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1
00:00:05,237 --> 00:00:06,204
Sheriff's department.
2
00:00:06,238 --> 00:00:07,706
Hello.
Sheriff's department.
3
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:10,241
We got a call here
at the Nevada state mental hospital.
4
00:00:10,275 --> 00:00:11,943
They had an emergency.
5
00:00:11,977 --> 00:00:14,913
Man:
oh, here's the police officers. Thank you so much for coming.
6
00:00:14,947 --> 00:00:18,916
I just need you guys
to take a look at this.
7
00:00:21,987 --> 00:00:23,721
It's a picture
of a man's penis.
8
00:00:23,756 --> 00:00:32,697
My penis. So you guys drove
45 minutes to take a look at a Polaroid of my penis,
9
00:00:32,731 --> 00:00:38,403
So who's crazy now?
Bbllbbll!
10
00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:42,073
Man: Andy. Andy.
Back in the hole, man.
11
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,008
You've got to stay off
the phones, OK?
12
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,577
Andy: tell the phones
to stay off of me.
13
00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:49,714
Hey, you can hold on to that,
sugar tits. You can find me on eHarmony.
14
00:00:49,748 --> 00:00:51,516
Captioning made possible by
MTV networks
15
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:52,951
Son of a bitch.
God damn it!
16
00:00:54,853 --> 00:00:56,921
[Tires screeching]
17
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:58,055
Come on!
18
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,124
They all have guns!
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:08,733
Ow!
20
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,402
Push 'em together?
21
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,003
Sheriff's department
get off your bike!
22
00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,273
Aah!
23
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,410
[Siren]
24
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:20,278
[Click click]
25
00:01:26,251 --> 00:01:27,252
Aah!
26
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:39,197
I'm sorry if I'm on edge today.
My a capella choir has disbanded. I'm sorry.
27
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,331
Aw...
28
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:41,466
That's rough.
29
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:42,634
You and Jeff aren't gonna
do it anymore?
30
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:46,671
No. We will never--Me and Jeff
will never--We--
31
00:01:46,705 --> 00:01:48,306
Oh, I will never darken
his door again.
32
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,242
Oh, I'll be
assigning shifts.
33
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:54,211
We have to keep an eye
on that witness for the state's attorney's office.
34
00:01:54,246 --> 00:01:56,714
Uh... Mario...
35
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:58,516
In that case.
36
00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:00,986
I don't know if that's--
Is that the code name? Code name's Mario?
37
00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:02,620
There's no one
in real enforcement
38
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,322
But you that uses code
names, so I'm assuming that's his real name.
39
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:05,923
OK, his real name
is probably Mario,
40
00:02:05,958 --> 00:02:11,295
But he's gonna be held up
at the--I won't say the name of the hotel.
41
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,032
Wiegel:
who are you hiding it from?
42
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:17,101
The Shear Arms hotel is
where we're gonna be holding that state's witness.
43
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,703
What was that?
44
00:02:18,737 --> 00:02:20,171
'Cause it was secret.
45
00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:21,406
Wiegel: from who?
46
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,406
Declan:
well, we heard it. Everybody heard it.
47
00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:24,342
You heard it.
48
00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:25,410
They heard it, too.
I think they heard it.
49
00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:26,844
Fine. OK. So they're
holding that--
50
00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:27,879
Declan: did you think
we were shooting a silent movie?
51
00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:29,947
No. I-I got confused.
52
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:33,952
No one has claimed
the birdfeeder from the Junior deputies' raffle.
53
00:02:33,986 --> 00:02:35,687
I would like to get that
off of my books.
54
00:02:35,721 --> 00:02:39,757
If you won the fucking
birdfeeder, come fucking get it off my desk.
55
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:43,428
I don't want that fucking
eyesore on my desk any more.
56
00:02:43,462 --> 00:02:45,730
That's what that thing is?
That's a birdfeeder?
57
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,098
They're the fucking
Junior deputies,
58
00:02:47,132 --> 00:02:48,833
And they have the slow ones
helping this year.
59
00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:51,035
No bird would feed
from that thing.
60
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,436
I agree!
I want it off my desk.
61
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:54,539
If you won it, come claim it,
or I'm throwing it away.
