All language subtitles for Roseanne s03e07 Trick Or Treat.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,668 --> 00:00:02,270 [sound effect playing] 2 00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:06,274 [theme music] 3 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:52,086 [laughing] 4 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,054 [music playing] 5 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,257 [inaudible] possible straight. 6 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:59,260 Another duck for [inaudible] zippo, 7 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,563 and shinola for the dealer. 8 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,198 That's to you Palidin. 9 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,999 Two-bits. 10 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,535 [belching] 11 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:08,936 Beautiful! [applause] 12 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:09,903 Again, again. 13 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,639 Judges, get a drum or something. 14 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:12,540 Five. 15 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,507 Thank you. 16 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,176 He's fired from the communist judge. 17 00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,277 OK. 18 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,045 Did I tell you guys about my cousin Leon? 19 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,547 Eh, how's Leon doing? 20 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:21,715 He bought these two mail order brides through a catalog. 21 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:22,950 - Catalog? - Yep. 22 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,153 And UPS delivered them right to his door buck naked. 23 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,053 [laughing] 24 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,621 - Get out out of town. - Yeah. 25 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:28,889 They both look like Michelle Pfeiffer, 26 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,091 except they had really big heads. 27 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,059 Ooh. 28 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,127 OK. 29 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,329 Who wants to chip in for Arnie's therapy? 30 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,330 [interposing voices] 31 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,331 Here you go. 32 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,666 OK. 33 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,934 Now, I told you about me dating that belly dancer, right? 34 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,303 Oh, listen to this. Listen to this. 35 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:43,171 His story? All right. 36 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,138 All right. 37 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,072 This chick had such muscle control 38 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,207 that she could pick up a-- 39 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,107 [clearing throat] 40 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,041 Hey, honey. 41 00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:48,942 [interposing voices] 42 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:49,943 [laughing] 43 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:50,844 Hey 44 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,745 Hey 45 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:52,680 Can I [inaudible]? 46 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:56,184 Well, hey, go knock yourself out. 47 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,386 So what were y'all saying? 48 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,888 Oh Yeah, I, uh-- 49 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,891 yeah, you could use a crosscut saw on that. 50 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,328 But I'd use a hand saw myself, because it's a lot easier. 51 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,629 I've always held a band saw. I'm a band saw man. 52 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,897 Well, you know, I was going to say, 53 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:10,864 you look like a band saw man. 54 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,933 Hey, you better use your coasters. 55 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:13,834 Ha! 56 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,503 Made you look. 57 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,271 [laughing] 58 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,339 Power tools. 59 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:19,840 You know, that's their little code 60 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,943 for fallopians approaching. 61 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,479 We don't know what goes on the minute we're out of that room. 62 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:26,680 That's right. 63 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,115 Well, you know, they talk about their first time, 64 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,318 and their last time, and how many times, 65 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,553 and they multiply it all by about five, 66 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,688 and then they spit at each other, and go home. 67 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,557 I don't know why they do that. 68 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,525 I don't know. 69 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,959 We're talking about the only animal 70 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:42,930 on earth that would wear black socks with Bermuda shorts. 71 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,467 Now (SILLY VOICE) we put on our little ears. 72 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,902 Roseanne, do I have to do this, 73 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:53,507 because you needs a Halloween "tostume." 74 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,344 I don't want to go to Dan's stupid lodge, 75 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,646 stupid haunted house thing. 76 00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:01,649 - But it's for charity. - I know. 77 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,917 But it's no fun having some 60-year-old guy 78 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,554 with a pot belly jumping out at me saying, ooga-booga. 79 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,089 It was scary when I was eight. 80 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,525 It's even scarier now. 81 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,262 But I want to see you get out there again. 82 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:17,265 Look, I just broke up with Gary, I'm depressed. 83 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,633 I'm tired and miserable. 84 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:20,601 [gasping] 85 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,404 I look so cute. 86 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,439 (WITCH VOICE) I'll get you my pretty. 87 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,340 Hey! 88 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,841 You look great. 89 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,278 So scary. 90 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:31,679 I need a broom. 91 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:32,646 It's in the kitchen. 92 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,117 Hey, hey, hey. 93 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,752 Hey look everybody, DJ's witch. 94 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,020 Woo, woo. 95 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,222 Why don't you fly upstairs and put on your PJs, huh? 96 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,391 I can't fly without a broom. 