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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,845 --> 00:00:05,388 You call yourself a buckle? You have two jobs, 2 00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:08,958 holding up my fanny pack and making me look good. Come on! 3 00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:10,960 Everything okay, Bryce? 4 00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:13,930 Stephanie, I'm glad you're here. Could you help me take this off? 5 00:00:14,899 --> 00:00:17,667 Well, this is really jammed, huh? 6 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:20,670 - Please be gentle. - Well, I'm sorry, 7 00:00:20,671 --> 00:00:22,806 but this won't budge. 8 00:00:22,807 --> 00:00:25,341 Wait. I think it moved. Yeah. 9 00:00:25,342 --> 00:00:27,510 - Maybe if put my hand here... - Yes. 10 00:00:27,511 --> 00:00:30,546 Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yes! 11 00:00:32,416 --> 00:00:34,717 Ah, sweet release! 12 00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:36,719 I feel so wonderfully naked. 13 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,823 Oh, yeah... Oh... 14 00:00:45,663 --> 00:00:48,197 (growling) 15 00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,369 (gasping) 16 00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,738 Oh, dear God, no! 17 00:00:55,739 --> 00:00:59,509 Come on, fill the lens 18 00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:02,712 With all your friends 19 00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:07,951 Oh now is forever 20 00:01:07,952 --> 00:01:12,322 Come on, fill the lens 21 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,812 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 22 00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:21,510 "It was the biggest and the smallest fish I ever saw". 23 00:01:21,511 --> 00:01:23,479 Mwah! 24 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,681 Why are you making us watch this? 25 00:01:25,682 --> 00:01:29,118 We're inviting you to see Beardy and Baldy do improv 26 00:01:29,119 --> 00:01:31,187 at Flibbertigibbets. 27 00:01:31,188 --> 00:01:33,789 It's going to be explosive. Pew! Pew! Pew! 28 00:01:33,790 --> 00:01:37,026 - Pew! Pew! Pew! - Pew. 29 00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:39,662 Oh, improv, I love improv! 30 00:01:39,663 --> 00:01:41,564 Okay, I'm gonna need an occupation. 31 00:01:41,565 --> 00:01:45,501 As will we all if we don't come up with ten positive ways to say "food poisoning" 32 00:01:45,502 --> 00:01:47,503 for our client, Pink Chicken, 33 00:01:47,504 --> 00:01:50,139 home of the underdone hen. 34 00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,875 "Revisit the memory of a great meal". 35 00:01:52,876 --> 00:01:54,510 Good! 36 00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:57,379 "All our calories are temporary". 37 00:01:59,116 --> 00:02:02,518 Stephanie. So nice of you to make it in this morning. 38 00:02:02,519 --> 00:02:05,054 I'm sorry. I had a really rough sleep last night. 39 00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:08,524 Oh, I know. That red-eye from Japan after closing that deal was a killer. 40 00:02:08,525 --> 00:02:10,793 Oh wait, that was me. 41 00:02:11,328 --> 00:02:13,462 And I still made it in on time! 42 00:02:13,463 --> 00:02:15,998 I need you working on the McMillan Charity Ball. 43 00:02:15,999 --> 00:02:19,034 Uh, Stephanie, I have some phone messages for you 44 00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:22,004 in my fanny pack. Could you help me out here? 45 00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:24,907 What? No! I don't want to help you with your crotch purse. 46 00:02:24,908 --> 00:02:27,977 I'm not that type of girl. I'm a working girl. 47 00:02:27,978 --> 00:02:31,514 I'm not a working girl. I work, and I am a girl. 48 00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:34,683 I'm a woman! Stop looking at me, please. 49 00:02:36,419 --> 00:02:40,589 Hmm... I wonder what that was all about. 50 00:02:42,325 --> 00:02:44,794 No, I'm not barely legal, 51 00:02:44,795 --> 00:02:47,429 and you really have to stop calling here. 52 00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:52,201 You know what I wish? 53 00:02:52,202 --> 00:02:54,804 I wish I had a third hand that was always giving people 54 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:58,240 the middle finger. Save me time while driving. 