62
00:02:54,573 --> 00:02:56,741
Why don't they raffle off
lawn jockeys anymore?
63
00:02:56,775 --> 00:02:58,476
I love them lawn jockeys
they used to make.
64
00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,512
Yeah, they got--You know why.
65
00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:02,147
They don't raffle
'em off anymore
66
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,048
'Cause they have them
working here with us.
67
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:08,453
Ha ha! Oh, I got
a million of 'em.
68
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,492
Hey, Carmen.
69
00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:15,493
Hey, Carmen.
70
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,661
Hi, guys.
71
00:03:16,695 --> 00:03:17,828
You almost got us with
the hose there, I see.
72
00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:19,997
Hey, how you doing on
your meds, Carmen?
73
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,333
Carmen!
What?
74
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,968
Carmen! How are you
doing on your meds?
75
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:25,003
Do--Carmen?
76
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:26,337
Do we need to send
somebody by to check to see
77
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,672
If you've been
taking your meds?
78
00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:28,673
Yes.
79
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:29,841
Speak into
the microphone.
80
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,743
Yes, you do need to send
somebody by.
81
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:35,079
Hey, Carmen, real quick
before we go.
82
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,480
We just wanted to ask.
83
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:39,183
There was this vacuum
cleaner salesman who went missing.
84
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,484
Oh, yeah, yeah.
85
00:03:40,519 --> 00:03:42,020
Have you seen this man,
Mr. Merrick?
86
00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:46,257
Uh... yeah, no.
87
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,626
Yeah, first
you said yes.
88
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,027
You said yeah.
89
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,695
You have seen him?
He went missing about 10 days ago.
90
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,030
In this
neighborhood.
91
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,364
Has it been 10 days?
92
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:55,600
OK. I'm gonna search
the house, you keep her talking.
93
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:57,401
Yeah. Let's get to the part
where...
94
00:03:57,436 --> 00:03:59,404
Carl Merrick,
are you still alive?
95
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:02,473
...where you either--
I'm just guessing. I'm gonna take a wild guess...
96
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:04,142
Dangle: hey, Carmen,
where should I start looking?
97
00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:05,276
...you either
tied him up or...
98
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:09,314
You can start in the freezer.
Or the--No, no.
99
00:04:09,348 --> 00:04:10,381
Is he in one piece?
100
00:04:10,415 --> 00:04:11,749
Well...
101
00:04:11,783 --> 00:04:13,084
Mr. Merrick.
102
00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:15,220
His head is.
103
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:16,421
OK.
104
00:04:16,455 --> 00:04:17,588
Mm-Hmm.
105
00:04:17,623 --> 00:04:19,256
OK. Um...
106
00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:22,093
It's weird. It's just
like a vacuum, like they come apart so easy.
107
00:04:22,127 --> 00:04:24,162
People?
Yeah.
108
00:04:24,196 --> 00:04:27,331
Oh, my god! OK,
he's not missing anymore.
109
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:28,632
We don't miss him.
110
00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,868
Listen, listen, listen to me. I
can ex--
111
00:04:30,902 --> 00:04:32,102
Yes?
112
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:33,304
Well, first of all,
can we get a smoothie?
113
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,672
Wiegel:
sure, we can.
114
00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:41,012
We're out here at
the Sage Brush motorhome park
115
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:44,282
Serving a search warrant
on a Mr. Steven Samantino.
116
00:04:44,316 --> 00:04:46,985
A lot of scumbags
live in this area.
117
00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:48,787
It's a shame 'cause
it's a really nice area.
118
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,622
Yeah, you kidding?
It's like the Taj Mahal here.
119
00:04:51,657 --> 00:04:53,424
[Dog barking]
120
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,360
Frank. It's this one.
It's right here.
121
00:04:56,394 --> 00:04:57,462
OK.
122
00:04:57,496 --> 00:04:59,798
How do you know
how to do this?
123
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:02,099
'Cause I know how to
do it. I take a class at the learning annex.
124
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,003
Sheriff's department!
Sheriff's department!
125
00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:07,872
Sheriff's department.
Sheriff's department!
126
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:09,874
Sheriff's department!
Sheriff's department!
127
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,275
Sheriff's department!
128
00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:13,011
Franky, are you OK?
129
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:14,345
I'm fine because no one--
130
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,680
[Vehicle driving off]
131
00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:17,181
It's moving.
What the fuck!
132
00:05:17,215 --> 00:05:18,516
It's moving.
What's going on? What's going on?
133
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,617
We're moving.
134
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,618
Why are we moving?
135
00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:21,619
Why are we moving?
136
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:22,687
Stop this mobile home!
137
00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:23,788
Let me out!
138
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:26,524
1, 2, 3!
Tuck and roll!
139
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:28,025
I can't do it.
What?
140
00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:29,693
It's high.
It looks so painful.
141
00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:30,862
I'll do it.
142
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:31,862
All right.
143
00:05:31,897 --> 00:05:34,432
Both: 1, 2, 3.
144
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:36,033
I can't do it.
145
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:37,334
Come back in.
146
00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:38,503
OK. Let's go
at the same time.
147
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,371
All right. OK.
148
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:44,743
Both: 1, 2, 3!
149
00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:52,783
A federal witness
we were keeping in protective custody.
150
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:54,051
When's the trial,
two weeks?
151
00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:55,587
Two weeks.
152
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:08,099
Mario?
I guess. Mario? Are you Mario?
153
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:12,237
I've heard of this. There's
times, you know, where the dog,
154
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:16,640
Like, can identify a smell.
Ah, so the dog probably...
155
00:06:16,675 --> 00:06:18,109
Lived with a murderer.
156
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,377
Yes, yes.
157
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:20,611
And so...
158
00:06:20,645 --> 00:06:21,945
And they're gonna
bring 'em on the stand,
159
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,281
And they're gonna
bring Mario.
160
00:06:23,315 --> 00:06:24,849
They're gonna ask the dog,
they're gonna say,
161
00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:28,119
Is this the man? And the dog
will know by smell.
162
00:06:28,153 --> 00:06:29,186
Yeah.
163
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:30,455
Good Mario.
164
00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:31,956
Oh, maybe the dog
swallowed some kind of,
165
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:33,123
Like, microfilm
or something.
166
00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:34,459
Oh, yeah.
167
00:06:34,493 --> 00:06:35,793
Maybe he's got
microfilm in him,
168
00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:37,662
Like he swallowed
some kind of evidence,
169
00:06:37,696 --> 00:06:40,464
Some kind of, like, tape
or, like, some kind of--
170
00:06:40,498 --> 00:06:42,132
You know those new,
weird little things
171
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,968
You can put
in your computer,
172
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,470
And they're like discs
but they're, like, little suppositories.
173
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:47,639
Little firewires.
174
00:06:47,673 --> 00:06:48,973
Yeah, little firewires.
175
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,574
Yeah,
maybe he ate a firewire. Did you eat a firewire?
176
00:06:50,609 --> 00:06:51,642
Did you eat a firewire?
177
00:06:51,676 --> 00:06:53,144
Did you eat a firewire,
Mario.
178
00:06:53,178 --> 00:06:55,379
Did you eat a firewire?
179
00:06:55,413 --> 00:06:58,950
Are supposed to wait for this
dog to poop some sort of evidence out? No, no, no.
180
00:06:58,984 --> 00:07:00,017
I would have thought
they would have told us
181
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:01,452
To check his poop
for a firewire.
182
00:07:01,486 --> 00:07:03,354
No, no. We're just supposed
to turn--We're supposed to keep Mario safe.
183
00:07:03,388 --> 00:07:06,324
Oh. Ho ho. Who's a good
witness for the state?
184
00:07:06,358 --> 00:07:08,192
Who's a witness
for the state, Mario?
185
00:07:08,226 --> 00:07:09,794
Who's a witness for the state?
186
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,863
Mario is a witness
for the state. Ha ha!
187
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:13,464
Did you feel any
firewire in there?
188
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:22,039
Ah. All right, look.
You know what?
189
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,874
He's got to have something...
190
00:07:23,909 --> 00:07:27,044
This guy's got to have
something here to... to drink.
191
00:07:27,078 --> 00:07:28,379
I could use a drink maybe.
192
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:29,714
I'm thirsty.
193
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:34,552
Ah, eureka! Huh? Huh?
What about it?
194
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:35,720
I'm not usually a drinker.
195
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:36,721
Come on.
196
00:07:36,755 --> 00:07:37,722
But today I drink.
197
00:07:37,756 --> 00:07:38,722
Today you drink, right?
198
00:07:38,757 --> 00:07:40,891
Here is to us
getting to know
199
00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:42,593
Each other a little better.
200
00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:45,229
All right. Here is to
us getting the fuck out of here
201
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,131
Before I blow
my brains out.
202
00:07:47,165 --> 00:07:50,034
OK, OK, touche.
203
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:53,571
I actually feel like
I can stand a little bit better now.
204
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:55,072
Yeah?
205
00:07:55,106 --> 00:07:56,740
Yeah. I'll have
some more of that.
206
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:58,076
All right.
It makes me feel--
207
00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,410
All right, I'll do it.
208
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:00,744
I didn't think I was
gonna have fun,
209
00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:02,646
And I'm actually
having fun.
210
00:08:02,681 --> 00:08:03,848
I am, too.
211
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:05,016
I feel like
we're at a disco.
212
00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,751
It's kind of like
a disco, huh?
213
00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:12,456
Or like a mosh pit,
right? Whoa, whoa. Oh.
214
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:14,158
Is that your penis?
215
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:16,460
That is my penis.
Is that your vagina?
216
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:17,795
It is my vagina.
217
00:08:17,829 --> 00:08:18,962
OK.
218
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,298
I don't hate this.
219
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:22,133
This is not
a terrible thing.
220
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:25,169
This not the worst thing
that has happened since we have been in here.
221
00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:28,006
No. In fact, I would say it's
the best thing that happened,
222
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,677
And I don't mind if it keeps
happening for at least another 45 seconds.
223
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:45,222
Every time we do this,
I get nauseous. The back and forth, winding...
224
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:49,660
Well, we got to.
We got a 911 call from ranger Glen.
225
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,395
Man: ahh!
226
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,730
Declan: what happened?
227
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,431
Take it easy, buddy.
228
00:08:54,466 --> 00:08:57,302
Get back. No, no, no.
Don't come. It could be contagious.
229
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:01,238
Don't. A rabid cougar got my leg
and tried to rip it off,
230
00:09:01,272 --> 00:09:03,607
And I fought him, and he tried
to get my stuff,
231
00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:05,442
And I had to
fight him off,
232
00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:08,746
And he put--Took my tibia
and grabbed a piece of bone out of my leg,
233
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,581
And he ran off with a piece
of my bone,
234
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,283
And I--Get back!
235
00:09:12,317 --> 00:09:14,185
It happened, like,
two days ago,
236
00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:17,255
And I didn't want to call you
guys, so it started clotting up--
237
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:19,290
Two days you've been
in this kind of crazy, screaming pain?
238
00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:20,524
Yeah.
239
00:09:20,558 --> 00:09:22,292
How come you didn't
call us before then?
240
00:09:22,327 --> 00:09:24,094
'Cause I don't like bothering
you guys.
241
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:26,263
I know you hate coming out
the 30, 40 miles to get here.
242
00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:30,234
I'm really sorry, but this
thing's got to get me into town for a couple weeks.
243
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:34,071
I got my day pack inside.
I got--Are you guys thirsty?
244
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,639
What?
245
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:36,641
Wait a minute.
246
00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:37,975
It's got, like--
247
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,477
Don't get close to it, officer.
It's got, like--
248
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:40,678
What--
249
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:46,317
Don't eat my blood!
What are you, a zombie?
250
00:09:46,351 --> 00:09:47,986
Spaghetti sauce.
251
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:49,487
Come on, I'll show you.
252
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,422
I put spaghetti sauce on it,
but there is a wound.
253
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,757
I'm not lying.
I'm gonna come with you.
254
00:09:52,791 --> 00:09:53,991
Declan: you're not--
Get out of here.
255
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:54,993
I have a--
256
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:55,993
You're not coming with us.
257
00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:56,994
I have a compound fracture!
258
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:57,995
You do not.
259
00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:01,899
911, Donner--Donner pass.
We have a 911!
