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1
00:00:00,406 --> 00:00:06,394
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,077
Hey, do you want eggs?
3
00:00:09,403 --> 00:00:13,071
Or... egg. We only have one...
and it's surprisingly small.
4
00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:14,372
I'll just steal some from the boys.
5
00:00:14,374 --> 00:00:16,174
It'll help me get my 10,000 steps.
6
00:00:16,176 --> 00:00:17,837
Yesterday I only got six.
7
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,278
- Six thousand's not bad.
- No, just six.
8
00:00:20,279 --> 00:00:21,527
- I fear for you.
- [knocking]
9
00:00:21,533 --> 00:00:23,455
(LEWIS) Hey, Nate's making French toast.
10
00:00:23,683 --> 00:00:26,402
You guys, uh, got any
eggs? Like in your fridge,
11
00:00:26,408 --> 00:00:28,410
- not in your bodies. That's weird.
- [cell phone vibrates]
12
00:00:28,415 --> 00:00:29,711
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
13
00:00:29,717 --> 00:00:31,073
- (JEN) Uh, maybe they'll
- _
14
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:32,515
have some at the corner store.
15
00:00:32,521 --> 00:00:36,510
[Mo sighs] Their eggs are like
12 bucks, and they're super dusty.
16
00:00:37,407 --> 00:00:39,074
If you buy the day-old bread,
17
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,092
I'll make Ms. and Ms.
Pacman French toast.
18
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:45,015
You know non-hetero-normative
breakfast is my weakness.
19
00:00:47,389 --> 00:00:49,735
I don't know what that is, but
it sounds delicious. I'm in.
20
00:00:49,741 --> 00:00:51,437
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
21
00:00:51,443 --> 00:00:53,705
- _
- [sighing]
22
00:00:53,711 --> 00:00:55,478
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
23
00:00:55,484 --> 00:00:57,679
- [Lewis sniffs]
- _
24
00:00:57,685 --> 00:01:00,383
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
25
00:01:00,385 --> 00:01:02,185
[sipping coffee]
26
00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:03,453
Who are you sexting with?
27
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,895
What?! Nobody. Gross.
28
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:08,373
Garth? Is it Garth?
It's Garth, isn't it?
29
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:13,162
Yes, but it's not sexting,
it's... affectionate texting
30
00:01:13,164 --> 00:01:15,112
and you have to promise not to tell Mo.
31
00:01:15,385 --> 00:01:20,122
[sighs] In the immortal words
of All-4-One, "I swear".
32
00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:22,372
I thought "I Swear" was Boyz II Men.
33
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:23,711
Honest mistake...
34
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,697
as opposed to the dishonest
mistake of lying to your roommate
35
00:01:26,703 --> 00:01:28,283
about sleeping with her boss.
36
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,363
I am not sleeping with her boss... yet.
37
00:01:31,369 --> 00:01:33,649
Garth and I have only been on two dates.
38
00:01:33,651 --> 00:01:35,842
When Mo tried to set
us up, it got all weird,
39
00:01:35,848 --> 00:01:38,772
so, until it is something
more than innocent flirting,
40
00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:40,147
I'm keeping her out of it.
41
00:01:40,802 --> 00:01:44,407
I don't wanna mess things up
until I mess around with Garth.
42
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,742
Jennifer Wu, this does
not sound like you.
43
00:01:47,748 --> 00:01:48,950
I know.
44
00:01:48,997 --> 00:01:50,893
Do you think I should
tell Mo about the texting?
45
00:01:50,899 --> 00:01:54,104
Or tell Garth I can't sleep
with him because he's Mo's boss?
46
00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:56,589
I don't know what decisions
here are hormonal or practical.
47
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,749
See, now, this... this... this...
48
00:01:58,755 --> 00:02:00,765
this sounds like the Jennifer Wu I know.
49
00:02:01,452 --> 00:02:07,131
Look, Jen, nobody knows as much
about what's good for you as you do.
50
00:02:07,225 --> 00:02:08,619
That's deep.
51
00:02:08,826 --> 00:02:11,099
- Mariah Carey.
- Really?
52
00:02:11,105 --> 00:02:12,954
Yeah, Nick Cannon, what an idiot, huh,
53
00:02:12,956 --> 00:02:15,155
letting somebody so
smart and talented go.
54
00:02:15,161 --> 00:02:17,227
Hey, don't be Nick Cannon.
55
00:02:17,233 --> 00:02:18,929
Don't make the same mistake he did.
56
00:02:19,241 --> 00:02:21,662
Lewis, I don't think that
actually applies here.
57
00:02:21,664 --> 00:02:24,216
[sighing] Well, you're welcome.
