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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,178
I'm not gonna be
a fucking game show host.
3
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,138
This could be serious money for you,
4
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,640
and right now,
5
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,142
you need
serious money.
6
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,520
I don't have to like you.
You don't have to like me.
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,313
- Not to worry.
- I'm excited about this.
8
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,481
Yeah, I know you are.
9
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:25,899
When I read the thing, I was like,
10
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,526
"Oh, my God, they're making our show."
11
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:31,821
No, actually, the show Bev and I
are doing is vastly different
12
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,114
from that thing you and I kicked around.
13
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,741
Well,
that's not true.
14
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:38,065
I'm not going to let my personal
issues get in the way.
15
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:41,304
For which we are very,
very appreciative.
16
00:00:41,306 --> 00:00:44,834
That said, there's one small
change that I'd like to make.
17
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,213
I'm so sorry I'm late.
This is exciting, isn't it?
18
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,348
I think it's best if
Tim
19
00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:52,961
runs the show.
20
00:01:27,942 --> 00:01:35,985
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,564
Previously on The Box,
22
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,441
it was payback time for Jessica
23
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:53,278
when Kojo disadvantaged her
with 100 hamsters.
24
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,071
- That's too many hamsters.
- Everyone assumed
25
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,491
she would retaliate,
but Jessica had a bigger plan.
26
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,160
She and Jonathan formed an alliance
27
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,203
and pooled their points.
28
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,457
They gave Kelsey 48 hours of
Gilbert Gottfried in her box.
29
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,785
- Gilbert Gottfried.
- Gilbert Gottfried.
30
00:02:07,787 --> 00:02:09,961
"And Abimelech said,
31
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,005
'What did thou see?'"
32
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,633
Meanwhile, Zach lowered Rafe's ceiling,
33
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,302
so Rafe paid Zach back
by filling his box with hay.
34
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,597
It turned out to be the last straw,
35
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,098
and on day 36,
36
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,433
Zach was eliminated
37
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,517
from the game.
38
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,311
With only six players left,
39
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,896
Danika went on a winning streak.
40
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,648
- Yes!
- Answering four
41
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,274
primo questions in a row...
42
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,318
Amassing a total of 46 advantages.
43
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,944
- That is correct.
- Yes, whoo!
44
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,696
Will she use them
45
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,448
to exact revenge on Jonathan?
46
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,116
Or will she spend them
47
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,111
on a major luxury item for herself?
48
00:02:42,113 --> 00:02:47,209
Find out tonight as we open up The Box.
49
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,794
7 people...
50
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:54,422
17 weeks...
51
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,996
only one will beat
52
00:02:56,998 --> 00:02:59,094
The Box.
53
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,098
Okay, standby to cue Matt.
54
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,015
Cue Matt.
55
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:09,020
Welcome to day 37 of
The Box.
56
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,397
Let's get right to it
57
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,009
and see what our box-mates are up to.
58
00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:15,151
I have a feeling
that Kelsey might just be
59
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,945
at the end of her rope.
60
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:20,031
"And the Lord spoke to Moses saying,
61
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:24,202
'Let the children of Israel
62
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,830
go out of your land.'"
63
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,498
Sorry to interrupt.
64
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,250
Kelsey, gotta ask,
65
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,460
is this the worst disadvantage so far?
66
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:35,004
Oh, yeah. No question.
67
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:38,633
God will smite you for that.
68
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,301
So, Gilbert, how's it going for you?
69
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:45,265
Oh, it's a festival
of joy and light in here.
70
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,850
Having a good time, are you?
71
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:50,520
How could I not, being stuck in a box
72
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:53,231
with young Kathy Bates?
73
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,525
All right, we'll check back in
with you soon.
74
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,911
"And Moses said..."
75
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,073
- Danika.
- Hi, Matt.
76
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,784
So, 46 advantages.
77
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,703
More than anyone in the game so far.
78
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,038
- Yay me.
- Everyone's dying to know.
79
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,540
Are you gonna use 'em to do something
80
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,167
even worse to Jonathan?
81
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:15,128
Although I don't know
what that could possibly be.
82
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,422
Or are you gonna buy something
incredible for yourself?
83
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,258
- I think...
- Wait, wait, don't answer yet.
84
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,543
We'll find out when we come back.
85
00:04:22,899 --> 00:04:24,220
Right after this.
86
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,805
Camera four.
87
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,684
And we're out.
88
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,563
- You are killing it.
- Just saying the words.
89
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,398
- It's so fun.
- Such a good show tonight.
90
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,109
What do you think she's gonna do
with her advantages?
91
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,736
I don't fucking care.
92
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,571
Ah, and look who's here.
93
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,740
Hey, twice in one week.
94
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,658
Are you kidding? I can't stay away.
