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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:05,767 Morning, Abby. 2 00:00:05,768 --> 00:00:08,972 Wow, would you guys look at the time! You're gonna be late. 3 00:00:08,973 --> 00:00:09,901 Calm down, woman. 4 00:00:09,902 --> 00:00:10,938 I haven't even had my coffee. 5 00:00:10,939 --> 00:00:12,833 Actually, I wouldn't mind cleaning up a little bit. 6 00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:14,333 Don't worry about that, I'll do that. I haven't 7 00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:15,802 done my share of housework in a little while. 8 00:00:15,803 --> 00:00:18,071 It's so cute that you refer to three years of living together 9 00:00:18,072 --> 00:00:20,073 as "a little while." 10 00:00:20,074 --> 00:00:24,211 Well, today's the day I make up for that. Chore City, here I come! 11 00:00:24,212 --> 00:00:27,381 - Yo, "Mom Abby" kinda rules! - Aw, that's me, 12 00:00:27,382 --> 00:00:30,684 giving, nurturing and sweet. 13 00:00:30,685 --> 00:00:33,120 Now get the hell outta here. 14 00:00:41,596 --> 00:00:44,598 (knocking) 15 00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:49,970 Hi! You must be Doug. 16 00:00:49,971 --> 00:00:53,240 - Come on in. - Wow, 17 00:00:53,241 --> 00:00:56,343 this is the nicest AirBnB I've booked so far. 18 00:00:56,344 --> 00:00:59,179 Not a dirty Band-Aid in sight. 19 00:00:59,180 --> 00:01:02,716 Well, you'll be staying in that back room I call The Nelson Suite. 20 00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:05,819 - Appreciate it, hon! - Right, well, you just... 21 00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:07,988 You make yourself at home. 22 00:01:07,989 --> 00:01:10,724 You gotta be out by 5PM every day, cool? 23 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:13,460 No problemo! Sewer work is a night-time game. 24 00:01:13,461 --> 00:01:16,330 That's what I always said. 25 00:01:16,331 --> 00:01:18,899 OK, buh-bye! 26 00:01:21,236 --> 00:01:23,604 Ugh, forgot to ask 27 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:26,707 for the WI-Fi password. 28 00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:30,210 I bet it's "BUTTS." 29 00:01:30,211 --> 00:01:33,080 Seriously? 30 00:01:33,081 --> 00:01:35,916 Well, I'm out of guesses. 31 00:01:35,917 --> 00:01:39,686 Come on, fill the lens 32 00:01:39,687 --> 00:01:42,889 With all your friends 33 00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:48,128 Oh now is forever 34 00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:52,532 Come on, fill the lens 35 00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:56,093 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 36 00:01:59,351 --> 00:02:02,620 Doug! What's the emergency? 37 00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:05,823 Oh, it's "BUTTSBUTTSBUTTS". 38 00:02:05,824 --> 00:02:07,791 Yeah, of course you've never seen two squirrels kiss, 39 00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,927 that's what made it so magical. Go to Instagram, 40 00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:11,929 I just posted it. 41 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,798 Let me guess, Beckett? Oh, here comes your other BF. 42 00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:18,369 Ho, ho! Hey, civilians. 43 00:02:18,370 --> 00:02:21,538 - I'm Jasper's backup today. - Yeah, it's a ride-along. Hi. 44 00:02:21,539 --> 00:02:24,275 - He let me frisk him. - I wouldn't say "let". 45 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:26,877 - He gave me a gun. - He brought his own. 46 00:02:26,878 --> 00:02:28,979 - We took it away. - Probably smart. 47 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,981 Anyway, I promised Gordon I'd introduce him to all 48 00:02:30,982 --> 00:02:33,417 - the police dogs. - I've got ground beef 49 00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:35,653 - in all my pockets! - Yeah, first things first, 50 00:02:35,654 --> 00:02:39,156 - let's clean that out. - Fine. 51 00:02:39,157 --> 00:02:41,525 So! How are things going with the hot cop? 52 00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:42,570 Well... 53 00:02:42,571 --> 00:02:44,886 I mean, he's for sure used handcuffs on you, right? 54 00:02:51,002 --> 00:02:54,004 You wanted to see me for an unknown reason, sir? 55 00:02:54,005 --> 00:02:56,473 Yes. Congratulations 56 00:02:56,474 --> 00:02:59,043 on 20 years with DLPR, Bryce. 