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1
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:04,215
Did you miss me, gal?
2
00:00:04,215 --> 00:00:07,968
Madalena, I have traveled
1,000 miles to see you.
3
00:00:07,968 --> 00:00:09,680
I fought pirates.
4
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,762
I stared death in the face
A dozen times,
5
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,634
And I did all that
To be with a woman
6
00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:17,098
Who chose a fierce and cruel man
Over my unconditional love.
7
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:18,399
So...
8
00:00:18,399 --> 00:00:19,480
You crossed my mind,
Yes.
9
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,561
[ smacks lips ]
10
00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:22,523
Then why didn't you act happy
To see me?
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,235
To be honest,
I don't know how to feel.
12
00:00:24,235 --> 00:00:26,026
Isabella told me
You wanted me to rescue you.
13
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,528
Did you even know
I was coming?
14
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,281
Well, I found out earlier today,
And as soon as I did,
15
00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,323
I made a plan
For us to be together.
16
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,615
Yeah, well,
I had a plan, as well.
17
00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:37,288
We were gonna live
In a cottage by the sea.
18
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:40,000
We were gonna make love,
Plant a garden...
19
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,122
Have children.
20
00:00:41,122 --> 00:00:43,834
I was gonna sing songs
Of your beauty.
21
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:45,336
Oh, gal.
22
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:46,667
That sounds awful.
23
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,130
Look around.
24
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,172
I live in a castle.
[ chuckles ]
25
00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:53,174
And you know
What I've learned about myself?
26
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:55,976
I really like stuff.
27
00:00:55,976 --> 00:00:58,269
I mean,
Why would I give all this up
28
00:00:58,269 --> 00:01:00,811
To get fat and pregnant
And grow my own food?
29
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,813
So, you didn't
Want me to come?
30
00:01:04,985 --> 00:01:08,279
I should never have trusted
Isabella.
31
00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,491
How could someone so small
Tell such a big lie?
32
00:01:10,491 --> 00:01:12,153
Well,
None of that matters now.
33
00:01:12,153 --> 00:01:14,535
I have a plan that will allow me
To remain as queen,
34
00:01:14,535 --> 00:01:18,579
And you will be
Well taken care of as my...
35
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,790
Special companion.
36
00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:21,622
Your boy toy, you mean.
37
00:01:21,622 --> 00:01:24,084
Is that how you see me?
Hmm?
38
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,377
As some well-groomed,
Ruggedly handsome,
39
00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:28,549
Yet oddly delicate-featured
Plaything?
40
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:30,921
Yeah.
41
00:01:30,921 --> 00:01:32,012
[ sighs ]
42
00:01:32,012 --> 00:01:34,425
Madalena,
I've got something to say,
43
00:01:34,425 --> 00:01:37,808
And I've come a really,
Really long way to say it.
44
00:01:37,808 --> 00:01:39,220
[ music plays ]
Oh, no.
45
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,142
♪ I want you,
I need you ♪
46
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:42,933
♪ you cut me,
And I bleed you ♪
47
00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:45,105
♪ you're like
Some kind of sonnet ♪
48
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,897
♪ all I want to do
Is read you ♪
49
00:01:46,897 --> 00:01:48,649
♪ and I love you ♪
I know.
50
00:01:48,649 --> 00:01:50,731
♪ I mean I love you ♪
Yes. Thanks.
51
00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:52,613
♪ I said I love you ♪
You did.
52
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:57,037
♪ and now don't you want
To tell me something, too? ♪
53
00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:01,622
♪ I love you ♪
54
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:05,005
♪ as much as someone like me
Can love anyone ♪
55
00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,126
Huh?
56
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,549
♪ I mean, I love
How we make people stare ♪
57
00:02:08,549 --> 00:02:10,511
♪ we're quite
The stunning pair ♪
58
00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:13,013
♪ in other words,
You love me ♪
59
00:02:13,013 --> 00:02:16,056
♪ as much as someone like me
Can love anyone ♪
60
00:02:16,056 --> 00:02:17,057
Okay.
61
00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:19,470
♪ I mean, I love
How when we hit the hay ♪
62
00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:21,101
♪ it's more
Than just okay ♪
63
00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:22,183
Right?
64
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:25,105
♪ I'd absolutely say
More like middling to fair ♪
65
00:02:25,105 --> 00:02:26,357
[ chuckling ] Yeah.
Wait. What?
