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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,314
Guess what happened with me
and Patrick last night.
2
00:00:04,315 --> 00:00:06,554
Have you fully lost your mind?
3
00:00:06,555 --> 00:00:08,660
You became a man today.
4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,239
Respect.
5
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,919
I don't want money.
6
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,580
Just a bit of help... Sergeant.
7
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,460
That's right. We're lesbians.
8
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,300
GUNSHOT
9
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,074
We've all, at some stage of our
lives, considered arming ourselves.
10
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:37,811
Whether that's because you're
concerned about local gang activity
11
00:00:37,812 --> 00:00:41,514
or perhaps you've achieved a certain
level of public recognition
12
00:00:41,515 --> 00:00:45,260
and you're worried you could be seen
as a trophy by thugs.
13
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,074
That temptation is never greater
than when we're in Wit Pro.
14
00:00:49,075 --> 00:00:50,359
But guess what.
15
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,874
It's no more legal to pack heat here
than it is on the civvy street.
16
00:00:53,875 --> 00:00:56,439
But you can learn
to handle yourself.
17
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,879
You don't need to be Bruce Lee,
or the other one,
18
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,754
but learning some basic self-defence
might help put your mind at rest.
19
00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,354
To that end, here's Dan.
20
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:07,119
Hello, Dan.
21
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,134
Dan's going to put me through
my paces.
22
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,181
Dan, let's just say,
for argument's sake,
23
00:01:11,182 --> 00:01:13,159
I'm coming at you
with a broken bottle.
24
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,794
I've obviously been drinking.
You can smell it on my breath.
25
00:01:15,795 --> 00:01:18,954
I'm saying anti-Semitic things
as I swing for you.
26
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:20,555
How would you handle that?
27
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,319
Long time no see, Dirty Boy.
28
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,874
I don't go by that name any more.
It's just Patrick now.
29
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:51,079
Patrick...
30
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,874
Oh, very nice. Yeah, very mature.
31
00:01:52,875 --> 00:01:54,399
Distinguished.
32
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,394
You staying out of trouble now,
Patrick?
33
00:01:56,395 --> 00:01:58,759
Yep. And I wonder...
34
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,714
do you get back to Bristol
these days and see your old mates?
35
00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:04,071
There's no need.
You know, my life's here now.
36
00:02:04,072 --> 00:02:06,722
The man who's tired of Swindon
is tired of life.
37
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,340
Mind if we come in, Patrick?
38
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,334
That depends.
Do you have a search warrant?
39
00:02:12,335 --> 00:02:14,634
Now, why would we need a warrant,
Patrick?
40
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,594
Have you got something
worth finding?
41
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,354
I'll take that as a no, then.
42
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,260
Have a nice day, gents.
43
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,980
We'll be back!
44
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,954
I thought you were
really impressive then.
45
00:02:28,955 --> 00:02:30,660
Seriously. Goose bumps.
46
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,580
BANGING CONTINUES
47
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:41,759
Oh...
48
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,279
Hi, Jackie.
49
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,599
Hello, Sarah, love.
50
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,794
This is my granddaughter, Summer.
51
00:02:46,795 --> 00:02:48,954
Hello, Summer. Are you a lesbian?
52
00:02:48,955 --> 00:02:49,999
Shush!
53
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,034
Summer's been making some cakes,
Sarah.
54
00:02:53,035 --> 00:02:54,554
They're two quid.
55
00:02:54,555 --> 00:02:55,639
Right.
56
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,359
Well done, Summer.
57
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,914
We're raising money.
Raising money for...?
58
00:02:59,915 --> 00:03:00,959
For fags.
59
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,060
Well, fags and leccy, mainly.
60
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,839
They're two quid.
61
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,594
Oh, sorry. Yes, of course.
62
00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:09,900
Erm...
63
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,634
Do you know what? I've just
eaten... several fig rolls.
64
00:03:19,635 --> 00:03:22,559
Why don't I just give you
the two quid
65
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,034
and then you can sell my cake
to someone else?
66
00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:27,594
Hey, get one of these
down you, love.
67
00:03:27,595 --> 00:03:29,060
Divine.
68
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,700
If you like Bovril,
you'll love these.
69
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,260
Thanks...
70
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,780
Who was that?
71
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,954
Jackie and her granddaughter,
selling cakes.
72
00:03:48,955 --> 00:03:50,199
Ah, bless.
73
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,660
Hey, whoa...
Are you not going to eat that?
74
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,119
No. Why not?
75
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,034
Look, there's a lot of EU regulation
around food preparation
76
00:03:58,035 --> 00:04:01,220
and, at the end of the day,
it's there for a reason.
77
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,599
Brussels knows best.
78
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,634
Rhona, don't be ridiculous.
A child made that.
79
00:04:06,635 --> 00:04:07,879
Which one was it?
80
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,340
The one who throws stones or
the one who throws dog poohs? Shit.
81
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,519
I can't bin it here. Why not?
82
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,370
I know for a fact
that Jackie goes through the bins.
83
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,260
What a prick.
84
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,234
I will take it into town
and bin it at the library.
85
00:04:23,235 --> 00:04:26,039
Pretty sure Jackie's not
a big book-borrower.
86
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:30,594
Yeah, but she does sometimes use
the computers and do her tweets
87
00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:32,795
so they can't trace them
from her home.
88
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,800
I'll play it safe,
take the bus to the tip.
89
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,460
GUNSHOT
90
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,679
CAT PURRS
91
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,060
Oh, he likes you.
92
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,740
And Smokey is a very good
judge of character.
93
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,999
Oh, it's such a shame.
94
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,999
And you're such a
handsome young man.
95
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,660
You don't need to be going around
with wrong 'uns.
96
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,900
Smokey can tell you're very sorry
for what you've done to his mummy.
97
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,700
Smokey's right, isn't he?
98
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,854
And Smokey thinks
you'd feel a whole lot better
99
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:27,380
if you took Jesus Christ
as your Lord and saviour.
100
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,100
GUNSHOT
101
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,060
PHONE BUZZES
102
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,740
"Shut the front door. "
103
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,314
It's him! It's Patrick! I knew it.
104
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,754
Right, fine. But don't answer it.
105
00:05:50,755 --> 00:05:52,319
Shall I answer it?
106
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,639
No. I shouldn't, should I?
107
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,834
Absolutely.
Absolutely I should answer it?
108
00:05:57,835 --> 00:06:00,474
No, no, you mustn't answer it.
109
00:06:00,475 --> 00:06:02,599
No. Yes. You're right.
110
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,639
Oh, but maybe I should.
I'm stressed.
111
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,199
I think I need a wee.
I don't know if I need a wee
112
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,354
or if it's cos I'm stressed
because I think I should answer it.
113
00:06:10,355 --> 00:06:13,674
Don't... answer the phone.
114
00:06:13,675 --> 00:06:15,514
PHONE STOPS BUZZING
115
00:06:15,515 --> 00:06:17,100
Oh...
116
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,740
Well done.
117
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,180
PHONE RINGS
118
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,674
Sgt Forrest.
119
00:06:29,675 --> 00:06:31,359
'Tommy...
120
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,639
'Where's the address?'
121
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,879
Oh, now, Ian, little bit naughty.
122
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,314
Shouldn't really be calling me
on this line.
123
00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:38,599
Your mobile, then.
124
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,914
Yes, you got me there.
It's been a busy couple of days.
125
00:06:40,915 --> 00:06:42,359
Where is the address?
126
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,479
Now, I did say, did I not?
127
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,794
It's no easy thing for me to get.
128
00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:47,879
'Don't care. '
129
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,594
Do better. I don't work
for patient people. 'All right. '
130
00:06:50,595 --> 00:06:52,359
Roger that.
131
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,420
Rest assured I am working on it.
132
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,034
I'm working on it... right now,
133
00:07:01,035 --> 00:07:02,780
in fact.
134
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,940
GUNSHOT
135
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,119
Oh...
136
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,594
I was worried, actually,
that this would happen.
137
00:07:18,595 --> 00:07:20,451
That what might happen?
138
00:07:20,452 --> 00:07:22,239
He's infatuated with me.
139
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,159
And because I haven't been
in contact
140
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,354
he's now experiencing
genuine emotional distress.
141
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,359
Hang on. He slept with you
142
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,620
and hasn't contacted you
for nearly two weeks.
143
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,100
It might be that he's just about
struggling by OK.
144
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,434
This wasn't just some casual thing,
though, was it?
145
00:07:42,435 --> 00:07:44,079
It wasn't just sex.
146
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,239
Wasn't it? If you'd been there...
147
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,794
I was there. I should speak to him.
He deserves closure.
