All language subtitles for Death.Proof.2007.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Hold on. I gotta come up.

I gotta take the world's
biggest fucking piss.

We can't be late.

We won't!

Improved by KID

- Who's holding?
- If you're not, then nobody.

We were kind of hoping you were.

- Yeah. How are you not holding?
- Jesus Christ, Shanna.

It is not my fucking job to supply
y'all with weed when we go out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, little lady.

You're getting angry kind
of quick, don't you think?

- I was just teasing you.
- I'm not angry.

It just would be nice if y'all didn't
just count on me all the fucking time,

and surprise me every
once in a while with pot.

Okay, mean girl in a high school
movie. Are you through having a tantrum?

- I'm not having a tantrum.
- Yes, you are.

You've been in the car all of two
seconds, and you're already cursing at me.

- I am not cursing at you.
- You said, "Jesus Christ, Shanna."

And then, before the
sentence was over,

you threw a "fucking" in there
to emphasize your "irritatance."

All right. Come on, guys. Don't
fight. I'll pay for it when we get some.

One: It is not about the money.

It is about the pain
in the ass of scoring.

And two: We're
not really fighting.

Arlene, have you forgotten what
hanging out with Jungle Julia's like?

That wasn't a fight.

That was Julia acting
like a grumpy bitch,

and me calling her on it and
indulging her at the same time.

That's how we tolerate each
other after all these years.

Oh, billboard.

So, what's the plan, man?

Margaritas and
Mexican food at Guero's.

Did you call Rafael and
tell him we're coming?

- Of course.
- You're so good.

I know.

Okay, is Christian
Simonson gonna be there?

You bet your ass he is. He's
gonna be there with Jesse Letterman.

Christian Simonson,
the filmmaker, is in town.

He's got a big thing for Julia.

If he had a big thing for
me, he'd fucking call me

as opposed to
disappearing for six months,

and he'd get his ass down
here more often than he does,

and on my birthday, give
me a fucking phone call.

Oh, billboard.

Yeah, but you get those legs of
yours around him, and it's all over.

Yeah, well, when I'm
redecorating his house in the hills

that I am also living in,
I'll let you know it worked.

So, margaritas and Mexican food at
Guero's, touch base with Chris and Jesse,

tell them about later, and
make damn sure they come.

Those other guys will be waiting for
us to join them at the Texas Chili Parlor.

Oh, shit.

Speaking of which, what happened
with you and Nate last night?

Well, you know, not mu...
We just fucking met each other.

I mean, if you don't
bust their balls a

little bit, they're never
gonna respect you.

Okay, we're pretty clear
on what it is you didn't do.

How about enlightening
us on what it is you did do?

Nothing to write home about.

We just made out on the
couch for about 20 minutes.

Dressed, half-dressed or naked?

Dressed. I said we made out.

We didn't do the thing.

Excuse me for living,
but what is "the thing"?

You know, it's everything but.

They call it "the thing"?

I call it "the thing."

Do guys like the thing?

They like it better
than no thing.

Okay, I wanna get back
to what it is you did do.

So, you're making out on
the couch with Nate, right?

- Correct.
- Whose couch?

- His or the one in your hotel room?
- What am I, stupid over here? Mine.

Were you making out
sitting up or lying down?

We started sitting up. We
worked our way to lying down.

Mmm, the plot thickens.
Who was on top?

I was straddling him.

- What else?
- That was it.

So we made out for a
little while on the couch,

and I said, "Okay, I'm gonna go to
bed now, so it's time for you to leave."

And then he starts to
whine, "Oh, right now?"

And I said, "Yep,
right now. Let's go."

And he says, "well,
wait. what about this?"

And I said, "No."

He said, "What do you mean, no? You
don't even know what I'm gonna say."

I said, "I already know
what you're gonna say,

and the answer's no."

He said, "How can you say
you know what I'm gonna say?"

I said, "Because you're gonna
say, 'let's just go to sleep together.

"'We don't gotta do nothing.

"'Just cuddle, sleep next to each
other, wake up in the morning together.'

No, you're gonna leave,
but I'll see you tomorrow."

Yeah, fuck Nate.

I mean, he's cute and all,

but Jesse Letterman's
gonna be all over her.

- Jesse Letterman...
- Remember, no hooking up tonight.

You can hang out with him,
you can make out with him,

but no hooking up with him, because
we are driving to Lake LBJ tonight,

and my daddy's pretty
clear about one thing.

He said, "I am letting you and your
girlfriends stay at my lake house,

not you and a bunch of horny boys trying
to get their fuck on with my daughter."

- Your dad talks like that?
- Hell, yeah!

It's not like he ain't
gonna know, either,

because when I'm staying at the lake
house with my girlfriends in our bikinis,

Daddy just has a tendency to pop up
and make sure we don't need anything.

Look, he's totally harmless
and cute as a bug's ear.

But, you know, when he's got
a bunch of half-naked poontang

walking the floor
of his lake house,

he just likes to pay us a visit and
make sure we got everything we need.

And if you flirt
shamelessly with him, like

the six-foot baby
giraffe in the backseat,

you got a puppy dog for life.

I have my own
relationship with Ben,

and you're just jealous
'cause it don't include you.

- You call her dad Ben?
- I'm not a child. That's his name.

So when are the boys showing up?

They're gonna meet
us at the Chili Parlor.

Maybe they can bring some pot.

Fuck that. No.

I don't wanna be either A,
depending on their fucking ass,

or B, depending on their ass.

Uh-uh. We don't score ourselves,

we're gonna be stuck
with them all fucking night.

Ooh, try Lanna Frank.

Best idea you had all day.

Oh, hey, that's your last
billboard before Guero's.

Oh, come on. Give me a break.

"Oh, come on," my
ass! We said every time.

Okay.

Jules, let me get
a drag? Thanks.

Oh, my God!

Hey, this is... and
I's U.T. days, Arlene.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You wanna join us?
- For a second, but I'm with some friends.

Oh.

So you must be... must be...

So you must be the
infamous Butterfly.

Shh!

She don't know nothing about it.

- Know about what?
- When were y'all gonna tell her?

- Soon.
- Tell me what?

Yeah, now thanks to you, we
gotta tell her sooner than later.

All right, cut the shit.
What the fuck is going on?

I said a little somethin'-somethin'
about you on the air today.

Julia, what the fuck did you
say about me on the radio?

All I said was I had a
sexy friend named Butterfly

who was in from out
of town for the weekend,

and we would be going out
somewhere in Austin tonight,

and if they were out on the
town, maybe they'd see us.

And I described you, and I said that
if they spotted you while we were out,

if they'd do something,
you'd do something.

Okay, now, Julia, I'm serious.

what did you say, and
what did you say I'd do?

Anyhoo, I could explain what
I said, which would be boring,

or Marcy over here,

who is an incredible actress,
could act it out for you,

which, I think, will
give you a better idea

of what you have in
store for you tonight.

Okay, so just tell me your way.

- So we'll act it out with Marcy?
- Sure.

Okay, give Marcy your drink.

Thank you.

Okay, so, you're
in a club or a bar,

and Marcy's a kind of cute
or kind of hot or kind of sexy

or better be fucking hysterically
funny, but not funny-looking guy

who you could fuck.

