All language subtitles for Roseanne s03e09 Bird Is The Word.eng

[theme music]

[laughter]

[music playing]

So you really think
this is cool, huh?

Yeah, who said?

Well, I guess the
whole school knows.

What does the
whole school know?

Class picture.

Fourth row, second
from the left.

Oh, my god!

Becky, you're giving the finger!

Let me see!

DJ, go watch TV.

I can't believe it!

The nerd flips the bird!

I'll call you back, OK?

Yeah.

Come on, you were just
scratching your shoulder,

right?

I did it.

Why is that such a big surprise?

Because you're such a
butt kisser, and you never

get in any decent trouble.

Totally impressed.

Wrong, Jackie.

Yep, it was Paul
Revere and the Raiders.

But Mark Lindsay was the singer.

Like there really
was a Paul Revere.

Read the back of the album!

Paul Revere was a blind
guy who played keyboards.

He was the leader.

Well, then how
come he didn't sing?

Because Mark
Lindsay sang better.

Well, then how come it wasn't
Mark Lindsay and the Raiders?

Because Paul's mother let
them practice in their garage.

Oh.

Becky got picture today,
and she won't let me see it.

It's just my class picture.

I didn't want him
to get it all gross.

Well, I paid for it.

Let me see it.

Sure.

See?

I want to see.

- Me first.
- Why?

- 'Cause.
- No fair.

Is too.
Let me see it, Becky.

Where are you?

Oh, you mean,
you can't see me?

Look, everybody!

Daddy's home!

Oh, hi, Daddy!

Hi, princess, bud,
kitten, Margaret.

What is it, our anniversary,
with the big, greasy car

parked there?

Oh, does this finally mean
you're gonna fix her car

and I don't have to
drive her around anymore?

Come on.

We've been having a
lot of fun together.

Yeah.

It's a lot of fun listening
to you give directions.

Speed up, slow down, turn
left, turn right, date him,

don't date him.

Well, don't worry.

I finally got the part
I've been looking for.

All I got to do is wash it
off and figure out what it is.

Oh, look.

This guy's giving the
old one-digit salute.

Yeah, where?

Right here.

It's very, very
subtle, under the chin.

There's another
one around the back.

Oh, look it, a double.

The guy with the arms crossed.
- Brilliant.

- Yeah.
- Bravo, bravo.

Yeah, here's the guy
adjusting his glasses.

ROSEANNE: No, he's
just rubbing his eye.

JACKIE: No, look at the elbow.

Oh, a mislead.

Yeah.

Let me try to find one now.

Just remember you
thought it was funny

when the other kids did it.

Yeah, but the other
kids aren't my kid.

Right, Dan?
- Not to my knowledge, dear.

Well, I'll leave
you guys alone

since I know how disappointed
you must be in Becky.

By the way, I think I'm
getting a D in math.

Go on up to your room.

What's Becky doing?

DJ--

DJ, go watch TV.

I can't believe it's Becky.

Yeah.

This is almost as good
as his version of we're

number one in the
football picture.

That was a classic.

Your parents were
so very overjoyed.

Oh, they were so uncool.

I don't know, Dan.

I think, well, we
ought to do something.

Well, I'm certainly not
gonna punish her for this.

No, I know that.

But, I mean, we've
got to be parents.

We don't have
to be our parents.

We can't bust her for the
same things that we did.

Yeah, but, I mean,
on one hand, I--

I don't want her to
think we approve.

Then on the other hand, I feel
so close to her right now.

Say, guys, um, your son
just gave Gilligan the finger.

ROSEANNE: Dan.

Well, he's the reason they're
still stuck on that island.

Dan--

All right, all right.

DJ?

Get in here, little buddy.

- Becky!
- Yeah?

DAN: Have a seat.

OK.

Let's see.

Uh, how can I explain this?

Ah.

OK.

This is the church.

This is the steeple.

Open the doors, and
you see the big guy

sitting there in third row?

Just don't ever stick him
up in the air at anybody.

But Mom did it
when she was driving.

Well, the idiot cuts me off.

