All language subtitles for Spin.City.S01E08.iNTERNAL.1080p.WEB.H264-DiMEPiECE_track3_[eng]

(HUMMING THEME SONG)

Oh, great. Must be 3:30,
5:30, 7:30, or 9:30 again.

Honey, it's not like
I want this.

I... I need it.
I... I need my
SportsCenter.

Hey, turn on MTV.

Got it.

I mean, will you just
look at Eddie Vedder?

It's like he's only a guy,
and then he starts singing.

MIKE: I know what
you mean, hon.

I feel the same way
about Wayne Gretzky.

Mike, I don't think
that's possible.

(TURNS OFF TELEVISION)

Ahhh! Ahhh!
What are you doing?

Look at my hands, honey.
Turn it back on.

Honey, this is crazy.

We get one night a week
to spend some real time
together.

We shouldn't spend it
watching TV.

Yeah. Yeah.

(HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, next. Minority
affairs. Carter.

I've got the mayor
having dinner at the
Asian Alliance fund-raiser.

Great. Play up his record
in small business loans,
and sure you bring a fork.

Because he is not too good
with the, uh...

Mike, I think we all
remember the sushi incident.

I thought you could
break a window with
a piece of raw fish.

Well, you live,
and you learn.

Okay, the next piece
of news. Very exciting.

According
to this report,

The crime rate
in the city
of New York,

that's here,
is down 30%.

Paul,
spread the news.

Have no fear,
Captain, good news
is on the case.

You know, he's just
getting stranger.

Okay, next up,
the Sharon Project.

Oh, no!
Oh, no!

That's right.
You're right.

Just because we were
elected to serve

doesn't mean
we have to worry

about some retirement center
in Queens going bankrupt.

Finally,
you're coming around.

We've been trying
to drum up support

for buying
the Sharon Project
for weeks.

I think it's time
to throw it away.

No. I don't throw things away.

That's not who I am.
That's not my style.

It's like with underwear.

It doesn't matter how
tattered or torn a pair get,

as long as that sucker
has a waistband in it,

it stays in the rotation.

It's time, 10:00.
Donaldson's never late.

Okay, let's go.

Why are we rolling out
the red carpet

for some real-estate
developer, anyway?

Dan Donaldson is the
real-estate developer.

The man is my hero.

You read his book
Dan I Am?
It's brilliant.

Except for the title,
which he clearly
ripped off.

From who?

Think about it in your chair.
Think about it anywhere.

How do I look?

Way too excited.

Oh! Here he comes.

Now, Mike, I think
you should let me
do the talking.

Oh, you do, do you?

Yeah.
Don't get me wrong.

Your little "look at me,
I'm so charming" thing

Works on most people,
but Donaldson's
different.

He's ruthless.
He's serious.
He's my people, Mike.

Flaherty, you and me,
let's go.

Mr. Donaldson,
I'm, uh, I'm pleased to
make your acquaintance.

(MOCKINGLY) Mr. Donaldson,
I'm pleased to make
your acquaintance.

No, actually, I think
Mike and I first met

at a $10,000-a-plate
charity dinner.

I would have
bought dinner,
but I'd just

come from
a $5,000-a-plate
charity lunch

and I was
a little
tapped out.

Dan, I'm sorry
to keep you waiting.
Are you ready?

No problem, Your Honor.

Nikki, would you
escort Mr. Donaldson
to my office, please?

I'll catch up to you
in a moment.

Mike.
Yes, sir.

I just got off the phone
with Speaker Rosen,
and he tells me

you won't get off his case
about this Sharon Project.

Well, first off, sir...

I'm sympathetic,
Mike, but come on.
You've read the budget.

You know, all my friends
told me that I should,

but I can never get past
the second chapter.

I know it's tough, Mike,
but there are bigger
battles to be won.

Mr. Mayor, I convinced
your yoga instructor
to see you at 5:00.

Yes!

Okay, Mike.

The press gods
are restless.

They demand
a sacrifice.

All right,
if Paul's not here
in one minute,

James, you're going on
in his place.

Please, no, Mike.
No, no. I can't.
I'm sorry.

That's okay, James...
Nikki, brief him.

No, no, no.

I can't get any air.

I know, honey.
Now, just try
to pay attention.

Okay, home robbery
is down 17%.

Car theft is
down 28%.

I feel like
I'm being strangled.

Funny.
That's down 12%.

Hey, look who's here.
It's captain good news.

I just went out
to get my morning muffin.

Crime statistics,
Paul, remember?

Big news,
banner day,
safer streets.

I just got mugged.

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah.
He took everything.

He even took
my crime statistics.

Somewhere in
this city, there's
a guy walking around

with my wallet,
my cell phone,

and a big pie chart
showing how much
crime has dropped.

I'm sure they're all
getting a big laugh
out of that

back at the hideout.

Did you get a look at him?
White guy?
Black guy?

Big guy. Massive.
So big, he stood
in front of me,

I thought
it was an eclipse.

Did he have a gun?

No.

A knife?
No.

A comb?

He was just
intimidating,
all right?

What did he say?

Well, he didn't
speak English.

Hey, Paul,
you think there's
an outside chance

this guy
was just asking
for directions?

Look, I know
you guys are
just making jokes

to try and cheer me up,
but it's all right.

Don't you worry,
because I'm not
going to be a victim.

You give me
those statistics,
all right?

I'm going to
blow this baby
out of the water.

Attaboy, Paulie.

Were you just trying
to cheer him up?

Eh!

I finished
my coffee.

Good.

I finished
my brownie, too.

You want another one?

Yeah. You got $9?

I love this place.
I get some of my best
writing done here.

All right.

There you go.

"I'm bored."

It's very creative.

I'm feeling
pretty good about it.

What do you want?

I want
those two waitresses
to huddle up

and tackle
those two waitresses.

You know what,
honey, if you want
to go watch sports,

you can, you know?
Just go home.

It's a tough call.

Hey, Mr. Donaldson.

Mike.

What are you doing here?

Me? I own this place.

Well, actually,
I own the whole chain.

Actually, I own a small
pharmaceutical firm

which recently purchased
parts of Colombia.

The big deal here is
that I get free coffee.

Samantha, could I have
a double mochaccino, please?

Throw some nutmeg
on top of there.
Thank you.

Samantha, can I get
a pair of chinos?

Flaherty, I think
you just ordered pants.

Uh, decaf. No pleats.

This isn't really
my type of place,
either, you know?

Sometimes I think
I just buy things
because I'm bored.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Uh, sir,
can you read this?

"I'm bored."

I think I can
help you out.

DONALDSON:
So let's hear it.

I'm giddy
with excitement.

All right, sir.

This is an incredible
business opportunity.

Are you familiar
with the Sharon
Retirement Center?

Yeah.

Okay, so what I'm
proposing is this,

you buy
that facility...

And basically,
that's all
I'm proposing.

Great pitch.

I can have it
typed up for you.

How much?

Four million.

That's all?

Because, you know,
I probably got that on me.

Oh, don't tease, sir.

It's not a bad idea,
Flaherty.

Fix the place up,
we hike the fees.

Well, no, see,
it would have to be

the same people
living there
at the same cost.

Oh, great.

What you're
telling me then is,

I basically take
a huge chunk of money

and flush it
down the toilet.

I thought you
would appreciate me
coming to you first.

I like you, Flaherty.

You, sir, are plucky.

What I want to know is,

what's the Mayor's office
getting out of all this?

All right,
all right.

We're trying
to help people.

All right,
I'll take it.

You're kidding.
Really?

Just like that?

Hey, thank you.
Thank you, sir.

Dan.

Dan. Sir Dan.
Like a knight.

I have no idea
what I'm saying.

You did pretty good
for yourself, kid.

Pretty good?
I spun you
like a top.

I figured it out.

The way to you
is through your
heartstrings.

You people think that
rich guys have it so easy.

You go to the market,
at worst, you come home
with an extra pack of cookies.

Me, I just impulse-bought
a retirement home.

Try explaining that
to the wife.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

(IMITATING HOWARD COSELL)
And there he is...

The young deputy mayor
out of Fordham.

An unprecedented victory
on the Sharon Senior
Citizen Project.

Tell us about it, Mike.

(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT)
I just want to thank
the good lord

for giving me
the ability to
play this game.

JAMES: Well,
there you have it.

So, Donaldson just bought
the Sharon Center

out of the goodness
of his heart?

Pretty much.

Well, talk about
your fallen idols.

Paulie, listen, good news
on those crime stats.

Front page
of every paper.

I was robbed, Mike.

I know, Paul.
Quit milking it.

No. I mean
I was robbed again.

This time,
he got my apartment.

For those of you
keeping score at home,

that's criminals two,
Lassiter zero.

Wow. Robbed twice
in two days.

Wouldn't that
be weird if it were
the same guy?

Oh, James,
please.

We live in a city
of eight million people.
Same guy. Right.

Paul, when you were mugged,
they got your wallet, right?

What was in there?
Cash, credit cards,

maybe something with
your address on it?

Yeah, my driver's license.
Terrible picture, though.

It was so horrible.

What about
your keys, Paul?

