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1
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:05,565
For fuck's sake!
2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,885
Go and get the lady officer.
3
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,440
Wait, you're saying we need to go
into witness protection?
4
00:00:09,475 --> 00:00:11,085
You'll be issued with new identities
5
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:13,325
and the requisite documents
to accompany them.
6
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,520
There's a couple
of girls causing a bit of trouble.
7
00:00:15,555 --> 00:00:17,085
Need taking out.
8
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,040
Have you come courting?
9
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,045
Oh, my God!
10
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:24,920
Patrick's having a house
party tonight
11
00:00:24,955 --> 00:00:26,877
and he's very kindly
invited us along.
12
00:00:26,912 --> 00:00:28,800
He looks well fit
in a suit, doesn't he?
13
00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:31,320
No, him! Hm?
14
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,040
GUNSHOT
15
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,400
Hello. Let's take a look at some of
your letters, shall we?
16
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:48,857
Ah, here's one we get quite often.
17
00:00:48,892 --> 00:00:53,280
Dear John, I am 18
months into witpro
18
00:00:53,315 --> 00:00:55,177
and I am powerfully sexually
19
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:57,040
attracted to my neighbour.
20
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,040
Now, we're not going to say
that you can't have any fun.
21
00:01:01,075 --> 00:01:03,817
You've entered witpro,
not a convent - but listen up.
22
00:01:03,852 --> 00:01:06,560
This is something that scientists -
numbers bods -
23
00:01:06,595 --> 00:01:08,605
tell us is statistically true.
24
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,800
You know someone who knows someone
who knows someone who knows me,
25
00:01:11,835 --> 00:01:14,960
John Inverdale, and that's true,
even if you come from Cornwall.
26
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,960
Now, in many ways
that's a lovely thought,
27
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,445
but it can also be quite chilling
28
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,680
because, whereas you could be a
sweet old lady, a retired clergyman,
29
00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:25,405
a good-natured social worker,
30
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:30,800
you might just as easily be a
drug user with tattooed knuckles.
31
00:01:30,835 --> 00:01:32,480
You could be anybody.
32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,845
So, what's the lesson?
33
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,480
Be careful. Anyone can know anyone.
34
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:41,045
Before the physical act of love,
35
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,080
take every reasonable step
to make sure you know
36
00:01:44,115 --> 00:01:46,640
who you're bunking down with.
37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,885
RINGING TONE
38
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,880
'Are you reporting a crime that's
already happened, is happening now
39
00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:06,760
'or that you feel
may happen in the future?'
40
00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,045
No, it's none of those. I'm...
41
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,800
'Right, I'm going to put you through
to the community desk. '
42
00:02:10,835 --> 00:02:14,040
No, I've already spoken to the...
I'm so sorry, Rhons.
43
00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:15,560
Tell them I'm sorry.
MAN: 'Hello?'
44
00:02:15,595 --> 00:02:16,885
Yes, hello. 'Hello!'
45
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,040
Maybe they don't even know each
other that well.
46
00:02:19,075 --> 00:02:21,280
Hello, I'm trying to get
hold of DC Wilton.
47
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,325
'DC Walton?'
48
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,885
Could have been the shooter's
much nicer twin brother.
49
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,960
Very common to get one twin good and
one evil. Leanne, shut up.
50
00:02:27,995 --> 00:02:30,045
No, DC Wilton, North Meads station.
51
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,680
Ah, see, you've come through
to Chippenham, here.
52
00:02:32,715 --> 00:02:35,280
Let me see if I can find them
on the computer.
53
00:02:35,315 --> 00:02:37,325
If I can work the bloody thing.
54
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,480
Listen to me. We are in the witness
protection programme.
55
00:02:41,515 --> 00:02:44,325
Hell, well done.
I didn't know we did that.
56
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,720
My associate has a Boots Advantage
card with her real name on it...
57
00:02:48,755 --> 00:02:51,920
(And 2,000 points.)
Now, she has left it somewhere.
58
00:02:51,955 --> 00:02:54,325
Do you know where? Well, yes.
59
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,800
Go and get it, then.
That's what I'd do. Yes, but...
60
00:02:56,835 --> 00:02:58,200
'All right, then, ta-ta!'
61
00:02:58,235 --> 00:02:59,720
HANG-UP TONE
62
00:02:59,755 --> 00:03:01,837
Gah!
63
00:03:01,872 --> 00:03:03,920
OK...
64
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,640
Right, change of plan.
65
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,680
You're going to have to go in there
and get it.
66
00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:12,285
Why me? Because it's your bag
67
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,840
and this situation
is entirely of your doing.
68
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:17,360
Yeah, but what if he turns when I
get in there?
69
00:03:17,395 --> 00:03:19,245
He's not a Staffie. I'm serious.
70
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,920
I could be moonwalking
into my death.
71
00:03:20,955 --> 00:03:22,560
Sleepwalking, and, no, you won't be.
72
00:03:22,595 --> 00:03:24,045
Look, we just have to act fast.
73
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,640
Listen, he probably hasn't even
found your bag yet.
74
00:03:26,675 --> 00:03:29,200
If he has, he's probably not even
seen the Boots card,
75
00:03:29,235 --> 00:03:31,405
and even if he has seen
the Boots card,
76
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,000
it's highly unlikely he's clocked
the name of the...
77
00:03:34,035 --> 00:03:36,045
"Hang on a minute!
Isn't that the key witness
78
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,800
"in the murder that my friend-
slash-casual acquaintance-
79
00:03:38,835 --> 00:03:40,440
"slash-family member committed?"
80
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,845
No.
81
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,565
I will come with you
and wait outside.
82
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,840
Well, you're going to have to come
armed. Come armed?
83
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:49,360
What, we're going to pop down the
24-hour garage
84
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,720
and see if they've
got any Kalashnikovs in?
85
00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:55,080
Hmm... We could make a weapon!
86
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,405
So, what I've done is,
87
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,200
I've got two coat hangers and
I've attached them to a Marigold -
88
00:04:06,235 --> 00:04:09,205
like Krueger. Oh, oh, OK!
89
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,445
So, we could get sachets of
vinegar to squirt in the wounds.
90
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,560
Where are we going to get sachets of
vinegar at this time of night?
91
00:04:16,595 --> 00:04:18,177
We could nip to the kebab shop.
92
00:04:18,212 --> 00:04:19,725
I actually quite fancy a shish.
93
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,600
Right, Leanne, this is taking far
too long.
94
00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:23,405
Well, I'm not going in without
protection.
95
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,920
OK, we'll just have to take
something we've already got.
96
00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:28,400
# When I'm in your neighbourhood
you'd better duck
97
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,557
# Cos Ice Cube is crazy as fuck
98
00:04:30,592 --> 00:04:32,645
# As I leave, believe I'm stompin'
99
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,120
# But when I come back, boy
I'm comin' straight outta Compton
100
00:04:36,155 --> 00:04:38,520
♪ Compton, Compton
Compton, Compton. ♪
101
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,085
Mmmmm.
102
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,600
Evening, love!
103
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,400
Only me. No, it's nothing.
104
00:04:52,435 --> 00:04:54,165
It's only Tony coming in.
105
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,440
I'm just nipping up
on the computer, love.
106
00:04:56,475 --> 00:04:59,045
Check those car insurance prices.
107
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,600
Again. Tony, can't you hear
I'm on the phone?
108
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,120
I'm trying to have a private
conversation here.
109
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,960
See what I have to put up with?
110
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,320
Anyway, where was I?
111
00:05:10,355 --> 00:05:11,765
Yeah.
112
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,480
So, I know his condition's come back
because I share a bathroom with him.
113
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,160
I'm sorry to be graphic, Julie.
114
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,325
'He can't have egg -
115
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,000
'and I know he's been having it,
because he's gassy in the night. '
116
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,800
You... there?
117
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:42,880
ALERT CHIMES
118
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,965
'Tony?!
119
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,640
'Have you got your shoes on?'
