All language subtitles for Soap s01e16.eng

ANNOUNCER:
In last week's episode of Soap,

a surprised Corinne was booked
for the murder of Peter Campbell.

But this is nothing compared
to the surprise in store for her

when she finds out
that a Swedish lady, Ingrid Svenson,

has come from Ecuador
to pay Corinne a surprise visit,

and has shown a surprised
Chief Tinkler proof

that she is Corinne's real mother.

Surprised? You won't be
after this week's episode of Soap.

[ ]

This is the story of two sisters:

Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.

These are the Tates.

And these are the Campbells.

And this is Soap.

[ ]

Oh, Ma. Daddy.
Oh, baby.

Baby, the bail will be here any minute.
Oh, good.

I cannot believe
these accommodations.

Well, I mean, Chester,

no wonder people are
always trying to break out of places like this.

[GASPS]

Chester, look at that.

Would you look at that?
I see it, Jessica.

It's a toilet.

I know what it is.
It's right in the middle of the room.

How do they expect
anybody to use that?

Jessica, if you're
serving a 10-year sentence, eventually you'll have to.

Look at this.
You poor child.

Shut up in this cell
without any sunshine,

hundreds of feet
below the earth.

The chains of prisoners
clanking in the night.

The musty smell
of the wet stones

and the sound of scampering rats
across the floor at night.

Jessica.
Huh?

Corinne is in a Connecticut jail.
She's not the prisoner of Zenda.

Corinne, I have
a surprise for you.

Bail?
No, better.

Corinne, Corinne, Corinne.

Oh, my God.
Who is this?

Corinne, Corinne, Corinne.
Who is this?

Who are you?
Who am I?

Yes, who are you?

Ha!

Who is this?

Twenty-three years.
For 23 years, I've been in Ecuador.

And for 23 years,
I've hated you.

Jessica, who is this person?

Look at her. Look at
what you've done.

It wasn't bad enough
you took her away from me,

but look at how you
brought her up, to be in jail.

Oh, my God, it's her.

Right. Thought you'd never
see me again, did you? Ha!

Mother, who is this woman?
Darling, I am your mother.

Oh.

Sheriff, get her out of here.
She's nuts.

She's got documents,
and she certainly knows your name.

She says she's my mother.
She's not my mother.

This is my mother.
Mother?

Mother, for God's sake,
tell me who this is.

Uh, Corinne,
this is Ingrid Svenson.

Ingrid, this is Corinne.

Corinne, Corinne, Corinne.

She says she's my mother.
Yes, she did say that, didn't she?

Well, who is she?
She is your mother.

Who's my mother?
She's your mother.

Which she?
That she.

This she?
That she.

Ingrid's my mother?
Yes, it's a long story, Corinne.

Corinne, Corinne, Corinne.

Why didn't you tell me?

You never told me.
How could you not tell me?

Well, we thought you'd never know.
I want you to go now.

Corinne, we were trying
to protect you.

I said, go.
Corinne, I love you.

She wants you to go.
Does she have to spit at you?

Corinne, if you had been
our own child, we couldn't have loved you any more.

Sheriff, get them out of here.
Okay. It's time. Let's go.

Come on, come on, come on.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Ha!

My little girl.

Don't worry,
we'll get you out of here.

I hired a detective,
and we get you out of here.

And then we get a place together

and get to know each other
all over again.

Now, let Mother look
at how pretty you are.

So, now, tell Mother,

what have you been doing
the last 23 years?

[ ]

I said, quiet, Bob.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
You be quiet. I'm happy for a change.

Burt, what in the world is that?

Peter's bathtub.
I got the rest outside.

Boy, I've heard of souvenirs,
but that's ridiculous.

Burt, what are you doing
with Peter's bathtub?

Why not? Peter doesn't
need it anymore.

In this tub is the answer.
I know it. It's here. It's here.

The murderer left his trace
right in there.

Or out there with
one of the other pieces.

I thought you said
Corinne did it.

[CHUCKLES]

Not necessarily.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, listen, there's this huge chunk
of bathtub laying out in the path.

Somebody could
kill themselves on it.

Yeah, somebody already did.

Danny, where's your disguise?

Well, I don't think I'm
gonna need it anymore.

I found somebody
who's gonna help me out.

Ah. Too bad.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Mrs. Campbell?
Yes?

I am Heinrich Himmel,

a private investigator
hired by Corinne Tate's mother.

May I come in?

Yes.
I think you should know

that there is a broken
bathtub on your lawn, and it looks disgusting.

Well, that's mine. I'll get it.
Halt!

I didn't know Jessica
had hired a private detective.

She didn't.
But you said...

I said, Corinne Tate's mother.
Ingrid Svenson.

Ingrid Svenson?

Ingrid Svenson.

BOB: Who's Ingrid Svenson?
Who's Ingrid Svenson?

