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1
00:00:01,212 --> 00:00:03,214
[ birds chirping ]
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,219
What an easy journey
This has been.
3
00:00:08,219 --> 00:00:10,131
So peaceful.
4
00:00:10,131 --> 00:00:13,184
Too peaceful.
5
00:00:30,411 --> 00:00:32,573
[ men grunting, groaning ]
6
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:53,304
My hero!
7
00:00:55,015 --> 00:00:58,179
Madalena? But I'm coming
To rescue you.
8
00:00:58,179 --> 00:01:00,181
I've missed you, gal.
9
00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:03,063
I've missed you, too,
Darling.
10
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,026
But I don't understand.
Why did you leave me for --
11
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,238
King richard: who? Me?
12
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:10,451
Mm, still stings,
Doesn't it, hero?
13
00:01:10,451 --> 00:01:12,653
Actually,
I have a question.
14
00:01:12,653 --> 00:01:17,198
How can you be a hero
If you're not wearing any pants?
15
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,831
[ laughs ]
16
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,463
Hero, my ass.
17
00:01:22,463 --> 00:01:24,084
You've lost it,
Galavant.
18
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:28,469
Now, if you'll excuse me,
We have to go get freaky.
19
00:01:28,469 --> 00:01:30,050
[ smooches ]
20
00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:31,972
N-o-o-o-o!
21
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:35,015
You've been screaming
Like a castrated hyena
22
00:01:35,015 --> 00:01:37,928
For the past 10 minutes.
[ chuckles ]
23
00:01:37,928 --> 00:01:40,060
Ah, my pants are on.
24
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:41,932
My pants
Are definitely on.
25
00:01:41,932 --> 00:01:44,104
[ sighs ]
26
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,277
You've still got it.
27
00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:49,490
Okay, gang.
It's time to go.
28
00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,942
Adventure awaits.
29
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:59,119
♪ I'm off on a hero's journey,
Out where adventure lies ♪
30
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:03,374
♪ on a quest the poets
Will sing about ♪
31
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,586
♪ with destiny
At your shoulder ♪
32
00:02:05,586 --> 00:02:07,378
♪ an ego
Of massive size ♪
33
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:11,011
♪ and a face most chicks
Have a thing about ♪
34
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:13,344
[ tink! ]
♪ and so what
If you're still hung over? ♪
35
00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,596
Right!
♪ so what if you smell
Like slop? ♪
36
00:02:15,596 --> 00:02:18,599
Yeah.
♪ so what if you've got
That pesky little muffin top? ♪
37
00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:19,760
Wait, now, hold --
38
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,432
♪ you're off
On a hero's journey ♪
39
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,524
♪ a champion
Through and through ♪
40
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:25,065
♪ more or less ♪
41
00:02:25,065 --> 00:02:29,190
♪ doing what
All the heroes do! ♪
42
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:33,274
♪ and I ride
To save my one true love ♪
43
00:02:33,274 --> 00:02:36,116
♪ though she ripped
Your heart in two ♪
44
00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:37,618
♪ not true ♪
♪ pretty true ♪
♪ very true ♪
45
00:02:37,618 --> 00:02:41,202
♪ to destroy the king
She was forced to wed ♪
46
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,123
♪ more like
"Chose to wed" ♪
47
00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:44,455
♪ not true ♪
48
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:45,746
♪ kind of true ♪
♪ got to say, sort of true ♪
49
00:02:45,746 --> 00:02:48,749
♪ and I ride
To help the princess ♪
50
00:02:48,749 --> 00:02:53,133
♪ who I've taken
'neath my wing ♪
51
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:56,006
♪ if he finds out
I'm working for the king -- ♪
52
00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:57,218
Wait. What was that?
53
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,138
What? [ chuckles ]
Never mind.
54
00:02:58,138 --> 00:03:00,301
Did you just say --
♪ not a thing ♪
55
00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:01,472
No, I'm pretty sure
You just said --
56
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,474
♪ you're off
On a hero's journey ♪
57
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,266
♪ and this is
My hero's vow ♪
58
00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:07,017
♪ I'll return ♪
59
00:03:07,017 --> 00:03:09,230
♪ rising victorious ♪
60
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,981
♪ and how ♪
61
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:13,814
No, really.
I mean how?
62
00:03:13,814 --> 00:03:17,988
♪ nothing's gonna stop
My journey ♪
63
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:19,820
♪ his journey ♪
64
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:22,032
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
65
00:03:22,032 --> 00:03:24,034
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
66
00:03:24,034 --> 00:03:25,626
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
67
00:03:25,626 --> 00:03:27,828
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
68
00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:30,040
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
69
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,632
♪ off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
70
00:03:31,632 --> 00:03:34,044
[ inhales deeply ]
71
00:03:34,044 --> 00:03:35,716
Holy [bleep]
I'm out of shape.
72
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,298
Ohh, my tummy hurts.
73
00:03:37,298 --> 00:03:38,719
Whew!
74
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,721
That was a long song.
75
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,937
[ galavant groaning ]
76
00:03:46,937 --> 00:03:49,019
Princess,
Can we swap horses?
77
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,611
Yours looks
So much softer.
78
00:03:50,611 --> 00:03:52,062
[ scoffs ]
What is wrong with you?
79
00:03:52,062 --> 00:03:54,114
All you've done since we've left
Is complain.
80
00:03:54,114 --> 00:03:55,986
You're supposed to be
A bloody hero.
81
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:59,199
And I've got every intention
Of being one, princess.
82
00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,862
I'm gonna save madalena,
I'm gonna get your kingdom back.
83
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,454
There's gonna be
Some pretty legendary hero-ing
84
00:04:03,454 --> 00:04:05,205
Happening around here
Pretty damn soon.
85
00:04:07,578 --> 00:04:09,169
It's gonna be
Dark soon,
86
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:11,211
And this road is gonna be filled
With bad guys
87
00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:13,173
Who would like nothing more
Than to have their way
88
00:04:13,173 --> 00:04:14,134
With your tight,
Brown body.
89
00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:15,966
[ gasps ]
How dare you!
90
00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:18,178
I was talking to sid.
What?
91
00:04:18,178 --> 00:04:19,880
I say we find a tavern
And hunker down for the night.
92
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,092
And how do you plan on
Paying for anything, hmm?
93
00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:23,684
We have a priceless jewel
We can't spend
94
00:04:23,684 --> 00:04:25,766
And a 6-foot hero
We can't eat.
95
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:29,980
Or..."Joust!
1,000 shillings grand prize"!
96
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:31,271
Cha-ching!
97
00:04:33,193 --> 00:04:35,896
King richard:
Hmm. Mm-mm.
98
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,698
Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:37,698 --> 00:04:39,660
Catapult at the ready.
100
00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:41,492
[ imitates catapult firing ]
Catapult.
101
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:43,954
[ laughing ] Mmm!
102
00:04:43,954 --> 00:04:45,786
More, more.
More?
103
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,868
[ mumbling ]
Which -- which?
This one, this one.
104
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:49,370
Mm. Mm-hmm.
This one's coming on horseback.
105
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:50,711
Oh.
Here.
106
00:04:50,711 --> 00:04:52,082
[ clicking tongue ]
[ chuckles ]
107
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,254
Yay.
Gareth: chef!
108
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:56,917
Why don't you let the king feed
Himself in front of his wife?
109
00:04:56,917 --> 00:04:58,218
She's watching.
110
00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,720
Mm.
111
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,763
Open your drawbridge!
Here comes the cannonball!
112
00:05:02,763 --> 00:05:04,184
[ imitates fuse hissing ]
113
00:05:04,184 --> 00:05:05,225
[ laughing ]
114
00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:07,227
Ohh! Ew!
115
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:09,229
There's fat on this piece.
I don't like it.
116
00:05:09,229 --> 00:05:10,351
Take it out.
117
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:11,602
All right. All right.
118
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,564
Right. Okay. Well...
[ clears throat ]
119
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,235
That's going to do it
For me.
120
00:05:15,235 --> 00:05:18,318
But, darling, you've barely
Touched your roast peacock.
Chef, be a doll
121
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,031
And shove a few more cannonballs
Down my husband's throat.
122
00:05:21,031 --> 00:05:22,443
I'm growing weary
Of his voice.
123
00:05:25,155 --> 00:05:27,368
Never start a marriage
With a kidnapping.
124
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,410
Both of you promise me that
Right now.
125
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:30,751
Yeah, we promise, my king.
Rock-solid advice, my king.
126
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,332
Still, it's fine.
127
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,334
I'm sure once I kill galavant
In front of her,
128
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,717
She'll change her tune.
129
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,381
What's with
The awkward silence?
130
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,382
Uh, it's...
131
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,463
What?
No, it's nothing.
132
00:05:42,463 --> 00:05:43,594
Speak.
133
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,806
Well, um,
I just think --
134
00:05:45,806 --> 00:05:48,639
And I say this
Very respectfully, sire --
135
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:49,680
You got to man up.
136
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,642
You got to butch up for her
A little bit.
137
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,684
Me?
Yeah!
138
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:55,105
[ laughing ]
I'm sorry, gareth.
139
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,438
I am mr. Butch!
140
00:05:57,438 --> 00:05:58,439
Oh, poop!
141
00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:00,861
I got gravy
On my tummy flowers.
142
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,863
[ gasps ]
143
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,034
Oh, my god.
You're right.
144
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:06,076
Come with me, sire.
145
00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:09,870
Holy cow!
This is your room?!
146
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,623
[ sniffs ]
What's that smell?
147
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,334
Testosterone.
148
00:06:14,334 --> 00:06:16,166
[ sniffs ]
Mmm. Musky.
149
00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:19,129
Look, if you want your wife
To respect you,
150
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,001
You've got to earn
Her respect.
151
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:22,052
You need to man up.
152
00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:24,054
[ sighs ] I wouldn't even know
Where to begin.
153
00:06:24,054 --> 00:06:25,345
Well,
It just so happens
154
00:06:25,345 --> 00:06:28,138
You're talking to the professor
In the art of manhood.
155
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,720
And I'm gonna give you
A makeover.
156
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,272
Gareth,
I cannot thank you enough.
157
00:06:32,272 --> 00:06:34,104
Come here, you!
158
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:36,937
Hey, I've only ever hugged
One man in my life,
159
00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:38,729
And it was
The day my father died.
160
00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:39,900
[ sighs ]
161
00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:45,115
I squeezed that
Rotten bastard to death.
162
00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:47,988
Right. We'll hug later.
Good talk.
163
00:06:47,988 --> 00:06:49,990
[ horses neighing ]
164
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,032
[ scoffs ]
This is a terrible idea.
165
00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:55,245
May I present
A late entry to the joust,
166
00:06:55,245 --> 00:06:56,336
The lord of the sword --
Sid.
167
00:06:56,336 --> 00:06:58,338
This is galavant.
He wants to joust.
168
00:06:58,338 --> 00:07:01,211
Sir galavant? An honor.
[ chuckles ]
169
00:07:01,211 --> 00:07:03,173
I'll just need 100 shillings
For your entry fee,
170
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,545
And we'll get you
Signed in.
171
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:07,137
Jean: well,
Who do we have here?
172
00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:11,221
Hello, jean hamm.
173
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:15,185
If it isn't galavant.
Long time, no see, old friend.
174
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,647
Nice beard.
175
00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:18,268
I'm talking about her,
Of course,
176
00:07:18,268 --> 00:07:20,110
But the facial hair is nice,
As well.
177
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:22,062
Sir galavant
Wishes to enter the joust.
178
00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:23,694
Oh, yes.
That would have been a hoot.
179
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,986
But, unfortunately,
We don't have the 100 shillings.
180
00:07:25,986 --> 00:07:27,618
Ohh, times that tough
181
00:07:27,618 --> 00:07:29,570
Since madalena see'd-ya-later,
Huh, gal?
182
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:32,953
[ exhales sharply ]
Can't even scrape together
An entry fee?
183
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,995
W-we got more
Than a pesky entry fee.
184
00:07:34,995 --> 00:07:38,418
I offer forth the priceless
Jewel of valencia as collateral.
185
00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:39,710
Absolutely not!
186
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,922
The jewel of valencia
Is not collateral.
187
00:07:41,922 --> 00:07:43,003
It is the cornerstone
Of my kingdom.
188
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:44,795
Wars have been waged
Over it.
189
00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:47,638
So I'll put it in the same
Ballpark as the rooster, then?
190
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,139
Yeah. I think that sounds --
Yeah.
Yeah?
191
00:07:49,139 --> 00:07:51,301
Sir galavant
Will fight the first match.
192
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,186
I can tell
You want to bail.
193
00:07:56,186 --> 00:07:57,688
I'll give you five seconds
To bail.
194
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,521
I don't want to bail.
195
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:04,024
I do.
You do?
196
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,405
[ chuckling ]
Oh, yes, I want to bail...
