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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,276
Good morning,
everyone.
ALL: Good morning.
2
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,144
I have some
very exciting news.
3
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:14,082
It's 9:05, and we already
have our first official
mistake of the day,
4
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:17,351
beating the old record
set by Paul Lassiter
by a full seven minutes.
5
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,587
I couldn't have done it
without my family.
6
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,256
Stuart, the mayor
was in his office
at 9:00 a.m.,
7
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,924
which is when he
should have been...
8
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,660
At the small business
owners breakfast.
So? Not my fault.
9
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:31,365
(CHUCKLES)
Did I schedule that
and forget to tell anyone?
10
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,067
We have a winner.
(STUART SIGHS).
11
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,402
I don't want to
hear any excuses.
12
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,969
You sure?
Because I've been
saving the doozie.
13
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:39,607
It starts out as an excuse,
but I end up blaming James.
14
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,276
Well, James, as it turns out,
has some problems of his own.
15
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,078
James, last night,
you had the mayor
16
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,780
tell the women's
coalition that
his main goal was...
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,649
To put more women
in managerial positions.
18
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,619
(IMITATES BUZZER)
Missionary positions.
19
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,192
I'm, I'm sorry, Mike.
My mind must have
been wandering.
20
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,163
Even when you daydream,
you're conservative.
21
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,702
And, Nikki,
mind sharing with us
22
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,772
what you budgeted for
the hot-lunch program
at P.S. 434?
23
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:12,940
Sure. 12...
24
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,144
million dollars.
25
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,146
No. No. No need
to apologize.
26
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,780
I've had lunch
in that cafeteria.
27
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,515
The service
is impeccable.
28
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:24,685
You must
try the duck.
29
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,889
And last but
not least, Carter.
30
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,625
Great. Never gotten
to be last but not least.
31
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,794
That's usually
my slot.
32
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,929
No matter how good it is
for community relations,
33
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:39,533
you have to promise me
that the mayor will
never, ever, ever again
34
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,302
sing at a gospel brunch.
35
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,173
People, I managed to catch
most of these mistakes,
36
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,240
and there's nothing
too crippling,
37
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,176
but you know what
surprises me the most?
38
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,411
Besides the fact that the man
who wrote Amazing Grace
39
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,313
hasn't hunted the mayor
down and killed him...
40
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,417
is that I'm not angry.
41
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,852
I'm not angry, 'cause
you're the best staff
I could ever ask for.
42
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,655
We've been working
14-hour days without a break
for almost a year now,
43
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,724
and that is simply
not the kind of schedule
44
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,959
that is conducive
to staying sharp,
45
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,995
so...
46
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,062
PAUL: Air hockey?
47
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,498
Cool!
48
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:11,699
MIKE: So when you get
a five-minute window,
49
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,534
just come in here,
unwind, relax,
50
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,068
play a few games,
it will help your work.
51
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,439
Great. I was afraid you
were going to give us
more vacation time.
52
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,907
Unless I can lie down
on this table
53
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,810
and have a big, muscular
German man give me
a full-body massage,
54
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,212
this ain't gonna
work for me.
55
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:26,714
(SPEAKS IN GERMAN)
56
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,219
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
57
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,830
While I know
that Mayor Winston
58
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,032
is using this downward
trend in crime
59
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,800
as a feather
in his cap,
60
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,069
I'm sure we all agree
that the real credit
61
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:52,139
is due to my officers
out there walking the beat.
62
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,243
Okay. Uh, we just have time
for one more question.
63
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,710
Uh, Mr. Commissioner,
64
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,011
are you saying
the mayor's office
65
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,448
is overestimating its impact
on the decrease in crime?
66
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,451
Uh, look at that, sir.
We got to go. I'm sorry,
right this way, sir.
67
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,253
PAUL: There you go.
Thank you very much, sir.
68
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,922
Paul, you said
you had time for
one more question.
69
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,792
Yes, but just the question,
not the answer.
70
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,595
What was that
all about, Howard?
71
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,930
Huh? I mean, do you know
how much heat I take
72
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,166
in defending your budget
with the city council?
73
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,468
I mean, if it
was up to them,
74
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,936
the police force would be
you and eight guys in a cab
75
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,539
going to and from
the crime scenes.
76
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,276
Maybe I'd be
better-served with a
77
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,910
police commissioner
who understood that.
78
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,045
Worth thinking about.
79
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,615
You know what,
Flaherty.
80
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,284
I wouldn't mind him
taking the credit
81
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,719
if I thought
he really respected
what we do out there.
82
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,021
Hell, he's the mayor.
I'm sure he can fake it.
83
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,691
With all due
respect, sir,
84
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,926
just a few rules
if you want
to be successful
85
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,194
in city politics.
86
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:50,931
Uh, one, don't shake
hands during
cold-and-flu season.
87
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:55,803
Uh, two, never kiss a baby
unless you're absolutely
sure it's a baby.
88
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,607
And three, don't go
in that room
89
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,509
and embarrass my guy
in front of the press,
all right?
90
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,878
You know, the, the mayor tips
his hat to law enforcement
every chance he gets.
91
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,814
You know that.
Talk is cheap.
92
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,182
Couldn't even
make an appearance
at the policemen's ball.
93
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:11,819
Okay, okay, there you go, sir.
See, that was my fault.
94
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,987
Uh, uh, we had your event
on the schedule,
95
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,157
but there were two parades
that day and an Italian-
American festival,
96
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,827
and the mayor simply got
caught up in an important
business lunch
97
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,429
with some
Italian-American businessmen.
98
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:22,863
Yeah. I saw him
on the six o'clock news.
99
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,833
in a cannoli-eating contest.
100
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:29,236
(STUTTERING) What do you
want him to do?
Just give his title away?
101
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,906
So, you've really
never played?
102
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,709
Doesn't really seem
like a lot to pick up.
Let's go.
103
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,514
No. It's too unfair.
104
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,250
You have no chance
against my expertise.
105
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,685
I would have
to teach you
106
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,721
to isolate your
opponent's weaknesses,
then capitalize on them,
107
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,491
never paying heed
as they beg for mercy,
108
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,828
and to be relentless
till victory was yours.
109
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,431
And you wonder why no one
will go out with you twice.
110
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,401
You see, grasshopper...
111
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,139
one must understand
the rhythms of the game...
112
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,375
(YELLS)
113
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,378
...in order to
truly master it.
114
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:13,781
Ebb and flow.
Yin and yang.
115
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,951
Are you prepared
to do battle?
116
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,253
(SARCASTICALLY)
No. I want you
to talk some more.
117
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,291
Begin.
118
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,162
Yang that.
119
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,833
Stuart, here's the fax
you were waiting for
120
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,735
and a message
from Roberta
in payroll.
121
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,404
Oh, and I almost forgot.
122
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,206
I also have your pride,
self-respect, and what's
left of your manhood.
123
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,414
You should
get that back.
124
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,585
Might need that
someday.
125
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,287
Hey, did anybody
read this?
Bingo died.
126
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,189
Oh, who's Bingo?
127
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,192
Only the most-decorated
police dog in
the city's history.
128
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:02,262
Oh, yeah, right. He pulled
that drowning kid
out of the reservoir.
129
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,666
And didn't he sniff out
ten kilos of cocaine
at La Guardia?
130
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,135
Yeah. Poor little guy
didn't sleep for weeks
after that.
131
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,544
Look at this.
They note his passing
on page 39.
132
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:17,611
I mean, that's just...
133
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,447
that's a total
lack of respect.
134
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,682
I mean, that's,
that's like
Marmaduke country.
135
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,119
I assume you all know
what I'm thinking.
136
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,121
That no matter how
desperate we ever get,
137
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,659
we will never use
the death of an animal
for our own benefit?
138
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,162
No.
139
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,833
In fact, we're going to
have a very public show
of support for Bingo.
140
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,935
And, yes,
it is gonna help us.
141
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,170
Stuart, are you
with me on this?
142
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:47,908
I want to be,
But a dead dog?
That's bad vodou.
143
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,943
James, I need you
to whip up a eulogy
144
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,078
for the mayor
to give at the funeral.
145
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,147
Mike. Mike, I can't just
whip up a eulogy.
146
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,350
I mean, you're asking
for a meaningful
summation of an entire life.
147
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,654
Did he have friends?
What were his hobbies?
148
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,793
Well, man was
his best friend.
149
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,064
And as far
as hobbies go,
150
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,800
I'd have to say
uh, digging holes
151
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,168
and, uh,
licking himself.
152
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,342
He was a dog, James.
153
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,978
Carter, go pick up
the beloved late pooch.
154
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,948
Ah, transporting
dead animals.
155
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,116
What a striking
coincidence.
156
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,518
See, I was offered
that job once,
157
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,253
but unfortunately
I'd already accepted
my position here.
158
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,023
Take Paul
with you.
159
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,525
What's all
the hubbub?
160
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,392
Bingo's dead.
161
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:40,661
Not true.
162
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,996
There's a great game
over at St. Marys
every Tuesday,
163
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,766
and I am
on a terrific
hot streak.
164
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,772
I'm sorry, Mike, but after
his behavior in the press
conference this morning,
165
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,407
I'm just not too eager
to put on a big show
for the commissioner.
166
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,544
Oh, don't think of it as
doing something for
the commissioner, sir.
167
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:59,146
You're doing it
for a brave, fallen
four-legged hero.
168
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,148
Oh, yes,
the dog.
169
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,416
You know,
I had a dog
when I was a boy.
170
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,153
What are
the odds
of that?
171
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,089
if I do make this eulogy,
maybe I should talk about him.
172
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,558
Who else...
Show people
my soft side.
173
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,459
I don't think that
could hurt, sir.
174
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,427
Sniffer!
175
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,598
Excuse me?
176
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:20,668
Sniffer.
177
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,703
That, that's what
I named the little guy.
Oh.
178
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,938
I'm sure you can guess
how I came up
with it, Mike.
179
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,240
Family name, sir?
180
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,578
210 West 71st,
please.
181
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,179
You know,
I've been allergic
to cats all my life,
182
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,647
but at the pet morgue,
nothing.
183
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,483
Turns out I'm not allergic
to dead cats.
184
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,251
Then you should
definitely get one.
185
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,388
Excuse me.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Interesting.
186
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,423
How come you pretended
not to see me,
187
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,993
but then you
pulled over
for him?
188
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,595
I don't know what
you're talking about.
189
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,731
Here, does
this look familiar?
"Taxi! taxi!"
190
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:52,966
I didn't notice you.
191
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,101
You noticed him?
192
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,603
He has
a very big head.
193
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,305
You know,
you're very rude.
194
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,007
I think you owe
both of us
an apology.
195
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,109
For what?
I am doing my job.
196
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,645
Why can't you
just let me do my job
without pestering me?
197
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,947
Oh, all right.
Would you take 11th,
because it's faster.
198
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,749
I am not
a race car driver!
199
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,853
No. You're
a racist driver.
200
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,487
Oh, ho, good one.
201
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:17,257
That's it.
Both of you,
out of my cab.
202
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,627
You know, what? We don't want
to be in this cab, anyway.
Let's go, Paul.
203
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:20,828
All right, fine.
How much do we owe you?
204
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,896
Go! Let's go!
Get out! Get out
of the cab!
205
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,698
(ALL YELLING AT ONCE)
206
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,866
Okay, okay, okay.
207
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,636
Can we just wait
till we get off
of the bridge?
208
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,440
I just wanted you
to know how important
this is to us.
209
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,376
Bingo was the finest dog
ever to carry a shield.
210
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,511
Yeah, that reminds me, sir.
I've always wondered...
211
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,380
Chain around
his neck.
212
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,085
Bingo.
213
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,887
Please sit.
214
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:50,290
Uh, sir, listen,
I, I just wanted
you to know,
215
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,692
believe me
when I say this, uh,
216
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,493
that I want
this to be such
a fitting tribute
217
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:56,029
that I pulled
all my people off
their regular duties
218
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,931
so they can focus
100 percent on this.
219
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,432
That's game!
220
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,835
What most people
don't understand
221
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,104
is that these dogs
are not just animals,
222
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,238
they're our partners
out there.
223
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,340
Don't you worry
about a thing, sir.
224
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,541
We are going
to treat Bingo
225
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:11,478
with the dignity
and respect
that he deserves.
226
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,714
That's right, pal!
Get out of here!
227
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,749
Don't worry about it, Paul.
We'll get another cab.
228
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,418
I'm sure we will.
Do you think it will have
a dead dog in it, too?
229
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,020
Because he's got ours
in his trunk.
230
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,794
I'm going
to call Mike.
231
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:28,228
Here, let me do it.
You're just going
to blame me.
232
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,563
Paul, stop it.
We're two grown men.
I'm an adult.
233
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,734
Give me the phone!
Give me the phone!
Give it to me!
234
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,670
I'm going to make the call.
I'm going to make the call.
It's my call.
235
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:37,738
(PHONE BEEPS)
236
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,139
CARTER: (ON PHONE)
Mike, it's Carter.
237
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,742
Here's the situation.
Ow! Get off!
238
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,345
PAUL:
Mike, Paul here. Now, look,
239
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,716
we have very troubling news.
There's a slight logistics
problem with Bingo.
240
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,417
CARTER: Slight
logistics problem?
241
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,253
Mike, Paul lost
the dog.
242
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,955
PAUL: I knew you were
going to blame me.
243
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,390
Thank you.
244
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:03,363
Hi, Mom. It's me.
Quick question.
245
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,965
I heard a message
on Mike's machine
246
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,566
that would make
a great story,
247
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,269
but the only reason I heard it
is because I live with him.
248
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,570
Is it okay to use it?
249
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,573
Yeah, that's what
all my friends said.
250
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,444
Put dad on.
251
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,548
Bye, Mom.
252
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,751
Huh, that was quick.
253
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,386
Well, you know, it always is.
"How's the weather?
How's your health?
254
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,056
Stop wasting your time
with that Flaherty boy."
255
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:32,292
Well, you used to be
throwing your life away
with that Flaherty boy.
256
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,761
I think she's
coming around.
257
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,796
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
258
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,234
Hello.
259
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,771
Paul! This better be
good news, Paul.
260
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,439
You better listen
to me, Paul.
261
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,075
You better find me
that damn dog,
262
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,143
or I'm going to come down
there, duct-tape a fur coat
to your ass
263
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,779
and shove you
in a little box!
264
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,287
The dog, Paul!
Find me the dog!
265
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:04,792
I want a... nice wreath, too.
Okay? Something decent.
Money's no object.
266
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,960
Thank you.
267
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,796
Can't skimp
on these things.
268
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:10,964
You're doing
it again.
269
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,532
Doing what?
270
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,535
Covering.
I am telling you,
it is too cute.
271
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,538
I, uh, I have
no idea what
you're talking about.
272
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,974
I, uh, have
nothing to hide.
273
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,879
Something
is bothering you.
274
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,314
Maybe it would just
make you feel better
275
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,917
just to, you know,
relax, let it out.
276
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,886
I'm just excited.
that's all.
277
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,055
I love funerals.
278
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,625
I really,
really do.
279
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,727
Bet you didn't know
I had a dark side, huh?
280
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:47,600
I believe I left
a package in one
of your cabs yesterday.
281
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,636
What was in it?
282
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:53,540
You're going to laugh.
it was a dead
German shepherd.
283
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:55,909
He hung up on me.
284
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,913
Mike, Mike, we're
making phone calls.
don't you worry.
285
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:00,914
(BOTH TALKING TOGETHER)
286
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,715
MIKE: Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
287
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:03,851
It's okay.
288
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,886
I can see how
this could happen.
289
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,088
After all, there's
plenty of ways you
could lose a dog.
290
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,157
He could
wander off.
291
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,726
He could
chase a cat.
292
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:18,398
Of course, those
are generally things
a live dog would do.
293
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,033
Don't let Carter
blame it on me,
294
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,302
because he's the one
who got us kicked out
of the cab in the first place.
295
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,904
Paul, I'm not pointing
any fingers here,
296
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,338
but if you had
to hazard a guess,
297
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,107
whose fault would
you think it was?
298
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,111
Look, I'm not interested
in assigning blame here.
299
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,080
There will be plenty
of time for that
after the funeral,
300
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,414
which starts
in 20 minutes,
301
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,549
and for which
the guest of honor
is currently AWOL.
302
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,585
ASHLEY: Hi, Mike.
303
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,253
Hi, Ash.
Bye, Mike.
304
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,989
MIKE: Bye, Ash.
305
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:44,892
Communication is
the cornerstone
of our relationship.
306
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:48,195
So...
307
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,731
Too bad
about that dog.
308
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,333
What do you mean?
309
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,135
What could I mean?
310
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,904
I don't know.
311
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,940
Only one thing wrong
with the dog, he's dead.
312
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,179
Damn!
313
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,714
Yeah, I know
this sounds crazy,
314
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,017
but, see, I left a...
315
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,687
I left a suitcase
in one of your cabs.
316
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,425
Cherry with brass handles.
317
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,429
Ooh, damn!
318
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,297
You weren't exaggerating.
He's terrible.
319
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:26,799
You know what
the problem is?
320
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,101
I don't have
any motivation.
321
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,939
I'm a money player,
so what do you say
we bet?
322
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,506
You're a baby now.
I can't imagine
323
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,209
how bad it will be when
you're paying my rent.
324
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,946
NIKKI: I'll bet
20 bucks on her.
325
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,780
Oh, me, too.
I'm no dope.
326
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,616
Well, looks like it's
the men against the women.
James will cover their bets.
327
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,018
Ah, no, James won't.
328
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,121
James is betting
on Janelle.
329
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,390
James thinks Stuart's
a big bag of free money.
330
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:57,164
Well, fine.
Stuart will bet
60 bucks on himself.
331
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,431
Goal.
332
00:14:58,531 --> 00:14:59,967
(CLINK)
Whoo!
333
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,434
It's got
to be frustrating.
334
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,538
Hold this. You know,
it's one thing to use
this to relax,
335
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:08,308
It's another thing
to constantly abuse
the privilege. Oh, hi, Mike.
336
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:12,479
Great, great.
you're all having fun,
337
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,880
but let's just review
what we know.
338
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:14,982
All right, Mike,
we're sorry.
339
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,883
No, no, please
indulge me. Okay?
340
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:21,354
We're missing a dog that could
make or break our relationship
with the police department.
341
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,489
But you know what?
you're right.
342
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,325
Go ahead, relax.
Have a good time.
343
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,526
Okay, quick one
to five.
344
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,462
That's it.
Playtime is over.
345
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:30,863
I don't care
how you do it.
346
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,366
I want that dog
or a damn fine
replacement, all right?
347
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,568
I want everybody
thinking about one thing
and one thing only,
348
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,237
B-I-N-G-O.
349
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,007
And the first person
who says "and Bingo
was his name-o"
350
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,108
is fired!
351
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,380
What on earth possessed you
to buy this?
352
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,649
Mike said he
wanted a wreath.
Nice, huh?
353
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,284
I think it's really
going to help.
354
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:55,222
We still don't have Bingo,
but I'm sure the bone wreath
will save the day.
355
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,157
Open the door,
I'm going to
set this up.
356
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,196
All right, we're
obviously not ready,
357
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,032
why can't we just
push this thing back
till tomorrow?
358
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,668
This isn't a wedding.
We can't exactly tell people
that Bingo got cold feet.
359
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,271
Well, actually...
360
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,506
Okay.
361
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,645
Not bad, huh?
362
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,047
I got him
at the pound.
363
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,449
Even Bingo's
mother would
have to look twice.
364
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,852
Mike, this dog
isn't exactly right.
365
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,355
Yeah, I know.
It's a slight different
coloration around the face,
366
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,057
but I think
we're going to get
away with it.
367
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,160
And you never noticed
any other problems?
368
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,897
Curve of the tail?
The thickness of the coat?
369
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,199
He's alive?
370
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,635
PAUL: Ashley's coming in.
Oh, look at the puppy.
371
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:43,936
Come here, puppy...
372
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:47,540
MIKE: Hi, Ash.
373
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,542
NIKKI: Hey, Ash.
STUART: How are you?.
374
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,184
I just wanted to pay
my respects now.
375
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,186
Don't want to tear up
in front of everyone.
376
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,821
I don't think it's
a good idea for you
to see him now,
377
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,924
cause you know how
emotional you get.
378
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,094
That's ridiculous.
Let me just take a look.
379
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,462
MIKE: Uh...
380
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,931
CARTER: What is it?
Have you lost weight?
You look fabulous.
381
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,468
Uh... I can't watch you
fall apart like this.
382
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,337
You're just crumbling
right in front of me.
383
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,971
Can you please
just escort her out?
384
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,307
Oh, absolutely.
385
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,215
I think this
is going to work.
All right, watch this.
386
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,683
Sit, sit, sit.
There you go.
387
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,919
Okay, lie down,
lie down.
388
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,787
All right,
play dead.
389
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,627
Look at that,
dead as a door-nail.
390
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,529
Mike, I'm sorry, it is over.
You got to go out there
391
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,431
and tell the Commissioner
we lost the dog.
392
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,167
If we're going to go down,
we're going to go down
in flames, all right.
393
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,335
Turn the lights down low.
394
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,470
We'll just move
everybody past real quick.
395
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,404
(BARKS)
396
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,839
Okay, that could
be a problem.
397
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,509
MIKE: I think we
should get going, sir.
398
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,211
I can't tell you
what this means to me,
399
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,847
to see my men here,
gathered to say good-bye.
400
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,015
I won't
forget this,
Randall.
401
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:06,219
It's the least
we could do.
Our condolences.
402
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,057
Nice work.
403
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:15,662
By the way, how'd you find
a vet that could tranquilize
him on short notice?
404
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,598
(WHISPERING) I got a guy
I use when I need
to keep things quiet.
405
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,802
Relax, it's perfectly safe.
It's the same stuff
406
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,904
you give your dog
when you put him
on the plane.
407
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,942
Who's that?
Who is that?
408
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,179
I think it's
Bingo's partner.
409
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,546
Oh, no.
Are you sure?
410
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,583
Uh, he's holding
a picture of them
together in uniform.
411
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,319
This is bad.
412
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:40,887
Oh, this is bad.
413
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,622
Turn around, turn
around. turn around
and go away.
414
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,357
MIKE: Turn around
and go away. Yes!
415
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,692
Yes!
416
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,427
I mean, aww.
417
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:50,963
Yes!
418
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,265
Mike, Mike,
it's over.
419
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,733
It's done.
we did it.
420
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,101
Just look at
my wreath.
421
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,569
stop with
the wreath already!
422
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,743
Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to express
my deepest sorrow.
423
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,913
Now, I didn't know
Bingo personally,
424
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:10,617
But I do know
from talking to all of you,
he was truly special.
425
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:23,296
Rest assured,
Bingo will not
be forgotten.
426
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,965
His voice
will be heard
in the echo
427
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,368
of dogs barks everywhere.
428
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:29,702
(BARKS)
429
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,706
Yes, woof.
430
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,612
It's a miracle.
431
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,716
He's alive!
432
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:46,986
Clap.
(EVERYONE CLAPPING)
433
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,992
Picked up
the new Beck CD.
434
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,263
Oh, thanks.
435
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,697
Yeah, I thought maybe
we'd just, uh...
436
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,433
God, I hate this
damn shrink wrap.
437
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,270
...you know, open up
a bottle of wine,
438
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,405
relax, listen to
a little music tonight.
439
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:06,639
Ouch!
440
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,745
We can watch
a video.
441
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,183
Sorry, it's just
that I have had
a really bad day.
442
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,818
(SIGHS)
443
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:22,021
This is off. I mean, off,
off, off, off, off
the record, all right?
444
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,425
We lost Bingo.
445
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,828
I know, I know!
I heard it on
the machine,
446
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,498
and it drove me crazy
because it was right there
in front of me.
447
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,065
I can't believe you
didn't run with it.
448
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,470
I mean, that story,
it had everything, Mike.
449
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,773
The indignant
Police Commissioner,
the hapless Deputy Mayor,
450
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,074
the lost local hero.
451
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:44,744
Hapless?
452
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,581
It was
a bad choice
of words.
453
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,383
Look at us.
454
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,185
Back at it again.
455
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,488
Yep. Does it scare you?
456
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:56,989
No.
457
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,425
Cause I know
you love me,
458
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,560
you need me...
459
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,528
Mm-hmm.
460
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:04,331
You'd never ever,
ever, ever
461
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,933
run with
anything that
would cause me pain.
462
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,670
Don't press
your luck, mister.
463
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,042
Hey, so how is, how is
Bingo's partner doing?
464
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,345
I mean, I am telling you,
when that dog stood up,
465
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,979
he looked like it was
the Second Coming.
466
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,251
Mike, tell me
you told him.
467
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,088
WOMAN: Help! Help!
468
00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:30,957
He just stole
my purse!
469
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,794
Go get him, Bingo!
Go get him! Go...
470
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:38,130
Bingo, what the hell's
the matter with you?
471
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,968
MIKE: And now we're gambling.
Well, that's special.
472
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:44,103
That's just what we need
in the City Hall,
isn't it, sir?
473
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:45,171
Uh-huh.
474
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,773
One more goal.
475
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:48,908
MIKE: No, now.
And rest assured this table
will be gone tomorrow.
476
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:53,179
MAYOR: Huh.
477
00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:56,048
I can't believe
they were betting.
478
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,283
I-I'm embarrassed, sir.
479
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,453
Well, I might as well
put this table
480
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:01,954
in the rumpus room
of the mansion.
481
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,756
(STUTTERING) I was actually
kind of thinking
482
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:05,825
it would look good
in my office.
483
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:08,728
Best of three.
484
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:10,630
You got it, Your Honor.
485
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:12,865
Woof-woof, dog boy!
37238
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