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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:05,966 He's here, he's here! 2 00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:08,966 - Who's here? - Jacob Milton! 3 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,033 The only man to ever equal Dave Lyons in PR and with the ladies. 4 00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:16,233 One night he had sex with a model, a supermodel and a swimsuit model! 5 00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:19,033 And briefly got the government to label cigarettes "awesome." 6 00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:20,533 (elevator bell) 7 00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:23,200 By the time I got done with Cheney's friend... 8 00:00:23,201 --> 00:00:25,866 - (crowd cheering) - He was begging 9 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:28,766 to apologize for getting shot in the face. 10 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,399 - (both laughing) - Oh man! Hey! 11 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,332 I want you to meet Jacob Milton, the finest wingman 12 00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:36,566 I have ever had the pleasure of serving with. 13 00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,866 So, you and the boss man used to tear it up together? 14 00:00:38,867 --> 00:00:42,900 Man, oh yeah! We used to go out drinking and womanizing with the Rolling Stones. 15 00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:45,900 Until Keith said, "No, this is too much. You guys are insane!" 16 00:00:45,901 --> 00:00:49,332 - (laughter) - They called us "The Closers" 17 00:00:49,333 --> 00:00:51,599 'cause we closed every deal and every bar... 18 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,267 - And one time, an airport. - Mm-hmm! 19 00:00:54,268 --> 00:00:56,966 - Wow! - But now... 20 00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:59,078 he's off closing all by himself in San Francisco. 21 00:00:59,079 --> 00:00:59,732 Yep. 22 00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:01,637 Sir, would you mind continuing this male bonding 23 00:01:01,638 --> 00:01:03,332 after you sign a few things in your office? 24 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:06,233 Oh, right, Bryce, okay. Though you might want to come watch this. 25 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,492 I sign with this pen that Richard Branson gave me. 26 00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:09,233 Oh, really? 27 00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:11,233 Branson gave me a Porsche. 28 00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:14,066 Maybe you could draw a picture of it with that little pen of yours. 29 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:16,033 (force laugh) Maybe I could. 30 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,599 I mean, the pen did originally belong to Picasso. 31 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,666 Oh! (chuckling) 32 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:23,900 Hey, great shoes. 33 00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:27,100 - Did you get those at Sully's in New York? - I did. 34 00:01:27,101 --> 00:01:31,267 - Hmm, thought so. - So you live in the Castro District? 35 00:01:31,268 --> 00:01:33,831 - Got a loft there. - I thought so. 36 00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,267 Oh... 37 00:01:35,268 --> 00:01:38,466 Dave has no idea you're gay, does he? 38 00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:41,267 - Not a clue. - He's not like us. 39 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,633 I spotted you the second I walked in. 40 00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:46,200 - Really? What tipped you off? - The hair. 41 00:01:46,201 --> 00:01:49,432 - (crowd laughing) - The hair... 42 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:53,399 It's always the hair. It's like a big, gay beacon. 43 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,566 (crowd laughing) 44 00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:58,100 Fill the lens 45 00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:01,000 With all your friends 46 00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:04,599 Oh now 47 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,599 Is forever 48 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,067 Come on, fill the lens 49 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,985 Subtitles by awaqeded www.addic7ed.com 50 00:02:15,198 --> 00:02:17,863 Come on, you guys must know somebody! 51 00:02:17,864 --> 00:02:20,063 I haven't had a date in 3 months! 52 00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:22,796 I can't. Every time I set you up, you tell the truth. 53 00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:25,363 I thought women wanted honesty from men. 54 00:02:25,364 --> 00:02:27,308 Women don't want honesty from men. 55 00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,424 Women want honesty from gay men. 56 00:02:29,425 --> 00:02:31,696 Yeah, like uh, see that lipstick on you, 57 00:02:31,697 --> 00:02:33,696 it does not work for you at all. 58 00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:35,896 See? Now, I'm fine with that. 59 00:02:35,897 --> 00:02:39,330 You have to get better at giving women our version of honesty. 60 00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:42,063 Like, "Wow, that was a fascinating dream." 61 00:02:42,064 --> 00:02:44,230 Or, "You're right. She did give you a look." 62 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,729 Or the classic, 63 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:48,896 "No! You're not turning into your mother at all!" 64 00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:51,263 - (crowd laughing) - Come on, guys. 65 00:02:51,264 --> 00:02:54,863 - I'm not that bad. Excuse me. - Can I get you another drink? 66 00:02:54,864 --> 00:02:56,530 I don't know. Can you? 67 00:02:56,531 --> 00:03:00,197 (short laugh) No, I'm kidding, of course. 68 00:03:00,198 --> 00:03:02,330 Yes, you may. 69 00:03:02,331 --> 00:03:05,497 (crowd laughing) 70 00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:08,331 Coming right up. (polite laugh) 71 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,696 You know she's gonna spit in your drink. 72 00:03:11,697 --> 00:03:14,830 - If she doesn't, I will. - (crowd laughing) 73 00:03:14,831 --> 00:03:17,896 Okay, I know this girl, she teaches me hot yoga. 74 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,397 I'll set you up with her. 75 00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:22,397 And we will be there to make sure you don't screw it up. 76 00:03:22,398 --> 00:03:25,397 - Great. Thank you. - Enjoy. 77 00:03:25,398 --> 00:03:27,665 (crowd laughing) 78 00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:37,830 - Yeah, that's all spit. - (crowd laughing) 79 00:03:39,164 --> 00:03:41,072 (background chatter) 80 00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:42,397 - Hey. - Hi. 81 00:03:42,398 --> 00:03:44,810 - Hi. - Hello. 82 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:45,930 So... 83 00:03:45,931 --> 00:03:48,097 Stephanie and Olivier. 84 00:03:48,098 --> 00:03:50,397 It's been a month now, huh? 85 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:54,097 That's not you?! I called him Beckett, like, 6 times! 86 00:03:54,098 --> 00:03:56,363 He just looked at me like I was an idiot. 87 00:03:56,364 --> 00:04:00,297 - Yeah, that's it! - (crowd laughing) 88 00:04:00,298 --> 00:04:02,663 Thank you for agreeing to meet me here, Olivier. 89 00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:04,696 This last month has been amazing but... 90 00:04:04,697 --> 00:04:06,830 It's been the best month of my life! 91 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,863 That's adorable. (uneasy laugh) 92 00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:11,464 - Listen, I need to be honest with you. - (vibrating sound) 93 00:04:11,465 --> 00:04:13,798 Oh, oh, woop, woop... (short laugh) 94 00:04:13,799 --> 00:04:14,530 Hi, mom. 95 00:04:14,531 --> 00:04:18,530 Yeah, yeah, she's right here. She wants to speak with you. 96 00:04:18,531 --> 00:04:22,030 - Oh, no... Oh, hello? - (crowd laughing) 97 00:04:22,031 --> 00:04:24,497 Yes, it's great to finally speak with you. 98 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,363 The family lake house... 99 00:04:27,364 --> 00:04:30,629 Yeah, why wouldn't I want to come meet everyone? 100 00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:33,596 (uneasy laugh) I can call you what? 101 00:04:33,597 --> 00:04:35,564 Okay. 102 00:04:35,565 --> 00:04:38,398 Bye... mom. 103 00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:44,497 - (crowd laughing) - All right, so there we were, 104 00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:47,030 handcuffed at the Swiss French border. 105 00:04:47,031 --> 00:04:50,230 - We lost our passports. - And we had to get to Paris by midnight! 106 00:04:50,231 --> 00:04:52,230 Ah, gay Paree! 107 00:04:52,231 --> 00:04:55,397 - But The Closers couldn't be stopped. - No. 108 00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:57,405 Not only did we make it to Paris by midnight, 109 00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:58,963 but the border guards came with us! 110 00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:02,796 - (laughter) - How long did that party last, Dave? 111 00:05:02,797 --> 00:05:04,796 - Ah man! - Yeah, Dave, 112 00:05:04,797 --> 00:05:07,963 was it 525,600 minutes? 113 00:05:07,964 --> 00:05:09,963 (crowd laughing) 114 00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:12,197 I don't know. Probably about that. 115 00:05:12,198 --> 00:05:14,197 (chuckling) We don't... 116 00:05:14,198 --> 00:05:16,464 Hey, I've got to sign off on some press releases, 117 00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:18,726 but when I am done, The Closers are hitting all their old haunts. 