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00:00:08,232 --> 00:00:13,232
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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00:00:19,926 --> 00:00:21,662
[soft rumbling]
3
00:00:51,992 --> 00:00:53,959
[sparks zapping]
4
00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:55,729
[electronic humming]
5
00:01:03,403 --> 00:01:05,506
[zapping and humming
growing louder]
6
00:01:16,849 --> 00:01:19,753
[rhythmic music pounding]
7
00:01:28,861 --> 00:01:30,429
[door slams]
8
00:01:30,431 --> 00:01:31,733
[music continues]
9
00:01:52,753 --> 00:01:55,390
[electronic roar over music]
10
00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:02,796
[static over music]
11
00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:15,410
[music growing louder]
12
00:02:28,821 --> 00:02:30,389
[music stops]
13
00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:34,592
[distorted echoes,
static]
14
00:02:34,594 --> 00:02:37,564
[rhythmic footsteps echoing]
15
00:02:54,447 --> 00:02:56,083
[girl] When I remember it...
16
00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:00,519
I remember thinking...
17
00:03:00,521 --> 00:03:02,621
[rhythmic pounding]
18
00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:05,890
...the entire population
of Greensburg, Pennsylvania,
19
00:03:05,892 --> 00:03:09,593
is 14,892.
20
00:03:09,595 --> 00:03:11,096
[pounding growing louder]
21
00:03:11,098 --> 00:03:14,132
If you divide that by
the number of days in the year,
22
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:18,170
there should be 41 people with
the same birthday every day.
23
00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:20,771
[rhythmic pounding continues]
24
00:03:20,773 --> 00:03:26,478
In my lifetime, the population
has decreased by 12.6%.
25
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:31,550
Soon, another 12.6%
will be gone.
26
00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:33,919
And another.
27
00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:35,653
And another.
28
00:03:35,655 --> 00:03:37,492
Then another.
29
00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:46,833
Until all that's
left here is me.
30
00:03:50,102 --> 00:03:51,735
Me without you.
31
00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:53,640
[rhythmic pounding continues]
32
00:04:00,814 --> 00:04:02,417
[lighter clicks]
33
00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:08,688
Me and the one thing
I was waiting to find out about.
34
00:04:14,027 --> 00:04:16,927
[patient coughing]
35
00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:18,598
[girl]
They were also waiting.
36
00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:22,869
In the middle of nowhere.
37
00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:27,040
In this doctor's office.
38
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:30,877
At 7:30 in the morning.
39
00:04:35,782 --> 00:04:38,983
Twenty days ago,
I turned 20.
40
00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:40,954
[rhythmic pounding continues]
41
00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:47,158
Now we were all waiting to see
42
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,996
how many more birthdays
we'd have.
43
00:04:51,163 --> 00:04:53,200
If there'd be one or 100.
44
00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:58,168
If there'd be anyone new
to share them with.
45
00:04:58,170 --> 00:05:00,974
[flame roars,
cigarette sizzles]
46
00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:08,716
I've spent every birthday
in Greensburg.
47
00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:12,817
Every day.
48
00:05:12,819 --> 00:05:14,554
Every minute.
49
00:05:15,855 --> 00:05:17,055
Every second.
50
00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:18,259
[pounding stops]
51
00:05:30,237 --> 00:05:31,636
[patient coughing]
52
00:05:31,638 --> 00:05:32,840
[door closes]
53
00:05:40,146 --> 00:05:42,280
- [phone ringing]
- [coughing continues]
54
00:05:42,282 --> 00:05:44,615
[coughing growing louder,
echoing]
55
00:05:44,617 --> 00:05:48,086
- [ringing continues]
- [distorted PA announcement]
56
00:05:48,088 --> 00:05:53,023
[girl] When I remember it,
I remember believing
57
00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,997
everything begins
with one exact moment.
58
00:06:27,026 --> 00:06:29,060
[keying on cell phone]
59
00:06:29,062 --> 00:06:30,331
[keying stops]
60
00:06:37,937 --> 00:06:39,839
[indistinct whispering]
61
00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:42,403
[Lissa whispering] Daniel.
62
00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:45,805
Daniel.
63
00:07:47,973 --> 00:07:49,743
Daniel.
64
00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:58,917
[roaring sound]
65
00:07:58,919 --> 00:08:03,924
[indistinct whispering,
distorted choral music]
66
00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:18,806
Did you hear
what I just said?
67
00:08:22,843 --> 00:08:24,341
You don't care.
68
00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:27,045
You don't know anything.
Everything's fucked up.
69
00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:29,180
What's the point
of even talking to you?
70
00:08:29,182 --> 00:08:31,882
[Lissa] How can you say that?
71
00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:35,419
After, after last year, after how
my mom's been acting, after my dad?
72
00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:37,187
- I don't...
- Don't. Just don't.
73
00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:39,392
Don't say I don't want
to end up like him?
74
00:08:41,328 --> 00:08:44,262
Neither do you.
75
00:08:44,264 --> 00:08:48,332
Here's the truest thing
I've ever said: fuck you.
76
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,100
Whatever.
77
00:08:50,102 --> 00:08:52,202
And what about your mom,
have you talked to her?
78
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:53,807
Not since graduation.
79
00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:59,076
Look, I didn't mean you don't
care, I didn't mean it that way.
80
00:08:59,078 --> 00:09:02,312
- It's pretty clear how you meant it.
- Was it?
81
00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:04,081
I'm hungry.
82
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,850
What? What are you
talking about?
83
00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:08,186
That's an example
of being clear, "I'm hungry,"
84
00:09:08,188 --> 00:09:10,388
which is what I am, hungry.
85
00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:12,289
Come on, that doesn't
make any sense.
86
00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:14,793
And bored.
Hungry and bored.
87
00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,098
What do you wanna do, then?
88
00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:21,231
I don't know.
89
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:24,536
Go to the porn store.
I'm legal now.
90
00:09:24,538 --> 00:09:27,071
That one where the girls
wear nothing but a smile?
91
00:09:27,073 --> 00:09:29,143
No, that's a strip club.
92
00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:32,847
I was talking more about the ones
that flank the Barnes & Noble.
93
00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:38,148
All that I was trying
to say is that...
94
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,485
it's got nothing to do
with your family.
95
00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:43,120
I just meant that
you'll be out of here soon.
96
00:09:43,122 --> 00:09:44,855
You're going to college.
97
00:09:44,857 --> 00:09:47,124
- [Daniel] It's only a state school.
- [Lissa] So what?
98
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:49,360
[Daniel] Not far away.
99
00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:52,197
Still better than
being stuck here.
100
00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,299
Did you know Mount Pleasant
used to be called Hell Town?
101
00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:57,402
[laughs] That's not true.
102
00:09:57,404 --> 00:10:00,138
- It is.
- Why?
103
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,841
[Daniel] Something to do with,
this was in the '20s or something.
104
00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:04,509
Coal miners lived
in Mount Pleasant,
105
00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:07,247
whereas the rich bosses
lived in Scottdale, on the hill.
106
00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,148
They should just go back
107
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,453
and rename the whole
goddamn area Hell Town.
108
00:10:19,492 --> 00:10:22,563
[rap music pounding
on car speakers]
109
00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:36,073
Sorry about earlier.
I was being a sharktopus.
110
00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:39,076
- [Lissa] I was gonna say a sea hag.
- [Daniel] I don't get it.
111
00:10:39,078 --> 00:10:40,445
A sharktopus
would make a good pet.
112
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,346
Sea hag is Jennifer Aniston.
113
00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,115
I like Jennifer Aniston.
We go way back.
114
00:10:44,117 --> 00:10:46,250
We're tight like spandex.
115
00:10:46,252 --> 00:10:48,552
- Also, bumps, not lines.
- What?
116
00:10:48,554 --> 00:10:50,254
I definitely wasn't
a sea monster.
117
00:10:50,256 --> 00:10:52,423
- It's not coke.
- A sea hag, and yes you were.
118
00:10:52,425 --> 00:10:54,158
It's cheap trucker's meth.
119
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,061
It's just that, for real,
I can't stand this place.
120
00:10:57,063 --> 00:10:59,630
At least now I don't have to worry about
finding a job with dental insurance.
121
00:10:59,632 --> 00:11:01,666
I can't end up like
these disgusting people.
122
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:04,235
I don't wanna drive my
12-year-old car to a stupid job.
123
00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:07,337
- I don't want to think about cheating on my fat wife.
- [girl] See those lights?
124
00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:10,942
I don't wanna work at my shit job for shit
pay so I can afford another used shit car.
125
00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:13,211
Lissa, do you see them?
126
00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:17,347
- Shit!
- What should we do?
127
00:11:17,349 --> 00:11:19,116
[Lissa] Daniel, take care
of the phone.
128
00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:21,919
[siren chirps twice]
129
00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,153
I can't believe
this is happening.
130
00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:25,188
Everyone, dust off your hands.
131
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,626
I'm going to M-I-fucking-T.
132
00:11:29,328 --> 00:11:30,897
I have an idea.
133
00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:38,168
[taps on window]
134
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,138
Can I help you, officer?
135
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,909
What have you got
going on here?
136
00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:46,380
♪ ♪
137
00:11:56,189 --> 00:11:58,958
Not sure yet... sir.
138
00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,328
Take it elsewhere.
139
00:12:17,209 --> 00:12:19,512
[rap music pounding]
140
00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:25,251
- [Lissa] Fuck it all, fuck.
- [Aimee] Fuck you, copper.
141
00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,189
[nurse] Lissa Maruska?
142
00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:50,041
How are you today?
Ready to order?
143
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,043
I've been waitressing
for about two years.
144
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,278
A little under two years.
145
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,181
- I'm a human resources manager.
- I'm a chef and owner.
146
00:12:57,183 --> 00:13:00,518
I teach family consumer science, which
used to be known as home economics.
147
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,452
[woman] I am a custodian.
148
00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:05,690
I work for the county,
which is a good job,
149
00:13:05,692 --> 00:13:07,191
although it's a crappy shift.
150
00:13:07,193 --> 00:13:09,126
I am actually
a stay-at-home mom.
151
00:13:09,128 --> 00:13:12,663
Some days you feel like you
don't talk to any other adults.
152
00:13:12,665 --> 00:13:15,499
I spent 25 years
as a Pennsylvania state trooper.
153
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,769
I'm a union rep
for public employees in schools,
154
00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:20,471
meaning teachers
and their support staffs,
155
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:23,541
such as bus drivers,
cafeteria workers, custodians.
156
00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,279
Worst part is the repetition.
157
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:30,184
Maybe it's having to balance
multiple things like a circus clown.
158
00:13:35,054 --> 00:13:36,256
No.
159
00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:39,460
It's the repetition.
160
00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:43,360
So, how are you doing?
161
00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:45,096
Wanna hear the specials?
162
00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:47,164
What can I get for you?
163
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,535
Want something to drink?
164
00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:51,735
How would you
like that prepared?
165
00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:53,674
Can I get you something else?
166
00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:57,575
And on...
167
00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,443
and on...
168
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:00,812
and on.
169
00:14:00,814 --> 00:14:02,783
[loud thud]
170
00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:20,333
Ready?
171
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,165
[Lissa] When I remember it,
I remember hearing...
172
00:14:59,372 --> 00:15:01,672
14% of the population
173
00:15:01,674 --> 00:15:04,111
lives below the poverty line
in Greensburg.
174
00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:11,384
The average annual income
per person is $24,599.
175
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,559
One out of six
have a college degree.
176
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:27,434
Nine out of ten
have at least one child.
177
00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:35,409
About 90 people die
of drug overdoses every year.
178
00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,380
When I remember it...
179
00:15:43,815 --> 00:15:45,718
I remember knowing...
180
00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,560
I will never do any better.
181
00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:07,337
[nurse] Dr. Woods will see you in a minute.
First, I just need your...
182
00:16:07,339 --> 00:16:08,940
I thought...
183
00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:11,274
Never mind, sorry.
184
00:16:11,276 --> 00:16:13,411
Do you wanna use
your mom's insurance?
185
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:16,246
If that's okay.
186
00:16:16,248 --> 00:16:18,448
[nurse] Do you have
her policy number?
187
00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:20,453
Her policy number?
188
00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:25,691
[nurse] Do you know
who her provider is?
189
00:16:26,825 --> 00:16:28,893
I guess...
190
00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:31,562
no, not really.
191
00:16:31,564 --> 00:16:34,501
[nurse] Do you have any information
about her insurance at all?
192
00:16:37,002 --> 00:16:39,003
Uh...
193
00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:41,808
My mom and I don't
really talk anymore.
194
00:16:43,809 --> 00:16:47,613
[nurse] Lissa,
I'm sorry about your dad.
195
00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:51,885
Not your fault.
196
00:16:53,852 --> 00:16:55,923
[nurse] I'm sure I can find
your mom's insurance here.
197
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:20,478
Looks like you've put on
a little bit of weight
198
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,249
since last time you were in.
199
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,615
Your heart rate's
a little fast.
200
00:17:58,617 --> 00:18:00,817
Have you been doing
anything you shouldn't?
201
00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:04,555
No. I don't do anything.
202
00:18:04,557 --> 00:18:06,492
♪ ♪
203
00:18:43,128 --> 00:18:45,730
Your blood pressure's
136 over 94.
204
00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,664
Is that normal?
205
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,703
Normal's 120 over 80.
206
00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:14,328
[indistinct voices]
207
00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:49,929
- [indistinct voices]
- [woman] Get up! Do something!
208
00:19:57,537 --> 00:19:58,905
[woman] Don't...
209
00:20:04,609 --> 00:20:07,414
[metallic pounding]
210
00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,886
[Daniel] I can't believe
it's been a year.
211
00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:19,557
I just finished this philosophy class.
Fucking awesome.
212
00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:21,724
It was about Wittgenstein.
He said this great thing,
213
00:20:21,726 --> 00:20:24,761
he said, "Death is not an event of
life, death is not lived through."
214
00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:26,632
What do you think about that?
215
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:32,973
I don't. Don't other people
live through it?
216
00:20:34,674 --> 00:20:36,710
Do you wanna sit down?
217
00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:42,712
[pounding echoes]
218
00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:45,816
I, um...
I have a surprise for you.
219
00:20:45,818 --> 00:20:50,056
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna take you to a bad place for good drugs.
220
00:20:51,957 --> 00:20:53,592
Happy birthday.
221
00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:00,599
[techno music playing]
222
00:21:09,642 --> 00:21:12,479
[Daniel, voice echoing] My professor
said I wrote the perfect essay.
223
00:21:14,579 --> 00:21:16,614
Those were his words.
224
00:21:16,616 --> 00:21:18,452
"Perfect."
225
00:21:20,619 --> 00:21:23,223
I focused on Wittgenstein's
propositions.
226
00:21:24,656 --> 00:21:26,193
We should read them.
227
00:21:30,896 --> 00:21:32,563
I focused on...
228
00:21:32,565 --> 00:21:34,868
♪ ♪
229
00:21:40,806 --> 00:21:43,574
[voice fading under music]
"If by eternity is understood
230
00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:45,879
"not endless temporal duration
but timelessness...
231
00:22:11,736 --> 00:22:15,107
...then he lives eternally
who lives in the present."
232
00:22:18,911 --> 00:22:20,547
And that's true...
233
00:22:22,114 --> 00:22:25,149
It's about being present now.
234
00:22:25,151 --> 00:22:26,686
Right now.
235
00:22:49,742 --> 00:22:53,713
There's so much
to see... to do...
236
00:22:55,915 --> 00:22:57,317
to become...
237
00:23:01,220 --> 00:23:03,589
I can't be trapped by home...
238
00:23:14,165 --> 00:23:15,835
in Greensburg.
239
00:23:18,703 --> 00:23:20,005
Family.
240
00:23:23,274 --> 00:23:24,743
Belief.
241
00:23:28,947 --> 00:23:31,048
I ended with what he wrote.
242
00:23:31,050 --> 00:23:35,888
"Our life is endless in the way our
visual field is without limit."
243
00:23:56,041 --> 00:23:58,845
[foot pounding rhythmically]
244
00:24:02,348 --> 00:24:03,881
I'm tired.
245
00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:06,019
I feel like I've been
talking all night.
246
00:24:07,286 --> 00:24:08,688
It's okay.
247
00:24:36,448 --> 00:24:38,817
Thank you for seeing me.
248
00:24:53,232 --> 00:24:55,402
So, why did you come in?
249
00:24:57,837 --> 00:25:01,441
Relax. Take it easy.
Tell me what's wrong.
250
00:25:05,174 --> 00:25:05,377
I'm sorry, I...
251
00:25:08,379 --> 00:25:11,914
Okay, how about this? Can you at
least tell me your chief symptom?
252
00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:15,384
- It's not...
- Lissa, whatever you say to me is confidential.
253
00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:17,253
- I understand.
- No, I'm not your mother.
254
00:25:17,255 --> 00:25:18,457
No, no.
255
00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,895
Do you have any kids,
Dr. Woods?
256
00:25:25,897 --> 00:25:27,096
Do I?
257
00:25:27,098 --> 00:25:29,799
Yes, my wife and I have
a daughter.
258
00:25:29,801 --> 00:25:31,468
- What's her name?
- Kim.
259
00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:36,440
- How old is she?
- She just turned two.
260
00:25:36,442 --> 00:25:38,842
And what do you want for her?
261
00:25:38,844 --> 00:25:40,443
What do you mean?
262
00:25:40,445 --> 00:25:42,945
Like when she grows up,
what do you want her to be?
263
00:25:42,947 --> 00:25:44,381
[Woods] I hold her sometimes.
264
00:25:44,383 --> 00:25:48,117
When I look at her legs,
I wonder where she'll go,
265
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,723
where her legs will take her.
266
00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:55,025
Away from here?
267
00:25:55,027 --> 00:25:57,097
Whatever's best for her.
268
00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:03,400
I came to see you because
20 days ago was my birthday.
269
00:26:03,402 --> 00:26:06,170
- And you just turned 20, right?
- [Lissa] Yep.
270
00:26:06,172 --> 00:26:08,505
Only my 20th birthday.
271
00:26:08,507 --> 00:26:10,176
[rumbling noise]
272
00:26:16,447 --> 00:26:18,448
[romantic music playing]
273
00:26:18,450 --> 00:26:20,987
[indistinct romantic whispering]
274
00:26:32,463 --> 00:26:35,464
♪ ♪
275
00:26:35,466 --> 00:26:37,870
[Lissa whispering]
I can't believe I'm 20.
276
00:26:44,143 --> 00:26:47,012
[whispering] This is the only
birthday present I wanted.
277
00:27:01,559 --> 00:27:06,031
When I remember it,
I remember feeling...
278
00:27:08,533 --> 00:27:10,435
everything at once...
279
00:27:11,569 --> 00:27:15,105
everything all together...
280
00:27:15,107 --> 00:27:18,442
everything in place...
281
00:27:18,444 --> 00:27:20,445
everything right now.
282
00:27:36,595 --> 00:27:39,399
♪ ♪
283
00:28:02,553 --> 00:28:04,221
[door slams, echoing]
284
00:28:04,223 --> 00:28:07,426
[static, sparks zapping]
285
00:28:20,172 --> 00:28:22,673
[Woods] And how many partners
have you had?
286
00:28:22,675 --> 00:28:26,609
- Two. Just two.
- Men, women, or both?
287
00:28:26,611 --> 00:28:28,278
Only men.
288
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,248
At what age did you have
your first sexual encounter?
289
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:35,419
I was 13. Is that...
290
00:28:35,421 --> 00:28:38,422
- Was it vaginal intercourse?
- Regular, vaginal.
291
00:28:38,424 --> 00:28:41,290
- When was the last time you had intercourse?
- [Lissa] Twenty days ago.
292
00:28:41,292 --> 00:28:44,294
- And have you been using any birth control?
- No.
293
00:28:44,296 --> 00:28:45,729
Did you use protection?
294
00:28:45,731 --> 00:28:49,165
Uh... we...
295
00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:51,401
No. No, we didn't.
296
00:28:51,403 --> 00:28:53,636
[Woods] Are you experiencing
any burning when you urinate?
297
00:28:53,638 --> 00:28:55,471
- No.
- Any urethral discharge?
298
00:28:55,473 --> 00:28:59,442
- No.
- When was your last menstrual period?
299
00:28:59,444 --> 00:29:02,314
That's kind of
the reason I'm here.
300
00:29:37,549 --> 00:29:39,085
[urinating]
301
00:29:53,598 --> 00:29:54,798
[plastic rattles]
302
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,735
[water running]
303
00:29:58,337 --> 00:29:59,539
[water stops]
304
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,155
[coughs]
305
00:30:35,139 --> 00:30:37,075
[timer clicking]
306
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,149
[line ringing]
307
00:31:19,184 --> 00:31:21,852
[Daniel] You are now listening
to the sound of Daniel's voice.
308
00:31:21,854 --> 00:31:25,188
When you hear a beep, you will
leave the sound of your own voice.
309
00:31:25,190 --> 00:31:27,693
- [beep]
- [timer clicking loudly]
310
00:31:41,540 --> 00:31:43,276
[timer slowing down]
311
00:32:10,536 --> 00:32:12,238
[timer slowing down]
312
00:32:25,684 --> 00:32:27,483
[timer clicking slowly]
313
00:32:27,485 --> 00:32:29,155
[sniffles]
314
00:32:39,530 --> 00:32:41,200
[sighs]
315
00:32:58,951 --> 00:33:01,287
[timer echoing, slowing down]
316
00:33:09,994 --> 00:33:14,433
[timer rings]
317
00:33:48,567 --> 00:33:51,537
[loud ticking]
318
00:33:53,605 --> 00:33:55,441
[ticking stops]
319
00:34:25,037 --> 00:34:27,872
[rhythmic music pounding]
320
00:35:08,379 --> 00:35:11,113
At this point, a blood test
is the only way to be certain.
321
00:35:11,115 --> 00:35:14,584
I don't like blood, and I'm afraid
of needles. Is there any...
322
00:35:14,586 --> 00:35:17,386
- This isn't typical.
- It isn't?
323
00:35:17,388 --> 00:35:19,022
No, not really, no.
324
00:35:19,024 --> 00:35:22,459
I don't know, I didn't know
what to do or where to go.
325
00:35:22,461 --> 00:35:25,694
- Just go see the nurse.
- Do I need to come back another day?
326
00:35:25,696 --> 00:35:29,432
She'll take care of it. She's
excellent at drawing blood.
327
00:35:29,434 --> 00:35:31,703
It'll be fine. Promise.
328
00:35:39,477 --> 00:35:43,046
[Lissa] When I remember it,
I remember fearing...
