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1
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Speed kills.
2
00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:04,977
You hear that a lot out in the world.
3
00:00:05,027 --> 00:00:07,987
Don't rush, take your time. Speed kills.
4
00:00:08,537 --> 00:00:11,947
But if you want to be an E.M.T,
you want to be one of us,
5
00:00:11,997 --> 00:00:13,747
you've got to learn a different rule.
6
00:00:13,797 --> 00:00:15,987
Speed saves.
7
00:00:16,587 --> 00:00:18,347
Speed saves.
8
00:00:18,387 --> 00:00:21,217
No, sir. Jesus saves.
9
00:00:21,257 --> 00:00:23,057
Speed saves.
10
00:00:23,087 --> 00:00:25,187
Jesus helps.
11
00:00:25,237 --> 00:00:28,387
Every day, we answer
anywhere from 5 to 15 calls.
12
00:00:28,427 --> 00:00:30,927
A lot of 'em are just
what we call "milk runs."
13
00:00:30,957 --> 00:00:32,997
Old lady gets moved from
her long-term apartment
14
00:00:33,027 --> 00:00:35,497
into long-term elderly housing.
15
00:00:35,537 --> 00:00:37,097
A hypochondriac with heart palpitations.
16
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,537
Turns out it's just gas.
17
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:41,007
And sometimes you got the
life-and-death deals...
18
00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:45,137
Car crashes, gunshot
victims, drug overdoses.
19
00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:46,947
Every second counts...
20
00:00:46,977 --> 00:00:50,347
Each one like a bomb about to go off.
21
00:00:50,377 --> 00:00:52,917
Now, you might think it's not a problem
22
00:00:52,947 --> 00:00:55,347
to defuse one of those bombs,
23
00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:59,757
but every time you defuse
one, another bomb pops up,
24
00:00:59,787 --> 00:01:02,197
ticking, waiting to explode.
25
00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:03,797
To give you an idea of what
we're talking about here,
26
00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,797
we're gonna walk you through a shift we had
27
00:01:05,827 --> 00:01:07,427
just a few weeks ago.
28
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,737
It started out a day like any other day.
29
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:12,737
Top three first ladies you'd
sleep with in their prime?
30
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:14,407
Jackie Kennedy, Michelle Obama,
31
00:01:14,437 --> 00:01:16,237
and Laura Bush as a librarian,
32
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,277
in the library, in the
christianity section.
33
00:01:19,307 --> 00:01:20,607
Go.
34
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,947
Barbara Bush.
35
00:01:21,977 --> 00:01:24,417
Barbara Bush? She never had a prime.
36
00:01:24,447 --> 00:01:26,187
She always looked like
George frickin' Washington.
37
00:01:26,217 --> 00:01:27,887
Exactly, and George was a slave owner,
38
00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:31,587
so it'd be like a
grudge-hump... For my people.
39
00:01:31,627 --> 00:01:33,587
Would you ever blow Abraham Lincoln?
40
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,187
Daniel Day Lincoln, yes.
41
00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:36,557
Real life Lincoln, no.
42
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,357
Freedom or not, I do have some standards.
43
00:01:38,397 --> 00:01:40,097
I always admired Rosalynn Carter.
44
00:01:40,127 --> 00:01:42,137
She wore very sensible shoes.
45
00:01:46,637 --> 00:01:48,467
- [Laughs]
- [Groans]
46
00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:51,907
Teamwork is everything.
47
00:01:51,947 --> 00:01:53,407
Sterile swabs.
48
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,907
85.
49
00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:57,377
Wide-gauge
sharps. - 44.
50
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,887
Narrow-gauge
sharps. - 30.
51
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:02,087
That low? Better count again.
52
00:02:02,117 --> 00:02:03,617
30.
53
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,287
- Voo.
- Already ordering more.
54
00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:07,757
And find a new sandwich shop in Bucktown.
55
00:02:07,787 --> 00:02:09,497
Found it. Put your
order in ten minutes ago.
56
00:02:09,527 --> 00:02:10,857
- Italian beef?
- You got it.
57
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:11,997
My girl.
58
00:02:12,027 --> 00:02:13,727
It's actually bigger than a team.
59
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:16,767
See, with a team, a guy can demand a trade
60
00:02:16,797 --> 00:02:18,597
or hold out for more money, but with us,
61
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:21,007
when a crew's been working
together long enough,
62
00:02:21,037 --> 00:02:23,337
they become something stronger.
63
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,007
They become a family.
64
00:02:25,047 --> 00:02:28,507
One dozen Bavarian
creams, ladies and germs,
65
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:31,817
from Chicago's finest
gourmet doughnut shop...
66
00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:32,987
Glazed and Infused.
67
00:02:33,017 --> 00:02:34,087
Google it, bitches.
68
00:02:34,117 --> 00:02:35,447
Yep, that's right.
69
00:02:35,487 --> 00:02:37,487
Thank you, Uncle Johnny. You're welcome.
70
00:02:39,657 --> 00:02:43,357
Because these are the
people who have my back...
71
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:47,867
People without whom I
could not do my job...
72
00:02:47,897 --> 00:02:51,997
The people who make me want to
put on this uniform every day.
73
00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:57,507
And I love these people.
I love this family.
74
00:02:57,537 --> 00:02:58,837
Oh!
75
00:02:58,877 --> 00:03:01,447
You've got to be shitting me.
76
00:03:01,477 --> 00:03:04,577
Okay, assholes, who took
the last goddamn doughnut?
77
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,587
[Hip-hop music]
78
00:03:07,617 --> 00:03:15,627
79
00:03:28,037 --> 00:03:30,877
Everyone on the team,
everyone in the family,
80
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:35,647
every E.M.T. On every rig,
each one brings some talent
81
00:03:35,677 --> 00:03:37,517
that can help save a life.
82
00:03:37,547 --> 00:03:39,347
Well, we know I bring the doughnuts.
83
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,717
And speed and decisiveness
84
00:03:40,747 --> 00:03:42,147
in certain
life-and-death situations,
85
00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:43,357
which I really admire.
86
00:03:43,387 --> 00:03:44,417
- Thank you, Hank.
- Huh.
87
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:45,587
And then I bring the muscle.
88
00:03:45,627 --> 00:03:47,487
- And the medical know-how.
- Oh.
89
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:50,857
Seriously, you're like
an E.M.T encyclopedia.
90
00:03:53,297 --> 00:03:55,837
[Clears throat]
91
00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,197
And what is it
92
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,937
that you guys would say that I bring?
93
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:03,577
- Oh, um...
- Oh...
94
00:04:03,607 --> 00:04:04,907
- You are very enthusiastic.
- Yes.
95
00:04:04,947 --> 00:04:07,047
Yes! Yes, I bring the enthusiasm.
96
00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:08,507
- And the gum.
- Yes, I do!
97
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:10,647
- I bring the gum.
- You brought the gum, right
98
00:04:10,677 --> 00:04:13,347
yes, it's a new kind where
the flavor doesn't run out
99
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,547
before you've chewed it five times.
100
00:04:15,587 --> 00:04:18,087
- Goddamn fruit stripe.
- That shit bit it hard.
101
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,927
This is, uh... It's
supposed to last for ever.
102
00:04:19,957 --> 00:04:21,357
- It's called triple taste...
- Okay.
103
00:04:21,397 --> 00:04:22,927
And it lasts three times longer.
104
00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:25,397
Okay.
105
00:04:25,427 --> 00:04:28,527
And blast off.
106
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,297
Mmm.
107
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,867
- [Laughs]
- Wow.
108
00:04:31,907 --> 00:04:33,967
- It's great.
- Welcome to flavor country.
109
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,977
Yeah, it's like a chewable fruit basket.
110
00:04:36,007 --> 00:04:37,207
The second act... Is that honeydew?
111
00:04:37,237 --> 00:04:38,877
- Yeah
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,247
- Little pomegranate?
- Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:40,277 --> 00:04:41,647
No, I got the pomegranate big-time.
114
00:04:41,677 --> 00:04:42,947
We're just one part of the machinery
115
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:44,247
that keeps people alive,
116
00:04:44,277 --> 00:04:46,017
and we have connections to other parts
117
00:04:46,047 --> 00:04:47,287
of that machinery.
118
00:04:47,317 --> 00:04:49,357
Like, my father was a
fireman for three decades.
119
00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:51,717
- My girlfriend...
- Ex-girlfriend.
