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1
00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:05,466
All right, everybody back.
Wounded commander coming through.
2
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:08,066
Oh, come on, Bryce.
It's nothing. Just guide me
3
00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:11,267
to my office through the blinding
white pain where I will quietly die.
4
00:00:11,268 --> 00:00:14,033
- Dad, what happened?
- He was playing in the firm's
5
00:00:14,034 --> 00:00:17,000
celebrity golf tournament and
there was a 3-wood accident
6
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:19,499
- on the 14th hole.
- Oh, that was no accident.
7
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,499
Wayne Gretzky did that deliberately.
8
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:26,133
Said I looked at his daughter funny. I did.
9
00:00:26,134 --> 00:00:28,933
- Sir, you really should go home.
- I can't.
10
00:00:28,934 --> 00:00:32,432
The McSchnitzels from Germany are coming
in today. Do you know how many Oktoberfests
11
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:36,599
and Kraftwerk tribute bands I had to sit
through to get a chance at this account?
12
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,933
Oh, Jane Fonda, that hurts!
13
00:00:39,934 --> 00:00:41,799
Jane Fonda?
14
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,166
Yeah, it's a condition.
Whenever he's in intense pain,
15
00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:47,200
he screams out the name of
female stars he has the hots for.
16
00:00:47,201 --> 00:00:49,766
Yeah, but don't worry. I
can work through the pain.
17
00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:52,666
Oh... Courtney Cox!
18
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:55,933
When I was 10, I dropped
a bowling ball on his toe,
19
00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:58,566
and my entire birthday
party heard him scream out,
20
00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:03,133
"Goldie Hawn on a pogo stick!" Ugh.
21
00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,833
Wow, that was great.
22
00:01:04,834 --> 00:01:06,599
Now get Dave to say,
23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,699
"Roseanne Barr on a trampoline!"
24
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:14,267
Fill the lens
25
00:01:14,268 --> 00:01:16,200
With all your friends
26
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:22,833
Oh now is forever
27
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:25,733
Come on fill the lens
28
00:01:25,734 --> 00:01:27,967
With all your friends
29
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,614
Subtitles by awaqeded
---- addic7ed.com ----
30
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,433
Wow. You're late for work.
31
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,366
Yeah, because I couldn't
find any clean underwear.
32
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,600
Not even the pair that says, "perfect ass".
33
00:01:38,601 --> 00:01:41,133
Yeah, I'm actually
wearing those. At least on me
34
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,433
someone's gonna get a chance to see them.
35
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:45,199
Stop taking my underwear,
36
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,600
and stay away from my laundry quarters.
37
00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:49,767
- I paid you back.
- Yes, but the washing machine
38
00:01:49,768 --> 00:01:51,733
wouldn't accept your post-dated cheque.
39
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:54,600
Well, you better wish me luck,
40
00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:57,566
because I am going down
to face the lint monster.
41
00:01:57,567 --> 00:01:59,099
Lint monster?
42
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,099
There's this one pig who has a plot
43
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,500
to never clean out the lint
trap. It's this creepy shade
44
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:04,999
of Cheeto-fingers orange.
45
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,666
Wait... have you tried
calling the laundry police?
46
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:12,166
Oh, wait, they don't exist,
because that's just crazy.
47
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:15,099
Mock me all you want, but I
am not letting this go, Beckett.
48
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,133
The lint monster will be defeated.
49
00:02:17,134 --> 00:02:20,467
Well, I'm off to face
the subway minotaur.
50
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,433
Hey, man! How's my favourite
51
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:28,899
charming most-handsome writer today?
52
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,199
He's having trust issues
because he has friend
53
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,733
who sucks up to him every time
he wants him to do something.
54
00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:38,233
I'm speaking at our old HS...
that's short for high school.
55
00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:39,733
Sure.
56
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:41,899
And I, uh, need you
to write me a speech.
57
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,466
Something... languagey.
58
00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:47,966
- You know that's not a word?
