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♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
2
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,526
♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,029
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:23,099
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,936
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,939
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:34,444
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,247
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,804
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,685
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,355
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,024
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,026
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,327
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:54,197
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:57,033
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,425
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:05,809
This is ridiculous.
19
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,011
Where do they come
up with this stuff?
20
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,879
What's the matter, Alex?
21
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:13,149
All freshmen are required
to take a Humanities course.
22
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,951
What's so bad about that?
23
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,720
Well, the... The
choices are absurd.
24
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,122
I mean, listen to this
one. Humanities 1:
25
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:22,158
Man, Society,
Civilization, the Universe.
26
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,561
How am I supposed
to relate to this stuff?
27
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,830
Just don't talk in class
28
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,466
and they'll think
you're one of them.
29
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:33,470
Jennifer, I'm in college to
learn about money, not people.
30
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,239
Alex, there's more to
life than getting rich.
31
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,699
Jennifer, people who have
money don't need people.
32
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:44,414
Oh, hey, hey.
33
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,681
Hey, Mallory, uh,
34
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,883
could you possibly
turn that up a little?
35
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,420
I can still hear planes
passing overhead.
36
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,688
Sure.
37
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,957
Hey, Mallory, look,
38
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,593
help me out, will you?
39
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,362
Hey. I'm trying to go over
my college courses here.
40
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,863
You know, college?
41
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,422
You might drive
past one some day.
42
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,568
Stuff it, Alex.
43
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,711
Hey!
44
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,835
Alex! Alex!
45
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,717
That's the best
that's ever sounded.
46
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,752
You've ruined my...
You're gonna pay for that.
47
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:26,122
Ah, another day begins
here at Happy Acres.
48
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:31,027
Ah, ah, ah. I haven't
even had my breakfast yet.
49
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:33,151
I don't wanna know.
50
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,702
I'm beginning to get curious.
51
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:40,770
He put...
52
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,641
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
53
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,808
All right. Okay, Dad.
54
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,910
Mallory's music
was driving me crazy,
55
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,379
and I overreacted.
56
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,614
I'm a little tense this morning.
57
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,449
Alex is just in a bad mood
58
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:56,819
'cause they want him
to be a human at college.
59
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,189
Jennifer, they don't
want me to be a human.
60
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,457
They want me to take
a Humanities course.
61
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,159
Well, that doesn't sound so bad.
62
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,661
I don't know. Dad, maybe
you can help me out with this.
63
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,164
You, uh, have a
commitment to social change,
64
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,667
a love for the humanities.
65
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,136
Oh, look. Some of these courses
look pretty interesting, Alex.
66
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,170
Uh, why not sign up
67
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,872
for Introduction to
Abnormal Behavior?
68
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,975
You could skip the introduction.
69
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,845
Hey, what about Psychology 3:
70
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,580
I'm Okay, You're Okay?
71
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:27,117
First of all, you're not okay.
72
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:29,252
And second of all, this
is not a college course,
73
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,788
it's a Phil Donahue show.
74
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,157
Well, okay. Look, how about,
uh, Sociology of the Family,
75
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,925
or, uh, the Hotline?
76
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,794
Hey, look: Marriage
and the Family.
77
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,295
Wait. No, wait a
minute. Wait a minute.
78
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:41,230
Dad, uh, Hotline. What...?
What's that, Hotline?
79
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,167
Uh, "The Hotline, a
phone-in counseling center
80
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,735
"where students earn credits
81
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,872
"by handling callers'
problems two nights a week.
82
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,074
Satisfies Humanities
requirement."
83
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,808
Yeah. You know,
this could be perfect.
84
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:56,011
I can, uh... I can go to
this Hotline twice a week.
85
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:59,049
I can bring along my books,
catch up on my real courses.
86
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,553
Stuff that has nothing
to do with people.
87
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:08,924
Watch it, will ya?
88
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:12,228
Sorry. Next time I'll
signal before I turn.
89
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,096
Jarrett? Is that you, Jarrett?