120
00:04:51,757 --> 00:04:53,757
Hot ex-girlfriend.
121
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:56,027
Oh, very, very hot.
122
00:04:56,057 --> 00:04:58,657
My very, very, very hot ex-girlfriend,
123
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,067
who's still kind of my girlfriend,
124
00:05:00,097 --> 00:05:01,767
even though we sort of broke up
125
00:05:01,797 --> 00:05:06,267
and is now being objectified
by my coworkers, Brian...
126
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,437
Is a cop.
127
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:09,977
And as you can imagine, that job comes
128
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,077
with special stresses all its own.
129
00:05:12,107 --> 00:05:13,707
[Grunts]
130
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,547
[Sighs]
131
00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:17,047
Gun.
132
00:05:17,077 --> 00:05:18,817
Aah!
133
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:21,287
Dealing in life and death all day
134
00:05:21,317 --> 00:05:23,957
can put terrible pressure on
your personal relationships.
135
00:05:23,987 --> 00:05:25,457
- Mexican.
- Chinese.
136
00:05:25,487 --> 00:05:26,757
- No, Mexican.
- Come on.
137
00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:27,987
- I'm craving Chinese.
- No!
138
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,497
My day sucked. I need guacamole.
139
00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:30,797
Your day sucked?
140
00:05:30,827 --> 00:05:32,667
We had two heart attack victims today.
141
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:34,897
One aggravated assault,
one attempted robbery.
142
00:05:34,937 --> 00:05:36,797
Construction worker with a metal rod
143
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,437
impaled in his neck, 90 stitches.
144
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,607
I chased two drug dealers 5 1/2 blocks.
145
00:05:40,637 --> 00:05:41,967
That's just good cardio.
146
00:05:42,007 --> 00:05:44,137
- And they shot at me.
- That's a lie.
147
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,077
- You would have led with that.
- Oh, but they could have!
148
00:05:46,107 --> 00:05:47,577
Yeah, but by that logic,
149
00:05:47,607 --> 00:05:50,177
you'd get to pick dinner
every single night.
150
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,317
Yeah. You know...
151
00:05:51,347 --> 00:05:53,217
- Tequila makes me horny.
- Like I said, Mexican.
152
00:05:55,337 --> 00:05:57,337
We got to have respect for each other.
153
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,227
And respect for the rules and regulations
154
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:00,897
and the unwritten rules.
155
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:04,297
There are always unwritten
rules in every family.
156
00:06:04,337 --> 00:06:05,537
And Jay Cutler's shoulder
157
00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:07,367
will be examined today by team doctors
158
00:06:07,407 --> 00:06:09,337
for any evidence of serious damage.
159
00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:11,437
- Shit.
- We lose Cutler, we're done.
160
00:06:11,477 --> 00:06:12,507
Done-done.
161
00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:15,047
So, uh, did he hurt his, uh...
162
00:06:15,077 --> 00:06:17,917
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
163
00:06:17,947 --> 00:06:19,317
What the hell you think you doing?
164
00:06:19,347 --> 00:06:20,387
I was just...
165
00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:21,487
Who told you you could sit there?
166
00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:23,157
- Is somebody sitting there?
- Both: No.
167
00:06:23,187 --> 00:06:24,287
Oh, well, then...
168
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,457
- [Laughs]
- Holy shit!
169
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,887
What is happening right now?
170
00:06:27,927 --> 00:06:29,297
You've broken their little seating chart.
171
00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:30,957
- It's not a seating chart.
- It's a hierarchy.
172
00:06:30,997 --> 00:06:31,957
It's a power structure.
173
00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:33,697
Cash sits in the chair.
174
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,837
I sit here. Johnny sits there.
175
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:37,997
The space between us is the neutral zone.
176
00:06:38,037 --> 00:06:40,067
The all-important neutral zone.
177
00:06:40,107 --> 00:06:41,767
Why do you need a neutral zone?
178
00:06:41,807 --> 00:06:44,137
[Laughter]
179
00:06:44,377 --> 00:06:45,977
Why do we need a neutral zone?
180
00:06:46,007 --> 00:06:48,147
If you have to ask why
we need a neutral zone,
181
00:06:48,177 --> 00:06:49,917
you're clearly not part
of the power structure.