95
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,367
- It's my new favorite show.
- Liking those numbers, huh?
96
00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:49,487
Liking 'em?
97
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:52,207
They're what I think about
when I'm screwing my wife.
98
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,710
Whoa, what a great crowd!
99
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,713
I'm gonna show you all
a little something
100
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,216
that's gonna be hitting
the newsstands tomorrow.
101
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:04,302
Guess who's on the cover
of this week's
People magazine?
102
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,888
Matt Le Box!
103
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,139
Come on over here.
104
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,436
Very impressive.
105
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,230
You're right up there with JonBenét
106
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,524
and some girl who lost 80 pounds.
107
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,109
All right, go fuck yourself.
108
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,030
- Yeah.
- Cover of
People.
109
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,324
Not bad.
110
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,283
Also, by the way, you are going to be
111
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,153
on their World's Most Beautiful List.
112
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,955
Oh, haven't been on that in ten years.
113
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,540
Well, you're beautiful again, my friend.
114
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,041
More important, what do you got for me?
115
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,168
Well, you received a very generous offer
116
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,545
from
Celebrity Wife Swap.
117
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:39,587
I'm not doing
Wife Swap.
118
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,630
Celebrity Wife Swap.
119
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,048
I'm not even fucking married.
120
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,633
It's a good offer.
121
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,006
- Hey, Matt!
- Ugh, I'm talking about acting.
122
00:05:45,008 --> 00:05:47,136
Look, everybody loves you.
You know that.
123
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,763
But this is how they see you now.
124
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,473
As a fucking game show host?
125
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,141
I've been doing this for five minutes.
126
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,227
- I've been an actor for...
- I know, I know.
127
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,356
Well, what about the network?
Elliot Salad just told me
128
00:05:56,358 --> 00:05:58,398
I'm what he thinks about
when he's inside his wife.
129
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,108
That's gotta be good for 13 on air.
130
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,027
Look, this is the box
that they like you in.
131
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,602
Well, what if I don't like this box?
132
00:06:03,604 --> 00:06:05,154
Ah, come on. It's a nice box.
133
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,698
It's a box full of money.
134
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,367
Matt, 20 seconds.
135
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,411
Can't you just look at it
as reinventing yourself?
136
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,288
As a shittier version of me?
137
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,456
We're back in ten, people.
138
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,835
Cue music.
139
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,382
- So, Danika, 46 advantages.
- Yep.
140
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,801
If you
really wanna
get back at Jonathan,
141
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,094
you've got...
142
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,930
Honey and feathers.
143
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,203
Hideous stench.
144
00:06:32,205 --> 00:06:36,519
And finally, 200 live frogs
145
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,062
ready to drop.
146
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,856
There's a reason they were a plague
147
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:40,732
in the
Bible.
148
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,941
I'm sure Gilbert
149
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,318
could tell us something about that.
150
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,861
Don't interrupt me.
151
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,696
It's gettin' to the fun part.
152
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,199
It's not looking good for Lot's wife.
153
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,453
Or you could buy a luxury item
for yourself.
154
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,372
With 46 advantages, you could get...
155
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,628
ooh, mattress and pillows...
156
00:06:58,630 --> 00:07:00,043
Mm.
157
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,920
A steak dinner with all the fixings.
158
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,048
TV for a week
159
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:08,551
or a warm, soapy shower.
160
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,261
So, Danika.
161
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,805
What's it gonna be?
162
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,724
Shower!
163
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:15,725
I need an answer.
164
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,889
Matt, I've gotta pick...
165
00:07:19,891 --> 00:07:21,167
the shower.
166
00:07:21,169 --> 00:07:23,566
All right, 46 advantages,
167
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,986
give Danika a warm, soapy shower.
168
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,238
All right, go ahead and cue the shower.
169
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,973
I love this fucking show.
170
00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:59,896
Mmm.
171
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,492
Hello.
172
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,994
Tim, it's Beverly.
173
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:02,582
I'm afraid I can't come in today.
174
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,459
Sean is dead.
175
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,003
What? Oh, my God.
176
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,629
I know. But what can you do?
177
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,882
You can't come to work
when your husband's dead.
178
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:15,597
There really is
no excuse better than that.
179
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,347
Sean is dead?
180
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,348
-
As a doornail.
- What?
181
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,184
So, who knows
182
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,394
when I'll be back.
183
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,397
I've got all kinds
of widow-y things to do,
184
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,691
and then there's the trauma.
185
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,235
In all likelihood,
186
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,155
you and I will never, ever
187
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,200
see each other again.
188
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,952
Good-bye, Tim.
189
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,540
Good luck with the show.
190
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,321
Morning.
191
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,241
- What?
- No, nothing.
192
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,814
Any other thoughts on page 19?
193
00:10:27,816 --> 00:10:29,919
19? 19?
194
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,087
19? No?
195
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,380
Page 20.
196
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,800
I really think we need to cut
this whole bit with the boat.
197
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,385
- What? No!
- No, you can't do that.
198
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,427
- No, you can't...
- you need the boat bit.
199
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:40,805
Yes, I realize it was
in your original draft,
200
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,348
but, darling, sometimes
you have to let the words go.
201
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,587
Do we?
202
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,895
Look, if... if you cut
the bit with the boat,
203
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,397
it's all exposition.
204
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,440
The boat bit's the only
funny part of the scene.
205
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,943
Hope we're not keeping things in
just because they're funny.
206
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:54,986
In...
207
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,374
the comedy.
208
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,282
Oh, you two are so old-school.
209
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,652
Comedies don't have to be funny anymore.
210
00:11:01,654 --> 00:11:04,562
Some of the biggest comedies
aren't even remotely funny.
211
00:11:04,603 --> 00:11:06,728
Audiences don't need your little jokes
212
00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:09,606
and your laughs and your humor anymore.
213
00:11:09,608 --> 00:11:11,524
You just have to end after 30 minutes.
214
00:11:11,526 --> 00:11:13,531
That's it, bang, you're a comedy.
215
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:17,699
We are not cutting the boat bit.
216
00:11:17,724 --> 00:11:19,621
The scene needs
217
00:11:20,243 --> 00:11:21,790
the whimsy.
218
00:11:22,138 --> 00:11:23,971
All right, scary.
219
00:11:23,973 --> 00:11:25,806
No need to get fractious.
220
00:11:25,808 --> 00:11:27,141
You know what?
221
00:11:27,143 --> 00:11:28,643
We can decide this after lunch.
222
00:11:28,645 --> 00:11:30,233
We... no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
223
00:11:30,235 --> 00:11:31,941
I have a surprise.
224
00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:34,357
I made my famous Vietnamese noodles.
225
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:36,150
At least something good
226
00:11:36,152 --> 00:11:37,568
came out of your little war.
227
00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:39,820
I thought you said we could
take off for lunch today.
228
00:11:39,822 --> 00:11:42,031
I know, but then I got inspired.
229
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:44,075
Now, remind me
who's allergic to peanuts?
230
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,993
The only thing missing
231
00:11:45,995 --> 00:11:47,203
- is the bars on the windows.
- I'm allergic to nuts.
232
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:50,498
- I'll eat yours.
- It does smell delicious.
233
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,499
- I hope you're joking.
- Mm-hmm.
234
00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:54,085
In this new way where
we don't have to be funny.
235
00:12:03,012 --> 00:12:05,388
See? You follow it in the air,
236
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:07,181
and then it shows you where it lands.
237
00:12:07,183 --> 00:12:09,684
It's just like playing on a real course.
238
00:12:09,686 --> 00:12:12,103
You know what's
even more like a real course?
239
00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:14,605
- A real course.
- Yeah, but this way
240
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:15,606
you can play anywhere in the world.
241
00:12:15,608 --> 00:12:18,444
As long as you're downstairs
in your basement.
242
00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:21,279
So where are we now?
243
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:24,031
Uh, St. Andrews in Scotland.
244
00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:25,157
Oh, my brother actually lives
ten minutes from there.
245
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:26,701
- Oh, yeah?
- Maybe after the game
246
00:12:26,703 --> 00:12:28,953
we can swing by.
247
00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:31,124
You're kind of an asshole in Scotland.
248
00:12:33,459 --> 00:12:35,960
Holy shit.
249
00:12:35,962 --> 00:12:38,379
I was picturing Tim's head.
250
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:40,588
I don't know why you're still
workin' with that douchenozzle.
251
00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:43,134
We have no choice. We don't.
252
00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:45,219
It's still our show.
We have a financial stake.
253
00:12:45,221 --> 00:12:46,845
We can't let him destroy it completely.
254
00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:48,392
But you're there, like, every night.
255
00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:50,558
Because the twat has no life.
256
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,287
Look, you're the one who said
to go for the money.
257
00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:53,340
Well, so stop complaining.
258
00:12:53,342 --> 00:12:54,979
I'm not complaining.
259
00:12:54,981 --> 00:12:56,926
- I'm golfing.
- So golf.
260
00:12:58,693 --> 00:13:00,612
I still think you're wusses.
261
00:13:05,241 --> 00:13:06,782
Jesus.
262
00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,159
Tim again?
263
00:13:08,161 --> 00:13:10,328
Actually, that was
you that time.
264
00:13:13,545 --> 00:13:15,501
Coming.