- Got it.
- Okay, Marcy, take it.

Howdy.

Hi there.

Excuse me, but your name
wouldn't be Butterfly, would it?

Yes, it is. It seems you
have me at a disadvantage.

Barry.

Pleased to meet you, Barry.

- Y'all are getting me hot.
- Shh!

So, is, uh, Butterfly
your real name?

Yes, it is.

And how'd you know
my name, Barry?

I listened to Jungle
Julia's show this morning.

Oh, you did, did you?

Oh, yeah. I listen to
her show every morning.

Oh, you do, do you?

Yeah. She's, like, the
coolest lady in town.

Don't you think
she's got a big ass?

Nah, man.

I like her ass that way.

She got a black girl's ass.

Well, that's what she
always says, but, natural fact,

she doesn't really
have a black girl's ass.

- She's got a big ass.
- Okay, what the fuck are you doing?

Oh, look who wants to get
to the point all of a sudden.

Okay, we'll get to the point.

But for your
information, skinny bitch,

black men and a whole lot
of motherfucking white men

have had plenty
fun adoring my ass.

I don't wear their teeth
marks on my butt for nothing.

All right, if you're not gonna buy
me a drink, can I have mine back?

No. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So, Butterfly, can
I buy you a drink?

- I'd love one.
- What can I get you?

I'll take a margarita.

Here you go.

So, after they buy you a drink,

when they raise
their glass to toast,

they look you dead in the eye

and repeat this poem:

"The woods are
lovely, dark and deep,

"and I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep.

"Did you hear me, Butterfly?

Miles to go before you sleep."

And then, if they say that...

you gotta give them a lap dance.

What?

If they call you
Butterfly, buy you a drink,

repeat that poem, you
gotta give them a lap dance.

That's bullshit. I ain't
giving them nothing.

well, you can do it
or not, but if you don't,

everybody in Austin's gonna
think you're a chickenshit.

And I don't think you want everybody
in Austin thinking you're a chickenshit.

I ain't giving nobody no lap
dance 'cause of what you said.

Oh, come on. It's
gonna be funny.

Yeah, everything's funny to you
two when it's happening to me.

Look, you don't have to do
it for anybody you don't want.

I said you'd do it for
the first guy who says it.

So, some geek comes
over, trying to be cool,

just tell him you already
did it at another place earlier.

No harm, no foul, but you
get a free drink out of it.

But maybe a little
later in the evening,

you've had a few drinks,
you're kind of loosey-goosey,

you're safe with your girls,

then some kind of cute, kind of
hot, kind of sexy, hysterically funny,

but not funny-looking
guy comes up and says it,

then maybe you did it
earlier, maybe you didn't.

You made me trip.

You made me trip,
you dumb bitch!

Shut the...

You fuckin' idiot!

Any dead soldiers here?

Uh, these two. Thank you.

Where the hell is Lanna Frank?

That's a good fucking question.

Lanna Frank!

Where are you?

well, come over already.
We're waiting for you.

Shit!

Hold on!

So where are you?

Come over already.
We're waiting for you.

No, we're not coming over there.

You come over here
like you said you would.

So, is it "Shawna" and the girls
at the lake house this weekend?

- "Shawna"?
- Oh, fuck! I...

No. Now, there is one thing
that every girl in the whole world

whose name is Shanna has
in common with each other,

we all hate the name Shawna,

and we really hate it when
people call us Shawna.

Just remember, it's Shanna
Banana, not Shawna Banawna.

Okay, but at some point in the
evening, I had fuckability stock.

Yeah. I mean...

it wasn't bullish, but...

Okay, Warren's
sending over shots.

And you know the house rule:

If he sends over shots,
you've gotta do them.

- What?
- Hey, them's the rules, baby.

Warren says it, we do it!

I love that philosophy:
"Warren says it, we do it."

- So let's do it!
- What is it?

Hey, shot first,
questions later.

Here we go! Post time!

Mmm!

Whoo-hoo!

Ow!

Now, is that a tasty beverage
or is that a tasty beverage?

What the fuck is it?

Chartreuse, the only liquor so
good, they named a color after it.

Who's down for dos Chartreuse?

Not me.

- I'm going out for a smoke.
- Okay.

But careful where you
keep that hot flame, all right?

You'll blow up the joint.

Drinks. What can I get
you? Shanna Banana?

Another big-ass
Long Island iced tea.

Bombay Sapphire
and tonic, no ice.

Good boy.

Oh.

Oh, hey, Punky, uh, one of the
lights is off in the parking lot. Flip it.

- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- Whoa!

You scared the fuck out
of me, you shitty asshole!

I swear, Arlene, I was
not trying to scare you.

I just got lucky.

Oh, hardy-fucking-har.
Go inside.

- Wait a minute.
- Why?

- I was thinking we could make out.
- What, on a porch?

Not even in the bar, but
in front of the entrance?

- Forget it.
- No, in my car.

What, out there? It's wet
as fucking 'Nam out there.

Not in my car it's not.

Look, you won't get wet.

I promise you.

You know, most guys
wouldn't brag about that.

Ha-ha-ha. You know what I mean.

Look, I know you guys are going
to Lake LBJ, and we can't come.

I wanna make out!

Okay, just stop with the
whining. It's not attractive.

Okay, but I don't want
it super-fucking obvious

to everybody in the
bar I've been gone,

so we'll go in your car, we'll make
out for six minutes and that's it.

- Deal?
- Great.

No, no, no. Deal or no deal?

If you're gonna whine when
I pull the plug in six minutes,

we can just walk back inside
the fucking bar right now.

- Deal. No whining.
- And no begging.

And no begging. When
you say done, it's done.

I'm gonna remember
you said that.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, you got two jobs:

Kiss good and make
sure my hair don't get wet.

Now look, you can't look like
you're trying to get her out of here

before Christian
Simonson shows up,

but you've got to get her out of here
before Christian Simonson shows up.

But what's the point?

They're going to Shanna's
daddy's house at Lake LBJ,

and it's no guys...
absolutely no guys.

Okay, so after we
bring the girls drinks,

in fairly rapid order, but not obvious,
we order two more rounds of shots.

You think they're
gonna fall for that?

We'll be very convincing.

Now it's time to turn up the
volume. No more fucking around.

We go to Jäger shots.

Man, they're not
gonna drink Jäger shots.

Dude, as long as a guy's buying the
booze, a fucking bitch'll drink anything.

Come on, dude, we can at
least get one shot of Jäger

down these fucking
bitches' throats.

After that, we'll see if they
got another Jäger shot in them.

You never know.

That could be the shot that puts
them past the point of "fuck it."

Then all of a sudden,
"no guys at the lake house"

turns into "a couple of
guys at the lake house."

My point exactly.

I know I can at least get
Shanna "Suck My" Banana

to do a fucking
Buttery Nipple shot.

What's Julia's sweet shot?

- Key lime pie.
- Oh, come on.

Even fucking Leroy Brown'd
do one more for dessert.

Dude, check it out.

I wonder if B.J. brought
the Bear with him.

Jesus!

Dude fucking cut himself
falling out of his time machine.

Could I get a chicken suit
for Stroker Ace, please?

