All language subtitles for Slings and Arrows s01e05 A Mirror up to Nature.eng

Geoffrey:
Anna is bleaching her teeth.

And they are getting
a little whiter everyday,

So we're all very excited.

Uh, what else? Oh.

Frank and cyril say hello,

And they have baked
you something

But I can't pronounce it.

No may, I don't want to give
you another heart attack.

All right, the play.
Well...

Ellen is being ellen.

Oh and claire is
absolutely horrible.

But jack...

I don't know.

I mean, ultimately this
is jack crew's hamlet,

And I'm not just saying
that to make excuses,

But I...

I don't know who he is.

I don't know what
his "thing" is.

I don't know what he's
gonna bring to the role,

So I can't see the hamlet,
so I can't see the play.

That's the problem.

(barely audible)
richard.

What's that dear?

Richard.

Richard.

And...

Geoffrey:
Oh! Oh, I didn't know you were there.

Yeah, I have bored
her rigid, apparently.

She wants to speak to you.

She's doing well.

May, I'm off to bother
that hugely breasted nurse

For another vase.

May...

I am sorry.

I'm really,
really sorry.

But honestly,

Holly means well.

Ô cheer up, hamlet ô

Ô chin up, hamlet ô

Ô buck up, you melancholy dane ô

Ô so your uncle is a cad ô

Ô who murdered dad
and married mum ô

Ô that's really no excuse
to be as glum as you've become ô

Ô so wise up, hamlet ô

Ô rise up, hamlet ô

Ô perk up
and sing a new refrain ô

Ô your incessant monologizing ô

Ô fills the castle with ennui ô

Ô your antic disposition
is embarrassing to see ô

Ô and by the way,
you sulky brat, ô

Ô the answer is: To be ô

Ô you're driving
poor ophelia insane ô

Ô so shut up!
You rogue and peasant ô

Ô grow up!
It's most unpleasant ô

Ô cheer up!
You melancholy dane! Ô

(cheers and applause)

Jack:
(grunts and groans)

Maria:
Polonius falls and dies.

Ellen:
O me, what has't though done?

I don't know.

Who was it? The king?

Ellen:
O what a rash and bloody deed is this!

Yeah right.

Almost as bad
as killing a king

And marrying his brother,
right?

Frank:
Why is he allowed to do that?

It's the method,
isn't it, duckie?

He's making it his own.

That's how they
do it in america.

Oh.

Oh you idiot.

You stupid idiot.
I thought you were the king.

Oh well,
no great loss, eh?

How much longer are
you going to let him

Shred the text
like that?

Well at least
he's making an effort.

Ellen is barely
in the room.

She'll claim she has
nothing to work with.

He's giving her
plenty to work with.

Unfortunately,
none of it was written

By william shakespeare.

What have I done,
that thou darest

Wag thy tongue in noise
so rude against me?

What have you done?

What have you done?!

What have you done?!

Fuck me!

Oh my god.

Tick, tick, tick,
geoffrey.

Well can't you
do something?

Can't you, you know,
cast a spell.

Make it all better.

A spell?
I'm not a witch.

Then what good
are you?

I'm a shoulder to cry on.
A quip here and there.

No, honestly.

Why are you haunting me
like this?

I mean, do you have
some kind of purpose?

Is there some sort of,
you know,

Mystical task or something
that you're supposed to perform

Before they let you move on?

Because I tell you,
I'll help you, my friend.

I would very much like to
help expedite that process!

I'm sorry, geoffrey,
I don't know why I'm here.

There was no pamphlet
in the coffin.

Anyway, let he who
is without sin...

What?!

What is your purpose here,
exactly?

Maria:
Would you like to take a break, geoffrey?

Yeah.

15 minutes, please.

15 minutes, everyone.

It's not my fault.
He's giving me nothing.

Sorry.

(trills lips)

Claire:
Hey...

What's with him,
anyway?

Maybe he doesn't like it when
people do that to his cage.

Not him.

Him.

Why doesn't he just
say the lines?

