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1
00:00:03,940 --> 00:00:06,775
Beckett! Thank God you're home.
2
00:00:06,842 --> 00:00:10,045
Well, this is the fanciest
home invasion I've ever seen.
3
00:00:10,112 --> 00:00:13,048
Never get married, all right?
One minute you're a free man,
4
00:00:13,115 --> 00:00:15,049
the next, you're sitting
at the opera with your husband
5
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,751
wondering, "why do I have
a husband who likes the opera?"
6
00:00:17,819 --> 00:00:20,054
Where's your scotch?
7
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,823
Above the fridge... At my dad's house.
8
00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:25,525
If you hurry, you can catch him
yelling at the news.
9
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,361
I thought it was supposed to
be over when the fat lady sings.
10
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,798
It's been nothing but 2 hours
of fat ladies singing.
11
00:00:30,832 --> 00:00:32,299
And it's only halftime.
12
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,335
Intermission. It's like
you don't even try to be gay.
13
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,906
I'm just glad you live close.
It's 30 deep at the bar over there.
14
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,208
- I have beer.
- Other than light beer?
15
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,876
What am I, a cowboy?
16
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,179
That's ok, I'll just drink 7 of them.
17
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,482
Sure, have as many as you like.
18
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:53,086
It's not like I spent my own
hard-earned money on them.
19
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,755
Oh. Graham just sent me
a little cat video.
20
00:00:56,789 --> 00:00:58,423
Actually, it's called a gif.
21
00:00:58,457 --> 00:01:02,160
Well, I'd like to gif it back.
I hate these things.
22
00:01:02,194 --> 00:01:04,496
I need you to take my place
at the opera.
23
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:06,765
Nelson, have the reason
I'm straight and single is
24
00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:09,668
so I don't have to go to the opera.
25
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:11,837
You'd better be nice to us. Otherwise,
26
00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:13,839
we'll move into
this neighbourhood, gentrify it,
27
00:01:13,906 --> 00:01:16,908
and then you won't be able
to afford living here.
28
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,344
Also, I'm kinda desperate. Graham has
29
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:21,746
this whole "gaycation" planned for us.
30
00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:24,015
Explain... Briefly.
31
00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:25,850
Queer beer tasting,
32
00:01:25,884 --> 00:01:27,652
rainbow flag football,
33
00:01:27,686 --> 00:01:30,455
- and an investment seminar.
- How's that gay?
34
00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:33,458
We have a lot of disposable income.
35
00:01:33,492 --> 00:01:35,693
Graham and I are so different.
36
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:38,996
I mean, I like UFC, he likes
Dancing With The Stars.
37
00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:42,133
He likes candlelit dinners,
I like eating over the sink.
38
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:46,137
- I like Lady Gaga, he loves Lady Gaga.
- Yeah.
39
00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:49,974
Hello, Nelson. Are you starring
in March of the Penguins?
40
00:01:50,008 --> 00:01:53,310
(He sighs.) Graham made me go
to the opera. It's halftime.
41
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:56,213
- Still intermission.
- I would never go to the opera.
42
00:01:56,247 --> 00:01:58,215
It is just for snooty rich people.
43
00:01:58,249 --> 00:02:00,551
- I'll give you $200 to go.
- Mm-mm.
44
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:02,553
- Three hundred?
- Sounds like a deal.
45
00:02:02,587 --> 00:02:05,889
- I would have gone to 4.
- I would have settled for 2.
46
00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:09,092
Ha! All right, so, guys' night out?
47
00:02:09,126 --> 00:02:13,397
Guys' night out. What do you say we slam
a couple of those low-carb Brewskies?
48
00:02:13,431 --> 00:02:16,633
Ok, so, guy-ish night out.
49
00:02:31,682 --> 00:02:33,683
Synced and corrected by OykuBuyuk
www.addic7ed.com
50
00:02:36,345 --> 00:02:39,080
Bryce, what is our rule
about press releases?
51
00:02:39,148 --> 00:02:41,082
They never go out without your approval.
52
00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,985
And this is why we have that rule.
53
00:02:43,052 --> 00:02:45,186
"Michael Armstrong has
acquired the services
54
00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:47,890
of pubic relations firm..." Oh, my.
55
00:02:47,924 --> 00:02:50,591
Guess it's a good thing
he doesn't work for Volvo.
