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1
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:06,638
Darn!
2
00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:07,906
What's the matter, Deej?
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,375
This problem's impossible.
4
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,678
I'm supposed to multiply
1/4 times 1/7
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,613
And give the answer
in base 2.
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,248
You know, Deej,
it's ironic.
7
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:19,451
You're a kid; you're not
supposed to have any problems.
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,788
You go to school
and they give 'em to you.
9
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,693
Either help me or be quiet
so I can work.
10
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:32,831
The answer is 3.
11
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,267
Trust me.
12
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:38,137
Okay, you little freak,
you're about to see your heart.
13
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,205
Rosie, Rosie,
a little help here.
14
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:43,075
Oh, back, back,
back, back.
15
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,110
You might think they're tame,
but you gotta remember
16
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,279
They're wild animals.
17
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:49,415
The evil pinhead
was in my room again.
18
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:52,184
I locked my door,
but he must have gotten in through the bathroom.
19
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,852
I didn't do
anything.
20
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,557
Cool, it worked!
21
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:04,563
He put bath oil beads
in my pockets
22
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,598
So that when I sat down
they'd break.
23
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:07,766
I'm walking around school,
24
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:11,203
Everybody's pointing
at my butt and laughing.
25
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:14,473
For a moment I knew
the pain of being Becky.
26
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,178
I want him punished
severely for this.
27
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,914
Okay, bring me
the cheese grater.
28
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,182
I'm serious, mom.
29
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,750
All right, all right,
we'll ground him.
30
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,151
Grounding him
won't do no good.
31
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,187
Alls he does is hang
around the house anyway.
32
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,422
Hey, how 'bout a week
with no video games?
33
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:34,159
Honey, that would be perfect,
but i'm on level eight
34
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:37,963
Of super froggy quest
and he's gotta show me
35
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,833
Where the magic
jewels are.
36
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,568
These punishments bite.
37
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:43,702
You guys call
yourselves parents?
38
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,304
You're supposed to be
better at this.
39
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,906
So why don't you
punish him?
40
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,742
Really?
41
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:50,909
What do you think, Dan?
42
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,183
Where you could be
tried as an adult.
43
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:01,086
I got it.
44
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,655
You have to wear
a suit and tie to school tomorrow.
45
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,224
In front of everyone?
46
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:09,495
Gee, Darlene, why don't you
just beat him up yourself?
47
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,930
Don't like you,
don't like you,
48
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,532
Don't like you.
49
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,169
Suit and tie,
i'm impressed.
50
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:20,072
Yeah, i'm kinda
proud of it.
51
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,508
Of course, I woulda
made him wear a dress.
52
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:26,412
Too late.
You only get one wish.
53
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,590
[laughing]
54
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,465
Dan, can we close
the shades?
55
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,835
I feel real guilty
playing in the daytime.
56
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:26,739
Hey, this is the conner
unemployment invitational.
57
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,041
I figure as long
as we're all out of work,
58
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,677
We might as well use
our time productively.
59
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:38,951
Well, this is stupid.
Do I really have to do this?
60
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,019
It's indian poker.
61
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:43,022
Everybody can see
your fifth card but you.
62
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:45,324
How-- so how do I know
what to bet?
63
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,260
Well, that's the challenge.
It's not a game for the timid.
64
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:52,231
I'll bet...A penny.
65
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,832
Too rich for this guy.
66
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,001
Yeah, my wife
would kill me.
67
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,169
I'm rich! I'm rich!
68
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,806
I'm fabulously well off.
[laughing]
69
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,911
Wait a minute. Now, who's
been eating oreo cookies?
70
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,746
Oh yeah, I had some
of those yesterday.
71
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,181
[guys groan]
72
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,883
New game.
73
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:18,257
So, how's the job front
for you, Fisher man?
74
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,225
What, are you kidding?
75
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,761
This is a rotten time
to be a freelance artist.
76
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,863
I'm down to working
a couple days a week.
77
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,232
Yeah, that's a couple
more than me.
78
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,101
It's brutal out there.
79
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,269
You guys are smart.