148
00:07:50,795 --> 00:07:52,634
I mean,
it will probably devastate him,
149
00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:54,159
but in the long term it's kinder.
150
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,079
I want him to be able to move on,
you know?
151
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,980
One day, I'd even like him to feel
like he can marry.
152
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:04,234
Yes. But we've talked about this,
haven't we, Leanne?
153
00:08:04,235 --> 00:08:06,434
I know, I know, it's too dangerous.
154
00:08:06,435 --> 00:08:08,460
I agree with you. Good.
155
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,340
I just hope I don't do anything
in my sleep.
156
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,834
But... there were no birds.
157
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,479
What was to be done?
158
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,300
Well, the park supervisor...
159
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,814
Mate, where was you yesterday?
160
00:08:29,815 --> 00:08:32,500
I spent about £2.50 texting you.
161
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,754
We was meant to be selling.
I had to shift double.
162
00:08:37,755 --> 00:08:39,260
Oh, yeah.
163
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,759
Sorry. Praise, bruv.
164
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,940
It smells like shit in here.
165
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,740
Mate, there's bare cat shit
on the carpet.
166
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,799
Oh, yeah.
167
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,479
I'll get it later.
168
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,194
Shouldn't you have, like,
a litter tray or some shit?
169
00:08:56,195 --> 00:08:59,295
I just chuck them out the window
after Mum's gone to bed.
170
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,719
Listen, mate...
171
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,034
I was thinking maybe
that I should look after
172
00:09:04,035 --> 00:09:05,399
the gun for a little while.
173
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,100
And before you start,
I'm not going to...
174
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,194
All right, then. I'll just...
175
00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:14,434
take it, then.
176
00:09:14,435 --> 00:09:16,060
Yeah?
177
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,460
See you, then.
178
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,260
All right?
179
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,599
And the rest. That's it.
180
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,554
Well, you'd best not be skimming.
That's all there is, honest.
181
00:09:53,555 --> 00:09:55,591
What the fuck have you been doing
all week, then?
182
00:09:55,592 --> 00:09:57,594
Mate, it's not my fault.
It's Appraisal, bruv.
183
00:09:57,595 --> 00:09:59,359
He is not been coming out selling,
184
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,274
he's just been sitting in his room,
being weird with a cat.
185
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:05,625
It's him you want to be having
a go at, not me. It's not fair.
186
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,660
Wipe your own arse.
187
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,239
What? Wipe your own arse.
188
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,994
If you've got shit on your backside,
don't expect me to clean it.
189
00:10:14,995 --> 00:10:16,679
Well, I've not had one today.
190
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,914
Right, listen.
If your little man's taking a piss,
191
00:10:18,915 --> 00:10:20,159
it's cos you're letting him.
192
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,319
I don't want to hear,
"Benny, I've got a problem. "
193
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,834
I want to hear, "I solved the
problem. " Do you understand?
194
00:10:24,835 --> 00:10:26,391
Manage your fucking staff, man.
195
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,914
He's your guy, he's your problem.
196
00:10:27,915 --> 00:10:29,740
Wipe your own arse.
197
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,500
GUNSHOT
198
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,914
PHONE BUZZES
I'm saying nothing, Rhones.
199
00:10:45,915 --> 00:10:47,511
I'm saying nothing.
200
00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,340
PHONE CONTINUES TO BUZZ
201
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,159
Well, as we discussed,
202
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,114
keep ignoring the calls and
he'll get the message soon enough.
203
00:10:56,115 --> 00:10:59,594
Because we don't want to risk
our lives, do we?
204
00:10:59,595 --> 00:11:01,354
Because we value them, remember?
205
00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:02,660
OK, I know.
206
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:07,100
Knickers on, Rhones,
I'm just showing you. God...!
207
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,474
RADIO: If you're just tuning in,
this is the agony hour.
208
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,319
Caller on line one,
what's your problem?
209
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,834
LEANNE: Hello, Simon. Long-time
listener, first-time caller.
210
00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:24,991
What it is, is a young man is
very much in love with me,
211
00:11:24,992 --> 00:11:28,114
but despite the feeling being
mutual, due to circumstances,
212
00:11:28,115 --> 00:11:29,679
we can't be together
213
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,994
and I'm 90% sure he's going to be
committing suicide this evening.
214
00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,874
Now, I know what you're thinking -
215
00:11:34,875 --> 00:11:36,531
why can't we be together?
