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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:04,036 [blues harmonica] 2 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:09,808 Hey. 3 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,143 How do you keep gettin' in here? 4 00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:13,078 There must be a hole in the screen or somethin'. 5 00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:16,715 Where you goin'? George's. 6 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:19,051 That boring kid? I thought you hated him. 7 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,619 You must be thinking of you. 8 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,359 Hey, Jackie. What kind of mood is my mom in? 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,927 Great. We just got our new stove. Why? 10 00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,229 What are you up to? 11 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,464 Well, David and I want to get matching nose rings, 12 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:34,767 But he insisted we get her approval first. 13 00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,804 Well, I didn't wanna, like, fall in love with having one, 14 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,806 And have Mrs. Conner force me to take it out. 15 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:45,310 You don't think she'll let us, do ya? 16 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:46,912 Um- 17 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,216 I don't know. I mean, how exactly do they do it? 18 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,885 Well, they take this long needle, 19 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,621 And they put it in really slowly, 20 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,890 And then they move it back and forth really quickly. 21 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,927 But you hardly feel it, 'cause the needle's so hot. 22 00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:04,496 Man, that new stove is so cool. 23 00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:06,198 Now we can finally cook the meat, 24 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,399 Rather than just agin' it. 25 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,336 Mom, i'm glad you're in such a good mood. 26 00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,705 David and I wanna go downtown and get matching nose rings. 27 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,706 It's okay, right? 28 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,708 Yeah. Just be home in time for dinner. 29 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:22,314 Not that you could have stopped us. In fact, i'd like to see you try. 30 00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:26,085 Hey, I think it's great. Any time kids can express themselves non-verbally, 31 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,520 I'm all for it. 32 00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,422 Okay. If you'll just sign here, i'll bring it in. 33 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:36,495 Hey! This is about twice the price you guys advertised. 34 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:37,863 Well, you didn't read the fine print. 35 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,332 We only sell the first 10 at that price. 36 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,568 You must be new at this. 37 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:46,839 No, i'm not new at this. I've been screwed over before. 38 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,441 Well, I can take it back. But your old one's not up to code, 39 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,978 And...I'm sort of obligated to report that. 40 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:56,548 [both moaning] all right. Bring in your damn stove. 41 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,884 Remember to lift it with your back. 42 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:09,528 Ugh, what a jerk. Well, we'll see you back at the house. 43 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:10,863 Where are you goin'? 44 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,031 To get the nose rings. 45 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,032 No way! 46 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,435 But you just said we could! 47 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:19,204 Yeah, but you sat here long enough for me to change my mind. 48 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:22,574 Maybe there's a lesson in this for you, young lady. 49 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:26,278 Oh, man. Now we can't get the nose rings? 50 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,148 I never get what I really, really want. 51 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:33,052 Well, David, you're not my kid. So you can go ahead and get your nose pierced. 52 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,155 No. Don't worry. If she's not gonna let you get one, 53 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,623 I won't get one, either. 54 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,959 Oh, that's okay, David. I wanna live vicariously through you. 55 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,263 Come on. There must be dozens of things we can pierce on you. 56 00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:50,536 [theme] 57 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,702 [laughing] 58 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,777 Okay, Miss Harris. Now. You know what to do. 59 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,979 I'm gonna say "knock, knock", like i'm at your door, 60 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,414 And you're gonna say, "who's there?" 61 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,115 Like you're wondering who I am, okay? 62 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:12,918 And then i'm gonna- who's there, george? 63 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,293 I-I didn't say "knock, knock" yet. 64 00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:24,663 Okay. I'll start again. Okay. Okay. 65 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,298 Knock, knock. 66 00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:28,967 [Jackie] Roseanne, george has got this really great joke to tell you. 67 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:32,504 I-I can't hear it again. Last time, I about wet myself. 68 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:37,109 Well, gee, george. I don't have a lot of time to hear your joke. 69 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,844 Only got about a minute or so. 70 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,013 Oh, that's okay- oops. Minute's up. Sorry. 71 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:45,150 Can I- can I just ask you one thing, Mrs. Conner? Yeah. 72 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,853 How come D.J. never comes and plays with me anymore? 73 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:48,921 What are you talkin' about? 74 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,155 He says he's been over at your house 75 00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:51,457 Every single night this week. 76 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,660 Which has got to be a record for anybody. 77 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,397 That's funny, 'cause I haven't seen him 78 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,299 In a really long time. 79 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:04,770 Well, that little boy is in a lot of trouble for lying to me. 80 00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,906 Oh. Now i'll never be able to come over? 81 00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,241 Don't you worry about it, George. 82 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:12,344 No matter how bad he is, yours is the one place 83 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:13,612 He'll still be able to go. 84 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,715 Thanks, Mrs. Conner. 85 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:21,120 Darlene, i'll let ya off work if you do me a favor. 86 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:24,356 Oh, forget it. I am not gonna spy on my brother and rat him out. 87 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,992 What? I'm just kidding. I'd love to. 88 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:30,729 Excuse me. 89 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,532 I've got your stove in the truck? 90 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,234 What are you talkin' about? 91 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,536 I'm sorry it's a day late, but- 92 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,905 It's already paid for. 93 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,775 That's right. Second stove. That can't be. 94 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,910 Yes it can be, Jackie. And I don't really think 95 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,780 You should question a company the size of appliance station. 96 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,947 You know, they know what they're doing. 97 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,482 I'm sure they send out a lot of stoves. 98 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,451 In fact, they probably send out so many stoves 99 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,454 That they can't even keep track of how many stoves they send out. 100 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,590 Is there some problem here? 101 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,826 Hm? There's- no problem. You have a problem, Roseanne? 102 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:01,927 No. I have no problem at all. 103 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,996 We are both problem-free. 104 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,402 Can you believe this, Roseanne? Free stove. 105 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,106 So, well, go- go get the stove, there, Mickey. 106 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,574 What are you waiti'' on, your pension? 107 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,291 [clears throat] 108 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,325 So I did it. 109 00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:39,298 Whaddaya think, really? 110 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:43,836 Because if you want me to get rid of it, I will, just purely out of respect. 111 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,204 I like it. 112 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,408 Are- are you sure? 113 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,909 Because, you know, since i'm living here, 114 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,679 I know my appearance reflects on this family. 115 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,049 No. Makes us look good. Hell, that there is pure gold. 116 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,884 In fact, from now on, i'd appreciate it 117 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,953 If you'd be a-sittin' on the front porch. 118 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,492 Hey, dad. You're never gonna guess what I found out about D.J. 119 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,129 Wow. I still can't believe you got that. 120 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,597 You're like the first straight guy i've known 121 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,932 With the guts to wear one of those. 122 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,503 Hey, mom. 123 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:20,339 Uh, I followed D.J. around today, and you were right. 124 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,574 He is hanging with a new crowd. 125 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:24,143 It's even worse than you thought. 126 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,311 What kind of crowd? He's not doin' drugs, is he? 127 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:27,846 No, no. 128 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,915 [laughs] he's goin' to church. 129 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,922 Church. 130 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,490 Church? 131 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,493 Yeah. I talked to the, uh... 132 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,395 Uh, head holy guy? 133 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:49,168 And, uh, he said that D.J.'s been there, like, every day. 134 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,903 Oh, god, no. 135 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,972 Oh, come on, Dan. Now, church is good. 136 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,209 We support church. Could be a good influence on him. 137 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,478 Yeah. I mean, maybe he'll take after your cousin, Jessico. 138 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,946 Isn't he the one who, uh, 139 00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:04,316 Sent us the bible with every single word highlighted? 140 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:09,555 No, that's his cousin, Jeb. 141 00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:13,959 His cousin Jessico is the Elvis-impersonatin' preacher 142 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,363 That clog-dances when he's filled with the holy spirit. 143 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,103 [sighs] oh, god, Roseanne. You know i'm not good with religion. 144 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,637 Well, you better get good with it, Dan. 145 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,539 'cause we don't want D.J. thinkin' we don't approve. 146 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,742 Well, it's- it's not that. It's just- 147 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,444 It just gives me the willies. You know my family. 148 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,180 They follow Pat Robertson around like he's the Grateful Dead. 149 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,086 [door closes] 150 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,521 What? 151 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,090 Where have you been going, every day after school? 152 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:48,560 And remember, god will punish you if you lie. 153 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,598 Roseanne... 154 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,733 Well, hey. We got it. We might as well use it. 155 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,636 I've been goin' to church. 156 00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:00,005 Well, so why didn't you tell us before? 157 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,074 'cause I thought you'd make fun of me. 158 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,942 D.J., give us a little credit. 