97 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:44,592 Sure you can. Look. 98 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:45,493 Whoo! 99 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:46,460 There you go. 100 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,562 But up in minute, champ. 101 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,530 What? 102 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,698 Two daughters isn't enough for you. 103 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,666 What are you talking about? 104 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:56,069 He's dressed like a witch. 105 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,137 Witches are girls. 106 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,006 This is the 90s, Dan. 107 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,974 Witches are women. 108 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,943 I can't let him do this. 109 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,679 He got to pick his own costume, that's what he chose. 110 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,381 Why couldn't he pick up something normal, 111 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:10,284 like a vampire, or a nice axe murderer? 112 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:11,919 Like, um, Lizzie Borden? 113 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,086 There's plenty other ax murderers 114 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,322 in the world, Roseanne. 115 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,689 Oh, yeah, I get it. 116 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,460 You want him to be a manly, feral, stud of an axe murderer. 117 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:24,298 There's no little sissy axe murderer for Dan Conner's boy. 118 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,099 Boys shouldn't dress up like girls. 119 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,568 Now, Darlene dressed up like a pirate 120 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,569 for three years in a row. 121 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,670 That was cute. 122 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:30,938 If he goes out like this, he's going to come 123 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,239 home with a bloody nose. 124 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,376 That is stupid. 125 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:36,677 I've got to get back in there. 126 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,379 Would you please talk to him. 127 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,747 DJ! 128 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,883 Instead of a witch, you want to dress up like Madonna? 129 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,021 I did my best. 130 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:48,989 [laughing] 131 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,425 [music playing] 132 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:54,328 Yeah. 133 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,330 Hi, Mom. 134 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,998 Yeah? 135 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:01,635 Well, so how long you going to be? 136 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,104 [laughing] 137 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,409 OK. Yeah. 138 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,710 I'll tell him. OK. 139 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,611 Bye. 140 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,314 Dad! 141 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,916 Mom's still at work. 142 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,785 She says she and Aunt Jackie will meet us there. 143 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:18,686 OK. 144 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,253 I'll be right out. 145 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,655 Darlene, you're not even ready. 146 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,524 We're going to be leaving any minute. 147 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,359 I don't feel so good. 148 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,260 Well, what's wrong? 149 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,496 It's my stomach. 150 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,397 Oh! 151 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:30,864 Oh my god! 152 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,866 [screaming] 153 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,404 [crying] 154 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:38,271 So what do you want? 155 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,340 Some Pepto Bismol, or something? 156 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,776 [laughing] 157 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:44,211 OK. 158 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,679 Let's get going. 159 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,153 Where's DJ? 160 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,889 We'll get him. 161 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,992 You don't look half bad, toot.s 162 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,395 Thank you. 163 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,097 Listen, I was supposed to remind you to bring the brownies. 164 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,066 You hear that lamebrain, you forgot the brownies. 165 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,334 Boink. Ow. 166 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:08,168 Ow. Ow. 167 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,637 Hey, leave him alone. 168 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:10,771 Wise guy, eh? 169 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,739 Yeah. 170 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,374 Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! 171 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,076 All right, knock it off. 172 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,011 [imitating smacking] 173 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,448 [laughing] 174 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,619 I'll get the brownies. 175 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,121 [high pitched humming] 176 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,591 Hey, hey, hey. 177 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:31,692 What's this? 178 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:32,626 It's DJ. 179 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,628 Uh, yeah, I thought you changed 180 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,729 your mind about being a witch. 181 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,030 No. 182 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,198 Well, look, I've been thinking, 183 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,700 you know, the costume's great and everything. 184 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,736 Why not just say you're a warlock. 185 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,371 What's a warlock? 186 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,039 It's a guy witch. 187 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,140 - OK. - Yeah. 188 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,909 So let's get rid of the broom here. 189 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:49,843 Why? 190 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,212 Warlocks don't have brooms. 191 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,514 Well, then I want to be a witch. 192 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,248 No, no, no you don't, DJ. 193 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,452 You see, witches are girls. 