And where did you
two disappear to?

I had to get something out of the
car, and Nate was gentlemanly enough

to escort me with his umbrella.

Ah, good for you, Nate.

You see that pretty girl
sitting by herself at the bar?

Who, the dirty hippie?

Meow. She's not a hippie.

She might as well be a hippie.

Thank you, Timmy boy.

well, do you know what
just happened to her?

No. But I know she's a
skinny, fake-blonde bitch.

Oh, I'm sorry. You
were telling a story.

What about her?

Hey, Warren, is there
anybody in this place

you could vouch for to
give me a ride home?

Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

You've been eavesdropping?

Oh, eavesdropping
and can't help but hear.

I think I belong in
the latter category.

So, uh, Icy Hot,

are you offering me a ride home?

I'm offering you a lift if, when
I'm ready to leave, you are, too.

And when are you
thinking about leaving?

Truthfully, I'm not
thinking about it.

But when I do, you
will be the first to know.

Will you be able
to, uh, drive later?

I know looks can be deceiving,

but I'm a teetotaler.

I've been drinking club
soda and lime all night,

and now I'm building
up to my big drink.

Which is what?

Virgin piña colada.

Okay. Why would
someone who doesn't drink

spend hours at a
bar drinking water?

A bar offers all kind of
things other than alcohol.

Mmm. Really?

Like what?

Women, nacho grande platters,

the fellowship of some
fascinating individuals,

like Warren here.

Alcohol is just a lubricant for
all the individual encounters

that a barroom offers.

Ooh. Is that cowboy wisdom?

I'm not a cowboy, Pam.

I'm a stuntman.

But that's a very
easy mistake to make.

How do you know my name?

When you were
talking with Warren,

couldn't help but overhear.

Fair enough. So
what's your name, Icy?

Stuntman Mike.

Stuntman Mike's your name?

You ask anybody.

Hey, Warren, who is this guy?

Stuntman Mike.

- And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
- He's a stuntman.

Warren, six shots
of Wild Turkey!

Yeah!

- Yeah.

- Let's do 'em.
- Salud.

Down the snatch.

You know, Pam, I think
it's time for my big drink.

well, Stuntman Mike,

since I have a tab here, can I
buy you that virgin piña colada?

Thank you, Pam.
That would be lovely.

warren, a, uh, virgin piña
colada for my stuntman friend,

and I'll have another
Cadillac Cabo Wabo margarita.

Cabo Wabo, virgin.

Hi, honey. Lanna Frank.

- Mwah! Hey, baby.
- How are you?

- Hey.

Hey. What's shaking, bacon?

Hey!

It's about fucking time!

Well, beggars can't be choosers.

Take a picture. It lasts longer.

What?

That table. Seems to keep,
um, getting your attention.

Is that the girl from
the billboard outside?

- Yep.
- She sure is a striking-looking woman.

It's got gin, tequila...

- Look at that hair.
- Lots of leave-in conditioner.

- Is that jealousy I detect?
- Hardly.

But if you wanna get with, uh, Jungle
Julia, there's a real easy way to do that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- What would that be?
- Get famous.

You won't have to
find her. She'll find you.

And you don't even wanna know
what she did for that billboard.

Enjoy it, cocksucker.
You've earned it.

What did she ever do to you?

We went to school together from
kindergarten through high school.

That's what she did to me.

She was her height
right now at 12.

She was a monster.

Half the guys she still
fucks from the old class,

she used to beat up and
terrorize in the fifth grade.

I see. And she used to beat you up
and take your chocolate milk, huh?

That pituitary case?

Might've kicked my
ass a couple of times.

Sorry. I'm built like a
girl, not a black man.

But I'd die before I ever gave
Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.

Hey, are you
famous or something?

Or something.

No, no, no. Really.

Hey, what do you do?

Really?

What I do is work my ass off to get
my own record label off the ground.

But why that girl
wanted a picture of me

is because I'm a local deejay.

Wait a minute.

You got a billboard by Big
Kahuna Burger, don't you?

Yeah. I got one
there, too, Zatoichi.

Yeah.

Jungle Julia Lucai.

Stuntman Mike McKay.

Well, good to meet
you, Stuntman Mike.

Now, my friends and I are
gonna continue to get our weed on.

- Would you care for some?
- Thank you, Julia.

But just the same, no, thanks.

- Suit yourself.
- But, you know...

Aw, shit. Oh, God.

Sorry. It's nothing.

What the fuck was that?

Actually, I do want
you to have a shot.

You got some voucher here.

I asked him what
movies you worked on.

No fucking clue.

well, technically, I really don't know
if he's ever done anything for sure.

I mean, he shows me an
episode of High Chaparall,

a guy falls off a
horse, he says it's him.

You know the show The Virginian?

Yeah, well, there was another
actor on that show... Gary Clarke...

and I looked like him a bit.

Obviously, before I
cut myself shaving.

Oh, I like it.

Well, damn if you ain't so sweet,
you make sugar taste just like salt.

Anyway, I did a lot of
Virginians doubling Gary Clarke.

And, uh, then that show
turned into The Men of Shiloh,

they brought on Lee
Majors, and I doubled him.

From that point on, I
specialized mostly in car stunts.

Yeah, I did damn near the
whole third season of Vegas.

I was Robert Urich's
driving double.

And then Bob did
another show... Gavilan,

and he brought me
with him on that till...

And after that...

Do you know any of these
shows or people I'm talking about?

Sorry.

- No.
- No.

So, how exactly does
one become a stuntman,

Stuntman Mike?

Well, in Hollywood,

anybody fool enough to throw
himself down a flight of stairs

can usually find
somebody to pay him for it.

But, really, I got
into the business

the way most people
get in the stunt business.

- How's that?
- My brother got me in it.

- Well, who's your brother?
- Stuntman Bob.

I'm trying to get these two shows
happening in New York for November.

- I'm ready to blaze.
- Finally. Yeah.

- You need to catch up with us.
- Now the party can start.

Yep.

Anyhoo, I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

But you have to be real nice to me
for the whole rest of the time I'm here.

- Promise. You ready to go to the lake?
- Mm-hmm.

How about your little
friend? You wanna bring him?

I thought no boys.

If you really want him to
come, Shanna won't mind.

So, how about it?
Boys or just us girls?

Us girls.

Good idea.

Ladies.

Thanks.

Cheers, Butterfly.

"The woods are
lovely, dark and deep,

"and I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep.

"Did you hear me, Butterfly?

Miles to go before you sleep."

Sorry, Stuntman Burt...

Mike.

Mike. She already
broke off that dance.

Is that true?

Did I miss my chance?

Do I frighten you?

Is it my scar?

It's your car.

Ah. Yeah, I know.

Sorry.

It's my mom's car.

Have you been following us?

No. But that's what
I love about Austin.

It's just so damn small.

- You've seen this guy before?
- I saw him outside of Guero's.

And I saw you
outside Guero's, too.

You saw my car, I saw your legs.

Now, look, I ain't stalking y'all,
but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf.

So you really
weren't following us?

I'm not following
you, Butterfly.

I just got lucky.

So, how about that lap dance?

Sorry. It was a
one-time-only offer,

and she did it earlier
this evening at Anton's.

- No, she didn't.
- How do you know?

I'm good that way.

And you look a little touchéd.

- What's "touchéd"?
- Wounded slightly.

Why should I be wounded?

Because you expected guys
to be pestering you all night,

but from your look, I can tell
nobody pestered you at all.

That kind of hurt your
feelings a little bit, didn't it?

There are few things as
fetching as a bruised ego

on a beautiful angel.

So...

how about that lap dance?

I think I'm gonna have
to give you a rain check.

well, since you'll be leaving
in the next couple of days,

that rain check
will be worthless.

But that's okay.

I understand if I make
you uncomfortable.

You're still a nice girl,

and I still like you.

But I must warn
you of something.

You know how people say...

"You're okay in my book,"

or, "In my book,
that's no good"?

Well, I actually have a book.

And everybody I ever meet

goes in this book.

And now I've met you,
and you're going in the book.

Except I'm afraid
I must file you...

under "chickenshit."

And what if I did it?

Well, I definitely couldn't file you
under "chickenshit" then, now, could I?

What's your name again?

Stuntman Mike.

Well, Stuntman
Mike, I'm Butterfly.

My friend Jungle Julia over here says
that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

- Yeah, it is.
- Yeah.

why don't you go get
ready for your lap dance?

what about "kind of cute, kind of
hot, kind of sexy, hysterically funny,

but not funny-looking
guy who you could fuck"

did you not understand?

I'm driving.

we're gonna go somewhere
else. We're gonna go hang out.

- You ready to go?
- Yeah.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I think you got
Mike laid tonight.

Lookin' good, Cannonball Run!

He's just giving me a ride.

- Oh, no doubt.
- Have a nice ride!

Look, double fucks...

uh-uh, I am not gonna fuck him.

I can hear you.

- He's old enough to be my dad...
- I can still hear you.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Wow, that's fucking scary.

Yeah, well, I wanted
it to be impressive.

Scary tends to impress.

Is it safe?

Oh, it's better than
safe. It's death proof.

How do you make
a car death proof?

well, that's what stuntmen do.

You've seen a movie where
a car gets into some smash-up

there ain't no way in hell
anybody's walking away from?

Yeah.

Well, how do you think
they accomplish that?

CGI?

well, unfortunately, Pam, nowadays,
more often than not, you're right.

But back in the all-or-nothing
days, the Vanishing Point days,

the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days,

the White Line Fever days...

real cars smashing
into real cars

with real dumb
people driving them.

So, you give the stunt team
the car you want to smash up,

take her and reinforce
that fucker everywhere,

and voilà, you got yourself
a death-proof automobile.

That makes sense.

I just didn't know you could
make a car death proof.

Hell, I can drive this
baby into a brick wall

doing 125 miles an hour
just for the experience.

Why is your passenger
seat in a box?

well, this is a movie car.

Sometimes when you're shooting a crash,
director wants to put a camera in the car.

You know, shoot the
crash from the inside.

That's where you put the camera.
They call it a crash box. Here.

There you go.

You know, when you
asked to drive me home,

you didn't mention your car
didn't have a passenger seat.

Yeah, well, actually, I
didn't ask to drive you home.

You asked me for a ride, and I said
yes. But look at the bright side, Pam.

I won't be getting fresh
putting my hand on your knee.

That is the bright side.

I thought so.

Well, Pam, which way you going?

- Left or right?
- Right.

Ah, that's too bad.

Why?

Well, because there was a 50-50 shot
on whether you'd be going left or right.

You see, we're both going left.

You could've just as
easily been going left, too,

and if that was the case,

it would've been a while
before you started getting scared.

But since you're
going the other way,

I'm afraid...

you're gonna have to start
getting scared... immediately.

What the fuck?

Cocksucking motherfucker!

Just fucking let me out of here!

I'll fucking rip your fucking...

Stop the fucking car!

Okay, here's the thing.

I get it.

I... I know it's a joke,
and it's super-funny.

Um, but if you
just stop right now,

you know, and...
and... and let me out,

I'll never tell anybody,
because I know it's a joke.

I know all about jokes.

I promise everything
will be fine.

Just... Just... Just let me out,

please, and... and...

Hey, Pam,

remember when I said
this car was death proof?

well, that wasn't a lie.

This car is 100% death proof.

Only, to get the
benefit of it, honey,

you really need to
be sitting in my seat.

Now I gotta catch me
my other girlfriends.

No, no, no, no.

It's Dave Dee, Dozy,
Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

So you got it? Thanks, honey.

You're gonna play
it next song, right?

Good boy.

Growl.

Bye-bye.

Who do you wanna hear?

Dave Dee, Dozy,
Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

Who?

Dave Dee, Dozy,
Beaky, Mitch and Tich.

Who the fuck are they?

For your information, Pete Townshend,
at one point, almost quit The Who,

and if he had, he would've
ended up in this group,

thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy,
Beaky, Mitch, Tich and Pete.

And if you ask me,
he should have.

That's my boy!

I wanna hear this
part of the song louder!

Do you remember anything?

Uh, I don't remember.

Dr. Block.

Self restraints to room 310.

Self restraints to room 310.

well, what's the patient's
prognosis, Dr. Block?

I don't really see it's
any of your business.

Come on now, sis.

You just tell us.

How bad is he?

He got banged up real good.

Busted nose, broken collarbone,

smashed up his
left index finger.

Is that it?

He was real lucky.

That'll be all?

Why, that's more than enough,
and I wanna thank you, Dr. Block.

Son of a bitch!

So, Pop, what do you think?

well, son number one,

what I think is so
goddamn ghoulish,

I hesitate to speak it out loud.

Well, give it a shot.

Well, what we have here is
a case of vehicular homicide.

That old boy in there
murdered them pretty little gals.

I mean, he used a car and not a
hatchet, but they dead just the same.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Not a goddamn thing.

The DA says ain't no crime here.

Every one of them gals
was swimming in alcohol

and floating on weed.

And old Hooper in there

came out clean as a whistle.

Now, you actually think that he
premeditatedly murdered them gals?

Well, I can't prove it,

but since thinking don't cost
nothing, I can think it, and I do.

Yeah, but, Pop, he got
pretty banged up hisself.

Well, hell, yeah, he got
banged up, but God damn!

Them pretty little gals
look like a goddamn giant

chewed 'em up and spit 'em out.

Any of 'em survive?

Shit.

Two tons of metal,
200 miles an hour,

flesh and bone and
plain old Newton...

They all princess died.

Why?

well, I'd guestimate
it's a sex thing.

The only way I can figure it.

High-velocity impact,

twisted metal, busted glass,

all four souls taken
exactly at the same time.

Probably the only way that diabolical
degenerate can shoot his goo.

Yeah, I think the only thing we
can dream of getting that bastard on

is vehicular manslaughter for
the hitchhiker in the death box.

That was just plain old
goddamn reckless endangerment.

But I got me a goddamn
bartender gonna testify

that old Stuntman Mike
didn't drink a drop all night,

and his passenger was
left stranded by her date

in the goddamn rain, no less, and
she asked him for the fucking ride.

Now, on paper, it's gonna look
like he's just trying to help her out.

I mean, that's the way
the jury's gonna see it.

So what are you gonna do, Pop?

well, I can take it upon myself
to work the case, you know,

in my off hours.

Search for evidence, you
know, to prove my theory.

Alert authorities. Dog
that rotten son of a bitch.

Wherever he goes, I go.

Or I can spend

the same goddamn
amount of time and energy

following the NASCAR circuit.

Hmm. I thought about it a lot.

I think I'd have a hell of lot
happier life if I did the latter.

And just because I can't punish old...
Frankenstein in there for what he's done,

I'm gonna tell you
like the Lord told John.

If he ever does it again,

I can make goddamn
sure he don't do it in Texas.

- So, are you on the same floor with him?
- No, he's on the 4th and I'm on the 7th.

- Who's in whose room?
- He's in mine.

- And, so, what happened then?
- That was pretty much it.

We made out in the
hall for about 10 minutes,

and then I sent
him off to his room.

- So, how's The Rock as a kisser?
- Mmm, he's damn good!

He's got them mushy
lips and fingertips.

Mmm, I love them mushy lips.

And he's a big guy,

so he spins me around so
my back's up against him.

Then he takes his big hand,
and he puts it on my throat,

tilts my head back
and leans over me,

kisses me from behind.

- Damn, that sounds sexy!
- Mmm, it was sexy.

But then that was
it? You sent him off?

How'd he take it?

Wait a minute. What
are we doing here?

If I'm gonna power through
and pick up Zoë at the airport,

I need a big-ass cup of coffee.

Since you're getting that,

can you get some more vodka
and some more sugar-free Red Bull?

We didn't know you were awake.

I'm not awake. I'm asleep.

But get some more vodka and some
more sugar-free Red Bull anyway.

And some Red Apple Tans.

Damn! I didn't stop to
get you bitches groceries!

You remember how to
get to the airport, don't you?

Uh-huh.

well, then, you should
get behind the wheel,

'cause you gonna drive.

Motherfuckers!

They ain't got
sugar-free Red Bull.

They got regular Red Bull
and sugar-free G.O. juice.

- G.O.
- G.O.!

where the hell are my
keys? Oh, here they are.

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean
to give you a concert there.

No, it wasn't you.

That guy bumped into
my feet when he walked by.

I don't know why, but that
kind of creeped me out.

Little dick.

Clearly.

Since I'm up,

I might as well hit the ATM.

Get me a fucking smoke.

What?

Did you just see the...

What?

Nothing, honey.

Yello.

It's me.

Miss me?

Oh, you best get
your ass off Kim's car.

I've seen Kim sit on it before.

Her ass ain't your ass.

Okay.

So, I think I'm in this
month's issue of Allure.

You got Allure?

Magazines by the window.

Here you are!

You hot mama, you.

See you in a second.

3.85. Out of 20.

And you get 15 and change back.

Thank you very much.

You know, I got other fashion
magazines for sale behind the counter.

No, that's okay. This'll be all.

- Thought I'd ask.
- Thanks anyway.

Have a good one.

I got this month's
issue of Italian Vogue.

This month's?

Listen to this.

The Circle A clerk has this
month's issue of Italian Vogue.

- No way.
- Way.

I can't believe a fucking
Circle A carries Italian Vogue.

It doesn't. It's his
own personal copy.

He'll let it go for 27 bucks.

Twenty-seven bucks?

What the fuck do you care? We're
talking about fucking per diem here.

Look, we found an issue of Italian
Vogue in Lebanon, Tennessee.

we're lucky he's not asking
for fucking Krugerrands.

I'm getting it, and we're
splitting it three ways.

What, me, you and Kim?

No, Kim doesn't give a
shit about Italian Vogue.

But Brandy will come in with us,
and if she won't, Tysla, her sister, will.

Okay. But if anybody
tears out any sheets I want,

you gotta make color
Xerox of those pages.

And I'm not talking fucking
Kinko's here either, okay?

You take it to the art department,
you have them do it fucking right.

You guys are good.

Oh, my God.

- That's it. That's it.

- Oh, boy.

Your timing couldn't
be better, Zoë.

It just so happens that we're all three off
duty for the next three days of shooting.

Fucking hell. How
does that happen?

well, I'm doing Lindsay Lohan's makeup,
and she's off for the next three days,

there's no stunts being filmed
during that time, so Kim's free,

and Lee's on a "will notify"
for the next four days.

So, how's the shoot going?

Great. We're
having the best time.

The director, Cecil
Evans, is so much fun.

we're making the coolest
movie and partying all the time.

Hell, yeah. The next job after
this one is definitely gonna suck.

So, let's hear it, ladies.

Set romances.
Who's getting it off?

That would be Lee and Toolbox.

Oh, Toolbox. Name
sounds promising.

- He's a grip.
- What he is is a pervert.

Well, he just keeps
sounding better and better.

What's his perversion?

He likes to watch me pee.

Lee is sitting on the toilet, and
Toolbox is watching her pee.

P-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Yeah, but not no more.

Now she's getting
it on with The Rock.

- You're having one off with The Rock?
- Not the real Rock.

He's this electrician
named Bruce.

And Kim started calling him The Rock,
'cause he kind of looks like The Rock,

so now we all just
call him The Rock.

Oh, yeah. This
is an all-star crew.

We got a guy who
looks like Nick Cage

and a guy who looks
like Pee-wee Herman, too.

Kim, dick department.
Let's hear it.

Mm-mm. No dick this trip.

I got a man.

- How long have you had this boyfriend?
- About three months.

Who'd you steal him from?

- Nobody.
- Kim!

Wha... What?

He totally had a girlfriend.

All of Kim's boyfriends start out
as somebody else's boyfriend.

I did not steal him.

I didn't steal any of them.

They just... jumped ship.

So, what's your
story, Abernathy?

Oh, Abbie's got the big kahuna.

I had a set crush on Cecil.

Set crush? Nigga, please!
You were his set wife.

"Were" and "had" being
the key words here.

Bitch, you two are still into
each other, and you know it.

Yeah, well, if he's
so in love with me,

then whey did he fuck
Daryl Hannah's stand-in?

Ho-ho-ho!

Yes, men are dogs.
Oh, it's so funny!

Oh, it's so funny!

Oh, stop acting all
hurt. Your ass just mad.

Yeah, he's a stand-in fucker.

Bitch, you need to get over that
shit. That was two weeks ago.

Oh, well, now that
you put it like that.

Oh, I haven't told
you the best part.

He fucked her on my birthday.

Oh, that's a horse
of a different color.

Thank you.

Did he know it
was your birthday?

He's the director.
He's kind of busy.

He ate a piece of my birthday
cake and he got me a present.

Yeah, I think he knew.

Well, what did he get you?

He made me a tape.

He made you a tape?

- Yeah.
- Wait.

He didn't burn you a
CD. He made you a tape?

- Yeah.
- Oh, that is so romantic.

Yes. I know what you're gonna
say, so don't even go there.

That sounds like the
test of true love to me.

Look, I know you guys like him.

He's likable, but he fucked
another woman on my birthday.

How can you not be on my side?

well, I admit, that sounds bad.

It is bad!

It just sounds like there's
a little more to it than that.

- Were you two fucking?
- Hell, no.

Hello. Is your name Abernathy?

Sorry.

The answer to your
question is no, of course not.

What do you mean,
"No, of course not"?

The reason Cecil hasn't had a girlfriend in
six years is because girls will fuck him.

And if you fuck Cecil, you don't
become one of his girlfriends.

Not to say I want
to be his girlfriend,

but if I did want
to be his girlfriend,

if I fucked him, I
wouldn't be his girlfriend.

I'd be one of his regulars.

And I'm just getting too
fucking old for that shit.

Have you let him do anything?

Yes!

I've let him give
me a foot massage,

and when we go to the
movies, I've let him hold my hand.

Bitch, you might be
acting like you 12 years old,

but he just acting like a man.

You need to break
that nigga off a piece.

Let me get this straight.

- You're not fucking him...
- Mm-mm.

- You're not sucking him...
- Mm-mm.

you're not giving him any tongue,
but Daryl Hannah's stand-in is.

Okay, can we just take
my sex life off the table?

Actually, uh, it was Cecil's sex life that
was on the table and your lack of one.

Ohhh!

Fuck both of you and
your little high five.

Before you can claim a
nigga, you got to claim a nigga,

and you can start by giving
that motherfucker a hand job

in the back of the
van on Tuesday.

I'm not gonna do that.

I know you won't.
But you know who will.

The bitch that ends up living
in that big-ass mansion of his.

Now, I gotta say, I haven't entirely agreed
with everything Kim said, but it is true:

If you stretch shit out
like you have with Cecil,

and you suddenly
get dirty on them,

it blows their mind.

So, Zoë, Kim and I are in the
Philippines at an outdoor rave.

- What were you working on?
- Three Kicks to the Head, Part Three.

And, admittedly,
we're a little fucked-up.

- Cheers to that.
- Word.

Cheers.

So, Zoë,

the genius,

wants to take a picture of me.

It's dark as hell, and
you can't see shit.

So she's got her
camera and keeps saying,

"Step back a little," so I do.

Then, "A little further," so
I step back a little further.

Then, "A little more," so I do.

Then I realize I'm
right at the edge

of a seven-foot concrete ditch

with God knows how many rocks
and broken bottles and rats in it,

and if I fell in that fucking thing, I'd
probably would've broken my fucking neck.

So I'm yelling at her,
"Zoë, you almost killed me!"

So we laugh about it
and walk a little further,

and Zoë starts fucking around,

and damn if she doesn't
fall in the fucking ditch.

Nice. Nice.

Thank you. Yep. Thank you.

I remember taking a
step and looking down.

Just as I'm thinking, "There's
that ditch Abbie was talking about,"

bam, I'm in the fucking
ditch, you know?

What happened?

what, with Zoë the cat? Nothing.

If I fell in that fucking thing,

they would've had to
helicopter me out of there.

Zoë just lands on her feet.

But then, later, I started
feeling a little bad about myself.

Zoë falls in the
ditch, and it's nothing.

We're laughing about it.

If I fell in that fucking thing,

I probably would've
been fucking paralyzed.

Oh, honey, you
can't think like that.

You know, we all have
our individual talents,

and that just happens
to be one of Zoë's.

- Yeah.
- Well...

physically speaking,
Zoë is amazing.

I mean, agility,
reflexes, nimbleness.

There's few human beings that
can fuck with Zoë on that front.

Oh, Kim, I like you, too.

Having said that,

before you get too
envious of Zoë's prowess,

you're missing the most
important part of that story.

You didn't fall in
the ditch, Zoë did.

Zoë even knew there was a
ditch there because you told her,

and she still fell in.

So, Lee's right. We
all have our talents.

Hey, I resemble that remark.

So, Kim, you still
pack a roscoe?

Check it out, bitch.

- Ooh, nice one, mate.
- I know this.

- What's a roscoe?
- A roscoe is a pistol.

- You carry a gun?
- Uh-huh.

- You have a license to carry it?
- Yeah.

when I became a Secret Service
agent, they gave me a license.

Oh, I didn't know you were...

Okay, I didn't say it, all right?
Stop looking at me. I didn't say it.

God!

Did you know Kim carried a gun?

Yes. Now, do I approve? No.

Do I know? Yes.

Look, I don't know what
futuristic utopia you live in,

but the world I live
in, a bitch need a gun.

You can't get around the
fact that people who carry guns

tend to get shot more
than people who don't.

And you can't get around
the fact that if I go down

to the laundry room in my
building at midnight enough times,

I might get my ass raped.

Don't do your
laundry at midnight.

Fuck that. I wanna do my laundry
whenever the fuck I wanna do my laundry.

There are other things you
can carry other than a gun.

Pepper spray.

Uh, motherfucker try to rape me,
I don't wanna give him a skin rash.

I wanna shut that nigga down.

How about a knife at least?

Yeah. You know what happens
to motherfuckers carry knives?

They get shot!

Look, if I ever become
a famous actress,

I won't carry a gun.

I'll hire me a do-dirt nigga,
and he'll carry the gun.

And when shit goes
down, I'll sit back and laugh.

But until that day, it's
wild West, motherfucker.

So, Zoë, you thought about
what you want to do first?

It just so happens I know
exactly what I wanna do.

Oh, really?

And what would that be?

To me, there's no
point in being in America

unless you can drive
a Detroit muscle car.

And I wanna drive
a Dodge Challenger.

Fuck me swinging, balls out.

Um, well, I guess we
can talk to Transpo.

But does it have to be
a Dodge Challenger?

Not just that.

It has to be a 1970 Dodge
Challenger with a 440 engine.

How in the fuck do
you expect to do that?

No worries, mate.

I've got it all worked out.

When I knew I was coming
here, I went online and found out

that the local paper here in Tennessee
is the Lebanon News Sentinel.

- So, back home...
- I'm sorry. Where's home?

Australia, right?

What do you mean by that, mate?

Zoë's from New
Zealand, and you never...

I repeat, never...
call a Kiwi an Aussie.

That is, unless you
want your ass kicked.

I'm so sorry. I really am.

Oh, it's okay.

we're just taking the
piss out of you, mate.

Auckland, to
answer your question.

Anyway, I subscribed to
the local paper a month ago.

Now, why the fuck you want a local
redneck newspaper in New Zealand?

Pipe down, and I'll tell you.

I've been getting the
paper for the last month,

and I've been checking the classified
at the back, looking at cars for sale.

So, as of yesterday,

for sale, in this town,

some dude is selling a
stock 1970 Dodge Challenger

with a 440 engine
and a white paint job.

And you wanna buy it?

Kim, I may be stupid,
but I'm not bloody stupid.

I wanna say I wanna buy
it, so he'll let me test-drive it.

A 1970 Dodge Challenger
with a white paint job.

- Oh, uh, Kowalski.
- Kowalski from Vanishing Point.

- Mate, it's a fucking classic!
- Mmm, I get it.

If I can get this guy to
let me drive it without him,

I will blow the
doors off that bitch.

- What's Vanishing Point?
- Oh, God.

"What's Vanishing Point?"

Abs, I'm supposed
to be the illiterate one.

It's just one of the best
American movies ever made.

Actually, Zoë, most girls
wouldn't know Vanishing Point.