66
00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:28,649
♪ dance with me ♪
67
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:32,072
♪ can't you see
How freaking gorgeous we look? ♪
68
00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:35,155
♪ can't you feel
The frantic beat of our hearts ♪
69
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:39,280
♪ as our various parts rub
With such delicious friction? ♪
70
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,041
♪ so, that's all
You really -- ♪
71
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:43,123
♪ dance with me ♪
72
00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:46,787
♪ why not finish
What's already begun? ♪
73
00:02:46,787 --> 00:02:48,919
♪ so, what you're saying
Is you love me ♪
74
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,091
♪ I love you ♪
♪ really love me ♪
75
00:02:51,091 --> 00:02:53,384
♪ I love you ♪
♪ and always loved me? ♪
76
00:02:53,384 --> 00:02:56,797
♪ as much as someone like me
Can love anyone ♪
77
00:02:59,099 --> 00:03:00,601
[ song ends ]
78
00:03:00,601 --> 00:03:03,013
Does that clear things up
For you?
79
00:03:03,013 --> 00:03:04,144
No.
80
00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:09,980
And when did you learn
How to dance?
81
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,402
King richard:
Are you hearing this, gareth?
82
00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:15,986
My own wife tries to trick me
Into killing my favorite chef
83
00:03:15,986 --> 00:03:18,198
So she can save
Her ex-boyfriend.
84
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,199
You sure it was her?
85
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,241
Pretty girl, tiny waist,
Big eyes?
86
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,452
Definitely, my king.
87
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,743
[ scoffs ]
88
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:24,785
No one has it
As bad as I do, gareth.
89
00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:25,876
No one!
90
00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:26,827
Aaaaaaaah!
91
00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:28,589
[ gasps ]
92
00:03:28,589 --> 00:03:30,381
Uh...Don't worry.
93
00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:33,714
Why do I continually allow
People to treat me this way?
94
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,505
Oh, come on.
95
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,546
Forget I'm your king
96
00:03:35,546 --> 00:03:37,177
And talk to me
Like your friend.
97
00:03:37,177 --> 00:03:38,048
All right.
98
00:03:38,048 --> 00:03:39,760
You keep acting
Like a prat.
99
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,141
You need to be
More of a geezer.
100
00:03:41,141 --> 00:03:44,605
You know, I've tried to tell you
Time and time again.
101
00:03:44,605 --> 00:03:47,057
You don't turn your ear.
102
00:03:48,058 --> 00:03:49,149
Oh, gareth.
103
00:03:49,149 --> 00:03:50,941
I can't understand
A word you say.
104
00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,193
Let me ask you this,
Then.
105
00:03:53,193 --> 00:03:55,155
Do you like me, gareth?
106
00:03:55,155 --> 00:03:57,488
I mean, you know,
As a -- as a person?
107
00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,199
Aaaaaaah!
108
00:04:02,202 --> 00:04:03,203
I got to go.
109
00:04:03,203 --> 00:04:04,415
My queen needs me.
110
00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:06,246
Your queen?
Mm.
111
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,999
Are you hearing this?
Now it's his queen.
112
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,001
Fine. Go ahead.
113
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,833
Leave me, too.
Be that guy.
114
00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:13,674
Go. Go.
115
00:04:13,674 --> 00:04:15,085
Yeah, okay.
116
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,049
Why am I like this?
117
00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:22,473
Why do I continually allow
People to treat me this way?
118
00:04:22,473 --> 00:04:24,014
Sire!
Hmm?
119
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,146
I-I think I know something
That may help you.
120
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:27,688
Really? What?
121
00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:29,730
Have you ever heard
Of xanax?
122
00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:30,941
Xanax?
123
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:33,564
Is he that new magician
I'm hearing so much about?
124
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,775
Merlin's replacement?
125
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,896
Yes, my king.
126
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:38,659
I-I occasionally buy herbs
From him.
127
00:04:38,659 --> 00:04:41,362
Herbs? For what?
F-f-for cooking?
128
00:04:42,363 --> 00:04:43,664
Yeah -- f-for cooking.
129
00:04:43,664 --> 00:04:44,905
[ sighs ]
130
00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:46,787
All right,
It's worth a shot.
131
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,908
Let's go see xanax.
132
00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:50,080
I should probably put on
Something more casual.
133
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,412
[ snaps fingers ]
The brown.
134
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,218
Uh, hi.