55 00:02:58,241 --> 00:03:00,543 You flip people off that much? 56 00:03:00,544 --> 00:03:04,480 I'm a teacher, Beckett, and the highway is my classroom. 57 00:03:05,882 --> 00:03:07,917 Beckett. Can I ask you 58 00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:10,753 - a question as a writer? - Sure, Dave. 59 00:03:10,754 --> 00:03:13,989 Then you can ask me a question as an astronaut. 60 00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:16,926 You know, I wish I had a third hand that was always givingyou 61 00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:19,628 - the finger. - Ah, but you don't. 62 00:03:19,629 --> 00:03:21,897 Hey, have you read Richard Branson's new book? 63 00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:25,201 Don't. It is a self-congratulatory piece of crap. 64 00:03:25,202 --> 00:03:27,837 Which is actually the title of the book. 65 00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:31,607 What makes people like that think that anyone wants to read about their lives? 66 00:03:31,608 --> 00:03:34,310 - I'm writing my own book. - Yeah, I mean, 67 00:03:34,311 --> 00:03:37,179 you should write a book. 68 00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,415 Just this morning, I said to Beckett, 69 00:03:39,416 --> 00:03:42,084 "Dave could totally write a kick-ass book." 70 00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:44,720 - No, you didn't. - Really? I meant to. 71 00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:47,423 Anyway, 72 00:03:47,424 --> 00:03:51,126 that bastard Branson has inspired me to write down some of my stories on paper. 73 00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:53,662 I just want you to have a look at it, let me know if I'm on the right track. 74 00:03:53,663 --> 00:03:56,232 I'm flattered. Dave Lyons wants me to read his... 75 00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:58,834 - Here it is. - ...very large book. 76 00:03:58,835 --> 00:04:01,437 Hey, be brutally honest, OK? 77 00:04:01,438 --> 00:04:03,539 Ha, ha, ha! 78 00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:05,774 You gotta read. 79 00:04:05,775 --> 00:04:09,912 - I like reading. - Ha, ha, you like reading! 80 00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:16,126 Four espressos. All the way from Manion's. 81 00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:18,798 You realize you have an espresso machine five feet away from you. 82 00:04:18,799 --> 00:04:21,624 - Mm-hmm. - OK, 83 00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:22,889 these are all for you then. 84 00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:26,028 Yeah, I was up super late last night working. 85 00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:30,266 - Ohh, that's so boring. - Well, it's not the only reason. 86 00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:32,717 OK, wanna hear something really messed up? 87 00:04:32,718 --> 00:04:33,569 Always. 88 00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:36,205 OK, but you have to promise not to tell anybody. 89 00:04:36,206 --> 00:04:37,940 I 80% promise. 90 00:04:37,941 --> 00:04:39,842 Last night, 91 00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:42,177 I had a sex dream about somebody in DLPR 92 00:04:42,178 --> 00:04:44,813 and I cannot get the image out of my head. 93 00:04:44,814 --> 00:04:47,283 Who?! Beckett? 94 00:04:47,284 --> 00:04:49,485 - Not Gordon! - Worse... 95 00:04:49,486 --> 00:04:50,738 - Hello, Stephanie. - AH! 96 00:04:50,872 --> 00:04:54,056 - Abby. - Amazing! 97 00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:57,459 Sorry to interrupt your jovial gal chat, ladies. 98 00:04:57,460 --> 00:05:00,329 But these are the flyers for my improv show, 99 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:02,965 and I wanted to personally invite you both. 100 00:05:02,966 --> 00:05:05,167 Oh, really? 101 00:05:05,168 --> 00:05:07,569 I'm sure Stephanie would love to go to your show, Bryce. 102 00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:09,672 She loves you. 103 00:05:09,673 --> 00:05:11,974 So does Abby, she loves you too. 104 00:05:11,975 --> 00:05:14,476 Well, you two make me feel like a real 105 00:05:14,477 --> 00:05:17,880 improv-Mick-Jagger. 