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♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
2
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,460
♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,962
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:23,032
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:25,869
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,872
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:34,377
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,180
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,737
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,619
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,288
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,957
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,959
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,260
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,130
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,967
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:00,358
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,509
Thanks for dinner, Mrs.
Keaton. Everything was delicious.
19
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,146
Yes, my, uh... My wife
has a way with seaweed.
20
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,170
Oh.
21
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,816
What's this over here?
22
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,150
That's cooked lawn. Tsk.
23
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,952
I mow it. I rake it.
24
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,576
And I cook it.
25
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,756
Come on, Elyse. Uh,
we better get going.
26
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,093
The car dealers
close in an hour.
27
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,727
What kind of car you
thinking of buying?
28
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,551
A sports car. A station wagon.
29
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:30,800
Mallory, the whole
reason for buying a new car
30
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,168
is to have more
room for the baby.
31
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,805
What would be the point
of buying a sports car?
32
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,628
I'd look great in one.
33
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,412
Come on, Mallory,
they'd be crazy to let you
34
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,081
drive the new car, anyway.
35
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,915
I happen to be a
good driver, Alex.
36
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,917
I passed my road
test on the third try,
37
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,241
and I almost passed
on the second try.
38
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,591
And she could
have if the examiner
39
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,015
hadn't been thrown from the car.
40
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,066
Personally, I don't care
what kind of car we buy,
41
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,901
as long as it doesn't
have those fake dice
42
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,571
hanging from the
rear-view mirror.
43
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,172
What are you guys
gonna do tonight?
44
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,573
Well, Alex and I
are gonna interview
45
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,309
some students for
our new business,
46
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,410
the Jarrett and
Keaton Tutorial Service.
47
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,612
That's right... Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.
48
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:20,305
You mean, the, uh, Keaton
and Jarrett Tutorial Service.
49
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:24,654
Keaton and Associates.
50
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,989
Why not just Keaton?
51
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,613
All right. Okay.
Have it your way.
52
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:33,196
Who would come to you
guys to be tutored anyway?
53
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:36,221
We could get rich off
your friends alone, Mal.
54
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,370
Well, I think it's nice
55
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,572
to see you guys
cooperating for a change.
56
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,440
Well, what does that mean, Mom?
57
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,575
Oh, come on.
58
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,744
You two are the most
competitive guys I know.
59
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,802
Us? Compete? What do
we ever compete over?
60
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,323
Okay, Elyse, you ready to go?
61
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,657
Yeah, I'm all set.
62
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,060
Uh, Jen, you'll look
after the, uh... The baby?
63
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:07,518
I think Alex will be
okay on his own, Mom.
64
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,834
Oh, you mean, the other baby.
65
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,303
Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay.
66
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,637
We'll see you later.
67
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,873
Yeah, hopefully, in a Maserati.
68
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,873
Bye-bye.
69
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,375
Good night.
70
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,877
Okay, let's get this
place cleaned up.
71
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,579
We are professional tutors now.
72
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,916
We gotta make a good
impression on our tutees.
73
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:29,419
We are gonna have a
very successful business,
74
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,454
and we're gonna be
providing a service
75
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,855
for the college community.
76
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,625
And we're gonna be rich!
77
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,693
Right.
78
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,061
And we're gonna split everything
79
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,485
down the middle: 54, 46.
80
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,434
Keaton, I recognize
that look in your eye.
81
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,036
What look?
82
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,337
That competitive look,
83
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,339
like when we were
teammates in that bicycle race
84
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,006
and you kept trying
to ride away from me
85
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,375
off in your own direction.
86
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,345
Come on, Jarrett,
I saw a shortcut.
87
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,935
We were on a tandem bike.
88
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:04,053
And so basically, what we
offer is a biweekly tutorial
89
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,722
on those subjects
you're not performing
90
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,390
up to your top standards in.
91
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,825
That's great, but
what I really need
92
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,216
help in is my schoolwork.
93
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,534
Well, that's what
"tutorial" means, William.
94
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,702
Oh.
95
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,904
Okay, well, I'll see you
guys Tuesday, then, huh?
96
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,806
Hey, by the way, where do I go?
97
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,910
Uh, well, the tutorial will
take place here, William.
98
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,766
I mean, where do I go now?
99
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,271
Go home.
100
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,407
Go home.
101
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,322
See you Tuesday, William.
102
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,845
Whoo! Okay.
103
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,392
Hey, we did it!
104
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,929
We bought the Wagonmaster.
We pick it up next week.
105
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,363
Whoa! Congratulations.
106
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,033
Yeah, it's... It's economical,
107
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,001
it's well-built, it's roomy...
