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1
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,377
(LASER GUNS SHOOTING)
2
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,379
That's right. Go ahead.
3
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,482
Play, recreate.
Just tell me
if I'm in your way.
4
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:16,117
Actually, Mike,
I could use a hostage.
5
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,720
We got two days
till Thanksgiving,
Mike.
6
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,389
Nobody gets any work
done in this city.
7
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,856
Oh, I see
what's going on.
8
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,393
You guys are staring
at a four-day weekend.
9
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:26,527
You're thinking,
10
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:30,731
Hey, four whole days.
Why not make it five?
11
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,733
So then
you're at five mentally,
12
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,602
you look around,
no one seems too ticked off,
13
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,904
so you think,
"Why not go for six?"
Am I right?
14
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,472
Basically. Yeah.
15
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:39,607
I know
how your minds work.
16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,443
I was a low-level grunt
myself once.
17
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,478
Thank you, Mike.
Just knowing you care.
18
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,247
Look at this. I think
this is very revealing.
19
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,481
The youngest member
of our staff
20
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:48,882
Is the only one
who's doing any work.
21
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:50,951
Miss you, too,
honey.
22
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,587
Yeah. Gotta go.
23
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,223
I'm kissing you back.
24
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,558
I gotta go.
I really...
25
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,293
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Love you a lot.
26
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,362
Bye-bye.
27
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,863
Stuart, I really wish
you hadn't done that.
28
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:03,964
(GASPS MOCKINGLY)
29
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,866
You think
this is funny?
30
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,435
I've never told her
I loved her before.
31
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:08,869
Well, I got you
over that hump.
32
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,839
Stuart, she's my
high school girlfriend.
33
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,174
She's still back
in Wisconsin.
34
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,275
She thinks...
She thinks that...
35
00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:16,644
She thinks we'll
talk about it later.
36
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,446
Oh, no, no, no, no.
37
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,513
Please. Go on.
Go on.
38
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:20,681
This is, uh...
39
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,183
This is why I got
into politics.
40
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,255
Well, we've been dating
on and off forever, Mike.
41
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:28,689
I'm not even sure
what she wants from me.
42
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,724
To tell you the truth,
at this point I'm just
thinking...
43
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,527
Shh.
That was sarcasm.
44
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,165
It was.
45
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,568
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
46
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,480
So how long have you
been going with this girl?
47
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,581
About seven years.
48
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,015
And you never told her
you loved her?
49
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,016
No.
50
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,418
I only talked with her
for 30 seconds,
51
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,719
and I told her
I loved her.
52
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,189
I know, Stuart,
but it's hard.
53
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,756
You know, I know
that I'm ready
to move on.
54
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,292
I just don't want to
hurt her feelings.
55
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,526
You know, James,
if I may,
56
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,195
you're just...
You're too nice
a guy.
57
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,829
Take it from
another nice guy.
58
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:10,898
You're only
hurting yourself.
59
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,233
No, no, no.
60
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,434
Why don't
you just tell her
61
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,636
she'll always have
a special place
in your heart,
62
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,037
but you're not
the one for her.
63
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,506
She should find
someone who loves her
64
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,308
the way she deserves
to be loved.
65
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,776
What am I,
some kind of savage?
66
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,479
All right.
You know what?
Get off my back.
67
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,215
I'm only repeating
what I heard last night.
68
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,619
Storm's coming, Mike.
69
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,455
Well, Lisa, Lisa.
Always nice to see
70
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,657
one of the city
council staffers.
71
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,226
It's a fine
November morning,
isn't it?
72
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,961
Cut the chitchat, Mike.
I'm here to talk about
Thanksgiving.
73
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,663
Okay. I'm surprised
you don't know this,
74
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,998
but our forefathers
came over on a big boat...
75
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,067
The contest,
Flaherty.
76
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:48,636
The Mayor's charity
Thanksgiving dinner
77
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,304
against
the City Council's.
78
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,472
You can't be serious.
79
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,640
Simple scoring system.
80
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,775
One man, one meal,
seconds don't count,
81
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:55,876
desserts are optional.
82
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,711
Whoever feeds
the most people wins.
83
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,284
I always enjoy our
little competitive
events.
84
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,053
I mean, the volleyball,
the touch football,
85
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,422
your personal favorite,
the Greco-Roman wrestling,
86
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,392
But I'm a little
uncomfortable
with the idea
87
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,262
betting on who can
feed the most
homeless people.
88
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,264
Why don't we
just line them up
and race them?
89
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,332
Come on, Flaherty.
90
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,700
We'll still
be doing good.
91
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,570
It's just an added perk
that I get to kick
your butt again.
92
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:23,871
I promise you,
it won't be as bad
93
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,274
as the time
I struck you out in
slow-pitch softball.
94
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,180
I hate when
you bring that up.
95
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,283
My mistake.
96
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,785
I should have realized
that when one is so
continuously beaten,
97
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,853
you lose the will
to even compete.
98
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,389
I tell you what.
I'll be in my office.
99
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,957
You give me a call
if you get the stones
to get in the game.
100
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,598
Ooh! What the hell
was that?
101
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,301
Did she just question
my stones?
102
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,770
I don't believe
that woman.
103
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,071
I think I'm in love.
104
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,107
You know, Mike,
I'm just glad
105
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,975
you didn't stoop
to her level.
106
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,143
This is about
feeding people in need,
107
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,012
not about who loses
and who wins.
108
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,447
Oh, we're going
to win, James.
109
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,384
We're going to win big.
110
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,020
Hey.
Hey.
111
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,055
I can't believe
I didn't get one of
these babies sooner.
112
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,158
It's the perfect
exercise companion for
the mayor on the go.
113
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,928
It's a pretty
small demographic,
don't you think, sir?
114
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,164
I can make
phone calls, watch TV,
read the newspaper.
115
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,900
Hey, watch me read,
Mike.
116
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,503
I'm walking and reading.
I'm walking and reading.
117
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:33,441
Whoa!
Bet you can't do this
in Central Park, huh?
118
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,343
What have you got
lined up for me on
the Thanksgiving front?
119
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,944
Uh, well, sir,
you have the photo op
120
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,979
in front of
Gracie Mansion
with the turkey.
121
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,649
I don't like to meet
my food before
I eat it, Mike.
122
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,818
Oh, no. This guy's
just for show, sir.
123
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,053
You won't be eating him.
124
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,355
You'll be eating
his brother.
125
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,757
You know,
I was thinking.
126
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,992
Since this is our first
Thanksgiving in office,
127
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,362
I'd like to do something
meaningful for the less
fortunate.
128
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,997
Well, we, uh...
129
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,367
We, uh...
We have that
little competition
130
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,570
with the City Council,
sir, the annual
charity dinner.
131
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,037
Oh, great.
Count me in.
132
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,238
What's the wager?
133
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,775
The same as always.
One of those paperweights...
134
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,076
New York skyline
in a bubble.
135
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,277
You shake it up
and it snows.
136
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,845
Well, when was
the last time the...
137
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,146
Why am I yelling?
138
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,184
When was the last time
the Mayor's office
got it?
139
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,986
Well, I did
a little research,
Your Honor.
140
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,722
It was, uh...
About 13 years ago.
141
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,758
We're in office
now, and I say
crush them, huh?
142
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,059
That's the spirit, sir.
143
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,532
Hey, look at you, sir.
You're walking
and dialing.
144
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,733
Walking and dialing.
145
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,202
Speaker Rosen, please.
Tell him it's the Mayor.
146
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,204
I bet Rosen doesn't do
45 minutes of cardio
every day.
147
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,607
He's shaped like
a giant pear,
big old blubbery...
148
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,308
Saul! It's Randall.
149
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,677
I'm calling about
the kids' little bakeoff.
150
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,113
What do you say you and I
make things a little
more interesting?
151
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,917
Now, we've got
two locations
lined up...
152
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,419
The St. Mary's church
on the Lower East Side
153
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,787
and St. Stephen's church
on the Upper West Side.
154
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,123
It's 1996, which is
an even-numbered year,
155
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,091
so the Mayor's office
has first pick.
156
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,162
Uh, great.
We'll, uh...
157
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,331
We'll take St. Mary's.
158
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,600
Then we've got
St. Stephen's.
159
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,235
Yes!
160
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,104
Yes. So we've got
Alphabet City,
161
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,172
we get
the East Village,
162
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,273
we get the Bowery,
163
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,876
and you have
the Lincoln Center crowd.
164
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,613
Maybe they'll drop by
after the opera.
165
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:24,051
Right. You've got
St. Mary's. Good.
166
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,453
So, now,
I've typed up a memo...
167
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,887
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait. Wait.
168
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:28,789
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
169
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:29,890
What's wrong
with St. Mary's?
170
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,459
Nothing.
171
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,726
All right.
I changed my mind.
172
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,162
I want St. Stephen's.
173
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,097
Fine. So, now,
as I was saying...
174
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,699
Actually, if it's all
the same to you,
175
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,235
I will keep
the Lower East Side
and St. Stephen's.
176
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,504
That's St. Mary's.
177
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:44,605
You bet it is.
178
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,474
Be my guest.
179
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,175
What aren't you
telling me?
180
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,244
Gave you my memo,
you're okay with
the Lower East Side,
181
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,312
everything is all set.
182
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,214
No, no. Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute.
183
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,551
I changed my mind.
I want St. Stephen's.
184
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:58,952
Whatever.
185
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,163
Did you just
trick me?
186
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,865
I don't know.
You tell me.
187
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,735
All right. Okay.
This isn't fair,
all right,
188
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,770
because... Because...
Because this isn't about
winning or losing.
189
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,138
This is about doing good.
190
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,773
This is about
helping people.
191
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,775
LISA: You just keep
telling yourself that,
Flaherty.
192
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,247
My boss assigned me
to City Hall
for two days.
193
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,016
And you know what?
There is nothing
going on.
194
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,786
Everybody is
walking around talking about
some charity dinner.
195
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,387
You know,
if I'm a viewer,
196
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,590
I want to see a story
on that charity dinner,
197
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,826
especially the handsome
young man who helped
organize it.
198
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,795
Mike, how many times
do I have to tell
you this?
199
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:42,996
Nobody
cares about you.
200
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,400
Thank you, honey.
That's comforting.
201
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,603
Except me.
202
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,038
Look, I don't think
you get this.
203
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,273
If I can get
one hot, edgy story,
204
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,042
I am in this slot
permanently.
205
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,677
You know, Janet,
she moved to Boston.
206
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,278
Wow, that's big.
207
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,680
Who's Janet?
208
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,414
You know Janet.
She's a reporter
209
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,416
who covers City Hall
for my station.
210
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,919
Tall, blond, great body.
211
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,155
Janet moved?
212
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,727
I... I... I mean,
you really think
she's got a good body?
213
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,564
I never noticed.
214
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,600
And in the
spirit of the season,
215
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,002
the Mayor's office
and the Speaker's office
216
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,372
will each be
sponsoring a free
Thanksgiving dinner
217
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:26,774
for members
of the community.
218
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,576
Donations
of canned goods
can be dropped off
219
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,078
at City Hall outside
the Mayor's office.
220
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,246
Or at Speaker
Rosen's office.
221
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,447
The Mayor's office,
of course,
222
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,950
is conveniently located
on the first floor.
223
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,452
We're also
on the first floor,
closer to the door.
224
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,421
Yeah. We're...
We're going to have
225
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,256
a man standing
on the steps outside
226
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,725
with a large
cardboard box. Yes?
227
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,194
What sort of a menu
will you be serving?
228
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,596
The Mayor's office
will be serving
229
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,965
the traditional
turkey dinner with
all the fixin's.
230
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,167
The Speaker's office
will be offering people
231
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,169
their choice of turkey,
ham, or sausage
232
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,605
with even more fixin's.
233
00:08:58,772 --> 00:08:59,840
Yes, Ashley.
234
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,775
Do you have any
real news
for us today?
235
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,111
We're going to have
pumpkin pie.
236
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,679
Cobbler.
We're having cobbler.
237
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:10,651
All right, everybody.
238
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,485
Zero hour approaches.
239
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,922
Tomorrow we go out there,
and we feed a hungry city.
240
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,124
Whose pumpkin pie
is this?
241
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:18,926
Uh, that's mine.
242
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,064
That's a store-bought pie,
isn't it?
243
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,900
Anybody else here
buy their desserts?
244
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,037
Huh! I assumed
you made yours.
245
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,873
Yeah. The gay guy's
the only one who bakes.
246
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,110
I also knit those
little napkins,
you putz.
247
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,253
You guys want to win
this thing or not?
248
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,655
STUART: Yeah,
well, whatever.
249
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,757
I already told the Mayor
we were going to deliver
for him.
250
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,058
I even got him
to up the bet.
251
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,927
When the City Council loses,
252
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,664
they got to stand up
at the next council meeting
253
00:09:56,697 --> 00:10:00,600
and sing
the song of our choice
from West Side Story.
254
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,269
(ALL CHUCKLE)
255
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,336
I hope it's
I Feel Pretty.
256
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,638
I love that song.
257
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,510
So they have to do this
at an official meeting
258
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,812
in front of the cameras
and everything?
259
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,814
Wait a second.
If we lose,
260
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,282
do we have to sing
a song, Mike?
261
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,651
No. No, no,
no, no, no.
262
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,019
Not from
West Side Story.
263
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,488
Nikki: oh, Mike!
264
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,356
I swear to god,
I'll kill myself
where I stand
265
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,658
if it's from Cats.
266
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:26,526
The Sound of Music.
267
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,161
STUART: Oh, God!
268
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,163
Why did you do this?
269
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,832
It wasn't bad enough
that we had to
buy them beer
270
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,566
after they beat us
in softball?
271
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:34,868
It wasn't that bad.
272
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:35,936
Forever!
273
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,105
We have to buy them
beer forever!
274
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,211
Just look at
you people.
275
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,612
It's like
you lost already.
276
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,447
Well, I, for one, am not
going to stand here
277
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,182
and listen to any
of this negative talk.
278
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,718
Not me.
Not this guy.
279
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,252
I'm going down
to that church,
280
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,320
I'm going to do
a little recon,
281
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,421
then I'm going
to get us ready
282
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,957
and lead us
down the path to victory!
283
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,693
Now, who's with me?
284
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,436
Who wants to skip out
a few hours of work?
285
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,208
Aren't you going
to go play spy
with the older boys?
286
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,444
Nope. I've got
to finish this
letter to Becky.
287
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:18,545
I think this
is it, though.
288
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,213
I'm just trying to
let her down gently.
289
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,015
James, you've
been seeing her
for seven years.
290
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,917
Gently is no longer
an option.
291
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,285
Yeah, but it's
not that serious.
292
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,319
James, what
do you mean?
293
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,188
She's probably
in Wisconsin
pining away,
294
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,790
thinking that you're
going to be the one.
295
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,759
I meant it's not
that serious for me.
296
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,594
I know you're trying
to be Mr. Nice guy,
297
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,364
but you're actually going
to make it much harder
for her in the long run.
298
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,766
You really don't
think the letter...
299
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,802
No. Any time over
three years requires
vocal contact.
300
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:55,883
Hello, is Becky
there, please?
301
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,085
Hello, James.
302
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:04,524
Wow, what a connection.
303
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,162
She's behind me,
isn't she?
304
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:14,868
Hi, Becky.
305
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,077
She tricked me!
306
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,880
I like it.
307
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,316
It screams
"witch's cottage
in the forest."
308
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,919
Oh, you should
have seen the kitchen
at St. Mary's.
309
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,221
Completely remodeled!
Spotless! You could eat
off the floor.
310
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,156
Paul! Paul!
Chrome fixtures...
311
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,525
Don't make me
come over there.
312
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,562
This is doable.
313
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,832
It depends on
what you want to do.
314
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,200
If you want to get tetanus,
it's definitely doable.
315
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,905
(CARTER COUGHING)
316
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,607
Mike, hi!
317
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,643
I see you've found
the "kitchen."
318
00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,279
Oh, yeah, it was easy.
319
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:02,082
We just followed
the bread crumbs
through the forest.
320
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,917
I wasn't even
going to attempt
a church switch,
321
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,954
but all of the sudden
we were in your office,
and it was right there.
322
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:10,858
"I want St. Mary's!"
"I want St. Stephen's!"
"I want St. Mary's!"
323
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,325
What's a poor girl to do?
324
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,428
We knew it was
like this.
325
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,497
That's why we picked it.
We love this!
326
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,300
Yeah, right.
327
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,103
Just like you meant
to miss that last pitch
by about three feet.
328
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,538
I hate when
she brings that up!
329
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:35,148
I'm telling you, we had
great Thanksgivings
at my family.
330
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,017
It wasn't always
that way.
331
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,887
Believe it or not,
I actually came out
on Thanksgiving.
332
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,421
Oh, how'd you
pull that off?
333
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,323
Very subtle.
334
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,358
"Dad, great job
carving the turkey.
335
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,060
"I'm a homosexual."
336
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,897
Well, every year,
I go to my sister's
house,
337
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,032
hug her three
beautiful children,
338
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,334
then my family
gathers round,
ties me to a chair,
339
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,904
and pummels me with
questions about why
I'm not married yet.
340
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:01,774
Hey. Me, my mom, my dad,
three Hungry-Man dinners,
and a big box of wine.
341
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:07,180
First "I hate you"
comes out around 9:30.
342
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,516
Okay, guys.
Way I look at it,
you got two options.
343
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,784
So you can either go in here
and start working,
344
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,922
or you can stand out
here and start learning
the words to Edelweiss.
345
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,558
We would have gone in,
Mike, but we didn't want
to disturb the rats.
346
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,660
Apparently
they're decorating
for their Christmas party.
347
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,596
O ye of little faith.
348
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:29,269
Jeez! Mike,
what did you do?
Rob an appliance store?
349
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,038
Made a few calls.
350
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,639
Look, we have plates
and utensils over there,
351
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:34,841
and here we got every
cooking implement
known to man.
352
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,009
We got a spatula.
353
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,211
We got your, uh...
Your, uh...
354
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,647
Your squirty thing.
355
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,849
These are technical
terms, but I know
you'll catch on.
356
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,517
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
357
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,520
Hello.
358
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,457
Big Daddy to home base.
Big Daddy to home base.
359
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:52,993
Come in, Paul.
360
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,461
Big Daddy
does not copy.
361
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,064
Paul, I can hear
you perfectly.
362
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,365
Still not copying.
363
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:00,633
Paul...
364
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,271
(SOFTLY)
Come in, Big Daddy.
365
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,140
Roger, home base.
366
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,675
What's the situation
over there?
367
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,178
They're all set up here.
They've already
started cooking, okay?
368
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,545
I'll check in
again later.
369
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,014
Until then,
this is Big Daddy...
(MIKE DISCONNECTS)
370
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,717
All right, Lisa's
already started.
We got to get moving.
371
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,320
I got a refrigerated
truck out back.
I got 30 birds.
372
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,823
They're all gutless,
headless, and
happy to be here.
373
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,893
Now, I'll coordinate
everything.
374
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,428
I just need someone
to be in charge
of the cooking.
375
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,796
I'll do it.
376
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,331
Great. That's the
kind of enthusiasm
I'm looking for.
377
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,066
You like to cook?
378
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:36,036
No. But I do so love
being in charge.
379
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,272
Now, fetch me some
spices and some pans,
380
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,908
and, what the hell,
give me that squirty
thing.
381
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:43,910
You can't cook
at all, can you?
382
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,612
Not a lick.
383
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,015
I thought the subway
was nice,
384
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,250
and I really like
the soup kitchen,
385
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,252
but since I'm only
in town for two days,
386
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,021
maybe we could see
something else later.
387
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,823
I've got to be honest
with you, Becky.
388
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,493
There's really not
that much to see
in New York.
389
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,831
Listen, Becky...
390
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,367
Okay, this isn't easy
for me to say, but, uh...
391
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,936
You know, I'm so glad
I came to see you.
392
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,206
I've been really
depressed lately.
393
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:17,044
You remember my cat
Mr. Tuggles? He died.
394
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,613
He was my best friend
in the whole world.
395
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:22,849
I mean, besides you.
396
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,417
(GIGGLES)
397
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,055
That makes things
difficult.
398
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,091
My family totally
rallied around me,
though.
399
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,326
It was funny because
my mom gave me
a cat,
400
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,428
and my sister
gave me a cat.
401
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,130
It really
cheered me up.
402
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,465
Aw, that's great.
403
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,667
So what I was saying
to you is that...
404
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,169
Of course, they
didn't get along.
405
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,703
No, of course,
they didn't.
406
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:48,375
In fact, the cat
my sister gave me
407
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,078
actually killed the cat
my mom gave me.
408
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,145
You don't say.
409
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,083
Hey, wait, wait...
Is that right?
410
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:59,352
Are you actually
questioning my ability
to do simple arithmetic?
411
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,887
Why, it's just, uh...
412
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,856
I don't know.
That number seems
a little low.
413
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,492
Perhaps you're not
following my system.
414
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,960
You see,
whenever a person
walks through the door,
415
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:10,697
I put a mark on the board.
416
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:16,836
I respect your position
as our team's
impartial counter.
417
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,371
I took a pledge, Mike.
418
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:19,872
Yeah,
I appreciate that.
419
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,109
I was just thinking
maybe you could come
up with a more...
420
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,845
Effective system.
421
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,647
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
422
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,450
You realize the depths
you've sunken to?
423
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,452
I was here first.
No, I was!
424
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,221
Don't push me!
Will you shut up?
425
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,726
That's two.
426
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,563
I can't break up
with her. I mean,
what would I say?
427
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,765
Well, first off,
you should tell that girl
428
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,000
to think about getting
a dog next time.
429
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:52,239
James, you can't keep
stringing her along.
430
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,340
You've got to say something.
431
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,774
Say nothing.
432
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:57,177
Keep little
Miss In-love-with-you
on your back burner.
433
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,245
My back burner.
434
00:17:58,345 --> 00:17:59,612
Yeah.
435
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,549
You see, the hot
stuff, the stuff
I pay attention to
436
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:03,683
I keep on my
front burners,
437
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,153
but I always have
a few lonely pots
438
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,654
simmering
in the back,
439
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:11,658
yearning for me,
yearning for me
to stir them.
440
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,294
That's beautiful,
Stuart.
441
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,197
Yeah, well, sometimes
a girl's just happy
to be on the stove.
442
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,532
Stuart, where's
my damn poultry?
443
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,234
It's still cooking,
not quite done yet.
444
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:22,335
We're running
out of time.
445
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,204
Turn the oven up.
We need more power.
446
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,239
(SCOTTISH ACCENT)
I'm giving it all
she's got, Captain!
447
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:27,840
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
448
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,410
Come in,
talk to me,
Big Daddy.
449
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,078
Mike, they're
wrapping it up here.
450
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:33,780
I don't think they're
serving anymore.
451
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,283
Paul, are you eating?
452
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:37,984
No.
453
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:39,886
Why?
454
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,921
Just give me the final
number, all right?
455
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,225
They've had 247 very
satisfied customers.
456
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,428
Okay, they're at 247.
457
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,463
We have 245.
458
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:54,066
No! No, I will not lose
to this woman again,
do you hear me?
459
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:59,105
Thank you.
460
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:01,508
Look who I found, Mike,
some more hungry settlers.
461
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,343
Thanks,, sir.
That puts us over the top.
462
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,777
Great! Let's have at
that turkey.
463
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:08,515
Turkey! Uh, Carter,
how much time do we have?
464
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:11,284
Hold on,
uh, okay, okay...
465
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:12,352
Two minutes!
466
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,086
You've got
exactly two minutes.
467
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,223
Mike!
468
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,926
Mike, what are
you doing? It's
not ready yet.
469
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,295
That's all right.
I'll just, uh...
470
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,930
I'll check its vital signs.
471
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,334
Nope. Nothing.
This bird is dead.
472
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,402
Let's carve it up.
473
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,937
No, Mike,
the thingamajig hasn't
popped up yet.
474
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,808
Yep. Happy Thanksgiving.
475
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,380
Okay, what
would you like?
476
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,415
White meat or, uh...
477
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,684
Whiter meat?
478
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,620
For three unlucky men,
the Mayor's annual
Thanksgiving feast
479
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,121
turned into a nightmare.
480
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,123
Not only were they
treated to a free meal,
481
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,693
but also to a mild case
of food poisoning.
482
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,496
The culprit?
Undercooked turkey.
483
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,265
While no lasting harm
was done,
484
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:02,134
the memory of a hand
outstretched in kindness,
only to inflict pain,
485
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,204
will stay
with these gentlemen
for a long, long time.
486
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,540
This is Ashley Schaeffer,
Channel 10 News.
487
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,278
I'm back.
488
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,080
You're back. You're
back with your typical
liberal media bias.
489
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,817
245 satisfied diners
and you got to focus
on the three guys...
490
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,819
Who spent the night
in the hospital.
491
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,255
In private rooms!
492
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,191
Thank you, Paul.
In private rooms
on the city's tab.
493
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:27,927
Whatever helps you
sleep at night.
494
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:31,197
Okay, I'll see you
at home, and, um,
tell you what.
495
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,299
I'll cook tonight.
496
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,472
It's nice of you
497
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,808
to take the bus
back to Wisconsin
with me, James.
498
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,876
Oh, well, I really
wanted to see my folks.
499
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,813
Plus you shouldn't
travel alone.
500
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,416
I'm not.
501
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:53,019
Can you believe they
were giving away cats
at the bus station?
502
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:56,989
Oh, good luck,
little buddy.
503
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,329
So are we going to
have some time to
spend with one another
504
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,596
when we get home?
505
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,398
Okay. To tell you
the truth,
506
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,100
I really don't think
that would be a good idea.
507
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,371
You see, Becky, I, um...
508
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,173
I, um, oh, boy,
this is hard for me.
509
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,478
The truth is, Becky,
as much as I want to...
510
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,415
I... I don't think
we should see
each other anymore.
511
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,922
I just think it's best
that way for both of us.
512
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,926
(SOBBING)
513
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,227
DRIVER OVER PA:
Ladies and gentlemen,
514
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,163
we'll be pulling
into Wisconsin
in about 14 hours.
515
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,534
Okay, that probably
wasn't the best timing.
516
00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:48,608
* So long, farewell,
auf wiedersehen, adieu
517
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:49,842
* Adieu
518
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,645
* Adieu, to yieu
and yieu and yieu *
519
00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:57,249
(MUSIC PLAYS)
520
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,388
Are you enjoying
the performance,
Speaker Rosen?
521
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:02,789
I'm having a ball!
522
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:10,029
(MUSIC PLAYS)
39095
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