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1
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:08,507
Ever since my evil stepmother
turned my vagina into a monster,
2
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,944
I felt like people
were disgusted by me
and my octopussois.
3
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:14,780
Oh, god!
4
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:21,620
I had to give up
my dream of being crowned
miss toddler beauty queen
5
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:23,722
After they added
the thong competition.
6
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,157
Hi, mom!
7
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,863
Even the time I visited
the circus was a total disaster.
8
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:35,634
Step right up
and see the fantastic
never vomit guy.
9
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,403
Ooh, I got to see this.
10
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,474
Gosh darn.
11
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:47,946
Why, oh, why can't I have
a normal temple of chastity?
12
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,515
[sighs]
13
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:56,355
[rumbling]
14
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,063
What the--
15
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,074
Princess clara,
you have been selected
16
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,744
To receive an extreme
vaginal makeover!
17
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,546
This is wonderful.
18
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,282
Hey, it's that douche bag,
ty pennington.
19
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:45,704
Ooh, check it out.
20
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,706
I just got
this new wind-up ducky.
21
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,142
Its feet actually paddles
through the water.
22
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:53,278
Ooh, let's try it out
in the bathtub.
23
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,548
[both laughing]
24
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,384
Huh?
25
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,419
[gasps]
26
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,255
Why are you killing yourself
this time, toot?
27
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,724
It's my birthday,
and nobody remembered.
28
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,762
I'm old and fat and ugly,
and everybody hates me.
29
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:13,599
Hmm. Maybe people hate you
because you won't get
out of their bathtub
30
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,502
So they can play
with their duckies.
31
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,504
Aah!
32
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,406
Eww!
33
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,509
I actually felt awful
we forgot toot's birthday.
34
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,911
We had to do something
to cheer her up.
35
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,180
Oh, hey, hero,
I was thinking
36
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:31,316
Maybe we should throw toot
a surprise birthday party.
37
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,452
If we're all gonna shout out
what we're thinking,
38
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:37,990
I've been thinking about
paying a prostitute to shove
bowling pins up my ass.
39
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,161
Announcer:
to fix clara's vagina,
40
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:45,197
We brought in the esteemed
dr. Wooldoor sockbat
41
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,901
Who specializes
in weird vaginas
and armenian noses.
42
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,071
Clara, this com-pu-ter
43
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:55,140
Will help us choose
the right type
of vagina for you.
44
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,277
Clara: mmm. Mmm.
45
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:01,246
No. No.
No. No. No.
46
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,314
No thanks
47
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,816
Uh-uhh.
I don't think so.
48
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,386
No. No
definitely not.
49
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,122
Hmm. Oh. I'll take that one.
50
00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,725
Let's begin by
anesthetizing the patient.
51
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,162
Announcer: to restore
princess clara's vagina
to human form,
52
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,698
Clara was to undergo
several procedures:
53
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,266
Vaginal laser resurfacing,
54
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,134
Labial botox,
55
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,068
Quadruple pie-pass,
56
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,303
Fallopial suction,
57
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,304
A poon-tang-ectomy,
58
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,138
Vulva veneers,
59
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,373
A frontal lay-botomy,
60
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:28,407
Collagen lip-plants,
61
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:29,074
A queef muffler,
62
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,075
A fresh coat of taint,
63
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,010
A hot beef injection,
64
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,812
And quite frankly,
a shave wouldn't hurt...
65
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:37,116
When extreme vaginal
makeover returns.
66
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,860
Surprise!
67
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:52,431
Duh. What did you guys do?
What's going on in here?
68
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,200
She doesn't seem
to know what's going on
69
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,970
When it's clear this
is a surprise party.
70
00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,606
Maybe her age is finally
catching up to her.
71
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,675
Well, she is
from the '20s,
72
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:05,010
Which would make her...
73
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,713
Uh...Um...
74
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,282
Uh...
75
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,584
Um...
76
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:15,020
Uh...
77
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:18,257
Uh...
78
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,558
Um...
79
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,560
This is from all of us.
80
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,796
Oh, my god. What is it?
81
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,199
She don't even know
what presents are.
82
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,402
Oh! A picture of a vase.
83
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:34,406
That is
obviously a picture
of 2 people's faces.