216
00:11:36,532 --> 00:11:38,119
Well, I can say too much,
217
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,394
but let's just say
I MAY have witnessed a crime
218
00:11:42,395 --> 00:11:44,745
that might have been on the news
recently.
219
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,434
I didn't get a chance
to pick my song!
220
00:11:48,435 --> 00:11:49,914
Guess what I was going to have.
221
00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:51,479
Right...!
222
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,180
If it makes this bollocks stop,
you can contact him.
223
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,754
I think that's a wise decision,
Rhones, given the facts.
224
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:06,274
On the grounds that you are
drawing a line under this.
225
00:12:06,275 --> 00:12:07,919
Sure, yeah.
226
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,359
Let the poor boy move on.
227
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,034
And there will be
no further contact.
228
00:12:11,035 --> 00:12:12,700
Agreed.
229
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,540
Fine.
230
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,874
I was going to have
The Ketchup Song.
231
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:21,079
'Hey, this is Patrick.
232
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,634
'I can't get to the phone right now,
so leave a message. '
233
00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:26,359
Patrick, it's, er... Mystique.
234
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,140
We need to talk about our
relationship.
235
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,274
Where things stand,
where it's going to since that...
236
00:12:33,275 --> 00:12:34,999
that night.
237
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,074
That beautiful night the week
before last when we had...
238
00:12:38,075 --> 00:12:40,340
S- E-X.
239
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,460
OK, bye.
240
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,674
Is this the entirety of the
case file on Gladys Hobbs' murder?
241
00:13:05,675 --> 00:13:07,220
I think so, yeah.
242
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:13,420
I mean, it's literally just
sugar, water, fruit.
243
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,100
Blend it, stick it in the freezer.
244
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,054
I'm no chef...
245
00:13:20,055 --> 00:13:22,381
and I can do this.
246
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,639
Sugar, water, fruit.
247
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,559
Any fruit you like.
Couldn't be easier.
248
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:31,874
I just feel there must be
something here that we've missed.
249
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:36,154
Anyone who goes out to buy
supermarket sorbet wants shooting.
250
00:13:36,155 --> 00:13:38,274
There's no excuse.
251
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:39,871
Seriously.
252
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:41,399
Will do.
253
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,714
Try it. Sugar, water, fruit.
254
00:13:44,715 --> 00:13:47,479
Blend it, freeze it.
255
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,480
I'm going back to the flat.
Give it one more look over.
256
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,994
Any fruit you like.
257
00:13:52,995 --> 00:13:55,060
Make a big batch.
258
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,340
That's dessert sorted for two weeks.
259
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,020
Patrick.
260
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,220
Thank you for agreeing to meet me.
261
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,340
I appreciate this hasn't been easy
for you.
262
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,719
Yeah, that's OK. Fine.
263
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,514
Listen, I'm sorry I haven't been
in touch. I've been really busy.
264
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,039
Shush.
265
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,719
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
266
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,714
I'm going to speak now.
267
00:14:34,715 --> 00:14:36,451
And I need you to listen.
268
00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:38,420
Can you do that for me?
269
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,660
This, us...
270
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,274
...it's over.
271
00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:49,911
Yeah.
272
00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:51,479
I know.
273
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,834
OK, yeah. Anyway...
274
00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:56,420
You brave, brave man.
275
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,599
I just hope you don't feel... used.
276
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,554
Like this was some sort of
one-night, no-strings-attached,
277
00:15:06,555 --> 00:15:08,359
casual, just-for-fun thing.
278
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,634
I don't expect you to believe me,
279
00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:12,460
but I hope...
280
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,540
...with time...
281
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,420
...you rebuild your trust in women...
282
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,860
...and go on to be the husband...
283
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,820
...and father...
284
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,194
...and friendly grandpa...
285
00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:33,500
I know you could be.
286
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,860
SHE SOBS LOUDLY
287
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,954
OK, seriously, don't worry.
288
00:15:41,955 --> 00:15:43,460
It's OK.
289
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,660
Oh, Patrick...!
290
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,359
Somehow...
291
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,540
you always say the right things.
292
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,714
Right, OK. Anyway...
293
00:15:54,715 --> 00:15:56,119
No-one...
294
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,674
No-one knows me like you do.
295
00:15:58,675 --> 00:16:00,999
OK, right. Anyway...
296
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,300
I wanted to ask if you would
look after something for me.
297
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,174
See, there's been a spate
of break-ins
298
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,114
amongst the bear
restoration community.
299
00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:10,399
Oh, my God!
300
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,434
I know, steal-to-order jobs.
301
00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:13,439
Erm...
302
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,794
priceless bears disappearing
off to God knows where.
303
00:16:15,795 --> 00:16:17,780
Russia, probably.
304
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,519
That's terrible. Yeah.
305
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:25,794
So... I'm spreading out some of my
most precious bears to friends
306
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:29,074
who are nothing to do with the
trade, until this blows over.
307
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,660
And I wondered if...
308
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,300
...if you would look after
Charlie Littlepockets for me.
309
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,620
Patrick...
310
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,020
...that would be an honour.
311
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,300
And the least I can do,
given the way I've treated you.
312
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,359
Great.
313
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,740
Er, I'll be in touch.
314
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,700
Chin up, Patrick.
315
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,820
Chin up.
316
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,820
BANGING ON DOOR
317
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,634
Oh, Sarah, love.
318
00:17:20,635 --> 00:17:22,300
I'm coming in, OK?
319
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,620
You all right, Jackie?
320
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,140
Take a seat, please, love.
321
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,554
I've got something difficult to tell
you about Mystique shagging a man.
322
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,839
It's Mystique.
323
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,879
She's shagging a man.
324
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,820
I overheard her on the phone
bragging about it.
325
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,980
And I think he might be Irish.
326
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,060
Oh, shit...!
327
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,860
That's a bummer.
328
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,234
Yeah, no, I feel like I should cry,
329
00:17:57,235 --> 00:18:00,260
but I'm almost beyond tears,
you know?
330
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,159
Numb.
331
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,754
That... that's what I am.
332
00:18:03,755 --> 00:18:05,559
I'm so numb
333
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,940
you probably can't tell
how upset I am.
334
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:09,919
But I am.
335
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,039
Well, I just thought
you should know.
336
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,034
But you know where I am if
you want me to twat her.
337
00:18:15,035 --> 00:18:16,474
Sure. Yeah, thanks, Jackie.
338
00:18:16,475 --> 00:18:18,220
Take care, luvvie.
339
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,514
Why haven't you eaten
my Summer's cake?
340
00:18:24,515 --> 00:18:27,140
Oh, well, I was saving it.
341
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,054
But do you know what? Now I'm just
too devastated to eat.
342
00:18:31,055 --> 00:18:34,114
You've got to eat, love.
Otherwise you'll lose your tits.
343
00:18:34,115 --> 00:18:36,354
Er, yeah. No, you're right, Jackie.
344
00:18:36,355 --> 00:18:37,759
Erm...
345
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,194
could you just leave, though?
346
00:18:40,195 --> 00:18:42,119
Because, erm...
347
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,074
Well, I only eat in private.
348
00:18:44,075 --> 00:18:45,994
I make quite a weird noise.
349
00:18:45,995 --> 00:18:47,771
Come on, open wide.
350
00:18:47,772 --> 00:18:49,780
No, really, I...
351
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,580
That's it. Good girl.
352
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,359
Dog hair, is it?
353
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,199
That'd just be one of Rizla's.
354
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,914
Don't worry, he's very clean.
Washes all the time.
355
00:19:03,915 --> 00:19:05,815
Tongue's never off his bollocks.
356
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,780
GUNSHOT
357
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,239
Gareth!
358
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,894
I'm coming in.
359
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,479
Don't come in.
360
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,080
No, I am coming in,
because I've got to wash...
361
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,674
Christ, what's that smell?
362
00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:28,354
Mum... I said don't come in.
363
00:19:28,355 --> 00:19:29,839
I'm naked.
364
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,820
Have you shit the bed?
365
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,994
Have you shit the bed? No!
366
00:19:34,995 --> 00:19:36,879
Christ, it stinks!
367
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,874
We're going to have
the bloody council out.
368
00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:40,159
MEOWING
369
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,354
What the fuck is that?
370
00:19:41,355 --> 00:19:42,799
Nothing. Nothing.
371
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,780
You can't come in.
There's nothing here.
372
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,314
It's not bloody nothing, is it?
373
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,439
It's a cat.
374
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,354
If I say no to gerbils, I ain't
going to let you have a cat, am I?
375
00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:55,994
Where's that come from?
