All language subtitles for Significant Mother s01e03 Whos Your Daddy.eng

Why, why, why, Mom?

Oh! Oh, my God, Nate!

God, it's laundry day.

Every Wednesday for my whole life.

Okay, I totally forgot. Back in a flash.

It's probably not a good choice of words.

If you're busy, you could have called me

or texted me or put a sock
on the door handle or anything.

Oh, stop. I wasn't busy.

Jimmy and I just had a romantic
dinner last night and...

I don't need the details.

Okay. Well, he's gonna be dead
till noon anyway.

Besides, I would never miss
Wash and Dry Wednesday with you.

It's our thing.

[gasps] What happened to Andy Rooney?

I know. Jimmy got spaghetti on him

when we were watching When Bears Attack.

Aw. It's okay. We'll get him all clean.

- You think?
- Yeah.

So how was your workweek?
What's going on at...

[retches]

[farts]

I'm sorry.

I don't think dinner
agreed with me last night.

We made our own ricotta.

Either that or you made a baby.

[laughter]

(Nate) Can these things be wrong?

Of course they can.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

This isn't error-proof. I mean, it is.

That's why it's called that,

but this one is older than Justin Bieber,

so it's gotta be a false positive.

I can't be pregnant.

You mean, like, physically you can't?

[gasps] I need more pregnancy tests!

(Jimmy) Baby?

Oh!

Oh.

- [exhales]
- Okay. What?

Nate, this has to stay between me and you.

You cannot say anything to Jimmy.

What? Why?

Because I'd like to be sure when I tell

my 26-year-old boyfriend
he's about to be a father.

I don't want to freak him out over nothing.

You'd actually consider keeping this thing?

Hey, you've always wanted
to be a big brother.

In here, baby! Jimmy!

Baby Jimmy, oh, God.

- Stop it. Stop it, please.
- Oh, God.

Nate, you have to swear that
you won't say anything.

Swear.

Swear on Andy Rooney.

I can't hide something this big from Jimmy.

He can always tell
when I'm hiding something big.

I have a very obvious tell.
So give me the bear.

I will rip this bear's head off.

Fine, I swear on Andy Rooney.
Give me the bear.

Give me the bear.

- Hey, buddy!
- Hey.

What are you doing here?

Oh, yeah, just...

Just, uh, laundry.

- Jack Nicholson eyebrow?
- No.

What aren't you telling me?

Nothing.

[gasps]

I have to go. Uh...

Give me the bear. Give me the bear.

Walk away. Walk away.

Uh, I'm gonna go.

What is he hiding from me?

I have no idea.

Okay, buddy, what's going on?

Friends don't keep friends in the dark.

Light the candle of truth.

Jimmy, there's no truth to tell.

Fine, if you won't light it, I will.

Oh, come on.

What, that stupid thing?

It's totally unnecessary.

Mm, it smells like honesty.

No, it smells like fresh linen.

Which you picked because it calms you.

So just wrap yourself up in the
scent and let it set you free.

Jimmy, I have to go to work.

Hey, come on, I told you the
truth about me and your mother.

No, you didn't. I walked in on you naked.

You lied to my face.

And now I know exactly how that feels.

No, I don't. Maybe you should get naked.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm trying to help you to heal.

I don't want to heal.
I don't want to get naked.

I just want to go to work
with my open wounds.

But I can help you close them.

No, you can't.

I don't want to talk about this

because there's nothing to talk about.

You know the headband totally
moves with your eyebrows.

Mom, I can't do this. I can't lie to him.

No, you're not lying.
You are lying in wait.

And it's only until tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?

Because I'm seeing my OB-GYN,

and then I'll ow if I should tell Jimmy

or if I can go have a margarita
and get back on birth control.

You're not on birth control?

No, I didn't think I needed it.

You know, your father and I
tried for years to get pregnant

after we had you.

You said I was perfect,
so you only needed one.

Oh, God. Wait, what happened
with the take-home tests?

Well, they were positive.

Or negative.
Depending on your point of view.

How many did you take?

A few.

_

What?

Aah!

[squeals]

I told you not to come in here!

To my own home?

This isn't your home anymore.

Sure, it is, or that sign is a lie.

Besides, I come bearing gifts.

The only thing I want from you

are signed copies of our divorce papers.

I hear your request,
and being that it's not

in my best interest to sign those papers,

I'd like to offer you a counter.

These are my house keys

as a gesture of goodwill.

This will always be my home,

but I respect that it is your house now.