159 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,379 Why would we make fun of that, when we have the bounty that is your face? 160 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,417 Okay. Go out of here. We wanna talk about this. 161 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,552 Dan? You wanna sit here and talk, too. 162 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,591 Well, I wanted to tell you. 163 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:22,995 I just had some questions about god and stuff. 164 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,998 Well, so why didn't you come to us, if you had questions? 165 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,634 You know? There's no two better people to answer your questions 166 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,469 Than me and your dad. 167 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,038 Okay. What religion are we? 168 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,573 I have no idea. Dan? 169 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,346 Well, my family's Pentecostal on my mom's side, 170 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,247 Baptist on my dad's, 171 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,851 Your mom's mom was Lutheran, and her dad was Jewish. 172 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,087 So what do we believe? 173 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,822 Well... 174 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,191 We believe in, uh, bein' good. 175 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,193 So basically, we're good people. 176 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,963 Yeah, but we're not practicing. 177 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:02,935 [phone rings] 178 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,004 [sighs] will you mind if I keep going? 179 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:08,707 No, D.J. your dad and i are real proud of you. 180 00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:11,043 [phone rings] 181 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,178 Hello? 182 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:17,950 Uh, yeah! It's a brand-new, uh, industrial stove. 183 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,852 And we're sellin' it at a discount. 184 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,988 Well, see, that's 'cause, uh- 185 00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:26,525 Well, uh- see, 'cause, well- [chuckles] 186 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,194 I won it on a game show. 187 00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,530 Well, great! Great. Then see you tomorrow! 188 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,203 You were never on any game show. 189 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,573 I was too on a game show. 190 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,709 And if you didn't spend all your time down at that damn church, 191 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:46,545 You would know that. 192 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,485 Dinner! 193 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,923 [Dan] ahh! Dinner with the family. 194 00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,992 Always a pleasure. 195 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,894 Now if you'll excuse me, Longest Yard is on, 196 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,464 And I haven't seen it since November. 197 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,499 Ahh. Dinner with the family. 198 00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,871 How come we never say grace? 199 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,708 Because, D.J., grace is for those who are thankful. 200 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,878 Darlene, D.J. has a new interest, 201 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,147 And we're not going to give him a hard time. 202 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,283 And I think saying grace is a wonderful idea. 203 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:25,617 Dan? Say grace. 204 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,188 It's not my turn. I said it last. 205 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:31,457 When? 206 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,694 Thanksgiving. 207 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,163 1981. 208 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,299 Christmas. 1989. 209 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,167 Start prayin'. 210 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,071 Whoa, whoa, whoa. This involves touching? 211 00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,709 Oh, lord. 212 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,179 We thank- thee- 213 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,181 For providing this food- 214 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,187 Which- we have gotten from thee- 215 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,526 Thine chicken is particularly good. 216 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,929 Amen. 217 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,600 You know, I really like that. 218 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,970 You know, we've gotten awfully lazy around here, 219 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,472 About our souls and such. 220 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,574 I think, from now on, we need to be as serious 221 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,410 About our- our spiritual fitness 222 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,578 As we are about our physical fitness. 223 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,186 [Darlene] uh, David. Would you pass the goat's blood, please? 224 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:39,725 Ignore her, D.J. she was just sent here to test us. 225 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,894 If you have any more suggestions, we'd love to hear 'em. 226 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,429 No. That's okay. 227 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,464 No, come on! I think it would be fun. 228 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,533 Like, say, some Sunday, we could get up early, 229 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,235 And i'll get all dressed up, and sit there on the couch 230 00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:52,571 And watch one of them church shows. 231 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,243 Well, there is one thing that's been bothering me. 232 00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,212 It's wrong to use swear words, right? 233 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,014 So how come you swear so much? 234 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,819 Well, because, um- 235 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,555 Well, sometimes it's real hard not to. You know. 236 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,623 But... 237 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,258 If I swore as much as I wanted to, 238 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:16,795 I'd never say anything else. So- 239 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,063 So you see, i'm- 240 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,432 I'm using a restraint. And god loves that. 241 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,605 You wanna know why I swear, D.J.? 242 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,307 Yeah. Why? Shut the hell up! 243 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,047 The truth is, D.J., 244 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,649 God only cares about what's in our hearts. 245 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,618 And he knows we're good people. 246 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,788 If we're good people, how come when we go to the movies, 247 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,790 You make me lie and pretend i'm 11? 