120
00:05:49,675 --> 00:05:50,765
No.
121
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:51,840
ALERT CHIMES
122
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,160
ALERT CHIMES
123
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:15,460
Even though we've never met,
124
00:06:15,495 --> 00:06:19,520
I feel you are my best friend.
125
00:06:19,555 --> 00:06:23,000
I want to...
126
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,960
.. hold you.
127
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,200
Mate, mate, mate, put "and balls".
128
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,120
"I want to hold
your cock and balls. "
129
00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:45,657
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
130
00:06:45,692 --> 00:06:47,125
And, and, and...
131
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,920
say you've got a finger
up your arse.
132
00:06:49,955 --> 00:06:52,080
Shut up, man! Oh...
133
00:06:52,115 --> 00:06:53,720
ALERT CHIMES
134
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,440
It would be my honour.
135
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,160
Regards, Tony.
136
00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:04,525
GUNSHOT
137
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,485
OK. Now, remember, keep it brisk.
138
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,400
Ask for the bag.
You don't even need to go in.
139
00:07:08,435 --> 00:07:10,120
OK? All right, off you go.
140
00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:11,720
Off you go.
141
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,005
Hello?
142
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,520
Oh, Mystique, hello.
143
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,340
Good to see you. Hiya!
144
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:35,200
What it is, is, I, um...
145
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:36,480
Is that vinegar?
146
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,805
Yes...
147
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:45,000
Don't like to turn up as a
guest without a bottle of something.
148
00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:47,177
In this case, Sarson's.
149
00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:49,285
All right. OK, come on in.
150
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,520
Er, OK, I mean, I don't want to
interrupt if you...
151
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,080
No, I was just doing some laundry.
152
00:07:53,115 --> 00:07:54,405
I'm glad you came, actually -
153
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,640
I didn't get a chance to say
goodbye last night.
154
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,760
SHE MOUTHS
155
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,200
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
156
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,120
It's a shared communal area.
157
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,760
Yeah, so, I actually
left something here...
158
00:08:16,795 --> 00:08:17,805
Do you want a drink?
159
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,560
We have a particularly nice bottle
of Chateau de Strongbow.
160
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,200
Yeah! Some, er,
Pringles to go with it?
161
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,640
Yes, Pringles would be good.
162
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,165
Mmm...
163
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,565
I, er, oh, just realised, um...
164
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,920
when I came over last night,
I think I left my...
165
00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:46,440
You left your bag.
166
00:08:46,475 --> 00:08:47,920
Yay, my bag!
167
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,720
I know your little secret, Mystique.
168
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,960
Your name isn't Mystique at all,
is it?
169
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,440
Your name...
170
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,280
.. is Lisa Smith.
171
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,525
Oh, yes! Lisa Smith.
172
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,480
Yep, that's me, Lisa Smith.
173
00:09:10,515 --> 00:09:12,400
That's my big secret, ha.
174
00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:15,285
You got me. Aw, wow!
175
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,440
I haven't been called
Lisa Smith since, well...
176
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,800
.. since I lived in Las Vegas
for the first time.
177
00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:24,960
You see, there was already
a Lisa Smith registered
178
00:09:24,995 --> 00:09:27,685
at the pole dancers' union.
HE COUGHS
179
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,600
Ever since then,
people just call me Mystique.
180
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:33,480
I guess it's because I look like
a Mystique.
181
00:09:33,515 --> 00:09:35,280
And because I tell people
it's my name.
182
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,720
Ooh, those Pringles have gone
straight through me.
183
00:09:39,755 --> 00:09:41,320
Do you mind if I use your loo?
184
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,200
No, no, no, no, no!
185
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,480
Huh, hiya!
You, er, Patrick's housemate?
186
00:10:37,515 --> 00:10:38,520
Y- yeah.
187
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,760
Had a bit of a mixed grill
this morning,
188
00:10:41,795 --> 00:10:43,280
so, just a bit of a big one.
189
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,880
Helping it round the bend.
190
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,800
Oh, sorry! God, sorry...
Here, let me... No, it's OK.
191
00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:00,840
It's fine.
192
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,845
Is this...
193
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,845
a little waistcoat?
194
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,565
Just a hobby thing, no big deal.
195
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,320
There's lots of them -
and little bow ties, too.
196
00:11:11,355 --> 00:11:12,560
Oh, what is this?
197
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:20,000
OK. I mean, it's really no big
thing, but as a hobby - well,
198
00:11:20,035 --> 00:11:25,800
more of a small business -
I, um, I collect and restore
199
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:28,120
vintage bears.
200
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,640
You mean like teddy bears?
201
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,405
Sure, yeah, you can call them that.
202
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,360
I'm... basically a semi-professional
antiques dealer,
203
00:11:38,395 --> 00:11:42,040
and I... specialise in bear.
204
00:11:42,075 --> 00:11:43,680
Show me your bears.
205
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,360
Leanne.
206
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,605
Yeah, so this is my workstation.
207
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,800
It's just tools and stuff,
not very interesting.
208
00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:03,217
This is amazing!
209
00:12:03,252 --> 00:12:05,565
Oh, thank you.
210
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,920
Yeah, it's something I've done
for a while now.
211
00:12:07,955 --> 00:12:09,525
I don't really like to
shout about it.
212
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,600
You know, people can be pretty
small-minded.
213
00:12:11,635 --> 00:12:13,137
Yeah. They think, "Gay!"
214
00:12:13,172 --> 00:12:14,605
It's like, yeah, whatever!
215
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,320
It's gay to appreciate Victorian
craftsmanship, is it?
216
00:12:17,355 --> 00:12:19,197
God, it's so detailed.
217
00:12:19,232 --> 00:12:21,005
It's like a snowflake.
218
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,285
I tell you one thing,
people soon stop laughing
219
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,840
when they see the prices
that these bad boys go for.
220
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:29,320
Yeah, I bet.
One bear, this Moss Bros suit.
221
00:12:29,355 --> 00:12:31,280
Two bears, last year's holiday.
222
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,125
Magaluf, half-board.
223
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:37,480
Wow! I mean, I once sold
a Beanie Baby for £12,
224
00:12:37,515 --> 00:12:39,840
but this is a whole 'nother league.
225
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:42,445
Thanks. It's...
226
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,685
It's nice to meet someone
227
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,960
who actually appreciates
this kind of stuff.
228
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:51,640
I mean, this might sound weird
to someone outside the community
229
00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:54,760
but, um... I name every bear.
230
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,525
Er, I like to think of each one
as an individual.
231
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,480
I actually, um, draw up a little
birth certificate for each one.
232
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,005
Well, each one is special to me.
233
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:09,280
It's kind of like
they're my children.
234
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,160
Leanne.
235
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,200
Leanne.
236
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,840
Leanne?
237
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,120
Evening. Evening.
238
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,880
Oh, God...
239
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,160
Oh, God, oh, God!
240
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,405
Shit!
241
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,965
LEANNE GIGGLES
242
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,560
SHE MOANS WITH PLEASURE
243
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,485
Oh, yes!
244
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,420
For fuck's sake, Leanne!
245
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,285
Tell me some of their names.
246
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,920
Charlie Littlepockets.
Ooh, yeah.
247
00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:40,937
Tommy... Top... Hat.
248
00:14:40,972 --> 00:14:43,920
Oh, yes, Tommy Top Hat!
249
00:14:43,955 --> 00:14:44,960
GUNSHOT
250
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,280
Stunning.
251
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,520
OK. OK, let's do this shit.
252
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,440
It's come-to-fucking-daddy time.
253
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,480
Regards, Tony.
254
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,520
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Tell him to stick his
balls up his arse.
255
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,680
Mate, maybe he's shit himself?
256
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,725
He's not going to do it.
257
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,560
You should have told him
balls up the arse.
258
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,420
ALERT CHIMES
259
00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:41,605
THEY GASP
260
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,445
Ohh, what?! No!
261
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,600
Here I am, my darling.
262
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,960
All that I am.
