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1
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,477
James, great speech
for the Scouts of America.
2
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,978
Although for future reference,
3
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,981
we got to keep the mayor away
from words like "Webelo."
4
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:16,950
I'll add that to the list.
5
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,853
We've got these
two school closings
up in the Bronx.
6
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:24,292
Whoever goes up there
is going to take
a real beating, so, uh...
7
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,693
Stuart, why don't you
handle that?
8
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:27,495
They're here!
9
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,430
They're here, they're here,
they're here.
10
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,099
Okay, people, listen up.
11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,400
According to
Manhattan magazine,
12
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:36,704
as of 9:23 on this glorious
October morning,
13
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,307
I, Michael T. Flaherty,
am now officially...
14
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,909
the sexiest man in Manhattan.
15
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:44,478
(ALL CHEERING)
16
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,050
JFK Jr. took himself
out of the running.
17
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,720
I don't want this to disrupt
things here at the office.
18
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:56,724
After all, I'm no sexier today
than I was yesterday, so.
19
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,692
What about
Alec Baldwin?
20
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,628
Not technically
a New Yorker.
21
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,431
Now the mayor's being
honored on Friday
22
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,299
by the association
of Christians and Jews.
23
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,534
You're all expected
to attend.
24
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,802
Please, keep in mind
these are religious people.
25
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,838
So choose your dates
with care.
26
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,141
There are ten commandments.
27
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,042
I'd like your dates
to check out on
at least seven of them.
28
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:17,945
That's kind of tough, Mike.
29
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,880
Even assuming they haven't
killed anybody,
30
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,815
They still have
to go six for nine.
31
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,187
What about
Billy Baldwin?
32
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,690
Los Angeles.
33
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,825
Do we have to bring a date?
34
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,662
No, but anybody
who doesn't bring a date
35
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,730
will be placed on Helen duty
for the evening.
36
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,065
Oh!
37
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,033
Personally, there's nothing
I'd rather do
38
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,002
than spend an evening
with the mayor's wife,
39
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:45,539
but unfortunately for me,
being the sexiest man
in New York,
40
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,508
I already got a date.
41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,378
You're telling me
there isn't a single
Baldwin brother
42
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,313
in any of the boroughs?
43
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:55,249
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
44
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,596
Ashley, maybe
I need to clarify.
45
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,832
I have no comment.
I have nothing to say.
46
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,535
I have no idea what
you're talking about, okay?
47
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,070
Fine. Just one final
question, though.
48
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,071
One.
49
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,208
Well, it's divided
into three parts.
50
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,576
Paul, I have
something important
51
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,877
to discuss
with Miss Schaeffer.
52
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,279
Could you allow us
a moment
of privacy, please?
53
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:26,380
Gladly.
54
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,352
(WHISTLING)
55
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,057
I take it
the magazine came out?
56
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,930
Next on the runway,
Mr. Michael Flaherty.
57
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,234
And...
58
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,237
He's wearing...
59
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,871
His Marky Marks.
60
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:55,443
Named for a man who, while
quite sexy in his own right,
61
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,279
must now toil
in Flaherty's shadow.
62
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,148
Do you mind?
People are eating here.
63
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:04,285
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) What?
Am I too sexy for you?
64
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,088
Yes. Yes. I am so woozy
with desire,
65
00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,990
I can barely finish
eating this carrot.
66
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:13,961
Then I will just...
Wait for you here.
67
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,062
Thank you.
68
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,299
(CHUCKLES)
69
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,133
Ashley...
70
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,438
You want a piece
of this?
71
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:37,551
Would I be having sex
with you or with the
sexiest man in New York?
72
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,454
Well, you can't have one
without the other.
73
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,623
Then I'll pass.
74
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,857
What do you mean
you pass?
75
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,627
You can't pass on an
opportunity like this.
76
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,961
I've slept
with you before.
77
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,431
I'm familiar
with the procedure.