58
00:02:24,222 --> 00:02:26,110
I'll see ya. [sniffs]
59
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,645
- [cell phone beeps, chimes]
- _
60
00:02:28,651 --> 00:02:30,530
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
61
00:02:30,536 --> 00:02:31,796
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
62
00:02:31,802 --> 00:02:33,110
[cell phone chimes]
63
00:02:33,116 --> 00:02:35,407
[inhales deeply] Okay... [clears throat]
64
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:38,016
Sample cream, sample soap.
65
00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:41,085
Hm, cotton candy condoms.
66
00:02:42,552 --> 00:02:44,064
Perfume.
67
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,560
[coughing, sputtering] Ooh!
68
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,174
I think that's just alcohol now.
69
00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:51,657
[coughs, gags and inhales]
70
00:02:51,663 --> 00:02:53,476
Oh, yeah!
71
00:02:53,482 --> 00:02:58,180
And one pack of sexy, get it on...
72
00:02:58,186 --> 00:02:59,470
_
73
00:02:59,607 --> 00:03:01,323
expired pills.
74
00:03:01,329 --> 00:03:04,335
[theme music]
75
00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:12,341
76
00:03:12,347 --> 00:03:17,489
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
77
00:03:17,549 --> 00:03:24,221
78
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,439
Nate! You're doing this.
79
00:03:27,445 --> 00:03:29,629
Lewis, I promised myself I'd
never shave your back again.
80
00:03:29,634 --> 00:03:32,098
[sighing] You're
telling Jen you like her.
81
00:03:32,294 --> 00:03:34,403
Actually, there's no
time. Just text her.
82
00:03:34,409 --> 00:03:36,868
Ah, you'll probably screw
that up, too. Let me text her.
83
00:03:36,870 --> 00:03:38,387
The less you say, the better.
84
00:03:38,393 --> 00:03:40,868
Look, I'm not gonna tell Jen that
I like her, okay? It's just...
85
00:03:40,873 --> 00:03:43,385
- It's not the right time.
- [whispered] Not the right time.
86
00:03:43,969 --> 00:03:47,275
Nate, is this like the
time that you wanted to ask
87
00:03:47,281 --> 00:03:49,608
- Becca Fishel out in second year?
- Oh...
88
00:03:49,614 --> 00:03:52,695
But you never did because
the time was never right.
89
00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:54,717
You know what Becca Fishel's up to now?
90
00:03:54,723 --> 00:03:57,493
She's married, she's got two
kids, she's got three dogs,
91
00:03:57,499 --> 00:03:58,803
and she's got a cottage
92
00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:00,294
- next to Goldie Hawn.
- [Nate sighs]
93
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:04,124
Nate, trust me, the time
has never been better.
94
00:04:04,130 --> 00:04:05,978
Okay, but why does it have to be today?
95
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,305
Damn you, All-4-One. [inhales]
96
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,324
- [car horn beeps]
- _
97
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:11,971
Because today's Car Day.
98
00:04:13,293 --> 00:04:17,644
The one day a month that we rent a
car to run errands, that's... Car Day?
99
00:04:18,504 --> 00:04:23,080
Yeah. [stammers] It's more like
Car Day is... is the day that you...
100
00:04:23,082 --> 00:04:25,567
you literally take the keys to...
101
00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:28,460
to create your own destiny, you know?
102
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,871
That's actually not a bad metaphor.
103
00:04:31,243 --> 00:04:35,541
You know, I could pick up some artisan
bread and some aged cheese and...
104
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:38,657
I could drive Jen to that park
that overlooks the cityscape.
105
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,040
Could be romantic.
106
00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,564
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
107
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,784
[knock on door]
108
00:04:47,862 --> 00:04:50,885
Hey, I need to go to the health
clinic. Can I grab a ride?
109
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:54,886
That's an odd choice for
Car Day. But, uh, yeah, sure.
110
00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:58,105
Hey, Nate, just remembered it's
Car Day. Where are we goin'?
111
00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:00,703
[sighs]
112
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:02,823
_
113
00:05:03,188 --> 00:05:05,164
_
114
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:06,370
_
115
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,086
_
116
00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:10,659
[clicks] Odd choice for Car Day.
117
00:05:12,369 --> 00:05:14,080
Jen, stop sweating.
118
00:05:14,086 --> 00:05:16,167
Your dress is starting
to look like a Rorschach.
119
00:05:16,173 --> 00:05:17,581
I hate these things.
120
00:05:17,673 --> 00:05:19,376
Do you remember my first pelvic exam,
121
00:05:19,382 --> 00:05:21,501
when my mom brought me
to see her gyno, Dr. Chin?
122
00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:22,904
- Drugs?
- No.
123
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,227
- Smoke?
- No.
124
00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:26,002
- Grade point average.
- 3.9.
125
00:05:26,008 --> 00:05:27,814
You planning for the sex?
126
00:05:28,098 --> 00:05:30,028
Ma, I think the family
part thing is over now,
127
00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:31,843
- so, you can probably go.
- I don't mind.
128
00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:34,419
I do puzzle while you
get the cave inspection.