329
00:35:43,048 --> 00:35:45,080
[heart beating]
330
00:35:45,082 --> 00:35:47,653
...inside my body
is a body...
331
00:35:52,990 --> 00:35:54,957
- [static buzzing]
- Morning sickness,
332
00:35:54,959 --> 00:35:56,526
backaches, stretch marks,
333
00:35:56,528 --> 00:35:59,928
hemorrhoids,
varicose veins, fatigue,
334
00:35:59,930 --> 00:36:02,399
[voice echoing]
indigestion, heartburn,
335
00:36:02,401 --> 00:36:05,667
breast tenderness, nausea,
nine months until a birthday.
336
00:36:05,669 --> 00:36:08,171
Shortness of breath, rashes,
mood swings, dry skin,
337
00:36:08,173 --> 00:36:11,674
constipation, engorged genitals,
vaginal discharge, faintness,
338
00:36:11,676 --> 00:36:13,546
bloating disease, leg cramps.
339
00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:19,015
The most difficult part
of giving birth was...
340
00:36:19,017 --> 00:36:21,417
The clock on the wall
was the worst enemy.
341
00:36:21,419 --> 00:36:24,888
You remember everything about
that day to the second.
342
00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:26,656
Every minute was like
an hour.
343
00:36:26,658 --> 00:36:29,993
The moment that the
contractions first start...
344
00:36:29,995 --> 00:36:34,730
- It was painful.
- Pain is so horrific that it doesn't seem natural.
345
00:36:34,732 --> 00:36:36,765
I just wanted to rip
my hair out.
346
00:36:36,767 --> 00:36:38,535
[woman] I just
remember screaming.
347
00:36:38,537 --> 00:36:42,439
That needle was so long.
348
00:36:42,441 --> 00:36:44,540
And the contractions
just kept getting stronger.
349
00:36:44,542 --> 00:36:46,642
All the blood vessels
in my face broke.
350
00:36:46,644 --> 00:36:49,611
Felt like my face
was turning inside out.
351
00:36:49,613 --> 00:36:52,048
All of the sudden, they're telling
you they have to cut you open.
352
00:36:52,050 --> 00:36:54,616
And there was just
blood everywhere.
353
00:36:54,618 --> 00:36:59,189
And you realize like you're
going to have this baby
354
00:36:59,191 --> 00:37:01,591
and be responsible.
355
00:37:01,593 --> 00:37:04,194
[metallic echoes,
sparks zapping]
356
00:37:04,196 --> 00:37:05,964
[liquid sloshing]
357
00:37:09,133 --> 00:37:10,902
[static buzzing]
358
00:38:02,787 --> 00:38:04,153
[static buzzing]
359
00:38:04,155 --> 00:38:07,122
[Lissa] Listen, I have
really bad veins.
360
00:38:07,124 --> 00:38:09,591
I got them from my dad.
361
00:38:09,593 --> 00:38:12,261
- [knock on door]
- [Woods] Could you please come here?
362
00:38:12,263 --> 00:38:15,098
There's an issue that requires
your immediate attention.
363
00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:16,635
[sighs]
364
00:38:22,606 --> 00:38:23,775
[Lissa] When I remember it...
365
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,149
I remember wanting...
366
00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:34,153
more time with him.
367
00:38:47,198 --> 00:38:48,701
More hours.
368
00:38:52,336 --> 00:38:53,638
More minutes.
369
00:38:55,073 --> 00:38:57,339
More words.
370
00:38:57,341 --> 00:38:59,677
Even more silence.
371
00:39:29,841 --> 00:39:31,710
Dad, can you pass the bread?
372
00:39:45,189 --> 00:39:46,691
Robert?
373
00:39:48,892 --> 00:39:50,095
Please.
374
00:40:00,905 --> 00:40:03,341
- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks, Mom.
375
00:40:05,075 --> 00:40:06,844
[indistinct conversation]
376
00:40:28,098 --> 00:40:29,635
Robert?
377
00:40:39,810 --> 00:40:42,314
Robert, did you take
the car in?
378
00:40:43,981 --> 00:40:45,747
Robert?
379
00:40:45,749 --> 00:40:47,318
What are you doing?
380
00:40:50,021 --> 00:40:51,289
Robert?
381
00:40:52,723 --> 00:40:53,926
Look at me.
382
00:40:55,727 --> 00:40:56,959
Robert.
383
00:40:56,961 --> 00:41:00,196
Did you take the car...?
384
00:41:00,198 --> 00:41:01,767
[slams table]
385
00:41:24,254 --> 00:41:25,990
Sorry.
386
00:41:30,028 --> 00:41:32,127
- Shouldn't have done that.
- But I...
387
00:41:32,129 --> 00:41:34,232
Listen, I've been doing this
for a long time.
388
00:42:13,872 --> 00:42:16,805
[nurse] Now, make a fist.
389
00:42:16,807 --> 00:42:18,875
[Lissa sighs]
390
00:42:18,877 --> 00:42:21,113
[nurse tapping arm]
391
00:42:26,251 --> 00:42:27,450
Faster.
392
00:42:27,452 --> 00:42:29,988
Faster.
393
00:42:32,524 --> 00:42:36,161
Come on. Almost there.
394
00:42:38,562 --> 00:42:40,198
Don't stop now, Lissa.
395
00:43:22,140 --> 00:43:25,077
[metallic clanging,
electronic humming]
396
00:43:26,544 --> 00:43:29,611
[clanging grows louder]
397
00:43:29,613 --> 00:43:32,214
[liquid sloshing]
398
00:43:32,216 --> 00:43:34,250
[boards clattering]
399
00:43:34,252 --> 00:43:36,618
[high-pitched whirring]
400
00:43:36,620 --> 00:43:38,220
[thud]
401
00:43:38,222 --> 00:43:40,892
[rhythmic clanging]
402
00:43:56,106 --> 00:43:58,506
Couldn't find the vein.
403
00:43:58,508 --> 00:44:01,012
Gotta try again.
404
00:44:03,647 --> 00:44:05,448
[clang]
405
00:44:05,450 --> 00:44:07,486
[rhythmic cranking]
406
00:44:11,289 --> 00:44:14,827
[Lissa] He started working in
the mine on his 18th birthday.
407
00:44:17,095 --> 00:44:19,361
He was a beltman.
408
00:44:19,363 --> 00:44:22,600
He said it paid well,
that it wasn't too dangerous.
409
00:44:24,301 --> 00:44:26,104
He did it for 26 years.
410
00:44:28,071 --> 00:44:30,041
He took pride in his work.
411
00:44:36,580 --> 00:44:39,852
[nurse] Can't see the vein,
but I can feel it.
412
00:44:47,292 --> 00:44:50,629
[Lissa] His grandfather was
a coal miner before his father.
413
00:44:52,930 --> 00:44:55,631
His father before his brother.
414
00:44:55,633 --> 00:44:57,401
His brother before him.
415
00:44:58,937 --> 00:45:00,468
His brother with him.
416
00:45:00,470 --> 00:45:03,074
[loud thud]
417
00:45:09,546 --> 00:45:12,247
The Steelers are on
at 1:00 Sunday.
418
00:45:12,249 --> 00:45:13,551
Kids coming over?
419
00:45:16,321 --> 00:45:18,490
It's been a while
since you've been over.
420
00:45:24,361 --> 00:45:25,597
Robert.
421
00:45:31,702 --> 00:45:33,137
[voice muffled] Robert.
422
00:45:36,140 --> 00:45:38,441
Hey, Gus, could you
give us a second, please?
423
00:45:38,443 --> 00:45:39,977
Thank you.
424
00:45:42,981 --> 00:45:45,413
Look, no shit.