84
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,908
What is wrong with her?
85
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,777
Toot wasn't herself.
She was confused.
86
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:42,981
She was disoriented.
It can only mean one thing.
87
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,650
Toot has the alzheimer's.
88
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:45,951
Oh!
89
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:50,723
Glove.
90
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:51,890
Light.
91
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,492
Scalpel.
92
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,328
And now for
the first incision.
93
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,265
Clara's surgery
went well
94
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,035
With a few
minor complications.
95
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,371
Aah!
96
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,639
Aah!
97
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:09,641
Ohhh!
98
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:13,846
Aah!
99
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,216
[groaning]
100
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:23,555
Gun.
101
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:24,590
Announcer: when we return,
102
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:27,860
We'll reveal clara's
brand-new thing-a-ma-gigi.
103
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,895
Old age had
caught up to toot,
104
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,797
And her brain
was going fast.
105
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,165
We didn't know what to do.
106
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,167
Mrs. Braunstein,
107
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:40,005
Maybe this party is
a bit much for you
right now!
108
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,242
Perhaps you
should go to bed!
109
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,411
Why? It's only 6:00.
110
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:48,380
She's a terrible, terrible
burden on us all.
111
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,015
We discussed
the situation at length
112
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:53,252
Until we all agreed
we had to do
the right thing.
113
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:56,488
Later!
114
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,923
[groans]
115
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,670
Seriously, I don't
belong here.
116
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,506
I don't have
alzheimer's. Ouch!
117
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,909
Don't worry.
You'll forget that.
118
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,677
Here's the rec room
119
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,980
Where you'll forget the last
days of your miserable life.
120
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,583
[cackling]
121
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:28,954
[muttering]
[groaning]
122
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,523
[gargling]
123
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,460
[farting]
124
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:39,231
Please. Please don't
leave me with these crazies.
125
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,834
All clear.
126
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:49,975
What the h-e-double
fried mozzarella sticks
is going on here?
127
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:55,347
Announcer: and now
that we've returned,
this happens.
128
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,318
Oh, my goodness.
129
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,921
My whites-only drinking
fountain is just beautiful.
130
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,858
Sorry, fellas. We can't
show you clara's pink sink.
131
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,093
Don't blame us.
Blame the fcc,
132
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,963
Which stands for faggoty, cock
blocking, clam fuckers.
133
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,898
Whee!
134
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,836
I thought you were all
alzheimer's old farts.
135
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,506
Ah, no. Our brains
are fine and dandy.
136
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,842
Alzheimer's disease
doesn't really exist.
137
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,210
We old folks just made it up
138
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,946
So our families would put us
in these here nursing homes.
139
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,415
The fools.
140
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,117
You guys
are faking alzheimer's
just so you can live here?
141
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,454
Why the fuck
would you wanna do that?
142
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,257
¶ you'll get a fun-filled
dose of meds ¶
143
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,559
¶ I'm the lizard king ¶
you certainly are.
144
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:43,395
¶ a colored nurse
will sponge your rear ¶
145
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,764
¶ I'm a goddamn
mess down there ¶
146
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,334
¶ be as mean as you want
to the underpaid help ¶
147
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,869
If you don't like it,
go to college, paco.
148
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:54,273
¶ I'll really love
being abandoned here ¶
149
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,441
¶ eat in bed ¶
150
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,875
¶ get spoon-fed ¶
151
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,311
¶ each and every meal ¶
152
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,947
¶ jell-o cubes,
feeding tubes ¶
153
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,750
¶ is this place for real? ¶
154
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,686
¶ no need to deal
with snotty grandkids ¶
155
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,555
Yeah! I hate
those little bastards!
156
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,958
¶ all your responsibilities
will disappear ¶
157
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,660
Later, tampons!
158
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:17,396
¶ if you like
free drugs and cake ¶
159
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,032
¶ the alzheimer's
is great ¶
160
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,601
¶ you'll really love
being abandoned here ¶
161
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:23,635
¶ alzheimer's ¶
162
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,938
¶ it's fake ¶
163
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,840
So, you see, mrs. Toot,
164
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,942
You must never
reveal our secret,
165
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:33,545
Or we'll have
to leave this place
and contribute to society.
