All language subtitles for Sick of It - 01x05 - Episode05.FaiLED

Police are searching
for the body and appealing...

Have you heard this? They've brought out
tablets that make your farts smell...

They found a severed head

behind Holland & Barrett on Kemp Road.

Another place I have to avoid.

Why? It's only one head, isn't it?
If it was five or six, I'd say,

"Oh, that's a bit of a worry,
avoid the place." But it's one head.

I don't care.
I won't be going there for a while.

This is why the high street's dying,
you know.

Nothing to do with online shopping,

it's news stories like this
scaring people of leaving the house.

Honestly, I wish you wouldn't
listen to it.

- I like to know what's going on.
- I don't know why.

I think there's some truth in that
saying about ignorance being bliss.

That's you all over, isn't it?

Stick your head in the sand.

- Oh, here we go.
- Yeah, like, you and Zoe.

Why is it that
no matter what we talk about,

you manage to wangle it onto me and Zoe.

Well, what's happening
with the two of you?

You saw what I was like, I was covered
in eczema from the stress of all that.

Will you just stop going on about it?

Isn't it better knowing than hanging
around in limbo like this?

Why don't you go over there
and give her some flowers?

Women like to be wooed.

I've told you. Just need to leave it,
give it some time.

It's been nearly a year.

Gimme your shirt. It's all creased.

Do you know what? Maybe I should
just go and buy Zoe some flowers today.

Don't do that. I think she'd be
disappointed if you did, to be honest.

Why do you say that?

Because you didn't buy her flowers
when you were with her, did you?

So why start doing that now?

She wasn't like that anyway, was she?
She didn't like that sort of treatment.

She didn't expect that from you.

That isn't what she was with you for,
was it?

I mean, if you think back
to the first Valentine's Day...

- Yeah.
- You remember that?

- You didn't buy her flowers, did you?
- No.

You said they were too expensive.

So you gave her a packet of seeds
and said, "Grow your own, it's cheaper."

All right. Now a lot of women would be,
sort of, pissed off about that.

- She laughed about it, didn't she?
- Yeah, she did.

- She laughed, yeah.
- Right. So that's what I mean.

So, leave it.

Yeah, but time's passed now,
do you know what I mean?

She... She might want a bit
of romance now.

Yeah, but you can't do that,
can you?

Well, that's why I've got to try,
haven't I?

That isn't you.
That isn't what you're about.

- I know, but that's what I'm saying...
- You can't, you've just got to leave it.

No, but just change a bit,
that's what I'm saying.

I know it wasn't me, but I'm saying,
maybe, I've got to change as well

and be a bit more romantic.

- You?
- Yes, me.

Well, go on, then. Say I'm Zoe.

All right, we're having
a drive somewhere,

you're sat there.
Go on, give us a line then.

You know, Mr Lover Lover and all that.
What would you say?

I'd just be like,
"Zoe, you make my heart race."

Is that it? Is that...

What... Where...

Where have you heard that?
Who's ever said that?

That's something you could say
to someone who's,

like, chasing you with a machete.

That would get your heart racing.
That's got nothing...

Jesus! Never say that out loud,
and definitely not to Zoe.

Embarrassing! Jesus.

Yeah, but this is what they want now.
That's what Norma said.

She said women like to be wooed,
have that little bit of romance.

Yeah, but that's Norma, innit?
She's living in the past.

She's into watching those films,
where there's a woman sat on a plane

and she looks all abandoned and sad,

and she's flying back home alone,
and then some fella comes

running on the plane, last minute,
with a ring in his hand,

and runs over to the seat
and proposes to her

and everybody stands up on the plane
and starts clapping.

That's the sort of shit Norma watches,

- True.
- I don't know how anyone buys that.

I mean, if I was on that plane,
I would be fucking livid,

because that plane's delayed,
that's missing its take off slot, innit?

If it had a connecting flight at
the other end, they'd be proper screwed.

So, yeah, forget romance, it's bollocks.

Just leave it, eh?

You might be right.

Still gonna get her some flowers,
though.

All right, mate?
I've got a booking for Graham.

That'll be me.

- All right, I'll see you at 3:00 then.
- Yeah.

Meet me at the corner
of Frith and Romilly.

We'll do some of the march,
and then get some food, yeah?

Yeah. Good.

- Good atmosphere, isn't it?
- Yeah.

I love it. I came here last year.

Bit different then, though,
I was here with my wife.

Oh, right.

Barmy that, innit, eh?

Once married to a woman,
now he's knocking about with a fella.

You don't think that's what Zoe's done,
do you?

I mean, let's face it,
you haven't seen her for ages.