106 00:05:17,881 --> 00:05:21,450 I'm sure you're gonna have Stephanie rolling on the floor in fits of... 107 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:24,553 Laughter. Rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. 108 00:05:24,554 --> 00:05:28,757 I wouldn't be surprised. There's literally no chairs at the venue. 109 00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:33,495 So, would you like me to frame this and put it up in your locker? 110 00:05:33,496 --> 00:05:35,998 Or is that gonna make it a little hard for you to make out with? 111 00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:37,833 I'm gonna kill you. 112 00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:40,235 What's that? Never stop? Awesome. 113 00:05:43,039 --> 00:05:45,641 What? 114 00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:49,178 He saved how many children from that well? How big was that well? 115 00:05:49,179 --> 00:05:51,180 How clumsy were those children? 116 00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:53,148 Sounds like a bestseller. 117 00:05:53,149 --> 00:05:57,152 It's a rags-to-riches story, except the rags are made out of spun gold. 118 00:05:58,755 --> 00:06:01,357 Any good story has to have some adversity. 119 00:06:01,358 --> 00:06:03,359 It can't be all high points. 120 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,995 Man, I don't know how I'm gonna tell Dave this. 121 00:06:05,996 --> 00:06:08,731 Ohh... Here's an idea: don't. 122 00:06:08,732 --> 00:06:10,566 He said to be honest. 123 00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:14,303 But he meant "Do I look fat in this dress" honest, 124 00:06:14,304 --> 00:06:16,505 not "Do I have something in my teeth" honest. 125 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,607 I don't follow. (sighing) 126 00:06:18,608 --> 00:06:21,210 Truth is like the movieAlien. 127 00:06:21,211 --> 00:06:23,579 Oh, I cannot wait for this. 128 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,881 Had that baby-space-freak in the guy's stomach 129 00:06:25,882 --> 00:06:29,051 just died inside of him, everybody on board might've been okay, 130 00:06:29,052 --> 00:06:31,420 but it got out and killed everybody on that ship. 131 00:06:31,421 --> 00:06:33,789 Not Sigourney Weaver. She went on to doAvatar. 132 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,657 My point exactly. 133 00:06:35,658 --> 00:06:38,660 That's what the truth will do. 134 00:06:38,661 --> 00:06:40,662 Beckett. 135 00:06:40,663 --> 00:06:42,664 Just curious. What do you think so far? 136 00:06:42,665 --> 00:06:45,634 Well, Dave, to be honest... 137 00:06:45,635 --> 00:06:48,637 - (grunting) - You okay? 138 00:06:48,638 --> 00:06:50,406 Yeah. 139 00:06:50,407 --> 00:06:52,512 I loved it! In fact, 140 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:56,182 the only reason I put it down is because it was so heavy. Congrats, 141 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,085 - big guy. - Oh, thank you, 142 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,387 Beckett guy. I'm going to go 143 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:04,524 call that hump Branson and tell him to watch his literary back. 144 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,695 Mazel tov. The baby-space-freak 145 00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:11,698 dies inside. 146 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,302 - Hi. - Hey! 147 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:20,907 How's the rest of your day going? Any more visits from your little bald dream weaver? 148 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,476 I just got that image out of my head. 149 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,278 Oh my God, what are the odds? 150 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,313 Whoa! 151 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,483 Oh my... 152 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,452 Oh, my God... 153 00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:38,291 Thanks, guys. 154 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,516 Where did you get those guys? 155 00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:43,396 I think they're auditioning for the Blue Man Group. 