260
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,000
Give me that!
261
00:10:03,034 --> 00:10:04,335
Man down! Man down!
262
00:10:04,369 --> 00:10:06,503
Give me that.
Give me that!
263
00:10:06,537 --> 00:10:08,172
Man down!
Big, big, big, big!
264
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,680
OK, OK.
265
00:10:15,714 --> 00:10:19,016
You have the right
to remain sexy.
266
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:20,417
Can I make a suggestion?
267
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:21,119
Yeah.
268
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,720
Can I take my pants
off first?
269
00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:29,059
Woo! Sweetie. Sweetie.
270
00:10:29,093 --> 00:10:31,996
The pressure in that shower
was unbelievable.
271
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:33,664
Who would have thought
a moving motor home
272
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,667
Would have such
good water pressure?
273
00:10:36,701 --> 00:10:41,639
?
lady in the shower
should I be so lucky
274
00:10:41,673 --> 00:10:45,876
Lady in the shower
fucky fucky fucky ?
275
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:46,811
Ha ha!
276
00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:47,845
You know who sang that?
277
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:48,880
You did. Just now.
278
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:50,314
Me. I sang it.
279
00:10:50,348 --> 00:11:00,391
[Man singing in Italian]
280
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:05,763
[Man singing in Italian]
281
00:11:12,137 --> 00:11:14,472
All right, kids,
I am deputy Williams,
282
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:16,474
And I'm gonna talk to y'all
283
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:20,745
About keeping yourself safe
from pregnancy.
284
00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:22,613
Now, I know you've probably
heard a lot,
285
00:11:22,647 --> 00:11:28,152
You know, about condoms
or abstinence
286
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,956
I'm gonna talk to you about
something even better than that.
287
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:34,859
Mmm, getting your tubes tied.
288
00:11:34,893 --> 00:11:38,162
Yes! Raise your hand if you know
what an epidural is.
289
00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:40,631
Anybody? All this?
Mine is still dead.
290
00:11:40,665 --> 00:11:43,868
I don't feel none of that.
They're gonna cut you across here, all right.
291
00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:47,838
Then they're gonna take the
bottom of our stomach and they gonna clip, clip that
292
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,607
To your breast meat.
293
00:11:49,641 --> 00:11:54,745
All right, now if some of y'all
are still as flat-chested as you are right now,
294
00:11:54,779 --> 00:11:57,515
They just gonna skiz it up
underneath your ribcage.
295
00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:00,651
Then you'll feel a tugging
sensation, huh?
296
00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:02,786
You feel this just
being tugged on.
297
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:07,091
Then after that,
you smell bacon.
298
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:12,930
Huh? All right. Because that's
the laser burning your tubes.
299
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:15,967
Hopefully you do understand
if you want to get
300
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,269
With your man, have a plan.
301
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,908
Ahh...
302
00:12:23,942 --> 00:12:26,343
Ah, thanks. I'm gonna
watch the game, I think.
303
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:28,312
The football game on.
304
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:31,349
Check out the game,
crack open a beer,
305
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,050
Chill out, relax
and adjust.
306
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,418
You know what? Wow.
307
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:35,586
What do you mean, wow?
308
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:36,921
Oh, just wow.
309
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,756
Wha... what do
you mean, wow?
310
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,591
I just feel like a whore.
311
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,459
You and the--
Aw, here we go.
312
00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:43,460
No, don't touch me.
313
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:44,562
Here we go.
314
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:46,330
No. Don't you know how
that makes me feel?
315
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,065
Oh, how does it make
you feel?
316
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:49,767
How do you think
that makes me feel,
317
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,602
Like I'm slaving
over the stove. It's like--
318
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:52,903
I didn't ask you
to slave.
319
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,838
You said, "I'm gonna cut
up these tomatoes."
320
00:12:54,873 --> 00:12:56,307
Aw, now you're gonna
make fun of my accent?
321
00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:58,409
Hey, how about
some spray cheese?
322
00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:01,045
Ah ba ba ba ba!
Here we go. Here we go!
323
00:13:01,079 --> 00:13:02,546
...spray cheese than that.
324
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,982
Honeymoon's over, I guess.
Honeymoon's over, OK?
325
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,817
You know what?
Fuck it. I'll do the dishes.
326
00:13:06,851 --> 00:13:08,419
No, no, fuck it.
I'll do the dishes.
327
00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:10,988
I should have known
better than to fuck an Italian.
328
00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:12,556
Fuck.
329
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:19,597
They are these brand-new
Al-Queda dogs.
330
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:20,831
They're smart dogs.
331
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:21,999
They're smart dogs.
And what they do is
332
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,334
They put these little
chips in 'em.
333
00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:24,768
It's a surveillance dog.
Yeah. Right.
334
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,937
Are you an Al-Qaeda
surveillance dog, Mario?
335
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,707
Is that why we're turning
you over to the state's--
336
00:13:29,741 --> 00:13:31,842
He looks a little bit
like an Al-Qaeda surveillance dog.
337
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,343
And so like--
338
00:13:33,378 --> 00:13:34,945
There's like a--There's
a microphone in here.
339
00:13:34,979 --> 00:13:36,347
I see something.
340
00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:40,417
Testing, 1, 2, 1, 2, check,
1, 2. Mario mic check.
341
00:13:40,451 --> 00:13:42,419
Mario microphone check.
342
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:44,688
This would have been
a very good Encyclopedia Brown,
343
00:13:44,722 --> 00:13:46,022
This sort of case.
344
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:48,091
[Telephone ringing]
345
00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:53,230
Phone's not supposed
to be ringing, is it?
346
00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:54,866
No.
347
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:00,637
They're probably right
outside the door.
348
00:14:00,671 --> 00:14:02,473
What they're doing is
they're checking to see if we're in here,
349
00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:04,375
And if we're in here,
they're gonna know I'm right by the phone,
350
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,077
And they're gonna come in
and shoot in this corner.
351
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,244
I'm getting in front
of the dog.
352
00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:08,578
Yep.
353
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,547
OK. Is mar--
Get behind me, Mario.
354
00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:12,082
You stay behind him.
Stay behind him.
355
00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:13,417
Stay right behind me,
Mario.
356
00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,620
Stay behind him, Mario.
OK. Ready?
357
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:19,756
Swear to god.
358
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:22,760
[Hyperventilating]
359
00:14:22,794 --> 00:14:24,628
Pick it up.
360
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:28,899
Room 304.
361
00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:31,902
Uh, no, that's OK. We don't
need turn-down service.
362
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:36,173
Thank you, though. Gracias.
You have a nice day, too.
363
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,685
Kind of got
to take a leak.
364
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:50,054
Go for it.
I'll watch the witness.
365
00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:51,421
Whew.
366
00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:52,923
Then we'll check
the hall again.
367
00:14:52,957 --> 00:14:54,257
And then after that, we'll check
the roof again, yeah?
368
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:55,860
Yeah, let's do a sweep
of the roof.
369
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:58,428
We'll do a sweep of
the hall... sweep again.
370
00:14:58,463 --> 00:15:00,564
We ain't sweep
the basement in a while either.
371
00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:07,470
Uh, Junior?
372
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:09,006
Yes, sir?
373
00:15:11,843 --> 00:15:14,978
There's no chance that
this is Mario, is there?
374
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:18,482
That makes
a lot more sense.
375
00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:19,550
That's--Yep.
376
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,488
Dangle: and what's
this word here?
377
00:15:24,522 --> 00:15:25,790
Cindy:
first time offender.
378
00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:26,890
OK, what's
this word here?
379
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:28,893
Uh, incarceration?
380
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,327
Very good.
Yeah.
381
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:31,495
What's this here?
382
00:15:31,529 --> 00:15:33,030
Bludgeon tool.
383
00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,032
Bludgeon. Let's work
on bludgeon.
384
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,333
Bludgeon.
385
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:37,501
One more time.
386
00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:39,035
Maybe you say it for me
and then I can--
387
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,337
Ready? Ready?
OK.
388
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,672
Let's look
at it together, and I'll say it.
389
00:15:41,706 --> 00:15:43,006
OK.
Bludgeon.
390
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,810
Bludgeon. Bludgeon.
391
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,344
Bludgeon. Bludgeon.