182
00:06:49,947 --> 00:06:52,177
In two years, if you work out,
183
00:06:52,217 --> 00:06:54,187
we might invite you to
sit on the couch with us.
184
00:06:54,217 --> 00:06:55,717
- Might.
- Really?
185
00:06:55,757 --> 00:06:57,017
Is that... Is that true, Cash?
186
00:06:57,057 --> 00:07:00,227
Kevin, if you sit on that
couch again uninvited,
187
00:07:00,257 --> 00:07:02,617
I will set your face on fire.
188
00:07:02,647 --> 00:07:05,287
Brian, you can come sit over here with us.
189
00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:08,457
all these chairs are open...
190
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:12,657
Except I sit in this one
and don't sit in that one.
191
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:15,157
[Groans]
192
00:07:15,197 --> 00:07:17,367
They think I'm afraid of that couch.
193
00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:18,567
It's not that.
194
00:07:18,597 --> 00:07:22,897
I'm afraid of all couches... Everywhere.
195
00:07:22,937 --> 00:07:24,537
I'm afraid of that couch.
196
00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:26,407
Five years' worth of
Hank and Johnny's farts
197
00:07:26,437 --> 00:07:27,577
stored up in those cushions.
198
00:07:27,607 --> 00:07:30,037
- Hence the neutral zone.
- Yeah.
199
00:07:30,077 --> 00:07:31,247
Real power does not lie
200
00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:33,277
in the inane seating
situation you have, boys.
201
00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:37,647
It lies in my office,
because I am the voice of God.
202
00:07:37,687 --> 00:07:38,887
You can have your couch.
203
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,657
I have my throne and my yoga ball
204
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:43,857
for when my sciatica acts up.
205
00:07:43,887 --> 00:07:45,827
It's a humbling job.
206
00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:48,397
Whoever you are when you
walk through that door...
207
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:51,427
Man, woman, hot shit, dork of all dorks...
208
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,497
Once you're here, you are just one of us,
209
00:07:53,537 --> 00:07:55,837
a cog in the machine.
210
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,607
And the only thing you are judged by is...
211
00:07:58,637 --> 00:08:01,407
- Your speed.
- Your ability to make
212
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:05,607
swift decisions in the face
of catastrophic emergencies.
213
00:08:05,647 --> 00:08:07,617
I said the same thing faster.
214
00:08:07,647 --> 00:08:09,417
You have to be prepared to function,
215
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,947
even in the midst of the
most unimaginable horrors.
216
00:08:12,987 --> 00:08:14,787
Guy who just got out of a chemical fire,
217
00:08:14,817 --> 00:08:16,957
melted eyeballs dripping down his cheeks,
218
00:08:16,987 --> 00:08:18,857
asking, "Who turned out the lights?"
219
00:08:18,887 --> 00:08:20,157
That is one example.
220
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:21,997
Teenage girl carrying a hot bowl of ramen
221
00:08:22,027 --> 00:08:23,527
wipes out while walking down a set
222
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:25,467
of cement community-college stairs,
223
00:08:25,497 --> 00:08:27,597
and you have to get her
brains back into her skull,
224
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,367
- but not the noodles.
- Voo.
225
00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:31,937
Fat man who weighs 1,300
pounds has a heart attack
226
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,177
and has to be transported to the hospital,
227
00:08:34,207 --> 00:08:37,447
and you get six E.M.Ts into
the filthy, rat-infested,
228
00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:39,647
mess of an apartment to try to move him.
229
00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,817
And first you find an old
sandwich in a fat fold...
230
00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:42,817
Val.
231
00:08:42,847 --> 00:08:44,387
And then once you roll him over...
232
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:45,547
Val!
233
00:08:45,587 --> 00:08:46,787
You said I should scare 'em.
234
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:47,857
Mission accomplished.
235
00:08:47,887 --> 00:08:49,987
- It was his cat!
- [All groan]
236
00:08:50,027 --> 00:08:52,257
You have to be prepared for anything.
237
00:08:55,027 --> 00:08:56,327
Yes, all right.
238
00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:59,067
Moms always said, "It's
only a mistake, Papi,
239
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,297
if you don't learn from it."
