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1
00:00:02,956 --> 00:00:05,808
I'm Kim and I'm sexually obsessed
with my best friend Sugar.
2
00:00:06,212 --> 00:00:09,225
Sugar gave me crabs during|
a platonic night of frustration..
3
00:00:09,894 --> 00:00:12,577
Crabs which I then gave my mother
when she borrowed my jeans,,
4
00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:16,227
which exposed her affair
and destroyed my parents' marriage.
5
00:00:16,228 --> 00:00:17,424
They're crabs, Stella.
6
00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:21,943
I've been seeing...
sleeping with someone else
7
00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:26,050
All in a day's work for a 15-year-old
sexually-frustrated gay virgin.
8
00:01:24,289 --> 00:01:27,953
"Je suis au milieu d'une situation impossible"
9
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,195
I don't want you in my house.
10
00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:33,187
Oh, so now it comes down
to who pays the mortgage.
11
00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:35,317
- You had an affair.
- Where am I gonna go?
12
00:01:35,374 --> 00:01:39,048
- I don't care.
- You are a spineless reptile, Nathan.
13
00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:42,711
- And you are a stupid whore.
- For fuck's sake, shut up!
14
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:47,415
- Kim...there's no need to shout.
- There's really no need to swear.
15
00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:50,494
Being stuck between my parents
was nothing new.
16
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,315
This situation was unbearable.
17
00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:56,495
- What's for tea?
- He says he wants you gone by five.
18
00:01:58,939 --> 00:02:00,097
Now, wait a minute.
19
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,674
She says you won't
be able to manage without her.
20
00:02:03,687 --> 00:02:07,328
Oh, yeah, because there'd be nobody to,
ooh, let me see,
21
00:02:07,448 --> 00:02:09,900
fill up the ashtrays and drink champagne.
22
00:02:12,505 --> 00:02:14,426
He says you made
a mockery of the marriage
23
00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:16,755
and he'll never be able
to see you in the same light again.
24
00:02:17,352 --> 00:02:20,720
Fine. Oh, Kimmy.
25
00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:27,950
- So you won't change your mind?
- Do you think that I should?
26
00:02:27,983 --> 00:02:31,696
Taking sides is easy.
Being stuck in the middle is hell.
27
00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:35,909
What am I gonna do?
28
00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:40,924
I've been married for 15 years.
29
00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:44,254
I've never lived with another man.
30
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,682
It's not like you haven't slept with Dale.
31
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:49,447
That is completely different.
32
00:02:49,866 --> 00:02:52,727
I mean, he only sees me once a week.
33
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:59,663
I'm not a real person.
I'm...object of desire.
34
00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,763
All that's gonna change now.
35
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:16,513
You can say that again.
36
00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:22,462
Bye, dear. Have fun.
37
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,769
Did you tell her I want the rest
of her things gone by Friday?
38
00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,516
I was so busy telling everyone
what everyone else thought,
39
00:03:31,161 --> 00:03:33,258
I forgot to tell them all to sod off.
40
00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,749
And just when I thought I'd escaped it all,
41
00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:42,370
Sugar landed me
right back in the middle again.
42
00:03:46,607 --> 00:03:51,075
What do you reckon? Found him last night.
Gorgeous, isn't he?
43
00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:55,480
He's not like other blokes around here.
l've never met anyone like him.
44
00:03:57,973 --> 00:03:59,466
Fuckin' cute little star.
45
00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:02,417
Language student.
46
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:08,918
Guillaume. a language student
who couldn't speak English.
47
00:04:11,115 --> 00:04:13,942
And, of course,
Sugar couldn't speak a word of French.
48
00:04:15,077 --> 00:04:16,627
It's not like they needed a lot of words
49
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,184
but occasionally the odd one was useful.
50
00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:22,727
- Have you got a condom?
- Oh, tu es une femme fantastique.
51
00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:27,776
Guillaume, have you got a condom?
52
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:30,100
Putain, je suis en forme
et je peux te dire que tu vas aimer �a.
53
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,632
No condom, no entry.
54
00:04:33,051 --> 00:04:34,256
That's why they needed me.
55
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,186
I was their French-speaking
gooseberry interpreter.
56
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:43,546
What did he say?
57
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:12,046
l had a really nice time last night.
58
00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:21,428
- What are you doing later?
- l thought you were coming out with me.
59
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,435
Maybe we can get
to know each other better.
60
00:05:24,894 --> 00:05:28,832
- And how are you going to do that?
- We speak the language of love.
