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1
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,342
Folks, in about
five minutes,
2
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,044
the Mayor's
going to stand up
in front of the press
3
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:13,314
and continue moving
forward with our plan to
"streamline" the budget.
4
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,515
Nice way of
putting it, Mike.
5
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,885
"Streamline"
Very innocuous,
very soothing.
6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:20,621
Paulie, tell you what.
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,590
When I raise my hand
like this,
8
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,126
that means
I want you to critique
my word choice, okay?
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,261
Sounds like a plan.
10
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,729
Now, I know it hasn't
been a lot of fun
around here lately,
11
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:32,900
but that's just
the way it is when
you're streamlining.
12
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,604
We ran on a platform
of no budget cuts
and no layoffs,
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,771
and we're about to
announce that
14
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,507
we're cutting the budget
and laying people off.
15
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,842
Does anyone else see
the irony in that?
16
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:45,113
We could get the guy
that did the Crazy Eddie
commercials.
17
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,514
"We're slashing!
We're cutting!
18
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,982
"Budgets so low,
we're practically
giving city hall away!"
19
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,654
I saw the irony
in that.
20
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,425
I got to tell you, Mike,
I have been living
21
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,926
with this budget
for months.
22
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:00,228
It's fiscally sound.
23
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:01,729
Nikki's right.
All of our cost increases
24
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,631
have been
kept well below
inflation levels.
25
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,698
Great. We'll
just tell that
26
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,866
to all the people
we're firing today.
27
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,268
I'm sure it'll
perk them right up.
28
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:12,273
Ah, frustrated.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
29
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,574
I accept.
30
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:15,376
I wasn't
apologizing to you.
31
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,444
I was apologizing
to Nikki.
32
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:17,978
I accept for Nikki.
33
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,548
I have the answer.
34
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,451
The annual public schools
"Mayor For A Day"
essay contest winner
35
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,219
is due here any minute.
36
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,155
Ah. Another
public relations gem
37
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,156
from the man
who brought you
38
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,291
The Muffins With
The Mayor program.
39
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,726
If the kid is cute,
it could be
a good distraction.
40
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,163
The press eats up
that wide-eyed
innocent stuff.
41
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,264
Yeah. It's worth
a shot.
42
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:37,965
Fetch the boy.
43
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,701
We'll parade him out
in front of the press,
44
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,003
get a few photo ops,
and then we'll release
him back into society,
45
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,873
well on his way
to becoming a cynical,
disillusioned adult.
46
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,042
Great. Maybe someday
he'll be able to work here.
47
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,045
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,893
As you all should know,
49
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,262
balancing the city budget
is tricky business.
50
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,730
As a matter of fact,
the budget for the city
51
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,333
is not unlike the budget
you might have
in your own home,
52
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,534
Except, of course,
we're dealing with
53
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,735
billions of dollars here,
54
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,804
and in your own home,
you're probably not.
55
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,040
(COUGHS)
Take a few questions.
56
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,943
Know what? I'll take
a few questions.
57
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,011
Yeah.
58
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,513
Sir, the general
feeling of the public
59
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,515
seems to be that you're
completely out of touch
60
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:30,284
with the human costs
of the cuts that
you're proposing.
61
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,585
That wasn't a question.
62
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,556
MAYOR: Next.
63
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,990
Paulie, you see what's
happening out there?
64
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,693
The Mayor's trotting out
his "that wasn't
a question" defense.
65
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,029
Get me the Mayor
For a Day kid.
66
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,297
Mike, let me just...
67
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,132
I want the kid.
Get me the kid.
Okay, okay.
68
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,467
Okay, okay.
69
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,813
Mike, this is
Tommy Dugan.
70
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,482
Hi.
Hey.
71
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,454
Hi. Uh... Listen,
don't you worry.
72
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,055
We're going to
take real good care
of your son today.
73
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,591
Well, I appreciate
that, sir, but I don't
have a son.
74
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,060
Well, your daughter.
75
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,161
No.
76
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,997
You?
77
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,867
(CHUCKLES)
Took a while,
but I knew you'd get there.
78
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:21,602
Paul.
79
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,304
His essay
was postmarked
80
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,872
Public school
423.
81
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,040
I'm... I'm
the janitor there.
Yeah.
82
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,178
This contest
was supposed to be
for kids.
83
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,646
Well, I hate to
ruffle your feathers,
84
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,983
but the rules did say
"for children of all ages."
85
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,489
All right, you guys.
I got these stats...
86
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,524
Well! Who do we
have here?
87
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,359
Tommy Dugan,
mayor for a day.
88
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,860
You mind
if I look in there?
89
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,197
How can he
be the...
Oh, don't ask.
90
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,734
So is our mayor
for the day married?
91
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,537
Oh, I don't know.
Uh, uh...
92
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,605
Paul, maybe that's
a good one
93
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:58,906
for next year's
questionnaire.
94
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,379
Right after, uh...
95
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,747
"Are you a grown man?"
96
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,051
TOMMY:
Am I married?
97
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,420
Do I have a son?
Do I have a daughter?
98
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,088
This really is
a family-oriented
administration.
99
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,759
Look, uh,
Tommy, uh...
100
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,894
I... We appreciate
your efforts,
101
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,532
and I'm sure
that your essay
was topnotch.
102
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,199
And trust me
you'll get
your certificate,
103
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,570
you'll get that
photo of you on
the mayor's lap...
104
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,175
But you have
to understand.
105
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,844
We can't
take you out there
and introduce you...
106
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,146
Mike, you may
want to take
a look at this.
107
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,614
Excuse me, uh, Tommy.
108
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,785
That wasn't
a question, either.
109
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,988
I asked if you plan
to announce any other
budget cuts today.
110
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,190
Yes, but your voice
didn't go up at the end.
111
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:54,828
Welcome aboard,
little fella.
112
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,366
Oh! Aw...
113
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,401
This is good news.
114
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,603
The winner of our
public schools
115
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,138
Mayor For a Day
essay contest is here.
116
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,708
Now, that's exciting,
isn't it?
117
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,811
Okay. Let's meet him now.
118
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,180
From public school 423
in Brooklyn,
119
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,015
little Tommy Dugan.
120
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,852
It's an honor, sir.
121
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,589
Who the hell are you?
122
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,223
Tommy Dugan, sir.
What?
123
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,393
You know,
I could do without
the "little" part.
124
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,895
That doesn't exactly
help with the
ladies, you know?
125
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,230
Mr. Dugan...
Mr. Dugan...
126
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,965
Oh, just
call me Tommy
127
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,167
Or, you know,
Mayor Tommy.
Whatever.
128
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,604
This has to be a joke.
129
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,106
Well, now,
that wasn't really
a question, was it?
130
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,679
So, Mayor Tommy,
131
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,448
how did you end up
getting this job?
132
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,417
Well, heart
and desire, sir.
133
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,618
I think I just
wanted it
134
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,319
more than some
of the other kids.
135
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,323
Are you a democrat
or a republican?
136
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,259
Well, ma'am, now
that I'm officially
a politician,
137
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,561
let me ask you,
138
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:01,929
what do you
want me to be?
139
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,934
REPORTER: Well, fine.
140
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:10,337
How do you feel
about the proposed
10-cent fare hike?
141
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:13,441
Well, I guess
that really depends on
what it's going for.
142
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:16,243
You know, uh,
if it's going
for public schools,
143
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,813
heck, you know,
I'd be willing to kick in
a couple of dimes.
144
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:23,016
The school that
I work at is so crowded
145
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:26,587
that they are actually
having some classes
in the bathrooms.
146
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,457
I guess there's
some pluses.
147
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,891
If a kid's
in English class,
148
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,259
he needs to go
to the bathroom,
149
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,462
he can always
pick up a little math
while he's in there.
150
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,301
This guy is money.
151
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,003
I know, Mike.
152
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,772
I'll get rid of him
as soon as you
give me the word.
153
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,841
No, no, no, Paul.
Being money is good.
154
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:49,510
Oh.
155
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,844
Oh.
156
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,480
I'm usually
very hip.
157
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,518
I know.
158
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,720
ASHLEY: So you're
telling me that you
were not surprised.
159
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,055
No, no, no.
Not at all.
160
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,591
The fact is that
none of the finalists
161
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:06,193
in the elementary school
essay contest
162
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,360
were under 30.
163
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,931
Can you please
look me in the face while
you're saying that?
164
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,332
I don't think I need to.
165
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,835
I want you to admit
that you guys
166
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,069
made a mistake
on this one.
167
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,338
If we had, I would.
You know me.
168
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,073
Yes, I know you.
169
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,610
Oh, hey!
170
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:25,112
Good golly, Molly!
I got an idea.
171
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,247
Why don't you
interview this guy?
172
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,782
Mike, you know that
I made a pledge
173
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,150
never to set foot
in this building
174
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,885
until I worked my way up
to the city hall beat,
you know?
175
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,854
And then you call me
about some fluff interview
176
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,355
with your
mayor for the day?
177
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,390
Excuse me, fluff?
178
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,227
Well, that makes me
feel good inside,
179
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,895
especially after
all the hours
180
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,231
I spent
sifting through
those essays
181
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,399
until I handpicked
Tommy Dugan.
182
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,638
The amazing thing is
it actually seems you
believe what you're saying.
183
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:54,274
The goal here was
to amplify the voice
of the common man,
184
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,409
and the fact
that you would spin
that simple truth
185
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,046
is a sad commentary
on the cynicism of
the press today.
186
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,614
A cynicism that
is so corrosive
187
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,150
it is eating away...
This is too much,
isn't it?
188
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,318
Way.
189
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,420
Off the record?
190
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,557
I thought he was
in the fifth grade.
Paul's an idiot.
191
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,026
There he is.
There's my mayor
for a day.
192
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,361
Come on.
Give me another one.
193
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,564
Ah!
194
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,098
You were great out there.
195
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:21,602
You made us look like heroes
for raising the price
of a subway token.
196
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:22,803
Not that we're not,
197
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,371
but, you know, sometimes
that message gets lost.
198
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,842
Tommy, you seem
to have created
199
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:32,580
what we media gurus
like to call a buzz.
200
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,815
Well, I'm just
trying to be myself,
you know?
201
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,449
I'm just
a common-sense guy.
202
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,419
It's not like I'm going
to explain complicated
chemistry stuff to you,
203
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:43,123
but I do know that
if you mix baking soda
and lemon juice,
204
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,458
you can get the rust
off a urinal no problem.
205
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,597
Really? Any urinal?
206
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,200
Oh, yeah, by the way.
Oh, gosh.
207
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,236
You know,
I was so excited
about coming here,
208
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,339
I wanted to just, uh,
to be prepared,
209
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:02,876
So I jotted some
stuff down on a...
Look at that guy.
210
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,779
Oh, here we go.
211
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,516
Now, I hope this
isn't, you know,
out of line,
212
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:12,986
But when Mr. Lassiter
called me to tell me
I was mayor for a day,
213
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,288
he didn't explain
any parameters, so...
214
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,826
P-Paul,
you spoke to him?
215
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,931
He sounded
so much younger
on the phone.
216
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:28,535
"All public officials
must ride public
transportation.
217
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,639
"New job hotline
for laid-off workers."
218
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,807
Tommy, these are good.
219
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,142
Let's have these
typed up.
220
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,679
Just disregard
the mandatory 40% tip
for bartenders.
221
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,214
It was late,
and I was getting
free drinks.
222
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,752
Good morning,
everyone.
223
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,854
Little Tommy,
loved your little show
in there.
224
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,021
Very cute,
very likable.
225
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,389
Mike, can I see you
in the office?
226
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,362
You know, uh,
Tommy, he's right.
227
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,330
You were great
in there today.
228
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,032
Oh, thanks.
229
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,167
You know, it's weird.
230
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,435
I used to get so nervous
talking to people.
231
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:06,106
It was like I felt
like my tongue didn't
fit in my mouth.
232
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,475
Oh, right. Sure.
233
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:09,476
No, seriously.
234
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,379
Yeah, I'd want to just,
I don't know,
235
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,615
just walk up to a pretty girl,
you know, like yourself,
236
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,617
and say...
237
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:21,655
"Your hair is
the same color as leaves
at the end of autumn,
238
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,324
"You know, when they're
just so beautiful
239
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,493
"You can't take
your eyes off of them,"
240
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,096
But then I'd
open my mouth,
241
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,363
and it would just
come out like...
242
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,699
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
243
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,170
Not anymore, huh?
244
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,438
Oh, that was
a long time ago.
245
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,507
(GARBLED)
I don't have that
problem anymore.
246
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,280
So are you sure Tommy isn't
going to be a distraction
out there today?
247
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,716
Well, actually, sir,
248
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,483
he's not supposed to
be in the office for
the rest of the day.
249
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,220
We got a
Mayor For the Day
schedule here.
250
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,454
According to this,
251
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,957
next he's got
a City Hall guided tour
252
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,827
and then a pony ride.
253
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,533
Then a nap.
254
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,971
Aw, gee! A pony ride?
255
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,472
You got to admit it.
256
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,207
He killed at that
press conference.
257
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,408
You know, I don't
understand something.
258
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,978
This kid can just
waltz in here off the street,
259
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,547
and everybody
loves him.
260
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:21,849
You know,
I think the answer
261
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:25,218
might be in this
focus group report.
262
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,220
I thought we were
done with those, Mike.
263
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,555
We had that one
last focus group,
264
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,892
and their
recommendation was
more focus groups.
265
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,962
I'm not interested
in the results.
266
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:39,767
Well, they say some
very nice things about
your honor in here.
267
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,135
No. I don't care.
What kind of things?
268
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,437
You might want
to read it.
269
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,574
(SIGHS)
I'm not making you
any promises.
270
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,009
They like that
about you.
271
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,781
Page six.
272
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,251
Oh, gee!
Here they come again!
273
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,621
Really, all I meant
to say was...
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
274
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,697
Yeah?
275
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:13,801
Mr. Mayor,
about this afternoon's
press conference.
276
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,903
They're going to
come after us hard
today, Mike,
277
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:16,870
but have no fear.
278
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,171
At lunchtime,
I went to my gym,
279
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,041
did a little workout
on the speed bag,
I'm ready.
280
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,810
Huh? Huh? Whoo!
281
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,112
Sir, you know,
I was thinking.
282
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,247
We still got
Tommy Dugan
hanging around,
283
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,648
And I thought,
I don't know,
284
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,084
I thought we might
open up with him.
285
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,986
What?
286
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,488
I'm telling you.
Tommy Dugan could run
for mayor today and win.
287
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,824
Excuse me?
288
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:39,860
Well, not here.
289
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,831
I mean in a much,
much smaller city.
290
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,933
Somewhere, like,
on the west coast...
291
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:48,836
Of Africa.
292
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,039
Well,
he's a good kid.
293
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,942
A damn lion tamer
with the press,
too, huh?
294
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,276
You know, okay.
295
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:59,012
We could use
all the guns that
we got today, Mike.
296
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,347
Speaking of which, sir,
297
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,015
did you
get a chance to look at
the focus group results?
298
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,652
Oh, you know,
this stuff is
just nonsense.
299
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,554
I mean, look.
300
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,756
Do you find me
detached, huh?
301
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:12,025
Do you think
that my gestures
are threatening?
302
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,761
Uh...
303
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,198
Now, look at this.
304
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,732
Still
with the height.
305
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,902
Will they ever
let that go?
306
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,308
I'm afraid
that one's going to
keep dogging us, sir.
307
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,945
Thanks, everybody.
Thank you.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
308
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:35,248
Ed, Malcolm.
Toby, I love the scarf.
309
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,287
How would you describe
your experience
as mayor for a day?
310
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,656
Well, to tell you
the truth, Frank,
it's been great.
311
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,158
You know,
I've learned so much.
312
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,659
Heck, before today,
313
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,896
I had no idea
how many people worked
down here at City Hall.
314
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,230
How many people
do work here?
315
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,132
Well, as far as
I can tell,
about half.
316
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,967
(LAUGHS)
317
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,904
No. I'm kidding.
I just set you up.
318
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,907
Tommy, would you
ever consider running
for public office?
319
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,575
No. Leave that
to the professionals.
320
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,044
I mean,
these guys are great.
321
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,579
Of course, they get paid
a lot more than I do.
322
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:07,915
All I got was lunch.
323
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,383
MIKE:
Uh, thanks, Tommy.
324
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,751
Listen, uh, I hate
to interrupt here
325
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,020
because you're
doing a great job
326
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,387
and we all want
to hear more
about your day.
327
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,689
I just have
a couple of quick
housekeeping items
328
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:17,991
I got to
take care of.
329
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,592
Uh, first, we're
happy to announce
330
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,629
that the Christmas tree
for Rockefeller Center
is on its way,
331
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,031
and, folks,
332
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,765
it's the tallest one
in the history
of New York city.
333
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,834
Taller than last year?
I mean, that's great.
334
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,536
What did I say?
These guys are great.
335
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,238
Thanks, Tommy, thanks.
336
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,572
What's the other item?
337
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,142
Uh, due to
budget restrictions,
we'll be downsizing
338
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,077
the Department
of Transportation
road crews by 8%.
339
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,811
Okay, back
to you, Tommy.
340
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,850
You're firing people
right before Christmas?
341
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,818
Well, no, Tommy.
342
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,055
We're letting them go
before the end
of the fiscal year.
343
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,060
And how many people
are you letting go?
344
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,629
Uh, well, we've been
able to limit it
to about 150.
345
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,031
You know,
let's be honest, Mike.
346
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:01,834
There's not
a lot of freelance
pothole work out there.
347
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,971
This is a bum deal
for these guys,
348
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,173
even if they do get
to keep the orange vests.
349
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,409
You didn't
let me finish.
350
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,244
Okay? Uh...
351
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,180
They will be keeping
the orange vests.
352
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,817
150. You know, that is
a hell of a lot more
353
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,886
than how many people
are in this room.
354
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,388
How would you like to
tell all these reporters
355
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,356
they don't have to
come in tomorrow?
356
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,026
Oh, Tommy, if I only
had the power.
357
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,395
(REPORTERS ASKING QUESTIONS)
358
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,198
TOMMY:
How great
was that, huh?
359
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,667
Home run,
out of the park.
360
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:35,835
You know,
those reporters
361
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:38,071
are still
back there,
scribbling away.
362
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,739
Yeah, Tommy.
That was a real
game-winner.
363
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,675
Mike, you were right.
This is definitely
not a fluff piece.
364
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,344
Oh, I'm real happy
for you, hon.
365
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,914
Can I talk to you
for a minute?
366
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,049
Okay, yeah,
just a second.
367
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,218
I want to do this
while I'm still on a high.
368
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,022
Hey, uh...
Nikki? Um...
369
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,824
Listen, would
you be interested
370
00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:59,559
in having dinner
with me tonight?
371
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:01,594
Just like that?
372
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:02,895
No mind games?
373
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,399
No pre-date
commitment-phobia
speeches? Nothing?
374
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,535
What kind of a guy
is afraid of commitment?
375
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,407
You know,
Tommy, no one in
this room right now
376
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,809
is interested
in doing anything
with you, okay?
377
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,116
You know, I sense
you're a little bit upset.
378
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:27,154
You have no idea
what you just did,
do you?
379
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,189
Well, I told the truth.
380
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,191
Well, you get
a gold star
for that.
381
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,595
Mike, there's a bunch
of angry roadworkers
downstairs.
382
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,064
If you don't
meet with them,
383
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,266
they're threatening to,
and I quote, "start
paving the lobby."
384
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,371
So, are you going to
go talk with them?
385
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,175
Well, Tom,
as a general
rule of thumb,
386
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:49,842
I don't have
an open-door policy
387
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,279
with angry
ex-government workers,
388
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,115
especially ones
who drive steamrollers.
389
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,517
Well, who do you
have an open-door
policy with, Mike?
390
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,353
The people who
are paying for your
expense-account lunches?
391
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,957
What exactly
is your point,
Mayor Tommy?
392
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,294
Those guys
lost their jobs
today, okay?
393
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,429
All they want
to do is talk.
394
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,598
And you want to know
the weird part?
395
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,334
It was fun for me.
396
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,104
Seriously, I got a big
spinning wheel in my office,
397
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:20,540
and whenever
I get the urge to fire
some blue-collar workers,
398
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,210
I go in there,
I give that sucker a twirl.
399
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,580
I know that you have
tough decisions to make.
400
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:32,119
All right? But what
you're doing is affecting
real people's lives,
401
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,687
and I think that they
deserve a little respect.
402
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,124
At least they deserve
someone who's going to,
403
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:40,327
you know,
look them in the eyes.
404
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:43,863
I saw that.
405
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,332
Oh! Ahhh!
406
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,169
All right, sir,
you've gone over
the speech?
407
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,303
Yes, yes, yes.
408
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,571
Okay, remember,
we're going to
do this one
409
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,573
according
to the focus group
recommendations.
410
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,142
And remember what
we went over
411
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,943
about the people-
friendly gestures.