240
00:09:00,337 --> 00:09:01,767
And I tell you, partner,
241
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,637
I will never, ever forget my gun again,
242
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,467
because I just had, like,
a very valuable experience,
243
00:09:06,507 --> 00:09:10,577
which is, like, awesome and unforgettable.
244
00:09:10,607 --> 00:09:13,307
And now I'm ready to rock and roll, kid!
245
00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:15,647
[Chuckles]
246
00:09:15,677 --> 00:09:17,687
Radio.
247
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,197
Which brings us back to our typical day.
248
00:09:28,117 --> 00:09:30,217
Mousse? I call him "Mousse"
249
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,817
'cause he puts mousse in his hair.
250
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:33,857
It's a hair nutrient.
251
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,437
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
252
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:38,177
It was a day like any other day.
253
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,807
Who ate all the doughnuts?
254
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:46,417
There were 12 gourmet
Bavarian creams in there.
255
00:09:46,457 --> 00:09:47,817
- I had one.
- I had one.
256
00:09:47,857 --> 00:09:48,887
- One.
- I had one
257
00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:50,557
and it was extremely delicious,
258
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,027
like pudding inside a pillow made of sugar.
259
00:09:53,057 --> 00:09:54,197
Thank you so much, Johnny.
260
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,257
Yeah, you're welcome. That's four.
261
00:09:56,297 --> 00:09:57,997
That means that there's
eight unaccounted for.
262
00:09:58,027 --> 00:10:00,767
$36, people. That's how much I spent.
263
00:10:00,797 --> 00:10:01,997
$3 a doughnut.
264
00:10:02,037 --> 00:10:03,667
Oh my God. That's insane.
265
00:10:03,707 --> 00:10:04,907
Did you have one?
266
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:06,267
Yes, but had I known the cost,
267
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:10,107
I would have eaten it much, much slower.
268
00:10:10,147 --> 00:10:12,547
That's seven unaccounted for.
269
00:10:12,577 --> 00:10:15,217
Why would you spend $40 on doughnuts?
270
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:18,817
Because you guys like a family to me!
271
00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:22,287
So I splurged on the
doughnuts so that every member
272
00:10:22,327 --> 00:10:24,927
of my family could have
a fancy-pants doughnut.
273
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,697
And everyone got one,
right? Right? Right? Right?
274
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,127
Except me. I didn't get one.
275
00:10:28,157 --> 00:10:30,367
So that means somebody...
I don't know who...
276
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:31,367
Double-dipped.
277
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,627
If you wanted a doughnut so bad,
278
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:33,637
why didn't you have it in your truck
279
00:10:33,697 --> 00:10:35,167
on the way over here?
280
00:10:35,197 --> 00:10:37,207
Because I thought it would be nice
281
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,867
to eat it with my work family,
282
00:10:38,907 --> 00:10:42,237
with the people that I love and care for.
283
00:10:42,277 --> 00:10:45,107
I wanted to enjoy my gourmet doughnut
284
00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:47,137
with my work brothers and sisters.
285
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,477
I had one. Thanks, Johnny
286
00:10:49,547 --> 00:10:51,987
Yeah, you're welcome.
287
00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:54,117
- Who's that?
- Jeremy, dispatch.
288
00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:56,147
You know, your work brother?
289
00:10:57,627 --> 00:10:58,587
Do you think that he had two?
290
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,057
He looked like he was kind of guilty to me.
291
00:11:00,097 --> 00:11:01,057
- Hey, Ghandi, you're up.
- Hey.
292
00:11:01,097 --> 00:11:03,467
Cardiac arrest in Wrigleyville.
293
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,497
This isn't over.
294
00:11:06,537 --> 00:11:08,797
Stabilize a heart attack victim,
295
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:11,737
book it over to the hospital,
check the guy in...
296
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:13,937
Doesn't get more textbook.
297
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,507
Ambulance 14 responding.
298
00:11:15,547 --> 00:11:17,347
Our next call had a little variety.
299
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,877
Old lady on the south
side smelled burnt toasts,
300
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,847
thought she was having a stroke.
301
00:11:22,887 --> 00:11:23,847
Phantom smells
302
00:11:23,887 --> 00:11:27,317
very common sign of stroke.
303
00:11:27,357 --> 00:11:28,757
Burning toast...
304
00:11:28,787 --> 00:11:31,487
A very common sign of being an old lady.