108
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,604
It's ugly. It looks like a
refrigerator on wheels.
109
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:59,242
I wanted to get the
Panther 4000 Turbo XK.
110
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,867
It does zero to
100 in two seconds.
111
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,815
Mallory, I don't
like buying a car
112
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,452
that requires a
parachute to slow down.
113
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,355
I heard the Wagonmaster's
a real nice car, Mr. Keaton.
114
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,956
Oh, it is a beauty, James.
115
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,759
The salesman says it
seats eight comfortably
116
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:20,063
and, uh, ten uncomfortably.
117
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,732
I'm gonna go check on
Andy. It's time for his bath.
118
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,467
Oh, I'll come with
you, Elyse. I, heh...
119
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,011
I want to show him
these dice. Heh-heh.
120
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,674
Okay. So who's next?
121
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,077
Uh, just one more.
Uh, Robin Green.
122
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,846
I spoke to her on the phone.
She sounded pretty dull.
123
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,482
Hey, if we can tutor
William, we can tutor anyone.
124
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:55,198
Hi. I'm, uh... I'm Alex Keaton.
125
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,500
Robin Green. Nice to meet you.
126
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,235
Nice to meet you.
127
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:04,207
Uh, this is my partner,
uh, uh, James Jarrett.
128
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,463
Hi.
129
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:08,912
Uh, come in, come in, come in.
130
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,080
Thank you.
131
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,614
Would you like
something to drink?
132
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,049
No, thanks.
133
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,717
Can I take your coat?
134
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,419
All right.
135
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:19,010
Uh, please, sit down.
Have a seat. Have a seat.
136
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,715
This is a beautiful coat.
137
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,086
Thank you.
138
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,928
Am I in the right
house for the tutoring?
139
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,843
Well, uh, William,
140
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,780
that just about wraps
up today's session.
141
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,248
How am I doing so far?
142
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,782
Not bad.
143
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,084
You'll do even better next time
144
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,286
if you bring your books.
145
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,811
Bring books! Bring books!
146
00:06:56,784 --> 00:07:00,096
Okay, uh, we'll see you
Thursday. Right, William?
147
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,664
Okay. Okay, now, remember,
148
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,968
that's this Thursday, the 31st.
149
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,725
Thirty days has
Thursday, April...
150
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:14,210
It's a good thing we don't
offer a money-back guarantee.
151
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,213
Okay, who's next on
the schedule tonight?
152
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,714
Uh... gee.
153
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,183
Uh, who's next?
154
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:23,319
Uh, Eddie Fenton canceled,
155
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:26,522
so it's just, uh... Robin.
156
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,557
Robin.
157
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:29,993
Yeah. Robin.
158
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,283
Right! Robin!
159
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,200
Alex, let's be honest
with each other.
160
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,434
I think it's safe to say
161
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,036
that Robin is a girl that
one might consider to be...
162
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,193
attractive.
163
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,296
Really?
164
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,909
Yeah, okay, now
that you mention it,
165
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,413
I... I can see how one
might find her attractive...
166
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,348
Sensuous...
167
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,838
Incredibly erotic.
168
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,855
Though, personally,
I hadn't noticed.
169
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,189
I hadn't either,
170
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,858
but, you know, if two guys
are trying to run a business
171
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,695
and they were to compete
over something like, say, a girl...
172
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,084
Oh, pfft!
173
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,134
It could destroy
174
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,303
the whole foundation
of their partnership.
175
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,473
Of course it could, so, uh...
So they shouldn't compete.
176
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,897
Right. So let's not.
177
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,346
Right. Let's, uh...
Let's remain cool.
178
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,948
Detached.
179
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,516
Professional.
180
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,050
Professional. Right.
181
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,793
Professional.
182
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:38,983
Right.
183
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:41,898
Hello.
184
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,166
Robin! Gee, I had
completely forgotten
185
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,302
it was your night tonight.
186
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,570
Enter. Enter.
187
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,373
Well, I brought my economics
and my poetry books.
188
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,941
Who's gonna tutor me first?
189
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,642
I am.
190
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,611
Well, it doesn't matter to me.
191
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,112
All I know is that when I study,
192
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,982
whatever I do last
stays with me best.
193
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,184
Then, uh... Then
do poetry first.
194
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,252
Do poetry, take your time.
195
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,811
I'll be, uh, back in,
what, roughly 40 minutes.
196
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,329
James, that is really funny.
197
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,630
See, I bet you never thought
198
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:17,200
that Aleksandr Pushkin
was such an amusing poet.
199
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,168
Ooh, but I always suspected it.
200
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,179
Forty minutes. Time's up.
201
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,782
Alex, that could not
have been 40 minutes.
202
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,084
You guys run a tight ship here.
203
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,219
Evidently, though we
seem to be a little lacking
204
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,788
in professional courtesy.
205
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,155
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
206
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:41,624
I'm professional, buddy.
207
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,380
I don't giggle when I tutor.
208
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,533
You know, James
is really wonderful.
209
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,268
He is?
210
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,370
He is one of the brightest
and most interesting people
211
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,105
I've met since I've
been at Leland.
212
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,407
Yeah, well, uh... Yeah.
213
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:03,279
He does make a
good first impression,
214
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,549
in a superficial sort of way.
215
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,883
Although I-I think you'll find
216
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:10,019
that I'm pretty
bright and amusing
217
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,455
in my own right,
218
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,744
only with more depth.
219
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,248
I'm sure I will.
220
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,231
Uh, uh, Robin,
221
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,866
uh...
222
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,024
would you like to go out
with me tomorrow night?
223
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,040
That's really nice
of you to ask, Alex,
224
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,408
but James already invited me
225
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,577
to a poetry reading
tomorrow night.
226
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,268
I can't believe him!
227
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,653
Great! Great.
228
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,288
Excuse me. Alex, can I use
the phone in the other room?
229
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,712
Sure. Go... Go ahead.
230
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,133
Forgot a book.
231
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,568
How could you?
232
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:01,070
I just forgot it, that's all.
233
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,205
Nah, nah, nah. You
forgot more than a book.
234
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,142
You forgot our agreement.
You asked her out!
235
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,166
And so did you!
236
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,146
How did you know?
237
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,714
I was listening at the door.
238
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,772
Oh. How dare you.
239
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,689
That's it, Jarrett. That's it.
240
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,824
Our partnership is over.
241
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,515
Suits me just fine.
242
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,036
Ah...
243
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,293
It was an ant.
244
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:45,481
"And make certain to
unfasten your seat belt
245
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:48,473
before getting out of the car."
246
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:53,289
Dad, how much longer
do we have to do this?
247
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:56,325
There's only one
more section to go.
248
00:11:56,349 --> 00:12:00,062
Ah. "Your trunk
and welcome to it."
249
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,646
Oh, Steven! Dad! Dad!
250
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,535
That's it. I cannot
handle it anymore.
251
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,369
Now, where are you going?
252
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:11,040
Thought I'd drive the new
car over to Chrissie's house.
253
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,496
Oh, she's kidding.
254
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,449
It's Mrs. Ohlbeck!
255
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,273
She got the new Panther Turbo.
256
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:28,324
I can't believe it.
257
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,726
I specifically set
aside this time
258
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,062
to play with the
baby, and he's asleep.
259
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,931
Hey, Mom, I love that kid,
260
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,867
but he's inconsiderate.
261
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,569
Alex, you've been
in a bad mood all day.
262
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:40,936
What's your problem?
263
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,627
It's you, Mallory.
264
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,744
Nah, I'm sorry. It's not you.
265
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,446
It was just a reflex.
266
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,515
It's James.
267
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,250
What happened?
268
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,552
Oh, Dad, you're not gonna
believe this when you hear it.
269
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:57,854
I mean, are you ready for this?
270
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:01,011
He invited Robin Green
to a poetry reading.
271
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,949
And he always seemed so nice.
272
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,833
No, no, Dad, you
don't understand.
273
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,135
You see, she's
one of our tutees.
274
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,792
Who's your other T?
275
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,812
Ah...
276
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,302
Anyway...
277
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,885
You see, James and I are
both attracted to this girl.
278
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:32,355
So we made a
gentleman's agreement
279
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,856
not to ask her out.
280
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,925
Why?
281
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,560
It's obvious, Elyse,
without such a contract,
282
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:39,896
they might compete for her
283
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,231
and destroy their
friendship in the process.
284
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,365
That's ridiculous.
285
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,334
They should be
stronger than that.
286
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,671
Well, Elyse, the male
ego is a very fragile thing.
287
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,628
Oh, that's stupid.
288
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,137
I'm hurt.
289
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,921
Alex, I'm surprised that
James would do such a thing.
290
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,590
Yeah, me too, but he did.
291
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,526
Well, now, how did
you find out about this?
292
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,329
Well, because,
uh, she told me...
293
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,320
when I asked
her out for tonight.
294
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,033
Well, if you asked her out,
295
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:20,403
then you are just
as guilty as James.
296
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,971
No, no. That's not true, Mom.
297
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,373
You see, I only asked her
out because I suspected
298
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,810
that James had asked
her out, which he had.