Lydia, I just want you to be happy,

even if it means you sleeping
with our son's best friend.

So you're bursting in here to tell me

you're not gonna burst in here anymore?

I don't burst. I arrive with gusto.

Do you have any bologna?

Hey, boss man. Love the new look.

Totes emo. Question for ya.

Since I've been spending a lot
of time on Atticus' farm,

I've decided to write a country song.

Wondering, can I use your life?

It's totally Tennessee tragic.

I'm really not in the mood, Sam. Thank you.

Maybe you should look into
some Transitions lenses.

My nana loves 'em.

Buddy. Okay.

I brought a growler of my
Honesty Is the Best Pilsner.

You're going to drink this
and tell me what's going on.

Nothing's going on!

Take off your grandmother's
glasses and tell me that.

- Give me those!
- No can do, buddy.

Fine. I'll be in my office.

Oh, that's good.

I knew that was the ladies' room.

I just needed a...

maxi pad.

For stuff.

Like maximum comfort and protection?

Right!

Something.

- Hi.
- Babe, I think Nate might...

[clicks tongue]

- Oh, I can come back.
- No, no, no. It's fine.

It's fine. Harrison just came by
to give us his blessing.

And make himself a sandwich.

Actually, I did ask you to make it, but...

I told Nate that if Lydia and I
took us seriously,

eventually, you would too.

Well, that is exactly what has happened.

The positive effects of my vision board

are a constant surprise.

Up next, a hamburger in a hot dog shape.

Oh, how do I invest in that?

I have a kickstarter.

You know what? I have something for you.

Ha!

Wow, you're giving me a key?

Yes.

I feel like I should give you something.

- Here, you know what?
- [mouths word]

I want you to have this.

What is it?

It's a thumb ring.

I got it from an indigenous man
in Machu Picchu.

It symbolizes individuality and strength.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh, that is so...

[gags]

Sweet.

I just got choked up. You know what?

I'm gonna run upstairs and get a chain

to put this around my neck

to wear it really close to my heart.

- Be right back.
- Okay.

Mr. M, I just want to say...

Okay, let's cut the crap, kid.

I don't bless any of this.

But I know better than
to tell a woman what to do.

So instead, I'm just going
to grin and bear it,

like I do when I go to the ballet,

because I know that, just like
that, this will eventually end.

And when it does,
I will be here with my charm

and my money and the knowledge
that I am the better man.

In fact,

I'm the only man.

I resent that. I'm a man.

Men do not decorate their thumbs.

Actually, in the Maori tribes
of New Zealand,

thumb jewelry is worn by their warriors.

Actually, here in the tribes
in this country of A-mu-rica,

thumb jewelry is worn by ungrateful losers

who suck on the teat of democracy.

So you have a good time
keeping my wife warm for me.

Okay. Wow. [Laughs]

Babe, we have a problem.

Oh, don't worry, I can handle Harrison.

No, Nate. All right, he's hiding
something big from me.

He won't look me in the eyes, and he said

he'd rather walk around
with open wounds than heal.

Oh. Oh my God, I don't know.
I'm sure it's nothing.

I'm not so sure, all right?

Today, he got a maxi pad
out of the ladies' room

and said he needed it
for stuff. What stuff?

What does a guy need a maxi pad for?

I mean, comfort and protection
against what?

You know what?
I'm... I'm sure it's nothing.

It's probably not even about Nate.

It could be about someone else.

What do you know?

I don't know anything.

So that's where he gets it from.

No, mother-son confidentiality.

I can't say anything.

Okay, fine. I will work it out myself.

So Nate is walking around with open wounds

in his maxi pad region.

Oh, my gosh!

What?

Nate's got herpes.

[laughs]

Nate does not have herpes.

Uh...

Oh, my God, Nate totally has herpes.

Promise me you won't say anything.

I promise.

Morning, buddy. How'd you sleep?

I have nothing to say.

That's fine. We just want you to listen.

First we want you to know
we're here for you.

No matter what pops up or breaks out.

- Or spreads around.
- What's going on?

Your mother told me the secret
you've been carrying.

She promised me not to say anything,

but I learned my lesson...
No more secrets between us.

- So you know?
- Mm.

Oh, thank God!

[laughs] Are you okay?

I'm okay if you are. Are you okay?

I honestly don't know how I feel.

I mean, at first I was pretty irritated.

You know, it was kind of uncomfortable,

but knowing that you know
makes me feel so much better.

You know, I told my mom
I couldn't hide it from you.

You and I share everything.