194 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,387 Warlocks are guys. 195 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,655 They can do anything a witch can do. 196 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,956 They can turn people into frogs. 197 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,291 They make thunder and lightning. 198 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,493 They can grant wishes. 199 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,460 (EVIL VOICE) That's a fairy godmother. 200 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,360 Rawr. 201 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,764 You're not helping. 202 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:11,665 OK. 203 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,866 Look, uh-- Oh! 204 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:13,767 Hey! 205 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:14,668 Look! 206 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,769 [gasping] 207 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,605 It's a magic wand. 208 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,907 You take this and tell people you're a wizard. 209 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:20,874 I don't want it. 210 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,576 I don't want anything. 211 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:23,511 All right. 212 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,411 Let's go. 213 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,216 [banging] 214 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,118 [laughing] 215 00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,687 Spread out! (FUNNY VOICE) Certainly! 216 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,155 [high pitched humming] 217 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,558 [music playing] 218 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,297 Come on, Roseanne. 219 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,699 It's freezing outside. ROSEANNE: No. 220 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,300 I'm not going in there dressed like this. 221 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,802 Roseanne, you're being ridiculous. 222 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,971 Well, you took off your nose and your ears. 223 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,306 Well, you take off your costume. 224 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,908 No, I'll never get it back on. 225 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,009 Just get in here. 226 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,845 You look adorable. 227 00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,079 You really think so? 228 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,015 Get in here. 229 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,384 [laughing] 230 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:06,453 Oh. 231 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,921 I left my purse in the car. 232 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,156 No! 233 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,259 Look, you call Dan, and we-- we can get out of here. 234 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,367 I feel like I'm having one of them 235 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,702 dreams where you go to school and you're 236 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,671 only wearing your underwear. 237 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,739 Roseanne, come on, it's Halloween. 238 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,974 What's the big deal? 239 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,441 Because I'm the only person in here in a costume. 240 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,346 Hello? 241 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,247 Who is this? 242 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,783 Eddy? 243 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,785 Oh, Arnie. 244 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,754 Listen, is Dan around? 245 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,122 Well, could you go find him and tell him 246 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,691 that the car broke down on me and Jackie 247 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:44,758 are stuck here at The Low Boy? 248 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,026 He has to come and pick us up. 249 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,562 And tell him to hurry it up. 250 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:52,566 Trick or treat to you too, Arnie. 251 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,967 This is going to be a while. We should wait in the car. 252 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:54,868 No. 253 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:55,836 It's freezing outside. 254 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:56,870 Come on. 255 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,005 I'll buy-- buy you a drink. [sighing] 256 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:58,906 OK. 257 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,078 Little help? 258 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,479 Yeah, what can I get for you sweetheart. 259 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,681 - I'll have a white wine. - OK. 260 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:08,582 What about you, fella? 261 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:13,821 Come on, pal. 262 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:14,722 I'm busy here. 263 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,556 What are you drinking? 264 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,358 Uh, give me a beer. 265 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,727 [laughing] 266 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:22,029 [music playing] 267 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,833 Roseanne, don't do this. 268 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,035 You're just going to embarrass both of us. 269 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,938 Call me Bob. 270 00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:36,343 White wine for the lady, and a beer for you, pal. 271 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,612 So how's the action in here. 272 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:42,549 Action? 273 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:47,688 Chicks. 274 00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:51,424 I--I don't know, fella. 275 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,425 It's Tuesday night. 276 00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,061 Ladies bowling league comes in at ten. 277 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,996 10 o'clock, huh? 278 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,099 Good thing I brought my little squeezebox with me. 279 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:03,904 Oh, oh, you're such a pig. 280 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:09,242 Yeah, but that's why you like me, right, honey bun? 281 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,011 That'll be $4. 282 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,112 Pay the man, doll. 283 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,516 Well, why should I pay? 284 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,385 You're the man, you pay. 285 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:22,055 You know I left my purse in the car. 286 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:26,259 Oh, all right, I'll pay for you again. 287 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,829 I don't know why I always am attracted to these losers. 288 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:31,631 Gee. 289 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,333 It must be her time of the month. 290 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,306 Now I know why you're single. 