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1
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,641
Finally, a little matter
2
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,243
of the Mayor's
New Year's Eve
party tonight.
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,312
Now, you're not
obligated to go,
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,147
but attendance is mandatory.
5
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,615
And what should we wear?
6
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,751
It's a costume thing.
Come as Baby New Year.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,220
Stuart, we talked
about this.
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,989
That is the kind
of practical joke
that hurts all of us.
9
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,557
Okay, if there's
nothing else.
10
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:26,026
Actually, does anybody
know a good place
11
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,528
to get a cat killed?
12
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,963
Upper east side,
corner of 76th
13
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,899
and what is wrong with you?
14
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,335
Our family cat is
like 1,000 years old.
15
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,204
My mom wants me
to put it to sleep.
16
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,738
Oh, Stuart, that's hard.
17
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,273
Tell me about it.
18
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,242
The little guy's so smart
he's not falling for any
of my traps.
19
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,544
I put his food
in the dryer...
Nothing!
20
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,514
Nikki, can I talk
to you for a sec?
21
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,981
So I'll pick you up
around 9:00?
22
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,084
I got a limousine
stocked with champagne.
23
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,286
Mike, I have a date tonight.
24
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,054
But we always go out
on New Year's Eve.
25
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,956
Besides, I'll have you know,
I turned down a date
for you...
26
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,057
Beth from the gym.
27
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,459
She would have slept
with me.
28
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,262
You said that
she was vapid, tacky,
29
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,264
and borderline psychotic.
30
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,166
You're missing the point.
31
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,834
She would have slept
with me.
32
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,203
I'm sorry. As much as I love
being your safety date,
33
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,705
I'm seeing someone right now
who's pretty special.
34
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,641
Oh, special like
"Good for you" special,
35
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,144
or special like
"You have to cut up
his meat" special?
36
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,248
Why is it so hard for you
to believe that I am dating
37
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:22,383
a nice, caring,
well-adjusted man?
38
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,452
Oh, Nikki,
the ventriloquist,
39
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:25,853
the guy who stole
your stereo,
40
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,156
the guy who wanted
his mom to move
in with you?
41
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,992
Remember Walter?
He took all your shoes.
42
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,796
That was disturbing
on so many levels.
43
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,233
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
44
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,457
So, everybody.
Great New Year's Eve, huh?
45
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,626
(SARCASTICALLY)
Oh, yeah. Swell.
46
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,094
Magical.
47
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:09,930
(DEEP SIGH)
48
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,833
Why don't you just...
49
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,636
All right, look.
This is ridiculous, okay?
50
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,205
I'm sure some
embarrassing stuff happened,
51
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,207
but why don't we just sit down
and talk about it?
52
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:20,741
Okay, I quit.
53
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,744
Me too.
54
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,247
I'll go with you guys.
We'll start our own city.
55
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,416
Let's start with anyone
who was sober enough
56
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,218
to remember anything
that happened.
57
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,221
Anyone, anyone at all.
58
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,690
Maybe we should call
the caterers.
59
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,360
There were caterers?
60
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,329
Fine, just forget
New Year's Eve
ever happened.
61
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,564
We won't talk about it again
for as long as we live.
62
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,666
Mike, we need to talk
about New Year's Eve.
63
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,969
I love New Year's Eve...
64
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,038
Don't you?
65
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,273
Yeah, sure, Paulie.
Why not?
66
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,641
It's a symbolic time,
67
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:57,010
A sublime convergence
of past, present,
and future.
68
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,279
Isn't that what you like
about it?
69
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,414
No, I just
like doing this
in people's faces.
70
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,916
(TOOTS HORN)
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
71
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,754
Do you have
a resolution, Mike?
72
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,489
Yeah. This year
I'm gonna try really hard
73
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:12,125
to stay the same
magnificent person
I've always been.
74
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,562
So your resolution
is not to change
anything about yourself.
75
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,464
And I think I can do it.
(TOOTS HORN)
76
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:19,800
(CLINKING)
77
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,402
I'd like to start
the evening off with a toast.
78
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,771
Mike, Nikki, will you
fill everybody up, please?
79
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,706
I'll be right back.
80
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,974
Watch him for me,
will you?
81
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,108
Mmm-hmm.
82
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,746
So, Jay. I understand
you're a gynecologist.
83
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,848
Is that how you two met?
(WHACK)
84
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:36,984
I just want you all to know
85
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:40,120
that I don't think of us
as Mayor and staff.
86
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,990
We're a family.
87
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,793
Except for you.
I've never seen you
before in my life.
88
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:51,399
I love... every one
of you...
89
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,535
Again, except for you.
90
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,771
Here's to the holidays.
91
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,039
Sir, open up your heart
a little bit.
92
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,874
Oh, what the hell.
To all of us!
93
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,143
ALL: Hear, hear.
94
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,512
Say when.
95
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,179
And... When!
96
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:07,648
Thank you, sir.
97
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,618
Have you seen Stuart?
98
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,185
You might wanna check
the kitchen,
99
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,888
because he said something
about sucking all the rum
out of the cake.
100
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,557
Excuse me, everyone.
101
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,892
I have two announcements.
102
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,962
My cat is dead,
the cake is good.
103
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,064
Stuart, your cat died?
104
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,400
Yeah. Why,
you need a hat?
105
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,803
Aren't you upset?
106
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,340
Yeah. I have
a real empty feeling...
107
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,808
In my glass.
108
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,377
(CHUCKLES)
We need more booze.
109
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,348
I think New Year's Eve
is so sexy.
110
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:41,849
Oh, yeah, that's exactly
what I was thinking
111
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,785
when I was driving over
in the limo... alone.
112
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,455
Mike, you weren't alone.
You had the driver.
113
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:51,859
He had a date.
He kept making out
at all the red lights.
114
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,662
Come on, just admit it.
New Year's is hot.
115
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,829
Yeah, I guess so.
116
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,798
Everybody's all dressed up
and everything.
117
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:58,899
Corks popping...
118
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,201
Balls dropping.
119
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:03,937
Of course, Arbor Day
would be sexy in that dress.
120
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,106
You're looking
pretty snazzy
in that tux.
121
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,140
I'll have you know
I'm also wearing
122
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,577
my very special
boxer shorts.
123
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,212
I could tell by the way
you were walking.
124
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,515
Are we flirting?
125
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,385
I don't know.
What do you do
when you flirt?
126
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,953
I usually start out
by talking about
my underwear.
127
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,390
Ah, subtle approach.
Hey.
128
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,024
I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting
something?
129
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,126
Oh, no. We talk all day.
130
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:30,230
Yeah, she says that,
but you know she hangs
on my every...
131
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,066
I'll talk
to you guys later.
132
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,905
Stuart, when you said
you were going to get
more champagne,
133
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,140
we assumed you meant
for everyone.
134
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:45,012
You know,
when I brought
that cat home,
135
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,448
he fit in the palm
of my hand.
136
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,050
I named him Piglet.
137
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,420
Oh, you got that
from Winnie-the-Pooh?
138
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,523
Nah, I got it
from my dad's nickname
for my sister.
139
00:05:56,924 --> 00:06:00,728
Well, I'm sure
that didn't give her
any self-esteem problems.
140
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,896
She's totally
screwed-up now,
141
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,499
But she's very thin.
142
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,435
Stuart...
143
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,638
You sitting
down here alone,
drinking,
144
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,339
thinking about your cat.
145
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,142
If I didn't know you,
I'd say you had...
146
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,677
feelings.
147
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,712
Well...
148
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,347
I don't.
149
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:24,017
You know, a man can cry
and still be strong.
150
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,654
Is that what
they teach you
in gay college?
151
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,991
Look, I'm sorry,
152
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,060
but I have never cried
in my entire life,
153
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,462
not even when I was a baby.
154
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:38,466
Stuart, Stuart.
It's... okay to show
your emotions.
155
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,000
No, it's not.
It's a sign of weakness.
156
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,503
Oh, for god's sake.
Will you for once
in your life be real?
157
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,871
Let yourself
feel something!
158
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,506
Just stop it, okay?
159
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:47,708
Stuart...
160
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,611
Piglet is dead.
161
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,815
He was your best friend...
162
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,584
And you loved him!
163
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,489
But he is gone forever.
164
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:05,493
It hurts so much!
(SOBS)
165
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:08,862
I know, I know,
I know, I know.
166
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:12,065
(WAILING)
Oh, let it all out.
167
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,402
Let it out. Yes, yes.
168
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:19,139
Listen up, everybody.
I've had a wonderful idea.
169
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,574
Wait, it's gone.
170
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,611
Oh, no. There it is.
171
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,147
Why don't we share
our resolutions.
172
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,716
What if we don't
have any?
173
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,818
Well, then we'll just
come up with resolutions
174
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,520
for each other.
175
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,354
So basically we're
gonna stand around
176
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,590
and point out
each other's faults?
177
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,760
I think it is
a wonderful idea, sir.
Start with me, please.
178
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,529
Well, you're just gonna
have to give me a minute
179
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,096
to come up
with something, Paul.
180
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,865
Well, you just take
your time, sir.
181
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:45,999
I know it's very difficult
182
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,335
to find a chink
in the Lassiter armor.
183
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:52,039
Stace? What should mine be?
184
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,307
James, I don't wanna
do this.
Don't worry about it.
185
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,043
I promise, no matter
what you say,
186
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,545
I will not get mad.
187
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:02,449
Okay. Maybe you should try,
188
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,652
you know, going to the gym
once in a while.
189
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,888
You know, put on
a little muscle?
190
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,859
That's great. Great.
Great.
191
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,994
Great. Great. Great.
192
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,931
You're saying
I'm a wimp?
193
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,167
Come on, you said you
wouldn't get mad.
194
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,602
Oh, I wouldn't
worry about it.
195
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,871
I doubt
I'm strong enough
to carry a grudge.
196
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,438
Oh, I've got one, Paul.
197
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,274
Lay it on me, sir.
198
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,843
You're always trying
to please me.
199
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,244
Be your own man!
200
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,780
You don't have
to always
201
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,014
agree with me.
202
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:37,785
It's brilliant, sir.
You're right.
203
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:38,886
Thank you very much.
204
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,125
(COUGHS LOUDLY)
205
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,829
I... I better get back
to work.
206
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,031
So I'll just
make that check out
207
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,866
to All-service Catering.
208
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,303
I can explain.
Jay, please...
209
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,738
If I may.
210
00:08:58,606 --> 00:08:59,439
Judging by your character,
211
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,408
I think you know
how this goes.
212
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,878
I tell you that Nikki
is a friend of mine.
213
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,147
You give me
some lame excuse,
214
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,249
and then I kick
your butt.
215
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,684
Seeing as it's late
and I would like
216
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,285
to get back to the party,
217
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,386
why don't we
just get straight
218
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,955
to the butt-kicking part?
219
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,697
Then again we are adults.
220
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,100
And I believe we can
settle this with words.
221
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,703
And this fireplace poker.
222
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,404
Hey, come on, now.
Fair fight, all right?
223
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,472
Here you go.
224
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,374
Prepare to duel,
o' unfaithful one.
225
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,143
Out, out,
before I smite thee!
226
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,244
(SHATTERING)
227
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,048
Mike! What are you doing?
228
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,916
That lamp attacked me.
229
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,286
Be careful! I think
that one's making
a move.
230
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,922
Hey, listen.
I wanted to tell you
231
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,158
that I know I'm supposed
to be your safety date,
232
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,760
and it would
kill me
233
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,561
if I had to be here
alone tonight.
234
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,296
And so I wanted
to give you a hug.
235
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,966
Yeah, uh, Nikki...
I also wanted to ask you
do you know where Jay is?
236
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,168
Hug first.
237
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,576
The catering girl?
238
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,779
Was she cute?
239
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:14,514
I don't know. I didn't get
a good look at her face.
240
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,217
Jay had most of it
in his mouth.
241
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,220
That's probably not helping.
242
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,792
Stuart, why don't you
come and join us.
243
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,594
You've been staring
at that painting
for an hour.
244
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,734
I think I'm okay now.
245
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,103
Pass the scotch, please.
246
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,038
Piglet loved scotch.
(SOBS)
247
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,711
(CLEARS THROAT)
248
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,479
(CLEARS THROAT)
249
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,547
What do you want?
You want water?
250
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,849
Huh, you want water?
251
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,818
Get it yourself.
You got hands.
252
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,456
Who's trying
to please you now?
253
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,992
He was choking, Paul.
254
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,469
Just grab the champagne
and let's go.
255
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,404
Gee, I hope I can
muster enough strength
256
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,540
to get back up the stairs.
257
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,043
James, look.
I'm sorry I said
anything, okay?
258
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,145
You're strong.
You're the strongest
man in the world!
259
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,748
Your biceps are huge.
You're making me woozy!
260
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,817
That's it.
Right here, huh?
261
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,019
You and me.
Let's settle this
like men.
262
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,356
James, you're drunk.
263
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,358
I've only had
two glasses of champagne.
264
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,960
Yeah, I know.
265
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,597
I made a mistake
saying what I said,
okay?
266
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,433
And you
made a mistake
overreacting.
267
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,103
So please,
for the sake
of our friendship,
268
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,972
Just end it, okay?
269
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,444
I think I can take you.
Oh! Don't tempt me.
270
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,781
What's the matter, huh?
You're chicken?
Is that it?
271
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,148
First one's free,
junior.
272
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,417
Oh. What's the second
one gonna cost me?
273
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,485
I don't know.
274
00:11:58,585 --> 00:11:59,787
Ah!
275
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,023
Is that all you got?
You're like my grandmother.
276
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,059
I'm not your
grandmother, James.
What's my name?
277
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,029
Uncle. Your name's
uncle. Ah!
Uncle, yeah. Right.
278
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,263
That's it.
279
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,434
That's only a warning.
280
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:16,937
I'm going home.
281
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,605
I think you should
stay here
with your friends.
282
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:19,907
Don't worry.
283
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,475
I have a very good
system for dealing
with this.
284
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,277
It's very healthy.
285
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,814
I'm gonna need these.
286
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,983
Just let me
sneak out of here.
Shh!
287
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,519
(STAMMERS) All right.
You do what you have to do.
288
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,856
Hey, everybody,
Nikki's going home.
289
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,259
No, no, no!
Nikki, sit down!
290
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,460
It's New Year's.
291
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,495
Besides,
what about your date?
292
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,831
He left.
293
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,232
Good riddance.
294
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,533
Loser.
295
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,369
I never liked him.
296
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,637
Actually, I was gonna call
297
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,572
and see if we might
work it out.
298
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,841
Love that guy.
Handsome.
299
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,208
He's a keeper.
300
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,578
So, why'd he leave?
301
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:02,049
Mike chased him out
with a hot poker.
302
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,617
Mike shouldn't
have done that.
303
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,685
You know what?
You're right.
304
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,120
Mike shouldn't
have done that.
305
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,957
Whoa. You have
no reason to get
angry at me.
306
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,859
I am not the one
who hooked up
with the catering girl
307
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,226
in the library.
308
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,362
Oh!
Well.
309
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,332
(SOBBING)
310
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,339
Oh, you love this,
don't you?
311
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,775
Well, it's no weekend
on Fire Island,
312
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,144
but uh...
it's not bad.
313
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,515
This is great for me.
I'm a human fountain.
314
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:40,553
This will help me tomorrow
when I'm negotiating
with the teamsters.
315
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,191
Oh, Stuart,
I feel like this
is all my fault.
316
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,659
Oh, why?
Because you tortured me
and broke me down
317
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,962
until you turned me
into a sissy?
318
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,631
Give me tissue.
(SOBBING)
319
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,100
All right, all right.
320
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,037
Stuart, I'm gonna
help you get over this.
321
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,340
Just think
of happy things...
322
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,541
Bunny rabbits,
323
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,410
puppies, kittens.
324
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,777
Kittens...
325
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,914
Oh, no.
Forget kittens,
forget kittens.
326
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,582
You suck at this.
327
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:13,921
I know. Just think of
bad things happening
to other people...
328
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,422
To me.
329
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,489
To Paul.
330
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,158
(LAUGHS)
331
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,562
It stopped.
332
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,432
Mmm.
Oh, tears of joy.
333
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,107
Hey.
334
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,509
I fired the catering girl.
335
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,280
Cannoli.
336
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,953
What is wrong with me?
337
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,320
Will you please
help me figure out
338
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,958
why I insist
on being attracted
to freaks and losers?
339
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,392
(EXHALES)
340
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,827
It's not gonna
happen this year.
341
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,130
You know, when I was
a little girl,
342
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,300
my dad used to
tell me I was gonna
be a heartbreaker.
343
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,402
You are an amazing woman.
344
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:06,373
You're smart,
you're funny...
345
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,308
And I'm sure I'm not
the first person
to tell you this,
346
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,643
You're drop-dead gorgeous.
347
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,846
And I'm sure
your dream guy is
out there somewhere.
348
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,515
Right now.
349
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,785
Probably robbing
a convenience store.
350
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,989
Watch it.
I'm still mad at you.
351
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:23,823
I can't help myself.
352
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,159
I can't stand by
and watch you get hurt.
353
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,596
I think you know that.
354
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,500
And I think
you forgive me for it.
355
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,421
(LAUGHS)
356
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,423
Bull's eye!
357
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,626
You simply must...
358
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,861
try... the mousse!
359
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,031
(SCREAMS) (LAUGHS)
360
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,033
Oh!
361
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,037
Oh! I spent 70 bucks
on this do, buster.
362
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:14,041
You are so... dead.
363
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,408
(SCREAMS)
364
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,612
Ah!
365
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,589
(LAUGHS)
366
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,631
Mmm.
367
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,068
That mousse does
taste pretty good.
368
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:49,809
(CHUCKLES)
369
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,814
Oh. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
370
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,917
I don't know
what the hell I just did.
371
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,086
I mean...
372
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,459
I'm tipsy
and you're vulnerable.
373
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,099
Oh, God!
374
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:13,833
Oh, God!
375
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,469
(GRUNTS)
376
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:18,805
Oh, Nikki.
377
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,108
Mike. I know, I know.
378
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,242
Nikki!
379
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,643
Mike.
380
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,112
Tongs.
381
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,183
Ouch.
382
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,523
My favorite part
of New Year's,
watching the ball droop.
383
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,025
Paul! Turn on the TV.
384
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,027
Do it yourself!
385
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,030
Sir.
386
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,398
It's almost midnight.
387
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,534
Time for one of
my family's favorite
traditions.
388
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,837
Everybody throw
your glasses into
the fireplace.
389
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,178
To tradition.
390
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,683
ALL: Three, two, one...
391
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,153
(ALL CHEERING)
Happy New Year!
392
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,525
You don't think
they'd come in here,
do you?
393
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,228
I don't think so.
Do you?
394
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,801
I take it that's a "yes".
395
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,971
(SHOUTING HAPPILY)
396
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,678
You guys oughta
try the desserts.
397
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,682
They knock you
off your feet.
398
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:45,091
Can I see you
in my office
for just a minute?
399
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,659
Carter?
Yeah?
400
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:50,297
Uh... what happened
New Year's Eve...
401
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,598
I know you're not
the type of guy
402
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,500
that would ever
use that against me.
403
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,335
Oh, you're right.
404
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:58,571
And it just makes me
wanna cry and cry.
405
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,340
All right. How long
is this gonna go on?
406
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,543
Until you learn
to become a sensitive
and caring human being.
407
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,346
Well, thanks to you,
408
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,748
I'm halfway there
already, buddy.
409
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,452
(CAR HONKS)
410
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:16,088
We uh...
we need to talk.
411
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,558
If those people
hadn't come in when
they did last night...
412
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,427
But they did.
413
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,528
And we didn't.
414
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,663
Right. So it's just a...
415
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,097
tiny mistake.
416
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,966
No big deal.
417
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,270
It's amazing what
30 or 40 glasses
of champagne
418
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,371
will do to someone.
419
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,606
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
420
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,342
And today's today,
and last night was...
421
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,810
Last night?
That was last year.
422
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:40,413
Ancient history.
423
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,515
Absolutely.
424
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:43,883
So, why aren't
you leaving?
425
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,151
Why aren't you leaving?
426
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:46,719
It's my office.
427
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,258
And I was wondering
if one of us was
gonna say...
428
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:52,892
"But".
429
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,729
You mean like,
"but what if we're
perfect for each other?"
430
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,030
I was thinking
more along the lines
431
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,165
of "but what if
the sex was so good,
432
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,667
"we were paid
to travel around
the country
433
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,201
"and demonstrate it
to others?"
434
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,772
But yours works.
435
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:08,908
Come here for a second.
436
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,510
Should I lock the door?
437
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:14,347
My therapist says
that if you get
really close to each other
438
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,782
and you don't feel
any chemistry,
439
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,117
then you don't have
enough to build
a relationship on.
440
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,322
At least that way,
we won't have to wonder.
441
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,223
All right.
We could do that.
442
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,062
A little closer.
443
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:39,839
This is really close.
444
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,508
No talking.
445
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,118
You okay?
446
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:55,455
Yeah.
447
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,823
Are you?
448
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,293
Yeah. Yeah.
449
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,463
Oh, well.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
450
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,400
Well, that was
worth a shot.
451
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:12,204
See you later.
452
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,182
All right.
453
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,885
MAN: What is that noise?
Oh, that noise?
454
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:27,554
Yeah, just some
guy in my office.
455
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,456
(SCREAMS)
456
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:30,523
All right. Yeah.
457
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,258
Let's check and see
if I'm free.
458
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,461
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
459
00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:38,264
Yeah, yeah.
I'm free.
460
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,933
Okay, Bye-bye.
461
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,572
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
462
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,908
James, I really
have stuff to do.
463
00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:51,143
Can we just
call it a draw?
464
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:52,244
Okay?
465
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,014
All right.
466
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,085
I win.
32428
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