Original subtitles

[theme music]

Jackie!

Are you in there?

JACKIE: Roseanne?

I've been sitting there honking for 20 minutes.

What's your problem?

Oh, the swap meet!

Right.

I'll be right there.

God, your door's open.

Talk about desperate.

Ziggy!

Rosie!

Hey!

You big jerk!

How long have you been here?

- I just got in last night. - Ow!

Ow!

You're on my leg.

Hey, this is incredible because we

were just talking about you? - Yeah?

Yeah.

Me and Dan were watching this James Cagney movie, you know?

And just as they were taking him down the hall to the prison,

you know, to get electrocuted, out of nowhere, Dan goes,

I wonder what Ziggy's up to?

Do we all have to be in the bed?

Come on.

Let's go to our house.

Dan will freak out when he sees you.

All right. Just let me get dressed.

We're done here, right?

Jackie, What are you doing sleeping with Ziggy?

I--

Haven't you learned anything?

Go away.

Wow.

Isn't he married or something?

He was living with a girl, and she threw

him out over a year ago, OK?

Take a hint, Jackie.

I don't wanna talk about it now.

We'll talk about it at the swap meet.

I'm not going to any stupid swap meet when Ziggy's here.

ZIGGY: Let's motor.

Hey, Jacks, you coming?

Yeah, I'll be along, soon as I find my dignity.

Cool.

So Ziggy, you seeing anybody?

[theme music]

So then I hooked up with a rodeo for a couple weeks.

The Zig man rode the Brahma bull.

No way.

Absolutely.

Three seconds on the bull.

Two hours on the operating table.

Why the hell would you do something like that?

Dan, the Spanish have a word for it.

What is it again?

Macho?

Machismo?

Tequila.

That's the one.

DAN: Maniac.

Pass me the wrench.

OK, man.

Your turn now.

What you been up to?

Oh, you know, not much.

Kids are good.

Rosie's great.

Paying the bills.

Yeah?

So what do you do for an adventure, you know?

A little danger?

Paying the bills.

Jeez.

How'd you ever make it across country on this thing?

Oh, I didn't.

I just bought this bike, man.

I sold the one I was riding to some doctor for like, 20 grand.

20 grand.

Did I tell you I just dry walled the space shuttle?

You don't believe me?

Oh, of course I believe you.

You say you sold the bike to a doctor for 20 grand.

Why shouldn't I believe you?

I just-- woof.

See, I find these classic bikes that are trashed.

I cherry them out.

Then when I'm low on cash, I sell them to like, dentists

who think they're bikers.

Oh, man, that's stuff we used to dream about doing

when we were growing up.

I couldn't wait that long.

Dad, I'm going to the mall--

oh, is that ours?

No, it's Ziggy's.

Daddy!

Beat it, Darlene.

Say goodbye, Darlene.

Oh, bye-bye!

Dan, listen, I don't want her thinking I got this selling

drugs or something. - No sweat.

I'll tell her you robbed a bank.

ZIGGY: Thanks, man.

So how are your kids?

Oh, they're fine.

They're with their father now.

Huh?

Well, they were Jill's kids. She kicked him out.

I moved in. She kicked me out.

He moved back.

I figured, hey, that's life.

Only yours, Ziggy.

I tell you, Dan.

Left a piece of my heart in her trailer.

Want another brew?

Sure.

Peace of my heart?

I left a piece of my heart in her trailer, (SINGING)

a chunk of my soul in her mobile home.

I left a piece of my heart in her trailer,

now I'm a-ridin' the road all alone.

Yee-haw!

No, he's a friend of my parents.

He's so cute.

OK, well, like, picture Mark, but more mature.

Yeah.

No, I don't know.

It's like he's got this thing with his eyes

like he knows stuff.

Hey, Beck.

[scream]

I gotta go, Tina.

I wasn't talking about you.

Were so.

Hey.

What's going on?

Becky's got a crush on me.

I do not!

Digs my eyes.

Well, red always was her favorite color.

I got to go.

You sure you don't want me to come with you?

Oh, God.

That was fun.

Well, don't get all cocky.

She's easy to humiliate.

I have to ask you something, OK?

You might think it's weird, but I want to know.

What are your intentions with Jackie?

Intentions?

Gee, I don't know, Mrs. Conner.

I was just going to take her to the sock hop,

see if I could score.

'Cause you know she's had a really rough year, you know?

She lost her job and she lost her fiance,

and now here's Ziggy again.

All right.

She's making a comeback.

I know you, Ziggy.

In a couple of days, you'll catch the first cocktail

waitress out of here.

Aw, come on, Rosie.

What's with the big sister thing?

You were right, man.

The start's dead.

Let's go pick up a new one.

You got it.

We done?

Well, you tell me.

Hey, it'll be cool.

Don't worry.

What'll be cool?

Me and Rosie are running away together.

Oh, Right.

Like I'd give up Raul for you.

[music playing]

HUMPHREY BOGART (ON TV): Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow. But soon.

And for the rest of your life.

INGRID BERGMAN (ON TV): What about us?

HUMPHREY BOGART (ON TV): We'll always have Paris.

Meh.

This is where the movie totally loses it.

You're kidding me.

This is the best part.

There's no way she's going to get on a plane with that guy.

Of course she would.

Nah.

Bogart's way cooler.

That guy never even made another movie again.

That guy is only the leader of the resistance.

If she doesn't go with him, France may never be free.

Ha. Yeah, right.

Like anybody cares about France.

Um, Ma, I need money for school supplies.

How much?

Oh-- 25 bucks.

Get over yourself.

Well, how about 15?

You do your own damn homework.

Fine.

I hear eighth grade is a lot easier the second time around.

Hey, all.

Hey, where were you guys?

- Lenny's Bike Shop. - Yeah.

Hanging out.

You know.

Being like Mark, but more mature.

I wasn't talking about you!

God.

So, Jackie, think I could crash

at your place for a while?

Ziggy!

He's talking to me, Roseanne.

How long is a while?

Well, I don't know.

See, it looks like I may be having

my own business here in town.

[snickers]

I'm buying Lenny's Bike Shop.

You're kidding me.

No way, man.

I tell you-- me and Dan went down to pick

up some parts this afternoon--

Lenny is looking to retire--

so the Zig man made him an offer.

It was so cool.

When Ziggy pulled that wad out of his pocket,

Lenny kissed him right on the lips.

Ick.

So, uh, Jacks, you want a roommate?

Hm, well, you'd have to pay half the rent,

half the utilities, and you bring your own

laundry over to Roseanne's.

Deal.

Hey, I hope you guys know I was

totally for this relationship from the beginning.

I think it's just awesome.

I think it's great because--

OK-- like, there's only one bike shop in town.

Nobody knows more about bikes than him.

Right.

I think this might be a great idea.

Did you think of it yourself?

I mean, it's almost like you have a clue.

I knew you'd be proud of us.

Us?

Yeah, me and Dan.

Honey, I-- I--

I know it's new.

It's a little scary.

But it doesn't have to be, you know,

like how we fought when I started the drywall business.

[nervous laugh] You didn't want any part of that,

and we fought like cats and dogs.

[music playing]

Dan, Rosie.

Good to see you. How are you?

Hi, Doug. How's Lois?

Good. Everyone's great.

How you doing, buddy?

Hey, how you doing, man? I'm--

Norbert.

Norbert Walsh.

Take that thing off your head.

Doug.

Please, sit down.

We missed you last week over at the lodge, Dougie.

Yeah.

It was the kid's birthday.

Had to do that miniature golf thing.

You know? - Oh, yeah.

How old is she now?

Would you believe she was eight years old?

No!

That-- that's--

It's amazing.

They grow up so fast.

So what about the money?

Well, you know, from what you told me on the phone,

I think it sounds real promising.

So what I did, I checked into Lenny's shop.

And, actually, it's going OK.

How OK is OK?

Be straight with us now, Doug.

Are we all going to be eating cat food, or just the kids?

Well, Lenny's been looking to get out,

so he may have slipped off a little bit.

But who knows?

With some fresh blood in there, anything can happen, right?

And the bank has always been behind you and Dan.

You know that. - Thanks, Doug.

Sure.

So, want to tell me a little about your partner here?

BOTH: No.

Hey, uh-- man, don't make him think I'm some

kind of irresponsible guy.

I happen to have 20 grand in my shoe.

You don't-- you don't need to see that, do you?

No.

No, but he is going to need another 30

for the down payment.

Well, I was thinking about selling the drywall business.

No, Dan. You are the drywall business.

I mean, without you, there's nothing to sell.

You got any other ideas?

Yeah.

We could give you a second mortgage on the house.

The house?

Listen, not to worry.

We'll get you a good rate.

And this way, my boss will really

know you're serious about it.

[sighs] The house.

That the only way, Doug?

That's the only way I can see, Danny.

Sorry, Zig.

Oh, man--

Ziggy, I'm going to be carrying

two mortgages, a business loan.

I don't know when the money is going to start coming in.

I can't risk it.

I got a family. - So what are you going to do?

You gonna spend the rest of your life doing something you hate?

- I don't hate it. - Oh, get off it, man!

What was all that about yesterday

about how bored you are and how you hate going off to work?

Forget it, Zig.

It's not going to happen.

Well, then I'm going to do it myself.

What do I need to do this thing myself?

What do you got in the other shoe?

OK.

Let's do it.

Let's put up the house.

What are you talking about?

Well-- pfft. You want to do it?

Let's do it.

Are you sure?

Well, he says he believes in you.

I don't know.

You know, I guess I should, too.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just

going to step outside and puke.

[music playing]

You OK, Rosie?

Yeah-- yeah.

I-- I-- I just want to sit in my house,

you know, while it's still mine.

So, what?

What?

Did you get the loan or--

Yes!

Thanks to Ms. Roseanne Conner, ladies and gentlemen!

We took a second mortgage on the house.

Roseanne has certain lingering doubts.

I want to do it anymore.

Come on, Rosie.

It's a great idea.

I believe in this idea.

Well, Ziggy.

You used to believe you could see yourself sleeping if you

just woke up fast enough.

And I've never been proven wrong.

God, I'm going to miss this place.

Come on, you guys!

Let's go celebrate!

Zig, Zig, I think--

I think me and Rosie need to be alone.

OK. Come on.

Come on, Zig.

Rosie, you are my hero!

I will never forget this.

I'm never going to let you.

Dan, you're in charge of taking this lady out,

showing her a good time, so she can get out of this mood.

Zig, in 5 or 10 years when the bank's off our back,

we'll be ready to celebrate.

Meantime, I just want to stay in here

and concentrate on how to arrange the furniture out

on the sidewalk. - Come on, Zig.

I'll celebrate with ya.

OK.

OK, come on, guys!

This is a good thing.

Get happy!

Later, Norbert.

[laughs] Well, you're welcome, too.

That was nothing.

The official thank you will take place in the thank you room.

What, it's no longer the begging room?

[music playing]

[door shutting]

ZIGGY: Guys, I gotta talk to you.

ROSEANNE: Ziggy!

DAN AND ROSEANNE: Get outta here!

I got a change in plans, so we oughta discuss it.

God, Ziggy.

Don't go into somebody's bedroom in the middle of the night!

You did it to me and Jackie.

That's different.

It was funny when I did it.

What do you want, Zig?

Dan, I can't go through with the, uh, bike shop.

You're kidding.

I thought we were just going to hang

out and fix bikes, you know?

No big deal.

You know, we get tired of it, we bail.

Wait-- uh-- man, I've been thinking all night about this.

You put the house on the line, man.

I don't want that riding on me.

What did you start this for?

For you, man.

You were bored.

When I thought of this idea, you should have seen

the look on your face, man.

I mean, that was worth the 20 grand.

But it-- it just all got too big.

What did you expect?

We're starting a business, not throwing a party.

I know, I know.

No, no, no, man.

You don't come blowing in here, getting everybody crazy.

You don't start something you're not going to finish.

Well, that's why I'm not starting this.

Fine.

Dan-- hey, Dan. Come on, man.

Dan, I'm sorry. Listen.

But we-- we could have gone under in six months and you

lose the house and the drywall deal.

And it was my idea, man.

I mean, you guys are going to hate me forever.

This way, hey, you hate me for a couple of months

and I'm back by Christmas.

No, I don't think so.

Hey, Dan.

We go back a long way.

No.

No, I'm too old for this crap.

Come on. Come on, man.

You know the way out.

What did Jackie say?

Ah, she said a lot of things.

But bottom line was, uh, goodbye.

By Sorry, Rosie.

Well, I'm going to go be with my husband now.

It really is better this way.

Yeah, I'm sure he'll realize that tomorrow when he's

drywalling somebody's basement.

[music playing]

What's your problem?

I got nothing to do.

Well, why don't you call up that Todd or Troy--

whatever his name is--

next door and see if he'll play with you.

He's in school.

Oh.

How come you're not in school?

Go to school!

Well, at least you can't say as you're surprised.

Yeah.

Well, at least we didn't get in too deep.

I'll just call Doug down at the bank and tell him

we decided to back off.

BECKY: I'm going to be home late for school.

I'm going to Mark's.

Hey, you've got finals to study for.

You shouldn't be going over to Mark's.

Oh, did I say Mark's?

I meant the library.

That's better.

I actually prefer it when she lies to me.

You know what I don't get?

I just don't get-- how come it was such a good idea when Ziggy

was involved, and now it's not a good idea

when he's not involved?

Well, for one thing, it's at least a two-man operation.

I can't do it alone.

Well, you know, I could quit my job at the restaurant

and help out.

That would be kind of cool, you know?

We'd go to work together.

We'd go to lunch together.

We'd come home together.

Or we could stay married.

So why don't you hire Becky's boyfriend.

That Mark.

You're kidding.

Well, he's good with his hands.

Just ask Becky.

That's not funny.

You cannot sit there and tell me that Ziggy is irreplaceable,

Dan.

I mean, the guy wore a rag on his head!

His 20 grand was irreplaceable.

Yeah, well, the bank was going to lend us 30.

Maybe they will lend us 50.

We've got nothing else to put up.

Oh, come on.

We both know you still want to do it.

Yeah, I do.

So what can it hurt, you know?

We'll go down there and, you know,

we'll at least talk to Doug.

We'll see what he says.

OK, it's worth a shot.

And you know what the good part is?

Without a partner for you to split the profits with,

everything you make is mine.

[music playing]

So what can it hurt, you know?

We'll go down there and, you know,

we'll at least talk to Doug.

We'll see what he says.

OK, it's worth a shot.

And you know the good part is?

Without a partner for you to split the profits with,

everything you make is mine.

[door shutting]

Mom! Dad!

Wait!

[music playing]

[logo theme]

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