I guess it's just
part of his process.

Well...
Didn't it ever come up?

I mean when you
guys were dating?

I don't want to
talk about it.

Fine.

Hi.

Hi.

Claire's a bitch.

Yeah.

She's a terrible
actress too,

In case you
haven't noticed.

Yeah.

Why don't you say
the lines... Ever?

I can't say the lines
until it feels right.

Well if you want to run lines,
I mean, I'm available.

No, I know the lines,

I just, I don't own them yet,
you know what I mean?

When I'm improvising,
those are my words,

So it feels right.

Oh okay, yeah, no,
I've heard of that.

Yeah, it's a method
thing I picked up

When I worked with howard.

Howard?

Ron howard.

(laughs)

Yeah, I know,
opie, right? Ha, ha.

(laughs)

But the guy's been
around actors

Since he was like,
three.

He knows his stuff.

Sorry.

I would like to run lines
with you, though,

If it's "okay".

"okay"?

You know,
you wanted to take it easy...

Well we're just gonna
run lines right?

I mean, we're not
going to have sex.

To be perfectly honest
I want to do both.

Well running lines
is okay, um...

Tomorrow night?
Your place?

Great.

I'll pick up some
cheesies on the way home.

Ooh cheesies,
classy.

Hey, if we were
going to have sex

I might spring for nachos.

(laughs)

Maria:
We're back.

Richard:
I saw may this morning.

Holly:
Ugh! She's a pain in my ass.

Board won't act
on anything.

Lying flat on her back
she's still fuckin' me over.

That all you're
going to have?

I'm not really hungry.

Holly:
You should order a steak or something.

Come on, you need protein.
You're pale and spindly.

Mmm...

The model's almost finished.
It looks so good -

Little trees and everything!

What model?

For the mock up of the town,
for the pitch to the board.

I didn't know we were
having a model made.

Holly:
Visual aides are everything, sweetheart.

Trust me,
I'm queen of the pitch.

I can sell books
to the blind.

Blind people read books -
braille books.

I meant books with words,
smart ass.

You think I look spindly?

Did you ask geoffrey
for a season yet?

Richard:
I'm waiting 'til tomorrow morning.

I'm leaving it
as late as possible.

Oh, good boy.

You just look a
little thin, is all.

I like a little meat
on my man. (cat meow)

Are you coming
over tonight?

Yeah, just for
a quick one.

I got pilates
in the morning.

Oliver:
It's not very good, is it?

It's all stairs.

Well I was thinking
"levels".

Hamlet would meet the ghost
on a higher plane, as it were,

And then deliver the
soliloquies here and here.

My heart really wasn't
in it, geoffrey.

What do you think
of jack?

Oliver:
Well, he's very good looking.

If I were younger, mmm-

Younger than dead,
you mean?

Well, I won't use darren's
design, needless to say,

And as for yours,
I just don't know.

No, don't touch it.

Well there's no money in
the budget for a third design.

Well just cut it.
Cut it completely.

What?
Do it on a bare stage?

Why not?
In rehearsal clothes.

Been done before.
1964. Gielgud and burton.

Now that just proves
it was a good idea.

Come on.

It would be honest.
It would be brutally honest.

(laughing) you're one
to talk about honesty.

I am, actually.

Death virtually eliminates
the need for pretense.

There's no one to impress.

Well I'm all for honesty,
oliver,

Especially in the theatre.

But the problem is whether
you have an empty space

Or one that's all
cluttered up with stairs,

In the end, the audience
is still just watching

A group of actors and actresses

Pretending to be
queens and kings.

Well, with an attitude
like that,

Why do it at all?

Because...

"drama is that willing
suspension of disbelief

For the moment,

Which constitutes
poetic faith."

Poetic faith...

It's a beautiful idea.

Of course the whole
thing falls apart

If one of the actors
isn't very good at pretending.

(singing)
ô and will not come again? Ô

Ô no, no. He is dead. Ô

Ô go to thy deathbed- ô

Stop!

For god's sake, stop.