Oh, not this, buddy,
all right, this only happens

after two people have sex
without protection.

Yeah, I know.

Which you're now legally required to wear.

We got you pamphlets.

And hydrocortisone cream.

Prognosis: Normal?

The Itch You Will Never Scratch?

Living with Herpes?

If it makes you feel any better,
I've got a yeast infection.

I-I don't have herpes.

And I don't have a yeast infection.

My mom told you I had herpes?

Yeah, but the better question is,

why didn't you tell me you had herpes?

Because I had no idea.

I'm really confused.
Will you just tell me the truth?

You can't handle the truth!

What in the hell is wrong with your mother?

So many things.

She is hiding something.

All she said was she had
a doctor's appointment,

but she wouldn't say for what.

Yeah, she's fine, and so am I.

See, that's the right attitude.

All right, living with herpes
is all about managing stress.

If this head's a mess,
that one will be too.

- Oh, God! You have herpes?
- I don't have herpes!

Then why did your mom say you did?

So she didn't have to say she's pregnant!

Oh.

My country song is writing itself.

Let me clarify... Mom thinks
that she might be pregnant.

But she's at the doctor
right now, finding out for sure.

That's impossible.

Yeah, she can't be pregnant.
I did the hokey-pokey.

I put my whole self in.
I pulled my whole self out.

I can't believe my wife has sex with you.

How could you keep this from me?

Your maybe-baby with my mother
was not my secret to tell.

How could she keep this from me?

Because she knows you can't handle it.

You're not man enough.

Would you stop saying that? I'm man enough.

- And I'm gonna prove it.
- How are you going to do that?

By raising this child as my own.

It is your own.

Which is why I'm gonna raise it as such.

Not unless I raise it first.

Dad, where are you going?

To get your mother back
and steal this kid's baby.

Do you even know where her doctor is?

Of course I know where her doctor is.

I've been playing golf with Robert Richter

since before you were born.

- Perfect! I'll follow you.
- No, wait...

Uh, hey! Aw.

You might want to
let her know they're coming.

Women always like to know
when men are coming.

[knock on door]

- Lydia.
- Hi.

A vision in paper. [Laughs]

How have you been?

Oh, pretty good, pretty good.

Just failed a couple of pregnancy tests.

Or passed them.
Depends on your perspective.

[laughs] Which is?

Well, there's a part of me

that's excited about the idea of a baby,

Mm-hmm.

But the other part of me is really worried

about a �geriatric� pregnancy.

I mean, do I really want
to enroll my vagina in AARP?

Lydia, you are not too old for this.

And there are some advantages.

You and Harrison won't have to hound Nate

to give you a grandchild,

and your vagina will get
fantastic deals on hotels.

[laughs]

Harrison and I are separated.

Oh, well, then, who's the lucky...

Oh, none of my business.

No, no, no, it's okay. It's okay.

I mean, there's...
There's another guy, obviously.

It's just, we're not that far
along to be this far along.

[laughter]

What am I... What am I saying?

I am not pregnant!

I'll be the judge of that.

[laughter]

[car lock chirps]

Hey.

No! [Grunts]

I'm sorry!

Congratulations.

Hi, I'm looking for Lydia Marlowe.

She's in with the doctor. And you are?

Her boyfriend.

Lucky her.

Hi, I'm looking for Lydia Marlowe.

- And you are?
- Her husband.

Well, I'm gonna have to talk
to her before she leaves

- and get some tips.
- What room is she in?

I can't tell you that.

But I want to be with her
when she finds out

if she's having my baby.

And if she wanted you in there,
you'd be in there.

[chuckles]

I'm actually a friend of Dr. Richter.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Dr. Richter, of course,
lets all of his friends

sit in on his pelvic exams.

You can both have a seat.

- Nate, what are you doing here?
- Hi.

Stopping you both
from making fools of yourselves.

You need to leave.
(both) Not until I see Lydia!

Shh.

Dad, this has nothing to do with you.

And if you really want to win Mom back,

forcing yourself
into her gynecologist's office

isn't the way.

- 'Ginacologist.
- What?

I'm pretty sure
it's pronounced 'ginacologist.

Short for vaginacologist.

Wow.

You know, son, maybe you're right.

I will just catch this fly ball
on the way down.

Okay, Jimmy, as much
as this has to do with you,

it's not about you right now.

Now, I understand my mom may
have handled this very poorly,

but I'm sure she has her reasons.

I mean, I don't know what they are, but...

[clicks tongue]

- Hey, wait!
- You can't go in there!

Oh, no, no.