156 00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:45,965 Actors are sad. 157 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:51,070 (all): Hey! 158 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,607 Is it just me 159 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,844 - or did it get more handsome in here? - It's just you. 160 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,781 Stephanie, McMillan's coming in tomorrow and he wants 161 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,484 to discuss your strategy. So, you'll have to start early. 162 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:07,820 - OK, got it, great, thank you. - And to expedite things, I'll be working 163 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:11,491 - right by your side. - Yep, that's how my life works. 164 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:15,228 - (all): Hey! - Hey! 165 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,602 Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Tolstoy. 166 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,004 It's funny because it's bleak. 167 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,240 Hey. 168 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,178 - What do you think? - Sweet lean. 169 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,981 - Good angle. - It took me two hours to perfect. 170 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:38,685 It's a little hard to maintain, but I think I'm up for the challenge. 171 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:42,755 - Nice to see you applying yourself. - You gotta have goals. 172 00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:47,994 - Ah, Beckett. - Dave. 173 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:51,398 Glad I tracked you down. Great lean, Nelson. 174 00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:53,003 Dave, flawless entrance. 175 00:08:53,186 --> 00:08:55,001 You got me so excited about my memoir, 176 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,003 I just wanted to run a few ideas past you. 177 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,372 It's not likeWar and Peace is going anywhere. 178 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,475 - What were you thinking? - I jotted down some stuff 179 00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,510 on a napkin. 180 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,113 Ooh, linen. 181 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,615 - You steal this? - They're complimentary, I believe. 182 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:16,155 Well, there's a lot of good stuff here. 183 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:20,359 "Write book as if answering fan letter from God." 184 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,130 - So, what do you think? - Well... 185 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,332 (grunting) 186 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,201 It's a lean cramp. 187 00:09:28,202 --> 00:09:31,170 I think whatever you want to do is good 188 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,172 and people are going to love it. 189 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,075 Great. Well, since you love it so much, 190 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,411 I want you to ghostwrite this book for me. 191 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,880 What? No. Really? 192 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,050 No. Me? No. 193 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:48,021 Yes. You. Congratulations. 194 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,456 You know, I'm thinking about calling the book 195 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,892 The Greatest Story Ever Told. 196 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:57,296 - That's already been done. - Oh, uh... King of Kings. 197 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,000 That's a flawless exit. 198 00:10:09,996 --> 00:10:11,530 (elevator bell) 199 00:10:11,531 --> 00:10:14,166 Good morning! 200 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:16,001 Oh no! 201 00:10:16,002 --> 00:10:18,571 I figured you guys would be so busy working, 202 00:10:18,572 --> 00:10:20,639 I'd bring you some breakfast. 