299
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:31,214
I-it was entirely a
defensive move on my part.
300
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,949
And had we gone out, it... It
would have been purely a...
301
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:36,840
A preemptive tactical date.
302
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,456
How romantic.
303
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,294
Hey, hey, no way! I'm
tired. I don't wanna play now.
304
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:46,295
Coming, Andy.
305
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,352
Wait. Mom, Mom. Dad.
306
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,035
Mallory, uh, Mallory, listen.
307
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,770
You gotta help me
out with something.
308
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,028
You're, uh, sort of a girl.
309
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:01,343
James and I are both
attracted to the same girl.
310
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,511
Now, what would you do
311
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,081
if you had two
good-looking, intelligent guys
312
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,349
interested in you?
313
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,413
What's that got to do
with you and James?
314
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,322
Come on, Mallory.
315
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,556
All right.
316
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,425
Look, if a guy was
interested in me,
317
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,261
I'd wanna know about it.
318
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,762
Really?
319
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,997
Look, all you can do
is express how you feel.
320
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,899
And if you and Robin
are meant to be together,
321
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,534
it'll happen naturally.
322
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,258
Just be yourself.
323
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,372
Okay.
324
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,641
See, that's a...
That's a very sensitive,
325
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,710
perceptive point, Mallory.
326
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,912
Thanks.
327
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,176
I read it in Cosmopolitan.
328
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,522
Well, well! Robin, James.
329
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,890
What a surprise.
330
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,057
Hi, Alex. It's good to see you.
331
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:51,693
Yeah, well, I never
miss a poetry reading.
332
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,151
I have season tickets.
333
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,532
May I have your
attention, please.
334
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:57,866
This evening, the poetry club
335
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,135
is pleased to have with us
336
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,103
the Horace Newton
award-winner for poetry,
337
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,404
Zane Axelrod.
338
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:04,239
Mr. Axelrod is one of the best,
339
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,098
the most incomprehensible
poets of his generation.
340
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,412
Where are the chairs?
341
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,615
Just sit on the floor, Alex.
342
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,137
Right. The floor.
343
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,874
Bohemians.
344
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,647
Mr. Axelrod.
345
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:40,531
"The Nuclear Holocaust
and You," a Christmas poem.
346
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:48,784
Intercontinental ballistic
347
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,808
missiles,
348
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:56,224
assembled in the
silos of our soul,
349
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:59,194
multiple warheads.
350
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:03,053
The fragments of
our unfulfillment.
351
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,738
Boom! Boom! Boom!
352
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,376
Bomb shelters...
353
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,679
Whatever happened to
"Hickory Dickory Dock"?
354
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,468
Shh!
355
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:20,916
This is art, Alex,
356
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,151
something you obviously
know nothing about.
357
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,321
Oh, hey, hey, hey. Don't, uh...
358
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,644
Don't...
359
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,692
Don't pretend to be Mr. Culture.
360
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,229
You're only here for one
reason, and you know it.
361
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:37,466
Born pure and
tarnished by distrust,
362
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,468
or...
363
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:44,128
born tarnished,
searching for a shine?
364
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:54,138
Boom. Boom. Sha-boom.
365
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:58,987
I can't believe you'd be so low
366
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,323
as to just barge in on my date.
367
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:05,260
Ah! A date! A date.
So you admit it's a date.
368
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,029
I admit nothing.
369
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,397
Why don't you get lost, Keaton.
370
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,564
Oh, yeah? Who's gonna make me?
371
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,566
I am!
372
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,223
No, I am.
373
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,904
Hey, this is a
private discussion,
374
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,208
so, uh, you want to just
stick to your stupid poetry?
375
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,910
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm
rubber and you're glue.
376
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,601
Whatever you say bounces
off me and sticks to you.
377
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,040
This guy's good.
378
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:35,591
What is it with you two?
379
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,127
A few weeks ago,
you seemed so mature.
380
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,396
And now you've turned
into a couple of third graders.
381
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:43,365
He did first! Oh, did not!
382
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:46,368
Look, Robin, we both
obviously like you a lot,
383
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,604
and I think the ball
is in your court now.
384
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,239
Look, Robin, you can settle
this whole thing right now
385
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,609
by just saying which
one of us you like better.
386
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,044
I never had the
chance to find out!
387
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,046
I hardly know either of you,
and... And all of a sudden
388
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,783
I'm in the middle of
some kind of tug of war.
389
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,350
I don't enjoy being the object
390
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:05,153
of some adolescent competition,
391
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,389
and until the two
of you grow up,
392
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,157
I don't want to
spend any more time
393
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,681
with either of you.
