All language subtitles for American.Dad.S19E20.Gernot.and.Strudel.1080p.DSNP.WEBRip.DDP.5.1.H.265.-EDGE2020-ing

...and a Mountain Dew.

Nutri-Gain bar and a Mountain Dew.

It's my goldfish's birthday.

I should be having the time of my life,
but I'm troubled.

I don't think Klaus' boys
are having a very good time.

I know. Big Ed is being a little quiet.

Courtney has barely touched his blunt,

and Vance hasn't thrown
a single bottle cap in my cleavage.

Something is off. I haven't had
one fart cupped and thrown at me.

They're just farting normals.

Hey, Klaus. Do you think maybe
someone else could get a turn?

No way.
No one is touching this piñata but me.

I know it sounds crazy,
but does Klaus not know how to share?

- Skittles!
- Stay back. This candy is all mine.

We spent months planning this party,
and Klaus is ruining it by being Klaus.

- Let's do the cake.
- That's good. His boys love cake.

Who wants cake?

Put away those plates.

This is just for me,
thank you very much.

It's my birthday and my cake.

Klaus, you're not gonna
eat this whole cake.

Oh, yeah?

This is especially hard
because I hate confetti cake.

Courtney, I cannot believe
this is your favorite.

Don't go, boys.

I was just about to bring up
the bong-decorating station.

Nah, son.

You know how the boys say "'Sup"
when they're happy?

"Nah, son" is the exact opposite.

Nah, son!

Good morning, USA

I got a feeling
That it's gonna be a wonderful day.

The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face.

And he's shining a salute
To the American race.

Oh, boy, it's swell to say.

Good morning, USA.

Good morning, USA.

Can't sleep? Me neither.

I'm just so damn worried
about Klaus and his boys.

We can't sleep either.

We're worried that Mr. Klaus
is gonna lose his boys.

Did you know that Courtney disinvited
Klaus to his daughter's quinceañera?

I did not know that.

He's been so much less annoying
since his Tampa boys moved here.

We have to teach Klaus the importance
of sharing before he loses them.

And has to bring his electronic drums
back to the house.

I can still hear him not keeping beat.

I love how you've kept up
with your piano.

How long has it been?

Six hundred years.

And I'm finally
gonna have my first recital.

Thing is, like all musicians,
I'm much better when I don't take drugs.

I need someone to make sure
I don't do any drugs this week.

I'm your man. I've kept Toshi
off bath salts for almost six months.

That's great.
Let's celebrate this arrangement.

No way. No drugs.

It's times like this I'm glad
I had Rogu install a secret zip line.

Oh. Rogu procrastinate.

Sharing turns a regular meal
into an experience.

With sharing, I can try a little
of Jeff's patatas bravas

and Francine's calamari.

- And they can both taste my balls.
- Dad, they're called croquettes.

So sharing is when you get less of
what you want because you're a chump.

Sounds pretty stupid to me.

Mr. Klaus, how can you not know
the value of sharing?

Didn't you learn this stuff
on Sesame Street?

I never watched that Big Bird shit.

Growing up in Germany, we had
a real kids' show. Gernot & Strudel.

Well, they must have done
an episode about sharing.

You would think so, wouldn't you?

Got to drain the old lizard.
Don't touch my grub, hippies.

Guys, this is great.

All we have to do is find
the sharing episode of his stupid show.

Easy, breezy,
tomato soup and grilled cheesy.

I don't know, guys. Did you notice how
he ominously looked out that window

when we brought up the sharing episode?

You're worried
because he looked out a window?

Why do you think they make windows?
Stop being weird, Hayley.

Look at me.
I'm looking through the magic window.

Oh, no. Now I have an ominous.

I know that look. Roger's jonesing.

What the...

Baby carrots?

Dr. Slippy's
Lock Pick & Switcharoo Carrots Kit.

Oh, God. His drums are back.
I thought we had more time!

Here we go. I found a clip of
The Gernot & Strudel Show.

German Wikipedia, or "Viko-Pedia!"
says the show takes place

in the magical world
of an old coat hanger factory.

Gernot is a worm
and the flawless leader.

Worm boss. Tight.

Next, there's Kommandant Strudel
Goofel-Berry, a sassy hippo.

Is there another kind?

Then there's a two-headed blob,
Uschi and Booshi.

Uschi represents the sadness
of the failed fall harvest,

and Booshi represents
the brief moment of happiness

that washes over you before death.