265
00:13:16,544 --> 00:13:19,170
So, if Mohammed won't
come to the mountain,
266
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,672
the mountain will come to Mohammed.
267
00:13:21,674 --> 00:13:23,591
With bagels.
268
00:13:23,593 --> 00:13:24,453
Ah...
269
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,468
did you get poppy?
270
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:29,388
No, the mountain could only get
sesame and plain.
271
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,389
Mm, Mohammed is pissed.
272
00:13:30,391 --> 00:13:32,725
Even in your kitchen,
273
00:13:32,727 --> 00:13:34,393
I'm not comfortable
with this conversation.
274
00:13:34,395 --> 00:13:35,686
So...
275
00:13:36,072 --> 00:13:37,688
how are you?
276
00:13:37,690 --> 00:13:38,968
Great.
277
00:13:40,276 --> 00:13:41,181
I am.
278
00:13:41,183 --> 00:13:42,318
I
am.
279
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:46,764
Oh, good, you got
the chive cream cheese.
280
00:13:46,788 --> 00:13:49,647
Oh, and there's,
uh, half a pound of nova.
281
00:13:49,714 --> 00:13:52,244
Not really a smoked fish person.
282
00:13:52,246 --> 00:13:53,287
Really?
283
00:13:53,289 --> 00:13:55,097
Mm. I just assumed.
284
00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:56,957
- What?
- You know, being...
285
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,085
- What?
- Jewish.
286
00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:01,003
No?
287
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,717
You thought I was Jewish?
288
00:14:02,719 --> 00:14:04,419
Well, you know, Rance.
289
00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:06,693
And, I don't know,
290
00:14:06,694 --> 00:14:08,194
show business.
291
00:14:08,196 --> 00:14:11,530
Yeah, no, I'm not
Jewish.
292
00:14:11,532 --> 00:14:12,948
Well, you don't have
to say it like that.
293
00:14:12,950 --> 00:14:14,740
- I'm Jewish.
- You're Jewish?
294
00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:17,786
Or like that. Yes, I'm Jewish.
295
00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:20,456
How did I not know this?
296
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:21,832
You don't look Jewish,
297
00:14:21,834 --> 00:14:23,834
and I mean that as a compliment.
298
00:14:23,836 --> 00:14:25,284
You should probably stop.
299
00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:27,340
Oh, wow.
300
00:14:27,965 --> 00:14:31,217
- Is Sean Jewish?
- No.
301
00:14:31,219 --> 00:14:33,731
'Cause he actually looks a little...
302
00:14:34,388 --> 00:14:36,222
- Seinfeld-y.
- I really think we should
303
00:14:36,224 --> 00:14:38,349
move away from the whole
"looks Jewish" arena.
304
00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:41,018
Gotcha.
305
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,311
- It's just the...
- No.
306
00:14:42,313 --> 00:14:43,606
Okay.
307
00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:48,317
Aren't you gonna toast it first?
308
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:49,318
- No.
- Or is that
309
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,486
just a Semitic thing?
310
00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:51,695
I'm hungry.
311
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,740
Are you stoned already?
312
00:14:54,742 --> 00:14:56,700
No. Why?
313
00:14:56,702 --> 00:15:00,079
It's not even 9:15.
314
00:15:00,081 --> 00:15:01,455
What?
315
00:15:01,457 --> 00:15:04,416
It's not like I have to be somewhere.
316
00:15:04,418 --> 00:15:06,043
Okay, I realize this is
317
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,628
- a difficult time, but...
- I'm fine.
318
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:08,646
Will you stop saying you're "fine"?
319
00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,187
You are not fine.
320
00:15:10,189 --> 00:15:11,674
You won't leave your house,
321
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:13,133
you're stoned before breakfast,
322
00:15:13,135 --> 00:15:14,314
and you look like...
323
00:15:14,845 --> 00:15:16,024
What?
324
00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:18,305
I look like what?
325
00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:21,684
You look like
what I imagine you'd look like
326
00:15:21,686 --> 00:15:22,818
if you'd never left Michigan.
327
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:28,453
Oh.
328
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,277
Look, I'm sorry,
but you need to hear it.
329
00:15:31,279 --> 00:15:32,861
You have to get out.
330
00:15:32,863 --> 00:15:35,823
You can't just spend every day
doing nothing.
331
00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:38,033
- I don't do nothing.
- What did you do yesterday?
332
00:15:38,035 --> 00:15:40,077
- I woke up.
- You're counting waking up
333
00:15:40,079 --> 00:15:41,370
as something you did?
334
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:42,955
I didn't have to!
335
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:47,751
All I'm saying is you can't
let this defeat you.
336
00:15:47,753 --> 00:15:49,378
- You've got to...
- What?
337
00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:50,379
Get a job?
338
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:53,549
I am poison in this town.
339
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:56,051
God knows what Helen's saying about me.
340
00:15:56,053 --> 00:15:57,970
So who's gonna give me a recommendation?
341
00:15:57,972 --> 00:15:59,763
Castor? I don't even know
342
00:15:59,765 --> 00:16:01,181
if they've released him yet.
343
00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:04,268
But all those years
of building "relationships."
344
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,437
Surely someone can help you.
345
00:16:06,439 --> 00:16:08,147
You had friends at the network.
346
00:16:08,149 --> 00:16:09,565
Are you kidding?
347
00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,275
Myra blew me off.
348
00:16:11,277 --> 00:16:12,305
Oy.
349
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:14,820
Have you always said that?
350
00:16:16,907 --> 00:16:18,198
Anything else
351
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,408
on page 20?
352
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,618
Page 20?
353
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,953
Page 20?
354
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:26,999
Oh, look, it's TV's Joey.
355
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:28,336
Excuse us.
356
00:16:30,973 --> 00:16:33,255
I keep calling you guys.
You're not picking up.
357
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:35,716
Tim doesn't allow phones in the room.
358
00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:38,136
Allow? Jesus, you're pussies.
359
00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:39,762
Actually, with everyone's
phone going off,
360
00:16:39,764 --> 00:16:40,637
we'd never get any work done.
361
00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:42,323
- And we're pussies.
- And we're pussies.
362
00:16:42,325 --> 00:16:43,265
Anyway, so...
363
00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:45,934
Uh, I just got tickets
for Madonna tonight.
364
00:16:45,936 --> 00:16:47,311
- Wanna come?
- Mmm.
365
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:49,146
- Madonna, really?
- They're free.
366
00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:50,564
- What time?
- And they're her seats,
367
00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:51,774
so they're probably really good.
368
00:16:51,776 --> 00:16:53,108
- Whose seats?
- Madonna's.
369
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:54,610
How'd you get Madonna's seats?
370
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,320
- She called me.
- You know Madonna?
371
00:16:56,322 --> 00:16:58,238
Yeah, I know Madonna.
Why can't I know Madonna?
372
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,032
- How?
- For, like, 30 years.
373
00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:01,283
Since she was like a virgin.
I met her at The Factory.
374
00:17:01,285 --> 00:17:03,952
- What Factory?
- Andy Warhol's Factory?
375
00:17:03,954 --> 00:17:05,537
- You knew Andy Warhol?
- Yeah,
376
00:17:05,539 --> 00:17:07,331
why can't I know Andy Warhol?
Blondie introduced us.
377
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:08,999
All right, that... just... just stop it.
378
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:10,292
I'm telling you, you guys are
379
00:17:10,294 --> 00:17:11,502
the least interesting people I know.
380
00:17:11,504 --> 00:17:12,854
Aww.
381
00:17:12,856 --> 00:17:14,797
So you wanna come or not?
382
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,613
There's no way he's letting us out.
383
00:17:16,615 --> 00:17:18,855
Here, pussy, pussy, pussy.
384
00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:24,066
Excuse me, Tim. Hello.
385
00:17:24,068 --> 00:17:26,016
Uh, I was wondering
if there was any chance
386
00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:28,477
of getting out a little early tonight.
387
00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:29,671
- Yes.
- We've only got,
388
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,313
like, five pages left.
389
00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:33,691
Eh, sure enough.
Should be able to do it.
390
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:35,442
Depending on how long you two
391
00:17:35,444 --> 00:17:37,361
stand out there yammering.
392
00:17:37,363 --> 00:17:39,039
- He's got a face for punching.
- Mm.
393
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,323
How you doing?
394
00:17:42,785 --> 00:17:44,954
And then Reg could say...
395
00:17:56,132 --> 00:17:59,133
"What does a guy have to do
to get a cookie around here?"
396
00:18:05,057 --> 00:18:08,267
"Damn cookie" or just "cookie"?
397
00:18:08,269 --> 00:18:10,907
I don't think you need the "damn."
398
00:18:11,731 --> 00:18:14,940
"What does a guy have to do
to get a cookie around here?"
399
00:18:16,277 --> 00:18:19,278
"To get a damn cookie around..."
400
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,529
"To get a cookie..."
401
00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:24,199
I swear to God, my fingers are
digging into the table.
402
00:18:24,201 --> 00:18:25,075
There is wood under my nails.
403
00:18:25,077 --> 00:18:26,285
You... you know what? Let's just
404
00:18:26,287 --> 00:18:28,579
- stick with the "damn."
- Yes.
405
00:18:28,581 --> 00:18:29,830
- Definitely.
- Much better.
406
00:18:29,832 --> 00:18:31,540
- Do that.
- Yep, yep.
407
00:18:31,542 --> 00:18:34,293
Uh, so then Mrs. Carlson says...
408
00:18:34,295 --> 00:18:36,516
Hang on. Is it too long?
409
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:39,047
It's too long, right?
410
00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:41,633
How about just,
411
00:18:41,635 --> 00:18:44,219
"I want a cookie. Where's my cookie?"
412
00:18:44,221 --> 00:18:46,388
Yeah?
413
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:49,185
That is funny.
414
00:18:49,187 --> 00:18:52,936
- So then...
- Or maybe with a handle.
415
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,229
Put "My God" in front of it.
416
00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:57,524
"My God, what does a man have to do
417
00:18:57,526 --> 00:18:59,902
to get a damn cookie around here?"
418
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:00,778
Perfect.
419
00:19:00,780 --> 00:19:04,573
- You've got it.
- Perfect!
420
00:19:04,575 --> 00:19:05,991
Sold.
421
00:19:05,993 --> 00:19:08,410
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- So then,
422
00:19:08,412 --> 00:19:10,746
- Mrs. Carlson says...
- Sorry.
423
00:19:10,748 --> 00:19:12,498
Is there something funnier
than "cookie"?
424
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,374
Oh, I think it's funny enough.
425
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:16,997
It is, as you say... a comedy.
426
00:19:16,999 --> 00:19:20,422
Uh, maybe a particular kind of cookie?
427
00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:22,466
Oreos? Tollhouse?
428
00:19:22,468 --> 00:19:23,175
- H... help me here.
- Chips Ahoy?
429
00:19:23,177 --> 00:19:25,302
- Mallomar?
- Hydrox?
430
00:19:25,304 --> 00:19:27,054
- Mint Milano?
- Nilla Wafer?
431
00:19:27,056 --> 00:19:28,597
- Mint Milano?
- Girl Scout Cookie?
432
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:29,348
- Moon Pie?
- Fig Newton?
433
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,350
- Ginger Snap?
- Mint Milano?
434
00:19:31,352 --> 00:19:32,976
Did someone say "fudgy"? Fudgy's funny.
435
00:19:32,978 --> 00:19:35,021
"Fudgy" is funny.
436
00:19:35,023 --> 00:19:37,022
- "Fudgy's" not funny.
- No.
437
00:19:37,024 --> 00:19:37,898
"What does a man have to do
438
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:40,442
to get a damn fudgy around here?"
439
00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:41,693
I love it.
440
00:19:41,695 --> 00:19:44,112
We are crazy if we don't go with that.
441
00:19:44,114 --> 00:19:46,031
- Yeah?
- Yes.
442
00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:48,450
Ah, moving on.
443
00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:51,370
Hand me one of those crackers,
would you?
444
00:19:51,372 --> 00:19:52,621
Hm?
445
00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:53,983
Did you say "crackers"?
446
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,542
Instead of "cookie"? That's interesting.
447
00:19:56,544 --> 00:19:57,960
What? No, no, no, no, no, no.
448
00:19:57,962 --> 00:19:59,336
No, I was just asking Bev for...
449
00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:00,879
No, no, no, you're... you're right.
450
00:20:00,881 --> 00:20:02,614
I like... uh, "cookie's" so expected,
451
00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:04,883
but what kind of cracker?
452
00:20:04,885 --> 00:20:06,134
- Mm.
- Ritz?
453
00:20:06,136 --> 00:20:08,136
- Triscuit?
- Saltine?
454
00:20:08,138 --> 00:20:09,805
- Triscuit?
- Wheat Thin?
455
00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:11,807
- Cheez-it?
- Triscuit?
456
00:20:11,809 --> 00:20:13,058
You saw...
457
00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:14,476
I did not... I wasn't...
458
00:20:14,478 --> 00:20:15,769
that wasn't... that was n...
459
00:20:15,771 --> 00:20:17,521
I did not... You... you... you w...
460
00:20:17,523 --> 00:20:19,565
you heard me. I was just asking...
461
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,316
That's our show.
462
00:20:21,318 --> 00:20:23,193
Remember to follow us
live online 24 hours a day,
463
00:20:23,195 --> 00:20:25,402
and be back here tomorrow night...
464
00:20:25,404 --> 00:20:27,030
- Six.
- when we'll be
465
00:20:27,032 --> 00:20:28,369
one step closer to finding out
466
00:20:28,371 --> 00:20:30,909
-
who will beat The Box.
- Jessica.
467
00:20:30,911 --> 00:20:32,536
Good night!
468
00:20:32,538 --> 00:20:34,830
Show's over. Thank you very much, folks!
469
00:20:36,542 --> 00:20:37,833
- Good job, Matt!
- We love you, Matt!