Scoot.

I better go see if this fits.

You know, they've been
taking these pictures forever.

You'd think the photographer
would get wise to it.

Well, every generation
thinks they're the first.

You know that
picture of Washington

crossing the Delaware?

The guy in the back, he
looks like he's rowing?

See, now, you think the
painter would have caught that.

So how much trouble am I in.

Sit down.

So?

So this doesn't
seem like you, Becky.

Did you know these guys?

I mean, was it some kind of
a dare thing or something?

No, I just did it.

I don't know why.

Well, just don't do it again
or you're gonna get grounded.

OK.

Is that it?

You're gonna do the dishes
tonight, too, and that's final.

But Mom, it's my
turn to do the dishes.

Yeah, well nobody
has to know that.

[music playing]

Yeah, that's correct, Amy.

Fourth row, second
from the left.

Yeah, her name's Becky
Conner, my sister.

I do too have a sister.

She's just been in
a reform school.

Darlene, you want
to hand me that dish?

Oh, got to go, Amy.

Fingers needs me.

Here you go, sis.

Thanks.

That was Amy Williams.

Her sister's a senior, and
even she knows about it.

Seniors are talking about me?

Everyone is.

It's like all of a
sudden, you're cool.

Well, I've always been cool.

But sometimes, it's
just cooler not to flash

how cool you really are.

ROSEANNE: We should
just get a new car.

That car was built
the year Becky was born.

It's got a lot of history.

We just bought it a year ago.

It's got somebody
else's history.

We can't afford
our own history.

[phone ringing]

Well, maybe we ought to
just go get a new used car.

You know, like maybe a '81.

Oh, an '81.

Dream on!

Yeah, hold on a minute.

Uh, it's for a Mrs. Conner.

DAN: Sounds serious.

Who is it?

It's Becky's school.

Hello, this is a Mrs. Conner.

Uh-huh.

Jeez!

No, OK.

I'll be there.

What?

You and your finger
just got suspended.

Cool!

Cool?

You think it's cool that I have
to go and see the principal

and take time off of my job?

You think that's cool, huh?

Uh, Becky?

And don't you be
thinking that you're

just gonna lay around
here on your butt

and look at TV, either.

There's plenty stuff
to do around here.

Dan, you're gonna be home
fixing the car, right?

Well, you make sure
she does it all.

Check.

But Mom, a minute ago,
you said it was no big deal!

Well, that was before
you got me in trouble!

Now I got to go to your school.

And I don't want
to go to school!

Oh, don't worry, honey.

It'll be all right.

Hey, if you run into that
assistant principal who

told me I'd never
amount to anything,

tell him Dr. Conner says hi.

[music playing]

Um, I'm Rebecca Conner's mom.

I'm here to see the principal.

He'll be right with you.

Please, take a seat
with the other mothers.

Finger?

We're all fingers over here.

Roseanne Harris?

I used to be.

Well, I don't believe it!

Neither do I.

What is it, 15 years?

It's at least that long.

Isn't this weird
running into each other?

Especially at the
principal's office.

I'll tell you
what's really weird.

What?

I don't have the
foggiest idea who you are.

Anne-Marie.

Dixon?

It's Mitchell now.

What, did you marry
Chuckie Mitchell?

Yeah.

Who would have thought?

You?

Well, remember that real
good-looking blonde guy that

took me to the junior dance?

Yeah.

OK, he dumped me.

I ended up with Dan Conner.

It's really good to see you.

Yeah.

Boy, this place really
brings back memories.

Like the time we got dragged
in here for burning our bras,

and you stood up
to Principal Lieb

and said it was a
political statement?

You know, Anne-Marie,
it wasn't even

my bra that I burned.

It was Sally Glimpscher's
little tiny bra.

No.

Now, she didn't need it,
and I had gym that day,

so I figured I wasn't gonna go--

I wasn't gonna get on
the, you know, trampoline.

I could have hurt somebody.

I remember Sally Glimpscher.

Boy, she was always in trouble.

I think they were just
giving her conjugal visits

in detention.

