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1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:01,958
It's over.
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,390
I... I can't believe it.
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,793
Listen, Richard, we had a great time.
4
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,593
Maybe I even loved you but times change.
5
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,677
I've got to think about me, about my life.
6
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,757
The Guardian want me to write
this pop column.
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,998
I'm going to Fuji to interview the Fugees,
Maui for Bowie, Malaga for the Gallaghers.
8
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,474
I'm going to be meeting new people.
9
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,915
'I just don't think I'll have time for you.'
10
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,912
I'm sorry but I think this is best for both of us.
11
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,076
'In the long run you'll thank me.'
12
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:37,478
'I'm meeting loads of new people and that
doesn't leave any room in my life for you.'
13
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,192
'It's over, Daisy.'
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,834
It's over... I can't...
15
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,396
I can't believe it.
16
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,074
(Phone line goes dead)
17
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:59,996
18
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,399
Rich has finished with me.
19
00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:18,552
It's hardly surprising. You were
getting off with people behind his back.
20
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,715
How come he finished with you?
21
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,757
Cos I was getting off with people
behind his back.
22
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,839
- How did he find out?
- Well, I told him. Y'know...
23
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,440
You... You told me to tell him.
24
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,600
You said it would clear the air, you know.
25
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,556
Strengthen our relationship.
26
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,639
- I didn't mean it!
- Oh, you're evil.
27
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,349
I'm not the deceiver here.
I'm not the cheating harpy!
28
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,436
You're so damaged.
29
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:50,918
Just cos Sarah hurt you, you're wreaking
your petty vengeance on womankind.
30
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,599
Yes.
31
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,159
Yes.
32
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,511
(Shouts) And I'd do it again, I tell you!
I'd do it again in an instant!
33
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,792
(Laughs manically)
34
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,998
(Smash)
35
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,717
Sorry. Sorry. So, um...
36
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,796
Are you OK?
37
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,992
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, I s'pose. I mean...
38
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:22,277
It was inevitable really. Neither of us
were giving it the time it deserved.
39
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,629
It was... It was my fault.
40
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,875
I just... I feel...
41
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,673
- Tim!
- What? You said you were fine.
42
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,631
(Knock)
43
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,516
Brian?
44
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,236
Brian?
45
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,271
(Shuts door)
46
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,317
Brian?
47
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,510
(Tuts)
48
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,791
(Door opens and closes)
49
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,831
(Crazed laughter)
50
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,516
(Creaking)
51
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,396
Er, no! Johnny!
52
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,108
Agh! Er...
53
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,071
Oh...!
54
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,190
Help me, I'm stuck.
55
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,754
"Why should I?" this, "Why should I?" that!
56
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,270
Why don't you start taking
some responsibility in your life?
57
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,232
Leave me alone!
58
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:25,793
Don't think I'm going to tidy it!
It'll remain in that state till you return!
59
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:31,233
That's if you return. Quite frankly,
I don't give two shits if you come back or not!
60
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,036
Ooh! Hello, kitten. Fancy a dab of Rioja?
61
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,758
Oh, just a splash.
62
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,273
(Birdsong)
63
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,551
- Can I borrow a tea bag?
- Only if you bring it back.
64
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:53,117
You can have a tea bag, Brian,
you can't borrow one.
65
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,231
What are you playing?
66
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,555
Tomb Raider III.
67
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,716
- (Lara Croft groans)
- She's drowning.
68
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,795
Yeah.
69
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,999
- Is that the point of the game?
- Depends what mood you're in, really.
70
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,917
What sort of mood you in, then?
71
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,350
Well, I just got a letter from my ex-girlfriend,
three months late,
72
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,470
explaining why she dumped me.
73
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,796
It was full of "You'll always be special"
and "I'll always love you" platitudes
74
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,674
designed to make me feel better
while appeasing her sense of guilt
75
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:24,475
for running off with a slimy City boy called
Duane and destroying my faith in everything.
76
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,639
- So it didn't really work, then?
- No, it made me wanna drown things!
77
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,795
You've got some paint on you.
78
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,589
It's a literal tribute
to the self-reflexivity of Rembrandt.
79
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,154
- Did he like it?
- He's dead.
80
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,109
- Bloody hell, that really backfired.
- (Lara screams)
81
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,675
Tell me all about it, kitten.
82
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,990
Split up with my boyfriend.
83
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,271
Oh, well... I can't say I'm surprised.
84
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:01,313
I heard Tim shouting at you
a couple of nights ago, I was shocked.