What?

Where is this coming from?

This staggering about
with your mouth open.

(laughs) oh you're being
sarcastic again with me.

Please don't be sarcastic.

No actually,
I'm not, but sorry.

Ophelia's mad.

Right.

I'm playing madness.

Right, and how does staggering
about with your mouth open

Suggest madness?

I'm not mad.

Right.

And I never have been
so I have to simulate it.

Right.

I'm using sense memory.

I'm remembering what it
was like being stoned

And I'm using that.

I'm disoriented,
my head is spinning...

I think that's what
it's probably like

When you're insane.

Right, well, it's not.
Trust me.

That's what it's like
when you're stoned.

Oh forgive me,
I mean no disrespect,

But I don't have your
experience with insanity.

Right.

Because I can't take any,
meaning from the text.

Ophelia's just singing
nonsense songs.

Right. Claire.
(chuckles)

Claire, claire,
claire with the hair.

Ophelia is a child.

She has been dominated by
powerful men all of her life

And suddenly they
all disappear.

Her brother goes to France,

Her father is murdered
by her boyfriend

And he is shipped off
to England.

She is alone
for the first time,

Grieving and heartbroken,
and guilty,

Because, as far
as she's concerned,

It's all her fault.

She ignored her
brother's advice

And fell in love with hamlet

And now her father is dead
all because of her.

And the pain,
and the loss,

And the shame,
and the guilt -

All of this is gnawing away
inside this little child's mind

And it comes out
as little songs.

"and will he not come again?
And will he not come again?

No, no, he is dead.

My father is dead,
and I killed him.

Okay?

Now, let's try it again,

Without the vietnam
flashback.

Excuse me, geoffrey?

Uh maria, can you take
them through it again.

Maria:
From the top of the scene, please.

I enjoyed that.

Oh, I'm glad.

But you're wasting your breath.
She'll never change.

The sole virtue of the
ineffectual is consistency.

Well, I don't know what
the hell to do with her.

If you've got any
bright ideas, feel free.

Geoffrey:
Richard, I'm in the middle of rehearsals.

It's about next season.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Sent you a memo last week.

Give me the gist of it.

We need to present next
year's season to the board

In order to qualify for
our funding deadlines.

I sent you a memo
last week.

Well, I didn't see it,

Or I did and ignored it.

You looking for something
in particular?

No. I just,
I need a laugh.

Well in future,
please read my memos.

Richard,
my design is a nightmare.

My ophelia is worse
than a nightmare,

And I have no budget.

You have a budget deficit.

(laughs)

Why do you need
a season now?

Well it's just
bureaucratic garbage,

You know, canada council
funding, that sort of thing.

Anything on paper would-

Oh christ! All right, look,
I'll give you one. Here.

What do you need,
nine plays?

"electra", "pericles",
"mother courage",

"don carlos",
it's very good part for ellen.

"tempest",
"murder in the cathedral"...

How many is that?

One, two, three, four,
five, six.

What else?
How about, uh...

Oh "troilus and cressida",

You haven't done that
in a long time.

And then maybe a commission,
judith thompson?

A brand new canadian play.
Do we dare?

Sounds great.

Geoffrey:
Good and then we will have for dessert,

"blithe spirit".

There, a season.

Um, I'm sorry,
what's after the two greeks?

Geoffrey:
Mother courage.

And incidentally, pericles
was written by shakespeare.

Right.

Geoffrey:
Oh well, look at this little fella.

Pull his string and he says,

"what?

Must I hold a candle
to my shames?"

Sorry to bother you,
geoffrey.

Oh no, no, no, richard.

Claire:
Here's a daisy.

I would give you some
violets,

But they would all
like my father die.

No! I do not understand.

This place absolutely
reeks of money.

Yes, but it's all
been designated.

There must be something you
can use from darren's design?

I seem to recall $17,000
worth of pyrotechnics.

It is hamlet,
it's not "tommy"!

But honest to god,
I'll the well has run dry.Ey,

The well has run-

Claire:
(screams)

Oh god help me!