135
00:04:58,218 --> 00:05:00,090
Um, why are we
Back in the dungeon?
136
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:02,803
Just wait here. I'll come
Get you when it's time.
137
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,095
Someone's coming
To help execute my plan.
138
00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:06,136
Move along.
139
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,100
[ gasps ] Galavant!
Galavant!
140
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,234
I thought you were dead.
141
00:05:14,234 --> 00:05:16,276
You mean because you
Betrayed me, you thought
They would hang me?
142
00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:17,398
Because you betrayed me?
143
00:05:17,398 --> 00:05:18,699
Sid:
Oh, trust me, sir,
144
00:05:18,699 --> 00:05:21,151
I have been guilting
The crap out of her down here.
145
00:05:21,151 --> 00:05:23,283
King richard said if I didn't
Deliver the jewel and you,
146
00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:24,825
He would kill my parents.
147
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,447
I tried to warn you --
148
00:05:26,447 --> 00:05:28,749
So many songs,
So many asides.
149
00:05:28,749 --> 00:05:30,541
The point is,
Queen madalena,
150
00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:32,292
You have the jewel
And you have galavant.
151
00:05:32,292 --> 00:05:34,545
You must release my parents.
Must I?
152
00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:36,006
Yes. You have to.
Have I?
153
00:05:36,006 --> 00:05:37,378
Yes.
Really?
154
00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:38,799
Why are you just repeating
Everything I say as a question?
155
00:05:38,799 --> 00:05:40,631
Am I just repeating everything
You say as a question?
156
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,012
You...Don't hear it?
157
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:43,464
I hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
158
00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:45,466
You're sort of doing it
A little bit.
159
00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,057
I had a deal
With king richard.
160
00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:49,099
My dear girl...
161
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,181
I am not king richard.
162
00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:53,143
But I will enjoy
Killing the girl
163
00:05:53,143 --> 00:05:55,736
Who tried to eat
My leftover man mutton.
164
00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:00,531
[ gasps ]
165
00:06:00,531 --> 00:06:03,784
Is...Anyone else
Uncomfortable?
166
00:06:05,986 --> 00:06:07,157
Gareth.
167
00:06:07,157 --> 00:06:09,119
Cut her face.
168
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,491
Torture the rest.
169
00:06:10,491 --> 00:06:12,082
Gala--
170
00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:13,083
Excuse me?
171
00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:16,497
I said torture them.
Is there a problem?
172
00:06:16,497 --> 00:06:18,048
No.
There's not a problem.
173
00:06:18,048 --> 00:06:20,050
I like torturing.
I'm pretty good at it.
174
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:21,552
I once kept a guy
Alive for a week,
175
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:23,844
And he was just
A head and a finger.
176
00:06:23,844 --> 00:06:25,766
But that order
Came from the king,
177
00:06:25,766 --> 00:06:26,927
And I serve my king.
178
00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:29,970
Your king is weak, gareth.
You know this.
179
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,683
He cries like a baby,
He cares like a woman.
180
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,975
He makes decoupage footstools
As a hobby.
181
00:06:34,975 --> 00:06:36,316
Hey! That was
A birthday present.
182
00:06:36,316 --> 00:06:38,148
He got me that
So I could have a sit down.
183
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,400
You're a dog, gareth.
184
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,983
And a dog needs
A strong master.
185
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:46,116
Now sic 'em.
186
00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:50,701
[ goat bleats ]
187
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,533
Here we are, sir.
188
00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:53,994
Are we safe?
189
00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:56,296
This neighborhood
Looks a little dodgy.
190
00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:57,708
Don't worry, sire,
We'll be fine.
191
00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,960
Just...
Try not to look scared.
192
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,504
Hello.
Nice to see you.
193
00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,636
[ bell tolling ]
194
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:13,894
What do you want?
195
00:07:15,856 --> 00:07:17,728
Uh, we're here
To see xanax.
196
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,229
He's in the attic.
197
00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:21,021
Xanax:
Mom! It's a laboratory!
198
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:22,442
Call it a laboratory.
199
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,654
It's an attic.
200
00:07:27,027 --> 00:07:29,910
[ xanax coughing ]
201
00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:33,373
Hmm.
This is...Cozy.
202
00:07:33,373 --> 00:07:37,127
King richard, may I present
Xanax the magician.
203
00:07:37,127 --> 00:07:38,248
[ grunts ]
204
00:07:38,248 --> 00:07:40,340
Actually,
I'm not legally allowed
205
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:42,422
To call myself a magician
Anymore
206
00:07:42,422 --> 00:07:44,925
'cause of the whole...
[ sighs ] Thing.
207
00:07:44,925 --> 00:07:46,256
Don't worry.
208
00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:48,889
Think of me
As a spiritual guide.
209
00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:50,851
I'm allowed to...
Call myself that.
210
00:07:50,851 --> 00:07:52,222
Anyone can.
It's meaningless.
211
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,393
[ groans ]
212
00:07:53,393 --> 00:07:54,595
[ laughs ]
213
00:07:54,595 --> 00:07:56,647
Look at his
Shiny little hat, toad.
214
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,478
Ribbit.
215
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,900
Who's that person?
216
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,692
It's toad. He's cool.
217
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:02,653
Ribbit.
218
00:08:02,653 --> 00:08:04,565
[ chuckles ]
Don't ask.
219
00:08:04,565 --> 00:08:05,566
[ scoffs ]
220
00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:07,067
He was a toad.
221
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,819
I did a spell --
222
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:12,533
Turned him into
A human-ish...Type thing.
223
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,114
So, uh, yeah.
I flipped it.
224
00:08:14,114 --> 00:08:15,205
[ chuckles ]
225
00:08:15,205 --> 00:08:16,707
That's very good.
226
00:08:16,707 --> 00:08:18,248
Anyway, what can I do
For you gents?
227
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,460
Well, it's...No big deal,
Really.
228
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,422
We were just --
In the neighborhood,
229
00:08:22,422 --> 00:08:24,254
And, um,
I was sort of wondering,
230
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,296
You know,
Why I am the way I am,
231
00:08:26,296 --> 00:08:29,219
And he mentioned
You might be able to help me.
232
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,261
Xanax can help anything.
233
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,262
Wonderful.
234
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,304
[ burping ]
235
00:08:34,304 --> 00:08:36,186
Bit of wind there.
236
00:08:36,186 --> 00:08:37,397
Ooh.
237
00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:39,229
Right.
Let's get you started.
238
00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:41,942
This is a...Kind of disgusting
Little workstation, isn't it?
239
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:44,695
You see the toilet?
It's basically a window.
240
00:08:44,695 --> 00:08:48,859
And by "Window,"
I mean "Hole" -- in the wall.
241
00:08:48,859 --> 00:08:49,990
It works.
242
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,201
One of them.
243
00:08:51,201 --> 00:08:53,203
Oh. Toad spotted it.
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
244
00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:54,865
[ chuckles ]
245
00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,206
That goes in.
246
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,118
Ready.
Let's do this.
247
00:08:58,118 --> 00:08:59,580
[ sizzling ]
248
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,161
Oooooooooooh.
249
00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:05,045
Now the magic words.
250
00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:09,339
Abracadabra.
251
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:11,762
Alakazam.
252
00:09:11,762 --> 00:09:17,888
[ mumbling ]
Habrazamdabra, flanimal ham.
253
00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:19,019
Oooooh.
254
00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:21,231
Try that now.
It's all magic.
255
00:09:21,231 --> 00:09:23,183
So, I just...
Drink that down, eh?
256
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:24,184
Yeah.
257
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:25,355
Straight down the gullet?
258
00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,777
Yeah.
259
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,028
Ooh. That is pungent.
260
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:29,950
Yeah. That's the anus.
261
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:32,192
Oh, what the hell.
262
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:33,283
Oh, god.
263
00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:34,284
Mm.
264
00:09:34,284 --> 00:09:35,616
Hmm.
265
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:39,079
Takes a little while to kick in
With a strong-willed --
266
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,160
I'm feeling it.
Yeah.
267
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,583
Oh, wow.
268
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,473
All right, boss,
We need an escape plan.
269
00:09:53,473 --> 00:09:54,474
What are you thinking?
270
00:09:54,474 --> 00:09:56,056
Galavant:
Here's what I think.
271
00:09:58,178 --> 00:10:01,061
If you really
Break it down...
272
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,644
"I love you as much as someone
Like me could love anyone"
273
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:04,935
Can mean a lot of things.
274
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:06,606
Oh, come on, man.
275
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,188
Oh, just let it go!
276
00:10:08,188 --> 00:10:09,730
She's the worst!
277
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:12,112
She imprisoned us.
She stole our jewels.
278
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,033
Yeah, not a fan.
279
00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,324
You want to know
What I think?
280
00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:15,736
I think
You're in a dungeon
281
00:10:15,736 --> 00:10:18,038
Wondering if the woman
That put you there loves you.
282
00:10:18,038 --> 00:10:21,081
And the real question is,
Why do you still love her?
283
00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:23,003
I mean,
Yes, she's beautiful,
284
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:25,125
In a perfect-skin, perfect-body,
Perfect-hair kind of way,
285
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,336
If you're into
That sort of thing.
286
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:27,748
Mm.
287
00:10:27,748 --> 00:10:29,670
I know you, galavant.
288
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,212
I know your heart,
And you deserve better.
289
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:35,255
You deserve to be with someone
Who will lift you up as a man,
290
00:10:35,255 --> 00:10:37,968
Someone who will fight with you,
Not against you.
291
00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:40,060
Maybe someone
Who's small and cute
292
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:41,972
And ethnically
Hard to pin down.
293
00:10:44,765 --> 00:10:45,976
What you're saying is...
294
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,441
...You don't think
She loves me?
295
00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:53,613
[ groans ]
[ sighs ]
Jester: bloody hell.
296
00:10:53,613 --> 00:10:54,985
Oh, please,
Just stop the torture
297
00:10:54,985 --> 00:10:56,156
And kill me already.
298
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,197
I haven't started yet.
299
00:10:57,197 --> 00:10:58,328
He's not part of it?
300
00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,871
Will everybody
Just shut up?!
301
00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:02,833
Do you want to know
What real torture is?
302
00:11:02,833 --> 00:11:03,994
No, I'm good.
Thanks.
303
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,586
[ sighs ]
304
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:08,338
[ mace clanks ]
305
00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:11,461
Imagine being loyal
To someone your whole life.
306
00:11:11,461 --> 00:11:12,753
I'm not
Gonna tell you who,
307
00:11:12,753 --> 00:11:15,846
But hypothetically,
We'll call him "The king."
308
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:20,060
He's a bit of a ponce,
But I like him.
309
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:23,063
Then he gets married
To this rump-fed basket cockle,
310
00:11:23,063 --> 00:11:26,016
Who, hypothetically,
We'll call "The queen."
311
00:11:26,016 --> 00:11:27,938
We all know who you're
Talking about, gareth.
312
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:30,440
But let me be cryptic
For a minute, will ya?!
313
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,652
Just give me that!
314
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:36,026
Now, she's not like
"The king."
315
00:11:36,026 --> 00:11:38,739
But she's strong,
And I admire strength.
316
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,282
But, then again, I've sworn
An oath to protect the king.
317
00:11:42,282 --> 00:11:43,744
So I don't know
What to do.
318
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,666
I mean, that's real torture,
Isn't it, lads?
319
00:11:48,328 --> 00:11:50,090
[ sighs ]
320
00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:53,093
[ goat bleats ]
321
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:58,929
Xanax:
Welcome to richard's journey
322
00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:02,012
To find out
Why he is the way he is.
323
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,765
There's bottles of water
In easy reach.
324
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,686
Please stay hydrated.
325
00:12:06,686 --> 00:12:08,018
And no kissing.
326
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,609
Of course.
Wait. What?
327
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,271
Oh...
Shouldn't be an issue.
328
00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:13,193
But it has happened
In the past,
329
00:12:13,193 --> 00:12:15,816
So I made a blanket rule --
No kissing.
330
00:12:15,816 --> 00:12:16,947
[ chuckles ]
331
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:19,159
Mm. Good idea.
332
00:12:19,159 --> 00:12:21,701
Okay. Everyone ready?
333
00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:22,823
Ribbit.
334
00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:26,827
♪ close your eyes,
Open your mind ♪
335
00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:30,921
♪ your journey's
About to begin ♪
336
00:12:30,921 --> 00:12:34,754
♪ relax your karma
And try not to barf ♪
337
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:39,179
♪ as the universe
Starts to spin ♪
338
00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:43,053
♪ hocus-pocus, expealadocious ♪
339
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:46,887
♪ set your aura free ♪
340
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:51,892
♪ petrificus totalis,
Drink deeply from the chalice ♪
341
00:12:51,892 --> 00:13:02,863
♪ tell us
What you see-e-e-e-e-e ♪
342
00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:05,035
[ cackles ]
343
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:06,166
[ gasps ]
344
00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:09,749
I see a door!