Well, yeah
but I used
my spare set.

My keys.
Oh, my God,
he got my keys.

He knows
where I live.
He got my keys.

My bike!
My bike!
My bike!

I thought we were
going to watch
the game together.

That's what
we're doing,
honey.

You're
in the kitchen.

Sweetheart, anytime
anything even remotely
exciting happens,

they play it again
in slow-motion.

When that happens,
you tell me,

and I'll run right over
to that couch and watch it.

No. You can't watch
a game like that.

You got to sit down.
You got to focus.

Okay.

Hey, did I tell you
that my sister,
she's changing...

Shh, shh.

There's no...
There's no talking.

But it's a commercial.

Yeah, but I could
just tell

you had more than
30 seconds worth
of conversation.

So who are we
voting for,

the blue guys
or the red guys?

Well, it's
a hockey game,

so it's probably not
going to be decided
by a vote.

We... We are,
however, rooting

for the blue guys.

Gotcha.

Ahem.

Hey, you want
another beer?

No, I'm okay.

Wait a minute.

How come you can get up,
walk around, and talk
and I can't?

Because
I'm getting a beer.

Ah, the rules don't
apply when you're
getting beer.

Or food.

So no walking
or talking

unless food
and/or beer
are involved.

I got it.

Oh, boy.

This is great.
I got my beer.

I got my game.
I got my girl.

Couldn't be happier.

Good. I'm so glad.

What are you
doing?

Well, I'm sitting here
next to you

watching the game
and not talking.

Besides that.

Paying bills.

All right, see,
okay, this is why

I can't watch
a game with you.

Because I'm
paying bills?

Because you don't even
care what's happening
in the game.

It makes no difference
to you who wins or loses.

You have no personal
investment in the outcome.
You barely...

You know, Mike,
I think the red guys
just scored.

No!

Hey.

You can't tell me
you don't have
your own office

because I've seen
pictures of it.

It's much nicer than mine,
it's got a better view,

and the golf course
is magnificent.

This is nice,
too, Mike.

What do you
call this, anyway,
deputy mayor chic?

What is this,
a social call?

Oh, no, no,
much more than that.

Now that
I officially own
the Sharon Center,

I reckon it's time
for a little
celebration.

To the Sharon Center.

To new friends.

To generosity.

To the library
annex.

To the Empire State
Building.

I'm not following you.

The new public
library annex,
Mike...

I'd really like
the construction
contract on that.

Well, I can't wait
to get your bid.

Oh, that's the thing.

You see, I was
kind of hoping
that you'd wait

till all the other
bids came in

and you'd let me know
which one was lowest,

and that way
I could slide
right in underneath.

I'm...I'm sorry.

I don't...
I don't do, uh...

I can do "safe."

I can do
"touchdown."

I can even do
that guy in the box.

Yeah, but if I get
this contract,

I'll have an in
for future city work,
and I really want that.

Dan, you know,
I'm not comfortable

making those kinds
of deals.

Uh, even
for a new friend?

Uh, I'm sorry.
My hands are, uh...

Uh...

Look, you got to do

what you're
comfortable with,
right?

After all, you know,
comfort's what
it's all about.

For example,
I don't really know
how comfortable I am

owning
an old-age home.

I may be
a little more
comfortable

owning a...
I don't know...

Mini-mall...

A vacant lot,
perhaps.

So that's
what this has
all been about.

Oh, no, no, no, Mike.

This has been
a romance.

You're the son
I've never had.

Just imagine my surprise
to learn that you were
the deputy mayor.

All right,
get the hell
out of my office

and take
your cheap...
You own a vineyard?

Mike, if I don't get
this contract from you,

you know I'm going to
go right down the line
until somebody else bites,

and in the meantime,
I own this retirement home.

Now, have you
ever heard the sound
of a wrecking ball?

Boom!

Gives me
goose bumps.

You're a son
of a bitch,
you know that?

Guess you didn't play me
like a top after all,
did you, Flaherty?

Not many people do.

I can't believe I let
that guy beat me.

You know what,
Mike?

Maybe we can
find some dirt
on this guy.

Oh, he loves hot dogs.

I always see him
buying them outside.

Well, we've got him,
then, don't we?

Well, it's a starting
point, all right?

Don't you people
realize what
you're up against?

Finding dirt
won't do any good.

Donaldson's dirt
just makes him stronger.

Sorry, but it's
survival of the fittest
out there.

If we were
stranded alone
on a desert island...

You would eat me.

I like to think so.

Buck up, Mike.

Look, we're
the dream team,
remember, huh?

We're unbeatable.

Did you really just
tell me to buck up?