203 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,942 What have you got? 204 00:10:22,943 --> 00:10:25,778 - Well, there's oysters... - Ooh. 205 00:10:25,779 --> 00:10:28,414 And... oysters. 206 00:10:29,816 --> 00:10:31,650 Breakfast of champions. 207 00:10:31,651 --> 00:10:33,652 Well, I for one am not afraid 208 00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:36,222 of a morning mollusk. Abby, you shouldn't have. 209 00:10:36,223 --> 00:10:39,091 Yeah, Abby, you really shouldn't have. 210 00:10:39,092 --> 00:10:41,227 Licking envelopes. 211 00:10:41,228 --> 00:10:43,195 Classic Bryce. 212 00:10:43,196 --> 00:10:46,398 - Such a giver. - Please stop. 213 00:10:46,399 --> 00:10:48,232 Do you have a technique you care to demonstrate? 214 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:50,002 No, he doesn't. No. 215 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:52,071 Why not? You will note 216 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:55,007 that technique is key for maximum coverage. 217 00:11:00,046 --> 00:11:04,116 Your turn, Stephanie. Fair is fair. 218 00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:07,686 Ooh. "Aw, shucks". 219 00:11:09,422 --> 00:11:11,423 - Mmm! - Ooh! 220 00:11:11,424 --> 00:11:13,425 Oyster puns. 221 00:11:13,426 --> 00:11:16,495 And you dreamt about him. Amazing! 222 00:11:19,065 --> 00:11:21,500 - (slurping) - Mmm! 223 00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:29,041 Branson, Lyons here. 224 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:32,278 I was just calling to let you know that I'm writing a memoir. 225 00:11:32,279 --> 00:11:34,480 There's a chance you might be mentioned in it, 226 00:11:34,481 --> 00:11:36,882 but there's a much greater chance that you won't. 227 00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:40,252 Alright, well, adios, Sir Dick. 228 00:11:40,887 --> 00:11:43,422 Sir Dick. He hates that. 229 00:11:44,157 --> 00:11:47,259 Put that in. Put that in. (chuckling) 230 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:49,929 OK, now, when I write, 231 00:11:49,930 --> 00:11:52,531 I like to figure out the protagonist. What's his arc? 232 00:11:52,532 --> 00:11:55,000 What are his inner demons? Why should we go 233 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,836 on this journey with him, and what will he learn about himself? 234 00:11:57,837 --> 00:12:00,506 Yes, OK. Well, 235 00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:03,642 inner demons? That he's great. 236 00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:06,011 - OK. - We will go on this journey with him 237 00:12:06,012 --> 00:12:08,480 because he's great. 238 00:12:08,481 --> 00:12:11,417 And in the end, he will learn 239 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:13,419 what he already knew... 240 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:15,921 - That he is great? - Exactly. 241 00:12:15,922 --> 00:12:18,457 OK! Alright. 242 00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:20,459 Let the magic begin. 243 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,595 Alright. 244 00:12:22,596 --> 00:12:24,530 Yep. 245 00:12:24,531 --> 00:12:26,865 - (chuckling) - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 246 00:12:29,536 --> 00:12:33,339 - Uh... - Oh, of course, of course! Yeah. 247 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:37,242 Sorry. 248 00:12:38,011 --> 00:12:40,813 Hey, you gonna drink that scotch? 249 00:12:40,814 --> 00:12:43,482 - Uh, no. - Oh! 250 00:12:43,483 --> 00:12:46,718 No need to waste it! 251 00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:52,491 Hmm! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 252 00:12:52,492 --> 00:12:54,493 I'll just be over here. 253 00:12:54,494 --> 00:12:56,829 - You get to work. - Alright. 254 00:13:03,236 --> 00:13:06,605 Ah! OK. 255 00:13:06,606 --> 00:13:09,508 I have an idea. Since I know what you want, 256 00:13:09,509 --> 00:13:11,877 why don't I write a chapter, and I'll bring it back to you. 257 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:16,081 - Great. Writing's fun, huh? - OK. 258 00:13:17,484 --> 00:13:21,220 - Hey, Steph! - No... 259 00:13:21,221 --> 00:13:23,789 Okay, that's cool, I can walk and talk. 260 00:13:23,790 --> 00:13:26,825 Nothing else here requires Bryce's tongue, so you may leave. 