166
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,948
You mean, if I fake
the alzheimer's,
167
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,317
I can even crap
anywhere I want?
168
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,852
That's right, toot.
169
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:43,422
It's just like living
on a japanese schoolgirl.
170
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,961
I was overjoyed
with my beautiful
new faith flower.
171
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:53,465
And then I noticed
that it looked
a little...Well, plump.
172
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,468
Just to be sure
I asked for some
other opinions.
173
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,436
[speaking japanese]
174
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,843
[gasps]
it's adorable!
What is it?
175
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,780
Now, you gots a fine
lookin' flesh sangwich.
176
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:11,350
I didn't care what the
choriental, the sodomite, or
the ethiopite had to say.
177
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,620
I knew my church
door was too fat
and I had to fix it.
178
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:17,356
But, clara,
there's nothing wrong
with your giggi.
179
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,025
You fix my crotch stigmata
right now, or I'll sue.
180
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,326
Go ahead.
I'll just countersue.
181
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,462
Well, I'll hire
the smartest jew in jewtown.
182
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,731
Well, I'll hire
the smartest jew
in the jew s.A.
183
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,966
Well, I'll hire the smartest
jew in the jew-niverse.
184
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:32,705
[gasps] you'd really
hire a. Goldblatt
from space shuttle 34?
185
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:36,108
[sighs] I guess
I'd better do the operation.
186
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,749
[groaning]
187
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,150
[laughing]
188
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,486
[munching]
189
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,621
[slurping]
190
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,457
[belches]
191
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,192
All clear.
192
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,827
Wow. You're
good at this.
193
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:58,197
You seemed crazier
than all of us while
that orderly was in here.
194
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,599
What orderly?
195
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,867
[ringing]
196
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,103
Hello.
197
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,705
Hey, toot, it's for you.
198
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,407
He sounds queer.
199
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,709
What do you want?
200
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:11,910
Hi, toot.
201
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,912
We just wanted
to make sure
202
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,348
They're taking
good care of you.
203
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,351
They're
taking better care
of me than you assholes.
204
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,554
Asshole? No, no, no.
It's xandir.
205
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,390
Remember me?
206
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:28,160
You must be confused
because of the alzheimer's.
207
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:31,497
You gay-tard.
Alzheimer's isn't
even a real disease.
208
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:32,965
So screw you!
209
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,069
She has revealed
the alzheimer's secret
210
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,772
And has broken
the gray code.
211
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,174
She must be eliminated.
212
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,809
Are you sure?
213
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,945
Gary broke the gray code
and we just made him
sit in the corner.
214
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,550
I said eliminated!
215
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,588
Dr. Wooldoor
did a great job
fixing my husband hole.
216
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,258
Oh! I just adore it.
217
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,694
It's so much slimmer now.
218
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,896
Wait. What's that?
219
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,397
That's just a freckle.
220
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,200
Sweet jesus.
Get rid of it. Now.
221
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:11,170
Relax, clara. Lots
of pussies have freckles.
222
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,371
Like ron howard.
223
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,073
Fix it. Fix it. Fix it!
224
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,207
[sighs]
225
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,711
So I performed yet
another surgery
226
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,513
On clara's wormhole
to the crab nebula.
227
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,482
It's just gorgeous.
228
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,018
Wait? Are those crow's feet?
229
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,520
Fix it!
230
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,256
I spent weeks working on
clara's hairy homentashen,
231
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,158
But she kept finding
new problems.
232
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,393
Now it's too pink.
233
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,195
Too squinty. Too wide.
234
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,896
Too shiny. Too hairy.
235
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,531
Too slimy. Too upside down.
236
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,133
Too tight. Too pimply.
237
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,035
Too country kitchen.
Too invisible.
238
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,803
Too dimensional. Too pock.
239
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,238
Too cavernous.
240
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,773
[echoing]
cavernous. Cavernous.
241
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,575
Cavernous.
242
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:53,412
Finally, I've done
all the plastic surgery
that was humanly possible.
243
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,813
This is it, clara.
244
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,449
Your vagina can't handle
any more surgery.
245
00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:00,052
I hope you like the results.
