Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,245
James. Hey.
2
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,215
Mmm. I missed you.
How was your Christmas?
3
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,416
Uh, it was
good, Nikki.
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,518
I missed
you, too.
5
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:19,653
I can't tell you
how excited I was
6
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,322
when you asked me out
for a drink tonight.
7
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,392
Yeah, well,
the others should
be here pretty soon.
8
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,694
Uh, the others?
9
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:28,996
Great.
10
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,499
That way, you know,
we don't have to be alone,
11
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,101
just the two of us.
12
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,169
Hey.
Hey, hey.
13
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,237
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
14
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,139
Hey, guys.
How was
your Christmas?
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,207
Nice.
16
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:41,442
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Lots of family.
17
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,810
Mine was perfect.
18
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,845
I gave myself
a steak dinner,
a case of Heineken,
19
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:48,882
and a few
very special
adult videos.
20
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:51,119
If you were spending
the holiday alone,
you should have called me.
21
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,586
Oh, my parents
were there.
22
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,023
Oh, don't
sit there.
That's broken.
23
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,258
Oh.
24
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,727
So, I guess Mike's
not going to be
joining us, huh?
25
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,130
I... I called him
a couple of times,
left messages.
26
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,364
He's not
picking up.
27
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,433
I can't believe Mike
and Ashley broke up.
28
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:06,767
I really thought they were
gonna go the distance.
29
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,802
So, does anyone know
why they broke up?
30
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,139
I've heard,
like, hundreds
of different rumors.
31
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,341
Hey, you're
in a public position,
people are gonna talk.
32
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,376
There's probably
not a person
in this city
33
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,910
that doesn't know
about this.
34
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,647
Happy New Year, guys!
35
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,283
So, did you make any
resolutions this year, huh?
36
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:25,319
Mine is to be
less gullible this year.
37
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,155
Did you hear?
Mike and Ashley
broke up.
38
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,756
(LAUGHING)
Oh, come on.
39
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,325
Very good.
40
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,393
Not going to work.
Uh-huh.
Oh, don't sit there.
41
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:33,694
That's broken.
42
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,163
Oh, please.
43
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,564
Oh, people,
what do you
44
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,931
take me for, huh?
ALL: Paul.
45
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,032
(NIKKI SCREAMS)
46
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,737
Mike and Ashley
broke up?
47
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,940
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,419
Good morning.
Welcome back.
49
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,254
How's everybody doing?
NIKKI: Hi, Mike.
50
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,190
STUART: Hi.
JAMES: Hey, Mike.
How are you?
51
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,258
How are you
doing, Mike?
52
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,194
Oh, God.
The pity face.
53
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,264
Look, you got to
get a message back
to girl headquarters.
54
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,933
Let them know
guys hate the pity face.
55
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,204
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
It's
pretty bad.
56
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,672
All right, I take it you
all heard that Ashley
and I split up.
57
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,641
So, I should probably make
a brief statement.
58
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,643
Ashley got offered
a terrific job in L.A.
59
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,612
She took it.
I supported her.
60
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:28,249
She left. She's fine.
I'm fine. The end.
61
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,219
Press two if you want
62
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,786
this message
repeated in Spanish.
63
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,356
What's in the box?
64
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,958
Just some of her stuff.
It's, uh... You know,
65
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,361
sweatshirt, four books,
66
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:43,864
six CDs, picture frame,
pair of earrings...
67
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,132
Bra.
68
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,635
That's pathetic.
69
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,437
What? What?
70
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,405
Come on, Mike.
It's so obvious.
71
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,573
It's a breakup box.
72
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,674
You could have thrown
all that stuff out,
73
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,509
but, no, you had
to send it all back,
74
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,577
hoping that each item
75
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,279
dredges up
some painful memory.
76
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,547
Yeah.
77
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,249
Especially the bra.
78
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,554
See, it was
the first one she gave me.
79
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,290
It was designed
to both lift and separate.
80
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,725
Come on.
It's her stuff.
81
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:12,860
I got to send it
back to her.
82
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,295
Can we move on,
please?
83
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,929
You know,
I got dumped once.
84
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,265
No.
85
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,969
No, seriously,
I did.
86
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,804
I'd like
to point out that
this is irrelevant,
87
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,005
seeing as
I did not get dumped.
88
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,275
We broke up.
It's a giant difference.
89
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:28,309
It is huge.
90
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,278
Can I tell
my story anyway?
91
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,614
All right.
92
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,449
I met this girl
in college, all right?
93
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,285
She was a sophomore.
I was a freshman.
94
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,619
We dated
for three years,
95
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,821
and she just up
and left me.
96
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,623
James,
97
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,358
she graduated.
98
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,730
I'm really excited
to release these holiday
tourism statistics.
99
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,633
Press eats
this stuff up like
yogurt-covered raisins.
100
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:54,835
That's an
interesting reference.
101
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,137
Hey, you cover
anything with yogurt...
102
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,940
(LAUGHS)
Count me in.
103
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,843
That attitude
can get you in a lot
of trouble, Paul.
104
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,346
Oh, you're not
really gonna
105
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,480
use those statistics,
are you?
106
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,449
'Cause, uh...
107
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,850
'Cause I made
them up.
108
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,151
What?
109
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,386
Oh, no.
No, Mike.
110
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,654
I could lose
my job for this.
111
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,988
I could go to jail.
112
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,223
Jeez, Paul,
come on, I thought
113
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,958
you weren't going to be
so gullible this year.
114
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,328
Oh, why did I tell
you people about my
New Year's resolution?
115
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,330
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid.
116
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,432
Why am
I here anyway?
117
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,500
I mean, this is
routine stuff.
118
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,668
Well, you
and Ashley saw
119
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,403
a lot of each other
in that room,
120
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,938
and, uh, you know...
121
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,072
Oh, no.
So, you're thinking
122
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,775
if I don't go back
in there today,
123
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,243
I may never
go back?
124
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,345
Yeah.
125
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,746
Come on, Paul.
126
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:39,813
You've been watching
too many soaps.
127
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,181
Let's get this thing
over with.
128
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,120
(INDISTINCT CHATTER INSIDE)
129
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,456
What?
130
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,024
I... (SIGHS)
131
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,261
I don't know.
I can't go in there.
132
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,096
I can't go
in that room.
133
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,367
It's like...
(SIGHS)
134
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,070
It's like there's
this invisible barrier that
135
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,706
my heart
won't let me cross.
136
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,174
Oh, God.
137
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,178
Oh, God.
It's too soon,
isn't it?
138
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,548
This is gonna be
a long year
for you, Paul.
139
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,889
Mike, read...
Morning, sir.
140
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:25,092
Read this, please.
All right.
141
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:28,295
Wow. John Tesh is giving
a free concert in the park.
142
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,397
No, no.
143
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,198
The next page.
144
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,633
I love John Tesh.
145
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,570
I know you do, sir.
146
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,407
Oh, sir, these are
political cartoons.
147
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,809
Yes, but they have gotten
very personal, Mike.
148
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:44,412
You're a public figure.
You're gonna get nailed
a few times.
149
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,213
Besides, the fact
that they choose you
to make fun of
150
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,948
could almost be
considered flattering.
151
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,417
Oh, really?
Well, what about
the one here
152
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,084
where I have
an ass head?
153
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,656
Well, the donkey
has long been a popular
political symbol.
154
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:58,225
No, not a
donkey head, Mike.
155
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,527
An ass head.
156
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,730
Oh, my. Well...
157
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,471
It's not
very flattering
at all, is it, sir?
158
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,239
All right,
I'll tell you what,
I'll give them a call.
159
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,141
Or we could
just hoist you up
on the copy machine,
160
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,776
fax them
a better likeness.
161
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,911
(CHUCKLING)
162
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,014
Yeah, yes,
you're right.
Well, listen,
163
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,150
this cartoon isn't
the real reason
I came in here.
164
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,618
I heard about
you and...
165
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,719
Ashley.
Yeah.
166
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,822
Yeah, I figured.
I'm okay.
167
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,123
If you need
any time off or...
168
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,459
I just had some.
Oh.
169
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,461
I tell you what, though.
I'll take a rain check.
170
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,529
That way, if there's
any lingering sadness
171
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:39,066
in say, like, July,
when the weather's
really hot...
172
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,636
I'll take
a few long weekends.
173
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,938
(LAUGHS)
174
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,507
I don't think so.
175
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,111
Look, sir, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
176
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,280
It's not easy to end
177
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,015
a relationship.
So, there's nothing
I can do.
178
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,517
I'm fine, sir.
179
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,656
CARTER: Heading out?
I'm trying to.
180
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,492
And good.
181
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,360
You're taking your little
cardboard friend with you.
182
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,297
All right
now, Mike.
183
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,398
If you need to talk
to anyone later...
184
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:12,533
(SIGHS)
...I'm gonna
be kinda hard
185
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,234
to get a hold of
because I've got a date.
186
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:18,138
I don't think
Mike needs to hear
about that right now.
187
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,173
In fact, I don't think
Mike needs you to be
dating, period.
188
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,809
No more dating!
189
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:25,112
You know, that's
a catchy slogan, James.
190
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,246
If we need
to lock up
the Amish vote,
191
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,516
we can slap that
on a buggy sticker.
192
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,317
Uh, point
of information, Mike.
193
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,653
Technically, the Amish
are not allowed
194
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,655
to decorate
their buggies.
195
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,525
How could you
possibly know that?
196
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,861
The Amish
have a website
on the Internet.
197
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,630
You know,
normal people
198
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,898
download
nudie pictures,
199
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,837
but you hang out
on the Amish home page.
200
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,905
They have
nudie pictures.
201
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:57,845
Yeah?
202
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,548
How do you log on?
203
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,617
Am-babe.com.
204
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,657
You know what it's like
to feel empty, Clayton?
205
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:13,226
Feel a big, gaping hole
around you wherever you go?
206
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,567
Can I just get
my nine bucks?
207
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,369
I mean,
look at me, Clayton.
208
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,939
Look at me. This...
This isn't who I am.
209
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,176
All right, look.
You can give me a ten
or a 20. I don't care.
210
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,477
I can make change.
211
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:31,879
All right,
Clayton, come on.
Look, have a slice
212
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,046
with me, okay?
213
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,115
Sorry the place
is a mess, but...
214
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,584
Here. See?
All right? Okay?
215
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,185
We'll hang out.
We'll have a beer.
216
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:41,488
Just two guys.
We don't need anybody.
217
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,292
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, hey.
218
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,661
Be a sport
and get that for me,
would you, Clayton?
219
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,032
I'm looking for
Michael Flaherty.
MIKE: Oh, hey.
220
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,034
Beerski, friend?
221
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,970
Dude, get out
while you can.
222
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,940
I'm... I'm just here
for a signature.
223
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,074
I just want
nine bucks.
224
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,643
I've been here
since noon.
225
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,749
Listen, I just have
the paper plates.
Is that okay?
226
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,451
Listen, sir,
this pizza's
on me. See ya.
227
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,054
Well, hey, Clayton.
Clayton. Whoa.
228
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,656
Clayton.
229
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,126
You're good
people, Clayton.
230
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,395
Guy really
understands me.
231
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:24,832
So...
232
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,401
(DOOR SLAMS)
233
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,704
Gonna be able
to hang out
for a bit?
234
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,641
Uh, you have
a package going
235
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:37,945
to Ashley Schaeffer
in Los Angeles?
236
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,279
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
237
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,814
Right over...
(GRUNTS)
238
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,549
Whoa.
Here we go.
239
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,217
If you
would just sign
by the "X," sir.
240
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,919
All right.
So, hey, Jimmy.
241
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,955
You look like
the type of fella
242
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,690
who's had
a few relationships.
243
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,159
Keep your eye
on that "X," sir.
244
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,097
All business,
huh, Jimmy?
245
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,099
I respect that.
I know the type.
246
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,902
There you go.
247
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,070
Okay.
248
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,473
(SIGHS)
249
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,243
I'm sorry.
I know this
250
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,578
is gonna sound
weird to you,
251
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,847
but I can't let you
take this box.
252
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,649
Listen, buddy,
you just signed
the invoice.
253
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,450
It's officially
my responsibility now.
254
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,653
I have to take it.
(GRUNTS)
255
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,089
Maybe you could just take
something else, huh?
256
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:24,725
How about
the lazy Susan?
257
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,894
All right. Okay.
I got the invoice.
258
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,862
You're free to go.
259
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,365
Oh. I get it.
What?
260
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,867
It's a breakup box.
261
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,672
You can't prove that.
262
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,373
Listen, buddy,
trust me.
263
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,942
I do this every day.
264
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,045
She's not coming back.
She doesn't love you anymore.
265
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,118
You're never getting
this away from me.
266
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,687
Jimmy.
267
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,422
Jimmy!
268
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,725
(BOTH GRUNTING)
269
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,093
You know,
you're stronger
than you look.
270
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,732
Jimmy,
give me the box.
Give me the box.
271
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,202
You got
back together
with him?
272
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:12,272
Yes. That's what makes
my breakup story so good...
273
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,007
The rare
double breakup.
274
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,475
We lived together.
He left me.
275
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,411
I took him back.
He left me again.
No warning.
276
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,914
One day,
I got home from work,
277
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:21,982
he'd already
moved his things
278
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,550
into a
friend's apartment.
279
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,385
His, uh,
280
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,654
things?
281
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:31,658
Yeah, you know,
handcuffs, whips,
other sex toys.
282
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,427
His clothes,
you fool.
283
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,797
Personal effects.
God.
284
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,865
Sorry.
285
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,767
I wandered.
Sue me.
286
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,770
Guys, it is
almost noon.
287
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:43,937
Mike is still
not in yet.
288
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,638
Yeah, I know.
I'm worried, too.
289
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,507
I think we should wait
about another 15 minutes,
290
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,676
and if he doesn't
show up, call it a day.
291
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,980
I'm going to
try him again.
292
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,049
So, Nik...
what you doing tonight?
293
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,517
"Nik"?
294
00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,386
Cozy night
with Mr. TV?
295
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,422
Nah, Mr. Fuchs.
Dan, my date.
296
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,892
(IMITATING NIKKI)
My date this,
my date that.
297
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,861
(NORMAL VOICE)
I was just mumbling.
298
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:09,963
Mike?
It's Nikki.
299
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,433
Hey, Nikki.
How you doing?
300
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,402
Forget about me.
How are you doing?
301
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,670
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
302
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,373
Just taking
a personal day.
303
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,909
Well, you want
some company?
304
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,677
Oh, I don't think
there's a whole lot
of room in here.
305
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,213
I mean, I got
a few people over,
306
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,916
and there's
an occupancy limit.
307
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,417
(FORCED LAUGH)
308
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,320
Anyway, I'm...
I'm fine.
309
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,654
Thanks for
checking on me.
310
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,523
(STAMMERS) Okay.
311
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:37,891
Okay.
312
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,460
That was
a special treat
313
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,129
watching you handle
that briefing, sir.
314
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,131
Yeah, with what passes
for news these days,
315
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:45,565
I knew there'd be
more than a...
316
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,834
Well, a couple
of questions
317
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,402
about Mike's
personal life,
318
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,703
and what kind of friend
would I be
319
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,540
if I didn't just step in
and deflect a few shots, huh?
320
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,976
(LAUGHS) May I say, sir,
it was very impressive.
321
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,110
Well, thank you
very much.
322
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,947
I've always excelled
at public speaking.
323
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,915
Well, that's...
324
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:05,118
That's an advantage
in the political arena,
no doubt, sir.
325
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,387
Well, I really
appreciate you
letting me,
326
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,721
you know, sub in
for you today.
327
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,291
(LAUGHS) Oh. You can fill
my shoes anytime, sir.
328
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,594
Yeah, well, Paul,
therein lies the problem.
329
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:15,562
Problem?
330
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:16,930
Well, see, interacting
with the press
331
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:20,934
is one of
my favorite things
about public office,
332
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,870
but with you
here, I...
333
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:26,106
I just don't get
to seem to do it
as often as I'd like.
334
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,641
What are you
getting at, sir?
335
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,411
Well, I've decided
to discontinue
your position here
336
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,981
and handle
things myself.
337
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,616
We're going to
let you go, Paul.
338
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,054
Oh. Well... I'll...
I'll just pack
339
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,789
my things, sir.
340
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,192
Boy, Paul.
They were right.
You're easy pickings.
341
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,726
(LAUGHS)
342
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,934
Hey, Lassiter,
your fly's open.
343
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,202
Oh.
344
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,541
I can't believe
you cooked for me.
345
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,742
Well, uh, before
I became
346
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,612
a bond trader,
I was a chef
for a while.
347
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:06,914
Wow.
348
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,516
Got any other
interesting jobs
in your past?
349
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,051
I was a masseur.
350
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,685
Yes!
351
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,521
If you tell me
you've never been
convicted of a felony,
352
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,123
you can move
in tomorrow.
353
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,824
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Ooh, so close.
354
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,793
I tell you,
you kill one guy,
and it haunts you forever.
355
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:21,962
But two out of three
ain't bad, right?
356
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,197
I mean, this date's
going pretty well.
357
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,665
What, are
you kidding?
358
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,834
You know what that
sound is, don't you?
359
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,937
The sound
of us clicking.
You hear that?
360
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,804
I think so.
361
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,144
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
362
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,246
Oh, yeah,
I'm definitely
picking it up now.
363
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,214
It's... It's more
of a knocking sound.
364
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,253
Nikki. Nikki,
you were right.
365
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,454
I am an idiot.
366
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,257
I need to talk,
and I need you
to listen.
367
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:51,791
Hi. I'm Mike...
368
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,961
Nikki's 9:00 date.
369
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:59,766
Dan, I'd like you
to meet Mike, my boss.
370
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,738
Uh, well, I should
probably go.
371
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,545
No. You stay.
372
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,880
I asked you to talk.
You came to talk.
373
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,083
We're going to talk,
just you and me.
374
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,651
And Dan.
375
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,420
Oh, I don't want to
drag you guys down.
376
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,790
I mean,
the date must go on.
377
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,158
What did you guys
have planned?
378
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,428
Well, we were gonna catch
the new Star Trek movie.
379
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,130
Well, I've seen that.
380
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:32,799
Of course you have.
381
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:36,136
What about dinner?
I mean, that's
a date thing, right?
382
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,406
Yeah, we could eat...again.
383
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:40,640
Okay, great.
Well, listen.
384
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,010
I'm just going
to use the bathroom.
385
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,346
Dan, why don't you
pick the restaurant?
386
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,881
Oh, you are a doll.
387
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,684
He has been
in such a bad place.
388
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,852
I know this is
really awkward for you.
389
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,321
Nah, it's okay.
It's like we have
390
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,388
our own chaperone...
391
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,024
(DOOR OPENS)
392
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,358
...or two.
393
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:01,861
James?
394
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,164
Hey, Nikki.
Excuse me.
395
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,101
You must
be the date.
396
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,504
Dan.
Uh-uh.
397
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,742
James, what are
you doing here?
398
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,611
I... I came
to talk about Mike.
399
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,080
I'm really
worried about him.
400
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,815
Oh, actually,
he's here.
Yeah, whatever.
401
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,354
So...
402
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,488
What do
you do, Dan?
403
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,136
I like your box.
404
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,339
Thank you.
405
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,776
Mike... I thought
you wanted to talk tonight.
406
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,911
Yeah, yeah, I just got
to go slow, okay?
407
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,446
I want to
ease into it.
408
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,881
You know,
I've been through
409
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,716
a couple of
painful breakups.
410
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,251
Oh, you hear
that, Nikki?
He loves them
411
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,486
and leaves them.
412
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:02,855
Citizens
of Gotham.
413
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,324
Howdy,
howdy, howdy.
414
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,525
More friends?
415
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,595
I... I like to date
in large groups.
416
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,829
Who's the new guy?
417
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,098
Nikki's date, Dan.
418
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,399
Oh, how's
the date going?
419
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,000
(GRUNTS)
420
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,002
So, Mr. Big Talk,
421
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,137
you going
to finish your
422
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,305
breakup story
or what?
423
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,840
I did. She climbed
down the fire escape
424
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,110
and left
my life forever.
That's it?
425
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,112
Hey. We lived
on the 14th floor.
426
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,613
She was carrying
all my luggage...
(SIGHS)
427
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,281
...and my TV.
428
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,016
My breakup story's
much better than that.
429
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,584
Well, mine was
better than yours.
430
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,120
Nah. No.
I just heard it.
431
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,987
You know what?
It's getting late.
432
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,123
I should really
get going.
433
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,459
Uh... I had
a wonderful date
434
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,994
with all of you.
435
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,897
Good night, Nikki.
436
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,134
Sorry about
this, Dan.
437
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,569
Give me
a call sometime.
We'll go out again.
438
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,471
You can
count on it.
439
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,472
CARTER:
Drive safely.
440
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,940
Thanks for
dinner, Dan.
Okay, Dan.
441
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,442
Go get
'em, tiger.
442
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,280
He is so
not going
to call you.
443
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,248
Not a chance, Nik.
444
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,650
Sayonara,
Danny boy.