- I did not.
59
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,324
- I don't know, man. I'm pretty busy.
- Oh, come on!
60
00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:51,944
You remember in the 10th
grade when you forgot
61
00:02:51,945 --> 00:02:54,166
your sandwich and I
gave you half of mine?
62
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:56,466
And you said, "Thanks, I owe ya".
63
00:02:56,467 --> 00:03:00,366
Damn it. I knew that was gonna
come back to bite me in the ass.
64
00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:04,333
Now, I want this speech
to be called... Iron Man.
65
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:05,932
I think that's already taken.
66
00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:08,999
OK, then Iron Man 2.
Just make me sound awesome!
67
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,932
Sweet Valerie Bertinelli!
68
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:15,433
What's going on with your dad?
69
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:18,066
Ugh, he's a stubborn idiot
who won't take painkillers
70
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,433
because he's afraid it'll
"put him off his game".
71
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,999
Oh. Well, if his game is
Random Celebrity Shout-out,
72
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,266
don't worry, he's way ahead on points.
73
00:03:26,267 --> 00:03:29,867
- Parker Posey!
- Ding!
74
00:03:29,868 --> 00:03:33,999
Anyway, he refuses to take his medication,
so I had to find another way to help him.
75
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,299
Frozen yogurt
76
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,733
- with Demerol happy sprinkles.
- Oh.
77
00:03:39,734 --> 00:03:41,899
It's a shame they don't
have a Hallmark card
78
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,633
for the first time a
daughter dopes up her dad.
79
00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:46,133
(She laughs.)
80
00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:49,500
Who said it was the first time?
81
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,800
- (Dave groaning)
- Hey, Dad.
82
00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:54,133
- Hey.
- How are you feeling?
83
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,066
I've shouted out the
name of every guest star
84
00:03:56,067 --> 00:04:01,600
from The Love Boat, including Charo twice.
85
00:04:01,601 --> 00:04:03,800
But look, if you're here to
try and talk me into taking
86
00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:06,700
some sort of medication, just
forget about it, all right?
87
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:09,266
I'm not gonna do it.
Dave Lyons is a warrior,
88
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:11,833
a fighter, the manliest of men!
89
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,833
Oh! Frozen yogurt with
white chocolate sprinkles!
90
00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:16,500
Gimme, gimme, gimme! Gimme. Ohhh.
91
00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:19,867
Oh, I love frozen yogurt. Ah...
92
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,700
Ah... Ahhh!
93
00:04:21,701 --> 00:04:25,299
Katie Couric! Oh!
94
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,233
Mmm! Oh, this is so good.
95
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:31,099
It's like I'm getting
butterfly kisses on my brain.
96
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:34,233
Oh-ho-ho, this is
better than drugs.
97
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:36,266
Or exactly as good.
98
00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:38,299
Mmm.
99
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:41,400
Anyway, I'm working on
entrance walks for my speech.
100
00:04:41,401 --> 00:04:45,066
Which one do you like best?
There's the wink and then the point.
101
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:48,333
Then there's the point and then the wink.
102
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:50,899
(cell phone ringing)
103
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,932
Hey, Abby. What's up?
104
00:04:52,933 --> 00:04:54,433
Oh, thank God you answered.
105
00:04:54,434 --> 00:04:56,500
We're practicing
entrance walks over here.
106
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:59,867
There's the wink and the gangster strut.
107
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:05,233
[Beckett,]
108
00:05:05,234 --> 00:05:07,034
The lint monster is back!
109
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,500
Uh, yes. And unlike every other monster
110
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:18,166
in the history of fiction, its one weakness
is cleaning the lint trap. Bye-bye.
111
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:20,266
[It is about more than that, Beckett.]
112
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:22,966
It is about disrespect.
Disrespecting your neighbours.
113
00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,867
And plus, it is just... yuck!
114
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,966
There's, like, the
wink and then the gun.
115
00:05:27,967 --> 00:05:30,199
Then there's, like, the
wink and then the nod.