You don't know what she's up to.

She could be knocking about
with a woman.

You've single-handedly
just put her off all men!

You thought she left you
because, you know, she wanted a kid.

But it's nothing to do with that,
it's because she fancies women. Eh?

If you thought you could sort it all out
just by giving her a bunch of flowers,

that's not gonna happen, is it?

Can we do a pick up
at the football pitches near Trellick?

Yeah, once we get through all this.
Yeah, no problem.

I just need to pick my son up.

Jesus, and you thought your life
was complicated, eh?

Married, gay, and has a kid.

That's it. Dylan, get in there, son!

Ah, come on!

You'd never know, would you?
You'd never know he was gay.

Mind you, even he didn't know.

It's funny,
because I've never understood,

you know, gay fellas you get,
who have that sort of camp voice,

I never understood what that was about.

I didn't understand why some of them
sounded like that.

But this is why, innit?
It stops them getting in this mess.

The voice lets them know.

Yeah, he hasn't got that, so he ended up
getting married and having a kid.

His voice didn't sort of tip him off,
did it?

It's like he's come out and yet
his voice is still in the closet.

Well done, Dylan!

Good game, Dylan?

You played well?

Well, you would've known
if you'd been there.

Oh, come on, I...
I caught the last few minutes.

Yeah, well, I didn't touch
the ball in the last few minutes.

Sorry. I've been snowed under.

You know what it's like with deadlines.

I still need to make money,
I'm running two houses.

Unbelievable this, innit?

I don't think he's told his son
he's gay, you know.

He's telling him he's been busy at work

when he's been seeing his fancy fella.

What a bullshitter.

I'll be at the next match, I promise.

Let out a fart or something,
just to break the tension.

It's doing my head in.

I'm going to get out over here,

but if you can carry on
to Leighton Road with Dylan,

- his mum will pay you at the other end.
- Yeah, all right.

Your dad's waving.

Yeah, he's always happier
when I'm leaving.

He's more interested in work than me.

Hi, mate, how much are they?

All right, boss, it's �5.

- Five?
- �5, yes.

- For a bunch?
- Yes, it's good, it's fresh.

It's hand-picked.

Hand-picked? Who by, the Hulk?

Look at the state of them, they're
wrecked. They're crushed to bits.

You haven't got any water in there,
have you?

That's why they're all limp and wilting.

No, boss, fresh! Fresh, smell it!

Why you doing this?
You know why Zoe left you.

She left, 'cause she wanted to start
a family and have a kid, and all that,

and you're not into that, are you?

So getting her flowers
isn't gonna change anything.

It's boring,
it's what everyone does, innit?

Do something different, make her laugh.

I'll tell you what you should do,

get her a nice, like,
big fresh bunch of, like, broccoli.

Do you know what I mean?
She can stick that in a vase,

and then, when she's ready, pop it in
a pan and eat it, it's full of goodness.

In fact, that would show her
that you care about her.

Do you know what I mean, it's full of
magnesium and zinc and all that, innit?

What are they gonna do?

In fact, they're gonna be dead
before they even get to Zoe.

If you're gonna get her some flowers,

at least get her some
that are gonna last.

You know what? Oh, leave it, mate.
I've got to get her some nicer ones.

- �4.
- No, no, no, you're all right, mate.

- Cheers, anyway.
- Boss? Boss?

- You a Spurs fan then?
- No, Chelsea.

What's with the top?

My dad supported Spurs all his life,
so he expects me to.

But they're kinda shit,

so I swapped to Chelsea.

- Can't you just tell him?
- No. No.

- Why?
- He wouldn't like that.

He'd get too upset and...

You know, he's kinda, erm... Sensitive?

I have to pretend to be something
I'm not when I'm with him.

I can't be myself.

- It's a funny saying that?
- What?

Well, the whole, you know,
being yourself thing.

It's pretty rare in life
that you actually get to be yourself.

I mean, look at me,

I'm gonna get me ex-girlfriend some
flowers today, to try and woo her back.

That's not really me, but sometimes
that's what you've got to do, innit?

Life's about, sort of,
being a version of yourself.

That's as good as it gets, really.

Oh, God, what's this now?

My girlfriend's pregnant.
You've got to take her to the hospital.

- I can't, I've got a fare already.
- Get the bags, get the bags!

Why don't you just call
for an ambulance?

Jesus! Dylan! Get in the front.

- What?
- Just get in the front, will you?

Why?

Because I've asked you to.
Just get in the front!

Where you going to, mate?

Come on, hurry up!
Royal Oak Infirmary.

Come on!

Hit it. Breathe. One, two, three.

Put this on. She likes this.
It calms her down.