246
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:03,255
Aah! It looks
like joan rivers!
247
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,524
Who are you wearing?
Who are you wearing?
248
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,859
Who are you wearing?
249
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:10,496
Life at the old-age home
was pretty sweet.
250
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,499
I was wiping away
my miserable past,
251
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,602
Which was the only thing
I had to wipe by myself.
252
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,571
My new senior friends
even got me
a birthday present.
253
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,608
Oh, my god!
What is it?
254
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,177
Ooh! A brand-new,
shiny walker.
255
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,114
Vroom! Vroom!
256
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,083
¶ de, na,
da, da, da, ne ¶
257
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,852
¶ ba na na na
ba na na na ¶
258
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,022
Uh-oh.
259
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,961
My brakes
have been cut. Help!
260
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,997
Please help!
261
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:48,267
You should've kept
your mouth shut, mister.
262
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,176
Eeh! Eeh! Waah!
263
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,744
Eeh! Eeh!
264
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,084
Eeh! Eeh! Waah!
265
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,385
Eeh! Eeh!
266
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:10,656
Aah!
267
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,996
Waah! Eeh!
268
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:22,334
Aah!
269
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,737
Well, that's the last
we'll see of her.
270
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:29,408
No one could ever survive
a 10-foot fall into
the trampoline garden.
271
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,977
[grunting]
272
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,448
Nice try, geezers,
273
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,884
But toot
don't die that easy!
274
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,187
Waggh!
275
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,063
[grunting]
276
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:04,576
So long, suckers!
277
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,278
She's getting away.
278
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,946
Don't worry.
We'll find her,
279
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,683
Even if we have to check
every five and dime,
280
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:13,118
Speakeasy,
vaudeville theater,
281
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,055
Lead paint store,
and negro baseball park
282
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,157
In all 42 states.
283
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,492
I have
an even better idea.
284
00:14:51,291 --> 00:15:04,837
[line ringing]
285
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,039
Hello. Bobo fett?
286
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,345
The problem with clara's
lox box was very common.
287
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:16,749
Too much plastic surgery
often results in joan rivers.
288
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,384
Honey, can we talk?
289
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,486
Fix it!
290
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,822
I'm sorry, clara,
but I wouldn't dare
attempt more surgery.
291
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,558
You wouldn't
want it to look like
kevin spacey's vagina.
292
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,628
Look, can't you just put
my original one back in?
293
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,964
Well, I could do that.
294
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:36,101
But your old octopussois
is sort of...Gone.
295
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,871
What do you mean, "gone"?
What happened to it?
296
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,607
Well, he's moved on, clara.
297
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,143
Here's all
the information we have.
298
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,685
Leap...
299
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:53,218
Frog.
300
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:53,886
Leap...
301
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,421
Frog.
302
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,289
Toot.
303
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,792
Those old farts cut
the brakes on my walker.
304
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,593
They're trying to kill me!
305
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:05,531
Whoa. Wow.
Her alzheimer's must
be getting really bad.
306
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,666
You'd think she'd
forget to eat
a couple of meals.
307
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,801
Am I right?
308
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,103
Don't worry, miss braunstein!
309
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,673
We'll take good care of you.
310
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,008
[wheels screeching]
311
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,843
Later!
312
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,527
Who are you wearing?
Who are you wearing?
313
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,864
Can we talk? No.
My daughter doesn't
wanna play fetch.
314
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,933
My new vagina
was insufferable.
315
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,335
So I went to the address
wooldoor gave me
316
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,138
To track down
my old octopussois.
317
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,239
Clara?
318
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:49,408
Please, I need you back.
319
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,577
My new vagina
is too much to bear.
320
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,546
Oh, I'm sorry, clara,
but I don't wanna go back.
321
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,816
That surgery was
the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
322
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,418
I found a new confidence.
323
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,820
I went back to college.
324
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,023
I got my real
estate license.
325
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:06,392
I married
a beautiful woman.
326
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:09,728
Turns out a 38-year-old
jewish woman
will marry anything.
327
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,930
Someday I may even
have children.
328
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,500
Now, how many vaginas
can say that?
329
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:18,237
Why couldn't my experience
with plastic surgery have
been as good as yours?
