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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:11,801 --> 00:00:14,502 Okay, so what's the show? Let's just toss things out. 3 00:00:14,605 --> 00:00:16,738 - What if I'm the president? - Of what planet? 4 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,273 We'll take it slow. 5 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:22,210 I will take it any way you want 6 00:00:22,312 --> 00:00:23,612 to give it to me. 7 00:00:23,714 --> 00:00:25,614 You and Merc? 8 00:00:25,716 --> 00:00:26,852 In fact... 9 00:00:26,877 --> 00:00:28,616 What's this? 10 00:00:28,718 --> 00:00:30,299 I don't know what I'm gonna tell her. 11 00:00:30,324 --> 00:00:31,364 You're gonna tell her nothing. 12 00:00:31,389 --> 00:00:32,552 That's what you're gonna tell her. 13 00:00:32,577 --> 00:00:34,087 There's a reason "hug the messenger" 14 00:00:34,112 --> 00:00:35,946 is not an expression. 15 00:00:37,793 --> 00:00:39,192 Are you okay? 16 00:00:39,295 --> 00:00:40,561 Uh-huh. 17 00:00:50,919 --> 00:00:57,412 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 18 00:01:34,647 --> 00:01:35,546 Hey. 19 00:01:35,648 --> 00:01:37,847 Oh, this is so nice. 20 00:01:37,949 --> 00:01:39,816 I can't remember the last time we were here. 21 00:01:39,918 --> 00:01:42,914 Or the last time I saw you in big-girl shoes. 22 00:01:42,939 --> 00:01:43,986 Oh, I know. 23 00:01:44,011 --> 00:01:45,355 My feet were like, 24 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,457 "Are we getting laid tonight or what?" 25 00:01:49,894 --> 00:01:51,861 By the way, this is on me. 26 00:01:51,963 --> 00:01:53,296 - Oh, no, no, no. - Yes, yes. 27 00:01:53,397 --> 00:01:55,030 I want to do this. 28 00:01:55,132 --> 00:01:56,732 It's my thank-you lunch. 29 00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:57,933 For? 30 00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,735 For being an amazing friend. 31 00:01:59,837 --> 00:02:01,770 Well, I don't know how amazing... 32 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,739 Bullshit. 33 00:02:03,841 --> 00:02:06,508 I could not have gotten through this without you. 34 00:02:06,688 --> 00:02:07,687 And Prozac. 35 00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:09,021 - And Prozac. - And weed. 36 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,212 Well, sure, but... 37 00:02:10,314 --> 00:02:11,612 I can't take weed to lunch. 38 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,414 I'm sure if we went through your purse, 39 00:02:13,439 --> 00:02:15,539 we'd find that's not true. 40 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,724 I also have a little bit of... 41 00:02:17,749 --> 00:02:18,630 - Hi. - Hi. 42 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:19,704 I'm AJ. 43 00:02:19,729 --> 00:02:21,304 - I'll be your waiter today. - Yeah, hi, AJ. 44 00:02:21,329 --> 00:02:23,691 - Can you just give us a sec? - Absolutely. 45 00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:25,443 - Whenever you're ready. - Thank you. 46 00:02:27,429 --> 00:02:29,563 I also have a little bit of news. 47 00:02:29,665 --> 00:02:31,699 - You broke up with Merc. - What? No. 48 00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:34,735 All right, well, you go. 49 00:02:34,837 --> 00:02:37,537 Actually, that part is going great. 50 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,439 Great. 51 00:02:39,541 --> 00:02:41,453 I might be pregnant. 52 00:02:43,645 --> 00:02:47,526 God, it feels so weird to hear it out loud. 53 00:02:48,129 --> 00:02:49,592 I haven't told Merc yet. 54 00:02:49,617 --> 00:02:51,049 You're the first. 55 00:02:51,151 --> 00:02:52,351 Not even my shrink. 56 00:02:52,453 --> 00:02:54,366 He should probably be looped in. 57 00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:57,757 The thing is, I think... 58 00:02:58,159 --> 00:03:00,225 Okay, do not freak. 59 00:03:02,187 --> 00:03:03,538 I think I want to keep it. 60 00:03:03,563 --> 00:03:04,662 Definitely talk to your shrink. 61 00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:05,897 I know, I know. 62 00:03:05,999 --> 00:03:08,317 I always said I never wanted one, 63 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,675 but now, I'm thinking... 64 00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:12,781 Why not? 65 00:03:12,806 --> 00:03:14,305 You know? 66 00:03:14,408 --> 00:03:16,875 I mean, I'm almost 37. 67 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,399 - I'm 39. - Mm-hmm. 68 00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:21,945 And Merc and I are in such a good place. 69 00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:23,337 Okay. 70 00:03:23,516 --> 00:03:27,451 It's like this was kind of meant to be. 71 00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:33,457 May I just play devil's advocate here? 72 00:03:34,827 --> 00:03:36,692 Merc is screwing Morning Randolph. 73 00:03:36,962 --> 00:03:38,010 What? 74 00:03:38,035 --> 00:03:39,962 And they're engaged. I'm sorry. 75 00:03:40,598 --> 00:03:42,498 Ooh, tha... 76 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,933 That's not possible. 77 00:03:44,035 --> 00:03:45,968 Not yet, AJ. 78 00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:51,641 I spoke with her. 79 00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:52,941 I saw the ring. 80 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:54,843 There's a ring? 81 00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:56,545 I'm sorry. 82 00:03:57,781 --> 00:04:00,107 - Is it big? - Does it matter? 83 00:04:00,132 --> 00:04:01,991 - How big? - Don't do this to yourself. 84 00:04:02,016 --> 00:04:03,618 - How big? - Like... 85 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,487 That's, like, Mariah Carey big. 86 00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:08,490 - All right, not that big, but... - Jesus, that's still big! 87 00:04:08,592 --> 00:04:09,424 I don't know. 88 00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:10,491 It looked big to me, 89 00:04:10,593 --> 00:04:13,461 and it... sparkled a lot. 90 00:04:16,518 --> 00:04:18,285 I'm so sorry. 91 00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:25,986 How long? 92 00:04:26,088 --> 00:04:27,163 Have they been engaged? 93 00:04:27,188 --> 00:04:28,755 How long have you known? 