118 00:05:18,727 --> 00:05:19,564 (both): All right. 119 00:05:19,565 --> 00:05:22,063 (phone ringing in the background) 120 00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:25,063 - (clearing his throat) - Dude, you gotta lay it on so thick? 121 00:05:25,064 --> 00:05:28,163 I want to tell Dave. I just want wait for the right time. 122 00:05:28,164 --> 00:05:31,663 - It just never seems to be the right time. - Hey, I got some great news! 123 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,497 Our favorite strip club, Tainted Ladies, 124 00:05:34,498 --> 00:05:37,330 they just reopened after that hepatitis scare. 125 00:05:37,331 --> 00:05:40,030 - (crowd laughing) - I got a pocket full of fives. 126 00:05:40,031 --> 00:05:43,530 - I got a pocket full of tens. - (chuckling) 127 00:05:43,531 --> 00:05:46,497 That looked a lot like the right time. 128 00:05:46,498 --> 00:05:48,996 - Yeah, I know. - (crowd laughing) 129 00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:51,729 Hey, how are things going with Olivier? 130 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:54,930 Did I detect a little tension? 131 00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:57,097 Yes. Ugh, I don't get it! 132 00:05:57,098 --> 00:05:59,263 I should be crazy about him! 133 00:05:59,264 --> 00:06:02,230 You know, he's gorgeous, yet I'm repulsed. 134 00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:05,596 He's affectionate, but I feel suffocated. 135 00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:07,596 When he smiles, 136 00:06:07,597 --> 00:06:10,996 I just I wanna punch in those perfect white teeth! 137 00:06:10,997 --> 00:06:13,397 So why are you sticking around? 138 00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:16,863 Sometimes sticking around is easier than being honest and ending it. 139 00:06:16,864 --> 00:06:18,896 You see, I'm the opposite. 140 00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:21,596 I'm so honest I keep blowing it with every girl I date. 141 00:06:21,597 --> 00:06:23,596 Hey, how about we make a pact. 142 00:06:23,597 --> 00:06:26,530 I'll be more honest, and you lie. 143 00:06:26,531 --> 00:06:29,930 I'll end my relationship and you stop ruining yours. 144 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,698 You dump, I date. 145 00:06:33,098 --> 00:06:35,830 - Done. - Deal! 146 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,230 Hey Bryce! Oh! 147 00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:42,397 I need you to dump somebody for me. 148 00:06:42,398 --> 00:06:44,963 What would you prefer? Slow and painful, 149 00:06:44,964 --> 00:06:48,330 brutal and fast, or something subtle 150 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:50,663 that will haunt him for years? 151 00:06:50,664 --> 00:06:54,263 - Hm. Surprise me. - Ooh... 152 00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:56,497 (Beckett crying) 153 00:06:56,498 --> 00:06:58,430 Ah! 154 00:06:58,431 --> 00:07:01,663 He must be a Scorpio. So quick to tears. 155 00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:04,796 - (crowd laughing) - Bryce, 156 00:07:04,797 --> 00:07:07,796 couldn't you have done the "let's still be friends" crushing, 157 00:07:07,797 --> 00:07:09,996 not the "rendering him impotent" crushing? 158 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,996 Oh, I couldn't do it. 159 00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:15,030 Poor Olivier's grandmother just found out she's going blind. 160 00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:17,063 - Oh... - All he wants 161 00:07:17,064 --> 00:07:20,297 is for you to meet her so she can see you just once. 162 00:07:20,298 --> 00:07:23,564 - (crowd laughing) - Go to him, Stephanie. 163 00:07:23,565 --> 00:07:26,297 - Go to him. - Yes, Stephanie. 164 00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:29,197 - Go to Beckett. - (Beckett crying) 165 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,629 Hey... 166 00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:35,130 - (crying louder still) - There, there... 167 00:07:35,131 --> 00:07:38,796 Jacob, I can't help but notice the beard. 168 00:07:38,797 --> 00:07:41,830 - What about it? - It's just sort of odd. 169 00:07:41,831 --> 00:07:45,138 I grew mine first. And I remember you saying you liked it. 170 00:07:45,139 --> 00:07:47,643 Then I see a photo of you at an event and you've got a beard... 171 00:07:47,644 --> 00:07:48,763 I didn't steal your beard, Dave! 172 00:07:48,764 --> 00:07:51,430 If you stole the beard, that's fine, I understand. 173 00:07:51,431 --> 00:07:54,130 You need the beard, you know, 'cause of your weak chin. 174 00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:56,130 (crowd laughing) 175 00:07:56,131 --> 00:07:58,863 Actually, I haven't needed a beard for about 5 years now. 176 00:07:58,864 --> 00:08:02,230 Really? Then why would you have a beard if you don't need a beard? 177 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:05,729 - Oh God... beard. You're gay! - (crowd laughing) 178 00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:08,564 As a fireman on Fire Island. 179 00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:10,530 (crowd laughing) 180 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,530 Wh... why the hell didn't you tell me before now? 181 00:08:13,531 --> 00:08:15,030 I tried once. 182 00:08:15,031 --> 00:08:17,663 We'd been drinking a lot and you just hugged me and said, 183 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,297 "Me too!" 184 00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,663 Yeah, but you slept with women. 185 00:08:21,664 --> 00:08:25,197 I mean, you slept with lots and lots and lots of women. 186 00:08:25,198 --> 00:08:28,063 I mean, lots of women that I wanted to sleep with. 187 00:08:28,064 --> 00:08:31,297 I guess that was my way of hiding it from myself. 188 00:08:31,298 --> 00:08:33,596 Oh, my God. Maybe I'm gay too! 189 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:37,063 - (crowd laughing) - Not in that outfit you're not. 190 00:08:37,064 --> 00:08:39,230 So, you're okay with this? 191 00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:41,663 I'm more than okay with it. I'm happy for you. 192 00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:43,996 I'm proud of you for coming out. 193 00:08:43,997 --> 00:08:47,131 In fact, tonight, we party like kings. 194 00:08:49,565 --> 00:08:52,790 - Homosexual kings! - (crowd laughing) 195 00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:53,596 Cool! 196 00:08:53,597 --> 00:08:55,996 That's the name of the club I'm taking you to. Let's go! 197 00:08:55,997 --> 00:08:58,031 (crowd laughing) 198 00:09:00,938 --> 00:09:03,570 - (elevator bell) - Good morning team! 199 00:09:03,571 --> 00:09:06,503 - Someone's in a good mood. - I certainly am, Nelson. 200 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,637 I had the most amazing night last night with Jacob. 201 00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:12,338 It was just so exhilarating, you know? 202 00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:14,837 I mean, even this coffee tastes sweeter. 203 00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:16,837 Probably because it isn't mine. 204 00:09:16,838 --> 00:09:19,503 I think I accidentally stole someone's caramel latte. 205 00:09:19,504 --> 00:09:21,870 But you know what? It's fantastic! 206 00:09:21,871 --> 00:09:25,904 Uh, by the way, Dave, we don't actually say "fantastic." We say "fabulous." 207 00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:28,670 (short laugh) That's right, we do, don't we? 208 00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:31,004 - (crowd laughing) - Hey, Nelson. 209 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,004 Have you ever been to a gay bar? 210 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,904 (crowd laughing) 211 00:09:35,905 --> 00:09:38,304 - We have our own bars?! - (crowd laughing) 212 00:09:38,305 --> 00:09:41,603 Yeah. You really gotta check 'em out. 213 00:09:41,604 --> 00:09:44,037 Ah, they're fantastic! I mean, it was just... 214 00:09:44,038 --> 00:09:47,171 I don't know how to describe it. It was just so freeing, you know. 215 00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:49,271 I mean, it's the first time since Sunday school 216 00:09:49,272 --> 00:09:51,503 that I've been in a room where I wasn't trying to get laid. 217 00:09:51,504 --> 00:09:54,071 - (crowd laughing) - Okay, that's not actually true. 218 00:09:54,072 --> 00:09:56,914 In Sunday school I was trying to get laid. 219 00:09:56,915 --> 00:09:57,937 Hey, Dave. 220 00:09:57,938 --> 00:10:01,438 Did you take my non-fat, vanilla-soy, one-pump, caramel latte? 221 00:10:01,439 --> 00:10:04,231 I think I did, man. Sorry about that. 222 00:10:04,232 --> 00:10:06,937 So, what are our plans for tonight? What's up? What are we gonna do? 223 00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:09,470 Can't we just take it easy and go to that bar downstairs? 224 00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:12,204 Manion's? I don't want to go to Manion's! 225 00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:15,837 Aw, come on. That place is so boring. It's... it's full of breeders. 226 00:10:15,838 --> 00:10:18,438 Well, I don't want to go to a gay bar. 227 00:10:18,439 --> 00:10:20,570 - I do want to go to a gay bar. - (both arguing) 228 00:10:20,571 --> 00:10:24,204 - Fine, have it your way! - I gotta use your office. 229 00:10:24,205 --> 00:10:27,438 (whining tone): All right, we'll go to Manion's! 230 00:10:27,439 --> 00:10:29,438 (crowd laughing) 231 00:10:29,439 --> 00:10:31,537 Hey Bryce, 232 00:10:31,538 --> 00:10:33,670 how fast do you think you can gay up Manion's? 233 00:10:33,671 --> 00:10:35,670 (crowd laughing) 234 00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:38,104 Sir, by 9PM, that bar will be raining men. 235 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,404 - (crowd laughing) - Excellent. 236 00:10:40,405 --> 00:10:43,937 I thought it was raining men once. 237 00:10:43,938 --> 00:10:46,670 Serves me right for fallin' asleep in a Russian sauna. 