129
00:05:34,425 --> 00:05:36,943
- [device clicks] Exam time.
- [whimpers]
130
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,553
[both shuddering]
131
00:05:38,559 --> 00:05:41,948
My first G-jam, my gyno was
a hotter Wilmer Valderrama,
132
00:05:41,954 --> 00:05:44,141
I had to hold in gas the whole time.
133
00:05:44,147 --> 00:05:45,493
(NURSE) Next!
134
00:05:47,934 --> 00:05:49,183
[sighs] Okay...
135
00:05:52,401 --> 00:05:53,990
Hi!
136
00:05:53,996 --> 00:05:56,418
I'm interested in getting
some birth control.
137
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,082
See, I got a little guy sitch and
I don't wanna rely on just condoms.
138
00:05:59,087 --> 00:06:01,698
Actually, it's my friend's
boss, so it's super awk,
139
00:06:01,704 --> 00:06:03,121
so if we could keep it on the down low.
140
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:05,112
OMG, I totally don't care.
141
00:06:05,118 --> 00:06:08,081
I need you to fill out a
patient information form,
142
00:06:08,087 --> 00:06:10,011
then you'll have to do
a complete physical exam
143
00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:11,641
before the doctor can prescribe.
144
00:06:11,833 --> 00:06:13,638
So, what's the Gyno 911?
145
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:16,630
No emergency, no. Just a routine exam.
146
00:06:16,636 --> 00:06:19,546
You know what? I haven't had the
old chassis looked at in a while.
147
00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:21,864
You think you can "squeeze" me in?
148
00:06:22,247 --> 00:06:24,755
- Get it?
- Yes.
149
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,554
Yes, I do.
150
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:28,662
Guys, we're totally booked, uh,
151
00:06:28,668 --> 00:06:30,446
but if you don't mind sharing
a room with your friend.
152
00:06:30,451 --> 00:06:31,806
- What?
- Perfect!
153
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,374
_
154
00:06:37,469 --> 00:06:40,276
You know, there are two things best
friends should never do together...
155
00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:43,608
one, start an acoustic
folk duo, and, two, a pap.
156
00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:46,143
Jen, we see each other's
naked soul stuffs all the time.
157
00:06:46,145 --> 00:06:48,413
Why not see each other's
naked vagina stuffs, too?
158
00:06:48,415 --> 00:06:52,097
Please do not refer to the female
reproductive system as "stuffs."
159
00:06:52,214 --> 00:06:53,452
- [cell phone vibrates]
- Oh.
160
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,277
- [cell phone chimes] _
- Who's that?
161
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:56,573
No one. Just my mom.
162
00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:58,689
- [cell phone chimes] _
- Is no place sacred?
163
00:06:58,695 --> 00:06:59,691
[sighs]
164
00:06:59,697 --> 00:07:02,082
Okay, look, I've actually
been texting with...
165
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,029
[door opens]
166
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,811
Jen and Mo?
167
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:10,217
No, it's Tegan and Sara, but
it's a common misconception.
168
00:07:10,223 --> 00:07:11,809
It's me, Karen...
169
00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,978
[laughing] like from our friendship.
170
00:07:14,039 --> 00:07:17,964
Mo, can you do me a favour and hit me
with that plastic vulva 'til I'm dead?
171
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:22,446
172
00:07:22,448 --> 00:07:26,412
How weird is it that we keep on meeting,
after years of not seeing each other.
173
00:07:26,418 --> 00:07:28,223
Literal actual years.
174
00:07:28,229 --> 00:07:29,825
Yep, that's how time works.
175
00:07:29,831 --> 00:07:31,614
Mo, are you still
working at the toy store?
176
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:34,406
Actually, it's a game store,
and I am the assistant manager.
177
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,014
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
178
00:07:37,129 --> 00:07:39,331
You were always so into your toys.
179
00:07:39,337 --> 00:07:41,638
- Still a game store.
- [cell phone chimes] _
180
00:07:41,644 --> 00:07:44,635
So, Karen, what happened
to Doctors Without Borders?
181
00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:48,258
Yeah, shouldn't you be helping people,
instead of serving our happy meals?
182
00:07:48,264 --> 00:07:50,541
My fianc? missed me way too much.
183
00:07:50,547 --> 00:07:53,218
Did I tell you? I am engaged!
184
00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:55,180
- (JEN AND MO) Yes.
- [Karen chuckles]
185
00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:58,430
Well... l-let's dive in, ladies.
186
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,306
Jen, we'll start with you.
Mo, you can wait outside.
187
00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:01,950
No, no, we have no secrets.
188
00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:04,901
- [cell phone chimes]
- _
189
00:08:05,562 --> 00:08:07,563
How many sexual partners have you had?
190
00:08:07,874 --> 00:08:10,654
Oh, [chuckles] you
know, the normal amount.
191
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,757
- Three.