85
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:06,078
- What?
- "You stupid cow." Something about a key.
86
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,192
"You can't shoot straight, you big-titted bitch."
87
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,956
(Laughs) No... No, no, that was Lara Croft.
88
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,350
- Well, it sounded like Tim.
- No, it was Tim.
89
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:20,753
He was talking to Lara Croft, a video-game
character. He gets very frustrated.
90
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,877
Is that what the problem was?
91
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,276
- What do you mean?
- Is that why you split, he's got no patience?
92
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,475
Shit!
93
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:36,028
"If we pretend we're a couple,
this flat could be ours."
94
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,469
"It's madness! It'll never work!"
95
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,354
"Trust me, Tim, she'll never find out."
96
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,391
(Mocking) Trust me, Tim,
she'll never find out.
97
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,793
Shut up!
98
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,796
Think! Think, think!
99
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,354
Think. I'm thinking...
100
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,631
Could Tim and I, could we have...
Could we have...
101
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,749
There, right in front of you!
102
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,793
- A plate?
- Dog!
103
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,638
- A dog!
- Yeah, good one(!)
104
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,031
- A dog?
- A dog. A dog.
105
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,310
Cos... if we had a dog,
106
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,990
then it would help us stay together
because it would be like having a child,
107
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,874
only hairier, smaller, wilder, quicker, smellier.
(Laughs nervously)
108
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,956
I don't see why not.
109
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:24,238
Well... good.
I've always wanted a dog actually.
110
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,759
(Mimics dog's bark)
111
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:29,833
All right, mate, yeah. (Laughs)
No, I'm really looking forward to it.
112
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,428
We're going to kick some serious ass, mofo.
113
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,278
Yeah, all right, I'll see you later. Over and out.
114
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,909
(Pants like a dog)
115
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,157
Who was that?
116
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,873
It was Mike. We're going paintballing later.
117
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,480
- I thought he was banned?
- No, only for six months.
118
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,636
How does that poor accountant feel about it?
119
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,995
(Gunfire and shells whistle through air)
120
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,031
I dunno.
121
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,037
(Barks loudly)
122
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,750
- What you doing?!
- Marsha says that we can have a dog.
123
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,236
- What?!
- We can have a dog! Isn't that great?
124
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,716
(Barks and growls like a dog)
125
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,078
Stop it! What d'you want a dog for, you'll
only end up seeing other dogs on the side?
126
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,714
(Whines) Don't you want to get a dog?
127
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,832
- No.
- Why not? What are you frightened of?
128
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,440
I'm not frightened of anything,
why would I be frightened?
129
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,268
(
Roobarb and Custard Theme)
130
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,591
(Screams)
131
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,469
(Barking)
132
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,270
You're scared of them, aren't you?
133
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,198
- No.
- Yes, you are.
134
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,913
All right, I had a minor phobia
when I was a kid.
135
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,996
- How minor?
- I had to have counselling.
136
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,190
Really? Sorry.
137
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:55,598
She said I had canophobia. I thought
"Great, now I'm frightened of bamboo too."
138
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,154
- How many times did you go?
- Three or four.
139
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,395
It started to work, you know.
140
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,591
She said I had as much chance
of being struck by lightning
141
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,631
as I had of being bitten by a dog.
142
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,191
So... what's the problem?
143
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:12,392
Well, I was leaving the practice one day,
feeling really well-adjusted and happy,
144
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,910
and this fucking great Alsatian
came haring down the road towards me,
145
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,953
jaws slung with bloody slaver, eyes lit by
the fires of Hades' eternal damned kingdom.
146
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,319
It leapt into the air,
147
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,831
I remember thinking "This is it,
I'm seven years old and this is the end."
148
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,713
Fortunately, Lady Luck
was smiling at me that day.
149
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,990
- What happened?
- I got struck by lightning.
150
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,430
- What?!
- It hurt but it scared the shit out of the dog.
151
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,234
- Now you're scared of dogs and lightning?
- And bamboo.
152
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,196
It's funny, really.
153
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,391
I always really wanted a dog
when I was... little.
154
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,590
But I wasn't allowed one.
155
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,675
Really?
156
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,359
(Barking)
157
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,996
Play with me!
158
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,712
Oh, please play with me, please!
159
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,116
I don't know, Daisy.
160
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,755
Look, I know I've sprung this on you,
you know?
161
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,998
If you don't like it, I'll understand. But...
162
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,634
I really need this, you know?
163
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:16,992
I mean... I'll do everything for it, you know?
164
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:22,394
I'll feed it and I'll walk it
and I'll... I'll change its little hutch.
165
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,591
And if you still don't like it, then, well...
166
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,637
we'll kill it.
167
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,431
- All right.
- Wahoo!
168
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,233
- But not a big one.
- All right. (Growls) Sorry!
169
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,670
Sorry, sorry. It could be good for you,
it could be the turning point.
170
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,915
It might help you conquer your fear.
171
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,155
Stop trying to get your own way
172
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,670
by turning everything into a psychodrama
that somehow benefits me, OK?
173
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,998
I am my own person. I will deal with
my problems in whatever way I see fit.
174
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,508
Aagghh! Get away from me!
175
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,677
Heads and tails,heads and tails, heads and tails
176
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,957
Heads and tails,
heads and tails, heads and tails
177
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,751
(Barking)
178
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,791
I can't believe you brought me here.
179
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,308
- It's great, isn't it?
- It smells.
180
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,237
- Twist!
- It smells.
181
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,554
- Hi!
- Hello.
182
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,630
I'm Daisy Steiner, this is my friend, Twist.
183
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,148
- Twist.
- Mm. My parents were hippies.
184
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,634
I see. What can I do for you?
185
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,840
- We'd like to buy a dog.
- You'd like to buy a dog.
186
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,871
Yes, I'd like to buy a dog.
187
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,197
Yes, erm... there.
188
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,431
Have you owned a dog before?
189
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,311
Mm... sort of.
190
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,396
Sort of?
191
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,113
(
Animal Magic Theme)
192
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,915
Come on, boy!
193
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,032
(Whispers) No.
194
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,633
Now, I want you to think very carefully
before you choose a dog.
195
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:54,993
Can I afford to keep it? Will I be able
to take it for walks twice a day, if not more?
196
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,600
Can I give it a secure, loving home?
197
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,431
Um...
198
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,039
yes.
199
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,269
(Sneezes)
200
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,311
(
Military drumming)
201
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,552
OK, number one, don't eat the paintballs.
202
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,633
Number two, this is just a game.
203
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,753
If you take it too seriously,
you're only gonna be hurting yourself.
204
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,074
It's not war,
205
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,439
it's just an exercise
in teamwork and tactics.
206
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,517
You go too far, you will get banned.
207
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:28,591
Eh!
208
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,597
Groovy!
209
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,512
Shit.
210
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,755
Oh!
211
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,555
(Daisy) Oh.
212
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,194
He's been with us a while now.
213
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,834
- (
Dance Of The Suger Plum Fairy)
- It's his last day here.
214
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,075
Why, somebody bought him?
215
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,509
Dogs only stay with us for a limited period.
216
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:53,838
- Where do they go after that?
- Heaven?
217
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,996
A gay club?!
218
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,713
No, Miss Steiner. We put them down.
219
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,473
All of them.
220
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,709
No!
221
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,751
(Daisy wails)
222
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,030
No! No! No!
223
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,239
Come on, Colin,
we're taking you away from this place!
224
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,840
- Colin?
- That's what I called my box.
225
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,871
(
Military drumming)
226
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,270
Hi, Dom, yeah. This is Duane Benzie.
227
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:34,677
This is Duane Benzie. (Echoes)
How you doing?
228
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,071
(
Baywatch Theme)
229
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,551
(Laughter)
230
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,079
Tim, your girlfriend's very beautiful.
231
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,111
(Laughs nervously)
232
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,237
(
Psycho Theme)
233
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,391
Tim, hi. I didn't expect to see you here.
234
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,352
You never struck me as the outdoor type.
235
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,469
What?
236
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,353
That reminds me.
You left some stuff at the flat.
237
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,960
Well, I think it's your stuff.
238
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,197
The bag was full of comics and toys.
239
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,439
I was thinking maybe I'd drop it round
in the car, save you the trip.
240
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,751
You stole my girlfriend.
241
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,477
(Sighs) Tim, now come on.
242
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,711
I didn't want it to be like this.
243
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,719
It wasn't meant to be personal.
You don't choose who you fall in love with.
244
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,591
When you get that feeling, it's like...
245
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:45,031
- (Huskily) Sexual.
- Like a force beyond your control.
246
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,270
You know what they say about love and war?
247
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:52,110
Yeah, one involves a lot of physical and
psychological pain and the other one's war.
248
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,799
Talking of which, what team are you on,
A or B?
249
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,831
Er, we're B.
250
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:02,033
Me too.
Looks like we'll be fighting side by side.
251
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,035
Who knows, maybe that's what we need.
252
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,231
(Mimics gun going off)
253
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,751
Later.
254
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,432
I've rehearsed that moment a thousand times.
255
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,836
- Is that the first time you've seen him since...
- Yes.
256
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,108
I think I was pretty cool.
257
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:27,199
I could have flown off the handle, smashed
his face in, set fire to him, but I didn't.
258
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:31,074
- What will you do when you see him next?
- I'm gonna set fire to him.
259
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,711
(Coos) Hello! Hello! Hello!
260
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,833
Ahh! Now, you stay there! You stay there!
261
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,314
Mummy's going to make a cup of tea.
262
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,239
Ahh! We're gonna be best friends.
We're gonna have such fun.
263
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,989
Ahh! Do you want something to eat?
- Yes, please.
264
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,709
- Where is it, then?
- (Gasps)
265
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,432
The little dog?
266
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,671
(Squeaks)
267
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,991
The bandanna, isn't it?
It makes me look stupid.
268
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,998
- Ahh!
- Do you want me to take it off?
269
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,953
- C-Colin.
- No, Daisy, it's Brian.
270
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,150
I think you're sitting on my dog.
271
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,037
Oh, my God.
272
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,072
Look, I'll count to three...
273
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,751
and then stand up.
274
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,030
- OK?
- I can't watch.
275
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,559
One...
276
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,033
two...
277
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,430
three.
278
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,879
Go! Go! Go!
279
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,834
Agh! (Laughs manically)
280
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,312
- The flag's to the northwest.
- How do you know?
281
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,395
I've just seen it.
282
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,273
- Oh, this is so exciting!
- Is this your first time, kid?
283
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,356
- I'm 36.
- Is this your first time, old man?
284
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,073
Yeah. I've always fancied myself
as a bit of a soldier.
285
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,111
- I've always fancied myself.
- I've always fancied you.
286
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,149
Not here.
287
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,111
- Have you ever done this before?
- You could say that.
288
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,559
What do you mean?
289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:05,037
Let's just say the last time I was in this
situation, I wasn't using a paintball gun.
290
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,514
You've seen combat? Where?
291
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,551
Erm... on the television.
292
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,115
You said the last time you were
in this situation you didn't use a paintball gun.
293
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,151
- He didn't.
- What did you use?
294
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,077
It was a big stick.
295
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,236
- I'm going for the flag.
- You shouldn't do that.
296
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,352
We're deep in enemy territory,
we've got to choose our moment carefully.
297
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,757
This place is swarming with A's, they're
not just in the jungle, they are the jungle.
298
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,836
What do you think this is, Vietnam?
299
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,110
Yeah.
300
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,431
Son of a bitch!
301
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,595
He didn't mean it! He didn't mean it!
You didn't mean it.
302
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,438
Say (High voice) "I didn't mean it, Colin."
303
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,031
- I didn't mean it, Colin.
- No, like I said it.
304
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,671
(High voice) I didn't mean it, Colin.
305
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,711
There. Yes, good boy!
306
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,031
He's beautiful.
307
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,116
Reminds me of my own dog, Pompom.
308
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,835
- I didn't know you had a dog.
- As a child, yeah.
309
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,553
Used to spend hours
playing together in the garden.
310
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,593
I'd dress him up in period costumes
and take amusing photographs.
311
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,631
Loved him so much.
312
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,796
It was tragic, really.
313
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,519
Why?
314
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,915
One day we were playing in the street,
315
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:27,397
I was taking some pictures of him
dressed as an Elizabethan merchant.
316
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,478
Suddenly, something caught his eye.
317
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,309
Maybe it was a stray tomcat
318
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,750
or a brightly coloured ball
bouncing out of sight,
319
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,995
or maybe the stick I threw.
320
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,918
He ran out into the main road,
321
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,038
exploded under an articulated lorry.
322
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,511
He blew up?
323
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:55,715
No, the weight of the truck on his frail body
burst him like a cheap party balloon,
324
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,149
sending his ruff forty feet into the air.
325
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,511
There, you see?
326
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,909
Such vibrant colours.
327
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,519
(Groaning)
328
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:13,190
That paintball was meant for me,
he's made this personal.
329
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,231
He made it personal
when he slept with your girlfriend.
330
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,111
Now he's made it more personal.