197
00:08:05,405 --> 00:08:08,198
Your mama out of jail when she
Gets arrested for prostitution.
198
00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:10,160
You know what, jean?
It's -- it's 1256.
199
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,992
Mm.
The "Your mama" jokes,
They're getting really old.
200
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,373
Hmm,
So is your mama.
201
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,415
Seriously, jean.
It's getting really worn out.
202
00:08:15,415 --> 00:08:16,917
So is --
Don't.
203
00:08:21,081 --> 00:08:22,502
...Your mama!
204
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,085
[ sighs ]
205
00:08:25,085 --> 00:08:27,507
Well, hello, there!
206
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,933
Does this strap
Go on the front or the back?
207
00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:34,635
I have no idea.
I haven't worn these in years.
208
00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:35,726
It goes like --
209
00:08:35,726 --> 00:08:37,437
Ow!
Hold on.
210
00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:41,311
Yeah, um,
Feel the need to check in,
211
00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:44,524
'cause, remember, everyone I
Love dies if we lose that jewel,
212
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,027
So you definitely got this,
Right?
213
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,990
Yes. I've got this.
214
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:52,703
Oh, good god.
Do I have to do everything?
215
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:54,114
[ sighs ]
216
00:08:54,114 --> 00:08:56,917
Galavant is the greatest hero
Of our entire kingdom.
217
00:08:56,917 --> 00:08:58,118
[ armor clattering ]
218
00:08:58,118 --> 00:09:01,421
He will not participate in
A joust like some common knight.
219
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:04,214
This is a man
Who slays dragons.
220
00:09:04,214 --> 00:09:05,756
He is the lord of the...
221
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:08,719
Sword.
Lo-- no, sorry. I can't.
222
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:10,220
Fair enough.
223
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,723
Sir galavant, we will advance
You to the final on merit.
224
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,725
[ applause ]
Does everyone agree?
225
00:09:14,725 --> 00:09:16,516
Fine by me.
[ chuckles ]
226
00:09:16,516 --> 00:09:17,598
[ sighs ]
227
00:09:19,139 --> 00:09:21,561
I just got you
One more night to find it.
228
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,104
We are not losing
That jewel!
229
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:25,776
And your armor's
On backwards!
230
00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:27,357
[ sighs ]
231
00:09:34,655 --> 00:09:35,656
[ grunts, groans ]
232
00:09:35,656 --> 00:09:37,117
I need you
To win this joust,
233
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:41,081
And you're in no condition
To do that. Do you agree?
I do not.
234
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,122
[ clears throat ]
235
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,124
[ laughs ]
236
00:09:44,124 --> 00:09:45,295
What --
You're gonna train me?
237
00:09:45,295 --> 00:09:48,088
Mm.
[ sighs ]
238
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,341
Okay.
239
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,304
My father is a man's man
Who never got a male heir,
240
00:09:54,304 --> 00:09:56,677
So from time to time,
I humored him
241
00:09:56,677 --> 00:09:58,348
And let him treat me
As one.
242
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,771
You should stretch.
243
00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:03,353
Oh, please.
Heroes don't stretch.
244
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,436
Mm-hmm.
Pick up your sword.
245
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,111
[ sighs ]
246
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,072
Uh...
247
00:10:12,072 --> 00:10:14,444
Is this your way
Of building my confidence?
248
00:10:14,444 --> 00:10:17,157
You're just gonna humiliate me
All day long or...
249
00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:19,119
[ sighs ] You're out of
Practice, out of shape.
250
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,331
It's all right to admit
That you're afraid.
[ chuckles ]
251
00:10:21,331 --> 00:10:24,665
You're not gonna annoy me
Into doing this, princess.
252
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,667
Galavant!
253
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,048
[ sighs ]
254
00:10:28,048 --> 00:10:30,751
She knocked me down, princess.
Is that what you want to hear?
255
00:10:30,751 --> 00:10:33,964
Yeah, she took the legs
Right out from under me.
256
00:10:33,964 --> 00:10:35,515
So, yeah.
Yeah, I'm afraid.
257
00:10:35,515 --> 00:10:37,517
I'm afraid
Of what happens
258
00:10:37,517 --> 00:10:39,680
The next time
I get knocked down.
259
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,102
[ sighs ]
260
00:10:42,102 --> 00:10:44,064
Any man
Can get knocked down.
261
00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:47,267
The hero is the man
Who gets back up.
262
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:51,031
Now...