57 00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:02,246 Twenty years?! Well, I am certainly blindsided. 58 00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:04,281 Definitely haven't been counting down the days 59 00:03:04,282 --> 00:03:06,417 on a calendar at home. 60 00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:10,321 Oh, sir! 61 00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:13,023 Is it too early to start crying? 62 00:03:13,024 --> 00:03:15,459 Yes. Cry on your own time. 63 00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:18,228 Just open it up. 64 00:03:20,432 --> 00:03:23,067 Sweet triumphant Zeus! 65 00:03:23,068 --> 00:03:27,171 A ticket to the Renaissance fair in Spain? But how will I get there? 66 00:03:29,908 --> 00:03:33,410 Jumping noble jesters! 67 00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:37,448 The plane ticket to Spain! Ooh, what will I wear? 68 00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:41,852 Mother Mary Josephine! 69 00:03:44,322 --> 00:03:46,290 A 10th century Norman Helmet 70 00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:48,792 with conical top and nasal bar? 71 00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:53,630 Oh, sir! 72 00:03:53,631 --> 00:03:56,734 This is the best gift I have ever received. 73 00:03:56,735 --> 00:04:00,370 - Aww! - I... 74 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:05,409 Ah, what's the matter, Bryce? You don't like it? 75 00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:08,645 Oh no, I love it! These gifts mean more to me than my own blood kin. 76 00:04:08,646 --> 00:04:11,648 It's just, well, usually you give me a pen 77 00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:14,551 with some version of my name on it, like Bruce 78 00:04:14,552 --> 00:04:17,721 or Brace or Tiffany. 79 00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:20,991 I guess I just decided to step up my game this year. 80 00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:23,293 Thank you, sir. 81 00:04:23,294 --> 00:04:25,462 I'm sure. 82 00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:32,236 So, we gotta figure out how to market Christian Mischief, 83 00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:35,272 new dating website for the Lord's cheatinist children. 84 00:04:35,273 --> 00:04:37,799 It's like Ashley-Madison for the Sunday morning crowd. 85 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:38,675 Hey, nerds! 86 00:04:38,676 --> 00:04:41,178 I brought you lunch, 87 00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:44,314 but you gotta bring your own plates back because I'm not a busboy. 88 00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:47,015 Yeah, if you were an actual busboy you would've brought cutlery. 89 00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,354 I'll go get cutlery. 90 00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:53,824 So... 91 00:04:53,825 --> 00:04:55,692 I've been meaning to ask 92 00:04:55,693 --> 00:04:59,263 if Jasper has any hot cop friends, because I have some problems with authority 93 00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,899 but I'd like to deal with them in the bedroom. 94 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,435 Well, let me tell you, dating a cop isn't all it's cracked up to be. 95 00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:07,004 Jasper hasn't really, uh, flipped on the siren. 96 00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:10,541 Well, maybe he just needs to brush up on his... weapons training. 97 00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:12,643 Know what I mean? Learn how to use that gun. 98 00:05:12,644 --> 00:05:14,645 We just don't have that much chemistry. 99 00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:16,880 We just read each other our rights and then fall asleep. 100 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:17,648 Wow... 101 00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,883 But don't tell anybody, please. Don't tell Beckett. 102 00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,752 - OK. - Beckett what? 103 00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:22,761 Oh, hey. Nothing. 104 00:05:22,762 --> 00:05:25,756 Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I just heard my name. 105 00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,826 - No, uh... - (both): Biscuits. - Try again? 