Maria:
Claire fell off the stage.

Claire:
I'm all right.

I'm all right,
it's just a bruise.

(agonized scream)

Geoffrey:
What happened?

Maria:
She was startled by a lizard.

He ran up my fuckin' leg.

Did someone open
the cage door?

Oh god knows
where it is now.

I'll call 911.

That won't be necessary.

What?

Well he's a chameleon.

No, for...

Right, of course.
Sorry.

A death, a duel,
a broken leg -

Perhaps the production
is cursed.

Fuck.

Jack & kate:
(sexual groans)

Oh, motherfuck!

(gasp in pleasure)

Oh.

(gasp for air)

Man!

I owe you
some nachos.

(laughs)

This was stupid.

No, stupid is good.

Don't knock stupid.

Fucking claire.

Oh my god,
forget about her.

She's probably in
a hospital room right now

Trying to tear
her cast off.

No, no,
you think it's broken?

I don't know.
I hope so.

You hope so because
why exactly?

Because she's terrible
and I hate her

And you'd have
to take her place.

(laughs) no.

No, it doesn't
work like that.

They'd just bring
somebody in.

Oh my god, I would freak
right out if they called me.

I would freak out!

I freaked when
they called me.

I've wanted to be ophelia ever
since I saw ellen play her.

I was twelve.

Really?

Yeah.

I used to dance
around the house

With flowers
in my hair, singing.

My mom sent me
to a therapist.

You saw hamlet
when you were twelve?

Mmm hmm, and I read it
when I was ten.

Man.

Until I was fourteen,
I wouldn't read anything

Unless it was about someone
becoming radioactive.

(laughs)

Oh, I can just
picture you,

Chubby little boy reading
comic books under the sheets.

Star wars sheets.

Get out.

I had wookies
on my pillow.

Get out!

Oh, you were
such a loser.

(moans with desire)

I don't know if I can.

Use the force, luke.

(telephone rings)

Jack:
(makes wookie sounds)

Hello?

Oh hi, maria.

No, it's okay.

Uh...

Really?

Yeah, well,
it looked pretty bad.

Um...

Yeah, she's here,
actually.

Sure.

Hello?

Richard:
Well, if you want my honest opinion,

It's an interesting season,

From a purely academic
point of view -

"mother courage", "pericles".

I doubt that very many of our
subscribers even know

That william shakespeare
wrote "pericles".

All:
(chuckle)

I don't mean to sound elitist,
but anyway...

Once again I find myself

Apologizing for
geoffrey tennant.

Uh, but this time
I do think his heart's

In the right place.

His mind, however,
is still in the world

Of not-for-profit theatre.

All:
(laugh)

I did, I must admit,
anticipate this eventuality,

And I've spent the last few
weeks compiling a season

That I think is more consistent

With this board's vision
of the festival.

Holly, would you mind passing
out those packages, please?

I think you'll agree
that it's an exciting season.

As you know, oliver's mantra

For the last few years
was accessibility.

And I think he would
have been thrilled

To see three musicals
included in one season.

So why don't we take a look
and when we get back,

We'll talk about it
in more detail.

Thank you.

I think that went well.

Oh you were so great.

Wait 'til they see
the revenue projectionsh?

They're gonna
shit themselves.

There's still the
may factor to deal with.

I don't think she's
gonna be a problem.

No, no, you have to tell them
that I will be meeting with may

To get her feedback
on the season

Before we submit
our grant proposal.

Yeah, but what if
somebody finds out

That you didn't actually
go and meet her?

No, I will be.

Really?

Yeah, you know,
keep her in the loop.

Richard, I am not
a complete witch.

You know,
I can't help but feel

A little responsible
for her condition.

And let's face it,
she's not long for this world.

Mmm.

So I'd better patch things up
before she slips away.

(laughs)

It's not like I broke
her leg myself.

I don't know what
you're so upset about.

It was that lizard!

She is in the hospital.

Better there than
on the stage.

Oh I'm trying to help,
geoffrey.