116
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,700
What's up?
117
00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:34,733
Look, Abby, I have very
important work to do over here.
118
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:37,299
Hey, you got any without the wink?
119
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:39,366
The wink is the glue.
120
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,833
Have you never walked in anywhere?
121
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,633
[Please, Beckett,]
122
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,333
I can't do this alone.
123
00:05:45,334 --> 00:05:48,600
All right, fine. Hey, Gordon,
what are you doing right now?
124
00:05:48,601 --> 00:05:51,966
Right now? Watching Nelson walk.
125
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,466
When he winks,
126
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,633
I feel like I'm in on something.
127
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:57,700
Can you go and help my roommate?
128
00:05:57,701 --> 00:06:00,932
Abby has this crazy lint
conspiracy thing going on.
129
00:06:00,933 --> 00:06:03,533
- Belly button lint?
- Dryer.
130
00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:06,767
It's not my area of lint-spertise.
131
00:06:06,768 --> 00:06:11,166
But I love a challenge.
132
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:15,366
OK, lint specialist
on the way. Good luck.
133
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,099
Any update on sir?
134
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:19,600
Oh, my Shakira!
135
00:06:19,601 --> 00:06:21,467
He's not great.
136
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,968
Drastic times call for drastic measures.
137
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:32,966
Ah, Geena Davis, somebody kill me!
138
00:06:32,967 --> 00:06:36,867
Sir, I hate to see you like this.
Will you please take a painkiller?
139
00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:40,133
Why is everybody around here
trying to coddle me, all right?
140
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:42,133
I can play through the
pain. For God's sakes,
141
00:06:42,134 --> 00:06:44,500
I won the Tour de France 7 times in a row
142
00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:46,767
without taking drugs!
143
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,700
I believe that was Lance Armstrong.
144
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:54,566
Oh, that's probably why
they took back my medals.
145
00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:57,833
Ah! David Bowie!
146
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,066
What? The man is beautiful!
147
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:02,867
- Oh, oh! Sir.
- What?
148
00:07:02,868 --> 00:07:05,767
Were you gargling with hotdog water?
149
00:07:05,768 --> 00:07:07,899
- Is it bad?
- Uh-huh.
150
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,600
I can't tell if I have bad
breath, or if my hand stinks.
151
00:07:11,601 --> 00:07:14,533
Well, maybe just to be sure,
why don't you have a mint?
152
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,433
Oh, good idea. OK.
153
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,500
A mint! A mint! I said have A mint!
154
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,467
I'll pay you for them!
155
00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:28,066
Spotted the hipster in
415. He only wears plaid,
156
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:31,932
so it can't be him. OK,
that leaves it down to...
157
00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:33,566
pretentious film student,
158
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:37,932
or hairy guy with bike clips on his pants.
159
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,533
(knocking on door)
160
00:07:39,534 --> 00:07:41,867
- Who is it?
- Gordon Woolmer.
161
00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:44,034
I'm here about the lint.
162
00:07:45,801 --> 00:07:48,466
Get inside. It is not
safe to talk out there!
163
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,433
It isn't? I just did!
164
00:07:50,434 --> 00:07:52,899
Oh, my God. I'm doing it again.
165
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,968
I'm doomed!
166
00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:58,767
It's pretty good.
167
00:07:58,768 --> 00:08:01,333
I don't get the opening joke, though.
168
00:08:01,334 --> 00:08:03,701
That's just you saying
you're happy to be there.
169
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,533
OK. Now I get it.
170
00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:10,899
That IS funny! Ah!
171
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:14,932
OK, about the speech,
um... very compelling.
172
00:08:14,933 --> 00:08:19,099
What a variety of, uh... words.
173
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:20,500
So, you really like it?
174
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:23,066
Well, you think it might be a bit, uh...
175
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:26,133
Hmm, what's the word? Braggydoshish?
176
00:08:26,134 --> 00:08:30,867
Uh... nope, that's not the word...
or even a word.