261 00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:29,395 Look, I was having fun 262 00:13:29,396 --> 00:13:32,965 and things got a little out of hand and I'm sorry. 263 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,335 Pardon me. I have an appointment. 264 00:13:36,336 --> 00:13:38,337 Oh, brilliant. 265 00:13:38,338 --> 00:13:41,073 If it isn't Abby's big grand finale. 266 00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:44,943 Hey there, cutie pie. How much did we to pay you to dress like that, huh? 267 00:13:44,944 --> 00:13:47,246 - Excuse me? - No, I get it, I get it. 268 00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:49,815 I have dirty dreams about my co-worker, Bryce. 269 00:13:49,816 --> 00:13:53,686 Weird, sexless Bryce with his big fat fanny pack. 270 00:13:53,687 --> 00:13:55,721 Could I give you a hand with this, hmm? 271 00:13:55,722 --> 00:13:57,923 - Let me take that off for ya. - Dear God, 272 00:13:57,924 --> 00:14:00,525 - my heart medication is in there. - Ooh, ooh, ooh! 273 00:14:01,394 --> 00:14:03,862 You like that? Ha, ha, ha! 274 00:14:03,863 --> 00:14:05,864 Mr. McMillan. 275 00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:08,434 I have an appointment to see Stephanie Lyons. 276 00:14:08,435 --> 00:14:10,602 - Yes, well, she couldn't be here today... - She couldn't be here today, 277 00:14:10,603 --> 00:14:13,939 she was swept away by a tornado. Such a shame. Freak accident. 278 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,642 Don't worry about that girl, she's insane. Have you been to Manion's? 279 00:14:16,643 --> 00:14:18,844 We have a great wing special on today! 280 00:14:18,845 --> 00:14:21,246 - I can't eat saturated fats! - Oh... 281 00:14:21,247 --> 00:14:24,850 - Oh, here's your medication. - Thank you, crazy girl. 282 00:14:25,819 --> 00:14:29,221 Oh, my God. Thank you, Bryce. 283 00:14:29,222 --> 00:14:31,223 Oh, no need to thank me. 284 00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:34,560 Just performing the traditional duties of the office eunuch. 285 00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:37,262 - Bryce, I... - And scene! 286 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:43,402 Hey, Beckett, you coming to our improv show tonight? 287 00:14:43,403 --> 00:14:45,571 - How many people you got so far? - With you... 288 00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,573 one. 289 00:14:47,574 --> 00:14:50,743 But the theatre only holds ten, so it'll feel full. 290 00:14:50,744 --> 00:14:54,012 Yeah. Sorry, Gordon, there's just no way I can make it to your show. 291 00:14:54,013 --> 00:14:56,348 I'm making literary history. 292 00:14:56,349 --> 00:14:58,884 I'll put you down as a maybe. 293 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:04,857 Wow, look at you all typey- typey, smiley-Wiley. You see? 294 00:15:04,858 --> 00:15:08,527 - Lying works. - Actually, I went in a different direction. 295 00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:12,297 Different how? I thought we'd just agreed that lying always works? 296 00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:14,610 I wrote the truth and I think it humanized him. 297 00:15:14,611 --> 00:15:16,101 That's what people want to read. 298 00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:19,538 - They want depth. - The book weighed 100 pounds, 299 00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:21,807 how much more depth do you need? 300 00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:27,279 You just don't get it, do you? You don't read Superman 301 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,281 to get to really know Clark Kent! 302 00:15:29,282 --> 00:15:31,450 You read it to see Superman defeat Doomsday. 303 00:15:31,451 --> 00:15:33,752 Doomsday killed Superman. 304 00:15:33,753 --> 00:15:37,322 He did? Well, thanks for ruining it. 305 00:15:37,323 --> 00:15:40,559 Beckett, I have some amazing news. 306 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:44,062 Oh, and I have some amazing news for you. Read this. 307 00:15:44,063 --> 00:15:45,731 Really? Alright! 308 00:15:45,732 --> 00:15:49,168 (chuckling) 309 00:15:49,169 --> 00:15:52,037 This isn't what we agreed to write. 