412
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,811
The shrunken thumb,
the soft chop.
413
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,248
No, see,
the soft chop goes
away from the torso.
414
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,949
Never toward.
Always away.
Always away.
415
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,185
I got it, Paul.
416
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,319
As far as
the height issue,
417
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,687
we've raised
the podium
418
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:11,358
to give the illusion
that you're not
quite so tall.
419
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,692
What are you,
Doug Henning?
420
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,628
Anytime
you're ready, sir.
421
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,209
Ladies and gentlemen,
422
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,544
it has been a trying time
for me lately
423
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,014
and for this
administration,
424
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,017
But I truly believe that...
425
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,489
There are
better days ahead.
426
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:47,394
I stand before you
a new mayor,
427
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:49,629
new ideas,
428
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,432
lots of new stuff.
429
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,402
Oh, forget it.
Come on, this is...
430
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,404
Look, this is me,
huh?
431
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:58,971
I'm still this tall.
432
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,608
Let me tell you
something.
433
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,842
I'm making
these budget cuts
434
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,111
because they need
to be made for the city.
435
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:07,214
If you don't like the way
I'm doing it, fair enough.
436
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,548
Just don't vote for me
next time.
437
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,450
Let's just forget
all these gimmicks, okay?
438
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,353
All right,
how about some questions?
439
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,455
Mr. Mayor, how do you
respond to accusations
440
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:16,923
that your administration
is out of touch
441
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,858
with the needs and
the cares of the people?
442
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,361
I speak for every member
of my administration
443
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,930
when I say that
we do not like to see
444
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,366
people losing their jobs
any more than you do,
445
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,368
But what annoys me,
what really frustrates me,
446
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,237
is every single person
sitting in this room
447
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,505
has been here long enough
to know that.
448
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,108
But still,
I guess you just need
449
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,110
a bad guy to sell
your newspapers.
450
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,248
That's all.
451
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,516
(REPORTERS MURMURING
INDISTINCTLY)
452
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,918
Yeah, that's all right.
I'll... I'll handle it.
453
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,034
All right,
this isn't
going to work.
454
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,074
Just wanted to come
to say good-bye
and thank you.
455
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,409
Oh, not at all.
456
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:10,943
Oh, hey,
great interview
with Ashley.
457
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,245
See yourself on TV?
458
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,713
Oh, yeah,
that was so cool.
459
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,415
You know, I never
been on TV before
460
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:16,716
When I wasn't
doing this.
461
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,455
Well, as long
as you had fun.
462
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,025
Oh, it was great,
maybe the best day
of my life.
463
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,795
Well,
you got to come back
and see us sometime.
464
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,299
You mean that?
No, not at all.
Just being polite.
465
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,967
I guess it will
just have to wait
till next year, then.
466
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,770
I've already started
outlining my essay.
It's a doozie.
467
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,072
Till then.
468
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,142
Oh, still around,
fellas?
469
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,612
Tommy.
470
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,979
One for the road.
471
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,516
(LAUGHS)
472
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,584
Yeah, right.
473
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,955
That's enough,
Tommy. Come on.
474
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,858
Come on.
Bell's rung.
Go to class.
475
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,761
(LAUGHS)
There we go.
476
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,697
I'm going to
miss you,
Mr. Mayor.
477
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,065
Yeah, well,
I'm going to
miss you, too.
478
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,700
You take good care
of yourself, huh?
479
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,336
Damn it, I can't
break this habit.
480
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,704
Good night, guys.
481
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,841
God, he's a tall one,
isn't he?
482
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:17,877
Yeah. Yeah.
483
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,012
It's killing us.
484
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:26,486
Seeing as how
I'm no longer
mayor for a day,
485
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,855
I imagine the shine
is off the apple for you.
486
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,926
I don't have half
the pull that I used to.
487
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,364
Imagine if we
tried to go back
to that diner tonight.
488
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:40,066
We couldn't get the booth
near the jukebox
489
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,534
Even if I phoned ahead.
490
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:44,571
You know what?
491
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,506
I don't care.
492
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:48,875
Let's go strap on
a couple of
feed bags.
493
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,579
You know, you are
a very cool woman.
494
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,994
(GARBLED)
Well, that was...
495
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,930
(GARBLED)
Wha...
496
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:13,232
(GARBLED)
Oh, yeah, sometimes
it's contagious.
37279
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