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1
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,773
Ahh!
Doh!
2
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,174
What was that for?
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,510
To help me
remember something.
4
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,178
Oh, yes. I need
to ask you a favor.
5
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,515
My friend, tim thomasen,
is making his first trip
to the big city,
6
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:19,885
And I was hoping you
could hang out with him.
7
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:22,221
Every time captain hero
asks me to do him a favor,
8
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,723
It turns into something
like totally insane,
9
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,225
And I usually get hurt.
10
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:29,028
Like when he asked me
to help him train
for the olympics.
11
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:29,695
Pull!
12
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:30,896
Waah!
13
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,001
There is no way I'm doing
another favor for you.
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,271
Ooh. The captain hero
signal. I must away.
15
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:40,773
[doorbell rings]
16
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:43,842
Did you come back
to hit me again, hero?
17
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,412
What? I'm not
captain hero.
18
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,680
I'm his friend,
19
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,315
The mild-mannered
small-town reporter,
tim thomasen.
20
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,317
How funny that you
think I'm hero,
21
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,486
Since I have dark skin
and blond hair
22
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,722
That flows like
a river of sexy wheat.
23
00:00:56,756 --> 00:01:00,426
I am supposed
to meet a person
by the name of "xan-dir."
24
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,628
Tell me.
Do you know him, ma'am?
25
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,596
Oh, fuck me.
26
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,581
Announcer: hey,
join us next week, kids,
27
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:25,050
For a whole nother
adventure. Bye-bye.
28
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,021
Goddamn it,
that was real terrible.
29
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:31,623
Hey, you know what
I thought of that show?
30
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,959
[farting]
31
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:35,027
Ooh!
32
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:39,064
[farting continues]
33
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,936
[farting continues]
34
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,642
Ooh!
35
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:54,980
[farting continues]
36
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,120
Ohh! Ahh!
37
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,923
[farting continues]
38
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,794
Yeah.
39
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:12,631
[farting]
40
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:34,653
Now, where was I?
41
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,556
Oh, yeah. You know
what I thought
of that show?
42
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:38,991
Didn't care for it.
43
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,526
Me neither.
44
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,128
There must be some way
to know ahead of time
which shows we should watch.
45
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,299
Huh?
46
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,935
Entertainment
weekly!
47
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:54,573
"like a homosexual with amnesia,
we come out every week."
48
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:57,309
Oh, my god. Our prayers
have been answered.
49
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,377
¶ hallelujah ¶
50
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:01,413
Wow. Look at this. Cool.
51
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,082
Whose room is this?
52
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,750
That's the bathroom.
53
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,086
You'd know that even
if you weren't captain--
54
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,320
Oh, never mind.
55
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,090
Oh, you crazy big-city folk.
56
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,293
Oh, and I bet this is
captain hero's room.
57
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,995
You can tell 'cause
it smells like dirty socks
58
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,064
And small-minded hatred.
59
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,199
[chuckling]
60
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,767
And super spunk.
61
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,938
[thinking] I had no idea
what that lunatic was up to,
62
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,607
But when hero wears those
glasses and calls himself tim,
63
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,010
He isn't nearly
the asshole he usually is.
64
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,445
Xandir, you know
what's fun?
65
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,647
Grapes. Grapes are fun.
66
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,150
Really? I think
grapes are fun.
67
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,185
Grapes are fun.
68
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,022
Oh, hey, we should hit
the farmers market.
69
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,991
Isn't that a "vine" idea?
70
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,560
We are so there.
71
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:51,597
All: ooh!
72
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,632
Ooh!
73
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,734
Entertainment
weekly.
74
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,070
It's so beautiful.
75
00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:01,106
And look. It tells us
what music to listen to.
76
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,375
[speaking japanese]
77
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,843
And which books to burn.
78
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,379
And these cool
little numbers tell you
what page you're on.
79
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,649
Oh, my god.
There's a review
of drawn together.
80
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,017
That's us.
That's our show.
81
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,819
Read it out loud.
82
00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:15,454
Ahem.
83
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:17,923
"taking offensiveness
to new levels,
84
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,925
"drawn together
is so bad,
85
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,227
"it's bad for you
86
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,929
"and more
appropriately belongs
87
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:26,365
"in 'what not to watch.'
88
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,167
Letter grade: f"?
89
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,605
All: aah!
90
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,210
Oh, tim,
you're such a stitch.
91
00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:40,379
You're so much more fun
than captain hero.
92
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:41,814
"oh, look at me.
93
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,717
"I'm a big, dumb superhero
who's big and dumb.
94
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:48,120
Now I'm fondling a girl.
Oopsy. She's dead."
95
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,958
Ohh!
96
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,762
You did not just do that.
97
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,380
It unsnaps in the front.
98
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,953
Our father
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name...
99
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,756
Spanky: everyone
was taking our "f"
in entertainment weekly
100
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,157
Way too hard.
101
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,526
But I knew just
how to cheer 'em up.
102
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,728
Well, you know what
I think of the review.
103
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,698
Pull my finger.
104
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,867
[farting]
105
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,235
Ooh!
106
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,569
[farting continues]
107
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:40,572
Ohh!
108
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,241
Goddamn it, spanky!
109
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:46,478
It's low-brow farts like that
that mae-w give us
a fucking f!
110
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,880
[farts]
oopsy.
111
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,215
What? That was a crease,
112
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,251
And I only laughed
'cause it tickled.
113
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,253
Toot is right.
Spanky ruined everything.
114
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,454
Spanky, you suck.
115
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,955
Guys, guys, guys.
116
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,258
I'm sue-w
makes mistakes.
117
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,459
Let's see.
118
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:03,362
The growing pains
reunion got a c-.
119
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,999
It was slightly
below average.
120
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,334
My god.
121
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,803
Entertainment weekly
is all knowing,
122
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,571
Like allah herself,
123
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,240
Which means my farts
aren't funny.
124
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,710
No!
125
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,081
Shh.
126
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,517
Captain hero would kill us if
he knew we were out all night.
127
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,453
He can't know, ok?
128
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,088
He can't know what?
129
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,691
Oh. Ok, I guess
you're captain hero now.
130
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,827
Where the hell
have you been all night
131
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,196
With my mild-mannered
friend tim thomasen?
132
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,499
You know exactly where we were.
We were at the pond
having drinks.
133
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,102
You gave tim
alcoholic beverages?
134
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,436
I'll fucking kill you!
135
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,105
It started to make sense.
136
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,240
Captain hero
had created tim
137
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,776
As a way to explore
his homosexual side.
138
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,978
It was a little like
when he created el choco
139
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,980
To explore
his gangbanger side.
140
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,582
What you sayin'
to me now, homes?
141
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,417
Don't you know I'm loco?
142
00:06:58,451 --> 00:06:59,485
[gasps]
143
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,654
If you so much
as think about tim again,
144
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,456
I'll do this.
145
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,457
Ooh!
146
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,694
Only I won't
do this to me.
147
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:10,362
I'll do it to...
148
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:14,099
I'll do it to you, bub.
149
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,473
Spanky, where are you going?
150
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,709
I'm holding
the show back, kid.
151
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,344
Without my lame potty humor,
152
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:29,715
E-w can give you guys a "c"
or maybe even a solid "b."
153
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,518
"m." oh! Look. I can't stop.
154
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,186
See you, wooldoor.
155
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,088
Spanky wait!
156
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,856
Waah! Ohh!
157
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,324
Oh! Ooh!
158
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:42,027
Ooh! Oh! Ooh!
159
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,896
Oh, yeah.
160
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:47,399
Oh, you like that,
don't you, bitch? Oh!
161
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,002
Ooh.
162
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,206
Oh, tim, go away.
163
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,208
I can't. I miss you.
164
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:57,710
I miss us.
165
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,813
If captain hero
happens to show up,
166
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,281
He's gonna kill me.
167
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,983
Oh, come on, xandir.
We have a real connection.
168
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,985
I know you feel it, too.
169
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,387
I wish I could quit you.
170
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,856
Didn't we have
a "grape" time?
171
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,259
Oh! Oh! I guess we did.
172
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,429
But I think you and hero
need to figure out
your differences first.
173
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,064
Oh, how I wish we could,
174
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,201
But captain hero
is not ready
to accept who I am.
175
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,536
Not yet. If anyone,
you can understand that.
176
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,704
Can't you?
177
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,606
Ahh. All too well.
178
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,776
Sometimes it's just easier
to stay in the closet.
179
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,945
Isn't it, craig?
180
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:36,215
Ahh. Ok, but we have
to be discreet.
181
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,383
Understand?
182
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,286
Oh, I do. I do.
I shall find you at dawn.
183
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,256
Good night,
my sweet xan-dir.
184
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,260
Hmm. [gasps]
185
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,262
Spanky: so I left
tdrawn together house
186
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,331
And returned to my old
fart-free existence
187
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,632
With the wife and kid.
188
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,435
Oh, honey, welcome home.
I'm so glad you're back.
189
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,038
Yeah. Great.
Good to see you, todd.
190
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,472
Randy.
Randy.
191
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,541
Spanky: I had
to put food on the table,
192
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:06,845
So I got the only boring job
a high-school dropout
can find these days.
193
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,847
Hostage negotiator.
194
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,551
See you later,
sweetheart.
See you, randy.
195
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,552
It's todd.
196
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,287
Todd.
197
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,924
¶ my baby takes
the morning train ¶
198
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,160
Put the gun down!
199
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:24,296
He's the only fucking dog
who's good enough to wear
fucking pants?
200
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,766
Well, I wanna wear
the fucking pants for once.
201
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:28,967
[gunshot]
[groans]
202
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,403
¶ waiting for him ¶
203
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:35,441
¶ my baby takes
the morning train ¶
204
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:39,778
¶ he works from
9 till 5 and then ¶
205
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:43,582
¶ he takes another
home again ¶
206
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:47,219
Spanky: billy, mommy
says god will decide
207
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,822
Who should pay
for the sins of the world.
208
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:53,092
Mommy will live
inside me forever.
209
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,094
[gunshot]
210
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,695
¶ only when
he's with me ¶
211
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,364
¶ I catch life ¶
212
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,699
¶ only when he gives me ¶
213
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:04,303
¶ makes me feel
all right ¶
214
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,371
¶ ohhhh ¶
215
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,640
So tim and I continued
our forbidden romance,
216
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,043
But danger was lurking
around every corner.
217
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:13,812
[gasps]
218
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,683
Xandir, you haven't
seen tim, have you?
219
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:20,819
Uh...Uh, no.
No. Of course not.
220
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,521
Whee! Higher!
221
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,056
Higher!
222
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,058
The only thing that
scared me more than hero
223
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:29,061
Were the feelings
I was having for tim.
224
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,196
Oh, and bees.
I hate bees.
225
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:34,600
Maybe we
should go somewhere
a little more private.
226
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,002
Perhaps a dark,
secluded bedroom
227
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,004
Where nothing can find us.
228
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,572
Nothing...
229
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,241
But passion.
230
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,149
[both giggling]
231
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,552
Mmm! Mmm!
232
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,588
Ahh!
233
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,828
I just know xandir and tim
are up to something.
234
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:06,365
I can feel it in my gut.
235
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,667
[grunting]
236
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,074
Aah!
Aah!
237
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,875
[yawns]
238
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,210
What do we got?
239
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,745
Yeah. Some nut job
in the arcade.
240
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,447
He's threatening
to whack 'em all.
241
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,715
Wack a mole?
242
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:23,949
Isn't that a game?
243
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,285
Not to us it's not.
We're gonna take him out.
244
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,555
I don't have a hostage.
I'm just playing wack a mole.
245
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,424
Jesus! He's got
a heavily-padded
novelty mallet!
246
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,927
Don't shoot! Please!
247
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,596
You're not safe here, sir.
Standard swat procedure
requires us
248
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,766
To pull the negotiator
out of harm's way
by his finger.
249
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,001
[farts]
250
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,670
Excuse me.
251
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,072
That's awesome!
252
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,975
Hey, aren't you spanky ham
from drawn together?
253
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,678
I was...Once.
254
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,248
I loved you on that show.
255
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:57,483
You were the best part.
256
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,419
You fart
when the rest of us
are afraid to fart.
257
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,888
Really? You guys like that?
258
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,791
Well, check this out. Huh!
259
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:08,527
[farting]
260
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,862
He farted!
261
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:13,866
[farting continues]
262
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,902
At that moment, I realized
my farts wefunny.
263
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:20,039
They made all these people
feel joy in their hearts.
264
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,341
Whoever smelt it, felt it.
265
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,209
That's it. I quit.
266
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,112
I'm going back
to the drawn togethhouse.
267
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,180
Yeah!
268
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,915
Oh! Fire!
269
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,918
Aah!
270
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,588
Captain hero:
something was amiss.
271
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,023
Xandir was acting strange,
272
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,025
Tim thomasen
was awfully quiet,
273
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,861
And I noticed that I was
getting fucked in the ass
more than usual.
274
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,799
So I decided
to put on a disguise
and get to the bottom of it.
275
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:50,703
Oh, hello, xandir.
It is I, tom thomasen.
276
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,805
I am enjoying
glasses wearing.
277
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,506
And you are?
278
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:57,810
Oh, tim,
last night was so special.
279
00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:01,146
I mean, I've had
a lot of gay sex in my life...
280
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,248
A lot of gay se--
281
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,085
I mean, a lot, a lot,
a lot, a lot of gay se--
282
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,221
I had a lot...Lots of gay sex.
283
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:12,324
Huge, huge amounts of...
284
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,493
Lots.
285
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,128
Right, craig?
286
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,230
But last night
was the first time
287
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,532
I've ever...Made love.
288
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,767
You what?
289
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,936
Why, I should kill you
where you stand.
290
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,871
Oh, goddamn it.
291
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:26,805
[groans]
292
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,542
You will never see tim again.
293
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,877
Ever!
294
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,880
Unless you catch him
in his room packing.
295
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:39,084
Ever since we got that f
things seemed to fall apart.
296
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,854
Now, some would say we's a
bit over sensitive to
297
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:44,690
The honest criticism of a
professional tv reviewer.
298
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:48,727
But in our defense...
Fuck you e-w!
299
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,630
[hissing]
300
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,531
Sucker.
301
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,000
Guys, spanky's back,
302
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,102
And he brought a friend.
303
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,637
[farts]
304
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,442
Yeah. I was once
like you guys.
305
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,645
I, too, lost my way.
We aren't failures.
306
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,814
E-w is the failure.
307
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,650
All over the world
people laugh at us.
308
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,886
People laugh at farts.
309
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,954
People laugh at violence.
310
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,723
People laugh at--
311
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,824
Fat jokes.
312
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,793
And stereotypes.
313
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,294
[speaking japanese]
314
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,163
And stereotypes.
315
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,131
And stimulant tassels.
316
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,300
We've got to do
something, people.
317
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,070
Hell, if one bad review
can do this to us,
318
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,139
Imagine what
entertainment weekly
can do to other shows.
319
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,942
Man: but other shows
don't suck!
320
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,411
Yeah, but still...
321
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,447
I say we confront
this reviewer
322
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,550
And make sure she
never gives her insightful,
unbiased opinions ever again.
323
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,118
Now, who's with me?
324
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,252
[cheering]
325
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,789
Charge!
326
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,040
Tim, what are you doing?
327
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,176
Captain hero
is sending me away.
328
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,813
So this is good-bye, xandir.
329
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:15,914
Forever.
330
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,216
Tim, wait.
331
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,550
You have to tell captain hero
332
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,819
That you want
to explore these feelings.
333
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,888
Yes, but...But I'm scared.
334
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,691
It's ok to be scared.
335
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:29,161
But it's not ok to deny
who you really are.
336
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,729
You get it now, craig?
337
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,166
I'll do it, xandir.
I'll do it for you.
338
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,702
I'll do it for us.
339
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,554
Sensors indicate
that the tv reviewer
340
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,890
Is at the end
of the hall.
341
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,059
Ok, guys, show no mercy.
342
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:03,796
Remember, these people
work in cubicles.
343
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,798
So they're
already dead inside.
344
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:06,932
Let's move.
345
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,500
[all shouting]
346
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,354
Why are you stabbing yourself?
Why are you stabbing yourself?
347
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,993
Yay!
348
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,763
Wahhhh!
349
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,599
We have a 9:15
to see the tv reviewer.
350
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,067
We're a little early.
351
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,069
Oh, you're
tdrawn together gang.
352
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:47,239
Of course.
She's been expecting you.
Can I get you some coffee?
353
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,240
Yeah. Sure.
354
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,211
Oh, my god.
They're dead.
They're all dead.
355
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,879
What should I do?
356
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,214
Whee!
357
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,448
Whee!
358
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,956
Oh, my god.
Did you tell him?
How did it go?
359
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:06,692
You tell me.
360
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,293
[gasps] oh, baby.
361
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,196
What kind of a jerk would
hit himself wearing glasses?
362
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,966
I tried to fight back,
xan-dir.
363
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,135
I think I broke his nose.
364
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,436
[sniffs] ooh!
365
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,371
Don't look. I'm hideous.
366
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,107
Oh, god. Is there
anything I can do?
367
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:25,377
Actually, there is.
368
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,479
[gasps]
369
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,551
Xandir: this whole
thing was crazy,
370
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,687
But it also kind
of made sense.
371
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:38,023
Obviously, a superhero
is impervious to bullets.
372
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,225
But tim needed me
to shoot captain hero
373
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,462
And symbolically kill
the homophobic side
of himself.
374
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,232
Captain hero?
375
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,201
I'm doing this
for your own good.
376
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,671
What are you--
[grunting]
377
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,273
Aah! [grunts]
378
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,680
Tim.
379
00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:03,782
I thought you were
captain hero.
380
00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:06,518
Yeah. I get that a lot.
381
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:10,022
But don't feel bad,
dear xan-dir.
382
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,458
I've been living
for 30-something years.
383
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:16,428
But only since I met you
have I truly felt...
384
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,230
Alive.
385
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,065
[coughing]
386
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,534
Tim, before you go,
387
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,937
I just need
to know one thing.
388
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:28,340
Yes, sweet xan-dir?
389
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,742
Are we done?
390
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,977
Like, are you gonna
cut the shit now?
391
00:18:32,012 --> 00:18:33,645
Yeah, I guess so.
392
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,981
Good. Now, leave me alone.
393
00:18:36,016 --> 00:18:37,983
Xandir, I just wanted
to see if I was.
394
00:18:38,018 --> 00:18:39,985
And, you know,
it turns out I wasn't.
395
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:42,321
It's captain hero,
not captain homo.
396
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,355
Whatever.
397
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,657
And promise to keep this
between us, buddy.
398
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:49,128
I don't want anyone
to think I'm cuckoo, cuckoo.
399
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:53,198
Well, guys, if any of you
are gonna chicken out,
400
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,667
Now's the time.
401
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,571
All: aah!
402
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,141
Aah!
403
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,476
All right.
404
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,780
All right, tv reviewer,
you've gone too far.
405
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,115
And who are you
to tell us--what the hell!
406
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:13,652
No wonder
you hate the show.
407
00:19:13,687 --> 00:19:15,721
You're everything
we make fun of.
408
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,557
You're jewish, conservative,
pro-life, born-again,
409
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:22,928
Overweight, asian,
homophobic lesbian broad
who cuts herself.
410
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,564
So?
411
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:29,101
So maybe someone who
doesn't happen to be
412
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,570
A jewish, conservative,
pro-life, born-again,
413
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:35,808
Overweight, indian
homophobic lesbian broad
who cuts herself
414
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,110
Might not be offended
by the show.
415
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:41,580
I have every right
to tell people what
I think of your show.
416
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,649
Yes! But people should know
417
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,951
You're not
our audience, asshole!
418
00:19:48,722 --> 00:19:50,589
Listen, mr. Ham.
419
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,092
The fact is,
we're both right.
420
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:56,128
I'm not exactly
your target audience.
421
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:59,231
And your show is
a steamy pile of shit.
422
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,334
Well, that's fair.
423
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:06,071
Now, if you do want some
constructive criticism,
424
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:08,073
The biggest problem
with your show
425
00:20:08,108 --> 00:20:10,542
Is you never know
how to end it.
426
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,312
That is so not true.
427
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,149
Where to, mr. Ham?
428
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,551
To the rodeo, bumpers.
429
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,453
The rodeo.
430
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,889
Of course, sir. Cheerio.
431
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,158
Announcer: hey,
join us next week, kids,
432
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,160
For a whole
nother adventure.
433
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,795
Bye-bye. Huh-huh-huh.
434
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,266
Goddamn it,
that was real terrible.
435
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,102
Hey, you know
what I thought
of that show?
436
00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:39,238
[farting]
437
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,572
Ooh!
438
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,942
[farting continues]
439
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,947
[farting continues]
440
00:20:53,053 --> 00:20:56,955
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
30100
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