177
00:08:30,868 --> 00:08:33,400
Anyway, I'm gonna need you
to do a whole other pass here.
178
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:36,500
Really? 'Cause I kinda
feel like I nailed it.
179
00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:38,800
(Nelson laughs.) You did not.
180
00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:41,357
OK, well, I have a lot
of work to do, so...
181
00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:42,867
Oh, but you have time
182
00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:45,966
to mooch half my veal
sandwich in the 10th grade?
183
00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:49,367
I can't wait to read it when it's good!
184
00:08:51,134 --> 00:08:53,666
OK, the Germans will
be here soon, and my dad
185
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,233
- is finally ready to go.
- Yep, he's primed for action.
186
00:08:57,234 --> 00:09:00,299
- Thanks to me.
- Yep, thanks to... What?
187
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:03,400
I sprinkled a double dose of
pain killers on his frozen yogurt.
188
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:07,032
You ninny! Medicating
your father is my job.
189
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:09,333
I gave him pain killers and
told him they were breath mints!
190
00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:10,101
You what?!
191
00:09:10,127 --> 00:09:13,192
He's going to be stoned
like a biblical whore.
192
00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:20,666
Oh, my God, we're too late.
193
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,299
Hey, sugar pumpkin.
194
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,400
Oh, and hi, Stephanie.
195
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,966
Why is my desk on the wall?
196
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:34,233
Sir, the McSchnitzels
will be here in 15 minutes!
197
00:09:34,234 --> 00:09:38,333
- No way that's a real name.
- You've got to pull yourself together!
198
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:41,032
I'm fine, I'm fine. I feel good.
199
00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:43,032
Dad, are you sure you
don't want me to handle this?
200
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:46,600
Oh, don't be silly, butter eyes.
201
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:49,133
I told you I can work through the pain.
202
00:09:49,134 --> 00:09:53,233
Although there's this weird thing:
I can see around corners now.
203
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:58,999
That's because Bryce slipped
painkillers into your breath mints.
204
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,999
No, it's because Stephanie
sprinkled painkillers onto your yogurt!
205
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,166
Oh, might be because I've been
self-medicating with whiskey all day.
206
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:07,500
- You have?
- Of course I have!
207
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:10,466
How do you think I was going to work
through the pain? Strength of character?
208
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:12,899
All right, Bryce, we're gonna
need coffee... strong coffee.
209
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,867
I'm talking mother-lifting-
a-car-off-her-baby strong. All right,
210
00:10:16,868 --> 00:10:18,400
let's see. Let's see.
211
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:21,500
If we add together the potency
of the drugs and the alcohol,
212
00:10:21,501 --> 00:10:22,999
subtract the caffeine,
213
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,333
take into account the
speed of my blood flow,
214
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,999
I think I should have about 45 minutes
215
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,899
before I pass out for the next 72 hours.
216
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,433
OK, then, no, that's perfect.
That gives you just enough time
217
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,433
to land the client, and
then you can take 3 days off.
218
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,600
- Yes, exactly.
- Here you go, sir.
219
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,633
- Ah, thank you, Bryce.
- (phone ringing)
220
00:10:39,634 --> 00:10:41,600
Oh, hold on. Oh. Hello?
Yeah, this is Dave Lyons.
221
00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:43,855
Oh. Oh, no, that's fine.
No, that's perfectly
222
00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:46,867
understandable. Well,
we'll see you then.
223
00:10:46,868 --> 00:10:49,500
That was the Germans.
They're stuck in traffic.
224
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:52,333
They're going to be an hour late.
225
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:57,266
I can't help but feel that secretly
drugging you was partly our fault.
226
00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:59,266
Oh, sweetie, don't worry about it.
227
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,733
You know what? This kind
of reminds me of that time
228
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:04,666
that you and Bryce drugged my frozen yogurt
229
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:07,833
and my mints, and those
Germans were coming.