- Four.
192
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:15,127
You always forget that
Irish flight attendant.
193
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:17,227
Well, that's on Seamus
for being forgettable.
194
00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:20,821
And then there was Javi, that
super hot guy from 3rd year psych,
195
00:08:20,827 --> 00:08:23,354
and then there was Arnold,
the dude with the goitre.
196
00:08:23,432 --> 00:08:27,509
And are you currently sexually active?
Follow up question... how active?
197
00:08:27,511 --> 00:08:30,042
Follow up, follow up
question... what kind of active?
198
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:33,909
Uh, can you define "currently"
in month-long measurements?
199
00:08:33,915 --> 00:08:35,298
Oh, months?
200
00:08:35,304 --> 00:08:37,712
So things didn't click with
that Garth guy I saw you with?
201
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,385
- Oh...
- Noted.
202
00:08:39,391 --> 00:08:41,705
Actually, I prefer
you not note that one.
203
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:44,425
Mo, when was your last menstrual cycle?
204
00:08:44,427 --> 00:08:46,148
Last Tuesday through Thursday.
205
00:08:46,328 --> 00:08:49,141
- Any irregular bleeding?
- Only from my soul.
206
00:08:49,432 --> 00:08:51,531
And how many sexual partners?
207
00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:55,330
Um...
208
00:08:55,336 --> 00:08:56,536
Zero!
209
00:08:56,577 --> 00:09:00,865
210
00:09:00,871 --> 00:09:02,251
Like, today?
211
00:09:02,257 --> 00:09:04,370
- (KAREN) Like, never?
- Uh...
212
00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:11,697
213
00:09:11,703 --> 00:09:12,937
You're a virgin?
214
00:09:12,939 --> 00:09:14,700
Ugh, that's my squirm word,
215
00:09:14,706 --> 00:09:16,540
right between "moist" and "millennial."
216
00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:18,176
What about Kevin from band class?
217
00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,478
He used to pee in the laundry
sink 'cause he was too lazy
218
00:09:20,484 --> 00:09:22,377
to walk up the stairs to the bathroom.
219
00:09:22,383 --> 00:09:24,814
[grunts] The guy from
the varsity football team.
220
00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:26,819
- What's his name?
- Ryan. Perma-fried.
221
00:09:26,825 --> 00:09:29,444
Only thing he wanted to do in bed
was eat microwave chimichangas.
222
00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:31,841
Peter. You must have slept with Peter.
223
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:34,824
Lovely guy. Gay as the ocean is scary.
224
00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:37,026
How can you be a virgin
and I not know that?
225
00:09:37,032 --> 00:09:39,613
- You never asked.
- What else are you not telling me?
226
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,959
Do you really believe Elijah
Wood is the perfect male form?
227
00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:44,542
- Yes.
- Were my grade 12 bangs,
228
00:09:44,548 --> 00:09:47,551
as you so eloquently put
it, "elegant, yet bangable"?
229
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:50,644
You looked like a
Halloween Cleopatra costume.
230
00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:51,850
[gasps]
231
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,689
_
232
00:09:55,434 --> 00:09:59,515
[scoffs] Twenty five dollars for
parking. Twenty five. It's ridiculous.
233
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:02,190
Hey, listen, we're here for Jen,
all right? It's money well spent.
234
00:10:02,196 --> 00:10:03,704
Yeah, I guess you're right.
235
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:05,791
But it was her idea to come to
the clinic in the first place.
236
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:07,267
She should at least
offer to pay for half.
237
00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:09,000
- Shhhh!
- [sighs]
238
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,882
Hey, w-w-w-w-where are you going?
239
00:10:10,888 --> 00:10:13,887
Well, I'm not needed here, I'm gonna go
move the car. Maybe I can get a refund.
240
00:10:13,892 --> 00:10:15,092
Shhhh!
241
00:10:15,268 --> 00:10:18,262
[sighs] Nate, forget about the
car, okay? You need to be here.
242
00:10:18,268 --> 00:10:20,468
Look, I don't like how close
that van is parked next to me.
243
00:10:20,473 --> 00:10:22,388
I'm just gonna move it. I'll
feel way more comfortable.
244
00:10:22,393 --> 00:10:25,695
Oh, I'm sorry, are you feeling
uncomfortable right now?
245
00:10:25,701 --> 00:10:27,122
'Cause maybe you should
have thought of that
246
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,030
before you went bareback
in the heat of the moment.
247
00:10:29,035 --> 00:10:30,716
You know what else feels uncomfortable?
248
00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:34,029
A human being ripping
its way out of your body.
249
00:10:34,035 --> 00:10:38,800
So, you two... sit down, because,
spoiler alert, you're not leaving her!
250
00:10:39,183 --> 00:10:40,706
Uh... [chuckles]
251
00:10:40,712 --> 00:10:44,466
sorry... uh, nurse, um, I think
there's been a misunderstanding.