305
00:11:31,527 --> 00:11:34,197
And that's roughly over half the job.
306
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,997
Pizza delivery guys with
blood pressure cuffs.
307
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,097
We pick you up, haul ass to the hospital,
308
00:11:38,127 --> 00:11:39,727
and drop you off in 30 minutes or less.
309
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,567
Top three doughnuts all time?
310
00:11:42,607 --> 00:11:44,037
Seriously?
311
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,537
After this morning, you
want to do doughnuts?
312
00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:48,477
I want to do doughnuts.
313
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,477
Great. Fine. Let's do doughnuts.
314
00:11:50,507 --> 00:11:51,847
Um, top three.
315
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,217
Number one, Bavarian cream.
316
00:11:53,247 --> 00:11:56,177
Uh, number two... Bavarian cream.
317
00:11:56,217 --> 00:11:57,447
Number three, Bavarian cream.
318
00:11:57,487 --> 00:11:59,187
Number four, five, and
six, Bavarian goddamn cream.
319
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:00,857
Okay, you're venting.
Now, do you want to vent,
320
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,587
or do you want to have a
serious discourse on doughnuts?
321
00:12:02,627 --> 00:12:04,227
- We can't do both?
- Okay.
322
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,097
I'll go first.
323
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:12,267
Chocolate frosted, sugar glazed, jelly.
324
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:13,867
[Laughs]
325
00:12:13,897 --> 00:12:15,537
Oh, Bavarian cream isn't
even in your top three, huh?
326
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:17,707
Not even top five, bro... Too gooey.
327
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,407
But you had one this
morning, right, goo or no goo?
328
00:12:19,437 --> 00:12:22,237
They were the only doughnuts there.
329
00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:23,977
- Did you have two doughnuts?
- I had one.
330
00:12:24,007 --> 00:12:25,177
Somebody had two.
331
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:27,177
I had one gooey gourmet goddamn doughnut.
332
00:12:27,217 --> 00:12:30,487
Now, if they had been
jelly, I would have had two.
333
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,047
Oh.
334
00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:33,817
You look like you want
to do some more venting.
335
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:34,987
- Brian?
- Yes?
336
00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:36,417
Top three doughnuts all time... go.
337
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,327
I'm not really a doughnut enthusiast.
338
00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:40,457
And yet you had one this morning as well.
339
00:12:40,497 --> 00:12:41,957
Actually, I only ate half of it.
340
00:12:41,997 --> 00:12:44,097
It's too filling.
341
00:12:44,127 --> 00:12:48,067
There's no "I" in "cream," John.
342
00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:49,497
Is there an "I" in "shut up"?
343
00:12:49,537 --> 00:12:52,137
- No.
- No.
344
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:54,937
Good day, bad day, we're
stuck with each other.
345
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,747
- What's got you so thoughtful?
- I have an itch.
346
00:13:00,777 --> 00:13:02,777
I'm trying to decide
if I should scratch it.
347
00:13:02,817 --> 00:13:06,317
Let us know where you end up on that.
348
00:13:06,357 --> 00:13:08,187
It's a feminine itch.
349
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:10,787
- I don't need to know this.
- You asked.
350
00:13:10,827 --> 00:13:13,627
Technically, he didn't ask.
I volunteered the information.
351
00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:15,457
Stats, there's no reason to suffer.
352
00:13:15,497 --> 00:13:19,667
We got a whole full of
ointments back there.
353
00:13:19,697 --> 00:13:21,097
Wait a minute.
354
00:13:21,137 --> 00:13:22,637
Is she gonna be applying
ointments right now?
355
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,607
She said she had a feminine itch.
356
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,077
I know what she said
357
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:29,437
if you had a man itch
that required an ointment
358
00:13:29,477 --> 00:13:30,947
and the ointment was right here in the rig,
359
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,277
would you wait before applying it?
360
00:13:32,277 --> 00:13:35,317
- Hey, Stats...
- No, don't come back here, please!
361
00:13:35,547 --> 00:13:40,157
Oh. Yeah. I... Um... Found a spray.
362
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,417
[Can sing]
363
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,517
Oh, my...
364
00:13:42,557 --> 00:13:44,957
Ooh.
365
00:13:44,987 --> 00:13:48,727
[Spring continues] Ooh!
366
00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:52,267
Ooh, it... I think it's better now.
367
00:13:52,297 --> 00:13:56,497
Oh, I think it's really good.
368
00:13:56,537 --> 00:13:58,237
Mmm!
369
00:13:58,267 --> 00:14:00,537
Mm-hmm. [Grunts]
370
00:14:04,937 --> 00:14:06,067
Whoa, whoa
371
00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:07,607
Theresa and Billy
372
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:09,477
driving in the car
373
00:14:09,507 --> 00:14:12,407
going to get our bad guys
374
00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:13,747
to...
[Groans]
375
00:14:13,777 --> 00:14:16,847
- What?
- Forgot to put on socks.
376
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,987
- You look mad.
- Hey, don't he look mad?
377
00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:22,357
You look really mad.
378
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:23,927
I'm sorry about your doughnuts, man.
379
00:14:23,957 --> 00:14:25,457
What'd you do with the other half?
380
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:29,197
Saved it in my safe place.
381
00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:30,627
- Safe place?
- Where's your safe place?
382
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,297
If I tell you where my safe place is,
383
00:14:32,337 --> 00:14:33,827
- it's no longer safe.
- Mm.
384
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,597
You got to treasure times like that,
385
00:14:35,627 --> 00:14:37,627
because you never know
when they'll gonna end.
386
00:14:38,737 --> 00:14:41,837
Holy shit!
387
00:14:41,867 --> 00:14:43,507
Oh, my...
388
00:14:43,537 --> 00:14:46,107
Drive-by shooting, multiple victims,
389
00:14:46,147 --> 00:14:47,407
corner of wabash and 41st.
390
00:14:47,447 --> 00:14:50,447
All units responding. All units responding.
391
00:14:50,477 --> 00:14:54,047
- Ambulance one responding.
- [Siren wailing]
392
00:14:54,047 --> 00:14:57,157
See, at the exact same time
we were having our boring day.
393
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,487
[Gunfire, screams]
394
00:14:58,517 --> 00:15:00,987
A couple gang members decided
to spray the street corner
395
00:15:01,027 --> 00:15:02,887
as payback for some earlier slight.
396
00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:04,897
[Sirens wailing]
397
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,397
11 bodies down.
398
00:15:17,277 --> 00:15:19,477
It's a special kind of chaos...
399
00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:21,277
Not too different from war, actually.
400
00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:24,777
And just like war, you either step up
401
00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:28,247
or step the hell out of the goddamn way.
402
00:15:28,287 --> 00:15:31,257
[Hip-hop music]
403
00:15:31,287 --> 00:15:39,297
404
00:15:54,477 --> 00:15:58,077
[Siren wailing]
405
00:16:09,797 --> 00:16:13,497
Hands! Show me your hands!
406
00:16:13,527 --> 00:16:16,427
[Siren wails]
407
00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:20,937
[Monitor beeping]
408
00:16:20,967 --> 00:16:22,207
Hey.
409
00:16:22,237 --> 00:16:25,337
Top three superheroes, Mikey, all time...
410
00:16:25,377 --> 00:16:28,577
Go!
411
00:16:28,607 --> 00:16:29,647
Huh?
412
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:31,747
Top three superheroes, man.
413
00:16:31,777 --> 00:16:33,617
Superman, Batman?
414
00:16:33,647 --> 00:16:36,047
I go Batman number one 'cause
he's got the coolest costume.
415
00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:37,787
I don't care if superman's made of steel.
416
00:16:37,817 --> 00:16:40,787
He's still flying around
in his underwear, you know?
417
00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:42,627
[Laughter]
418
00:16:42,657 --> 00:16:45,127
Hey, you know, Hank
doesn't like spider-man.
419
00:16:45,157 --> 00:16:47,527
Yeah, I am afraid of spiders.
420
00:16:47,567 --> 00:16:49,297
- Me too.
- See?
421
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:51,837
Iron Man number three.
422
00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:53,767
Okay.
423
00:16:53,807 --> 00:16:55,407
Batman number two.
424
00:16:55,437 --> 00:16:58,477
Good. Who's your number one?
425
00:16:58,507 --> 00:16:59,477
Jay-Z.
426
00:16:59,507 --> 00:17:01,577
- Jay-Z?