230
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,133
Man, if we could get through
a zany caper like that,
231
00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:13,099
we can get through anything.
232
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,267
No, Dad, that's all happening right now.
233
00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:19,172
Oh... we're doomed.
234
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:25,233
Do not fall asleep.
You cannot fall asleep!
235
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:27,233
It's a no-go on rescheduling the meeting.
236
00:11:27,234 --> 00:11:29,566
The McSchnitzels won't be
our way for another 6 months.
237
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,866
Aww, baby, I am so proud of you.
238
00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:35,133
Daddy loves you.
239
00:11:35,134 --> 00:11:38,632
Daddy loves his baby girl.
240
00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:40,666
Ah.
241
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:44,300
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bryce.
242
00:11:44,301 --> 00:11:47,933
I can't feel my face!
243
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:50,233
Get somebody in here to find
out if I still have a face.
244
00:11:50,234 --> 00:11:51,933
Yes, I'll get right on that, sir.
245
00:11:51,934 --> 00:11:53,800
Yes. Yes, let's get right on that.
246
00:11:58,101 --> 00:12:00,133
Here it is. I went back,
247
00:12:00,134 --> 00:12:02,933
did some rewrites, added some jokes,
248
00:12:02,934 --> 00:12:05,634
had a little fun with it.
I think you'll like it.
249
00:12:07,401 --> 00:12:10,467
Yeah, listen. Um, I
think I'm gonna hand it over
250
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,733
to this guy for some punch-up.
251
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:16,467
A, that's a little insulting.
You don't even know his name.
252
00:12:16,468 --> 00:12:19,367
And B, Glasses here is our accountant.
253
00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:25,233
I thought Crocs and Dress
Socks was our accountant.
254
00:12:25,234 --> 00:12:28,200
You know what? Go
ahead, give it to Glasses.
255
00:12:28,201 --> 00:12:31,499
I don't care. You can give it to Crocs
and Dress Socks, Spits When He Talks,
256
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,499
or Farts When She Walks, because I'm done!
257
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,733
All right, come on!
258
00:12:35,734 --> 00:12:37,599
Hang on a second.
259
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,599
What about that time in college
260
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,599
when I brought home that pizza
and I hooked up you with a slice
261
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,566
and you said, "Thanks, I owe ya"? I
don't remember getting a slice back.
262
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,866
All right, you get one more
draft, and then when I'm done,
263
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,900
I am clear of all food-related debt.
264
00:12:52,633 --> 00:12:54,367
Hey, Questlove.
265
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,133
How are you at writing speeches?
266
00:12:59,134 --> 00:13:01,499
I can't try, but I
haven't written a speech
267
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:05,434
since my valedictorian address at Harvard.
268
00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:11,534
Really sounds like more of
a job for Glasses over there.
269
00:13:14,334 --> 00:13:16,433
The monster is in the trap.
270
00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:18,566
Repeat: the monster is in the trap.
271
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:20,799
[The mustard is on the shirt.]
272
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,166
[Repeat: the mustard is on the shirt.]
273
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,632
- What's that code for?
- Code?
274
00:13:25,633 --> 00:13:28,833
I got mustard on my shirt!
275
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:31,400
Damn it, Gordon! You made
me take my eyes off of him!
276
00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:34,666
Oh.
277
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:37,632
Oh, damn it! It's the wrong guy!
278
00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:40,566
Oh, I really thought we had him this time.
279
00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:44,166
Now that the laundry room is empty,
can we deal with this mustard stain?
280
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:47,133
It's time to go back
into the belly of the beast.
281
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:52,233
OK, but on the way, can
we stop by the laundry room?
282
00:13:52,234 --> 00:13:54,467
Dad. Dad.
283
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:56,566
- Last call.
- Oh!
284
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:59,866
- Oh.
- There you go.
285
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,899
- Oh, my God!
- What?
286
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,933
- Oh, my God!
- What?
287
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:06,699
- It's Michael Stipe!
- What?