345
00:13:12,412 --> 00:13:13,623
Oi!
What did I say?
346
00:13:13,623 --> 00:13:15,215
No...
347
00:13:15,215 --> 00:13:16,917
Go through it.
348
00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:18,678
It's opening
On its own!
349
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:20,630
That's magic.
350
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,189
This is the day
My father died.
351
00:13:29,189 --> 00:13:32,392
♪ the king is dead,
Long live the king ♪
352
00:13:32,392 --> 00:13:36,106
♪ the king is dead,
Long live the king ♪
353
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:39,649
♪ where is his son,
Who'll inherit everything? ♪
354
00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:42,202
Is that you, sire?
So handsome.
355
00:13:42,202 --> 00:13:44,995
No. It's my much older brother,
Kingsley.
356
00:13:44,995 --> 00:13:46,406
Young richard:
I can't see anything!
357
00:13:46,406 --> 00:13:47,287
That's me.
358
00:13:47,287 --> 00:13:49,579
♪ shut up, you ♪
359
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,081
I can't see anything!
360
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,372
♪ shut up ♪
361
00:13:52,372 --> 00:13:53,373
Oh, dear.
362
00:13:53,373 --> 00:13:55,045
I ate my feelings.
363
00:13:55,045 --> 00:13:56,586
And a lot of bread.
364
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,378
♪ the sword, your highness ♪
365
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:00,510
♪ here's the royal sword ♪
366
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:01,801
[ scoffs ]
367
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:03,133
No one gives me anything.
368
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:07,097
♪ to be the king,
You must receive the sword ♪
369
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,849
If I want something,
I take it.
370
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,431
And I don't want
To be any king.
371
00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:12,472
[ all gasp ]
372
00:14:12,472 --> 00:14:14,854
Oh, but, kingsley,
It's your destiny.
373
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,317
We literally
Named you "Kingsley."
374
00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:18,478
God told us to.
375
00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:20,480
It's not like
We were being trendy.
376
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,903
My destiny lies
Beyond the castle walls, mother.
377
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,985
I'm going to conquer
And kill
378
00:14:24,985 --> 00:14:27,407
And spread bastard children
Throughout the land,
379
00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:29,329
Like wildflower seeds.
380
00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:31,581
Somebody else
Can sit on their ass and rule.
381
00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,583
♪ but who? ♪
382
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,295
♪ who? ♪
♪ but who? ♪
383
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:37,707
♪ who? ♪
♪ but who? ♪
♪ but who? ♪
384
00:14:38,798 --> 00:14:40,090
[ richard farts ]
385
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,342
[ all gasp ]
386
00:14:42,342 --> 00:14:43,463
Dickie?
387
00:14:43,463 --> 00:14:44,674
"Dickie."
[ chuckles ]
388
00:14:45,675 --> 00:14:47,507
Knight: brilliant.
389
00:14:47,507 --> 00:14:48,718
Gareth.
390
00:14:48,718 --> 00:14:50,100
Aye.
391
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:51,561
You shall be
The king's guard.
392
00:14:51,561 --> 00:14:54,224
I'm only 10,
But...All right.
393
00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,937
I'm gareth, and I'll faithfully
Serve you, my king.
394
00:14:56,937 --> 00:15:00,070
♪ the sword, your highness ♪
395
00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:04,404
♪ here's your royal sword ♪
396
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,366
♪ to be the king, you mu-- ♪
397
00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:08,868
Actually, I think
I will take the sword.
398
00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:10,120
[ subjects gasp ]
399
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,372
Good luck...Dickie.
400
00:15:12,372 --> 00:15:13,913
[ chuckles ]
401
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,457
Chef:
How humiliating.
402
00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:18,748
That's it.
403
00:15:18,748 --> 00:15:20,540
It was humiliating.
404
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:23,593
Everything comes back
To this moment.
405
00:15:23,593 --> 00:15:25,215
I have spent
My entire life
406
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,847
Behaving as if
I'm everyone's second choice --
407
00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:30,100
My parents', my kingdom's,
And now my queen's.
408
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,602
Let's go
Take back my kingdom!
409
00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:36,186
Where's that bloody door?
410
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,359
Well, how the hell
Are we supposed to get up there?
411
00:15:39,359 --> 00:15:41,771
That was amazing!
412
00:15:41,771 --> 00:15:43,023
Thank you, xanax.
413
00:15:43,023 --> 00:15:45,115
I now know
Exactly what I must do.