238 00:10:46,671 --> 00:10:48,372 (crowd laughing) 239 00:10:51,038 --> 00:10:54,037 (dance music) 240 00:10:54,038 --> 00:10:56,404 Did you bring me to a gay bar? 241 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,104 It was straight when we sat down. 242 00:10:59,105 --> 00:11:02,137 It must have come out while we were here. 243 00:11:02,138 --> 00:11:04,904 I told my husband I would go to gay bars without him, 244 00:11:04,905 --> 00:11:07,539 but I did not think one would just pop up around me. 245 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,371 I didn't know Manion's was a gay bar. 246 00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:17,871 Me neither, but I for one applaud their open-mindedness. 247 00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:23,338 Dave, you didn't hire a bunch of gay guys to hang out at your local tavern, did you? 248 00:11:23,339 --> 00:11:26,537 Welcome to Gay Night at Manion's, 249 00:11:26,538 --> 00:11:28,037 sponsored by 250 00:11:28,038 --> 00:11:30,537 Dave Lyons! 251 00:11:30,538 --> 00:11:33,289 (crowd laughing) 252 00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,490 What? I let you pick the bar, so I changed it a little. 253 00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:39,704 Come on! Oh, hey. Hey guys. How's it going? 254 00:11:39,705 --> 00:11:42,737 - (crowd laughing) - Come on. 255 00:11:42,738 --> 00:11:46,271 This is your last night in town. Let's spend it like we always used to, okay? 256 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,182 Unless you don't think you can keep up anymore. 257 00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:49,971 Buddy... 258 00:11:49,972 --> 00:11:53,037 - The Closers are open for business. - All right. 259 00:11:53,038 --> 00:11:56,338 - Hm. Let's do this! - Oh! 260 00:11:56,339 --> 00:11:58,338 - Yeah! - Whoo! 261 00:11:58,339 --> 00:12:00,570 (dance music) 262 00:12:00,571 --> 00:12:04,204 All right. Roxy, serious question: 263 00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:06,037 Do you like camping? 264 00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:08,037 The closest I've come to camping 265 00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:10,570 is losing cell reception in an elevator. 266 00:12:10,571 --> 00:12:13,537 Right answer! Who needs nature? 267 00:12:13,538 --> 00:12:16,670 - What are we, animals? - Okay, next question. 268 00:12:16,671 --> 00:12:19,438 Could you possibly get any cooler? 269 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,603 - I could grow sideburns. - There it is. 270 00:12:22,604 --> 00:12:24,704 - Doin' good. - I told you. 271 00:12:24,705 --> 00:12:27,870 Ah, careful. They're hot. 272 00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:30,838 Could be hotter. Hm! 273 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:38,137 (sound in slow motion): Ooh... 274 00:12:38,138 --> 00:12:40,570 You want a napkin? 275 00:12:40,571 --> 00:12:43,304 - I'm good. - A finger-bowl maybe? 276 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:46,470 - Mmm! - A garden hose? 277 00:12:46,471 --> 00:12:50,338 - (crowd laughing) - Okay, he's in some serious trouble. 278 00:12:50,339 --> 00:12:52,470 There's only one thing we can do. 279 00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:55,603 (sighing) Yeah, ignore him, get drunk and dance. 280 00:12:55,604 --> 00:12:58,704 - That sounds awesome! - Mm-hmm. 281 00:12:58,705 --> 00:13:01,272 (dance music) 282 00:13:02,838 --> 00:13:05,804 Hey, baby. Look what I got. 283 00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:08,204 Your costume. 284 00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,204 I'm s... I'm sorry, what? 285 00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:14,237 Look, every year my family does a new Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. 286 00:13:14,238 --> 00:13:18,271 And this year, it's The Sound of Music. 287 00:13:18,272 --> 00:13:22,205 - (crowd laughing) - You're Rolf. 288 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:27,637 Listen, we need to talk. 289 00:13:27,638 --> 00:13:30,971 Oh... I see where this is going. 290 00:13:30,972 --> 00:13:34,537 - I'm sorry, I just... - You want to be Maria. 291 00:13:34,538 --> 00:13:37,338 Babe, I get it, okay? 292 00:13:37,339 --> 00:13:40,271 It's just casting is a little political, okay? 293 00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:43,737 It's all about who you know. Specifically, gran'mama. 294 00:13:43,738 --> 00:13:45,770 Yes, yes, of course. 295 00:13:45,771 --> 00:13:47,870 Um, it's actually not about the play. 296 00:13:47,871 --> 00:13:50,405 - (vibrating sound) - Oh. Hold on. 297 00:13:51,638 --> 00:13:54,104 - Hello, mother. - Ugh. 298 00:13:54,105 --> 00:13:58,037 Stephanie and I will not be coming up to the lake house this week. Why? 299 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:02,137 Because she's my Maria. And I'd climb any mountain for her! 300 00:14:02,138 --> 00:14:05,670 (loud kiss) 301 00:14:05,671 --> 00:14:09,037 (crowd laughing) 302 00:14:09,038 --> 00:14:11,371 Oh, my God! 303 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,704 That is the sweetest thing anybody's ever done for me! 304 00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:17,570 I can't believe I tried to break up with you every day for the past two weeks! 