Pick up your sword.
263
00:10:51,031 --> 00:10:53,033
[ "Stand up" plays ]
264
00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:14,594
[ grunts ]
265
00:11:15,055 --> 00:11:17,177
[ sighs ]
266
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,059
Ha!
267
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,563
Ha!
268
00:11:23,563 --> 00:11:24,765
Ha!
269
00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:26,686
I don't see
How this is helping.
270
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,151
...15...
271
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:32,813
♪ there comes a time
In every tale ♪
272
00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:34,404
...16...
273
00:11:34,404 --> 00:11:36,817
♪ when the hero must prevail ♪
274
00:11:36,817 --> 00:11:38,238
♪ gonna be an epic fail ♪
275
00:11:38,238 --> 00:11:42,162
...34, 35, 36...
♪ unless you show some pluck ♪
276
00:11:42,162 --> 00:11:46,626
♪ once the training sequence
Starts ♪
277
00:11:46,626 --> 00:11:49,830
♪ you gotta grow
Some manly parts ♪
Aah!
278
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:52,712
♪ I'm talking big ones --
Off the charts -- ♪
279
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,886
♪ or else the plot will suck ♪
280
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,097
♪ so stand up! ♪
281
00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:59,139
♪ and go for glory ♪
282
00:11:59,139 --> 00:12:00,510
♪ stand up! ♪
283
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:02,552
♪ or there is no story ♪
284
00:12:02,552 --> 00:12:04,014
♪ stand up!
285
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:07,147
♪ don't let your legend suck ♪
286
00:12:07,147 --> 00:12:10,020
Damn.
287
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:14,194
♪ now you're lookin'
Pumped and cut ♪
288
00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:17,447
♪ and it's time
To check your gut ♪
289
00:12:17,447 --> 00:12:20,160
♪ gotta kick your rival's butt ♪
290
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,912
♪ it all ends here, if not ♪
291
00:12:21,912 --> 00:12:23,493
Aw.
292
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,126
[ laughs ]
♪ soon the battle will begin ♪
293
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:27,127
Ha.
294
00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:30,420
♪ and you better be all in ♪
295
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:33,083
♪ 'cause if you don't fight
And win ♪
296
00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:36,376
♪ there really is no plot ♪
297
00:12:36,376 --> 00:12:38,138
♪ so stand up! ♪
298
00:12:38,138 --> 00:12:39,549
I think you're ready.
299
00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:40,640
♪ stand up! ♪
300
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:41,972
And if I'm not?
301
00:12:41,972 --> 00:12:43,013
♪ or there is no story ♪
302
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,014
♪ stand up! ♪
303
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,226
Let me worry about that.
304
00:12:46,226 --> 00:12:49,689
♪ stand up now! ♪
305
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,155
Want some company?
306
00:12:55,155 --> 00:12:58,488
Well...
307
00:12:58,488 --> 00:12:59,529
Hello, there.
308
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,031
Hi.
309
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,492
Can I interest you
In a drink?
310
00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:04,284
No, no.
Big joust coming up.
311
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,207
Mm, rumor has it
That you like a good warm-up.
312
00:13:07,207 --> 00:13:08,618
Well, hello --
313
00:13:08,618 --> 00:13:10,710
"Hello, there." yes, yes, yes.
Let's proceed.
314
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,123
Cheers.
[ chuckles ]
315
00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:15,505
Mm! Mnh.
What is this?
316
00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:19,219
Oh [sighs] Absinthe.
It's not strong.
317
00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,011
But you are.
Oh.
318
00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:22,012
[ giggles ]
319
00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:23,553
Open wide!
[ chuckles ]
320
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,764
Oh?
Like your mama.
321
00:13:24,764 --> 00:13:26,306
Hmm? Come again?
322
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,477
Uh, nothing.
[ chuckles ]
Mm-hmm.
323
00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:30,020
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup!
All the way.
Mm-mmm.
324
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:32,642
We are going
All the way tonight.
Mm-mm-mmm!
325
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:35,485
Richard, could we please
Just eat separately?
326
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:38,698
I don't know if I can stomach
Another display of --
327
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,360
What's going on?
Sit down.
328
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,823
Richard, what kind
Of lame attempt is --
329
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,824
I said "Sit," woman.
330
00:13:46,406 --> 00:13:47,657
That's better.
331
00:13:50,911 --> 00:13:53,123
Wine?