Finally, there's a talking file cabinet,
Dr. Du-Du Dankers,

who represents the perfection
of the organizational skills

that every German child dreams of
but nightmarishly never achieves.

There's the episode on sharing.

"Not available for download."

That's strange. That's the one episode
you can't download.

Damn it. Why does God
love kicking us in the dick?

Well, if we can't download the episode,

I guess we'll just have
to perform it ourselves.

Well, it took three days,

but I'm glad we finally heard
the end of your sentence.

I must still be dreaming.
Gernot? Is that really you?

Check out this insane worm voice
I came up with.

This is no dream, Klaus.
We're gonna teach you how to share.

No, Stan. Nuh-uh.

Oh, my God.
You guys are doing my favorite show.

It's Gernot, Uschi, Booshi,
Strudel and Du-Du.

- It's good to see you too, Klaus.
- We're here to teach you about sharing.

Don't be silly. You can't start
with the big lesson of the day.

That's the end of the show.

First you have to do the opening song,
then the numbers jamboree,

the message from the legislature
about new government regulations,

the grammar gulag,
a reading of the crop yields

and the time for undeserved spanking.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

I guess we have to do
the whole show-a-ghetti.

Why are you doing an Italian accent?

I can do Italy...
Or I can do Jeff.

- Italy's good.
- No, Italy is the best.

Gernot and Strudel.

Children are weak
And have very small brain.

Gernot and Strudel.

Your body can be trained
to not feel pain.

The Ministry of Culture has
approved your watching of this show.

If you catch your parents
with rock music.

Let the government know.

You'll work in the factory
till the day you die.

Tears are for the French
You are not allowed to cry.

Gernot and Strudel.

Children are weak
And have very small brain.

Gernot and Strudel.

Your body can be trained
to not feel pain.

We near the end of the show.

And one step closer to death's embrace.

And that means it's time
for the lesson of the day.

Strudel has had success
in the government lottery

and has won a potato.

I'm very hungry, Strudel.
May I share your potato?

No, you cannot.

I am greedy and I will not
share this potato with you.

Mangia!

I am dying. And now I am dead.

Strudel, you Dummkopf.
You should have shared with him.

Sharing is so important.
I understand now.

I feel terrible
for not sharing in the past.

I want to start sharing right away.

Water.

Please, Jeff,
allow me to share my water with you.

Drink, my boy. Drink from my bowl.

- Lots of pulp in this water.
- That's not pulp.

We've had some ups and downs,

but you've kept me
off drugs for three days.

And surprisingly,
I'm not having any cravings!

- Aren't we going to keep doing the show?
- Why? You already learned to share.

Oh, that's too bad. But I guess
when the show's over, it's over.

Unless...

The show must go on.

- Uh, are we gonna talk about that?
- Talk about what?

You didn't notice
how Klaus looked out...

Again with this window business?

Jeez, Hayley. Broken record much?

- Didn't you hear him laughing like...
- Now you're worried because he laughed?

- He's got a great sense of humor.
- Babe, give it a rest.

You're embarrassing me
in front of my friends.

What's going on?

Ugh, what the hell
did I drink last night?

My heads. Wait. Heads?

I feel strange.

Where's the zipper?
I can't get this thing off.

- Wait. I think...
- We've been turned into puppets!

- Damn it. I'm the worm.
- At least you don't have two heads.

Two heads are better than one.

If one of them isn't a shithead.

- Klaus, did you do this?
- I did. And I have wonderful news.

You're all going to keep
doing the show for me.

Why don't we start with
one of the episodes

about properly cleaning your butthole?

- Smells like supbud in here.
- What's supbud?

- Nothing, bud. What's up with you?
- Will you both shut up?

- How did you do this, Klaus?
- Dr. Weitzman at the CIA did it.

The CIA has puppet technology?

Oh, yeah, the CIA is always
installing puppets all over the globe.

Fozzie Bear was the shah of Iran
for seven years.

Klaus, we don't like being puppets.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'm craving a hand up my ass
in a very unnerving way.

- And I really hate this dang worm leash.
- Stop the complaining.

The Gernot & Strudel Show

is the most important thing
in the world to me.

And if you don't perform
whenever I want,

I'm going to read you a list of things
that aren't important to me.

He's bluffing.
No one keeps a list of that.

Championship bull riding, mustard,
non-helium balloons.

- Stop, stop.
- Then sing.

Gernot and Strudel...