I'm trying to find
my place in all this.

And if that means making
manifest your secret desires

Then so be it.

My secret desires?

You imagined strangling her
yourself a thousand times.

Oh, so you can
read my mind now,

Is that what
you're telling me?

Don't be ridiculous.
I know you.

You would never
have fired her.

You would have spent
days with her,

Trying to squeeze out
something resembling

A decent performance,

When every other aspect
of the production

Would have suffered.
I did you a favour.

Oliver, I don't want your
favours anymore, all right?

I do not want to come
in tomorrow morning

And find jack buried
under a pile of flats!

No.

Jack is your hamlet.

I would never touch him.

You see something in jack,
don't you?

Something no one else sees.

You have vision.

I used to have vision,
remember?

It left with my hair.

Geoffrey;
(laughs)

Oliver:
Why don't you have a little sleep?

"care keeps his watch
in every old man's eye,

And where care lodges,
sleep will never lie.

But where unbruised youth
with unstuff'd brain

Doth couch his limbs,
there golden sleep doth reign."

Geoffrey;
I'm hardly an unbruised youth.

Oliver:
Shh.

Shh.

(applause and cheers)

(explosion of flames)

(terrified gasps)

(knocking at the door)

Hi.

You're here early.

I bought some bran muffins.

They're day olds,
but they're still good.

Do you want one?

Bran? No, thank you.

Uh, but I would like
a coffee. Black.

Sure. Cream and sugar?

Yeah. Black.

Geoffrey:
Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we might be.

Who said that?

Ophelia.

Welcome kate.

(applause)

Geoffrey:
All right, let's get started.

Frank? Knock knock?

Who's there?

Geoffrey:
Excellent.

First line of the play.

The world's longest
knock, knock joke.

Who's there, indeed.
Who are these people?

Who is hamlet
and ophelia?

Well the answer is:
Whoever is playing them.

Now I want this production
to be about us.

So we're going
to modify the design.

You might say uh...

Throw it out.

I want everyone
to have a look through

This rack of costume pieces,

And find something
that you need.

Don't worry about period.

Shakespeare didn't care
about anachronisms,

So neither should we.

Just find something
that says

Prince,

Or daughter,

Or in cyril's case,

Queen.

(mock laugh)

And maria...

I would very much like
to move the rehearsal

Al fresco for today
because it is a beautiful day.

All right. Go!

No set?

No, some chairs maybe.

Oh jesus christ, geoffrey.
No set? No hamlet?

It's going to be
quite a show.

Thanks ellen.
Thanks for caring.

(knocking at door)

Oh hey.

How much?

This? 20 bucks.

20 bucks?

Okay.

Sloan:
Sorry, babe. Took forever.

Ellen:
I'll be in in a minute, sweetheart.

Richard.

Ellen, hey.

I'm sorry,
I should have called first.

He's over 18.

Yeah.

What can
I do for you?

I just dropped by to see
how things are going.

Well, the sex is incredible.

(chuckles)
I meant the rehearsals.

I know, darling.

They're going as well
as can be expected.

The new ophelia
is a blessing.

Good, good.

And what about geoffrey?

What about him?

You know what
I'm talking about.

Is he ranting and frothing
at the mouth?

A bit. He's unstable.

We know that's
been established.

You're defending him.

That's surprising.

He's my director,
like it or not.

He cut the design.

Yes.

And the costumes.

Basically, yes.

(sighs) you know what
I'm talking about ellen.

People pay money to see
these productions.

They expect to see actors
in costumes, a set.

You know,
especially in this case.

It's our flagship production.

What do you want,
richard?

Okay, look, I just want you
to know we can postpone.

Cancel even, if necessary.
We've done it before, you know,

If it looks as though
the production

Is not going
to be suitable.

Suitable?

What do you mean,
suitable?

Not up to our
usual standards.

Ellen,
don't get defensive.

I'm here to protect you.

And I just want you to know
you can come and see me

If you think this hamlet
is degrading into...

Into what?