330
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,305
Because you didn't
know when to stop.
331
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,546
2 pieces of
advice princess,
332
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:32,184
1, you won't want to
change your body
if you learn to love it.
333
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,454
And 2, when you wipe,
it's front to back.
334
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,488
(coughs)
335
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,129
An important lesson was
learned that day on
winsteria lane.
336
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:48,467
Even the slimiest
cunt can get a job
in real estate.
337
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,205
We came back
from the nursing home,
338
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,375
Knowing they were
taking good care
of what's-her-name.
339
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,678
Oh, toot left her old
fogey-slash-lazy-
fat-white-trash-person
340
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:01,280
And wal-mart scooter.
341
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:04,783
Oh! Look at me. I'm old.
342
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,920
I don't know what dvds are.
343
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,988
Huh. That's odd.
344
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:13,025
Oh, wait, spanky. Aah!
345
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,534
The fat pig
has been eliminated.
346
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,840
Aah!
347
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,244
Toot was telling
the truth.
348
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,446
The old people
are trying to kill her.
349
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,648
Oh, this is
all our fault.
350
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,617
We gots to save her.
351
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,763
No living thing
can survive
352
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,532
In a nursing home pool.
353
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,167
[cackling]
354
00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,938
Help!
355
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,642
I'm gonna die!
356
00:19:03,677 --> 00:19:05,244
¶ da da da ¶
357
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,350
I couldn't believe it.
I was about to die.
358
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,719
My life flashed
before my eyes.
359
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,835
Nothing can possibly
save me now.
360
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,204
[engine roaring]
361
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,374
All: yee-ha!
362
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:43,615
We're here
to rescue you,
miss braunstein!
363
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,385
We believe you now!
364
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,753
You don't care about me.
365
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,388
You were the ones
who put me in here,
366
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,023
And then you made
a fat joke.
367
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,459
That's not true.
That's the fat talking.
368
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,928
We are so sorry, toot.
We believe you now.
369
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,596
But I guess it's too late.
370
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,098
We can't let them live.
371
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:01,667
Let's shuffleboard 'em all
into the pool.
372
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,935
Move! Move! Move!
373
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:10,909
In you go!
374
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,544
No!
375
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,813
Hey! Is you crazy?
376
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:17,916
Talking vaginas might be perfect
for some people, like eskimos
377
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:21,487
But my vagina had become
a horrible burden.
378
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:24,089
I realized I had
no other choice.
379
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:28,660
Your annoying vagina
will be very happy here.
380
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,229
Ow! What the fuck.
381
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:34,433
What the--
382
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,569
Help! Help!
Clara, save us!
383
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:41,373
Oh, what's this?
A casting call
for dawn of the dead?
384
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,910
I haven't seen
this much gray hair
385
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,112
Since I diddled
joan collins.
386
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:51,417
That gal is a hoot
and a holler.
387
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,919
I love references
to dead celebrities
388
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,088
Nobody cares about anymore.
389
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,693
[coughing]
390
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:04,596
So you're so old,
the last time you got laid,
391
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,532
You wore
a dinosaur-skin condom.
392
00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:13,906
Oh, my god.
393
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,076
Clara's vagina
is killing off
them old bastards.
394
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,977
You people are so old,
395
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:22,481
You're wasting our nation's
health care resources.
396
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,687
Come on, guys.
This is our chance.
397
00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:30,656
Let's go.
398
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:35,427
Ah, guys, thanks
for being there
399
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:37,429
For an old broad like me.
400
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,365
Oh, don't thank us.
401
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,900
Thank clara's house
at poo corner.
402
00:21:41,935 --> 00:21:43,135
Glad I could help.
403
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:46,238
You know, I think
I'm beginning to like her.
404
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,340
I just wish I could get her
to shut up once in a while.
405
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,376
Just do what
the foxxy do
406
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,878
And stick this up
in your ketchup dispenser.
407
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:55,247
Who are you wearing?
Who are you wearing?
408
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:56,615
Who are you--[gasps]
409
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,584
Ah, thanks, foxxy.
410
00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:00,719
But how do you know
when to take it out?
411
00:22:00,754 --> 00:22:02,087
Take it out?
412
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:12,398
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
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