80
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,905
Being self-employed
is the only way to go.
81
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:38,777
I'll bet...
An eighth of a cent.
82
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:43,048
Yeah? Being your own boss
isn't that great of a deal.
83
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:47,619
Last week I sexually
harassed myself.
84
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,288
Yeah? Well, I feel guilty.
85
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,889
I mean, you guys
are scraping by.
86
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,958
Here I got this great job.
I got benefits.
87
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,560
I'm even gettin' overtime.
[chuckling]
88
00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,065
But of course, one false step
and I could be crushed to death
89
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,233
By heavy machinery.
90
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,505
Three jacks,
read 'em and weep.
91
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,906
Somebody get
the boy a hankie.
92
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:11,744
Full boat.
Whoo, ooh ooh!
93
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,580
Damn it! My luck
has totally turned to crap.
94
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,248
Hey, Fisher, chill.
We're just playing for fun.
95
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,550
No, no, no, I mean,
this is just one more thing.
96
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,819
I mean, no matter what I do,
I can't catch a break.
97
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,022
Here, now you're ahead
for the night.
98
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,124
Hey, go to hell!
99
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,331
Sorry.
100
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,168
I gotta take
a breather.
101
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:41,140
Well, he's wrapped
kinda tight, huh?
102
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:43,375
Poor guy.
[phone rings]
103
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,911
Remember when you were that age,
you still thought your life
104
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,713
Was gonna amount
to something?
105
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,150
Yeah, i'm glad
those days are over.
106
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,185
[guys laughing]
107
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,754
[high-pitched]
hello?
108
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,490
[regular]
well, this could be one of d.J. Conner's parents.
109
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:01,627
It depends on how much
damage is involved.
110
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,263
He did?
111
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:08,634
Okay, yeah, I will.
Thank you.
112
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,035
What's up?
113
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,472
Oh, man, D.J. Got caught
with obscene reading material
114
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,607
At school today.
115
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,776
They want somebody
to come down.
116
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,846
I'll bet it was one
of my playboys.
117
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,015
Oh, man, I shoulda
hid 'em better.
118
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,684
So, where'd you
hide 'em?
119
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:28,354
I don't know.
I can't find 'em.
120
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,526
No, Dan, it's about time
you handle
121
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,829
Some of these
school problems.
122
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,964
Yes, Dan, I know
you're very involved
123
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,367
In your children's education.
124
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:46,905
James Madison
Elementary School.
125
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:50,342
It's on the corner
of Carpenter and Fifth.
126
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:55,647
And D.J. Is the short kid
with dark hair.
127
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,717
What kind of obscene reading
material could D.J. Have?
128
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:02,621
I don't know. Either
one of dan's playboys or our credit report.
129
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:10,996
So, Charlotte, how are you
at talking to people?
130
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:11,997
Well...
131
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,834
Oh, good enough.
Go take their order.
132
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:20,239
Uh...I think that my
work-study program at school,
133
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,675
You know, doesn't allow me
to speak to people
134
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:23,942
From my own school.
135
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,412
You know, I think
it's kinda like a rule.
136
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,950
Which one of them
do you have the crush on?
137
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:35,054
They're both
kinda cute.
138
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,423
Well, you're in luck because
they're friends with Becky,
139
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,324
So I can
introduce you.
140
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,926
No, I don't want
to be introduced.
141
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:45,464
Oh, Charlotte, I know
how it is. I'm shy, too.
142
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,202
Oh, please, please
don't embarrass me.
143
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,304
I wouldn't do that.
144
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:57,009
So...How far do you go
on a first date?
145
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,244
Just kidding.
146
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,048
Hey, how you doin', guys?
147
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,717
Hey, Mrs. Conner.
Hey.
148
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,952
So, what's a couple
of good-lookin' studs
149
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,189
Like yourself doing out
on the town with no dates?
150
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,191
It's 1:00.
We're on lunch period.
151
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,625
Oh.
152
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,128
Well, you know, guys like you
should just have no trouble
153
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,364
Finding women at all.