252
00:10:44,472 --> 00:10:46,380
My friend hasn't gone bareback, no.
253
00:10:46,386 --> 00:10:49,063
He, uh, he... he hasn't even
been in the stable. [laughs]
254
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,382
- Lewis...
- Sorry.
255
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:54,747
Oh, there has been a misunderstanding.
[laughing insincerely] I said, shhhhh!
256
00:10:57,006 --> 00:11:01,903
257
00:11:01,909 --> 00:11:05,226
Mo, you keeping your virginity
from me is a huge deal.
258
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,629
What are you, a high
school football player?
259
00:11:08,492 --> 00:11:11,099
I didn't keep it from
you. You never asked.
260
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,880
_
261
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:15,883
Okay, I can't pee while you're
listening. Can you please hum something?
262
00:11:16,791 --> 00:11:19,666
Hmmmmmmmm, this is me humming
263
00:11:19,672 --> 00:11:21,580
Because you can't pee in public
264
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:23,788
Hmmmmmm
265
00:11:23,794 --> 00:11:25,812
Okay, good, good, good.
That's working. [clears throat]
266
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,491
Look, just because
you tell me everything,
267
00:11:27,497 --> 00:11:29,536
doesn't mean I can't
keep some stuff private.
268
00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:31,491
-
Hmmmmmmmm
- I have private things.
269
00:11:31,497 --> 00:11:33,983
Yeah, I just saw them in
the exam room, remember?
270
00:11:33,989 --> 00:11:35,207
-
Hmmmmmmmm
- Not what I meant.
271
00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,724
Your Nancy Drew paper dolls don't count.
272
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:41,658
Oh, yeah? Well, I've been
flirt-texting with Garth all day.
273
00:11:41,664 --> 00:11:43,578
Yeah, because I'm
planning to sleep with him,
274
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,744
and that is why I'm here
getting birth control.
275
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:46,950
- [Jen peeing]
- What?
276
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,897
[Jen continues peeing]
277
00:11:49,903 --> 00:11:56,795
278
00:11:56,797 --> 00:11:58,779
Lewis, I really don't think
this is the right place
279
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,402
for me to tell Jen that I like her.
280
00:12:00,662 --> 00:12:03,765
Buddy, when life gives you lemons,
you crush 'em up, you add some vodka
281
00:12:03,771 --> 00:12:06,357
and a pinch of cayenne and
you end up with "Lewisade."
282
00:12:06,718 --> 00:12:09,525
- Lewis, your cocktails are rancid.
- Don't lie to me like that.
283
00:12:09,531 --> 00:12:11,126
(LEWIS) Listen, what I'm saying is, uh,
284
00:12:11,132 --> 00:12:13,134
why don't you just,
for once in your life,
285
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:15,228
go after what it is that you want?
286
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,958
I mean, let's live in the moment.
287
00:12:17,628 --> 00:12:19,843
You're right. Not backing down.
288
00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,419
'Kay, what is wrong with you?!
289
00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:22,769
Where do you want me to start?
290
00:12:22,771 --> 00:12:24,424
They're in an exam.
291
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:26,797
Are you honestly gonna
make me get out of my chair?
292
00:12:26,803 --> 00:12:30,124
What? Standing up is so-o-o hard.
293
00:12:31,231 --> 00:12:33,306
I am so sorry.
294
00:12:33,312 --> 00:12:36,744
Don't be. I am over the moon about it.
295
00:12:37,761 --> 00:12:39,193
You're glowing.
296
00:12:39,199 --> 00:12:41,406
_
297
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,958
(MO) I figured if date number two
went well, you'd say something.
298
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:46,288
Why didn't you tell me you
were going to sleep with Garth?
299
00:12:46,294 --> 00:12:49,429
- [scoffs] You never asked.
- I'm not trying to box block you.
300
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,252
I just didn't think my set-up worked.
301
00:12:51,258 --> 00:12:54,112
[sighs] Mo, Jen has
needs. It has been months.
302
00:12:54,118 --> 00:12:55,696
And just because you are a virgin...
303
00:12:55,702 --> 00:12:57,399
(MO & JEN) Shut up, Karen.
304
00:12:57,493 --> 00:13:00,315
Look, your set-up didn't work
because you forced us together.
305
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,822
I am making decisions
for myself this time,
306
00:13:02,828 --> 00:13:07,382
because no one knows as much about
what's right for me as much as I do.
307
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:11,179
Do not throw Mariah Carey lyrics at
me, okay? You just wanna get laid.
308
00:13:11,185 --> 00:13:13,019
Oh, I need to get laid?
309
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:15,137
That's like the pot
calling the kettle chaste.
310
00:13:15,143 --> 00:13:17,021
I'm just waiting for the right guy.
311
00:13:17,027 --> 00:13:20,138
Not the right guy, just,
you know, someone I know
312
00:13:20,144 --> 00:13:21,834
and trust and someone I can talk do,
313
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,804
and someone I have a
lot in common with...