288
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:09,833
- I love REM!
- Dad, it's R-E-M.
289
00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:13,632
I know how to spell it, sweetheart. Now,
you just shh, shh. You just shushy-pie.
290
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:17,233
I'm gonna go talk to Michael Stipe,
because I am a shiny, happy people.
291
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:19,200
- (phone ringing)
- Oh, sorry, Michael,
292
00:14:19,201 --> 00:14:20,733
I gotta take this.
293
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,532
Hello, this is Dave Lyons. Hmm?
294
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:26,899
All right, that's dandy. OK.
295
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,200
Hey, did anybody order some Germans?
296
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,599
'Cause we got a couple out in the lobby.
297
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,599
Don't move, Dad. We'll handle this.
298
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,367
OK.
299
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:39,599
He's not moving.
300
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,499
- We can handle this.
- We can totally handle this.
301
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,166
It's gonna be fine.
302
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,000
(weeping) How are we gonna handle this?
303
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:48,700
Just follow my lead.
304
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,833
- After you.
- Ugh!
305
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:57,266
- Greetings!
- And welcome to our firm.
306
00:14:57,267 --> 00:15:00,499
- I'm Stephanie, and this is Bryce.
- Guten Tag.
307
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,433
- I am Kristof McSchnitzel.
- And I am Kirsten McSchnitzel.
308
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,966
- And together we are...
- (both): The McSchnitzels.
309
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:08,799
- Of course.
- Yeah. So,
310
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,300
how about that traffic, huh?
What are you gonna do, am I right?
311
00:15:12,301 --> 00:15:16,900
Even if it just you alone on
the highway, you are the traffic.
312
00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:20,915
What are you gonna do?
313
00:15:20,916 --> 00:15:23,205
Ah, you're damned if you do,
you're damned if you don't.
314
00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:24,666
Is Herr Lyons ready to see us?
315
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:27,666
Um, about that, the's
been a little complication.
316
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,632
- Yeah, small complication.
- What kind of complication?
317
00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:33,233
He's dead.
318
00:15:33,234 --> 00:15:36,833
Dead?! Dead!
319
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:40,532
- Yes! My father is dead!
- We just talked to him 30 seconds ago.
320
00:15:40,533 --> 00:15:43,467
It was very unexpected and sudden.
321
00:15:43,468 --> 00:15:45,666
Oh, oh, oh.
322
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:50,133
Dave Lyons. Hallo,
und herzlich willkommen.
323
00:15:50,134 --> 00:15:52,133
Wait a zweiten, this man is dead?
324
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:55,300
Uh... dead... set on pleasing you!
325
00:15:55,301 --> 00:15:57,100
Exactly.
326
00:15:57,101 --> 00:16:00,699
Now, if you'll both follow me, please.
327
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,766
Dead? Really? Ugh!
328
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:05,601
Come on!
329
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:13,203
(saxophone)
330
00:16:15,134 --> 00:16:18,033
Stop playing the damn saxophone!
331
00:16:18,034 --> 00:16:20,699
The whole world is going
to hell in a laundry basket,
332
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:24,666
and all you care about is some stupid
sax you found in the boiler room!
333
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:26,233
Are you crying?
334
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:30,400
Of course I'm crying! I just
put a dryer sheet in my eyes!
335
00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:32,026
(beep)
336
00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:34,367
Don't worry, I'll make
sure to take out the lint.
337
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,033
Don't bother.
338
00:16:36,034 --> 00:16:39,767
Nobody does. Nobody ever
does, so why should you, huh?
339
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,899
That's it.
340
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,699
The lint monster isn't just 1 person;
341
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:49,566
it is the entire building.
342
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:53,566
All of those sweatpants, the
granny bras, those bath mats...
343
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:55,100
And my mustard shirt.
344
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:59,266
They all conspire together
to make that one gross orange!
345
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:02,367
- Huh.
- Well, we solved it. Ah!
