanted nothing more
to do with this sordid conspiracy.
328
00:18:06,742 --> 00:18:09,924
Back to you in the studio.
329
00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:14,766
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
330
00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:16,245
No.
331
00:18:16,246 --> 00:18:19,853
How could you?
332
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:23,781
After everything I did for
you. I feel so betrayed.
333
00:18:23,782 --> 00:18:29,325
- What! - I'm sorry. I don't think
I can be around you right now.
334
00:18:29,844 --> 00:18:34,397
But it was all his idea. He made me do it.
335
00:18:42,156 --> 00:18:44,131
I'm sorry, Philip.
336
00:18:47,684 --> 00:18:50,558
- Julian, can't really stop.
- I've been trying to call you.
337
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:51,774
Great! Send my love to the kids.
338
00:18:51,775 --> 00:18:53,863
- Never mind about that,
where's our money? - About that.
339
00:18:53,864 --> 00:18:56,158
- I am having a few liquidity
issues. - I want that money.
340
00:18:56,159 --> 00:18:59,359
- Now's not really a good
time. Can you call me? - I did.
341
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,854
OK. Love to the kids.
342
00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:03,156
I don't have kids.
343
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,206
OK, look, I'm sorry.
344
00:19:07,207 --> 00:19:10,318
OK? Things got a little bit out of hand.
345
00:19:10,319 --> 00:19:13,894
I never meant to mislead you
and I apologise.
346
00:19:13,895 --> 00:19:19,524
OK? Can you just forgive
me? Come on, what do you say?
347
00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:24,516
Need a bit more time.
348
00:19:34,852 --> 00:19:36,795
Why did you do it?
349
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:42,556
You really want to know?
Because I was jealous.
350
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:46,006
Jealous of Nick, of you and Nick.
351
00:19:46,007 --> 00:19:48,142
You did a bad thing.
352
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,556
I know.
353
00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:02,868
Hiya.
354
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:07,143
Look, it's Tim. If that is indeed your name?
355
00:20:07,144 --> 00:20:11,382
Sorry I lied. I wanted Marcus
to get his book published.
356
00:20:11,383 --> 00:20:13,093
- What were you thinking?
- I don't know.
357
00:20:13,094 --> 00:20:15,950
- Did you even read the book
before you got into all this? - No.
358
00:20:15,951 --> 00:20:19,117
It was all about lizards and chess.
359
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:24,935
- Do you forgive me? - Of course
I forgive you. You're an idiot.
360
00:20:24,936 --> 00:20:27,740
But you're not a cruel idiot.
361
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,199
What?
362
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,657
We kissed. It was nice.
363
00:20:32,658 --> 00:20:34,418
Aren't you forgetting Portis?
364
00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:36,304
I'm trying to.
365
00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:39,225
Boss wants to see you.
366
00:20:44,282 --> 00:20:46,834
Happy birthday!
367
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:52,002
Is this all for me? Thank you.
368
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:55,322
So you lied about the kid?
369
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,521
That's hilarious!
370
00:20:58,522 --> 00:21:00,450
Open mine first!
371
00:21:00,778 --> 00:21:05,066
Wow. I wonder what this could be.
372
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:09,473
Well, if you liked that,
watch this. It could be good.
373
00:21:11,754 --> 00:21:15,107
- A breadmaker. - The best you
can get. - You shouldn't have.
374
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,627
It's got all these attachments inside.
375
00:21:17,628 --> 00:21:21,841
- Yeah, I'll look later. - No,
come on baby. They want to see.
376
00:21:27,962 --> 00:21:30,065
What's this?
377
00:21:31,473 --> 00:21:35,384
Caitlin, will you marry me?
378
00:21:39,114 --> 00:21:40,986
OK.
379
00:21:41,442 --> 00:21:45,745
You're right. That was brilliant!
380
00:21:45,795 --> 00:21:50,345
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