414
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:47,157
Come on, chef!
To the horses!
415
00:15:47,157 --> 00:15:48,828
I wouldn't ride
Just yet.
416
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,570
Again,
It's a legal thing.
417
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,534
A guy once -- he took his horse
Through a farmers market,
418
00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:55,996
And there was --
"Raaaaaah!"
419
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,458
The hooves and the crushing
And s-screaming, so...
420
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,710
Ugh.
...Let the potion wear off.
421
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,542
An hour, say?
422
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:03,543
Oh. Okay.
423
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:04,754
Hey, in that case,
424
00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:06,756
You guys want to see my room
From when I was a kid?
425
00:16:06,756 --> 00:16:08,008
Wow. [ chuckles ]
426
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,549
Let's -- let's do this.
427
00:16:09,549 --> 00:16:10,180
Great.
428
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,762
[ chuckles ]
429
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,521
Listen, galavant...
430
00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:24,064
I know what I did to you
Was horrible --
431
00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:25,695
Probably even worse
Than what madalena did to you,
432
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:27,697
Because at least she had
The guts to do it to your face.
433
00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:29,449
And I won't say it again,
434
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:31,451
But I'm more sorry
Than you'll ever know.
435
00:16:31,451 --> 00:16:34,114
Just so you know --
I'm really sorry.
436
00:16:34,114 --> 00:16:36,376
Oh, god. You must feel
Really bad. You're babbling.
437
00:16:36,376 --> 00:16:37,497
[ scoffs ]
438
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,499
You only babble
When you feel really bad.
439
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,042
I do not babble
When I feel bad.
440
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,213
I'm not saying
It's a bad thing.
441
00:16:43,213 --> 00:16:45,125
To be honest,
I've rather grown to like it.
442
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,127
But you do babble,
Princess.
443
00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:49,469
Princess isa-babble.
444
00:16:49,469 --> 00:16:52,132
[ laughs ]
"Princess isa-babble."
445
00:16:52,132 --> 00:16:53,633
Okay, hang on a sec.
446
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:55,895
Babbling is
When someone talks nonsense,
447
00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:57,437
And I do not
Talk nonsense.
448
00:16:57,437 --> 00:17:01,101
I mean...Sometimes, at times,
I guess I do babble,
449
00:17:01,101 --> 00:17:03,103
But it's only because I have
A lot going on in my head and --
450
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:04,484
Oh. Never mind.
451
00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:06,696
Look, you don't
Have to feel bad.
452
00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:08,568
They're your parents.
453
00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:10,740
When you care
About somebody...
454
00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:12,322
You'll do anything
For them.
455
00:17:13,493 --> 00:17:16,916
Love is...Strange.
456
00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:19,209
And sometimes
Kind of gross.
457
00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:22,162
♪ it's embarrassingly gassy ♪
458
00:17:22,162 --> 00:17:26,426
♪ and it leaves
Its dirty underwear ♪
459
00:17:26,426 --> 00:17:29,719
♪ in piles
Around the place ♪
460
00:17:29,719 --> 00:17:32,842
♪ love is rude,
It has a sort of smell ♪
461
00:17:32,842 --> 00:17:36,476
♪ and it thinks
That you don't notice ♪
462
00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:38,178
♪ and it blurts out
Things ♪
463
00:17:38,178 --> 00:17:42,812
♪ that make you want
To smack its stupid face ♪
464
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,775
♪ and it's awkward
And confusing ♪
465
00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:49,109
♪ it annoys you
Half to death ♪
466
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,900
♪ then it grins
That dopey grin ♪
467
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:55,034
♪ and you can't catch
Your breath ♪
468
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:58,408
♪ love is strange
And sometimes sort of smug ♪
469
00:17:58,408 --> 00:18:02,001
♪ and it's really,
Really bossy ♪
470
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:04,834
♪ and it messes
With your head ♪
471
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:09,129
♪ till you're
A hopeless basket case ♪
472
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,300
♪ and it's stubborn ♪
473
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:11,301
♪ it's insulting ♪
474
00:18:11,301 --> 00:18:13,133
♪ it's obnoxious ♪
475
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,764
♪ it's the worst ♪
476
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:20,770
♪ you keep pushing it away,
And you fall in headfirst ♪
477
00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:24,484
♪ love is strange ♪
478
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,646
♪ and often pretty drunk ♪
479
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:29,399
♪ it looks different
Without makeup ♪
480
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:33,072
♪ and it's nothing
Like the fairy tales ♪
481
00:18:33,072 --> 00:18:36,236
♪ you grow up dreaming of ♪
482
00:18:36,236 --> 00:18:37,367
♪ love is weird ♪
483
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:39,369
♪ love is dumb ♪
484
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:42,292
♪ love is strange ♪
485
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:53,883
♪ and that's what makes it
Lo-o-o-o-o-ve ♪
486
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,095
I've been so blind.