470
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:38,999
Hey, Gilbert, listen.
471
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,003
Thanks so much for doing this.
472
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,838
Jesus Christ,
473
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,055
it smells like a vagina's vagina
in there.
474
00:20:46,057 --> 00:20:48,635
You gotta let these people bathe.
475
00:20:48,637 --> 00:20:50,262
That one got to take a shower.
476
00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:54,182
Well, next time, put me in her box.
477
00:20:54,184 --> 00:20:56,852
And I mean that in the biblical sense.
478
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:08,113
Hey.
479
00:21:08,115 --> 00:21:09,197
Hey!
480
00:21:09,199 --> 00:21:11,700
You hear me? I said, "Hey."
481
00:21:12,213 --> 00:21:14,244
I heard you.
482
00:21:14,246 --> 00:21:16,622
Yeah, where are we on my fucking window?
483
00:21:16,624 --> 00:21:19,583
Uh, nowhere. Because like I told you,
484
00:21:19,585 --> 00:21:21,126
you're not gettin' a fucking window.
485
00:21:21,616 --> 00:21:22,878
No one has a window.
486
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:23,795
I don't have a window.
487
00:21:23,797 --> 00:21:25,012
Why should you get a window?
488
00:21:25,014 --> 00:21:27,105
Because I'm the star
of the fucking show.
489
00:21:27,107 --> 00:21:29,176
Yeah? Well, Mr. Ed was the star
490
00:21:29,178 --> 00:21:31,720
of
Mr. Ed, but he still
had to shit in a barn.
491
00:21:31,722 --> 00:21:33,639
The title's overrated.
492
00:21:33,641 --> 00:21:36,320
Remember when I screwed your wife?
493
00:21:37,227 --> 00:21:38,852
Yeah.
494
00:21:38,854 --> 00:21:42,358
That's it. Just wanted you to remember.
495
00:21:43,984 --> 00:21:46,963
You are so never getting a window.
496
00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:49,071
Oh, I'm gettin' a window.
497
00:21:49,073 --> 00:21:51,073
You know what? You're an actor.
498
00:21:51,075 --> 00:21:52,407
Act like there's a window.
499
00:21:52,409 --> 00:21:54,701
You know what? You're a producer.
500
00:21:54,703 --> 00:21:55,994
Go fuck yourself.
501
00:22:02,086 --> 00:22:03,418
Did you know that the secret
502
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,212
to making the perfect crepe
503
00:22:05,214 --> 00:22:08,590
is to chill the batter the night before.
504
00:22:08,592 --> 00:22:09,591
Hmm.
505
00:22:09,593 --> 00:22:10,717
Here's a notion,
506
00:22:10,719 --> 00:22:12,094
why don't we keep working
507
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:15,764
while we eat our crepes.
508
00:22:15,766 --> 00:22:17,557
What? No.
509
00:22:17,559 --> 00:22:19,851
We should at least
take a moment to savor them.
510
00:22:19,853 --> 00:22:22,062
Well, slightly more than a moment,
511
00:22:22,064 --> 00:22:23,146
because don't forget, I've gotta do
512
00:22:23,148 --> 00:22:24,356
a gluten free batch for Amanda.
513
00:22:24,358 --> 00:22:26,191
Jesus, Amanda, eat the gluten.
514
00:22:26,193 --> 00:22:28,151
- It's the best part.
- Right.
515
00:22:28,153 --> 00:22:30,445
Hi, see...
516
00:22:30,447 --> 00:22:32,906
Here's the thing. It seems like
517
00:22:32,908 --> 00:22:34,452
we have a chance to get out of here
518
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:37,077
at a reasonable hour tonight, for once.
519
00:22:37,079 --> 00:22:39,621
I say, we grab it.
520
00:22:39,623 --> 00:22:42,416
Just because you two have
some kind of plans.
521
00:22:42,418 --> 00:22:43,917
Not just us.
522
00:22:43,919 --> 00:22:46,294
We have all worked every night
523
00:22:46,296 --> 00:22:48,130
for the last six weeks.
524
00:22:48,132 --> 00:22:50,927
I'm using "worked"
in the broadest sense,
525
00:22:50,929 --> 00:22:53,301
including not only our show,
526
00:22:53,303 --> 00:22:55,279
but your cooking show
527
00:22:55,281 --> 00:22:58,432
and helping you to pick out a cat,
528
00:22:58,434 --> 00:23:00,350
and while we
all appreciate the food
529
00:23:00,352 --> 00:23:05,075
and we love Mr. Swizzleboots,
530
00:23:05,566 --> 00:23:08,316
I'm sure, everybody here would also love
531
00:23:08,318 --> 00:23:11,864
to get home to their families.