56
00:02:54,096 --> 00:02:57,298
Dad, you are going to need to
expense a flame-retardant suit,
57
00:02:57,333 --> 00:03:00,468
- because I am on fire!
- Uh huh.
58
00:03:00,536 --> 00:03:02,470
You know that telecom exec, Tim Christie?
59
00:03:02,538 --> 00:03:05,040
That bratty rich guy who got
kicked off a plane because
60
00:03:05,107 --> 00:03:07,509
he wouldn't shut off his phone?
What a fool!
61
00:03:07,576 --> 00:03:09,643
- I just signed him.
- In the sense
62
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,811
of the renaissance fool, symbolic reminder
63
00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:14,981
of the hollowness of human
pretensions. Plus he's rich.
64
00:03:15,016 --> 00:03:18,118
That's great, honey,
and I know I shouldn't ask,
65
00:03:18,186 --> 00:03:20,120
because somehow I'll wind up
being less proud but...
66
00:03:20,188 --> 00:03:22,222
How'd you do it?
67
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,858
Oh, just a little thing
I call my lucky bra.
68
00:03:24,926 --> 00:03:27,194
My lucky, lucky bra.
69
00:03:27,228 --> 00:03:29,896
Well, I called it.
70
00:03:29,964 --> 00:03:31,898
Still, it's super, honey.
71
00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,768
You're probably wondering
how I know my bra is lucky.
72
00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,335
No, not wondering.
73
00:03:36,370 --> 00:03:39,338
Well, when I first put it on,
I got out of a speeding ticket.
74
00:03:39,406 --> 00:03:41,340
I don't want to talk about your bra.
75
00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:43,409
And then I found designer bag 50% off,
76
00:03:43,477 --> 00:03:45,344
and inside the bag, a lucky penny.
77
00:03:45,412 --> 00:03:48,346
I'll give you a much larger sum of
money not to talk about your bra.
78
00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:51,249
But then I saw a double rainbow.
Now, you tell me that's not lucky.
79
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:55,520
Oh, sweetie, you know, sometimes
those things are not breast-related.
80
00:03:55,555 --> 00:04:00,192
- I'll tell you the rest of my lucky-bra
stories at lunch! - Please don't.
81
00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:03,862
- Mm...
- Epic guys' night, Beck. Epic!
82
00:04:03,897 --> 00:04:06,732
I thought Graham would be mad,
but he said it was nice
83
00:04:06,766 --> 00:04:09,100
to watch the opera with someone
who wasn't muttering,
84
00:04:09,134 --> 00:04:12,904
"I hate this, I hate this, I hate this".
85
00:04:12,972 --> 00:04:17,041
Quick question: Was there a dog
in my apartment last night?
86
00:04:17,076 --> 00:04:19,410
No?
87
00:04:19,444 --> 00:04:23,414
It doesn't matter. I'm sure there's
an explanation I can live with.
88
00:04:23,448 --> 00:04:25,917
You can find out tonight.
I just have to get Abby
89
00:04:25,951 --> 00:04:28,519
to take Graham off my hands. Cool, huh?
90
00:04:28,553 --> 00:04:30,822
No! Not "cool, huh?"
91
00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:33,423
And stop being not hung over.
92
00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,425
- Boys.
- Boss.
93
00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:37,060
Look, Nelson,
94
00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:40,530
last night, it was amazing,
but I don't think
95
00:04:40,564 --> 00:04:43,166
my body can handle
another pounding like that.
96
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:48,471
I can barely walk.
97
00:04:48,506 --> 00:04:51,407
Go back to Graham, for everybody's sake.
98
00:04:51,442 --> 00:04:53,909
- Boys.
- Boss.
99
00:04:57,114 --> 00:05:01,250
- Delivery, Gordon.
- A delivery? For me?
100
00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:04,219
No, Commissioner Gordon.
101
00:05:04,254 --> 00:05:06,922
Yes, you, Gordon! Who's it from?
102
00:05:06,957 --> 00:05:11,226
It's a gift from some client. A client
with exquisite taste in chairs.
103
00:05:11,261 --> 00:05:13,628
My father's last words to me were,
104
00:05:13,663 --> 00:05:17,832
"no one will ever give you a chair".