445
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,888
I'm going
to get us
another round.
446
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,390
I'll help carry.
447
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,960
Well, she might not have
the best breakup story,
448
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,763
but now
she's definitely
got the quickest.
449
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,266
I don't know.
Yours is pretty fast.
450
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,635
It's like Ashley
just disappeared.
451
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,605
She left
last Tuesday.
452
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,873
New Year's Eve?
453
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,375
Yeah.
454
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,042
Tough travel day.
455
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:33,213
And you didn't
ask her to stay?
456
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,215
Nope. Nope.
Stuart, it wouldn't
457
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,217
have been fair
to either of us.
458
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,186
So, she just
got on a plane.
459
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,053
What a bitch.
460
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,396
The situation, Mike,
not the girl.
461
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,700
What are
you doing?
462
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,203
(GRUNTS) Nothing.
463
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,771
Nothing.
Just playing
around.
464
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,507
I don't like
that game.
465
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,280
Mike, you left
your coat.
466
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,615
Thanks.
467
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:09,749
Everything okay
in there?
468
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,418
James and Carter
are fine.
469
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,119
Stuart's hiding
under a table.
470
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,387
Oh, you're
trying to tell me
I'm the first boss
471
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,723
who tried to choke
Stuart to death?
472
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,359
Mike, you got
a problem here.
473
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,627
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
474
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,262
It's impossible
to catch a cab
in this city
475
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,364
when you're
carrying a box.
476
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,233
Damn Unabomber.
477
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,801
Oh, yeah. Great.
478
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,237
Mike,
you can't do this.
479
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,272
Yeah, you're right. My bad.
You take the first one.
480
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,106
We're not ready yet.
Thanks.
481
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,709
Oh, no, hey.
Oh. No, wait.
482
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,246
Well, that's great,
'cause it's going to be
483
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,613
real easy
to get another one.
484
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:41,981
I don't want
to leave here
until I know
485
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,316
you're going
to be okay.
486
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,818
Jeez, you know,
between you
and Ashley,
487
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:48,288
that's the second time
I've heard that this week.
488
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,358
But you
know what?
489
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,925
You don't
always get
what you want.
490
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:57,096
That's why I'm standing
out here in the rain
with this box
491
00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,966
with the sweatshirt
that Ashley wore
every Sunday,
492
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:04,103
pictures of us
on that camping trip,
493
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,205
earrings that she
494
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,674
left at my place
first night she stayed over
495
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,742
that she probably
doesn't even know
I still have.
496
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,344
Call her, Mike.
497
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,613
Tell her
you made a mistake.
498
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,982
You shouldn't have
let her leave
like that.
499
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,717
That's the
funny part.
500
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,787
I didn't
just let her go.
501
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,557
But you said that...
Yeah, I lied,
all right?
502
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,461
I begged her to stay.
503
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,798
She left anyway.
504
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,068
But apparently
I'm a...
505
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,905
I'm a real
special person,
506
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,740
and I got
a good heart,
507
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,777
and she won't
forget me.
508
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,480
So, I got that
going for me,
which is nice.
509
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,588
Give it
some time, Mike.
510
00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:00,259
Maybe it'll all
work itself out.
511
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,728
Well, she left
because she doesn't
love me
512
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,730
as much as I love her.
513
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,334
There. You happy?
I shared.
514
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,068
Is that what
you wanted?
515
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,103
Mike, I'm so sorry.
516
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,541
It's killing me, Nikki.
517
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,477
I'm just dying inside.
518
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:21,681
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
519
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,350
Come here.
520
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,754
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
521
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:33,426
(MIKE CRYING)
522
00:21:36,863 --> 00:21:38,431
I just miss her.
523
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,968
Call me if you
need anything, okay?
524
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:45,805
PAUL: Bye.
Bye, guys.
525
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:49,075
Mike, Mike, this reminds me
of when I was a bachelor.
526
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,743
Messy apartment,
fridge full of beer,
527
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,111
late-night TV.
528
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,648
Why the hell
did I ever get married?
529
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,618
Gentlemen, feast
your eyes on this.
530
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:01,688
Why? It's just...
531
00:22:01,788 --> 00:22:03,390
It's an Amish girl
churning butter.
532
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:06,058
PAUL: Ah, thou must
be patient.
533
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:12,965
And there goes
the bonnet.
37265
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese