Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
2
00:00:06,167 --> 00:00:07,300
Oh, jeez.
3
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:09,934
Colonel klink is going
to the russian front
4
00:00:09,934 --> 00:00:12,033
For this wacky foul-up.
5
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:15,434
You think they'd
figure out hogan could hear their secret plans
6
00:00:15,434 --> 00:00:16,801
After, like,
a thousand episodes.
7
00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:19,501
Forget that. After
the second episode,
8
00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:23,968
You'd think they'd
realize they should be speaking in german.
9
00:00:23,968 --> 00:00:25,467
You want a soda?
10
00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:27,467
Yeah, sure.
11
00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:28,534
Oh, jeez.
12
00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:29,968
Now they're playing
volleyball.
13
00:00:29,968 --> 00:00:32,968
What is this, like,
the nazi club med?
14
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:35,968
Here you go.
15
00:00:35,968 --> 00:00:38,033
Thanks.
16
00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:41,534
Tell your mom
you're out of chips.
17
00:00:41,534 --> 00:00:43,968
Let's see
what else is on.
18
00:00:45,534 --> 00:00:46,968
Let's watch this.
19
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,834
What are you doing?
20
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:56,501
That was not
the reaction I was hoping for.
21
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:58,801
David, we're, like,
really good friends.
22
00:00:58,801 --> 00:01:00,567
So?
23
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:05,067
So, I don't think you
should cop a cheap feel from a friend.
24
00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:08,000
Hey, my hand's way out of
copping range here, Darlene.
25
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,000
Move it.
26
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,033
O.k.
27
00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:11,033
I don't believe this.
28
00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,367
Why not.
29
00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:14,000
The whole school thinks we're
boyfriend and girlfriend.
30
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,367
So what?
31
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,000
I just I put my arm
around you.
32
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,567
Yeah, and what was next?
33
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:23,868
I don't know.
It took me three weeks to get to that.
34
00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:27,033
Oh, gross.
You've been planning this?
35
00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:30,033
This is
the lowest moment of my entire life.
36
00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:33,100
Thanks for being
a part of it.
37
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,300
I'm sorry.
You caught me off guard.
38
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:38,334
I don't know
if I see you that way.
39
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,033
Becky!
40
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:45,100
The next time you
let your car hog up the driveway like that,
41
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:48,033
I'm getting it towed
to indianapolis!
42
00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:54,534
Oh, well,
it's not that important.
43
00:01:54,534 --> 00:01:57,567
I'm sure she heard
you anyway, dear.
44
00:01:57,567 --> 00:01:58,634
Hey, david.
45
00:01:58,634 --> 00:02:00,567
Hey. You know
you're out of--
46
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:02,067
Here you go.
47
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:07,634
I'm going to
get out of here.
48
00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,300
You don't have to.
49
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,968
Yeah, I do.
50
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,601
Yeah, so,
just 'cause Rodbell's is missing some stuff,
51
00:02:21,601 --> 00:02:25,434
Everybody has to take some
stupid lie detector test.
52
00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,634
Well, don't take it.
53
00:02:26,634 --> 00:02:28,567
They can't fire you
if you refuse.
54
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,167
Oh, yeah, they can.
55
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:32,267
They just wouldn't
say that that was why.
56
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:35,601
They'd say it was 'cause
I was always late,
57
00:02:35,601 --> 00:02:38,701
Or rude to the customers,
you know.
58
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:41,501
They'd find some
tiny little thing.
59
00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,667
What kind of stuff
got stolen?
60
00:02:43,667 --> 00:02:45,033
They didn't
even tell us.
61
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:46,734
You have nothing
to worry about.
62
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:49,667
That's just the point.
I didn't take anything.
63
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:52,167
I really resent
Rodbell's treating me
64
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,834
Like I'm some
common criminal.
65
00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:04,067
I'm going to
the big house, Dan.
66
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:20,501
Well, here you go,
walter.
67
00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:22,100
It's unbelievable,
Roseanne.
68
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,501
I called
the a.c.l.u.,
69
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:26,000
And they told me
I cannot be forced
70
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,067
To take
a lie detector test.