94 00:04:30,692 --> 00:04:31,858 Not long. 95 00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,003 How long? 96 00:04:33,028 --> 00:04:35,602 Uh, hmm... 97 00:04:36,865 --> 00:04:38,131 A week. 98 00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:40,389 A week? 99 00:04:41,136 --> 00:04:43,002 You've known for a week? 100 00:04:43,104 --> 00:04:44,602 I wanted to tell you. 101 00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:46,171 I felt so awful. 102 00:04:46,273 --> 00:04:47,305 Aww. 103 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,031 - Seriously, AJ. - Come on, AJ. 104 00:04:51,672 --> 00:04:52,571 Look. 105 00:04:52,813 --> 00:04:54,012 I get it. 106 00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:56,715 But it's Merc who's the villain here. 107 00:04:56,817 --> 00:04:58,684 Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him. 108 00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:01,415 I think... yeah... 109 00:05:01,462 --> 00:05:04,088 I think there's enough mad for both of you. 110 00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:06,179 Well, be madder at him. 111 00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:07,324 A week? 112 00:05:09,395 --> 00:05:10,695 Well, don't... 113 00:05:10,797 --> 00:05:12,096 You know, if you're ever 114 00:05:12,198 --> 00:05:13,798 just sittin' around, thinkin', 115 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,867 "What are the cruelest things I never got to do?" 116 00:05:16,969 --> 00:05:18,201 Off your bucket list. 117 00:05:20,205 --> 00:05:21,905 Jesus, AJ! 118 00:05:27,012 --> 00:05:28,311 Right. 119 00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:30,113 Is there anything we've talked about so far 120 00:05:30,138 --> 00:05:31,014 that we actually like? 121 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,082 Anything worth pursuing? 122 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:33,897 I still like Whores. 123 00:05:34,356 --> 00:05:36,719 So Netflix is doing it. So what? 124 00:05:36,821 --> 00:05:39,888 There were two Capotes. Two Steve Jobs. 125 00:05:39,990 --> 00:05:42,891 Are you really comparing Truman Capote and Steve Jobs 126 00:05:42,993 --> 00:05:44,226 to Whores? 127 00:05:44,328 --> 00:05:45,660 No, you're right. 128 00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:46,895 I'd watch Whores. 129 00:05:46,997 --> 00:05:49,765 They're already doing it. 130 00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:51,200 Fuckin' Netflix. 131 00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:52,372 It's just crazy to invest 132 00:05:52,401 --> 00:05:53,735 all our time in a show 133 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:54,635 that's already being done. 134 00:05:54,738 --> 00:05:56,370 Yeah, yeah. 135 00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:00,208 I just like Whores so much. 136 00:06:06,182 --> 00:06:07,258 My father's girlfriend. 137 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:08,982 Just ignore it. 138 00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:10,583 Okay, so... 139 00:06:10,608 --> 00:06:11,607 Maybe it's important. 140 00:06:12,755 --> 00:06:15,789 Pain in the ass. Yo. 141 00:06:15,891 --> 00:06:17,924 So, I'm sitting in the kitchen with your father, 142 00:06:18,026 --> 00:06:19,893 and I say to him, "Do you want lunch? 143 00:06:19,995 --> 00:06:21,599 I've got egg salad. 144 00:06:21,624 --> 00:06:22,590 I've got tuna salad." 145 00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:23,581 And he says, 146 00:06:23,606 --> 00:06:25,732 "I don't like your tuna salad." 147 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,699 So I go, "Since when? 148 00:06:27,802 --> 00:06:29,001 You love my tuna salad." 149 00:06:29,103 --> 00:06:30,069 And he says, 150 00:06:30,171 --> 00:06:31,336 "Not since you started using 151 00:06:31,438 --> 00:06:33,239 that shitty light mayonnaise." 152 00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:34,840 - Linda... - Let me finish. 153 00:06:34,942 --> 00:06:36,341 So he says, "I'm not eating it 154 00:06:36,443 --> 00:06:37,810 with that crap in it." 155 00:06:37,912 --> 00:06:39,044 So we get in the car, 156 00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:40,913 we schlepp over to Target... 157 00:06:41,015 --> 00:06:41,947 - Linda! - What? 158 00:06:42,049 --> 00:06:43,314 Is there a point to this? 159 00:06:43,772 --> 00:06:45,150 He's dead. 160 00:06:47,224 --> 00:06:48,920 - What? - He's dead. 161 00:06:49,022 --> 00:06:51,122 - Dear Lord. - Oh, my God. 162 00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:54,759 - Wait, my father is dead? - Dead. 163 00:06:54,861 --> 00:06:57,128 So, he's picking up a jar of mayonnaise. 164 00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:59,130 One of those stupid big ones. 165 00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:00,463 Even if he lived, he'd be dead 166 00:07:00,565 --> 00:07:02,132 by the time we finished that thing. 167 00:07:02,234 --> 00:07:03,733 And all of a sudden, he goes... 168 00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,838 The jar drops. There's mayonnaise everywhere. 169 00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,107 He just falls over, and I'm thinking, 170 00:07:10,209 --> 00:07:12,086 "Now we're gonna have to pay for that." 171 00:07:13,879 --> 00:07:16,113 - Dead? - Yes! Dead! 172 00:07:16,215 --> 00:07:17,914 Why is this so difficult? 173 00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:20,249 - So where is he now? - I don't know. 174 00:07:20,351 --> 00:07:22,251 The ambulance people came and took him away. 175 00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:23,853 - Where? - How do I know? 176 00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:27,190 - They just took him. - Jesus Christ. 177 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,858 Oh, and the best part is, 178 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,480 I'm stuck here now. 179 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,105 What? 180 00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:33,829 Yeah, the car keys were in his pocket. 181 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,831 So now he's dead, 182 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,399 and I'm standing here at Target like a schmuck. 183 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:41,515 What... so did they say what we do now? 184 00:07:41,617 --> 00:07:43,771 What we do now is you come and pick me up! 185 00:07:43,874 --> 00:07:45,250 I'm not coming to pick you up. 186 00:07:45,275 --> 00:07:47,142 I got to find his body. Call a cab. 187 00:07:47,244 --> 00:07:48,606 I can't call a cab. 188 00:07:48,632 --> 00:07:50,398 He had the money. I have no money. 189 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,731 Who are you? The Queen? 190 00:07:51,833 --> 00:07:53,180 How do you leave the house without money? 191 00:07:53,282 --> 00:07:55,749 Next time, I'll remember to bring my wallet 192 00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:57,384 in case my husband drops dead 193 00:07:57,486 --> 00:07:59,854 and leaves me stranded at Target. 194 00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,055 He's not your husband. 195 00:08:01,157 --> 00:08:02,389 Oh, go fuck yourself, okay? 196 00:08:02,491 --> 00:08:03,824 Just go fuck yourself. 197 00:08:03,926 --> 00:08:05,960 This is the worst day of my life! 198 00:08:06,062 --> 00:08:07,828 Yeah. Yeah. 199 00:08:07,929 --> 00:08:09,695 I'll try to track him down. Hang on. 200 00:08:09,797 --> 00:08:10,897 Call her an Uber. 201 00:08:10,999 --> 00:08:12,768 - I got to do this. - Of course. 202 00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:15,835 Hello, Mrs. LeBlanc... 203 00:08:15,937 --> 00:08:17,036 She's not Mrs. LeBlanc. 204 00:08:17,138 --> 00:08:18,371 Tell him to go fuck himself. 205 00:08:18,473 --> 00:08:19,939 As often as I can. 206 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,174 Who is this? 207 00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:22,308 Actually, we've met. 208 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,410 This is Beverly Lincoln. 209 00:08:24,512 --> 00:08:25,844 The one with the hair? 210 00:08:26,497 --> 00:08:28,280 That could certainly be me. 211 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,148 What do you want? 212 00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:32,918 Matt has asked us to help you get home. 213 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:33,919 Where are you? 214 00:08:35,222 --> 00:08:36,791 In condiments. 215 00:08:37,571 --> 00:08:39,892 No, I mean, where is the store situated? 216 00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:41,741 We need to give them the coordinates. 217 00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:44,461 Oh, I remember you now. 218 00:08:44,563 --> 00:08:46,635 I'm at Target. 219 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,609 Okay, which Target? 220 00:08:48,634 --> 00:08:49,967 La Cienega. 221 00:08:50,069 --> 00:08:51,468 The Target on La Cienega. 222 00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,337 I heard her. 223 00:08:53,439 --> 00:08:55,206 Okay, go wait in front of the store. 224 00:08:55,308 --> 00:08:57,275 - We're gonna get you an Uber. - A what? 225 00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:58,942 - An Uber. - An ubah? 226 00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:00,510 - An Uber. - An ubah? 227 00:09:00,612 --> 00:09:03,346 Say it without the accent. 228 00:09:03,448 --> 00:09:06,482 - Uber. - Oh, Jesus. 229 00:09:06,584 --> 00:09:08,551 I'm gonna turn you over to Sean. 230 00:09:08,653 --> 00:09:11,021 He can give you the details. 231 00:09:11,123 --> 00:09:12,255 Hello, Mrs. LeBlanc. 232 00:09:12,357 --> 00:09:14,157 She's not Mrs. LeBlanc! 233 00:09:14,259 --> 00:09:15,258 Fuck you! 234 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,993 Your driver's name is Amjad. 235 00:09:18,095 --> 00:09:19,461 - What? - Amjad. 236 00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:21,530 - Amjad? - Amjad. 237 00:09:21,632 --> 00:09:24,099 - That's a person? - He'll be there in six minutes. 238 00:09:24,201 --> 00:09:25,901 - How do you know? - It's on my phone. 239 00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:28,337 - I'm on your phone. - I have another phone. 240 00:09:28,439 --> 00:09:29,871 Who has two phones? 241 00:09:29,974 --> 00:09:31,473 No, I... don't... 242 00:09:31,575 --> 00:09:34,375 The point is your Uber driver, Amjad... 243 00:09:34,477 --> 00:09:35,543 Ubah. Amjad. 244 00:09:35,645 --> 00:09:36,911 Just put Matt on. 245 00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:38,346 Just put him back on! 246 00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:39,646 Hang on. 247 00:09:41,561 --> 00:09:43,594 All right, I found the body. 248 00:09:43,619 --> 00:09:45,519 Now I got to get a funeral home to go pick it up. 249 00:09:45,621 --> 00:09:47,055 She's insisting on speaking to you. 250 00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:48,889 She doesn't seem to understand Uber, 251 00:09:48,992 --> 00:09:51,224 and she has issues with her driver Amjad. 252 00:09:51,327 --> 00:09:53,060 She's clearly distraught. 253 00:09:53,162 --> 00:09:54,328 Let me handle it. 254 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:55,228 Linda. 255 00:09:55,331 --> 00:09:56,629 Take the fucking Uber. 256 00:09:57,044 --> 00:09:57,910 Done. 257 00:10:01,036 --> 00:10:02,035 I'm so sorry. 258 00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:03,570 Yeah, she's a pain in the ass. 259 00:10:03,672 --> 00:10:06,039 No, about your father. 260 00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:08,140 Oh. That. 261 00:10:08,242 --> 00:10:09,608 Well, what're you gonna do? 262 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,647 So, we'll get out of your hair and let you deal with this. 263 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,984 No, no, no. Stay. I just need, like, a second. 264 00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:19,375 Then we can get back to work. 265 00:10:20,588 --> 00:10:22,521 Matt LeBlanc on one. 266 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:23,589 Hey, bud. What's up? 267 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,622 Hey, uh... 268 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:26,324 My father just died. 269 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,160 - Aw, no. - Dropped dead at Target. 270 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,629 Oh! Jesus, that is sad on so many levels. 