105
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:20,401
Those were his dying words?
106
00:05:20,435 --> 00:05:24,572
No, he said it as I was leaving
his house last... Did my dad die?
107
00:05:24,606 --> 00:05:26,708
I don't know!
108
00:05:30,713 --> 00:05:33,647
Oh, my God.
109
00:05:33,682 --> 00:05:36,516
It's like I'm sitting in pudding.
110
00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:41,321
Butterscotch.
111
00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:43,724
It's the most comfortable of the puddings.
112
00:05:45,894 --> 00:05:49,096
Abby! Get in here, you crazy kid.
113
00:05:49,164 --> 00:05:51,631
Thanks for coming down. Sit down, sit down.
114
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:54,000
- Wow, you smell great!
- Thank you.
115
00:05:54,034 --> 00:05:55,935
You know, I recently changed
my conditioner from wildflower
116
00:05:55,969 --> 00:05:57,970
to lavender, and I was
very concerned, but I...
117
00:05:58,038 --> 00:05:59,471
that's fantastic.
118
00:05:59,539 --> 00:06:01,473
That is fantastic news. (He laughs.)
119
00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:04,210
Listen, let me tell you why
I called you down here today.
120
00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:08,181
You see, um, I was thinking, because you
and Graham had hung out the other day...
121
00:06:08,248 --> 00:06:10,116
you want us to hang out
again tonight, right?
122
00:06:10,184 --> 00:06:13,452
You know, you're taking all the fun
out of me conning you into this.
123
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,787
But to be honest, Graham's amazing.
124
00:06:15,855 --> 00:06:19,024
He's the super-awesome gay bff
that I've always deserved,
125
00:06:19,092 --> 00:06:22,027
and this way, you and Beckett are
free to hang out and do whatever.
126
00:06:22,095 --> 00:06:24,596
You know? You can chug beer,
you can lift weights...
127
00:06:24,663 --> 00:06:26,397
You could chug beer.
128
00:06:26,465 --> 00:06:28,666
Well, then I guess meeting adjourned.
129
00:06:28,735 --> 00:06:31,169
- We're done here!
- Yeah, I know!
130
00:06:31,204 --> 00:06:33,972
Thank you so much, sister wife. Oh! Great.
131
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,675
Hey, and lead with the lavender story.
Graham loves talking fragrances!
132
00:06:41,247 --> 00:06:43,180
Hey, Beckett, let me buy you lunch.
133
00:06:43,215 --> 00:06:46,484
I would if my belly wasn't
still so full of regret.
134
00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:48,486
It's just that I signed this new client...
135
00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:52,089
high profile, huge retainer.
It's no big deal.
136
00:06:52,157 --> 00:06:54,392
Well, it is a really big deal.
137
00:06:54,426 --> 00:06:56,361
Yeah, I heard. Congratulations.
138
00:06:56,395 --> 00:06:58,763
You can congratulate my lucky bra.
139
00:07:00,698 --> 00:07:04,869
Ok. Do you think it can hear me?
140
00:07:04,936 --> 00:07:07,237
- Hey, Stephie, what's up?
- Oh,
141
00:07:07,304 --> 00:07:09,072
I have a lucky bra!
142
00:07:09,106 --> 00:07:11,040
And I have complicated pants.
143
00:07:11,108 --> 00:07:14,077
Oh, oh, oh, oh, I gotta get this.
144
00:07:14,111 --> 00:07:17,046
- (Ringtone)
- Ah! It's my client!
145
00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:19,282
Sorry, I've just always wanted
to say that. This is
146
00:07:19,316 --> 00:07:21,684
a pretty big moment for me.
You know, it's my first call
147
00:07:21,718 --> 00:07:24,954
from a client. Damn it!
It went to voice-mail.
148
00:07:24,989 --> 00:07:27,056
Oh, well. Still a pretty big moment.
149
00:07:28,992 --> 00:07:31,927
She's fun. So,
150
00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:34,797
you ready to tie one on tonight, or what?
151
00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:37,800
Ah, looks like you guys settled
your little lovers' quarrel, huh?
152
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:39,868
Boss, you know that I'm straight.
153
00:07:39,903 --> 00:07:43,972
Yeah, no, but I also know that
sometimes these things just happen.
154
00:07:44,007 --> 00:07:46,942
Sometimes in Mexico.