291 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,641 You're such a lousy date. 292 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:45,212 Look, Bob, I'm going to go call Dan again. 293 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,446 Fine. 294 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,748 I'm going to mingle. 295 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,016 No. Don't. 296 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,317 Don't. You're not serious. 297 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,119 Listen, me and the guys, we're going to hang out. 298 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,454 You got a problem with that, babe? 299 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,423 [laughing] 300 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:04,798 Excuse me, you know, you could do much better. 301 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,303 I don't see you here with anybody. 302 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,772 You're kidding me. 303 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,240 Honest to god. 304 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,777 This broad was so hot I thought she was going to kill me. 305 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,511 Oh, man. 306 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:19,412 Yeah. 307 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,481 Bada bing, bada boom. 308 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,450 [laughing] 309 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:27,821 So then she brings out this suitcase full of sex toys. 310 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,522 And I'm thinking, this broad is freaky. 311 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,724 Oh, yeah. 312 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,159 As long s you're getting your battery charged, 313 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,626 what's the damn difference? 314 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,862 [laughing] 315 00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,830 Yeah, I mean, while you're getting your car washed, 316 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,932 you might as well get the hot wax, right? 317 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,333 Yeah. 318 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,634 [laughing] 319 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,836 Only thing I want to know, is what 320 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,071 does she want with you when she's got 321 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:45,672 a suitcase full of sex toys. 322 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,611 That supposed to be a joke? 323 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,512 OK. 324 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:56,850 Oh. 325 00:11:56,950 --> 00:12:01,521 Well, anyway, we were going pretty good. 326 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:07,427 And I was catching my groove, doing what makes me me. 327 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:10,330 And then her roommate walks in and says, can I join you? 328 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,598 [laughing] 329 00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,699 Yeah, right. 330 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,706 I mean, way to go. 331 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,542 So then her roommate takes off all her clothes, 332 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,377 and I got both of them to deal with. 333 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,313 Hey, hold on a second. Hold on now. 334 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,215 Let me ask you this question, all right? 335 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,382 Yeah. What? 336 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,184 Are you making this stuff up as you go along? 337 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,689 You calling me a liar. 338 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:37,590 No. 339 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,661 Bada boom, bada bing. 340 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:46,366 You know, I mean, long as you're getting your cue chocked, 341 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,935 it don't matter what ball you hit. 342 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,041 OK. 343 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,775 Well, then just keep an eye out for him, OK? 344 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:56,877 (WHISPERED) Hurry up, hurry up. 345 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,545 All right. Bye. 346 00:12:58,645 --> 00:12:59,947 What? - Oh, man. 347 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:00,914 What? 348 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:01,849 Oh, man. 349 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,384 It was awesome. 350 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,854 Hey it reminds of that movie where that lady hung 351 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,489 out with the gorillas, but they accept her as one of their own. 352 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,024 Oh, cool. 353 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:11,925 Yeah. 354 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,726 What do they talk about? 355 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:17,197 Well, OK, the head gorilla, OK, he's 356 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,299 like stand around telling these sex stories. 357 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,168 And the less dominant gorillas are just 358 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,037 standing around believing it. 359 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,772 So what's so new about that? 360 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,875 Well, I think I finally figured out why they do it. 361 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:28,775 Do 362 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:29,977 Oh, do tell. 363 00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:33,046 Well, it's like, if one of them actually has sex, 364 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,983 then it seems like maybe the rest of them have a chance too. 365 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:36,884 Oh. 366 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,285 So you think that's it, huh? 367 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,352 Oh, yeah. 368 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,254 It gives them a feeling of hope and pride. 369 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,655 [laughing] 370 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,691 Hey, order me another beer. 371 00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:45,592 I'll be right back. 372 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,693 Why where are you going? 373 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:47,895 - I'm going to the men's room. - No. 374 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,362 Don't-- Roseanne, please don't do it. 375 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:50,864 Please don't do anything. 376 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:51,831 Don't do it. 377 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,000 No, come on. Come on. 378 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,567 I'm just going to go update your phone number. 379 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,241 God it stinks in here. 380 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,714 [music playing] 381 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,630 [screaming] 382 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,069 Give me a break. 383 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,138 How are you doing, Mr. Thompson? 384 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,039 Hi, girls. 