271 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,498 So I, uh, 272 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:35,177 I need a funeral home to go and pick up the body. 273 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,304 - Can you... - I'm on it. 274 00:10:36,329 --> 00:10:37,617 Text me the info, and if there's 275 00:10:37,642 --> 00:10:38,544 anything else I can... 276 00:10:38,569 --> 00:10:39,899 Yeah, get me a Marvel franchise. 277 00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:43,107 One thing at a time. 278 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:46,233 Okay, where were we? 279 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,678 Are you sure you're up for this? 280 00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,247 Sure, yeah, why not? 281 00:10:50,272 --> 00:10:53,017 Well, I'm sorry, but you just lost your father. 282 00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:55,461 You must be feeling... something. 283 00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:57,019 I feel stuff. 284 00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:58,587 I feel annoyed... 285 00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:00,656 that I have to handle this shit. 286 00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:02,025 I feel relieved... 287 00:11:02,127 --> 00:11:03,926 that stupid Linda's off the phone. 288 00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:05,495 I feel angry... 289 00:11:05,596 --> 00:11:06,733 at Netflix. 290 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:08,899 And I'm also a little hungry. 291 00:11:09,204 --> 00:11:10,333 Probably all that mayonnaise talk. 292 00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:11,600 Anyone want a sandwich? 293 00:11:11,702 --> 00:11:14,703 You're not really eating mayonnaise now? 294 00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:16,138 Yep. 295 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,787 I'm gonna look death in the face... 296 00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:21,076 and then I'm gonna spread it on whole wheat 297 00:11:21,101 --> 00:11:22,067 with some turkey and Swiss. 298 00:11:24,148 --> 00:11:26,114 I've got to say, so far today, 299 00:11:26,711 --> 00:11:28,250 this is the best idea you've had. 300 00:11:28,545 --> 00:11:30,478 It's the mayonnaise. 301 00:11:32,732 --> 00:11:34,098 Let's say 302 00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:36,357 you could turn on your TV right now 303 00:11:36,736 --> 00:11:38,035 and watch anything you wanted. 304 00:11:38,568 --> 00:11:39,596 What would it be? 305 00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:41,228 - And it can't be Whores. - Oh. 306 00:11:41,330 --> 00:11:43,264 Anything at all. 307 00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:48,635 - Hmm. - What? 308 00:11:48,737 --> 00:11:50,303 I should probably call my mother. 309 00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:52,539 Really? Now? When we're on a roll? 310 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,607 Yeah, well, I should let her know. 311 00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:56,176 Technically, they're still married. 312 00:11:56,278 --> 00:11:57,477 - You're joking. - Nope. 313 00:11:57,579 --> 00:11:59,345 40 years she wouldn't give him a divorce. 314 00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:02,615 She was all about "till death do us part." 315 00:12:02,717 --> 00:12:04,317 So today's quite the payoff. 316 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,985 Just two seconds. Keep going. 317 00:12:14,661 --> 00:12:16,395 - Hello? - Ma? 318 00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:18,163 - Hello? - Ma? 319 00:12:18,265 --> 00:12:19,131 - Hello? - Ma. 320 00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:20,614 Put your hearing aids in. 321 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,743 Put your hearing aids in. 322 00:12:21,768 --> 00:12:25,236 Hold on, I'm putting my hearing aids in. 323 00:12:27,773 --> 00:12:28,573 Hello? 324 00:12:28,674 --> 00:12:29,850 Ma. Feedback. 325 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,142 Hold on. 326 00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:32,410 I can't hear. 327 00:12:32,512 --> 00:12:34,126 Feedback. Ma? 328 00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:35,613 I hate these damn things. 329 00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:37,315 Ma? 330 00:12:39,352 --> 00:12:41,451 - Hello? - Can you hear me now? 331 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,052 - Hello? - Ma? 332 00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,655 - I took it out. - Put it back. 333 00:12:50,596 --> 00:12:51,661 Hold on. 334 00:12:51,763 --> 00:12:53,663 Jesus Christ. Adjust it. 335 00:12:53,765 --> 00:12:55,108 Adjust it! 336 00:12:56,935 --> 00:12:59,602 - Better? - Yeah. Yeah, better. 337 00:12:59,627 --> 00:13:00,460 Huh. 338 00:13:00,638 --> 00:13:03,205 So, what's new? 339 00:13:03,307 --> 00:13:04,706 Dad's dead. 340 00:13:06,544 --> 00:13:08,277 - What? - He's dead. 341 00:13:08,379 --> 00:13:09,478 What? 342 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,513 - Dead. 343 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,181 He's so shut down. 344 00:13:12,283 --> 00:13:14,349 You're assuming there's something there to shut. 345 00:13:14,451 --> 00:13:16,498 You saw what they were like together. 346 00:13:16,523 --> 00:13:18,186 No, I know, but it's his father. 347 00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:21,694 - Linda. - Fuck. 348 00:13:21,797 --> 00:13:22,823 I can't do it. I can't. 349 00:13:22,925 --> 00:13:26,461 - I was last up. - Oohh. 350 00:13:26,563 --> 00:13:27,762 Fine, fine, fine, fine. 351 00:13:27,864 --> 00:13:30,198 Argh! Hello. 352 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,633 What's-his-name's still not here yet. 353 00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,402 Hang on. That's Sean's department. 354 00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,604 Hello, Linda. 355 00:13:37,706 --> 00:13:39,273 He's still not here. 356 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,775 - Hang on, let me check. - I'm starting to melt. 357 00:13:41,877 --> 00:13:44,478 - It says he should be there. - Well, tell it he's not. 358 00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:46,346 - He's in a Kia. - IKEA? 359 00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:47,781 I told you Target! 360 00:13:47,883 --> 00:13:51,684 - Target! - He's in a Kia. 361 00:13:51,786 --> 00:13:53,519 - A what? - A Kia. 362 00:13:53,621 --> 00:13:55,788 - A Kia? - A Kia. 363 00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:56,889 A Kia? 364 00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,324 Hang on. Let me call him. 365 00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,248 Here's Beverly. 366 00:14:00,828 --> 00:14:02,228 Hello again. 367 00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:03,743 Ugh. 368 00:14:04,299 --> 00:14:05,697 Hello, Amjad? 369 00:14:05,799 --> 00:14:08,289 What type of Kia is it? 370 00:14:08,768 --> 00:14:10,768 It's a white Kia Rio. 371 00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:12,671 It's a white Kia Rio. 372 00:14:12,772 --> 00:14:15,173 - A Kiario? - No. 373 00:14:15,275 --> 00:14:18,013 The model of the Kia is a Rio, 374 00:14:18,115 --> 00:14:20,645 and the color is white. 375 00:14:20,747 --> 00:14:23,447 Do you see a white car? 376 00:14:23,549 --> 00:14:24,682 Yeah. 377 00:14:24,783 --> 00:14:26,149 I'm standing right next to one. 378 00:14:26,252 --> 00:14:27,184 Wave to her. 379 00:14:28,854 --> 00:14:30,221 That's a Kia Rio? 380 00:14:30,323 --> 00:14:31,888 Yes, that's a Kia Rio, 381 00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:33,724 - and the gentleman... - Oh, Jesus. 382 00:14:33,826 --> 00:14:34,791 I have no key. 383 00:14:34,893 --> 00:14:36,393 He had the keys in his pocket. 384 00:14:36,495 --> 00:14:37,728 I can't get into the house. 385 00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:40,196 I'm not sure what to tell you. 386 00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:41,797 God damn it. Tell Matt I'm locked out. 387 00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:43,499 I need his key. 388 00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:45,768 I'm afraid he's on with his mother. 389 00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:48,605 - Is she locked out? - I don't think so. 390 00:14:48,707 --> 00:14:50,640 Then fuck her. Just put him on. 391 00:14:50,742 --> 00:14:52,408 Hang on. 392 00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:53,743 I just wanted you to know. 393 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:54,800 - I don't know. - I'm so sorry. 394 00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:56,288 It's, uh, Linda. 395 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,452 She says she's locked out and she needs your key. 396 00:14:58,554 --> 00:14:59,430 I don't have a key. 397 00:14:59,455 --> 00:15:00,820 How do you not have a key? 398 00:15:00,922 --> 00:15:02,386 How do you not have a key? 399 00:15:02,488 --> 00:15:04,319 - You live there. - Would you like the phone? 400 00:15:04,421 --> 00:15:05,854 No, call in a fucking locksmith. 401 00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:07,556 Absolutely. 402 00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:09,625 It only gets better. 403 00:15:09,727 --> 00:15:10,859 Get who a locksmith? 404 00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:12,160 Linda. 405 00:15:12,263 --> 00:15:14,080 - Who? - Linda. 406 00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:16,664 I don't believe I know anyone by that name. 407 00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:17,898 All right, Ma. 408 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,667 Ooh, that whore. 409 00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:21,902 Anyway, that's the news. 410 00:15:21,927 --> 00:15:22,991 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, 411 00:15:23,016 --> 00:15:24,372 how's he getting back here? 412 00:15:24,397 --> 00:15:25,563 - Who? - Your father, who. 413 00:15:25,742 --> 00:15:27,608 - For what? - His funeral. 414 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:30,610 - What funeral? - "What funeral?" 415 00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,845 After everything that asshole did? 416 00:15:32,947 --> 00:15:34,414 He's still my husband. 417 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,783 I get to put him in the ground. 418 00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:39,352 Fine, I'll... 419 00:15:39,454 --> 00:15:41,345 I'll figure out a way to ship him back. 420 00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:42,269 Good. 421 00:15:42,294 --> 00:15:44,116 Now, I got to go to Costco. 422 00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,792 - What should I get you? - For what? 423 00:15:45,894 --> 00:15:47,359 Well, you're coming in for this. 424 00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,067 - No, I'm not. - He's your father. 425 00:15:49,168 --> 00:15:50,562 How's it gonna look? 426 00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:53,365 How'd it look 40 years ago when he walked out on us? 427 00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:55,401 Oh, let it go, Matthew. 428 00:15:55,503 --> 00:15:56,568 He's dead. 429 00:15:56,671 --> 00:15:58,270 He's with God. 430 00:15:58,772 --> 00:16:00,272 I doubt that. 431 00:16:00,297 --> 00:16:01,239 Hello? 432 00:16:01,342 --> 00:16:03,642 - In here! - Hey, babe. 433 00:16:03,744 --> 00:16:07,845 So, I've got some big news. 434 00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:09,180 Big big? 435 00:16:09,282 --> 00:16:10,848 Oh, pretty darn big. 436 00:16:10,950 --> 00:16:12,317 Hmm. Intriguing. 437 00:16:12,419 --> 00:16:16,654 Guess who's engaged to Morning Randolph? 438 00:16:20,059 --> 00:16:22,559 What? 439 00:16:22,661 --> 00:16:24,695 Obviously, no one told you, 440 00:16:24,797 --> 00:16:26,697 or you would've said something to me. 441 00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:29,232 But I guess... congratulations! 442 00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:32,369 Okay, that is crazy. 443 00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,738 Seriously loony tunes crazy. 444 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,473 Just tellin' you what I heard. 445 00:16:36,575 --> 00:16:37,907 - From who? - Not important. 446 00:16:38,009 --> 00:16:40,008 That I am engaged to Morning Randolph? 447 00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:43,011 This person was pretty sure. She saw a ring. 448 00:16:43,113 --> 00:16:44,613 A ring? Jesus. 449 00:16:44,716 --> 00:16:46,582 I don't even know what to do with that. 450 00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:48,540 Either someone is fucking with you, 451 00:16:48,565 --> 00:16:50,831 or they're just nuts. 452 00:16:50,856 --> 00:16:52,556 Look, I totally get why you'd flip out. 453 00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:55,129 But I swear, it is not true. 454 00:16:55,159 --> 00:16:58,760 I swear on the lives of my children. 455 00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,862 First of all, engaged? 456 00:17:00,964 --> 00:17:01,929 Me? 457 00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:04,366 I'm still paying off the first three. 458 00:17:04,468 --> 00:17:06,934 And if I was ever gonna do it again, 459 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,947 you know... you know... 460 00:17:08,972 --> 00:17:10,538 I love you. 461 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,441 And Morning Randolph? Are you kidding me? 462 00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:17,745 She's been around since, like, Truman was president. 463 00:17:17,847 --> 00:17:20,280 Seriously, I think they named planes after her 464 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:21,482 in World War II. 465 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:22,673 I mean... 466 00:17:30,057 --> 00:17:31,858 Okay. 467 00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:33,926 Okay, this... this is not fair. 468 00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:39,565 Look, clearly, I have a problem. 469 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:42,568 I-I-I'm a deeply damaged person. 470 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,704 It's-It's a sickness. 471 00:17:44,806 --> 00:17:47,672 There's something profoundly wrong with me. 472 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:52,544 But it's only because of how much I care for you both 473 00:17:52,646 --> 00:17:53,812 that I haven't been able to... 474 00:17:53,914 --> 00:17:55,190 By the way, that stuff about 475 00:17:55,215 --> 00:17:56,981 the lives of my children... 476 00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,884 that's just an expression. 477 00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:00,188 God knows that. 478 00:18:01,187 --> 00:18:03,788 And can I just say, I don't know how much you heard, 479 00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:05,523 but that crap about World War II, 480 00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:08,592 you know me, I just... "blah, blah, blah." 481 00:18:08,694 --> 00:18:10,994 I mean, you know how much I care for... 482 00:18:11,096 --> 00:18:12,797 Which is, you know, not to take 483 00:18:12,899 --> 00:18:15,666 anything away from... 484 00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,041 Yeah, I got nothing. 485 00:18:31,616 --> 00:18:33,382 All right, I'm erasing Whores. 486 00:18:33,485 --> 00:18:35,117 Ooh. 487 00:18:35,219 --> 00:18:37,920 - What about racing whores? - What? 488 00:18:37,945 --> 00:18:40,511 Whores in cars, competing. 489 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,790 No! 490 00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:42,888 Why not? 491 00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:44,460 Because it's not a show. 492 00:18:44,562 --> 00:18:45,427 Yet. 493 00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:48,697 - Oh, come on. - Seriously? 494 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,399 - Roger. - Linda. 495 00:18:51,502 --> 00:18:53,602 - I got to do this one. - Oh, come on. 496 00:18:53,704 --> 00:18:54,936 What, you think I'm having fun? 497 00:18:55,037 --> 00:18:56,904 Well, imagine what it's like for us. 498 00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:00,775 Yo. We got to ship the body to Boston. 499 00:19:00,877 --> 00:19:01,851 Your turn. 500 00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:04,663 Hello, Linda. 501 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,747 There's still no locksmith. 502 00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:07,875 Hang on. 503 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,451 Beverly made those arrangements. 504 00:19:13,088 --> 00:19:15,021 - Hello again. - Locksmith. 505 00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:16,401 Is on his way. 506 00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:18,091 He should be there any minute. 507 00:19:18,193 --> 00:19:21,728 He's from All-A Locksmith, 508 00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:24,698 and his name is... God, help me... 509 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:25,765 Yarl. 510 00:19:25,868 --> 00:19:27,701 - Yarl? - Yarl. 511 00:19:27,803 --> 00:19:29,902 No. No, no. Put Matt on. 512 00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:31,153 I want to talk to Matt. 513 00:19:31,178 --> 00:19:32,905 I'm afraid right now he's making arrangements 514 00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:35,608 to ship the body to Boston. 515 00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:37,409 What? Stop him. 516 00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:38,410 Just put him on. 517 00:19:38,513 --> 00:19:39,912 God damn it, put him on! 518 00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:44,650 God damn it, she wants you. 519 00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:45,917 I'll call you back. 520 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:47,863 What? 521 00:19:47,888 --> 00:19:49,453 You cannot bury him. 522 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,522 What are you talking about? 523 00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,156 He's got to be cremated. 524 00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:53,825 - Who says? - He says. 525 00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,159 He wants to be cremated, 526 00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,257 and he wants his ashes scattered at sea. 527 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:58,696 At sea? 528 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,566 The only thing he ever did in the sea was piss in it. 529 00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:02,633 It's in his will. 530 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,035 Fuck me. Fine. 531 00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:07,738 Call Roger back. 532 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,573 Tell him the body needs to be cremated. 533 00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,008 Pain in my ass. 534 00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,716 Hello? 535 00:20:20,818 --> 00:20:22,652 - Adjust. - What? 536 00:20:22,677 --> 00:20:24,510 Adjust. 537 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:26,989 - Better? - Better. 538 00:20:27,091 --> 00:20:28,925 So, you change your mind? 539 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:29,859 You coming in? 540 00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:31,226 No, I'm not coming, 541 00:20:31,328 --> 00:20:32,895 and there's not gonna be a funeral. 542 00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:34,129 What does that mean? 543 00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:36,131 Apparently, he wants to be cremated. 544 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:37,231 He wants? 545 00:20:37,333 --> 00:20:38,833 Who cares what he wants? 546 00:20:38,936 --> 00:20:40,802 For once, let him do what I want. 547 00:20:40,904 --> 00:20:43,237 - It's in his will. - Oh, Jesus. 548 00:20:43,339 --> 00:20:45,574 So what am I supposed to do with the casket? 549 00:20:45,676 --> 00:20:46,808 What casket? 550 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,910 I just bought a casket at Costco. 551 00:20:49,012 --> 00:20:50,645 They sell caskets at Costco? 552 00:20:50,747 --> 00:20:53,181 - Next to the tires. - So just return it. 553 00:20:53,283 --> 00:20:54,782 What if they won't take it back? 554 00:20:54,884 --> 00:20:56,584 What am I supposed to do with it? 555 00:20:56,686 --> 00:20:58,185 I don't know. Stick it in the garage. 556 00:20:58,287 --> 00:20:59,687 You're gonna need it eventually. 557 00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,756 - Hello? - Get me Matt. 558 00:21:02,858 --> 00:21:04,847 Tell him it's about the ashes. 559 00:21:05,628 --> 00:21:06,760 Cherry poplar 560 00:21:06,862 --> 00:21:07,695 with a champagne velvet interior. 561 00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:08,929 Guess who? 562 00:21:09,025 --> 00:21:11,024 She wants to talk about the ashes. 563 00:21:11,055 --> 00:21:12,008 What? 564 00:21:12,033 --> 00:21:13,833 When am I getting them? 565 00:21:13,935 --> 00:21:15,668 That whore's not getting the ashes. 566 00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:18,071 - Those are my ashes! - Why do you get 'em? 567 00:21:18,172 --> 00:21:20,239 I thought they were supposed to be scattered at sea. 568 00:21:20,341 --> 00:21:21,741 At sea? 569 00:21:21,843 --> 00:21:23,009 What is he, a Kennedy? 570 00:21:23,111 --> 00:21:25,945 I'm supposed to be the scatterer! 571 00:21:26,047 --> 00:21:26,913 Bullshit! 572 00:21:27,015 --> 00:21:28,246 He's my husband. 573 00:21:28,271 --> 00:21:31,116 You keep your hands off him. We got water here. 574 00:21:31,218 --> 00:21:33,981 - I'm scattering. - I'm scattering. 575 00:21:34,006 --> 00:21:35,081 Bullshit! I'm scattering! I'm scattering! 576 00:21:35,106 --> 00:21:36,981 It's Roger. There's a problem. 577 00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:38,956 - Oh, God. Hold on! - Fuck you. 578 00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:39,992 You whore, fuck you. 579 00:21:40,094 --> 00:21:41,660 What? 580 00:21:41,762 --> 00:21:43,194 I just got off with the mortuary. 581 00:21:43,296 --> 00:21:46,296 They can't cremate him for at least a couple of weeks. 582 00:21:46,398 --> 00:21:47,475 Weeks? 583 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,066 Apparently, there's some big backlog. 584 00:21:49,091 --> 00:21:50,144 Did you play the Friends card? 585 00:21:50,169 --> 00:21:51,674 Of course I played the Friends card. 586 00:21:51,714 --> 00:21:53,214 I offered them tickets to the The Box. 587 00:21:53,214 --> 00:21:54,646 I said you would take a picture with them. 588 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:56,688 - Well, let's not go crazy. - They did tell me... 589 00:21:56,726 --> 00:21:59,052 And this is totally off the record... 590 00:21:59,154 --> 00:22:01,878 There might be a little bit of wiggle room 591 00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:05,360 if the ashes... don't have to be his. 592 00:22:05,462 --> 00:22:08,174 Well, shit, if they don't have to be his... 593 00:22:10,201 --> 00:22:12,635 - Doorbell. - Oh, can you let him in? 594 00:22:12,737 --> 00:22:14,771 It's the guy from the prop house. 595 00:22:18,242 --> 00:22:20,241 Hey, thanks so much for doing this. 596 00:22:20,343 --> 00:22:21,944 Hey. For you? Pfft. 597 00:22:22,046 --> 00:22:23,178 - Wow, these look great. - They should. 598 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,246 This one was used in Harold and Maude. 599 00:22:25,348 --> 00:22:27,049 It was also in the first Godfather. 600 00:22:27,150 --> 00:22:28,650 - Terms of Endearment. - Wow. 601 00:22:28,752 --> 00:22:30,285 It's got better credits than you. 602 00:22:30,387 --> 00:22:31,920 The other one's mostly done TV. 603 00:22:32,022 --> 00:22:33,221 It started off in Quincy. 604 00:22:33,323 --> 00:22:35,057 - You remember... - Jack Klugman. Sure. 605 00:22:35,158 --> 00:22:36,156 Well, they look great. 606 00:22:36,258 --> 00:22:37,825 And they're for what again? 607 00:22:37,927 --> 00:22:40,127 I'm helping my nephew out with a student film thing. 608 00:22:40,229 --> 00:22:42,563 Ah-huh. You're a good uncle. 609 00:22:42,665 --> 00:22:44,264 I need them back in, like, two weeks. 610 00:22:44,366 --> 00:22:45,700 Yeah. Absolutely. No problem. 611 00:22:45,802 --> 00:22:46,734 Thanks again. 612 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:50,361 You're never gonna return those. 613 00:22:50,386 --> 00:22:51,518 What, are they gonna arrest me? 614 00:22:51,543 --> 00:22:52,806 Come on. Steaks are getting cold. 615 00:22:55,944 --> 00:22:57,343 It's weird. 616 00:22:57,445 --> 00:22:59,913 Every time I make a steak, I think about my father. 617 00:23:00,015 --> 00:23:02,616 Like a big, thick, juicy... 618 00:23:02,718 --> 00:23:04,985 you know, the kind of steak even a cow would go, 619 00:23:05,087 --> 00:23:07,687 "Nope, that's fair. I totally get it." 620 00:23:07,789 --> 00:23:09,089 And why your father? 621 00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:11,665 He made me my first great steak. 622 00:23:12,093 --> 00:23:14,093 I was, like, five, 623 00:23:14,194 --> 00:23:15,928 and he came home with this big box 624 00:23:16,030 --> 00:23:18,130 of these unbelievable rib eyes. 625 00:23:18,232 --> 00:23:20,341 He got 'em from my "Uncle" Lou. 626 00:23:20,868 --> 00:23:23,886 Apparently, the box had "fallen off the truck." 627 00:23:25,106 --> 00:23:28,006 These steaks were so fucking amazing. 628 00:23:28,108 --> 00:23:29,184 Well, there you go. 629 00:23:29,209 --> 00:23:31,075 So your father did do something positive. 630 00:23:31,177 --> 00:23:32,944 Yeah, wait. 631 00:23:33,046 --> 00:23:34,912 After dinner, I go to give our dog Tippy 632 00:23:35,015 --> 00:23:36,313 one of the bones. 633 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,582 Do not tell me you were eating Tippy. 634 00:23:38,685 --> 00:23:40,584 What? No. Jesus. 635 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,053 Sorry, but the way you said it. 636 00:23:42,155 --> 00:23:44,320 - No, I went there too. - No! 637 00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:47,724 My father traded Tippy for the box of steaks. 638 00:23:47,826 --> 00:23:49,159 But he was alive. 639 00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:51,128 He gave away my dog. 640 00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:52,796 You were five. Who does that? 641 00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:53,930 Yeah, no, obviously it's terrible. 642 00:23:53,955 --> 00:23:54,998 - Ohh! - Stop being relieved! 643 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,031 No, I get it. 644 00:23:56,056 --> 00:23:57,768 Yeah, yeah, totally. 645 00:24:00,838 --> 00:24:02,672 Is no one else troubled by this at all? 646 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:03,873 What? 647 00:24:03,975 --> 00:24:05,808 You're making two ladies very happy. 648 00:24:05,910 --> 00:24:08,711 And hopefully they stop fucking calling. 649 00:24:08,736 --> 00:24:11,870 And you don't worry they'll notice a vague sirloin-y aroma? 650 00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:14,583 Hey, if they're sniffing a dead guy's ashes, 651 00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:15,951 they got bigger problems. 652 00:24:19,056 --> 00:24:22,957 So did your father really do nothing good? At all? 653 00:24:23,060 --> 00:24:24,859 Not one nice memory? 654 00:24:25,996 --> 00:24:27,996 He once took us to Disney World. 655 00:24:28,098 --> 00:24:29,630 - Well, okay. - That's something. 656 00:24:29,733 --> 00:24:31,933 Except he didn't want to wait in any of the lines, 657 00:24:32,035 --> 00:24:34,102 so he gets this used child's wheelchair. 658 00:24:34,204 --> 00:24:35,335 - Come on! - He did not. 659 00:24:35,437 --> 00:24:36,804 Then he shaved my head. 660 00:24:36,906 --> 00:24:38,038 - No. - Oh, stop it. 661 00:24:38,140 --> 00:24:40,074 Swear to God. I got pictures with Mickey. 662 00:24:42,044 --> 00:24:43,643 You realize that's your show. 663 00:24:44,008 --> 00:24:45,634 What's my show? 664 00:24:46,015 --> 00:24:47,848 The father is a con man. 665 00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:49,416 Shifty. Conniving. 666 00:24:49,518 --> 00:24:50,818 But still charming. 667 00:24:50,997 --> 00:24:52,495 You thought my father was charming? 668 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:53,820 - Mm-hmm. - In his way. 669 00:24:53,922 --> 00:24:55,855 Twinkle in his eye. But still a bastard. 670 00:24:55,957 --> 00:24:59,391 The son is very different. Let's say he's a cop. 671 00:24:59,493 --> 00:25:03,096 Maybe a detective who goes after people like his father. 672 00:25:03,198 --> 00:25:04,697 Right. 673 00:25:04,799 --> 00:25:06,866 And it's all about their incredibly complicated 674 00:25:06,968 --> 00:25:08,667 love/hate/hate/hate relationship. 675 00:25:10,096 --> 00:25:11,161 I kind of like that. 676 00:25:11,433 --> 00:25:12,804 I could see me playing a cop. 677 00:25:12,906 --> 00:25:14,339 Oh, no, no, no. No, you're the father. 678 00:25:14,441 --> 00:25:17,831 What? No fuckin' way. I'm not playing that asshole. 679 00:25:17,856 --> 00:25:19,622 It's the better part. 680 00:25:19,913 --> 00:25:21,379 Yeah, I'm the father. 681 00:25:31,836 --> 00:25:33,101 Hey. 682 00:25:33,126 --> 00:25:35,659 So, the guy from the mortuary called back. 683 00:25:35,762 --> 00:25:38,829 Turns out, uh, his wife's a big fan of your show. 684 00:25:38,931 --> 00:25:40,064 - Yeah? - Promised him a ton of tickets. 685 00:25:40,166 --> 00:25:41,431 VIP tour. The whole deal. 686 00:25:41,533 --> 00:25:43,299 You will have to take a picture. 687 00:25:43,401 --> 00:25:44,619 Fine. 688 00:25:44,644 --> 00:25:47,811 But it got your dad bumped to the front of the line. 689 00:25:48,614 --> 00:25:50,240 They did him this afternoon. 690 00:25:52,477 --> 00:25:55,078 - This is him? - This is him. 691 00:26:00,084 --> 00:26:01,835 - Jesus. - Yeah. 692 00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:05,120 - He's heavy. - I know. 693 00:26:07,591 --> 00:26:10,125 - You want a drink or something? - I'm late for a dinner. 694 00:26:10,227 --> 00:26:11,578 - With who? - Just a client. 695 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:12,727 - Who? - A client. 696 00:26:12,830 --> 00:26:15,430 - Bradley Cooper? - Why do you do this? 697 00:26:15,609 --> 00:26:16,875 I love you, bud. 698 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,032 All right? 699 00:26:46,962 --> 00:26:48,929 Fine. 700 00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:34,360 Fucker! 701 00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:35,395 Ugh! 702 00:28:41,702 --> 00:28:43,336 Ugh! 703 00:28:45,340 --> 00:28:46,272 Ugh! 704 00:29:08,863 --> 00:29:09,896 There's really nothing in 705 00:29:10,030 --> 00:29:12,366 - the television landscape... - Hey, my vests are here! 706 00:29:12,433 --> 00:29:14,334 Parakeets have a longer attention span. 707 00:29:15,869 --> 00:29:17,970 - Thank you very much. - I say we move forward 708 00:29:18,037 --> 00:29:20,005 - with this. - You don't want to have a 709 00:29:20,073 --> 00:29:24,075 - baby in a Grey area. - You also don't want to have 710 00:29:24,143 --> 00:29:26,779 - a baby when you're stressed! - Matt wants a 711 00:29:26,847 --> 00:29:28,714 shared "created by" credit. 712 00:29:28,782 --> 00:29:30,816 They're being and I'm going to tell 'em. 713 00:29:34,928 --> 00:29:41,985 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 47162

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