106 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,595 - (both): Baskets. - One more time? - (both): Brisket. 107 00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:34,965 Of course. Nothing wrong with a couple of girls talking about a slow-cooked meat. 108 00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:35,852 Love it. 109 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:38,326 - Bus stops. - No. Too late. 110 00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:42,339 Oh. 111 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:45,309 Jasper let me taser a perp! 112 00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:49,113 - I let him order at the drive-thru. - Either way, what a rush. 113 00:05:49,114 --> 00:05:51,915 - Hello. - Aw, 114 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,918 - so cute! - Not squirrel-kissing cute, 115 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,488 - but still pretty cute. - What? 116 00:05:57,489 --> 00:06:00,657 Oh, I saw two squirrels kissing and I called Beckett to tell him about it. 117 00:06:00,658 --> 00:06:02,859 Just an inside joke. Oh, did you see my Instagram? 118 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:03,627 Yes! 119 00:06:03,628 --> 00:06:06,730 I'm normally not a fan of Toaster Filter, but somehow you made it work. 120 00:06:06,731 --> 00:06:08,732 I bet they weren't actually kissing. 121 00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:11,034 They were probably exchanging food. Squirrels don't actually kiss. 122 00:06:11,035 --> 00:06:13,003 But you know what they say: 123 00:06:13,004 --> 00:06:15,205 Love makes the squirrel go round! 124 00:06:15,206 --> 00:06:17,674 Ha, ha, ha! Jasper, 125 00:06:17,675 --> 00:06:21,278 - you kill me! - Alright, time to go back to work. 126 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,414 - Alright. - No, don't touch my hat. 127 00:06:24,415 --> 00:06:27,484 Hey, can we arrest my uncle? He never has any good stories. 128 00:06:27,485 --> 00:06:30,754 Plus I think he's selling weed. 129 00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:36,360 Doug, hello? 130 00:06:36,361 --> 00:06:39,730 - Right here. Not goin' anywhere. - Yes, you are. 131 00:06:39,731 --> 00:06:43,901 You are going to work, because those sewers aren't going to clean themselves. 132 00:06:43,902 --> 00:06:46,570 Imagine that, 133 00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:48,872 self-cleaning sewers. 134 00:06:48,873 --> 00:06:52,743 Don't go down that fantasy path, Doug. Not again. 135 00:06:54,879 --> 00:06:57,114 Yo, Abby Road! 136 00:06:57,115 --> 00:06:59,184 Do you mind grabbing me a soda from the back of the fridge? 137 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:02,119 - Yeah, I got you. - Thanks. 138 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,988 - Wow, you're strong. - Oh! So's your stench. 139 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:08,125 - Go put some deodorant on, eh? - Strong and honest. 140 00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:11,295 - Yeah, there's no soda in here. - I meant Beckett's bedroom. 141 00:07:11,296 --> 00:07:14,398 Next to your toothbrush that he sometimes uses. 142 00:07:14,399 --> 00:07:17,034 Oh, hell no! 143 00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:19,736 Threw on the BO juice. This stuff's natural, 144 00:07:19,737 --> 00:07:22,139 so it doesn't really work. Smell ya later! 145 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,807 Smelling you now. 146 00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:27,010 Nice try, Abby. My toothbrush isn't in there. 147 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:30,113 Did I say toothbrush? Because I meant hairbrush. 148 00:07:35,486 --> 00:07:37,788 - (groaning) Let's focus. - Alright. 149 00:07:37,789 --> 00:07:41,158 How do we get supposedly good people to use this site? 150 00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:42,667 I would personally never defend cheating... 151 00:07:42,668 --> 00:07:45,462 aside from this file where we're literally being paid to defend cheating. 152 00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:47,798 So let's say 153 00:07:47,799 --> 00:07:50,300 you love your partner, but you just don't have that spark. 154 00:07:50,301 --> 00:07:51,935 You know, the old... 155 00:07:51,936 --> 00:07:55,839 - (clicking tongue) - Yeah, I get it, I get it. 156 00:07:55,840 --> 00:08:00,010 They're your soul mate in every department but the bedroom. I have heard of people 157 00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:02,246 that just can't get it done. 158 00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:05,082 Ugh! OK, you know what, I get it. 159 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,117 Abby told you we're having bad sex. 160 00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:09,353 Haw haw. Does that make you feel like a big man? 161 00:08:09,354 --> 00:08:12,489 Who's having bad sex? 162 00:08:13,791 --> 00:08:15,525 (both): What? 163 00:08:15,526 --> 00:08:19,363 Um, I left a file in the bathroom. I gotta go check on it. 164 00:08:19,364 --> 00:08:20,717 Yeah, get the bathroom file. 165 00:08:20,718 --> 00:08:23,557 - OK, bye! - OK. 166 00:08:30,105 --> 00:08:32,401 And then she said she had to get some file 167 00:08:32,402 --> 00:08:34,437 and awkwardly left. 168 00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:36,439 Ah-mazing. 169 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,408 Can you believe that I didn't do anything wrong for once? 170 00:08:39,409 --> 00:08:41,310 No, I really can't. 171 00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:45,147 Steph tells me everything, but this is one thing I wish I didn't know. 172 00:08:45,148 --> 00:08:47,650 - I kinda feel like I've seen Jasper naked. - OK, 173 00:08:47,651 --> 00:08:51,053 so when you picture him naked, does he have the cuffs? 174 00:08:51,054 --> 00:08:52,455 And we're done. 175 00:08:55,392 --> 00:08:57,760 Oh! 176 00:08:57,761 --> 00:09:00,730 - Hello, can I help you? - Nah, I'm good. - OK. 177 00:09:00,731 --> 00:09:03,132 Have I... 178 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:06,135 - Are we... Oh! - Mornin'! Whew, 179 00:09:06,136 --> 00:09:08,304 I'm dirtier than a hog in a heat wave. 180 00:09:08,305 --> 00:09:11,240 You're not supposed to be here for another half hour. 181 00:09:11,241 --> 00:09:14,744 Yeah, shift ended early. That's the glamour and chaos of sewer work. 182 00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:17,813 Right. Why don't you hop in the shower? 183 00:09:17,814 --> 00:09:20,649 You're a doll. A human-sized doll. 184 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:28,257 Abby, what is that? It's in my bedroom too! 185 00:09:28,258 --> 00:09:30,326 It smells like... manual labour. 186 00:09:30,327 --> 00:09:33,162 No, it doesn't. Go to work. 187 00:09:33,163 --> 00:09:35,331 I do have to go to work. 188 00:09:35,332 --> 00:09:37,633 Yes, you do. 189 00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:39,802 I know I shouldn't have any before I go to bed, 190 00:09:39,803 --> 00:09:43,439 but I like my coffee like I like my women: bitter and keeping me up. 191 00:09:44,942 --> 00:09:48,544 - This is Doug. - Oh, and what's Doug doing in our kitchen? 192 00:09:48,545 --> 00:09:51,814 Well, Doug is... 193 00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:55,051 ...my boyfriend. 194 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,920 Sweet! Thought I was getting that vibe. 195 00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,292 Hey Bryce, 196 00:10:03,293 --> 00:10:05,728 when you're in Spain, I'm gonna need someone to fill in for you. 197 00:10:05,729 --> 00:10:08,464 - Any suggestions? - Well, 198 00:10:08,465 --> 00:10:11,300 why don't you just use your secret personal assistant? 199 00:10:11,301 --> 00:10:14,136 OK, what the hell does that mean? 200 00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:17,006 You know, the person responsible for selecting 201 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,809 those, admittedly, spectacular gifts. 202 00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:21,944 He seems ideal. 203 00:10:21,945 --> 00:10:25,081 - How is it that you ruin even presents? - Oh, just admit it! 204 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:28,918 "I, Dave Lyons, had nothing to do with the gifts I gave Bryce McBradden." 205 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:32,421 Well, that simply is not true. And your impression of me is terrible. 206 00:10:32,422 --> 00:10:34,991 Where are you going, sir, confession, 207 00:10:34,992 --> 00:10:38,260 so you can admit to the sin of being an absentee gift giver? 208 00:10:38,261 --> 00:10:40,062 Not a practicing Catholic. 209 00:10:40,063 --> 00:10:42,098 Well, you should look into it. 210 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,700 The new pope has some very progressive ideas! 211 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,606 Behold, 212 00:10:50,607 --> 00:10:53,476 - the ten commandments. - How many commandments? - Ten. 213 00:10:53,477 --> 00:10:55,978 - That's a lot of commandments. - That's a lot of commandments. 214 00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:58,581 - You're only breaking one of them. - That ain't bad. 215 00:10:58,582 --> 00:11:00,607 Who was the last major league player to bat .900? 216 00:11:00,608 --> 00:11:01,283 Nobody. 217 00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:03,953 - Nobody. - If your kid gets 90% on a test, 218 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:04,667 you're not gonna complain. 219 00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,088 No, you're gonna put that puppy on the fridge! 220 00:11:06,089 --> 00:11:08,090 - You're gonna frame that puppy. - You're gonna frame that fridge. 221 00:11:08,091 --> 00:11:10,173 You're only doing one little thing wrong! 222 00:11:10,174 --> 00:11:11,293 One little thing. 223 00:11:11,294 --> 00:11:13,863 I think we all know that a benevolent God 224 00:11:13,864 --> 00:11:15,898 grades on a curve. 225 00:11:15,899 --> 00:11:19,368 Christian Mischief, where the bored and undersexed come to play. 226 00:11:19,369 --> 00:11:23,205 I think you really got something! We'll get back to you... 227 00:11:23,206 --> 00:11:25,574 after evening prayer. 228 00:11:25,575 --> 00:11:29,311 I've been coveting my neighbour's wife here for quite some time, 229 00:11:29,312 --> 00:11:33,616 so if you'll excuse us, we're off to indulge in a rousing session of #7. 230 00:11:35,118 --> 00:11:38,621 OK. Thank you. Great. 231 00:11:38,622 --> 00:11:41,557 - That was amazing! - Wow! 232 00:11:41,558 --> 00:11:44,384 You know, this pitch really made me realize something. 233 00:11:44,385 --> 00:11:45,327 Yeah? 234 00:11:45,328 --> 00:11:47,930 Maybe Jasper and I aren't knocking it out of the park 235 00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:50,633 in some areas, but we're great in every other way. 236 00:11:50,634 --> 00:11:53,269 I think we can get better. 237 00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:56,805 Super. We all got what we wanted. 238 00:12:01,945 --> 00:12:04,146 Abby? 239 00:12:04,147 --> 00:12:06,282 Are we gonna watch TV before I go to work? 240 00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:08,250 - Nope. - Abby? 241 00:12:08,251 --> 00:12:12,354 - Can you come massage my feet? - No! 242 00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:19,528 - Hi, cuties! - Cutes McPoots, welcome home! 243 00:12:19,529 --> 00:12:21,730 Oh yeah! 244 00:12:21,731 --> 00:12:24,834 So, uh, hey, what's really going on here? 245 00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,836 Oh, us? Nothing. 246 00:12:26,837 --> 00:12:29,676 We're very happy, aren't we? I'm gonna go hang in my room. 247 00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:30,639 No, no, no, no, 248 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,975 you hang here with us. 249 00:12:32,976 --> 00:12:35,878 Heads up, Doug, this is just her fear 250 00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:39,115 of commitment coming out. All Abby needs is a good guy 251 00:12:39,116 --> 00:12:42,551 to make her feel safe. Hey, can you be that guy? 252 00:12:42,552 --> 00:12:46,222 I can and I will. Permanently. 253 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,992 If this is in any way unclear, I live here now. 254 00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:53,529 Wow! This is an exciting new chapter in your life. 255 00:12:53,530 --> 00:12:56,866 Before you know it, I'll be walking you down the aisle. 256 00:12:56,867 --> 00:12:58,868 Whoa! Are you her dad? 257 00:12:58,869 --> 00:13:01,837 Well, sir, I think I should live here for at least a week 258 00:13:01,838 --> 00:13:03,806 before she becomes the old ball and chain. 259 00:13:03,807 --> 00:13:07,143 You're right. A week seems fair. Doesn't a week seem fair? 260 00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:10,813 Dougie, don't you have to go to work? 261 00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:13,883 She's so dismissive when we talk about our future. 262 00:13:13,884 --> 00:13:15,885 Love you, baby! 263 00:13:15,886 --> 00:13:18,087 P.S.: 264 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:22,224 maybe when I get home from work we should consummate this thing. 