155
00:07:46,976 --> 00:07:48,443
But enough about me.
156
00:07:48,477 --> 00:07:50,545
What?
157
00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:57,252
Bryce, I'm all done with this press
release. I'll need it sent out immediately.
158
00:07:57,287 --> 00:08:00,989
Uh-uh-uh-uh. Your father has to look
that over first. Those are the rules.
159
00:08:01,024 --> 00:08:03,959
I am capable of writing a simple
press release, thank you.
160
00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:06,594
Besides, I already rubbed it
on my lucky bra.
161
00:08:06,629 --> 00:08:10,465
I don't care if your bra has spell check,
it's still going through your father.
162
00:08:10,499 --> 00:08:12,634
Oh, Abby, you're still here.
163
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:16,270
- (Cell phone notification)
- Ooh. Graham invited me
164
00:08:16,305 --> 00:08:20,408
to a public-domain karaoke
contest at Manion's tonight.
165
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:22,176
You're doing a contest?
166
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,646
Have I got the bra for you.
167
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,850
- What?
- You have got to try my lucky bra.
168
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:32,353
I don't need a lucky bra.
169
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,955
I already have lucky boobs.
170
00:08:34,989 --> 00:08:37,123
You know, in some cultures,
171
00:08:37,158 --> 00:08:41,462
they breastfeed you till you're 12.
172
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:45,466
What? I'm from here.
173
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:49,436
No, you have to wear it.
I'm not taking no for an answer.
174
00:08:49,504 --> 00:08:52,005
You are going to be the karaoke queen.
175
00:08:52,039 --> 00:08:54,908
- This is completely unnecessary.
- Wow!
176
00:08:54,976 --> 00:08:58,644
- They make this look easier in the movies.
- Ok, you know what? Fine.
177
00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,914
I really need to see the press
release before it goes...
178
00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:02,548
uh, um...
179
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:06,019
W-w-what are you doing?
180
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,055
I'm just giving Abby my bra,
just taking it off for her.
181
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,924
Oh, oh, that... Well, that's, uh, that...
182
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:15,494
Why did I come out here? Um...
You know, it doesn't matter.
183
00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:17,462
You know, just do whatever you're doing.
184
00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:19,498
You know what, I'm gonna go home.
185
00:09:23,469 --> 00:09:28,240
Gordon. You know, the workday
actually ends at 5 o'clock.
186
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:31,743
It's now 5:01. You should have
been gone over an hour ago.
187
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:34,145
I would have, but I'm having my family over
188
00:09:34,179 --> 00:09:36,047
for a chair-warming party.
189
00:09:36,081 --> 00:09:40,184
Shall I bring my 7-layer
salad? Or, ooh, ambrosia?
190
00:09:40,252 --> 00:09:44,556
Sorry, it's just gonna be me,
my mom, my sister,
191
00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:46,124
and maybe my dad,
192
00:09:46,158 --> 00:09:49,428
just so I can prove to him
that I have a chair.
193
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:51,797
Well, if you're having this party here,
194
00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:54,732
you can't force me to leave. In fact,
195
00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:58,436
I'm not going anywhere.
196
00:09:58,503 --> 00:10:00,704
- Okie dokie.
- (Beep)
197
00:10:00,772 --> 00:10:03,206
Oh... That thing vibrates?
198
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:07,411
I finally know what a paint can feels like.
199
00:10:07,479 --> 00:10:09,880
Faster...
200
00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:15,419
Beautiful dreamer
201
00:10:15,453 --> 00:10:17,620
- Abby, there you are.
- Hi, Steph.
202
00:10:17,655 --> 00:10:19,122
I need my lucky bra back.
203
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:21,724
My new client Tim Christie's
stock just took a nosedive.
204
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:25,295
I need to fix this, and I cannot do it
without my lucky bra, so could you just
205
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:27,764
- give it to me, please?
- Whoa! Hey! I don't have it.
206
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:30,133
(Gasp)
Oh, my God.
207
00:10:30,201 --> 00:10:32,902
Did you lose my lucky bra?
208
00:10:32,937 --> 00:10:36,239
No. I just didn't want it,
so I left it in your desk.
209
00:10:36,274 --> 00:10:38,007
Are you insane?