314
00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:25,505
Like Garth.
315
00:13:25,896 --> 00:13:28,052
Ew, do not use his name in that context.
316
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:30,515
I've known that guy since like
the first "Harry Potter" movie.
317
00:13:30,521 --> 00:13:32,405
That's why you set me up with Garth?
318
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:35,166
Because you wanna sleep with him
vicariously? Sleep with him yourself.
319
00:13:35,171 --> 00:13:36,761
Oh, whoa there, little pony.
320
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:38,636
You are way off base,
and even more off base
321
00:13:38,642 --> 00:13:40,323
to be bringing this
up in front of Karen...
322
00:13:40,329 --> 00:13:43,157
[winces] who is second-basing the
hell out of my left boob right now.
323
00:13:43,163 --> 00:13:44,526
You know what?
324
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:46,732
Whatever. It's nothing.
325
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,972
It's not nothing.
326
00:13:47,978 --> 00:13:50,780
Uh, I think I feel something.
327
00:13:53,077 --> 00:13:54,509
It's probably nothing.
328
00:13:54,511 --> 00:13:58,246
329
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:04,608
330
00:14:04,614 --> 00:14:07,612
Ma, I need you. We're at
the Women's Health Clinic.
331
00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:11,299
Aiya, I told Daddy, Jenny
look very pregnant...
332
00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:13,395
like snake that swallowed pumpkin.
333
00:14:13,397 --> 00:14:14,996
I'm not pregnant!
334
00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:16,990
I just don't fit the cookie-cutter norm
335
00:14:16,996 --> 00:14:20,368
of waifish perfection perpetuated
by the male-dominated media.
336
00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:23,552
Ma? Ma?!
337
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:26,152
Hello? Hello?
338
00:14:26,158 --> 00:14:28,038
[birds twittering outside]
339
00:14:28,044 --> 00:14:31,659
340
00:14:31,665 --> 00:14:33,381
So, you're gonna be a dad.
341
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,079
- I'm not having a baby.
- What?
342
00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:37,058
No, lady, we're only
here because my friend
343
00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:39,675
is trying to ask out this girl
that he's crushing on hard.
344
00:14:39,681 --> 00:14:44,097
Okay, you guys realize that people
here have real problems, right?
345
00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:48,024
Soul-crushing, life-altering,
bank-account-draining kind of problems.
346
00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:51,236
You know what? This intrusive
medical professional's right.
347
00:14:51,242 --> 00:14:53,002
Lew, why are you trying
to push this so hard?
348
00:14:53,131 --> 00:14:57,451
[heavy sigh] Damn you,
All-4-One. Nate has to know.
349
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:59,324
Because, man...
350
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,131
Jen is gonna bang Garth... like tonight!
351
00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:05,545
And you want me to join them?
352
00:15:05,547 --> 00:15:07,569
Ooh, that's a very different pamphlet.
353
00:15:08,589 --> 00:15:11,684
"Threesome." Like you
could handle that. [scoffs]
354
00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:13,973
Okay, Lew, if she wants
to sleep with another guy,
355
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,990
that must mean that she's
not that interested in me.
356
00:15:15,995 --> 00:15:17,772
Well, not necessarily.
357
00:15:17,778 --> 00:15:20,283
I mean, I like a guy
and it's not the father.
358
00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:24,076
Plus, you're here now, which is more
than I can say for this Garth guy.
359
00:15:24,082 --> 00:15:26,015
You and this girl must be really close.
360
00:15:26,021 --> 00:15:27,521
Well, she does live downstairs.
361
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,426
Exactly. It's like fate.
362
00:15:29,432 --> 00:15:33,639
Okay, that's not fate, that's geography.
Get out of my waiting room. Go!
363
00:15:33,645 --> 00:15:35,717
- (LEWIS) Hey, Mrs. Wu.
- (MA) Sit!
364
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:38,314
Okay, ma'am, you can't go back...
365
00:15:40,077 --> 00:15:41,692
Screw it. [laughs]
366
00:15:42,913 --> 00:15:44,918
I could have been a
professional rugby player.
367
00:15:44,924 --> 00:15:47,542
[sniffing deeply and exhaling]
368
00:15:47,548 --> 00:15:51,739
- Jenny! Mommy's here for you.
- Uh, sorry, Miss, you...
369
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:57,594
Mrs. Wu? OMG! You look amazing.
370
00:15:57,692 --> 00:15:59,176
It's been years.
371
00:15:59,182 --> 00:16:00,928
Time really does baffle you, don't it?
372
00:16:00,934 --> 00:16:02,865
Karen! You doctor?!
373
00:16:02,871 --> 00:16:05,447
And I'm engaged!
374
00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:08,573
Ma! Ma?! Ma!