385 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:41,048 [laughing] 386 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,083 Gah. 387 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,918 This was even lamer than last year. 388 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,153 Yeah. 389 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,188 But you see that Freddy Krueger guy checking me out? 390 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:55,695 Beck-head, there were 19 Freddy Kruegers? 391 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,764 Which one were you referring to? 392 00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,732 The cute one. 393 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,434 [laughing] 394 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,304 This is just great. 395 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,572 Yo, Dan. Hey. 396 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,806 - Yeah. - Rosie called. 397 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,874 Her car broke down. 398 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:08,908 She and Jackie are stuck at The Low Boy. 399 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,410 And they need you to pick them up. 400 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,378 Aw, man. 401 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,246 That stupid car. 402 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,214 Hey, Arn. 403 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,648 Yo. 404 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,185 I-- Who are you supposed to be? 405 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,086 Pfft. 406 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:19,987 [laughing] 407 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:23,556 I'm Elvis' ghost, man. 408 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,993 [laughing] 409 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,932 Listen, um, let's go pick up your mom. 410 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,034 Where's DJ. 411 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,335 Last time I saw him he was in the chamber 412 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,038 of everlasting horror. 413 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,373 Yeah, whining about that stupid broom. 414 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,274 Oh, jeez. 415 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,409 You guys wait here, OK? 416 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,613 DJ. 417 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:47,514 DJ? 418 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,448 [grunting] 419 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,349 Hey, Jimmy. 420 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,717 You seen DJ? 421 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,486 Nah, Dan, I haven't seen him. 422 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,988 DJ? 423 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,089 DJ? 424 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:56,990 DJ? 425 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,891 [howling] 426 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,662 Hey, Andy. 427 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:03,963 You seen my boy? 428 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,298 He's dressed up like a wi-- 429 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,766 wizard. 430 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:07,867 Give it up, Dan. 431 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,002 The kid's a witch. 432 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,770 - Andy, Andy. - What? 433 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:11,704 You've got three boys. 434 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,206 This is just a phase, right? 435 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,407 Oh, yeah. 436 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,543 Kid hits a certain age, he does some weird stuff. 437 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,345 You know what I mean? - Yeah. 438 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,579 I think DJ's hiding from me. 439 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:20,913 I probably traumatized. 440 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,215 Poor kid. 441 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,717 All he wanted was a broom so he could pretend to fly. 442 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,886 That probably means he wants to be a pilot, right? 443 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,221 Dan, Dan, Dan. 444 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,358 You can't go turning everything a kid does into a career. 445 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,259 All right? 446 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:33,326 Believe me. 447 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,894 It means more to you than it does to him. 448 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,896 But if he keeps this up some kid's going to come along 449 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,897 and deck him. 450 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,367 Come on, we were kids, we survived. 451 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,435 Look at us now. 452 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,871 DJ: Dad! 453 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:45,838 [creaking] 454 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,774 DJ? 455 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:48,741 Dad? 456 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,510 DJ. 457 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,145 Where you been, boy? 458 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,080 Scaring people. 459 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,047 Yeah. 460 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,382 Well you scared the heck out of me, 461 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,383 I didn't know where you were. 462 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,518 You mad at me? 463 00:16:58,618 --> 00:16:59,419 Nah. 464 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,453 You mad at me? 465 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,354 Nah. 466 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,289 All right. 467 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,257 Let's go get your broom. 468 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,558 [laughing] 469 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,928 Yeah, every time my old lady starts giving me 470 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,431 that crap about men women being equal, see I just tell her, 471 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,499 you're so equal? 472 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,834 Well, let's see you pee out a camp fire. 473 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,336 [laughing] 474 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,772 Hey, uh, Bob. 475 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,743 Looks like your old lady just found a new fireman. 476 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:27,347 Yeah, well, uh, we got an open relationship, see. 477 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,349 That cause you can't keep her in line? 478 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:33,019 Well, it's hard to control a woman who ain't inflatable. 479 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,388 [laughing] 480 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,257 [coughing] 481 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:39,492 Yo, bitch. 482 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,401 You are making me look bad in front of the other guys. 483 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,070 Uh, hey, I don't see any ring on this finger. 484 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,210 Hi Jackie. 485 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,178 Crystal? 486 00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,312 What are you doing here? 487 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,514 I'm here to drown my sorrows. 