305 00:14:17,571 --> 00:14:19,838 (crowd laughing) 306 00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:24,071 What? 307 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,237 You mean, like... like every day? 308 00:14:26,238 --> 00:14:28,470 Like, there wasn't a Wednesday where you thought 309 00:14:28,471 --> 00:14:30,237 things might work out? 310 00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:33,237 - Nope, not a single day! - (crowd laughing) 311 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:36,503 - Until now. - You... you lied to me! 312 00:14:36,504 --> 00:14:38,570 You lied to my mother! 313 00:14:38,571 --> 00:14:41,603 Did you even care that gran'mama was going blind? 314 00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:43,770 Honestly, she's 92. 315 00:14:43,771 --> 00:14:46,237 - She's seen all she needs to see. - (crowd laughing) 316 00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:48,205 So have I. 317 00:14:50,005 --> 00:14:52,870 Goodbye, Stephanie. Don't call me. 318 00:14:52,871 --> 00:14:55,937 - (crowd laughing) - But Olivier! 319 00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:59,770 Hello, mother? No, no! Someone stole my phone and was pretending to be me. 320 00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:01,837 (crowd laughing) 321 00:15:01,838 --> 00:15:03,503 (dance music) 322 00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:05,837 (with her mouth full): I know you'd think a yoga teacher 323 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,404 would eat nothing but salads, but life is short. 324 00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:10,737 I like to dig in with both hands! 325 00:15:10,738 --> 00:15:13,937 You sure do. Right up to the elbows! 326 00:15:13,938 --> 00:15:14,898 (crowd laughing) 327 00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:17,503 Oh no! She's still eating with both her hands! 328 00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:20,116 We better get in there before she starts eating with both feet. 329 00:15:20,117 --> 00:15:20,770 Yeah. 330 00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:24,603 Beckett, Roxy! What... What a coincidence! 331 00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:27,371 - What are you guys doing here? - Hi, I'm Abby. 332 00:15:27,372 --> 00:15:30,304 It's nice to meet you. I noticed you're almost done your appetizers. 333 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:33,770 Do you know what else is really good here? The cutlery. 334 00:15:33,771 --> 00:15:37,470 For the next half hour, enjoy half price 335 00:15:37,471 --> 00:15:40,304 on our lip-smackin' finger-suckin' platter! 336 00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:43,570 - Ooh! - (All): No!!! 337 00:15:43,571 --> 00:15:46,670 No way we can say no to that! 338 00:15:46,671 --> 00:15:49,904 - (crowd laughing) - Cheers, buddy. 339 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:53,171 Ah! Oh! Mm! Okay! 340 00:15:53,172 --> 00:15:55,537 You know what? I think I've had enough shots. 341 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:59,104 - I'm just gonna ask. Back in the day... - I wasn't attracted to you. 342 00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:02,271 Wow! You really pulled that bandage off fast. 343 00:16:02,272 --> 00:16:04,037 Excuse me. 344 00:16:04,038 --> 00:16:06,271 Didn't I meet you in Nice last year? 345 00:16:06,272 --> 00:16:09,371 Uh no, I've never actually been to Nice. 346 00:16:09,372 --> 00:16:11,670 What? You've never been to Nice? 347 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,570 Sometimes I'll just fire up 348 00:16:13,571 --> 00:16:16,037 the private jet, pop over to Nice for the weekend. 349 00:16:16,038 --> 00:16:18,037 - Really? - Yep. 350 00:16:18,038 --> 00:16:20,227 - I'm Ethan. - Hey, Ethan. 351 00:16:20,228 --> 00:16:21,739 What the hell are you doing? 352 00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:24,086 Huh? What I was just chatting. Chatting with Ethan here. 353 00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:26,106 No, no, you're not chatting. You're flirting. 354 00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:26,779 What?! 355 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:29,837 You don't bring up the private jet when you're "just chatting." 356 00:16:29,838 --> 00:16:32,482 Besides, he doesn't even have a private jet. 357 00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:33,770 Oh, I have a jet. 358 00:16:33,771 --> 00:16:36,470 And it is totally private. 359 00:16:36,471 --> 00:16:39,338 - (crowd laughing) - You're doing it again. 360 00:16:39,339 --> 00:16:41,737 What are you talking about? Doing what? I'm just... 361 00:16:41,738 --> 00:16:43,282 Look, I'm just trying to help you out, man. 362 00:16:43,283 --> 00:16:43,915 Really? 