310 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:55,674 - Why isn't this what we agreed to write? - Dave, 311 00:15:55,675 --> 00:15:59,077 your book is just a list of things that make you awesome. 312 00:15:59,078 --> 00:16:02,481 Nothing that makes you interesting. I don't think there's a story here. 313 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,386 Big guy. 314 00:16:07,387 --> 00:16:09,388 Interesting. 315 00:16:09,389 --> 00:16:11,824 Random House didn't seem to share your opinion, though, 316 00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:13,959 when they offered me a six-figure advance. 317 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,863 Really took the sting out of the two grand I was going to pay you. 318 00:16:17,864 --> 00:16:21,400 Nelson, would you like to help me write the next bestseller? 319 00:16:21,401 --> 00:16:23,869 For two grand, I'll even read it. 320 00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:27,673 You just had to let him out, huh? 321 00:16:27,674 --> 00:16:31,243 Looks like your night just opened up. 322 00:16:31,244 --> 00:16:33,378 Should I put you down as a single 323 00:16:33,379 --> 00:16:36,314 or will you be bringing nine friends? 324 00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:46,224 - Hey, Bryce. - (both): Shh! Rehearsing. 325 00:16:48,027 --> 00:16:50,896 Hey, Stephanie. 326 00:16:50,897 --> 00:16:53,966 (chuckling) That got pretty out of hand. 327 00:16:53,967 --> 00:16:55,499 I sexually harassed a client 328 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,768 and then I chucked his heart medication. 329 00:16:58,537 --> 00:17:01,639 So you're gonna pour me a shot, and then you're gonna help me go apologize to Bryce. 330 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,874 Fine. 331 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,810 I like this mirror way better than an actual mirror. 332 00:17:05,811 --> 00:17:06,897 Why's that, Gordon? 333 00:17:06,898 --> 00:17:08,479 Because in this mirror, there's no goat man 334 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,315 staring back at me, beckoning me into his world. 335 00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:12,950 - Ugh! - Ugh! 336 00:17:12,951 --> 00:17:16,387 Gordon, can we talk to Bryce for a sec? 337 00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:18,522 Sure, I'm gonna go to Flibbertigibbets, 338 00:17:18,523 --> 00:17:20,958 burn some sage. It's haunted. See you there. 339 00:17:23,228 --> 00:17:25,696 Look, Bryce, I feel terrible. 340 00:17:25,697 --> 00:17:27,698 You really didn't deserve that. 341 00:17:27,699 --> 00:17:30,468 You are a handsome, charming man. 342 00:17:30,469 --> 00:17:34,104 I know. I'll admit I was hurt at first, 343 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:36,307 but then I remembered people will say almost anything 344 00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:38,309 once they become sexually obsessed with me. 345 00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:41,145 - (laughing) - Sorry. 346 00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:43,881 I wouldn't say... I wouldn't say obsessed... 347 00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:46,317 Oh, tut, tut, dear girl. 348 00:17:46,318 --> 00:17:50,254 There's no shame in it. You're in good company. 349 00:17:50,255 --> 00:17:52,590 Everyone wants a slice of Bryce. 350 00:17:52,591 --> 00:17:55,292 - They do? - Yup. Ren Fair, Comic Con, 351 00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:57,661 and now the world of improv. 352 00:17:57,662 --> 00:18:00,264 - Oh. - Well, that's great, Bryce, 353 00:18:00,265 --> 00:18:03,167 but I still feel really bad. Is there anything we can do to make it up to you? 354 00:18:03,168 --> 00:18:04,869 Sure, come to our show. 355 00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:07,838 - Oh, absolutely, yes. We will be there. - Yes! 356 00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:10,290 I mean, we made fun of him, we didn't kill him. 357 00:18:10,291 --> 00:18:11,108 Oh, no. 358 00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:13,577 - We will be there. - Great. 359 00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,880 Although I will ask you to make yourselves scarce 360 00:18:15,881 --> 00:18:19,516 when my groupies come by. They accept every suggestion. 