So tell, me which one's yours?

Mmm, right there.

Ah.

Mhm.

It's her first obscene gesture.

Her father and I
are just so proud.

Here's Chucki, Jr.

Wow, jeez.

He's got his father's finger.

Yeah.

This is taking
a while, isn't it?

Boy, I hope I'm not
gonna be late for work.

Me, too.

And I hope I can talk this
guy out of the three-day

suspension deal.

I hope I can talk at all.

Jeez.

I feel like I'm 15
years old and I'm

gonna have to sit
and listen to old man

Lieb tell me what a
horrible person I am.

Man.

I used to just sit there
and gnaw on my fingernails,

you know?
- Yeah.

Of course, now
they've grown back,

and I think I can handle it.

Principal Hiller
will see you now.

I didn't do nothing!

Ann-Marie did!

Get out of here!

Ladies, thanks
for coming down.

Please, have a seat.

Boy, everything sure
looks a lot smaller.

No offense.

Now, what do we
think about this?

Mrs.--

Mitchell.

Mitchell, yeah.

And your, uh, son has been
suspended for three days.

True.

Well, you-- you must
have an opinion about that?

And I'd like to hear what it is.

Well, I really
think three days

suspension is a little much.

I think she's right.

Mhm.

You know, I have
to agree here.

Now, I'm not saying
that flipping the bird

is right or anything.

But, I mean, three
days is a long time.

I mean, couldn't you
just start smaller, OK?

Say like first, a warning.

And then maybe detention,
something like that?

OK.

You may be right,
but I don't think so.

You see, I think
this is the warning.

Next time they're down
for something like this,

it'll be two weeks.

Oh, two weeks at
home watching TV.

Boy, that'll really 'em mad.

And you are?

Roseanne Harris-- uh, Conner.

Well, it's easy to see
where Becky gets her attitude.

What do you mean by that?

She's-- she's, uh, 16.

She gets really good grades.

She's not pregnant.

I'd say that's
damn near perfect.

Well, I have evidence to the
contrary here, Mrs. Conner.

Well, so what are you
saying, that she's a bad kid?

Or you calling me a bad mother?

Well, now, I know how
hard it is to juggle

a career and children.

Hey, uh, my children
are my career, OK?

You must be talking
about my job, which

you're making me late for.

Me too.

I sympathize, ladies.

Really, I do.

But I just can't do
this all by myself.

Now, maybe you could spend the
next few days with your kids

and teach them a little
something about respect--

respect for others,
respect for themselves.

Uh, do your kids do this
in the family pictures?

No way.

No.

They do it here.

That's right.

Oh, I see.

Following that
logic, Mrs. Conner,

as long as they're not stealing
anything out of your living

room, it's not
your fault if they

hold up a convenience store.

Hey, we're not talking
about armed robbery here, OK?

We're talking about some
teenagers flipping the bird.

I think we should get over it.

Maybe you're right,
but I don't think so.

And neither do all these
parents who have called

in to complain about the photo.

They want us to
reshoot it at our cost.

And quite frankly, Mrs. Conner,
that is not within our budget.

So what would you
have me tell them

about what your daughter did?

Uh, that it's a
political statement?

Funny.

But I don't think
they would laugh.

And I don't think they want
to get over it, either,

Mrs. Conner, you see, because
they did their job as parents.

And if you're not going to
do yours, then it's up to me

to make sure that this
never happens again,

which I can do by handing out
a longer suspension next time.

Now, let's try this again.

What do we want
to do about this?

[music playing]

OK.

Did you drain the oil
out the crank case?

BECKY: Yeah.

Take the filter off?

Uh-huh.

DAN: Did you put you off from
the filter into that pan there?

Yeah, all this black
stuff came squirting out.

OK, slide on out here.

Thank god.

Yeah.

Now you're ready to lube.

You know, Dad,
It's not like I don't

like all this or anything.

But I think Mom kind of wanted
me to work in the house.

Mom's not here.

Dad, I hate all this!

DAN: I know you do, Becky.

But you're keeping
your old dad company.