265 00:13:24,127 --> 00:13:26,929 Oh, I shouldn't have said that in front of your dad. 266 00:13:31,801 --> 00:13:36,572 Abby, when am I gonna find my prince like that? 267 00:13:36,573 --> 00:13:39,241 You didn't buy me those gifts. 268 00:13:39,242 --> 00:13:42,645 - I have the proof right here. - Pleasure to see you too, Bryce. 269 00:13:42,646 --> 00:13:45,814 Your credit card statement shows the purchase 270 00:13:45,815 --> 00:13:48,150 of a 10th century Norman Helmet 271 00:13:48,151 --> 00:13:51,887 on Friday the 17th, at 1:06 PM. 272 00:13:51,888 --> 00:13:54,823 - Wouldn't that indicate I did buy it? - Wrong! 273 00:13:54,824 --> 00:13:57,726 Because on Friday the 17th, you and I were in a meeting 274 00:13:57,727 --> 00:14:00,362 with Walden Soft Drinks from noon until 2:00. 275 00:14:00,363 --> 00:14:02,464 Ah, right. That was a terrible meeting. 276 00:14:02,465 --> 00:14:05,134 The CEO was an incessant nose whistler. 277 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,469 Then there's the ticket to Spain. 278 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:10,339 Oh, my God. Did you find out Spain isn't a real place? 279 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:12,341 Well, the jig is up, Bryce. 280 00:14:12,342 --> 00:14:16,378 The details on my ticket show my birthday as March 30th, 281 00:14:16,379 --> 00:14:19,515 - which is my actual birthday. - Yes, well, happy belated. 282 00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:22,751 But in my work files, my birthday is listed 283 00:14:22,752 --> 00:14:24,753 as October 30th, 284 00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,822 which I did in an effort to make myself seem younger. 285 00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:29,825 Oh, good move, it's those last two months that really age a person. 286 00:14:29,826 --> 00:14:32,127 So you must have hired someone to break into my apartment 287 00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:34,129 and look at my passport. 288 00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:38,500 Finally, there are the treasured Ren-Fair tickets, 289 00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:41,403 sealed in a DLPR envelope. 290 00:14:41,404 --> 00:14:43,305 - Where we work. - Yes, well, 291 00:14:43,306 --> 00:14:46,742 I sent that envelope off to a DNA testing facility 292 00:14:46,743 --> 00:14:50,312 to check the saliva samples in the envelope glue. 293 00:14:50,313 --> 00:14:54,316 - Oh, good God, Bryce. - I have the results right here. 294 00:14:54,317 --> 00:14:57,987 When it comes to the seal on the anniversary gift, 295 00:14:57,988 --> 00:15:00,155 you, Dave Lyons, 296 00:15:00,156 --> 00:15:02,458 are NOT the licker! 297 00:15:02,459 --> 00:15:05,761 Well done, Bryce. 298 00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:07,830 And how do you feel? 299 00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:11,033 Invigorated! Knowing that I was right all along, 300 00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:14,036 that's truly the best gift that... 301 00:15:14,037 --> 00:15:16,038 You did this on purpose! 302 00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:18,841 And why would I do that? 303 00:15:18,842 --> 00:15:22,645 Because you know me better than I know myself. 304 00:15:22,646 --> 00:15:26,215 Proving someone wrong, to me, that is the best feeling in the world. 305 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,617 Well, I'm glad you liked it. 306 00:15:28,618 --> 00:15:31,854 Yes. I don't know how you're gonna top this for my 25-year anniversary. 307 00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:34,790 Oh, easy. I plan to fire you on your 24th. 308 00:15:34,791 --> 00:15:38,360 Ooh, the unsettling feeling of impending doom. 309 00:15:38,361 --> 00:15:42,064 That's another one of my faves. Two priceless gifts! 310 00:15:42,065 --> 00:15:44,315 If only I could find a way to write them off. 311 00:15:44,316 --> 00:15:46,258 I'm on it, sir. 312 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,007 So you told Abby about our sex life 313 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:54,476 and then you told Beckett, is that correct? 314 00:15:54,477 --> 00:15:57,980 That's not important. Back to us. 315 00:15:57,981 --> 00:16:00,416 Um, I just don't think 316 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,185 that we really have the spark, but maybe we could! 