Well, I did it. I got you here
clean and sober for your piano recital.

- Thank you, Steve.
- I think you're up.

I know him. He's sometimes
my uncle but always my friend.

I feel you, dude. He's sometimes
my friend but always my customer.

Del Monaco?
Please tell me you're here as a friend.

I cannot. It's strictly business today.

- I delivered the piano.
- Oh, good.

It's basically made out of drugs.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, yeah.

I coated the white piano keys
with ecstasy.

The black keys are black tar heroin.
The sheet music is blotter acid paper.

The bench he's sitting on
is actually a meth suppository.

And the whole thing is dusted
with cocaine and ketamine.

- What? How is everybody liking this?
- They're all my customers.

This isn't working.
We'll never break out of this cage.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

This is not a great situation
we find ourselves in.

- I've got this dang...
- Stop complaining about your worm leash.

I'm a file cabinet.

We have a theory
about what's going on with Klaus.

When we recreated the show for him,

we must have triggered
some unresolved trauma.

Something happened to Klaus
with the show.

And we need to get him
to share his trauma with us.

- Another type of sharing.
- Yeah.

And maybe that'll snap him out of this.

Whoa, babes.
I couldn't follow any of that.

Come here, you.

- Yuck.
- It's true.

Something terrible did happen.
No, I can't talk about it.

- It's too painful.
- You can do it.

I, this stupid worm, believe in you.

I was eight years old

and I was in the audience
for my favorite show in the whole world.

But what started off as the best day
of my life became the worst.

I was thrilled when I was called up
onto stage at the end of the show.

At the time, I had a big crush on Uschi,
so of course I got an erection.

And when I was a child,
I had a very sharp penis.

It wasn't big, but it was honed,
like a paring knife.

Anyways, I got a little baby boner

and accidentally poked Uschi's puppeteer
with my tiny dagger,

and she fell off the stage
and was electrocuted.

Strudel and Du-Du rushed to save her,

and they too
were immediately electrocuted.

As the studio filled with the smell
of burned flesh and polyester fur,

me and my, for some reason,
still-hard baby boner

could only watch in shame.

Gernot was the lone survivor,

until that evening,
when he shot himself in the face.

The episode was banned and never aired.

They replaced all the puppeteers
and kept making episodes,

but it was never the same.

I loved that show more than anything.

And I was the one that destroyed it.

Jesus, Klaus.
And that's why you became a fish?

What? No.
That's how I became traumatized.

But after sharing it,
I feel so much better. Thank you.

Is there anything I can do for you?

I guess you could let us
out of this cage.

And I wouldn't mind having
my worm leash removed.

Baby, that's the stuff.

Oh, and also, I think we'd all like
to not be puppets anymore.

Oh, shoot.

We don't have time
to get to Dr. Weitzman

before he leaves for his summer job,

selling clever T-shirts
on the Atlantic City boardwalk.

I can't be stuck
being a worm all summer.

I already put down my deposit
for boogie boarding camp.

We could get there in time if we took
a shortcut through the Langley Dunes.

But how?
Those dunes are famously treacherous.

I know.
My boys have badass ATVs. Let's go.

I refuse to be fat shamed.

I called it a worm leash.
It was very uncomfortable.

You can still see the little indent
it made on my felt.

Do you really think your boys
will let us use their ATVs?

They seem mad at you.

You really don't understand
how truly tight I am with my boys.

- No way.
- You don't share, man.

Okay, maybe I didn't use to.
But I've learned how to share.

And I brought you something.

- A cake?
- A piñata?

You're both right.

I brought a broken piñata
filled with old cake.

Mmm. 'Sup.

- 'Sup.
- 'Sup.

- That means they're boys again.
- Francine, I'm a worm, not an idiot.

Oh, no. Cliff.
How are we going to get down?

- Easy. We're puppets.
- We don't have any bones!

Wait. I have bones!

Waiter, there's some bones in my fish.

Come on. We're so close.

Crap. Forgot about the river that
runs through the Langley Dunes.

What a complex and exciting ecosystem
this town has.

But how are we gonna get across?

I got this. Everyone on my back.

Dr. Weitzman, we need our bodies back.

Sure thing.
I actually have your bodies right here.

Nothing gross.

I've actually been using them as a sofa.

Aw, I kind of miss having two heads.

Guys, I hate to say it.
I kind of miss the worm leash.

I feel like we're forgetting something.
Where's Klaus?

Wazzup!