All language subtitles for Roseanne s03e05 Right.eng

[theme music]

Get you one of
these hogs, Gar.

We're talking about
serious freedom.

Boy, Jackie'd love
one of these things.

It's not the point.

It's like getting
a tattoo, babe.

Even if you got the
lady's name on it,

you're not getting it for her.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, wouldn't it
be cheaper if I got

one of those Japanese bikes?

No, no, no, no.

You don't want a bike that
sounds like Barry Manilow.

You want one that
sounds like Steppenwolf.

Get on her.

See how she feels.

Yeah?

I'm in love.

Huh?

[revving]

Whoa, beautiful!

Incredible.

I can still feel it.

It's always like that.

Do you guys want like
a cigarette or anything?

We ready to go?

No.

Jackie's not even here yet.

So what else is new?

Listen, do me a favor, Dan,
and don't go getting all greasy

because this is a very,
very nice restaurant

we're going to tonight.

Well, gee, Mom, me and
Eddie, we was just goofing off.

Lovely dress, Mrs. Cleaver.

What time's our
reservations for?

10 minutes ago.

She's always doing this to me.

I'll be waiting for 45
minutes down at the cineplex

while she's done at the
station printing perps.

She actually said that?

Printing perps?

Yeah, she's really into
this police lingo stuff.

You know, every time
I go over there,

she's either eyeballing a
mugshot, grilling a dirtbag,

or, uh, frisking a biscuit.

Spanking a chicken.

God, I hate that stupid job.

Mom, I worked
it out with Becky.

She's going to stay
home and babysit DJ,

and I'm going to go out.

Now, why would she
make a deal like that?

Well, I had dirt on her.

What kind of dirt?

Now, if I told you,
I'd have to stay home.

So what do you think your
punishment ought to be?

What do you mean?

Darlene told me everything.

That little rat.

I told her I wasn't going to
do anything about it until I

get your side of the story.

Well, first we--

wait a minute.

Uh-uh.

[phone ringing]

You're getting good.

If that's Jackie, I'm
going to kill her.

This better not be you.

Oh, sorry.

I thought you were
somebody else.

Yeah, that's me.

What-- what happened?

Is-- did she get shot?

BECKY: Oh, my God.
Aunt Jackie?

GARY: She was shot?
- No, no.

Shh.

No.

OK.

Well, where is she?

OK.

Yeah, we'll be right there.
- What?

What?
- OK, where's the keys?

DAN: What's the
matter, Roseanne?

She got injured
in the line of duty.

We gotta get out of here.
Where are the keys?

- How bad is it?
- They don't know.

- Why not?
- I don't know.

You want me to call
them back and ask them?

Do you know what it--

where's my keys?
- Here, I'll--

- I gave them to you.
- Yeah, I'll drive.

Damn it, I knew this
was going to happen.

I'll drive.

This is for the pain.

Oh, make it a double.

Jackie?

JACKIE: Yeah, come on in.

She's down here.

Are you OK?

Couldn't find
anybody out there.

What happened?

Oh, it was a nightmare.

Oh, please.

You just hurt your back.

May I tell the story?

Well, it was a--

it was a 311.

And it was on my beat, so
I was the first to respond.

When I got to the scene, I
realized that the alleged

perp was heavily intoxicated.

And that meant not only was
it a 311, but a 402, as well.

He resisted arrest, and there
was a struggle-- a 979er.

And that's when things got ugly.

He went for his gun.

What gun?

Your partner said the
guy was completely naked.

It was dark.
It could have been a gun.

And then they both fell
down a flight of steps.

You tackled some
naked guy and you

fell down the steps will him?

Well, that's what they
pay me for, Roseanne.

You know, if we hurry,
I think we can still

make it to that restaurant.

Wanna come, Jackie?

I do have a herniated disk.

Is there anything
we can get for you?

No, I'll be all right.

I'm fine.

I'm just-- I'm sorry I
ruined everybody's night.

No, don't be silly.

We're just glad you're OK.