532
00:23:13,115 --> 00:23:14,406
We're just asking
533
00:23:14,408 --> 00:23:16,992
for one night off.
534
00:23:23,208 --> 00:23:24,595
Well...
535
00:23:25,961 --> 00:23:28,015
not quite sure what to say.
536
00:23:29,506 --> 00:23:31,923
Just thought the crepes
would be a special treat,
537
00:23:31,925 --> 00:23:34,843
but... we... we don't have to have 'em.
538
00:23:34,845 --> 00:23:37,012
Not if people don't want them.
539
00:23:37,014 --> 00:23:38,847
No, we do.
540
00:23:38,849 --> 00:23:40,932
Let's have the crepes.
541
00:23:40,934 --> 00:23:42,642
Well, now you're just saying it.
542
00:23:42,644 --> 00:23:44,186
No, no, we really do.
543
00:23:44,188 --> 00:23:46,104
- They smell delicious.
- Let's have the crepes.
544
00:23:46,106 --> 00:23:48,106
That's the gluten.
545
00:23:48,108 --> 00:23:49,947
And as far as taking a night off,
546
00:23:49,949 --> 00:23:51,943
I suppose we could,
547
00:23:51,945 --> 00:23:54,571
I mean, if people would
rather go home than
548
00:23:54,573 --> 00:23:56,114
get the job done.
549
00:23:56,927 --> 00:23:58,212
Sorry.
550
00:23:58,214 --> 00:24:01,411
I don't mean to be overly professional,
551
00:24:01,413 --> 00:24:03,791
but I think the work has to come first.
552
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,783
Now, who's having apples
and who's having cheese?
553
00:24:09,785 --> 00:24:11,187
- Oh, uh, apples for me.
- Cheese.
554
00:24:11,189 --> 00:24:12,225
I'm allergic to cheese.
555
00:24:29,399 --> 00:24:31,943
It's us. We're still in crepe hell.
556
00:24:31,945 --> 00:24:33,381
We're never getting out of here.
557
00:24:33,383 --> 00:24:35,114
No apples on mine.
558
00:25:44,057 --> 00:25:45,642
Ah.
559
00:27:01,218 --> 00:27:03,679
Ohh...
560
00:27:16,358 --> 00:27:18,013
- Yeah?
- Oh, Mr. Lapidus.
561
00:27:18,015 --> 00:27:19,673
I'm sorry to call so late,
562
00:27:19,675 --> 00:27:21,903
but, um, we kind of have
a situation here.
563
00:27:21,905 --> 00:27:26,366
Uh, Matt LeBlanc is down on the stage.
564
00:27:26,368 --> 00:27:29,577
- Now?
- Yeah, he's, um...
565
00:27:29,579 --> 00:27:30,930
well, he's kind of having a sex thing
566
00:27:30,932 --> 00:27:33,707
with, uh... with Danika.
567
00:27:33,709 --> 00:27:35,500
Hang on, hang on.
568
00:27:35,502 --> 00:27:38,294
Let me turn on my feed.
569
00:27:47,597 --> 00:27:49,723
Holy shit.
570
00:27:49,725 --> 00:27:51,766
Don't worry, none of it has gone out.
571
00:27:51,768 --> 00:27:53,435
So long as I stay off Danika's camera,
572
00:27:53,437 --> 00:27:56,187
nobody can see it,
but I thought you should know.
573
00:27:56,189 --> 00:27:58,606
No, no, no, no, I'm glad you called.
574
00:27:58,608 --> 00:28:00,483
You... you did the right thing.
575
00:28:00,485 --> 00:28:02,561
Do me a favor, Kenny.
576
00:28:02,563 --> 00:28:05,238
Switch the live feed to Danika's box.
577
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,950
No, I'm saying, if you stay off
of Danika's camera, then...
578
00:28:08,952 --> 00:28:10,952
No, no, no, no, I hear you.
Just... just switch it.
579
00:28:10,954 --> 00:28:12,049
It's fine.
580
00:28:12,789 --> 00:28:15,040
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.
581
00:28:15,042 --> 00:28:18,043
I take full responsibility.
Just switch it,
582
00:28:18,045 --> 00:28:19,669
and let it run.
583
00:28:19,671 --> 00:28:21,171
Wow.
584
00:28:21,173 --> 00:28:23,633
I... okay, okay.
585
00:28:25,719 --> 00:28:28,970
Oh, and do me a favor.
586
00:28:28,972 --> 00:28:31,391
Zoom in on Matt.
587
00:28:33,195 --> 00:28:36,227
Yeah, that's nice.
588
00:28:36,229 --> 00:28:38,354
Thanks for calling, Kenny.
589
00:28:38,356 --> 00:28:40,275
You have a good night.
590
00:28:48,325 --> 00:28:56,595
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