363 00:16:43,916 --> 00:16:45,473 Yeah, I'm trying to help you. Look. 364 00:16:45,474 --> 00:16:49,404 You know, you're about to let this fish off the hook, all right? 365 00:16:49,405 --> 00:16:51,470 I'm just trying to reel him in, keep him close to the boat, 366 00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:53,470 so you can at least scoop him up with a net. 367 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,240 You really think I need your help to sleep with this man? 368 00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:57,037 He doesn't. 369 00:16:57,038 --> 00:16:59,503 - You don't. - (crowd laughing) 370 00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:02,594 You really don't think I couldn't take this man away from you if I wanted to? 371 00:17:02,595 --> 00:17:03,537 He has a jet. 372 00:17:03,538 --> 00:17:06,037 - He could. - (crowd laughing) 373 00:17:06,038 --> 00:17:08,237 I'm just saying, you have lost your game. 374 00:17:08,238 --> 00:17:09,048 - Game? - Yeah! 375 00:17:09,049 --> 00:17:10,798 - You don't know even know what my game is! - No, I don't. 376 00:17:10,799 --> 00:17:12,897 I got a whole new game. You want to see some game? 377 00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:16,212 - Sit back and watch, old man! - I'm watchin'. 378 00:17:16,238 --> 00:17:18,837 So, Ethan, what gym do you go to? 379 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,371 Ooh! Or should I say, what gym don't you go to? 380 00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:24,371 (forced laugh) Agh! 381 00:17:24,372 --> 00:17:27,837 I'm sorry, Ethan. This is crazy, man! What are we doing? 382 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,071 I don't know, it's just instinct. 383 00:17:30,072 --> 00:17:32,071 I just want to compete, you know. It's... 384 00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:34,470 - 'Cause I'm straight! - What? 385 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,870 - And I'm getting married. - WHAT?! 386 00:17:36,871 --> 00:17:39,171 I do not approve of your lifestyle! 387 00:17:39,172 --> 00:17:42,171 Look, being gay may not be a choice, 388 00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:44,603 but marriage definitely is! 389 00:17:44,604 --> 00:17:46,603 Let me out of here! Out of my way! 390 00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:50,438 Let me out of here! Let me go! Let me through! 391 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:56,704 So I finally get up on the water skis 392 00:17:56,705 --> 00:17:59,737 and I'm waving to everybody, only to realize that 393 00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:02,704 they're applauding me because my bikini is around my ankles. 394 00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:04,392 - Wow! - Both pieces! 395 00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:05,937 (all laughing) 396 00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:08,071 I think we're over the hump. 397 00:18:08,072 --> 00:18:12,071 And the finger food platter for the woman whose metabolism everyone hates. 398 00:18:12,072 --> 00:18:14,870 - (crowd laughing) - You know what would be good? 399 00:18:14,871 --> 00:18:17,237 If we donate this to a food bank. 400 00:18:17,238 --> 00:18:19,704 Or, better idea, 401 00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:22,137 why don't we just give this to the hungry men here? 402 00:18:22,138 --> 00:18:25,937 Guys, guys, guys... I can do this. 403 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,770 - What's going on? - Nothing. Nothing... 404 00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:30,271 All right. 405 00:18:30,272 --> 00:18:33,304 My friends think that I'm having a problem 406 00:18:33,305 --> 00:18:35,770 coping with this little thing... 407 00:18:35,771 --> 00:18:37,404 a little, little quirk. 408 00:18:37,405 --> 00:18:40,330 - What quirk? - It's... it's not a big deal. 409 00:18:40,331 --> 00:18:44,237 It's not at all. I wouldn't normally bring it up, but I know that women like honesty. 410 00:18:44,238 --> 00:18:46,670 So I'll just tell you: it's every time you eat, 411 00:18:46,671 --> 00:18:48,937 you lick your fingers... that's it. 412 00:18:48,938 --> 00:18:51,637 - (sighing) - And... 413 00:18:51,638 --> 00:18:54,503 this bothers you? 414 00:18:54,504 --> 00:18:57,137 - (crowd laughing) - No. Not... 415 00:18:57,138 --> 00:19:01,237 Well, okay. Yeah, a little. It's not about you. This is totally about me. 416 00:19:01,238 --> 00:19:05,037 It's just this tiny little thing I find a little irritating. 417 00:19:05,038 --> 00:19:08,271 You're taking this the wrong way. I didn't... I didn't want to say anything. 418 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:12,304 Again, this is... You're a lovely woman. I'm having a great... the greatest night. 419 00:19:12,305 --> 00:19:15,304 It's just, if you were just a little less finger-licky... 420 00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:18,704 - (crowd laughing) - I would be so happy. 