331
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,196
Doesn't get more personal
than sleeping with your girlfriend.
332
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,593
For Christ's sake, Mike!
333
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,632
Have you ever considered thinking about
what you're gonna say before you say it?
334
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,468
Perhaps you could set up a checkpoint
to vet your thoughts for insensitivity.
335
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,911
You hate me. You're only going out with me
cos of what happened when we were little.
336
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,439
Oh!
337
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,399
Mike!
338
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,155
Mike?
339
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,512
Mike!
340
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,313
You know, Daisy,
this is gonna be a big responsibility.
341
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:52,352
Dogs are like kids: Want, want, want.
342
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,473
He is a little life.
343
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,150
He has needs.
344
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,159
I know, Marsha, I do, I really do.
345
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,079
I'm not just gonna discard him
as soon as he's served his purpose.
346
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:11,113
He's a living thing,
he's not just some kind of novelty toy.
347
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,751
(Flash) Come on, little Colin, dance for me!
348
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,268
Ha, ha, ha! Dance!
349
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,437
Yes, come on, Colin, dance, dance!
350
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,836
- Dance, dance, dance, dance...
- (Laughs manically)
351
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,395
- Oh!
- Dance for me! Dance!
352
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,749
- Dance!
- Ha! Ha! Ha!
353
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,871
Mike.
354
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,511
Mike.
355
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,239
Mike.
356
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,831
Mike.
357
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,872
(Mobile rings)
358
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,873
- (Mobile continues ringing)
- Saved by the bell.
359
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,556
- Aren't you gonna answer that?
- I've got an answering service.
360
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,151
- You've got an answer for everything.
- I can't believe you just said that.
361
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,191
Neither can... (Splutters)
362
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,231
Neither can I.
363
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,154
Tim, firing these guns at such close range
is very dangerous.
364
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,476
- You were just about to shoot me.
- In the back of the head, yeah.
365
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,318
In the face, it's a lot different.
366
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:23,071
Look, if we're gonna do this,
let's at least be sporting about it.
367
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,869
What do you say, 20 paces?
368
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,358
- OK.
- OK.
369
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,511
Ha!
370
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,239
Oh.
371
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,792
Ha, ha, ha.
372
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,910
You see, Tim,
373
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,679
that's the difference between you and I.
374
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,674
Organisation.
375
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,029
Careful thinking.
376
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,195
Forward planning.
377
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,835
That is why I sleep in the arms
of a beautiful woman
378
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,678
and you spend your evenings alone
in your bedsit.
379
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,992
With cheap porn.
380
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,270
(Yells) Timmmmy!
381
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,476
It's not a bedsit.
382
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:40,794
It's a flat.
383
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,719
Aarrgghh!
384
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:44,749
Yes!
385
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,160
No, Mike! Mike!
386
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,711
Mike! Oh, Jesus, no!
387
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,672
(Sobs) Medic!
388
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,637
Is that you, Tim?
389
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,875
I'm here, man, just hold on, hold on!
390
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,797
I'm tired, Tim.
391
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,873
Just, er... (Sobs)
Everything's gonna be fine, I promise.
392
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:09,199
(Sobs) I'm sorry I said those things,
I just... I wasn't thinking straight.
393
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,789
I can say pretty stupid things myself,
sometimes.
394
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,832
Oh, Mike, I'm the stupid one,
I've always been the stupid one.
395
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,599
(Sobs) What you laughing at?
396
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,108
I guess I got to be the hero after all.
397
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,549
Yeah, I guess you did.
398
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,629
I've gotta... I've gotta sleep.
399
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,477
No, no, Mike, stay with me!
400
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,193
- I'm so tired.
- No, Mike!
401
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,674
- Bye, old friend.
- No, Mike!
402
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,711
(Splutters)
403
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,717
No!
404
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,792
- I really enjoyed that today.
- Me too.
405
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,593
- You always enjoy it.
- I enjoyed it more than usual.
406
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,631
(Laughter)
407
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,754
I feel cleansed. It's been a really good day.
408
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,076
That, my friend,
is the beauty of simulated violence.
409
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:03,113
Let's pick up Daisy and go down the pub.
I haven't got a care in the world.
410
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,199
- (Thunder)
- Hey, viano tormenty.
411
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,231
What did you say?
412
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,679
I said there's a storm coming.
413
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,271
(Rumble of thunder)
414
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,872
(
Dramatic choral)
415
00:23:55,950 --> 00:24:05,992
416
00:24:06,042 --> 00:24:10,592
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