317 00:16:03,186 --> 00:16:06,522 It's like that dream I told you about. The one with the ventriloquist? 318 00:16:06,523 --> 00:16:09,191 You didn't tell me about that dream. 319 00:16:09,192 --> 00:16:11,760 Oh. I must've told Beckett. 320 00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:14,563 Yeah, and that's the problem. 321 00:16:14,564 --> 00:16:18,200 You tell Beckett everything. All your little inside jokes and calls 322 00:16:18,201 --> 00:16:20,169 and all the weird people you met, 323 00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:23,172 and, "hey, Beckett, I saw two rats kissing, we should talk about it!" 324 00:16:23,173 --> 00:16:26,208 They were squirrels. 325 00:16:26,209 --> 00:16:30,312 Look, we talk about silly, stupid, boring little things. 326 00:16:30,313 --> 00:16:33,048 Yeah, that's the stuff I want to hear about. 327 00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:37,286 This isn't gonna work out. 328 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:39,588 I'm sorry, Jasper. 329 00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:42,491 You know, I'm sorry too, 'cause this could've been great. 330 00:16:42,492 --> 00:16:44,526 I'm a hot cop, you're a beautiful princess... 331 00:16:44,527 --> 00:16:46,795 our children would've been magnificent. 332 00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:50,699 Lush beards and hair like the sun. 333 00:16:54,637 --> 00:16:57,339 Hey, where's Jasper going? 334 00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:59,274 We just broke up. 335 00:16:59,275 --> 00:17:03,379 - What? - (sighing) 336 00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:06,715 I choose him. 337 00:17:10,286 --> 00:17:13,722 What? 338 00:17:17,761 --> 00:17:20,796 Hey, Doug. What are you doing here? 339 00:17:20,797 --> 00:17:24,032 Shift got cancelled. Sewer backed up. 340 00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:25,934 Isn't that kind of your job? 341 00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:28,237 Yeah, but I'm not one of the top guys. 342 00:17:28,238 --> 00:17:30,105 - Oh. - Hey, 343 00:17:30,106 --> 00:17:33,275 - you wanna spoon? I call little spoon. - No. 344 00:17:33,276 --> 00:17:36,477 Don't really feel the need to do that right now. 345 00:17:36,478 --> 00:17:37,546 Hey, kids! 346 00:17:37,547 --> 00:17:39,982 Oh, nice! No, don't let me stop you 347 00:17:39,983 --> 00:17:42,918 - from any public displays of affection. - We won't. 348 00:17:42,919 --> 00:17:45,521 So, you guys been talking about the future? 349 00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,556 Marriage? Kids? 350 00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:49,558 Well, I'm no traditionalist. 351 00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:51,760 I have no problem with children before marriage. 352 00:17:51,761 --> 00:17:54,463 But I do insist that they follow in my footsteps. 353 00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:57,099 The sewer runs through my family for generations. 354 00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:00,369 OK, the whole thing is a sham. 355 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:03,439 Ha, ha, ha! I knew you weren't actually dating this guy! 356 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,141 Is what your father saying true? 357 00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:09,077 I can deal with the smell and the filth and the daytime night terrors, 358 00:18:09,078 --> 00:18:11,380 but I draw the line at sewer babies. 359 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:15,350 Fine, you think you're so smart. I rented your room out to some rando, 360 00:18:15,351 --> 00:18:18,954 you found out, so I pretended to care about him. I'm sorry. 361 00:18:18,955 --> 00:18:21,390 Well, this is news to me. 362 00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,559 It pains me to think 363 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,462 that this was all about money. 