And damn it, we're having fun!

Now get back on under there.

BECKY: Dad?

Yeah.

BECKY: What am I supposed to do?

Oh, I'm sorry, Becky.

You know those pointy
doohickeys I showed you before?

BECKY: Yeah.

Just point your
gun at 'em and fire.

BECKY: OK.

Ew, all this yellow
slime is oozing out!

Oh, my god!
Get out of there, quick!

Sorry about that.

It was a little garage humor.

Real funny, Dad.

Ew!

Look at my hands!

They're all greasy and dirty.

Here you go.

Wipe 'em off on this sandwich.

Say, Dad, were
you ever suspended?

- Just once.
- Really, for what?

Snoring too loud in detention.

Spent the next three days
tuning up my dad's Rambler.

So this is kind of like a
time-honored family tradition,

huh?
- You bet.

Get on back under there, now.

[music playing]

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Where's you dad?

DARLENE: In the garage.

What, no hug and kiss
for your good daughter?

Soon as I get one.

Hi, Mom.

What are you doing
with Becky's picture?

I put that in my
special hiding place.

That's where I found it.

Mom, how come Becky's got
three hands in this picture?

- Three hands?
- Yeah, look.

Let me see.

[gasp] She didn't do it.

I'll kill her!

Well, Beck, this
turned out pretty good.

If you ever get
expelled, you can

always fall back on lube work.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Have a look, Dan.

It's not your finger, is it?

Could have been.

Hey, Becky's got three hands.

Catch up, Dan.

What do you mean,
could have been?

It was the kid next to me.

How come you
didn't say anything?

Well, the picture
came out, and everyone

thought I was so close.

And you two didn't seem to care.

So I figured, hey, I'm popular.

Might as well go with it.

And then you got suspended.

And then I had to go down
to the principal's office

and get humiliated.

How long were you
gonna go with this?

Till now?

You let your mom take the
heat so you could be popular?

I'm sorry.

But it's not like I
got away with anything.

I got suspended.

Yeah?

Well, you're going
to school tomorrow.

I can't go to school tomorrow.

Oh, yes, you can. 'Cause I'm
gonna take another hour off

of work and go down there
and straighten everything

out with our principal.

Mom, if I go down
there, everyone

will know I didn't do it!

Yeah, life sucks, don't it?

I can't believe this!

You guys weren't mad when
you thought I did do it,

and now you're mad
because you know I didn't?

God, maybe next year, I
ought to moon the class photo

so you guys are proud of me.

Just make sure
it's your own butt.

[music playing]

Mrs. Conner,
you'll have to wait.

Oh, I've been waiting
for this all of my life.

I'm back.

What is it, Mrs. Conner.

Fourth row, second
from the left.

Hey, did you ever lay awake
nights thinking, jeez,

if I only had that one
moment to live over again

I would do it differently?

I'm having that moment,
and you're in it.

OK.

Obviously, there's
been a little mistake.

And I will lift
Becky's suspension.

And I think an
apology's in order.

OK.

I think you're right.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Conner.

And what about the
other mothers that

were in here with me yesterday?

Well, their children
really did it.

So, what?

Their kid makes one mistake,
and that makes them bad mothers?

Well, I do believe that
how a student behaves

reflects the attitudes
of the parent.

Now, what if I was to
tell you that Becky wishes

she had flipped the bird.

What kind of mother
would that make me?

I have already apolo--

I will tell you what kind
of mother that makes me, Mr.

Hiller-- the exact same
kind of mother that I was

when I was in there yesterday.

Because no matter how much
we try to control what

our kids do, at some
point, they are just

gonna do what they're gonna do.

They are like people that way.

Mhm.

But isn't it our job,
Mrs. Conner, to make sure

that they become
responsible, mature adults?

Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

But we must remember, Mr.
Hiller, that it's not easy.

Like, say when I'm in
here next year because

of something that my Darlene--

and I will be here.

Just remember that today,
I was a good mother.

I'll do that, Mrs. Conner.

See you next year.

Tuesdays will be good for me.

[music playing]

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