210
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,709
Did you at least leave the
drawer open so it could breathe?
211
00:10:44,514 --> 00:10:47,649
Just when you thought they couldn't
get any faster or furiouser.
212
00:10:47,717 --> 00:10:49,651
Bam, there it is. Faster!
213
00:10:49,686 --> 00:10:52,188
And furiouser! This is amazing!
214
00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:54,123
Tonight, action movies and drinking.
215
00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:57,059
Tomorrow, batting cages and
drinking. The day after that...
216
00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:58,794
(Both): Drinking and drinking.
217
00:10:58,828 --> 00:11:01,429
This is amazing. I'm living the dream.
218
00:11:01,464 --> 00:11:04,132
Wait, doesn't your dream
include your husband?
219
00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:06,134
Yeah, sure. But first we have our fun,
220
00:11:06,168 --> 00:11:09,738
then me and Graham have our fun,
if you know what I mean.
221
00:11:09,772 --> 00:11:12,007
Man-on-man scrabble?
222
00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:16,612
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me
223
00:11:16,646 --> 00:11:19,280
Hello, men! Nelson,
224
00:11:19,315 --> 00:11:21,449
I love your husband.
225
00:11:21,484 --> 00:11:23,651
And we are watching a movie.
226
00:11:23,685 --> 00:11:26,254
We just went to this
public-domain karaoke contest.
227
00:11:26,322 --> 00:11:29,257
Listen, listen. They call it "Kara-hokey".
228
00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:32,027
You and Graham did karaoke?
229
00:11:32,061 --> 00:11:35,030
- That's kind of weird.
- Why is that weird? You hate karaoke.
230
00:11:35,064 --> 00:11:37,031
No, I do, and I'm glad you guys went,
231
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:40,534
but it's kind of our thing... Our thing
that I hate, but still our thing.
232
00:11:40,568 --> 00:11:43,470
My thing is watching
Vin Diesel try to act and drive
233
00:11:43,505 --> 00:11:46,540
at the same time. Spoiler alert: He can't.
234
00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:49,943
So, how did he ask you to go to karaoke?
235
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,912
Well, he texted me this morning,
236
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,714
and he told me to bring
my singing shoes, and I did,
237
00:11:54,749 --> 00:11:56,850
and we did, and it was awesome.
238
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,586
- (Ringtone)
- Oh, that's Graham's ring.
239
00:11:59,654 --> 00:12:01,755
Oh, you and Graham have a ring now?
240
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,323
Well, you know, me and
Graham have a ring too.
241
00:12:04,358 --> 00:12:06,860
It's on our fingers! Guys,
242
00:12:06,928 --> 00:12:10,697
Vin Diesel just tried to cry.
Spoiler alert: He cannot.
243
00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:13,266
(She laughs.)
Oh, he is so funny.
244
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,334
You gotta see this cat gif he sent me.
245
00:12:15,369 --> 00:12:18,037
Oh, God, that means I'm gonna
get one of those stupid things.
246
00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:20,005
- Do you want to see it?
- No, I will see it
247
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,641
when my husband sends it to me
because my husband loves me.
248
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,044
Are you sure? Because this
one is really adorable.
249
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,046
- Rawr!
- Grumpy cat!
250
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:31,084
Aw! Ten-car pileup. High 5.
251
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,152
Good night, men.
252
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,987
What?
253
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,190
Abby's stealing my cat gifs!
254
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,059
And my man!
255
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:42,294
You want to talk, don't you?
256
00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:49,373
Gordon.
257
00:12:49,407 --> 00:12:51,308
Gordon.
258
00:12:51,342 --> 00:12:53,577
Gordon!
259
00:12:53,645 --> 00:12:56,914
Bryce. I was just dreaming about you.
260
00:12:56,982 --> 00:13:01,584
You were in the rainforest,
going, "Gordon! Gordon! Gordon!"
261
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:06,623
You know, you didn't have
to stay in the chair all night.
262
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:09,659
I left at midnight when your family
started playing spin the bottle.
263
00:13:09,727 --> 00:13:13,530
And you missed my mom tucking me in.
264
00:13:13,564 --> 00:13:16,566
Hmm. (Beep)
265
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:20,269
- (Whale calls)
- Mm, I like whales.