346
00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:06,367
Next up, finding that jerk who keeps
leaving scientology posters on the wall.
347
00:17:08,134 --> 00:17:10,532
(cell phone ringing)
348
00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:12,833
This is the woolly mammoth.
349
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:15,599
- [Does she know anything?]
- She knows nothing.
350
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,666
Good, good.
351
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:22,200
It's time for Operation Cheeto-Fingers.
352
00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:24,599
Roger that.
353
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,666
This'll teach her to use
her own damn laundry quarters.
354
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:31,933
So long, Agent Orange. Over and out.
355
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:34,966
Being a double agent is fun.
356
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:39,333
Plus, you get to use all those passports.
357
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:42,266
Well, here you go. I
hope you like it. I know
358
00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:44,499
I totally believe in it.
359
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,699
This is an odd direction.
360
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,699
"Hey, kids. I'm the Iron Man.
361
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:52,666
I like to wink and point
at things. The end."
362
00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,333
- Uh, love the Iron Man part.
- Mm-hmm.
363
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:58,433
Really like the
wink-and-point thing,
364
00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:02,466
but the part where you crap all
over me, it's kind of abrupty.
365
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:04,471
Again, not a real word.
366
00:18:04,472 --> 00:18:06,666
I mean, if you didn't want
to do the favour for me,
367
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:09,133
- you should have just said so.
- I didn't mind doing the favour.
368
00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:11,899
I did mind feeling like an
indentured sandwich slave.
369
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:14,748
Look, I'm sorry I took you for granted.
370
00:18:14,749 --> 00:18:16,967
- I really do appreciate you.
- Really?
371
00:18:16,968 --> 00:18:18,547
- Most of the time.
- I'll take that.
372
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:19,748
All right, listen.
373
00:18:19,749 --> 00:18:21,667
What do you say we
work on this thing together?
374
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,066
Uh, I think that sounds
like a superlative idea.
375
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,899
Who's making up words now?
376
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:30,066
Hey, I got your opening walk.
377
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,099
- Slo-mo superhero.
- With a wink?
378
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,334
The wink is the glue.
379
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,567
(making sound effects)
380
00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:40,533
- I should wear a cape.
- Nope.
381
00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:42,533
- Well, how about a leotard?
- Nope.
382
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:45,166
- Oh, I know, a mask!
- What? No.
383
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,966
We are aware that your organization has
384
00:18:47,967 --> 00:18:50,066
been trying to introduce
your national delicacies
385
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,533
to the North American
market for some time now...
386
00:18:52,534 --> 00:18:55,400
become a Yankee Strudel Dandy, if you will.
387
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:59,300
- (David and Steph laugh.)
- I always like to start with a joke.
388
00:18:59,301 --> 00:19:01,667
I look forward to hearing one.
389
00:19:01,668 --> 00:19:04,366
Delightful.
390
00:19:04,367 --> 00:19:07,066
Well, maybe we should start
out with what I consider to be
391
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:08,600
a staple of your chain.
392
00:19:08,601 --> 00:19:11,267
The Mettbrotchen. Stephanie?
393
00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:18,066
Uh...
394
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,500
To your foodie,
395
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,667
a sandwich made with raw
meat and onions on bread rolls
396
00:19:22,668 --> 00:19:24,333
may not sound appealing.
397
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:27,200
But you deep fry
that thing in mayonnaise
398
00:19:27,201 --> 00:19:29,200
and call it a crispy mayo-meatwich,
399
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,766
and we'll have people
lining up around the block.
400
00:19:31,767 --> 00:19:34,067
- Stephanie?
- Right.
401
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,933
Uh, as a... as a side dish,
402
00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:44,233
we'll add Pellkartoffeln,
but call them German fries.
403
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:47,233
Ah, like French fries,
but with less surrender.
404
00:19:47,234 --> 00:19:50,133
Exactly.
405
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:53,533
If you see, this map shows that
you will be dominating Western Europe
406
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:56,266
from the Mediterranean all
the way to the Baltic sea.