Doctors tell you anything?

How long you're gonna be here?

They said I gotta stay here a
couple of days for observation.

And then, after
that, take it easy.

You know, bedrest.

No physical exertion.

Could I have a minute
with Jackie alone?

Now, no physical exertion.

OK.

We'll be right outside.

Listening.

I hate seeing you lying
here in pain like this.

Well, actually, ever
since she gave me that shot,

I'm feeling kind of neat.

I gotta tell you
something, honey.

When we got that phone
call said you were hurt,

I've never been so
scared in my life.

Aw, you're so sweet.

No, it's the truth.

With your cute
little button nose.

Um, thanks.

Anyway--
- [giggles]

--you know, every day
when you go off to work,

I can't help but worrying
that you're going

to get shot or stabbed.

Why do you ask?

Uh, you know, maybe we
better talk about this later.

No.

No, I'm OK.

You said shot or stabbed.

OK, so this time
it didn't happen.

You just fell down the stairs.

But I mean, here you are
in a hospital anyway.

And-- and I mean, what happens
if next time maybe some jerk

really does have a gun?

Jackie, I know.

I know that we've
talked about this,

but I just don't know if
I can handle it anymore.

[exhales]

Jeez, why can't DJ
clean his own room?

God, what a pig.

How is Aunt Jackie gonna
stand sleeping in here?

What is this?

I think that's
his underwear, Beck.

Ew!

Where am I supposed
to put this junk?

I don't know.

Just shove it under the bed.

What are these?

Oh, my God.

What?

It's a box full
of little heads.

Barbie.

GI Joe.

Oh, Cher!

The little runt is psycho.

What does he do, just cut
their heads off and throw

away the rest of the parts?

No.

This is very creepy, Darlene.

Well, let's just
put everything

back exactly where it was.

Hi!

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Cleaning.

We're just cleaning.

Did you clean the closet?

N-- no.

No.

Why?

No reason.

OK.

Careful, Gary.

You break her, you bought her.

Very funny, Roseanne.

There you go.

Here.

Just put her down
here in the bed.

- Easy does it.
- OK.

Careful.

How you feeling, Aunt Jackie?

A little stiff, Beck.

Can we get you anything?

No, I'll be fine.

I'm OK.

Roseanne, please stop fussing.

No.

Hey, Aunt Jackie, I
made you a get well card.

Oh, Deej, look at that.

Oh, you are such a good kid.

He's got them all fooled.

I brought the baggage, master.

Where do you wish me to put it?

[chuckles] Just put
it anywhere, Igor.

Yes, master.

Perhaps later you'll hit me?

We'll see.

You're too kind.

How you doing?

ALL: [fussing concurrently]

No.

Hey, no!
I'm OK.

I'm fine, really.

I just-- I need
some rest, though.

- OK, I'll check with you later.
- OK.

Gary?
Something wrong?

What?
No.

No.
No, I'm just incredibly late.

I gotta go.

OK, you guys.

Come on.

She needs to be all alone.

Come on.

Let's leave her alone here.

Roseanne?
ROSEANNE: Hm?

Can you stay?

Yeah, I wasn't
gonna go anywhere.

JACKIE: Oh.

What's up?

I found out yesterday
that, because of my back,

I could wind up behind a desk.

Oh, you poor thing.

Can I do my little
happy dance now?

Roseanne!

How can you say that?

You know how much being
a cop means to me.

Oh, come on.

Nothing's happened yet.

It happens all the time.

You get hurt.

You can't do your job.

They give you a little
pension and send you home.

I don't know what I'd do
if I couldn't be a cop.

Oh, there's a lot of
things you could do.

I don't wanna
do anything else.

I put on that uniform
and people respect me.

I get to do something
that means something, that

protects people
and helps people,

even if it means
risking my life.

Jackie, you tackled a
naked guy and grabbed for--

I could've sworn it was a gun.

What are you doing?

Shopping for motorcycles.

Oh, look!

Here's a pip.

'78 Harley in mint condition.

