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1
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# I see trees of green #
2
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# Red roses too #
3
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,890
# I see them bloom #
4
00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:53,300
# For me and you #
5
00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:58,570
# And I think to myself #
6
00:00:58,610 --> 00:01:02,370
# What a wonderful world #
7
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:10,810
# I see skies of blue #
8
00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:13,510
# And clouds of white #
9
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,790
# The bright blessed day #
10
00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:20,350
# The dark sacred night #
11
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:25,460
# And I think to myself #
12
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:29,940
# What a wonderful world #
13
00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:34,300
# Yes #
14
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:38,210
# I think to myself #
15
00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:41,650
# What a wonderful #
16
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,950
Yes, dude!
17
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:49,680
What the fuck? What the fuck?
What are you doing?
18
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,560
I'm taking the most incredible dump
of all time, man.
19
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,220
You couldn't wait
till I got out of the shower?
20
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:58,160
May I remind you that
we both just ate 30 burgers...
21
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,390
and four large orders of fries?
22
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,740
Don't worry, in a little bit,
I'm sure it'll hit you too.
23
00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:08,000
It may be. But I'm gonna wait
till you get out of the shower.
24
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,100
Well, don't wait too long. We've got
to leave for the airport in an hour.
25
00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,130
Ooh, that burns.
26
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:15,210
- An hour?
- Hey, and, Roldy?
27
00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:17,650
Yeah?
28
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,410
Nice pubes.
29
00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:22,010
Asshole, get out of here right now.
30
00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:25,750
- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!
- Dude, this thing is huge!
31
00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:27,850
I think it still has cheese on it.
32
00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:38,030
# Ooh wee #
33
00:02:38,370 --> 00:02:39,400
# Ooh wee #
34
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,410
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
35
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,740
# When I step into the party
all the ladies wanna know #
36
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,970
# I'm hangin' with the ballers,
yeah, or my nigga Ghost #
37
00:02:46,010 --> 00:02:48,140
# I can tell you what they say, haters,
if you wanna know #
38
00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:50,510
# They say ooh wee #
39
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,850
# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes
all the ladies wanna roll #
40
00:02:52,890 --> 00:02:55,120
# Be my Juliet
and I can be your Romeo #
41
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,680
# If you actin' menace
I can pick another ho #
42
00:02:57,730 --> 00:03:01,990
# Ooh wee, ooh wee #
43
00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:04,300
- # Ooh wee #
- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
44
00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,600
# In the middle of the summer,
or even 20 below #
45
00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,500
# I'm a bad motherfucker
I'm way too fuckin' cold #
46
00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:11,100
# Let me tell you what they say
when I'm pullin' off my drawers #
47
00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:14,910
# They say ooh wee #
48
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:18,570
- # Ooh wee #
- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
49
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:30,950
# Ooh wee #
50
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:32,020
# Aiyo, aiyo #
51
00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:34,030
# My game's here to party
just to cut up a rug #
52
00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:35,490
# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #
53
00:03:35,530 --> 00:03:38,500
# Now play something for me, DJ,
'cause there's nothin' but love #
54
00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:41,060
# Hosted by the ladies
who lookin' for somethin' to rub #
55
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,340
# Ooh wee #
56
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,880
Dude. Oh, my Go...
I just realized something.
57
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:58,910
What?
58
00:03:58,950 --> 00:04:01,720
Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.
I'm following her to Amsterdam.
59
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,020
Dude, relax. I have a med school
interview in ten minutes.
60
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,820
You don't see me freaking out.
61
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,090
Don't worry, man,
she'll be psyched to see you.
62
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:10,760
Oh, psyched? You think
she's gonna be psyched?
63
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,930
Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?
64
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,300
So how does this work?
65
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,640
We just... we show up in Amsterdam
and we start calling hotels...
66
00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:19,570
and ask if they have
a Maria staying there?
67
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:22,100
- I don't even know her last name.
- Dude, it's totally cool.
68
00:04:22,140 --> 00:04:23,970
We're definitely gonna find her.
69
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,810
Amsterdam is a very small place.
It's not gonna be...
70
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,610
Sir, I need you to step aside, please.
Let me search you.
71
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:30,450
- Did I beep?
- No, you didn't beep.
72
00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:31,580
Just a random security check.
73
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:34,090
If you could just step aside, please?
Just over here.
74
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,610
- Random, huh?
- Yeah.
75
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:39,290
So this has nothing to do
with my ethnicity?
76
00:04:39,330 --> 00:04:40,950
Kumar, just do what the guy says.
77
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,160
Sir, it's our job as airport security...
78
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,100
to search for all possible weapons
or illegal drugs.
79
00:04:46,130 --> 00:04:49,030
So just because of the color of my skin,
you assume that I have drugs on me?
80
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,660
- No, he's...
- What are you, a racist?
81
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:53,830
Racist? Dude, I'm black.
82
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,340
He's black. He's not a racist.
83
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,040
Please, dude, you're barely even brown.
84
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,950
No, he didn't mean that.
85
00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,710
Compared to me,
you look like Matthew Perry.
86
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,720
Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch?
87
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:07,720
I'm calling you Matthew Perry,
you Matthew Perry-looking bitch!
88
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,750
No, there's nobody here
who is Matthew Perry. No one!
89
00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:11,310
What is going on here?
90
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,850
Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks
that I have illegal narcotics on me...
91
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,300
because I'm a minority.
92
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:18,230
This is textbook racial profiling...
93
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,260
and I'd be more than happy
to call the ACLU or the government...
94
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,770
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
95
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,670
- You can move along.
- I appreciate it. Thanks, Matt Perry.
96
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:28,370
Hey, what are you doing?
97
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,380
What do you mean, what am I doing?
He called me Matthew Perry.
98
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:31,710
Well, you look like Matthew Perry.
99
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,580
- He's white!
- So what?
100
00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:35,950
Why does everything have to become
a huge argument with you, man?
101
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,420
'Cause this is America, dude...
102
00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:40,180
and as long as I have my freedom
of speech, no one's gonna shut me up.
103
00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:41,750
Kumar?
104
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:45,920
Roldy?
105
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,020
- Vanessa.
- Oh, my God!
106
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:52,430
- Good to see you.
- So good to see you. l...
107
00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:54,590
- Hi. Hey.
- Hey.
108
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,730
Hey.
109
00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:59,210
God, it's been forever.
What are you guys doing?
110
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,710
We're actually on our way
to Amsterdam.
111
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:02,940
- Amsterdam?
- Yeah.
112
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:04,710
Well, you guys haven't changed.
113
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,810
You have. You look amazing.
Your hair is diff...
114
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:10,780
- Doesn't she look amazing?
- Yeah.
115
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:12,910
Yeah, you look great.
You look awesome. Sorry.
116
00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:15,950
What am I even saying?
You look different and...
117
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:19,590
- Kumar Patel, you're flustered.
- Little bit.
118
00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:25,920
So, what's up with you? You still dating
the Abercrombie-wearing douchebag?
119
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,090
Actually, it's Brooks Brothers.
120
00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:31,100
Colton! How are you, buddy?
121
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,730
- Good to see ya.
- Good to see you.
122
00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:34,540
And we're not dating anymore.
123
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,940
No. We... are getting married.
124
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,810
Congratulations, you guys.
125
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:42,370
- You're fucking getting married?
- Yeah.
126
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:45,350
- When?
- Next week.
127
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,060
It's going to be a perfect day.
128
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:50,520
I mean, that's assuming we get
those Stargazer lilies for the bouquets.
129
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,550
This florist has been
a complete nightmare.
130
00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:54,490
Fucking assholes.
131
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:57,290
Colton's practically planning
the whole wedding all by himself.
132
00:06:57,330 --> 00:07:00,600
So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you
off the leash for a little vay-cay?
133
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,660
I own that place now, Colton.
134
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,500
Thank you so much for the hook-up.
135
00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:08,910
Hey, I ran into Todd,
at Whitaker's, of course.
136
00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:11,410
He told me you got a job
working for the government.
137
00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:13,880
Yeah! Yeah, President Bush and my dad
were in the same fraternity.
138
00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:15,250
- Oh, that's right.
- Oh, Jesus.
139
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,270
Yeah, yeah, when he gave my dad that
appointment at the Defense Department...
140
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,410
- I became his right-hand man.
- Douche.
141
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:20,610
The President's supposed to be
at our wedding...
142
00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:22,750
- but you know how busy he is.
- Yeah.
143
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,590
Sounds like an incredible job, man.
144
00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:27,090
Hey, you really got
some major connections to the top.
145
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:29,600
If you ever need anything, I'm your man.
146
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:31,860
- Thank you so much, buddy.
- Anytime.
147
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,630
This guy's the best.
148
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:36,230
- So, sweetheart, we should get going.
- Yes.
149
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,930
- Good to see you guys again.
- Congratulations again.
150
00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:41,340
- Thank you. Take care, thank you.
- It's so nice.
151
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:42,870
- Bye.
- Bye.
152
00:07:56,990 --> 00:07:58,460
Dude, I can't believe
they're getting married.
153
00:07:58,490 --> 00:08:00,480
We've only been broken up two years.
154
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,030
Plus that dude has date-rape face.
155
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,160
I don't even know what that is.
156
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,690
One who possesses
the face of a date rapist.
157
00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:11,030
Right. Listen...
158
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,540
I'm sorry, bro.
159
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:16,200
But we are going to Amsterdam.
Come on.
160
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,410
This is true. This is true, Roldy.
161
00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:21,570
# Ooh wee #
162
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:28,550
- Man, this is so not like me.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:32,080
It's like I'm a whole new Harold.
Better, faster, stronger.
164
00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:33,790
Nice.
165
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:34,890
Man, I've never used a sick day before.
166
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:38,130
I'm taking a whole week off
from work here, man.
167
00:08:38,170 --> 00:08:41,930
And in less than eight hours,
we're gonna be in Amsterdam.
168
00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:44,460
- This is nuts. This is nuts.
- I know, dude.
169
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:46,500
It's gonna be exactly like Euro Trip,
only it's not gonna suck.
170
00:08:46,540 --> 00:08:50,100
- It's gonna be awesome.
- It's not not gonna be awesome.
171
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,850
Dude. Dude, this chick's giving me
such a boner, it's awesome.
172
00:09:32,890 --> 00:09:34,820
Thank you. You ruined the moment.
173
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:38,360
She's all yours, buddy.
174
00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:40,290
- You wanna pause it?
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
175
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,020
No, that's...
176
00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:43,720
Enjoy.
177
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,370
Just a minute.
178
00:09:56,410 --> 00:09:57,880
Fuc...
179
00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,500
Hey, hey.
180
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,540
Let me in.
181
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:05,850
What are you doing?
I'm taking a piss, asshole!
182
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,010
- Yeah.
- Yo!
183
00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:09,520
I'm not joining
the mile-high club with you.
184
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,550
What about the really high club?
185
00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,890
- Are you retarded?
- No.
186
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:16,830
You brought weed
on the fucking airplane?
187
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:19,090
- Yep.
- What the fuck?
188
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:21,100
Wait a second. You were giving
that security guard shit.
189
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:23,130
Yeah. How else was I
supposed to get past him?
190
00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:25,930
By not bringing drugs on an airplane?
191
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:29,840
- Look... What are you doing? What is this?
- You'll see.
192
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:43,580
Harold Lee, I would like to introduce you
to an invention of mine.
193
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,750
Meet the smokeless bong.
194
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:48,690
- You made this?
- You know, I did.
195
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:49,860
When you were slaving away at work...
196
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,530
I was actually being
a productive member of society.
197
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:56,730
- Yeah, that's really productive.
- Let me show you how it works.
198
00:10:56,770 --> 00:10:59,330
So you take a little weed...
199
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:03,280
put it in the bowl right here and
light it just like a normal bong, OK?
200
00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:05,140
Now here's the truly genius part.
201
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:10,780
Inside this mechanism, I have
actually made a little tiny, tiny fan...
202
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:13,550
and some disinfectant powder, OK,
it works sort of like a deodorizer...
203
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,390
so that anything it expunges
smells like Lysol.
204
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,050
- Put it away.
- No, dude.
205
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:20,080
Can you not wait
till we get to Amsterdam?
206
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:22,790
It's the weed capital of the world!
207
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:25,860
- No.
- Put the bong away!
208
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,730
- Take the inaugural hit, dude.
- No!
209
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,860
Come on, man.
210
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:32,100
- Then I'm gonna do it.
- Put it away. Put the frickin' bong away.
211
00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:38,950
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Turb...
212
00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:48,250
Terrorist!
213
00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:51,290
Roldy?
214
00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:53,660
- What the fuck is that thing in his hands?
- No, ma'am, not a terrorist.
215
00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:56,560
- He's just an idiot.
- This is just a bong.
216
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,070
He said he got a bomb!
217
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,990
No, people,
it's a water pipe for tobacco.
218
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,400
No, no, no, it's not a bomb. It's just a bong.
219
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,440
Poison gas!
220
00:12:22,790 --> 00:12:25,850
It's marijuana! Marijuana!
221
00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:29,090
You picked the wrong plane,
you terrorist fuck!
222
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:31,100
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?
223
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:35,530
There are three air marshals
on board. Three!
224
00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:39,160
We are not terrorists!
Sir, that's a bong, not a bomb.
225
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:41,000
Shut up!
226
00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:43,200
I got this one!
227
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,570
- Roldy?
- Please don't!
228
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:47,550
I am in a great amount of pain!
229
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:51,780
Everybody relax. Just calm down.
Everything is under control.
230
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:56,090
Tell 'em to turn the plane around. These
two assholes are goin' back to the U.S.
231
00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:23,610
Secretary Fox. Glad you could make it.
232
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:26,640
Think I'd miss a terrorist attack
of this magnitude?
233
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:28,920
Not a fuckin' chance.
234
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:35,050
Who are these people?
235
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,390
Representatives
of the different intelligence agencies.
236
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:40,920
I assume
Secretary Whitmore's coming?
237
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:45,670
Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip
in Glacier Bay.
238
00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:47,300
I'm in charge while he's gone.
239
00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:49,780
Well, shouldn't he be alerted?
240
00:13:49,810 --> 00:13:55,110
Isn't this issue of more importance
than an ice fishing trip?
241
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:02,380
Who are you again?
242
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,620
Dr. John Beecher,
Vice Chairman of the NSA.
243
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:08,030
Yeah, well, listen, Dr... Dipshit.
244
00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:11,390
You've obviously
never been ice fishing before.
245
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:17,030
- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, well, it's fucking exhilarating.
246
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:20,770
The last thing anyone would want
while fishing for pike is to be interrupted.
247
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,610
Now back off...
248
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:25,980
and let me do my job.
249
00:14:38,390 --> 00:14:40,380
What's up with the guy
with the weird eyes?
250
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:43,020
He handicapped or something?
251
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,050
We believe he's of Korean descent.
252
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,530
My God.
253
00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:55,660
North Korea and al-Qaeda
workin' together.
254
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,470
This is bigger than I thought.
255
00:14:58,050 --> 00:15:00,010
You couldn't wait?
256
00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:02,740
You couldn't fucking wait?
257
00:15:02,780 --> 00:15:05,450
We were about to have
all the legal weed we wanted.
258
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:08,750
You know, in Amsterdam,
where we were going!
259
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:28,540
Thought you could
get away with this, huh?
260
00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:39,580
You thought that after 9/11
our national security was a joke, huh?
261
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,050
Well...
262
00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:46,150
guess what?
263
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:48,390
What?
264
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,820
We knew you fuckers would be back.
265
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,030
- Holy shit!
- But we're Americans, man.
266
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:56,830
- We love America. We love America!
- Very much.
267
00:15:56,870 --> 00:15:58,600
That's a convenient thing to say...
268
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,610
after you try and blow up a plane
filled with Americans!
269
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:02,870
- No.
- No, we didn't do...
270
00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:05,440
No, you see, you have the wrong idea.
271
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,310
My idiot friend here
brought marijuana...
272
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:08,840
- on the plane.
- Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.
273
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,940
Zip it, Hello Kitty. OK? I know
your operation's funded through drugs.
274
00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:14,850
No. This is typical
government bullshit, sir. l...
275
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,650
- Hey, hey, hey. Shut up. Shut up!
- l...
276
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:20,560
- No, I'm trying to explain it! Harold!
- Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut up!
277
00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,020
Do we have the right
to make a phone call?
278
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,830
Yeah. Yeah!
279
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:31,240
I'm sorry. You want rights now.
280
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:33,930
You want freedoms right now.
281
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:35,840
Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?
282
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,370
- Guess what.
- What?
283
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:47,350
Where you guys are going,
they have never even heard of rights.
284
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,520
Well, where are we going?
285
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,630
We're innocent men!
We're innocent men!
286
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,470
I'm an innocent man.
287
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,470
I donate blood.
288
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:10,410
And toys for tots.
289
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,810
And now I'm in Guantánamo Bay.
290
00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:18,940
See why I'm against paying taxes?
291
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,750
Hey! Hey.
292
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:22,920
Fuck you!
293
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,920
Dude, calm down, OK?
294
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,620
Look on the bright side.
There's a sink. There's a toilet.
295
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:30,630
The pillow actually
looks pretty comfortable.
296
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,160
OK. You don't speak to me, ever.
297
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,470
- Ever.
- OK.
298
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,730
- No! Shut up!
- OK.
299
00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:43,640
So what are you guys in here for?
300
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:50,980
For giving the United States
a taste of their own medicine.
301
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:56,080
- You guys are real terrorists?
- Some call us terrorists.
302
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,460
Others call us heroes.
303
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:02,090
Screw that. You think you guys
are heroes for killing innocent people?
304
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,260
It's 'cause of assholes like you
that we're even in this fucking place...
305
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,700
you fucking cowards!
306
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:08,570
Well, maybe if the people in your country
stopped eating donuts...
307
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,400
and started realizing what your
government is doing to the world...
308
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,800
assholes like us wouldn't exist.
309
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,710
- Fuck you! Donuts are awesome!
- They're delicious.
310
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:18,040
You like donuts?
311
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,310
Well, wait till you see
what they make you eat in here.
312
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,510
- Yeah?
- What do they make you eat in here?
313
00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:25,140
l...
314
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,880
Ever hear of a cockmeat sandwich?
315
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,280
What's a cockmeat sandwich?
316
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:32,990
You're about to find out.
317
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,290
Right about now. Sucker.
318
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:45,730
All right, cockmeat sandwich time.
You know the drill.
319
00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:48,470
What about them? They just got here!
320
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,900
Big Bob's taking care of them.
321
00:18:52,950 --> 00:18:55,410
- Big Bob.
- Big Bob?
322
00:18:55,450 --> 00:18:57,820
I hope you like donuts.
323
00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:00,910
Let's go to work. Hey, listen, guys, enjoy.
324
00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:04,550
Holy shit.
325
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,790
Oh, yeah, that's it.
326
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,360
- This is not good.
- No, Kumar, it is not good.
327
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,660
- I've never had to suck a dick before.
- Me neither.
328
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:15,690
I bet it sucks dick.
329
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,330
Shit, dude.
330
00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:21,340
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
331
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,500
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Come on.
332
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:27,240
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
333
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,610
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
334
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,510
- Please don't let it be Big Bob.
- I'm Big Bob.
335
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,520
- Fuck.
- Yes, you are.
336
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:37,010
You boys ready
for your cockmeat sandwich?
337
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,180
No?
338
00:19:40,230 --> 00:19:42,130
Well, you better get hungry real fast...
339
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,960
'cause I got a whole lot of sandwich
waitin' for ya.
340
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:48,560
Holy shit!
341
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,800
- All right, let's get goin'.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, Big Bob...
342
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,370
I got to ask you a question
before this all goes down.
343
00:19:55,410 --> 00:19:58,310
- All the guards in Guantánamo are gay?
- Fuck, no!
344
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,940
Ain't nothing gay
about getting your dick sucked!
345
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,810
You're the ones that's gay
for suckin' my dick!
346
00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:05,510
- What?
- In fact...
347
00:20:05,550 --> 00:20:09,080
creeps me out
just bein' around you fags.
348
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,560
- But...
- All right.
349
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,790
- Wait...
- Get down on your knees...
350
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:14,520
- and open your mouths.
- Please, Big Bob.
351
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,760
Why don't you just
kick our ass instead?
352
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,990
- Get on your fucking knees!
- All right. All right.
353
00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:21,800
- All right, all right, all right, all right.
- You go first, dude.
354
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,890
Hope you boys like extra mayo.
355
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:26,670
- Jesus, Kumar.
- Oh, I hate you so much!
356
00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:28,140
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
357
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,610
God, his dick smells like shit, dude.
358
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,150
Holy shit!
359
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:42,750
- What the hell happened?
- That terrorist fuck bit my dick!
360
00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:49,620
- Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait a second!
361
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:52,030
Should we?
What if they kill us out there?
362
00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:53,730
They're gonna fucking make us
suck their dicks if we don't.
363
00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:55,170
We're gonna die in here. Come on.
364
00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:00,500
- Fuck. Fuck.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
365
00:21:01,070 --> 00:21:03,040
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.
366
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,140
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.
367
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,150
- Oh, shit! Get out!
- Fuck!
368
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,440
Oh, shit. Shit.
369
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,970
Door, door.
370
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:17,320
Look, look, look.
371
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,980
What the fuck is he doing?
372
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:34,270
We've got to go
now, now, now, now, now!
373
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:38,710
It smells like burnt asshole.
374
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:44,180
I can't fucking believe this.
375
00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:47,240
Fuck!
376
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,420
My wrist is swelling, man!
377
00:21:52,460 --> 00:21:54,430
- Shut up.
- We're gonna die in a jungle!
378
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:56,020
- Shut up!
- Fuck!
379
00:21:56,060 --> 00:21:59,900
Watch out for cheetahs!
This is cheetah turf.
380
00:22:01,130 --> 00:22:03,500
- What?
- OK. Fuck.
381
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,030
We hit ocean.
What do we do now?
382
00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:08,570
All right.
383
00:22:08,610 --> 00:22:10,100
Hey, look, look!
384
00:22:14,310 --> 00:22:15,580
Excuse me.
385
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,540
You guys going to America?
386
00:22:18,590 --> 00:22:19,810
Sí, vamos.
387
00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:21,750
Yes, we're going.
388
00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:23,260
Thank you.
389
00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:24,350
- Es mío.- Vamos, vamos.
390
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:25,450
I'm telling you, Jorge...
391
00:22:25,490 --> 00:22:27,590
the first thing you have to do
when you get to America...
392
00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:30,530
buy a device called TiVo, OK?
393
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,930
Freedom means nothing if you're
a slave to regular programming...
394
00:22:32,970 --> 00:22:34,400
I promise you that.
395
00:22:34,430 --> 00:22:36,400
And now, how about you focus?
396
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,700
We gotta figure out what to do
when we get to the States.
397
00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:41,570
We don't have wallets. We don't
have any ID. We've got nothing.
398
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:45,310
Well, I figure we're gonna land
somewhere around Miami, right?
399
00:22:45,350 --> 00:22:47,510
There's only one guy we know
who lives down there.
400
00:22:47,550 --> 00:22:49,980
- Who do we know that... Raza.
- Yeah.
401
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,110
We gotta go see Raza.
402
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,920
- Adiós.- Hasta luego.
403
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,890
- Thanks again.
- What nice people.
404
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,290
Man, South Florida here we are.
405
00:23:00,330 --> 00:23:02,800
OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's?
406
00:23:02,830 --> 00:23:04,760
The professional way.
We walk. Let's go.
407
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,270
- Walk?
- Yeah.
408
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:08,290
So I guess Raza's...
409
00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:10,500
- We'll find it, we'll find it.
...thataway. Yeah.
410
00:23:10,540 --> 00:23:11,900
# Dale así, papi #
411
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:13,770
# Tócame #
412
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:16,500
# Ay #
413
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:18,270
# Papi #
414
00:23:18,310 --> 00:23:20,110
# Ay #
415
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:21,910
# Papi #
416
00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:23,040
# Ay #
417
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,990
- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet.
- Kinda ghetto for Miami.
418
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:28,080
# Para abajo #
419
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,520
# Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca #
420
00:23:34,030 --> 00:23:35,360
- Hi.
- Hey.
421
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,890
Y'all aren't here to complain
about the noise, are you?
422
00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:45,030
No. We're not...
here to complain about the noise.
423
00:23:45,070 --> 00:23:47,600
We're...
424
00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:51,370
We are here to see...
425
00:23:51,410 --> 00:23:53,710
- What is his name? We're here...
- Vagina.
426
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:57,110
No, we're here to see Raza.
427
00:23:57,150 --> 00:23:59,380
OK. Follow me.
428
00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:00,980
Thank you, ma'am.
429
00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:04,490
We'll follow... you, I guess.
430
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,320
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
431
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,220
# She got it, she got it #
432
00:24:08,260 --> 00:24:09,730
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
433
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,750
# She said, "Boy, go ahead" #
434
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,790
# As long as I don't touch it #
435
00:24:13,830 --> 00:24:17,530
# I said, "Now, why the hell
would I wanna interrupt it?" #
436
00:24:17,570 --> 00:24:18,560
Hey.
437
00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:21,500
- Very patriotic of you.
- Thank you.
438
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,640
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
439
00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:29,110
- Hey, Raza!
- What?
440
00:24:29,150 --> 00:24:30,380
What's up?
441
00:24:30,420 --> 00:24:31,750
- Kumar and Roldy?
- What's up, man?
442
00:24:31,790 --> 00:24:34,410
I haven't seen you guys
since graduation.
443
00:24:34,450 --> 00:24:36,010
What are you guys doing here?
444
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:38,720
Wait, what's up
with the orange jumpsuits?
445
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,230
- Hey, no, no, question number one...
- It's kind of a long story. l...
446
00:24:40,260 --> 00:24:41,920
...what's up with this party?
- What do you mean?
447
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,430
There's exposed vagina
all over your house.
448
00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:46,830
Yeah. That was my idea.
449
00:24:46,870 --> 00:24:50,530
I don't know about you guys,
I'm sick of all the hype over topless.
450
00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:52,970
Really? I always liked toplessness.
That's...
451
00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:54,000
- That's just me.
- Yeah? Well, I'm starting...
452
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,640
the bottomless trend.
Hence, the bottomless party.
453
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:58,670
So what are you guys doing
in South Beach?
454
00:24:58,710 --> 00:25:00,810
How about you answer that question?
I'm gonna go check this out.
455
00:25:00,850 --> 00:25:02,580
- Where are you going?
- Bang bang, buddy.
456
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:04,950
Listen. I'm really sorry
to bother you with this.
457
00:25:04,980 --> 00:25:06,650
- You all right?
- Not really.
458
00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:12,760
They were locked up for less than
an hour, and they already escaped?
459
00:25:12,790 --> 00:25:15,630
Damn it. Make sure the press
doesn't get wind of this.
460
00:25:15,660 --> 00:25:17,630
Don't need the public thinking
we're some two-bit operation.
461
00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:18,650
Got it, sir.
462
00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:20,560
It must have been either al-Qaeda
or North Korea who broke 'em up.
463
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,190
Find out if they have
any relatives in the country.
464
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,260
You probably should have
done that in the first place.
465
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:35,110
Do you have a problem with the way
I'm running the show, Beecher?
466
00:25:35,150 --> 00:25:37,480
I'm just saying that...
467
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,350
I've looked through the files
on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel.
468
00:25:41,390 --> 00:25:42,950
They were both born
and raised in New Jersey.
469
00:25:42,990 --> 00:25:44,820
Other than a couple of traffic tickets,
they're clean.
470
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:47,190
Right. That's why
they just broke out of prison.
471
00:25:47,230 --> 00:25:50,090
But they... It's not even clear that they
should have been there in the first place.
472
00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:52,120
Shut your...
473
00:25:59,110 --> 00:26:00,970
You see this cute, little white girl,
Beecher?
474
00:26:01,010 --> 00:26:02,340
Yeah.
475
00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:06,310
Do you want her to get raped
and murdered?
476
00:26:07,710 --> 00:26:08,700
Of course not.
477
00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:11,480
You sure? 'Cause this is America.
478
00:26:12,050 --> 00:26:15,750
- Do you want to rape America?
- No.
479
00:26:15,790 --> 00:26:19,230
Then stop fucking with me.
480
00:26:23,130 --> 00:26:24,600
This is serious.
481
00:26:25,630 --> 00:26:27,530
She's adorable.
482
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:31,430
So you guys are fucking fugitives?
483
00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:33,700
It's just it's Kumar's fault.
484
00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:35,640
If we get out of this...
485
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,040
the chances of us remaining friends
is highly...
486
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,270
highly... boobies. Yeah.
487
00:26:40,310 --> 00:26:42,340
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
488
00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:44,850
Put that back on. And keep it on.
489
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,010
- Sorry.
- Fuckin' party do you think this is?
490
00:26:47,050 --> 00:26:49,150
Yo. What are you guys talking about?
491
00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:51,210
Roldy was just letting me
in on your situation.
492
00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:53,190
- Yeah?
- Thanks for getting me involved.
493
00:26:53,230 --> 00:26:55,160
What about that fuckin' time
we had to cover for you...
494
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,960
lie to your ex-girlfriend
about how you got crabs?
495
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,160
You owe us, man.
496
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,500
- Yeah, that's right.
- What?
497
00:26:59,530 --> 00:27:01,690
- OK, that was a long time ago.
- I love crabs.
498
00:27:01,730 --> 00:27:03,530
Speaking of ex-girlfriends...
499
00:27:03,570 --> 00:27:05,300
isn't yours getting married
or something?
500
00:27:05,340 --> 00:27:07,270
How does everybody know about this
except for me?
501
00:27:07,310 --> 00:27:08,740
Wait.
502
00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:11,900
Colton! Colton Graham can help us out.
503
00:27:11,950 --> 00:27:13,310
- No! Fuck that!
- Yes!
504
00:27:13,350 --> 00:27:16,040
No doubt. If anyone could
clear your names, it's him.
505
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,780
No, I'm sorry.
That dickweed is not helping us.
506
00:27:17,820 --> 00:27:19,750
Wait a second.
Do you have his contact info?
507
00:27:19,790 --> 00:27:23,810
Not anymore. But the wedding is
at his family's estate in Hewitt, Texas.
508
00:27:24,390 --> 00:27:26,380
But you don't want to bother them
when they're doing their whole...
509
00:27:26,430 --> 00:27:28,450
wedding thing, right?
510
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:33,300
You know,
that actually might be our only hope.
511
00:27:33,330 --> 00:27:36,600
Fuck! How do we get there? We can't
go to the airport. They're looking for us.
512
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,230
- I'll loan you one of my cars.
- Really?
513
00:27:38,270 --> 00:27:42,000
But first... y'all got to get
in the spirit of the party.
514
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,240
- What do you mean, spirit of...
- What do you think I mean?
515
00:27:46,050 --> 00:27:49,140
- What about you?
- Me? I've been in the spirit.
516
00:27:50,450 --> 00:27:52,210
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God, dude!
517
00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:53,480
Oh, my God!
518
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,350
- Love your dickdo, Raza.
- Yeah. Drink it in.
519
00:27:55,390 --> 00:27:58,590
- What the fuck?
- That looks like Osama bin Laden's beard.
520
00:27:58,630 --> 00:28:00,860
I know, right? All right, boys.
521
00:28:00,890 --> 00:28:02,660
Your turn. Let 'em dangle.
522
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,130
- Let's just do it.
- Bring it.
523
00:28:06,170 --> 00:28:08,290
Count of three?
524
00:28:08,330 --> 00:28:10,030
One.
525
00:28:10,070 --> 00:28:11,560
Two, three.
526
00:28:13,910 --> 00:28:16,170
Your cocks are awesome, man!
527
00:28:16,210 --> 00:28:18,540
That's not even necessary.
528
00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:20,710
- Would you please...
- Oh, my dick!
529
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:22,940
# My dick cost a late-night fee #
530
00:28:22,980 --> 00:28:25,110
# Your dick got the HIV #
531
00:28:25,150 --> 00:28:27,710
# My dick plays on
the double feature screen #
532
00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:30,050
# Your dick went straight to DVD #
533
00:28:30,090 --> 00:28:32,650
# My dick bigger than a bridge #
534
00:28:32,690 --> 00:28:34,990
# Your dick look like a little kid's #
535
00:28:35,030 --> 00:28:37,930
# My dick large like the Chargers,
the whole team #
536
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,730
# Your shit look like you 14 #
537
00:28:39,770 --> 00:28:42,200
# My dick locked in a cage, right #
538
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,360
# Your dick suffer from stage fright #
539
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,030
# My dick so hot it's stolen #
540
00:28:47,070 --> 00:28:49,560
# Your dick look like Gary Coleman #
541
00:28:49,610 --> 00:28:52,100
# My dick pink and big #
542
00:28:52,150 --> 00:28:56,340
- This car is frickin' sweet.
- Yeah, yeah, it's sweet.
543
00:28:56,380 --> 00:28:57,910
'Cause we're fugitives.
544
00:28:57,950 --> 00:29:00,940
Driving a yellow convertible
with the top down, dressed like assholes!
545
00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:03,980
Yo. Yo. Yo, look, he has
one of these things.
546
00:29:04,020 --> 00:29:06,010
- Would you put that down?
- No, you can hook up to the Internet.
547
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:08,720
You can play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
on it. King Hippo's going down.
548
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,630
Put that away. Put that away.
549
00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:14,460
I can't believe you can even think about
playing games at a time like this, man.
550
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:17,130
You realize what would happen
if our parents found out about this?
551
00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:20,540
You have sent our sons
to Guantánamo Bay?
552
00:29:20,570 --> 00:29:22,730
This is an outrage!
553
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,740
You Arabs think you can just mix in
with our peaceful society...
554
00:29:26,780 --> 00:29:27,940
and we're not gonna find you, huh?
555
00:29:27,980 --> 00:29:30,420
I am not Arab! I am Indian!
556
00:29:30,450 --> 00:29:34,940
Look, Chief. I'm not here to argue
seblantics with you, OK?
557
00:29:34,990 --> 00:29:37,050
I'm here to save lives.
558
00:29:37,090 --> 00:29:40,180
Ask the Lees what they know
about their son's terrorist activity.
559
00:29:49,940 --> 00:29:53,800
Look, we have been American citizens
for over 40 years.
560
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,330
Now, frankly, I find this very offensive.
561
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,880
They're using some sort of dialect
I've never heard before.
562
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,080
But I'm pretty sure he said something
about going on the offensive.
563
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,220
Tell them we know
what their son is up to...
564
00:30:12,260 --> 00:30:15,130
and if they don't cooperate,
he could be sentenced to death.
565
00:30:16,730 --> 00:30:18,920
Hit 'em. Yeah.
566
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:24,840
We know what he said!
567
00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:27,860
Sir, Harold and Kumar are good boys.
568
00:30:31,540 --> 00:30:33,770
I'm a pretty good translator.
569
00:30:33,810 --> 00:30:35,580
It's total gibberish.
570
00:30:37,350 --> 00:30:38,840
They may be trying to stonewall us.
571
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,050
Are you sure you speak Korean, Jack?
572
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:43,080
You speak Korean?
573
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:44,920
You're not fucking with Daddy, are you?
574
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:49,020
Do you have a masters
in romantic Korean literature?
575
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:51,090
Because I do...
576
00:30:51,130 --> 00:30:52,690
and I'm offended.
577
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:54,890
Good enough for me.
578
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,960
Look, excuse me...
579
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,370
we're not looking to hurt your sons...
580
00:31:00,410 --> 00:31:02,810
we just wanna know where they are.
581
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,040
Do you know if they know anybody
in Florida?
582
00:31:06,210 --> 00:31:09,550
Their friend Raza Syed lives in Miami.
583
00:31:10,150 --> 00:31:11,620
But why would they be there?
584
00:31:11,650 --> 00:31:13,410
He's supposed to be in medical school.
585
00:31:13,450 --> 00:31:18,620
They are supposed to be in prison!
That is where terrorists belong!
586
00:31:21,260 --> 00:31:23,820
These fuckers are goin' down.
587
00:31:23,860 --> 00:31:25,760
Dead. Or alive.
588
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,100
Tell them that in your fake
ching-chong language.
589
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,600
Shut up! You're an idiot.
590
00:31:34,170 --> 00:31:37,230
I don't know what you're saying, buddy...
591
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,270
but fuck you.
592
00:31:38,310 --> 00:31:39,400
- Fuck me?
- Will you let him talk to you like that?
593
00:31:39,450 --> 00:31:41,640
- Listen, no, sit down.
- Fuck me?
594
00:31:49,620 --> 00:31:51,820
Hey, look, man, we're in Alabama.
595
00:31:52,990 --> 00:31:55,260
Wow, we actually get a first-hand look
at the South, huh?
596
00:31:55,290 --> 00:31:58,860
Hey, this wasn't supposed to be a trip
through the South, OK?
597
00:31:58,900 --> 00:32:01,390
This was supposed to be
the most romantic week of my life.
598
00:32:01,430 --> 00:32:04,130
Remember that? Before you
fucked it up? You remember that?
599
00:32:04,170 --> 00:32:06,370
Just chill, OK?
We'll be out of this situation.
600
00:32:06,410 --> 00:32:09,600
You'll be up in Maria's guts
in no time, all right?
601
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,600
Hey. She's not some skank, man.
602
00:32:13,650 --> 00:32:17,840
I've never felt this way
about anyone before, really.
603
00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:21,480
What the fuck?
Why am I talking to you about this?
604
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,820
It's not like you would understand, so...
605
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,960
# I want to be happy #
606
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,800
# I want to be happy, just like... #
607
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,900
Excuse me, please.
Will you turn that off? This is a library.
608
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,310
What a fucking chode.
609
00:32:49,350 --> 00:32:51,340
Thank you, come again!
610
00:32:57,690 --> 00:32:59,820
- What the fuck?!
- Oh, my God.
611
00:32:59,860 --> 00:33:01,450
You know, the whole reason
people come to the stacks...
612
00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:04,020
is for some peace and...
613
00:33:05,030 --> 00:33:06,590
quiet.
614
00:33:06,630 --> 00:33:09,470
Look, I know, I'm sorry. I hate it
when people disturb me here too.
615
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:12,630
It's just this fucking calculus final
is killing me.
616
00:33:14,170 --> 00:33:18,080
- Do you mind if I take a look?
- No.
617
00:33:18,110 --> 00:33:22,240
- You're actually very close. May I?
- Yeah.
618
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,080
Excuse me.
619
00:33:28,650 --> 00:33:30,850
I touched your breast.
620
00:33:30,890 --> 00:33:33,360
- It's OK.
- Sorry.
621
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,960
You just go...
622
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,900
Wow. You're good at this.
623
00:33:42,940 --> 00:33:44,200
Thanks.
624
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,930
What did you, like, take calculus
in high school or something?
625
00:33:46,970 --> 00:33:49,970
Actually, my dad taught it to me
in sixth grade.
626
00:33:50,010 --> 00:33:52,530
What, are you like Doogie Howser?
627
00:33:52,580 --> 00:33:55,810
No. Although that would be incredible.
He's my hero.
628
00:33:55,850 --> 00:33:58,340
I love that show.
629
00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:00,980
What are you working on there?
630
00:34:01,020 --> 00:34:03,920
This is just a poem
for my creative writing class.
631
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,290
It's like...
632
00:34:06,330 --> 00:34:08,120
- "The Square Root Of Three"?
- No, no, I'm sorry...
633
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,960
- "A poem of love by Kumar Patel."
- I need this.
634
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,060
- Hey, let me read it.
- No, no.
635
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:15,330
- Why?
- Because it's lame.
636
00:34:15,370 --> 00:34:16,390
Then read it to me.
637
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:20,430
There's no way I'm letting you see me
in that light. Good luck with your calculus.
638
00:34:21,470 --> 00:34:25,840
Come on, don't be embarrassed. You
know, a lot of girls find intelligence sexy.
639
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,870
Look, I'm not even gonna be
showing this to my professor, all right?
640
00:34:28,910 --> 00:34:31,110
That's why I'm so stressed out
right now.
641
00:34:31,150 --> 00:34:33,380
Stressed out, huh?
642
00:34:33,420 --> 00:34:35,320
Come with me.
643
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,850
...going?
- Come on.
644
00:34:41,030 --> 00:34:42,620
What?
645
00:34:47,970 --> 00:34:51,960
You're smoking drugs in the library?
What if somebody catches us?
646
00:34:52,610 --> 00:34:55,230
Don't worry. It'll help you relax.
647
00:34:55,270 --> 00:34:57,740
Oh, boy.
648
00:34:57,780 --> 00:35:00,250
It's illegal.
649
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:05,010
# I want your fish right by me #
650
00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:08,520
# That's how it has to be #
651
00:35:08,550 --> 00:35:09,750
Here.
652
00:35:09,790 --> 00:35:12,380
#... copacetic if you let it so set up #
653
00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:16,050
# And keep the downstream down
and the upstream up #
654
00:35:17,930 --> 00:35:19,660
This is poison.
655
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:21,600
# My stoney, my baby #
656
00:35:21,630 --> 00:35:23,300
Let me help you.
657
00:35:23,340 --> 00:35:26,030
# Funk the groovin' thang whistlin' #
658
00:35:26,070 --> 00:35:27,700
# As I rip my rhymes #
659
00:35:27,740 --> 00:35:30,300
# Time and time again struttin'
and in the summertime #
660
00:35:30,340 --> 00:35:32,540
# So screw it,
strip down and be generic #
661
00:35:32,580 --> 00:35:35,010
# Strip down and be a passenger
Strip down and be a messenger #
662
00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:37,680
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up blank in the winter #
663
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,350
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up on when I'm on her #
664
00:35:40,390 --> 00:35:42,580
- # It's time to find the kind #
- # My summer, his summer #
665
00:35:42,620 --> 00:35:44,210
I'm Kumar.
666
00:35:45,860 --> 00:35:47,160
Vanessa.
667
00:35:47,190 --> 00:35:49,560
You're still not reading that poem.
668
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:53,550
# And then I kiss my stoney baby #
669
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,900
# My stoney, my stoney #
670
00:35:55,940 --> 00:35:58,230
# My stoney baby #
671
00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:00,830
# My stoney #
672
00:36:00,870 --> 00:36:02,900
# My stoney baby #
673
00:36:03,580 --> 00:36:04,840
Kumar.
674
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,010
# My stoney baby #
675
00:36:09,050 --> 00:36:10,040
Kumar.
676
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,910
Kumar. Kumar.
677
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,320
- Kumar.
- Yeah.
678
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,590
What's going on? We're in Birmingham,
Alabama. Are we supposed to be here?
679
00:36:17,620 --> 00:36:19,780
What's going on?
680
00:36:19,830 --> 00:36:21,950
- Why did you bring us here, dude?
- What do you mean, why did l...
681
00:36:21,990 --> 00:36:25,260
You were supposed to be following the
directions, asshole. What do you mean?
682
00:36:25,300 --> 00:36:27,890
There's got to be like a highway
or something, right?
683
00:36:27,930 --> 00:36:30,230
Yeah, there's got to be a highway.
684
00:36:31,170 --> 00:36:33,040
What's going on up there?
685
00:36:33,070 --> 00:36:34,440
# Squad up #
686
00:36:34,470 --> 00:36:36,100
# My niggas #
687
00:36:36,140 --> 00:36:38,040
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck... #
688
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,550
What the hell is this?
689
00:36:40,580 --> 00:36:41,670
# We knock these niggas out #
690
00:36:41,710 --> 00:36:43,770
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck you wanna do? #
691
00:36:43,820 --> 00:36:46,480
- I'm turning around.
- Nah, just go through, man.
692
00:36:47,290 --> 00:36:49,190
Dude, we're not driving
through this basketball game.
693
00:36:49,220 --> 00:36:51,850
You know, Roldy, I really thought
you were bigger than this.
694
00:36:51,890 --> 00:36:54,220
Dude, I'm not scared
'cause they're black.
695
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:55,520
I'm scared because they're scary.
696
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,930
And it's not like we got
Gregory Hines out there.
697
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,950
They're not that scary.
698
00:37:00,700 --> 00:37:03,260
It's my ball!
699
00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:04,770
Turn around.
700
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,770
# Rob this motherfucker,
drop his punk ass in a ditch #
701
00:37:07,810 --> 00:37:10,710
# Drag this pussy nigga,
slap his ass up like a bitch #
702
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:12,300
# My niggas is my niggas
'cause my niggas... #
703
00:37:12,340 --> 00:37:14,680
- Fuck! It won't move!
- Shit, dude.
704
00:37:14,710 --> 00:37:16,180
# Shoot him dead between his lips #
705
00:37:16,220 --> 00:37:17,310
# I see some pussy... #
706
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,840
- That's not good.
- Now there's no music, man.
707
00:37:19,890 --> 00:37:21,480
Shit, man.
708
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,460
- Motherfucker!
- My Jordans, nigga!
709
00:37:24,490 --> 00:37:26,360
- Shit, this isn't good.
- This is not good. This is not good.
710
00:37:27,690 --> 00:37:29,920
No. No. No.
711
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,490
They're coming over here.
712
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:36,460
- Fucking shit. Why did you do that?
- Yeah, I hit a fire hydrant on purpose.
713
00:37:37,470 --> 00:37:39,870
They're getting weapons, man.
714
00:37:39,910 --> 00:37:41,340
All right, what do we do?
What do we do?
715
00:37:41,370 --> 00:37:43,670
Run, run, run. Run, run.
716
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,850
Yo. Yo.
717
00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:55,650
- Where y'all going? Damn!
- We was just trying to help.
718
00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:59,850
Man, somebody call the police.
We need to report this.
719
00:38:14,070 --> 00:38:18,570
- Yeah, that's right. You like the ride?
- Fuck you, man.
720
00:38:18,610 --> 00:38:23,240
They abandoned it last night.
It's registered to a Raza Syed.
721
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,770
The witnesses' description
of the driver and passenger...
722
00:38:25,820 --> 00:38:28,650
match that of Lee and Patel.
723
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:34,020
We tried bringing in Syed last night,
but he's already left the country.
724
00:38:35,190 --> 00:38:38,100
Well, they know we're closing in on 'em,
that's why.
725
00:38:38,130 --> 00:38:40,720
OK. No, I'll give you a call. All right.
726
00:38:42,470 --> 00:38:44,560
No, no, no, no!
727
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:45,930
- Holy shit!
- Easy, easy!
728
00:38:45,970 --> 00:38:47,770
- Easy.
- Easy!
729
00:38:47,810 --> 00:38:49,540
This is our witness.
730
00:38:49,580 --> 00:38:51,440
Put it down! Yo, put it down!
731
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:52,600
You all know I got one!
732
00:38:52,650 --> 00:38:54,310
I got one too!
733
00:38:56,650 --> 00:39:00,880
So, you saw the fugitives, huh?
734
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,480
Yeah. It was like
I was telling the Sheriff...
735
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,460
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do I know you're telling the truth?
736
00:39:07,490 --> 00:39:09,360
I don't have a reason
to lie to you, man.
737
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:10,760
Really?
738
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,590
- Get up in your face, man.
- We'll see.
739
00:39:13,630 --> 00:39:15,460
That ain't right.
740
00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:17,440
Where's he going?
741
00:39:19,170 --> 00:39:20,870
What's going on?
742
00:39:24,610 --> 00:39:25,600
Hell no!
743
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,980
Now why don't you tell me
what really happened?
744
00:39:28,010 --> 00:39:29,880
Is that grape soda?
745
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,780
What the fuck, yo?
746
00:39:34,690 --> 00:39:36,880
- All right.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on!
747
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,360
This is so ignorant.
748
00:39:38,390 --> 00:39:40,380
- Really?
- Yes.
749
00:39:40,430 --> 00:39:42,390
Is this ignorant?
750
00:39:42,430 --> 00:39:44,920
Yo, that's racist, man. That's racist.
751
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,090
Hey, Jon, are you gonna let him do that?
752
00:39:47,870 --> 00:39:50,160
See if he got Kool-Aid.
753
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,100
Almost gone, witness.
754
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:54,070
Sure there's not something
you wanna tell me?
755
00:39:54,110 --> 00:39:56,010
I'm not stoppin' until you crack!
756
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:57,130
I already told you
that they took off runnin'!
757
00:39:57,180 --> 00:39:58,510
All right, all right, all right.
758
00:39:58,540 --> 00:40:01,240
This isn't necessary!
Mr. White is telling you the truth!
759
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,840
Yeah, and how can you be
so sure, Beecher?
760
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,320
'Cause he doesn't have a police record.
He's an orthodontist, for Christ's sake.
761
00:40:09,390 --> 00:40:13,650
OK, then, Beech. How do you
propose we find the terrorists, huh?
762
00:40:14,490 --> 00:40:17,360
There was a Nokia 7710
taken from the console.
763
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:18,660
We have its tracking numbers.
764
00:40:18,700 --> 00:40:21,830
Our satellites are running a trace on it,
as we speak.
765
00:40:21,870 --> 00:40:23,930
I'm serious about that Kool-Aid.
766
00:40:23,970 --> 00:40:25,200
What's going on? Where are you?
767
00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:26,640
Dude, that is a fucking long story.
768
00:40:26,670 --> 00:40:29,660
We're actually in Alabama right now,
heading to Texas.
769
00:40:31,210 --> 00:40:33,300
What is that sound? Are you jerking off
again? What are you doing?
770
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:35,640
I'm taking a glorious pee-pee.
771
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,740
Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe this...
772
00:40:37,780 --> 00:40:40,410
but the other night,
I ended up at that Asian party...
773
00:40:40,450 --> 00:40:43,010
and I schtupped Cindy Kim.
774
00:40:43,060 --> 00:40:45,020
Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?
775
00:40:45,060 --> 00:40:47,180
Yeah, man,
she even gave me a blumpkin.
776
00:40:47,230 --> 00:40:48,490
What is a blumpkin?
777
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:51,620
It's when a girl gives you head while
you're sitting on the toilet takin' a shit.
778
00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:53,290
Really?
779
00:40:53,330 --> 00:40:55,890
- Hello?
- Hey. Hey! What are you doing?
780
00:40:55,930 --> 00:40:58,460
Hello? Come, come?
781
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,670
Did you go?
782
00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:03,170
Yeah, I'm done.
783
00:41:03,210 --> 00:41:06,140
You said to me we were gonna
cross swords. You promised.
784
00:41:06,180 --> 00:41:07,980
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
785
00:41:09,010 --> 00:41:12,640
Are you talking on a cellphone
when the government is looking for us?
786
00:41:12,690 --> 00:41:15,180
Dude, it was just Goldstein.
I had something important to tell him.
787
00:41:15,220 --> 00:41:16,980
It's 'cause you had something...
That's good, that's OK.
788
00:41:17,020 --> 00:41:22,590
Nothing is more important
than finding a way to get to Texas.
789
00:41:22,630 --> 00:41:23,620
- Do you get it?
- Yes.
790
00:41:23,660 --> 00:41:28,070
We've been walking an entire day
and we have not seen a street sign.
791
00:41:28,100 --> 00:41:29,230
Do you get it?
792
00:41:29,270 --> 00:41:32,530
- Can I say...
- Again. This is... I can't.
793
00:41:32,570 --> 00:41:33,770
Dude, honestly...
794
00:41:33,810 --> 00:41:37,170
you've got to be a little more positive
about these things, all right?
795
00:41:37,210 --> 00:41:40,470
- Yeah?
- Positive about what? I don't...
796
00:41:40,510 --> 00:41:43,910
First of all, look at this beautiful
Alabama landscape, OK?
797
00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:47,040
You don't get shit like this in New Jersey.
798
00:41:47,890 --> 00:41:49,290
God, you...
799
00:41:49,350 --> 00:41:50,820
Hey, look, dude.
800
00:41:50,860 --> 00:41:52,760
It's a baby deer.
801
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:57,120
- Wow. Man.
- Shit.
802
00:41:59,770 --> 00:42:02,600
Hey. Hey.
803
00:42:02,630 --> 00:42:06,090
Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not
like those asshole deer in New Jersey.
804
00:42:06,140 --> 00:42:07,630
I know, man.
805
00:42:07,670 --> 00:42:10,200
- Hey, buddy.
- Dude, Alabama's awesome.
806
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,040
He likes you.
807
00:42:12,910 --> 00:42:15,540
- Oh, my God!
- No!
808
00:42:18,550 --> 00:42:21,490
Sorry about that. I was in my zone.
809
00:42:24,660 --> 00:42:28,320
What the hell are y'all doing out here
in them fancy clothes?
810
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,890
We were on our way to Texas
and we got lost.
811
00:42:30,930 --> 00:42:32,420
Texas?
812
00:42:33,530 --> 00:42:35,690
You're a long way from Texas.
813
00:42:36,030 --> 00:42:37,060
No!
814
00:42:40,740 --> 00:42:43,400
Born in '04.
815
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,100
Get in here.
816
00:42:48,410 --> 00:42:51,510
Yeah. The sun's about to go down.
817
00:42:51,550 --> 00:42:55,350
- Y'all need a place to stay? Ya hungry?
- Yeah, sure.
818
00:42:55,390 --> 00:42:57,450
You want to follow me?
819
00:42:58,360 --> 00:42:59,950
Come on.
820
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,950
Maybe we shouldn't.
821
00:43:03,630 --> 00:43:06,360
It's already dead.
You need a hand, dude?
822
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,590
My grandpappy
bought this land in 1902.
823
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,100
Very nice, sir.
824
00:43:12,140 --> 00:43:14,370
This place is gonna suck.
825
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,070
Honey, I'm home.
826
00:43:21,110 --> 00:43:22,550
# É verão #
827
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,550
# Atencão #
828
00:43:27,590 --> 00:43:28,950
I'm in here.
829
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,260
I wish you'd-a told me
you was bringing guests home.
830
00:43:35,290 --> 00:43:37,160
I'da straightened up in here.
831
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,290
Fellas, this is my wife Raylene.
832
00:43:39,330 --> 00:43:41,960
Raylene, meet Harold and Kumar.
833
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,470
Hello.
834
00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:47,770
Can't shake.
I've just got... deer head all over me.
835
00:43:47,810 --> 00:43:50,100
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you boys.
836
00:43:50,140 --> 00:43:52,630
- You just make yourselves at home.
- Thank you.
837
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,240
Honey, something's wrong
with that DSL.
838
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,340
Every time I go on the online,
it says, "Searching for server."
839
00:43:57,380 --> 00:43:59,250
You try unplugging the AirPort base?
840
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,410
Yeah, I done did that but it didn't work.
841
00:44:01,450 --> 00:44:02,980
What you need to go online fors,
anyways?
842
00:44:03,020 --> 00:44:06,150
I was gonna get one of them
new portable satellite radios.
843
00:44:06,190 --> 00:44:08,820
What the fuck
you need a satellite radio for?
844
00:44:08,860 --> 00:44:11,160
Don't you be cussin'
when we got company over.
845
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,320
- Guys.
- Please don't worry about us.
846
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:13,660
We cuss all the time.
847
00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:15,030
Who do you think you is, hitting me?
848
00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:17,190
Who do you think bought you
that Prada bag?
849
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:19,100
I told you I wanted a Gucci one.
850
00:44:19,140 --> 00:44:20,400
The Gucci bag cost more!
851
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:22,740
Well, Jan Sapperstein's husband
sure could afford it.
852
00:44:22,770 --> 00:44:24,940
Here we go again with Jan Sapperstein.
853
00:44:24,980 --> 00:44:27,240
I don't give a rat's ass what that bitch got.
854
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:28,540
You be happy with what you have.
855
00:44:28,580 --> 00:44:31,240
What I have is a husband
who ain't worth a turd!
856
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:32,650
You wanna give me shit now?
857
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,740
- That's right!
- After everything I let you buy!
858
00:44:34,790 --> 00:44:36,190
Even look at the credit card bills?
859
00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:38,920
...you buy?! Do you think we need
another set of golf balls?
860
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,890
- Even worse is the credit card miles.
- Stinky, smelly, motherf...
861
00:44:41,930 --> 00:44:43,720
Guys, we're just gonna get out of here.
862
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:47,460
Nonsense. Don't be silly.
You're our guests.
863
00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:49,970
You guys have got to stay for supper.
864
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:51,590
- No, we couldn't. That's...
- No, thank you. We really couldn't...
865
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:56,040
Of course, we're gonna
have to get high first.
866
00:45:19,260 --> 00:45:21,260
We're close.
867
00:45:28,470 --> 00:45:31,100
This is news to me.
I never knew farmers smoked weed.
868
00:45:31,140 --> 00:45:34,600
You ever tried farmin' not high?
It's borin' as shit.
869
00:45:34,650 --> 00:45:36,640
You know, this is great, guys.
870
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,780
I kind of always,
you know, sort of assumed...
871
00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:42,180
that people from the South
were kinda...
872
00:45:42,220 --> 00:45:44,120
A bunch of dumb rednecks?
873
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,780
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not...
874
00:45:46,830 --> 00:45:50,760
We do try to keep our inbred son in
the basement when we have company.
875
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,130
Guys, I didn't mean it like that. I was just...
876
00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:59,100
Look at their faces!
877
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:05,430
Fuck, fuck!
878
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,140
Shit, they found us.
They found us. They found us.
879
00:46:07,180 --> 00:46:08,770
- What do you mean, they found you?
- Listen, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
880
00:46:08,810 --> 00:46:10,810
Are you boys in some kind of trouble?
881
00:46:10,850 --> 00:46:13,680
All right. This is gonna sound crazy,
but, basically...
882
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:14,980
we were on a plane to Amsterdam...
883
00:46:15,020 --> 00:46:17,680
and we got mistaken for terrorists
and we got sent to Guantánamo Bay...
884
00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,850
and then we escaped and snuck
into America with a bunch of Cubans...
885
00:46:19,890 --> 00:46:20,920
and now we're trying to get to Texas...
886
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,950
where there's a guy
who can help us out...
887
00:46:21,990 --> 00:46:23,890
and he's getting married
to Kumar's ex-girlfriend.
888
00:46:23,930 --> 00:46:25,660
Yes.
889
00:46:26,530 --> 00:46:29,230
OK. That's cool.
890
00:46:29,270 --> 00:46:31,700
- I understand that.
- You do?
891
00:46:31,740 --> 00:46:35,970
Like the government's never screwed
us over before. You know what?
892
00:46:36,010 --> 00:46:38,070
Y'all come down here and hide
in the basement. I will handle this.
893
00:46:38,110 --> 00:46:39,540
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, both.
894
00:46:39,580 --> 00:46:41,550
Thank you, thank you.
895
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,860
OK. This isn't creepy.
896
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:58,830
What the hell is that?
897
00:47:00,730 --> 00:47:03,430
You're walking
towards the creepy music?
898
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,260
Ge...
899
00:47:05,300 --> 00:47:06,860
This song rocks, dude.
900
00:47:13,650 --> 00:47:14,630
Kumar.
901
00:47:21,190 --> 00:47:23,920
Hey, dude, there's a lighter here
with a clown on it.
902
00:47:25,390 --> 00:47:26,910
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking monster!
903
00:47:27,690 --> 00:47:28,750
God!
904
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:43,000
Hey, you don't happen to have
a Baby Ruth on you, do you?
905
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,600
No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth?
906
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,580
That's how Chunk won over Sloth
in The Goonies.
907
00:47:48,610 --> 00:47:50,550
This thing looks like Sloth?
908
00:47:50,580 --> 00:47:52,740
All I saw was the creature's hand.
909
00:47:52,780 --> 00:47:54,480
The hand looks like Sloth?
910
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,650
The fucking hand of an evil monster,
dude. Like fucking claws and shit.
911
00:47:58,690 --> 00:48:00,490
Shit.
912
00:48:00,530 --> 00:48:04,890
Listen, no matter what, don't let
the creature know that it's ugly, OK?
913
00:48:04,930 --> 00:48:07,830
The last thing that we want to do
is criticize it or make it feel different...
914
00:48:07,870 --> 00:48:10,600
just because it was born
with horrible deformities.
915
00:48:21,150 --> 00:48:24,380
Don't worry. I got rid of 'em.
It was just my neighbors.
916
00:48:24,420 --> 00:48:25,440
- There's a fricking Cyclops...
- No, you got...
917
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,540
...in your basement, man!
...a fucking thing, dude!
918
00:48:27,590 --> 00:48:28,780
You met Cyrus.
919
00:48:28,820 --> 00:48:30,010
- Cyrus.
- You named it?
920
00:48:30,060 --> 00:48:31,280
Our son.
921
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,260
You must have woke him up. He was
supposed to be asleep. I'm sorry.
922
00:48:34,290 --> 00:48:35,880
I thought you were joking...
923
00:48:35,930 --> 00:48:38,450
when you said you had an inbred son
who lives in your basement.
924
00:48:38,500 --> 00:48:40,120
Well, it ain't a joke.
925
00:48:40,170 --> 00:48:43,460
Raylene and I here are siblings,
and we get it on.
926
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:45,800
But that don't mean
we ought to be judged.
927
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,600
You boys must be awful tired
after what you've been through.
928
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,070
Come with me,
I'll show you to your bed.
929
00:48:50,110 --> 00:48:52,130
You better go back to sleep, boy!
930
00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,170
Don't make me come down there
and whip your Cyclops ass!
931
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,140
It's tough love.
932
00:48:59,180 --> 00:49:01,180
It's the best way.
933
00:49:18,970 --> 00:49:22,030
I don't know what I was thinking
dating that douchebag Colton.
934
00:49:22,070 --> 00:49:25,370
He is a douchebag.
What were you thinking?
935
00:49:25,410 --> 00:49:29,110
But it was agony pretending
his puny, little penis satisfied me.
936
00:49:29,150 --> 00:49:33,710
I bet. I bet you've been missing
the thundercock too, haven't you, baby?
937
00:49:33,750 --> 00:49:36,020
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
938
00:49:36,050 --> 00:49:37,680
Yeah, you've been missing it?
939
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:38,850
How much?
940
00:49:38,890 --> 00:49:41,790
- A lot.
- I bet.
941
00:49:42,790 --> 00:49:44,590
Well...
942
00:49:44,630 --> 00:49:48,260
- I kind of have this fantasy.
- What is it?
943
00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:52,360
I thought it'd be kinda cool
to bring somebody else in bed with us.
944
00:49:53,570 --> 00:49:55,440
Who?
945
00:49:55,470 --> 00:49:57,200
Hey, baby.
946
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,140
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
947
00:50:05,180 --> 00:50:07,980
- Yeah.
- She's hot, right?
948
00:50:08,020 --> 00:50:09,040
Let's do it.
949
00:50:09,090 --> 00:50:11,580
- # There's something #
- # About that woman #
950
00:50:11,620 --> 00:50:15,020
# She's got something
you can't live without #
951
00:50:15,060 --> 00:50:17,820
# Makes your heart sing #
952
00:50:17,860 --> 00:50:19,450
Faster, Weedy.
953
00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:21,560
# Something about that woman #
954
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:25,060
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
955
00:50:25,100 --> 00:50:27,590
# On a good thing #
956
00:50:28,610 --> 00:50:30,870
# I got to give it up #
957
00:50:30,910 --> 00:50:33,640
Teeth, teeth, Weedy, teeth.
958
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:37,780
- Weedy!
- Yeah?
959
00:50:37,820 --> 00:50:40,680
- Yeah!
- You like that?
960
00:50:49,190 --> 00:50:51,030
Putting it in the ass now, Weedy.
961
00:50:54,030 --> 00:50:55,060
Yeah, how about that?
962
00:50:55,100 --> 00:50:57,160
# Something about that woman #
963
00:50:57,200 --> 00:51:00,640
# She's got something
you can't live without #
964
00:51:00,670 --> 00:51:02,640
# Makes your heart sing #
965
00:51:04,380 --> 00:51:07,110
# It's just something about that woman #
966
00:51:07,150 --> 00:51:10,810
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
967
00:51:10,850 --> 00:51:13,410
# On a good thing #
968
00:51:14,190 --> 00:51:15,950
# I got to give it up #
969
00:51:21,930 --> 00:51:23,190
Wow.
970
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:29,600
Dude.
971
00:51:30,540 --> 00:51:32,700
I just had the most
fucked-up nightmare.
972
00:51:32,740 --> 00:51:36,800
Come on, man.
I was having a really hot dream.
973
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,500
Go back to bed, please, dude.
974
00:52:11,380 --> 00:52:14,080
Why did we have to leave?
Their Goonies child was kind of cute.
975
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,600
I don't care. It tried to fucking bite me.
976
00:52:16,650 --> 00:52:18,740
Jesus, every time the two of us
try to get anywhere...
977
00:52:18,780 --> 00:52:21,480
it's fucking disaster
after fucking disaster.
978
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,280
Jesus, dude.
Here, you really need a hit of this.
979
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,920
Dude, I don't want a fucking hit!
980
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,260
It's your solution to everything,
you know that?
981
00:52:28,290 --> 00:52:31,260
Think about it.
We should be at Colton's already.
982
00:52:31,300 --> 00:52:34,560
Hey, chill, we still have two days
to fuck up the wedding.
983
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,660
- What?
- What?
984
00:52:37,170 --> 00:52:38,760
- What?
- What?
985
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:43,540
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
You want to fuck up the wedding.
986
00:52:43,580 --> 00:52:46,910
It's not fucking funny, Kumar.
It's not fucking funny!
987
00:52:47,350 --> 00:52:49,440
Colton is the only guy
that can help us out at this point.
988
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,110
I can't believe... I cannot believe
you're willing to fuck that up!
989
00:52:52,150 --> 00:52:54,050
I just hate that fucking asshole, OK?
990
00:52:54,090 --> 00:52:56,850
Yeah? I like him better
than I like you right now.
991
00:52:56,890 --> 00:52:59,080
- Really?
- Yeah.
992
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:01,120
You know what he got me? A job.
993
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:05,100
You know what you got me?
Thrown into Guantánamo Bay.
994
00:53:05,130 --> 00:53:06,830
- Your job sucks.
- Admit it.
995
00:53:06,870 --> 00:53:09,700
You're jealous because Vanessa
found somebody better than you.
996
00:53:09,730 --> 00:53:11,290
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
997
00:53:11,340 --> 00:53:13,930
Better than you! Let me think.
998
00:53:13,970 --> 00:53:17,460
Potential future president,
or unemployed pothead?
999
00:53:17,510 --> 00:53:20,030
Tough. That's tough.
That's a tough one for her, isn't it?
1000
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,380
Yeah, well at least
Vanessa's not in Amsterdam...
1001
00:53:22,410 --> 00:53:24,250
getting plowed
by a bunch of European dudes.
1002
00:53:25,420 --> 00:53:26,880
- What?
- Do you really think Maria's...
1003
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:28,390
saving herself for you, dude?
1004
00:53:28,420 --> 00:53:30,350
Right now, she's probably got
two uncircumcised dicks...
1005
00:53:30,390 --> 00:53:31,480
dangling in front of her throat.
1006
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,980
You know what she's gonna do with them?
Down 'em into her tonsils?
1007
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,460
Fucking dick.
1008
00:53:44,770 --> 00:53:47,140
- That's my hat.
- That was my hat, bro.
1009
00:53:49,510 --> 00:53:51,170
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria.
1010
00:53:51,580 --> 00:53:53,070
Asshole!
1011
00:53:53,110 --> 00:53:55,940
Don't you dare say a fucking word
about my angel!
1012
00:53:58,420 --> 00:54:00,250
What the fuck was that?
1013
00:54:00,290 --> 00:54:02,340
Get up. Get up!
1014
00:54:02,390 --> 00:54:04,360
Fuck you.
1015
00:54:13,570 --> 00:54:15,160
Shit.
1016
00:54:18,700 --> 00:54:21,640
Isn't that a KKK bonfire?
1017
00:54:21,670 --> 00:54:22,830
Yeah.
1018
00:54:24,210 --> 00:54:26,110
Yeah, I think it is.
1019
00:54:26,910 --> 00:54:29,110
Maybe we should
get the fuck out of here.
1020
00:54:29,150 --> 00:54:31,170
Yeah. Yeah, dude.
1021
00:54:31,220 --> 00:54:33,550
Let's do that.
1022
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,350
The other day, caught a rerun
of that show Becker.
1023
00:54:39,390 --> 00:54:40,820
You know that show?
1024
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,300
Yeah, that's the one
with that Jew, Ted Danson.
1025
00:54:44,330 --> 00:54:47,770
That blond negro they got on there,
he had me in stitches.
1026
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:49,360
He's actually pretty funny.
1027
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,630
Really? You think so?
1028
00:54:51,670 --> 00:54:54,470
I'm not saying I wouldn't
lynch the guy, but...
1029
00:54:54,510 --> 00:54:57,300
his timing, it's priceless.
1030
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,340
Hold up a second.
1031
00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:03,040
I gotta go drain the main vein.
1032
00:55:20,030 --> 00:55:22,230
I'll tell ya, Travis...
1033
00:55:22,270 --> 00:55:24,630
when it comes to feeling good...
1034
00:55:24,670 --> 00:55:27,700
I'd rate pissin' right up there
with comin' and shittin'.
1035
00:55:29,740 --> 00:55:31,300
I like to do all three.
1036
00:55:31,340 --> 00:55:32,570
Yeah, I hear ya.
1037
00:55:34,780 --> 00:55:37,870
Kenny, come on, man.
Hurry the fuck up.
1038
00:55:38,820 --> 00:55:42,220
You were the one who made me
drink that third beer.
1039
00:55:42,250 --> 00:55:44,690
Hold your horses, peckerwood.
1040
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:47,960
Gross! You fucking pissed on me!
1041
00:55:47,990 --> 00:55:50,290
- You racist fuck!
- What the heck?
1042
00:55:57,070 --> 00:55:59,090
What the nigger was that?
1043
00:56:01,140 --> 00:56:03,730
This is fucked. We are fucked.
1044
00:56:03,780 --> 00:56:05,680
Kenny. Travis.
1045
00:56:07,210 --> 00:56:09,870
What in the tarnation you guys doin'?
1046
00:56:09,910 --> 00:56:12,080
Good, you brought the keg.
Lug that thing over.
1047
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:13,480
- Let's go! Come on!
- Come on!
1048
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:15,780
Let's go, come on!
1049
00:56:27,100 --> 00:56:29,830
Yeah, then you put little onions on 'em
and you steam 'em, they're awesome.
1050
00:56:29,870 --> 00:56:33,460
Roldy, dude, I'd never thought
I'd say this in a million years...
1051
00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:35,100
but the Klan really knows how to party.
1052
00:56:35,140 --> 00:56:36,970
You gotta try these dogs.
1053
00:56:37,010 --> 00:56:38,000
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
1054
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,740
Really know how to...
the Klan knows how to party?
1055
00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:42,800
- Dude, we've got to get out of here!
- Jeez, all right, dude, relax.
1056
00:56:42,850 --> 00:56:46,310
All right, y'all! Come on over here
and we'll sit around the campfire.
1057
00:56:46,350 --> 00:56:48,820
- Shit, what do we do?
- Let's go sit down.
1058
00:56:48,850 --> 00:56:50,080
Rufus. Next to them marshmallows...
1059
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,350
- and the graham crackers.
- Everybody sit down.
1060
00:56:52,390 --> 00:56:54,920
Best s'mores we've had in a long time...
1061
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,150
that's what I'm talking about,
that's what I'm talking about.
1062
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,930
Now. Now I want
each one of y'all to tell me...
1063
00:57:00,970 --> 00:57:03,590
somethin'... Porch monkey, kike!
1064
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,540
...that you did
to a minority this week. Yeah.
1065
00:57:06,570 --> 00:57:08,660
I tripped a beaner while I was
walking down the stairs...
1066
00:57:08,710 --> 00:57:10,940
at the Wal-Mart the other day.
1067
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:13,810
Guy crashed into a bunch of wine bottles.
1068
00:57:14,550 --> 00:57:16,670
They made him pay for 'em! Yeah!
1069
00:57:19,420 --> 00:57:21,210
All right, all right, let's all calm down.
1070
00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:24,280
White power here, white power here,
white power here.
1071
00:57:25,260 --> 00:57:27,120
Giving him what he deserves.
1072
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:28,460
Hebe!
1073
00:57:30,460 --> 00:57:32,950
All right, I'm back. Next.
1074
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,120
It better be good. Here.
1075
00:57:39,270 --> 00:57:41,530
Come on, dude, say something.
1076
00:57:43,940 --> 00:57:45,740
You know what?
1077
00:57:47,410 --> 00:57:49,400
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
1078
00:57:49,450 --> 00:57:50,470
That's funny!
1079
00:57:52,150 --> 00:57:54,480
Yeah, send them Indians back to Africa.
1080
00:57:54,550 --> 00:57:58,650
Well, you want to hear something real
fucked-up and awesome that I did?
1081
00:57:58,690 --> 00:58:03,420
I took a Korean guy's toothbrush
and I rubbed it all over my dick.
1082
00:58:03,460 --> 00:58:07,400
- You did that?
- Well, that's just downright disgustin'.
1083
00:58:07,430 --> 00:58:09,200
- But I like it!
- Yeah!
1084
00:58:10,370 --> 00:58:12,670
Yeah, I love bein' white.
1085
00:58:13,910 --> 00:58:16,840
- What the...
- Look what we got us here, brothers.
1086
00:58:20,210 --> 00:58:22,410
Mexicans!
1087
00:58:22,450 --> 00:58:25,110
Lynch 'em!
1088
00:58:25,150 --> 00:58:26,410
Come on, come on! Come on!
1089
00:58:29,190 --> 00:58:32,350
Come on, boys, let's chase them
back to the border!
1090
00:58:33,790 --> 00:58:34,780
Pussy fart!
1091
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,030
Holy shit!
1092
00:58:40,060 --> 00:58:42,000
Should we put it out or what?
1093
00:58:44,300 --> 00:58:46,170
Are they still behind us?
1094
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:49,200
I don't think so.
Dude, the Klan is fucking slow.
1095
00:58:51,940 --> 00:58:54,340
Hey, flag down this car.
1096
00:58:54,380 --> 00:58:57,070
Help! Help! Help!
1097
00:58:58,580 --> 00:59:00,950
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1098
00:59:02,290 --> 00:59:03,510
# Yeah #
1099
00:59:03,550 --> 00:59:05,020
Thanks for stopping.
1100
00:59:05,060 --> 00:59:06,050
# You better check yo self #
1101
00:59:06,090 --> 00:59:07,350
No problem.
1102
00:59:07,390 --> 00:59:09,120
# 'Cause I'm bad for your health,
I come real stealth #
1103
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:10,650
Neil?
1104
00:59:10,700 --> 00:59:13,220
Gary and Kumar!
1105
00:59:13,260 --> 00:59:14,320
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1106
00:59:14,370 --> 00:59:15,350
Harold. Harold.
1107
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:16,890
Sorry, man. I forgot.
1108
00:59:19,100 --> 00:59:21,230
What are you doing here, man?
1109
00:59:21,270 --> 00:59:24,730
This is where God took me.
What are you guys doing out here?
1110
00:59:24,780 --> 00:59:27,270
We're actually trying to get to Texas.
1111
00:59:27,310 --> 00:59:28,680
That's where I'm headed!
1112
00:59:30,210 --> 00:59:31,200
What are the odds?
1113
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:33,110
Let's get out of here.
1114
00:59:33,150 --> 00:59:34,710
- All right.
- Thank you.
1115
00:59:35,390 --> 00:59:36,380
Shrooms?
1116
00:59:36,420 --> 00:59:38,720
- No. Thanks, though.
- No, thank you.
1117
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:40,590
Suit yourself.
1118
00:59:45,260 --> 00:59:47,290
Gentlemen, start your engines.
1119
00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:50,430
It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride.
1120
00:59:50,470 --> 00:59:52,370
# 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health #
1121
00:59:57,280 --> 00:59:59,740
We found their phone.
1122
01:00:00,610 --> 01:00:03,240
Lee and Patel made a phone call to you.
1123
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:07,310
Now tell us everything you know
about their terrorist plot.
1124
01:00:07,350 --> 01:00:10,380
Terrorist plot? Rold and Kumar?
1125
01:00:10,420 --> 01:00:12,650
This is ridiculous.
1126
01:00:12,690 --> 01:00:15,250
OK, fine. Fine.
1127
01:00:15,290 --> 01:00:17,850
Mr. Rosenberg.
1128
01:00:17,900 --> 01:00:20,730
Mr. Gold-stein.
1129
01:00:21,670 --> 01:00:23,760
We'll do it your way.
1130
01:00:27,610 --> 01:00:30,840
What's this? What do we have here?
1131
01:00:57,740 --> 01:00:59,430
It's about seven dollars?
1132
01:00:59,470 --> 01:01:01,130
Look, don't insult us, all right?
1133
01:01:01,170 --> 01:01:02,640
I don't know
what the hell is going on here...
1134
01:01:02,670 --> 01:01:05,400
but I'm pleading the Fifth
until I speak to my lawyer.
1135
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,710
You're pleading the Fifth, huh?
1136
01:01:08,850 --> 01:01:10,810
Beecher, give me a copy
of the Bill of Rights.
1137
01:01:10,850 --> 01:01:12,370
The Bill of Rights? Why?
1138
01:01:12,420 --> 01:01:14,480
Just do it!
1139
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:16,450
Excuse me.
1140
01:01:18,690 --> 01:01:19,680
Five, right?
1141
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:21,020
- Five alive.
- Sure.
1142
01:01:21,060 --> 01:01:23,620
OK. OK. Good.
1143
01:01:26,030 --> 01:01:29,400
You wanna know what I think
about the Fifth Amendment?
1144
01:01:36,910 --> 01:01:38,340
There it is.
1145
01:01:45,020 --> 01:01:47,850
That's what I think
of the Fifth Amendment.
1146
01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:53,480
Why the hell is your ass so dirty?
Don't you wipe?
1147
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:57,090
Don't ask questions
you don't want the answer to, buddy.
1148
01:01:57,130 --> 01:01:58,120
What do ya got?
1149
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:01,220
Turns out the FBI was already
tapping Mr. Goldstein's phone.
1150
01:02:01,270 --> 01:02:03,030
- We got what we need.
- Wait a second.
1151
01:02:03,070 --> 01:02:05,400
You were tapping my phone?
1152
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:06,430
You want to hear the tape?
1153
01:02:06,470 --> 01:02:10,700
No. I'm sick of listening
to this dirt farmer. What's the upshot?
1154
01:02:10,740 --> 01:02:13,210
Lee and Patel are on their way
to Texas as we speak.
1155
01:02:14,250 --> 01:02:15,410
I knew they'd trip up.
1156
01:02:15,450 --> 01:02:19,250
Ready the plane.
These fuckers are goin' down.
1157
01:02:26,290 --> 01:02:29,920
Neil, can you just focus on driving?
You've had... Focus on the road.
1158
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:32,520
You've had dozens of shrooms,
my friend.
1159
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:36,290
Dude, I was able to perform
an appendectomy at age 14.
1160
01:02:36,330 --> 01:02:39,500
I think I can handle
a couple mushrooms.
1161
01:02:39,540 --> 01:02:43,060
- Wasn't that just a TV show?
- Jesus Christ!
1162
01:02:43,110 --> 01:02:45,910
Did you see that unicorn?
1163
01:02:45,940 --> 01:02:47,710
Its horn was so shiny.
1164
01:02:48,710 --> 01:02:52,210
So, why are you guys headed to Texas?
1165
01:02:52,250 --> 01:02:55,150
Let's just say
my ex-girlfriend's getting married.
1166
01:02:58,390 --> 01:03:00,360
The one that got away, huh?
1167
01:03:00,390 --> 01:03:02,050
Yep.
1168
01:03:02,090 --> 01:03:04,080
Sounds to me like you need a drink.
1169
01:03:04,930 --> 01:03:07,230
Road. Neil, please,
can you pay attention...
1170
01:03:07,260 --> 01:03:09,200
Dude, I've got it!
1171
01:03:09,230 --> 01:03:12,130
- Yeah, but...
- He's a good driver. Stop.
1172
01:03:12,170 --> 01:03:15,230
Thanks, man. Cheers, dude.
1173
01:03:15,270 --> 01:03:16,400
Really? Drinking?
1174
01:03:23,750 --> 01:03:25,810
I have a lost-love story of my own.
1175
01:03:25,850 --> 01:03:26,840
Yeah?
1176
01:03:27,550 --> 01:03:29,820
Happened on the set of Clara's Heart.
1177
01:03:29,850 --> 01:03:31,340
Sure, sure, yeah.
1178
01:03:31,390 --> 01:03:34,880
I'll never forget her.
Her name was Tashonda.
1179
01:03:34,930 --> 01:03:36,760
She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in.
1180
01:03:36,790 --> 01:03:40,790
Her skin was so soft,
her lips were so sweet.
1181
01:03:41,900 --> 01:03:46,800
She had these tiny,
little Hershey Kiss nipples...
1182
01:03:47,570 --> 01:03:50,700
that you just wanted
to suck on all night long.
1183
01:03:51,210 --> 01:03:54,470
Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her.
1184
01:03:54,510 --> 01:03:56,280
I said...
1185
01:03:56,310 --> 01:04:00,040
"T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up."
1186
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:01,680
Why did you do that?
1187
01:04:02,650 --> 01:04:05,590
I didn't think I could take on
that kind of responsibility.
1188
01:04:07,190 --> 01:04:10,180
It was such a big mistake.
1189
01:04:10,230 --> 01:04:12,560
Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone...
1190
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,930
couldn't you have sex
with whoever you wanted?
1191
01:04:14,970 --> 01:04:16,160
Let me be clear.
1192
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:18,070
There is nothing on the planet...
1193
01:04:18,100 --> 01:04:20,400
that I love more than a hot, new pussy.
1194
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:21,960
- Sure.
- Nothing.
1195
01:04:22,010 --> 01:04:24,100
What does the P.H. stands for in N.P. H?
1196
01:04:25,380 --> 01:04:26,470
Patrick Harris.
1197
01:04:26,510 --> 01:04:29,140
No, common mistake. Poon handler.
1198
01:04:30,050 --> 01:04:31,710
The point is, boys...
1199
01:04:31,750 --> 01:04:36,350
even though I love havin' sex
with some hot, random trim...
1200
01:04:36,390 --> 01:04:41,350
a day hasn't gone by
where I haven't thought of Tashonda.
1201
01:04:42,230 --> 01:04:47,530
Every time I see a bag of
Hershey's Kisses, my balls get so wet.
1202
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,630
Here's to you, Tashonda.
1203
01:04:55,340 --> 01:04:58,970
- I hope you kept the baby.
- Wow.
1204
01:05:24,940 --> 01:05:28,030
# Free on my own #
1205
01:05:28,070 --> 01:05:31,130
# That's the way I used to be #
1206
01:05:31,180 --> 01:05:32,730
# But since I met you, baby #
1207
01:05:32,780 --> 01:05:34,940
Hey, honey.
What's up?
1208
01:05:34,980 --> 01:05:37,610
I found something in your purse.
1209
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:39,950
Why would you go through my purse?
1210
01:05:39,980 --> 01:05:41,650
Why would you have a joint...
1211
01:05:41,690 --> 01:05:44,780
when you know
it could ruin my political career?
1212
01:05:44,820 --> 01:05:45,880
I'm sorry.
1213
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:50,190
What with all the wedding plans,
I've just been a little stressed.
1214
01:05:50,230 --> 01:05:52,160
It helps me relax?
1215
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:55,650
Marijuana is illegal, Vanessa.
1216
01:05:55,700 --> 01:05:57,530
Now, I thought that part of your life
was in the past.
1217
01:05:57,570 --> 01:06:00,000
- It is.
- Good.
1218
01:06:01,370 --> 01:06:02,460
That's all I need to hear.
1219
01:06:05,110 --> 01:06:07,910
Hey, baby.
1220
01:06:07,950 --> 01:06:11,280
Look, I know things can be hectic
with the wedding.
1221
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:15,680
But, you know, if you get stressed out,
just do what I do.
1222
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:17,740
Snort Zoloft, OK?
1223
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,660
What the fuck?
1224
01:06:27,700 --> 01:06:28,690
Shit.
1225
01:06:28,730 --> 01:06:32,190
Dude, they set up a fucking roadblock!
They're gonna find us.
1226
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:34,030
- What are you talking about?
- Neil...
1227
01:06:34,070 --> 01:06:36,270
I don't know how to say this
any other way, man, but we're fugitives.
1228
01:06:36,310 --> 01:06:37,900
Cool.
1229
01:06:39,240 --> 01:06:41,540
OK, well, we've got to find a way
to get out of this.
1230
01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:43,210
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Please.
1231
01:06:43,250 --> 01:06:47,150
You act like I've never smuggled
a fugitive across state lines before.
1232
01:06:47,180 --> 01:06:49,480
Here. Hide in that.
1233
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,890
Sorry. It's a little sticky.
1234
01:06:54,290 --> 01:06:56,090
Shit.
1235
01:07:00,970 --> 01:07:02,460
Yeah.
1236
01:07:04,670 --> 01:07:06,830
What the... When were you
gonna show me these?
1237
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:17,010
Excuse me.
1238
01:07:17,780 --> 01:07:18,940
Wait, Officer!
1239
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:22,320
- Shit.
- Hold that car!
1240
01:07:36,270 --> 01:07:40,200
Neil Patrick Harris.
1241
01:07:41,510 --> 01:07:42,530
Yo.
1242
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:47,770
It is an honor to meet you, sir.
1243
01:07:47,810 --> 01:07:50,300
Yeah. I would imagine so.
1244
01:07:52,350 --> 01:07:54,280
I'm sure you get this all the time...
1245
01:07:54,320 --> 01:08:01,190
but your part in Starship Troopers
truly, truly changed my life.
1246
01:08:01,230 --> 01:08:02,520
Really?
1247
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:04,360
How?
1248
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:09,590
Well, no one thought the war against
the arachnids of Klendathu could be won.
1249
01:08:09,630 --> 01:08:11,070
- But you showed the starship troopers...
- Neil!
1250
01:08:11,100 --> 01:08:13,040
...that those bugs could be destroyed.
1251
01:08:14,810 --> 01:08:19,540
A lot of people think the war on terror
is a war that can't be won, right?
1252
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:23,400
That's why I joined
the Department of Homeland Security.
1253
01:08:23,450 --> 01:08:28,080
My friend, two words.
Starship fuckin' Troopers.
1254
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:32,320
If you want to know the secret of being,
you will come with us.
1255
01:08:33,660 --> 01:08:35,680
Please. I really need to go.
1256
01:08:35,730 --> 01:08:39,590
Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry
to bother you. You move along.
1257
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:44,770
Bye.
1258
01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:46,770
I love you.
1259
01:08:50,010 --> 01:08:51,840
I love you too, Mr. Patrick Harris.
1260
01:08:53,340 --> 01:08:54,500
What the...
1261
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,680
Holy fucking shit, that was awesome.
1262
01:09:04,690 --> 01:09:06,780
Try having that conversation
on shrooms.
1263
01:09:06,820 --> 01:09:08,690
I deserve an Oscar
for that performance.
1264
01:09:08,730 --> 01:09:09,720
- You do!
- Dudes...
1265
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:11,630
I'm gonna take a little detour
on the way, all right?
1266
01:09:11,660 --> 01:09:12,650
- No.
- Neil, no.
1267
01:09:12,700 --> 01:09:13,690
But we're almost there, man.
1268
01:09:13,730 --> 01:09:15,860
- No buts. No buts!
- What do you do...
1269
01:09:15,900 --> 01:09:18,830
I'm going to a whorehouse
and I'm gonna get my fuck on.
1270
01:09:18,870 --> 01:09:23,400
If you two don't want to get
your dicks wet, that's fine with me.
1271
01:09:24,110 --> 01:09:26,240
I'll get my dick wet.
1272
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:36,620
# Don't need nothin' but a good time #
1273
01:09:36,650 --> 01:09:39,280
# How can I resist? #
1274
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:43,260
# Ain't lookin' for nothin'
but a good time #
1275
01:09:43,290 --> 01:09:47,130
# And it don't get better than this #
1276
01:09:47,630 --> 01:09:51,000
Pussy, I'm home!
1277
01:09:51,030 --> 01:09:52,500
Hello?
1278
01:09:53,300 --> 01:09:58,470
Well, well, well. I thought you'd never
show your face around here again.
1279
01:09:58,510 --> 01:10:01,270
What's the matter, Sally? I thought
I was one of your top customers.
1280
01:10:01,310 --> 01:10:04,410
Have you forgotten what happened
the last time you were here?
1281
01:10:05,220 --> 01:10:07,680
Because of you, my best girl quit.
1282
01:10:07,720 --> 01:10:09,520
Hey, I paid her good money.
1283
01:10:09,550 --> 01:10:11,180
It's not my fault
she didn't lube up.
1284
01:10:11,760 --> 01:10:14,920
Besides, I bring you new customers.
1285
01:10:14,960 --> 01:10:18,090
- New customers?
- No, Neil, that's all.
1286
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:20,150
Thank you. Thank you.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
1287
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,430
Sally. Bring on the lineup.
1288
01:10:25,170 --> 01:10:27,160
Line up in the chutes, girls.
1289
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:30,040
Longhorns coming through.
1290
01:10:30,070 --> 01:10:31,170
Neil.
1291
01:10:35,110 --> 01:10:37,950
Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.
1292
01:10:37,980 --> 01:10:39,850
Hello, ba...
1293
01:10:40,980 --> 01:10:43,750
- What's your name, miss?
- Tits Hemingway.
1294
01:10:43,790 --> 01:10:45,350
How'd you come up with that?
1295
01:10:45,390 --> 01:10:47,320
Well, I have huge tits.
1296
01:10:47,360 --> 01:10:49,760
And my favorite book
is A Moveable Feast.
1297
01:10:49,790 --> 01:10:52,350
I guess that makes sense, yeah.
1298
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:53,950
Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits...
1299
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:56,300
'cause I'm gonna rock out
with my cock out...
1300
01:10:56,330 --> 01:10:58,060
and you're gonna jam out
with your clam out.
1301
01:10:58,100 --> 01:10:59,800
It's gonna be magical.
1302
01:11:00,700 --> 01:11:02,640
- The whores are on me, fellas.
- No, Neil...
1303
01:11:02,670 --> 01:11:04,470
- thank you, but we... that's...
- Thanks, dude.
1304
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:06,000
Screw that, Roldy.
I don't know about you...
1305
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:09,410
but, no offense to the rest of you ladies,
I am gonna be taking you two.
1306
01:11:09,610 --> 01:11:12,080
No, Kumar. Kumar!
1307
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:13,610
Roldy, you're missing out, brother.
1308
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:16,540
Yo, we need to get back on the road,
buddy.
1309
01:11:16,590 --> 01:11:18,020
We need...
1310
01:11:21,530 --> 01:11:24,460
Well, now, you know, we also supply...
1311
01:11:24,500 --> 01:11:28,120
in-room films or a magazine.
1312
01:11:30,130 --> 01:11:32,760
Well, if you'd like
some self-satisfaction...
1313
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:34,900
we do have some...
1314
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:39,010
electronic devices right over there.
1315
01:11:42,450 --> 01:11:45,040
Just have some coffee. Yeah?
1316
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:47,920
Why don't you lie on the bed?
1317
01:11:47,950 --> 01:11:50,440
And tell us what you want us to do.
1318
01:11:50,490 --> 01:11:52,850
OK. OK.
1319
01:11:54,190 --> 01:11:55,820
Well...
1320
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,190
how about...
1321
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:02,670
How about you take off your clothes
and make out with each other?
1322
01:12:02,700 --> 01:12:05,100
- We've done that before.
- We can do that.
1323
01:12:05,140 --> 01:12:06,230
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1324
01:12:06,270 --> 01:12:08,030
# Pussy real good #
1325
01:12:08,070 --> 01:12:09,730
- # That pussy #
- # Pussy real good #
1326
01:12:09,770 --> 01:12:12,110
- # That pussy #
- # That pussy off the chain #
1327
01:12:12,140 --> 01:12:14,300
- # That pussy #
- # Go on and do yo thang #
1328
01:12:14,340 --> 01:12:16,680
- # That pussy #
- # Pussy real good #
1329
01:12:16,710 --> 01:12:18,770
- # That pussy #
- # That pussy real good #
1330
01:12:18,820 --> 01:12:20,750
# That pussy #
1331
01:12:20,780 --> 01:12:22,580
# Yo' mama don't like #
1332
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:25,250
# She say I'm no good #
1333
01:12:25,290 --> 01:12:27,220
# What she don't know is #
1334
01:12:27,260 --> 01:12:29,590
# I got you pussy-whooped #
1335
01:12:29,630 --> 01:12:31,890
# He need this pussy #
1336
01:12:31,930 --> 01:12:34,190
# He smell this pussy #
1337
01:12:34,230 --> 01:12:36,320
# He wanna taste this pussy #
1338
01:12:36,370 --> 01:12:38,770
# He gotta pay for pussy #
1339
01:12:38,800 --> 01:12:40,600
Can you use tongue?
1340
01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:42,870
# That pussy, pussy #
1341
01:12:42,910 --> 01:12:44,570
# Pussy, pussy #
1342
01:12:46,180 --> 01:12:47,910
Bump your titty on her titty.
1343
01:12:47,950 --> 01:12:49,380
# Police pull me over #
1344
01:12:49,410 --> 01:12:51,400
# They don't write no tickets #
1345
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:54,420
Boner achieved!
1346
01:12:55,450 --> 01:12:58,980
Great. Now let's get those pants off.
1347
01:12:59,020 --> 01:13:00,350
OK.
1348
01:13:00,890 --> 01:13:04,160
- You are benevolent human beings.
- Yeah, I know.
1349
01:13:04,190 --> 01:13:05,560
- Yeah?
- We get that a lot.
1350
01:13:05,660 --> 01:13:07,430
Yeah. You know what that means,
benevolent?
1351
01:13:07,460 --> 01:13:09,060
Yeah, I do, actually.
1352
01:13:09,100 --> 01:13:10,360
What?
1353
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,560
It means we're gonna fuck you so hard...
1354
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:14,970
your dick's gonna be sore for two weeks.
1355
01:13:15,010 --> 01:13:18,130
That is exactly, exactly what it means.
1356
01:13:19,210 --> 01:13:22,110
You know what bothers me
the most, though?
1357
01:13:22,150 --> 01:13:25,270
He never once apologized
for getting me into all this trouble.
1358
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:30,310
I mean, I'm supposed to be with my
Maria right now in Amsterdam, OK?
1359
01:13:30,350 --> 01:13:33,790
But it's cool.
He doesn't know how to say "I'm sorry."
1360
01:13:34,220 --> 01:13:36,020
Why do you think that is?
1361
01:13:36,060 --> 01:13:40,500
Sparkle, because it's all about
what he wants. It's about him, him, him.
1362
01:13:40,530 --> 01:13:43,730
You know. I don't even care
because... You know...
1363
01:13:43,770 --> 01:13:46,530
if he can't be a good friend to me,
I'm not gonna be a good friend to him.
1364
01:13:46,570 --> 01:13:48,730
- It's done.
- Don't say that.
1365
01:13:49,170 --> 01:13:51,140
A good friend is hard to come by.
1366
01:13:51,170 --> 01:13:52,610
Venus, come on.
1367
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:55,870
Yeah, but if he was a real friend,
he would know how to say, "I'm sorry."
1368
01:13:55,950 --> 01:13:57,280
That's right.
1369
01:13:57,310 --> 01:13:59,310
Thank you, Agnes.
1370
01:14:00,220 --> 01:14:01,210
Nail on the head.
1371
01:14:02,090 --> 01:14:03,180
It's like right now...
1372
01:14:03,220 --> 01:14:08,160
after all the shit that we have
been through in the last few days...
1373
01:14:08,190 --> 01:14:13,390
you know, he's in there having
the time of his life, having sex.
1374
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:19,290
I never should have left her.
1375
01:14:19,870 --> 01:14:21,530
I don't even know...
1376
01:14:21,570 --> 01:14:23,970
I don't even know what I was thinking.
1377
01:14:24,010 --> 01:14:26,840
I loved her so much.
1378
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,070
She was my little baby.
1379
01:14:29,110 --> 01:14:30,980
She was my little baby.
1380
01:14:31,010 --> 01:14:32,170
Why did I let my little baby go?
1381
01:14:32,220 --> 01:14:34,480
Why did I let her go?
1382
01:14:34,520 --> 01:14:36,420
You'll find someone else.
1383
01:14:36,450 --> 01:14:38,150
No, I won't. Not like Vanessa.
1384
01:14:38,190 --> 01:14:40,590
You'll find love again someday.
1385
01:14:40,620 --> 01:14:42,850
Yeah, you will.
1386
01:14:43,460 --> 01:14:45,760
Did you guys?
1387
01:14:47,330 --> 01:14:49,730
No, we're whores.
1388
01:14:49,770 --> 01:14:52,060
- Remember?
- Yeah.
1389
01:14:58,580 --> 01:14:59,910
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
1390
01:14:59,940 --> 01:15:01,740
What the hell is going on here?
1391
01:15:01,780 --> 01:15:04,680
That prick fucking branded me!
1392
01:15:05,580 --> 01:15:07,110
- Stop it.
- I warned you, Neil.
1393
01:15:07,150 --> 01:15:09,580
Bring it.
1394
01:15:09,620 --> 01:15:11,950
- Neil! Neil!
- Time to put your dick in the dirt.
1395
01:15:11,990 --> 01:15:14,390
- What... Neil! What are you doing?
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
1396
01:15:14,420 --> 01:15:15,410
- But...
- No, Neil.
1397
01:15:15,460 --> 01:15:16,930
Neil!
1398
01:15:17,830 --> 01:15:20,260
- What about Neil, man?
- No, fuck Neil. He just fucked us.
1399
01:15:20,300 --> 01:15:22,820
- Neil! Neil!
- Come on, come on, come on!
1400
01:15:22,870 --> 01:15:24,530
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- Neil!
1401
01:15:24,570 --> 01:15:26,040
Come on!
1402
01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:28,930
- N.P. H!
- No!
1403
01:15:30,740 --> 01:15:31,970
Stop! Stop!
1404
01:15:33,140 --> 01:15:34,840
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
We've got to get Neil.
1405
01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:36,540
- Why?
- Look, we're stealing his car!
1406
01:15:36,580 --> 01:15:39,450
- We can't leave him back there.
- He stole your fucking car last week!
1407
01:15:40,450 --> 01:15:42,110
What was that?
1408
01:15:42,790 --> 01:15:43,780
- Hurry up.
- Neil!
1409
01:15:43,820 --> 01:15:45,580
- Hurry up. Come on, man.
- Guys.
1410
01:15:45,620 --> 01:15:47,560
- All right. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
- Neil, Neil, come on! Come on, man!
1411
01:15:47,590 --> 01:15:49,420
- Guys!
- Hurry up! Hurry up!
1412
01:15:49,460 --> 01:15:50,930
It's not even funny.
Hurry up, dude, hurry up.
1413
01:15:50,960 --> 01:15:52,760
You can make it, dude.
1414
01:15:52,800 --> 01:15:56,250
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
1415
01:15:57,170 --> 01:16:00,140
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ!
1416
01:16:00,170 --> 01:16:02,370
- Neil's dead! Neil's dead!
- No!
1417
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:06,980
- Oh, my God!
- Get the fuck out of here! Go! Go!
1418
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:15,740
# How do I say goodbye #
1419
01:16:15,790 --> 01:16:17,520
It's the dawn of a new day.
1420
01:16:20,360 --> 01:16:22,450
And Neil Patrick Harris
isn't around to see it, man.
1421
01:16:22,490 --> 01:16:23,480
Dude, I told you.
1422
01:16:23,530 --> 01:16:25,020
Will you please stop saying that?
1423
01:16:26,100 --> 01:16:27,590
God.
1424
01:16:27,630 --> 01:16:30,100
He's gone.
1425
01:16:30,770 --> 01:16:33,760
Maybe he's got
some family contact info in here.
1426
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,000
Dude, I know
I'm not calling Neil's parents.
1427
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:38,870
What's in the bag?
1428
01:16:38,910 --> 01:16:41,430
- Holy fuck.
- Creepy mask.
1429
01:16:42,380 --> 01:16:44,970
A jar with hair in it.
1430
01:16:47,450 --> 01:16:50,510
And, like, 12 cans of Mace.
1431
01:16:53,190 --> 01:16:56,020
- Look, dude.
- Holy shit.
1432
01:16:56,060 --> 01:16:58,430
Holy shit, we actually made it.
1433
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:07,470
This is where Colton grew up, huh?
1434
01:17:07,500 --> 01:17:09,800
Smell that? That smells like douche.
1435
01:17:16,050 --> 01:17:18,980
No, you will remain in this car.
1436
01:17:19,020 --> 01:17:22,250
I will go inside alone and, if we're lucky,
Colton will help us out.
1437
01:17:22,290 --> 01:17:26,190
- Why can't I just...
- No. Let me put it another way.
1438
01:17:26,220 --> 01:17:29,950
You leave this car,
and our friendship is over.
1439
01:17:29,990 --> 01:17:32,460
- But, Roldy, I just...
- Kumar.
1440
01:17:32,500 --> 01:17:35,490
Open the door
and I will cut your fucking balls off.
1441
01:17:35,530 --> 01:17:36,660
Jesus. OK.
1442
01:17:40,400 --> 01:17:42,390
- Balls.
- Go.
1443
01:17:54,180 --> 01:17:56,710
Hi, I'm a friend of Colton's.
1444
01:17:56,750 --> 01:17:58,280
Thank you.
1445
01:18:41,460 --> 01:18:42,760
God damn it.
1446
01:18:42,800 --> 01:18:45,100
Vanessa? You OK?
1447
01:18:45,140 --> 01:18:48,470
- Kumar? What are you doing here?
- Yeah, let me help you up.
1448
01:18:52,310 --> 01:18:54,110
I thought you were going to Amsterdam.
1449
01:18:54,140 --> 01:18:56,810
Yeah, me too. It didn't work out.
1450
01:18:57,810 --> 01:18:59,080
You all right?
1451
01:18:59,120 --> 01:19:01,680
- Now, does this hurt when I touch it?
- Yeah.
1452
01:19:01,720 --> 01:19:03,310
- It does?
- Yeah.
1453
01:19:03,350 --> 01:19:07,260
This is just what I need.
A limp during the wedding.
1454
01:19:07,290 --> 01:19:09,490
Can you move it around in a circle?
1455
01:19:10,490 --> 01:19:13,690
OK, that's what I figured. It's just your
ATFL. I don't think you tore it, though.
1456
01:19:13,730 --> 01:19:17,290
So a little ice and massage
should do the trick. You'll be fine.
1457
01:19:17,330 --> 01:19:19,460
Are you gonna tell me why you're here?
1458
01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:21,490
Roldy and I ran into some trouble...
1459
01:19:21,540 --> 01:19:25,470
and we figured that maybe
your Colton could help us out.
1460
01:19:25,510 --> 01:19:28,670
- Still getting into trouble, huh?
- A little bit.
1461
01:19:28,710 --> 01:19:31,700
You remember that time that
you broke into the animal lab...
1462
01:19:31,750 --> 01:19:34,770
and, like, stole that monkey and put it
in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
1463
01:19:34,820 --> 01:19:36,510
OK, first of all,
that was Goldstein's idea...
1464
01:19:36,550 --> 01:19:37,540
and second of all...
1465
01:19:37,590 --> 01:19:40,280
had I known that the monkey had AIDS,
I never would have done that.
1466
01:19:40,320 --> 01:19:41,310
What about you?
1467
01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:44,790
You put those disgusting used tampons
in Professor Konop's purse.
1468
01:19:44,830 --> 01:19:46,390
- Remember that?
- Come on.
1469
01:19:46,430 --> 01:19:47,830
She was a bitch and you know it.
1470
01:19:51,670 --> 01:19:54,000
What's going on here?
1471
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:57,030
Hey, she actually fell
and broke her heel here.
1472
01:19:57,070 --> 01:20:01,310
Yeah, I twisted my ankle.
Kumar was just looking at it.
1473
01:20:01,340 --> 01:20:03,400
- Why aren't you in the car, Kumar?
- Dude, I heard her yell.
1474
01:20:03,450 --> 01:20:05,040
I thought I told you
to stay in the car, man.
1475
01:20:05,720 --> 01:20:07,010
It's OK, man.
1476
01:20:07,050 --> 01:20:08,540
No worries.
1477
01:20:08,590 --> 01:20:11,180
Listen, Roldy filled me in
on the situation.
1478
01:20:11,220 --> 01:20:13,990
But don't worry. I'll make sure
my dad takes care of everything.
1479
01:20:15,160 --> 01:20:16,150
Thanks, man.
1480
01:20:16,190 --> 01:20:19,180
In the meantime,
you are going to the doctor.
1481
01:20:19,230 --> 01:20:21,360
Ramón!
1482
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:25,730
Ramón. Please bring Vanessa
to Dr. Harris immediately.
1483
01:20:27,140 --> 01:20:30,200
Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better.
1484
01:20:31,370 --> 01:20:34,780
- Bye.
- Bye.
1485
01:20:36,980 --> 01:20:38,950
Guys.
1486
01:20:38,980 --> 01:20:40,420
All right.
1487
01:20:42,220 --> 01:20:45,710
All right, guys. Jet's all fueled.
You should be home in no time.
1488
01:20:45,760 --> 01:20:47,150
Sweet.
1489
01:20:53,500 --> 01:20:55,730
Hey, Colton, I can't believe
you're doing this for us...
1490
01:20:55,770 --> 01:20:56,820
on the night before your wedding day.
1491
01:20:56,870 --> 01:21:00,500
- I really appreciate it. Thank you.
- Please don't mention it.
1492
01:21:00,540 --> 01:21:03,400
Just want to make sure
everything works out smoothly.
1493
01:21:03,440 --> 01:21:05,070
Are all these planes yours?
1494
01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:07,410
No. OK.
1495
01:21:07,440 --> 01:21:09,040
Rold, come on, of course they are.
1496
01:21:11,480 --> 01:21:12,570
This guy's funny. You're funny.
1497
01:21:12,620 --> 01:21:14,780
- Yeah?
- Hey, Colton, man.
1498
01:21:15,490 --> 01:21:19,080
Listen, I was wrong about you, dude.
You're not a douchebag.
1499
01:21:19,120 --> 01:21:20,280
Dude.
1500
01:21:20,320 --> 01:21:21,950
You know what I mean.
I mean, you're a good dude.
1501
01:21:21,990 --> 01:21:24,150
And I'm happy for you and Vanessa.
1502
01:21:26,930 --> 01:21:28,730
That's big of you, Kumar.
1503
01:21:28,770 --> 01:21:30,630
- I really appreciate it.
- Sure.
1504
01:21:30,670 --> 01:21:32,830
I just can't wait to get back, man.
1505
01:21:35,210 --> 01:21:37,500
You're going back all right.
1506
01:21:38,210 --> 01:21:40,400
This time you're not escaping.
1507
01:21:40,440 --> 01:21:42,100
Now!
1508
01:21:42,150 --> 01:21:43,610
Go! Move, move, move!
1509
01:21:49,690 --> 01:21:50,740
You are a douchebag...
1510
01:21:50,790 --> 01:21:53,150
- No.
...you fucking douchebag, fuck you!
1511
01:21:53,190 --> 01:21:56,020
Yeah. The last thing I was letting
you guys do is ruin my wedding.
1512
01:21:56,060 --> 01:21:58,790
- You did this?
- Of course he did this.
1513
01:21:58,830 --> 01:22:01,260
I thought we were friends, man.
How could you betray me like this?
1514
01:22:01,300 --> 01:22:03,290
Come on, Rold. You and me?
1515
01:22:03,330 --> 01:22:05,360
You let me cheat off you
in Advanced Accounting.
1516
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:07,100
Other than that,
I could give a shit about you.
1517
01:22:07,140 --> 01:22:08,540
Take 'em away, guys.
1518
01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:11,470
When we get out of this I'm gonna
fucking kick your fucking ass, man!
1519
01:22:11,510 --> 01:22:13,170
Boy, you're scaring me.
1520
01:22:13,210 --> 01:22:15,400
Well, come on, you're not
one of those kung-fu Asians...
1521
01:22:15,450 --> 01:22:17,810
you're a fucking pussy banker,
for Christ's sakes.
1522
01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:19,940
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- I'm gonna rip you up, bitch!
1523
01:22:19,980 --> 01:22:22,610
- You'd best watch your back, bitch!
- Fuck you, dude!
1524
01:22:22,650 --> 01:22:24,850
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
1525
01:22:25,790 --> 01:22:27,950
I'm awesome.
1526
01:22:32,960 --> 01:22:35,860
Looks like you boys picked
the wrong side, huh?
1527
01:22:35,900 --> 01:22:38,330
Where's your Koran now?
1528
01:22:39,100 --> 01:22:40,930
We're not even Muslim, you moron...
1529
01:22:40,970 --> 01:22:44,200
and even if we were,
that doesn't make us terrorists.
1530
01:22:44,440 --> 01:22:46,840
Hey! I'm talking to you.
Get back here!
1531
01:22:46,880 --> 01:22:50,970
# Metal under tension
beggin' you to touch and go #
1532
01:22:52,480 --> 01:22:54,880
# Highway to #
1533
01:22:56,250 --> 01:22:58,810
Man. I can't believe we're going back.
1534
01:22:58,860 --> 01:23:00,980
Now do you see
why I hate Colton Graham?
1535
01:23:01,020 --> 01:23:03,650
Now do you see why I hate you?
1536
01:23:04,630 --> 01:23:07,120
I asked you specifically
to stay in the car.
1537
01:23:07,160 --> 01:23:09,830
I told you our friendship was at stake.
1538
01:23:09,870 --> 01:23:11,390
Vanessa fell down.
And I was helping her.
1539
01:23:11,430 --> 01:23:13,460
- I don't want to hear the excuses!
- It's not an excuse!
1540
01:23:13,500 --> 01:23:14,730
I don't want to hear the excuses!
1541
01:23:14,770 --> 01:23:16,530
- I heard her yelling!
- I don't want to hear it.
1542
01:23:22,950 --> 01:23:24,710
I'm sorry.
1543
01:23:25,550 --> 01:23:26,850
'Kay?
1544
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:29,350
Look at this. Look at this.
1545
01:23:30,390 --> 01:23:32,510
I fucked up, OK?
1546
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:36,320
I fucked up and I always fuck up.
I am a fuck-up.
1547
01:23:36,360 --> 01:23:37,720
You think?
1548
01:23:38,730 --> 01:23:40,220
Harold...
1549
01:23:41,230 --> 01:23:42,530
you're my best friend, dude.
1550
01:23:43,900 --> 01:23:46,230
You mean the world to me, man.
I love you.
1551
01:23:46,270 --> 01:23:47,260
Queers.
1552
01:23:47,300 --> 01:23:48,330
And I promise you, if we figure out...
1553
01:23:48,370 --> 01:23:50,640
a way to get out of this,
I'm gonna change, OK?
1554
01:23:50,670 --> 01:23:52,610
It's not just gonna be
about Kumar all the time.
1555
01:23:52,640 --> 01:23:55,440
It'll be about Kumar and Harold.
1556
01:23:58,250 --> 01:23:59,840
Harold and Kumar.
1557
01:24:01,620 --> 01:24:02,920
I kind of like the first way better.
1558
01:24:02,950 --> 01:24:05,320
OK, OK. Harold and Kumar.
1559
01:24:05,360 --> 01:24:06,880
Harold and Kumar.
1560
01:24:10,160 --> 01:24:12,720
# The hotter the intensity #
1561
01:24:14,030 --> 01:24:15,760
It's not all your fault.
1562
01:24:16,770 --> 01:24:19,760
Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane.
1563
01:24:19,800 --> 01:24:22,930
- You got weed?
- No. The other plane.
1564
01:24:25,780 --> 01:24:29,970
No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris
were still alive, that guy fucking loves him.
1565
01:24:30,010 --> 01:24:32,780
He totally would have
been able to bail us out.
1566
01:24:34,120 --> 01:24:35,520
You just gave me an idea, man.
1567
01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,150
- What?
- I got this.
1568
01:24:40,090 --> 01:24:41,890
Hey, Burl...
1569
01:24:41,920 --> 01:24:44,950
- I actually still have some weed.
- You do?
1570
01:24:44,990 --> 01:24:47,620
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It's in my pants.
1571
01:24:47,660 --> 01:24:49,690
- Hold up.
- You want to smoke now?
1572
01:24:49,730 --> 01:24:50,890
Just let me...
1573
01:24:50,930 --> 01:24:52,160
- Harold, this is definitely not...
...get it.
1574
01:24:52,200 --> 01:24:53,190
...the time to smoke.
1575
01:24:56,410 --> 01:25:01,280
# Highway to the danger zone #
1576
01:25:02,010 --> 01:25:06,470
# Gonna take you
right into the danger zone #
1577
01:25:09,090 --> 01:25:14,610
# Highway to the danger zone #
1578
01:25:16,390 --> 01:25:18,220
Dude, you took Neil's Mace?
1579
01:25:18,260 --> 01:25:20,630
Been through a lot of shit,
figured we might need it.
1580
01:25:20,660 --> 01:25:21,650
Well, good call.
1581
01:25:25,700 --> 01:25:28,140
Derek, can I get another water?
1582
01:25:28,170 --> 01:25:30,300
What the fuck?
1583
01:25:32,210 --> 01:25:34,110
- Keep your hands up.
- Please don't shoot us.
1584
01:25:34,140 --> 01:25:36,370
- Jesus Christ. OK, OK.
- Please don't shoot.
1585
01:25:36,410 --> 01:25:40,510
It will be a cold day in hell
before I let you hijack this plane.
1586
01:25:44,420 --> 01:25:46,390
Beecher, what are you doing?
1587
01:25:46,420 --> 01:25:49,020
Whose side are you on? I thought
I told you to stay in the cockpit!
1588
01:25:49,060 --> 01:25:51,860
Enough, Fox!
I've had enough of your crap!
1589
01:25:51,890 --> 01:25:53,420
You think that just because I'm smart...
1590
01:25:53,460 --> 01:25:56,900
you can treat me
like some dork in gym class?
1591
01:25:56,930 --> 01:26:00,730
It's obvious these kids are innocent.
But you're too dumb to realize that.
1592
01:26:00,770 --> 01:26:03,530
You know, it's people like you...
1593
01:26:03,570 --> 01:26:05,840
who make the world think
that Americans are stupid!
1594
01:26:05,880 --> 01:26:10,400
Well, we're not stupid! And we're not
gonna take this shit anymore!
1595
01:26:12,550 --> 01:26:14,570
It's OK, guys.
1596
01:26:14,620 --> 01:26:16,020
It's all over now.
1597
01:26:16,820 --> 01:26:18,910
Everything's gonna be all right.
1598
01:26:23,730 --> 01:26:24,990
Jesus!
1599
01:26:29,970 --> 01:26:31,370
Fuck!
1600
01:26:32,440 --> 01:26:34,370
I don't wanna die!
1601
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:35,600
Kumar!
1602
01:26:35,640 --> 01:26:38,270
- What?
- I have the parachute!
1603
01:26:38,310 --> 01:26:39,640
Come over here.
1604
01:26:39,680 --> 01:26:42,410
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?
1605
01:26:42,450 --> 01:26:43,940
Swim!
1606
01:26:51,350 --> 01:26:52,820
Holy shit.
1607
01:26:52,860 --> 01:26:54,950
It's fucking working!
1608
01:26:59,630 --> 01:27:01,600
Yeah!
1609
01:27:02,930 --> 01:27:04,800
I love you, dude.
1610
01:27:08,870 --> 01:27:10,630
Shit!
1611
01:27:12,310 --> 01:27:14,740
Don't worry about him. I have an idea.
1612
01:27:14,780 --> 01:27:17,080
- What?
- Hang on.
1613
01:27:22,620 --> 01:27:24,590
Fuck you!
1614
01:27:28,520 --> 01:27:31,320
Man, that was so fuckin' extreme.
1615
01:27:32,730 --> 01:27:34,920
It was.
1616
01:27:37,370 --> 01:27:39,060
- Kumar?
- Yeah.
1617
01:27:41,470 --> 01:27:43,270
Our dicks are touching, aren't they?
1618
01:27:44,770 --> 01:27:46,940
Yeah, I guess they are.
1619
01:27:46,980 --> 01:27:49,270
- Yeah.
- OK, I was just checking.
1620
01:27:50,410 --> 01:27:54,350
Roldy, can you move us out of the way?
There's a house coming up down here.
1621
01:27:55,490 --> 01:27:58,180
I have no idea what I'm doing.
1622
01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:06,660
Dude!
1623
01:28:09,430 --> 01:28:13,270
The glass hurt my dick.
The glass hurt my dick.
1624
01:28:15,340 --> 01:28:17,310
I think I'm OK. Yeah.
1625
01:28:18,370 --> 01:28:20,710
- Dude. Dude.
- Oh, my God.
1626
01:28:20,740 --> 01:28:23,510
- No, shit, dude. You all right?
- Fuck! I think so!
1627
01:28:23,550 --> 01:28:25,810
We gotta get out of here before
the people who live here find us.
1628
01:28:25,850 --> 01:28:27,480
I know. They're gonna be...
1629
01:28:29,090 --> 01:28:31,180
Dude? Dude?
1630
01:28:31,220 --> 01:28:32,550
What's up?
1631
01:28:37,590 --> 01:28:39,720
- No.
- Holy shit!
1632
01:28:39,760 --> 01:28:42,700
What the hell are y'all
doing in my office?
1633
01:28:43,930 --> 01:28:46,460
You'd better start giving me
some answers!
1634
01:28:46,500 --> 01:28:48,630
George?
We're gonna be late for that wedding.
1635
01:28:48,670 --> 01:28:52,040
Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys.
Keep quiet. Follow me.
1636
01:28:52,070 --> 01:28:55,410
That guy scares the crap out of me.
Let's go hide in the guesthouse.
1637
01:28:55,440 --> 01:28:58,210
- Come the fuck on.
- I'm coming.
1638
01:29:15,530 --> 01:29:17,430
# Yeah #
1639
01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:21,660
- This is a cool room.
- Yeah.
1640
01:29:21,700 --> 01:29:25,440
Yeah, this is where
I come to escape from work.
1641
01:29:25,470 --> 01:29:28,140
- Here?
- Yes, sir.
1642
01:29:29,610 --> 01:29:32,710
- So who the heck are you guys?
- All right.
1643
01:29:32,750 --> 01:29:34,440
My name is Harold Lee, sir...
1644
01:29:34,480 --> 01:29:36,080
and this is Kumar Patel.
1645
01:29:37,890 --> 01:29:42,090
Anyway, we were on a parachute
and we sort of landed on your ranch.
1646
01:29:42,120 --> 01:29:43,790
Dude, this is weed.
1647
01:29:44,690 --> 01:29:46,360
That's Alabama Kush.
1648
01:29:46,400 --> 01:29:47,660
That's only the finest.
1649
01:29:47,700 --> 01:29:50,390
So you get high and then you put
other people who smoke weed in jail?
1650
01:29:51,630 --> 01:29:52,930
- That's so hypocritical.
- Dude, look...
1651
01:29:52,970 --> 01:29:55,840
Yeah? Well, let me ask you
something, Kumar.
1652
01:29:55,870 --> 01:29:58,430
- You like giving hand jobs?
- No, sir.
1653
01:29:58,470 --> 01:30:01,170
- You like getting hand jobs?
- Yeah.
1654
01:30:01,210 --> 01:30:04,300
All right. Well, that makes you
a fucking hypocriticizer too.
1655
01:30:04,350 --> 01:30:07,680
So shut the fuck up
and smoke my weed.
1656
01:30:24,730 --> 01:30:25,720
Hey, love.
1657
01:30:25,770 --> 01:30:30,210
What are you doing here? It's bad luck.
The ceremony starts in a hour.
1658
01:30:30,240 --> 01:30:32,040
I just want to let you know...
1659
01:30:32,070 --> 01:30:34,170
I had catering get an extra case
of Coors Light...
1660
01:30:34,210 --> 01:30:35,200
in case the President comes.
1661
01:30:35,240 --> 01:30:36,580
It's his favorite beer.
1662
01:30:36,610 --> 01:30:39,550
- Do you think that'll be enough?
- I don't know. Yes?
1663
01:30:39,580 --> 01:30:41,310
Who cares?
1664
01:30:42,280 --> 01:30:46,350
Look, were you able to work
everything out with Kumar and Harold?
1665
01:30:46,390 --> 01:30:49,720
Don't worry, Chestnut.
I took complete care of 'em.
1666
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,660
They thought you guys were terrorizers.
1667
01:31:01,240 --> 01:31:04,930
Wait. That's not funny, man.
They sent us to Guantánamo Bay.
1668
01:31:04,970 --> 01:31:07,700
Fuck! G. Bay?
1669
01:31:08,410 --> 01:31:10,470
Tell me you didn't eat
that cockmeat sandwich.
1670
01:31:11,710 --> 01:31:15,950
No. No, we did not eat the cockmeat
sandwich. We escaped, thank God.
1671
01:31:15,990 --> 01:31:19,390
That cockmeat sandwich.
That's my favorite.
1672
01:31:19,420 --> 01:31:20,620
Oh, my God.
1673
01:31:22,190 --> 01:31:24,850
- This is good shit.
- I know. I know.
1674
01:31:24,890 --> 01:31:26,860
- I laced it with blow.
- Fuck.
1675
01:31:26,900 --> 01:31:29,690
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you
going at the same time.
1676
01:31:31,230 --> 01:31:34,530
If you like weed so much,
why don't you just legalize it?
1677
01:31:34,570 --> 01:31:36,730
Are you fucking kidding me?
1678
01:31:36,770 --> 01:31:39,800
You know how pissed off
my dad would get if I did that?
1679
01:31:39,840 --> 01:31:42,110
Holy shit, dude.
1680
01:31:42,140 --> 01:31:44,440
My dad's all up in my shit too,
about this whole...
1681
01:31:44,480 --> 01:31:45,470
- med school thing, right?
- I know.
1682
01:31:45,510 --> 01:31:47,780
And it's not that I don't
want to be a doctor, but like...
1683
01:31:48,250 --> 01:31:51,380
fucking... sometimes I wonder
if he's just encouraging me...
1684
01:31:51,420 --> 01:31:52,910
because he knows it'll make me happy...
1685
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:56,910
or because he wants me
to carry on his legacy, you know?
1686
01:31:57,990 --> 01:32:00,050
You just blew my fuckin' mind.
1687
01:32:11,210 --> 01:32:13,800
- Hi.
- Hi. You look good.
1688
01:32:13,840 --> 01:32:15,830
Daddy.
1689
01:32:15,880 --> 01:32:17,510
Yeah, it's W.
1690
01:32:19,380 --> 01:32:21,820
I don't need your friends
to tell me what to do anymore.
1691
01:32:23,490 --> 01:32:26,150
- No, I'm not being disrespectful.
- That's what I say.
1692
01:32:26,190 --> 01:32:29,120
I'm just saying that
I can handle my own shit, all right?
1693
01:32:29,160 --> 01:32:32,090
I mean, I don't need them to tell me
how to do what I have to do.
1694
01:32:32,130 --> 01:32:33,990
Yeah, dude!
1695
01:32:34,030 --> 01:32:36,830
Yeah, well you know what?
Yeah, well, fuck you, Dad.
1696
01:32:36,870 --> 01:32:38,960
Fuck you!
1697
01:32:41,700 --> 01:32:44,000
- Dude, that was awesome.
- You guys are awesome.
1698
01:32:44,040 --> 01:32:45,030
- No. No.
- You're awesome!
1699
01:32:45,070 --> 01:32:47,700
- You are awesomer.
- Sir, you are awesome.
1700
01:32:47,740 --> 01:32:49,210
Seriously.
1701
01:32:49,250 --> 01:32:52,040
Listen, about our situation...
1702
01:32:52,080 --> 01:32:56,610
Fuck that. Listen, guys, guys, guys.
I am the fucking President, all right?
1703
01:32:56,650 --> 01:32:59,380
That means I get to pardon whoever
I want. You guys are in the fuckin' clear.
1704
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,480
Don't worry.
1705
01:33:00,520 --> 01:33:04,650
- Holy shit. Are you serious? Thank you.
- Oh, my God. Thank you, Mr. President.
1706
01:33:04,690 --> 01:33:05,720
Yeah.
1707
01:33:05,760 --> 01:33:09,030
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
1708
01:33:09,670 --> 01:33:13,830
But, listen, to be honest, after
all the shit that we've been through...
1709
01:33:13,870 --> 01:33:17,860
I don't know if we can trust
our government anymore.
1710
01:33:17,910 --> 01:33:19,970
- Trust the government?
- Yeah.
1711
01:33:20,010 --> 01:33:22,910
Heck. I'm in the government
and I don't even trust it.
1712
01:33:22,950 --> 01:33:27,350
You don't have to believe in your
government to be a good American.
1713
01:33:31,450 --> 01:33:33,720
You just have to believe in your country.
1714
01:33:34,490 --> 01:33:35,980
Exactly.
1715
01:33:36,030 --> 01:33:38,360
- Exactly.
- Right.
1716
01:33:38,390 --> 01:33:40,060
This is good shit, isn't it?
1717
01:33:41,730 --> 01:33:43,430
Yeah, it is.
1718
01:33:43,470 --> 01:33:46,990
If you guys need anything else,
just let me know, all right?
1719
01:33:47,040 --> 01:33:50,490
Actually, Mr. President,
there is one thing.
1720
01:33:52,540 --> 01:33:55,070
- This really came out great.
- Yeah, it did, man.
1721
01:33:55,110 --> 01:33:56,840
I lit a lot of these candles.
1722
01:34:10,290 --> 01:34:11,850
Great.
1723
01:34:14,160 --> 01:34:16,390
- All clear.
- Safe to proceed.
1724
01:34:17,770 --> 01:34:19,630
He's here! I knew he'd come.
1725
01:34:24,010 --> 01:34:25,440
All right, let 'em in.
1726
01:34:29,810 --> 01:34:31,470
- What is happen...
- Who is that?
1727
01:34:31,510 --> 01:34:34,140
- Harold?
- Kumar?
1728
01:34:34,180 --> 01:34:38,420
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize
for interrupting this beautiful ceremony.
1729
01:34:38,450 --> 01:34:40,180
But there is no way in hell...
1730
01:34:40,220 --> 01:34:43,120
that I'm letting the only woman
I've ever loved marry that piece of shit.
1731
01:34:44,930 --> 01:34:47,360
Security, get them out of here, please.
1732
01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:50,920
These guys?
No, see, they're with us. Yeah.
1733
01:34:50,970 --> 01:34:53,960
Looks like I got a little more pull
with the President than you, bitch.
1734
01:34:57,040 --> 01:35:00,130
- What the hell is going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
1735
01:35:00,180 --> 01:35:02,770
Your fiancé promised
to get us out of trouble.
1736
01:35:02,810 --> 01:35:06,610
But instead he arranged for us
to be sent back to Guantánamo Bay...
1737
01:35:06,650 --> 01:35:10,090
where we'd be forced
to suck Big Bob's fat dick.
1738
01:35:13,290 --> 01:35:15,420
- Is this true?
- Yeah, it's true.
1739
01:35:15,460 --> 01:35:17,190
I'll take care of this myself.
1740
01:35:19,660 --> 01:35:20,750
- OK, wait.
- No...
1741
01:35:23,170 --> 01:35:24,630
You son of a bitch.
1742
01:35:26,470 --> 01:35:27,990
I loved you, man.
1743
01:35:32,070 --> 01:35:34,630
- I can't believe this.
- Vanessa, let me explain...
1744
01:35:34,680 --> 01:35:36,580
Explain?
1745
01:35:36,610 --> 01:35:37,980
Explain why you're putting me through...
1746
01:35:38,010 --> 01:35:40,380
the most embarrassing moment
of my life?
1747
01:35:41,880 --> 01:35:46,980
Well, what if I did
something embarrassing to myself?
1748
01:35:47,020 --> 01:35:48,050
Would that make you feel better?
1749
01:35:48,090 --> 01:35:50,820
There's nothing you can do
that would be this embarrassing.
1750
01:35:55,360 --> 01:35:59,770
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
1751
01:36:03,110 --> 01:36:05,600
A three is all that's good and right
1752
01:36:05,640 --> 01:36:10,010
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square-root sign?
1753
01:36:10,050 --> 01:36:11,740
I wish instead I were a nine
1754
01:36:11,780 --> 01:36:15,510
For nine could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
1755
01:36:16,750 --> 01:36:18,240
I know I'll never see the sun
1756
01:36:18,290 --> 01:36:20,190
As 1.7321
1757
01:36:20,220 --> 01:36:22,420
You fucking tool.
1758
01:36:22,460 --> 01:36:24,690
Quiet, anus.
1759
01:36:27,260 --> 01:36:31,260
Such is my reality
A sad irrationality
1760
01:36:31,300 --> 01:36:33,860
When, hark, just what is this I see?
1761
01:36:34,700 --> 01:36:36,690
Another square root of a three
1762
01:36:36,740 --> 01:36:39,330
Has quietly come waltzing by
1763
01:36:39,380 --> 01:36:41,100
Together now we multiply
1764
01:36:41,140 --> 01:36:43,670
To form a number we prefer
1765
01:36:43,710 --> 01:36:45,700
Rejoicing as an integer
1766
01:36:47,120 --> 01:36:49,050
We break free from our mortal bonds
1767
01:36:49,080 --> 01:36:50,950
And with a wave of magic wands
1768
01:36:50,990 --> 01:36:53,390
Our square-root signs become unglued
1769
01:36:53,420 --> 01:36:55,690
And love for me has been renewed
1770
01:37:04,800 --> 01:37:06,600
You were right.
1771
01:37:06,640 --> 01:37:09,430
- That was pretty lame.
- Told you.
1772
01:37:10,810 --> 01:37:15,570
Look, I can't promise you
the kind of lifestyle that Colton could.
1773
01:37:15,610 --> 01:37:18,410
And I can't promise you
that I'm gonna mature overnight.
1774
01:37:18,450 --> 01:37:20,880
But what I can promise you is that...
1775
01:37:27,260 --> 01:37:28,990
Sorry, I smoked weed
with the President.
1776
01:37:29,020 --> 01:37:30,860
I totally forgot
what I was going to say.
1777
01:37:33,360 --> 01:37:35,990
I can promise you
that I will always love you.
1778
01:37:36,030 --> 01:37:38,970
And I'll never try and make you
into something that you're not.
1779
01:37:40,300 --> 01:37:44,570
So, what do you say
you take a brother back?
1780
01:37:50,310 --> 01:37:52,370
Only if you promise to get me
out of this awkward situation...
1781
01:37:52,410 --> 01:37:53,440
as soon as possible.
1782
01:37:54,480 --> 01:37:55,580
Come here.
1783
01:37:59,020 --> 01:38:00,610
Yeah!
1784
01:38:05,060 --> 01:38:07,150
That's my boy!
1785
01:38:07,200 --> 01:38:08,420
Ku!
1786
01:38:14,740 --> 01:38:16,600
Come on.
Let's get the hell back to Jersey.
1787
01:38:16,640 --> 01:38:20,070
All right, hold on. First we gotta
do something for my buddy here.
1788
01:38:20,110 --> 01:38:22,010
- Got to go somewhere.
- Where?
1789
01:38:23,450 --> 01:38:27,280
# Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth? #
1790
01:38:27,320 --> 01:38:30,980
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1791
01:38:31,020 --> 01:38:35,180
# They say in heaven love comes first #
1792
01:38:35,220 --> 01:38:39,020
# We'll make heaven a place on earth #
1793
01:38:39,060 --> 01:38:43,190
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1794
01:38:54,180 --> 01:38:55,800
- Hey.
- Hey.
1795
01:38:57,450 --> 01:38:59,350
- No luck, huh?
- No.
1796
01:39:01,220 --> 01:39:04,050
Called every hotel in the city.
I walked all around.
1797
01:39:04,750 --> 01:39:06,150
I just can't find her anywhere.
1798
01:39:06,190 --> 01:39:07,660
- We'll find her.
- We'll find her, dude.
1799
01:39:12,830 --> 01:39:14,490
What?
1800
01:39:14,530 --> 01:39:16,660
Oh, my God, there she is.
1801
01:39:21,340 --> 01:39:23,700
- Roldy, she's hot.
- Dude, go get her!
1802
01:39:29,410 --> 01:39:32,470
Jesus, I'm sorry, man.
1803
01:39:32,510 --> 01:39:33,880
- So fuck it. Forget about that.
- Yeah.
1804
01:39:33,920 --> 01:39:35,440
It's probably
just some Amsterdam fling, all right?
1805
01:39:35,480 --> 01:39:36,540
We'll go back to the Jerz...
1806
01:39:36,590 --> 01:39:38,380
- in a couple of days, all right?
- No.
1807
01:39:39,660 --> 01:39:42,120
No, fuck it.
1808
01:39:42,160 --> 01:39:43,450
I came way too far.
1809
01:39:43,490 --> 01:39:45,080
We went through too much shit to...
1810
01:39:45,130 --> 01:39:46,560
I'm gonna talk to her.
1811
01:39:46,600 --> 01:39:47,690
No, no, no, dude, don't go in there.
1812
01:39:47,730 --> 01:39:48,860
- Come on.
- Just wait.
1813
01:39:48,900 --> 01:39:50,690
Come on, man.
Wait till we get back to Jersey.
1814
01:39:52,300 --> 01:39:53,430
What the fuck are you doing?
1815
01:39:53,470 --> 01:39:55,960
- C'est quoi ton putain de problème, toi?
- Harold!
1816
01:39:56,000 --> 01:39:57,870
I didn't understand what you said.
1817
01:39:57,910 --> 01:40:00,600
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing, man?
1818
01:40:00,640 --> 01:40:03,270
- You're ruining my shot.
- You what?
1819
01:40:03,310 --> 01:40:05,370
Get off my set!
1820
01:40:05,410 --> 01:40:07,310
I'm so confused. What's...
1821
01:40:07,350 --> 01:40:09,720
- What's going on?
- Harold, I'm doing a photo shoot.
1822
01:40:10,650 --> 01:40:12,240
For High Times magazine.
1823
01:40:13,360 --> 01:40:17,050
Of course, you're a model.
You're very hot. You're a model.
1824
01:40:17,090 --> 01:40:19,290
Right. I always wondered
what you did for a living.
1825
01:40:19,330 --> 01:40:22,230
I'm sorry. So, wait a second.
So you're not with this dude?
1826
01:40:22,260 --> 01:40:24,030
Are you kidding? Me?
1827
01:40:24,070 --> 01:40:26,400
- Yeah.
- No.
1828
01:40:26,440 --> 01:40:28,800
Anton is like totally gay.
1829
01:40:34,680 --> 01:40:36,800
Harold, what are you doing here?
1830
01:40:37,950 --> 01:40:39,680
I didn't want to wait ten days
to see you...
1831
01:40:39,720 --> 01:40:42,240
so I thought
I would come and surprise you.
1832
01:40:43,850 --> 01:40:45,980
That is so sweet.
1833
01:40:46,020 --> 01:40:47,960
OK. It's sweet.
1834
01:40:47,990 --> 01:40:50,930
I've been thinking about you
this whole time.
1835
01:40:50,960 --> 01:40:52,450
- You have?
- I have.
1836
01:40:52,490 --> 01:40:55,990
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
1837
01:41:09,880 --> 01:41:11,510
Fuck yeah, dude.
1838
01:41:11,550 --> 01:41:13,840
Bang bang, Roldy.
1839
01:41:15,220 --> 01:41:17,340
Hello, Maria. My name is Kumar.
1840
01:41:17,390 --> 01:41:19,320
- I've heard so much about you.
- Hi.
1841
01:41:19,350 --> 01:41:20,620
This is Vanessa. Vanessa, Maria.
1842
01:41:20,660 --> 01:41:22,350
- Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?
1843
01:41:22,390 --> 01:41:26,090
Ladies and Roldy, how would you
like to get really fucking high...
1844
01:41:26,130 --> 01:41:27,930
since we're in Amsterdam?
1845
01:41:27,960 --> 01:41:29,160
- Yeah.
- Shall we?
1846
01:41:29,200 --> 01:41:32,190
- Sounds like a plan.
- Let's do it.
1847
01:41:32,230 --> 01:41:35,400
# So in the beginning
there was hum from a poet #
1848
01:41:35,440 --> 01:41:37,630
# Whose pulse felt drum, drum, drum #
1849
01:41:37,670 --> 01:41:39,110
# He would perform praise and all #
1850
01:41:39,140 --> 01:41:41,970
# Till one day he heard a voice call
come, come, come #
1851
01:41:42,010 --> 01:41:44,310
# Suspicious, he moved,
it was his cost #
1852
01:41:44,350 --> 01:41:46,940
# His missus he thinks
is a little lost #
1853
01:41:46,980 --> 01:41:50,650
# People get held back
by the voice inside 'em #
1854
01:41:50,690 --> 01:41:53,680
# Yeah, the voice said
the voices speak inside you #
1855
01:41:53,720 --> 01:42:00,030
# Rejoice and please let me invite you
to evil, greed and lies too #
1856
01:42:00,060 --> 01:42:02,160
# Yeah, confusing days,
he moved aways #
1857
01:42:02,200 --> 01:42:04,720
- # He soon became #
- # Boom boom boom #
1858
01:42:04,770 --> 01:42:07,290
# A knock on his door,
his heart is no more #
1859
01:42:07,340 --> 01:42:10,200
# A knock on his door,
his soul is no more #
1860
01:42:12,470 --> 01:42:14,170
# Yeah #
1861
01:42:16,780 --> 01:42:18,540
# That was in the beginning #
1862
01:42:18,580 --> 01:42:20,810
# The cops beat him
when all he wants is his freedom #
1863
01:42:20,850 --> 01:42:23,180
# So they defeat him,
whatever spirit he's got, beat him #
1864
01:42:23,220 --> 01:42:25,240
# And they teach him the rest of the world
don't need him #
1865
01:42:25,290 --> 01:42:27,880
# And he believes the disease
that he's heathen #
1866
01:42:27,920 --> 01:42:30,050
# Put up your fists
if all you want is freedom #
1867
01:42:30,090 --> 01:42:32,120
# Put up your fists if all you want is #
1868
01:42:37,730 --> 01:42:39,530
# That was in the beginning #
1869
01:42:42,740 --> 01:42:44,540
# And things change #
1870
01:42:48,680 --> 01:42:50,340
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
1871
01:42:50,380 --> 01:42:54,370
# We keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1872
01:42:54,420 --> 01:42:58,750
# And we keep going on,
and on and on and on #
1873
01:42:58,790 --> 01:43:03,320
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1874
01:43:03,360 --> 01:43:07,990
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1875
01:43:08,030 --> 01:43:12,490
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1876
01:43:12,530 --> 01:43:17,100
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1877
01:43:17,140 --> 01:43:21,510
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1878
01:43:21,540 --> 01:43:26,040
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1879
01:43:27,480 --> 01:43:30,350
- # Brothers and sisters #
- # Yeah #
1880
01:43:30,390 --> 01:43:33,550
- # We're gonna have church tonight #
- # Yeah, yeah! #
1881
01:43:33,590 --> 01:43:37,550
# And tonight this speaker
is Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1882
01:43:37,590 --> 01:43:41,290
# I wake up praising God every day #
1883
01:43:41,330 --> 01:43:46,270
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1884
01:43:46,300 --> 01:43:48,860
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1885
01:43:48,900 --> 01:43:52,640
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1886
01:43:52,670 --> 01:43:57,480
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1887
01:43:57,510 --> 01:43:59,780
- # Nigger, I'm high, nigger, you high #
- # Uh-huh #
1888
01:43:59,820 --> 01:44:02,580
# Let's get higher than
the motherfucking sky #
1889
01:44:02,620 --> 01:44:04,880
# Watch the butterflies hit the wall #
1890
01:44:04,920 --> 01:44:07,580
# And if you're feeling down
give your boy a call #
1891
01:44:07,620 --> 01:44:12,530
# Weed, it takes the stress away, that's
why Bizarre smokes ten blunts a day #
1892
01:44:12,560 --> 01:44:15,290
# It's nothing
but the sticky, icky, green stuff #
1893
01:44:15,330 --> 01:44:17,700
# Light it, pass it and take a puff #
1894
01:44:17,730 --> 01:44:20,170
# Having a bad day, stop by my house #
1895
01:44:20,200 --> 01:44:22,730
# 'Cause most likely
I got a blunt in my mouth #
1896
01:44:22,770 --> 01:44:24,800
# So sit down, relax and chill #
1897
01:44:24,840 --> 01:44:27,900
# And if you don't smoke weed
then, shit, I got some pills #
1898
01:44:27,940 --> 01:44:30,430
# What you need, girl, a fucking refill? #
1899
01:44:30,480 --> 01:44:33,110
# A fat bag of weed
and some Happy Meals? #
1900
01:44:33,150 --> 01:44:38,680
# Nah, baby, I don't smoke Newports,
only fat bags of weed in this Escort #
1901
01:44:38,720 --> 01:44:42,520
# I wake up praising God every day #
1902
01:44:42,560 --> 01:44:47,390
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1903
01:44:47,430 --> 01:44:50,060
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1904
01:44:50,100 --> 01:44:53,800
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1905
01:44:53,840 --> 01:44:58,640
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1906
01:44:58,670 --> 01:45:03,700
# Sunday morning, Bizarre have faith
Blunt in my mouth, watching TJ drink #
1907
01:45:03,750 --> 01:45:06,150
# Dangerous mind, just like Coolio #
1908
01:45:06,180 --> 01:45:08,810
# Only church I know
is Snoop Dogg's studio #
1909
01:45:08,850 --> 01:45:11,320
# Write out some raps,
throw it in my lap #
1910
01:45:11,350 --> 01:45:13,820
# Grab the Hennessy, get the acid tab #
1911
01:45:13,860 --> 01:45:16,480
# I'm glad that
I didn't move down South #
1912
01:45:16,530 --> 01:45:19,020
# Take care of my kids,
be the man of the house #
1913
01:45:19,060 --> 01:45:23,860
# Orange mushrooms and yellow stars
Fat bags of beetles in Mason jars #
1914
01:45:23,900 --> 01:45:26,200
# Get in the lap, come on, jump in #
1915
01:45:26,230 --> 01:45:29,140
# Bring a bottle of gin,
and two of your freaky friends #
1916
01:45:29,170 --> 01:45:31,640
# Fuck it! Let's go to see the point #
1917
01:45:31,670 --> 01:45:34,160
# Bring your son along,
shit, he can hit the joint #
1918
01:45:34,210 --> 01:45:36,910
# 'Cause rapping is a full-time job #
1919
01:45:36,950 --> 01:45:39,780
# All I want is smoke weed
and praise God, yeah #
1920
01:45:39,810 --> 01:45:43,580
# I wake up praising God every day #
1921
01:45:43,620 --> 01:45:48,560
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1922
01:45:48,590 --> 01:45:51,390
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1923
01:45:51,430 --> 01:45:54,990
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1924
01:45:55,030 --> 01:45:59,800
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1925
01:45:59,830 --> 01:46:01,930
# Break it down, yeah #
1926
01:46:01,970 --> 01:46:04,100
# We gonna slow it down right here #
1927
01:46:04,140 --> 01:46:09,630
# We havin' church up in here tonight
It's the Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1928
01:46:09,680 --> 01:46:14,980
# And we sittin' over here
at sixteen five-o, cone it #
1929
01:46:16,080 --> 01:46:20,490
# And ladies and gentlemen,
come in, praise God with us #
1930
01:46:20,520 --> 01:46:24,390
# I wake up praising God every day #
1931
01:46:24,430 --> 01:46:29,360
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1932
01:46:29,400 --> 01:46:32,200
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1933
01:46:32,230 --> 01:46:34,760
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1934
01:46:34,800 --> 01:46:37,290
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1935
01:46:37,340 --> 01:46:40,870
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1936
01:46:40,910 --> 01:46:46,040
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1937
01:46:46,080 --> 01:46:47,840
- # Sunday morning #
- # I wake up praising #
1938
01:46:47,880 --> 01:46:49,440
- # Baptist #
- # God every day #
1939
01:46:49,480 --> 01:46:51,510
- # Catholic, Jehovah Witness #
- # I wanna smoke some weed #
1940
01:46:51,550 --> 01:46:53,320
- # Tabernacle, yeah #
- # And #
1941
01:46:53,360 --> 01:46:55,020
- # Roll me a J #
- # Come praise God #
1942
01:46:55,060 --> 01:46:56,460
# Thank you, Jesus #
1943
01:46:56,490 --> 01:46:57,650
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Yeah #
1944
01:46:57,690 --> 01:46:58,950
- # Thank you, Lord
- # Services #
1945
01:46:58,990 --> 01:47:00,890
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Sunday #
1946
01:47:00,930 --> 01:47:02,730
- # For letting me #
- # At 4:20 #
1947
01:47:02,760 --> 01:47:07,220
- # Live another day #
- # Brothers and sisters, Sunday at 4:20 #
1948
01:47:07,270 --> 01:47:09,760
# Come on, praise God #
1949
01:47:10,770 --> 01:47:13,240
# Just 'cause you smoke weed
don't mean you're a sinner #
1950
01:47:13,270 --> 01:47:15,170
- # What? #
- # Just 'cause you smoke weed #
1951
01:47:15,210 --> 01:47:16,730
# It don't mean you don't believe in God #
1952
01:47:18,080 --> 01:47:21,070
# Jesus will take care of you #
1953
01:47:21,120 --> 01:47:22,610
# Jesus #
1954
01:47:22,650 --> 01:47:24,850
# You need Jesus #
1955
01:47:39,170 --> 01:47:40,870
Motherfucker!
141660
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