Sure did.

Because if you'd added
the words "little camper,"

you'd be fired.

Look. Look at me.
I've been robbed
twice in two days.

I'm a one-man
crime wave,

but nothing is going to
stop me from feeling
like a winner.

Paychecks,
everyone!

NIKKI: Fantastic.

Oh, goody. You see,
now, I'm going to
take that money,

and I'm going to use it
to buy maybe some furniture,
a new coat...

Mama needs a manicure,
pedicure, wax,
and facial.

Okay, Mama
needs to keep
that stuff to herself.

Thanks.

Whoo hoo!
I can buy...

Nothing good.

Ah.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
You skipped me.

Uh, no,
you already
got yours.

I most certainly did not.
I was standing over there.

No, no,
earlier.

Earlier when?

Well, like,
about an hour ago.

You were wearing that
blue suit and that hat
with the ear flaps.

You don't
remember that?

Oh, yeah,
that's right.
I got the check,

I went out, cashed it,
bought a new suit,
had it altered,

came back here,
all within an hour.

The guy that mugged you,
robbed your apartment,

also picked up
your paycheck.

Wow! Okay, you see?
Hey, score one for
the criminal, huh?

(CHUCKLES)
Guy's killing me.

I wanted
to thank you.

It's always nice
when you get
knocked down

to have someone
on your team
stand on your neck.

Mike, if it makes you
feel any better,
no one expected you to win.

Yeah, I'm thrilled, Stu.
Why don't we go out
and get a beer?

Back off, Sparky.
If you can't handle it,

maybe you should take
a couple of days off.

I can take care
of things.

Boys, boys,
what's all the
ruckus?

You know,
as a taxpayer,
I'd like to think

that there were
more productive ways

for the Mayor's staff
to spend their time.

I say that every day,
Mr. Donaldson.

Stuart, no one can talk
and kiss ass at the
same time like you.

I bet you can do it
drinking a glass
of water.

Ouch.

That was harsh.

Stuey, you've
been dissed.

It's time you and I
took a little walk,

had a nice
little talk,

get to know
one another.

I really don't like
to be called Stuey.

Stuey's fine.

Stuey, do you like
to read books?

You asked to see me?

Uh, yeah. Come in.

Awfully dark in here,
isn't it, Flaherty?

(CHUCKLES) I get it.

You've read chapter four
of my book,

"How to take control
of a meeting."

I have no idea

what you're
talking about.

Please.
You're backlit.

You've got
the letter opener

aimed directly
at my heart.

Your hands are
in the power tepee.

You've arranged
everything in this room
to make you appear to be

the biggest and most
dominant thing in it.

I did nothing of the sort.

Comfy?

Actually, yes,
and thoroughly intimidated,

but, you know,
I've already won,
so why am I here?

I wanted to give you
one last chance.

To do what, gloat?

To do
the right thing.

Are you still
with the old people?

Mike, that ship
has sailed.

Those old people
are out on a deck
playing shuffleboard.

All right, look...

No, you look, okay?
I don't have time
to play with you anymore.

They're going to award
that new contract
in about half an hour.

If you don't mind,
I think I'm going to
be the lucky one.

Hello, everybody.

Okay, I get it.

We're all playing
"let's hate
the billionaire."

Afternoon,
Your Honor.

Stuart.

All right, what's
going on here?

Ah-ha!

What the hell
is that?

It's a tape
of our little talk.

You know, Dan,
if I didn't know that
you were the kind of guy

who would rescue a
retirement center just out of
the goodness of his heart,

I might have to listen
to this little tape...

Maybe along with some
of our mutual friends...

Or the attorney
general, huh?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Have a good day.

I suppose
this is where
you say, "touche."

Well, I don't
speak French.

I do speak
a little Italian.

Oh!

If any job
opportunities
open up,

please keep me
in mind, sir.

You're quite
an actor, Stu.

I mean, you were
very convincing

as the angry,
bitter underling
with delusions of grandeur.

A bit of a stretch
for you there.

I did a little theater
in high school...

Caesar...

Guard number four.

So that was
all acting?

I was in the moment.

You're
out of it now.

(STRAINS)
Didn't hurt.

Isn't this
the exact same
SportsCenter

you were watching
a couple of hours ago?

Yeah. But emotionally
I'm in a completely
different place now.

What are you
listening to?

Rancid?

Smashing Pumpkins?

Rancid Pumpkins?

Yeah, that's it.

You know,
this is great.

You know, we're doing
our own thing,

but we're together.

Yeah. It's called
compromise.

Only one thing would
make it perfect, though.

Please? Ready?

One, two, three...

(BOTH HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)