392
00:15:47,378 --> 00:15:49,313
I'm gonna bludgeon you.
Bludgeon.
393
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:51,015
My mouth don't go like that.
How do you do that?
394
00:15:51,049 --> 00:15:52,182
It doesn't have
to go like that.
395
00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:53,350
It doesn't have
to go like that.
396
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:54,852
It's just a word.
Is bludgeon.
397
00:15:54,886 --> 00:15:56,787
Oh. Sawed-Off shotgun.
398
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,055
Exactly.
399
00:15:58,089 --> 00:16:00,958
Uh, Cindy, I'm supposed
to book Benjamin Talmadge
400
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:06,896
For 4 counts of grand ferony?
Ferony? Feroni?
401
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:07,898
Yeah. Ferony.
402
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,065
What's that?
403
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,734
Oh, Cindy, that's--
404
00:16:10,768 --> 00:16:13,403
Ferony. You know,
there's, like, misdemeanor, there's ferony.
405
00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:14,905
Ferony. Got it.
406
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:16,907
OK, you say
that one time?
407
00:16:16,941 --> 00:16:19,243
Ferony.
408
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:20,410
[Inhales deeply]
409
00:16:20,445 --> 00:16:21,612
Ferony.
410
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:23,247
Pretty good.
411
00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:26,350
Uh, I was having problems
reading that report.
412
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:28,151
What is that word?
413
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:32,590
Rarceny. You know, it's when
people steal something.
414
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,158
Called rarceny, right?
Attempted rarceny.
415
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:37,294
It's a ferony.
416
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:51,441
Trudy! Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! We stopped.
417
00:16:51,475 --> 00:16:52,610
We stopped.
418
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:55,012
We stopped. We stopped.
Take this, take this.
419
00:16:55,046 --> 00:16:56,380
What? OK.
420
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:57,714
Here we go.
OK.
421
00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:59,049
I'm sorry.
422
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:00,384
I'm sorry, too.
OK.
423
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,486
[Salsa music playing]
424
00:17:07,525 --> 00:17:11,328
Senor. Passaportes.
425
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:20,237
Uh... no tengo passaportes.
No tengo at all passaportes.
426
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:23,473
[Speaking Spanish]
427
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:28,945
Can I offer you some money?
Dinero? Dinero?
428
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:33,851
Robert Deniro, huh?
Robert Deniro.
429
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,886
Hmm, you talking to me?
430
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:46,896
Well, my name is Chris.
431
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,432
My name is Glen,
432
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,900
And it's a pleasure to be here
433
00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:52,369
To talk to you
about your 401K program.
434
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:53,837
Are you guys excited?
We say 401, you say K.
435
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,038
401.
436
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,040
All: K.
437
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:56,973
Glen and Chris: 401.
438
00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:59,276
All: K.
439
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,111
Great job, great job.
440
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,346
You guys were
in our premiere fund,
441
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:03,581
It's called
the international fund,
442
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,149
We put all you guys
in there,
443
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,950
And things were going
so great.
444
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,485
You guys were making
so much money.
445
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,621
Here's the bad news. Hold on.
I know it's exciting.
446
00:18:11,656 --> 00:18:15,625
As you may have read
in the newspapers,
447
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:19,162
The economy collapsed
all across the world,
448
00:18:19,197 --> 00:18:23,300
And the international fund
lost a shitload of money.
449
00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:24,701
Yes.
450
00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:28,572
What is the total value of
our 401k's today, right now?
451
00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:30,440
If we were taking it
in cash.
452
00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:33,444
The international fund with
everybody from this department invested
453
00:18:33,478 --> 00:18:36,814
Was worth over
$12 billion with...
454
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:41,051
With everyone around the world
that's what it was at the very beginning
455
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:45,823
Right now, it's worth
just over $200,000.
456
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:47,157
$200,000.
457
00:18:47,191 --> 00:18:48,358
It dipped. It dipped.
458
00:18:48,392 --> 00:18:49,893
I don't want to get hung up
on how much you lost
459
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,828
Because when I looked
on your website,
460
00:18:51,862 --> 00:18:54,832
It clearly said that you invest
with the best possible decision-Making
461
00:18:54,866 --> 00:18:59,036
And sometimes it benefits
and sometimes you can't predict the future.