78
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,467
I wouldn't pass
on a chance to sleep
with the sexiest woman...
79
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,336
Don't finish
that sentence, mister!
80
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,070
Because that's you!
81
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,041
PAUL: Mike?
Yes, Paul.
82
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,311
I know that
Ashley Schaeffer's
your girlfriend,
83
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,912
and let me just say,
I think she's wonderful.
84
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,448
She's beautiful, charming,
witty, a real catch.
85
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:08,516
Spill it, Paul.
86
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,617
She's evil, Mike.
87
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,888
I'm telling you, she's all
over me. It's eerie.
88
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,325
It's like she can
read my mind.
89
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,627
She's just on a hot streak.
It's going to pass.
90
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,429
I'm telling you,
she's out to get me.
91
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:22,730
What is she
on to now?
92
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,865
Some internal audit
of this high school
out in Queens.
93
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,434
What's that
all about anyway?
94
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,902
We got a custodian
95
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,904
at a high school
in Queens,
96
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,941
happens to own
a fishing boat.
97
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,544
A municipal worker
who owns a boat. So?
98
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,747
So, there's just
some concern that
99
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,450
the boat might be
misrepresented by the press.
100
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,884
Misrepresented how?
101
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,219
As a yacht.
102
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,723
Is it a yacht?
103
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,359
No, it's, uh...
104
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,594
It's not a yacht.
It's the guy's fishing boat.
105
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,364
You know,
it's a dinghy, really.
106
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,400
All right, fine.
Sure, okay.
107
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,568
All right.
I'll see you.
108
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,105
Does this boat
have a jacuzzi?
109
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:06,774
Why do you ask?
110
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,141
Oh, no, Mike!
111
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:09,743
Aw, Mike, no!
112
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,545
We're talking scandal!
We're talking kickback!
113
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,880
We're talking
news footage
114
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,682
of crumbling
inner-city schools
115
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:15,949
cross-cut with photos
116
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,985
of a janitor sitting
in his jacuzzi
117
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,020
aboard a 60-foot yacht.
118
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,056
It's got a big mother
of a satellite dish.
119
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,157
Oh!
120
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,928
Hey, hey. You guys
read my article yet?
121
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,096
Ah, yes.
122
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,999
It was fascinating.
I'm having it framed.
123
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,568
Mike, Wordsworth is
my favorite poet, too.
124
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,804
Is that who I put?
125
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,939
They faxed me
this little questionnaire.
126
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,476
Since when do you
kayak on the weekends?
127
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,646
I kayak in my spare time.
128
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,782
In my spare time...
129
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,284
Of which I have none.
130
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:54,287
However do you find time
for all your hobbies,
131
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,657
playing squash,
cooking pasta,
132
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,660
and contemplative
introspection?
133
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,863
Thinking, Mike?
That's your hobby?
134
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,131
You guys are
missing the point.
135
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,733
The point is,
136
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,968
I'm the sexiest man
in New York,
137
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,439
And I bet statistically,
I'm sexier than all of you
put together...
138
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,106
Yeah, maybe,
but that's only
139
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,275
because Stuart's
dragging us down.
140
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,279
Well, be that
as it may,
141
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:20,448
I got a date
for tomorrow night.
142
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,683
and if tradition holds,
none of you do.
143
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,854
I'll tell you what.
I'll pass the savings
on to you.
144
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,889
I suggest dividing
Mrs. Winston up
145
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,358
into easy-to-swallow
30-minute shifts.
146
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,927
This isn't fair.
You have a live-in date.
147
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,729
You'll never have
to go on Helen duty.
148
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,598
I'll tell you what I'll do.
149
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:41,835
If all of you get dates
for Friday night,
150
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,504
I'll take care
of Mrs. Winston.
151
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:49,009
Of course, the banquet would
probably have been canceled,
152
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,479
what with hell having
frozen over and all.
153
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,681
James,
154
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,583
would you like to go to dinner
with me Friday night?
155
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:56,650
Sure.
156
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,951
No, no, hey, wait a minute.
157
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,653
Karen, would you
go to dinner with me?
158
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,121
I'd love to!
Oh, great.
159
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,390
You can't. No.
Hey, that's not fair.
160
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,595
Well, Stuart, Carter...
161
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,403
Guess you guys will be
sharing Helen duty.
162
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,278
Pick you up at 7:00?
163
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,984
You know, I take it
there is some impropriety
164
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,319
going on down
at that school.
165
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,121
Well, that depends on what
you mean by impropriety, sir.
166
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,789
Larceny, fraud,
embezzlement.
167
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,290
Well, then, yes.
168
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,393
So have you briefed Paul?
169
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,862
Yeah. I told him we want
to keep it quiet.
170
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,598
You know, we want
to do our own
internal investigation.
171
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,166
There's no telling
how high up the...
172
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,802
Hmm.
...ladder this thing goes,
173
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,371
so we wouldn't want
to make the mistake of...
174
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:54,141
Can I help you
at all, sir?
175
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,544
You know, they're right.
You are a very sexy man.
176
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,311
Striking.
177
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,047
All right, sir, I'm going
to be honest with you.
178
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,850
I'm already taken.
179
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,285
You know, uh,
180
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,854
you better get used
to people looking at you,
181
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,990
because from now on,
everything you do is a story.
182
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,092
I mean, the restaurants
you eat at,
183
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,927
the movies that you see,
the way you look.
184
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,463
I'm sure it's not going to be
that much of a burden, sir.
185
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,832
Once you're
in the public spotlight,
186
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,033
you can't get out.
187
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,135
You walk down the street,
188
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,839
you start to feel
people looking at you.
189
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:30,644
Everywhere you turn,
nothing but eyes staring...
190
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,746
Judging...
191
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,983
Gazing into the very recesses
of your soul.
192
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,588
MIKE: No, no.
Wait, wait. Stop.
193
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,022
ASHLEY: What?
What's the matter?
194
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,158
I, I can't do this.
195
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,794
What is it?
196
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,697
Uh, I don't know.
I just...
197
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,732
I feel weird...
198
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,667
Like, uh...
199
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,036
Like people
are watching me.
200
00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,807
Well, why don't you
close your eyes
201
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,075
and just let me
help you get over it?
202
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,377
No. Honey, you
don't understand.
203
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,279
This is like, uh...
204
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,081
It's like a major
malfunction...
205
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,918
Kind of
a hydraulics problem.
206
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,687
What do you mean?
207
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:18,091
Okay, uh, you know when
your foot falls asleep?
208
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,861
Yeah. I just shake it
real hard and stomp on it.
209
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,497
Not a good idea.
210
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,934
Oh.
211
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:28,869
Oh...
212
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,775
Hey there, sexy.
213
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,509
You're looking
mighty fine today.
214
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,178
Right back
at you, Roberta.
215
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,412
You're number one.
216
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,248
You know it, kid.
217
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,816
I'm living a lie.
218
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,254
Honey, really,
it's going to be fine.
219
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,256
No. I'm a big,
fat phony.
220
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:51,692
MAN: Hey, sexiest man
in New York, up top!
221
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,193
I can't go on
with this.
222
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,561
This has got
to stop.
223
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,897
Hey, Mike, nice tie.
224
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,667
Oh, for God's sake,
will you people
please leave him alone?
225
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,968
What do you want
from him?
226
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,007
Thanks, honey.
That's much better.
227
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,179
Everything all right?
228
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,614
Yeah. Fine.
229
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,483
All right,
so whip it out.
230
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,520
What?
231
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,155
The football pool.
232
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,590
Giants over Dallas.
I won.
233
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,726
Oh, God,
the football pool.
234
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,763
Oh, thank God. Okay.
235
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,765
Here you go.
That's a 20, Mike.
236
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,334
Yeah. Well, you keep the rest
237
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,870
because I'm just going
to go lie down.
238
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,808
...which are just a few
of the many reasons
239
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,476
why the mayor has issued
this proclamation
240
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,579
making today
pedestrian safety day.
241
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,915
Yeah. Yes, Ashley?
242
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,950
Thank you. I just wanted
to follow up on that audit
243
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,284
of that high school
out in Queens.
244
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,253
First, I'd like to respond
to any and all
245
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,922
pedestrian safety-related
questions.
246
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,692
Okay, then.
247
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:01,228
Have the school books,
in fact, been audited?
248
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,295
Ah, no.
249
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:03,530
So all the funds
are accounted for?
250
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,265
Yes. They have.
That's correct.
251
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,834
But you don't
really know that,
252
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,236
because as you said,
the books haven't been
audited yet, right?
253
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,739
Right. Wrong. Wrong.
254
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,306
That's, uh, I mean, uh...
255
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,008
Why are you
doing this to me?
256
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:17,811
ASHLEY: What are we doing?
257
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,813
MIKE: We're just coming home
258
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,314
for a little
early lunch.
259
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,016
Mike, it's quarter
after 9:00.
260
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,184
A late breakfast.
261
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,887
All right, you know
why we're here.
262
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,022
I got to get right
back on the horse.
263
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,394
Does the horse have
any say in this?
264
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,297
The horse gets no say.
265
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,767
If the horse likes,
it can whinny.
266
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,369
All right, now, please,
267
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,237
just strip and lie back
on the bed.
268
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,207
Excuse me?
269
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,776
Do you have any idea
270
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,879
how many people subscribe
to Manhattan magazine?
271
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,314
246,000.
272
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,184
I feel like I'm having sex
in the middle
of Yankee stadium,
273
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:01,354
and they're all watching me
and judging me.
274
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,624
Honey, maybe you should
see someone about this.
275
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,426
You know, talk to somebody,
a professional.
276
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,799
Is there a good reason
you're not naked yet?
277
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,035
If I do this, it is only
because I love you
278
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,004
and because it is clear
that you're about
to lose your mind.
279
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,572
Well, those are
two excellent reasons
280
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,441
to have sex with a person.
281
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,844
All right.
Now, I just...
282
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,445
I got to remember...
283
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,581
no matter how much
they may want me,
284
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,084
I'm not making love
to the entire city.
285
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,820
You just got
to narrow it down.
286
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,822
A few square
city blocks.
287
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,389
Pretend I'm Chinatown.
288
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,326
Chinatown?
289
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,228
Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,563
Yeah. I like that.
291
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,098
Mmm. Chinatown.
292
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,433
Mmm. I'm thinking...
293
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,302
I'm thinking silk kimonos.
294
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,838
I'm thinking
geisha girls.
295
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,172
Geisha girls
are Japanese.
296
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,273
So?
297
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,875
So are kimonos.
So?
298
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,410
So we shouldn't have
culturally insensitive sex.
299
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,551
Not exactly
my biggest problem
right now.
300
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,288
I'll apologize
to the Pacific rim
when we're done.
301
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,157
I'm sorry.
302
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,592
Okay, where were we?
303
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,161
I mean, you were
just trying to help.
304
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,363
Oh, yeah. Chinatown.
305
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,865
Mmm. Yeah.
306
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,867
I'm thinking chopsticks.
307
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,534
I'm thinking...
308
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,337
Dead ducks hanging
in store windows.
309
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,412
You've ruined Chinatown
for me.
310
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:33,981
Well, it's a big city.
311
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,448
We just got to try
someplace else.
312
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,251
Little Italy?
313
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,186
Mmm.
314
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,254
Oh, bene, bene.
Molto bene.
315
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,159
Checkered tablecloths.
316
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,928
Um, tiramisu.
317
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,296
Penne puttanesca.
318
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,164
You're making me hungry.
319
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,467
No, no.
It's just New York.
320
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,070
How about Santa Fe?
321
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,172
BOTH: No.
322
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,307
Minneapolis?
323
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:02,075
No.
Houston?
324
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,677
Houston?
Houston.
325
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,715
Houston.
326
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,284
We have a problem.
327
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,693
We have just got to stop
obsessing about this.
328
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,429
You're right.
You're right.
329
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,198
I mean, it's not really
that big a deal.
330
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,136
I won't blame you
if you want to leave me.
331
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,940
Come on. I love you,
and I will love you
332
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,774
even if you can never
have sex again.
333
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,577
Thanks.
334
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,548
Up until this moment,
I hadn't considered
that possibility.
335
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,684
Excuse me.
336
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:47,420
Aren't you
on Helen duty tonight?
337
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,657
'Cause I'm Helen, and
where have you been?
338
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,093
You know,
down at the office,
339
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,962
we don't refer to it
as Helen duty.
340
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,330
We refer to it
as Helen privilege.
341
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,267
You really didn't
have to get me
a corsage, James.
342
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,307
I thought it would make it
look more like a real date.
343
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,576
If you were
prom king, maybe!
344
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:11,878
Oh, I'm just kidding.
345
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,080
We're gonna have
a good time.
346
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,447
Well, you better believe it,
347
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,249
'cause look
what I smuggled in.
348
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,653
We got peach schnapps.
349
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,994
You're kidding.
350
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,695
We're gonna party
very hard tonight.
351
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,630
You're not kidding.
352
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,367
So, both of you guys
are in a rowboat...
353
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:43,210
No, no, no. Stop me
if you've heard this one.
354
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,279
Right now, 100,000 papers
are being printed up,
355
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,649
and every one of them
has a picture of a janitor
on a yacht.
356
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,319
And you know why, Karen?
357
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,221
Because he
was cleaning it?
358
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,490
Because of me.
Because I can't do my job.
359
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:58,491
I'm an albatross.
360
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,094
Are you gonna eat
that cherry?
361
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,262
So, how are
you guys doing?
362
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,331
Paul's making me sad.
363
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,668
You should go and dance.
364
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,370
Okey-dokey.
365
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,273
What's up?
366
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,308
Ah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm, I'm fine.
367
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,411
How many drinks
have you had?
368
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,513
Oh, this is my first one.
369
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,219
Really?
370
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,655
All right. All right. Two.
371
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,862
Unbelievable.
372
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,532
Hey, Paul.
Let me ask you something.
373
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,534
How much do you weigh?
374
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,904
I don't know.
About 175.
375
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,706
Popular kid in school,
were you?
376
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,375
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
377
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,378
Yeah, guys love me.
Yeah. Yeah.
378
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,180
Where did you go
to college?
379
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,281
Notre Dame.
380
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,515
There it is.
I see it.
381
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,218
What? What? I did.
I went to Notre Dame.
382
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,087
Paul, you have a tell.
383
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,854
You tip it
when you lie.
384
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,190
I do not.
385
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,291
Oh, yeah, really?
386
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:05,658
When did you
lose your virginity?
387
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,627
I don't know.
When I was 16.
388
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,595
Paul.
389
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,830
All right. I was in college.
Paul.
390
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,100
All right! I was 33.
391
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,701
But, oh, Mike,
you should have seen her.
392
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,703
She was beautiful.
She was a model.
393
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,371
You know, she didn't
like me at first,
394
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,108
But then, oh, then,
she was head-over-heels
for me.
395
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,110
Oh, my God!
Oh, God!
396
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,944
I touch my face
when I lie!
397
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,346
Oh, my God!
398
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,748
Oh, Mike! Oh, no!
Oh, God!
399
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,651
Carter, let me
ask you something.
400
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,885
Shoot.
401
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,522
Suppose I was...
402
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,025
You know.
403
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,962
Gay, Stuart.
The word is gay.
404
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,498
It only has one syllable.
I know you can say it.
405
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,868
Okay. Suppose I was gay.
406
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,171
Would you find me...
No!
407
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,180
Not even a...
No!
408
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:02,715
I work out.
409
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:03,816
I don't care.
410
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,788
Can I, can I
ask you something?
411
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,223
Fire away.
412
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,159
When you, uh...
413
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,427
When you first started
making speeches,
414
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,996
you know, and
running for office,
415
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,599
and being
in the public eye,
416
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:24,537
Did you develop
any problems, you know,
417
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,839
handling the pressure?
418
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,408
You know,
419
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,744
I've never told anybody
about this before.
420
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,747
Once I took Helen
421
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,617
to this beautiful,
old romantic inn
422
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:38,918
to get away
for the weekend,
423
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,988
and, bam, it happened.
424
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,023
That's right.
425
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,459
Bam!
426
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:47,860
That's the way
it was for me.
427
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,796
My golf game
went right out the window.
428
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,734
And by your golf game,
429
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,669
I take it
you actually...
430
00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:59,272
Mean your golf game.
431
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,042
I used to play
every day.
432
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:06,379
Sometimes twice
if I had the stamina.
433
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,216
Then I became
Mayor Winston.
434
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,417
I completely fell apart.
435
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,353
I can still manage
to make it to the green,
436
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,921
but then I'd pull
my putter out...
437
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,223
(POIT) Nothing.
438
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,826
It just... It just
didn't feel right.
439
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,328
Exactly.
440
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,063
My confidence was shot.
441
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,899
You know, and you can't
fix that at the driving range.
442
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,235
Oh, no.
443
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,137
You can practice
by yourself all day...
444
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,707
It's just not the same.
445
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,377
You speak the truth.
446
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,447
So, what did you do?
447
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,114
I mean, how did you
get past it?
448
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,650
I didn't.
I quit the game.
449
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,788
Golf isn't
everything, Mike.
450
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:52,859
Oh, but what if you
really, really loved golf?
451
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,628
Well...
452
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,464
If I was going to try
to get back on the course,
453
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,631
I think I would focus
454
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,067
on what drew me there
in the first place.
455
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,203
The pure, simple
456
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,173
beauty of the game.
457
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,345
The beauty of the game?
458
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:15,948
Thank you, sir.
459
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,418
Are you a golfer, Flaherty?
460
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,087
Uh, used to be.
461
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,957
Haven't played much
in a while.
462
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,829
I'm thinking
of taking it up again.
463
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,465
Well, you should.
Best six hours of your life.
464
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:37,704
I think that might be
a little optimistic, sir.
465
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,008
Well, this has been
a little slice of heaven.
466
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,477
He's awful cute, though.
467
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,045
JAMES: Thank you.
468
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:52,552
You are so
unbelievably beautiful.
469
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:53,986
JAMES: Thank you.
470
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:01,093
When I look
into your eyes,
471
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,896
I just want to be with you
for the rest of my life.
472
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,565
Excuse us.
473
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:09,201
Mike, there are
people around.
474
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,803
You know what?
475
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,339
I don't care.
476
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,541
I want you
477
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,377
right here and right now.
478
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,579
You don't have to put
this kind of pressure
on yourself.
479
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,548
This really is not
the kind of place...
480
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:26,553
Let's go.
Yeah.
481
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,356
Excuse us. Coming through.
Deputy mayor.
Official business.
482
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,363
MIKE: It's alive!
483
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,066
I don't want to be
baby-sat
484
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:42,101
every time
we leave the house.
485
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:45,605
So I suppose I could,
486
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,408
in situations where
your career is at stake,
487
00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:51,043
Take more care
to be...
488
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,179
Appropriate.
489
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,119
That's my deputy mayor
and his girlfriend.
490
00:22:00,219 --> 00:22:01,654
Mmm.
Mmm.
491
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:02,955
They seem very happy.
492
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,925
You would be, too,
if you just had sex.
493
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,060
Father!
34382
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