- How you figure that?
427
00:17:01,607 --> 00:17:03,947
Because neither one of them other guys
428
00:17:03,977 --> 00:17:06,847
are married to Beyonce.
429
00:17:06,887 --> 00:17:09,187
[Laughter]
430
00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:11,417
You're a smart man. You're a smart kid.
431
00:17:11,457 --> 00:17:13,357
[Laughter]
432
00:17:13,387 --> 00:17:15,057
Nice.
433
00:17:17,397 --> 00:17:19,797
- Our kid's gonna make it.
- Fantastic.
434
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:22,267
Thanks to your balls-out
driving abilities, bro.
435
00:17:22,297 --> 00:17:23,297
I'm just driving the dead
unless someone's in the back
436
00:17:23,337 --> 00:17:24,537
doing God's work.
437
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:27,237
Speaking of which,
talked to the other units.
438
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,337
Four victims D.O.A.
439
00:17:29,367 --> 00:17:30,877
Damn it.
440
00:17:30,907 --> 00:17:32,277
Our mom's gonna be fine.
441
00:17:32,307 --> 00:17:34,547
She lost a lot of blood,
but she's stabilizing now.
442
00:17:34,577 --> 00:17:37,747
Thank God for that.
443
00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:43,347
- 57 seconds.
- [Spits]
444
00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:45,687
One more brand of bullshit ass gum.
445
00:17:45,717 --> 00:17:46,817
All gum is bullshit.
446
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,557
Know what's not bullshit?
447
00:17:48,587 --> 00:17:49,757
Pizza.
448
00:17:49,797 --> 00:17:51,397
You guys want some pizza?
449
00:17:51,427 --> 00:17:52,797
You deserve some pizza.
450
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:56,767
Don't worry, doughnut boy. I'll pay.
451
00:17:56,797 --> 00:17:58,997
Hey, Brian, you go back to the depot
452
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,867
with Stats and Voodoo in their rig.
453
00:18:00,907 --> 00:18:02,567
We'll pick up the pizza in ours.
454
00:18:02,607 --> 00:18:04,877
Yeah, it was a long day.
455
00:18:04,907 --> 00:18:08,847
And in the end, it was a day
full of laughter and heartaches
456
00:18:08,877 --> 00:18:12,417
and mind-melting stress and pressure.
457
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:17,417
That day was a bitch.
458
00:18:17,457 --> 00:18:22,327
But we wouldn't have it any other way.
459
00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:24,497
Holy shit! It's tyranny.
460
00:18:24,527 --> 00:18:25,997
Ugh.
461
00:18:26,027 --> 00:18:27,327
[Whispering] Breakthrough.
462
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,827
I'm not afraid of the couch anymore.
463
00:18:29,867 --> 00:18:32,437
That's nice, Stats.
464
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:34,237
Thank you.
465
00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:35,767
Oh, I'm sorry, guys.
466
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:38,237
- We were all so tired.
- I'm not sorry.
467
00:18:38,277 --> 00:18:40,207
- It was my idea.
- Listen...
468
00:18:40,247 --> 00:18:43,677
If anybody deserved to upset
the power structure today,
469
00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:45,217
it's you four.
470
00:18:45,247 --> 00:18:47,917
You done damn good by me and the city.
471
00:18:47,947 --> 00:18:50,447
Now, let's go out in the
garage and eat these pizzas.
472
00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:52,557
You're not gonna kick
Mac out of your chair?
473
00:18:52,587 --> 00:18:55,727
You ever seen Mac when she's
been woken up unexpectedly?
474
00:18:55,757 --> 00:18:58,197
She makes my commanding
officer in the service
475
00:18:58,227 --> 00:19:01,467
look like Goldie frickin' Hawn.
476
00:19:01,497 --> 00:19:04,037
Is that a Bavarian cream on her chest?
477
00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:05,867
No.
478
00:19:05,897 --> 00:19:09,237
That's her bavarian cream on her chest.
479
00:19:21,347 --> 00:19:23,417
[Snorts]
480
00:19:29,957 --> 00:19:32,687
Ah! [Mutters]
481
00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:37,527
[Sighs]
482
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,467
[Indistinct chatter]
483
00:19:53,947 --> 00:19:54,917
Eh.
484
00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:59,517
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