Excuse me. "Most girls"?

What the fuck are you two?

Yeah, well, we're gearheads.
Of course we watched it.

Y'all grew up watching
that Pretty in Pink shit.

Oh, I like Pretty in Pink.

what, so you didn't watch
John Hughes movies?

Of course I did. I'm a girl.

But I also watched
car shit, too.

Vanishing Point, Dirty
Mary Crazy Larry...

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Gone in 60 Seconds...

The real one, not that
Angelina Jolie bullshit.

We have an outdoors
theater in Auckland.

It plays Vanishing
Point, Big Wednesday,

all the classics.

What do you horny gals want?

Hey, you got a 1970
Dodge Challenger for sale?

Right up here, ladies.

This shit is off
the fucking hook!

Fucking legendary, mate.

Sweet ass. Well, if you'll
excuse me for a moment,

I'd just like to have a word
alone with my business associate.

- You ladies take your time.
- Okay.

Mmm.

What are you waiting for? Ask
him to let you drive it by yourself.

I... I intend to, but first, I
need to ask you something.

What?

If he lets us take it out on our
own, I wanna play ship's mast.

- Oh, hell, no!
- Would you keep it down?

- Ain't no way I'm doing ship's mast.
- For Christ sakes...

- Don't blaspheme.
- Sorry.

Now, what did you
say after the last time?

- Look, I know what I said...
- What did you say?

- I know I said we
shouldn't do this again...

- No. You didn't
say we shouldn't.

You said we ain't ever
gonna do that again.

- Yeah, but...
- "But," my ass!

You said not only are we never
gonna play ship's mast again,

but you also said if you ever
do what you trying to do now

to not only refuse, but
that I had permission

to physically restrain
your ass if necessary.

Now, did you or
did you not say that?

- Well...
- No, no, no, no.

Answer the question,
motherfucker.

Did you or did you not say that?

Yes, I said that. However...

Whatever with your "however."

Look, I know I said it,
and I know I meant it...

Damn skippy you meant it.

Yeah, but when I said it,
I didn't mean in America.

- Oh, nigga, please!
- Really...

I meant we should never
play ship's mast again

in New Zealand or Australia.

You are such a liar.

Look, I know what
I said when I said it.

But when I said it, I didn't
know I'd ever come to America.

And when I said it, if I had known
I was going to come to America

and had the opportunity
to play ship's mast

with a fucking Vanishing
Point Challenger,

I would've added a "however."

Right?

Okay, oddly enough, I
actually understood that.

However, just because you
talked yourself into some stupid shit

doesn't mean I have
lost my goddamn mind.

You need two people to play
ship's mast, and I ain't playing.

I'll be your best friend.

I don't need me no best friend
lives on the other side of planet Earth.

- I'll crack your back.
- You'll crack it anyway.

Well, of course
I'll crack it anyway.

But now, while I'm here, I'll
be your back-cracking slave.

Whenever you want it, you got it.
You don't even have to ask for it.

You just order me
to do it. Just be, like...

"Bitch, get over
here and get busy."

You crack my back, you'll
give me foot massages...

Mm-hmm. Mmm.

and after a shower, you
put moisturizer on my butt.

Deal.

So, we're gonna see if this guy'll
let us take the car out without him.

If he does, you wait here with
Lee, and we'll be back in a moment.

What?

I said, we're gonna see if this guy'll
let us take the car out without him...

I heard what you said.

I just can't believe
what you said.

You know, you two
got some fucking balls.

What?

Don't play dumbass with me.

I've been up all night.

I'm still a little drunk
and I have a hangover.

I should be in my hotel room asleep,
not fucking around here on Tobacco Road.

But because Zoë wanted to drive some
fucking Vanishing Point car, I'm here.

Now you two got the balls
to ask me... no, scratch that...

tell me I gotta go make
conversation with Tom Joad

while the cool kids
get to go out and play?

Bullshit on that.

- It ain't like that.
- Then what's it like, Kim?

You guys are our collateral.

He is never gonna
go for it if we all go.

I really think one human
being will be collateral enough.

You're not gonna wanna
do what we're doing.

What, drive a car?

- Mmm.
- We're doing more than that.

what, drive it fast?

We're doing more than that.

Actually, we're paying
you a compliment,

'cause we gonna
do some stupid shit.

But that's okay. We're stunt
people. We ain't got good sense.

But you got good sense,

and anybody with good sense ain't
gonna wanna do what we're doing.

How do you know
I don't wanna do it?

- 'Cause you're a mom.
- Yeah.

You know, we're supposed
to be this big posse,

but that's the
excuse you guys use

whenever you want to
exclude me from something.

So, what is it you two daredevils
are doing that I'm just so uncool,

I couldn't possibly understand?

You know, we're kind
of conning this guy,

so maybe it's best that we don't go into
detail about it while he's watching us.

Besides, he's probably not
gonna let us do it anyway.

Okay. How about this?

I'll talk him into it.

But if I talk him
into it, I go along.

- How you gonna do that?
- Eh, that's my problem.

But don't worry.

He'll say yes.

What are you gonna do, blow him?

No!

I'm gonna insinuate that
Lee's gonna blow him.

That's good.

Not really.

But let me handle
it. We got a deal?

Okay, Mommy, listen up.

You wanna hang
with the cool kids,

you got to be cool.

we take you along,
you don't say shit.

You don't even say crap.

You just sit in the back,
and I don't wanna hear

a peep out of your
ass, you understand?

- Got it.
- I'm serious now.

You start nagging us, we're
pulling over to the side of the road,

kicking your ass out
and picking you up later.

Agreed.

Okay. Go work your magic.

- Hello, sir.
- Hello!

- Hello. What's your name?
- Jasper.

Hello, Jasper. I'm Abernathy.

- Aber... what?
- Abernathy.

- What's your first name?
- That is my first name.

What kind of first name is that?

You know what?
Just call me Abbie.

Okay, Abbie.

Jasper, we were
wondering if my friends and I

could take the car out for a
little test-drive out on our own.

You know, just to see
if we're comfortable in it.

Why would I do
something stupid like that?

To better sell your automobile.

How do I know y'all
ain't just gonna steal it?

Four reasons, actually.

One, we're not thieves.

Two, that would be rude.

Three, we're staying
at the Days Inn in town.

You can call the hotel,
check with management.

We're registered
for the next month.

Actually, Zoë's not.

But Kim and I are, so
we're totally track-downable.

Who's Kim? The colored girl?

Yes. Kim would
be the girl of color.

And reason number four,
and the most important,

while we're taking the
car out for a little spin,

that'll give you a better
opportunity to get acquainted

with our other friend, Lee.

Why does she
look kind of familiar?

That would be because
she's a famous actress.

Oh.

Why is she dressed like that?

well, you see, we're making
a Hollywood movie in town,

and it's a cheerleader movie,
and she's one of the cheerleaders.

What's a cheerleader movie?

A movie about cheerleaders.

Is it a porno movie?

Yes, it is.

But don't mention it.

She's shy.

Lee, this is Jasper.
Jasper, Lee.

Now, you two kids
stay out of trouble.

Hey, good-lookin', be
back to pick you up later.

Ta-ta!

Gulp.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

I think I'm thinking it.