Amateurism.

Sloan:
Come on, babe. The 'za's getting cold.

I have to go.
The 'za's getting cold.

Nay, but you live in he
rank sweat of an en seamed

Stewed in corruption, and...
And you screw in that bed.

Ellen:
Are you done?

O, speak to me no more,

These words, like daggers,
enter in mine ears.

Oliver:
What is she doing? She's up to something.

Uncle claudius is
a murderer and a villain...

Oliver:
She's testing you. She wants a confrontation.

Geoffrey:
Stop it!

You want us to stop?

No. Yeah.

Ellen, you're not here,
you're not in the room.

Sorry.

Geoffrey:
Polonius is lying dead on the floor.

Your son is accusing you
of having murdered-

I know the story.

Geoffrey:
Okay, well then... Please join us.

Ellen:
Fine.

Maria:
Gertrude - o, speak to me no-

O, speak to me no more.
These words, like daggers,

Enter in mine ears.
No more, sweet hamlet!

Jack:
Uncle claudius is a murderer and a villain.

Oliver:
Look at her.

She's baiting you.

You'd better deal
with this, old boy,

Before the situation festers.

Will you please shut up!

I'm sorry, man,
I'm all...

Are you in any
condition to do this?

I mean, really?
Are you?

Because your lunatic babblings
are very distracting.

Ellen, you are not
participating in the process.

It is very frustrating-

Ellen:
I know, I know. I'm sorry.

Geoffrey:
I cannot direct you if you refuse to act.

But how do I act in
a play that doesn't exist?

I believe the play's been
around for about 400 years-

Ellen:
Yes, but I can't see it. We have no set.

And I can't hear it.

Oh, I know the play
well enough,

But I'm not hearing
any of the text.

I mean, what are we doing here,
geoffrey?

Are we putting on hamlet?

Do we even have a hamlet?

I'm sorry, jack.
I'm sorry.

But we open in nine days,
for the love of god,

And I am terrified.
We all are!

We are absolutely terrified!

Geoffrey:
Ellen, when you start coming to rehearsals on time,

And when you stop sending maria
out for cookie and coffee runs,

And when you stop
interrupting scene work

So you can dash out
for a quick fag,

And when you start showing
your fellow actors

Just the tiniest
bit of respect,

Then I will be thrilled
to listen to you,

But until such time,

You will please
resist the urge

Of speaking for the group!

Fuck!

Maria...

Maria:
Five minutes, everyone.

(sighs)

Is this not a good time?

What!

Richard:
It's about the budget.

It's been a battle,
I don't mind telling you,

But uh, we've come up
with a compromise.

What!

We don't have to talk
about this now.

Richard...

I don't want to kill you,

But I will if you do not
get to the point.

Fine.

We're going to cannibalize
the preview period,

And re-book the theatre for
a series of corporate events.

No previews?
(disbelieving chuckle)

Yeah.

Just one dress rehearsal
and then we open?

Are you insane?

You saw what happened
in there.

You expect me to go
back in there

And tell these people

That they just lost
seven preview performances?

I knew this was a bad time.

All right.
Let's see if he can do it.

Please.

Geoffrey:
Maria.

Maria:
Are we back, geoffrey?

Geoffrey:
Jack. Three, one.

Maria:
Act three, scene one. Claudius and polonius-

Geoffrey:
No. Just jack.

We're going to run
the soliloquy.

Okay.

This one scares you,
yeah?

Yeah, it scares
the shit out of me.

Why? I mean,
you know it.

Yeah, of course I know it.
Everybody knows it.

That's the problem.

Why?

Because when I say
"to be or not to be",

The audience will be hearing
every, every great actor

Who ever spoke
those words.

They'll hear olivier
and burton or you.

Well more likely
mel gibson, but...

When I say those lines...

They won't be "in"
the play anymore.

They'll just watching
some guy acting.

Yeah.

Me, specifically.

And this is a problem?

Yeah, that's a
fucking problem.

Because you'd just be a guy
acting and hamlet isn't?