364 00:18:26,463 --> 00:18:29,865 Why do you keep giving your heart away, Doug? 365 00:18:31,201 --> 00:18:33,669 You know what? 366 00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:37,139 The sewer is full of human waste and rats, 367 00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:41,243 and an alligator that I swear ate my friend even though no one believes me. 368 00:18:42,645 --> 00:18:46,081 But what it's not full of... is lies. 369 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,819 Well, you know what they say: 370 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:52,788 if you love something, set it free. 371 00:18:52,789 --> 00:18:54,957 And if it comes back, 372 00:18:54,958 --> 00:18:56,959 you lock the damn door. 373 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,194 - Oh, I'm gonna lock the door. - Yeah, yeah. 374 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:05,367 Guy gives good speech, though. 375 00:19:05,368 --> 00:19:06,957 I don't know, I kind of liked him, for some reason. 376 00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:08,828 I hope he finds someone. 377 00:19:10,573 --> 00:19:13,942 That is exciting news. 378 00:19:13,943 --> 00:19:16,912 I assure you DLPR is happy to have you 379 00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:19,247 and all your cheating Christians on board. 380 00:19:20,216 --> 00:19:23,719 - God bless you. - We did it? - Yeah! 381 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,488 - That's great! - We did it! I know! 382 00:19:26,489 --> 00:19:28,524 And you know, I could really use the good news. 383 00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:30,759 I just got dumped like toxic waste. 384 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,196 - Wow, I'm sorry. - Ah, I'm fine. 385 00:19:34,197 --> 00:19:37,966 - It had nothing to do with... you know. - Yeah, no. 386 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:41,203 You know, after he dumped me, the first thing I thought about was, 387 00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:44,740 - "Oh, I gotta go tell Beckett." - That's not weird. 388 00:19:44,741 --> 00:19:46,909 We tell each other everything. 389 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:51,113 Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's it. 390 00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:54,950 - Grab a drink? - No. Grab several. - I'm buying. 391 00:19:54,951 --> 00:19:58,220 Oh, I totally forgot. You know what I saw? 392 00:19:58,221 --> 00:20:02,357 - Man on bicycle with a tutu? - No, but that sounds awesome. 393 00:20:02,358 --> 00:20:05,794 A sparrow riding a Doberman. 394 00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:09,364 - What? Oh, I would cry. - I was gonna call you, 395 00:20:09,365 --> 00:20:11,767 but my hands were trembling with excitement. 396 00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:20,153 Break-ups, huh? 397 00:20:20,154 --> 00:20:22,756 She was into someone else. 398 00:20:22,757 --> 00:20:25,558 Some wiener who's into squirrels. 399 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:27,761 My girlfriend was fake 400 00:20:27,762 --> 00:20:29,763 and just using me for cash. 401 00:20:29,764 --> 00:20:32,932 Still the best relationship I ever had, though. 402 00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:35,001 What're ya gonna do? 403 00:20:35,002 --> 00:20:37,937 Nothin', that's what. 404 00:20:37,938 --> 00:20:40,407 Hey, you got an extra room I can crash in? 405 00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:43,109 Yeah, I got a spare bedroom. 406 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:46,513 - Are you lying to me? - I'm a cop, I never lie. 407 00:20:46,514 --> 00:20:48,214 I love you. 408 00:20:51,419 --> 00:20:53,987 You're gonna take back that offer, aren't you? 409 00:20:53,988 --> 00:20:57,724 Just trying to think of a polite way to do it. 410 00:20:59,627 --> 00:21:04,650 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 411 00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:12,205 Oh, no. 412 00:21:12,206 --> 00:21:14,741 (laughing) 413 00:21:14,742 --> 00:21:16,943 Not that. Never that. 414 00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:20,480 - Wanna go over that part again there? - Hey, guys! 415 00:21:20,481 --> 00:21:23,049 Lush beards and hair like the sun! 416 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:27,220 (laughing) 417 00:21:27,221 --> 00:21:31,057 Hey, where's Darrin going... Jasper! 418 00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:35,978 - This is going really well. - Yeah. I'll do that again, sorry. 419 00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:40,578 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32690

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