421 00:19:18,705 --> 00:19:21,603 Happy... happy as a clam! Hey, we should order clams! 422 00:19:21,604 --> 00:19:24,937 No, it's a terrible idea. Why would we... order clams? 423 00:19:24,938 --> 00:19:27,404 Anyway, you know what? I regret saying anything. 424 00:19:27,405 --> 00:19:29,603 Conversation over. All right. We good? 425 00:19:29,604 --> 00:19:32,603 Oh, we're good. I'll tell you what. 426 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:35,371 You don't have to worry about me putting 427 00:19:35,372 --> 00:19:38,503 anything else in my mouth tonight. 428 00:19:38,504 --> 00:19:40,938 (crowd laughing and screaming) 429 00:19:42,339 --> 00:19:44,795 Aw, she was gonna put something else in her mouth! 430 00:19:44,796 --> 00:19:45,996 (crowd laughing) 431 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,137 - Gordie! - (cheering) 432 00:19:52,138 --> 00:19:54,272 Hi! 433 00:19:55,504 --> 00:19:57,570 Gordon! Are you gay? 434 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,670 No! That's Nelson. 435 00:19:59,671 --> 00:20:02,137 You really have to start telling people apart. 436 00:20:02,138 --> 00:20:04,238 (crowd laughing) 437 00:20:07,738 --> 00:20:10,137 How'd it go? You dump? 438 00:20:10,138 --> 00:20:13,637 - No. Got dumped. You date? - Nope. Got dumped. 439 00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:16,004 Beckett, why can't we find anybody?! 440 00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:18,371 In your case, I have no idea. 441 00:20:18,372 --> 00:20:21,304 For me, I can't stop turning these little annoying things 442 00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,137 into huge deal breakers. 443 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,137 - Everybody's gonna be annoying. - Yeah. 444 00:20:25,138 --> 00:20:28,171 Love is finding that person who annoys you the least. 445 00:20:28,172 --> 00:20:32,238 I like that... I wouldn't embroider it on a pillow. 446 00:20:33,471 --> 00:20:35,670 To finding the least annoying person. 447 00:20:35,671 --> 00:20:37,438 Yeah. 448 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,438 Mm. 449 00:20:42,705 --> 00:20:44,737 I'm sorry. Does that bother you? 450 00:20:44,738 --> 00:20:46,937 (crowd laughing) 451 00:20:46,938 --> 00:20:48,470 Not at all. 452 00:20:48,471 --> 00:20:51,238 - (burping) - Yeah, that bugs me a little. 453 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,060 (knocking at the door) All right if I come in? 454 00:20:58,061 --> 00:21:00,793 I just wanted to make sure you haven't turned this into a bath house. 455 00:21:00,794 --> 00:21:03,793 Yeah, okay, I deserve that. Yeah. 456 00:21:03,794 --> 00:21:05,893 Homofying Manion's was stupid. 457 00:21:05,894 --> 00:21:08,325 (crowd laughing) 458 00:21:08,326 --> 00:21:11,859 I can't stand to see you getting married. I mean, have you learned nothing from me? 459 00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:14,492 Dave, we had a lot of good times, 460 00:21:14,493 --> 00:21:16,759 but we can't stay those guys forever. 461 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,626 - Yes, we can! We're rich! - (crowd laughing) 462 00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:23,626 Look, I just want to settle down. 463 00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:26,526 Have kids. And when I get married, 464 00:21:26,527 --> 00:21:28,659 I want you to be my best man. 465 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:31,659 - Really? - Yeah. 466 00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:34,259 I'll be honest, I was kind of hoping you'd say that. 467 00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,959 In fact, I've already started planning the wildest stag party ever! 468 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,626 I expect nothing less. 469 00:21:38,627 --> 00:21:41,192 - Okay. - Just promise me one thing: 470 00:21:41,193 --> 00:21:43,592 - No strippers. - Oh! 471 00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:46,459 Of course not! Come on! 472 00:21:46,460 --> 00:21:48,492 (chuckling) 473 00:21:48,493 --> 00:21:51,727 (crowd laughing) 474 00:21:54,527 --> 00:21:55,850 No strippers. 475 00:21:55,851 --> 00:21:59,993 I promise, no strippers. None. 476 00:21:59,994 --> 00:22:02,093 What's... 477 00:22:02,094 --> 00:22:04,473 It's, uh, nothing man. I love you, man! 478 00:22:04,474 --> 00:22:06,802 I do not approve of your lifestyle! 479 00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:07,820 (crowd laughing) 480 00:22:07,821 --> 00:22:11,029 You know being gay may be a choice but marriage definitely... 481 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:12,853 - (crowd laughing) - It's the other way around? 482 00:22:12,854 --> 00:22:14,902 - Something like that. - (crowd laughing) 483 00:22:15,138 --> 00:22:17,803 Yes, being gay is a choice... 484 00:22:19,018 --> 00:22:22,307 Subtitles by awaqeded www.addic7ed.com 485 00:22:22,357 --> 00:22:26,907 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37520

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