61
00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:30,062
Oh, please.
62
00:05:39,984 --> 00:05:41,719
He's such a gentleman.
63
00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:09,155
So...
64
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,501
- Now l know why we always met in hotels.
- Yeah, because it's dirty and sleazy.
65
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:22,072
No, because your place is such a mess.
66
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,366
You're not going to be nightmare, are you?
67
00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:31,414
No.
68
00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:36,935
Good, cos if you play your cards right, l
think you'll find l'm very pleased to see you.
69
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,692
- Kizza, what's French for balls?
- Les balles.
70
00:06:58,096 --> 00:07:01,204
- You know, l'm really worried about Stella.
- What's French for hole?
71
00:07:01,536 --> 00:07:05,112
Trou. Nathan was
so determined to make her go.
72
00:07:06,351 --> 00:07:07,396
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
73
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:09,662
l haven't seen him like that in ages.
74
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,278
Kim.
75
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:23,842
Kim, what's wrong?
76
00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:30,280
l don't know. Let's just say l've had enough
of translating Anglo-French relations.
77
00:07:30,587 --> 00:07:32,040
- What?
- You two.
78
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:35,071
Oh, yeah, l know. Cute, ain't he?
79
00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:40,290
Oh, never mind, mon ch�ri.
80
00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:45,339
Kim? Kim?
81
00:07:46,828 --> 00:07:48,265
Nobody is listening to me.
82
00:07:48,781 --> 00:07:52,677
Well, OK, look, l'm sorry, babe,
but it's just...l've been so into him.
83
00:07:55,347 --> 00:07:58,979
- My mum left home this morning.
- Did she? Good.
84
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,604
- What?
- I thought that's what you wanted.
85
00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:05,949
I've got to go.
86
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:09,444
Kim. Kim, is it something I said?
87
00:08:10,331 --> 00:08:11,945
Who's going to translate for me?
88
00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:14,085
Translate this.
89
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,684
Sometimes love throws up
unexpected pleasures.
90
00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:30,402
But mostly it deals you a pile of shit.
91
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:40,927
Next time you see your mother, l want you
to tell her that we had her favourite dessert.
92
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:45,358
- We had her favourite dessert.
- What's the point in that if she's not there?
93
00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:48,540
- What's the point in that if she isn't here?
- Life goes on, Kim.
94
00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:51,925
- Yeah but...
- Just eat your lemon meringue pie.
95
00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:53,524
Just eat your lemon meringue pie.
96
00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,904
There's definitely a problem with this table.
97
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,377
When's Stella coming back?
98
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,696
- Don't know.
- Will it be long?
99
00:09:09,956 --> 00:09:12,688
We want everything
to be just right, don't we?
100
00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,555
- lt's always been like that.
- lt's no good.
101
00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:20,623
lt's still no reason not to fix the ruddy thing!
102
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,561
Get us a drink, would you, Kim?
103
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,257
Definitely a problem with this table.
104
00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:51,588
That was the worst thing
about being stuck in between.
105
00:09:52,971 --> 00:09:54,907
Couldn't seem to make anyone happy.
106
00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:00,268
Least of all myself.
107
00:10:10,183 --> 00:10:10,962
Kimmy,
108
00:10:11,237 --> 00:10:12,055
it's me.
109
00:10:12,169 --> 00:10:15,697
- Yeah, l know.
- Um, what's the French for cunnilingus?
110
00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:18,004
l have no idea.
111
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:23,165
Was that her?
112
00:10:24,966 --> 00:10:26,082
Was that Stella?
113
00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:29,129
No.
114
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,791
Go back to sleep.
115
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:43,896
That was it. The situation sucked. And
it was about time someone took control.
116
00:10:51,678 --> 00:10:52,369
Hi.
117
00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:56,042
Hey. Tell him, ''Dans le cul.''
118
00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:57,698
That'll get you what you want.
119
00:10:58,077 --> 00:10:59,354
Dans le cul.
120
00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,059
Things were about to change.
121
00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:16,584
It was the first day of the rest of my life.
122
00:11:19,039 --> 00:11:21,015
I was no longer going to be shat on.
123
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,495
Things were going to return to normaI.
124
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,349
I was in control.
125
00:11:45,763 --> 00:11:49,450
- What is going on?
- We're having a bonfire.
126
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,848
Have you completely lost the plot?
127
00:11:54,597 --> 00:11:56,027
lt's possible, l suppose.
128
00:11:58,705 --> 00:12:00,832
Matt, go and get your coat. We're going out.
129
00:12:01,301 --> 00:12:02,481
Are you like Mum now?
130
00:12:03,102 --> 00:12:04,804
Well, it seems that way, doesn't it?
131
00:12:06,148 --> 00:12:08,189
- Can l have a fiver?
- Out the house.
132
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:09,249
Come on.
133
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,947
Are you going to sort yourself out?
134
00:12:19,362 --> 00:12:22,183
- l don't know.
- Nathan.
135
00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:25,053
- There's no point any more.
- What about me and Matt?
136
00:12:25,151 --> 00:12:27,802
l'm sick of being the sensible one...
137
00:12:28,044 --> 00:12:32,851
Oh, that's bloody great, isn't it? You sit here
like a wreck and leave me to rule the house.
138
00:12:33,479 --> 00:12:35,142
lt's not like l've got school or anything.
139
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:37,931
What do l do?
140
00:12:41,196 --> 00:12:42,144
l don't know.
141
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,070
Just clean this lot up.
142
00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:12,865
Hope you won't burn the place down.
l don't have insurance.
143
00:13:12,946 --> 00:13:15,060
- Where are you going?
- Buckingham Palace.
144
00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,336
lt's our first day together.
l thought we could do something.
145
00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:23,291
- Er...l've got to get going. l'll see you later.
- But l made you...
146
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:40,879
l think l must have said something wrong
last night. l didn't quite get what l expected.
147
00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:44,400
Bloody good, though.
148
00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:47,929
- Really?
- Yeah.
149
00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:52,318
My one pIeasure was shafting Sugar
and I couIdn't get that one right.
150
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,178
l really like this guy. He's different.
151
00:13:56,266 --> 00:14:00,567
My worId was faIIing apart
and I was totaIIy powerIess to put it right.
152
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:11,419
Oh, he's so cute. What did he say?
153
00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:13,823
Or maybe there was another way.
154
00:14:16,059 --> 00:14:19,522
He says sorry but he's got to go and meet
his friends on the other side of town.
155
00:14:20,102 --> 00:14:23,758
What? No, well...um, tell him to stay.
156
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:41,580
So he'll stay, yeah?
157
00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:46,425
Oh, he can't, cos he arranged to meet them
earlier and he doesn't have their number.
158
00:14:47,963 --> 00:14:49,111
He didn't say anything.
159
00:14:49,813 --> 00:14:50,687
- Guillaume?
160
00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:53,339
Guillaume, don't go.
161
00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:56,756
What the fuck's that all about?
162
00:14:57,208 --> 00:15:01,724
This was it. I'd finaIIy found a way
to turn things to my advantage.
163
00:15:05,578 --> 00:15:07,537
Maybe l didn't pay him enough attention.
164
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,223
Yeah, right. You were all over him.
165
00:15:11,672 --> 00:15:13,455
- Well, did he say he'd call?
- No.
166
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,600
Look, just forget him, Shoogs.
167
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,607
- He said he wanted to slap your arse.
- Matthew!
168
00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:21,460
- What else did he say?
- Nothing.
169
00:15:22,112 --> 00:15:23,776
Kim said you needed some time alone.
170
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,025
- Why did you do that?
- Cos he was getting on my nerves.
171
00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:37,393
- l really liked him.
- He was an arrogant French tosser.
172
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,856
No, he wasn't. He was a proper man.
173
00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:41,910
Fuck me, Nath, it's the middle of the day.
174
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,283
He's just tired.
175
00:15:47,782 --> 00:15:49,965
Yeah, half a bottle of vodka
can have that effect.
176
00:15:57,218 --> 00:15:59,987
- Didn't know he was this mashed.
- l did try to tell you.
177
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:01,805
l'm sorry.
178
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,032
Whoa!
179
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,928
Guillaume...l really liked him, you know.
180
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:08,850
Why? He was just a shag.
181
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,860
lt wasn't like that.
182
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:15,257
You can't be in love with him.
You don't even speak the same language.
183
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:22,974
- Sugar....
- He really cared about me.
184
00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:26,092
He cared whether l came or not.
185
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:31,300
He is the first person ever
to give me an orgasm.
186
00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:35,578
He was a creepy French wanker.
187
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,150
Yes, Kim, but he made me come.
188
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:47,590
For a minute there,
l thought you were being serious.
189
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:51,176
l am being serious.
Bloody hell, these things are important.
190
00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,779
Yeah, l'm sorry. OK?
191
00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:07,535
l'll forgive you if you do one thing for me.