266
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,271
- (Beep)
- Ok, that's it. You are getting
267
00:13:22,305 --> 00:13:24,507
- out of that chair right now!
- Come on!
268
00:13:24,574 --> 00:13:27,443
- I've waited all night!
- Five more minutes.
269
00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:30,379
- It's my turn! - Good morning, Bryce.
Morning, Gordon.
270
00:13:30,414 --> 00:13:32,681
Sir, Gordon is currently assaulting me.
271
00:13:32,749 --> 00:13:36,519
Only because you currently
assaulted me first.
272
00:13:36,553 --> 00:13:38,521
Look, I don't know
what this is, but I think
273
00:13:38,555 --> 00:13:41,590
I've stood here long enough
pretending to care.
274
00:13:41,624 --> 00:13:44,292
Besides, I have to clean up
my daughter's mess.
275
00:13:44,326 --> 00:13:46,294
Sometimes I think she's doing it
deliberately just 'cause
276
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:48,463
I neglected her for her entire childhood.
277
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,101
I'll have that chair.
278
00:13:53,135 --> 00:13:55,003
You can have this chair
279
00:13:55,038 --> 00:14:00,508
when you pry it from my cold, dead ass.
280
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:07,115
Well, my marriage is over.
281
00:14:07,149 --> 00:14:09,150
It's been 10 hours, and not one cat gif.
282
00:14:09,185 --> 00:14:11,652
No matter whatever was happening
between us, he would always
283
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:14,389
send me pictures of cats. I blame Abby.
284
00:14:14,423 --> 00:14:19,594
Oh, yes, how dare she actually entertain
the man she was hired to entertain.
285
00:14:19,628 --> 00:14:21,463
You don't get it.
286
00:14:21,497 --> 00:14:25,265
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a man.
287
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,767
It's God's will!
288
00:14:26,802 --> 00:14:30,204
Not a man and a man and a woman
who takes the man to things
289
00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:34,008
the other man doesn't like.
That's not in the Bible!
290
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:37,877
I don't know. You might want
to go back and reread Leviticus.
291
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,179
Ah, I should have never opened the door
292
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,782
to that little home wrecker,
that little jezebel,
293
00:14:42,817 --> 00:14:44,584
little Angelina Jolie.
294
00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:48,154
Angelina Jolie is a national treasure.
295
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,156
You gotta let this one go.
296
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,391
Really? And let my marriage die?
297
00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:54,060
Yeah, no.
298
00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:56,863
That's why I'm gonna
stake out Graham and Abby
299
00:14:56,931 --> 00:15:00,600
and destroy their beautiful
little platonic friendship.
300
00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:04,069
- Thanks for the advice, Beckett.
- Wait.
301
00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:07,072
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't want credit for this!
302
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,612
I cannot believe I let that press
release go out without reading it.
303
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,481
- Oh, don't blame yourself, dad.
- I don't.
304
00:15:15,516 --> 00:15:18,384
I never do. That's the fun of being me.
305
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,354
I can fix this. I just need
to find my lucky bra.
306
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,388
I don't know where the hell she put it!
307
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:27,125
Sweetie. Sweetie, please, stop, stop, stop.
308
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:30,195
All this stuff about
your lucky bra, it's crazy.
309
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,130
Super crazy.
310
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,232
Court-order-committed crazy.
311
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,234
I just need you to buckle down
and do the work necessary
312
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,270
to solve this problem, all right?
313
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,239
Without the aid of a lucky bra
or any other fortuitous
314
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,142
undergarment that you may have
that I don't want to hear about.
315
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,644
Yeah, you're right.
316
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,844
This whole lucky bra thing is crazy.
317
00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:48,749
Yes, it is.
318
00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:52,650
Why wasn't I born with
lucky boobs like Abby?
319
00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:55,752
Probably because your mom
smoked when she was pregnant.
320
00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:04,662
Fresh-baked muffins?
321
00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,930
Half a cup of bacon fat in every one.
322
00:16:06,998 --> 00:16:10,366
Aww. What happened to the other half a cup?
323
00:16:13,237 --> 00:16:15,938
Of course, you will
have to get out of that chair
324
00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:19,609
to step over the beam
I just nailed into the floor.
325
00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:22,011
I don't know what's more insulting:
326
00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:25,781
That you'd underestimate me, or the chair.