263
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,920
And all that I am I give to you.
264
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:55,640
Press record, press record!
265
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,880
It would be my pleasure.
266
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,645
Just...
267
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,000
build up a head of steam.
268
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:09,885
There.
269
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,360
You like this, do you?
270
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,840
If the strokes are too fast,
or, indeed, too slow,
271
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,160
do pipe up.
272
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,040
We aim to please.
273
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,960
How about a bit of this?
274
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,720
Does that make your...
275
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,520
.. your fanny feel nice?
276
00:17:42,555 --> 00:17:43,880
You...
277
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:46,960
.. naughty...
278
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,805
.. bitch!
279
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,160
Do tell me if any of this
is a bit strong.
280
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,680
Sing?
281
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,280
OK, w-what do you want me to...?
282
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,880
# Oh, Danny Boy
283
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,400
# The pipes, the pipes are calling
284
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:13,925
# From glen to glen
285
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,320
♪ And down the mountainside... ♪
Yeah, Benny, mate, it's me.
286
00:18:18,355 --> 00:18:20,245
We got him.
287
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,760
♪ The summer's gone... ♪
And I mean we fucking got him!
288
00:18:22,795 --> 00:18:25,160
♪ And all the flowers are dying... ♪
289
00:18:25,195 --> 00:18:26,400
GUNSHOT
290
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,520
SHE GRUNTS
291
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,560
What the fuck, Leanne?!
292
00:18:47,595 --> 00:18:48,600
Rhona!
293
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,605
Are you OK? I'm not OK.
294
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,280
For fuck's sake, Leanne, seriously!
295
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,240
Hey, guess what happened with me
and Patrick last night!
296
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:07,360
I know. Leanne,
have you fully lost your mind?
297
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:10,400
No. No, no, no.
Look, it's totally fine.
298
00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:12,685
Patrick is absolutely lovely.
299
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:17,680
He collects and restores teddies
and he gives them all names.
300
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,640
And he pals out with
blokes that shoot people.
301
00:19:21,675 --> 00:19:25,217
Rhona, I've seen the man's
eBay ratings -
302
00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:28,760
five stars, a pleasure to
do business with,
303
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:30,965
item exactly as described.
304
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,920
Now tell me that's the seller
profile of a bad guy.
305
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:35,680
Get dressed,
we need to get out of here.
306
00:19:35,715 --> 00:19:36,880
DOOR OPENS
307
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,920
Oh, no. Get under the...
308
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,045
Good morning.
309
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:58,320
Morning. Are you in a hurry to get
anywhere, or, erm...?
310
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:03,120
I could spare another five minutes.
311
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,160
I reckon I can give you seven.
312
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,120
Mm!
SHE GIGGLES
313
00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:12,440
Oh, that tickles!
314
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,800
Oh, I love it. Yeah, there, there!
315
00:20:16,835 --> 00:20:18,645
Oh, God, yeah, oh!
316
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,080
Ooh, you're thorough!
Oh, yes, yeah.
317
00:20:22,115 --> 00:20:23,720
Oh, I love it.
318
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:24,760
GUNSHOT
319
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,020
It was unbelievable.
320
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,565
I was so shocked.
321
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:33,205
So, I said to him,
"That might be all right in India,
322
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,880
"or wherever you're from, but it is
not all right in North Somerset,"
323
00:20:37,915 --> 00:20:40,960
and then we got up and we walked
out, didn't we, Tony?
324
00:20:40,995 --> 00:20:42,160
We did.
325
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,885
We did indeed.
326
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,880
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I must go and inspect the plumbing.
327
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,640
I know you, don't I?
328
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,520
No, sorry. Don't think so.
329
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,680
No, no. Definitely
seen your face before.
330
00:21:09,715 --> 00:21:11,040
I doubt it.
331
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,160
Look, I'm not being rude,
but I can't really go if you...
332
00:21:18,195 --> 00:21:20,720
That's it.
I know where I've seen you.
333
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,765
# Oh, Danny Boy
334
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,440
♪ The pipes,
the pipes are calling... ♪
335
00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:35,337
How did you...?
336
00:21:35,372 --> 00:21:37,165
# From glen to glen
337
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,920
♪ And down the mountainside... ♪
338
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,605
Please.
339
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,020
Please, I don't have money.
340
00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:46,400
Oh, I don't want money.
341
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,325
Just a bit of help.
342
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,640
The odd favour, that's all.
343
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,880
And no-one ever sees this.
344
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,920
We'll be in touch, Sergeant.
345
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,720
HE WHISTLES DANNY BOY
346
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,720
MUSIC: The Beat Goes On
by The All Seeing I
347
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,160
# Drums keep pounding
a rhythm to the brain
348
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:27,320
# La de da de de, la de da de da
349
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:33,840
# Drums keep pounding
a rhythm to the brain
350
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,920
# La de da de de, la de da de da
351
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:45,400
# Drums keep pounding a rhythm
to the brain
352
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:51,120
# La de da de de, la de da de da
353
00:22:52,680 --> 00:23:01,525
# And the beat goes on
354
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,040
♪ And the beat goes on... ♪
355
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,760
It's not weird that he
hasn't called me yet, is it?
356
00:23:11,795 --> 00:23:14,120
No, it's not weird, Leanne.
357
00:23:14,155 --> 00:23:15,640
It's a blessed relief.
358
00:23:15,675 --> 00:23:16,805
Yeah, right.
359
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,965
But he could have texted me,
right, couldn't he?
360
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,680
It's irrelevant, because you must
have no further contact with him.
361
00:23:23,715 --> 00:23:25,557
Yeah, I know.
362
00:23:25,592 --> 00:23:27,365
But, in theory,
363
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,760
if we weren't in witness protection
and he didn't know the murderer...
364
00:23:31,795 --> 00:23:37,080
Leanne, I know you like him,
but you must know you can never,
365
00:23:37,115 --> 00:23:39,017
ever contact him again.
366
00:23:39,052 --> 00:23:40,885
Yeah, no, I totally get it.
367
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,040
You should really delete his number.
368
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,480
Or... God!
369
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,205
Should I keep it?
In case he rings me.
370
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,880
Which he will, cos you don't have
just one slice of this Viennetta.
371
00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,237
So, then, I'll know it's him
372
00:24:08,272 --> 00:24:10,560
and I shouldn't answer it.
373
00:24:10,595 --> 00:24:12,645
Mmmm, OK. OK, great!
374
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,300
That's what we do, then.
Not bothered about him anyway.
375
00:24:15,335 --> 00:24:17,920
Bastard! Fancy not texting?
Well, he's blown it now!
376
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:24,000
# Love is in the air
everywhere I look around
377
00:24:24,035 --> 00:24:25,520
♪ Love is in the air... ♪
378
00:24:25,555 --> 00:24:27,405
GUNSHOT
379
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,080
Yeah, that's what she said.
380
00:24:29,115 --> 00:24:30,565
LAUGHTER
381
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:31,845
PHONE VIBRATES
382
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,200
But seriously, though,
we're not here for fun.
383
00:24:34,235 --> 00:24:36,520
So, if they're going to make us
do extra hours,
384
00:24:36,555 --> 00:24:38,720
I think we ought to be getting paid.
385
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,200
What the fuck?! For fuck's sake!
386
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,920
All right,
go and get the lady officer.
387
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,440
What are you doing
on our estate anyway?
388
00:25:33,475 --> 00:25:34,965
Who the fuck are you?
389
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,840
All right, mate?
I found out where one of them works.
390
00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:40,640
Let's go over there
and fuck shit up.
391
00:25:40,675 --> 00:25:42,485
What are you doing?
392
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,420
You're going to get
us their address.
393
00:25:44,455 --> 00:25:46,285
What the hell is going on
with you two?
394
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,880
You're hiding something, I know it.
No more lies.
395
00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:52,880
These people deserve
to know the truth.
396
00:25:52,915 --> 00:25:54,400
GUNSHOT
28425
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