376
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,599
It just came in.
377
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,639
I thought it was yours.
378
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,954
Oh, don't talk shit to me, Gareth.
379
00:20:01,955 --> 00:20:04,500
You've nicked it, haven't you?
380
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,479
No, I told you.
381
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,830
Probably deprived some poor family
of their cat. Let me see...
382
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,714
There you are, look.
Mum, just leave it.
383
00:20:13,715 --> 00:20:15,911
Right, come on, you.
Let's get you home.
384
00:20:15,912 --> 00:20:18,074
Probably a better home
than this shit-hole.
385
00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:19,994
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
386
00:20:19,995 --> 00:20:21,860
GUNSHOT
387
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,394
Oh, hi, Jackie. You all right?
388
00:20:26,395 --> 00:20:28,420
Disgusting.
389
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,180
What's going on? Go on, let rip.
390
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:37,300
You, y-y-you blooming well know
what's going on, y-you big bugger.
391
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,620
You've been a naughty... twat.
392
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,914
Look, you go, Jackie.
I've got it from here.
393
00:20:43,915 --> 00:20:45,994
Oh, no, I want to see her eat shit.
394
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,959
You're going to eat shit.
395
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,919
Not sure if she means that
literally,
396
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,194
but, yes, figuratively speaking,
you are going to eat shit.
397
00:20:53,195 --> 00:20:54,399
What?
398
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,500
Jackie heard you on the phone
earlier to your boyfriend - Patrick.
399
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,919
So we know you've been cheating
400
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,660
and, as you can imagine,
I am furious.
401
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,980
Oh.
402
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,740
Well?
403
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,759
Yes.
404
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,380
I admit it.
405
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,860
I took a lover.
406
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,140
Fucking slag.
407
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,740
And he offers me so much.
408
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,260
He's got a yacht, Sarah,
and he does me on it.
409
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,194
And then sometimes, afterwards,
we sail on to a pub lunch.
410
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:37,959
Or Pizza Express.
411
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,910
What have you got to say to that?
412
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,754
You shameless...
413
00:21:44,755 --> 00:21:47,380
prossie.
414
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,839
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Paint me the villain.
415
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,500
But why don't we talk about
your cheating, Sarah Penn?
416
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,879
My cheating?
417
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,674
Remember when we went
to that monster truck rally
418
00:22:00,675 --> 00:22:04,314
and you got off with Pam St Clement?
419
00:22:04,315 --> 00:22:05,799
JACKIE GASPS
420
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,740
Come on, love. She's just accused
you of mucking out Pat Butcher.
421
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,060
You're...
422
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,119
...selfish.
423
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:18,134
You don't care about anyone
apart from yourself.
424
00:22:18,135 --> 00:22:22,114
Did you ever, for one second,
think about me?
425
00:22:22,115 --> 00:22:24,211
What you were doing to me?
426
00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:26,520
My life is in your hands
427
00:22:26,521 --> 00:22:28,794
and you risk everything,
428
00:22:28,795 --> 00:22:30,199
without a thought,
429
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,599
because you wanted to fuck
a stranger.
430
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,980
I think I'll leave you two to this.
You stay where you are!
431
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,140
Anyway, yes, that is...
432
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,780
...basically, my grievance.
433
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,820
In a nutshell.
434
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,340
I'm not going to lie to you.
It wasn't just sex.
435
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,980
I mean, maybe it was for Patrick,
but...
436
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,220
...I really fell for him.
437
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,460
But, I ended it with him today.
438
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,340
For you.
439
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,620
Because you're more important to me.
440
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,340
We're in this together, right?
441
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,814
Yeah.
442
00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:20,860
Friends?
443
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,679
Well, I'm going to leave you two
to have make-up sex.
444
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,714
Just shut them curtains.
The kids round here are bastards.
445
00:23:30,715 --> 00:23:33,380
They will Snapchat it.
446
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,319
You try it.
447
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,820
Seriously, this weekend.
448
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,654
Sugar, water, fruit.
449
00:23:48,655 --> 00:23:50,794
Just set aside an hour.
450
00:23:50,795 --> 00:23:52,451
You'd be amazed.
451
00:23:52,452 --> 00:23:54,039
It's so simple.
452
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,834
There's no excuse, that's all it
is - sugar, water, fruit.
453
00:23:57,835 --> 00:24:00,154
PHONE RINGS
You don't have to be a professional.