327
00:16:27,851 --> 00:16:29,352
Where did you get that?!
328
00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:31,554
Came with the chair.
329
00:16:34,424 --> 00:16:36,225
Ah, well, well, well.
330
00:16:36,259 --> 00:16:38,293
If it isn't Sherlock homo.
331
00:16:40,997 --> 00:16:42,598
How was your little stakeout?
332
00:16:42,665 --> 00:16:45,601
It was a disaster. You know
they went to the bookstore?
333
00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:47,703
Then they went to High Tea.
334
00:16:47,738 --> 00:16:50,806
And then they actually
went to an art gallery.
335
00:16:50,841 --> 00:16:53,109
- No.
- Yeah, they had a lovely day.
336
00:16:53,143 --> 00:16:56,111
- Well, it could have been your lovely day.
- No, it couldn't have.
337
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,613
I hate all those things.
338
00:16:57,647 --> 00:16:59,615
But that's what a relationship is:
339
00:16:59,649 --> 00:17:01,950
Doing things you hate
with someone you love.
340
00:17:01,984 --> 00:17:04,786
And you call yourself a writer.
341
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:07,589
Look, if you want to solve
this problem you think you have,
342
00:17:07,624 --> 00:17:09,725
- make an effort.
- (Cell phone notification)
343
00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:12,227
Might not have to.
This could be my cat gif.
344
00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:14,896
Aw, come on, ma. I know you love me!
345
00:17:16,832 --> 00:17:20,234
Ok, so, how does this
"doing things you hate
346
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:23,137
for someone you love" scam work exactly?
347
00:17:23,171 --> 00:17:25,673
How would I know? I'm a selfish ass.
348
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:29,943
Well, no, no. No, actually,
that was just a typo.
349
00:17:29,978 --> 00:17:34,282
No, we do... we do public relations.
350
00:17:34,316 --> 00:17:35,783
Yeah, no, no, we...
351
00:17:35,817 --> 00:17:38,952
No, we don't do any waxing of any kind.
352
00:17:38,987 --> 00:17:41,688
Well... well, good luck to you.
353
00:17:41,722 --> 00:17:45,191
- Bye.
- Stephanie! Stephanie! Stephanie!
354
00:17:45,225 --> 00:17:48,895
Well, I'm going to assume either
you have solved our problem
355
00:17:48,929 --> 00:17:51,130
or you are possessed by Bob Fosse.
356
00:17:51,165 --> 00:17:54,000
Christie crisis averted.
357
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:56,369
Oh, that's great.
I mean, how did you do it?
358
00:17:56,404 --> 00:17:58,605
Don't tell me you got him
to pay a living wage.
359
00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:01,207
(She laughs.) No, don't be ridiculous.
360
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:05,111
I did, however, convince him to
give all his employees free phones
361
00:18:05,179 --> 00:18:07,213
and issue a public statement saying that
362
00:18:07,247 --> 00:18:10,183
those who build the technology
benefit from the technology.
363
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,018
And a bunch of crap like that.
364
00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:16,055
Oh, well, then... Stephanie!
Stephanie! Stephanie!
365
00:18:16,089 --> 00:18:19,292
I'm so proud of you. So, you
don't want to disown me, then?
366
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:23,995
Oh, I'd never disown you.
It's so much paperwork.
367
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:25,697
Besides, you know what?
368
00:18:25,764 --> 00:18:27,833
We're all gonna screw up now and again.
369
00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:29,801
What's important is how you bounce back.
370
00:18:29,869 --> 00:18:33,038
Well, speaking of bouncing
back, I did it lucky braless.
371
00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:36,741
Please stop saying things like that to me.
372
00:18:36,809 --> 00:18:38,476
And I knew that you could.
373
00:18:38,544 --> 00:18:40,345
And that is why I...
374
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:44,315
Stole this from your desk last night.
375
00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,618
I can't believe I had so much
faith in magical underwear.
376
00:18:47,686 --> 00:18:50,521
I mean, what am I, a mormon?
377
00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:53,190
Well, don't beat yourself up
over it too much.
378
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:55,393
You know, when I was your age,
I had a pair of lucky underwear.
379
00:18:55,461 --> 00:18:57,328
You did? Did they work?