90
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,232
Keaton. What are you doing here?
91
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,736
I go to school here.
What about you?
92
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,304
I go to school here too.
93
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,539
Hey, how did you get in?
94
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,575
I thought they
restricted the dull.
95
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,599
Obviously not.
96
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,850
So, uh, what are you
doing in this place?
97
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,551
I mean, a hotline
center's the last place
98
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,386
I'd figure I'd run into
somebody like you.
99
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,922
Yeah, well, I'm, uh...
100
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,490
I'm here, uh, because I wanna
help, uh, what do you call it?
101
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,059
People.
102
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,261
You're more sensitive
than I thought.
103
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,697
Hey, Jarrett, did
I mention the fact
104
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,066
that I won the
McKinley Scholarship?
105
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:53,737
Oh, that's not bad. I
won the Steadman.
106
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,305
I could've won the
Steadman if I applied.
107
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,408
I just, uh, figured the McKinley
was a little more prestigious.
108
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,147
Old grudges die hard,
don't they, Keaton?
109
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,849
What are you
talking about, Jarrett?
110
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,751
You still can't get
over my beating you
111
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,854
in the regional spelling
bee in the third grade.
112
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,755
Hey. Hey, you didn't beat me.
113
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:16,181
I simply refused
to spell "Democrat."
114
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:20,263
Who's next?
115
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,864
I am!
116
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,633
Well, it's nice to see
you're both so anxious.
117
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,356
We like people with enthusiasm.
118
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,672
Let's sit down.
119
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,707
I'm Janice Worthy.
120
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,765
I'm James Jarrett, regional
spelling bee champion.
121
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,437
This is Alex Keaton,
came in second.
122
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,752
Ah. Alex, I see you're
an Economics major.
123
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,754
Most of the counselors
here are Psychology majors.
124
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:45,988
I'm a Psychology major.
125
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,758
I'll get to you in just
a second, James.
126
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,159
Uh, so tell me, Alex,
127
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,562
do you know many
emotionally disturbed people?
128
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,119
Uh... just family.
129
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,670
James, this résumé
is quite impressive:
130
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,106
worked with abused children,
131
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,208
volunteered at
senior citizens' home,
132
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,676
volunteer playground director...
133
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,245
What'd you do in your
spare time, train guide dogs?
134
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,735
Worked with guide dogs.
135
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,118
Very admirable, James.
136
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,354
Yeah. He's a saint.
137
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,622
Let me explain how
we work around here.
138
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:23,159
The Hotline is a 24-hour
service for Leland students
139
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,560
with personal problems.
140
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:28,364
Uh, yeah. It's a... It's a
terrific community service.
141
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,934
And it also satisfies the
Humanities requirement, right?
142
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:32,935
That's right.
143
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,071
Great. I'm ready.
When do I start?
144
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,407
Your training program
will start tomorrow.
145
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,809
As you become more
comfortable with the job,
146
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,644
we'll give you more
responsibilities.
147
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:43,813
You won't actually be on
the phone unsupervised
148
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,117
for several weeks.
149
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,884
But we'll still get credit?
150
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,719
Yes, Alex. You'll get credit.
151
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,655
Oh, there's one more thing.
152
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,523
Trainees work in pairs.
153
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:56,348
You two will work as a team.
154
00:06:58,452 --> 00:06:59,662
Us?
155
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,886
Yes. Any objections?
156
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,601
No. No.
157
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,545
I should be able
to pull him through.
158
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:12,909
Okay, Jennifer. Ask
me another question.
159
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,610
What do you say to
someone who calls
160
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:16,712
with severe personal problems?
161
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,982
I told you never
to call me here.
162
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,117
No. It says, "Speak
in a soothing voice,
163
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,920
and try to keep the
caller on the line."
164
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,443
I was so close.
165
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,792
Why don't you try a few,
uh, practice calls, Alex.
166
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,294
You know, to help
you get the feel of it?
167
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,762
That's a good idea, Dad.
168
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,764
Uh, Mallory, you've
logged more phone hours
169
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,267
than anyone else in the family.
170
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,502
Anyone else in the world.
171
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,370
Why don't you, uh,
give me a practice ring?
172
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,394
Oh, okay.
173
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:49,981
It's ringing.
174
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,152
Hello, Hotline.
175
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,976
Why are you bugging me?
176
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,024
I got a problem.
177
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,325
Let me guess. It's a boy.
178
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,595
Right. Let me guess.
179
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,063
Uh, you like him,
he doesn't like you.
180
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,699
No. I don't like him,
he doesn't like me.
181
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,035
Then what's the problem?
182
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,359
He's my brother.
183
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,264
Sorry, your time is up.
184
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,612
Whoa, that's James. I gotta go.
185
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:24,914
Wait a minute, Alex.
186
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,683
It says that you shouldn't
use your real name,
187
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:27,717
you should have a code name.
188
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,485
Ah, good point.
189
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,453
I wouldn't want any
of these crazed losers
190
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,745
calling me at home.
191
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:38,327
Thank you, Mother Teresa.
192
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,865
Okay, well, it says here to
pick a name that's positive,
193
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,600
something like Faith,
Hope, or Charity,
194
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,635
but something that accurately
reflects your personality.
195
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,760
How about Greed?
196
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,431
Nah. It's probably taken.
197
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,479
Ah, hi, Mrs. Worthy. JAMES: Hi.
198
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,780
Sorry we're late.
199
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,014
It was James' fault.
200
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,650
Oh, thanks, teammate.
201
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,752
Anyway, we're here, ready
to go. Where is everybody?
202
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,420
We're really
understaffed tonight.
203
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,655
Allison and Peter have the flu,
204
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:06,923
Robert has a midterm
205
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,858
and I was supposed to
be out of here an hour ago.
206
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,160
Oh, gee, uh, that's...
That's too bad.
207
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,163
I guess that means you're gonna
have to close down tonight, huh?
208
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,500
We'll still get credit for
showing up though, right?
209
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,234
We're not gonna have to close.
210
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,337
Tim will be here any minute
for your training session.
211
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,738
Oh, great. Tim's good.
212
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,740
Yeah, great. I love Tim.
213
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,677
He makes us work hard.
214
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,178
All right, boys,
see you tomorrow.
215
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,981
Good night.
216
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,216
Well, I don't know about you,
217
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,085
but I'm gonna get
some work done.
218
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,687
Listen, Alex, I'm gonna
run up to the snack bar.
219
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:39,789
Can I get you anything?
220
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,057
No. I'm fine.
221
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,625
Hey, all right,
man. I was buying.
222
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,689
Bring me back one of everything.
223
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,587
Okay. Ahhh.
224
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,135
All right.
225
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,415
Yeah. Uh, Hotline.
226
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,250
Hi, Alex. It's me. Tim.
227
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,186
Yeah. Hi, Tim. How you doing?
228
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,021
Why didn't you use
your code name?
229
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,023
Uh, sorry. I forgot.
230
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,524
Don't let it happen again.
231
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,026
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
232
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,528
Uh, Tim, is that the
only reason you called?
233
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,563
No. My car broke down.
234
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:23,833
It'll be at least an
hour before they fix it.
235
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,334
Just close up and go home.
236
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,769
We'll make up the
session tomorrow.
237
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,904
Okay, great.
238
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,106
Uh, oh, Tim, uh,
one more thing...
239
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,843
Yes, Alex. You'll get
credit for showing up.
240
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,333
Okay. Bye-bye.
241
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,685
Yeah, Gandhi speaking.
242
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,969
Gandhi?
243
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,504
Yeah, Gandhi.
244
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:05,007
Oh, I must have the wrong
number. I-I wanted the Hotline.
245
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,909
No, no, no, no. Don't hang up.
246
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,411
Hold on. This is the Hotline.
247
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:12,281
I just, uh, call myself
Gandhi because,
248
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,017
uh, it's a code name.
249
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,019
All right? Uh,
what's your problem?