425
00:45:45,415 --> 00:45:47,649
These last couple weeks,
you're fucked up.
426
00:45:47,651 --> 00:45:50,618
Yeah. No, I'm good.
427
00:45:50,620 --> 00:45:53,055
Look, you're my kid brother.
428
00:45:53,057 --> 00:45:56,459
If you need anything, if there's
anything I can do for you...
429
00:45:56,461 --> 00:45:58,426
You know, whatever.
430
00:45:58,428 --> 00:45:59,627
I'm here for you.
431
00:45:59,629 --> 00:46:01,098
[Robert] I know.
432
00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:11,240
[nurse tapping arm]
433
00:46:11,242 --> 00:46:12,577
[nurse] Got it.
434
00:46:19,617 --> 00:46:22,220
[wind whistling]
435
00:46:23,287 --> 00:46:26,388
That's it.
436
00:46:26,390 --> 00:46:29,327
- That's it?
- Now you just have to wait for your results.
437
00:46:31,194 --> 00:46:33,131
[wind whistling]
438
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,764
[muffled horn blaring]
439
00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:12,069
[indistinct voices echoing]
440
00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:44,669
It isn't much
of a dinner, but...
441
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,243
You're what?
442
00:47:54,711 --> 00:47:57,178
What grade are you in?
443
00:47:57,180 --> 00:47:59,417
Eleventh. Duh.
444
00:48:01,185 --> 00:48:02,387
Ha.
445
00:48:05,622 --> 00:48:08,624
Your mom expects you
to go to college.
446
00:48:08,626 --> 00:48:10,292
So do I.
447
00:48:10,294 --> 00:48:11,496
I know.
448
00:48:13,564 --> 00:48:15,767
Nobody pushed me
into doing anything.
449
00:48:17,368 --> 00:48:19,404
Except work in the mines.
450
00:48:21,171 --> 00:48:23,607
- Was that with Uncle Keith?
- Yeah, but he's...
451
00:48:27,345 --> 00:48:28,680
You okay?
452
00:48:34,519 --> 00:48:36,354
I'm so proud of you.
453
00:48:38,421 --> 00:48:40,858
You sure you're okay?
454
00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:45,529
You're the best part of me.
455
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,872
I want you to have
everything that I didn't have.
456
00:48:57,307 --> 00:49:01,213
You know, your mother can be...
457
00:49:02,613 --> 00:49:04,281
But she loves you.
458
00:49:06,751 --> 00:49:08,883
She's so...
459
00:49:08,885 --> 00:49:12,123
Just remember that.
460
00:49:14,725 --> 00:49:17,225
Seriously, is everything okay?
461
00:49:17,227 --> 00:49:18,829
Everything's fine.
462
00:49:20,464 --> 00:49:22,234
Sure?
463
00:49:28,305 --> 00:49:30,474
[Robert] Everything's
gonna be fine.
464
00:49:33,343 --> 00:49:35,310
Everything...
465
00:49:35,312 --> 00:49:37,479
is gonna be fine.
466
00:49:37,481 --> 00:49:39,850
[static hissing,
dog barking]
467
00:50:02,573 --> 00:50:04,276
[sobbing]
468
00:50:07,377 --> 00:50:09,347
[alarm clock beeping]
469
00:50:17,455 --> 00:50:20,955
- [beeping stops]
- [Lissa] On that day, he woke up at 7 a.m.
470
00:50:20,957 --> 00:50:23,993
[alarm beeping]
471
00:50:23,995 --> 00:50:26,761
- [beeping stops]
- Or he woke up at 7:30 a.m.
472
00:50:26,763 --> 00:50:28,966
No one knows for certain.
473
00:50:30,368 --> 00:50:32,834
He had slept for three hours.
474
00:50:32,836 --> 00:50:35,404
Or for three and a half hours.
475
00:50:35,406 --> 00:50:38,710
His morning was the same
as it had been for 26 years.
476
00:51:00,798 --> 00:51:03,966
He always drank
two cups of coffee,
477
00:51:03,968 --> 00:51:08,837
but the autopsy report said that
there was alcohol in his system.
478
00:51:08,839 --> 00:51:10,942
I prefer to think
there wasn't.
479
00:51:26,957 --> 00:51:29,594
[truck engine starts]
480
00:51:31,461 --> 00:51:34,765
At about 8:15 a.m.,
he bought a pack of cigarettes.
481
00:51:36,700 --> 00:51:40,669
- The last words he ever heard were...
- Have a good one.
482
00:51:40,671 --> 00:51:43,604
- [Lissa] Or he heard...
- See you tomorrow.
483
00:51:43,606 --> 00:51:46,975
- [Lissa] Or he heard...
- Need any matches?
484
00:51:46,977 --> 00:51:49,912
[Lissa] Or he heard nothing.
485
00:51:49,914 --> 00:51:52,013
[truck drives off]
486
00:51:52,015 --> 00:51:53,751
[Lissa] He drove south
on Church Street...
487
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,690
turned right on route 31...
488
00:52:00,124 --> 00:52:03,828
took the ramp to route 70
heading east...
489
00:52:05,729 --> 00:52:07,998
continued on 119 north...
490
00:52:11,502 --> 00:52:14,535
took a right...
491
00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:16,440
then another right.
492
00:52:20,577 --> 00:52:23,380
As he drove,
he smoked five cigarettes.
493
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,397
He arrived at his destination
some time late in the morning.
494
00:52:44,468 --> 00:52:47,703
Was he crying?
495
00:52:47,705 --> 00:52:51,776
Did he think of his wife,
his daughter?
496
00:52:53,711 --> 00:52:55,979
Did he ask for forgiveness?
497
00:52:58,048 --> 00:53:00,051
Was his last feeling relief?
498
00:53:14,432 --> 00:53:15,934
[cocks gun]
499
00:53:31,147 --> 00:53:32,848
[gunshot]
500
00:53:32,850 --> 00:53:34,853
[inaudible]
501
00:53:41,725 --> 00:53:44,125
Took over six hours
for his body to be found.
502
00:53:44,127 --> 00:53:46,131
[exhales]
503
00:53:53,203 --> 00:53:55,707
[engine starts]
504
00:54:03,948 --> 00:54:05,950
♪ ♪
505
00:54:20,497 --> 00:54:22,533
When I remember it...
506
00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:26,771
I remember wishing...
507
00:54:28,705 --> 00:54:29,973
I could start over.
508
00:54:32,542 --> 00:54:34,546
I could go back
to the first day of school.
509
00:54:36,546 --> 00:54:38,515
I could try harder.
510
00:54:40,283 --> 00:54:42,019
I could get better grades.
511
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,457
I could take back
that first kiss.
512
00:54:48,258 --> 00:54:50,994
I could erase
the mistakes I've made.
513
00:54:53,597 --> 00:54:55,767
I could say goodbye to him.
514
00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:01,203
I could tell him
not to make that drive.
515
00:55:01,205 --> 00:55:04,209
I could explain
what he left us with.
516
00:55:06,142 --> 00:55:08,545
I could listen to my mom more.
517
00:55:10,281 --> 00:55:12,016
I could be more patient.
518
00:55:13,617 --> 00:55:14,819
More understanding.
519
00:55:16,287 --> 00:55:17,521
More empathetic.
520
00:55:21,591 --> 00:55:24,028
I could do all of those things.
521
00:55:26,129 --> 00:55:27,664
I could start over.
522
00:55:46,350 --> 00:55:48,553
♪ ♪
523
00:55:57,093 --> 00:55:58,727
I'm Joan Maruska.
524
00:55:58,729 --> 00:56:00,761
Thank you so much
for coming out.