407
00:19:56,267 --> 00:19:59,200
(McSchnitzels): Hmm, ja.
408
00:19:59,201 --> 00:20:00,732
(Bryce whispering)
409
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,300
Hmm? Yes, our slogan.
410
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:07,766
We suggest "For better or for Bratwurst".
411
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,933
Bryce, why don't we
show them the t-shirts?
412
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:12,166
Yes, why don't we show them
the t-shirts? Right this way.
413
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,400
Yes, let's show the Germans the t-shirts.
414
00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:16,633
Let's show the Germans the t-shirts,
415
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:20,699
show the Germans the t-shirts.
They must see our t-shirts!
416
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,466
Let's show the Germans the t-shirts.
417
00:20:23,467 --> 00:20:25,734
They must LOVE our t-shirts!
418
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:30,766
(McSchnitzels): Wunderbar!
419
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:33,400
Yes, it do believe it
will be wunderbar when you...
420
00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:36,567
Bryce, for God's sakes.
421
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,999
When you are working with DLPR.
422
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,466
And by the way, I am the DL in DLPR.
423
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:45,300
My name is Dave Lyons.
424
00:20:45,301 --> 00:20:48,300
- You have me convinced.
- Where we sign?
425
00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:51,701
- Uh, right here.
- That does it, then.
426
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:58,333
Well, I think it's gonna be
wonderful to be working with you,
427
00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:00,066
because, quite frankly,
428
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:01,633
I love you.
429
00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:03,999
I love you!
430
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,667
We all love them, sir!
431
00:21:05,668 --> 00:21:09,300
- I love you too.
- Oh, thank you, Bryce.
432
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:11,466
Thank you so much.
433
00:21:11,467 --> 00:21:14,400
Goodbye. Have a safe trip home.
434
00:21:14,401 --> 00:21:17,266
Auf Wiedersehen.
435
00:21:17,267 --> 00:21:18,966
- Auf Wiedersehen.
- Guten Tag.
436
00:21:18,967 --> 00:21:21,832
- (Dave chuckles weakly)
- Well, done, Bryce.
437
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:24,234
- Back at you.
- Yeah.
438
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,067
How much longer will he be out?
439
00:21:30,068 --> 00:21:33,167
Well, according to his own
calculations, another two and a half days.
440
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:35,232
You know, it's kind of
cute seeing him like this,
441
00:21:35,233 --> 00:21:37,800
so innocent, like a sleeping kitten.
442
00:21:37,801 --> 00:21:40,733
We should put his hand in
warm water and see if he pees.
443
00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:42,299
Ah!
444
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,266
How goes the day, team?
445
00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:46,033
Dad, that's amazing.
How are you feeling?
446
00:21:46,034 --> 00:21:47,333
I feel great, thanks for asking,
447
00:21:47,334 --> 00:21:49,532
but where the hell are
those Germans? I thought
448
00:21:49,533 --> 00:21:51,432
those people were supposed
to be punctual. I tell ya,
449
00:21:51,433 --> 00:21:53,566
they never would have kept
Poland waiting like this.
450
00:21:53,567 --> 00:21:56,618
- So, drinks at Manion's?
- Great idea.
451
00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:57,513
Yes.
452
00:21:57,534 --> 00:22:00,203
Sir?
453
00:22:00,901 --> 00:22:04,001
We should... just go.
454
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,896
What about that time in College,
when I brought home that pizza...
455
00:22:07,996 --> 00:22:09,623
and I gave you a slice...
456
00:22:09,624 --> 00:22:12,426
and you said "thanks, I owe you."
457
00:22:13,118 --> 00:22:14,289
(laughter)
458
00:22:14,290 --> 00:22:16,043
- Why am I so angry?
- What is happening?
459
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:17,439
Why am I so mad?
460
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:18,933
That is ridiculous.
461
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:19,909
Woah, man!
462
00:22:20,179 --> 00:22:26,140
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