375
00:16:08,575 --> 00:16:11,477
I didn't call you here
for me. It's Mo... they...
376
00:16:12,158 --> 00:16:14,569
[sobbing] I can't even say it.
377
00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:17,162
It's very early. We're going
to look into some things.
378
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:19,368
- They found a lump.
- [sobbing]
379
00:16:19,374 --> 00:16:21,853
Mo's gonna die a virgin.
380
00:16:21,859 --> 00:16:24,007
Mo is still a virgin?
381
00:16:24,013 --> 00:16:26,828
I told you that Peter guy was gay.
382
00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:29,404
I describe the sex for Mo-Mo.
383
00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:32,738
- Oh...
- So, it feels like electricity,
384
00:16:32,744 --> 00:16:34,398
but you don't fall down,
385
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,102
though, if you hold your breath,
386
00:16:36,108 --> 00:16:38,102
it can be more pleasurable.
387
00:16:38,104 --> 00:16:41,683
- I'm not dying.
- Shhh, you're in denial.
388
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:45,199
I get Dr. Chin to give you
special Chinese pearl barley.
389
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,482
Ma, you can't give Mo
your menopause herbs.
390
00:16:47,488 --> 00:16:50,287
Look, you're young and you're
healthy. It's probably nothing.
391
00:16:50,293 --> 00:16:52,250
We're going to run some
tests. In the meantime,
392
00:16:52,256 --> 00:16:54,381
it would just be good to
look into your family history.
393
00:16:54,386 --> 00:16:57,371
Why can't you be doctor like Karen?
394
00:16:57,377 --> 00:17:00,797
I know, right? Jen, here
is your prescription.
395
00:17:00,803 --> 00:17:02,977
- You take birth control?
- Uh...
396
00:17:02,983 --> 00:17:06,899
Pill is good. Help you
gain weight. You so skinny.
397
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,796
I'll bring car around. Let's have lunch.
398
00:17:09,802 --> 00:17:15,224
You need to plump up and Mo-Mo needs
to enjoy every day as if it's her last.
399
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,594
Uh... [sighs]
400
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,619
All right, what time is
it in the Philippines?
401
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:25,305
In some ways, way ahead, and in
others, it's as if time doesn't exist.
402
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:27,783
Mo, you need to call your family.
403
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:30,252
I'll call them later tonight
when you're out banging my boss.
404
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,287
No, I'm not going out with Garth.
405
00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:33,620
It's just not the right time.
406
00:17:33,626 --> 00:17:35,840
Hey, if Sampson has taught me anything,
407
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,129
it's that you need to go
after everything you want.
408
00:17:38,135 --> 00:17:40,542
- Who's Sampson?
- It's my lump. I named him.
409
00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:42,745
- You named your lump?
- Mm-hm.
410
00:17:44,072 --> 00:17:45,934
- Too soon.
- [sobbing] Mm-hm.
411
00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:49,271
412
00:17:49,273 --> 00:17:50,839
[sniffing]
413
00:17:55,694 --> 00:17:57,204
It'll be okay.
414
00:17:57,875 --> 00:18:00,601
Hey, Mo...
415
00:18:00,781 --> 00:18:02,002
Bunny told you.
416
00:18:02,008 --> 00:18:03,416
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
417
00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:06,975
[inhaling] It's okay. She's
strong. The strongest person I know.
418
00:18:06,981 --> 00:18:08,392
- You're hurting me.
- Oh, sorry.
419
00:18:08,398 --> 00:18:11,088
Guys, I have terrible news.
420
00:18:11,478 --> 00:18:14,661
There is a small scratch on the car.
421
00:18:14,663 --> 00:18:16,765
[sobbing]
422
00:18:16,771 --> 00:18:20,567
Why do bad things happen to good people?
423
00:18:20,569 --> 00:18:23,778
[sobbing]
424
00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:26,203
Jen, I-I-I... I'm sure
we can buff it out.
425
00:18:26,209 --> 00:18:29,258
Nate, your timing sucks.
426
00:18:29,936 --> 00:18:33,079
- [sobbing]
- It's okay.
427
00:18:33,085 --> 00:18:36,179
- [blubbering] But he has a condom...
- I know.
428
00:18:36,185 --> 00:18:38,754
_
429
00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:40,762
[knock at door]
430
00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:45,566
What's goin' on, cellar dweller?
431
00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,936
Just came to, uh, check on
Mo and see how she's doing.
432
00:18:47,942 --> 00:18:49,595
Oh, she's talking to her mom
433
00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:53,164
and I needed to cancel some
plans I had for tonight.
434
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:54,434
Oh, Really?
435
00:18:54,436 --> 00:18:57,283
I mean, uh, oh, you had plans? That's...
436
00:18:57,605 --> 00:18:59,805
[clicks] That's funny,
'cause, uh, you know, Nate,
437
00:18:59,807 --> 00:19:01,643
you still have the car
until tomorrow morning.