- [gasps]
- Oh!

- Oh, wow.
- Oh, my 'gina!

- What are you doing here?
- I'm scarring myself for life.

Cover your eyes!
Have some respect for my wife!

Cover your eyes. Have some
respect for my girlfriend.

- You both need to leave.
- You know what? We're done here.

Lydia, why don't you get dressed,

while I escort these two
into the waiting room

where they can thank me
for not calling the police?

You're kinda sweaty, Bob. You okay?

You look like you've never seen
one of those things before.

[door closes] [sighs]

[cell phone rings]

What is it, Sam? Everything okay?

Yeah, no, I just wanted an update.

How's things going at the gyno?

Well, my father
and my best friend are fighting

over who gets to raise
my bastard half brother,

and I just saw my mom's labia,
so it's going great.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

my country song is getting
better by the minute.

Check this out.

I'm hanging up.

Nate, I specifically asked you not...

What, to tell my best friend something

that he had every right to know?

I tried. I got a little thrown off

when he told me that I had...

herpes.

That was so stupid. It was
such a careless decision...

You seem to be making
a lot of those lately.

And I don't understand.
You said this time in your life

was about putting yourself first.

A baby's not gonna let you do that.

How could you be so irresponsible?

I mean, how hard is it to put on a condom?

Well, I wasn't really thinking...

No, you weren't thinking,
and that's the problem.

And that's why I'm so disappointed and...

Oh, my God, you gave me
this exact speech when I was 18.

I'm really glad that you listened.

And I'm hearing you too.

It's just,

I have always wanted to have another baby.

And now, decades later,
I might have a shot.

It's just I'm scared that
I might lose Jimmy.

And you.

You won't lose me.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry too.

I got caught up in my own stuff.

But I'm... I'm just learning how to be okay

with you putting me in second place.

I'm... I'm not sure I'm ready
to be bumped to third.

Oh, honey, you will always
be first place to me.

One forgotten Wash and Dry
Wednesday and one oops baby

isn't gonna change that.

Because what are you?

I'm not gonna say it.

What are you?

Your special boy.

Yes. Yes! You are my special boy.

And you always will be.
Nothing will ever change that.

So what do you say?

Want to go see if I'm having
your best friend's love child?

[groans]

- Sure, why not?
- [laughs]

Lydia, you cannot raise a child
with this child!

You were both younger than me
when you had Nate.

Yeah, but I had a job

and at lst one pair of closed-toed shoes.

Seriously, why are you wearing
flip-flops all the time?

It rains in this city 24 hours a day!

Maybe you're right, Mr. M.

All right, maybe I don't know
how to raise a child,

and maybe I do show
a little more toe knuckle

than you think is classy,

but I do know what a real man
would do in this moment.

- Lydia...
- [gasps]

- Whoa, what are you doing?
- The right thing, buddy.

Just press pause.

Jimmy, I don't want a shotgun wedding.

You know why, Jimmy?
Because she's already married.

But a shotgun divorce would be lovely.

I don't need either to raise this baby.

I can do it on my own.

No, you can't. I won't... I won't let you.

Harrison, I know this might be
hard for you to understand,

but this isn't about you.

Well, as long as you stay on my insurance,

well, I retain the right to weigh in.

Jimmy, I'm sorry.

I should have said something to you,

but you're 26, and you have
your whole life ahead of you.

And I didn't want you to sacrifice that

for something I might want.

But I should have trusted
you could handle it.

I can handle it, as long as
we're in this together.

Oh, my God, will somebody please
throw me out of a window?

You're on the first floor.

Yeah, I know. I don't want to die.

I just want to get out of this room.

You know, Harrison, you are
welcome to leave anytime.

Oh, thanks so much for the permission slip.

Wow, this is nice. I'm not used
to playing to a full house.

[laughs]

Well, let's get down
to brass tacks, shall we?

I wonder where that saying originated.

I've never seen a brass tack.

It's like that saying �let's
kill two birds with one stone.�

Let's not. Why are we murdering birds?

Robert, can you just get to
the point? What are the results?

Yes, of course.

Well, according to your blood work,

beyond a shadow of a doubt, you are...

[all gasp]

Oh, now I kinda wish you were pregnant.

Well, here's to false positives.

I'm sorry my homemade ricotta
made you sick.

Oh, gosh, who knew that nausea medication

messed with your hormone levels?

I didn't. I should have checked the label.

Well, look at the bright side.

At least we all got to be with
Robert for his final moments.

To Robert Richter. He was a good gyno.

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