462
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,838
That's a great question.
That's a great question.
463
00:19:01,873 --> 00:19:03,040
That's
a great question.
464
00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:04,207
That's a great point
and a great question.
465
00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:08,312
Where did the money
for our 401k's come from?
466
00:19:08,346 --> 00:19:10,814
These are taken
out of your paychecks.
467
00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:12,782
It's deducted
automatically
468
00:19:12,817 --> 00:19:13,951
And is put away for
your retirement.
469
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:15,051
We've been paying into this.
470
00:19:15,086 --> 00:19:16,319
You've been paying into it.
471
00:19:16,353 --> 00:19:17,887
You've been paying into this
without even knowing it.
472
00:19:17,922 --> 00:19:19,857
That's the beauty of it.
You didn't even feel it.
473
00:19:19,891 --> 00:19:21,392
It's planning for your
future without even thinking about it.
474
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,626
You didn't even have
to think.
475
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,362
Thank you. Thank you,
thank you for doing that for us.
476
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:29,399
Thank you for letting us not
have to make these hard decisions.
477
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:30,768
And you know what?
478
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:35,238
Yeah, we all make mistake.
We all have problems?
479
00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:36,706
But you know what?
I'm not gonna blame you.
480
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,576
I'm not gonna blame you.
481
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:42,412
All I'm gonna say is thank you,
and I'm gonna say whatever. I'm cool.
482
00:19:42,446 --> 00:19:43,814
Thank you,
officer Bates.
483
00:19:43,848 --> 00:19:46,249
And we'll say it right
off the bat--We're sorry.
484
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:47,318
Accepted.
485
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,658
There's nothing going on
between me and Rizzo.
486
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:59,129
I don't even know why
anyone would even have a recommendation
487
00:19:59,163 --> 00:20:01,030
To say something so
absurd like that.
488
00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:03,567
Rizzo and I have
nothing going on.
489
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:07,971
Nothing happened
in a trailer between the two of us.
490
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:13,277
He did ever--He has
never put his fingers inside of me
491
00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:14,845
That I can recall.
492
00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:16,847
We've never made out.
493
00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:19,649
I never confessed
my love to him,
494
00:20:19,683 --> 00:20:25,622
And he has never, ever,
ever come in me from behind.
495
00:20:25,656 --> 00:20:29,459
That's absurd.
That's absurd.
496
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:38,568
Uh. It seems specific,
I know you're thinking. And it is.
497
00:20:38,603 --> 00:20:46,042
I have a very
photographic brain,
498
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:48,211
A lot like Ansel Adams
499
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:53,416
But in color and with
a lot more insertion and pubic hair.
500
00:20:53,451 --> 00:20:55,085
So you and Rizzo did it?
501
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,955
We fucked in
the trailer, yeah.
502
00:20:57,989 --> 00:21:00,456
Oh, hi, Sara. Ha ha!
503
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:05,562
Bates: Glen, 'cause
I had to tell 'em.
504
00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:06,530
Pat 'em down.
505
00:21:06,564 --> 00:21:09,232
OK. Pat 'em down.
506
00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:09,900
I had to tell them.
It's very convenient.
507
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,201
Jail is very, very close.
508
00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:12,669
Very, very, very close.
509
00:21:12,703 --> 00:21:15,205
Get 'em out of here.
Take off all their clothes.
510
00:21:15,239 --> 00:21:17,441
Take off
all their clothes.
511
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:19,543
It's a little prank. We'll hose
'em off. We'll strip 'em naked,
512
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:20,610
And we'll leave 'em in sparks.
513
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:21,811
We'll leave 'em in sparks.
We'll leave 'em in sparks.
514
00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:24,013
Ready? Strip 'em,
hose 'em.
515
00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:25,615
?
OK, strip 'em and hose 'em
and take 'em to sparks ?
516
00:21:25,649 --> 00:21:27,884
?
strip 'em and hose 'em and
take 'em to sparks ?
517
00:21:27,918 --> 00:21:30,954
?
strip 'em and hose 'em
and take 'em to sparks ?
518
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,490
?
well, strip 'em and hose 'em
and take 'em to sparks ?
519
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:38,090
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