That's it. Deep breaths.

Did you want a baby or was it a mistake?

I think I was a mistake.

I reckon my parents would still
be together if I hadn't been born.

You know, having a kid
can actually split people up.

Dylan, sometimes not having a kid
can split people up as well.

- Just leave it, yeah.
- Okay, okay.

Did you want this baby, or are you
just doing it because she wants it?

Dylan, will you just leave it.

- But I'm just asking questions.
- Yeah, well, don't ask questions!

Now is not the time, is it? Clearly!

Deep breaths.

You can do it. You're doing good.

Oh, that's disgusting!

Oh, my God, I'm going to be sick!

Pull over! Oh, a bit's gone down
the back of your neck!

It stinks. Pull over!

- Just drive fucking faster!
- Sorry, she's not usually like this.

Oh, shit.

Stop it!

I thought you'd have known
the parade was on.

- I forgot. Sorry about that.
- Unbelievable.

Can you grab the bags?

Come on, just breathe.
We're almost there.

- Dylan?
- Yeah, what?

Any chance I can borrow
that Spurs top of yours, hmm?

Yeah, you're welcome to it.

There's flowers over there.
Why don't you pull over?

I think I'll leave it,
to be honest.

Do you think if my dad bought
mum flowers, they'd get back together?

I don't know, Dylan. I don't know.

Maybe they'll get back together
if I just give them a bit of space.

Just put him out of his misery,
will you?

Just tell him, he's going to find out
at some point anyway.

Maybe I should move out.

Because if I move out,

dad could move back in,
and then...

There's no point in all three of us
being miserable, so...

Dylan, you're 15.

What are you gonna do, get a mortgage?

What's a mortgage?

Hello.

Karl. Did you pick up
a woman going to the hospital earlier?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, her fella has been on.
You forgot to unload one of the bags.

Can I just drop it off
at the taxi office

and they can come pick it up from there.

They haven't paid me for that last job
as it is.

Mate, can you just...
I just wanted the inside doing.

Are you there?
Just drop the bag off, will you?

I'll drop it off after.

Fucking hell.

How long are you gonna wait for your ex,

you know, if the flowers don't work?

I don't know.

You must have some plan.

I haven't got any plan.
I've got no idea. I don't know.

Was it something you did?

No, it's probably something I didn't do.

What was the reason you split up?

Because you don't have a kid, so...

Dylan, do you want to know something?

The truth of it is,
I probably won't get back with Zoe.

Here's something else for you,

your mum and dad, they're probably not
gonna get back together either.

Sometimes it happens,
sometimes it just doesn't work out.

People split up,
live happily ever after, separately.

Get used to it. Jesus!

Has that answered all the questions?

Oh, fucking hell. Dylan?

Mate, can you just leave the outside.
Is the inside done?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's all I wanted doing.

Just leave the outside.

- All right, pal.
- Cheers, mate.

Dylan.

Dylan!

Dylan!

Dylan!

Dylan!

Dylan.

Dylan! Dylan!

Dylan?

Why are you wearing a Chelsea shirt?

Why are you waving
a "gay and proud" banner?

Fucking hell...

Who's he?

That was a missed opportunity.

What was?

That fella back there,
he was giving you the eye.

He wasn't.

He wasn't trying to pick me up.
He wanted me to pick him up.

He was trying to flag me down.

Just thinking, you know,
it's an option, innit?

With all that's gone on today.

Look at Dylan's dad, he made the switch,
and he's never been happier, has he?

I'm not a universal travel plug.
I can't just change the setting.

Oh, you say that,
but look at how you were with calamari.

You couldn't stand it.
"Not for me," you said.

Then you had a piece, because you
thought it was an onion ring,

and now you can't get enough
of the stuff.

That's hardly the same, is it?

- Hello?
- Just checking.

- Did you hear me earlier?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, you dropping off the bag?
- Yeah, I'm on my way now.

She's at the Royal Oak Infirmary,
her name's Zoe.

I know,
I dropped them off there earlier.

Stop calling.

Karl?

Oh, hi, Zoe.

Got you some flowers.

That's a first.

They're plastic.

Yeah, well, you don't have to
water them, do you?

Let's face it, you're not going
to have time for that now, are you?

Not with this on your hands.

Saves me growing them from seeds.

You ever going to forget about that?

Sorry you had to find out that way.

Ah, you brought the bag.

Oh, yeah, it's down here.

- What do I owe you?
- Erm...

Don't worry about it.

Use the money to buy something
for the baby.

Do you want some cream for that rash?

- Yeah, have you got any? Yeah.
- Yeah.

Good luck with it all then, yeah.