380
00:18:57,396 --> 00:19:00,231
Well, I was wearing them
the night I met your mother,
381
00:19:00,298 --> 00:19:03,234
and that led to you.
That was pretty good luck.
382
00:19:03,301 --> 00:19:07,304
But then I was stuck with your mother,
so I had them burned by a shaman.
383
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:12,042
Meeeeeee!
384
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,611
- (Applause)
- Wooohoo!
385
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:18,015
We have a runaway winner:
Graham Chittister!
386
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:21,017
(Woman): That was so good.
That was so good.
387
00:19:21,051 --> 00:19:24,921
He has a voice to shame God
and all of his creation.
388
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:26,456
Good job, man.
389
00:19:26,524 --> 00:19:28,859
- This contest is not over.
- Uh, yes, it is.
390
00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:31,395
We only have one trophy.
391
00:19:31,429 --> 00:19:33,397
Abby, I know I gave you my man,
392
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,399
but I'm here to take him back.
393
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:38,134
I just hope it's not too late.
I should go apologize.
394
00:19:38,202 --> 00:19:41,070
No! This is gonna be way more fun.
395
00:19:43,774 --> 00:19:47,243
Let me call you sweetheart
396
00:19:47,278 --> 00:19:50,914
I'm in love with you
397
00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:55,484
let me hear you whisper
398
00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:58,922
that you love me too
399
00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:02,558
I told him to do something he
hated, not something we'd all hate.
400
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:06,628
Keep the love light glowing
401
00:20:06,662 --> 00:20:10,132
In your eyes so blue
402
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:13,668
originally, this song had a melody.
403
00:20:13,702 --> 00:20:17,139
- New phone?
- Came with the chair.
404
00:20:17,173 --> 00:20:21,176
Keep the love light glowing
405
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,578
In your eyes so blue
406
00:20:23,612 --> 00:20:26,647
If I had known this was
how it was all going to end,
407
00:20:26,681 --> 00:20:29,516
I would never have gone out with you.
408
00:20:29,551 --> 00:20:33,087
Let me call you sweetheart
409
00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:37,325
I'm in love with you
410
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,827
- It's over.
- Bravo.
411
00:20:39,861 --> 00:20:43,530
What do you say, Graham? Will
you let me call you sweetheart?
412
00:20:43,565 --> 00:20:45,433
(Cell phone notification)
413
00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:47,368
(He chuckles.)
414
00:20:47,402 --> 00:20:50,603
Aw, that's the cutest kitty ever.
415
00:20:50,637 --> 00:20:52,205
Thanks, Graham.
416
00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:58,112
Wait.
417
00:20:58,181 --> 00:20:59,781
Why aren't you in the chair?
418
00:20:59,848 --> 00:21:03,385
I was starting to get pleasure
from keeping you out of the chair,
419
00:21:03,419 --> 00:21:07,154
and that's not how the chair
would've wanted it.
420
00:21:09,457 --> 00:21:11,158
You booby trapped it, didn't you?
421
00:21:11,193 --> 00:21:13,994
- I wouldn't do that.
- Why not? I would.
422
00:21:14,062 --> 00:21:17,030
How about if I sit in it,
and you sit on my lap.
423
00:21:17,098 --> 00:21:20,401
If there's any booby traps,
they'll get me first.
424
00:21:20,468 --> 00:21:22,769
Ok.
425
00:21:22,804 --> 00:21:26,406
But this better feel
as good as you say it does.
426
00:21:26,473 --> 00:21:31,211
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
427
00:21:31,278 --> 00:21:33,213
Are you kidding?
428
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,848
Do you have any idea how long
I've been waiting for this?
429
00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:37,750
Well, in that case,
430
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:40,119
let's kick it up a notch.
431
00:21:40,187 --> 00:21:42,121
- (Chair vibrating)
- Ah.
432
00:21:42,189 --> 00:21:44,356
Ah.
433
00:21:44,424 --> 00:21:47,025
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. It really feels good.
434
00:21:48,994 --> 00:21:52,864
Good night, Gordon!
Good night, Bryce!
435
00:21:52,932 --> 00:21:54,766
Oh, and, Bryce,
436
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:57,869
could I get an up-to-date list
of who is gay around here?
437
00:21:57,937 --> 00:22:01,872
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438
00:22:01,922 --> 00:22:06,472
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