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1
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,077
Well, that's unbelievable.
Danielle just called me.
2
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,411
She canceled
our dinner for tonight.
3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,946
She claims she had
her wisdom teeth removed.
4
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,182
This is not
a lie, Mike.
5
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,549
I just saw her
an hour ago.
6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,952
We are talking
big cheeks, numb lips,
lots of drool.
7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,921
So she's up
and around.
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:22,690
Mike.
9
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,658
This is unb...
Look at me!
10
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:27,795
My first Valentine's Day
alone in this harsh world.
11
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,798
Is it so wrong that I want
a little female companionship?
12
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,900
If you really want,
I can set you up
with someone.
13
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,502
Yes, I want.
I want. Yes.
14
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,970
All right, fine.
I'll call Suzanne.
15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,307
No, no. She does this
twirly thing with her hair
16
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,808
that I know would
drive you up the wall.
17
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,811
Maybe Veronica.
Although this being
your first date back,
18
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,346
Veronica might be
a bit too aggressive,
19
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,747
you know,
sexually speaking.
20
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:47,848
I've got it!
21
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,184
Katie would be perfect.
22
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,420
She's cute.
She's the sweetest thing
you'll ever meet.
23
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,754
Tell me more
about Veronica.
24
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,056
Mike, listen.
25
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,658
Is it all right
if I come in
a little late tomorrow?
26
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,128
Because, tonight
I got plans
with Claudia.
27
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,896
(CLICKS TONGUE) We may have
to sleep in a little,
if you know what I mean?
28
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,366
You can come in late,
as long as you promise
29
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,867
not to tell me
what you mean.
30
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,138
Wait a minute.
Why am I setting you up?
31
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,572
I don't even
have a date yet.
32
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,741
You're always welcome
to join me at the bar.
33
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,644
I'll be reenacting
my traditional
bad holiday ritual.
34
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:20,281
It involves a good book
and a big bottle of Chianti.
35
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,416
No expectations.
No disappointments.
36
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,652
Forgive me,
Stuart, but when
I close my eyes
37
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,754
and try to envision
the perfect
Valentine's Day,
38
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,158
you are usually
bound and gagged
in a shed somewhere.
39
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,793
Ooh. (CHUCKLING)
40
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,697
You know, Nikki,
sometimes the perfect date
41
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,166
is right under
your nose.
42
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:42,903
You know what?
You're right.
43
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,438
This is not
a time for pride.
44
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,274
I need to start
calling old boyfriends.
45
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,942
Well, I am
no longer
46
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,611
desperate and alone
this evening.
47
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,913
Spence called.
He wants to see me.
48
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,184
Spence? The guy
who dumped you
twice, Spence?
49
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,619
I prefer just Spence.
50
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,654
Well, that can
only mean on thing,
he wants you back.
51
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,456
Come on. Spence
and I are over.
52
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:06,660
Tonight is merely
a friendly little extension
of the olive branch.
53
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,229
Is that a euphemism?
54
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,603
Please. Tonight
is totally casual.
In fact, Mike,
55
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,971
if your date doesn't pan out,
feel free to stop by.
56
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,940
Spence is bringing
a friend of his,
a woman.
57
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,610
Sounds great.
Thank you, Carter.
It's a good plan "B".
58
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:27,114
Plan "B"? You are going
out with a friend of mine
tonight, buster!
59
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,449
How immature are you?
60
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,351
I'm not immature.
61
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,052
Just in case
she's an uggo.
62
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,389
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
63
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,667
Well, am I...
64
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,902
glad Nikki thought
of setting us up.
65
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:53,241
I mean, we just met,
and... And already I'm
feeling pretty comfortable.
66
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,776
And I think that's unusual,
because, you know,
67
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,879
sometimes these things
can be pretty awkward.
68
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,414
I can tell
within 15 minutes
69
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,416
whether or not
I'm gonna have
sex with a guy.
70
00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,257
Really?
71
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,591
I, uh...
72
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,527
I have an aunt
who can guess people's
favorite colors.
73
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,164
Come on. Everybody's
the same way.
74
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,166
At least, I have
the guts to admit it.
75
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,534
So...
76
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,271
when do
my 15 minutes start?
77
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,973
They already did.
78
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,808
That's all right.
I can handle pressure.
79
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,543
I deal with it every day.
80
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,011
Thrive on it.
81
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,315
Fourteen fifty-eight...
82
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,149
Uh, can I get
some wine, please?
83
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,285
Hurry!
84
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,062
(SIGHS)
85
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,199
(CLEARS THROAT)
86
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,338
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
87
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,044
Coming!
88
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,317
(SINGSONG) Coming!
89
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,725
(EXHALES)
90
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,501
Spence Kamer!
91
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,337
How you doin',
Carter?
92
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,411
Okay. Got
through that.
93
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,646
Ha-ha. Yeah.
94
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,548
Come on in.
Sit down.
95
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:45,753
Oh... I miss
this couch!
96
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,054
Yeah, well,
you got the stereo,
97
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,456
I got the couch.
98
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,124
I didn't say
I want the couch.
99
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,626
I just said
I miss the couch.
100
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,996
Uh, white wine okay?
101
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,365
Sure, thanks.
102
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,000
(SIGHS)
You look great.
103
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,802
Yeah, you, too.
104
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,103
I like that goatee.
105
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,238
Yeah, well, they, uh...
(CHUCKLING)
106
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,240
seem pretty hip,
but you get
a few stray hairs
107
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,609
growing in
the wrong direction,
108
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,778
you start to look
like Count Chocula!
109
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:12,813
(EXHALES)
110
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,482
And that's not good.
111
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,585
No.
112
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,822
Uh, where's your friend?
Is she coming?
113
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,156
I thought you said
she was coming.
114
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,692
Not that I'm not
glad to see you.
115
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,628
It's just that...
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm babbling.
116
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,030
It's okay, though,
actually,
I kinda miss that.
117
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,599
Um, I asked her
to stop by
a little later.
118
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,668
I'd like to spend some
time alone with you first,
if that's okay.
119
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,838
Oh. Okay.
120
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,206
Whatever.
121
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,308
(SOFTLY) Boy!
122
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,647
Just relax, okay?
123
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,849
Drink the wine...
124
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,818
breathe
the secondhand smoke...
125
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,252
(INHALES)
126
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,690
And think about
the emptiness
of your life.
127
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,760
Don't you think
that's a little dark?
128
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,596
Sit down.
129
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,665
Everyone'll wind up
here, eventually.
130
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:05,766
They always do.
131
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,736
No, no. Not Nikki.
She's out with Kevin.
132
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,004
Right now, she's
probably laughing
at his little jokes,
133
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,139
laughing at
his stories...
134
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,306
What's he do?
135
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,608
He's a comedian.
136
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,246
You know she'll
fall for the guy,
137
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,748
and I'll get to hear
about it every day
138
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,450
until my ears bleed.
139
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,717
I hate this.
140
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,054
(DOOR SLAMS CLOSE)
141
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:36,196
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, Paul,
this is so sexy!
142
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:39,533
You're telling me.
And watch your feet.
143
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,169
This is gonna be
the best Valentine's Day
144
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,937
of your life,
darlin'. And dip.
(THUDS)
145
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,839
Oh!
I'm sorr...
146
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,975
I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry!
147
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,310
Oh! Are you
all right?
148
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,079
I'm okay.
I'm okay, honey.
149
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:55,048
I know this isn't
the best place to dance.
(MUSIC STOPS)
150
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,484
It's just...
151
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,019
Well, I wanted
to start our evening
152
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,755
in the room where
our lips first met.
153
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,358
Oh, Paul. Sweep me
off my feet right now,
154
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,561
and I'm yours forever.
155
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,129
(MUSIC PLAYING)
156
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,499
Tango?
157
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,634
Take me.
158
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:21,108
Tonight... Cupid's
arrow will strike
sharply and precisely.
159
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,510
Open!
160
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,578
(GAGS)
Ooh! Ooh!
161
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:26,847
I'm sorry!
162
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,881
Oh, I'm sorry!
163
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,518
I should have taken
out the thorns.
164
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,319
I'm sorry.
165
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,587
(WATCH BEEPS)
166
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,922
Ah. So...
167
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,692
How'd I do?
168
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,629
I'm not gonna have
sex with you tonight.
169
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,566
Well. Then, uh...
170
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,668
I'm not gonna have
sex with you, either.
171
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,207
Good night,
Michael Flaherty.
172
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,009
Good night,
Veronica...
173
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,547
Veronica.
174
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,784
So I gathered a few thousand
of my closest friends,
175
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,853
and we swarmed
the state legislature.
176
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,188
We got arrested,
but we got results.
177
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,424
Still doing the whole
angry black man thing, huh?
178
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:13,594
Yeah, well, I think
it works for me.
179
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,698
Tried the angry
Chinese man thing,
but...
180
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,201
couldn't seem
to nail it.
181
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,204
Well, the Carter
I knew would have nailed
that Chinese man.
182
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,207
Or at least,
bought him
a few drinks.
183
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,843
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
184
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,279
God, I miss
laughing like this.
Yeah, I know.
185
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,614
This is great.
186
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,749
Hey!
187
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,217
Uh...
188
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,753
Mike!
189
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,022
Uh... what...
What happened to...
190
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,123
Veronica?
191
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,491
Pfft!
192
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,026
I dumped her.
193
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,597
Spence Kamer,
Mike Flaherty.
194
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,664
Mike Flaherty.
195
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,199
Hey, uh, Spence.
Hey, Mike.
196
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,768
So, Spence, when's this
mystery woman showing up?
197
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,204
Actually, I asked her
to come by a little later,
198
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,339
because I wanted to talk
to you about something
199
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,174
while we were,
uh, alone.
200
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,243
(SIGHS)
201
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,113
That's okay.
I have no secrets
from Mike.
202
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,917
We're very close.
203
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,386
Okay. Carter,
Melissa and I
are getting married.
204
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,989
To who?
205
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,759
Listen, Carter, I found
out a lot about myself
206
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,629
in the last year, and
the fact is, I'm straight,
207
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,196
and we're
getting married.
208
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,365
I came here to ask
you to be my best man.
209
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,673
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
210
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,007
(MIKE CLEARS THROAT)
211
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,043
All right, let me get
this straight.
212
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,813
Let me...
Let me cut straight
to the chase.
213
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,349
I can't stop
saying "straight."
214
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,253
This uncomfortable
for you guys?
215
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,655
A little bit. Yeah.
216
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,790
So it's not
just me.
No.
217
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,358
Well, we got
that straight.
218
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,127
You sure
you're all right?
219
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,462
Oh, I'm fine.
220
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,965
I think the bleeding's
almost stopped.
(CHUCKLING)
221
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,499
So...
222
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:00,668
Do you trust me?
223
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,769
Forever.
224
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,370
Well, that's good.
225
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,905
Because...
226
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,206
Ooh!
227
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,342
Are you going to interrogate
me until you break my will
228
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,879
and I submit to
your every desire?
229
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,181
No. I just
thought this
would be neat.
230
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,818
Now, don't
be afraid.
Okay.
231
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,419
This is
just phase two.
232
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,721
(CHUCKLES)
233
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,589
(POPS)
234
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,092
Oh, I know that sound.
235
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,827
Phase three...
236
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,329
is a carriage ride
around the city.
237
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,865
Ooh! Those
are expensive.
238
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,201
Well,
I have a coupon.
239
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,302
(LAUGHING)
240
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,173
Drink.
241
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,244
And now,
my darling,
242
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,446
chase it down
with this.
243
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,817
Mmm!
244
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,753
What is that taste?
It's very interesting. Mmm.
245
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,255
How could you not know
what a strawberry tastes like?
246
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,424
(WHIMPERS)
247
00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,894
How was I supposed
to know she was
allergic to strawberries?
248
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,530
Refresh my memory.
249
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,733
Was phase three
the romantic carriage ride
250
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,234
or the trip
to the emergency room?
251
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,803
You should have
seen her.
252
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,272
Her head swelled up.
Her face turned blue.
253
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:15,008
She looked like
that crazy girl
from Willy Wonka.
254
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,312
Will you look
at Nikki?
255
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,214
If I didn't know her,
I'd make a move on her.
256
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,751
But I do know her.
And she knows me.
257
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,353
Well, if you're gonna
make a move,
you gotta have an edge.
258
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,088
You can't be normal, James.
259
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,423
Hey, James.
Brought you a beer.
260
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,524
You wanted
a light, right?
261
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,260
Yeah, thanks.
Hey, Nikki,
262
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,495
why don't you
and I sit over
at that table?
263
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,629
Why?
264
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,432
Why?
265
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,169
Why?
266
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,571
Paul feels really bad
about Claudia,
267
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,206
and I'd just like
a moment alone
268
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,540
to comfort him.
269
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,044
Okay.
270
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,417
I really appreciate
that, Stuart.
271
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,888
I really do, because,
I mean, my relationship
with Claudia is...
272
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,389
Don't care.
273
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:05,959
I'll be rational
about this.
274
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,028
I'm sure this happens
to thousands of people
275
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,797
thousands of times.
276
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,366
You really think so?
277
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,038
I'm sorry.
You... You were
starting to talk.
278
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,307
I made him
straight, Mike.
279
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:24,812
I mean,
how would you feel
280
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:25,913
if a woman
you were dating
281
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,248
left you to be
with another woman?
282
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,617
Just a second.
283
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,220
Trying to picture it.
284
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,723
It's not just that
he's moved on.
285
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:37,858
It's that...
286
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:38,926
(SIGHS) Everything
about my life
287
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,460
says that I've been
standing still.
288
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,295
He's changed his
sexual orientation.
289
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:45,032
I can't even change
the message on
my answering machine!
290
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,335
You are being too hard
on yourself, all right?
291
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,337
You bought
that new bread maker.
292
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,106
Thanks, Mike.
I'll cling to that.
293
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,644
Spence knows me
better than anybody
else in the world.
294
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,612
It probably took him
five seconds to figure out
295
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,014
I was still
waiting for him.
296
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,749
He's gonna come
back up here
feeling sorry for me.
297
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,117
(SIGHS)
298
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,652
I don't think
I can take that.
299
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,720
Listen, Carter...
300
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,157
I've been
through this.
301
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,560
Well, not exactly
this, but...
302
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,696
something very similar,
and... And...
303
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,632
And I know how
painful this can be.
304
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,871
If there's anything
I can do for you,
305
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,106
just ask, all right?
306
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,209
Even if... Even if
I can make tonight
a little bit easier.
307
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,044
You know, I...
I'm at your service.
308
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,513
I'm in your corner.
I'm on your team.
309
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,681
(DOOR OPENS)
310
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:53,766
Thanks, honey.
311
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,005
Isn't this just great?
312
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,907
I mean, I can't
believe this.
313
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,742
The two of you,
the two of us
sitting here,
314
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,344
getting to know
each other.
315
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,321
Me, too.
316
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,623
Michael?
317
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,991
Isn't this great?
318
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,496
Oh, sure...
319
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,933
honey.
320
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,469
So, Melissa...
321
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,670
(GIGGLES)
322
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:31,939
How'd you two meet?
323
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,374
We worked together
on an ad campaign.
324
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:37,244
It would have been
love at first sight,
but I thought he was gay.
325
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,345
He was!
326
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,149
Does anybody
want a beer or...
327
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,417
I... uh, I'll take
a couple dozen.
328
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,554
I'll help you.
329
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,589
Oh, I don't know.
Few minutes alone
with you,
330
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,691
I might come
back straight!
(CHUCKLES)
331
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,460
Hell, I might
come back white!
332
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,631
James, really,
this is unnecessary.
333
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,767
Ah, yes, but
a gesture is romantic
334
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,470
largely because
it is unnecessary.
335
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,239
Think about it.
336
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,451
I'd rather not.
337
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,520
James, you're acting
really weird.
338
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,455
Listen, Nikki, uh...
339
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,126
you think you
know me,
but you don't.
340
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,261
You only know a...
341
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,363
Office James.
342
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,266
Don't get me wrong.
Great guy. Love him.
343
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,005
He's harmless,
you know?
344
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,339
He's the kinda guy
you give your keys to
345
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,009
if you needed someone
to feed your cats.
346
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,643
You have never met...
347
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,579
after-hours James.
348
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,815
After-hours James.
349
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:52,019
Let us just say
you don't give
your keys to...
350
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,921
after-hours James.
351
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,591
You lock your door.
352
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,395
I'm gonna go
to the bathroom,
353
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,330
and when I come back,
354
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,932
I wanna meet
one of two people,
355
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,601
either office James...
356
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,471
or outside hailing
a cab James.
357
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,808
I'll tell you, you...
358
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,610
You're a very
lucky guy.
359
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,484
Oh, you mean Carter.
360
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,054
Lucky.
361
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,059
Lucky me.
362
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:36,096
You know, Mike,
you are exactly
Carter's type.
363
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,431
Super.
364
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,503
SPENCE: So, Michael,
365
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,704
when did you come out?
366
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,439
Uh... Huh?
367
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,607
SPENCE: Oh.
368
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,741
Forget it.
Don't say anything.
369
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,078
I can tell.
You haven't yet,
have you?
370
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,879
Uh, well...
371
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,082
Manhattan is...
372
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,150
such a conservative town.
373
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,088
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
374
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,092
SPENCE: Ah. So, Carter,
375
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,593
what do you say?
376
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,396
Would you like to be
my best man?
377
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,332
I... I'd love to,
but I'm really busy.
378
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,600
Well, we haven't
set a date yet.
379
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,967
We could plan
it around your schedule.
380
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,436
Busy, busy, busy.
381
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,139
I can barely come
up for air.
382
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,308
Tell him.
Tell him, Mike.
383
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,313
Busy as a little bee.
384
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,517
Come on, Carter.
Don't be like this.
385
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,651
Stop pushing me.
386
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,287
You always did that.
It's driving me crazy.
387
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,489
It's not gonna
happen, okay?
388
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:42,495
(BOTH SIGH)
389
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,397
Can't you say
something to him?
390
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,134
You know what he's like
when he's in one of his moods.
391
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,307
My date was a bust.
Thank you, Nikki.
392
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,343
Carter, how'd things
go with Spence?
393
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,478
Uh, you know what,
he's not even
my type any more.
394
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,147
I don't know what
I was thinking.
395
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,848
Paul, you and Claudia?
396
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:02,982
Tried to kill her.
397
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,521
Hi, Veronica.
398
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,257
(DOOR CLOSES)
399
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,992
Hi. Look,
I been doing
a lot of thinking,
400
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,462
and I decided
I acted badly earlier.
401
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,364
I made
a big mistake.
402
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,232
You're a man.
I'm a woman.
403
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,567
It's Valentine's Day.
404
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,635
There's no reason
we shouldn't have sex.
405
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,907
Okay,
is this real,
406
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,743
or did someone
set this up
to make me crazy?
407
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,983
All right, hold on
a minute, all right?
408
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,851
You know,
I have feelings,
you know.
409
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,288
You can't just come
waltzing in here
and expect me...
410
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,456
Yes or no?
Yes.
411
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,192
I'll let you say
good-bye to your friends,
412
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,659
and I'll be right back.
413
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,802
Well, who says
you don't get rewarded
for good deeds?
414
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,307
Hey, Spence!
415
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,582
Listen, Carter, I...
416
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:10,950
I couldn't leave
it like that.
417
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:15,388
Welcome to our table
of romantic failures, Spence.
418
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,524
Yeah, Mike's the only
lucky one here tonight.
419
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,360
Of course.
He's got carter.
420
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,229
Mike and Carter?
What do you mean
Mike and Cart...
421
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,030
(KICKS)
Ow! Ow!
422
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:25,965
Somebody kicked me!
423
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,268
Sorry. Sorry. I was
just uncrossing my legs.
424
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,369
No problem.
425
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,470
What do you mean
Mike and Cart...
426
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,938
(KICKS)
Ow!
427
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,840
Ow! Ow!
428
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,976
Sorry. Me again. Me again.
Just getting crowded
under there.
429
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,346
Well, please!
I bruise easily.
430
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:40,713
What... Ow!
431
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,981
Ow!
432
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,421
That was me.
433
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,657
I mean, why shouldn't
I get to play?
434
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:57,264
Uh, Spence, Mike
and I haven't told
everyone here that...
435
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,866
we were in love... yet.
436
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,069
I can't believe this.
437
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,872
You finally...
438
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,808
tell me you love me...
439
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,413
You do it here.
440
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,715
So, you wanna
get out of here?
441
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,490
(SIGHS)
442
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,694
Boy, are you barking
up the wrong tree.
443
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,368
Then I guess
I'll be going.
444
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,069
I'll see you
to the door.
445
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,440
Happy Valentine's Day, fellas.
446
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,309
You know,
I work with Nikki, too.
447
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,976
You're not
Stuart, right?
448
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,012
No.
449
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,018
Well, you did
the right thing.
450
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,053
Feel better?
451
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,356
No, not really.
452
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,958
Wish you were
a little more petty
and vindictive?
453
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:00,226
Yeah, pretty much.
454
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,562
I know how that goes.
455
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,764
I still want
him in my life.
456
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,666
So...
457
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,570
this is being gay.
458
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,674
Yeah. This is what
we're fighting for.
459
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,212
As much as I'd like
to hang around
and experiment,
460
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,615
I'm afraid I must
get back to the
heterosexual world.
461
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:25,151
Mike, I really
appreciate...
Don't, all right?
462
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,720
No, don't.
Don't even say it.
463
00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:32,925
You were there for me,
and whenever you need it,
464
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,160
I'll be there for you.
465
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:35,928
Good.
466
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,163
Wedding's in June.
467
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,167
You're gonna
need to get a tux.
468
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:49,376
Oh, Paulie,
it's just one night.
469
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:52,144
Besides, it's, what,
only ten to 12:00.
470
00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:54,681
There's still time
left for romance.
471
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:56,215
Really?
Yeah.
472
00:21:56,383 --> 00:21:58,618
Why don't you start
by getting me a drink?
473
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:01,187
I could use one.
474
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,923
That'll take too long.
Here, take mine.
I'll get a fresh one.
475
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,192
Okay. Thank you, honey.
476
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:07,927
Mmm.
477
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:10,096
I know that taste.
478
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,164
It's a daiquiri.
479
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,133
I'll call an ambulance.
33001
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