487
00:18:56,095 --> 00:18:58,178
Madalena never loved me.
488
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,139
When you love someone,
You shout it from the rooftop,
489
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,721
Not couch it in a riddle.
490
00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:03,062
Or in a song.
491
00:19:03,062 --> 00:19:04,314
That's more cinematic.
492
00:19:04,314 --> 00:19:05,855
[ chuckles ]
493
00:19:05,855 --> 00:19:07,527
Well,
How's that for timing?
494
00:19:07,527 --> 00:19:09,269
Our stars
Are finally aligning
495
00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:11,231
On the same day
I'm going to die.
496
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:13,193
No.
497
00:19:14,574 --> 00:19:17,657
No, you're not
Gonna die today.
498
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,449
And you're not gonna die
Today.
499
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:22,202
And you're not gonna die
Today.
500
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:24,994
You might
Already be dead.
501
00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:28,378
Well, what are you
Going to do?
502
00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:29,629
What else?
503
00:19:29,629 --> 00:19:31,551
Save the day.
504
00:19:34,754 --> 00:19:36,676
Have these been open
The whole time?
505
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,059
No one thought to check?
506
00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:41,641
Really?
507
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,769
Is it done?
Did you torture them?
508
00:19:49,769 --> 00:19:51,361
Nah.
509
00:19:51,361 --> 00:19:52,902
But I gave you
An order.
510
00:19:52,902 --> 00:19:55,114
I don't give a rat's ass
About your orders.
511
00:19:55,114 --> 00:19:58,117
I might be a dog, but at least
I'm a loyal one, love.
512
00:19:59,158 --> 00:20:02,161
Now, I serve the king,
So I only follow his orders.
513
00:20:02,161 --> 00:20:05,995
That is
So nice to hear.
514
00:20:05,995 --> 00:20:09,499
You have always been
My most loyal friend, gareth.
515
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,171
I know you're not a hugger,
But if you were,
516
00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,213
I would wrap myself
Around you
517
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,546
Like a leather jacket
Made of love.
518
00:20:16,546 --> 00:20:18,097
Mm.
519
00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:19,098
Xanax?
520
00:20:19,098 --> 00:20:20,300
So much xanax.
Mm.
521
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,471
Okay, couple of things.
522
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:24,894
First, chef,
I am so munchy.
523
00:20:24,894 --> 00:20:26,766
Could you make me, like,
A cheesy omelette
524
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:29,058
With some ham chunks,
Potatoes fried in bacon grease?
525
00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:30,610
Right away, sire.
Excellent.
526
00:20:30,610 --> 00:20:32,852
Next,
I'm breaking up with you.
527
00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:36,065
Gareth, would you please escort
Madalena down to the dungeon
528
00:20:36,065 --> 00:20:37,907
And lock her up forever?
529
00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:38,908
Huh?
530
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,121
Come on.
531
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:43,663
Wait!
532
00:20:43,663 --> 00:20:46,125
It would be rude
To imprison your queen
533
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,167
When we have
Such a special visitor.
534
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:49,669
What visitor?
535
00:20:49,669 --> 00:20:52,001
What are you
Talking about?
536
00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:54,464
Hello, brother.
537
00:20:57,377 --> 00:20:58,378
Kingsley?
538
00:20:58,378 --> 00:20:59,469
What's he doing here?
539
00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:00,880
What are you
Doing here?
540
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,051
I'm here
To take your life.
541
00:21:02,051 --> 00:21:04,554
My life?
542
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,346
Your lifestyle.
543
00:21:06,346 --> 00:21:07,767
Your kingdom.
544
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,190
Of course,
If you get in my way,
545
00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:15,735
I'll have to take
Your life, too...
546
00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:17,527
Ow!
547
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,859
...Dickie.
548
00:21:19,859 --> 00:21:21,160
[ laughs ]
549
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,782
Oh, this is
Going to be fun.
37804
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