332
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,415
Oh,
I'm not sure if I --
333
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:59,129
I'll be drinking an ale...
334
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,011
From the bottle.
335
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,342
[ gulping ]
336
00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:07,137
[ belches ]
337
00:14:08,678 --> 00:14:12,102
Yeah, I burped.
Do you whiff it?
338
00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:16,026
[ thud ]
339
00:14:23,653 --> 00:14:26,446
Ladies and gentlemen,
340
00:14:26,446 --> 00:14:29,990
It is time
For your main event!
341
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:33,663
[ cheers and applause ]
One joust for all the marbles!
342
00:14:33,663 --> 00:14:36,917
Also, a rooster.
And a jewel.
343
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,838
[ applause ]
344
00:14:38,838 --> 00:14:43,003
Our first finalist,
Sir jean hamm!
345
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:45,005
[ cheers and applause ]
346
00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:47,217
Hello, there!
347
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,180
[ retching ]
348
00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:55,185
[ crowd murmuring ]
349
00:14:55,185 --> 00:15:00,280
And introducing
Mr. Cheekbones himself,
350
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,572
Sir galavant!
351
00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:03,573
[ cheers and applause ]
352
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:12,122
We've trained for this.
You're ready for this.
353
00:15:12,122 --> 00:15:14,995
You're a hero,
And heroes get back up.
354
00:15:14,995 --> 00:15:18,798
These are all
Inspiring and valid points.
355
00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:20,500
Just one minor problem.
What's that?
356
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,382
I can't move.
Come again?
357
00:15:22,382 --> 00:15:24,424
I literally --
I can't move my arms or legs.
358
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,925
I think we trained
Too hard.
359
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,888
You're not serious.
No? Watch this.
360
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:31,051
[ armor creaking ]
361
00:15:31,051 --> 00:15:32,892
[ panting ]
362
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:34,314
That's my full range
Of motion.
363
00:15:34,314 --> 00:15:36,266
Well, that's not good.
I know it's not good!
364
00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:38,688
How did you get on the horse?
I slept on the horse.
365
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,190
[ sighs ]
366
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,982
[ horn blows ]
367
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,904
[ cheers and applause ]
368
00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:47,567
[ groans ]
369
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:48,989
[ grunts ]
370
00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:58,078
[ cheers and applause stop ]
371
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,812
[ both groan ]
372
00:16:22,812 --> 00:16:24,774
[ crowd murmuring ]
373
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:30,030
[ groans ]
374
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,201
I think
My ribs are broken.
375
00:16:31,201 --> 00:16:32,452
Okay. Well...
376
00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:36,166
First one to his feet
Is the winner?
377
00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:39,379
Are you serious?
378
00:16:39,379 --> 00:16:42,502
[ both grunting ]
379
00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:54,013
Get up.
380
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,228
Aah!
381
00:17:06,446 --> 00:17:07,857
Galavant wins!
382
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:09,199
What? Hey, no! No!
[ screams ]
383
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:11,030
[ both panting ]
384
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,612
[ groans ]
Are you okay?
385
00:17:12,612 --> 00:17:13,993
I won.
386
00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:15,825
I know.
[ chuckles ]
387
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,748
I feel...
[ chuckles ]
388
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:21,121
...Like I'm back
To my old self again.
389
00:17:21,121 --> 00:17:23,543
King dick's
Not gonna know what hit him.
390
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,336
Listen...
391
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,758
I have something to confess.
What?
392
00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:30,130
So, are we keeping the rooster
Or eating the rooster?
393
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,551
'cause I'm not naming him
If we're eating him.
394
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,053
We're eating the rooster.
395
00:17:34,934 --> 00:17:37,177
[ rooster clucks ]
Yes.
396
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:49,359
I love
Watching you eat.
397
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,151
I'm rather finicky myself,
But you --
398
00:17:51,151 --> 00:17:52,952
You --
You don't think about it.
399
00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:54,614
You just...Eat.
400
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:58,958
I had a pet goat growing up --
Jenny.
401
00:17:58,958 --> 00:17:59,999
Aww.
402
00:17:59,999 --> 00:18:02,252
When I was 8,
My parents ran out of food,
403
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:04,164
So they made me
Go outside and kill her.
Hmm?
404
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:08,338
I had to skin jenny,
Cook jenny, and eat jenny.
405
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,969
After that,
I guess I just tried
406
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:11,921
Not to think too much
About what I was eating anymore.