71
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:30,501
And the minute
I'm fired, I should call them.
72
00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:32,901
What did you swipe,
walter?
73
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:35,200
Nothing, Roseanne,
but that doesn't mean I'm not guilty.
74
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,200
A cow died
for this burger.
75
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,200
A tree died
for this napkin.
76
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,434
I Killed a cow
and a tree on my lunch hour.
77
00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:45,367
Am I guilty
of murder?
78
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:47,467
I would
have to say yeah.
79
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:49,801
But it's not
just me, Roseanne.
80
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:51,634
W-w-we're
all guilty!
81
00:04:55,601 --> 00:04:59,033
He's lucky.
He can plead insanity.
82
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:01,567
Well, I don't know
how this happened,
83
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,567
But suddenly, ladies,
we are overstocked
84
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:06,067
With half-empty jars
of mustard and mayonnaise.
85
00:05:07,801 --> 00:05:10,467
Anybody have anything
to say?
86
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:14,501
Uh...
87
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:16,100
All right. Uh...
88
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,767
Leon, I took
some things home from the restaurant.
89
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:21,234
I know it's illegal,
and I'm sorry.
90
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,267
That's why
I brought them back.
91
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:25,634
Bonnie, don't you think
I notice
92
00:05:25,634 --> 00:05:29,367
That you leave here lumpier
than when you come in?
93
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:32,968
Now, I have always tried
to look the other way
94
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:34,400
When you've
taken condiments,
95
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,400
But how can I do that
96
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,467
If you keep
bringing them back?
97
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,901
I'm sorry. I figured
if I brought them back,
98
00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:43,734
Then when they ask me
if I stole anything,
99
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:46,267
I could just say
I borrowed them.
100
00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:50,300
You're not gonna bust
her, are you, Leon?
101
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,100
Of course not.
102
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,467
Then could you
help me?
103
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,834
I got a vat
of steak sauce in my car.
104
00:05:57,901 --> 00:06:00,534
Roseanne, I hate
to burst your bubble,
105
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:03,467
But your little plan
isn't going to work.
106
00:06:03,467 --> 00:06:05,534
You see,
once you believe
107
00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:07,033
That you've
stolen something,
108
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,968
It'll show up
on the polygraph.
109
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,501
Yeah, but
like she said,
110
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:12,434
We were
just borrowing it.
111
00:06:12,434 --> 00:06:15,000
Yeah, but you borrowed
a full jar,
112
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,934
And when you
brought it back,
113
00:06:16,934 --> 00:06:18,467
It was half-empty.
114
00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:21,501
Now, don't you believe
that that was stealing?
115
00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:24,534
Well, I do now,
thanks to you.
116
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,767
Yeah, way to go, Leon.
117
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,334
Hey.
118
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:29,501
Hey.
119
00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:31,501
You got
a few minutes?
120
00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:32,601
Yeah, sure.
121
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,000
My break doesn't start
for a half-hour.
122
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,901
Well,
I was thinking...
123
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:39,868
Did Darlene tell you
about what happened last night?
124
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,234
Of course.
125
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:45,534
Well, I thought
maybe we should talk about it.
126
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:48,234
O.k., well...
127
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:50,734
Do want some pie
or something?
128
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:51,734
Yeah.
129
00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:56,100
Isn't that Darlene's
little boyfriend?
130
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,601
Darlene doesn't have
a boyfriend.
131
00:06:59,601 --> 00:07:01,567
And yes.
132
00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:04,067
What did he mean
by that?
133
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:05,634
What happened
last night?
134
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:09,067
I don't know.
Darlene never tells me a thing.
135
00:07:10,801 --> 00:07:12,300
Well, here you go.
136
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,667
Thanks.
137
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,968
O.k., we'll talk.
You start.
138
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:20,067
Mark said you were
always trashing on him to Becky
139
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,501
And that's why
she broke up with him.
140
00:07:21,501 --> 00:07:22,501
Come on, david.
141
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:25,033
Hold it.
I'm not like my brother.
142
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:28,033
I think Mark
is the biggest jerk on the planet.
143
00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:31,734
You were right
to try to keep him away from Becky.
144
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:35,501
Hmm. You're sucking up.
That's better.
145
00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:37,868
So I guess
I'm just asking you
146
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:40,100
Not to sink me
with Darlene.
147
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,534
So I'm just
supposed to forget
148
00:07:42,534 --> 00:07:45,133
About what happened
last night, is that it?
149
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:46,200
Nothing happened.
150
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,667
I put my arm
around her, that's all.
151
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,467
What did
she tell you?
152
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:55,434
I really can't
tell you that, david. Uh...
153
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,934
But I will
tell you this--
154
00:07:57,934 --> 00:08:00,434
Darlene is
a lot like I was.
155
00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:02,934
When I first starting
dating mr. Conner, you know,
156
00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:06,133
Oh, we took it
real slow, you know?
157
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:08,968
'Cause that's what
I needed at the time.
158
00:08:08,968 --> 00:08:12,534
I mean, it was years
before anything happened.
159
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,467
Got it?
160
00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:17,601
Yeah, I got it.
161
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,434
Bring on
the lie detector.
162
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:32,200
I don't know,
he's still Mark's brother.
163
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,801
Totally
different kid, Dan.
164
00:08:33,801 --> 00:08:35,767
Mark is obnoxious,
he's rude,
165
00:08:35,767 --> 00:08:37,300
He's going nowhere,
166
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,734
And he's too old
for Becky.
167
00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:41,234
On the other hand,
168
00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:42,968
David likes me.
169
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:44,400
Where's the mustard?
170
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,901
I Took it back
to Rodbell's.
171
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,400
What about the salami?
172
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,901
I told you, Dan,
I took everything back.
173
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,901
But the salamI was ours.
174
00:08:52,901 --> 00:08:55,033
I Panicked!
175
00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:59,467
Damn. I've been looking
forward to that salami ever since dinner.
176
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,467
Dad?
177
00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:05,300
You want to go
shoot some hoops?
178
00:09:09,534 --> 00:09:11,100
You mean your dad?
179
00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:15,434
A quick game.
No big deal.
180
00:09:15,434 --> 00:09:16,367
Sure.
181
00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:24,501
No time left
on the clock.
182
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,934
Your team's down
by a point.
183
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,501
Darlene, Darlene,
Darlene, Darlene!
184
00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:30,667
Ooh!
185
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,734
God! I'm shooting
like a girl.
186
00:09:32,734 --> 00:09:35,100
You're just
a little rusty. You'll get it back.
187
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:38,100
Here, put it up.
Try it again.
188
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,100
Hey, girlie, girlie,
girlie, girlie!
189
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,601
Girlie, girlie,
girlie, girlie!
190
00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:44,634
Gee, I forgot
how much fun it was
191
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:46,133
To play with you.
192
00:09:46,133 --> 00:09:48,133
Come on, put it up.
193
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:49,300
All right.
194
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,300
You know, dad, I really
just want to talk.
195
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,868
I knew it.
196
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,300
What's up?
197
00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:01,701
Well...I need
a guy's opinion about something.
198
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,100
O.k., I'll be the guy.
199
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,033
Let's say you were
real good friends with this girl
200
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:09,534
And you made
a move on her
201
00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:11,534
And she turned you down.
202
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:13,100
What would you do?
203
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:16,400
Why, then I'd applaud
her high moral standards.
204
00:10:20,367 --> 00:10:22,267
Well, that's
a dad opinion.
205
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:25,133
I--I need a guy opinion.
An honest one.
206
00:10:25,133 --> 00:10:29,467
Then I'd run and
tell all my buddies I scored.
207
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:33,067
I meant would you still
be friends with her?
208
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,334
Oh.
209
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,133
Well, maybe.
210
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,801
Even if you were still
attracted to her?
211
00:10:38,801 --> 00:10:42,067
Well, then
I'd try again.
212
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:44,634
So it would always be
on your mind?
213
00:10:44,634 --> 00:10:47,067
So you couldn't just,
like, hang out with her?
214
00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:48,701
This about
you and david?
215
00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:50,567
Let's just say
I'm curious
216
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,634
And leave it at that.
217
00:10:53,701 --> 00:10:54,701
So?
218
00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:56,200
Well, listen,
Darlene...
219
00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,200
What I would do or
what mr. X would do
220
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,767
Is, like,
not the point.
221
00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:04,501
You're asking me
what you should do, right?
222
00:11:04,501 --> 00:11:06,934
Yeah, I--I guess.
223
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,934
Well, let me
put it this way.
224
00:11:09,934 --> 00:11:12,367
You have never
in your life
225
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:15,367
Done anything
just to please somebody else.
226
00:11:16,434 --> 00:11:17,934
Why start now?
227
00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:21,133
Cool.
228
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:22,133
Play ball!
229
00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,133
Thanks, dad.
230
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:40,133
Anytime.
231
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,767
Thanks for what?
232
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,701
She just came
to the old man for some advice.
233
00:11:44,701 --> 00:11:48,601
Yeah? What did
she talk to you about? David?
234
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,534
It was steeped
in the hypothetical,
235
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:52,033
But she
basically confirmed
236
00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:54,634
That he's warm
for her form.
237
00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:56,934
Well, that's just great.
238
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:59,968
You knew she was going
to start with boys again.
239
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:01,534
Look at it this way.
240
00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:03,968
She didn't hide
in her room or anything.
241
00:12:03,968 --> 00:12:06,968
She did exactly what
you wanted her to do--
242
00:12:06,968 --> 00:12:09,067
She came to us.
243
00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:11,901
God.
244
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,000
You just don't get it,
do you, Dan?
245
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,567
When I said us,
246
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,501
I meant me!
247
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:21,634
[Door slams]
248
00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:34,834
[Telephone rings]
249
00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:39,601
Hello? Oh, hey, david.
Hang on one second.
250
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:43,033
Uh...david, Darlene's
in the shower.
251
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:44,100
Yeah.
252
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,601
Well, I'll tell her
you called.
253
00:12:46,601 --> 00:12:49,100
O.k. She'll see you
at school. Bye.
254
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:51,133
Why'd you have to
say shower?
255
00:12:51,133 --> 00:12:53,033
Now he's
picturing me naked.
256
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,701
Well, then I'm sure
257
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:58,000
He won't be
bothering you anymore.
258
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,701
What am I going
to say to him?
259
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:04,834
I know he'll want
to sit next to me in detention.
260
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:07,834
You either
go out with him or you don't.
261
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:11,234
Yeah, and then
if we do, like, everything changes.
262
00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:13,968
Yeah, but
it could be better.
263
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:16,901
I mean, don't you
want to kiss him?
264
00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:18,400
Uh-huh.
265
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,667
Really?
266
00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,367
Yeah, really, o.k.?
267
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,734
Well, you having dreams
about it?
268
00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:25,968
No!
269
00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:27,267
Well, yeah,
270
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:29,767
But I woke up
at the good part.
271
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,767
You tried to quickly
fall asleep
272
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:34,133
To get back into it,
right?
273
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:35,567
But it wasn't the same.
274
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:37,501
Suddenly everybody
had big heads,
275
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:39,601
And we were talking
about spaghetti.
276
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:43,067
I don't know.
If I were you, I'd go for it.
277
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,567
What if we break up?
278
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:47,634
Then I lose
the best friend I ever had.
279
00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,434
Things have
already changed, Darlene.
280
00:13:49,434 --> 00:13:50,868
You can't go back.
281
00:13:50,868 --> 00:13:53,367
He left it up to me.
282
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,934
If I want,
then I can decide
283
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:58,367
That we'll
just be friends.
284
00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:00,534
Oh, good.
Guys love that.
285
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,033
D.J.! Let's go!
286
00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:07,467
I'll see you
tonight, dad.
287
00:14:07,467 --> 00:14:08,901
You going
to drive Darlene?
288
00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:12,334
Nah, she walked.
She's got a lot to think about.
289
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:14,834
Oh, yeah.
She talk to you about david?
290
00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,000
Yeah.
291
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,000
Yeah, me, too.
Think she'll go out with him?
292
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,400
I think
she's gonna.
293
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,834
It's great
you guys are talking about this.
294
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,834
I'm only good
for guy stuff.
295
00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:28,767
I think
she just needed the female viewpoint
296
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,434
From someone
who's older.
297
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,334
This is really
ticking me off.
298
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:37,067
I can't believe
you're jealous over this.
299
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:39,601
Why not? It's very
typical of me.
300
00:14:39,601 --> 00:14:42,567
O.k. You called,
I rushed right over. What's so important?
301
00:14:42,567 --> 00:14:45,033
Uh-huh. I'm talking
to Dan right now.
302
00:14:45,033 --> 00:14:47,601
O.k., next time the kids
have a problem,
303
00:14:47,601 --> 00:14:49,634
I'll send them
directly to you.
304
00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:52,133
This is the problem
I wanted,
305
00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:54,000
And you hogged it.
306
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,067
Help. Help.
307
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,067
I'm ready.
308
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:58,100
What took you so long?
309
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,601
I'm supposed to wear this
for gym today.
310
00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:03,534
I don't know
how to put it on.
311
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,968
Sounds like a problem.
312
00:15:15,601 --> 00:15:18,734
Want to field
this one, honey?
313
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,234
Get out of here.
314
00:15:20,234 --> 00:15:21,801
Come on, D.J.
315
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:24,234
I can't believe
you're still mad
316
00:15:24,234 --> 00:15:26,834
Because Darlene
went to Dan instead of you.
317
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:29,234
Well, she didn't just go
to Dan, you know.
318
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,234
She went
to Becky, too.
319
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:34,734
Ooh. She went
to her older sister for advice.
320
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,234
Never worked for me.
321
00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:38,234
Shut up.
322
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,734
Look,
the important thing
323
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:42,667
Is that Darlene
got what she needed, right?
324
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:43,734
Fine.
325
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:47,100
O.k., then.
So, what do you need me for?
326
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,300
Well...
327
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,300
O.k.
328
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,067
I Took the stuff from
the restaurant, right?
329
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:56,501
Mm-hmm.
330
00:15:56,501 --> 00:16:00,000
I know it was wrong,
and I feel bad about it.
331
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,133
I can't stop thinking
about it.
332
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,200
Mm-hmm.
333
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,968
So my question
to you is...
334
00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:10,801
What are the chances
of beating a lie detector?
335
00:16:10,801 --> 00:16:13,100
You're actually
going to lie?
336
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,534
If I tell the truth,
I'll get fired.
337
00:16:15,534 --> 00:16:18,033
And if I lie,
I got a shot.
338
00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:20,601
I Sort of figured,
being a cop and everything,
339
00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:22,100
Maybe you'd know
some tricks.
340
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:25,367
There are no tricks.
It's a machine.
341
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:26,868
I can beat it.
342
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:30,100
The test measures
blood pressure,
343
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,834
Heart rate,
respiration.
344
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:34,234
These are things
that you can't control.
345
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:36,467
I think I can.
346
00:16:37,901 --> 00:16:40,901
The only ones
that can beat a lie detector test
347
00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:43,400
Are people
that have no conscience at all.
348
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,634
Psychos, schizos,
349
00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:46,467
Pathological liars.
350
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,200
I know I can.
351
00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,133
It's really hot in here.
352
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,634
What if I get sweaty?
Will I get electrocuted?
353
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,701
No, Mrs.. Conner.
There is absolutely no Danger.
354
00:17:06,701 --> 00:17:08,133
Well, how's
this work, anyway?
355
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,767
If those needles
start jumping all over the place,
356
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:13,334
Then that's how you know
I'm lying, right?
357
00:17:13,334 --> 00:17:15,467
Do you plan on lying,
Mrs.. Conner?
358
00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:18,100
No.
359
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,100
Oh, it's not on yet.
360
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,167
O.k.
361
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,734
Here we go.
362
00:17:24,734 --> 00:17:27,734
Now, just
concern yourself with the questions
363
00:17:27,734 --> 00:17:29,667
And try
to remain relaxed.
364
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,367
Okey-doke.
365
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,133
State your name,
please.
366
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,133
Roseanne Conner.
367
00:17:34,133 --> 00:17:35,400
Your age?
368
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,400
38.
369
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,400
39.
370
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:38,400
Uh-huh.
371
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,601
Occupation?
372
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,968
Waitress.
373
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:44,200
Have you ever stolen
any merchandise from Rodbell's?
374
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,200
Well...
375
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,167
Yes or no,
Mrs.. Conner.
376
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:51,667
Well, I mean, can't you
start off, like, smaller
377
00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:53,167
Or maybe more specific?
378
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:55,167
Like, you know,
going like,
379
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:58,167
Have I ever stolen
a giant-screen TV?
380
00:17:58,167 --> 00:17:59,167
No.
381
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,167
A hose
from garden supply?
382
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,634
No.
383
00:18:02,634 --> 00:18:04,133
A, uh, canoe--
384
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:07,167
Have you ever
taken anything?
385
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:09,667
Well, hey, how about
that pen you got there?
386
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:12,434
I Bet you took that
from your work.
387
00:18:12,434 --> 00:18:15,567
Yes. And I'm working
with it.
388
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:18,334
Ah.
389
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,100
Have you ever
taken anything?
390
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,601
Yes or no, please.
391
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,601
Yes, please.
392
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:25,100
What have you taken?
393
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:27,634
Uh...
394
00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:30,434
Ketchup, mustard...
395
00:18:30,434 --> 00:18:32,100
Pickle chips.
396
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,868
What's going
to happen to me?
397
00:18:34,868 --> 00:18:36,200
That's management's
decision.
398
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,901
I just
ask the questions.
399
00:18:37,901 --> 00:18:40,434
Now, have you ever
stolen any cash?
400
00:18:40,434 --> 00:18:41,667
Absolutely not.
401
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,968
How about
your coworkers?
402
00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:45,167
Bonnie?
403
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,267
No.
404
00:18:46,267 --> 00:18:48,601
I was talking
about Leon carp.
405
00:18:48,601 --> 00:18:49,601
Leon?
406
00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:50,801
How come?
407
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:53,701
Bonnie's
the one that has the police record.
408
00:18:57,634 --> 00:19:00,634
Uh-huh. Well,
have you ever seen mr. Carp
409
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:02,701
Take cash
from the register?
410
00:19:02,701 --> 00:19:05,267
Yeah. 'Cause
he does the books. That's his job.
411
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:08,767
Have you observed
any changes in his normal routine?
412
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:10,033
No.
413
00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:13,868
Have you seen him
exhibit any unusual behavior?
414
00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:15,367
Ohh...
415
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:18,434
I know what
this is all about.
416
00:19:18,434 --> 00:19:21,000
You're trying
to scrounge up some dirt on Leon
417
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,501
Just because he's gay.
418
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:26,234
I Ought to call
the a.c.l.u.
419
00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:27,801
Because this
is totally un-american.
420
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,234
I won't help you
421
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,667
In your little
witch hunt.
422
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,834
No crappy job
is worth that.
423
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,634
You did know
he was gay, didn't you?
424
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,000
No.
425
00:19:44,701 --> 00:19:46,167
Well, he's not.
426
00:19:56,501 --> 00:19:58,434
Hey.
427
00:19:58,434 --> 00:20:00,067
How's it going,
you still got a job?
428
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:03,501
What does it matter?
I can't ever go back there again.
429
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,567
How come?
430
00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:06,000
Oh, 'cause I cracked.
431
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,501
I Turned myself in,
432
00:20:07,501 --> 00:20:10,501
And then I ratted out
all my friends.
433
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:16,267
Sounds like
you had a full day.
434
00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:17,267
Where's Darlene?
435
00:20:17,267 --> 00:20:19,267
Last time I saw her,
436
00:20:19,267 --> 00:20:20,934
She was out
shooting hoops.
437
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:23,767
Well, I've decided
that she's going to confide in me
438
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:26,801
If I have to
rip it out of her!
439
00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:32,434
Dan!
440
00:20:32,434 --> 00:20:34,033
Come here!
441
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:39,434
Why didn't you
return my calls?
442
00:20:39,434 --> 00:20:42,801
I was avoiding you.
I didn't know what to say.
443
00:20:42,801 --> 00:20:46,067
You want to go out
with me, yes or no?
444
00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:47,567
Then we stop
being friends,
445
00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:49,367
And it becomes
something different.
446
00:20:49,367 --> 00:20:51,300
So your answer is no.
447
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:52,767
Now we're not
friends anymore?
448
00:20:52,767 --> 00:20:55,834
No. Look, I was
ready for this.
449
00:20:55,834 --> 00:20:58,701
I can't help
liking you... That way,
450
00:20:58,701 --> 00:21:00,701
But I'll deal
with it.
451
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:02,634
I'd rather be friends
than nothing.
452
00:21:03,868 --> 00:21:05,601
O.k.
453
00:21:05,601 --> 00:21:07,767
O.k.
454
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,267
So, I got a couple
of bucks.
455
00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:13,267
We can go down
to the arcade, and--
456
00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:29,868
What exactly
did you tell her, Dan?
457
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:31,300
I don't know.
458
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:34,334
I just listened
and tried to be there for her,
459
00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:35,334
That's all.
460
00:21:35,334 --> 00:21:37,300
Brilliant!
461
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,000
Captioning performed by
the national captioning institute, inc.
462
00:21:45,601 --> 00:21:46,601
Hey, Bonnie.
463
00:21:46,601 --> 00:21:48,767
Hey, clyde.
464
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:50,834
Here. Our paychecks
came in.
465
00:21:52,834 --> 00:21:53,834
14 Bucks?
466
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:56,334
What, are they paying us
by the day now?
467
00:21:56,334 --> 00:21:58,367
They docked us
100 bucks each
468
00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:00,234
For the food we took.
469
00:22:00,234 --> 00:22:03,734
100 Bucks for two years
worth of stuff?
470
00:22:03,734 --> 00:22:06,300
We ought to do
all our shopping here.
471
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,734
Where's Leon?
I got to talk to him.
472
00:22:08,734 --> 00:22:10,734
They called him
at the office.
473
00:22:10,734 --> 00:22:13,434
They got a couple
more questions to ask him.
474
00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:17,000
Oh, man. That
lie detector guy lied to me.
475
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000
What are you
talking about?
476
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,567
When I told him
Leon was gay,
477
00:22:21,567 --> 00:22:23,567
He said they didn't
care about that.
478
00:22:23,567 --> 00:22:25,234
Why'd you tell him that?
479
00:22:25,234 --> 00:22:27,000
I Stuck up for him.
480
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,501
You weren't sticking up
for me, were you?
481
00:22:29,501 --> 00:22:32,934
No. I swear.
482
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:35,868
Leon's a great
big old pain in the butt,
483
00:22:35,868 --> 00:22:38,701
But I didn't
want him to get fired.
484
00:22:38,701 --> 00:22:41,000
Absolutely not.
485
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Roseanne Conner is not
a Danger to herself
486
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,901
Or the customers.
487
00:22:45,901 --> 00:22:47,901
To the best
of your knowledge,
488
00:22:47,901 --> 00:22:49,601
Is she on
any medication?
489
00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:51,501
No.
490
00:22:51,501 --> 00:22:54,000
But I think
she should be.
491
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,167
So you consider her
a good employee?
492
00:22:58,267 --> 00:23:00,634
A "good" employee...
493
00:23:00,634 --> 00:23:03,334
Well, now,
th-that's a poser.
494
00:23:03,334 --> 00:23:05,567
Yes or no, mr. Carp.
495
00:23:08,868 --> 00:23:10,000
O.k...
496
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:10,934
Yes.
497
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,234
Whoa!
498
00:23:16,834 --> 00:23:21,100
I was afraid
that would happen.
499
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,300
Public performance of captions
prohibited without permission of national captioning institute
500
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:34,300
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
501
00:23:34,350 --> 00:23:38,900
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34162
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof