Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,247
♪ I bet we've been together ♪
2
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,882
♪ for a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:20,752
♪ and I bet we'll be together ♪
4
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,322
♪ for a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,091
♪ oh, it's like I
Started breathing ♪
6
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,360
♪ on the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,361
♪ and I can't remember ♪
8
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:34,132
♪ what I ever did before ♪
9
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,102
♪ what would we do, baby ♪
10
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:39,871
♪ without us ♪
11
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,507
♪ what would we do, baby ♪
12
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:45,777
♪ without us ♪
13
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,779
♪ and there ain't no nothing ♪
14
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:51,283
♪ we can't love each other
Through ♪ ♪ ooh, ohh ♪
15
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:54,119
♪ what would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,655
♪ without us ♪
17
00:00:56,723 --> 00:01:00,292
♪ sha la la la ♪♪
18
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,530
Hey, honey.
19
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,243
Boy, you're up early.
20
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,177
Yeah, I want to get a head
Start. I'm making breakfast.
21
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:09,612
Well, what is all this...
22
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,681
Pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast?
23
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,471
And freshly
Squeezed orange juice.
24
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,185
Well, now, I am very impressed.
25
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,986
That's hard to do
Without a juicer.
26
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,377
It's even harder to
Do without oranges.
27
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,845
What's the occasion?
28
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,625
You know, I got up this morning
29
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,460
And I realized how
Incredible it is...
30
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,429
Alex is a junior at leland,
31
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,753
Mallory is a freshman
At grant college,
32
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,822
Jennifer is in junior high,
33
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,525
And andy starts preschool today.
34
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,860
It made me think about
35
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,907
How much we've all
Been through together,
36
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,909
How much I love this family,
37
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,866
How much I love you,
38
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,880
And how unbelievably expensive
39
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:47,172
This year is going to be.
40
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,173
Maybe we should
Cancel this breakfast.
41
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,563
Ah, let's live dangerously.
42
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,517
These people ever going
To go through midlife crisis?
43
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,396
Alex, jennifer, sit down.
44
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,532
I hope you're hungry,
Because we've got pancakes,
45
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,367
We've got eggs,
We've got bacon...
46
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,036
Looks great, but the
Junior class is having
47
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,504
A welcome back breakfast.
48
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,506
How about you, jen?
What's it going to be?
49
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,496
Eggs? Pancakes?
50
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,866
I ate already, dad. I've
Been up for 3 hours.
51
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,200
I see.
52
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,204
Mallory, how about
Some pancakes?
53
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,538
Please, dad.
54
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,953
If I even look at food
Today, I'm gonna be sick.
55
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:26,010
This worked out nicely.
56
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,424
Jennifer, andy's ready for you.
57
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,125
He just needs his hair brushed.
58
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,294
Isn't that cute? His
First day of preschool.
59
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,596
Yeah. Mallory, uh, you sure
You don't want some breakfast?
60
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,331
No, dad. It's my
First day of college.
61
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:36,621
I'm very nervous.
62
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,090
Mal, you got nothing
To worry about.
63
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:43,562
I mean, it's not like you're
Going to a real college.
64
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,179
What is that supposed to mean?
65
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:52,003
Oh, come on. How can you get
Nervous about going to a college
66
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:55,207
That advertises in
Hot rod magazine?
67
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,010
That's not true,
Alex. Oh, come on, mal.
68
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,511
I saw the ad.
69
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,380
"Grant college
Introductory offer...
70
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:05,683
Buy one semester,
Get the rest free."
71
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,020
Then there's that radio spot...
72
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,290
"At grant college, we have a modern
Library, fully qualified professors,
73
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,426
And thick, juicy steaks cooked
Just the way you like them."
74
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,974
Alex, grant college
Is a very fine school.
75
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,809
It's very hard to get in.
76
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,067
Hello, fellow grant
College freshman.
77
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:29,041
Looks like it's even
Harder to stay out.
78
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,188
Skip, how about some breakfast
79
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,990
On your first day
At grant college?
80
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,654
No, no, no. Thank
You, mr. Keaton.
81
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,617
No, I'm saving my appetite
For those thick, juicy steaks.
82
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,583
Oh! Hey. Hi.
83
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,627
Hey.
84
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,963
Does this tie go, alex?
85
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,798
Does this tie go?
86
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,368
You look like a million bucks.
87
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,002
Tax-free.
88
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,752
Is is too late to take
Andy to the woods
89
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,711
And have him raised by wolves?
90
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,647
Come on, dad. You know how long I
Had to wait to have a little brother?
91
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,849
What I had to endure?
I'm just excited, that's all.
92
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,719
Come on, andy. Do you want
To wave goodbye to your sister
93
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,721
On her first day of college?
94
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,071
It's not a real college.
95
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,733
Where's andy?
96
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,913
He's upstairs taking a nap.
97
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,871
Ahh. I wanted to find out how
His first day of preschool was.
98
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,773
I called there three times.
99
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:39,644
Every time I called,
They said it was nap time.
100
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,780
Well, he's upstairs
Taking another nap now.
101
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,783
I gotta talk to this kid.
He's sleeping his life away.
102
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:47,919
Hi.
103
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,699
Guys, how was your
First day of college?
104
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,524
Jennifer, it was so exciting. It's
So different from high school.
105
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,425
I'm taking this amazing
Philosophy course.
106
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,661
We talked about life and
Death, the nature of reality,
107
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,964
And the existence of
Being and non-being.
108
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,233
I mean, this could change
The whole way I dress.
109
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,672
How was your first day, skip?
110
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,874
Not quite as good. Due
To a computer error,
111
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,243
I spent the whole
Day at the registrar
112
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,179
Trying to prove that
I'm not a laboratory rat.
113
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,316
Were you successful?
114
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:21,919
I have to go back tomorrow
With my birth certificate.
115
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,421
You know, jennifer,
116
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,157
I think philosophy
May be my true calling.
117
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,159
There are just so many
Interesting questions.
118
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:32,164
Today, the professor asked, what
Proof do I have that I really exist?
119
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,632
Show him your phone bill.
120
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,103
Laugh if you want, alex,
121
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,739
But I have started
My first paper.
122
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:43,908
"I shop, therefore I am."
123
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:48,480
It's only a first draft, too.
124
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,394
Well, let's go to the mall and
Do some research on the paper.
125
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,218
That's a good idea, jen.
126
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,720
You're gonna do
Really well in college.
127
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,600
Oh, hey. Is andy asleep yet?
128
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,235
'cause I want to ask him...
129
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:02,627
Oh, he is out like a light,
Honey. He's had a very full day.
130
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,306
I'm a little sleepy myself.
131
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,308
I've got a big day on
Campus tomorrow.
132
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,778
I have to run through
A maze and ring a bell
133
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,202
To get a piece of swiss cheese.
134
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,772
You crazy college kids.
135
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,520
So, uh, andy liked
Preschool, huh?
136
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,356
Oh. Great. Tell me all about it.
137
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,380
Well, he, uh, was a
Little nervous at first.
138
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,327
Well, that's all right. I
Mean, that's to be expected.
139
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,796
But after a couple of minutes,
He started to enjoy himself.
140
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,164
Well, what were his
Favorite subjects...
141
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,065
Finger painting, blocks,
142
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,956
Supply-side economics?
143
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:35,326
I think he said that the part
He liked best was sharing time.
144
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,429
Oh. Sharing time?
145
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,164
What's that?
146
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,011
One of the objectives
Of the school
147
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,713
Is to teach kids
That sharing is fun.
148
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,281
So, everything
Is shared equally.
149
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,217
All the toys in the room
Belong to the group.
150
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,285
And they're considered
Communal property.
151
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,343
What is this, the
Karl marx preschool?
152
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,626
The harper school program
Teaches kids to support each other...
153
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,417
To feel good about themselves.
154
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,030
They even have this method
155
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,032
Of encouraging the
Children who are a little shy.
156
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,934
They give them patches
To wear that say,
157
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,670
"I know how to say goodbye"
Or "I know how to nap"
158
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,194
Or "I know how to
Speak in sentences."
159
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:13,364
Sounds like an insane asylum.
160
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,801
Preschool is supposed
To prepare andy
161
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,603
For real life.
162
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:21,106
In a couple years,
He's gonna be out there
163
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:24,442
In the dog-eat-dog
World of kindergarten.
164
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,644
He's got to be ready. He's
Got to build his character,
165
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,446
Sharpen his mental skills,
166
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,448
Improve his physical endurance.
167
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:34,252
So basically, you're
Suggesting a military preschool.
168
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,455
I just don't want to see andy
On the street 20 years from now
169
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:42,193
With a patch that says, "I
Know how to say goodbye."
170
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,300
O.K., andy, here's
Your lunchbox.
171
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:51,180
Now, these are your coloring
Books and your crayons.
172
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,883
Remember. How do
We feel about sharing?
173
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,139
Blll!
174
00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,478
Attaboy. Good.
175
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,782
O.K., now you just wear this,
176
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,850
And I don't think we'll
Have any problem.
177
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,158
Good morning, andy.
178
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,292
Good morning, mrs. Kluger.
179
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,639
Good morning, mrs. Kluger.
180
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,341
I'm alex keaton, andy's brother.
181
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,109
I'm mrs. Kluger the director.
182
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,111
Right. Oh, listen, andy, I
Got to run to class now.
183
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,813
But remember, tonight,
We're gonna go out.
184
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,815
We're gonna get ice cream.
Then I'm gonna take you
185
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:30,141
And show you how the
Automated teller machines work.
186
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,410
Ok? Remember. Who loves you?
187
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:33,945
Alex loves me.
188
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,447
You know it.
189
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:40,351
So, uh... How's he doing?
190
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,298
Oh, he's a terrific child.
191
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,635
He's very sensitive and very
Thoughtful of the other children.
192
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:49,460
Well, I can't help that.
It's my parents' influence.
193
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:52,742
You know, andrew talks
About you all the time, alex.
194
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,265
Uh, really?
195
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,379
Yeah. He mentions
Your name so often,
196
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,883
You'd think someone was
Paying him to talk about you.
197
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:09,247
Mrs. Kluger, do you mind if I
Take a little look around here?
198
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,555
Oh, no. Feel free. We
Encourage visitors.
199
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,185
We're completely
Open and free here.
200
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:17,255
That's nothing to brag about.
201
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,435
So, this is the library.
202
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,394
Yeah. And we try to fill it with
Colorful, interesting books.
203
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:25,297
We've got, uh, oh,
charlie goes to school,
204
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,366
a snowy day, the curious cow.
205
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,813
Yeah. We've got
That one at home.
206
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,237
Mallory's reading it.
207
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,040
My sister. Oh.
208
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,455
You've also got a
Sister in preschool?
209
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,380
No, mallory couldn't
Get into preschool...
210
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,584
So she's going to grant college.
211
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,490
Hi, mrs. Kluger.
212
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,125
Hi, michael.
213
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,494
What does your patch say?
214
00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:00,498
"I know how to say
Goodbye to my daddy."
215
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:04,235
Very good, sweetie. Isn't
That wonderful, alex?
216
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,304
What's so wonderful about that?
217
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:11,042
I know how to say goodbye to my
Daddy. You don't see me wearing a patch.
218
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,922
Well, we try to
Encourage michael.
219
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,345
He's very shy.
220
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,559
This gives him a sense
Of accomplishment.
221
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,183
Well, I'm all for creating a sense
Of accomplishment, mrs. Kluger.
222
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,052
I just question your methods.
223
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,454
Oh. What do you suggest?
224
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,591
Well, have you thought about dividing
The children into different play groups,
225
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,428
Giving them I.Q. Tests?
226
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,475
Well, alex, we're
Trying to foster
227
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,377
A noncompetitive environment.
228
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,534
Oh, come on, mrs. Kluger.
229
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:43,441
Join us in the real world here.
230
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,910
Do you see people out there
Who are noncompetitive?
231
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:50,381
People sharing? People
Taking naps on mats?
232
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:54,252
Steven and elyse
Keaton are your parents?
233
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,087
Oh, mrs. Kluger, I got to go.
234
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,957
Uh, I'm just gonna say goodbye
To andy, and I'll be on my way.
235
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,192
Sure. He's over
There playing house.
236
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,928
No, no. That's impossible.
Andy doesn't play house.
237
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,198
Well, of course he does.
See him diapering that doll?
238
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,400
He's diapering a doll?
239
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,502
Andy, what are you doing?
240
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:14,004
Diapering a doll.
241
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,006
Where's your wife?
242
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,575
Out working.
243
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:25,984
We're out of here.
244
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,652
Let's go. Let's go.
245
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:34,793
Today was the first day I really
Felt like a real college student.
246
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,428
Of course, today was the first
Day I wasn't getting shocked
247
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,397
For running against
The traffic in our maze.
248
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,812
Skippy, do you mind? I'm
Trying to do some work here.
249
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,603
Sorry, mal. It's just such a
Great feeling to be human again.
250
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,651
Wait a minute! You just
Gave me a great idea.
251
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,753
I did? My next
Assignment in philosophy
252
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,122
Is to pick someone and
Try to prove they exist.
253
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:54,990
I mean, I can do that on you.
254
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,781
Wow. What a challenge!
255
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,050
If I could prove you exist,
256
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:01,352
I'd definitely get an "A."
257
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:05,423
And you'd be able to settle a
Bet I have with my grandfather.
258
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,360
Whoa, whoa, mallory.
259
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:12,163
Do you have to work here?
We could really use this space.
260
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,998
Oh, no, no. You can't
Stop us now, alex.
261
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,167
See, mallory is
Going to prove I exist.
262
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,269
That could get a little messy.
263
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,216
Why don't you do that
In the kitchen, huh?
264
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,884
All right. All right.
265
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,886
Ok, a couple of
Questions, skippy.
266
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,954
First of all, what would
You say distinguishes you
267
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,756
From an inanimate object?
268
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,214
My allergies?
269
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,116
Alex, this is crazy.
270
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:34,162
Don't you think mom and
Dad are gonna find out
271
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,164
That andy isn't in preschool?
272
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,022
Yeah, well, I can't
Worry about that now.
273
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,392
The important thing
Is to deprogram andy
274
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,627
Before anything he
Learned in preschool sinks in.
275
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,507
What do you want me to do first?
276
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,465
Ok. We're gonna play house.
277
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,934
I'm gonna be the father.
You're gonna be the mother.
278
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,270
We're gonna show andy how
A normal family functions.
279
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,938
Are you watching, andy?
280
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,007
Yes, sir. Good.
281
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,976
Honey, I'm home.
282
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,157
Hi there, dear.
283
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,914
What did you do today
While I was out working hard
284
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:07,318
To support you?
285
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:10,321
I had an affair
With the milkman.
286
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,496
That's very funny, dear.
287
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,966
Does that mean you didn't make
Any dinner for your husband,
288
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,401
Even though I was
Slaving away at the office?
289
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,214
At least you get paid.
290
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:28,216
Housework is just
As tough as your job,
291
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,507
And I don't get a
Dime. I want a divorce!
292
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,509
All right, jennifer.
293
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:39,016
If you can't play nicely,
Let's not play at all, ok?
294
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,154
That's all right, andy.
We don't need her.
295
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,122
Hey, alex. Hey, there's my guy.
296
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:46,311
Hi, sweetie.
297
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,525
Hi.
298
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,527
Hey, what's this patch?
299
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,262
Uh, that's nothing.
300
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,299
"I know how to
Itemize deductions."
301
00:13:56,536 --> 00:14:00,605
Boy, they're really
Moving ahead quickly there.
302
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,273
Mom, dad, sit down.
303
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,678
Something very bad
Is going to happen now.
304
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:10,014
Just hear me out before
You say anything, ok?
305
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,961
This is worse than we thought.
306
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,418
Andy withdrew from
Preschool today.
307
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,053
What?
308
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,682
And I want to tell you
Something. I admire him for it.
309
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,094
Ok. All right. All right.
Andy didn't withdraw.
310
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,762
I withdrew him.
311
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,730
But that preschool
Wasn't for him.
312
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,966
He was picking up a
Lot of bad habits there.
313
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,802
Alex, the harper preschool
Is one of the best in the area.
314
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,138
It's a humanistic
Approach to child care
315
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:37,775
Based on affection, mutual
Understanding, and respect.
316
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:41,246
Granted, you have no
Regard for these things,
317
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:45,249
But other members of our
Species cling blindly to them.
318
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,084
I'm gonna call mrs. Kluger.
319
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,966
There's no way she could've
Taken any of this seriously.
320
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:54,292
All right. Look, I'm sorry things
Turned out the way they did.
321
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:57,295
But you have to
Understand one thing.
322
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,397
I only did what I did
323
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,066
Because I thought
It was best for andy.
324
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,734
I love that kid.
325
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:06,970
I'd never do
Anything to hurt him.
326
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,539
All right, alex.
327
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:11,375
But you have to
Understand one thing.
328
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:15,045
We're his parents.
And this is our decision.
329
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,714
You're right.
330
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,749
Hey, you're right.
331
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:24,222
Wait a minute.
You've got mallory.
332
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,158
You've got jennifer.
333
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,827
You've got carte
Blanche on them.
334
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:32,796
Do whatever you want. I'll
Even throw in skippy if you want.
335
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,298
But andrew...
336
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,134
Andrew's mine.
337
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,707
Well, if he throws in skippy...
338
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,855
Steven!
339
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,023
Good morning, andrew.
340
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:49,392
Good morning, alex.
341
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,449
Both: good morning, mrs. Kluger.
342
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,131
It's nice to see you
Back at school, andy.
343
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,033
I think mrs. Kaufman's
Waiting for you.
344
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,323
Go ahead, andy. Be strong.
345
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,428
Mrs. Kluger, I'm,
Uh, sorry about
346
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,942
What happened yesterday.
I was way out of line,
347
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,779
And I shouldn't have told
You how to run your school.
348
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:13,370
I get a little emotional
When it comes to andy.
349
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,308
Well, would you like to stay
And watch him play for a while?
350
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,321
Actually, I can't. I got to go.
351
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,546
Thanks, anyway. All
Right. Have a nice day.
352
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,949
Ok. This morning, we're
Really gonna have fun.
353
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,352
Let's pretend that we're
Going to run a little business.
354
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,854
Business?
355
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,557
Now, what should we sell?
356
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,659
Turtles.
357
00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:37,595
Turtles.
358
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,199
The turtle market's
Been depressed since '81.
359
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,604
Now, if we're gonna
Have a turtle store,
360
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,874
We have to decide how
Much to sell the turtles for.
361
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,742
Now, what do you
Think, everybody?
362
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,076
For free.
363
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:56,146
Oh. Well, that is very
Nice of you, rhonda.
364
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,615
We won't charge
Anything for the turtles.
365
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,052
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
366
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,555
At that rate, you're gonna
Be out of business by nap time.
367
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:07,191
Uh, would you excuse me, please?
368
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:09,527
Now, what's the first thing
369
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,595
We need for our store?
370
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:12,763
Turtles.
371
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:16,233
Turtles. That's
Exactly right, andy.
372
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:19,014
Once we have turtles, I
Guess we're ready to open up.
373
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,638
No, come on. Wait. Look.
There are a million decisions
374
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,473
To be made here.
375
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,088
First of all, what kind of
Turtles are you gonna sell?
376
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:29,124
Myself, I'd suggest dividing the
Stock up in the following manner...
377
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:32,116
70% disposable turtles...
Disposable turtles?
378
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,686
Yeah, you know, the kind that die
As soon as you bring them home.
379
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,557
And then, the other 30%,
380
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,227
I'd have those, you know,
Those big sea turtles.
381
00:17:43,295 --> 00:17:45,062
For soups.
382
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:48,110
But you need a store manager
To make these decisions.
383
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,601
Now, who wants to
Be a store manager?
384
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:54,605
Oh! I see andrew keaton has his
Hand up. I like a boy with initiative.
385
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,009
I got an idea. We
Need co-managers.
386
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,712
Hey, michael, why don't you
And andy both manage the store?
387
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,247
Good. Great.
388
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,250
Ok. Now we need an
Advertising campaign.
389
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:09,086
Rhonda, you ever
Do any modeling?
390
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:14,058
Yes, and I have a dog.
391
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,963
Let's stick to business, rhonda.
392
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,999
O.K., we're gonna need
A picture, a photograph,
393
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:26,203
Of you and a turtle and a
Sign saying, uh, what? What?
394
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,538
Uh, "Welcome to
Our grand opening.
395
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:31,041
Come out of your shell sale."
396
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,245
Right? Ok. We're gonna need a
Sign. Who wants to paint a sign?
397
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,580
Excuse me, but I work here.
398
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,583
Fabulous. Get some
Paints, will you?
399
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:43,587
And... Some red, white,
And blue decorations.
400
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:46,468
O.K., now we're gonna
Need a business manager
401
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,126
To help us avoid paying taxes.
402
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:51,162
What's taxes?
403
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,565
A tax is a terrible...
404
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:59,203
Hairy... Liberal monster...
405
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,905
With big teeth.
406
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:06,310
And the only thing...
407
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:09,347
The only thing that can
Stop the terrible tax monster
408
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,349
Is a republican.
409
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,224
Who wants to be a republican?
410
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,393
Whoa!
411
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:26,241
Oh. What's all this? Oh,
It's very simple, elyse.
412
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,198
The back-to-school
Breakfast didn't work.
413
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,079
We just switch gears and try
414
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,947
The back-to-school dinner.
415
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:35,005
But the kids have been back
To school for over a week now.
416
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,909
So, they've had time
To work up an appetite.
417
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,409
See you later.
418
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,912
Ok. Hey, where are you going?
419
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,914
I'm having dinner
At chrissy's house.
420
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,816
You said I could go last week.
421
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,696
This is a school
Night, jennifer.
422
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,598
Shouldn't you be staying
Home and studying?
423
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,257
I finished studying. And
Anyway, I got a 98 on my first test.
424
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,826
I would've gotten 100, except
That I put mandalay down
425
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,995
As the capital of burma
Instead of rangoon.
426
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,465
And you expect us to
Just overlook that?
427
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,468
Hi. Hi. Hi.
428
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:05,969
Hey, mal, skip.
429
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,683
Mallory, it's not your fault.
You did everything you could.
430
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,107
Ah, thanks, skippy. And don't
Worry. You'll get over it.
431
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,055
What happened?
Well, I got an "F"
432
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:17,547
On my philosophy paper. I
Couldn't prove that skippy existed.
433
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,694
Well, maybe I'll just
Go back to the lab
434
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,078
And the other rats. At
Least I was accepted there.
435
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,061
Bye-bye.
436
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,832
Well, I hope you're hungry, mal.
437
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,001
We're planning a big dinner.
438
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,670
Um, I can't, dad. Nick and I
Are going to an art exhibit.
439
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:42,173
It starts in half an
Hour. See you later.
440
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:50,181
Well, here we
Are again, elyse...
441
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,851
You, me, and huge
Amounts of food.
442
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:57,232
Hey. Hey. Hi, boys.
443
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,534
Hey, alex. Hi, sweetheart.
444
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,558
Andy.
445
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,237
Hey. How were your classes?
446
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,026
I don't know. I didn't make it.
447
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,995
I spent the whole day
At preschool with andy.
448
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,830
Why? Was there a problem?
449
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,744
He's still enrolled, isn't he?
450
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,868
Yeah, he's still enrolled.
As a matter of fact,
451
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,903
He got his report card today.
452
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,172
"Doesn't get along
With other children,
453
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,400
Has a tendency to try to
Run every activity his own way."
454
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,711
What? Wait a
Minute. That's mine.
455
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,912
Oh.
456
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,019
No... Here's andy's
Right here. Oh.
457
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:31,232
Oh. Well, yeah. "Andy
Is a delightful boy
458
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,234
"Who's very popular
With the other children.
459
00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,659
It's a pleasure having
Him in the class."
460
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,506
That's wonderful, andy.
461
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:41,465
Maybe I wasn't completely in the
Right on this whole preschool thing.
462
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:45,069
I mean, sure, they do some
Things differently than I would,
463
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,472
But on the whole, there's a whole
Lot of love and affection there.
464
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:52,809
With the proper supervision
And the right guest speakers,
465
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:55,312
Those kids could learn a lot.
466
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,847
Guest speakers?
467
00:21:56,916 --> 00:22:00,517
I'm gonna be lecturing
There once a week.
468
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:04,488
Uh, by the way, you're planning
On eating here tonight, aren't you?
469
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,858
Oh, dad, uh, listen. Andy and I were
Gonna have dinner alone tonight,
470
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:10,660
Kind of a brothers evening.
That's all right, isn't it?
471
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,031
Fine. Fine.
472
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:18,168
I'll just put this in the
Back-to-school freezer.
473
00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:20,003
I'll eat it.
474
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:24,007
You're gonna eat 15 hamburgers,
Lasagna, and a rack of lamb, elyse?
475
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,343
Well, not all at one sitting.
476
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,148
Hey, andy.
477
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:34,618
Sorry I ruined your
First week in preschool.
478
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,921
It's just that you're
My only brother.
479
00:22:37,990 --> 00:22:40,824
I get a little crazy
When it comes to you,
480
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:45,596
'cause I know that you are
Destined for greatness...
481
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,809
The same way that jennifer
Is destined for greatness,
482
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,600
The way I'm destined
For greatness,
483
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:54,905
And, uh, mallory's destined
To be cared for by the state.
484
00:22:56,274 --> 00:22:58,287
But you can go at
Your own pace, ok?
485
00:22:58,311 --> 00:23:00,678
I'm not gonna push you too hard.
486
00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:03,513
If you ever need any
Advice, come to me.
487
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:07,451
If you ever need anything, come
To your big brother, all right?
488
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,754
Just don't ask me
489
00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:12,701
To beat up anybody for
You once you get past 5.
490
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,859
Alex loves me.
491
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,994
You bet he does.
492
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,864
Uhh. Let's go get
Some burgers, huh?
493
00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:22,833
Oh. Andy.
494
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,601
You drive.
495
00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:55,765
Sit, ubu, sit.
496
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,100
Good dog.
37576
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