No.

Well, yeah he is,
kind of in a way.

So hamlet is just acting?
Is that what you're saying?

Well, yeah, I mean,

You know,
he acts like he's crazy,

That "antic disposition".

But then,
no not really...

All right,
you have got to be specific.

In this scene,
act three, scene one,

Does hamlet know that claudius
and polonius are spying on him?

You have to know. Don't know.

If hamlet is aware
of their presence,

And when you speak these
particularly famous words,

You're performing for the guy
who killed your father,

And for a meddling old fool,

Both of whom are
hidden in this room.

Now if you don't know
they're here,

Then your audience is you,

And those people
in the seats.

But you have to decide.

Now?

Right now.

Right now.

And you keep the decision
to yourself if you want to,

But you have to decide.

Claudius and polonius,
please.

Jesus.

Jack, listen to me.

There are a lot
of people here

Who don't think you
can pull this thing off.

I think they're wrong,

But you have to do it.

And you have to do it
right now,

And you have to do it
with the text.

So let's go.
Do what you do.

Act.

To be, or not to be,
that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind

To suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against
a sea of troubles,

And by opposing, end them?

To die, to sleep...

No more.

And by a sleep to say
we end the heart-ache

And the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to,

'tis a consummation devoutly
to be wish'd.

To die, to sleep,

To sleep,
perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub.

For in that sleep of death
what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off
this mortal coil,

Must give us pause.

There's the respect
that makes calamity

Of so long life.

For who would bear the
whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong,
the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despised love,

The law's delay,
the insolence of office

And the spurns that patient
merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might
his quietus make

With a bare bodkin?

Who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat
under a weary life,

But that the dread
of something after death,

The undiscover'd country
from whose bourn

No traveller returns.

Puzzles the will and makes us
rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others
that we know not of.

Thus conscience does make
cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue
of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with
the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith
and moment with this regard

Their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action.

But soft you now!

The fair ophelia!

Nymph, in thy orisons
be all my sins remember'd.

(happy laugh)
that was great.

(applause and cheers)

Man:
Well done.

Thank you.

We lost all
our previews.

What?!

(applause continues)

P.A. Announcer:
Would edward stevens please report to the front desk.

Edward stevens.

(overlapping chatter)

Geoffrey:
Hello everybody, here we go.

Well, we only have
one dress rehearsal,

Which is not great
but it's okay,

Because as the saying goes,
a bad dress means...

All:
A good opening.

Geoffrey:
Exactly, so we are protected, aren't we?

We're protected
to a certain extent,

By a cliche.

No, I'm sorry.

This is actually going
to be a nightmare.

It is going to have that
sickly, sickly feeling

Of playing to an empty house
except for a couple of ushers

And maybe a sympathetic lizard.

But there's no avoiding it,
so...

Just find your light,
say your lines,

And if you can't
find your light,

Shout your lines
from the shadows.

Get through it as best you can.

We'll try and fix what
needs fixing tomorrow.

It is going to be frightening.

Have a good show.

Oh, you know,
there is one uh,

One encouraging thing
that I can say

And it's...

I just happen to believe
that this play

Is the single greatest
achievement in western art.

We got that much going for us.

Motivational speaker:
I am the center of my universe. All things revolve around me.

My power is beyond measure.
I am god. Please turn tape.

Ellen:
He should know better than that.

What are we at?

Nahum:
Just approaching the half hour.

Ellen:
Oh jesus christ!

Nahum:
Well, I did try to explain, but he was very persistent.

Ellen:
Oh well, that can be an attractive quality

Given the right circumstance.

Don't be mad.

I will leave you now?

Ellen:
Yes, you will. Please.

I- I have to get ready.

I know.

I just wanted to say,
you know,

Good luck with
the opening.

It's not the opening dear,
it's the dress.

The what?

Ellen:
I explained this to you before.

Look, those are for me,
right?

Yeah, um,

The guy said
they're yellow roses.

They're beautiful. Thank you.
I have to get ready. Sorry.