488 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:05,818 Willy, get me a pink squirrel, and keep them coming. 489 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,755 I just had a terrible date and it's all my fault. 490 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,056 I could have ordered the chicken, which 491 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,758 was reasonably priced but no. 492 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,860 I had to have the surf and turf, which clearly 493 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,828 signaled I owed him something. 494 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,631 And then when I was not accommodating he dumped me. 495 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:22,169 Well, could you stop blaming yourself for everything? 496 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,171 You got a right to eat without letting 497 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,705 some guy put you on the menu. 498 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,240 You're better than that Crystal. 499 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,141 Really? 500 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,942 Yes, really. 501 00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,611 You are a quality woman. 502 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,079 And you've got to keep telling yourself that 503 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,516 and stop judging yourself according to what men think. 504 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,118 What's your name? 505 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,120 [laughing] 506 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,230 Don't you recognize me? 507 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,265 Well, refresh my memory. 508 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,069 Where might we have met. 509 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,705 At Roseanne's house. 510 00:18:58,805 --> 00:18:59,606 Roseanne? 511 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,178 Trick or treat. 512 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,715 Well-- Well, of course I knew it was you. 513 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:09,849 No you did not. 514 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,050 I was playing along. 515 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:11,951 No. 516 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,386 You were ready to sleep with me. 517 00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,424 Well, I was going to make you buy me dinner first. 518 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,660 [laughing] 519 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,795 Hello, girls. 520 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:23,696 Bob. 521 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:31,604 Hey, of course you ladies recognize Warren Beatty. 522 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:32,939 Want to dance? 523 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,707 I'm talking with my friends. 524 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:36,108 Maybe some other time. 525 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,711 What, you'd rather sit there with Burl Ives than dance 526 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:39,946 with me? 527 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,581 Come on, let's dance. 528 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,882 No, thank you. 529 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,852 Well I'm not going to bit you, unless you want me to. 530 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,119 Oh, oh, hardi-har-har. 531 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,590 Hey, nobody's talking to you. 532 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,392 Come on. Let's dance. 533 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,494 - No leave her alone. - Well I-- it's all right. 534 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,028 I'll dance with him. - You will not. 535 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,264 Just sit down! 536 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,699 You know, I'm sick to you, you've been in my face 537 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:00,700 all night. 538 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,902 Look, why don't you just take a hike. 539 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,604 Yeah, who's going to make me? 540 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,273 Oh yeah, that's real grown up. 541 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,374 Fight about it. 542 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:08,741 Fine with me. 543 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,443 Come on fat boy, let's take it outside. 544 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,249 Well she-- she started it. 545 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:17,149 OK. 546 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,050 OK. 547 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,487 I have to tell you something. 548 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:21,754 I'm a woman. 549 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,624 Yeah, you're going to be when I get done with you. 550 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,558 Hey! 551 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:26,859 Leave him alone. 552 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,295 What's it to you? 553 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,496 He's my husband. 554 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:36,536 What? 555 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,037 You heard me. 556 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,808 Anybody that messes with him, messes with me. 557 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,210 [laughing] 558 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,953 Would you want to mess with me? 559 00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:57,023 No way. 560 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,591 Oh, my hero. 561 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,396 Oh here's a real man for you. 562 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,297 [spitting] 563 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,399 That beard kind of tickles. 564 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,168 Bada boom, bada bing. 565 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,169 [laughing] 566 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,170 [music playing] 567 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,640 [applause] 568 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,378 [high pitched humming] 569 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,551 Hey, quite breathing on me. 570 00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:27,153 I ain't breathing on you. 571 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:28,120 Neh. 572 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,122 What was that for? 573 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,924 Quit slobbering on me, would you? 574 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,426 Oh, yeah I-- 575 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,394 [grunting] 576 00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,363 [barking] 577 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,298 [applause] 578 00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,233 [high pitched humming] 579 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,137 [screaming] 580 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,373 Hey, Andie. 581 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:47,574 Hey, Dan. 582 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:50,309 [high pitched humming] 583 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,909 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37305

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