Quiet!

Enough with this
"Ingrid Svenson." Now, Mrs. Campbell,

I have questions
and you will give answers.

Make them brief,
no long, boring stories,

which you Americans
seem so bent on telling.

Who is this Ingrid Svenson?
What did I say?!

What did you just hear me say?!

I'll tell you later.

Tell them now. They'll never shut up
if you don't tell them now, but quick.

A quick, short story.
No details. Understand? No details.

[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

Sit. Sit. Sit.

Well, Jessica and I
had a brother, Randolph.

You never told me
you had a brother.

Shut up.
She's telling you now.

Uh, well, Randolph
took a liking to Ingrid, our Swedish maid.

See, Ingrid didn't speak any
English, so she didn't know Randolph was peculiar.

Details. Those are details.

We don't care about "peculiar."
You are all peculiar.

Anyway, Ingrid got pregnant
and had Corinne.

Now, Mother wanted
the baby, so she very cleverly offered to babysit.

And then she sent Ingrid
and Randolph to Ecuador...

Details, more details.
Hup, hup, hup!

She told the authorities
that Ingrid was an illegal alien,

and that Randolph was seeking
to overthrow the government. So they had to stay in Ecuador,

and Mother gave
Jessica the baby to be raised as a Tate.

But why didn't they...?
No questions!

That's it. Finished.

I don't want to hear another word
about this idiotic business.

Now, Mr. Campbell,
I understand that recently you consulted a psychiatrist.

Did you consult him because
of your propensity for violence?

That's none of your business.

You are wrong,
Mr. Campbell Dummkopf.

It is very much my business.
Now, if you won't tell me why you saw him,

I will have to assume
it was for help in controlling your violent tendencies.

Well, it was not, you see.
It was because I...

Okay, violence.

Impotence.

Really?
Yeah.

No kidding.
No, it's the truth.

[LAUGHING]

I love it.

So classically American.

A problem we never
have in Germany.

No impotence, no smog...

No Jews.
No...

Impotence?
A big, robust guy like you?

I just wish I had a camera
for that one, Mr. Campbell.

I could put you in jail
and throw away the key.

Now, then, Mrs. Campbell,

how much did you resent,
hate and despise Peter Campbell?

What?
Just answer, please, the question.

Good God. You people stall
like nobody's business.

I didn't hate him.
I never hated him.

Okay. Fine.
We have here denial, then.

Denial of the painful truth.

Now, Jodie...

That's not true.
I said, Jodie!

Are you Jodie?

Do you look like Jodie?
Do you talk like Jodie?

Sometimes they dress alike.

Please to put the toy away.

Who is he talking to?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Just wait.

Now, Jodie, in your case it was
obviously a transference, hm?

A homosexual in love
with an athlete,

who spurned him.

Thus turning to rage
and then... murder.

We have precedents for this
type of homosexual behaviour.

Not in Germany, of course.
We have no homosexuals in Germany.

They are in Austria.

Or Switzerland.

Where in Switzerland?

Now, Danny, this is an easy one.

You work in
a violent society, hm?

You would think nothing
of killing Peter, hm?

No.

And you, we know you
always hated your brother.

I did not.
Because you were jealous of him.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Oh, go back to Argentina, Adolf.

He was an athlete,
and you, Chuck? You're a klutz.

He had many women.
You? You got yourself a hunk of bark.

Now, listen...

So you killed him.
He did not.

Because he reminded you
of what you weren't...

He didn't do it,
he didn't do it.

Of what you aren't,
of what you could never be.

Hey, who do you think...?
Shut up!

I don't want to hear
another word from you.

This stupidity
has wasted my time.

I will file my report.
You will all stay in town.

I hope I never again have
to see any of you as long as I live, hm? Goodbye.

Nice, warm guy.
I like him.

[ ]

[ ]

So it's all my fault,
Mary. All of it.

Peter's death, Corinne's arrest,
Ingrid's arrival, it's all my fault.

Jessica, don't be silly. None of that
has anything to do with you.

No? Wherever I am, Mary,
there's death and destruction.

It's always been that way.
Jessica, that's not true.

You remember Mr. Rolo
and what happened to him?

Mr. Rolo?
Yes, you remember.

The clown that used to
entertain at all of our birthday parties when we were little.

Mr. Rolo.

Oh, Jessica, do you
remember Mr. Rolo?

Well, Mary, obviously I do,
I just brought him up.

I loved Mr. Rolo.

And you remember
how at my birthday party,

he just keeled over
and dropped dead on the spot?

Hi, Mare.
Hello, darling.

Hi, Jess.
Hi, Burt.

Oh, Burt!
What?

What are you doing?
Nothing.

Burt, you just pulled
a hair out from my head.

No, I didn't.

I'm not finished.

That your spoon?
Yes.

Perhaps he'd like some tea.