407
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:13,803
And, well...
408
00:18:13,803 --> 00:18:16,176
I made damn well sure
I wouldn't be in a position
409
00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:17,807
Where I'd have to eat
My favorite pet again.
410
00:18:17,807 --> 00:18:19,018
[ chuckles ]
411
00:18:19,018 --> 00:18:22,432
I never had a single meal
With my parents.
412
00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:24,023
Too busy ruling.
413
00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:27,026
No, I had an old servant,
Name of pearl.
414
00:18:27,026 --> 00:18:29,068
She served me
Every meal.
415
00:18:29,068 --> 00:18:31,030
She made it fun,
Made a game of it.
416
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,573
Only person who ever loved me,
Old pearly.
417
00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:35,495
This is fun, right?!
418
00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:38,828
You and I talking,
Listening, sharing,
419
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:40,039
Learning
About one another.
420
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:42,292
Yeah. I guess.
421
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,043
[ "Maybe you're not
The worst thing ever" plays ]
422
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:51,090
♪ you're frigid and demanding,
I shudder at your call ♪
423
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:56,806
♪ whenever you come near me,
My flesh begins to crawl ♪
424
00:18:56,806 --> 00:18:59,179
♪ but sometimes
There are moments ♪
425
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,262
♪ I'm not repelled at all ♪
426
00:19:02,262 --> 00:19:07,477
♪ maybe you're not
The worst thing ever ♪
427
00:19:07,477 --> 00:19:12,692
♪ you're utterly disgusting,
I loathe your manly stink ♪
428
00:19:12,692 --> 00:19:17,657
♪ I see your mouth start moving,
And, god, I need a drink ♪
429
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:23,042
♪ and then from out of nowhere,
I'll look at you and think ♪
430
00:19:23,042 --> 00:19:27,457
♪ maybe you're not
The worst thing ever ♪
431
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:30,129
♪ you're worse
Than crabs ♪
432
00:19:30,129 --> 00:19:32,502
♪ worse than scurvy ♪
433
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:35,385
♪ worse than lice or plague ♪
♪ but truth be told ♪
434
00:19:35,385 --> 00:19:38,218
All: ♪ you're growing on me
Just like mold ♪
435
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,390
♪ ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
436
00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:42,392
♪ and though
You're so annoying ♪
437
00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:45,395
♪ so easy to despise ♪
438
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:47,807
♪ I know
There's something scary ♪
439
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:50,189
♪ behind your cold,
Dead eyes ♪
440
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,652
♪ and though
I'll never like you ♪
441
00:19:52,652 --> 00:19:55,074
♪ it's nice to realize ♪
442
00:19:55,074 --> 00:20:00,199
♪ maybe I shouldn't
Quite say "Never" ♪
443
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,206
♪ maybe you're not ♪
444
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:13,253
♪ the worst thing ever ♪
445
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,884
There was
A moment tonight.
446
00:20:14,884 --> 00:20:17,096
It was a fleeting moment,
But I saw it.
447
00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:20,099
You realized
You could grow to love me.
448
00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:23,513
Oh, would you please stop
Putting me in this position?
449
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:27,016
Don't make me
Always have to be the bad guy.
450
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:28,187
Well, I, for one,
Am willing
451
00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:29,108
To put in the work
In this relationship.
452
00:20:29,108 --> 00:20:31,150
You'll see.
I'm going to wear you down.
453
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:34,023
You're going to grow to love me
Just like pearl did.
454
00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:40,119
[ sighs ]
455
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,322
You're unlovable,
Richard.
456
00:20:42,322 --> 00:20:46,205
Pearl only loved you because
Your parents paid her to.
457
00:20:50,039 --> 00:20:53,873
I told you
Not to make me the bad guy.
458
00:20:56,676 --> 00:21:00,340
[ gasps ]
I need a hug!
459
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:02,141
[ sobbing ]
460
00:21:05,885 --> 00:21:09,889
Ohh, that's better.
461
00:21:09,889 --> 00:21:12,271
[ strained ] This --
This is tight, gareth.
462
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,313
Gareth!
463
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,104
[ chuckling ]
Gareth, it's a little tight.
464
00:21:15,104 --> 00:21:17,026
It's -- seriously.
I --
465
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,198
[ grunts ]
466
00:21:19,198 --> 00:21:20,780
Thank you.
467
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,071
[ crying ]
33036
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