250
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,388
Well, uh, my... My name is Bill.
251
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,524
Uh, just plain Bill.
252
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,558
And, uh, I...
253
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,893
Come on, come on.
254
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,029
I need some help here.
255
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,197
I... I think...
256
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,321
I think I'm gonna kill myself.
257
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,661
James, it's for you!
258
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,178
Coca-Cola!
259
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,247
James, you're back. Thank God!
260
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,951
You must have been very thirsty.
261
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,953
A guy called
262
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,955
who wants to kill himself.
263
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,846
Okay, okay, take it easy.
What did you tell him?
264
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,028
I put him on hold.
265
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,452
You what?!
266
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:07,291
Hello. Thank you
for calling the Hotline.
267
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,010
Are you there?
268
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,544
Yeah, I'm here. Who are you?
269
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,236
This is Gidget.
270
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,550
Gidget?
271
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,918
Yeah.
272
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:26,288
That doesn't exactly
inspire confidence.
273
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,990
Where's the other
guy? Where's Gandhi?
274
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,380
Uh...
275
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,396
I'm here too, Bill.
276
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,221
We're both here,
Gidget and... Gandhi.
277
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,402
All right, let's try to be calm.
278
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,902
Let's just try to be rational.
279
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,773
Um... what's the problem?
280
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,042
Well, I've been
doing a lot of thinking
281
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,543
about my life, you know?
282
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,267
How's it going?
283
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:54,082
I've been better.
284
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,419
You know, I-I-I
spent all last week
285
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,754
trying to come up with
just one good reason to live,
286
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,055
and I couldn't do it.
287
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:02,224
All right. Okay.
Ah, well, let's...
288
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,026
Let's just, uh...
289
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,495
Let's think of the things
that make us happy.
290
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,431
Okay? Uh, uh, books.
291
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,767
Uh, uh, plays. Uh, music.
292
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,369
Uh, movies. Movies.
293
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,072
There's... There's a
great James Bond festival
294
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,273
over at the North Town.
295
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,440
Oh, yeah? What's playing?
296
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,432
Uh, Live and Let Die.
297
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,118
Nice going, Alex.
298
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,552
Hey, you think you
could do better?
299
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,221
Yeah, I do. Let me talk.
300
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,090
Hey, no, wait a minute.
I... I answered the phone.
301
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,491
Guys, what's
going on? I'll talk!
302
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,093
Give me that. No,
no. Hey, Jarrett!
303
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,750
Hey...!
304
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,503
Well, it's been 15 minutes.
305
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,638
He hasn't called.
306
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,173
What could he be doing?
307
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:53,175
Don't answer that.
308
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,544
All right, let's just
review the conversation,
309
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,712
and we'll try and we'll figure
out out what went wrong.
310
00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:59,215
Right. Okay.
311
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:03,452
Uh, he called.
312
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,821
He said he wanted
to kill himself.
313
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,078
I put him on hold.
314
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,929
We suggested he go
to a James Bond movie,
315
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,521
and then we hung up on him.
316
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:27,176
Uh, yeah. Hotline.
317
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,844
Is that how you help?
318
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,448
A guy says he's gonna kill
himself and you hang up on him?
319
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,951
Bill. Bill, you're back.
320
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,986
Bill, we're sorry.
It was an accident.
321
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,787
Now, are you feeling any better?
322
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:42,258
No. Worse.
323
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,926
Alex, use the manual.
324
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,360
Manual. Uh, yeah.
325
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,698
Uh... Uh, you know, Bill...
326
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,266
Uh, now, this is, uh,
327
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,402
just off the top of my head,
328
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,205
but I was thinking, um...
329
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,941
"Life can be a
wonderful and splendid...
330
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,310
uh, thing."
331
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,213
Hey, are you reading
this out of a book?
332
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,816
No.
333
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,818
No. No. Uh,
don't be silly, Bill.
334
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,720
I'm just winging this.
335
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,157
Uh... "Let's reflect
for a moment
336
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:18,294
"on all the positive
aspects in one's life.
337
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,196
"We can do that, can't we?
338
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,064
Insert name."
339
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,856
You...! You are reading
this out of a book!
340
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,639
I'm a person, not
a hypothetical case!
341
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,940
If you keep reading that
book, I'm hanging up.
342
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,910
Look, Bill, give
me a break, okay?
343
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,045
I'm new at this. I
don't know what to say.
344
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,380
Yeah, well, I'm new at this too,
345
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,471
but you don't see me
reading out of a book.
346
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,823
Listen, uh, Bill,
347
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,892
uh, can you hold for a second?
348
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,361
Oh, great.
349
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,665
No. No, I promise
you I won't hang up.
350
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,289
Okay, but hurry up.
I don't have all night.
351
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,673
What are we gonna do?
352
00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:05,930
He, uh... He won't
let us use the manual.
353
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:08,599
Well...
354
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,236
Well, we'll just
have to be ourselves.
355
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:18,688
And, uh, then, Bill... Ahem.
356
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:24,326
In, uh, 1978, I entered
junior high school.
357
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:28,264
I had to take a school
bus for the very first time.
358
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,233
Of course, it didn't faze me.
359
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:32,601
Uh, Bill?
360
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,370
Uh, you still there?
361
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,106
Yeah, I'm still here.
362
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,430
I'm bored, but I'm still here.
363
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,680
Me too.
364
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:47,516
Guys, I appreciate
what you're doing,
365
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,451
but, you know, you're
wasting your time.
366
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:50,652
Nobody cares about me.
367
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,388
Hey, we do.
368
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,990
And... And we're
gonna stay on this phone
369
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,026
as long as you want us to.
370
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,495
Come on, you're just two
guys who work at the Hotline
371
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,031
and happened to show
up on the wrong night,
372
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:05,056
and I don't even
know your real names.
373
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,840
Alex Keaton.
374
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,376
James Jarrett.
375
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,812
I didn't... I didn't
think you'd tell me.
376
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,213
Isn't that against the rules?
377
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,816
Hey, Bill, at a time like this,
378
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,318
everything just
goes out the window.
379
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,076
Let me rephrase that.
380
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:30,459
Look, I...
381
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,261
Look, I know you
guys are really trying,
382
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,430
but you still haven't told
me why I should keep living.
383
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:37,866
Think of the good things.
384
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,668
Think of falling snow,
385
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,503
think of falling in love.
386
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:45,007
I know. "Every cloud
has a silver lining."
387
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:47,343
Uh-uh, no. Silver's
down this week.
388
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,812
Say... Say, "Every
cloud has a zinc lining."
389
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,784
Hey, see that, man?
You're laughing.
390
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:58,119
I tell you, people who
have really given up on life,
391
00:17:58,143 --> 00:17:59,621
they can't laugh.
392
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,157
That wasn't a laugh.
That was a chuckle.
393
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,424
Oh, come on, come on.
394
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,727
That was a laugh. I know
a laugh when I hear one,
395
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,928
and you laughed.
396
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:09,119
All right, I laughed. Sue me.
397
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,434
Come on. Bill, if
you're laughing,
398
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:13,435
you must be smiling.
399
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,737
And... And if you're smiling,
400
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,104
you must be
starting to feel good.
401
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,706
And you cannot kill yourself
402
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,807
when you're feeling good.
403
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,964
It... It spoils the mood.
404
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,212
Look, I know you
guys are really trying,
405
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:26,081
you know, but it's no use.
406
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,618
I just... I hate life. I hate
feeling empty every day.
407
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,287
I... I hate feeling
sorry for myself. I...
408
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:37,013
What? What is it?
409
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,528
I'm scared.
410
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,598
Bill, everybody gets scared.
411
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,821
Do you?
412
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,270
Uh, yeah. Pfff. Sure.
413
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,393
When?
414
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,174
Hey, look, I thought
we were supposed
415
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,009
to be talking about you, not me.
416
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,779
Oh, I get it. I have to
answer your questions,
417
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,113
but you won't answer mine.
418
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,682
No, it... It's...
419
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,686
It's just that it's not easy...
420
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,810
for me.
421
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,225
Yeah. Yeah, I do. I get scared.
422
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:12,561
When?
423
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,902
Uh, mostly at night.
424
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,937
You know, when the...
425
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:25,273
When the house is real quiet.
426
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:28,098
And I start thinking
about my future.
427
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:33,481
I, uh... I do. I get scared.
428
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,317
Why should that scare you?
429
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,153
You told me you've always
succeeded in everything.
430
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,656
I have.
431
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,458
And, uh, that's
why I get scared.
432
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,550
You know, because
I'm afraid I might fail.
433
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:48,697
And, uh...
434
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:51,699
And, if I fail,
435
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,569
I don't know how I'd handle it.
436
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,705
So I can't let myself fail.
437
00:19:56,729 --> 00:20:01,076
I keep pushing myself
to do better and better,
438
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,811
and I keep trying
harder and harder.
439
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:06,048
And I'm afraid that if I stop...
440
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,016
Uh, I'm sorry.
441
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,808
No, no, go on. What...?
What are you afraid of?
442
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:20,495
I'm, uh, afraid
that if I slow down
443
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:24,499
and, uh, I stop being the best
444
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,168
and the brightest,
445
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:30,705
and, uh, the
wittiest that, uh...
446
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,640
I'll be nothing.
447
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:36,045
Wow. That's exactly
how I feel sometimes.
448
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,080
Like... Like I'm nothing.
449
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,382
Well, we all feel
that way sometimes,
450
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,383
but we ride it out.
451
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,484
We work at it.
452
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:44,453
We fight the bad feelings.
453
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,423
Look, Bill, you
called here, right?
454
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,791
I mean, you reached out.
455
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,159
You don't wanna die,
456
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,996
and we don't want you to die.
457
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:58,000
Do you really think every,
uh, cloud has a zinc lining? Ha.
458
00:20:58,024 --> 00:21:00,257
Absolutely.
459
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,238
I'm gonna hang up now.
460
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,775
Uh, what do you...?
What do you mean, Bill?
461
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,678
I mean, I... I wanna hang up,
462
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,547
so I can get some sleep.
You know, then I can be fresh,
463
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:13,949
and think this through,
464
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,740
and find another way
to deal with it tomorrow.
465
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,854
Tomorrow.
466
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:22,624
Did you, uh...? Did
you say tomorrow?
467
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,748
Yeah.
468
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:29,097
Did you, uh...? Did
you hear that, James?
469
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,233
I heard him.
470
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,435
We were afraid we
goofed up, you know?
471
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,271
Because we're new and, uh,
we're so unsure of ourselves.
472
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,140
I kind of liked that.
473
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,897
It made me feel superior.
474
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,315
You guys were good,
though. Darn good.
475
00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:49,551
Well, thanks.
476
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:52,321
Uh, but as good as we are,
477
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:56,058
there are... There are
people who are better.
478
00:21:56,082 --> 00:21:58,560
You have to get
some professional help.
479
00:21:58,584 --> 00:21:59,827
I know.
480
00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:01,930
I will.
481
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:04,266
But it's gonna be hard
482
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:06,991
to find somebody better
than Gandhi and Gidget.
483
00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:11,239
Thanks, guys.
484
00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:43,394
Nice going, Keaton.
485
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:46,108
You're really something, man.
486
00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:48,565
You weren't so bad yourself.
487
00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:58,387
You know, listen, uh,
488
00:22:58,411 --> 00:23:00,322
about that stuff that
I said, you know,
489
00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:03,514
about being scared
and all of that.
490
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:06,728
Yeah?
491
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,264
Well, you know
that I was just, uh,
492
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:10,532
saying that.
493
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:12,101
Oh, yeah. I know.
494
00:23:12,125 --> 00:23:15,169
I know you don't get scared.
495
00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:17,753
Uh, James, can you
keep the lights on?
33167
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