525
00:56:00,763 --> 00:56:03,832
I'm going to talk to you about the
importance of unions in our lives,
526
00:56:03,834 --> 00:56:05,633
in our country's life.
527
00:56:05,635 --> 00:56:09,136
Unions are important because
they are the only organized
528
00:56:09,138 --> 00:56:12,577
collective voice
for workers in America.
529
00:56:15,111 --> 00:56:16,880
[rhythmic slicing]
530
00:57:01,792 --> 00:57:03,694
[doorbell rings]
531
00:57:07,664 --> 00:57:08,897
Mom?
532
00:57:08,899 --> 00:57:13,738
I know it's been a long time,
but something's happened.
533
00:57:16,874 --> 00:57:18,240
[sighs]
534
00:57:18,242 --> 00:57:20,678
Why don't you come in
and we'll talk about it?
535
00:57:39,363 --> 00:57:41,665
It's Daniel's, isn't it?
536
00:57:43,232 --> 00:57:45,167
I'm not sure it's anything yet.
537
00:57:45,169 --> 00:57:47,903
But yeah.
538
00:57:47,905 --> 00:57:52,274
You know, you're gonna have to
start taking care of yourself.
539
00:57:52,276 --> 00:57:55,877
You're gonna have
to eat better and you're...
540
00:57:55,879 --> 00:58:00,816
- Stop, I get it.
- You are going to have to be responsible
541
00:58:00,818 --> 00:58:02,350
for someone else.
542
00:58:02,352 --> 00:58:05,252
- I need...
- You need to grow up.
543
00:58:05,254 --> 00:58:08,756
- I can't fucking...
- Stop that language and don't you raise...
544
00:58:08,758 --> 00:58:10,825
- You're judging me.
- Don't you raise your...
545
00:58:10,827 --> 00:58:12,026
I came here for help,
546
00:58:12,028 --> 00:58:15,132
and all you can do is stare
at your fucking wine glass.
547
00:58:28,845 --> 00:58:30,979
All you can think
about is yourself.
548
00:58:30,981 --> 00:58:32,814
What does that even mean?
549
00:58:32,816 --> 00:58:34,515
Look, I feel bad.
550
00:58:34,517 --> 00:58:38,053
The situation is bad,
it's really bad.
551
00:58:38,055 --> 00:58:39,821
I'm glad to hear
that you feel bad,
552
00:58:39,823 --> 00:58:41,325
because if you didn't
feel bad...
553
00:58:43,127 --> 00:58:46,130
I would be worried that you
wouldn't feel anything at all.
554
00:58:48,031 --> 00:58:49,967
Wonder where I get that from.
555
00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:54,269
I can't live up to
your bullshit expectations.
556
00:58:54,271 --> 00:58:58,973
I try, I try every day.
That's all I do.
557
00:58:58,975 --> 00:59:01,343
You're a constant
disappointment to me.
558
00:59:01,345 --> 00:59:05,980
Every day I think of you,
and you know what I think?
559
00:59:05,982 --> 00:59:09,517
You think I'm okay with this,
to be stuck here?
560
00:59:09,519 --> 00:59:11,553
What makes you think
I'm okay with my life?
561
00:59:11,555 --> 00:59:13,825
I think, what a waste.
562
00:59:15,359 --> 00:59:18,225
I don't expect you
to go to Harvard,
563
00:59:18,227 --> 00:59:20,395
to win a Rhodes Scholarship.
564
00:59:20,397 --> 00:59:23,064
- I don't expect much out of you.
- I hate it.
565
00:59:23,066 --> 00:59:26,066
I hate Dad for what he did,
I hate you for how you are.
566
00:59:26,068 --> 00:59:28,569
I expect you to do something.
567
00:59:28,571 --> 00:59:30,404
You've squandered
every opportunity,
568
00:59:30,406 --> 00:59:32,207
everything your father
wanted for you.
569
00:59:32,209 --> 00:59:35,343
- I hate everything.
- Look at you, just look at you.
570
00:59:35,345 --> 00:59:39,180
- I hate my stupid life.
- That's your answer for everything.
571
00:59:39,182 --> 00:59:42,216
Oh, I hate this.
Oh, everything sucks.
572
00:59:42,218 --> 00:59:43,584
Yeah, Mom, keep mocking.
573
00:59:43,586 --> 00:59:46,053
"I'm just a poor little
victim baby with nothing,
574
00:59:46,055 --> 00:59:48,256
and everybody sucks but me."
- Keep it coming.
575
00:59:48,258 --> 00:59:50,058
- What else? What else?
- You know what?
576
00:59:50,060 --> 00:59:52,993
I'm sick of trying with you.
I am sick.
577
00:59:52,995 --> 00:59:54,361
Yeah, you're right.
578
00:59:54,363 --> 00:59:56,330
That's the first right thing
you've ever said, you're sick.
579
00:59:56,332 --> 00:59:58,366
And you sicken me.
580
00:59:58,368 --> 01:00:01,937
At least I do something
with myself.
581
01:00:01,939 --> 01:00:03,872
[muffled shouting]
582
01:00:03,874 --> 01:00:06,341
- Talk talk, that's all it is.
- You are 20 years old.
583
01:00:06,343 --> 01:00:09,276
- And what do you do?
- When I really need you, you're not present!
584
01:00:09,278 --> 01:00:11,979
- I came to you, I need your help.
- I don't even know you!
585
01:00:11,981 --> 01:00:15,552
- I need you.
- And the shit you do! The shit you do!
586
01:00:17,453 --> 01:00:21,522
I didn't kill him.
It's not my fault.
587
01:00:21,524 --> 01:00:24,526
You say you try.
I don't see you trying.
588
01:00:24,528 --> 01:00:27,863
You say you try?
I try.
589
01:00:27,865 --> 01:00:30,001
And I tried.
590
01:00:31,368 --> 01:00:33,203
And I still try.
591
01:00:36,073 --> 01:00:37,375
You just wallow in it.
592
01:00:41,310 --> 01:00:43,580
I loved him and...
593
01:00:46,649 --> 01:00:48,385
As if I didn't.
594
01:00:49,519 --> 01:00:51,823
That is not what I meant.
595
01:01:00,564 --> 01:01:04,633
And you know what?
You did kill him.
596
01:01:04,635 --> 01:01:08,669
The same way, when I was, what, 8, you
told me my lower lip was too big.
597
01:01:08,671 --> 01:01:10,205
My eyes were too close together.
598
01:01:10,207 --> 01:01:11,973
I didn't do that.
599
01:01:11,975 --> 01:01:15,509
You did. You did the same thing
to him, slowly, over time.
600
01:01:15,511 --> 01:01:17,912
Like when you belittled me
when I was learning to count.
601
01:01:17,914 --> 01:01:20,483
I'd always mess up
four and five.
602
01:01:22,252 --> 01:01:24,519
I'm sorry that happened.
603
01:01:24,521 --> 01:01:29,357
It didn't just happen.
It wasn't an accident.
604
01:01:29,359 --> 01:01:32,160
You did it.
605
01:01:32,162 --> 01:01:34,298
Again and again.
606
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,176
I'm sorry.
607
01:01:47,611 --> 01:01:50,013
[softly] I'm sorry
I did that to you.
608
01:01:53,182 --> 01:01:55,352
You fucking should be.
609
01:02:11,667 --> 01:02:13,970
Happy birthday, by the way.
610
01:02:18,307 --> 01:02:20,343
I thought you forgot.
611
01:02:36,993 --> 01:02:40,064
Okay. Okay, Lissa.
612
01:02:41,131 --> 01:02:43,334
What do you want to talk about?
613
01:03:03,220 --> 01:03:04,988
[gun cocks]
614
01:03:37,453 --> 01:03:39,289
[soft panting]
615
01:04:05,848 --> 01:04:08,486
[electronic buzzing]
616
01:04:43,385 --> 01:04:45,486
[gunshot]
617
01:04:45,488 --> 01:04:47,557
[wings fluttering]
618
01:05:18,254 --> 01:05:20,290
Did you know...
619
01:05:22,658 --> 01:05:24,625
Did you think...
620
01:05:24,627 --> 01:05:27,597
Did you know he would
ever do anything like that?
621
01:05:29,198 --> 01:05:30,765
[sighs]
622
01:05:30,767 --> 01:05:32,834
No, no.
623
01:05:32,836 --> 01:05:36,171
I was working so much,
you know.
624
01:05:36,173 --> 01:05:38,272
Seventy hours a week,
I wasn't around.
625
01:05:38,274 --> 01:05:43,611
I mean, I think if I had been,
maybe I, maybe I could have...
626
01:05:43,613 --> 01:05:46,580
Yeah, I think the same things.
627
01:05:46,582 --> 01:05:49,383
[Joan] I want you to know
something about your father.
628
01:05:49,385 --> 01:05:52,553
He was never happy.
629
01:05:52,555 --> 01:05:55,723
Even when we were young
and I first met him
630
01:05:55,725 --> 01:05:57,491
at the union rally,
he wasn't happy.
631
01:05:57,493 --> 01:05:59,861
He never thought
anything he did was good.
632
01:05:59,863 --> 01:06:03,497
He never thought anything he did was
worthwhile, except for one thing.
633
01:06:03,499 --> 01:06:06,433
He loved you.
634
01:06:06,435 --> 01:06:09,303
More than anything in the world.
635
01:06:09,305 --> 01:06:12,208
And he was proud of you.
636
01:06:14,377 --> 01:06:17,312
I remember the day
you were born.
637
01:06:17,314 --> 01:06:20,982
[laughs] You were...
you were so little.
638
01:06:20,984 --> 01:06:25,689
You fit into his,
his arm, just...
639
01:06:27,457 --> 01:06:29,890
your whole length of your
body, and he held you
640
01:06:29,892 --> 01:06:33,597
and he pulled you to his heart,
and I want you to know...
641
01:06:35,231 --> 01:06:37,734
it was your father
that wanted to have you.
642
01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:42,669
I wasn't sure that I
would be a good mother.
643
01:06:42,671 --> 01:06:45,973
And I know I'm not
a lot of the time.
644
01:06:45,975 --> 01:06:49,310
- I know I mess up.
- Yeah, so do I.
645
01:06:49,312 --> 01:06:52,779
[Joan] But to answer
your question,
646
01:06:52,781 --> 01:06:56,551
yes, I knew he was
getting worse.
647
01:06:56,553 --> 01:06:58,752
He was drinking all the time.
648
01:06:58,754 --> 01:07:00,687
Just like his father,
you must have noticed that.
649
01:07:00,689 --> 01:07:02,991
I don't know, I think so.
650
01:07:02,993 --> 01:07:05,729
I knew that something
was very wrong with him.
651
01:07:08,365 --> 01:07:10,932
And I wanted him
to get help.
652
01:07:10,934 --> 01:07:13,303
Did you like force him?
653
01:07:14,803 --> 01:07:15,870
[Joan sighs]
654
01:07:15,872 --> 01:07:18,605
It was more complicated
than that.
655
01:07:18,607 --> 01:07:21,843
Nobody forced anybody.
656
01:07:21,845 --> 01:07:24,915
Okay, well, explain it to me.
657
01:07:44,901 --> 01:07:46,870
Why do you always do that?
658
01:07:50,939 --> 01:07:53,510
Why can't you just tell me?
659
01:08:04,354 --> 01:08:06,453
This is...
660
01:08:06,455 --> 01:08:09,089
uh, very...
661
01:08:09,091 --> 01:08:12,060
hard for me to talk about.
662
01:08:12,062 --> 01:08:13,694
That's not fair.
663
01:08:13,696 --> 01:08:15,763
I don't care
if it's fair or not.
664
01:08:15,765 --> 01:08:17,432
- He was my dad.
- Hmm.
665
01:08:17,434 --> 01:08:20,902
Yeah, great.
That's a stunning observation.
666
01:08:20,904 --> 01:08:24,839
Fuck you.
I fucking hate you.
667
01:08:24,841 --> 01:08:27,375
That's better,
but still not original.
668
01:08:27,377 --> 01:08:29,676
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- I think it's better
669
01:08:29,678 --> 01:08:31,712
for you just to stay
in your fantasy world.
670
01:08:31,714 --> 01:08:36,686
You're the worst fucking thing
that has ever happened to me.
671
01:08:38,855 --> 01:08:43,858
I can't believe
you won't tell...
672
01:08:43,860 --> 01:08:45,727
I can't believe...
673
01:08:45,729 --> 01:08:48,798
I can't believe
you won't tell me.
674
01:08:50,632 --> 01:08:52,066
I can't bel...
675
01:08:52,068 --> 01:08:54,501
I can't believe...
676
01:08:54,503 --> 01:08:57,004
I can't believe
you won't tell me.
677
01:08:57,006 --> 01:09:00,377
I can't fucking believe
you won't tell me!
678
01:09:18,561 --> 01:09:20,597
Just tell me!
679
01:09:22,998 --> 01:09:24,702
Okay.
680
01:09:51,461 --> 01:09:53,627
It was Wednesday.
681
01:09:53,629 --> 01:09:55,196
The day before.
682
01:09:55,198 --> 01:09:58,032
- [Lissa] The day before he died?
- [Joan] Yeah.
683
01:09:58,034 --> 01:09:59,970
[Lissa] The day with the door.
684
01:10:02,038 --> 01:10:03,571
The door.
685
01:10:03,573 --> 01:10:04,874
Yeah.
686
01:10:11,448 --> 01:10:14,785
But what I didn't tell you
is that I was there.
687
01:10:20,489 --> 01:10:23,691
- You'd always said...
- I know.
688
01:10:23,693 --> 01:10:27,562
[Joan] But I didn't want you
to think of him that way.
689
01:10:27,564 --> 01:10:30,133
[Lissa] It's hard to even
imagine him like that.
690
01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:34,635
[Joan] I wish I could
have hid that from you.
691
01:10:34,637 --> 01:10:37,138
[Lissa] It was there
when I got home.
692
01:10:37,140 --> 01:10:40,107
Everything I did was
to protect you from him.
693
01:10:40,109 --> 01:10:42,609
And from that,
and from knowing that.
694
01:10:42,611 --> 01:10:43,980
[door slams]
695
01:10:45,515 --> 01:10:50,587
- [banging on door]
- [Joan gasping]
696
01:10:57,560 --> 01:10:59,696
[banging continues]
697
01:11:03,999 --> 01:11:06,000
[Joan] I was just...
698
01:11:06,002 --> 01:11:08,669
- Reacting?
- Something like that.
699
01:11:08,671 --> 01:11:13,206
[banging on door]
700
01:11:13,208 --> 01:11:14,744
[banging stops]
701
01:11:20,617 --> 01:11:22,718
[banging resumes]
702
01:11:28,223 --> 01:11:32,762
I don't even know what I...
what I... what I did.
703
01:11:44,073 --> 01:11:45,305
Stop.
704
01:11:45,307 --> 01:11:46,642
He came towards me...
705
01:11:47,644 --> 01:11:49,480
- Mom.
- Please.
706
01:11:51,314 --> 01:11:53,313
[gasping, whimpering]
707
01:11:53,315 --> 01:11:54,916
Don't.
708
01:11:54,918 --> 01:11:57,718
Stop! [whimpering]
709
01:11:57,720 --> 01:11:59,554
Robert! Stop! Stop!
710
01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:02,826
You don't have to do whatever
you're thinking of doing!
711
01:12:06,162 --> 01:12:07,798
[gasping]
712
01:12:14,102 --> 01:12:16,970
And he said, "First you..."
713
01:12:16,972 --> 01:12:20,041
- [Lissa] No.
- "...then Lissa, then me."
714
01:12:20,043 --> 01:12:23,146
No. He would never say that.
715
01:12:24,846 --> 01:12:26,913
[gasping]
716
01:12:26,915 --> 01:12:28,651
[gagging]
717
01:12:33,221 --> 01:12:34,957
There are things
I'm not gonna tell you.
718
01:12:36,693 --> 01:12:38,628
There are parts of this
you're never gonna know.
719
01:12:40,329 --> 01:12:41,996
[sighs]
720
01:12:41,998 --> 01:12:43,229
[gasping] Robert.
721
01:12:43,231 --> 01:12:45,101
[coughing]
722
01:12:57,980 --> 01:12:59,849
I told him I was leaving him.
723
01:13:01,016 --> 01:13:03,149
And that I was
taking you with me.
724
01:13:03,151 --> 01:13:06,120
And that we couldn't
live like this.
725
01:13:06,122 --> 01:13:07,324
And he...
726
01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:20,604
[Joan crying]
727
01:13:27,275 --> 01:13:28,744
[electronic whirring]
728
01:13:39,254 --> 01:13:42,055
[Robert sobbing] Don't...
729
01:13:42,057 --> 01:13:43,760
Don't tell her.
730
01:13:51,833 --> 01:13:52,933
[door slams]
731
01:13:52,935 --> 01:13:56,937
And I went looking for you,
and I looked all over.
732
01:13:56,939 --> 01:13:59,240
I went to school,
and you weren't there.
733
01:13:59,242 --> 01:14:01,908
I went over to Daniel's parents'
house, you weren't there.
734
01:14:01,910 --> 01:14:03,911
I went to Aimee's house,
I looked all over,
735
01:14:03,913 --> 01:14:06,913
and then I came home
and you were there.
736
01:14:06,915 --> 01:14:08,749
With him.
737
01:14:08,751 --> 01:14:10,721
He was so calm.
738
01:14:12,754 --> 01:14:14,824
He made me a sandwich.
739
01:14:16,825 --> 01:14:20,096
And he said,
"Everything's gonna be fine."
740
01:14:22,832 --> 01:14:24,331
[Joan] I know.
741
01:14:24,333 --> 01:14:27,100
What I really thought
is that everything was okay
742
01:14:27,102 --> 01:14:28,803
and that it was over.
743
01:14:28,805 --> 01:14:30,307
And then he left.
744
01:14:32,307 --> 01:14:34,908
And that's the last time...
745
01:14:34,910 --> 01:14:37,411
He did come back.
He came back later that night
746
01:14:37,413 --> 01:14:41,182
and he got into bed with me and
I was too tired to say anything
747
01:14:41,184 --> 01:14:42,849
or to do anything.
748
01:14:42,851 --> 01:14:45,421
And then the next morning,
he was gone.
749
01:14:47,222 --> 01:14:49,889
There's nothing you could
have done, you know that, right?
750
01:14:49,891 --> 01:14:53,029
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Listen to me.
751
01:14:54,963 --> 01:14:58,465
There is nothing
you could have done.
752
01:14:58,467 --> 01:15:00,870
I miss him a lot.
753
01:15:04,841 --> 01:15:08,845
Despite everything that happened,
I miss him all the time.
754
01:15:12,914 --> 01:15:15,316
[woman] I never thought
you can love a human being
755
01:15:15,318 --> 01:15:17,785
as much as you love your kids.
756
01:15:17,787 --> 01:15:20,757
And you'll do anything
for them, anything.
757
01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:23,994
[sighing]
758
01:15:28,230 --> 01:15:30,865
The best part of the day is
whenever my kids smile at me
759
01:15:30,867 --> 01:15:32,899
or they give me a hug
and say, "I love you, Mommy."
760
01:15:32,901 --> 01:15:35,169
My kids are my best friends.
They are.
761
01:15:35,171 --> 01:15:38,938
They are my world.
They're funny.
762
01:15:38,940 --> 01:15:41,876
[giggles] You know,
I just love 'em, I love 'em.
763
01:15:41,878 --> 01:15:44,844
No matter what they do,
764
01:15:44,846 --> 01:15:50,184
that you will, as a mother,
love them unconditionally.
765
01:15:50,186 --> 01:15:54,921
They're the reason that I've
chosen to go on with life,
766
01:15:54,923 --> 01:15:57,258
when I didn't want to.
767
01:15:57,260 --> 01:16:01,127
As long as they can grow up
happy and healthy
768
01:16:01,129 --> 01:16:03,798
and be good people,
769
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:07,268
that you'll do anything
that you need to do
770
01:16:07,270 --> 01:16:09,205
to make that happen.
771
01:16:16,244 --> 01:16:18,114
I love her.
772
01:16:21,551 --> 01:16:23,053
Everything...
773
01:16:24,153 --> 01:16:26,487
would be okay...
774
01:16:26,489 --> 01:16:28,988
if he just hadn't...
775
01:16:28,990 --> 01:16:31,394
It can still be okay.
776
01:16:33,596 --> 01:16:36,095
Well, we have to find out
whether, um...
777
01:16:36,097 --> 01:16:37,767
Either way.
778
01:16:39,401 --> 01:16:42,172
Everything in the past
has just gone so wrong.
779
01:16:44,406 --> 01:16:47,575
I wish... I wonder...
780
01:16:47,577 --> 01:16:49,943
Listen to me.
781
01:16:49,945 --> 01:16:55,184
You can question
everything in the past.
782
01:16:56,385 --> 01:16:59,586
All the whos,
the whats, the wheres,
783
01:16:59,588 --> 01:17:03,126
but what matters is here now.
784
01:17:06,061 --> 01:17:07,863
I'm here for you.
785
01:17:11,167 --> 01:17:12,936
You're not alone.
786
01:17:24,913 --> 01:17:29,218
When I remember it,
I remember understanding.
787
01:18:06,288 --> 01:18:08,123
When the test results came in...
788
01:18:16,399 --> 01:18:18,368
I knew it wasn't my time.
789
01:18:22,003 --> 01:18:23,606
But one day it will be.
790
01:18:32,515 --> 01:18:35,416
[alarm beeping]
791
01:18:35,418 --> 01:18:37,287
[beeping stops]
792
01:18:41,257 --> 01:18:43,093
Then I'll be ready.
793
01:20:02,038 --> 01:20:05,075
[rhythmic techno music playing]
794
01:20:24,526 --> 01:20:27,493
[Lissa] Gonna make a wish?
795
01:20:27,495 --> 01:20:29,132
[Joan] Absolutely.
796
01:20:30,632 --> 01:20:32,832
- [Lissa] What is it?
- [Joan] I can't tell you.
797
01:20:32,834 --> 01:20:36,202
- [Lissa sighs]
- [Joan laughing] It won't come true.
798
01:20:36,204 --> 01:20:39,242
Want to know what mine is?
799
01:20:41,077 --> 01:20:42,345
On the count of three.
800
01:20:43,712 --> 01:20:46,345
One...
801
01:20:46,347 --> 01:20:48,648
two...
802
01:20:48,650 --> 01:20:50,384
three.
803
01:20:50,386 --> 01:20:51,588
[both inhale]
804
01:20:53,088 --> 01:20:54,524
[both exhale]
805
01:20:57,258 --> 01:21:00,262
♪ ♪
806
01:21:00,264 --> 01:21:05,264
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