154
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,699
Instead of chasing after
all these cheerleader types,
155
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:25,137
You ought to think about dating
somebody that's...More mature.
156
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,107
Thanks for the advice,
Mrs. Conner.
157
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,742
Yeah, thanks.
158
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,944
Yeah, because sometimes
you don't really realize it,
159
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,046
But there are people
right under your nose
160
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,881
Who would love
to go out with you.
161
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:39,284
Oh, thanks, Roseanne.
I think I got it now.
162
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,188
Warmed 'em up for you.
163
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,191
Thanks for rescuing us.
164
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,027
Yeah, I mean,
I like Mrs. Conner,
165
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,029
But not in that way.
166
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:56,135
Well, Jackie,
i'm feeling kinda kooky.
167
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,437
What do you say me and you
go bowling tonight?
168
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,372
Hey, on Wednesday night
they'll let you eat
169
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,208
Right in
the bowling area.
170
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,745
Can't. Fisher and I
are doing something tonight.
171
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,048
Well, so are me
and Dan probably,
172
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,251
But that doesn't mean
we can't go bowling first.
173
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,520
You and I work
together, Roseanne.
174
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:15,621
Isn't that enough?
175
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,622
God, this really sucks.
176
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,457
Every time I ask you
to do anything
177
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:19,825
You're always busy
with Fisher.
178
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,894
Don't do this to me.
179
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,697
You know I have
a boyfriend now. It takes up a lot of my time.
180
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,465
Yeah, well, when I
was first dating dan
181
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,567
And things were all
hot and heavy still,
182
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,502
I'd always make time
for you.
183
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,404
Yeah, when you wanted
a ride somewhere,
184
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,940
Wanted somebody to get
you pizza, wanted somebody to do your homework.
185
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,743
Well, at least
I made time. Well...
186
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:41,080
This takes a little
more effort than a high school romance.
187
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,549
You know, I live
with Fisher, Roseanne.
188
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,518
Well, so maybe that's
your problem.
189
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,822
Maybe you and Fisher spend
too much time together.
190
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,825
I never would have moved in
with no guy so damn fast.
191
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:56,395
Maybe you wouldn't, but this
isn't you; it's me.
192
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,664
And there's a real easy way
to tell us apart.
193
00:09:58,732 --> 00:09:59,898
You.
194
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,533
Me.
195
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,304
You.
196
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,139
Me.
197
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,512
Where the hell do you think
you're going?
198
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,214
We're in the middle
of a shift here.
199
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,682
I'm leavin'!
200
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,717
Till you respect
my relationships,
201
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,252
You're not gonna
see me again.
202
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,354
Oh, well, I didn't realize
it's such a drag
203
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,489
Spending any time
with me.
204
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,591
Sorry. I'm not gonna
ask you no more.
205
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,027
Oh, good.
Go for the guilt.
206
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:31,563
You better take a long, hard
look at yourself, Roseanne,
207
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,500
'cause if you are this
obsessed with my life,
208
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:38,804
There is obviously something
missing from yours.
209
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,440
Just figure that out?
210
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,252
Deja vu.
211
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,692
I am really angry
with you, d.J.
212
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,527
Those magazines are not
for you to read.
213
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,029
And you know it's wrong to go
through other people's things.
214
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,565
You are in big trouble
when I get you home, pal.
215
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:07,933
Can I help you?
216
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,835
Yeah, i'm here to see
Principal Alexander.
217
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,370
And you are?
218
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,238
Dan conner,
D.J.'s father.
219
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,374
No, he's not.
I don't know who he is.
220
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,710
Don't let me go home
with him!
221
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:20,279
He's kidding.
222
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,815
Tell the nice lady
you're kidding, Deej.
223
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,183
How do you know
my name?
224
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,251
D.J.!
225
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,054
He's my dad.
226
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,889
You know, in all the years
conner children
227
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,991
Have come to this school,
we've never seen you.
228
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,060
We all assumed
Mrs. Conner was widowed.
229
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,097
She is.
I'm her oldest boy.
230
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,334
Oh, our principal.
231
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,738
Cecil Alexander,
Dan conner, D.J.'s father.
232
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,207
We thought
you were dead.
233
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,078
Come in, Mr. Conner.
D.J.?
234
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,415
Listen, I want you to know
we're usually very happy with D.J.
235
00:11:56,483 --> 00:12:00,085
He's a hard worker,
he listens well in class.
236
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,653
Although this new
dressing up phase
237
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,455
Does concern us
a little.
238
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,425
Kids.
239
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,695
But we don't discourage
unorthodox dress here.
240
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,730
We do discourage, however,
our students from bringing
241
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:14,566
Certain types of reading
material to school.
242
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,001
Well, I understand, Cecil.
243
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,504
Something that might be
perfectly normal
244
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,040
And acceptable for adults
wouldn't be okay for kids
245
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,108
To bring to school.
246
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,678
I'm sorry, but the filth
that D.J. Was reading
247
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,514
Couldn't possibly
be considered okay anywhere.
248
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,549
It's the most offensively
sick piece of garbage
249
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:31,817
I've ever seen.
250
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:35,354
Didn't you read
the articles?
251
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,323
I didn't see
any articles in this.
252
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,526
Well, it's a comic book.
253
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,594
D.J., you brought
a comic book to school.
254
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,497
Good boy!
255
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,566
I can see I should have
spoken to his mother.
256
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,835
Well, look, I know
it's wrong for kids
257
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,137
To bring comics to school
and read 'em in class,
258
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,139
But hey, they're kids.
259
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:57,910
I know it's not
great literature-- my god.
260
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:02,014
What kind of diseased
mind could create something like this?
261
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,950
It's obviously some sort
of cheap underground thing.
262
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,852
Oh, man.
263
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,255
Hey, I don't know where d.J.
Got this, but you can be sure
264
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,291
We don't allow things
like this in our house.
265
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,526
This is not the way
we raise our children.
266
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,828
Where did you get this?
267
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:17,863
Darlene made it.
268
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,381
Well, Dan, my day
dealing with the family
269
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,216
Was an ice cream cone
in the dirt.
270
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:38,617
How was yours?
271
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:41,687
Well, honey, I hate to top you,
but I got a two-for-one.
272
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:44,556
That obscene reading material
D.J. Brought to school?
273
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,959
Darlene's the editor-
in-chief.
274
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,595
Take a look at this.
It's really sick.
275
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,265
[laughing]
276
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,738
It was a funny part.
277
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,407
I'm serious, Rosie.
278
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,442
What if darlene's
disturbed?
279
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,543
More than we thought.
280
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,312
Oh, Dan, have you seen
some of the comic books
281
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,214
That she buys lately?
282
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,250
They're way more
screwed up than that.
283
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,385
Warped and depressing
is what's cool now.
284
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,553
Really?
285
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:19,324
Yeah. Finally Darlene's
personality pays off.
286
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,127
Hey, we had underground comics,
but it wasn't like
287
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,063
This crap darlene's doing.
288
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,465
Ours were about depraved sex
and massive drug abuse.
289
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,867
This is a cry for help.
290
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,003
Well, who knows what
they're about, you know?
291
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,738
Who even wants to?
292
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,940
The longer we don't know
what's in Darlene's head,
293
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:38,444
The longer we don't
sleep in shifts.
294
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,749
Hi.
Oh, hold it right there.
295
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,984
You were very, very mean to me
and hurt my feelings today
296
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,320
And i'm not sure that I even
want to talk to you yet.
297
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,223
I came here to apologize.
298
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,292
I have been blowing you off
a lot lately
299
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,893
And there's
no excuse for it.
300
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,896
I'm a selfish, rotten person
and i'm sorry.
301
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,332
Is that it?
302
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,434
Roseanne.
303
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,704
Oh, all right,
i'm such a softy.
304
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,806
And to make up
for being such a jerk,
305
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,508
I wanna take you
to a movie.
306
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,011
Just you and me.
My treat.
307
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,780
Okay, well, you'll have to go
put on a better shirt.