438
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:04,519
I mean, if you needed a... a
drive somewhere or something.
439
00:19:04,525 --> 00:19:05,816
Well, I've actually
got a really good spot
440
00:19:05,821 --> 00:19:07,256
outside, so, I'd rather not move it.
441
00:19:07,261 --> 00:19:10,052
Oh, that's too bad.
Could've gone for a drive.
442
00:19:12,214 --> 00:19:15,422
- I Becca Fishel'd that, didn't I?
- Yeah. Yeah, you did.
443
00:19:15,990 --> 00:19:17,695
(MO's MOM ON COMPUTER)
Is everything okay?
444
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,282
Did you get fired?
445
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,599
[speaks Tagalog] Everything's fine.
446
00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:24,243
Actually... [sighing]
447
00:19:24,249 --> 00:19:27,432
I went to the doctor and she
found a lump in my breast.
448
00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:34,339
So, I gotta ask... does the family
have a history of the Big C in the Bs?
449
00:19:34,345 --> 00:19:37,126
Okay, Russell Peters,
stand-up comedian...
450
00:19:37,548 --> 00:19:39,836
_
451
00:19:39,837 --> 00:19:43,655
- _
- [someone shouting from other room]
452
00:19:43,663 --> 00:19:47,819
_
453
00:19:48,428 --> 00:19:50,918
- I didn't see anything.
- I can actually see the resemblance.
454
00:19:50,924 --> 00:19:52,498
- Ugh!
- [slams laptop lid]
455
00:19:53,271 --> 00:19:54,471
[Mo sighs]
456
00:19:55,122 --> 00:20:00,435
457
00:20:00,441 --> 00:20:01,956
[sighing]
458
00:20:01,962 --> 00:20:04,662
Thank you very much
for coming in today, Mo.
459
00:20:04,978 --> 00:20:06,535
I just really felt like I had to
460
00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:09,062
- share this news with you in person.
- Okay.
461
00:20:09,068 --> 00:20:12,249
And I really hope getting the day off
at the toy store wasn't a big deal.
462
00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:14,699
Once again, still a game
store. What's the news?
463
00:20:14,705 --> 00:20:17,540
But... before I tell you,
I have to let you know
464
00:20:17,546 --> 00:20:20,985
that the news is not as dire as it
sounds, so, please, do not freak out.
465
00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:22,274
Dire?
466
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,427
As your physician,
and your best friend...
467
00:20:24,429 --> 00:20:26,462
[sighs] I know that you can handle it.
468
00:20:26,468 --> 00:20:28,871
I wouldn't really call
us besties or friends.
469
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,769
It's okay if you feel
like you want to cry.
470
00:20:30,775 --> 00:20:33,378
Right now, I feel like
punching. What is the news?
471
00:20:33,682 --> 00:20:35,894
Okay, here goes. [inhales deeply]
472
00:20:36,122 --> 00:20:38,113
My wedding this summer is cancelled.
473
00:20:38,183 --> 00:20:39,396
[whimpers]
474
00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:41,467
- What?
- I know. I know. It sounds awful.
475
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:43,687
But, on the bright side, my fianc? and I
476
00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:45,650
will be eloping
together to Fiji instead.
477
00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:46,864
- Karen...
- [sighs]
478
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,453
It's only going to be a small affair,
479
00:20:48,459 --> 00:20:50,225
only whoever can fit
into his private jet...
480
00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:52,161
- Karen...
- Let me finish!
481
00:20:52,924 --> 00:20:54,700
[squeakily] God, this is so hard.
482
00:20:54,706 --> 00:20:55,997
[sobbing]
483
00:20:56,224 --> 00:20:58,908
You and Jen are not invited.
484
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:06,031
I know. Take as long as you need to
process this terrible, terrible news.
485
00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:07,403
Karen?
486
00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:10,476
- [squeaks] Yeah?
- What about my breast lump?
487
00:21:10,482 --> 00:21:13,500
Oh, you're totally fine. I was
right. You're perfectly healthy.
488
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,421
- Really?
- Yeah.
489
00:21:15,427 --> 00:21:17,413
Oh, that's so great.
490
00:21:17,415 --> 00:21:19,014
You know, I told Jen to stay at home
491
00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:21,530
because I didn't want her to
bawl in case the news was bad.
492
00:21:21,536 --> 00:21:24,929
I just heard everything.
You're okay! [sobbing]
493
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:26,135
[squeaks]
494
00:21:26,445 --> 00:21:31,973
[sobbing] Jen, I have some
terrible, terrible news.
495
00:21:33,005 --> 00:21:34,332
She doesn't.
496
00:21:34,338 --> 00:21:35,726
[sobbing]
497
00:21:35,732 --> 00:21:39,435
[panting]
498
00:21:39,441 --> 00:21:44,441
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
499
00:21:44,491 --> 00:21:49,041
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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