394
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:18,801
I still haven't got
the baby seat in.
395
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,502
I wanna swing by
the hardware store
396
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,404
and get an acetylene
torch and a power wrench.
397
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,140
I have to take
out the back seat.
398
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,408
Steven, that's ridiculous.
399
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:27,776
Bet we wouldn't
have this problem
400
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,579
with the Maserati.
401
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,214
Hey, everybody.
402
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,481
Hey, Alex, I'm glad you're here.
403
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,117
We need the Volvo
to go shopping.
404
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,152
Oh, Dad, uh, still
hasn't figured out
405
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,954
the new car yet, huh?
406
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,055
You got it.
407
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,423
All set, let's go.
408
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,491
Oh, Alex, he, uh... Andrew
needs to be changed.
409
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,728
All right. Wa... No!
Mom, Mom, wait a minute.
410
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,886
Don't do this to me, Mom!
I've only had one lesson, Mom...
411
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,902
All right. Okay.
412
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:57,039
Andy, it's just you and me.
413
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,262
Bear with me.
414
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,977
Okay. I know this seems like
415
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,179
a great deal to you, but, uh...
416
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,048
you know, you're gonna have
to give it up sooner or later.
417
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,554
Yeah, hold on.
418
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,844
Just... try and
stay in that position.
419
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,666
Oh, it's you. What do you want?
420
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:28,003
I just came by to pick
up some of my books.
421
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:30,187
Well, come in and get 'em.
422
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,113
What are you doing?
423
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,369
I'm gardening.
424
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,287
What does it look
like I'm doing?
425
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:47,022
I'm changing Andrew.
426
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,391
Oh. Need any help?
427
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,659
No, I don't need any help.
428
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,962
I am perfectly capable...
429
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,297
Could you, uh, hold this leg
430
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:57,821
and, uh, grab a diaper?
431
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,337
How could you bust
up my date like that?
432
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,806
Aw, hey! You shouldn't have
been on that date in the first place.
433
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,107
Gimme the powder.
434
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:07,609
Here's the powder,
and you shouldn't
435
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:08,610
have asked her out either.
436
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,545
Hey, I only asked her out
437
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,704
because I knew you were
gonna ask her out, which you did.
438
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,719
Pins.
439
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,921
And I only asked her out
because I knew you were going to.
440
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,691
And you did. Here are the pins.
441
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:25,628
Yeah, well, uh, thanks to
you, I made a fool of myself.
442
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,651
I made a fool out of myself too.
443
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,767
Okay, uh...
444
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,223
all done here.
445
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,105
There you go.
446
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,578
That doesn't look right.
447
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:44,802
No, let's try again.
448
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:49,351
You know, Alex, when
I left the poetry reading,
449
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:51,620
I took a walk down Foxwood Road
450
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,555
past the Little League field.
451
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:55,658
Remember that team
we used to play on?
452
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:57,815
Wilson's House of Fine Lingerie?
453
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,786
We had the nicest
uniforms in the league.
454
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,455
Lace cuffs.
455
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:08,626
See-through jerseys.
456
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:12,474
When I was standing there,
457
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:13,608
I thought of all the stuff
458
00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:14,977
we've been through together:
459
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:18,346
all the Cub Scout
meetings, the camping trips,
460
00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:20,871
the low-interest
loans you've given me.
461
00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:23,952
We're supposed
to be friends, Alex.
462
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:25,688
Why are we always competing?
463
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:30,059
Competition is the backbone
of our relationship, James.
464
00:22:30,083 --> 00:22:34,018
I mean, we just push
each other to do better.
465
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:37,733
Whoa, okay. Moment of truth.
466
00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:39,435
You want to put your
finger right there?
467
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:42,871
Here? Yeah.
Right. And... got it.
468
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:45,295
Oh... Okay. All right.
469
00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:51,046
Okay. There you go. All right!
470
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,070
Mwah.
471
00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:54,853
There you go.
472
00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:57,653
Well, we're still a great team.
473
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,487
Yeah, you know, this
could be our new business:
474
00:22:59,511 --> 00:23:02,245
uh, Keaton and Jarrett,
Tutoring and Diapering.
475
00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:05,293
No, you mean,
Jarrett and Keaton,
476
00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:06,762
Diapering and Tutoring.
477
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:09,831
No, that's not
what I said. I said...
478
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:12,534
That's what I meant to say.
479
00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,258
And I meant to
say what you said.
480
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:16,939
It's gonna be a great business.
481
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:18,562
"We'll keep your grades high..."
482
00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,498
"And your babies dry."
31892
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