248 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,894 Would you like to take that, Dan? 249 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:54,366 Well, D.J., there's a very good reason for that. [sighs] 250 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,504 We won't do it anymore. 251 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,809 This is so stupid. We make you lie 252 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,311 'cause it's cheaper if you can pass for 11. 253 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,147 Same reason I make David lie. 254 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,618 And by paying less at the movies, see, 255 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,420 We have more money to give to charity, later, 256 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,456 And that's just what we're gonna do, one of these days. 257 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,460 Well- I don't think Darlene and David 258 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,395 Should be having sex without being married. 259 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,366 Roseanne? 260 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,740 David, would you like to take that? 261 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,945 Um... 262 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,915 Well, you see, D.J., 263 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,151 Love is, uh, a holy thing. 264 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,188 Stop speaking, David. 265 00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:53,525 Look, D.J. if you wanna ask anybody about anything, 266 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:56,729 Why don't you ask her about the stove she's stealing? 267 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,764 I am not stealing that stove. 268 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,133 Oh, what is it? A gift from the stove fairy? 269 00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,672 No! The company gave it to me, and it is okay to keep it, 270 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:09,541 Because they are a really large company that likes to screw- 271 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:13,679 Excuse me- that takes advantage of little people like us. 272 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,015 Look, I could care less if you're takin' the thing, 273 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,583 But at least have the guts to admit 274 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,284 That you are stealing a stove. 275 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:22,254 No! Because taking something- 276 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,490 You know, is not necessarily stealing, 277 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,958 If you have a real good reason 278 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,993 For needing it. Right, David? 279 00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:31,430 Uh, yeah. Like if your baby was starving, and- 280 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,032 You stole a loaf of bread for it, 281 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,801 Or if a stove company accidentally 282 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,870 Sent you a second stove. 283 00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,705 Yeah. Exactly. 284 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,075 I wish you'd just take it back. 285 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,910 Your mother is keeping the stove. 286 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,646 This religious discussion is over. 287 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,248 I'm sorry, D.J. 288 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,749 I know it's hard to live in a house 289 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,719 Where people's behavior conflicts with your religious beliefs. 290 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,421 Thanks, David. 291 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:58,457 So if you think our- our bodies are like temples, 292 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,193 And shouldn't be violated by things like nose rings, 293 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,429 Then- you know- just tell me. 294 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,963 No, I don't think that. 295 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,732 But I want you to stop having sex. 296 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,846 Dad, Darlene says we have some religious people in our family. 297 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,748 Oh, we did, D.J. but- 298 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,017 God has taken them all away. 299 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,786 She told me about this preacher. Jessico. 300 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,922 She said he's like our second cousin. 301 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,460 Actually, D.J., he's the son of two second cousins. 302 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,834 I'd like to write to him. 303 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,036 Oh, no. You're not allowed to write to him. 304 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,772 Why not? Because then he would know where we live. 305 00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,145 Dad? Do you believe in god? 306 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,680 Yes, I do. 307 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,648 Are you sure? 308 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,018 Well, i'm not completely sure. But i'm pretty sure. 309 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,953 I'm afraid if you're not completely sure, 310 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,488 You won't go to heaven. 311 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,290 That's okay. I prefer to stay with your mother. 312 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,826 But, dad, you really should believe- 313 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,795 Listen, D.J.? D.J., D.J. 314 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:12,364 If you really wanna save someone. You know who needs it? 315 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,932 Your sister. 316 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,101 She doesn't believe in god. 317 00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,670 Hell, she worships the devil. 318 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,408 I believe in god. Do not! 319 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,380 Dad? Me and Darlene really wanna help you. 320 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,486 Yeah, I gotta, uh, sand down on a door out in the garage. 321 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,021 Jesus was a carpenter! 322 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,368 So, Roseanne, you got my cut for the stove? 323 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,337 Yeah. I do. I'm just glad that thing's gone, 324 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,605 Now that i'm living with Father Flanagan. 325 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,510 Wait a second. This is way more than my share. 326 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,846 Yeah, I know. But I started thinkin' about you and the baby, 327 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,947 And all the stuff you're goin' through, 328 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,116 And I guess I felt a little generous, you know, 329 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,385 So I cut Leon out. 330 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,488 [delivery man] excuse me. 331 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,056 Uh, can I speak with the owner, please? 332 00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:14,693 It's about a delivery mistake, made about a- a stove. 333 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:15,794 Uh-oh. 334 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,563 So, what, are one of you the owner, or what? 335 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:21,033 Uh- well, yeah. But, uh- uh- 336 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:24,336 This guy named Leon, he's the one that's responsible for all the deliveries. 337 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,006 Right. Well, can you tell Leon that- 338 00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,941 We know the stove was supposed to be here yesterday, 339 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,075 And we're real sorry about the delay. 340 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,282 Delay? 341 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,918 Yeah. But I got it on the truck right now, so- 342 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,488 They're sending us another one. 343 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,656 Could you wait outside for a second? 344 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,657 Yeah, sure. 345 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,963 We cannot keep doing this, Jackie. 346 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,998 Don't you see what's goin' on? God's punishing us. 347 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,768 They're gonna keep coming and coming, just like locusts. 348 00:18:55,769 --> 00:18:58,504 No! Are you kidding? This is great! 349 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:03,609 We're makin' way more money than sellin' these stupid sandwiches! 350 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:06,045 We should just close down the restaurant, and sell their stuff! 351 00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:09,214 No! No! No! Can't do that. 352 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:10,849 Restaurant's too good a front. 353 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,321 [sighs] well, I can't make a decision like this. 354 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,057 Listen. Listen, listen. 355 00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:21,293 We will- we'll give it 5 seconds, uh... 356 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,862 You know, in case god gives us a signal that it's wrong. 357 00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:32,604 We got another one! [both laughing] 358 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,177 That stove turkey's outside again. 359 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,279 Are they sending you another one? 360 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,716 Yes, D.J. that's the power of prayer. 361 00:19:43,717 --> 00:19:46,785 But you said you only took the other one to get even. 362 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,088 Wouldn't this just be stealing to make money? 363 00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:50,789 No! But, mom... 364 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,926 No, D.J.! You need to honor your mother. 365 00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,461 And I read somewhere that that commandment 366 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,696 Is way more important than the stealing one. 367 00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:02,201 You're not gonna believe this. 368 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,803 What? They are delivering us a second stove. 369 00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:07,806 A second stove? 370 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,942 That hardly ever happens. 371 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:11,543 I was just talkin' to the stupid delivery guy. 372 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,412 He has no idea what's going on. 373 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:17,449 Oh, man. That's amazing. A guy has no idea what his co-workers are up to? 374 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,718 [laughing] 375 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,855 Doesn't Leon know that you got another stove before this one? 376 00:20:22,856 --> 00:20:24,123 Of course not. 377 00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:26,325 But you said it was only okay with god 378 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,761 To cheat a big company who cheated you. 379 00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:31,130 But you aren't giving Leon any of his money. 380 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,700 Listen to me, D.J. 381 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,869 In the bible, it states: 382 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:38,570 Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, 383 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,539 And unto god what is god's, okay? 384 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,107 It doesn't say one damn thing in there 385 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,542 About rendering nothin' unto Leon. 386 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,812 But, mom... No, D.J.! 387 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,948 Would you get off my back? Even god took a day off! 388 00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:57,122 He's just goin' through a faze! He'll get over it! 389 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:02,961 Oh, man. That delivery guy is cute! 390 00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:06,098 Wait'll he finds out he's gay. 391 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:11,270 Um...Look, Leon. There's somethin' we gotta tell ya. Uh-huh. 392 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,540 Um, this is the second free stove that they've delivered by mistake, 393 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,275 And we sold the other one. 394 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,478 So Jackie, give him his cut of the money. 395 00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,747 There. Wow! 396 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:25,217 Hey. Roseanne. You- you could have kept this. 397 00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:26,685 And you didn't. 398 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,054 But here's the thing. That third stove? 399 00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:30,522 That's different. That can't stay. 400 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,925 You gotta tell the guy to take it back, or else I will. 401 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,196 All right. [sighs] 402 00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:40,165 You're a more honest woman than I ever knew. 403 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:46,405 Well, as long as you feel good about yourself. 404 00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:51,110 Oh, you'll understand when your kid's older. 405 00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:53,479 At least now I can look D.J. in the face. 406 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,647 Fine. But if they send a fourth stove, we're keeping it. 407 00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,884 Well, of course. We're not fanatics. 408 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,062 [folk] 409 00:22:10,112 --> 00:22:14,662 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31489

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