We can't afford that.

It's for Gary.

Gary and I are planning
on forming a gang.

You and your sister
will be our chicks.

Then we plan on going out
terrorizing small communities

on the weekends.

Weather permitting.

How's Jackie?

Well, she's a bit
better, but I really

don't think she should
leave, you know,

until she's able to take
care of herself all the way.

Ha!

You know, you really
enjoy this nurturing crap.

Do not.

Do too.

You've been real happy
the last couple of days,

having somebody to take care of.

Well, I guess it is
kind of cool having

somebody depend
on me to feed them

and take them to the bathroom.

Besides you, that is.

Mom, if DJ was doing
something weird--

I don't mean just normal weird.

I mean really weird--

we'd have to send
him away, right?

Yeah, but then he'd probably
just find his way back

like you always do.

What's going on?

He's doing something
really weird.

Gosh, I am so tired of it.

You know, it's
really, really boring.

Every time the
kid does anything,

you girls come down here
squawking at me about it.

Now, I told you before, he
doesn't do things the way

you do them.

He does them differently.

He's a boy.

Real different.

Oh, it looks like DJ
got himself a hobby.

Mother, these
are my old dolls!

Ah, jeez.

He's not playing
with dolls, is he?

That's a relief.

Do you guys think
this is insane?

Well, this one does
kind of look like Darlene.

Yeah, looks like she put
up quite a little struggle.

You guys are sick.

Come on.

Just take them back
where you got them.

Put them back.

Mother!

Becky, it's no big deal.

Come on.

I told you, he's a boy, and
boys do things like this.

Now, go find something to do.

All right, but
when we finally do

have to lock the little
wacko in the basement,

don't expect me
change his papers.

Hey.

Hey, bud.

Got you a bike.

Hey, great.

Yeah, we'll check
it out this afternoon.

Now all we gotta do is get you
one of those good, tough biker

nicknames.

All right.

How about, uh, Psycho?

No, we're saving that for DJ.

I gotta go up and see Jackie.

How is she?

She's laying up
in bed, complaining.

Well, I'm used to that.

Hi.

Gary!

GARY: How you feeling?

JACKIE: You tell me.

Well, that was fun.

Hey, these are for you.

Thank you.

Gary, what's wrong?

Ever since my accident,
we haven't talked.

Well, um, I'm gonna
buy that Harley.

Great.

And, um, things have
been real busy at work.

Hey, listen.

You remember Hank, who has
a sign shop next to me?

Well, turns out that
his secretary is leaving

at the end of this month.
- Gary--

It's a great job.

I have a job.

Would you just think about it?

Here we go again.

Gary, you knew I was a cop
when we started dating.

Yeah, but I always
thought that sooner or--

You just thought
I would give it up.

It was just a phase
I was going through.

This month, she's a cop.

And next month, maybe
she'll be a cowgirl.

You got hurt.

So just say, "I told you so."

No, because this time, it's,
"I can't live like this."

I mean, you know, forget the
fact that you're never home.

And forget the fact that
we can't ever make plans

because you don't
know what your life's

going to be like that day.

And forget that I can't
relate to any of your friends

because all you do is sit
around and talk your cop talk.

But Jackie, I'll be damned
if I'm going to get a phone

call saying that my wife
is lying in some hospital.

So I have to give up
something that I want

because you can't deal with it?

Don't you think that that
sounds a wee bit selfish?

That's how I feel.

Gary, I'm not going to let
somebody else run my life.

That's not going to change.

Well, I'm not going
to sit around waiting

for that phone call.

So what are we saying here?

We're breaking up?

Just tell me that you
won't be a cop anymore

and this all goes away.

Look, don't sell the bike.

I know you got somebody
waiting for it,

but my buddy really wants it.

We will be there.

Soon.

Gary, come on.

Oh, Dan, leave him alone.

He's probably kissing
it and making it better.

Come on, man.

We gotta go We're
gonna lose the bike.

Dan, I can't deal with
that bike right now.

Um, I gotta get out of here.

What's the matter?

Did you guys have another fight?

It was more than
just a fight, Roseanne.

Well, what?

It-- it's between her and me.

I mean, it's-- it's a
problem that we've been

having from the beginning.

It's private, Roseanne.

Fine.

Jackie'll tell me.

Sounds bad.

It's over.

Ah, man.

Yeah.

Well, these things happen.

Listen, we're still gonna
do this bike thing, right?

Oh, yeah.
Sure.

Definitely.
- Yeah.

What, you gonna
give me a buzz, or?

Absolutely.

Hey, Gary.

Yeah.

Take care of yourself.

Yeah, you too, Dan.

Why, Jackie?

How could you do
something like that

without even discussing
it with my first?

He's not your boyfriend.

Oh, come on.

This guy is great.

All those little
irritating things you do?

He thinks they're cute.

He walked in here and
he gave me an ultimatum.

He told me to quit the force.
- Well, so what?

I've been telling
you to quit the force

since the day you started.

Yeah, and I've been
trying to break up with you,

but you won't seem to go away.

Look, becoming a
cop is something

I worked very, very hard for.

What would you do
if Dan just demanded

that you give up the house
and the job and the kids?

OK, bad example.

Well, I'll tell you
what I would do, Jackie.

I'd work it out with him.

Well, there was
nothing to work out.

I'm quitting the force.

What?

They told me that I'm going
to have to take a desk job,

and I'm going to quit.

I did not become a cop so I
could sit on my butt all day,

typing.

But it's the very same
thing that Gary wants.

So now, why can't we
just rent a chapel

and get this thing over with?

No, forget it.

Then he would think that I quit
just because he told me to.

But you would know the truth!

You let him live in ignorance.

Men love that!

Roseanne, I am going to do
exactly what you would do.

You would never let a man
tell you how to run your life.

I want somebody who will
love and support me no matter

what, just like
Dan does for you.

Are you insane?

Do you know how many years
I had to put into Dan?

You think he came
out of a box like?

Now, you could put those
same years into Gary.

I'm telling you, he is
the perfect guy for you.

No, Roseanne, he's
the perfect guy for you.

You just want him to
settle down and take care

of your flaky sister
so you don't have

to worry about her anymore.

Well, that's OK.

You don't have to
worry about her anymore

because she's going
to be just fine!

OK.

So maybe-- maybe you
did the right thing.

It's been kind of a
tough day for you.

Yeah.

Fell like crying some more?

No.

Wanna yell at me?

No.

Want a pizza?

Yes.

Extra cheese?

Mhm.

Pepperoni?

Mhm.

Sausage?

Anchovies?

No man is worth anchovies.

I don't know why you
want to go home so soon.

Well, Roseanne,
it's been a week.

10 days.

I'll just put these
out in the car.

I'll miss you too, Dan.

You sure you want to go?

There's nobody there to talk
to, nobody to take care of you.

I mean, it's just a crap
little hole of an apartment.

You're depressing me.

Well, now, if
you're depressed,

you really shouldn't go.

No, it's time that
I get on with my life.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I got a little disability
pension coming in,

and I got time to try stuff
I've always wanted to do.

Like what?

I'm not telling you.

Every time I try something
new, you just make fun of it,

like becoming a cop.

You just don't lay off.

Oh.

I'm not going to do
anything like that.

You can tell me what
you're going to do.

I'm gonna-- I will totally
support whatever you choose.

OK.

Well, I was thinking of trying
something kind of artistic.

You know, like being a
painter or a sculptor.

Or I could join that
Lanford Community Theater.

I could be an actor.

Yeah, or you could
be a ballerina.

You want to be a ballerina?

Roseanne--

Or you could be an astronaut.

Yeah, you'd be a
great astronaut.

You get to fly way up
high into outer space!

Thank you for the support.

Or you could be a kickboxer.

No, a sumo wrestler.

Bye-bye.

No, a psychic.

But then you knew
that, didn't you?

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