361 00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:27,825 - How's the book coming, Dave? - Well, except for the fact 362 00:18:27,826 --> 00:18:31,028 that Nelson's draft is horrible, it's going great. 363 00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:33,130 Look, 364 00:18:33,131 --> 00:18:36,767 I love a good 'good triumphs over evil' story. 365 00:18:36,768 --> 00:18:38,936 I just never read an 'awesome crushes 366 00:18:38,937 --> 00:18:42,473 everything' tale where the main character's only struggle is where to put his awards. 367 00:18:42,474 --> 00:18:44,542 It's no struggle, I put most of them there. 368 00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:48,279 The rest go in the bathroom. Creates the illusion of humility. 369 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,781 My point is your book 370 00:18:50,782 --> 00:18:53,183 doesn't tell the story of who you really are. 371 00:18:53,184 --> 00:18:56,687 Surely, you must've had one setback. 372 00:18:56,688 --> 00:18:59,189 You've never burned microwave popcorn? 373 00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:02,426 How? I mean, the instructions are right on the bag 374 00:19:02,427 --> 00:19:05,496 and the machine has a button that says "popcorn." 375 00:19:05,497 --> 00:19:08,132 I give up. You are perfect. 376 00:19:08,133 --> 00:19:11,735 Now, look, there's a mystique to being Dave Lyons, alright? 377 00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:15,205 And that mystique keeps us in this lovely office. 378 00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:17,808 Besides, if people want to hear a rich man whine, 379 00:19:17,809 --> 00:19:20,544 they can just turn on FOX news. 380 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,182 So, do you think you'll ever write the whole story one day? 381 00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:27,384 It's already written. 382 00:19:27,986 --> 00:19:30,087 And when I'm dead and I no longer care 383 00:19:30,088 --> 00:19:33,023 about profit margins, it'll come out. 384 00:19:33,692 --> 00:19:35,292 You want to read some? 385 00:19:37,128 --> 00:19:39,363 Go on. 386 00:19:46,838 --> 00:19:49,607 This is the saddest thing I've ever read! 387 00:19:49,608 --> 00:19:52,476 Why couldn't you be at Stephanie's Christmas pageant? 388 00:19:52,477 --> 00:19:54,712 Rotten eggnog scandal of '98. 389 00:19:54,713 --> 00:19:56,981 Oh, it was that important? I've never even heard of it. 390 00:19:56,982 --> 00:19:59,883 Exactly. Thanks to me, no one did. 391 00:19:59,884 --> 00:20:03,587 That's a decision I will always regret. 392 00:20:05,223 --> 00:20:08,492 Hey guys, we're heading over to Bryce and Gordon's improv show. 393 00:20:11,630 --> 00:20:14,498 - Wha... - Merry Christmas. 394 00:20:14,499 --> 00:20:18,936 Shh. You don't have to be strong now. 395 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,708 I don't know. 396 00:20:27,872 --> 00:20:30,807 - Hey! Great show tonight. - Thanks. 397 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:33,510 So how much did Beardy and Baldy make? 398 00:20:33,511 --> 00:20:36,513 Well, at five dollars a ticket, minus my comps, 399 00:20:36,514 --> 00:20:39,315 and my ginger ale... 400 00:20:39,316 --> 00:20:41,884 We only owe the venue twenty dollars. 401 00:20:42,486 --> 00:20:45,988 And once I give it to them they'll give me Bryce back. 402 00:20:47,725 --> 00:20:51,794 Well, either way, it takes a lot of guts to get up there on stage. 403 00:20:51,795 --> 00:20:55,231 I know. I was nervous at first, but then I learned 404 00:20:55,232 --> 00:20:58,301 to just let it go. It all starts with the trust fall. 405 00:20:58,302 --> 00:21:01,004 - The trust fall? - Yeah. Here, I'll show you. 406 00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:03,540 Turn around. 407 00:21:03,541 --> 00:21:05,542 Turn around. 408 00:21:05,543 --> 00:21:08,611 OK, now fall. 409 00:21:10,514 --> 00:21:13,917 Feels good, doesn't it? 410 00:21:13,918 --> 00:21:15,919 To trust. 411 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,321 It does. Almost too good. 412 00:21:18,322 --> 00:21:21,257 Oh, dear God, no! 413 00:21:21,338 --> 00:21:27,263 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 414 00:21:31,769 --> 00:21:34,416 I forgot how to shrug. 415 00:21:34,466 --> 00:21:39,016 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31695

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