What are you and you thinking?

I'm thinking we told your
ass to shut the fuck up.

- Where y'all going?
- You stay put.

I gotta take a...

So, you ready to do this?

You sure?

well, I always don't wanna do
it right before I'm gonna do it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean,
'cause I don't wanna do it.

- Kim...
- I'm just saying.

Look, if you're gonna
take the piss out of it...

I'm just saying.

You wanna start out on top?

Practically doesn't count
if you start on the top.

Here are your gloves.

No, no, no, no. I'm
wearing the jacket.

This is my jacket.

Um, ain't you 'posed to
be my slave or some shit?

- Come on.
- I'm the one who's on the fucking bonnet!

"Bonnet," my ass.
You on the hood.

Y'all, I think I
hear a car coming!

Give me your belt.

Oh.

But this is my cute shit.

- Well...
- Fuck that.

Get Abernathy's belt.

Fine. We'll use Abbie's belt.

- Give me your belt.
- No.

- Prada.
- Come on, give her the belt.

Magic word.

Please give her the belt.

Just 'cause you asked nicely.

- It's nice to be nice, Kim!
- Whatever.

You know what?

Don't even fucking think about asking
me next time you want me to do your hair.

Your ass gonna do it.

Yeah, and you'll ask
"pretty please," bitch,

because that's what you do
when no one else is looking.

You ain't that fucking hard.

I ain't getting that shit.

Abernathy, don't get
on my nerves right now.

I got shit on my mind.

Ooh!

You know, I ain't six.

It's cold. Can we roll up
one of these windows?

No.

Okay, Abernathy. Check this out.

What the fuck are
you guys doing?

What does that mean?

Whoa.

Faster, you black bitch! Faster!

Is that fast enough
for your bony ass?

Whoohoo!

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Abernathy, get your ass up here.

All righty.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Go, go, go!

Check it out, bitch. You
want it fucking faster?

- Oh, my God.
- What the fuck? Shit!

Zoë!

Damn it!

Now.

Did you do something to him?

- Did you say something?
- Nothing! Nothing!

Shit!

Shit, here he comes!
Here he comes!

- Oh, Shit!
- Shit! Oh, shit!

- Whoa.
- Hold on, Zoë!

Oh, my God! Zoë!

- Oh! Hold on!
- I can't!

Whoo!

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Zoë! Zoë!

- I'm sorry I called you a black bitch!
- I forgive you! Now hold the fuck on!

Whoa! Whoa! Get away!

Oh, shit! I can't
fucking see! I can't see!

Zoë, move your legs!

Fuck you!

Come on! Come on!

Redneck lunatic bastard!

Get away from me!

Baby, just hold on!

- Zoë...
- Fuck you!

- Oh, my God!
- Come on! Come on!

Fucking get away from me!

- Oh, shit!
- I'm scared, Kim! I'm really scared!

- I know, baby. Just hold on.
- Watch your feet!

- You wanna get hot? You wanna get hot?
- You fucking psychotic bitch!

- Zoë - Here, suck
on this for a while!

Zoë!

God damn it!

Zoë!

He's coming up!

Get away from
us, you cocksucker!

Leave us alone!

- Fuck you, motherfucker!
- Fuck you!

Zoë! Zoë! Zoë!

Hold on!

- Zoë!
- Zoë!

I don't want to die.

Look out!

Get ready to fly, bitch!

- Zoë!
- Zoë, hold on!

He's right on your ass. He's
right on your fucking ass.

Hey!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, ladies!

That was fun!

well, adios!

Ow! Fuck!

Shit! Fuck!

Ooh, I know I hit your ass!

Better run, motherfucker!

Bitch!

I'm okay!

Oh, shit! God damn it!

Oh, you fucking bitch!

Of course you are.
Of course you are.

What was I thinking?

what was I thinking?
Zoë the fucking cat!

Whew! That was a close one.

So, where's the maniac?

I shot him, and his
punk-ass sped off.

You wanna go get him?

Oh, hell, yeah!

Honey, I think you
might want to get out.

Fuck that shit.

Let's kill this bastard.

Okay, get your ass
in the back. Let's go.

Fuck this mother...

- wait.
- Where the fuck you going?

I'll be back.

Yeah, that'll smart.
Sweet. Let's go.

Oh, fuck, yeah, bitch!
Come on. Bring that shit.

Giddyap, Kim!

Yeah!

Ohhh!

Oh, why? Oh, no!

Ah, do it!

Do it!

Ohhhh, no!

No, no, no!

No, God...

All right, get it together.

Get it... Get it...

what are you... what are
you... What are you gonna do?

Kick his ass, Zoë!

Hey, now I wanna play!

Fucking fuck you!

Where do you think
you're fucking going?

Where the fuck do
you think you're going?

Come here...

Go!

what's wrong with your ass
now, motherfucking cocksucker?

I got your ass!

Oh, you gonna wiggle your ass at
me? Gonna wiggle it at me? Oh, no.

Oh, don't like it up the ass, do
ya, ya redneck lunatic bastard?

- Oh, yeah!
- Hola, papi!

Bitch, I'm gonna bust a
nut up in this bitch right now!

Ow! I'm the horniest
motherfucker on the road!

Boo-yah, bitch!

Did you just hit a boat?

Yeah, Kim, get him!

Get him, get him, get him!

Forget about the cows, motherfucker!
Move, motherfucker, move!

Move, motherfucker!

I'm about to bust a nut up
in this bitch, motherfucker!

Watch it, watch it,
watch it, watch it.

Tapping that ass! Tapping that
ass! Tapping it, tapping it, tapp...

Stupid bastard.

Shit.

Oh, you know I
can't let you go...

without tapping that ass...

Oh, fuck me!

- One...
- Kim?

- More...
- Kim?

Time!

Boo-yah!

That's what the fuck
I'm talking about, bitch!

Oh, shit.

Aw, come on!

Come on!

You thought you
lost us, motherfucker.

We back, motherfucker. We back.

Who's got you now, bitch?

Shit.

Come on!

Here's Cha Cha!

You miss us, you
lunatic bastard?

- I'm sorry!
- What?

I didn't... I didn't
mean anything!

I... I was just playing around!

- Oh, he was playing around.
- He was just playing.

Well, I ain't playing with you!

Oh, look out, look
out, look out! Oh!

Watch the sign!

Oh, shit! Aah!

- Whoa, Kim...
- Oh, sh...

- Come on.
- Don't run, don't run, motherfucker.

Don't run! Shit!

Whoa!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Jesus fucking
Christ! It's about time!

- Go, Daddy, go.
- Just go, go, go, go, go, go!

Please don't dead-end.
Please don't dead-end.

Please don't dead-end.

Please don't dead-end.
Please don't dead-end.

Please don't dead-end.

Please don't dead-end.
Please don't dead-end.

Oh, there the motherfucker is.

- Go, go, go, go!
- Get him, get him, get him!

Ahh.

Help me!

Oh, help me!

Be careful! My
right arm's broken!

This one?

Oh, you want some shit?

Motherfucker,
kiss my fucking ass.

You piece of shit.

Bitch!

Motherfucker!

Asshole!

- Come on, Abbie.
- I got this.

Improved by KID