454
00:24:00,155 --> 00:24:02,039
You don't need any fancy kit.
455
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,394
Everything you need, you have in
your kitchen, I promise you.
456
00:24:05,395 --> 00:24:07,271
Hello? 'Oh, hello!
457
00:24:07,272 --> 00:24:09,079
'You don't know me,
458
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,674
'but I'm ringing because I think we
may have your cat. '
459
00:24:12,675 --> 00:24:13,839
My son says he's found it
460
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,954
and brought it home without his
mother's permission.
461
00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:19,399
Anyway,
you probably want it back, so,
462
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,599
it's at our house if you want to
come over and get it.
463
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:28,234
Now, I don't really know where you
stand on the issue of, erm... reward?
464
00:24:28,235 --> 00:24:30,634
Can I get your address, Mrs...?
465
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:31,940
Pugh.
466
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,254
So...
467
00:24:40,255 --> 00:24:41,900
Did you?
468
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,620
End things with Patrick?
469
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,399
Cool.
470
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,340
Good. Well, well done.
471
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,820
Thank you.
472
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,274
Let's have a cuppa, shall we?
473
00:24:58,275 --> 00:24:59,580
Yeah.
474
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:05,260
And a saucer of milk
for Charlie Littlepockets.
475
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,540
What's that? He's one of Patrick's
premier antique bears.
476
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,479
And he's given you that, has he?
477
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,554
I wish. No, he's just asked me to
look after him for a bit
478
00:25:16,555 --> 00:25:18,114
while the heat blows over.
479
00:25:18,115 --> 00:25:19,759
What?
480
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,074
International bear robbers
want to sell him to the Russians.
481
00:25:23,075 --> 00:25:25,639
Right, Leanne...
482
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:30,474
I'm 95% sure there's drugs
inside that bear.
483
00:25:30,475 --> 00:25:31,780
What?!
484
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,639
Now, hang on, Rhones!
485
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,234
I've been willing to listen
to a lot of S-H-I-T about Patrick,
486
00:25:38,235 --> 00:25:39,559
but he's not a druggie.
487
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,734
Leanne, drugs inside a bear.
488
00:25:41,735 --> 00:25:43,839
It's like a drug dealer cliché.
489
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,474
Think about it.
Man with underworld connections
490
00:25:47,475 --> 00:25:50,354
does antique bear restoration?
491
00:25:50,355 --> 00:25:51,639
Look, I can assure you,
492
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,994
there is nothing more sinister
inside that bear
493
00:25:54,995 --> 00:25:57,154
than carefully
sourced German horsehair.
494
00:25:57,155 --> 00:25:58,799
It's pretty heavy, Leanne.
495
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,399
That's because you're not used to
handling a high-end bear.
496
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,474
Oh, my God. There's stitching on the
back from where it's been opened.
497
00:26:04,475 --> 00:26:05,879
Come on, Charlie Littlepockets.
498
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,154
We don't have to stand here and be
insulted like this.
499
00:26:08,155 --> 00:26:10,391
We need to find out what's inside
that bear.
500
00:26:10,392 --> 00:26:12,594
I'm opening it up.
That is cultural vandalism.
501
00:26:12,595 --> 00:26:14,211
Let go, Leanne.
502
00:26:14,212 --> 00:26:16,060
You let go.
503
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,559
Oh, well done.
You'd better lawyer-up, Missy,
504
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,140
cos that's about two grand's worth
of damage right there.
505
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,220
Oh, God, what is it?
506
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,380
Is it drugs?
507
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,340
No, it's...
508
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,140
It's not drugs.
509
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,279
Oh.
510
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:46,620
It's a gun.
511
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,100
It's not just "a" gun, Leanne.
512
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,620
Think about it.
513
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,620
I think it's "the" gun.
514
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,234
This whole
nightmare could be over.
515
00:27:09,235 --> 00:27:10,879
We could be home this time tomorrow.
516
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,794
If you'd like to tell me,
in your own words,
517
00:27:12,795 --> 00:27:14,879
how you came to have this cat.
518
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,754
Patrick, that's it, isn't it?
You're trying to protect Patrick.
519
00:27:17,755 --> 00:27:19,239
No.
520
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,180
Give us the fucking address.
521
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,380
Shi-i-it!
522
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:34,794
DOOR OPENS
523
00:27:34,795 --> 00:27:36,260
GUNSHOT
36944
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