My goodness! What are you doing?
Nothing.

Burt, you pulled a hair
out of my head.

And I just saw you pull one
out of Jessica's head.

More than one, I'm afraid.

Well, you see, I'm just conducting
a test, Mary. Conducting a test.

You see, I found a hair
in Peter's bathtub.

A hair in his tub.

Well, of course, of course,
it's a bathtub.

There are always hairs
in the bathtub.

It's such a problem. Hair.

Oh, it just clogs up the drain,
and then the plumber has to come and remove it.

Have you ever seen
what they remove, Burt? Oh, it's so disgusting.

It's no wonder
they charge so much.

I'd charge a fortune too,
if I had to look at hairy hunks of gloop all day.

"Gloop."

[ALL CHUCKLING]

"Gloop."

Well, it just might be a hairy hunk
of gloop that hangs one of you.

[ ]

Chester, I just realised
something very important.

What, Jessica?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You want me to get that?

Would you mind?

What did you realise, Jessica?

Ten years ago,
this could never have happened.

What?
Peter was a tennis teacher.

Yes.
Ten years ago, nobody played tennis.

The recent popularity of tennis
has ruined our lives.

He always comes at meal times.
The guy's a raccoon.

I'm sorry to bother you.
Tinkler, what do you want?

Well, first I'd like to introduce
Investigator Rick Himmel.

Not Rick, you fool.
Heinrich. Heinrich!

Are you a foreigner?

He's German.

German?

Good work, corporal.
Capturing them isn't easy.

Carry on.

Tinkler, do you want something,
or is this a Lufthansa tour?

[LAUGHING]

Well, I would like to
look through the house.

What? I've had
enough, Tinkler.

I've had enough of you.
This is my house.

Get out of here, once and for all,
before I call the police.

I am the police.

As difficult as
that is to believe.

I have a search warrant.
And while I am looking through your house,

Rick here has some
questions he wants to ask.

Heinrich! Heinrich, you fool.

Now, you are Eunice, I presume?

Mm-hm.

You like to fool people,
don't you?

What do you mean?

Oh, pretending to be cold,
that you don't go out.

When we both know
that you're involved with...

Oh, please.

Fortunately for you,
you are a fooler, not a murderer.

Do you find it difficult
talking with a German accent?

Because it seems like it
would be exhausting the way you pronounce words so hard.

I mean, sometimes you even
spit a little when you talk.

Talk? Talk?

They can put matches
under my nails, I'll never talk.

So never talk!

I don't care about
your talking. Never talk.

I won't.

Good, don't.

I won't.

I swear, I don't know how
you people won the war.

I never saw such a nation
of utter fools, except in Italy.

But they, of course, can cook.
You people, you can't even do that.

There. There you did it.
When you said "that," you spit a little.

You did. I felt it
on my cheek.

And you, oh,
you are my favourite, hm?

[CHUCKLES]

Boy, oh, boy, I gotta hand it
to you. You are something.

Boy, are you a busy guy.

There's that pigeon, huh?
And then that secretary.

I admire you.

If you committed the murder,
you should get away with it.

Thank you.

You.

You are the black
servant, Benson.

No, I am Japanese
houseboy, Mojo.

Halt!

You could have killed Peter, hm?

Because you were jealous.

He was white. You are black.
He had women, youth, freedom.

You? You've got an apron
and maybe a decent timestep.

Now, let me tell you something,
you little Nazi shrimp.

Now, you can talk to them
any way you want to,

but now you're
talking to me, Benson,

and I personally have
had it with your shouting and bullying and spitting.

Nobody here killed
anyone, not yet.

Bravo, Benson.

Sorry about that, folks.
There will be no dessert tonight.

Well, folks, I've got some
good news and some bad news.

Is that strawberry shortcake?
Yes.

Oh, boy, do I love
strawberry shortcake.

Tinkler?
Oh, yeah.

Well, the charges against
Corinne have been dropped. That's the good news.

Oh, Chester, isn't it wonderful?

Now for the bad news.

Couldn't we just
forget about that?

On my little search
through your house,

I found the gun that
shot Peter Campbell.

I found the knife that
stabbed Peter Campbell.

And I found the brick
that hit Peter Campbell.

Now, the gun was found
in your drawer.

The knife was found
in your jewellery box.

And the brick was found
in your rose garden.

Mrs. Tate, you are under arrest
for the murder of Peter Campbell.

[ ]

ANNOUNCER:
Will Corinne ever forgive Jessica and Chester

for not telling her
she was adopted?

Will the court accept
Burt's findings as evidence,

or will the judge rule it "hair-say"?

Did Jessica kill Peter Campbell,

or does she merely
collect murder weapons?

Will the Tates do without dessert,
or will they eat Heinrich's pants?

These questions and many others
will be answered

on next week's episode of Soap.

[ ]

[ ]

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