192
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,537
Find him and get me
one more night with him.
193
00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:17,030
- Please.
- OK.
194
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,693
l love you, Kimmy. l love you.
195
00:18:21,803 --> 00:18:23,568
Don't bank on it, mate.
196
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:52,170
If only the world was
as simple as a man's pride.
197
00:18:55,694 --> 00:19:00,403
Having successfully sorted out Sugar,
it was now time to sort out SteIIa.
198
00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:01,867
Yes, who is it?
199
00:19:01,868 --> 00:19:03,803
Hello. lt's me.
200
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,088
Who?
201
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,773
Your daughter.
202
00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:18,077
Oh! Thank God you're here.
l've been going out of my mind.
203
00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:19,677
l knew you would be.
204
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,942
- What am l going to do?
- Just come home.
205
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,847
- What?
- You're miserable here, aren't you?
206
00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:35,762
What are you talking about?
lt's this meat loaf.
207
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:40,769
l followed the recipe and everything
but look at it.
208
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:44,187
Do you think l can cut the top off?
209
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,843
Dale's going to be home soon.
210
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:54,258
I think I'd entered a quantum universe
where everything was just a IittIe bit wrong.
211
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:59,975
You should have seen this place yesterday.
lt took me five hours to clean.
212
00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:03,030
- You did that?
- Mm-hm.
213
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,469
At least here l can be helpful.
214
00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:10,724
At home, l was nothing but an old lush.
215
00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:14,773
Bon app�tit.
216
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:26,962
l'm not coming back, Kim. Nathan made
the right decision in throwing me out.
217
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,636
l was a terrible mother.
A nightmare to live with.
218
00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:32,845
You're all better off without me.
219
00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:35,755
No, we're not.
220
00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:40,104
- l was no good for you, for any of you.
- You don't understand.
221
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,607
lt'll all be all right. You'll see.
222
00:20:45,082 --> 00:20:48,201
These things have a habit
of working themselves out.
223
00:21:01,578 --> 00:21:06,335
Er... l'm sorry that things have been
a bit strange the past few days.
224
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,103
l'll make it up to you.
225
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:11,793
We could go ice skating.
226
00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:13,794
That is a really good idea.
227
00:21:14,785 --> 00:21:16,520
See? We'll get back to normal.
228
00:21:17,332 --> 00:21:19,421
And then who knows?
Maybe your mother will...
229
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:24,477
Well...
230
00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:36,270
Erm... l know l shouldn't ask
but er...how did your mother seem?
231
00:21:38,306 --> 00:21:40,450
l think l can be happy here, Kim.
232
00:21:42,155 --> 00:21:44,060
She's miserable, Dad.
233
00:21:44,865 --> 00:21:46,648
- Really?
- Yeah.
234
00:21:47,775 --> 00:21:49,020
She'll be home soon.
235
00:21:50,974 --> 00:21:52,580
The thing about being in the middIe
236
00:21:53,136 --> 00:21:55,835
is that you have the power
to make everybody feeI good.
237
00:21:55,894 --> 00:21:58,721
l don't want him to go.
Last night was the best night ever.
238
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,413
Farewell, my little angel.
239
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,169
He can't wait for you to meet his family.
240
00:22:17,828 --> 00:22:21,711
And Iife sucks so often, you'd better
get the good times whiIe you can.
241
00:22:22,564 --> 00:22:24,797
What did he say? What did he say?
242
00:22:26,864 --> 00:22:27,657
Bye.
243
00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:31,709
l love you.
244
00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,814
Yes, you can make everybody happy.
245
00:22:38,175 --> 00:22:39,234
Even yourseIf.
246
00:22:40,884 --> 00:22:42,690
Guillaume also said...
247
00:22:42,909 --> 00:22:43,605
What?
248
00:22:46,276 --> 00:22:49,797
..that he'd really like
to see two women kissing.
249
00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:54,146
Oh! He's so dirty. l love him.
250
00:23:22,433 --> 00:23:27,447
Synchronization and corrections
Lucile76
251
00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:32,048
"Numb", Porishead
"French Kiss", The Lovers
"The Day It All Went Wrong", Gisli
252
00:23:32,049 --> 00:23:34,049
"Wake Up Boo!", The Boo Radley�s
"A Forest", Nouvelle Vague
"Hey Lisa", David Holmes
253
00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:36,050
"Stuck In The Middle", Louise
"Out Of Time", Blur
"Sunday Girl (French Version)", Blondie
20384
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