308
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:16,782
Why? We're going
to a movie.
309
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,218
No, you feel way worse
than that.
310
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,687
You're taking me
out to dinner, too.
311
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,456
Fine. You think
Darlene would mind
312
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,191
If I went upstairs
and borrowed something?
313
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:30,696
No, as long as you put
everything back on the floor where you find it.
314
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,631
Hey.
315
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,333
What's my comic book
doing down here?
316
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,402
D.J. Got caught with it
at school today.
317
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:37,770
We have to talk.
318
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,004
That's it.
319
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,906
Hire a hearse,
pick out a plot.
320
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,875
[Darlene]
d.J.!
321
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,837
It's over, rat boy.
322
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:15,074
[Jackie]
close the door. Close the door!
323
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,352
What happened
to aunt Jackie?
324
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:31,357
Well, some say environment,
but I think she's born that way.
325
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,993
No, I mean was she, like,
in an accident or something?
326
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,063
No. Why?
327
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,266
Well, I saw her upstairs
and her back's all bruised up.
328
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,303
She didn't tell me
nothing about it.
329
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,171
Sorry for yelling at you
like that, Darlene.
330
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,774
You scared the heck
outta me.
331
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:49,775
Are you okay?
332
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,076
Yeah.
333
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,444
You ready to go?
334
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,381
Come here.
What?
335
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,817
Darlene says your back's
all bruised up.
336
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,185
No. It's nothin'.
337
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,353
Well then,
let me see.
338
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,454
No, don't.
339
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,956
Ow!
Come on, stand still.
340
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,926
Darlene, you get
out of here.
341
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,596
What's going on?
342
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,830
Now, Darlene.
343
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,901
Look, i'm all right,
so don't go blowing this up
344
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,569
Into something
it's not, okay?
345
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,371
What happened?
Nothing. Let's go eat.
346
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:23,008
No. We're not gonna go
anywhere till you tell me how your back got all bruised.
347
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,110
I told you i'm okay.
348
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,413
You come over here,
your back is all bruised up,
349
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,348
You won't tell me
nothin' about it,
350
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,785
How do I know you didn't get
raped or mugged or something?
351
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,953
Does Fisher know
about this?
352
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,992
Why--why can't you
just drop it?
353
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,229
That son of a bitch.
354
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,131
You don't understand.
355
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,034
He beat the crap--
no, he didn't.
356
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,069
It's no big deal.
357
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,471
It's no big deal?
What are you saying?
358
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,740
He hit you; it's not like
he forgot your birthday.
359
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,041
We had an argument
this afternoon
360
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,710
And he pushed me
a couple times.
361
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,111
It's not fisher's fault.
362
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,713
Then whose fault is it?
363
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,448
I--I can't believe
that you're saying this.
364
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,516
You don't even
listen to me.
365
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,052
He said he was sorry
and it would never happen again.
366
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,322
Damn, Jackie,
you were a cop.
367
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,091
You heard this same crap
a million times.
368
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,993
Now you're throwin' it out
on me? How could you let this happen to you?
369
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,362
Shut up!
370
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,130
You don't know
the whole story.
371
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,099
He's been under a lot
of pressure lately.
372
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,567
There's no work.
373
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,737
And I told him that
he should look for a job at a bigger company,
374
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,905
And he told me that
I didn't believe in him,
375
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:30,476
And he told me a million
times when he gets in a mood like that
376
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,211
That I should just
walk away and I didn't.
377
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,380
I just kept pushing him
and pushing him.
378
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,583
Don't say any more.
379
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,587
What happened?
380
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:45,791
Fisher beat the crap
out of her.
381
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,192
What?
382
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,794
I'm all right.
I just-- I--
383
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:51,997
I don't want anybody
to know about it.
384
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,501
Is she really okay?
385
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,404
Yeah.
Yeah, come on.
386
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,539
We're gonna go
wash your face.
387
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,991
How you doin'?
388
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:20,459
Pretty good.
389
00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:28,567
Well, I think we...
390
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,070
Just should go to the hospital
and get you checked out.
391
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,838
It's too humiliating,
Roseanne.
392
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,306
They'll ask all kinds
of questions.
393
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,409
I don't want everybody
talking about it.
394
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,611
Okay, well, we'll go
to the hospital in Elgin.
395
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,647
Nobody knows us there.
396
00:19:41,715 --> 00:19:44,683
We could make up
names and stuff.
397
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,453
I'll be wilma
and you can be betty.
398
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,554
[Dan]
hey.
399
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,588
Hey.
400
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,589
Where'd you go?
401
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,224
I thought i'd go
get some dinner.
402
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,325
I got your favorite.
403
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,361
I told 'em to just
fry up the skin,
404
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,230
None of that pesky chicken
to get in the way.
405
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,433
So we'll eat some of it
in the car on the way to the hospital.
406
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:05,070
Roseanne.
Come on, let's go get ready.
407
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,579
So did you
see Fisher?
408
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,080
[gasps]
409
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:16,382
Oh, my god.
410
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:21,653
You didn't kill him and then
go buy chicken, did ya?
411
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,556
No, I bought
the chicken first.
412
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,693
I thought you were just gonna
go over there and scare him.
413
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:29,828
Well, it started out
that way.
414
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,163
What did he say?
415
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:35,100
Well, if I remember correctly,
"ouch, ouch, my head."
416
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,505
Something along those lines.
417
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,273
[doorbell rings]
418
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,442
Dan, you gotta put
some alcohol on that.
419
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,244
Good idea.
420
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:58,424
Hi, Rosie,
Dan.
421
00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,558
[cop]
can we come in?
422
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,694
Well, that depends
on what you're here for.
423
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:02,961
Let 'em in, honey.
424
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,298
Mr. Conner, we have
a warrant for your arrest.
425
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,367
There's been an assault and
battery complaint filed on you.
426
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,636
Yeah, I heard the call
come in on the radio,
427
00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:13,339
So I just told dispatch
that we'd take it.
428
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,773
Sorry, Rosie.
429
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,775
You can't arrest Dan.
He didn't do anything wrong.
430
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,344
Jackie came over here--
431
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:21,680
Roseanne, this is about me.
It's not about anybody else.
432
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:23,549
[Dan]
let's leave it at that.
433
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,417
Rosie, what you need to do
is get to the station
434
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:26,885
As quick as you can
with the bail.
435
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,454
It's gonna be about
a hundred bucks.
436
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:30,956
We'll stall processing Dan
as long as we can.
437
00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:33,525
Sorry, Mr. Conner,
but we gotta cuff you. No cuffs.
438
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:35,728
Hey, cuff me.
439
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,664
You get fired, who's gonna
fix my parking tickets?
440
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,035
Well, can he at least
have some chicken?
441
00:21:43,103 --> 00:21:46,105
He hasn't had
dinner yet.
442
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:54,880
All right, i'll drive.
443
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:18,070
Hey, can you get one of these
for a regular car?
444
00:22:18,138 --> 00:22:22,508
It would make trips
with the kids a lot more fun.
445
00:22:22,575 --> 00:22:24,410
It's funny.
446
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:26,712
Joanie and I were just today
talking about getting together
447
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,781
With you and Rosie.
448
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:29,782
When's good for you?
449
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:35,254
I'm busy tonight,
but other than that, i'm cool.
450
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:36,255
Great.
451
00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,123
Pretty weird, huh?
452
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:39,224
Mind-blowing.
453
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:40,859
Mr. Conner, if you don't
mind my asking,
454
00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:42,094
How come you popped
that guy?
455
00:22:42,162 --> 00:22:43,762
You messed him up
pretty good, you know.
456
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:47,299
A long story.
457
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:48,767
[cop]
understood.
458
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:51,203
Look, it's not
gonna be so bad.
459
00:22:51,271 --> 00:22:52,805
By the time we finish
processing you,
460
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,540
Rosie will be there
with the bail.
461
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:56,842
Nobody's gotta know
about this.
462
00:22:56,910 --> 00:22:58,911
Appreciate it.
463
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:03,511
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