And I got you a present.

Oh, that's so sweet.
Thank you.

Open it.

I can't. I have to get ready.
I'll open it later.

No, I want to see your face
when you open it.

Honey!
I have to get ready!

I'm very tense.
Really.

You have no idea
what's involved.

Sloan:
Okay, I'll just tell you.

It's a game boy.

I don't know what
that is, dear.

Um, it's a game boy.

So you can play between
scenes or whatever, you know?

Thank you so much.
That's so sweet.

I have to go now
'cause I'm going to cry.

Don't worry.

You'll be great.
I know it.

Thank you, sweetie.

Oh, oh careful.
Go away. Sorry.

Maria:
Half hour. This is your half hour call.

Ellen:
Shit!

Shit!

Stagehand:
Have a good show, geoff.

Kate:
Oh, oh, um...

I was looking for maria,
but I'll just ask you.

Uh, act 4, scene 5.

Um, so full of artless
jealousy is guilt,

It spills itself in fearing
to be spilt - enter up left?

Right. I mean yes.

Okay, um...

And by gis and...

Thank you, uh,
to the mark by the riser?R

And good night, sweet ladies,
good night, good night...

Exit up centre?

That's it!

You're gonna be great.

Okay, thank you.

(laughs)

Jack's bucket?

Nahum:
Yes. It's good. It will relax him.

Geoffrey:
It's kinda nasty for you, though.

Nahum:
Ah, if I were bothered by vomit,

I would not work
in the theatre.

Geoff:
(chucles) no.

(knocks on door)

Ellen:
Oh, god! Send him away!

I just wanted to say
break a leg.

Too late for that now.

You too, geoff.

Maria:
This is your five minute call.

Five minutes from
top of the show.

Hey, sorry again,
man.

Oh.

Just wanted to say
have a good show.

Oh, hey,
thanks, man.

Sorry, I'm pretty
freaked right now,

To tell you
the truth.

Oh I'm sure you are,
jack.

I know things have been
kind of, kind of crazy,

But I just wanted to say,
you know, don't worry.

Nobody expects you to
become a classical actor.

You're a movie star,
and that's the truth of it.

And it's like geoffrey says,
right?

You'll sell us out
no matter what, so...

So just go out there
and have fun, you know?

(nervous sigh)
house lights out.

Go.

(sound of curtain drawn back,
blinds raised)

Hello, dear.
How we feeling today?

Good.

Listen, um, I know that
in your present condition

You will be unable to attend
the upcoming board meeting,

And I know how badly you
want to be kept in the loop,

So I thought I'd um, drop by
and do my presentation for you.

Ready?

Ta da!

Presenting shakespeareville.

Let me introduce you
to a dream.

It's a dream of a
theatrical wonderland

Where middle income families
can come and enjoy

The world of theatre
in a non-threatening atmosphere

Of accessibility and comfort.

It's a dream of theme hotels,

And fudge shops
with clerks in costumes,

And high-quality big budget,
theatrical productions.

Three stages running
touring productions

Of broadway's hottest hits
twice daily,

An expanded and modernized
mainstage facility

Devoted exclusively
to musicals,

And two smaller stages for
those who like the classics.

This is a dream of
a new burbage transformed.

We can make this dream
a reality.

We must.

We owe it to the visionaries
who came before us -

To oliver welles,

And to our own dear,
sweet may silverstone.

This is what she would
have wanted.

Let this be her legacy.

And then I switch
to power point.

Any comments?

(desperate gasps)

(heart monitor beeps rapidly)

What's that?

(helpless gasp)

Maria:
Good dress, everyone.

Tomorrow, as you know,
is opening night.

Full cast and crew
10:00 tomorrow morning.

That's 10:00 a.M. For notes
and a partial run through.

There'll be a lot to cover,

So thank you in advance
for your patience.

(heart monitor flat lines)

Man:
That was fantastic man! Hey, congratulations!

Hey, we got through it!

Jack:
(slams out door) motherfuck!

(panting)

Jack?!

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